All language subtitles for Barbie 2023 V2.eng

Since the beginning of time...

Since the first little
girl ever existed

There have been

Dolls

But dolls were always and forever

Baby dolls

The girls who played with them
could only every play at being mother

Which can be fun...

At least for a while anyway

Ask your mother

This continued until

Yes, Barbie changed everything

Then she changed it all again

All of these women are Barbie

and Barbie is all of these women

She might have started out
as just a lady in a bathing suit,

but she became so much more

She has her own money, her own house,

her own car, her own career

Because Barbie can be
anything, women can be anything

And this has been reflected back

onto the little girls of
today in the real world

Girls can grow into women

who can achieve everything
and anything they set their mind to

Thanks to Barbie

all problems of feminism and equal rights

have been solved

At least that's what the Barbies think

After all, they're living in Barbie Land

Who am I to burst their bubble?

And here is one of those Barbies now

Living her best day every day

When you're playing with Barbies

Nobody bothers to walk them
down the stairs and out the door etc.

You just pick them up and put
them where you want them to go

You use your imagination.

- Hi, Skipper!
- Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Midge!

Midge was Barbie's
pregnant friend.

Well let's not show Midge actually
She was discontinued by Mattel

because a pregnant
doll is just too weird.

Anyway, Barbie has
another big day ahead of her.

Hi, Barbie!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Morning, Barbie!

Hi!

- Have another great day!
- Good morning Barbie!

Hi!

Hey, ladies!

Everybody, turn to
the Barbie next to you.

Tell her how much you
love her, compliment her.

Reporter Barbie, you can
ask me any question you want.

How come you're so amazing?

No comment.

No seriously, no comment.

I love you guys.

The Nobel Prize for Journalism

goes to Barbie!

I work very hard so
I deserve it.

And the Nobel Prize for
Literature goes to Barbie.

- You are the voice of a generation.
- I know.

In our assessment,
money is not speech and

corporations have no free
speech rights to begin with

So any claim on their part
to be exercising their right

is just their attempt to turn
our democracy into a plutocracy

This makes me emotional
and I'm expressing it

I have no difficulty holding both
logic and feeling at the same time

And it does not diminish my powers

It expands them

Hi Barbie!

What can't Barbie do?

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

Yay space!

Gosh

Barbie has a great
day every day

But Ken only has a great
day if Barbie looks at him.

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Ken!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Ken!

Hi, Ken.

Hi, Ken!

- Hi, Ken!
- Hi, Ken!

- I us both got ice creams
- Cool

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Barbie!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Ken!

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Barbie!

- Hi, Barbies!
- Bye, Barbies!

Hi, Barbie!

Oh hi, Alan!

There are no multiples
of Alan, he's just Alan

Yeah I'm ... uh ....

confused about that

Hey Barbie, check me out

Ken!

- Ken?
- Oh hey, Barbie

Hi

How much of that did you see?

We saw the whole thing

Let's get you up
on your feet Ken

- You're just so strong
- Use your legs

- Are you ok?
- Yep

Looks like this beach was a
little too much beach for you, Ken

If I wasn't severly injured I would
beach you off right now, Ken

I'll beach off with
you any day, Ken

Hold my ice cream, Ken

Alright Ken, you're on

Let's beach off

Anyone who wants to beach
him off has to beach me off first

I will beach both of
you off at the same time

But you don't even know how
to beach yourself off, how are

- you going to beach both of
- Okay...

us off that doesn't make sense

- Kens?
- Why are you getting emotional?

- You're going to beach both of us off?
- No one's going to beach anyone off

Okay?

Let's go

Okay, okay

Let's go

- Barbie, hold my hand
- You're okay

Stay with me, Barbie

Great, not even broken.
You'll be fine

Shredding waves is much more
dangerous than people realize

You're very brave, Ken

- Thank you, Barbie
- Yeah

You know surfer is not even my job

- I know
- And it is not lifeguard

Which is a common misconception

Very common

Yeah cus actually my job

- It's just beach
- Right

- And what a good job you do at beach
- You should heal up in no time

Actually, in the time that it
took for me to say that sentence

you healed

- Fantastic
- Nice!

- Hey Barbie
- Yeah?

- Can I come to your house tonight?
- Sure!

I don't have anything big
planned, just a giant blow out party

with all the Barbies and planned
choreography and a bespoke song

You should stop by

- So, cool?
- Yeah. Okay

- Bye!
- Ok, bye. Goodbye

- Hi, Barbie
- Hi, Ken

- Looking good, Barbie!
- Thanks, Ken!

- Oh hi, Ken!
- Hi

- Hi, Barbie!
- Hi, Barbie!

Barbie!

What's up, Ken?

Hey Barbie, check me out

Bet you can't do
a flip like that, Ken

What?

- This is a real rager, Barbie.
- Thanks, Barbie!

Gosh

This night is just perfect!

It's perfectly perfect

And you look so beautiful, Barbie

- Thanks, Barbie. I feel so beautiful
- So do I

- This is the best day ever
- It is the best day ever

And so was yesterday
and so is tomorrow

and so was the day after
tomorrow and even Wednesdays

every day from
now until forever!

Do you guys ever
think about dying?

I don't know why I just...

I'm just dying to dance!

You can go now

- I thought I might stay over tonight
- Why?

- Because we're girlfriend boyfriend
- To do what?

I'm actually not sure

Oh, but, I don't want you here

- Is it Ken?
- Ken's just a really good friend

And this is my Dream House,
it's Barbie's Dream House

It's not Ken's Dream House, right?

- Right as always
- And it's girl's night

Come on, Barbie! Slumber Party!

- Hurry up, the President's here
- I am! You're welcome

- Every night is girl's night?
- Mmhm. Every night. Forever.

- Every night
- Forever and ever

- Good night
- Good night

I love you too

Girl's night! Girls night! Girls night!

I can't. I gotta go

Girl's night! Girls night! Girls night!

Good night, Barbies! I'm definitely
not thinking about death anymore

Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Barbie!

Hi, Barbie!

Ooh, girl you okay?

Hi, Barbie!

I'm fine. A-okay!

- You got it, Barbie!
- Let's go, Barbie!

Great cheer, Kens

Come on, Barbie, let's
run towards the water

Okay

My feet!

Oh no

- Hey, Barbie!
- Are you okay?

- Yeah, Barbie, I just fell
- Fell?

I'm so embarrassed

Barbie doesn't get embarrassed

I know. Barbie, I... I don't
even have context for this

but my feet, my heels

are on the ground

- I'm no longer on tiptoes
- That's okay. Let me see

Flatfeet!

Stop it, Ken

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I know I'm stereotypical
Barbie and therefore don't form

conjectures concerning the
causality of adjacent unfolding events

but some things are
happening that might be related

Bad breath this morning, a cold shower,
burnt waffle, and falling off my roof

- You're malfunctioning
- What? No! I'm just, I'm...

- Am I?
- I've never seen this kind of malfunction before

It's usually just hair related

You know, you're going to
have to visit Weird Barbie

- I have never had to visit Weird Barbie
- That's because you've never malfunctioned

I heard she that she used to
be the most beautiful Barbie of all

but then somebody played with
her too hard in The Real World

And now she's fated to an eternity
of making other Barbies perfect

while falling more and
more into disrepair herself

That and we all call her Weird Barbie
both behind her back and also to her face

She's so weird

Why is she always in the splits?

