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1
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[ Suspenseful music plays ]
2
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:05,499
[ Electricity buzzes ]
3
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,873
[ Objects clatter ]
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,627
He could be anywhere,
and he's under the protection
5
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:12,923
of Agent Samson.
6
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,173
There will be casualties.
7
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,095
Move
in helicoidal agony maneuver.
8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,227
Teams of four.
9
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,179
We don't stop
till we have Dr. Venture.
10
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,521
[ Door opens, guns cock ]
11
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:26,266
[ Yawns ]
What's going on in here?
12
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:29,690
Huh.
That was super-easy.
13
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,154
Dr. Venture.
So good to see you again!
14
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,951
You look like a million dollars.
15
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,824
- Trim.
- Oh, so trim!
16
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,960
What's your secret?
17
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,580
[ Chuckles ]
I don't eat too many...
18
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,828
Nope.
Don't care.
19
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,920
What are you doing?
Secure the extraction site.
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,587
I left a little team behind.
21
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,052
Oh-ho, did you?
Left a little team?
22
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,137
Get back in line!
You're all going!
23
00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,259
Nobody returns
till Samson is secured.
24
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,269
Oh, hello, you two.
25
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,310
Glad you decided to join us...
two hours late.
26
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,585
RED MANTLE:
We took the shuttle.
27
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,462
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: Will you
please use the teleporter?
28
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:10,726
We didn't steal it for nothing.
29
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,813
What happened to Phage
was a fluke.
30
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,780
The teleporter
is perfectly safe.
31
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,867
It was being used for tonight's
Blackout team operation.
32
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,361
What's this about Phage?
33
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,453
He's not tending
to his llama farm?
34
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,744
I knew that llama-farm thing
was fake!
35
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,787
Llama bacon is ridiculous!
36
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,285
What happened to Phage?!
37
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,788
Llama meat has
half the calories of pork!
38
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,289
Limb, come on.
39
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,213
Phage had a little
teleporter mishap a while back.
40
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,322
It's nothing to worry about
unless you guys have, like,
41
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,463
biomechanics or metal parts.
42
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,717
We were going to pierce our ear
like Jimmy from "Road House."
43
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,765
The gentleman who beat
everyone up with a pool cue!
44
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,764
You can still pierce your ear.
Now can we move on, please?
45
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:48,980
Get into your robe.
46
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,647
The candidates are hoodwinked
in the Ritual Space.
47
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,485
And don't muck this up,
you guys.
48
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,573
This is a very important
Tenning for me.
49
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,862
[ Wind gusting ]
50
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,576
Hello?
51
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,411
Hello?!
52
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,952
Hello, anyone?
53
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,544
Ooh.
54
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,588
- Hello, uh, dolls.
- [ Dolls squealing ]
55
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,965
Hank! Do not move!
56
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,257
They've caught your scent.
57
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,591
Are you gonna like,
do something, or...?
58
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,390
They can't see you
if you stand perfectly still.
59
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,478
Do... not... move.
60
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,564
Dude, they're dolls.
61
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:31,932
Why can't I just kick 'em over?
62
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,734
I don't know.
I never thought of that.
63
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,899
I just tried
the standing-still thing.
64
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,114
They scare the crap out of me.
65
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,493
Not at all scary.
66
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,704
That blue one...
She's, like, in charge.
67
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,117
Admit... It's unsettling.
68
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,249
It's just not.
69
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,409
Why are you on Hoth
dressed as a Wookiee?
70
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,752
I'm Mark Hand, the Catchman.
71
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,291
And this is the Ice of Weir.
72
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,584
And, Hank...
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00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,127
we're dead.
74
00:02:56,259 --> 00:03:00,424
So, Heaven is
"The Empire Strikes Back."
75
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,716
- Nice.
- No.
76
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,135
Purgatory is "Barbarella."
77
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,553
What is "Barbarella"?
78
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:06,686
What's "Barba..."
