All language subtitles for Lois & Clark S03E02

(man on TV)
'And "Love Fortress
International" had no
response'

'to this morning's
"Daily Planet" story.'

'The newspaper reported that
"Love Fortress" magazine'

and nightclub operation
is little more than a
cover-up

for crime including gambling,
prostitution..

Well, you sure scooped
that pretty boy.

Perry.

I just dropped by
to congratulate you.

This is a heck of a story.

Yes. That is a heck
of a story, Lois.

Clark, weren't you assigned
to this piece, too?

I was kind of under
the impression

that you two
were permanent partners.

Well, we're not
permanent permanent

partners yet, chief.

No. That would be
a...big step,
chief.

The kind of thing that
a person would have to..

...think through.

Uh-huh, well..

...thank you for that
cryptic exchange.

Now all you interpreters

let's get back to work.

We're all proud
of you, Lois.

Lois, I can't believe
the number you did on my man.

- Your man?
- Spencer Spencer.

The owner of
"Love Fortress
International."

- Have you read his work?
- "His work"?

This is nothing but a..
Whoa...skin book.

Chief, he takes
on
serious topics.

Look, I've read him so
much,
I feel like I know him.

Nobody knows him, Jimmy.
He hides out from everyone.

If I had the looks, the
women,
the cars, and life he has

I'd hide out, okay?

- Yes.
- 'Hold for Spencer Spencer.'

- It's Spencer Spencer.
- Oh, my God. The man!

- Hello.
- 'Miss Lane..'

'Lois, Spencer Spencer here.'

'Quite a colorful article'

'you did
on my little operation.'

'I'd like to make
you a proposal.'

'What say you meet with
one of my spokesmodels'

'and let us give you
an accurate'

'picture of...my world?'

Believe me, I can make it
worth your while.

Mr. Spencer, I have an accurate
picture of your world

and a truly disgusting
place
it is.

Read part two tomorrow.

- Lois!
- Mr. Charm.

He's probably sitting
there
in his legendary silk
pajamas

drinking Absinthe,
girls massaging
him.

I...disgust...her?

I...disgust...her?

I disgust her!

You're finished, Ms. Lane!

When I'm through with you..

...we'll see who disgusts whom!

I know you think
I'm not thinking about it

but just because I'm not
talking about it

doesn't mean I'm not
thinking about it.

Louis, marriage
is a very big
step.

I said I would
wait,
and I will wait.

I'm glad you understand.

Of course, if I was
the paranoid type

I might think that you were
trying to avoid the whole
thing.

[chuckles]
Of course not.

Avoid it..
No, I'm not trying to avoid
it.

Do you ever notice how lousy

the cheese sandwiches are
in this machine?

- What?
- Oh! I'm just saying.

You can't get
a good cheese sandwich.

I mean, I would kill
for a piece of camembert

the really good kind
from France.

You notice
it's tough to get

good camembert outside
of France.

Lois, you
know,
I'm so glad

you're not
avoiding
this whole thing.

I'm very, very
happy about
that.

Oh! Lois. You busy?

Um, no. No, no. Heh, heh.

Just talking to Clark here.

Clark?

Perry, I am fine.
Don't worry about me.

I'm not working too
hard.
Can I go back to work?

Now Lois, I read you
like a book.

Things get a little rough
in your life

you wrap yourself up
in your work..

...like it was going
to save you.

Look, chief,
I've gotta draw the line
here.

I have a professional life

and I have a personal life..

...and Clark asked me
to marry him!

Lois, don't you think
you ought to try dating
first?

But see, I really love him.

Well, then there's
no problem--

Well, yes, yes
there is, Perry!

Ha-have you ever thought
that you found someone

who is exactly
right for you

but then you found out
some...thing

that you never knew
about them

that you thought
could just wreck it all?

Yes, you know after
Alice and I got
married

I found out her right leg

was an inch
shorter
than her left.

Chief--

She used to wear
these little
shoes

with wooden wedges in them.

Made in Portugal.

Then on our wedding
night
we're standing there

in front of each other, uh

in the, uh...altogether

and she's listing off to
the
starboard, her secret was
out.

But see it, it didn't
make any difference to
me

because I loved her.

