All language subtitles for Nero Wolfe S02E06E07 Motherhunt - Part 1_2.DVDRip.NonHI.en.cc.AE

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HELLO.

WHO IS THIS?

AH, HELLO?

"MRS. VALDON,

"THIS BABY IS FOR
YOU BECAUSE A BOY

SHOULD LIVE IN HIS
FATHER'S HOUSE."

IS THIS LIKELY OR
MERELY CREDIBLE?

MADAM... MADAM?

YOUR DENDROBIUM
APHRODITE HAS AN APHID.

IS...

OH, IT'S JUST DUST, SORRY.

PRETTY, THOUGH,
WHO'S YOUR FLORIST?

MADAM!

IS IT LIKELY?

YES, IT IS LIKELY.

DICK HAD A DON JUAN
REPUTATION WHEN I MARRIED HIM.

HOW LONG WERE YOU MARRIED?

11 MONTHS, AND I KNOW
WHAT PEOPLE WERE SAYING.

THEY WERE SAYING,

"OH, HE'S MARRYING AN ARMSTEAD."

WELL, I WAS MARRYING
A FAMOUS AUTHOR.

I WAS MRS. RICHARD VALDON.

WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE IN LOVE.

FOR ME, THERE WAS
NO ONE BUT ME AND HIM.

HOW OLD WAS HE WHEN HE DIED?

AH, 46.

AND HOW OLD ARE YOU?

OLD ENOUGH.

DURING THE LAST
YEAR BEFORE HE DIED,

HE COULD'VE HAD ONE
WOMAN OR A DOZEN.

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

OH, IS THIS A CARLYLE?

UH...

YES, IT IS.

CAN YOU GET TO THE
PROBLEM, MADAM?

OF COURSE, THE BABY.

WELL, I ALWAYS INTENDED
TO HAVE TWO OR THREE

AND I JUST PUT IT OFF,
I KEPT PUTTING IT OFF.

AND, NOW, I DO HAVE ONE
AND THE NOTE IS CORRECT.

A CHILD SHOULD LIVE
IN HIS FATHER'S HOUSE.

THE QUESTION IS,
IS DICK THE FATHER?

PHOOEY... NEVER TO BE
ANSWERED AND YOU KNOW IT.

PHOOEY?

YOU ARE THE BEST
DETECTIVE IN THE WORLD.

THE BEST DETECTIVE IN THE WORLD

MAY BE A RUDE TRIBESMAN
WITH A LIMITED VOCABULARY.

I CANNOT HELP YOU,
MADAM, NO ONE CAN.

YOU CAN HELP ME FIND THE MOTHER.

NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

PLEASE...

GLASSES.

YES... OH, HERE IT IS.

THE DOCTOR SAID THE
BABY IS FIVE MONTHS OLD.

WHICH MEANS THAT
HE WAS BORN LAST JUNE

AND CONCEIVED LAST FALL.

IT COULD TAKE MONTHS.

HAVE YOU ARRANGED FOR
CUSTODY OF THIS CHILD?

OH, YES, MY LAWYER
TOOK CARE OF THAT.

IS HE AWARE THAT YOU
HAVE CONSULTED ME?

YES, AND HE DISAPPROVES
AND I DON'T CARE.

IT'S MY BUSINESS, HIS
BUSINESS IS JUST THE LAW.

HMM.

IT WILL BE NECESSARY TO GET
INFORMATION FROM YOU, HMM.

AND TO EXAMINE THE CLOTHES
THAT THE BABY ARRIVED IN.

THESE PINHOLES,

THE NOTE WAS NOT
ATTACHED WITH A SAFETY PIN.

NO, JUST AN ORDINARY PIN.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS, MR. GOODWIN,

THAT A WOMAN WOULD
EXPOSE A BABY TO A BARE PIN?

SAY, TEN TO ONE.

YES, WELL...

WERE YOU ALONE IN THE
HOUSE WHEN THE CALL CAME?

AH, YES, I CAME HOME FROM
THE COUNTRY A DAY EARLY.

MY STAFF HAD THE WEEKEND OFF.

WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT?

WHOEVER DID THIS, MADAM,
IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW.

HOW COULD YOU KNOW THAT?

IF YOU CANNOT USE
YOUR OWN BRAIN,

MR. GOODWIN WILL
EXPLAIN, EXCUSE ME.

WELL, AH... ISN'T THERE
SOME SORT OF RETAINER?

YES, A DOLLAR, A HUNDRED,

A THOUSAND, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WOLFE'S MIND WAS ON
THE SHAD ROE CASSEROLE

SLATED FOR LUNCH.

HE AND FRITZ HAD A DISAGREEMENT
OVER THE USE OF ONION,

WHICH HAD NEVER BEEN RESOLVED.

MRS. VALDON, PERHAPS WE
SHOULD GO TO YOUR PLACE

AND RETRIEVE THE
BABY'S CLOTHES AND, AH...

WHOA...

AH, CONDUCT THE REST
OF THE INTERVIEW THERE.

OH, YES, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

MRS. VALDON.

WELL, NICE DIGS.

YES, I LOVE THIS HOUSE.

MY GREAT GRANDFATHER BUILT IT.

ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE
IS THAT DICK LOVED THIS HOUSE.

MRS. VALDON...

HERE ARE YOUR INVITATIONS.

OH, THANK YOU, MISS MIMM.

YES, RIGHT THIS WAY,
WE'LL SIT IN THE SALON.

NO.

AH... YES, YES.

OH, YES, IN FACT,
BUY A WHOLE TABLE.

SIT.

IS THERE ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE

HAD IT IN FOR YOU, MRS. VALDON?

IN FOR ME?

NO, BUT SEND THEM REGRETS.

HATED YOU ENOUGH TO
SADDLE YOU WITH A LOOSE BABY?

NO... NO, BUT WRITE THEM A NOTE.

THE ARMSTEAD'S ARE A RATHER
DULL BUT RESPONSIBLE FAMILY.

NO ONE HATES US.

MY ONLY CONTROVERSIAL
HOBBY IS KILLER FOG.

FOG KILLS?

32 PEOPLE IN 1948.

A SMALL, LITTLE COAL
TOWN IN PENNSYLVANIA.

WHAT DID THEY DO,
GET LOST IN THE FOG

AND FALL DOWN INTO THE
MINE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

THERE IS NO HUMOR IN IT.

OH NO, NO, NONE, REALLY.

IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.

YOU MARK MY WORDS.

IT'S THE CARS.

I SAY BAN THEM
ALL, BAN THE CARS,

BAN THE SUBWAY, WE
SHOULD ALL WALK TO WORK.

THAT'S WHAT I SAY!

OH, THERE HE IS.

WELL, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

I'D INTRODUCE YOU BUT
I'M NOT GONNA NAME HIM

UNTIL I DECIDE TO KEEP HIM.

AH... HELLO.

YOU KNOW, I BETTER NOT.

I HAVEN'T READ THE
INSTRUCTION MANUAL.

SORRY, THERE.

WELL, I'M CONSIDERING MOSES

'CAUSE MOSES DIDN'T KNOW
WHO HIS FATHER WAS, EITHER.

AH, MISS MIMM, SHOW
MR. GOODWIN TO THE NURSERY

AND HELP HIM PACK UP THE
CLOTHING THE BABY CAME IN.

NOW?

YES, PLEASE, GO ALONG.

HELLO... YOU WANNA
PLAY THE PIANO?

OH... HELLO.

HELLO, YES, I NEED
THOSE NAMES, NOW.

OH, I TOLD YOU, HIS BEST
FRIENDS WERE LEO BINGHAM,

WILLIS KRUG AND JULIAN HAFT.

NO, NO, NO, I MEAN
THE FEMALE ONES...

CANDIDATES.

LOOK, I KNOW IT MUST
BE HARD TO NAME...

WOMEN THAT DICK MIGHT
HAVE PLAYED HOUSE WITH BUT...

THE PROBLEM IS NOT THAT
IT'S HARD, MR. GOODWIN.

IT'S THAT IT'S SO EASY.

THERE'S A LIST.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WOULD LIKE A
MARTINI, WOULD YOU?

IS IT TOO EARLY, OR WHAT?

WELL, AH...

I, AH... AHEM, I MIGHT
AS WELL BE SOCIABLE.

ONE OF MY FUNCTIONS IS
TO UNDERSTAND THE WOMEN

WE'RE DEALING WITH SINCE
WOLFE IS SO HOPELESS AT IT.

OH, SO IT'S PART OF YOUR JOB?

SURE.

ARE YOU AN EXPERT AT IT?

SOME HAVE SAID SO, YES.

AH, KEEP PLAYING AND I'LL, UH...

MAKE SOME MARTINIS.

I LIKE IT FIVE TO ONE, YOU?

OH, OF COURSE.

THERE WE ARE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, YOU
CAN'T JUST DRINK IT.

WE MUST BE CIVILIZED
AND OBSERVE A RITUAL.

YOU TAKE A SIP OF MINE
AND I TAKE A SIP OF YOURS.

THAT'S A FINE, OLD,
PERSIAN CUSTOM

USED TO FOIL POISONINGS.

WHAT AM I DOING?

WHY DID I DO THAT?

YOU KNOW, MR. WOLFE
SAYS WE NEVER

GET TO THE "WHY"
OF ANYTHING, SO...

AND EARLIER, I ALMOST
CALLED YOU "ARCHIE".

WELL, MY NAME'S ARCHIE.

ARE YOU A HYPNOTIST?

NO.

WELL, I'M NOT TRYING TO FLIRT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FLIRT.

YOU KNOW, MEN AND WOMEN FLIRT.

HORSES FLIRT, PARAKEETS FLIRT.

UNDOUBTEDLY, OYSTERS FLIRT

BUT THEY MUST HAVE
SOME SPECIAL, LITTLE...

DON'T FORGET THE BABY'S CLOTHES
WHEN YOU GO, MR. GOODWIN.

WAS IT THE OYSTERS?

WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS?

AH, THIS IS BABY PARAPHERNALIA.

THERE ARE NO LAUNDRY
MARKS OR STORE LABELS.

BUT THERE IS ONE
ITEM THAT MIGHT HELP

IF YOU DON'T SPOT IT YOURSELF,

THEN IT MAY NOT BE
WORTH MENTIONING.

DID YOU GET THE NAMES?

YES, WOULD YOU LIKE IT VERBATIM?

NOT IF YOU'RE SATISFIED.

I AM.

WHAT ELSE?

WELL, THERE IS A MONET AND A
MUNCH IN THE FRONT HALLWAY

AND, ALSO, AN ANTIQUE SALOR RUG.

IS IT A REAL SALOR?

YES, I BELIEVE IT WAS...
NOW, I'M IN BAD WITH HER

'CAUSE I FORGOT SHE WAS AN
ARMSTEAD AND I'M A PEASANT.

BUT SHE'LL SLEEP IT OFF.

MAYBE YOU BETTER
REPORT VERBATIM.

OH, NO, NOT
NECESSARY, I'M SATISFIED.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

YES, TELL HER THAT
YOU'VE DISCOVERED

THAT THE BABY IS MINE

AND IF SHE'LL MARRY
ME, SHE CAN HAVE IT...

SHUT UP.

THE BUTTONS ON THAT
GARMENT SEEM INAPPROPRIATE.

THEY APPEAR TO BE
MADE OF HORSEHAIR.

THERE'S A CONSIDERABLE
VARIATION IN SIZE AND SHAPE.

COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE
BEEN MADE BY A MACHINE.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

SHOULD I APOLOGIZE FOR PULLING
A FEATHER FROM YOUR CAP?

NAH, WE'LL SPLIT IT.

AH, THE BRAND LABEL
APPEARS TO BE "LITTLE CHERUB"

WHICH IS LOCATED IN
THE GARMENT DISTRICT.

