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1
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(MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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Oh
3
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A newlywed couple just moved to town
4
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:56,014
A regular husband and wife
5
00:00:56,473 --> 00:01:01,562
Who left the big city
To find a quiet life
6
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,315
WandaVision!
7
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She's a magical gal
In a small town locale
8
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He's a hubby who's part machine
9
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How will this duo fit in and fulfill all?
10
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By sharing a love like you've never seen
11
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WandaVision!
12
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My wife and her flying saucers.
13
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,948
My husband and his indestructible head.
14
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-Aren't we a fine pair?
-(WANDA CHUCKLES)
15
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What do you say to silver dollar pancakes,
crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs,
16
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,376
freshly squeezed orange juice,
and black coffee?
17
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,545
I say, "Oh, I don't eat food."
18
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,882
Well, that explains
the empty refrigerator.
19
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:15,385
-Wanda?
-WANDA: Hmm?
20
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,055
Is there something special about today?
21
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,641
Well, I know the apron
is a bit much, dear,
22
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,976
but I am doing my best to blend in.
23
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,394
No, no, there on the calendar.
24
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Someone's drawn a little heart
right above today's date.
25
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,068
-Oh, yes, the heart.
-Hmm...
26
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,279
Well, don't tell me
you have forgotten, Vis.
27
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,405
"Forgotten"?
28
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,991
Oh, Wanda, I'm incapable of forgetfulness.
I remember everything.
29
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That's not an exaggeration.
In fact, I'm incapable of exaggeration.
30
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:44,706
Well, then tell me what's so important
about today's date.
31
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What was the question again?
32
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,337
Oh, well,
perhaps, you've forgotten yourself.
33
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Me? Heavens, no.
I've been so looking forward to it.
34
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As have I.
35
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,468
Today, we are celebrating...
36
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You bet we are.
37
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-It's the first time we...
-Mmm-hmm.
38
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,560
...have ever celebrated
this occasion before.
39
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,228
It's a special day!
40
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,355
-Perhaps an evening...
-Of great significance...
41
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,523
-To us both!
-Naturally.
42
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-Obviously.
-Exactly.
43
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:12,985
Well done, us.
44
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(EXHALES) All right.
45
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,364
Well, that's me off to work, then.
46
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,116
Oh, don't forget!
47
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I haven't.
48
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Oh! (CHUCKLES)
49
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,127
Have a good day, dear!
50
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:46,518
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
51
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,025
Oh!
52
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,861
Hello, dear.
I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right.
53
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,487
My right, not yours.
54
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,490
Forgive me for not stopping by sooner
to welcome you to the block.
55
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,118
My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't.
56
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,578
(CHUCKLES)
57
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,830
So, what's your name? Where are you from?
58
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,458
And most importantly,
how's your bridge game, hon?
59
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,377
I'm Wanda.
60
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,130
Wanda. Charmed.
61
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:18,717
Golly, you settled in fast!
62
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,344
Did you use a moving company?
63
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:24,348
I sure did.
Those boxes don't move themselves.
64
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,474
(AGNES CHUCKLES)
65
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:29,853
So what's a single gal like you doing
rattling around this big house?
66
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,188
Oh, no, I'm not single.
67
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,731
Oh, I don't see a ring.
68
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,150
Well, I assure you I'm married.
69
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,694
To a man. A human one and tall.
70
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,198
As a matter of fact, he'll be home
later tonight for a special occasion.
71
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,407
Just the two of us.
72
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,867
Oh, is it somebody's birthday?
73
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,536
Not a birthday.
74
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,287
Well, today isn't a holiday, is it?
75
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,706
No, it's not a holiday.
76
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,208
An anniversary then?
77
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,543
Ye... Yes!
78
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,379
Yes! It's our anniversary!
79
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,965
Oh, how marvelous!
80
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,383
How many years?
81
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,594
Well, it feels like
we've always been together.
82
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,096
Lucky gal.
