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1
00:00:01,651 --> 00:00:03,313
America.
2
00:00:03,412 --> 00:00:04,833
God took extra care when he made
3
00:00:04,934 --> 00:00:07,036
this country, didn't he, Benny?
4
00:00:07,136 --> 00:00:09,159
You're talking about
the endless expanse of dirt
5
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,260
in front of us?
6
00:00:12,821 --> 00:00:14,204
It's not just dirt.
7
00:00:14,304 --> 00:00:15,445
Look, there's a big rock.
8
00:00:15,544 --> 00:00:17,687
And a medium-sized rock.
That's fun.
9
00:00:17,788 --> 00:00:20,490
Okay, Rev, this might be
a good time to remind you
10
00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:22,172
that the only reason
I'm taking you
11
00:00:22,271 --> 00:00:23,332
and your friends to Oregon
12
00:00:23,432 --> 00:00:24,731
is to avoid
swinging from a noose.
13
00:00:24,754 --> 00:00:27,257
And I'm definitely
not here to have fun. Got it?
14
00:00:27,358 --> 00:00:30,620
Got it. No fun
for the scary outlaw man.
15
00:00:30,721 --> 00:00:32,463
My gosh, Benny, a bald eagle!
16
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:36,027
Wow! No wonder it became
the symbol of America.
17
00:00:36,127 --> 00:00:37,347
I mean, look at its strength,
18
00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:40,151
its majesty.
Certainly this
19
00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:41,673
is an auspicious sign for our...
20
00:00:47,618 --> 00:00:49,079
Why?
21
00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:51,603
You just killed America.
22
00:01:22,775 --> 00:01:25,677
Another long day on the trail.
23
00:01:25,777 --> 00:01:27,079
You thought today was tough,
24
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,121
tomorrow we're gonna be
fording our first river,
25
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:30,402
and it ain't gonna be pretty.
26
00:01:30,503 --> 00:01:32,204
Aside from the natural beauty,
27
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:33,887
which will be stunning.
28
00:01:33,986 --> 00:01:36,088
Wait, bup-bup-bup!
29
00:01:36,188 --> 00:01:37,628
Let's not forget
about grace, though.
30
00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:40,334
Yep.
31
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,055
Bless us, Lord,
and these thy gifts
32
00:01:42,155 --> 00:01:43,616
which we are about to receive
33
00:01:43,716 --> 00:01:45,718
- through thy bounty.
- Am...
34
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,902
You've given us so many gifts,
35
00:01:49,003 --> 00:01:51,585
Lord, too numerous to count.
36
00:01:51,685 --> 00:01:52,545
But I'll try.
37
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,709
One, the rolling hills.
38
00:01:54,808 --> 00:01:57,151
Two, the beautiful sky.
39
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,674
Three, trees.
40
00:01:59,774 --> 00:02:02,397
Just trees, in general,
are fantastic.
41
00:02:02,496 --> 00:02:04,718
Boo!
I'll take it from here.
42
00:02:04,819 --> 00:02:06,281
Cram it in, shit it out.
43
00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:08,603
That's what food
is all about. Amen.
44
00:02:10,384 --> 00:02:12,007
That was really not
a proper grace.
45
00:02:12,106 --> 00:02:13,728
Hey, Rev.
Here's a grace for you.
46
00:02:16,831 --> 00:02:18,734
Unbelievable.
47
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:19,694
Benny, can I have a word?
48
00:02:19,795 --> 00:02:20,855
Wow.
49
00:02:20,955 --> 00:02:22,658
Is that the bald eagle
you shot?
You bet.
50
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:25,139
Nothing hits the spot after
a hard day on the trail
51
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,181
like a roasted baldie.
You want some?
52
00:02:27,282 --> 00:02:28,783
- No, no thank you.
- Your loss.
53
00:02:28,884 --> 00:02:30,104
Face is the best part.