I'LL GO THERE AND
SEE WHAT THEY KNOW.

THE GARMENT DISTRICT OF NEW YORK

IS NO PLACE TO GO FOR A STROLL.

I VISITED THREE BABY OUTFITTERS
AND FOUR BUTTON FIRMS

ASKING ABOUT HOME-MADE
HORSEHAIR BUTTONS

AND NOBODY KNEW
AND NOBODY CARED.

THEN I SAW A SIGN,

"MR. LOSSOFF'S
DISTINGUISHED BUTTONS".

I WOULD'VE GONE THERE
FIRST HAD I KNOWN.

I AM SEARCHING FOR SOME...

WHAT CAN YOU TELL
ME ABOUT THESE?

OOH... OOH...

MMM...

WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS BUTTON?

HEY, THAT'S MY LINE.

YOU'RE A BUTTON MAN? A WHAT?

BUTTONS, BUTTONS,
ARE YOU A BUTTON MAN?

AH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

SEE, THE THING IS,

I FOUND THESE OVERALLS
AND I WAS TRYING...

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, YOU LISTEN UP.

I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE
IS TO KNOW ABOUT BUTTONS.

I HAVE, IN FACT, THE MOST
EXTENSIVE BUTTON COLLECTION...

IN ALL THE WORLD.

I HAVE SOLD BUTTONS TO
THE DUCHESS OF WINDSOR,

THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND,

TO THE GREAT, GREAT,
GREAT BETTE DAVIS

AND I ALSO LIKE TO
DONATE BUTTONS.

I HAVE, TO FIVE
DIFFERENT MUSEUMS

IN NINE DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

AND I HAVE NEVER,
ABSOLUTELY NEVER,

MET A MAN WHO COULD
SHOW ME A BUTTON

THAT I COULD NOT PICK OUT
IMMEDIATELY, PICK 'EM OUT.

THAT IS, OF COURSE,
UH, UNTIL YOU...

ALL RIGHT, YOU LISTEN TO ME.

I'VE LISTENED, NOW
IT'S YOUR TURN.

I KNOW LESS ABOUT BUTTONS THAN
ANY MAN IN THE WORLD, AND YET,

I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THESE
BUTTONS AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME.

WELL, I ADMIT, THAT'S TRUE...

BUT YOU'RE THE BUTTON
MAN. I AM THE BUTTON MAN!

I KNOW EVERYTHING
THERE IS ABOUT BUTTONS...

ALL RIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

WERE THEY MADE BY MACHINE?

OH, COME ON, DON'T
BE RIDICULOUS.

THIS IS... THIS IS HORSEHAIR.

HORSEHAIRS?

YES, EACH BUTTON
WAS MADE BY HAND.

IT TOOK HOURS, THE TECHNIQUE
I'M NOT EVEN FAMILIAR WITH.

I'LL BUY IT FROM YOU,
ADD IT TO MY COLLECTION.

WELL, I'LL SEE IF I CAN.

I RECOGNIZE A BUTTON FIEND
WHEN I SEE ONE, BUT, AH...

NO... NO.

I REALLY MUST GO.

THAT'S RIGHT, EASY.

WELL?

I JUST MET A MAN WHO KNOWS
AS MUCH ABOUT BUTTONS

AS YOU DO ABOUT FOOD.

HE SAID HE'S NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THESE BUTTONS.

HE SAID SOMEBODY MUST HAVE
TAKEN HOURS TO MAKE EACH ONE.

SATISFACTORY.

OH, AH, IS THERE TIME TO PUT
AN AD IN TOMORROW'S PAPER?

TIMES, NEWS AND GAZETTE.

WELL, IF I HOP ON IT,
I CAN GET ALL THREE

IF I WAIT, IT'LL BE
THE GAZETTE ONLY.

THEN WE'LL PLACE AN AD IN EACH.

BOLD FACED, 36-POINT TYPE.

$100 TO BE GIVEN
TO THE FIRST PERSON

TO PROVIDE INFORMATION
LEADING TO THE MAKER

BY HAND OF WHITE HORSEHAIR
BUTTONS, IRREGULAR IN SIZE.

BY 8:00 A.M. THE NEXT MORNING,

THE AD HAD FLUSHED
OUT BEATRICE EPPS,

WHO ONLY HAD ONE THING
ON HER BEADY, LITTLE MIND.

HOW DO I KNOW YOU'LL PAY ME?

YOU DON'T.

NATURALLY, WHAT YOU TELL
ME WILL HAVE TO BE USEFUL.

YOU COULD TELL ME YOU
KNEW A MAN IN SINGAPORE

WHO MADE HORSEHAIR
BUTTONS BUT NOW HE'S DEAD.

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO SINGAPORE.

EXACTLY, YES, AH, SO
WHERE'D YOU SEE THEM?

ON A GIRL'S BLOUSE.

SHE FILLED IN AT THE
OFFICE FOR A MONTH.

FROM STOPGAP EMPLOYMENT AGENCY.

AH-HA, DO THEY LOOK
ANYTHING LIKE THESE?

EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

SHE SAID HER AUNT MADE
THEM OUT OF HORSEHAIR.

AND WHAT'S HER NAME?

I SUPPOSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

ANNE.

HER NAME'S ANNE TENZER.

YOU'LL PROBABLY
FIND HER ATTRACTIVE.

EVERYBODY ELSE DID.

THANKS.

MISS EPPS WAS RIGHT.

MISS TENZER PROBABLY
AROUSED IN MANY MEN

THE FEELINGS NECESSARY

FOR THE PROPAGATION
OF THE SPECIES.

PERHAPS EVEN RICHARD VALDON.

MR. GOODWIN.

MISS TENZER.

AHEM, YES, YES.

AHEM, YOU RECOGNIZE THESE?

OF COURSE I RECOGNIZE THEM.

DRINKS?

WHAT'LL YOU HAVE? BLOODY MARY.

A GLASS OF MILK FOR ME.

SO...

THEY'RE MADE BY MY AUNT ELLEN.

IT TAKES HER FOREVER
JUST TO MAKE ONE.

WINDING HORSEHAIR
AROUND AND AROUND

ISN'T MUCH OF A HOBBY.

BUT THERE'S NOT REALLY
MUCH ELSE TO DO IN MAHOPAC.

DON'T TELL ME THAT SOMEBODY
SAW ME WEARING THESE.

THEY'D BARELY FIT.

YES... KIND OF
SPECIAL HOW I GOT 'EM,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT IT?

NO. OH.

THAT'S MY ONE FAULT, I'M NOT
REALLY INTERESTED IN ANYTHING

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME.

YEAH...

NOW, HAVEN'T WE HAD
ENOUGH ABOUT BUTTONS?

SURE, SURE, LET'S
TALK ABOUT WORK.

I COLLECT BUTTONS,

AND YOU WORK FOR STOPGAP
EMPLOYMENT SERVICES.

HOW MANY GAPS
NEED TO BE STOPPED?

OH, I'M VERY, VERY BUSY.

VERY SPECIAL, WHEN A PRIVATE
SECRETARY TO A BIG EXECUTIVE

GETS MARRIED OR FIRED
BY THE BOSS'S WIFE,

I'M THE ONE THEY ASK FOR.

HMM, BECAUSE THE
BOSS'S WIVES LIKE YOU?

I'M MORE LIKE REVENGE.

AH.

HERE YOU ARE.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE ARE.

SO, AHEM...

YOU WORK FOR BIG
EXECUTIVES, TELL ME THIS,

YOU EVER WORK FOR A SCIENTIST
OR, SAY, A FAMOUS AUTHOR?

HA-HA.

NO, NO, NO, THEY
COULDN'T AFFORD ME.

I GOT HOME AND GAVE
WOLFE THE FACTS.

WHEN I FINISHED, HE SAID...

SATISFACTORY.

THEN HE DECIDED THAT
WAS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

VERY SATISFACTORY.

AND I COULD USE A RAISE.

NO DOUBT.

GET SAUL NOW.

WHY?

I DIDN'T SAY I'D QUIT
IF I DIDN'T GET A RAISE.

MERELY THAT I COULD USE ONE.

AND I SAID, "NO DOUBT."
YOU WILL GO TO MAHOPAC.

MEANWHILE, SAUL WILL
LEARN WHETHER MISS TENZER

GAVE BIRTH TO THAT BABY.

HE WILL DO SO
WITHOUT STIRRING DUST.

INDUBITABLY, HE IS THE
SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON.

AND SADLY, MY FRIENDS,

THAT IS HOW THE GOVERNMENT
HAS LEFT THE SITUATION

IN EASTERN PENNSYLVANIA.

NOW, LAST DECEMBER,
WHEN A THICK FOG

INTENSIFIED BY COAL TAR SMOKE
COVERED LONDON FOR THREE DAYS,

4,703 PEOPLE DIED.

NOW, AN ANALYSIS OF
THE AIR SHOWS LEVELS OF

SULFUR DIOXIDE AND
CARBON MONOXIDE

WHICH INCREASED WHENEVER
THE TEMPERATURE ROSE

OVER A FOUR-DAY PERIOD.

YOU COULD NOT SEE
ACROSS THE STREET.

THE FOG WAS SO THICK.

I STOPPED BY ON
MY WAY OUT OF TOWN

TO BRIEF THE CLIENT ON
OUR REMARKABLE PROGRESS.

BUT SHE WAS ALL
WRAPPED UP IN FOG.

ON HER, IT LOOKED GOOD.

DENY THAT THE FOG HAD
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE DEATHS.

THERE'S A CHURCH ON THE ONE SIDE

AND A RESTAURANT
ON THE OTHER SIDE.

AND MAKE A LEFT-HAND TURN

THREE OR FOUR MILES
DOWN THE ROAD THERE,

YOU'LL REACH YOUR POINT, OKAY?

FINE.

GOOD LUCK.

AFTER CONFERRING
WITH THE LOCAL SAGE,

I FOUND AUNT ELLEN'S
COTTAGE OFF THE BEATEN PATH.

WELL, WHAT BRINGS
YOU OUT THIS WAY?

AH, ELLEN TENZER?

YES?

MY NAME'S ARCHIE GOODWIN,
I'M IN THE BUTTON BUSINESS.

I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE, TOO.

I'M PARTICULARLY INTERESTED
IN YOUR HORSEHAIR BUTTONS.

BUTTONS, NOW...

WHY WOULD YOU THINK
THAT I MAKE BUTTONS?

AH, WELL, YOU'D LIKE ME BETTER
IF I SAID IT WAS FOR ART'S SAKE

BUT, WELL, I'M IN THE
BUTTON BUSINESS.

YEAH, SO YOU SAID.

WELL, I ONLY HAVE
ABOUT 17 RIGHT NOW.

17, HUH?

WELL, YOU DON'T SUPPOSE I
COULD GET A GLASS OF WATER?

IT WAS A VERY
LONG DRIVE UP HERE.

SURE, COME ON IN.

AUNT ELLEN DIDN'T SEEM SURPRISED

TO FIND A BUTTON
COLLECTOR ON HER DOORSTEP.

AND WHEN I SAW WOLFE'S AD ON
HER KITCHEN TABLE, I KNEW WHY.

SO, HOW DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT MY BUTTONS?

AH, THE BUTTON MAN.

THIS IS VERY GOOD
WATER, DEEP WELL?

ALL RIGHT, BUB, YOU'VE HAD
YOUR WATER, NOW MOVE ON.

MISS TENZER, I JUST
DROVE 60 MILES...

I DON'T CARE IF YOU
DROVE 600 MILES.

I'M NOT GONNA SHOW
YOU MY BUTTONS

AND I'M NOT GONNA
TALK TO YOU ABOUT THEM.

NOW GET OUT!

THE AUNT'S NOT THE MOTHER

BUT SHE KNOWS WHO PUT
THE OVERALLS ON THE BABY.