I would never wear heels if
my feet were shaped this way

Hello

Woof

Bark

Woof

Bark

Hey

What's cookin' good lookin'?

- Hi
- Welcome

Welcome to my Weird House

- Hi, how are ya?
- Nice to met you

Sorry for the dog crap.
What can I do ya for?

I just had to come
see you about my feet

They're um...

Flat!

Yeah

- Never seen that before
- Really?

Okay, well can you...

you know, fix them?

- You're stereotypical Barbie, right?
- Mmhmm

That Ken of yours

- He is one nice lookin' little protein pot
- I guess

I'd like to see what kind of nude
blob he's packing under those jeans

- Anyway, what preceeded this?
- Oh, nothing

A really fun game of volleyball

- That's it?
- Thoughts of death...

What is...

Maybe some

- Thoughts of death?
- Thoughts of death?!

- Is that a problem?
- Ohhh

- What?
- I've heard this

Of course I didn't
think it was possible

But it's real

Oh, you've done it.
You've opened a portal

- I didn't open a portal
- Someone did

And now there is a rift

in the continuum that is the membrane
between Barbie Land and the Real World

and if you want to be
stereotypical Barbie perfect again

then baby girl,
you've gotta go fix it

Or you're going to keep going funny.
Look at your upper thigh

- What is that?
- That's cellulite

- That's going to spread everywhere
- What?

And then you're going to start
getting sad and mushy and complicated

No!

What do I have to do?

You have to go to the Real World

And you will find the
girl who's playing with you

- Playing with me?
- We're all getting played with, babe

But usually there's some
kind of separation. Thanks

There's the girl and the doll

and never the twains shall cross

- The twain is crossing?
- Yes

And the girl who's playing with you

she must be sad and her thoughts
and feelings and humanness

are interferring with your dollness

Why would she be sad?

We fixed everything so that all women in
the real world can be happy and powerful

I don't know, but if you ask me
you had something to do with this too

- Me?
- It takes two rift a portal

I can't have. I've only every wanted for
everything to stay exactly as it is

Well be that as it may, the two of you
are becoming inextricably intertwined

And you gotta help
her to help yourself

So should...

So what'll it be then?

You can go back to your regular life
and forget any of this ever happened

Or you can know the
truth about the universe

The choice is now yours

The first one. The high heel

No.

We'll do a redo

You're supposed
to want to know

I don't

Babe? Listen? You have to
want to know, okay? Do it again

I'm not Adventure Barbie,
I'm Stereotypical Barbie

I'm like the Barbie you think of when
someone says, "Think of a Barbie"

That's me

I'm bummed. You're a bummer

- That's a bummer
- Okay

- I'm ready to forget now
- No, you're do-ing-this-one

I just gave you choice so you
could feel some sense of control

So there is no option 1?

No, you have to
fix the rift yourself

Don't blame me, blame
Mattel. They make the rules

- I don't want too!
- Fine, get cellulite. I don't care

No, no no no, no. Okay

Send me through the portal

Okay, there's actually no portal.
It's a figure of speech

It's actually a sports
car to a speedboat...

to a rocketship to a tandem bike...

to a camper van
finally to a snowmobile

Which will take you most of the
way to the state of Los Angeles

where you will don
neon and rollerblades

and then through the
country of California

Weird, I know. Best if you
don't think about it too much

And then when I get
there, how do I find this girl?

You will know

Okay

- And how do I get back?
- The same way you came, but in reverse

Like I should move forward,
but through the order backward...

- Don't overthink it
- Oh, okay

For you see...

If you don't find
her and fix things,

what's ugly will become uglier,
and what's weird will become weirder

And then you'll look like me

Sorry.

I understand.

I set myself up for that.
Anyway, I believe in you

- Thank you
- Go. Be careful

I love you

- Bye
- Bye

Bon voyage to reality

and good luck
restoring the membrane

that separates our world from theirs

so you don't get cellulite!

- I guess she's going without you
- You're so lost, Ken

She literally asked me

- And I was like, "I prefer to stay here"
- Why?

- Are you scared?
- No.

I bet you're scared and I bet
she doesn't even want you to go

Well you bet both those things incorrectly,
and I bet in the opposite direction

- Yeah?
- Yeah

Which way is that?

You don't even know

I just don't want to leave.
I'm trying to find reasons not to leave

- Please stay
- I'm going to miss you guys so much

I just wish someone
could come with me

But you can't. I
should do this alone.

What bird am I thinking of?

-Parrot
-Dolphin. I mean, no, a bird

Pelican

Man

We'll miss you, Barbie

I'll be back in no
time with perfect feet

and we'll forget that
this ever happened

And you'll get to see all the good
work we've done to fix the world

You'll be such a hero to them

All those grateful powerful women
who owe their wonderful lives to Barbie

I'll bet every woman will say thank
you and give you a really big hug

Yes, you're right!

Here I go!

Bye!

- Bye, Barbie.
- Bye!

Bye, Barbie.
Good luck in reality

Watch out for cellulite!

I went to the doctor,
I went to the mountains

I looked to the children,
I drank from the fountains

There's more than one
answer to these questions

Pointing me in a crooked line

And the less I seek my
source for some definitive

Closer I am to fine

- Closer I am to fi...
- Closer I am to fi...

- What are you doing here?
- I'm coming with ya

- No, please get out
- I can't

I made a double bet with Ken, and...

you can't make me look
uncool in front of Ken

- Ken's not cool!
- He is to me

You're just going
to slow me down

What if there's beach?

You'll need someone
who's a professional in that

Did you bring your rollerblades?

I literally go nowhere without them

Please?

Okay

Let's do this

- Can I sit in the front?
- No

REAL WORLD this way

And so Barbie and Ken
set off on their adventure

to the Real World

Hi

Barbie!

This is the Real World!

Barbie, I told you
there would be beach

Yeah

- What's going on?
- Give us a smile, blondie

- Why are these men looking at me?
- Yeah, they're also staring at me

- Ooh, love that
- Wow

I feel kind of ill at ease, like

I don't know the word for it, but I'm...

conscious, but it's...

myself that I'm conscious of

I'm not getting any of that. I feel
what can only be described as "admire"

But not ogle

And there's no
undertone of violence

Mine very much has
an undertone of violence

Oh look, a construction site

We need that good
feminine energy

Ladies, yoohoo!

Oh, you got fries
with that shake?

If I said you had a hot body
would you hold it against me?

- You don't have a mirror in your pocket?
- Baby, you are an angel!

- I can see myself in your shorts

I don't know exactly what you
meant with all of those little quips

But I'm picking up on some sort of
entendre which appears to be double

and I would just like to inform
you: I do not have a vagina

And he does not have a penis

- We don't have genitals
- That's okay

I have all... all the genitals

Geez, you would think a
construction site at lunchtime

would be the perfect place
for a little woman power

This one was so...

male

Everything's almost like...

reversed here

Oh look!

- The Supreme Court
- They're so smart

- I love me a leotard
- I love the elbow pads

I... I think we should get
some different clothes

We look great

- I love fringe
- I love denim

Hey, man!

You guys gotta pay for that stuff

- She looks even better in more clothes
- Because you can imagine more

Do you know what? Keep 'em.

Weird Barbie said I would know
how to find this girl, but I have no idea

What would a Smart Barbie do?

