All language subtitles for The Venture Bros s06e07 A Party for Tarzan.eng

[CHANTING IN LATIN]

There he is,

soaked in our brother's blood,

literally redhanded.

Take the shot, Councilwoman.

Agh!

21:
What the...? I know! Crazy!

How did this even happen?

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

21: Well, it all started
when I was in 8th grade.

You know the 8th-grade
Washington, D.C. trip?

Well, ours, we had
to present the flag

to Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell --

awesome name -- and I was
the kid they chose to do it.

Now, because I was a huge kid

and because henchmen don't
do that much research,

I got kidnapped, instead of
Senator Nighthorse Campbell.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]

You just have to sign this
and, then, we'll let you go.

It's a harmless little law
I'd like you to instate.

It simply makes the surname Venture

illegal!

Nyah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

21: Isn't that awesome?
Like he wasn't gonna

ransom the senator, or anything.

He just wanted to make
Dr. Venture's name illegal.

It sounds idiotic, right?
But just think about it:

every time Dr. Venture orders pizza

or like tries to cash
a check, or anything,

Boom! They arrest his ass.

- Classic Monarch!
- Ahhh!

I'm telling you, sir, [SNIFFLE]
you have the wrong person.

[SCOFFS]
Who the hell is Gary Fischer?!

Me! I-I'm Gary Fischer!

You morons kidnapped
the wrong guy!

But he had the flag and he looked

way more senatorial
than the other guy

'cause he... flag.

Sir, as team leader,
I accept the full resp--

- [ZAP]
- Get rid of this idiot.

Him, too.

They didn't kill me, obviously.

They recruited me.

I became a henchman for the
mighty Monarch on that day

and never looked back.

I never finished
8th grade, either.

I got my GED later, though.

You know, in case
henching didn't pan out,

it is good to have a fallback.

How does he do it?!

Every time I think
I've got him in my grip,

he slithers out!

You mark my words,
you little worm.

I will get you,

Dr. Heinie!

See? Not cool.

- Am I the only one seeing this?
- Well, I'm not gonna pretend

that it's worthy of the spin,
but it's just temporary.

Plus, Dr. Heinie
is kinda famous.

His laser-hemorrhoid-removal posters

are all over the subway.

It'll totally make the papers
when you thwart him.

- It's a good thwart.
- Wasted thwart.

Oh, honey, when you thwart him,

you'll be a level-5 candidate
and you'll be

thwarting Venture in no time.

Fine!

I'll thwart Dr. Heinie.

Good. Be careful.

Oh, of course.

After all, the guy has
hemorrhoid lasers.

- Oh, no!
- Sweetie, there's a vigilante

out there, killing supervillains.

Granted, he's only killing level 10s,

but I still want you to be careful.

The Blue Morpho?

The Blue Morpho.

[SCOFFS]
I'm not afraid of the Blue Morpho.

DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
The Blue Morpho problem was seriously

the last thing the Guild saw comin'.

Everything was going great.
New headquarters,

new Council of 13,
recruitment was on the rise,

and then, the Blue Morpho
comes back.

The council assembled
a task force to deal with it

We called it the Five Point Five.

The Point Five were
Watch and Ward, who,

not being actual Council members,

had to sit at a kiddie table.

I voted against it.

You know, we have access
to whatever files

survived the destruction
of the old Guild.

Useless. The Guild never
kept records on BM.

For obvious reasons,

could you not abbreviate his name!

Seconded!
It sounds as if we're discussing

a walking, talking poopy!

Ugh. Blue Morpho was a vigilante.

He never applied for
Guild arching rights.

He was a menace

and the Guild
put a price on his head.

In 1976, that bounty was claimed.

Maybe it's a revenge thing?

Who claimed the bounty?

Sadly, our predecessor, the late, great
Sovereign,

destroyed that information.

It doesn't matter! Me, Red Mantle,
Dragoon,

all the old timers,
remember the Blue Morpho.

Yes, yes! He wore mostly blue!

Like a resplendent blue tomato!

Were there such a thing, of course.

Yes, we get it, old friend.

What you do not realize is
that the Blue Morpho

was the junkyard dog of Team Venture.

- Oh, was he?
- Indeed.

If there was a dirty job
that the squeaky-clean

Jonas Venture needed done,
he sent the Blue Morpho.