- That's so beautiful.
- Oh, well, listen, now..

You and Clark have got to
deal
with whatever it is

and I don't mean
over a sandwich at your
desk.

Where do you mean?

Well, get out of town

so you can focus on
what really counts.

Oh, well, Perry, I think
I'm disciplined enough

to not be distracted by work.

- Ah, it's for you.
- Oh.

Hello. Yes?

What? Are you sure?

Yeah.
Yeah, I'll be right there.

My police source says
they just found four bodies

all male, in a shallow grave.

The first two ID'd last seen

at one Spencer Spencer
Love Fortress.

Oh, heh, heh, and get this..

They were all headless.

Good Lord. Hey, Lois!

A word to the wise..

Honey, there will always be
another headless corpse

but true love..

...comes around maybe once.

Hey. There you are. Guess you
haven't seen your desk yet,
huh?

Not now, Jimmy. I just got
a major tip I have to..

What about my desk?

[chuckles]
Camembert.

Let me guess....France.

Oui. But of course.

Clark, that's...so sweet.

But?

We have to talk.

[sighs]
I-I also think
it's a really good
idea

what Perry said
about getting
away.

How did you know?

Uh...s-super-hearing.

Right.

And we will talk,
uh, right after I get back.

Sorry I just, uh,
I have to get this statement.

But we'll do this.
We will, I swear.

What? Oh, great.
My car's blocked in.

Oh, aah..

No. No!

Yes. Hello.

(man on phone)
'Miss Lane, you have
an overseas call.'

- 'Please hold.'
- No. No, I can't..

Oh! Yes, I'll hold.

'Hello? Hello?'

Hello? Hello?

'Hello? Hello?'

Please hold.
I'm transferring.

Yes, I-I'm holding.

Oh, hey, could you call
somebody in maintenance?

They got me blocked in there.

- 'Sure, Ms. Lane.'
- 'Thank you.'

Hello?

Aah..

(woman on phone)
'Please hang up
and try again.'

- Are you alright?
- Yes.

Thank you.

I know it doesn't seem
like enough to say.

It's just,
it's all I
can.

Well...look at you.

You've gotten me
out of a lot of
jams

but I've never
seen you like
this.

Things are different now.

What do you mean...she's alive?

Idiot! High school dropout!

I'll deal with you
when I see you.

Slam the phone down
definitively.

Take it easy, Mr. Spencer.

It's always darkest
before the dawn.

What do any of you
know about pain?

I make Quasimodo look like
a Rockette for cryin' out
loud!

Hola! It's happy hour,
is it not?

'Oh, yeah. We're all
happy as hell in here.'

The Lane woman's still alive
and bodies with no heads

are popping up
all over Metropolis!

I merely do the experiments.

I don't dispose
of the refuse.

Do I look like
a gravedigger?

No. You look like
an alcoholic quack.

Hm, very well.

Then perhaps I will not share
my breakthrough with you.

Breakthrough?

Dr. Pescado..

...tell me.

I don't think so.

I hope I wasn't
out of line with that

"quack" thing.
What can I say?

I'm a tortured
human being.

Yes, yes.

Heidi!

Jawohl.

Heidi, the data.

Jawohl, Herr doctor.

After all these
long months

my brilliance..

...and your millions

have finally won out.

Do you mean to tell me

you have performed
the transplant..

...successfully?

Behold...patient X!

Hm.

Here we have a man with
a face like Abe Vigoda

and a body..

...and a body like
Sylvester Stallone

in the first "Rocky"
before things got crazy.

Pescado, this surgery
will work...for me?

You have merely to select
the body you wish.

I already have.

Allow me to introduce

'the new, improved..'

'...Spencer Spencer.'

I always say..

...shoot for the moon.

- Who is it?
- Who is it?

Lois, who else knocks on
your third storey window?

I, uh, I guess I didn't
seem very appreciative

about all that cheese.

It's just having
a boyfriend

who can turn your every
whim into reality

takes some getting used to.

I mean, my gosh,
if I, uh, wanted

the perfect
pearl
from Japan

I wouldn't expect it
to just appear

'anymore than if I had
some sudden craving'

for Swiss chocolate.

I wouldn't expect you
to go zipping off

to Switzerland

no more than if I wanted
snow from the Andes.

