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1
00:00:06,277 --> 00:00:08,278
Argh...
2
00:00:08,958 --> 00:00:10,820
Well, I guess this is
the part of the trip
3
00:00:10,919 --> 00:00:12,742
where we start drinking
our own pee.
4
00:00:12,842 --> 00:00:14,743
Well, what do you say?
You do me, and I do you?
5
00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:17,004
We can't go on like this.
We need...
6
00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:19,166
water!
7
00:00:19,207 --> 00:00:21,829
Water! We're saved!
8
00:00:21,929 --> 00:00:24,111
What?
9
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,193
No. No, no, no, no!
10
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,195
Benny! This water is dry!
11
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,756
What happened?
Don't worry.
12
00:00:29,856 --> 00:00:32,073
It just means that the heat's
starting to melt your brain.
13
00:00:32,097 --> 00:00:34,460
Guys! You made it!
14
00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:38,362
Dingus? I thought you were
chasing after Trig.
15
00:00:38,463 --> 00:00:40,524
I was, yeah,
but then she shot my horse
16
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,127
and left me stranded
in the desert.
17
00:00:42,226 --> 00:00:43,728
Man, I thought I was a goner,
18
00:00:43,828 --> 00:00:46,609
until I stumbled across
this swingin' pool party!
19
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:49,372
Hold on.
Let me get out of the pool.
20
00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,774
Okay, he's gonna die.
21
00:00:50,874 --> 00:00:53,095
I want to introduce you guys
to my new friends.
22
00:00:53,195 --> 00:00:54,296
Gentlemen, this is
23
00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:58,340
the brilliant
Professor Von Ziegler.
24
00:00:58,439 --> 00:01:00,582
I almost had you in
that last chess match.
25
00:01:00,682 --> 00:01:03,945
And this is the one and only
26
00:01:04,045 --> 00:01:05,305
Mr. Marvellous!
27
00:01:05,406 --> 00:01:08,307
That rabbit!
Did you see that rabbit?
28
00:01:08,408 --> 00:01:09,504
He was in there the whole time!
29
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,950
- Wow.
- And last,
30
00:01:12,051 --> 00:01:13,753
the alluring countess.
31
00:01:13,852 --> 00:01:16,314
Enchanté.
32
00:01:16,414 --> 00:01:19,277
Okay, well, it was great
to meet all you folks
33
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:20,277
but we really should get going.
34
00:01:20,378 --> 00:01:21,680
No, no, no!
35
00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:24,542
They're just about to start
the limbo contest, so...
36
00:01:25,983 --> 00:01:27,543
You grab his legs,
I'll go for his arms.
37
00:01:27,584 --> 00:01:29,566
How low... can they go...
38
00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:31,567
Okay.
What are you guys doing?
39
00:01:31,668 --> 00:01:33,810
You're embarrassing me
in front of my new friends!
40
00:01:33,909 --> 00:01:37,692
Countess! Write to me!
I love you!
41
00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:10,360
All right,
let's get these wagons
42
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,920
roped up nice and tight!
43
00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:14,282
These mountains here
are the last things standing
44
00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,485
between us and Oregon.
45
00:02:16,585 --> 00:02:18,526
Dingus.
You feeling any better?
46
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:19,967
Yeah, a little better.
47
00:02:20,068 --> 00:02:22,050
So it's, looking like
I'll be riding with you guys
48
00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:23,629
for a little while
while I recuperate.
49
00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:25,652
You know, I just wanted
to clear the air
50
00:02:25,752 --> 00:02:27,775
in case there's
any weirdness between us.
51
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:29,575
Why would
there be weirdness?
You know,
52
00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:32,459
because I dumped you to start
bounty hunting Trig?
53
00:02:32,558 --> 00:02:34,579
Water under the bridge,
my friend.
54
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,461
My time spent
with the Native Americans
55
00:02:36,562 --> 00:02:38,824
gave me a completely different
outlook on life.
56
00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:41,105
I've learned to shed
my foolish ego.
57
00:02:41,206 --> 00:02:43,307
Now I take pleasure
in the simple things,
58
00:02:43,408 --> 00:02:45,468
like the rush of the wind,
59
00:02:45,569 --> 00:02:47,951
or the beauty of a single leaf
on a tree.