I just need to clear
my mind so I can think

Who is playing with me?

I hate it when people
think. It gets so boring

The faster I figure it out,
the faster we get to go home

- What am I supposed to do?
- Ken! Go for a walk or something

By myself?

- Yes
- Really? Where?

Anywhere!

- Can I go that way?
- Yes. Okay

- Don't go far.
- Okay!

Excuse me, sir

Thanks, man

What's up, man?

- We gotta man up on this one
- Great workout, man

Men, men, men!

- You're the man!
- No, you're the man

Men, men, men!

Based on earnings, we
exceeded expectations

So I'm not worried about it

Not now, Margaret.
Let's shake on this

We're officially important

Yes!

That felt...

achy...

but good

You're so beautiful

I know it

Barbie!

Barbie!

Yes!

- I've got it!
- I've got it!

- What do you got?
- You go first

- We'll go at the same time
- Okay

- She's at school!
- Men rule the world!

- What was that?
- The kid's at the school?

But what did you say?

- Nothing
- Okay

- Well, let's go to the school!
- Okay!

Now come on

MATTEL HEADQUARTERS
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

- Hello
- This is Dan with the FBI

This is Aaron at Mattel...

I don't give a flying
squirrel who you are, Aaron

- What are you? Like an intern?
- No...

- Two of your dolls have gotten loose
- Impossible. How do you know...

Don't sass me, Aaron. Couple of
blondes, answering to Barbie nd Ken

Rollerblading in Santa Monica

We're going to need
Mattel's help landing the eagle

-Don't crap the bed, Aaron
- I won't

This is bad. This is really bad

- What?
- Th...th... this happened before

What? When?

I heard about 10 years ago, a
woman named, Skipper

turned up at some family's home in
Key West, asked to babysit the kids

She then tried to take
their toddler surfing

- Jeez
- I know

They where able to straighten it
out, keep it under wraps, but this is...

serious

- I'm going all the way up
- No one goes all the way up

- I have to
- You may never come back

I know

- Hey
- Oh hi, Aaron

- New drawings?
- Yeah

I just started drawing
these weird designs

- These are different
- It's Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie.

Full Body Cellulite Barbie

Crippling Shame Barbie

Okay, listen, I have to
speak to the top brass

- No
- I must

- No.
- I'm going to

Aron, they're in a big corporate
idea sesh, no one is to be admitted

... we empowering girls. Always!

But what do we really sell?

I'll tell you what. We sell
dreams. And imagination

And sparkle

I get excited, I'm passionate.

And when you think of sparkle,
what do you think of after that?

Female agency

Excuse me

- Who are you?
- Aaron Dinkins, sir

We're in the middle of a major
sit down here, Aaron Dinkins

I think you're going
to want to hear this, sir

Can you just email it? And
you can send it to me E.O.D.

End Of Day

May I put it in a whisper, sir?

Fine, whisper me

No.

Pointed the chair.

You're okay

- You alright?
- He's okay

It's a repeat of Skipper in Key West

And with all due respect...

That was Skipper,
sir. This is...

Barbie.

If this got out that our dolls were
coming to Los Angeles from Barbie Land

As life sized versions of themselves

Roaming the earth

This would be very bad

Barbie in the real world?

That's impossible

We've got a definite situation on our hands

Catastrophic!

- I can't stress that enough!
- What?

- What's your name again?
- Aaron Dinkins, sir

- Aaron Dickinson?
- Dinkins

Yes, Aaron

Is Barbie Land like an alternate
reality or is it like a place where

- Uh, your imagination
-Yes.

- Okay.
- Think of it as town in Sweden.

Aaron Dinkins

Sweden

Right

How much do you weigh?

Doesn't matter

Sounds like a job for the box

No one rests until this
doll is back in a box

Look, Davy Crockett Junior High
School, just like a saw in my vision

A man on a horse

I've started to get all
these weirdo feelings

Like I have fear with
no specific object

- What is that?
- Anxiety

I have it too. They're
just awful at this age

I feel amazing.

That's because kids don't
take it out on their dads

She's gotta be here somewhere.
We need to find her soon

I'm just going to pop into the library
and see if I can find any books on trucks

- Okay, just don't get in trouble
- I won't!

What are you doing?

Oh! Uhh

What's that girl's name?

That's Sasha

Hey, Sasha!

- Don't talk to her!
- Oh

Sasha can talk to you
but you never talk to Sasha

- She'll crush you
- Don't worry

Everyone really likes me
and thinks I'm cool and pretty

- Huh
- Thank you

Hey, ladies. Sasha

What's up?

Who are you?

I'm only your favorite
woman of all time

Barbie!

You really think
you're Barbie?

- Yeah
- She's crazy

Do you think she escaped
from like an insane asylum?

- So you're like Barbie Barbie
- Like a professional bimbo?

No, Barbie's not a bimbo. Barbie is a
doctor and a lawyer and a senator and a...

- ... Nobel prize winner.
- You're a Nobel prize winner?

Oh, no, not me, but...

Barbie is ... yeah

Aren't you guys going to
thank me and give me a big hug?

For being your favorite toy

We haven't played with Barbie's
since we were like five years old

Yeah, I hated dolls with hair

I mean, I played with Barbie,
but it was like the last resort

I loved Barbie

Anyways, even then
it was horrible for us

It was horrible?

Why?

- Come on, Sasha
- Give it to her

Destroy Barbie

Okay, Barbie

Let's do this

You've been making women feel bad
about themselves since you were invented

I think you have that
the wrong way around

You represent everything
wrong with our culture

Sexualized capitalism,
unrealistic physical ideals

No, no, no...
You're describing something stereotypical.

Barbie is...

- So much more than that
- Look at yourself

I am technically
Stereotypical Barbie

You set the feminism
movement back 50 years

You destroy girls'
innate sense of worth

and you are killing the planet with
your glorification of rampant consumerism

No, I'm supposed to help you
and make you happy and powerful

Oh, I am powerful. And until you showed
up here and declared yourself Barbie

I hadn't thought about
you in years, you fascist

Oh. Um

Okay

It's happening again

I have to... will you excuse me?

It was really
nice talking to you

They never listen

Excuse me, sir, do you have time?

- You respect me
- Sorry, no, do you know what time it is?

No, I do not

- Okay
- Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy?

Which, to my understanding, is
where men in horses run everything?

Sure

- I shall seek my fortune then
- Alright

I'll take a high level, high
paying job with influence, please

Okay, you'll need at least an MBA.
And a lot of our people have PhDs

- Isn't being a man enough?
- Actually right now it's kind of the opposite.

You guys are clearly not
doing patriarchy very well

No, we're uh...

We're doing it well, yeah.
We just, uh, hide it better, you know.

Oh

No, I won't let you do
just one appendectomy

- But I'm a man
- But not a doctor

- Please?
- No

- Can I talk to a doctor?
- You are talking to a doctor

- Can you get me a coffee
- No

- And I need a clicky pen
- No

- And a white coat. And a sharp thing
- No. No

- There he is. Doctor!
- Somebody get security

- I'd like to apply for your job of beach?
- So you wanna be a lifeguard?

Oh, I'm not trained to go over there. I'm
trained to stand confidently right here.

- There's nobody in danger here.
- And even if there were, I'm not trained to save them

- Then I can't hire you
- I can't even beach here!

She thinks I'm a fascist?