83
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,057
The only way
Ralph would remember our anniversary
84
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,268
is if there was a beer named June 2nd.
85
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,477
(CHUCKLES)
86
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,063
-So, what do you have planned?
-How do you mean?
87
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,690
For your special night.
88
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,651
A young thing like you
doesn't have to do much,
89
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,028
but it's still fun to set the scene.
90
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:24,783
Say, I was just reading
a crackerjack magazine article
91
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:28,912
called "How To Treat Your Husband
To Keep Your Husband,"
92
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,582
and let me tell you,
what Ralph could really use
93
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:35,419
is, "How To Goose Your Wife
So You Don't Lose Your Wife."
94
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:40,215
Hang on. I'll go grab it
and we can start planning.
95
00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:42,634
Oh, this is gonna be a gas!
96
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:43,719
(GIGGLES)
97
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,512
(GASPS)
98
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:46,597
Oh...
99
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:52,186
(SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO) Or you
don't go out Friday night Yakety yak!
100
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,355
You just put on your coat and hat
101
00:05:56,231 --> 00:06:00,777
Here are those computational forms
that you requested, Norm.
102
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,529
There you go.
103
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,616
Gee willikers, that was fast!
104
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,577
Hey, the music
isn't bothering you, is it, pal?
105
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,204
In terms of distraction from work,
106
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,623
or the largely nonsensical
nature of the lyrics?
107
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,293
-The first one.
-Ah, no, thank you, Norm.
108
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:20,088
Hey, is there somethin'
I can help you with, buddy?
109
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,466
Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.
110
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:27,721
Would you be so good as to tell me
what it is we do here exactly?
111
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,182
Do we make something?
112
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,558
-No.
-Right.
113
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,061
Do we buy or sell something?
114
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,354
No and no.
115
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,731
Then what is the purpose of this company?
116
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:42,402
All I know is, since you've gotten here,
productivity has gone up 300%.
117
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:44,738
Yes, but what is it we're producing?
118
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,198
Computational forms.
119
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,700
And no one can process the data
quite like you do, pal.
120
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,494
You're like a walking computer.
121
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,621
What? I most certainly am not.
122
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,791
I'm a regular carbon-based employee
made entirely of organic matter,
123
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,834
much like yourself, Norm.
124
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,754
Hey! What's got your feathers all ruffled?
125
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,841
Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a tad on edge.
126
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,927
You see, it appears
there's something special about today,
127
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,637
special to Wanda, that's my wife,
128
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,683
and gee, I can't, for the life of me,
recall what it is.
129
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,643
Mmm... Oh!
130
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,813
MR. HART: Good to see you.
131
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,648
-Vision.
-Yes?
132
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,692
Wife and I
are looking forward to this evening.
133
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,778
Mr. Hart. Of course!
134
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,198
Dinner with Mr. Hart
and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart.
135
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,033
That's what I said.
What's wrong with you?
136
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,412
-Have you got a screw loose?
-Oh, no, sir. Screws all tightened, sir.
137
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,038
Yes, I should hope so.
138
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,082
Employee dinners
are a rite of passage
139
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,542
-for the new hires.
-Ah.
140
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,419
Jones over there failed miserably.
141
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:41,753
Isn't that right, Jones?
142
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,423
The wife thought
five courses would be sufficient.
143
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,384
And there was that paltry excuse
for entertainment.
144
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,469
A string quartet?
145
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:53,265
And then you had that embarrassing display
of beatnik enthusiasm.
146
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,725
I wore a turtleneck.
147
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,854
Yes. Best of luck out there
in the unemployment line, Jones.
148
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,733
You know, I owe my success
to being a keen judge of character.
149
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,194
No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision?
150
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,113
I don't have a skeleton, sir.
151
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:12,284
Glad to hear it.
Your future in this company depends on it.
152
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,751
AGNES: And you don't have a song?
153
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,753
Nothing special you played
at your wedding?