60
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:50,312
Wow, you got all of that
from one day.
61
00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:52,715
What's a day?
You mean a "moon."
62
00:02:52,814 --> 00:02:55,997
Sorry, I think of time
in terms of "moons" now.
63
00:02:56,098 --> 00:02:58,760
And I think of distance
in terms of "canoes."
64
00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:00,861
But more on that later.
65
00:03:01,742 --> 00:03:03,685
What's all this about?
66
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,727
Getting ready to go
over the mountain. Remember?
67
00:03:06,826 --> 00:03:08,747
We each agreed to do
an equal amount of the work?
68
00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:11,531
Cool. Didn't ask for
your whole life story.
69
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,489
I'm looking for the Reverend.
Have you seen him?
70
00:03:13,513 --> 00:03:16,254
He and Prudence
are having one of
71
00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:19,617
their special bible study
sessions in your wagon.
72
00:03:19,717 --> 00:03:23,341
My Ezekiel.
He's such a good man.
73
00:03:23,441 --> 00:03:25,302
Unlike you filthy sinners!
74
00:03:29,605 --> 00:03:32,268
Bible studies?
75
00:03:34,449 --> 00:03:36,312
Yes! Yes! Yes!
76
00:03:36,412 --> 00:03:38,413
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!
77
00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:40,836
That was amazing.
78
00:03:40,936 --> 00:03:42,393
God, I've been married
to Todd for so long,
79
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:43,997
I forgot sex is
supposed to feel good.
80
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,439
These have been the happiest
days of my life.
81
00:03:46,539 --> 00:03:48,722
It's so strange,
I know the Bible says
82
00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:50,560
what we're doing is a sin,
but everything about it
83
00:03:50,584 --> 00:03:52,765
feels so right.
Maybe it is right.
84
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,527
I mean, we're both trapped
in bad relationships.
85
00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:57,329
Once we get to Oregon,
86
00:03:57,429 --> 00:03:58,526
we'll come clean to our partners
87
00:03:58,550 --> 00:03:59,972
and start our new life together.
88
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:01,612
That sounds perfect.
89
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:02,913
I just can't shake the feeling
90
00:04:02,954 --> 00:04:04,254
we're gonna be punished somehow.
91
00:04:04,354 --> 00:04:05,896
Prudence!
Ezekiel!
92
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:06,776
Todd!
93
00:04:06,877 --> 00:04:08,938
It's not what it looks like.
94
00:04:09,038 --> 00:04:12,662
I should have known all along...
95
00:04:12,762 --> 00:04:15,504
what an amazing man you are!
96
00:04:15,604 --> 00:04:16,906
Excuse me?
97
00:04:17,005 --> 00:04:18,646
You're the reason
we're getting to Oregon.
98
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,990
And I know I have been
a harsh critic at times.
99
00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,951
I was wrong, okay?
100
00:04:25,052 --> 00:04:26,052
I apologise.
101
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,555
Don't mention it.
Everyone makes mistakes.
102
00:04:28,654 --> 00:04:31,358
And, on a personal note,
103
00:04:31,457 --> 00:04:34,240
I just want to thank you
104
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,680
for all the special attention
105
00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:37,802
that you've been paying
to my wife lately.
106
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,245
I know you've been
putting in the long hours
107
00:04:40,345 --> 00:04:41,887
with the bible study lessons.
108
00:04:41,987 --> 00:04:46,290
I mean, I can hear her
screaming "God, God."
109
00:04:46,389 --> 00:04:48,612
So I know that it's working.
110
00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,533
Can't really figure out
why the two of you
111
00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:53,536
are butt naked right now, but...
112
00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:55,257
I'm sure that's part of it, too.
113
00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:57,139
Yeah, yeah, it is,
114
00:04:57,238 --> 00:04:59,680
Well, I'll let you guys
get back to it.
115
00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:02,384
Hey...
116
00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:04,665
give it to her good, Rev.
117
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:08,007
The bible study lessons, I mean.
118
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:13,072
That went surprisingly well.
119
00:05:13,173 --> 00:05:14,713
Should we get back
to our lessons?