54
00:02:30,204 --> 00:02:32,268
Look, Benny, I know
55
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,709
you come from
a bandit background,
56
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:35,711
and therefore have
different values
57
00:02:35,811 --> 00:02:36,872
from the rest of us.
58
00:02:38,253 --> 00:02:40,695
A bullet was lodged
in my windpipe.
59
00:02:41,656 --> 00:02:42,776
These people look up to you,
60
00:02:42,819 --> 00:02:45,360
for reasons I do not
completely understand.
61
00:02:45,461 --> 00:02:46,763
I think if you were to exhibit
62
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:49,284
just the smallest fraction
of moral leadership,
63
00:02:49,384 --> 00:02:50,966
they would all follow suit.
64
00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,123
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
65
00:02:52,147 --> 00:02:53,610
Why?
66
00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,772
Because there is no morality
on the trail.
67
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,570
You think we're gonna
cross that river tomorrow
68
00:02:58,594 --> 00:02:59,855
by minding our Ps and Qs?
69
00:02:59,956 --> 00:03:01,777
The only morality out here
70
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,780
is either kill or be killed.
71
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,062
You said it, Benny.
72
00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:08,626
It's either kill or be killed.
73
00:03:08,725 --> 00:03:10,587
Levi, are you drunk?
74
00:03:10,687 --> 00:03:13,110
Maybe I am, maybe I ain't.
75
00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:16,593
Who are you, my sponsor?
76
00:03:16,693 --> 00:03:18,695
He's a good kid.
77
00:03:21,859 --> 00:03:23,640
All right, folks.
78
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,563
Looks like the river's
deeper than we expected,
79
00:03:26,663 --> 00:03:28,485
so we're gonna float
the wagons across.
80
00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:29,768
So let's caulk 'em tight.
81
00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:31,969
That's a fine-looking caulk
82
00:03:32,069 --> 00:03:33,091
you got there, William.
83
00:03:33,191 --> 00:03:34,372
Ooh, John.
84
00:03:34,472 --> 00:03:36,655
You've got a big,
beautiful caulk, too.
85
00:03:36,754 --> 00:03:38,656
Your wife's a lucky woman.
86
00:03:40,759 --> 00:03:41,939
No.
87
00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:43,981
Looks like the reverend
has a little baby caulk.
88
00:03:46,164 --> 00:03:48,146
Ha, ha, ha.
Such a clever wordsmith,
89
00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:49,949
making a pun involving
the word "caulk."
90
00:03:50,049 --> 00:03:52,872
Somebody's got
tiny caulk energy.
91
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,074
I'm getting so sick of Benny.
92
00:03:56,175 --> 00:03:57,432
He's turning everyone
into a bunch
93
00:03:57,456 --> 00:03:59,038
of nasty brutes, just like him.
94
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:01,319
Relax.
They're just having fun.
95
00:04:01,419 --> 00:04:03,883
I mean, come on! We're about
to ford a frickin' river.
96
00:04:03,983 --> 00:04:05,204
How cool is that?
97
00:04:05,304 --> 00:04:06,722
Yeah, I would say less cool
and more terrifying,
98
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,608
given the high percentage
chance that we die.
99
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:09,805
You're looking at it all wrong.
100
00:04:09,829 --> 00:04:12,372
This is classic Oregon Trail.
Get hyped.
101
00:04:12,472 --> 00:04:14,614
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse me?
102
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,735
Mr. Teen?
Does fording the river
103
00:04:16,836 --> 00:04:18,257
involve me getting wet?
104
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,740
- Probably.
- No.
105
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,497
There's gotta be another way
to get across.
106
00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:23,704
Well, there's a ferry boat
a few miles down the road,
107
00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:25,822
but that's just for suckers
willing to pay a fortune.
108
00:04:25,846 --> 00:04:28,468
Perhaps you haven't
heard, then... I'm rich.
109
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,312
I like that it's expensive.
I get off on that.