154
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,046
No, nothing special.
155
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,256
I'll just loan you some records then.
156
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:31,386
So, we've got music covered,
decor, wardrobe. Oh!
157
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,805
What about seduction techniques?
158
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:35,849
Oh, I have those.
159
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,809
(CHUCKLES) Of course, you do.
160
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,979
Just out of curiosity, what does it say?
161
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:45,609
That you should stumble when
you walk into a room so he can catch you.
162
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,069
It's romantic.
163
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,737
Any other tricks?
164
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:52,783
You could point out that the death rate of
single men is twice that of married men.
165
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,536
Now, that's romantic.
166
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,579
(BOTH LAUGH)
167
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,206
-(PHONE RINGING)
-Oh!
168
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,501
(SIGHS)
169
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,378
Vision residence.
170
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,505
-Wanda, darling.
-Vision, sweetheart.
171
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,673
Listen, about tonight...
172
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,134
Don't worry, dear.
I have everything under control.
173
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,678
Oh, well, that is a relief.
174
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,264
I must confess, I'm really rather nervous.
175
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,432
"Nervous"? Whatever for?
176
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,018
Well, you know, darling,
I still get a little tongue-tied.
177
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:24,690
Vis, after all this time...
178
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,775
There's an awful lot
riding on this one, Wanda.
179
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:31,655
If tonight doesn't go just so,
I think this could be the end.
180
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,909
Well, it's just one night.
There's no need to get dramatic.
181
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:38,829
Look, I think the best course of action
is to impress the wife.
182
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,000
And I think the best course of action
is to impress the husband.
183
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,127
VISION: Well, wonderful!
184
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,045
Glad to know we're both on the same page.
185
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,630
Until tonight, then, my, darling.
186
00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:49,923
Until tonight.
187
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:51,800
Oh...
188
00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,350
Is your husband tired of you
burning his toast?
189
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,646
Try our new and improved ToastMate 2000.
190
00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:07,316
It's the go-to for clever housewives.
191
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:10,694
Say, this machine has some shine.
192
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:11,904
You said it.
193
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:15,073
Set the dial
and get the taste back into your toast.
194
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:23,290
Top and bottom heating elements
can handle anything
195
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,544
from meatloaf, to cherry pie,
to open-faced cheese sandwiches.
196
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,296
(TIMER TICKING)
197
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,678
(TOASTER DINGS)
198
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:40,516
The all new ToastMate 2000
by Stark Industries.
199
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:43,519
Forget the past. This is your future.
200
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:49,441
Here we are!
201
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:51,860
Oh!
202
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,947
How very atmospheric!
203
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,533
What's going on here, Vision?
You blow a fuse?
204
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:01,328
Pardon me while I just go and fetch
the lady of the house.
205
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:08,752
Guess who?
206
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:10,546
Wanda!
207
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,172
Vision. (GASPS)
208
00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:13,590
Oh! Oh!
209
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,217
Ah...
210
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,635
What is the meaning of this?
211
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,846
(STAMMERING) Well, what is...
212
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,264
Yeah, what is the meaning of...
213
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,390
Oh, the meaning of it!
214
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,809
You want to know the meaning of it
and the meaning of it
215
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:29,314
is that this is the traditional
Sokovian greeting of hospitality.
216
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:32,192
-Guess who?
-Is that my host behind me?
217
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:33,402
It certainly is.
218
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,863
-Lovely to make your acquaintance.
-Yes! (CHUCKLES)
219
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:38,365
See, I forgot to tell you
my wife is from Europe.
220
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,243
Oh, how exotic!
221
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,161
We don't break bread with Bolsheviks.
222
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:44,663
Oh, hush, Arthur!
223
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,291
Have you no culture at all? (CHUCKLES)
224
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,500
And that dress!
225
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:53,422
Yes! It's... It's so...
Sokovian, is what it is! Yes!
226
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:57,384
Can I just see you in the kitchen
for a moment, sweetheart?