I remember, in 1973,

Keppel Harbor, Singapore.

I had just spent the night with
tennis great Billie Jean King,

performing my own battle of the sexes.

Mmm, perfect.

40 - Love.

There is nothing a man
hopped up on Ginkgo Biloba

and Paradise White cannot
do beneath the sheets.

Do you know why I'm here?

Because I seduced you with
my perfect animal charm

and my slim, hairless Asian body

appears vaguely feminine
in this light?

[CHUCKLE]
No.

I was sent here.

By Jonas Venture.

Now, why don't you
hand over the Jade Dragon

before I spray your brains
all over that wall.

I complied, of course.

It was all kinds of scary.

But here is the part that has
been troubling me for 40 years:

I performed every known
sexual act that night!

I mean, everything!

I don't know if he did a--
a switcheroo

or he just had
a superduper costume,

but I made tender,
yet purely accidental, love

to the Blue Morpho.

So when I tell you
that he would've done anything

for Jonas Venture,

you can bet your sweet bippy

that I. Mean. Anything.

Dr. Z, have you no sense
of decency, sir?

What? It was the 1970s!

So I ask you to chill
and cut me some slack.

My point is that, if you want to find

this new Blue Morpho, you must start
with one man:

the son and heir of Jonas Venture!

DOC:
This has to go like clockwork.

This family has been shot at,
shot down, and shot from,

more times than any other
family in history.

We are Ventures!

This is like a dream
I once had--

- Not you guys, obviously.
- Yeah, obviously.

Brock, Hatred,

I'm gonna want full-security
vigilance from you two.

The second he arrives,
I want him to feel like he's

as safe as a kitten.

- Can do!
- What should we do?

You two have only one job.

Do not embarrass me.
That's it.

This is the most important night
of your father's life.

DOC: All right, let me just
back this up a tink.

Last week, I went
to a swank ass party

to make some connections.

Nothing but a bunch numbskulls

who never accomplished
anything themselves,

yet, they look down on someone
who stood on the moon.

The moon! I was 7 years old.

Let's do this.

Business cards and cell numbers.

Exactly. No "I'll call you
when blah blah blah"

and, if they ask you
why you're there, say,

"Why, dear, dear Gloria
invited us."

Are we sure there's a Gloria here?

There's always a Gloria.

Always a Gloria!

I don't care who you are,
I promise you:

your life is better
than these wealthy morons.

All they do is complain.

They're like a dog tied up in
the backyard with nothing to do.

They end up gnawing off their hair

and getting obsessed with a frisbee.

Ah, we struck out.
How'd it go with you?

They won't even talk to me.

That's because you're not him.

Who's "him"?

Him is Christopher Lam-Burt.

The Highlander,

Christopher Lambert?

Exactly. Wouldn't even look at us.

You get him, we have all
of these chumps in our pocket.

DOC:
Christopher motherfucking Lambert.

The lord of the apes,
Lord Rayden,

and once Lord of Diane Lane!

The guy had sex with Diane Lane!

Multiple times!

There he was, sitting
on a couch, eating pate.

In real life, he looks
a lot like Ted Danson,

but with a kind of magic
that only a Lambert has--

Chris has.

His friends call him Chris.

Ready, Kano?

Ready, Blue Morpho!

Engage costume pods.

Where's my Morpho suit?!

You're wearing the old
black and gold tonight,

so I brought the Morpho
suit in to be fixed.

It had 1970s kevlar
flaking off the lining.

Dude! That's-- You can't bring that

- to a fucking dry cleaners.
- Oh, my God, chill.

There is this place
right in Little Italy.

They specialize in antagonist
and protagonist costumes.

It's like a Swiss bank.
We're cool.

Enh. I can't say
I missed this crown.

Stupid thing is always falling off.

Aggh! I wish I could go
with you tonight!

Dude, I have to be kickin'
that hemorrhoid guy's ass

when your Morpho kill goes down.

That's the whole point!

Up goes our EMA Arching Level;

down goes our suspicion level. Duh.

Yeah, I know.

But the next guy on our list
is The Wandering Spider.

Oh, please, the guy's
a has-been and a lush.

He killed Mr. Energy!

Mr. Energy electrocuted himself,

watering his lawn.

Wandering Spider just altered his report

to live off his arching insurance.

Sovereign-era Guild shenanigans.