79
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:10,055
It's only the greatest space
fantasy movie probably ever.
80
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:14,104
Sir, again, you are thinking
of "The Empire Strikes Back."
81
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,363
- What the hell happened?
- [ Groaning ]
82
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:21,653
- He... Hel...
- B-11-8, you okay?
83
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,823
- What happened?
- Your. Wondpie. Bro.
84
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,366
Huh? [ Choking ]
85
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,706
I said, "Your windpipe broke."
86
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,496
I'll fix that if you answer me.
87
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,493
So, what is this crap...
a Blackout team?
88
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,665
Just nod.
89
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,465
You got Doc, and you sent
a few numb-nuts to keep me busy?
90
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,005
Insulting.
How many of you are there?
91
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,003
- [ Gurgles ]
- Oh, yeah, the throat.
92
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,426
Are there 5? 8?
93
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,299
10? 12? 15?
94
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,643
15, huh?
Now we're talkin'.
95
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,353
Not you, obviously.
I broke your windpipe.
96
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:54,269
- Here.
- [ Gasps ]
97
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,108
Keep your fingers out of that.
98
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,772
It'll get infected.
99
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,237
[ Drums playing ]
100
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,794
Theophanes the Confessor
tells us of the Foederati,
101
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,380
the elite fighting force
of barbarian mercenaries.
102
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,876
From their ranks
came Saphrax Tervingian...
103
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:26,177
the first man to turn
a grudge into a career.
104
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,719
As Council Elder...
105
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,093
- Oh, by like a year.
- You stop it.
106
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,096
I welcome all of you
to this ancient ritual,
107
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,769
the story of Saphrax.
108
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,437
ALL:
The first villain.
109
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,936
RED MANTLE: And his loyal
comrade, Altheaeus.
110
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,653
ALL:
The first henchman.
111
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,901
Let Saphrax step into the light
and declare his deeds.
112
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,575
I, the Monarch,
have earned by might and rite
113
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,414
the honor and rank
of a Level-Ten Villain.
114
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,158
I am without fear.
115
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,830
I am Saphrax.
116
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,500
Let us begin
the journey of Saphrax...
117
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,999
the first trial.
118
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:05,378
When Saphrax was a boy,
he lost his favorite stone
119
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,847
in the Log of the Beast.
120
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,432
You must find his stone.
121
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,893
Yet the beast sleeps inside.
122
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,764
Disturb the beast,
and his wrath will be quick!
123
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,185
Put... Put my hand in there?
124
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,400
And retrieve the stone.
125
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,144
Really? This isn't,
like, a thing, like,
126
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,771
where I just spin the cart
and the stone shoots out
127
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,627
and you're all impressed
with my cleverness?
128
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,241
You're not Matthew Broderick.
129
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,735
Just put your hand in there!
130
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,658
Ach.
It's really mushy.
131
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:33,907
ALL: The beast!
132
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,658
He lives in his waste.
133
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,535
His log has never been cleaned.
134
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,084
Do you have what it takes
to find the stone?!
135
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,423
Chill out!
I'm trying not to get bit!
136
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,962
Wha... The beast doesn't bite.
137
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,926
What, do you think
we'd have a vicious animal
138
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,054
up here in space?
139
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,887
He doesn't bite?
What...
140
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,132
What was all that talk
about his wrath?
141
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,681
You're touching poop!
It's pretty gruesome.
142
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,223
I wouldn't do it.
143
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,847
[ Footsteps ]
144
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,147
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
145
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,697
Aaaaagh!
146
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,496
Ha ha ha ha ha.
147
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,042
[ P.A. system feedback
screeches ]
148
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,460
[ Echoing over P.A. ]
Testing. Testing. Hello, idiots.
149
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,380
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you
150
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,504
for accepting
this suicide mission.
151
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:32,052
Your target, a one Brock Samson,
152
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,266
has been really bored lately
153
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,182
and will enjoy
the shit outta this.