120
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:18,797
So, Phaedra, girl, fill me in!
121
00:05:18,896 --> 00:05:20,976
You know, what's the hot goss
around the wagon train?
122
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,081
Ooh, let me think.
123
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:25,923
Juliette made one
of Martha's pie recipes,
124
00:05:26,023 --> 00:05:29,446
and didn't give Martha
any credit. What?
125
00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:31,927
That's not hot goss.
126
00:05:32,028 --> 00:05:34,050
I mean, that's not
even warm goss.
127
00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:37,252
That's like days-old,
left-out-on-the-counter goss.
128
00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:39,353
Is this hot enough for you?
129
00:05:40,795 --> 00:05:42,137
Round 'em up.
130
00:05:44,319 --> 00:05:47,540
Trig. We meet again.
131
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:49,543
Please don't kill me, okay?
132
00:05:49,643 --> 00:05:51,625
You won, fair and square!
Just let me live
133
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,545
and I'll never chase you
again, I promise!
134
00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:54,822
Come on, man, have some dignity.
135
00:05:54,846 --> 00:05:56,588
I'm not here for you.
136
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,909
I'm here for him.
137
00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,052
Hey! Aah!
138
00:06:01,213 --> 00:06:04,115
Zeke.
Zeke!
139
00:06:04,214 --> 00:06:05,793
Look, I'm sorry, it's
my first time trying this.
140
00:06:05,817 --> 00:06:07,117
My heart's in the right place.
141
00:06:07,218 --> 00:06:09,218
No, that was good.
142
00:06:12,062 --> 00:06:14,644
I don't understand.
I thought you beat me already.
143
00:06:14,744 --> 00:06:16,565
I thought I did, too,
144
00:06:16,665 --> 00:06:19,127
until I started reading
the headlines.
145
00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:22,690
"Freight Train Robbed by
Daughter of Benny the Teen."
146
00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,612
"Trig's Reign of Terror...
147
00:06:24,711 --> 00:06:27,814
Following in Daddy's
Big Footsteps."
148
00:06:27,915 --> 00:06:30,257
Do you know
how frustrating it is
149
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,577
to be the number one bandit
150
00:06:31,677 --> 00:06:33,379
and still be compared to you?
151
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,021
In all fairness, you're
a fantastic bandit, Trig,
152
00:06:36,122 --> 00:06:37,663
but Benny's the greatest
of all time.
153
00:06:37,762 --> 00:06:39,384
How can you say that?
154
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:40,524
I mean, look at the stats.
155
00:06:40,605 --> 00:06:42,747
I'm beating him
in lifetime murders,
156
00:06:42,846 --> 00:06:45,069
bank robberies,
and riverboat heists.
157
00:06:45,168 --> 00:06:46,968
But you're looking at it
through an 1844 lens.
158
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:48,747
The game is way different
than it used to be.
159
00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:49,872
The guns are heavier,
160
00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:51,235
they didn't have zone shooting,
161
00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:52,512
not to mention
all the advancements
162
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:53,836
in bandit nutrition.
163
00:06:53,937 --> 00:06:55,718
Yeah, but Trig is still
a rising star.
164
00:06:55,817 --> 00:06:57,235
I mean, she hasn't even
hit her peak yet.
165
00:06:57,259 --> 00:06:58,516
- Thank you.
- Now that's a fair point.
166
00:06:58,540 --> 00:06:59,841
What we gotta do is graph
167
00:06:59,942 --> 00:07:02,324
Trig's expected trajectory
with Benny's prime,
168
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,425
- which was...
- 1823.
169
00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:07,168
Hey, you know what?
Shut up, all of you!
170
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:09,889
We don't have to speculate about
who the best of all time is,
171
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:13,492
because I'm gonna prove it
right now.
172
00:07:15,074 --> 00:07:17,315
Drop your guns,
or I'll pump you full of lead.
173
00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:26,024
By the way, that whole
begging for my life thing
174
00:07:26,124 --> 00:07:29,026
I was doing earlier
was obviously just a ruse.
175
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,788
So when we get to Oregon,
can you not tell
176
00:07:30,887 --> 00:07:32,908
the other bounty hunters,
please?