I mean they're
just
idle fantasies.

'And they're not something
that's important to two..'

- You got to stop doing that.
- Why?

Making you happy
makes me happy.

Did I ever tell you
why I gave up

my crush on Superman?

Because he is a fantasy.

And did I tell you
why I fell in love with Clark?

Because he's real.

And that's what I want.

- You do?
- Yeah.

He's got problems
and insecurities and..

...hat hair.

I do not have hat hair.

If I told
Clark
that I like

the scent of
tulips
from Holland

that is not your cue to
go
taxing down the runway.

It just means that
Clark
and I would save up

and someday take
a vacation

like a normal couple.

But I am Clark.

But you're also that
guy
who saves the world

from killer bees and props
up
the Golden Gate Bridge.

Couldn't you just think of me
as a very...busy

very fast,
very strong...doctor?

- I need some stability.
- 'Superman, help!

- 'Please!'
- Ah, Lois--

I need a sense that
I'm not always sharing
you

with the five billion
other
people on the planet.

If you could just
hold that thought--

I need to know
that
you will be there

for me when I need you.

I got to go.

Klavel!

Towel me. Towel me.

Easy!

Think you're
scrubbing
a bowling ball?

First day I get new arms

I'm going to
wring
your neck.

'There is one little
wrinkle,
Senor Spencer.'

As Heidi and I
were making

the final preparations
for the surgery

'she raised a rather
an important issue.'

My understanding is

that this
Superman
is invulnerable.

How am I to perform
the excision of his
head?

My scalpels
will
not even nick

el hombre de acero.

- What?
- His schalpels will not
even--

Heidi...I speak English.

Ze Man Of Schteel.

You crepe-hanging crybabies!

You think you're dealing
with kids here?

The guy will cut like butter.

Ever hear of Kryptonite?

Well, I know that only
a few specimens exist.

- How can you get it?
- I'm getting a body
transplant!

You think I cannot pull off
a piece of Kryptonite?

I suppose Superman will just

cha, cha, cha into
our waiting clutches.

No, Ms. Reichstag.

His two best friends,
Lois Lane and Clark Kent

will lure him here.

My man in Metropolis
says their boss

is pushing them to go off
to some remote little spot

he says this Clark guy
is all for it.

Well, gee whiz

I live in a remote
little spot

and when they think
they're stranded here

their buddy will show up
and I got him!

Am I smart or what?

This promotional basket
just came for you.

Judas Priest! These things
get worse every year.

You know they're fleeing Cuba
in things smaller than that.

They want you to send
a travel editor out

to review this new
private island resort.

They say it's the perfect
spot
to fall in love.

Jimmy, should I even bother
reading my mail anymore

'or should I just ask you
for a summary? Give me that.'

Um, I was kind of
thinking that

the travel editor's
been awful busy

and maybe you might wanna
send somebody a little..

...younger, uh, a little
more
in need of a vacation.

You know, I think you may be
onto something, son.

Tell Lois to come
in here, will you?

- Hi
- Hi. See that?

Used the door
just like a regular guy.

Very impressive.

Yes siree.

Came down the old street

and walked up the old stairs

just walking
up
the stairs.

Here, let me help.

Just like a regular guy.

Sort of..

So what was that thing that
we just...crushed, anyway?

Promotion for some
stupid tropical resort.

Ah, so Perry
got to you, too.

He's practically
forcing us to go.

I told him I'm too busy.

Yeah, well, work would be
a lot safer than

spending an
uninterrupted
weekend with me.

Hold it.
Hold it.

I'm not the one leaping
off tall buildings

at every distant SOS.

Wait, wait, ah,
what are you
saying?

I'm saying I don't think
you could let the world

get by on it's own
for two whole days.

Oh, and you'd rather write
about other people's lives

'cause it's less dangerous
than
living one of your own.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Someone...want you?

No..

- Yes..
- Go.

You know...I could do it
if you could.

Wanna bet?

Heh, heh...bet.

(Clark)
Here we are!

Let me help you with
those bags here, captain.

Oh! Excuse me, do you know
where we check in?

Well, the, uh, brochure
said something

about a, a welcoming hukilau.