SHE MAY BE PHONING
THAT SOMEBODY RIGHT NOW

BUT THAT CAN'T BE HELPED.

NOW, I'M GONNA GO
BACK AND STAKE HER OUT.

WE CAN COVER HER
AROUND THE CLOCK

IF YOU SEND OUT
SAUL, FRED, AND ORRIE.

WHEN WILL YOU EAT?

MAYBE TOMORROW.

Tomorrow?

SHE'D LEFT.

IT CALLED FOR PROFANITY
AND I USED SOME.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT I COULD GET PLEASURE

LOOKING AT BABY CLOTHES?

FOR THE NEXT 18 HOURS,
SAUL PANZER, FRED DURKIN

AND ORRIE CATHER, IN SHIFTS,

HAD ELLEN TENZER'S
HOUSE UNDER WRAPS...

BUT NOBODY CAME.

DAMN IT, ORRIE, ARE YOU
SURE IT WAS STEBBINS?

NO, NO, JUST COME IN.

ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS
ORRIE, I TOLD HIM TO COME IN

BECAUSE THE AUNT WILL NOT
BE COMING HOME, SHE'S DEAD.

THREE MEN IN A STATE
POLICE CAR SHOWED UP

AND ONE OF THEM
WAS PURLEY STEBBINS.

NOW, IT DOESN'T TAKE
LUCK OR BRAINS TO KNOW

THAT A HOMICIDE
SERGEANT DOES NOT GO TO

PUTNAM COUNTY LOOKING
FOR WHITE HORSEHAIR BUTTONS.

A PRESUMPTION IS
NOT A CERTAINTY.

INVITE LON COHEN FOR LUNCH.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW?

I'M NOT HERE BECAUSE
YOU ENJOY MY COMPANY.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A
WOMAN NAMED TENZER, ELLEN TENZER?

NO NEED TO BE SO DAMN
ROUNDABOUT, ARCHIE,

IF YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT
A MURDER, JUST SAY SO.

SO.

OKAY, ELLEN TENZER, HUH?

WELL, ABOUT 6:00 THIS MORNING

A COP WAS ASKED TO
INVESTIGATE A BODY

THAT WAS ON A FIRE
ESCAPE ON 38th STREET.

HE INVESTIGATED, IT WAS...

ELLEN TENZER AND
SHE'D BEEN STRANGLED.

THERE WAS A PIECE OF CORD

STILL WRAPPED AROUND HER THROAT.

HAPPY NOW?

WHO WAS SHE?

WELL, SHE WAS A
REGISTERED NURSE.

AHHH.

WHAT?

"AHHH."

OH, "AHHH"?

OKAY, ANYWAY, SHE'D
INHERITED SOME PROPERTY

IN UPSTATE NEW YORK, UH, MAHOPAC

AND HAD ENOUGH TO LIVE
ON SO SHE QUIT HER JOB

AND STARTED BOARDING BABIES.

DID SHE BOARD
ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHY?

SOME DO.

YEAH, BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY
ASKING ABOUT ILLEGITIMATE...

UH, WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

NO ONE KNOWS, WHY DO YOU ASK...

YOU KNOW, STRANGE.

LITTLE TOWN LIKE
MAHOPAC, NOBODY KNOWS.

THAT'S RIGHT, STRANGE, HUH?

WHY DO YOU ASK
SPECIFICALLY ABOUT...

UH, WHO WAS THE LAST BOARDER?

NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING,
EXCEPT IT WAS A BOY.

OH, AND THAT IT WAS A
MONTH OLD WHEN IT ARRIVED

AND THAT SHE CALLED IT "BUSTER".

AHH.

BUSTER, THAT'S SOMETHING.

ARE YOU DONE NOW?

THANKS. HAPPY NOW?

GOOD, I RAISE, WHAT ABOUT
THOSE BUTTONS, FELLAS?

THOSE BUTTONS
THAT YOU ADVERTISED?

NAHH.

DID YOU GET THEM? YES OR NO.

YOU WOULD NOT DO THAT IF YOU
HAD A TRAINED MIND LIKE MINE.

SEE, WE RUN AN AD FOR BUTTONS

AND THEN WE ASK YOU
ABOUT ELLEN TENZER.

YOU ASSUME THERE'S A CONNECTION.

YEAH, LOGIC IS LIKE THAT.

NOT AT ALL, NO.

MR. WOLFE LIKES HORSEHAIR
BUTTONS FOR HIS PANTS.

HE DOES, HUH?

YES, FOR HIS SUSPENDERS.

SUSPENDERS?

SURE, SEE?

AHH.

HEH.

WELL, YOU TALK ABOUT IFS.

FUTILE.

IF I'D STUCK WITH HER,
SHE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE.

NOW WE HAVE CRAMER
AND STEBBINS ON OUR TRAIL

AND MY FINGERPRINTS
ALL OVER HER HOUSE.

YOU CAN SUPPLY NO INFORMATION
RELEVANT TO THE MURDER.

THE HELL I CAN'T.

YOU WERE HIRED TO
FIND HORSEHAIR BUTTONS

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY.

THEN I'M WITHHOLDING EVIDENCE,
UH, DO I NAME THE CLIENT?

CERTAINLY NOT,
WE'RE NOT OBLIGED TO

DISCLOSE THE NAME OF A CLIENT

SIMPLY BECAUSE THE POLICE
WANT TO TEST AN ASSUMPTION.

I WAS AT HER HOUSE, SHE
POURED ME A GLASS OF WATER.

ARCHIE...

DO YOU THINK I CAN
IDENTIFY THE MOTHER

WITHOUT LEARNING
WHO KILLED THAT WOMAN?

NO.

WELL THEN, DON'T BADGER ME.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH WITHOUT THAT.

SINCE THE GENIUS WAS
NOT INCLINED TO WORK,

I USED MY FIRST-RATE
DETECTIVE SKILLS TO FIND OUT

HOW MUCH THE POLICE KNEW
BEFORE THEY CAME TO HAUL ME AWAY.

MY FIRST STOP WAS ANNE TENZER,

WHO HAD BEEN HAULED DOWN
TO HEADQUARTERS AND WAS SORE.

YOU'RE NOT A BUTTON COLLECTOR.

YOU'RE NERO WOLFE'S
LEGMAN, ARCHIE GOODWIN.

I'M REALLY MORE OF
AN ASSISTANT, REALLY.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT YOU
LIED, THAT'S YOUR JOB.

AND IT'S NOT MY AUNT ELLEN.

WHOEVER KILLED HER,
YOU DIDN'T START IT.

AND STILL YOU'RE SORE AT ME?

YES... ALTHOUGH
I'M NOT SURE WHY.

I AM AN HEIRESS NOW,

TO A CREAKY OLD
COTTAGE IN MAHOPAC

AND A DOG WITH
REALLY BAD BREATH.

MMM.

MAYBE YOU JUST WANTED
TO SEE MY FACE AGAIN

AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO ASK.

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

NOT PRECISELY... BUT IT'S CLOSE.

AHEM.

OH, MR. GOODWIN!

MRS. VALDON.

I TAKE IT YOU HAVE NOT
SEEN THE EVENING EDITION.

WELL, I'VE SEEN IT, I
JUST HAVEN'T READ IT.

WELL, LET ME BRIEF YOU.

ON FRIDAY MORNING, I CALLED
ON A WOMAN NAMED ELLEN TENZER.

THE BABY...

HAD BEEN WITH HER IN HER
HOUSE FOR THREE MONTHS.

OH, SO, SHE'S THE MOTHER.

NO.

UH, SHE KNOWS WHO THE MOTHER IS?

SHE PROBABLY DID.

YOU MEAN SHE FORGOT? WHAT?

HOW COULD SHE FORGET?

WELL, SHE DIDN'T.

THE GRANDMOTHER? NO.

THE AUNT, THE UNCLE,
THE SECOND COUSIN?

SHE'S DEAD.

DEAD? YEAH, STRANGLED.

MURDERED?

YEAH.

NOW, IT'S ALMOST CERTAIN

THAT THE POLICE WILL FIND
OUT THAT I WAS AT HER HOUSE,

ASK ME WHY, AND...

SO YOU'RE SAYING
IT WAS MY FAULT.

WELL, LISTEN, IF I TELL
THEM THAT YOU'RE MY CLIENT,

YOU'LL GET INVITED
DOWNTOWN FOR A CHAT.

I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR A MURDER.

NO, NO, NO, I WAS THE ONE
WHO LEFT HER ALONE, SEE.

WELL, I SENT YOU THERE.

THE RESPONSIBILITY BELONGS
TO WHOEVER LEFT THE BABY

IN YOUR VESTIBULE, SEE?
SO, DON'T TRY TO CLAIM IT.

I DON'T LIKE THIS.

MURDER, IT'S
SO... IT'S JUST BAD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M
GONNA BE SENT DOWNTOWN?

BY THE POLICE?

THAT WAS AN "IF", MRS. VALDON
IF WE NAME YOU AS THE CLIENT.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME LUCY?

YOU'RE PRETTY GIDDY FOR A GIRL
WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FLIRT.

BUT, PUT IT IN
WRITING AND I WILL.

SO, YOU'VE COME HERE TO TELL ME

NOT TO TELL ANYONE
THAT I'VE HIRED YOU.

WERE YOU FOLLOWED?

ONLY IF HE WAS VERY GOOD.

NOW, IF YOU THINK WE
OWE YOU AN APOLOGY

FOR LETTING A MOTHER HUNT
HATCH A MURDER, WELL, HERE IT IS.

OH NO, NO, I'M THE ONE
THAT OWES YOU AN APOLOGY.

I WAS SO RUDE THE OTHER DAY.

OH, LUCY, THAT'S NOT THE WORD.

I WAS SUCH A... A NITWIT.

OH, YOU'RE GOING?

WELL, I'VE DONE MY ERRAND, SO.

OH, WELL THEN.

GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

I CAME HOME TO FIND INSPECTOR
CRAMER AND MR. WOLFE

ENGAGED IN A FRIENDLY
INTERROGATION.

AND GOODWIN'S PRINTS
ARE EVERYWHERE.

AND IF I DON'T GET AN
EXPLANATION FROM YOU

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU IN

AND YOU CAN TALK TO
THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

OR I'M GONNA TAKE YOU IN AND
YOU CAN TALK TO THE COMMISSIONER.

ANY WAY, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU IN!

YOU'RE TAKING ME IN?!

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

IF YOU TAKE ME IN,
I WILL STAND MUTE!

I WOULD SLEEP UNDER A BRIDGE
AND EAT SCRAPS BEFORE I WOULD

SUBMIT A CLIENT TO
OFFICIAL HARASSMENT.

HA-HA-HA, YOU? EATING SCRAPS?

YES, I WOULD!

HA-HA! NEVER HAPPEN.

INSPECTOR CRAMER,
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

GOODWIN, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I HOPE YOU'RE PACKED

BECAUSE I'M TAKING YOU DOWNTOWN.

LET'S GO.

OH, COME ON, LET'S GO!

I WAS IN CUSTODY
FROM 10:04 P.M. SUNDAY

TO 10:05 A.M. MONDAY,

WHEN NATHANIEL PARKER,
WOLFE'S ATTORNEY,

ARRIVED WITH MY BAIL.

WELL, WELL, I SEE YOU'VE
KEPT BUSY... I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.

I HAD A ONE-HOUR NAP
WITH A DICK STANDING BY.

WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?

SWEETBREADS WITH BECHAMEL SAUCE,

CHERVIL AND TRUFFLES,

WATERCRESS AND
BEET SALAD AND BRIE.

WELL, IF THERE'S ENOUGH LEFT
OVER, YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME.

ARCHIE... ARCHIE!