I don't control the railways

or the flow of commerce

- There you are
- Oh no...

That went terrible

I need to find somewhere
where I can start patriarchy fresh

- Miss Barbie?
- It's just "Barbie".

We're going to need
you to come with us

Oh

- Who are you?
- We're Mattel

- Mattel?
- Mattel

Thank goodness. I've got
to talk to somebody in charge

Everything is backwards here.
Men look at me like I'm an object

Girls hate me,
everyone thinks I'm crazy

and I keep getting arrested!

- Would you step this way, ma'am?
- I also just learned to cry

First it I got one tear and
then I got a whole bunch

What to do? Do I follow Barbie into
that scary unmarked black truck car?

A truck car I'd like to have, actually

You're right

She's fine. It's Mattel

- Yeah
- I know

I'll go back to Barbie Land and
I'll tell the Kens what I've learned

Oh! It's going to be beautiful

- Okay. Let's go that way
- Back to Barbie Land.

- Hi, bunny boo boo
- Don't call me that

Sorry

I'm off early because
of a crisis at work,

but I thought we could
go get some soft serve

Thank god they
arrested that nutjob

That reality challenged
woman. She thinks she's Barbie

- Wait, what did you say?
- She thinks she's Barbie

She's like really convinced

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Mom. Mom!

Mom, get back in the car!

Are you kidding me?

Mom!

Mattel! Of course it was you
guys that brought me here

Because it definitely
wasn't that Sasha girl

Thanks for the ride. This
has been so much fun

Wow! The mother ship!

Barbie! So happy to see you!

- Hi!
- Would you like some mineral water?

- Yes! Thank you

I'm used to that
having anything in it

Thank you

So we've been very anxious to
get some quality face time with you

Of course. So what can I do to repair
the rift in the space time continuum

and get my feet back
and that one cellulite gone

and just generally not
turn into Weird Barbie?

We have been discussing that very topic

If you're agreeable to it, we
would love it if you could just...

get into that giant box

Get into the box and you'll go back to Barbie
Land. And everything will be as it was

You know what? We should probably get Ken first

- Ken
- You know, Ken. Barbie and Ken

- Yes, Ken! Yeah
- The guy, yeah

Back to Barbie Land!

I'm going to be so...
I'm going to be sick

Ken isn't something
we're worried about

Ever

- Okay, I'll just um... I'll get in the box then
- Alright!

Yes!

Oh, but since I came all this way,
could I just meet the woman in charge?

Your CEO?

Oh, that would be me

- Oh, your CFO
- Me

- Your COO?
- Here

- President of the Barbie Division
- Present

I'm a man with no power,
does that make me a woman?

Are any women in charge?

Listen...

I know exactly where
you're going with this and

I have to say I really resent it!

We are a company
literally made of women

We had a woman CEO in the 90s

And there was another one...

at some other time

So that's... that's
two right there

Women are the freaking foundation
of this very long phallic building

We have gender neutral
bathrooms up the wazoo

Every single one of
these men love women

I'm a son of a mother

I'm the mother of a son

I'm... I'm the nephew of a woman aunt

Some of my best friends are Jewish

What I'm trying to say is...

Get in the box, you jezebel

What? I can't
say "jezebel" now?

I haven't been
in a box in ages

You see? It's easy

Oh, okay

Oh my gosh, I remember this smell

I'm having a real Proustian flashback

Remember Proust Barbie?
That did not sell very well

Do you know what?
Um, before I get in the box

Could I just run to the restroom
and make sure my hair is perfect?

- Fine. Can you be speedy about it?
- Mmhm

- Down this way?
- It's just down the hallway

- Thank you
- On the right

Guess she really had
to go the bathroom

Get that Barbie!

Don't you dare push
that button. Let me do it

I said, get that Barbie!

Where's Barbie?

I'm gaining on you

I'll capture you

Quicker to go over the cube

- It's quicker
- Sure

Get that Barbie!

Barbie!

Barbie!

Barbie!

I will get you!

Barbie!

Don't worry, you're safe here

What is this place?

I always find I think
best at kitchen tables

Tea?

Uh... yes, please

So a woman does work here

Oh sweety, we do
more than work here

What?

- It's because I don't know how to drink tea?
- No

You look different

It's not how I normally look.
I usually look perfect

Oh, I don't know

I think you're just right

Real World isn't
what I thought it was

It never is

And isn't that marvelous?

Who... are you?

Which way did she go?

If you go through that closet

You'll find a stairwell
down to the lobby

Okay

Thank you

Ruth

Ruth. Thank you, Ruth

You're welcome, Barbie

Oh, we've got her! There she is!

Keycard! Wait, I don't have my keycard!

Get in!

Now! Get in now!

Come on!

Oh no!

Now we're never
going to get Barbie

Oh, we didn't need it

Barbie!

Let's form a plan here

I would normally have shotgun.
I'll get the first one

Hang on!

God, I hope nobody from school
saw us put a life-sized Barbie in our car

- How did this even happen?
- I don't know

How are you here?
You're like an idea

A great idea

So, I've been a
little lonely lately

- And I found those Barbies we used to play with
- I thought we gave those away

So I started playing with them and making
drawings like we used to do, remember?

- Because I thought it would be joyful
- Was it?

No, it wasn't. I got sad and weird,
and then the drawings got sad and weird

and maybe because I couldn't be
like you, I ended up making you like me

Did any of these drawings by chance
have thoughts of death and cellulite?

Yes!

Irrepressible Thoughts
of Death Barbie!

-Oh my god!
-And cellulite

- I came for you
- You came for me

Those were your memories

Hello? Hello?

Are you two, like, Shining?

No, no, it's nothing like that

Are you Shining
with a real Barbie?

No!

I mean, maybe, like a little... yes

I don't even know where to start
with this wishing your Barbie to life crap

Oh Sasha, listen

I'm just a boring mom with a boring
job and a daughter who hates me

Can you blame me for
wanting to have a little fun?

I gotta lose these chuckleheads

Mom!

I think I owe you
ladies an apology

I thought that Barbie had
made the Real World better

But the Real World is forever
and irrevocably messed up

Well, the Real World is not
perfect, but you inspired me

I love women. I
want to help women

Oh come off it,
everybody hates women

Women hate women and men hate women,
it's the one thing we can all agree on

- Is that true?
- It's complicated. "Hate" is a strong word

Wake up, mom!

I'm wide awake, Sasha!

Mom, where did you learn to drive like this?

- There was this guy...
- Was it Dad?

Yeah, yeah... it
was... it was Dad

Okay, duck!

- You look so pretty
- Don't look at me

Okay, sorry

I can't hold them off
forever. Where can we go?

Wait, I have an idea. Can
you get us to Venice Beach?

Sure can!

I love rollerblades.
Where are we going?

- Barbie Land
- What? Mom!

Are you really going
to let Barbie take you

and your tween daughter
to an imaginary land?

Yes, and you want to know why?
Because I never get to do anything

I didn't even go on that cruise
I won at your school raffle

because I didn't have enough vacation
days and your dad's allergic to sun

Oh

- What about Dad? We can't just leave him
- He'll be fine

Boligrafos. Boligrafos. Boligrafos

- Yeah, yeah, he'll be fine
- Ready for fun?

Yes!

Here we go! Come
on and feel the magic

Where are we?

- How did we get into these clothes?
- How did we get into this vehicle?