Uh, I-I guess we just
wait
for the Hotel Jitney.

I think I understand
what's going on here, captain.

You think we
shouldn't be fooled

by the casual elegance
of this place.

I understand that.

You know, us big city
tourists
might think

it's a little
bit...rustic
or even primitive.

Thank you very much!

[Clark chuckling]
Ah-ha! I knew you couldn't
keep our bargain.

Two hours and already
you're working.

I'm writing my will.

This way, when they
find our bleached
bones

someone will know
my last wishes.

Well, if these are
my last minutes

who better to spend
them with?

Alone in paradise
with the woman I love.

It's almost Biblical.

While you were out...
looking around

you didn't happen
to find any proof

that there actually
is a hotel, did you?

No, but why wouldn't
there be a hotel?

Well, maybe...no one
built one

or maybe we're on
the wrong island, or..

...maybe this is
a penal colony

or-or maybe no living being
has ever been here

in the history
of the Earth!

Why don't you just go

and take a quick buzz
and look?

Now, how would I do that?

I don't buzz anywhere.

Yes, but Superman does.

Yes, but..

Superman is not here.

That's cute.

Boy, that's really,
really, uh..

...cute.

Well, okay.

Hmm.

Thank you.

I knew you'd come through.

A joke's a joke,
huh, but..

Where's the suit?

What suit? There is no
suit.
I left it at home.

It's just you and me

Joe and Judy Regular.

- Uh!
- Wanna neck?

(Spencer)
'Can you believe these two?'

'Looking forward to some
fun in the sun?'

Pretty quick it'll
hit 'em,
they're in trouble.

That's when they'll
call
in the big boy.

Oh, well, I've never been
a patient man.

Do it!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, God! It wasn't a dream.
We are here.

- What are you doing?
- I am building our hut.

Our hut?

Well, I figure
the hotel people

will be here before nightfall
or
the boat people will come back

and realize that they have
put us in the wrong place.

Either way,
we'll need shelter.

No, no, what we need
is a sauna and a massage

and some room service.

So why don't you scoop me up
into your arms and fly us off?

Maybe we're near Rio.

No scooping,
no flying.

You have been scooping
and flying

on a fairly regular basis
ever since I've known you.

And now, now that we're
surrounded by crazed insects

and murderous plants

now you think
would be a bad time!

Lois, you challenged
me
to let the world

get along without
me
for a weekend.

Me and the world we seem
to be doing just fine.

You, on the other
hand,
are a wreck.

Oh! Really?
You think I'm a wreck?

Well, I'll show you
what a wreck I am.

Let me get these
pantyhose off!

Hand me one of
those palm leaves.

Here you go.

I just wish you didn't look
like
your having such a good time.

Oh! I've hadn't had
a vacation in years.

'Ow! Oh!'

Trust me! There could
be better ones.

Okay, what do you
do with this?

Too boring.

Bigger print.

The tiger ran away?

You said this was the
most
vicious animal alive.

And it is.

Assuming that, uh,
it keeps going, you know..

...forward.

Contaminate the drinking water!

It's not so bad.

No. No, I think
it
looks pretty
sturdy.

Gee, our first house.

Hey, I thought
you said no
scooping.

This is not scooping.
This is carrying.

I'm carrying you
over the threshold.

Our new home.

No, no, Alice, it's
okay
I'll go to the video
store.

Uh, what's
your
second choice

if they're out of
"Tora, Tora,
Tora"?

Oh, some breaking news,
dumpling. I got to go.

Chief, sometimes it seems
like you're afraid of Alice.

I am, Jimmy. I am.

- Any word from Lois and Clark?
- No. And there won't be.

CK says the island doesn't
even have any phones.

Ah, no phones.

Jimmy, learn the
value
of life's treasures

a beautiful woman,
a bottle of rum..

[Perry laughing]
Oh, boy, I envy Clark.

Those two, they must be
in seventh heaven right
now.

Aah!

[chuckles]
What happened?

I thought a swim
might be nice.

Uh, Lois! Uh, that water
doesn't look so good.

But look, th-there's a
natural
spring right over here.

Where have you
been anyway?

Ah, I was searching for food.

And, boy, are we lucky.
Look at all these bananas.