227
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,468
Oh, yes!
228
00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,595
(BLOWS CANDLES)
229
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,973
-Who are those people?
-What are you wearing?
230
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,017
-Why are they here?
-What are you wearing?
231
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,435
Well, it's our anniversary!
232
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,769
Our anniversary of what?
233
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,272
Well, if you don't know,
I'm not going to tell you!
234
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,401
That... That man through there
is my boss, Mr. Hart!
235
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,236
And his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart!
236
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,072
The heart on the calendar
was an abbreviation!
237
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:22,326
You move at the speed of sound and I can
make a pen float through the air.
238
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,827
Who needs to abbreviate?
239
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,955
Darling, listen, it's all romantic
to do the candles, the music,
240
00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:28,874
-that stunning outfit...
-Well...
241
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,251
I don't wanna be unappreciative,
but right now...
242
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:33,754
Your boss and his wife
are expecting a home-cooked meal.
243
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:34,838
-Exactly.
-(SIGHS)
244
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:36,965
Any chance they'd settle
245
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,676
for a single chocolate-covered strawberry
split three ways?
246
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,011
Uh...
247
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,596
I might have a better idea.
248
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,308
Hmm.
249
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:50,312
So I said, "If we orient the forms
horizontally rather than vertically,
250
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:54,191
"we can use twice the paper,
we can bill twice the cost."
251
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,651
(LAUGHS)
252
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,653
You truly are a pioneer!
253
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,364
But the larger purpose of the forms is...
254
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,324
Was to analyze our input and our output.
255
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,408
Huh.
256
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,245
You're awfully dense, aren't you, Vision?
257
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,707
Oh, Agnes! You're a life-saver!
258
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,334
What kind of housewife would I be
259
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,712
if I didn't have a gourmet meal for four
just lying about the place?
260
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:16,797
-(LAUGHS)
-Well...
261
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,424
Not that Ralph ever wants to eat
anything but baked beans
262
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,427
which explains a lot
about his personal appeal, mind you.
263
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,805
-Oh, my!
-Oh! Oh!
264
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,849
Do you think Wanda needs help
in the kitchen?
265
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:29,643
We haven't any tidbits
or tartlets out here,
266
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:30,853
nary a pig in a blanket.
267
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,145
No, that... (CHUCKLES)
268
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,606
-No, that's so kind of you, Mrs. Hart.
-(CLATTERING)
269
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,859
But I'm sure
she's absolutely fine in there!
270
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:39,319
Oh, thank you, Agnes.
I think I've got it covered from here.
271
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,571
-Oh, are you sure, dear?
-Hmm.
272
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,907
Many hands make light work.
And many mouths make good gossip.
273
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,409
You're so naughty! (LAUGHS)
274
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,411
Oh, shall I just pre-heat
the oven then, dear?
275
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,830
-That won't be necessary.
-Oh, All right, then.
276
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,833
Well, I know you're in a pinch
so this menu can be done in a snap.
277
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,627
Lobster Thermidor with
mini-minced meat turnovers to start.
278
00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:58,755
Chicken à la King with twice-cooked
new potatoes for your second course,
279
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,216
and Steak Diane and mint jellies
for your main.
280
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,510
Do you set your own jellies, dear?
281
00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:05,596
-Yes.
-Good girl.
282
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,681
Recipe cards are on the counter there.
283
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,016
Bon appétit!
284
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,517
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
285
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,022
Oh, oh.
286
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,148
You men stay put.
287
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,610
-I sense a domestic emergency, so...
-Mrs. Hart, please don't. You can't.
288
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,528
You... Please...
289
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:25,657
Yeah, take out the papers and the trash
290
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,076
Or you won't get no spending cash
291
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,872
If you don't scrub the kitchen floor
292
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,833
You ain't gonna rock and roll no more
293
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,793
Yakety yak!