154
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:40,307
Each one of you fine soldiers
will be sacrificed
155
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,933
for his amusement.
156
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,607
Your unavoidable deaths
will become the stuff of legend.
157
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,152
Every new recruit
will hear the story
158
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,866
of the time
the Guild Blackout team
159
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,202
got locked in the Ven-Tech Tower
160
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,788
behind
7-inch bombproof steel doors
161
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,330
and were killed one by one
in glorious service
162
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,545
to this dumb-ass guild
you joined.
163
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:06,712
Good luck out there,
and thank you for your service.
164
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,885
Oh, come on, Hatred.
165
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,493
You really don't
keep a gun back here?
166
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,598
What's wrong with you?
167
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,683
HATRED: Now, I'm a by-the-book
kinda guy.
168
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,847
Everything above board.
You know?
169
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,015
Straight shooter.
170
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,308
So I'm not gonna spin
171
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,353
some cock-and-bull story
about being a relative.
172
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:26,694
But I ask you, what is family?
173
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,734
Because I promise I exceed
every qualification
174
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:33,030
one could possibly ascribe
to that noble word.
175
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,868
Are you a blood relation or not?
176
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,703
Bested! Oh!
177
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,618
Nightly nurse
Cindy Marie Abrams,
178
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,412
you are my Waterloo.
179
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,855
All right. If you could just
have a seat in the waiting room.
180
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:43,960
Of course.
181
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,206
Moriarty to my Sherlock!
182
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:49,675
Saturated fat to my
delicious chocolate cookie.
183
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,592
Anyway,
I wrote it all down, so...
184
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:57,808
[ Clears throat ]
Dear Hank, I am a crap brother.
185
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,121
[ Monitor beeping,
respirator hissing ]
186
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,229
One... I ate that half
of a Whatchamacallit bar
187
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:05,191
you left in the fridge,
and I blamed Brock for it.
188
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,776
Two... Remember
your Bop It Extreme?
189
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,692
I broke it.
Like, intentionally.
190
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,907
All right, that one
I don't really regret.
191
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,434
I mean, remember
the song it played?
192
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,619
It was totally insane,
and it never stopped.
193
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,534
Spin it, pull it, bop it!
Break me into pieces!
194
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,158
[ Sighs ]
Okay, three...
195
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,410
Remember when you liked
that 98 Degrees song,
196
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,333
and I was like,
"Oh, that's stupid,
197
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,501
and that guy looks like
a shoe box with eyes"?
198
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,377
Well, I liked it, too.
I was embarrassed.
199
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,346
Four... I borrowed
your 98 Degrees CD
200
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,554
and didn't tell you.
201
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,884
No, no, no,
this is my death dream.
202
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,263
You're in my Purgatory,
my Barbarella Purgatory!
203
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,889
It's not a Mynoc.
204
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,266
Uh, news flash...
205
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,438
You had a stroke
right before Thanksgiving.
206
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,687
You're in a coma.
You're not dead.
207
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,905
I did?
Well, doesn't that beat all.
208
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,524
When the heck
did you have a stroke?
209
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,659
No clue.
210
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,743
I remember going out
to rescue my girlfriend,
211
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,453
and then I'm here.
212
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,244
I must have had a stroke from
worrying about my true love.
213
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,207
Yeah, your dad
was like that, too.
214
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,951
If someone got drunk
and smiled at him,
215
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,807
he dug in his heels
and rode that poor woman
216
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,543
till she stopped
taking his calls
217
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:10,714
and moved to another town.
218
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,083
She also changed her name,
219
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,084
and I can't tell you
what her new name is.
220
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,427
Are you talking about my mom?
221
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,435
Yes. And damn it, Hank,
you're missing my point!
222
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,395
You haven't really done
anything with your life,
223
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,930
and now you're obsessing
over puppy love.
224
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,019
Not puppy!
What was my mom's name?!
225
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,308
It's Bobbi Saint Simone!
226
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,102
And you have to
grow the heck up!