BEFORE YOU GO, IF YOU
COULD ARRANGE TO HAVE

MRS. VALDON HERE AT 2:00.

AS WE ARE UNDER SURVEILLANCE,

SHE SHOULD ENTER
THROUGH THE BACK.

AND I SHOULD RESIGN ON
THE SPOT, BUT I'M TOO TIRED.

I TOLD ARCHIE THAT I WAS
SORRY THAT I WAS LATE.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT HE HAD TO
WAIT AT THE BACK GATE FOR ME.

IT WAS A BAD START.

NO CLIENT HAS EVER
CALLED HIM "NERO"

SO, HER SAYING
"ARCHIE" MEANT TO HIM

THAT SHE WAS TAKING
LIBERTIES OR THAT I ALREADY HAD.

ARE YOU READY?

YES.

MR. GOODWIN AND I ARE
IN A PICKLE, MRS. VALDON.

ELLEN TENZER IS DEAD,

AND, FOR THE PRESENT, WE
SHALL LEAVE HER TO THE POLICE

BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT SHE
DIDN'T PUT THE BABY IN THE VESTIBULE.

HOW DO WE KNOW THAT?

INFERENCE.

A NURSE WOULDN'T USE A BARE PIN.

YES.

NOW, THE POINT IS THAT,

IF WE ASSUME THAT
ELLEN TENZER WAS KILLED

TO PREVENT HER FROM
REVEALING THE ORIGIN OF THE BABY,

AND WE CONTINUE TO CONCEAL
YOUR CONNECTION TO HER,

THEN MR. GOODWIN AND I

ARE WITHHOLDING EVIDENCE OF
A HOMICIDE AND THAT IS A FELONY.

SO, YOU ASSUME THAT
IS WHY SHE WAS KILLED?

IT WOULD BE VACUOUS NOT TO.

WHY?

FOCUS ON THE POINT, IF YOU CAN.

IF WE CONTINUE TO
CONCEAL WHAT WE KNOW

TO PREVENT YOU FROM BEING
BADGERED BY THE POLICE,

THEN IT WON'T DO TO MERELY
FIND OUT WHO THE MOTHER IS.

WE MUST ALSO DISCOVER
WHO THE MURDERER IS.

WHY? BE...

ARCHIE!

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH A MURDERER.

YOU DON'T, MRS.
VALDON, BUT WE DO.

LOOK, WHAT HE'S SAYING IS,

IF YOU DROP US WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO OPEN UP TO THE COPS

AND THEN, YOU'LL HAVE
COPS, YOU'LL HAVE REPORTERS

ON YOUR DOORSTEP ASKING
YOU, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY,

ALL ABOUT THE BABY, YOU SEE?

BUT, IF YOU STICK WITH US,

WELL, THE COPS WILL NEVER HAVE
TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR,

UH, CONNECTION TO ELLEN TENZER,
PROVIDED YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

NOT IF YOU'RE NO
LONGER A CLIENT.

AHEM.

OH, I AM! OF COURSE, I AM.

ARCHIE!

OH, UH... MRS. VALDON...

LUCY, LUCY... PREFERS
US OVER THE COPS.

IT'S UH... GOOD FOR
THE SELF-ESTEEM.

I... I CAN PROCEED?

OH, YES, PLEASE.

WE SHALL NEED YOUR
HELP, MRS. VALDON.

I WOULD LIKE AN EXPANDED
LIST OF THE NAMES OF THE WOMEN

WHO MIGHT HAVE CONSORTED
WITH YOUR HUSBAND LAST FALL.

I WANT TO MEET WITH FOUR MEN

WHO KNEW MORE THAN YOU
DID ABOUT HIS ESCAPADES.

THAT WOULD BE, UM,
LEO, JULIAN, WILLIS

AND, I ASSUME, MANNY UPTON.

AND I HAVE YOUR PROMISE THAT IF
YOU ARE CONTACTED BY THE POLICE,

YOU WILL STAND MUTE.

YES.

ONE MORE QUESTION.

WHERE WERE YOU LAST
FRIDAY EVENING AFTER 8:00?

THE NIGHT SHE WAS MURDERED?

YES.

HA, YOU CAN'T MEAN THAT.

YOU SHOULD BE GRATIFIED
THAT I CONSIDER IT IMAGINABLE.

YOU HAVE A FUNNY NOTION OF
WHAT GRATIFIES PEOPLE, MR. WOLFE.

I DINED WITH THE GOVERNOR
TO DISCUSS KILLER FOG

AND WAS HOME FOR
THE 10:00 FEEDING.

ARE YOU REFERRING
TO THE LONDON EVENT?

YES. AH.

MRS. VALDON THINKS THAT
THE AIR HAS SOMEHOW, UH,

BECOME POISONOUS, SEE.

IT PROBABLY IS.

ARCHIE, IT IS SULFUR DIOXIDE.

WE ARE GOING TO POISON OURSELVES

TO GET HOME FROM THE
OFFICE FIVE MINUTES SOONER.

NOW, TO ADDRESS
YOUR QUERY, MR. WOLFE.

IT IS UTTER NONSENSE
TO SUSPECT ME.

NOTHING IS NONSENSE CONCERNING
THE VAGARIES OF HUMAN CONDUCT.

GOOD DAY, MRS. VALDON.

GOOD DAY.

FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS,

WE ARRANGED A VERY
DIFFERENT SOCIAL EVENT

FROM THE ONES MRS.
VALDON WAS USED TO.

I CALLED HER LUCY ONCE,

AND SHE CALLED ME ARCHIE TWICE.

HMM.

THANK YOU.

WELL, I, UM... I HAD A
LOVELY AFTERNOON.

AS DID I.

GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

AH, THE PARTY HAS
BEEN ARRANGED FOR 9:00.

YOU ARE AWARE THAT I AM NOT
GOING TO ASK YOU WHAT WAS ON

THAT PIECE OF PAPER
THAT WOMAN HANDED YOU.

OH, NOW IT CAN BE MENTIONED,
SEE, SHE WROTE IN LONG-HAND

"MY DEAREST ARCHIE,
LIZZIE BORDEN TOOK AN AX

GAVE HER MOTHER 40
WHACKS, YOUR LOVING LUCY."

IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT...

SHUT UP.

UH, FRITZ?

YOU DON'T DUST.

THE PARTY BEGAN ON TIME.

I PROFILED THEM NEATLY FOR
WOLFE AND WILL DO SO FOR YOU.

MANUAL UPTON, THE
EDITOR OF DISTAFF MAGAZINE,

DISCOVERED DICK VALDON AND
PUBLISHED HIS FIRST STORIES.

WILLIS KRUG WAS VALDON'S AGENT

AND ANXIOUS TO GET BACK TO WORK.

THE DISTINGUISHED JULIAN HAFT
PUBLISHED MR. VALDON'S NOVELS

AND CLAIMED TO
BE HIS GOOD FRIEND.

LEO BINGHAM WAS DICK
VALDON'S OLDEST FRIEND

AND FELLOW CONNOISSEUR
OF THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES.

MMM, INCREDIBLE!

SERVING THIS ELIXIR OFFHAND
AND TO A STRANGER, MY GOD!

IN MY HOUSE, A GUEST IS A GUEST,

STRANGER OR NOT.

YOU ARE A RADIO
PRODUCER, ARE YOU NOT?

AND GLAD OF THE
CHANCE TO MEET YOU.

I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE
ENORMOUS POSSIBILITIES FOR RADIO

AND NOW THAT I'VE
HEARD YOUR VOICE,

MY GOD, IT WOULD BE STUPENDOUS!

THIS IS THE WAY IT
GOES, MR. WOLFE.

MASS CULTURE, HE'S
INTERESTED IN YOUR VOICE.

I'M INTERESTED IN YOUR MIND.

AH.

HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN A BOOK?

UNTHINKABLE, MR. HAFT.

NOTHING CORRUPTS A MAN
SO DEEPLY AS WRITING A BOOK.

I WOULDN'T PRESUME.

COULD WE GET STARTED?
I'VE GOT CALLS TO MAKE.

IT'S SIMPLE.

YOUR FRIEND, LUCY VALDON,
IS BEING BLACKMAILED.

SHE HAS RECEIVED SEVERAL
ANONYMOUS LETTERS

FROM A WOMAN CLAIMING TO HAVE
BEEN INTIMATE WITH HER HUSBAND.

WHAT I REQUEST FROM YOU
IS A LIST OF EVERY WOMAN

WITH WHOM YOU
THINK THAT POSSIBLE.

MRS. VALDON HAS TOLD ME
THAT YOU WOULD BE OF HELP.

MORE BRANDY, MR. BINGHAM?

MM, PAYOLA.

HE POURS, THE BRIBE...

HE SIPS.

BUT WHAT A BRIBE.

WHAT DOES THIS
LOVER SAY, EXACTLY?

THAT WOULD VIOLATE
A FIRM ASSURANCE

THAT I'VE GIVEN MY CLIENT.

HELL, I'M HOOKED, I'M BRIBED.

YES.

I'M AGAINST ANYONE
SENDING ANONYMOUS LETTERS,

NO MATTER WHO.

I'LL CALL IN LATER WITH
MY LIST, CAN I GO NOW?

YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING INTO
THAT BABY SHE HAS UP THERE.

IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE
GONNA HASH IT UP.

LUCY VALDON WANTS A FAVOR
FROM ME, SHE CAN ASK ME.

THANK YOU FOR COMING, GENTLEMEN.

WELL, I DON'T MIND.

IT MIGHT TAKE SOME
TIME, I'M A VERY BUSY MAN.

UPTON WAS THE ONLY
ONE WHO REFUSED.

AND WHEN THE LISTS WERE
GATHERED AND CROSS-REFERENCED,

WE HAD 148 NAMES.

AND SO, CONCEIVED BY
WOLFE, EXECUTED BY GOODWIN

AND FUELED BY THE CLIENT'S
HARD-EARNED, INHERITED CASH,

THE GREAT MOTHER HUNT BEGAN.

WHEN THE RESULTS WERE IN,

FOUR MYSTERY BABIES
HAD BEEN ACCOUNTED FOR

AND SEVEN WOMEN WHO
HAD BEEN AWAY IN JUNE

HAD BEEN TRACKED DOWN.

ORRIE HAD FLOWN TO THE
RIVIERA AND FRED TO ARIZONA.

WHEN SAUL PHONED IN TO REPORT
THAT HE'D CLOSED THE LAST GAP...

26 DAYS AND $8,670 LATER...

WE WERE PRECISELY WHERE
WE HAD BEEN WHEN WE STARTED.

NOWHERE.

THERE WERE, HOWEVER,

TWO SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENTS.

THE FIRST WAS THAT MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CLIENT

HAD GROWN INCREASINGLY CORDIAL.

WHEN A CLIENT IS
SHELLING OUT $300 A DAY

AND GETTING NOTHING
FOR HER DOUGH,

THE LEAST YOU CAN DO
IS DROP IN AND SAY HELLO.

I DISCOVERED THAT AS A
DANCER, SHE WAS NO SLOUCH.

SHE WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO
TAKE TO THE "FLAMINGO CLUB".

THE SECOND DEVELOPMENT
WAS THAT LUCY CAME

WITHIN AN ACE OF
QUITTING AS A CLIENT.

CRAMER PUT TWO AND TWO
TOGETHER AND GOT FOUR

AND SENT STEBBINS
TO DO THE COUNTING.

YES?

SERGEANT STEBBINS, HOMICIDE,

NEW YORK CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT.

IS MRS. VALDON AT HOME?

IT'S ALL RIGHT, EVE, I'LL
TALK TO THE GENTLEMAN.

MAY I HELP YOU?

MRS. VALDON? SERGEANT STEBBINS,

NEW YORK CITY POLICE
DEPARTMENT, HOMICIDE.