When I was a kid I
lost these boots and

my mom wouldn't let me
buy a whole new Barbie

- ...just to replace the boots
- They look so good on you!

Why thank you!

- Hey you
- She was always my favorite Barbie

You're my favorite human

Don't tell him, but
I never got a Ken

That's because Ken is totally
superfluous... I didn't say that

Women hold all major
positions of power

control all the money, basically everything
that men do in your world, women do in ours

I mean, that sounds kind of cool

Sasha, look! Dolphins!

Closer I am to fine, yeah

Closer I am to fi...

What is this song?!

Oh! And we have a
female president and it's

fun, and work, and
friendship and females 24/7

No giant hands come
in and play with you?

No, that's crazy

Excuse me, have you seen
a group of women on wheels?

Actually yeah, there was
blonde, brunette and a

...tween, they
rollerbladed in that direction

Oh no

First step is always rollerblading

- Excuse me, sir?
- They've gone to Barbie Land

- Oh no
- And she's brought humans there with her

This could mean extremely
weird things for our world

Like what?

Nothing any of our collective
imaginations could ever dream of

A podcast hosted
by two wise trees

Or a choir of 2,000
young fathers

Not even close. We've
got to get to Barbie Land

Go, find some blades now!
Just pick a direction and run

I can practically feel my
heels lifting already. Yes!

This is what I was supposed
to do. Bring you back here

- It feels right
- It does

Okay, this is... oh

That's strange

Incoming brewski beer

See that's our
President with the beer

and the cheering squad
is the Supreme Court

This is so much better
than being President

Something's weird today

Hi, Barbie!

Oh, okay! Hi, Ken!

Have a brewski beer

My big guy is thirsty

Anyway... uh

Wait until you see
my Dream House

Everything I've bought and
own will totally inspire you

And we can change clothes again!

That's the Capitol!

- It's pink?
- Pink!

And that's...

These are the Dream
Houses. This is where I live

You can see through the houses

So does each Barbie
like have their own house?

Mmhmm

That's cool. Where
do the Kens stay?

I don't know

At first I thought the Real
World was run by men

And then, there was a minute,
where I thought it was run by horses

But then I realized that
horses just men extenders

Oh, I had that tree house! I
saved up my allowance to buy it.

I've never seen a car like that
before. What happened here?

Everything, basically everything, exists to
expand and elevate the presence of men!

- That's amazing
- Beautiful.

- I know
- Barbie's here

Ken?

What have you done?

What are you wearing?

Don't question it, just
roll with it, tiny baby

Don't call me baby

What about mini baby?
Like this mini fridge?

No, Ken

This is my Dream House.
It is MY Dream House!

It's mine!

No, this is no longer
Barbie's Dream House

This shall henceforth be known as

Ken's Mojo Dojo Casa House

- You don't have to say dojo and house
- And casa

But you do because
it feels good. Try it

- Mojo Dojo
- No, don't... don't say it

Mojo Dojo Casa House

Give it to me straight.
How weird is it?

Whoa, boss. These Mojo Dojo Casa
Houses are literally flying off the shelves

The kids are clamoring for 'em

Ken is on t-shirts, mugs...

- It's the number 1 tattoo
- Oh no

Warner Bros has started
auditions for the Ken movie

Which is already
a blockbuster hit

It's happening. The thing
we could never imagine.

- And if we don't get my work lady...
- "Executive assistant"

My executive work lady and someone
who's probably her daughter back here

and close the portal, our
worlds could be altered forever

So what does it matter if it's Barbie
or Ken? The money is pouring in

Shame on you, Executive Number 2

You think I spent my entire life in
boardrooms because of a bottom line?

No! I got into this business
because of little girls and their dreams

In the least creep way possible

Now blade faster! Time is running out

Look, I'm just having some brewski
beers at my Dojo Mojo Casa House

- Ken!
- You can stay if you want

As my bride-wife.

Or my long term, low
committment distance girlfriend

- Ugh!
- What do you say?

Brewski beer me?

I will not brewski beer you

That's fine

You know now that you Barbies
aren't around to run everything

We can do our
hair however we like

I have hats

Where are my hungry
boys? Who wants snacks?

Barbie, I am so happy to see you.
Can you believe what is happening?

I know, isn't it great?

Anyone need a brewski beer?

What are you
doing? You're a doctor!

I like being a
helpful decoration

And Alan likes to help me
give all the Kens foot massages

No I don't... I don't like that

We love it!

- Ugh, so gross
- I'm so blotto face day drunk right now

Ditto, same... same that

I like not having to make any
decisions. It's like a spa day for my brain

Forever

What is wrong with them?

We just explained to them
the immaculate, impeccable,

seamless garment of logic that
is patriarchy and they crumbled

Oh my god, this is like in the 1500s
with the indigenous people and smallpox

They had no defenses against it

Yeah! Buckle up, babe

Because Barbie Land...

...is now Ken Land

And it's going to be just like
Century City in Los Angeles

Because they had it all
figured out in Century City

The minute you get
out of your car, you're like

"I can't believe how
great this place is!"

No no no, they don't
have it figured out in Century City

Because we failed them

No, you failed ME!

Out there I was somebody

And when I walked
down the street...

...people respected
me just for who I am

One lady

She even asked me for the time

- No way!
- Way

And if it weren't for
these technicalities like...

MBAs, medical degrees,
and... I don't know...

...swim lessons, I
could've ruled that world

But I don't need any
of those things here

Here I'm just a dude

And you know what?

That's enough

TV remote?

Which one is it?

Oh, it's that one right there

Call me Mr. Ken President
Prime Minister Man

Let's recap all the amazing changes
and innovations thanks to the Kens

The Nobel Prize in horses...

Goes to... Ken!

Ken! Ken! Ken! Ken!

Wow

And now you're making
it permanent with a

special with election to
change the Constitution

That's right, in just 48
hours all the Kens will

head to the polls and vote
to change the Constitution

To a government for Kens,
of the Kens, and by the Kens!

You can't do this

This is Barbie Land. The
Barbies worked hard

and they dreamed hard to
make it everything that it is you-

You can't just undo it in a day

Literally and
figuratively watch me

Now...

If you'll excuse me

This is my Mojo Dojo Casa House

It's not...

Barbie's Mojo Dojo Casa House

Right?

How's that feel?

It is not fun, is it?

It's Boys' Night!

Every night is Boys' Night.

Barbie! Take your
lady fashions with you!

Take your Celebrate Disco Bell Bottoms

And your Icecapade Pretty
Practice Suit and Dazzling Show Skirt

- These are archival
- Your Pajama Jam in Amsterdam set!

And your Pretty Paisley Palazzo Pants!

- Not the Palazzo!
- And get out!

Leave the skirt!

Honey

Why did you wish me to your
messed up world using your

...complicated human
thoughts and feelings?

- What?
- Barbie Land was perfect before

I was perfect before

I'm so sorry, I... I wasn't
trying to do anything

Don't apologize

Don't blame my mom

Oh Sasha, that's sweet

Maybe you wished us.
Maybe it's your fault, Barbie.

No, I didn't wish anything.
I never wanted anything to change

Oh, honey, that's life

It's all change

Well that's...

That's terrifying

I don't want that

Not my life. No thank you

Just... no. I don't want this

I'm just going to sit here and wait
and hope that one of the more...

...leadership oriented Barbies just...