227
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,192
Your obsessive first love
gave you a stroke.
228
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,856
I've had a lot of loves,
thank you.
229
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,195
That's a dumb name!
230
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,655
She was an actress!
231
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,025
And you had one girlfriend.
232
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,197
- [ Creature snarls ]
- HANK: Aah! Wampa!
233
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,241
[ Gasping ]
234
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,865
End of the line.
Nowhere to go.
235
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,242
I'll shoot!
236
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,369
Please.
Go ahead.
237
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,337
[ Gunshot, thud ]
238
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,008
[ Gasps ]
What are you?
239
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,753
I'm the guy that's
gonna shove this blade
240
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,506
so far up your ass that...
241
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,429
Come on!
242
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,722
When did they issue
poisoned teeth to you guys?
243
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,265
That's cheating!
244
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,292
WATCH: Run it again.
That... That can't be right.
245
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,525
Dude, it says the same thing
as it did the last three times.
246
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,111
- No way.
- It's definitely way.
247
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,115
Oh, we got another one.
248
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,652
They're stacking up
like cord wood.
249
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,276
Who cares about that?
Dude, run the data again.
250
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,492
This can't be true.
251
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,112
I'm telling you, it's true!
252
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:26,116
According to this
clunky old blood analyzer,
253
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:30,461
the Monarch and Dr. Venture
are blood related!
254
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,761
RED MANTLE:
Saphrax, heavy with goat
255
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,426
and burdened
with terrible chicken,
256
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,847
came to the bridge
and was stopped by the keeper.
257
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,435
I'm so proud of you, sweetie.
258
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,271
I, Saphrax, wish to cross.
259
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,187
What is your business
on the other side?
260
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,275
Young Saphrax,
still angry from taking
261
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:57,192
the awful advice
from the magic chicken,
262
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,360
was impetuous, and answered...
263
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,824
There, on the other side,
264
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,285
your mother waits
to willingly fornicate.
265
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,949
ALL:
Oh, no, he didn't!
266
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,788
You shall not pass.
267
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:10,660
Then, from the wood,
came Altheaeus.
268
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,377
ALL:
The first henchman.
269
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,713
RED MANTLE:
And he did aid Saphrax.
270
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,504
Bridge keeper, behind you
stands my troops,
271
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:21,128
100 strong and thirsty
for bridge-keeper blood.
272
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,506
Really?
I shall look behind.
273
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,849
- I have made you look.
- Hunh!
274
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,515
I have been deceived expertly!
275
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:32,014
ALL: Altheaeus, the father
of "made you look."
276
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:36,520
Let Altheaeus step into
the light and declare his deeds.
277
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,068
I, Henchman 21,
have earned by might and rite
278
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,113
the honor and rank
of a Level-Ten henchman.
279
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,032
I am without fear.
I am Altheaeus.
280
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:50,454
Altheaeus, you have performed
beyond that of a mere henchman.
281
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,623
You have earned
the station of Villain.
282
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,963
Wait, what?
This wasn't in my script.
283
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,423
Like, me or my character?
Me?
284
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,134
You, Henchman 21,
285
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:05,927
have earned the title
of a Level-Four Super Villain.
286
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,597
What the fuck?
287
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,344
This was my party!
288
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,938
DEAN: Number 57...
289
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,399
We just stopped being close.
290
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,267
I never tell you
anything anymore.
291
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,895
Did I tell you
Pop was cloned like us?
292
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,444
Yeah. Helper's brother
told me that.
293
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,862
Whoa. Did I even tell you
that Helper has a brother?
294
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,576
Oh... Oh, my God.
Do you even know
295
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,115
that Dermott
is our half brother?
296
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,659
Yeah, he's the son of that girl
297
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,329
you lost your virginity to
who Dad knocked up.
298
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,951
He told me when he was drunk.
299
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,795
He also told me
he still masturbates.
300
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,835
Ew.
Anyway.