177
00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:34,870
Hey, pumpkin.
178
00:07:34,971 --> 00:07:36,952
I bet you're happy to see this?
179
00:07:37,052 --> 00:07:38,954
Benny the Teen, back on top.
180
00:07:39,053 --> 00:07:40,755
No, you've got it all wrong.
181
00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:43,077
I'm not the same man
I used to be.
182
00:07:43,177 --> 00:07:46,279
I have found internal peace
and happiness
183
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,042
and I want to share
those gifts with you.
184
00:07:48,141 --> 00:07:51,125
I'm wanted dead or alive,
right? Can I choose dead?
185
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,367
It is amazing you happened to be
186
00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:57,409
in the exact right place and
time to get the drop on Trig,
187
00:07:57,509 --> 00:07:58,891
and doing it in your underwear
188
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:01,052
so she wouldn't hear
your clothes rustle!
189
00:08:01,153 --> 00:08:02,454
Smart!
190
00:08:02,553 --> 00:08:05,415
- Yeah, that's why we did that.
- Loud clothes, correct.
191
00:08:05,516 --> 00:08:07,517
Heroes.
192
00:08:08,358 --> 00:08:10,456
- Well, that was pretty lucky.
- That was more than lucky.
193
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,862
Not only are we not being
punished for our affair,
194
00:08:12,963 --> 00:08:14,663
but it actually
just helped everyone!
195
00:08:14,764 --> 00:08:16,985
Maybe what we're doing
isn't a sin after all.
196
00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:20,069
Maybe... maybe God just
wants us to be happy.
197
00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:27,834
Did you see that?
198
00:08:27,935 --> 00:08:29,917
A bolt of lightning
just killed Claire.
199
00:08:30,016 --> 00:08:32,318
That's strange...
A single bolt of lightning
200
00:08:32,418 --> 00:08:33,799
on a perfectly clear day
201
00:08:33,899 --> 00:08:35,902
directly striking our lead ox?
202
00:08:36,822 --> 00:08:38,244
Well.
Sure it's nothing.
203
00:08:38,344 --> 00:08:40,446
Should we head up the mountain?
204
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:45,068
God.
205
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:47,070
Heave!
206
00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:50,933
Heave!
207
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:52,975
Aww!
208
00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:55,298
Damn it! That's
the third broken wheel today.
209
00:08:55,398 --> 00:08:57,375
Ever since we started coming up
this damn mountain,
210
00:08:57,399 --> 00:08:59,256
everything's gone wrong.
It's like we're cursed!
211
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,264
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
"Cursed" is a strong word, John.
212
00:09:02,364 --> 00:09:05,265
"Inconvenienced," perhaps.
Well, how would you
explain it?
213
00:09:05,365 --> 00:09:06,707
People keep getting injured.
214
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,585
There's a mysterious plague
sweeping through the camp,
215
00:09:08,609 --> 00:09:10,791
and Granny McGill keeps
spontaneously combusting.
216
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:13,113
Did somebody say my name?
217
00:09:13,212 --> 00:09:15,075
Eeek! Ooh!
218
00:09:15,174 --> 00:09:17,397
Not again!
I mean, that...
that's pretty normal.
219
00:09:17,496 --> 00:09:19,758
I've seen that before.
What is happening here?
220
00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:21,720
We are being led
by a righteous man.
221
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:23,841
Our trip should be
protected by God.
222
00:09:23,942 --> 00:09:25,283
I mean, nothing's changed,
right?
223
00:09:25,383 --> 00:09:26,923
You're still a completely
faultless man
224
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,447
with nary a blemish of sin
on your perfect soul?
225
00:09:29,547 --> 00:09:30,888
Yeah, sure am.
Totally.
226
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,129
Squeaky clean Zekey over here.
227
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:35,230
Um, excuse me a moment.
Yeah.
228
00:09:36,111 --> 00:09:38,813
Hey, Zeke.
Crazy day?
229
00:09:38,913 --> 00:09:40,975
Levi's having a bit
of a temper tantrum.
230
00:09:41,076 --> 00:09:42,817
Salute Satanum!
231
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,740
Now Levi, what did we say
232
00:09:46,841 --> 00:09:48,623
about praising Satan
in ancient Latin?