Here, this water
is a lot better.

Great. By the
way,
I hate bananas.

Well, there's always
roots and snails.

I can't believe
I was
complaining

about camembert
from France.

It's like those words
came
from a different woman

a clean woman, a dope.

'Well, if there's
any fish in here'

I bet I can figure out
a way to catch one.

My pop used to take me fishing
all the time when I was a kid.

I got pretty good.

I've never been fishing.

He's just an ordinary
guy,
my father

who loves to do
this ordinary
thing..

...fishing. I-I guess I love
it
because he loved it.

Your parents are
really wonderful.

Maybe I want to get married
and have kids

because they made it
look like so much fun.

- Oh, God.
- What?

I'm just never gonna be as
good
of a mother as yours was.

'What do I know about it?'

Your parents made
marriage look fun.

Mine made it look
like a root canal.

- Lois..
- 'Mother was always
depressed.'

My sister wouldn't
come out of her room.

My father only
related to cyborgs.

I didn't want a family.

I ran away as far
as I could.

Okay, so your
parents
made some mistakes.

That doesn't mean
that you're gonna.

How do you know?

Because I hear that the
guy
that wants to marry you

is really, really terrific.

One last trial run
before the big event?

Jawohl,
Herr Spencer Spencer.

No...no!

Get him out of here.

(male #1)
'No!'

Well, they're not sick

and there's no sign
of Superman anywhere.

I'm not a patient man.

I'm telling you

they look like
they don't want to be rescued.

Grab 'em!

(male #1)
'No!'

Ooh!

Oh, Superman..

...what a way to go.

[laughs]
I guess you never
learned how to do that.

[chuckles]
Think about it, Lois.

Why would I ever have
to learn how to do this?

Well, it just so happens that
I'm a former girl scout.

Good, 'cause I'm a strange
visitor from another planet.

So I guess by now

you concede that we
are
on the wrong island?

[chuckles]
Well, yeah.

Why, do you want to leave?

Um...no.

I suppose I could stick it
out
for...one night.

Good.

Go get some dried leaves.

Clark, hurry up.

- It's starting to smoke.
- Okay.

Okay, put the leaves on.

Now, blow.

Oh!

Um, well, that was good.

Next time you blow..

...just remember that
it's a campfire

'not a nuclear reactor.'

Sorry.

That's okay.
Let's try again.

Here we go.
Okay, now blow.

Blow.

Faster!

What's so funny?

Well, this is
exactly
what I thought

camping with
Clark
would be like.

Well, Lois,
you are camping with Clark.

Oh!

- We did it.
- Alright.

Now, if we only had
some
hot dogs on a stick.

Ah, the next best thing.

'Oh, boy.'

There you go,
banana on a stick.

Is this how you do this?

- I guess.
- I wonder what it tastes
like?

You know, I dreamed of this..

...spending the night
in your arms.

First it was Superman
I dreamed of.

Then it was Clark.

And what happened?

Well..

...first you held me
in your arms..

...and then..

...we kissed.

- And..
- And?

And then I asked you
how you felt about me.

I don't know...
how I feel about you.

There is no one way.

I feel..

[sighs]
...so many...things

and all at once.

Happy...

...but kind of scared, too.

Excited.

Calm.

Lost.

Found.

I feel safe in a way
that I've never known

but...in danger, too.

This thing between
us,
whatever it is..

...it's stronger than me.

Being with you...is
stronger than me
alone.

That's new to me.

(Belzer)
On your feet.

I'll tell you what.

I'm willing to forgo the bet

anytime you wanna
change into..

[whispering]
...Superman,
it's fine with
me.

Lois, I kinda have to pick
my moments for changing into..

[whispering]
...Superman.

This one. This
moment.
Pick this one.

Maybe we're being watched.
I don't have the suit.

Maybe we'd bust out of here
and never find out

what's behind all this.

Do you have
rules
for everything?

- Because that'd be good--
- You're being impulsive.

I'd really like to think
twice
about marrying somebody

with that kind of impulsive--

(Belzer)
'Hey, pipe down.'

Your host requests the honor
of your company upstairs.

(Lois)
'Ah, I think I'm gonna
have to pass.'

'I forgot my party clothes.'