DID YOU KNOW AN ELLEN TENZER?

WHAT BUSINESS IS THAT OF YOURS?

I'M ON THE PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.

WELL, DO YOU HAVE
A WRIT OR A WARRANT

OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU NEED?

DO YOU HAVE ALL THE PAPERS

FOR THAT LITTLE
FOUNDLING YOU TOOK IN?

OF COURSE.

I'VE GOTTA WARN
YOU, MRS. VALDON,

IF WE MAKE THE CONNECTION
BETWEEN YOU AND TENZER

AND NERO WOLFE ON OUR OWN,

OUR NEXT INTERVIEW IS GONNA
BE DOWNTOWN AT HEADQUARTERS.

GOOD, I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO SEE THEM.

MY GRANDFATHER'S COMPANY
POURED THE FOUNDATIONS.

GOOD DAY.

AFTER PURLEY LEFT, THE QUEEN
STORMED OUT OF HER CASTLE

AND PAID A VISIT TO THE PEASANT.

IT WAS SUCH AN
INTRUSION, IT WAS RUDE!

OH, I'M SO CONFUSED, ARCHIE.

YOU SAID YOU WERE
GONNA PROTECT ME.

YOU WANNA HOLD HANDS, FINE.

YOU WANNA BE A
HUFFY CLIENT, FINE.

BUT IT'S NOT FAIR FOR A HUFFY
CLIENT TO CALL ME ARCHIE.

I'M NOT HUFFY.

CRABBY.

I'M NOT CRABBY.

IRRITABLE.

ALL RIGHT, THE POINT IS THIS.

MIXING PERSONAL AND BUSINESS
IS NOT GOOD FOR EITHER ONE OF US.

DON'T BE SILLY, ARCHIE.

WE'VE BEEN MIXING BUSINESS AND
PERSONAL FOR OVER A MONTH NOW.

YOU PROMISED MR. WOLFE...

THEY KNOW ABOUT THE BABY AND
THEY KNOW THAT I'M YOUR CLIENT.

ARE YOU GONNA KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT?

HE CAME TO MY HOME

AND STARTED ASKING ME QUESTIONS.

LUCY... ARE YOU?

I WON'T BE JOINING
YOU FOR COFFEE,

I HAVE A DATE, OF SORTS.

AND I KNOW WE'RE
EXPECTING CRAMER

BUT HE ALMOST NEVER
COMES AFTER DINNER.

HE'LL PROBABLY BE HERE
TOMORROW AT 11:02 ANYWAY, SO.

WHERE CAN YOU BE REACHED?

UH, YOU CAN REACH ME
AT MRS. VALDON'S NUMBER.

SHE WAS JUST HERE
THIS AFTERNOON.

YES, SHE WAS SHYING
A LITTLE, YOU KNOW.

SHE WANTS SOME ASSURANCE
THAT YOU COULD STAY IN THE SADDLE

AND I SUPPLIED IT.

IS SHE, IN FACT, IN A PUCKER?

AH, SHE, UH... SHE JUST
WANTS TO MAKE SURE

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PULL OUT

AND SHE ASKED ME TO
REPORT WHAT YOU SAID.

FLUMMERY.

RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER THAT.

I WAS OFF BY THREE MINUTES.

CRAMER ARRIVED AT
11:05 THE NEXT MORNING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU BLOCKED?

YES.

OH, THE HELL YOU ARE.

DO YOU DENY THAT THERE IS A
DIRECT CONNECTION BETWEEN

GOODWIN SEEING ELLEN
TENZER AND THE MURDER?

NO, NOR AFFIRM IT.

I DON'T KNOW, MR. CRAMER,
NEITHER DO YOU.

NUTS... YOU CAN ADD
JUST AS WELL AS I CAN.

YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING LUCY
VALDON'S MONEY LIKE IT'S WATER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT PANZER,
DURKIN AND CATHER ARE DOING

BUT I KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE NOT DOING.

THEY'RE NOT INVESTIGATING
THE DEATH OF ELLEN TENZER.

THEREFORE, YOU ALREADY
KNOW WHO KILLED HER.

AS REASONING, THAT
IS ADMIRABLY SPECIOUS.

BUT I GIVE YOU MY
WORD, MR. CRAMER,

I HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST
NOTION WHO KILLED ELLEN TENZER.

YOUR WORD.

MY WORD.

AND WHAT THE HELL ARE
GOODWIN AND HIS MONKEYS DOING?

THEY'RE NOT
INVESTIGATING A HOMICIDE.

WHAT TIME DID YOU LEAVE LUCY
VALDON'S HOUSE LAST NIGHT?

UH, WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO

WITH THE PRICE OF
EGGS IN REYKJAVIK?

WELL, THE 8-TO-2 MAN
SAYS YOU ENTERED AT 9

AND NEVER CAME OUT.

AND MY 2-TO-8 MAN SAYS
YOU DIDN'T COME OUT, EITHER.

YOU SPENT THE NIGHT
THERE, GOODWIN.

THIS WAS ALL WOLFE NEEDED.

FIRST, A WOMAN PASSES A
NOTE TO ME UNDER HIS NOSE

NOW CRAMER WAS TAKING
NOTES UNDER MY WINDOW.

UH, WHAT NIGHT?

LAST NIGHT.

OH, UH, ACTUALLY, UH,

MRS. VALDON AND I, WE
WERE FEELING SOMEWHAT HIGH

AND WE DECIDED TO GO
DANCE ON THE SIDEWALK.

SO, WE WENT OUTSIDE AT
ABOUT A QUARTER TO TWO.

ABOUT A QUARTER AFTER
TWO, SHE WENT BACK INSIDE.

I LEFT AND BOTH
YOUR MEN MISSED ME.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

YOU'RE A LIAR!

AND YOU'RE PIG-HEADED!

AND I WANT TO KNOW THE
REAL REASON WHY MRS. VALDON

IS SPENDING A FORTUNE
ON SOME STRAY BABY

AND KEEPING HER LIP
BUTTONED ABOUT IT.

AND IF I DON'T GET
THE ANSWER FROM YOU,

BY GOD, I'M GONNA
GET IT FROM HER.

AFTER ALL THIS?

AFTER I HAVE INDULGED
YOU TO THE UTMOST?

YOU DARE MOLEST MY CLIENT?

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WOULD.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HER NAME IS.

CRAMER'S BARK WAS
WORSE THAN THE D.A.'S BITE.

THEY ONLY KEPT LUCY
DOWNTOWN FOR FOUR HOURS

BUT, FOR AN ARMSTEAD,
THAT WAS ENOUGH

AND SHE WENT TO RECOVER
AT HER COUNTRY COTTAGE.

SHE TOOK HER BABY, THE NURSE,

THE MAID AND THE COOK...

AND ME.

IT WAS A MODEST LITTLE COTTAGE

WITH JUST ENOUGH ROOM
FOR THE RUSSIAN ARMY.

WON'T MR. WOLFE OBJECT TO YOU

BEING HERE WITH ME, THE CLIENT?

YES, BUT HE CAN'T FIRE ME.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE, IF I WASN'T AROUND

HE'D BE SLEEPING UNDER A
BRIDGE AND EATING SCRAPS.

HE HATES TO WORK AND HALF MY
SALARY COMES FROM POKING HIM.

SOUNDS DANGEROUS.

YEAH, SEE, WHEN I POKE HARD,
HE ASKS FOR SUGGESTIONS

THEN AVOIDS WORK
BY DISMISSING MY IDEAS.

SO, MY STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND,

WAS TO PROD HIM ALONG

AND MAKE MYSELF UNAVAILABLE
FOR HIM TO SCOWL AT.

YOU THINK IT'LL WORK?

I WILL SEE IN A FEW HOURS.

GOOD MORNING... GOOD MORNING!

AW, YOU SHOULD HAVE
JOINED US THIS WEEKEND.

WHAT A WEEKEND!

TRAMPING THE
MOORS, THE FRESH AIR,

THE LATE-NIGHT FIRES
CRACKLING AS THEY WERE.

THE BEAUTIFUL...

GET YOUR NOTEBOOK!

THUS STARTED THE SECOND
STAGE OF THE MOTHER HUNT.

AND IT WAS ELABORATE,
EVEN BY WOLFE'S STANDARDS.

BUT I DON'T WANNA
GO BACK TO TOWN.

IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE
GOING BACK I OBJECT TO,

IT'S PUBLICITY... PERIOD.

I'M AN ARM...

YOU'RE AN ARMSTEAD, YOU'RE
AN ARMSTEAD, YES, YES, I KNOW.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TIRED OF BEING AN ARMSTEAD

AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'VE TAKEN UP WITH

A RAFFISH CHARACTER LIKE ME.

TRUE.

YES, TRUE, SO?

OHH, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GREAT, NOW, I AM
GOING TO SEE YOU TOMORROW

AND I'M GONNA GO
PLANT A STORY NOW.

ALL RIGHT, SEE IT,
THE SUNDAY FEATURE

WITH A GOOD, WHOLESOME
TITLE, "WOMEN LIKE BABIES"

MOSTLY PICTURES.

WHAT TEXT THERE IS, WILL
TALK ABOUT HOW LUCY VALDON,

THE BEAUTIFUL WIDOW TO
RICHARD VALDON, FAMOUS AUTHOR,

HAS TAKEN A BABY INTO
HER LUXURIOUS HOME.

HOW SHE'S HIRED A NURSE WHO'S
SO DEVOTED TO THE LITTLE LAMBKIN

SHE TAKES IT OUT TO
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK

EVERY MORNING AT 8:30 TO
ENJOY THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE.

LAMBKIN?

AH, ANGEL PIE, SHMOOKIE...
I'M NOT WRITING IT, YOU ARE.

GOODWIN, YOU'VE GOT THE
NERVE OF A ONE-LEGGED MAN

AT AN ASS-KICKING
CONTEST... GET OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S NOT ONLY
VULGAR, IT'S IRRELEVANT.

ELLEN TENZER WAS MURDERED
BECAUSE OF THAT BABY.

YOU WANT US TO PUT
A SPOTLIGHT ON THAT?

NEXT DAY THE BABY'S SNATCHED

AND THEN THE GAZETTE GETS
BLAMED FOR IT, PASS-ADENA.

DID I MENTION TO YOU THAT
THE NURSE WILL BE A DETECTIVE?

THAT'S RIGHT, SALLY CORBETT,
THE BEST FEMALE OP AROUND

ASIDE FROM DOL BONNER,
AND THAT FRED DURKIN

SAUL PANZER AND ORRIE CATHER
WILL BE WATCHING HER BACK.

OH.

WHO KILLED ELLEN TENZER?

THAT'S WHY WE'RE DOING
THIS, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THIS.

AH.

ALL RIGHT, THE PICTURE...

I'M TALKING TO SOMEBODY,
CAN YOU WAIT A MINUTE?

THE PICTURE DEADLINE FOR
SUNDAY IS THURSDAY, 6:00.

WHAT DO YOU OWE ME? DINNER.

WHAT DO YOU OWE ME?

AN EXCLUSIVE! GET OUT OF HERE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I SPENT THE NEXT DAY
OF THE MOTHER HUNT

WITH SALLY CORBETT,

WHO HAD MADE IT NECESSARY FOR ME

TO REVISE MY PREJUDICE
AGAINST FEMALE OPS.

AND I HELD IT AGAINST HER

LIKE WOLFE HELD IT
AGAINST JANE AUSTEN

FOR PROVING WOMEN COULD WRITE.

DID YOU EVER FIND MY HAT?

I DON'T REMEMBER YOU IN A HAT.

OH, HERE WE GO.

I TRIED THE FISH-EYE LENS
BUT THE APERTURE IS TOO BIG.

SO I'M TRYING THE 16 MILLIMETER,

BUT I'M CONCERNED
ABOUT THE DISTORTION.