233
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,783
Shove it up your ass, bitch.
234
00:09:50,884 --> 00:09:52,665
He's such a scamp.
235
00:09:52,765 --> 00:09:54,062
Are you not
the tiniest bit concerned
236
00:09:54,086 --> 00:09:55,663
that the sudden downturn
things have taken
237
00:09:55,687 --> 00:09:57,309
might be our doing?
238
00:09:57,409 --> 00:10:00,351
What do you mean?
I feel like God
is punishing us
239
00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:01,673
for the affair.
240
00:10:01,773 --> 00:10:03,315
Come on, not this again.
241
00:10:03,414 --> 00:10:04,836
I thought you said
you were over it.
242
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:06,677
I thought I was,
but look around you.
243
00:10:06,778 --> 00:10:08,479
Things are not
going great right now.
244
00:10:08,578 --> 00:10:09,919
Everything's fine.
245
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:11,317
You're just stuck
in your own head.
246
00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,923
So, the wagon's free at lunch.
247
00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:15,325
What do you say I help you
get out of your head?
248
00:10:18,386 --> 00:10:20,989
I should probably deal
with this, but come by later.
249
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,772
Shove it up your ass, bitch.
250
00:10:23,871 --> 00:10:25,253
You already said that one.
251
00:10:25,352 --> 00:10:27,414
Oops. Sorry about that.
252
00:10:27,514 --> 00:10:30,738
My name is Gorgeous Pete,
and I'm a bandit.
253
00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:32,219
Hi, Gorgeous Pete.
254
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:34,421
This is a painting
I made of myself.
255
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,981
It's a scary outlaw.
256
00:10:36,081 --> 00:10:38,504
But that's not the real me
on the inside.
257
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,024
I want to be a dancer.
258
00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:43,008
You don't have to be
that guy anymore. Let it go.
259
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:47,508
All right, who wants to go next?
260
00:10:47,532 --> 00:10:49,533
Trig?
261
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:52,336
Sure. Um...
262
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:56,359
This is a painting of me.
263
00:10:56,459 --> 00:10:58,880
As you can see, I'm
giving you the middle finger.
264
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:00,802
Okay.
265
00:11:00,903 --> 00:11:02,159
We have a hard case here,
don't we?
266
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,806
I get it. I used
to be just like you.
267
00:11:04,905 --> 00:11:07,567
Every weekend
I was out robbing banks,
268
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,769
sticking up stagecoaches,
269
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,692
but I felt empty on the inside.
270
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:14,293
That is, until I did the work
271
00:11:14,394 --> 00:11:16,615
and I became
the fully enlightened person
272
00:11:16,716 --> 00:11:18,017
that you see now.
273
00:11:18,116 --> 00:11:20,418
My God, I'm in hell.
This is hell.
274
00:11:20,519 --> 00:11:22,541
No, Trig.
275
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,624
Why can't you achieve
the same level of growth as me?
276
00:11:25,724 --> 00:11:27,345
Because it's bullshit.
277
00:11:27,445 --> 00:11:30,508
One spiritual weekend retreat
does not change a lifetime
278
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,428
of being a selfish asshole.
279
00:11:32,528 --> 00:11:35,432
Except in my case,
that's exactly what happened.
280
00:11:35,532 --> 00:11:36,673
Because I did the work.
281
00:11:36,773 --> 00:11:38,835
Stop saying you did the work!
282
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:40,676
What work?
What does that even mean?
283
00:11:40,775 --> 00:11:42,356
It's the work.
It's what I did.
284
00:11:42,456 --> 00:11:45,039
- Yeah, he did the work.
- Shut up, Kevin!
285
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,756
Okay, all right, look,
why don't we move on
286
00:11:46,780 --> 00:11:48,241
to our Kundalini exercises?
287
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,965
I think we need to release
288
00:11:51,065 --> 00:11:52,806
the negative energy
from our buttholes.
289
00:11:52,905 --> 00:11:55,128
All right, everybody up.
Come on.
290
00:11:55,227 --> 00:11:56,970
On your feet, and bend over.
291
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,331
Yeah.
292
00:11:58,431 --> 00:12:00,692
Loosen those hips.