Nothing to be scared of.

Just fly his ass to the Pine Barrens,

execute him during the eclipse,
and bury him!

[WHINES] Why can't I thwart Dr. Heinie?!

Right at the eclipse!
You big baby.

[SINGSONG]
Enzo, it's your favorite client.

Eh, Dottore the Rusty.

You look like a million dollars.

And this fine boy is yours, no?

- Uh, that's Dean.
- Dean!

Such a manly name, huh?

Want I to make him
a perfect speedsuit

to show off his manly curves?

DOC:
We're not here for Dean.

I have to ask you
if you've ever made anyone

the Patriarch.

[GASPS]
The Patriarch?

Where did you ever hear Enzo do this?

Enzo never give names of his
clients, never!

He eat poison before he tell.

Enzo, I've seen it!

It was the most beautiful speedsuit

I've ever laid my eyes on
and, Goddamn it, I want one.

Make me the Patriarch.

No-o-o! Not the Patriarch.

She is a bitch.

Each gold thread twisted by hand,

each bead shaped from tiny pearls.

She's lined with calf and silk!

No! Why you want the Patriarch?

Because I'm throwing a little
lunar eclipse party

and I've invited Christopher Lam--

You shut that!

Okay. This man you speak of.

Maybe I know his tastes.
Maybe I just guess.

But, he is a classic.

Enzo make you a tuxedo, enh?

A tuxedo in midnight blue.

Blue tuxedo?

Height of fashion.
[GASP]

Who make the blue tuxedo famous?

Duke of Windsor!

Most stylish man ever
in history of world.

Maybe Enzo make his tuxedo, even?

Enzo never tell.

Ha! I get you samples.
You wait.

So, uh, how long will it take
to make this thing?

ENZO:
For you, favorite client?

Two, perhaps three, weeks.
No more.

Okay.

Um, hey, I gotta run,
but, I'll be back soon.

Just-- Okay, back soon.

MONARCH: I'm leaving now!
Gonna go arching!

DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
I'm so proud of you, sweetie.

Are you taking 21 with you?

Yeah, he's already
at the bus station.

Ahh, the Monarch!

So good to see you
in your colors.

I have a rather pressing matter

for your wife, so may I...?
- Kitchen.

All right.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Ah.

21:
Hey, can I get a hand here?

Damn cast. I can't--

You know, I broke my arm,
so, if you could just

give me a hand and we can
just get that in there.

Yeah, that's not going to work.

All right, if you just get in

and I'll just kind of tip it.

You know, tip it and you can pull it.

- Dios Mio.
- Get a scooch in there.

Okay, just edge it in.

You're like, what, like--

like a wandering spider, or something?

Who the hell are you?

I'm Blue Morpho.

[HISSING]

MONARCH:
So what's all this crap about levels?

Level 10, Level 4,
Level whatever.

It's not that confusing.

EMA level means equally matched
aggression level.

It all started with --
that's right --

The original Dr. Venture.

See, 50 years ago, there was this
freshman villain

called Turnbuckle.

No fancy car, no weapons,
no clue, right?

He shows up at the Venture
compound and snatches Rusty

from his playpen, or whatever,
and demands a fight.

Step away from the boy.

Caution. You face Tu-r-rnbuckle.

My punch is devastating.

Step the fuck away from the boy!

The guy puts up his dukes
like a total douche.

So the Action Man,
because he's a full-on psycho,

pistol-whips him into the ground
like a tent pole.

And then, this Turnbuckle,
he looks up and says...

Kiss my ass.

Click.
Takes one right in the brain.

Not equal.

So they came up with this system.

You have huge balls, a deadly
partner, armed headquarters,

a huge henchman army,
and a flying car,

you're like a level 9 or 10.

If you just have a sidekick
and enough change

to ride the New Jersey
path train,

you're a 4.

Guess who's a 4.

DR. Z:
Come, now. What more do you need?

Wide Wale's surveillance
tapes clearly show

that Dr. Venture was
dressed as Blue Morpho.

Illegally obtained surveillance
footage isn't enough to move on.

And what of this
grapple gun we salvaged

from the wreck of the Doom Factory?

Look, here are the mechanics.

That is the Venture Industries logo.

He all but left his business
card to taunt us.

Okay, listen, we'll assemble
the Five Point Five

and we're gonna deal
with this by the--

- Open your eyes, woman!
- Book.