...snaps out of it, does
something about this whole mess

I really understand this feeling

It's basically like being a
human person all the time

Please just leave me
here, just leave me, go back

to your messed up world
and just leave me to mine?

- So you're just going to give up?
- Yes.

Okay

You know I almost feel bad for you, but you
are exactly what I thought you were

Um

Let's go, honey, let's just...

- Okay, how do we even...
- Do everything we did in reverse

Unbelievable

Come on, mom. She
doesn't deserve you

This is the lowest
I've ever been

Emotionally and physically

Okay kids, it's time to run out
and get the new Depression Barbie

She wears sweatpants
all day and night

She spent 7 hours
today on Instagram

Looking at her estranged
best friend's engagement photos

While eating a family
sized bag of Starbursts

And now her jaw is
killing her and she's going

to watch the BBC's Pride and Prejudice

for the seventh time
until she falls asleep

Our families is such that
any alliance between us

must be regarded as a highly
reprehensible connection

Anxiety, panic attacks,
and OCD sold separately

Barbie, Barbie. Wake up

I'm like you now

Ugly and unwanted

Thanks

Let's get her in
the back, come on

- Isn't this great?
- Yes

- Wait until you see the boat
- The boat

Beautiful countryside

He said he could see through me

I spent four years
prostrate to the higher mind

Got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor,
I went to the mountains

I looked to the children,
I drank from the fountains

We interrupt to this broadcast
to bring you our new radio station

Only playing Ken's favorite song

Turn this song off, for Christ's sake!

- Who are you?
- I'm Alan

- Oh you are Alan, that's great!
- Don't tell the Kens, I'm trying to escape

I cannot sit on one more leather
couch. It's going to break my spirit

As soon as they figure out how to
build that wall sideways and not just up

No one is going to
be able to get in or out

So we want to leave,
we'd better make a run for it

No Alan, you can't go

Having a Barbie in
the Real World is what

caused all these
problems in the first place

Not one person would care
if Alan was in the Real World

In fact, it's happened before

All of NSYNC, Alan

Yes, even him. So come on!

Hey, you there!

- What... what do we do?
- Just get in the car and keep it singing

Hey man! Be ready for anything

- Who are you?
- I'm Alan

I'm uh... I'm Ken's buddy.
Yeah. All his clothes fit me

Get in the car

- Wait, you don't have a driver's license
- Well this car doesn't have an engine

Fine

KINGDOM OF KEN

- What are you doing? We gotta go
- We have to go back

Barbie Land needs
saving. Barbie needs saving

Wh... you hate Barbie

But you don't. You've always
believed in what she could be

Yeah, well, I was wrong.
Barbie gave up. The Kens won

You have to try. Even if...

Even if you can't make it
perfect, you can make it better

I can't make anything
better. I'm the one who ruined

Barbie Land with my stupid
drawings in the first place

They're not stupid,
they're amazing

You like my drawings?

They're weird and dark and... crazy

Everything you pretend not to be

I am.... I am. I'm weird
and I'm dark and I'm crazy

Easy. Easy...

Okay

- Do you want some more Alan?
- No!

- We have to get out of here right now
- Shut up, Alan! We're going back

Let's go get my doll

I'll never get out of here

Where do we find Barbie?

There's only
one place she'd be

You're a writer

This is your Nobel prize.
Remember winning it?

It's useless trying to deprogram
her, I already did everything I could

Oh my god

I don't even know how I got here

I don't deserve this

Um, I'd like to thank...

Ken

Thank you, Ken

I love you, Ken

The fork in my soup
is this Barb...

Why didn't the
brainwashing work on you?

My exposure to the Real World
must have made be immune

Either you're brainwashed
or you're weird and ugly

There is no in between

Sing it, sister

Well, get ready kids.
Because in 48 hours...

Barbie Land becomes Ken Land

Come on, gang. We'll find
Barbie at the top of these stairs

The Kens... they found us

Ken!

Ken?

Hello?

Humans. We're fine

And Alan

Come into my Weird House, hi!
I'm Weird Barbie

I am in the splits, I have a funky
haircut and I smell like basement

Oh my god, I had a Weird Barbie!

- Yeah, you did
- You make then weird by playing too hard

It's cool

That's Sugar Daddy Ken,
and Earring Magic Ken

Mattel discontinued them

- Sugar daddy?
- No no no, I'm not a sugar daddy

This is Sugar. And I'm her daddy

And I have an
earring, a magic earring

These were actual Kens

More discontinued Barbies

- Growing Up Skipper? May I?
- Okay

Watch this

- Her boobs grow!
- Why would they do that?

And Barbie Video Girl?

I have a TV in my back

You know whose dream that
is? Nobody. Nobody's dream

And that's Barbie
Barbie, of course

She's not dead, she's just
having an existential crisis

Okay, come on

What's wrong?

I'm not...

pretty anymore

What? You're so pretty

I'm not "Stereotypical
Barbie" pretty

Note to the filmakers:
Margot Robbie is the wrong

person to cast if you
want to make this point

But you're beautiful

It's not just that. I'm not...

smart enough to be interesting

- You're so smart
- I can't do brain surgery

I've never flown a plane

I'm not the President

No one on the
Supreme Court is me

I'm not...

good enough...

for anything

It is literally impossible
to be a woman

You are so beautiful

And so smart,
and it kills me that

you don't think
you're good enough

Like...

we have to always
be extraordinary

But somehow

we're always doing it wrong

You have to be
thin, but not too thin

And you can never
say you want to be thin

You have to say you
want to be healthy

But also you have to be thin

You have money,
but can't ask for money

Because that's crass

You have to be boss,
but can't be mean

You have to lead, but you
can't squash other people's ideas

You're supposed to
love being a mother, but

don't talk about your
kids all the damn time

You have to be a career woman, but
also always be looking out for other people

You have to answer for men's
bad behavior, which is insane

But if you point that out,
you're accused of complaining

You're supposed to
stay pretty for men, but

not so pretty that you
tempt them too much or

that you threaten other women because you're
supposed to be a part of the sisterhood

but always stand out

And always be grateful

But never forget that the system is
rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that

But also, always be grateful

You have to never get old

Never be rude, never show off

Never be selfish, never fall
down, never fail, never show fear

Never get out of
line, it's too hard

It's too contradictory and nobody
gives you a medal or says "thank you"

And it turns out, in fact,
that not only are you doing

everything wrong, but
also everything is your fault

I'm just so tired...

of watching myself and
every single other woman

tie herself into knots
so that people will like us

And if all of that...

is also true for a doll...

representing a woman...

then I don't even know

Wait...

I did write a book

It's like I've been in a dream

where I was somehow
really invested

in the Zack Snyder
cut of Justice League

But what you said
broke me out of it

- Really?
- Yeah

You're back! She's back!

By giving voice to the cognitive
dissonance required to be a woman

under the patriarchy,
you robbed it of its power

Yes

I just said all of that

Hell yes, White Savior Barbie!

No, it was your mom.
Your mom did the saving

We have to stop the Kens

And you need to say all of
those things to the other Barbies

- That's the key
- Got it

But how are we going to get
the Barbies away from their Kens?

We have experience
with a world like this one

Do you have a
map of Barbie Land?

What do you think?