Let it out.
293
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:03,134
Hey, Zeke.
Sorry I'm late.
294
00:12:03,235 --> 00:12:05,376
There was a freak outbreak
of frogs.
295
00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:07,378
Honestly, it was
just more random than bad.
296
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,658
Whoa.
297
00:12:11,841 --> 00:12:15,705
- Hey.
- Hey. You decorated.
298
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:19,227
I thought our S-E-X
could use a little G-O-D?
299
00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:21,309
That way, we can continue
our affair
300
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:23,511
and appease our vengeful
lord and saviour.
301
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:26,794
I mean,
it's a little distracting
302
00:12:26,894 --> 00:12:28,716
but if it's what you need...
303
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,957
First, we set the mood
304
00:12:31,057 --> 00:12:34,120
with a naughty little
sprinkle of holy water.
305
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,881
Wow, you're really using a lot.
306
00:12:35,981 --> 00:12:36,863
Yeah. Make sure to get some
on your face.
307
00:12:36,942 --> 00:12:38,804
Very nice.
308
00:12:38,904 --> 00:12:40,686
And can I interest my lady
309
00:12:40,786 --> 00:12:43,408
in a taste of bitter ashes?
310
00:12:43,508 --> 00:12:44,970
Maybe we can just skip
to the part
311
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:46,850
where we make out?
Of course.
312
00:12:46,951 --> 00:12:50,213
And I have the perfect thing
for that.
313
00:12:50,313 --> 00:12:52,015
What?
What is that?
314
00:12:52,115 --> 00:12:53,976
Just a little contraption
I built.
315
00:12:54,076 --> 00:12:55,298
The hammer will continuously
316
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:57,340
strike me in the testicles
as we kiss,
317
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,383
thereby removing all pleasure
from the sexual experience.
318
00:13:00,482 --> 00:13:02,745
- Shall we take it for a spin?
- Are you sure?
319
00:13:02,845 --> 00:13:03,946
I don't think that's...
320
00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:08,308
Wow! That did damage!
321
00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:11,030
One blow is utterly devastating!
322
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:12,952
I can't imagine doing that
even once more,
323
00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:15,754
let alone for
an entire make-out session.
324
00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:16,995
Um, I'm sorry.
Can we stop?
325
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,477
This isn't working for me.
326
00:13:18,577 --> 00:13:19,857
How's it supposed
to make me feel
327
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,556
that you have to punish
yourself to be with me?
328
00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:23,460
It's just... it's the only thing
I've thought of
329
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,543
to atone for our sins.
330
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:29,086
But I need you to be in it, too,
331
00:13:29,187 --> 00:13:31,008
and not think that
our relationship is a sin.
332
00:13:31,107 --> 00:13:33,090
I'm sorry. No, no, no, no.
333
00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:34,870
Of course, of course
I want to be with you.
334
00:13:34,951 --> 00:13:38,815
I... you're right.
I am being ridiculous
335
00:13:38,914 --> 00:13:40,135
and if you will still have me,
336
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:41,773
I'd like to make out with you
super hard right now.
337
00:13:41,797 --> 00:13:43,798
There we go.
338
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,602
That's not good.
339
00:13:49,604 --> 00:13:52,105
- Rockslide!
- We're all gonna die!
340
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,907
Jesus, Martha, we're right here!
341
00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:55,268
You don't have to yell!
342
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,350
Take cover!
Shit!
343
00:13:57,450 --> 00:14:00,513
- Hurry up with that lock!
- I'm trying!
344
00:14:00,613 --> 00:14:02,955
Aah!
345
00:14:03,054 --> 00:14:05,517
It's okay, Benny.
346
00:14:05,616 --> 00:14:07,719
You taught us all how to abandon
347
00:14:07,818 --> 00:14:09,921
our selfish ways.
348
00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:12,042
We'll all stick together
till the bitter end.
349
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,364
Yeah, about that...
350
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:16,926
it's every man for himself.
Good luck!
351
00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:18,047
See ya, suckers!
352
00:14:18,147 --> 00:14:19,808
Ooh! Ee!
353
00:14:19,908 --> 00:14:23,471
- What's he doing?