301
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,959
58...
I'm jealous that you don't care
302
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,051
you're dressed like Batman
in public.
303
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,679
Hey. Hank.
304
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,594
- You okay?
- I'm okay.
305
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,136
Are there Wampas
in "Barbarella"?
306
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,386
Oh, God, no. So far,
I've only been attacked
307
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,013
by little kids, dolls,
and a bunch of damn canaries.
308
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,434
That was like a real monster.
309
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,432
See?
"Empire Strikes Back".
310
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,605
Well, how do you kill
those things in your movie?
311
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,855
I use the Force to get my
lightsaber and lob his arm off.
312
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,608
But I'm clearly
Lando Calrissian here.
313
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,235
His weapons
are smoldering sexuality
314
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,658
and a rakish smuggler's charm.
315
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,873
So I'll seduce the Wampa,
316
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,742
and then I'll sell you out
to the Empire.
317
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,002
- [ Roars ]
- ACTION MAN: Aah!
318
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,746
He's back!
Start seducin'!
319
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,873
Oh, sweet baby Wampa,
320
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,841
I don't claim you can have
a better time
321
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,086
with Hank 45 than without it...
322
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,008
but why take chances?
323
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,141
[ Laser fires ]
324
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,267
[ Thud ]
325
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:31,762
I didn't know I could do that.
326
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,271
[ Bodies thud ]
327
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,309
Follow me!
328
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,057
Is he from
"Empire Strikes Back"?
329
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,353
Kinda.
330
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,192
I think I wanna see that movie.
331
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:50,035
With the taste of love
still on his breath,
332
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,406
Saphrax made his way
to the throne of Emperor Flavius
333
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,498
and unsheathed his sword.
334
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,039
Rise, Flavius,
and meet your doom.
335
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,164
It is I, Saphrax,
your sworn enemy.
336
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:04,167
I have bed your wife twice
and now leave her to you,
337
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,964
soaked in my seed.
338
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,838
ALL: Saphrax,
the father of players.
339
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:09,973
Wait!
340
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,134
Use my sword, Mr. Monarch.
341
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,886
This isn't wood.
This is a real sword.
342
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:20,312
Yes. And that is
your real sworn enemy.
343
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,856
You begged me for a line and...
344
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,228
Yes.
Yes, of course.
345
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,903
Mr. Monarch, here in
this ritual space...
346
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,323
that is in space...
anything can happen.
347
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,245
[ Muffled shouting ]
348
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,242
DR. Z: We all know the choice
that Saphrax made.
349
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,245
But what is your choice?
350
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:44,420
So... I can just,
like... kill him?
351
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,384
We will cover it up,
and you'll get away scot-free.
352
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,989
Your grudge will be settled,
and you'll be free
353
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,300
to do... whatever.
354
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,924
We shall leave you two alone.
355
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,892
What you say is yours.
356
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,478
What you do is yours.
357
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,223
What you decide is yours.
358
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,476
[ Muffled shouting ]
359
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,649
Aaaaaaaah!
360
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,675
Hold on. I gotta whiz.
You wanna take a whiz break?
361
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,736
Anyone wanna take a whiz break?
362
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,485
For like, for real?
You serious?
363
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,987
Yeah, seriously.
What about you,
364
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,989
guy with a bead on me
who needs to reload?
365
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,965
- [ Gun clicks ]
- MAN: Damn it! How did you...
366
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,443
I learned to count when I was 3.
Do you need to piss or what?
367
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,253
MAN: Yeah.
368
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,589
HATRED:
I respect your position.
369
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,379
I myself man a reception desk.
370
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,252
But everyone has a price.
371
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,131
Now, I'm a man of modest means,
372
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:37,055
but I do have something
everybody needs once in a while,
373
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,894
and I know how to work it.
374
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,981
DEAN:
Okay, this is the last one.
375
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,817
The 124th reason
I'm a crap brother.
376
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,026
[ Sighs ]
377
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,566
I slept with Sirena.