110
00:04:31,411 --> 00:04:33,470
Are you sure, dear? 'Cause
I was really looking forward
111
00:04:33,494 --> 00:04:34,790
to fording the river
with everyone.
112
00:04:34,814 --> 00:04:37,117
Don't be silly.
You want to go on the ferry
113
00:04:37,218 --> 00:04:39,220
with the rich, better people.
114
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,983
Guess I'll see you
on the other side.
Right.
115
00:04:44,946 --> 00:04:46,247
They have a nice relationship.
116
00:04:46,346 --> 00:04:47,808
Benny, we got a problem.
117
00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,610
Can't get the wagons to float.
118
00:04:49,711 --> 00:04:51,728
We moved some things around,
but we're still too heavy.
119
00:04:51,752 --> 00:04:53,312
Don't worry. I've got
a simple solution.
120
00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:54,353
I knew you would.
121
00:04:54,396 --> 00:04:55,776
Just gotta leave
somebody behind.
122
00:04:55,877 --> 00:04:57,018
Leave somebody behind?
123
00:04:57,117 --> 00:04:58,776
No, we can't do that.
That's a death sentence.
124
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,262
Well, yeah, it'd be a bummer
for the one guy,
125
00:05:01,362 --> 00:05:03,625
but the rest of us get
to float across, no problem.
126
00:05:03,725 --> 00:05:05,302
Yeah, sure, of course
you would think of it
127
00:05:05,326 --> 00:05:06,343
like that, but the rest of us
128
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,228
will never go along with that.
129
00:05:07,329 --> 00:05:09,230
I'll take it from here, Rev.
130
00:05:09,331 --> 00:05:11,233
I believe I can speak
for everybody here
131
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:12,074
when I say...
132
00:05:12,173 --> 00:05:12,995
not it!
133
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,797
Not it!
134
00:05:14,896 --> 00:05:15,958
- Seriously?
- Not it!
135
00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:17,199
Rev, you didn't say
"not it."
136
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:21,062
Too late.
137
00:05:23,346 --> 00:05:24,403
All right, the best way
to handle this
138
00:05:24,427 --> 00:05:26,129
is to leave
the weakest link behind.
139
00:05:26,228 --> 00:05:27,730
So all we gotta do is figure out
140
00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:30,093
which one of you brings
the least to the table.
141
00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:31,694
Are you out of your mind?
142
00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:33,576
You can't put a value
on human life.
143
00:05:33,675 --> 00:05:36,178
Sure you can.
I'm a 10, you're a 6,
144
00:05:36,278 --> 00:05:38,581
John's a 6, George is a 6.
145
00:05:38,682 --> 00:05:40,944
Honestly, I'm seeing
a lot of 6s.
146
00:05:41,043 --> 00:05:42,822
I can't believe you all
are even considering this.
147
00:05:42,846 --> 00:05:45,067
We are talking about leaving
one of our own
148
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:46,990
to die alone in the wilderness.
149
00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:49,353
We still got to cut weight
to make it across the river.
150
00:05:49,452 --> 00:05:50,790
Well, we just have
to work together.
151
00:05:50,814 --> 00:05:52,435
Look, if each one of us
sacrifices
152
00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:54,038
something small and personal,
153
00:05:54,137 --> 00:05:55,154
we can cut the weight that way.
154
00:05:55,178 --> 00:05:56,178
Yeah.
155
00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:57,600
Like anybody's
gonna go for that.
156
00:05:57,701 --> 00:05:59,963
They will, because they are
not heartless monsters,
157
00:06:00,064 --> 00:06:02,086
like you.
Perfect.
158
00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:03,567
John, perhaps you would consider
159
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:04,908
sacrificing your rocking chair.
160
00:06:04,988 --> 00:06:06,250
It's a family heirloom!
161
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:08,252
My grandaddy died
on that rocking chair.
162
00:06:08,353 --> 00:06:09,769
And three of my kids
were born on it.
163
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:11,415
Wow, that chair's
seen a lot of action.