HUH.

THE REMOTE CABLE SHUTTER
RELEASE WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

YES, YOU KNOW, YOU SAY
THE MOST POETIC THINGS.

HOW LONG BEFORE YOU'RE
READY FOR THE SHOOT?

JUST GOT TO GET GLAMOROUS FIRST.

"WOMEN LOVE BABIES".

AH, IT'S A MATTER
OF TASTE, I THINK.

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED,
"WOMEN LIKE BABIES".

A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE.

AH, HAVE A LOOK AT THAT.

OH, DEAR, LUCY
ARMSTEAD IN THE GAZETTE.

SHOCKING.

I'VE ALREADY HAD CALLS
FROM THREE OF MY FRIENDS,

UNCLE WIMMIE AND
MY SISTER IN BOSTON.

UNCLE WIMMIE?

OH, YES, HE'S A LITTLE
TOUCHED IN THE HEAD.

GREAT STORYTELLER,
THOUGH, HA-HA.

UM, CROISSANT?

AH, YEAH. YES, AHEM.

TAMARA, DON'T YOU HAVE
DIAPERS TO WASH OR SOMETHING?

WITH THE TEDDY BEAR WIRED

AND SALLY MADE TO
LOOK LIKE A NURSE,

WE WERE READY FOR ANYONE
WHO WANTED TO LOOK AT THE BABY.

WHAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW WAS
THAT WE WERE LOOKING BACK,

HOPING ONE OF THEM
WAS THE MOTHER.

HELLO, LITTLE
SOLDIER, HOW ARE YOU?

THE, UH, CAMERA IS
CONCEALED IN THE TEDDY BEAR,

YOU SEE THE EYE?

YES.

IT'S A LENS.

YES, IT'S, UH, REMOTE CONTROL.

YES.

I GOT THE FOCUSING
DOWN PAT YESTERDAY.

ANYONE LOOKING AT THE
BABY FROM SIX YARDS OR LESS

IS GONNA GET SHOT IN FOCUS.

I TRIED THE 16-MILLIMETER LENS
BUT BECAUSE OF THE DISTOR...

MADAM, IF YOU WOULD FOCUS!

DID MRS. VALDON
RECOGNIZE ANY OF THESE?

UH, NO, WE'RE
WAITING FOR REPORTS

FROM HER HUSBAND'S FRIENDS.

HOW MUCH DID THIS
CONTRAPTION COST ME?

OH, 3,000, BETWEEN 3 AND 4,000.

UH, THE BEAUTY
OF THIS TEDDY BEAR

IS THAT IT COULD HAVE
BEEN THE RIGHT EYE

BUT SALLY FIGURED THAT
IF IT WAS THE LEFT EYE

BECAUSE PEOPLE TEND
TO KINDA LOOK INTO A BABY,

YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

THE TEDDY BEAR PICTURES WERE
SHIPPED TO DICK'S THREE FRIENDS,

JULIAN, WILLIS AND LEO,

TO SEE IF THEY COULD
SPOT ONE OF HIS PLAYMATES.

NO.

Don't recognize any of them.

NOPE, NOT A ONE.

LET'S HOPE TODAY'S
CROP IS BETTER.

TODAY'S CROP WAS A LOT BETTER.

A WOMAN ARRIVED IN A CAB

AND SEEMED TO KNOW
EXACTLY WHY SHE WAS THERE.

W... WAIT, SHE TOOK A CAB
THERE TO SEE THE BABY?

WELL, LET'S GO FIND THE HACKIE.

IF YOU CANNOT ABIDE ONION,

YOU MUST HAVE
SOMETHING TO CUT THE OIL.

PARSLEY.

HMM.

SORREL. AH!

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOUR THEORY THAT A WOMAN
WHO HAD A BABY SIX MONTHS AGO

MIGHT WANNA SEE
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE NOW...

IT WAS SOUND, TWO TO ONE,
WE HAVE HOOKED THE MOTHER.

AH, SATISFACTORY.

HOW MANY LEAVES?

I WOULD THINK ABOUT
ONE PER SERVING.

ONE?

MONDAY MORNING'S CROP

WAS THREE ROLLS, 26
EXPOSURES ALTOGETHER

AND ONE OF THEM WAS
WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN RUBIES.

THAT'S HER.

NOW, IF I MAY, I'M GOING TO
TAKE THAT TO MRS. VALDON

SEE IF SHE KNOWS HER.

YOU CAN REACH ME AT HER NUMBER.

AND YOU ARE TO
STAY OUT OF MY DESK.

AFTER THE STRAIN OF
APPEARING IN THE PRESS,

I THOUGHT IT WOULD
CHEER THE CLIENT UP

TO KNOW THE MOTHER
HUNT MIGHT BE OVER.

CAROL MARDUS... I
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
BEATEN 'TIL NOW.

DICK SAID IT WAS
ALL IN THE PAST.

BUT, WHEN THEY WERE
TOGETHER, YOU COULD STILL SEE IT.

SHE AND DICK...
THEY WEREN'T TAME.

YEAH, BUT IT ENDED.

YES.

BUT WHEN SHE GOT MANNY
UPTON TO TAKE DICK'S STORIES,

MANNY MADE HER A FICTION EDITOR

AND SHE WAS WITH MANNY.

SHE LEFT MANNY TO
MARRY WILLIS KRUG.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T LAST EITHER.

NOW... SHE WASN'T ON YOUR LIST.

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK OF
HER, I MEAN, NOT WITH A BABY.

SHE TOLD ME WHEN SHE
WAS MARRIED TO WILLIS

THAT SHE GOT PREGNANT
AND GOT RID OF IT.

MM-HMM.

NOW, IF SHE DIDN'T WANT
A BABY, WHY WOULD SHE...

BECAUSE IT WAS DICK'S.

OH, I AM BEAT, ARCHIE.

CAROL MARDUS, HMM.

NO... NO.

NO.

UH... NO.

CAROL MARDUS WAS
ABSENT FROM HER JOB

AT THE DISTAFF FOR NEARLY
SIX MONTHS LAST YEAR

ON VACATION IN
SARASOTA, FLORIDA.

NERO WOLFE'S OFFICE,
ARCHIE GOODWIN SPEAKING.

YES.

ARE YOU SURE?

WELL, ALL RIGHTY,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, KRUG JUST
MADE IT UNANIMOUS.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT ALL
THEM KNEW CAROL MARDUS,

NONE OF THEM COULD
PICK HER OUT OF A PILE.

SHE MUST INSPIRE
EITHER GREAT FEAR

OR THE INSTINCT TO PROTECT.

I THINK SHE'S JUST
GOT HER HOOKS IN DEEP.

CONTINUE, SAUL.

ON JUNE 16th, SHE WAS ADMITTED
TO SARASOTA GENERAL HOSPITAL

UNDER THE NAME OF CLARA WALDRON.

GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY.

SATISFACTORY.

SO?

THAT'S THE END OF
THE MOTHER HUNT.

NO, IT IS NOT.

IT COULD BE, BUT
NOT FOR THAT WOMAN.

THAT DEAD ONE, THE ONE WHO
GAVE YOU A DRINK OF WATER.

WELL, IF CAROL
MARDUS IS THE MOTHER

THEN SHE EITHER KILLED HER,

OR KNOWS WHO DID.

HOW MUCH OF MRS. VALDON'S
MONEY HAVE WE SPENT ALREADY?

AROUND 14 GRAND.

PHOOEY.

YOU WILL SEE CAROL MARDUS.

I WON'T, NO, YOU WILL.

I'VE SEEN ELLEN TENZER,
I'VE SEEN ANNE TENZER.

AND I'VE SEEN MRS. VALDON
20 TIMES TO YOUR ONE.

YES, YOU HAVE.

UH, NERO WOLFE'S OFFICE,
ARCHIE GOODWIN SPEAKING.

You're Archie Goodwin?

RIGHT.

You may have heard
my name, Carol Mardus.

CAROL MARDUS.

YES, I HAVE HEARD YOUR NAME.

WHEN THE DOORBELL
RANG LATER THAT DAY,

I FINALLY SAW THE
MOTHER IN THE FLESH.

AND MY FIRST IMPRESSION WAS

THAT IF RICHARD VALDON
PLAYED MARBLES WITH THIS

WHEN HE HAD LUCY, HE WAS CUCKOO.

I UNDERSTAND INQUIRIES
ARE BEING MADE ABOUT ME.

HERE IN NEW YORK
AND ALSO IN FLORIDA.

IT GRATIFIES ME TO
MEET YOU, MADAM.

I HAVE BEEN SEEKING
YOU FOR SIX WEEKS.

I'M IN THE PHONE BOOK.

I... I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YOU WENT TO A GREAT
DEAL OF TROUBLE

TO KEEP THIS BABY...

BABY?

WHAT BABY?

ARCHIE, THE PICTURE.

WHAT IS THIS?

THERE WERE CAMERAS
ATTACHED TO THE BABY CARRIAGE

IN WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.

ON JUNE 16th, UNDER THE
NAME OF CLARA WALDRON,

YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A CHILD AT
SARASOTA GENERAL HOSPITAL.

MY GOD, SO THAT'S
WHY SHE DID THAT.

I KNEW SHE COULDN'T HAVE
THOUGHT OF IT HERSELF.

YOU DID IT.

NO, I SUGGESTED IT.

DO YOU KNOW MR. LEO BINGHAM?

YOU KNOW I DO.

DO YOU KNOW MR. JULIAN HAFT?

YES.

AND YOU KNOW WILLIS KRUG,
YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM.

WE SHOWED THESE THREE
GENTLEMEN THOSE PHOTOGRAPHS.

NONE OF THEM IDENTIFIED YOU.

IS ONE OF THEM THE
FATHER OF YOUR BABY?

HMM-HMM, NO.

IS MR. RICHARD VALDON
THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD?

WILL YOU ANSWER ME, MADAM?

NO.

I ADVISE YOU TO.

FURTHER INQUIRIES WILL REVEAL

YOUR RENEWED INTIMACIES
WITH HIM LAST YEAR.

DID YOU LEAVE THE
BABY IN THE VESTIBULE

AT MRS. VALDON'S
HOUSE ON 11th STREET?

WILL YOU ANSWER, MADAM?

NO.

WHERE WERE YOU ON
THE EVENING OF MAY 20th?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT
ELLEN TENZER WAS KILLED?

WELL, THAT LAST QUESTION
WAS A LITTLE, UM, DIRECT.

IF SHE IS THE KILLER, THEN
IT WAS WELL TO INFORM HER

THAT WE HAVE CONNECTED
THE BABY TO ELLEN TENZER.

YEAH, AND IT'S WELL TO REMEMBER

THAT IF CRAMER CONNECTS
ELLEN TENZER TO CAROL MARDUS,

WE LOSE OUR LICENSES.

TAKE MRS. VALDON TO THE COUNTRY.

IF YOU'RE ANCHORED HERE,

YOU'LL BADGER ME
AND WE'LL SQUABBLE.

BUT COME BACK THIS EVENING.

WHAT ABOUT CHECKING ON
CAROL MARDUS FOR MAY 20th?

NO!

A JACKASS COULD DO THAT!

HAVE I NO IMAGINATION?

AM I A... A DOLT? HAVE I NO WIT?

I'M NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

AND, AS YOU KNOW,
I LOVE ELEPHANTS.

WE'RE GLIDING ALONG

AT ABOUT THREE FEET ON
THIS BEAUTIFUL SAVANNA,

THAT'S WHAT THEY
CALL THEM, A SAVANNA.

WHAT ELSE DID CAROL SAY?

HUH? CAROL MARDUS.

I'VE GIVEN IT TO YOU,
WORD FOR WORD, TWICE.