- Wow
- Thanks, I built it

Okay, here's the deal

It's not just about how they see us,
it's about how they see themselves

Ken Land contains the
seeds of its own destruction

First we have to get the
Barbies away from their Kens

We could use a decoy
Barbie who pretends

to be brainwashed.
That should be you

Distract them by appearing
helpless and confused

Kens cannot resist
a damsel in distress

You have to make them
believe that they're complacent

That they have the power.
And when their guard is down...

You take the power back

The influence that
Porsche 356 has

had on the motoring
world as a whole...

it can't be overstated

Ugh, Photoshop is so hard

I just don't understand
how to use the select tool

Honey, you can only
use the select tool if

the layer is highlighted.
Let me show you

My tiny head is just swimming
with technical jargon like...

Color bands and magnetic
lassos and bitmap

Do you think that you, with
strong arms, can explain to me...

- What's happening?
- Alan, go around

- But what about Ken?
- No no no...

- No, but I love him!
- Come on, Alan

What's going to happen to Ken?

Just listen

You have to be their mommies,
but no remind them of their mommy

Any power you have must
be masked under a giggle

What happened?

One minute I was
President and then the next

I was cutting
Ken's steak for him?

Welcome back, Madame President

Then we'll recruit the now
un-brainwashed Barbies to our cause

They can be the new decoys

You can tell them that you've
never seen The Godfather

and that you'd love
them to explain it to you

- Ooh, are you guys watching The God Father?
- The Godfather

- I've never seen it!
- Oh my god, you've never seen The Godfather?

This movie is a rich blend of
Coppola's aesthetic genius

and a triumph to Robert Evans and
the architecture of the 70s studio system

Can you just start the movie over
and just talk through the whole thing?

You have to find a way to reject a man's
advances without damaging their egos

Because if you say yes
to them, you're a tramp

but if you say no to
them, you're a prude

- I don't want to touch a foot
- No, you don't

Another one: be
confused about money

I just have all my money
in a savings account

That's totally wrong! You need
treasury bonds, corporate bonds, CDs...

No one has CDs anymore!

Ah sweetheart, you are so
cute when you're confused

But no, not music. CD
stands for certificate of deposit

Stephen Malkmus really harnessed
the cervic toxing of Lou Reed

with post-punk influences
such as Wire and The Fall.

- What am I wearing? I would never choose this
- Because you're a physicist

- Do you want some pants?
- Yeah

Welcome back, Barbie.

Gee, I am so awkward
and don't feel pretty at all

And will anyone ever like me?

Or distract them
with the old standby

Wearing glasses so that they
can discover that you're pretty

- May I?
- Sure, go ahead

There. Now we see
your beautiful face

And then there's pretending
to be terrible at every sport ever

Here, let me show you

Here, let me show you

- Here, let me show you
- Here, let me show you

Here, let us show you

We do this until every single
Barbie is deprogrammed

and ready to take back Barbie Land

Yes!

Tomorrow the Kens vote
to change the Constitution

So we have to get there first

The final stage
of our of the plan

To turn the Kens
against each other

Now that they think
they have power over you

You make them question whether
they have enough power over each other

What if this doesn't work?

What if he doesn't...

...like me anymore?

- He likes you
- He was really upset

Because he likes you

And because he
knows deep down that...

- ...you don't like him the same way
- It still doesn't mean I want to hurt him

He took your house

He brainwashed your friends,
he wants to control the government

True

- Girl
- Yeah

It's like I'm a woman already

Welcome

Is this what it's like?

- It's time
- I'm ready

Thank you

Here I go

Hi!

Oh, hey

You've caught me reading

-I've been thinking, Ken Land?
- Kendom

- Kendom
- Kendom Land

- Land of...
- Land of the Free and the Men

- Right, well, this place... is...
- Kendom Land

Really great

And the Kens really
are just better at

ruling than the
Barbies ever were

Well, we just took patriarchy
and, you know, made it patriarchy

- Yeah, well, I was thinking...
- Yes?

I'm ready to be your
long term distance

low committment
casual girlfriend

if you'll still have me

- Can you just hold on for one second?
- Oh, okay

Sublime!

I don't know, I'm going
to have to think about that

Oh

Please?

Okay. Come on in

- I'll play the guitar at you
- Oh, yay!

This is the final
stage of our plan

Give them their dream come true

And at the peak
of their happiness

when they think you
actually care about this song...

You take it all away

What are you texting?

- What?
- Who are you texting?

- No one
- Hm, let me just...

- Ken!
- Sorry, one sec

That's a beautiful
song that you're playing

Did you write it?

Yes. Do you want to sit
here and watch me do it

while I stare uncomfortably into
your eyes for four and a half minutes?

I would love that

Sorry, one sec

I'll be right back

You play on their egos
and their petty jealousies

and you turn them
against each other

One sec

Sorry

While they're fighting,
we take back Barbie Land

Does the title of long term distance casual
low committment girlfriend mean nothing?

- What do we do?
- We beach every individual one of them off

No

We go to war

- Against the Barbies?
- No, against the Kens

- But we are the Kens
- The other Kens

Well we should probably
call them something

else so that it
doesn't get confusing

No, because we'll
know what we mean

But when we're on the battlefield
and you "Ken at 4 o'clock"...

- ...how will I if you mean us Kens or the other Kens?
- Because my dudes, we attack at 10 o'clock

We take advantage
of the morning waves

But not so early, because
we're going to want to sleep in

But what will we fight
with? We have no guns

Tennis rackets and volleyballs

- And slap fights
- And beach offs

- Yes!
- Oh yeah

♪ Doesn't seem to matter what I do

♪ I'm always number two

♪ No one knows
how hard I tried, oh-oh, I

♪ I have feelings that I can't explain

♪ Drivin' me insane

♪ All my life, been so polite

♪ But I'll sleep alone tonight

♪ 'Cause I'm just Ken

♪ Anywhere else I'd be a ten

♪ Is it my destiny to live and
die a life of blonde fragility?

♪ I'm just Ken

♪ Where I see love, she sees a friend

♪ What will it take
for her to see the man

♪ behind the tan and fight for me?

I'll see you on
the Malibu Beach!

You can Ken, you
can Ken, you can Ken...

And now they destroy themselves

You know what I think, I think we
should put our fricken Constitution back

- Yes!
- Yes!

This is a real
hornet's nest in here

Watch your flank!

- I got shot
- Impossible!

- Are there real weapons here?
- No

♪ I wanna know what’s like to love

♪ To be the real thing

♪ Is it a crime? Am I not
hot when I’m in my feelings?

♪ And is my moment
finally here or am I dreaming?

♪ I’m no dreamer

♪ Ken!

♪ Ken!

♪ Can you feel Ken-ergy?

♪ Ken!

♪ They are, you are, we are

♪ I’m just Ken

♪ Anywhere else I'd be a ten

♪ Is it my destiny to live and
die a life of blonde fragility?

♪ I’m just Ken

♪ Where I see love, she sees a friend

♪ What will it take
for her to see the man

♪ behind the tan
and fight for me?

♪ I’m just Ken

♪ And I’m enough

♪ And I’m great at doing stuff

♪ So, hey, check me
out, yeah, I’m just Ken

♪ My name's Ken

♪ And so am I

♪ Put that manly hand in mine

♪ So, hey world, check
me out, yeah I’m just Ken

♪ Baby, I’m just Ken
♪ Nobody else, nobody else, I'm just Ken!

- Ken!
- Huh? Yeah?