Spencer Spencer says
to come-as-you-are.

Hey, hold it, Houdini!

- Aah!
- Nap time, sweetheart.

I don't how you got
out of those chains

but this toxin will
kill her
in a few minutes.

The antidote is upstairs.

If you so much as blink

she won't get it

and you could say goodbye
to your babe.

'If he even breathes wrong'

hit the alarm,
and this one dies.

Come on!

Wake up!

'I've had lousy
dates before'

'but this is ridiculous.'

Hiya, toots.
I'm Spencer Spencer.

Welcome to my windowless lair.

You're Spencer Spencer?

I thought you'd be...taller.

You know, you're lovely
when you're revolted.

Look, I don't know
what's going on here

but you might as well
just let me go.

Superman will be here
any minute.

Well, that'd be just
hunky dory with me.

This place lined with lead?

It was built as
a fallout shelter.

Quiet.

What's he doing with her?

Anything he wants.

Well, that exactly does he want?

Superman.

You know, I was gonna kill you

'for all that crap
you wrote about me'

but then I thought
you might prefer

an exciting career
opportunity.

- What do you mean?
- You can be my sex slave.

- Kill me.
- I know. I know. The body.

Maybe I shouldn't hide
it in a box.

Maybe you imagine it worse
than it is.

Maybe?

You couldn't imagine
worse than this!

My only chance
at girls like you

is shooting 'em up
with cobra venom!

And then it's iffy.

But all that's
gonna change now

thanks to modern medicine.

Oh, my God.

What? I don't look good
in tights?

The headless bodies,
it was you.

He says he can
get you want you want.

- Lois?
- Clark.

Shut up. Blow.

Mess up, and she'll look
like a goalie for a dart
team.

Okay, Spencer,
here's the deal.

- I'm Superman.
- Clark!

- What?
- I am Superman.

- No, he's not.
- Lois, stop.

- No, he's not.
- Yes, I am.

I think you should know
this man is insane.

- Lois!
- So where's the suit?

No, don't tell me,
you left it at home.

- As a matter of fact.
- Oy..

Someone get him out of here!

Keep your eye
on the candelabra.

Clark!

Gee, am I impressed.

Is there, uh, Kryptonite here?

I have that feeling.

Well, Spencer,
you figured me out.

- I-I'm not Superman.
- He's not Superman.

A passing resemblance, maybe.

It's a thing
he does at parties.

So now if you'll
just let her go--

Enough! I don't know
what's going on here

but...something is.

Pescado!
Bring in the you-know-what!

Clark!

It is him!

Doctor..

...scrub for surgery.

Get in your cage.

Following the removal
of the head

we will immediately freeze
the body in liquid nitrogen

for attachment to you.

Ah! The Kryptonite has
rendered his flesh

completely vulnerable.

Night-night, Superman.

Heidi!

Heidi!

Belzer!

Get whoever just
ran out of here.

Do it, Pescado!

Klavel, let's go!

Damn it, doctor! Make the cut
before he regains full
strength!

Heidi, the Nitrogen!

Jawohl, Herr doctor.

'Okay. That'll hold you.'

Oh, gee.

Where's Spencer Spencer?

He's a...broken man.

I'll call someone
to pick up those
two.

And then could we
please go home?

[chuckles]
Do you wanna,
uh...wait for a
boat?

No. I want to fly.

First class.

Okay.

So, so, uh, he tried
to decapitate Superman

and make you
his love slave?

Oh, this is terrific stuff!

Ah, well, I mean, of course
you must be very shaken up

'uh, unable to write even.'

I'm sending you
the story now.

'Oh, great.'

Now, uh, Lois, um..

...about that other thing
with Clark.

'Uh, have you thought
it over yet?'

Well, things have been
pretty hectic.

But you know that other side
to him I mentioned?

I think I decided
it's something

I could put up with.

- Goodnight, Perry.
- Goodnight, sweetie.

Oh-oh, listen,
Lois...great work.

I was, uh..

...out.

And I wondered
how you were doing.

Dare I ask
where these are from?

Uh, down the
street.
Tony's.

I paid cash.
You want to see a
receipt?

[chuckles]
No.

[chuckles]
Well, I
better..

Hmm.