OKAY, SO, WE'RE ON THE SAVANNA

AND WE'RE HOVERING
ABOUT THREE FEET OVER IT

AND THERE'S THIS
HERD, SEE, OF ELEPHANTS

AND THEY CAN RUN VERY FAST,

NOT AS FAST AS RHINOS, BUT
THEY CAN RUN VERY, VERY...

WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?

WHAT WAS SHE WEARING? YES.

DOES THAT HAVE SOME
BEARING ON THE QUESTION

OF WHETHER RICHARD
VALDON IS THE FATHER?

I JUST...

YOU JUST WHAT?

I JUST WANTED TO KNOW
WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF HER.

YOU MEAN, DID I FIND
HER ATTRACTIVE?

NO...

OKAY, SO THERE WE
WERE ON THE SAVANNA.

NOW, RHINOCEROSES,
THEY'RE VERY FAST...

DID YOU?

DID I WHAT?

DID I FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?

DID YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?

NO... I DON'T WANNA KNOW.

PLEASE GO ON WITH THE STORY.

OKAY, SO WE'RE ON
THE SAVANNA, YOU KNOW,

WE'RE KIND OF TRAVELING AROUND,
HOVERING AND EVERYTHING...

I LET IT SLIDE.

NO MAN WITH ANY SENSE ASSUMES
THAT A WOMAN'S WORDS MEAN TO HER

EXACTLY WHAT THEY MEAN TO HIM.

NO WORD FROM UPSTAIRS?

NO, ARCHIE.

I GUESS I'M GONNA
HAVE TO POKE...

NERO WOLFE'S KITCHEN.

ARCHIE, IT'S SAUL, ARE YOU
LISTENING TO THE RADIO?

UH, THE RADIO? NO,
NO, I WAS BROODING.

THEN I'M BAD NEWS.

AHEM. YES.

UH, YEAH, SAUL JUST PHONED
WITH AN ITEM FROM THE 8:30 NEWS.

THE BODY OF CAROL MARDUS
WAS FOUND IN AN ALLEY BY A COP.

STRANGLED WITH A
CORD AROUND HER NECK,

JUST LIKE AUNT ELLEN.

NO!

UH... YES.

THEODORE, GOOD MORNING.

I WILL NOT BE WITH YOU IN THE
PLANT ROOMS THIS MORNING.

WHERE ARE YOU BOUND FOR?

THE PLANT ROOMS, OF COURSE.

LISTEN, IF CRAMER SHOWS UP HERE

WE CAN NO LONGER SAY WE
HAVE NO EVIDENCE IN A MURDER

BECAUSE NOW THE MOTHER
HUNT HAS CAUSED TWO MURDERS.

PHOOEY!

OH, BOY.

WOLFE WENT OFF TO HIS PLANTS.

I PHONED LON COHEN FOR DETAILS.

CAROL MARDUS WAS
MURDERED LESS THAN A BLOCK

FROM HER EX-HUSBAND'S APARTMENT.

HER EMPLOYER
CAME TO IDENTIFY HER.

AS SOON AS I KNEW THE FACTS,
I HEADED FOR THE COTTAGE.

I DIDN'T WANT LUCY TO
FIND OUT FROM THE RADIO.

NO!

OKAY, IT'S TOUGH,
IT'S DAMN TOUGH.

ALL THE IFS.

YEAH, BUT NOW
THERE ARE RISKS, SEE?

DO YOU WANNA TURN LOOSE?

NO!

I DON'T WANNA TURN LOOSE.

YOU DON'T?

THE MAN WHO KILLED THEM

PUT THE BABY IN MY
VESTIBULE, DIDN'T HE?

YES.

THEN I WANT NERO
WOLFE TO GET HIM.

THE COPS WILL GET
HIM SOONER OR LATER.

I WANT NERO WOLFE TO GET HIM.

ALL RIGHT... HE WILL.

AND I'M GONNA GO BACK
AND HELP HIM, ALL RIGHT?

I JUST HAD AN IDEA.

I HAVE ONE A YEAR, YOU KNOW.

I MAY BE WALKING BY YOUR
HOUSE AND FEEL LIKE DROPPING IN,

MAY I HAVE A KEY?

999 WOMEN OUT OF A THOUSAND
WOULD HAVE ASKED ME WHY.

I CAME HOME TO FIND
WOLFE WAITING FOR ME.

A PARTY HAD BEEN
ARRANGED IN MY ABSENCE.

WHO THE HELL DO
YOU THINK YOU ARE?

SIT DOWN.

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

SIT DOWN.

BY GOD, IF YOU
DON'T ANSWER ME, I...

IN MY HOUSE, I DO THE BAWLING.

NOW, IT SAVES TIME TO HAVE
ALL THREE OF YOU HERE TOGETHER

BECAUSE I WISH TO ASK EACH
OF YOU THE SAME QUESTION.

AS A PREAMBLE, YOU SHOULD KNOW

THAT THERE WERE NO
ANONYMOUS LETTERS.

I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT.

IT DID SEEM ODD.

MRS. VALDON HIRED ME TO LEARN
WHO HER BABY'S MOTHER WAS.

I KNEW IT.

WHY DID NONE OF YOU
PUT CAROL MARDUS

ON THE LISTS YOU WERE
ASKED TO PRODUCE?

CAROL? SHE'S DEAD.

SHE IS INDEED, YES.

YOU ALL KNOW HER, AND HER
PICTURE WAS AMONG THOSE

I SENT TO YOU ON TUESDAY,

WHY DID NONE OF YOU IDENTIFY IT?

A CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE?

WHEN CAROL MARDUS
WAS HERE YESTERDAY...

SHE WAS HERE?

DID SHE SAY SHE WAS
THE MOTHER OF THE BABY?

IN WORDS, NO, BUT
IT IS INDUBITABLE.

AND NOW, WITH HER DEATH,

IT IS ALSO INDUBITABLE THAT
SHE TOLD SOME OTHER PERSON,

CALL HIM "X",

OF HER CONVERSATION
WITH ME AND THAT "X",

FEARING SHE WOULD DISCLOSE
HIS INVOLVEMENT, KILLED HER.

THIS IS FANTASTIC!

I PRESUME THAT YOU WISH THE
MURDERER OF CAROL MARDUS

BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE, AS DO I.

I WOULD PREFER NOT TO ABET
INSPECTOR CRAMER'S EFFORTS

TO FIND THE MALIGNANT WRETCH

BECAUSE I WISH TO
NAME HIM MYSELF.

TO THAT END, I HAVE
QUESTIONS TO ASK.

WILL YOU ANSWER THEM?

WELL, CAROL AND I WERE MARRIED
FOR EXACTLY 18 MONTHS AND...

WELL, THERE WERE
TIMES I COULD HAVE

STRANGLED HER
MYSELF, IF I HAD IT IN ME.

CAROL MARDUS WAS A FASCINATING,

ARISTOCRATIC TRAMP... TO CAROL.

THIS IS SO DISTRESSING!

TO EVEN BE ASKED.

SHE MADE IT PLAIN.

SHE MARRIED ME BECAUSE
SHE WANTED TO GO TAME.

SHE COULD HAVE HAD ME
BY SNAPPING HER FINGERS

BUT THERE WAS A DIFFICULTY.

SHE BELONGED TO MY
GOOD FRIEND DICK VALDON.

SHE STAYED TAME FOR
THREE OR FOUR MONTHS.

ALTHOUGH, WITH HER,
YOU NEVER COULD TELL.

BELONGED... THAT'S
NOT THE RIGHT WORD.

CAROL BELONGED TO NO ONE.

I JUST DON'T SEE
HER WITH A BABY.

BUT IF SHE HAD ONE,
DICK VALDON'S THE FATHER.

SO, WHO DID SHE
TURN TO FOR HELP?

YOU, JULIAN?

SHE ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE THE
ONE MAN SHE COULD GO TO DINNER WITH

AND THEN GO HOME
AND READ MANUSCRIPTS.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD
BE FLATTERED, LEO.

YOUR THOUGHT THAT CAROL

CONSIDERED ME WORTHY
OF HER CONFIDENCE.

AND, OF COURSE, SHE DIDN'T.

DID YOU KILL CAROL MARDUS?

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, NO!

CERTAINLY.

NO... OF COURSE NOT.

WHY?

GENTLEMEN...

WE MAY NOT HAVE MUTUAL TRUST

BUT WE HAVE A MUTUAL INTEREST.

IN ANY CASE, I'M OBLIGED TO
YOU ON BEHALF OF MY CLIENT.

ALL RIGHT, BOSS,

NOW, I CALL YOU BOSS
BECAUSE I KNOW IT IRRITATES YOU

BUT THAT'S PART OF
MY JOB, TO IRRITATE YOU.

NOW, EITHER YOU CALL CRAMER
RIGHT NOW AND EMPTY THE BAG

OR I WILL.

IMPOSSIBLE.

NO, THE MURDERER HAS DARED
ME WITH FLAGRANT IMPUDENCE

AND IT IS I, NOT THE POLICE,

WHO WILL BE THE
INSTRUMENT OF HIS DOOM.

LET'S GO, WOLFE!

KITCHEN!

COME ON, WOLFE, OPEN UP.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!

CRIPES, OPEN THIS DOOR!

ARCHIE, THE COATS.

MR. CRAMER IS AT THE FRONT DOOR.

I CANNOT SPEAK WITH HIM

WITHOUT REVEALING THAT
WHICH I DO NOT WANT HIM TO KNOW.

PUT A CHAIN BOLT ON THE DOOR.

ARCHIE AND I HAVE GONE, YOU
DON'T KNOW WHEN WE'LL RETURN.

IF HE RETURNS WITH
A SEARCH WARRANT...

YOU'LL HAVE TO ADMIT
HIM, BUT TELL HIM NOTHING.

BUT... THE SHAD ROE?

YES...

GO!

YOU REALIZE, THIS IS THE
LAST DAY OF THE SEASON.

THERE WILL BE NO
MORE AFTER THIS.

YES, YES.

MUST IT BE A HOTEL?

NO, I HAD THE IDEA WE
MIGHT NEED A DUGOUT

SO I ASKED MRS. VALDON
FOR A KEY TO HER HOUSE.

IT'S TWO MILES THAT WAY.

WE WILL STOP ON THE
WAY FOR ACCOUTERMENTS.

EASY, EASY.

FOUR CHEESES, ROAST
BEEF, STURGEON, ANCHOVIES...

WOLFE KNEW THERE
WAS ONLY ONE WAY

TO GET HOME TO HIS ORCHIDS...

AND HIS CHAIR AND
HIS UNFINISHED BOOK.

WHY WASN'T HE WORKING?

YOU'RE PLAYING HOUSE.

LOOK, SIR, THERE'S
TIMES TO BE ECCENTRIC

AND THERE'S TIMES WHEN
ONE MUST PUT THEIR MIND

TO THE MATTERS AT HAND.

ARCHIE, TOMORROW IS SUNDAY
AND WE'RE BOXED UP HERE.

WE CAN'T EVEN CHANGE OUR SOCKS.

MOVE THAT PLATE.

WHY...

JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.

NOW, DESPITE ALL THIS, I AM
CONSIDERING MRS. VALDON.

I WANT YOU TO ASK HER TO
COME HERE THIS EVENING, ALONE.

AND SINCE YOU'RE FUMING, GET
SAUL HERE TOMORROW MORNING.

RIGHT, WHAT FOR?

I AM CONSIDERING
ELLEN TENZER'S NIECE,

ANNE, IS IT? YES.

IF I PROPERLY
UNDERSTOOD HER METIER,

SHE REPLACES OFFICE WORKERS
WHO ARE TEMPORARILY ABSENT.

THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS
CALLED STOPGAP...

I'LL BE DAMNED, I'LL BE DAMNED.

I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT
OF THAT MYSELF.