- Aren't we supposed to vote today?
- What?

- To change the Constitution
- That was today, wasn't it?

Okay ladies, let's do this!

All those in favor of letting
Barbie Land, be Barbie Land...

...say "I"

I!

I'm so happy

Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie!

Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie!

Is it just my imagination...

Or do these Mojo Dojo Casa Houses...

...just get dreamier?

That's because they're dreamhouses, mother------

That's right, we've reinstated the Barbie
Land Constitution to what it should be

And restored all the
Barbies' brains and autonomy

And we seriously
disinfected those houses

What do we do?

Kens?!

Who are we attacking, sir?

No

No!

Don't look at me!

Is he crying?

Just... give us a minute.

Ken?

- Are you ok?
- Yeah. Totally

It's okay if you're
crying. You know, I

cried too and it's
actually kind of amazing

I'm a liberated man, I
don't cry, he's not weak

Okay...

Do you want to
sit up for a minute?

It was hard running stuff

I didn't love it

I get it

And those mini
fridges are so small

You can only fit
a six pack in there

and the freezers
are basically useless

To be honest, when I found out
the patriarchy wasn't about horses

I had lost interest anyway

That's okay

I always thought this
would be our house

Oh...

Ken...

I think I owe you an apology

I'm really sorry I
took you for granted

Not every night
had to be Girl's Night

Thank you for saying that

Thank you

Oh, I didn't mean suggest...uhh

I just don't know
who I am without you

You're Ken

But it's "Barbie... and Ken"

There is no just Ken

That's why I was created

I only exist...

within the warmth of your gaze

Without it...

i'm just an another blonde
guy who can't do flips

Maybe it's time to
discover who Ken is.

Ok, I think I get it now

No no no no no, this isn't the answer

I feel so stupid

I look so stupid

I look so stupid!

- No!
- You look cool! You look so cool!

Okay Ken, you have to figure
out who you are without me

- Why?
- You're not your girlfriend

You're not your house,
you're not your mink

- Beach;
- Nope, you're not even beach

Maybe all the things
that you thought

made you you aren't...

...really you.

Maybe it's Barbie and...

It's Ken

Ken...

is...

- ...me?
- Yes!

Ken is me

And I'm Barbie

Ken...

...is me!

- Ken is me!
- Ken is me!

Ken is me!

I don't even care about being Ken
anymore, I just miss my friend Barbie

- That's cool
- Barbie. Barbie!

I'm right here

Ken!

I want you to have it

It's nice

We were only fighting because
we didn't know who we were

Ken is...

ME!

Ken is right

It's just so hard to be a leader

- You know...
- That's... my boss

Midge.

I thought we discontinued her

Look, you know how many times

I've wanted to stand
up in a boardmeeting

and just say "can we
just tickle each other?"

- Really?
- Let's have a company retreat and just tickle each other!

Someone get me. Someone get me

I love being tickled

No no no no no no. Don't hug me

But thanks to Barbies,

I too can now relieve myself of
this heavy existential burden while

holding onto the
very real title of CEO

And we can restore everything in
Barbie Land to exactly the way it was

- Mr. Mattel...
- Please

- Call me mother
- No thank you

I don't think that things should go
back to the way that they were

No Barbie or Ken should
be living in the shadows

Or Alan

- Hey
- Yeah

- Hello
- I just want to say I'm sorry...

we called you Weird Barbie behind
your back and also to your face

It's okay. I'm owning it

Would you like a job in my Cabinet?

May I please have Sanitation?

- It's yours!
- Yeah, uh, thank you

- Alright
- Madame President

Please may the Kens have
one Supreme Court justice?

Oh, I can't do that

But maybe a lower circuit court judgeship...

We accept! As long as we can wear robes

Well the Kens have to start somewhere

And one day the Kens will have as
much power and influence in Barbie Land

As women have in the Real World

I don't want to...

- Just go!
- I can't!

- Grow up and go
- I have an idea

Tell me your secret dream, child

Okay, what about Ordinary Barbie?

She's not
extraordinary. She's...

not president of anything.
Or maybe she is

Maybe she's a
mom, maybe she's not

Because it's okay, to
just want to be a mom

or to want to President,
or a mom who is President

or not a mom who
is also not President

She just has a flattering top

And she wants to get through the
day feeling kind of good about herself

That's a...

- ...terrible idea
- Yeah, that's going to make money

Oh, Ordinary Barbie, I love it!

Fantastic.

- Great
- Great

- Cool
- Yeah

I think we're good, right?

Alright, let's begin the work to close
the portal between our two worlds

- And about Barbie?
-What do you mean?

What's her ending?

What does she get?

Well that's easy

She in love with Ken

That is not her ending

I'm not in love with Ken

What do you want?

I don't know... I'm...

I'm not really sure
where I belong anymore

I don't think I have an ending

That was always the point

I created you so you
wouldn't have an ending

It's you

You're Ruth from Mattel

Baby, I am Mattel

Until the IRS got to me,
but that's another movie

- So you're...
- Ruth Handler

Inventory of Barbie

That's so cool

Her ghost keeps an
office on the 17th floor

- What?
- What?

You guys, do you think the lady
who invented Barbie looks like Barbie?

I'm a 5 foot nothing grandma with a
double mastectomy and tax evasion issues

Nobody looks like Barbie

Except, of course, Barbie.
Take a bow down, honey

I don't really feel
like Barbie anymore

Come. Walk with me

Thank you

Thank you, Barbie

Thank you

I'm not really sure what
I'm supposed to do now

I've always been
Stereotypical Barbie and...

and don't think I'm really
good at anything else

- You saved Barbie Land from patriarchy
- That was very much a group effort

And you helped that
mother and daughter connect

They really helped each other

Maybe you're Self-Effacing Barbie?

Maybe I'm not Barbie anymore

You understand that
humans only have one end

Ideas live forever

Humans not so much

You know that, right?

I do

Being human can be
pretty uncomfortable

I know.

People make up things like
the patriarchy and Barbie...

just to deal with how
uncomfortable it is

I understand that

And then you die

Yeah

Yeah

I want to be part of the people...

that make meaning

Not the thing that's made

I want to do the imagining.
I don't want to be the idea

Does that makes sense?

I always knew that Barbie would
surprise me, but I never expected this

Do you give me permission to...

become human?

- You don't need my permission
- But you're the Creator, you...

Don't you control me?

I can't control you, anymore
than I can control my own daughter

I named you after her: Barbara

And I always hoped for
you, like I hoped for her

We mothers stand
still so our daughters

can look back and see
how far they've come

So being human's not
something I need to...

ask for? Or...

even want? I can just...

It's something I just discover I am?

I can't in good
conscience let you take

this leap without you
knowing what it means

Take my hands

Now, close your eyes...

Now, feel

So Barbie left behind the pastels
and plastics of Barbie Land...

for the pastels and
plastics of Los Angeles

Okay. Thanks for the lift

- You've got this
- I'm really proud of you

Estoy muy orguoso de ti

Orgu-LLO-so

Orgulloso

Orgulloso de ti

There you go. Close enough

You guys are the
best. Thank you.

Okay!

Sí se puede!

- That's a political statement
- That's appropriation, Dad

We'll be here when you're done

We love you!

Hi

- Name?
- Oh, um

Handler, Barbara

And what are you here for today, Barbara?

I'm here to see my gynecologist