Not another one of us will die!

This list, it's not just
random Level-10 villains.

This is a list of Dr. Venture's

arching rights.

He has been killing his
way through this list.

Well, why? He wouldn't do that.

I've watched him stand on a chair

because he saw a cockroach!

Money, power, greed!
They change people.

We must stop this tonight!

Not as Guild members,
but as brethren.

As villains!

[SIGHS]
Who's next on the list?

The Wandering Spider.

Well, we should call him
right away.

- Maybe he--
- Don't bother.

We have, and he is missing.

Come with me. We have
only moments to spare!

21:
I don't wanna kill anyone.

Yeah, I know, I'm a henchman.
That's what we do. Kill.

You know, back in the Monarch crew,

we called it "getting your wings".

I was 16 when I got my wings.

So, we're arching this guy
called Professor Vibrations.

Hippie creampuff, fought all his battles

with robots and some vibrogun thing.

So lame, but he was still nuts.

So I'm looking for a place
to hide my fat ass,

'cause I'm 16 and I'm terrified

and who do I all but knock over?

Professor Vibrations.

He had me dead to rights.

Could've vibrated my head off.

And then, he suddenly died.

Like of happiness, or something.

No, that happens!

Remember that
video game Berserk?

In like 1981, this kid
named Jeff Dailey died

right after he got a high score.

[ROBOTIC]
"Got the Humanoid!"

Clunk, dead.

Then, like a year later,
another kid dies, the same way.

Of happiness!

Margaret, would you please
send in the next patient?

M-Margaret?

I guess that would be me.

I have a huge pain in my ass, doctor.

[CHUCKLE]

[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS]

DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
Ah, these fuckin' old-time villains.

The second things get hairy,

they scrap protocol
and do it their way.

Something inside me wanted this.

All the diehards, the kooks,
the real villains, the crazies,

the blood-starved animals,

they're all assembled at Wide Wale's.

They're starin' down a gun barrel,

just waitin' for
Dr. Venture to mess up.

I'm ashamed to say it, but,

I hope he does.

Hey, look, free water!

What are you doing?

I meant like create mood lighting

and conversation corners.

This looks like a baby
shower for a teen mom.

I tried to stop him, but then,
I appreciated the irony.

What are these?

They're the eclipse viewers you wanted.

They're novelty glasses!

You look at an eclipse through these

and your eyes will melt
out of your head.

They don't even have lenses!

Doc, this is a lunar eclipse.

You don't have to wear
anything to--

Shh! We get paid for those.

Oh, yeah!

They're all sprayed with Eclipsium.

They stop radiation
and magic space stuff.

Oh, good. Safety first.

- And the hats?
- Also coated with Eclipsium.

Hmm. You might want to give 'em

another couple coats.
Me and Chris --

Lambert, of course,
have sensitive heads.

[OWL HOOTS, INSECTS BUZZ]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, my God, you're heavy!

You wearing a flack vest,
or something?

Whoa!

Ah! What the hell?!

[POWERING UP]

Dude.

A-Are you awake?

Hey! You awake?

Ow. All right, I just did that to
myself.

Just my luck.

Aw, crap, it's fallin' asleep.

DOC:
Ah. Heh.

I guess he's going
to be fashionably late.

Or fashionably somewhere better.

Oh, my God.
Did you invite anybody else?

Like your mom, or maybe that fox

from the Carfax commercial?

- The Carfax Fox.
- He's already drunk.

I just figured Chris would invite

all his fancy friends.

What can I get ya, slim?

Why don'tcha pour out your heart,

as I pour out a stiff one.

Hank's the name and this
here's me waterin' hole.

Stop, Hank.

Fine. How about a Ruddy Bottom.

Yeah, unless the name of the drink

includes the ingredients,
I can't help ya.

Perhaps a gin and tonic
that's made of gin and tonic?

You know what? It's time
you learned a Doctail.

The Ruddy Bottom.

That's tall-glass grenadine
with tomato juice

and a jigger of rum.

Sweet! I'll have
a Ruddy Bottom, too.

But, instead of grenadine,
I'll have rum.

And replace the tomato.

Also rum.

[CHUCKLING]
Yeah-eah-eah. All right.

This is how it's done.