Don't talk back
294
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,631
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
295
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:45,511
Well, why don't we have a nice
sing-a-long, all together then, shall we?
296
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,057
(GASPS) Oh, no, too much!
297
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,145
Oh, no, not enough!
298
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:58,482
(SINGING) Old MacDonald had a farm
299
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,317
Ee-I-Ee-I-O
300
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,402
And on that farm he had a...
301
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,822
had a...
302
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,449
Pig.
303
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,076
Ee-I-Ee-I-O
304
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,160
-With a...
-Oink, oink...
305
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:11,286
-Here and a...
-Oink, oink...
306
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:12,955
-There
-Here an oink, there an oink
307
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,122
Everywhere an oink, oink
308
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:16,333
Old MacDonald had a farm
309
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,918
Ee-I-Ee-I-O
310
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,671
Oh, what was I supposed to do next?
Oh, what was the main course again?
311
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,297
It was... Steak...
312
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:23,757
No. Steak...
313
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,592
Steak... Diane!
314
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:26,718
Yes?
315
00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:30,138
Oh, I think that must be
my wife summoning me.
316
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,307
She calls you "Diane?"
317
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:36,061
Yes, it's her pet name for me.
318
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,312
(SIGHS)
319
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,232
I'm just coming, Fred.
320
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,193
Excuse me a moment.
321
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,240
(GASPS) Oh, no.
322
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:51,326
How can I be of assistance?
323
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,913
Well, the chicken is no longer a chicken
and the lobsters just flew the coop
324
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,623
so the steak is the last man standing.
325
00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:00,294
It says here I can cut down the prep time
with a meat tenderizer.
326
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,546
Excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer?
327
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,339
-I'm looking at him.
-Ah.
328
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:05,465
Hoo-hoo in there!
329
00:16:05,549 --> 00:16:07,342
WANDA: (GASPS) Hoo-hoo back to you!
330
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:08,844
Okay.
331
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:12,639
Finish the meat, find the lobsters.
I'll be right back.
332
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,559
I hope you're hungry.
333
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,894
Starved, is more like it.
334
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,396
My head is starting to feel woozy.
335
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,442
Were either of you aware
336
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:26,862
that married men are killing single men
at an alarming rate?
337
00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,615
-What are you going on about?
-(LOUD THUD)
338
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:30,908
And what's going on in there?
339
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,535
Whoo-hoo! Ho-ho! (GASPS)
340
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:35,162
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
341
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:37,372
Who could that be?
342
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,208
Coming!
343
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,211
Oh, you didn't answer the back door.
344
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,921
For your upside-down cake.
345
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,923
Oh! Hi, I...
346
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,007
Who was that?
347
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,592
-A salesman!
-Telegram!
348
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,469
A man selling telegrams.
349
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,638
Wouldn't you know it.
Good news is more expensive.
350
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:56,683
I couldn't find the lobsters and did you
want the meat tender or pulverized?
351
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:57,935
Oh, dear.
352
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,606
Well. I think tonight's going swimmingly.
353
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:05,526
Anyone for Parcheesi?
354
00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:08,570
-My head is spinning.
-Oh, Mrs. Hart...
355
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,031
Did you hear that?
My wife's head is spinning.
356
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:13,325
Generally speaking,
I don't like her head to do that.
357
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,745
Time to improvise.
358
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:21,416
You know, I'm beginning to think
you're not management material, Vision.
359
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,126
You know, I had high hopes for you.
360
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,839
But from what I've seen here tonight,
you can barely keep it together.
361
00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:29,925
I mean, look around. There's all this
chaos going on in your household.
362
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,386
Now, when are we gonna eat?
363
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,054
Dinner is served.
364
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:36,431
VISION: Ah!
365
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,268
Breakfast for dinner?
366
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:41,770
How very...
367
00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:43,188
European.
368
00:17:44,273 --> 00:17:46,525
Ooh! Let's have a toast!
369
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:50,487
To my lovely and talented wife.