YOU WERE TOO BUSY FUMING.

I WASN'T FUMING.

YES, YOU WERE.

NO, NO, YOU CAN'T
SAY I WAS FUMING.

YES, YOU WERE. I
WAS HARDLY FUMING.

YOU WERE CLEARLY FUMING.

I WASN'T FUMING.

ONE CANNOT THINK IF ONE FUMES.

DO HAVE ENOUGH
THERE, BY THE WAY?

HERE, HAVE SOME CORNED
BEEF, YOU LIKE CORNED BEEF.

OH, NO, NO, I
WOULDN'T WANT TO...

SOME WONDERFUL MUSTARD THERE.

OLIVES, ANCHOVIES, ARTICHOKE.

CHEESE AND CRACKERS...
YOU LIKE CRACKERS...

OLIVES...

right up the middle...

RUN, YOU GOTTA
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN.

PICK UP THE BALL,
PICK UP THE BALL...

going around first...

YES, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.

Safe on third!

NO!

WELL, WELL, WELL,
AREN'T YOU A COZY PAIR?

YOU'RE ASTONISHED THAT
YOUR HOUSE IS NOT A MESS

WITH TWO MEN LOOSE
IN IT, AREN'T YOU?

YOU ARE CONCEITED.

MMM.

BUT I LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

HOW WAS THE GOVERNOR?

YOU KNOW, HE ASKED ABOUT YOU.

AH, YES.

HE MISSED YOU...

MADAM, I THANK YOU
HEARTILY FOR THIS HAVEN.

WELL, I HOPE, SIR,

THAT YOU'VE BEEN
QUITE COMFORTABLE.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE
UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY LIFE.

NO REFLECTION ON YOUR
HOSPITALITY IS INTENDED

BUT, MR. GOODWIN
AND I ARE IN A PICKLE.

AGAIN?

I NEED TO SEE YOUR
HUSBAND'S FRIENDS.

CAN YOU GET THEM HERE TOMORROW,

WITHOUT REVEALING MY PRESENCE?

MR. UPTON MIGHT
NEED SOME PERSUADING

BUT HE IS ESSENTIAL.

AND MR. CRAMER, IT WOULD
BE GOOD TO HAVE HIM HERE.

DO YOU LIKE EGGS?

CONFOUND IT, ARE EGGS COMICAL?

WELL, NO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO
SCRAMBLE EGGS, MRS. VALDON?

OF COURSE I DO.

TO USE MR. GOODWIN'S
FAVORITE LOCUTION,

ONE WILL GET YOU
10 THAT YOU DON'T.

I WILL PREPARE
SCRAMBLED EGGS FOR YOU

TOMORROW MORNING FOR BREAKFAST.

TELL ME 40 MINUTES
BEFORE YOU'RE READY.

40 MINUTES? YES.

I KNEW YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

IF YOU'RE TIRED, ARCHIE,
YOU SHOULD GO TO BED.

UM...

WELL, MR. WOLFE, YOU
MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

OH, YES, WHAT, WITH ALL THE EGGS

YOU'VE GOT TO COOK
TOMORROW MORNING.

NO, NO, I'M NOT.

GOOD BOOK, A GOOD CHAIR,
SATISFACTORY, MADAM.

HMM.

GOOD MORNING. 'MORNING.

'MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

'MORNING. AH, GOOD MORNING.

SLEEP WELL?

OH, YES. YES, I DID, YES.

SMELLS DELICIOUS, HEH.

MMM.

THERE WE ARE.

THANK YOU.

MMM.

WELL, I HAVE GOT TO ADMIT,

THESE ARE RIGHT UP
THERE WITH FRITZ'S.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO TELL HIM.

MMM.

I GUESS I DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO SCRAMBLE AN EGG.

OF COURSE, 40 MINUTES IS MORE
TIME THAN ONE COULD EXPECT

A HOUSEWIFE TO SPEND
SCRAMBLING EGGS

BUT, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO DO IT TO PERFECTION

IN ANY LESS.

NOW I KNOW.

THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD, REALLY.

AH, SAUL.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU KNOW, I READ SOMETHING
WHICH MIGHT INTEREST YOU.

IT'S A MONOGRAPH
BY R.P. ARMSTEAD

ON THE ACIDIC
EFFECT OF LONDON FOG

ON THE LEAVES OF
FLOWERING PLANTS.

YES, WELL, MY UNCLE
PUBLISHED IT UNDER HIS NAME.

R.P. ARMSTEAD DID NOT WRITE IT?

NO... I DID. YOU?

I WANTED IT TO BE
TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

WELL, SAUL.

I SPOKE WITH FRITZ.

THERE WERE TWO HOMICIDE
DICKS CAMPED OUT IN YOUR OFFICE...

SMOKING CIGARS.

ARCHIE, GIVE SAUL
TENZER'S ADDRESS.

NEVER BETTER.

OH, HELLO, MANNY,
WON'T YOU COME IN?

THE OTHERS ARE HERE.

OTHERS?

WHAT IS ALL THIS,
LUCY, WHO IS THIS MAN?

HE WORKS FOR NERO WOLFE.

YOU'RE STILL INVOLVED
WITH THAT FAT FOOL?

HEY!

THIS WAY, SIR.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

YOU KNOW, I KEEP THINKING

TOMORROW, I'LL NO
LONGER BE A CLIENT.

NO MORE BUSINESS RELATIONS.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHY
I'VE MADE A RESERVATION

AT THE "FLAMINGO CLUB".

SO THE WHOLE WORLD CAN
SEE HOW YOU CAN DANCE.

ARE YOU FLIRTING
WITH ME, ARCHIE?

MRS. VALDON.

MR. GOODWIN.

PANZER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHOSE LITTLE PARTY IS THIS?

MINE.

ARREST HIM... THEM.

THAT IS A FORMAL DEMAND.

THEY HAVE ME HERE
AGAINST MY WILL.

DON'T BE A DONKEY!

I'M HERE TO NAME A MURDERER.

MR. CRAMER KNOWS THAT.

YEAH...

YEAH.

OH, COME ON, WOLFE.

LET'S GET ON WITH IT,
I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY.

WHEN CAROL MARDUS NEEDED
TO GET RID OF HER BABY,

SHE ENLISTED THE
HELP OF A FRIEND, A MAN,

LET US CALL HIM "X".

MAKE IT "Z", "X" IS OVERWORKED.

IT WAS A FATAL MISTAKE,
FOR "X" WAS ONE OF THE FEW

WHO HAD BEEN DENIED
HER INTIMATE FAVORS

AND HE RESENTED IT.

SUCH PURPLE PROSE.

WHEN SHE TOLD HIM THAT
RICHARD VALDON WAS THE FATHER

HE INDULGED HIMSELF IN A PRANK.

HE LEFT THE BABY AND A NOTE
IN MRS. VALDON'S VESTIBULE.

GOD, WHAT A STORY THIS IS,
IS ANYONE GETTING IT DOWN?

WHEN ELLEN TENZER
COMMUNICATED TO "X"

THAT WE WERE ON HIS
TRAIL, HE STRANGLED HER.

THE PRANK WAS PERMISSIBLE,

BUT THE THREAT OF ITS
DISCLOSURE WAS NOT.

AFTER HER TALK WITH ME,

MISS MARDUS DID WHAT
ELLEN TENZER HAD DONE.

SHE WAS PROBABLY SCORNFUL.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU SAYING
THIS IS THE SAME BABY

THAT WAS BOARDED
BY ELLEN TENZER?

YES, I SEE THIS WON'T DO,
I MUST NAME HIM... ARCHIE?

THIS IS ANNE TENZER,

THE NIECE OF ELLEN TENZER.

SHE WORKS FOR AN
EMPLOYMENT SERVICE

AND FILLS TEMPORARY VACANCIES
AT THE SENIOR EXECUTIVE LEVEL.

MISS TENZER, LOOK AROUND.

IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS ROOM
WHO YOU HAVE EVER WORKED FOR?

OH, HELLO, MR. HAFT.

HE'S THE PRESIDENT
OF PARTHENON PRESS.

IS THIS ONE OF YOUR
FAMOUS DRAMAS, MR. WOLFE?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, MR. HAFT?

I THINK IT WAS THE
LAST TWO WEEKS IN JUNE

AND THE FIRST WEEK IN JULY.

I'VE HEARD OF YOUR TACTICS

AND I'M NOT PUTTING
UP WITH THEM.

SIT DOWN.

DID YOU DISCUSS YOUR AUNT
ELLEN'S WORK WITH MR. HAFT?

WELL, I MUST HAVE.

BECAUSE IT WAS LAST
JANUARY THAT HE CALLED ME

TO SEE IF MY AUNT ELLEN
STILL BOARDED BABIES.

DID THAT WORK OUT, MR. HAFT?

SHE'S LYING?

DO YOU CONTRADICT
HER? DO YOU SAY SHE LIES?

NO, I DON'T SAY SHE
LIES, I SAY SHE'S MISTAKEN.

SHE MISTOOK ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

PUERILE, EITHER ACKNOWLEDGE
THE FACTS AND CALL HER A LIAR

OR TELL ME THE TRUTH!

I CALLED YOU A LIAR!

AND YOU ARE A DUNCE.

MR. CRAMER, ASK
MR. UPTON IF CAROL MARDUS

TOLD HIM WHO HELPED
DISPOSE OF THE BABY.

HE WAS HER EMPLOYER,

HE WOULD NOT ALLOW
HER A SIX-MONTH VACATION

WITHOUT ASKING WHY.

JULIAN, I'M SORRY, BUT
YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME...

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD, OH, GOD,
OH, GOD, OH, GOD...

OH, GOD, OH, GOD...

OH, GOD, OH, GOD... OH, GOD.

MRS. VALDON, YOU
HAVE INDULGED ME...

WOLFE SAW THAT CRAMER
WAS ABOUT TO BLOW HIS TOP

SO HE TOLD LUCY TO GO UPSTAIRS

AND BARRICADE HERSELF
INSIDE HER TOWER.

OTHERWISE, SHE'D BE
SPENDING THE NIGHT DOWNTOWN

WITH THE REST OF US PEASANTS.

MR. HAFT, YOU ARE A
MALIGNANT, IMPUDENT WORM.

BUT NOW THAT I HAVE EXPOSED YOU,

I OFFER ADVICE... GO
PREPARE YOUR DEFENSE.

THERE MUST BE TRACES, LETTERS,

CANCELED CHECKS, A
STRAY HAIR IN YOUR CAR.

IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER
TO PRODUCE EVIDENCE

WHEN YOU KNOW WHO
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

WELL... GO.

YOU KNOW DAMN
WELL HE'S NOT GOING.

NOBODY IS.

GOOD GOD, THIS IS BRUTAL!

ALL OF YOU... I'M
SENDING FOR CARS.

I'M TAKING YOU ALL DOWN TO
THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S OFFICE,

ESPECIALLY YOU.

NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, HUH?

WELL, NOW THAT YOU'VE LEFT
IT, YOU'LL GO BACK WHEN I SAY SO.

WE'VE HAD OUR LITTLE TRIUMPH.

LET'S GO.

UH, MR. CRAMER, I
REALIZE THAT THIS IS NOW

YOUR MOMENT OF TRIUMPH,

BUT DON'T YOU WANNA TAKE
THE MURDERER ALONG WITH YOU?

ALL RIGHT, GET HIM...

COME ON!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO,
EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, COME
ON, COME ON, GO, GO.

UNHAND ME, YOU BARBARIC PEON!

IT TOOK EIGHT HOURS
TO SORT THINGS OUT.

BUT AS SOON AS HE MADE THE CASE,

WOLFE RETURNED
TO THE BROWNSTONE,

GOT INTO BED AND DIDN'T
EMERGE FOR FOUR DAYS.

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