- Being the same ol' Benny.
354
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,474
It's gonna collapse!
355
00:14:28,155 --> 00:14:29,456
Well, at least we're together.
356
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,822
Dear Lord,
I repent my wicked ways.
357
00:14:36,923 --> 00:14:38,904
I committed the sin
of adultery with Prudence.
358
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,546
- The hell?
- I was too weak
359
00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:42,668
to resist the temptation
of the harlot's flesh!
360
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:44,909
She bewitched me with
her devilish charms,
361
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,289
and ankles that just won't quit!
362
00:14:46,331 --> 00:14:47,672
It was wicked and wrong,
363
00:14:47,772 --> 00:14:50,453
and I promise I will never
disobey you again, Lord!
364
00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:55,318
Yes! Yes! It worked!
Thank you!
365
00:14:55,418 --> 00:14:57,399
Thank you, Lord,
for your infinite mercy!
366
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,722
Pru, you see that?
We're saved.
367
00:15:00,822 --> 00:15:02,644
Well, I guess I know
how you really feel now.
368
00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:05,267
Pru, wait.
369
00:15:07,509 --> 00:15:11,172
Hey, guys.
370
00:15:11,272 --> 00:15:13,394
So, that happened.
371
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,316
Now this is hot goss!
372
00:15:19,639 --> 00:15:21,860
So, things got
a little crazy there.
373
00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:23,240
Some personal stuff
came to light
374
00:15:23,282 --> 00:15:25,042
that I'm obviously
not particularly proud of.
375
00:15:25,082 --> 00:15:26,504
But the main thing is
376
00:15:26,605 --> 00:15:28,245
we are back on track
to make it to Oregon.
377
00:15:28,286 --> 00:15:29,427
- So...
- Enough!
378
00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,588
Why should we listen
to you anymore?
379
00:15:31,688 --> 00:15:34,510
You seduced me away
from my fellow Noonans
380
00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:37,713
only to make the beast
with two backs with that wench.
381
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:40,115
You are not a righteous man,
Ezekiel Brown.
382
00:15:40,216 --> 00:15:41,677
You are evil.
383
00:15:41,777 --> 00:15:43,918
No one messes
with my girl Phaedra
384
00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:45,019
and gets away with it.
385
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,241
Team Phae-Phae for life, bitch!
386
00:15:47,341 --> 00:15:49,344
And... and... this...
This is how all of you feel?
387
00:15:50,544 --> 00:15:51,784
None of you are Team Zeke-Zeke?
388
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,488
I have an idea!
I can get my shunning kit!
389
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,169
Thank you, God.
390
00:15:57,269 --> 00:15:59,451
This... this does help.
391
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:01,553
Hmph!
392
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,616
My God, how dare you betray me?
393
00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:08,419
You've made a proper
cuckhold of me. God.
394
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,822
I can feel my cuck's horns
growing in already.
395
00:16:10,922 --> 00:16:13,264
I'm sorry, Todd.
396
00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:15,024
Clearly, I made
a mistake with Zeke.
397
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:17,346
How did you even find the time
398
00:16:17,447 --> 00:16:20,349
to have an affair between
all the bible study sessions?
399
00:16:20,448 --> 00:16:22,510
Doesn't matter.
400
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,592
Just stay in the wagon.
Try not to bone
401
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,695
too many dudes while I'm out.
402
00:16:29,297 --> 00:16:31,678
God, that no good,
stinking reverend!
403
00:16:31,778 --> 00:16:34,841
I never should've
trusted him. Gosh!
404
00:16:34,942 --> 00:16:37,163
Hey there, Todd.
405
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,264
Rough day?
406
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,447
I shouldn't be talking to you.
407
00:16:41,547 --> 00:16:44,328
Well, I just think it's
messed up what he did to you,
408
00:16:44,428 --> 00:16:46,171
stealing your girl like that.
409
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:47,972
You know, everyone's
laughing at you.
410
00:16:48,072 --> 00:16:50,213
- They are?
- Yep.
411
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,415
And it's all because of him.
412
00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:55,538
Yeah! Though, if I'm
being honest with myself,
413
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,181
I wonder if I had a small part
to play in this.
414
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,062
I don't think I was always
a good husband...