This is how we did it
back in the day,

when you didn't have to
check with Mommy

to protect what's yours.

This is so exciting!

Like when we were young and dumb

and everything was
pointy and dangerous.

What have we missed?

Oh, you just missed jack squat.

This is crazy, you guys.

Let's just all relax
and think this over.

[MOANING]

Ahh, we gotta do another one.

Crown was all messed up in that one.

And look more terrified, will ya?

Like I'm totally badass.

Oh, I am terrified!

Please, let me go.

Well, act it!
Look like you're laughing

in half the pictures.

Some people laugh when they're nervous.

What do you want from me?

I'm tied to a thing.

[ALERT BEEPS]

Well! It's time for the eclipse.

I'm gonna go out and view.

Any takers?

Ah, maybe later.

I'ma na-nap for a bit.

Ah! Nice.

You got Ruddy Bottom all over me.

- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- [INSECTS BUZZ]

[CHANTING IN LATIN]

[PANTING]

All right.

[HISSING]

Oh, what? Wh-What's going on?

Where are we?
Is-- Is that my phone?

Yeah. I want you to say
you've been kidnapped

by the Blue Morpho and that you're

in a forest, about to be executed.

Ah! Is that true?

A-Are you gonna execute me?

Dude, say exactly
what I just said.

It's-- It's still ringing!

- [RING]
- [SOBBING]

Wh-Why are you doing this?

Do you want money?
I can get you money.

PHONE: This is Guild Councilwoman
Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.

- Oh! It's going to voicemail.
- Well, leave a message!

Th-That won't really help me!

- [BEEP]
- Will it?

- [CHANTING IN LATIN]
- [BUZZ]

The eclipse has started.

That's not all that's started.

It looks like that
Blue Morpho there likes

to dance in the moonlight after a kill.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Agh! Thanks, Billy.

I'm all sticky with grenadine.

Idiot.

Huh? Oh.

That really is beautiful.

A-A-And, sending it now.

It's a good one.

Hey, you want me to put
one on your homepage?

WANDERING SPIDER:
Please don't.

You don't have to do this.

Y-You don't have to do this.

[SOBBING]
You don't have to do--

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Look for yourself, Councilwoman.

Oh, my God.

There he is,
soaked in our brother's blood,

literally redhanded.

I-I can't believe this.

This is not happening.

Take the shot, Councilwoman.

Do you want to be remembered

as the bureaucratic coward
that hesitated?

What, do gotta see, Dr. Venture

slit your husband's throat
before you end this madness?

Madam, I beg you,
shoot him or step aside!

He's a killer!

[CHANTING IN LATIN]

DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: Sometimes
you do something and you know,

that second, you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.

21:
But you had to make that choice!

You saw no other way!

You're a tiny part in a big machine.

DOC: And you feel small,
like you don't matter,

but it's so beautiful,
you're okay with it.

Agh!

MONARCH:
Well, that's it.

Dr. Venture's dead.

And nobody cared.

His friends, his family,
his bodyguard,

even his stupid robot,

didn't care.

[GASP]

MONARCH:
Oh, please! I'm kidding!

That was my jacket and it
has a bulletproof lining.

He's fine!

Idiot thought his pocket blew up.

And, because he stole it from a place

that makes costumes for villains,

he was too ashamed to tell anyone.

The next day, he returned it to Enzo's.

He even had to pay for my tailoring.

My wife finally checked her phone

and found 21's message and my
awesome selfie

and they realized what they did.

Somehow, she still snuck in
an "I told you so."

[SCOFF]
Like she was innocent.

What, you're worried about my
poor henchman?

- [SWING MUSIC PLAYS]
- It's his job! Please!

And me? I'm in the clear.
I look great!

This?

This is a happy ending.

- ? Ding ding, round 1 ?
- ? Ding ding, round 1 ?

? Now the battle's begun ?

- ? Ding ding, round 2 ?
- ? Ding ding, round 2 ?

? Said I'm comin' for you ?

? Ding ding, round 3 ?

? I'm on the ropes,
there go my hopes ?

? Ding ding, round 4,
I'm on the floor ?

- ? Questa � la vita ?
- ? C'est la vie! ?

DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
By the damn book!

We got lucky tonight.

This better be a lesson to us.

Let's just try to forget it
and we're gonna m--

Did you see that?

Right over there.

Is that Christopher Lambert?

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