370
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,865
To our esteemed guests.
371
00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:54,324
Yes. Cin cin.
372
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,409
Cheers.
373
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,538
Well, please eat before it gets cold.
374
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,498
-MRS. HART: Hmm?
-Oh, Mrs. Hart, allow me.
375
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,419
So, where did you two move from?
376
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,129
What brought you here?
377
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:10,507
How long have you been married?
And why don't you have children yet?
378
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:19,725
I think what my wife means to say
is that we moved from...
379
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,518
Yes, we moved from...
380
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,438
And we were married...
381
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,232
Yes, yes, we were married in...
382
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:31,361
Well? Moved from where? Married when?
383
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:32,487
Now, patience, Arthur.
384
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:34,781
They're setting up their story.
Let them tell it.
385
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,366
We...
386
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,243
Our story... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
387
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,580
Yes, what exactly is your story?
388
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,540
Oh, just leave the poor kids alone.
389
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:47,044
No, really, I mean,
I think it's a perfectly simple question.
390
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:48,962
Honestly.
391
00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:50,255
Why did you come here?
392
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:52,966
Why?
393
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,553
Damn it, why? Why did you...
394
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,264
(CHOKING)
395
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,976
Oh, Arthur, stop it.
396
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,357
Stop it. (CHUCKLES)
397
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,234
Stop it.
398
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,318
(CHOKING)
399
00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:15,322
-MRS. HART: Stop it. Stop it.
-(MR. HART CONTINUES CHOKING)
400
00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:18,742
Stop it. (CHUCKLES)
401
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,202
Stop it.
402
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,121
Stop it.
403
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,248
Stop it.
404
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,541
(GROANS)
405
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,544
Stop it. Stop it.
406
00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:29,670
Stop it.
407
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:31,839
Stop it.
408
00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:32,965
Vision, help him.
409
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:42,891
(COUGHING)
410
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:48,981
Let me help you up.
411
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:50,482
Give me your hand.
412
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,569
All right, steady on, sir.
413
00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:56,738
(GASPING)
414
00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:01,243
Well, would you look
at the time? (CHUCKLES)
415
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,787
Yes. We'd better be going.
416
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,165
Well... Are you both all right?
417
00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:10,335
We had such a lovely time.
418
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:14,089
This guest is leaving your home.
419
00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:15,674
(LAUGHS)
420
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,926
Yes, thank you for coming. (CHUCKLES)
421
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,012
(SIGHS)
422
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:21,555
You made me proud tonight, son.
423
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:24,433
First thing Monday morning,
you and me are gonna have a little chat.
424
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,644
We'll see about that promotion.
425
00:20:27,728 --> 00:20:28,896
Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
426
00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:32,566
MR. HART: Thank you.
427
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:37,321
Oh...
428
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,908
What a charming door knocker.
429
00:20:42,451 --> 00:20:43,452
Good night!
430
00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:49,374
(BOTH EXHALE IN RELIEF)
431
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:51,710
(SIGHS)
432
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,965
We are an unusual couple, ya know?
433
00:20:57,049 --> 00:20:58,926
Oh, I don't think
that was ever in question.
434
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:03,764
Well, what I mean is...
We don't have an anniversary.
435
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,557
-Huh.
-Or a song.
436
00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:07,684
Or even wedding rings.
437
00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:09,144
Well, we could remedy that.
438
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,313
Today could be our anniversary.
439
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,982
Of what? Surviving our first dinner party?
440
00:21:14,066 --> 00:21:16,527
Precisely. And our song could be?
441
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:17,903
Yakety Yak, naturally.
442
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:18,987
-Naturally.
-Hmm.
443
00:21:20,656 --> 00:21:21,657
And the rings?
444
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:24,535
Well, couldn't you make some for us?
445
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:33,710
I do.
446
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:35,796
Do you?
447
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,216
Yes. I do.
448
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,886
And they lived happily ever after.
32342
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