378
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,690
I-I don't even know
why I did it.
379
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,705
I mean, it's not like
we're in love or anything.
380
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,615
I just... I was stupid,
and I miss you.
381
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,159
And I miss when it was
just us all alone
382
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,123
at the compound
with... with no schools
383
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,584
or Sirenas or Jareds
or confusions.
384
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,749
Just us alone in our stupid beds
385
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,964
with Grandpop talking to us
in our sleep.
386
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:10,129
[ Sighs, sniffles ]
387
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,297
Aw.
388
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,261
Hank.
389
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,972
I always wished
I had hair like yours.
390
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,216
Fuck you, Hank.
391
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,263
[ Scoffs, sobs ]
392
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,727
[ Sighs ]
393
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,723
You know how they say that
we come into this world alone
394
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,224
and we leave it alone?
395
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,567
Well, we came into it together.
396
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:31,063
So come back to me.
Please.
397
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,816
PHAGE: So I-I step
into a teleporter,
398
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,817
and I end up here in...
399
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,912
We're calling it Coma Town.
We had different strokes.
400
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,760
What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?
[ Chuckles ]
401
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,707
Nothing?
402
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,354
Neither of you have seen
"Diff'rent Strokes"?
403
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,085
I haven't even seen
"Barbarella."
404
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,172
Neither have I.
405
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,381
Does "Barbarella" have
a glowing lake of goo?
406
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,093
You've seen the Matmos?
Take us there!
407
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:59,850
Yeah, this delicious slab
of aged beef is all yours
408
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:03,220
if you just give me
three minutes inside with Hank.
409
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,393
You could do
what you want with me,
410
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,233
and I'll just purr,
"Yes, ma'am."
411
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,569
There you are.
Could you, uh,
412
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,653
maybe get your friend to stop?
413
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,274
Hatred, put your shirt on.
I'll stay here with Hank.
414
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,243
You should really go home
and, you know, check on Pop.
415
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,034
I mean, I'm sure he's
just worried sick about Hank
416
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,656
and could really use
your comfort.
417
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,455
Okay, okay.
You're right.
418
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,044
I'll just come back tomorrow
during visiting hours.
419
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,629
And... tell Hank...
420
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,465
Yeah. He knows.
I'm sure he knows.
421
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,755
PHAGE:
What the hell is Matmos?
422
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,847
ACTION MAN: I've seen
"Barbarella" maybe 30 times,
423
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,097
and I still don't know
what the hell Matmos is.
424
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,263
It's like this energy
that surrounds everything.
425
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,853
- Like the Force.
- Yeah, but it's confusing,
426
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,813
and it might have other powers.
427
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,961
It's completely unnecessary
to the plot of the movie.
428
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,476
Ohh.
Like midi-chlorians.
429
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,443
This is the Force.
430
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,234
You said I gotta grow up, right?
431
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:58,075
Well, what's more grown-up
than jumping into the Matmos?
432
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,444
I don't know, a mortgage?
Prostate swelling?
433
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,821
Child-support payments?
434
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,118
I'm not sure that
jumping into that thing
435
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,290
would even be on the list.
436
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,001
Don't cry.
You'll rust so dreadfully.
437
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,836
Here.
Here's your oil can.
438
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,330
- Oh.
- Goodbye.
439
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,001
Where did you get this can?
440
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,796
I think I'll miss you
most of all.
441
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,134
Mwah!
442
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,424
Time to be a man!
443
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,424
If I don't come back, I'm either
awake or extra coma dead.
444
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:25,974
Also, I'm pretty sure my brother
slept with my girlfriend.
445
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,266
[ Grunts ]
446
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,310
See ya later, suckers!
447
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,109
ACTION MAN:
That kid has moxie.
448
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,478
That kid has undiagnosed
449
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,573
attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder.
450
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,197
WARD: Uh, this one has a note
pinned to it.
451
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:44,697
"Send Doc back now!