415
00:17:00,163 --> 00:17:01,178
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
416
00:17:01,202 --> 00:17:02,745
You had it right the first time.
417
00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,346
You're perfect, he sucks.
418
00:17:04,445 --> 00:17:07,509
Yeah!
That British little shit!
419
00:17:07,608 --> 00:17:09,671
God, I wish there was a way
I could get back at him.
420
00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:10,791
Maybe there is,
421
00:17:10,892 --> 00:17:14,233
but first, you have to do
something for me.
422
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:20,480
Put your backs into it!
423
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:23,402
Oof, why did they make
these wagons so heavy?
424
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,784
- Hey, I'm gonna take five.
- What?
425
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:29,567
Howdy, Rev.
426
00:17:29,666 --> 00:17:31,204
You're not supposed
to talk to me, remember?
427
00:17:31,229 --> 00:17:32,329
I am shunned.
428
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:33,730
How you holding up, anyway?
429
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:34,971
Yeah, not great.
430
00:17:35,072 --> 00:17:36,292
The beggar's cloth
431
00:17:36,393 --> 00:17:38,130
scratches my skin
with every step that I take
432
00:17:38,153 --> 00:17:39,454
And the stone of shame
433
00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:40,772
feels like it's about
to snap my neck.
434
00:17:40,797 --> 00:17:43,818
And I lost the love of my life
forever, so...
435
00:17:43,919 --> 00:17:46,741
But, if it gets us
back on God's good side,
436
00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:47,862
all worth it, right?
437
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:53,307
Todd? What are you doing?
438
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:58,030
This is what happens when you
disrespect Todd Aberdeen!
439
00:17:58,131 --> 00:18:00,032
No, no, no, no.
440
00:18:18,627 --> 00:18:19,867
What the hell are you thinking?
441
00:18:19,909 --> 00:18:22,050
How we gonna get off
this mountain now?
442
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:25,354
You're not getting down.
I am!
443
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,316
Help!
444
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:30,698
- Prudence!
- Zeke!
445
00:18:30,798 --> 00:18:33,099
Help!
446
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,622
Not so fast, loverboy.
447
00:18:35,721 --> 00:18:37,384
And sorry I can't stick around
448
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,506
and listen to more
of your bullshit, Benny.
449
00:18:39,605 --> 00:18:42,228
I gotta get back to being
the best bandit of all time.
450
00:18:42,327 --> 00:18:43,388
Trig, wait!
451
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,351
You're right.
I haven't changed.
452
00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:49,273
I'm still the same
selfish jerk I've always been
453
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:51,075
but I... I'm trying.
454
00:18:51,174 --> 00:18:52,596
And I meant it when I said
455
00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:56,299
I care about you
and I want you to be happy.
456
00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,442
I don't believe
a damn word you say.
457
00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:02,484
The only thing
that would make me happy
458
00:19:02,585 --> 00:19:05,646
is you freezing to death
on top of this mountain.
459
00:19:05,747 --> 00:19:07,749
Let's ride.
460
00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,636
You were saying something
about God protecting us?
461
00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:21,519
"Congratulations on
your new Testicle Kicker 900,
462
00:19:21,601 --> 00:19:22,857
"the very latest
in self-punishment
463
00:19:22,882 --> 00:19:24,663
from your friends
at the Ouch Corporation."
464
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,184
aha!
465
00:19:26,285 --> 00:19:28,826
"Connect
the testicle-crushing hammer
466
00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:31,108
to slot C."
467
00:19:31,209 --> 00:19:33,391
Where is slot C?
468
00:19:33,490 --> 00:19:35,491
Seems like a really key piece
of information.
469
00:19:41,217 --> 00:19:42,478
I know we're being cursed,
470
00:19:42,577 --> 00:19:44,279
but do you have
to make the print so tiny?
471
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:46,500
That seems unnecessarily cruel.
472
00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:50,164
Get in there, get in there,
get in there, aah!
473
00:19:50,265 --> 00:19:52,666
Yes! Ha ha!
474
00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:56,529
Yaa!
475
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:59,932
Aah, yes!
Right in the junk.
476
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,034
Prudence is gonna love this.
34422
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