452
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,290
Or I'm coming through
this thing myself."
453
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:48,499
You think Brock wrote it?
454
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,540
Obviously.
Now let's go get Doc.
455
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,004
And tell everybody
he's related to the Monarch.
456
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,875
Will you stop that?
Show some class.
457
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,546
A little decorum.
458
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,812
Your sword is without blood.
459
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,271
Emperor Flavius lives?
460
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,231
Yeah, yeah. He's...
He's still...
461
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,068
Saphrax has decided
to carry his grudge
462
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,937
without the help of Altheaeus?
463
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,156
[ Sighs ]
You know what I've decided?
464
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,399
[ Sword clatters ]
465
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,947
That you guys are fucking dicks.
466
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,820
I come here to get my Level Ten,
467
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,368
and... and you give my henchman
Villain status
468
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,208
and give me the opportunity
to kill my sworn enemy?
469
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,702
It's a total mind fuck!
470
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:35,251
This is the way
of our guild, Mr. Monarch.
471
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,500
We must hear your decision.
472
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,968
Step into the light, Altheaeus.
473
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,175
Fuck it.
Fuck it. Fuck it.
474
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,924
Sure, let 21 be a villain.
I'm done.
475
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,660
What, you think I can
do this shit alone?
476
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,220
I'm too old to start again.
477
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,063
And now that you guys
have my wife
478
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,602
and... and my best friend and...
479
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,943
No! Fuck it!
Fuck it, and fuck you!
480
00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:00,064
Guild wins.
Monarch out.
481
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,565
You know what?
Me, too.
482
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,621
I don't want to have to be
a villain without him.
483
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:06,074
I don't have
that kind of Saphrax grudge.
484
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,125
I just want to help
my best friend with his hate.
485
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,956
Fuck you guys.
486
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,326
Monarch crew.
Hench for life.
487
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,212
Good!
Good.
488
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:19,174
You have completed
the final trial.
489
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,590
Saphrax spared the life
of Emperor Flavius
490
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,465
and swore a blood allegiance
to Altheaeus
491
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,932
as you have done here tonight.
492
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,928
Sweetie, it was a test,
and you passed.
493
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,601
So I'm a Level Ten?
494
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,770
- You and your Henchman...
- Number 2.
495
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,689
...rightfully are
Level Ten Villains,
496
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:41,689
with all benefits
that title is heir to.
497
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,531
Congratulations.
498
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,618
ALL:
All hail Saphrax and Altheaeus!
499
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,454
WARD: All hail! Yeah!
All hail Saphrax! Congratu...
500
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,040
Look, I don't want
to mess up the after party,
501
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,080
but we need to get
Dr. Venture back.
502
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,583
I gotta say it.
I-I can't hold it in.
503
00:20:57,715 --> 00:20:58,751
Dude, not the right time.
504
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:02,172
I have to!
It's just too good!
505
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:06,046
MONARCH:
Are you kidding me?!
506
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,595
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
507
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:37,578
Mr. Venture?
Mr. Venture.
508
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,295
- Mr. Venture.
- [ Groans ]
509
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,961
[ Gasps ]
Yes?
510
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,379
Your brother is gone.
511
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,845
What? What? No!
He was stable!
512
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,658
- They said he was stable!
- No, no, no, Mr. Venture.
513
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,550
He didn't die.
He's gone.
514
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,347
- What?
- He's not in his bed.
515
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,061
- He, like, left.
- But...
516
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,272
- W...
- He's gone.
517
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,561
Hank! Hank!
518
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,066
Hank? Hank?!
519
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,820
Oh. Sorry.
520
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,452
HANK:
I'm everywhere and nowhere.
521
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:14,618
I'm a man on a mission
and a mission on a man.
522
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:18,664
I'll find myself even if
I have to look in myself.
523
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:21,288
It's time I grow up.
524
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:24,666
Call me... The Bat.
525
00:22:24,716 --> 00:22:29,266
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