164
00:06:11,516 --> 00:06:12,516
All right, Granny McGill.
165
00:06:12,596 --> 00:06:13,774
What about those pots and pans?
166
00:06:13,798 --> 00:06:14,894
Surely you can lose
a couple of them
167
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:15,980
if it means saving a life.
168
00:06:16,081 --> 00:06:17,262
What am I supposed to do,
169
00:06:17,362 --> 00:06:19,543
make beans in a stew pot?
170
00:06:19,644 --> 00:06:22,226
Make stew in a bean pot?
What about the piano?
171
00:06:22,326 --> 00:06:23,624
Surely we can do without
Martha's piano.
172
00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:25,591
What? And no tunes
for the road?
173
00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:33,117
Here are your boarding passes,
174
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:34,879
and please enjoy
a complimentary glass
175
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,040
of sparkling corn water.
176
00:06:36,141 --> 00:06:37,963
- Happy trails.
- This is more like it.
177
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:39,644
Is this heaven
or is this heaven?
178
00:06:39,745 --> 00:06:42,487
Prudence.
179
00:06:42,588 --> 00:06:45,851
Sorry. I was just thinking
about our friends.
180
00:06:45,951 --> 00:06:48,074
I feel bad for not
fording the river with them.
181
00:06:49,235 --> 00:06:51,297
Are you joking?
This is way better.
182
00:06:51,396 --> 00:06:52,899
Now we're going to Oregon
in style.
183
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,141
Wait, hold on,
did you just say Oregon?
184
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:57,663
We're actually going
to Oregon, too.
185
00:06:57,764 --> 00:07:01,267
I'm Kya, and this is
my partner, Purple.
Hi.
186
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:03,350
Todd Aberdeen.
This is my wife, Prudence.
187
00:07:03,449 --> 00:07:04,466
I couldn't help but notice
188
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,992
you have weird and crazy names.
189
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,514
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
190
00:07:07,613 --> 00:07:10,076
Yeah.
They were bequeathed to us
by a shaman,
191
00:07:10,177 --> 00:07:12,600
in the "Ethspanish" territory.
192
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,961
Wow. I'm so jealous.
193
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,643
It was super meaningful,
194
00:07:15,742 --> 00:07:19,086
You know,
living that #WagonLife.
195
00:07:19,185 --> 00:07:20,327
What's WagonLife?
196
00:07:20,427 --> 00:07:21,968
- It's a lifestyle.
- Lifestyle.
197
00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:24,050
Yeah, we travel around
the country
198
00:07:24,151 --> 00:07:25,332
in a refurbished wagon
199
00:07:25,432 --> 00:07:27,014
going wherever
the good wind takes us.
200
00:07:27,115 --> 00:07:29,216
Yeah, we kind of believe that
201
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:31,459
if you're not living
every single second
202
00:07:31,559 --> 00:07:32,941
as an adventure, it's like,
203
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,177
what are you doing
with your life?
What are you doing?
204
00:07:34,201 --> 00:07:35,903
Like, what are you doing?
205
00:07:36,004 --> 00:07:38,586
Maybe it sounds stupid,
but not everyone gets it.
206
00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:39,947
I totally get it.
207
00:07:40,048 --> 00:07:42,990
I... I feel like that
all the time.
You do?
208
00:07:43,091 --> 00:07:45,033
It's...
just I thought you were
209
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,956
perfectly happy being
my meek and servile wife.
210
00:07:48,055 --> 00:07:50,639
It's just, you know, I...
I could understand
211
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,641
how someone else
could feel that way.
212
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,362
Gotcha.
So we're about to go
213
00:07:54,463 --> 00:07:56,966
smoke a lot of opium.
That's the deal.
214
00:07:57,066 --> 00:07:58,606
That's what we're doing, drugs.
215
00:07:58,706 --> 00:08:00,369
And we just kinda wanted to know
216
00:08:00,468 --> 00:08:02,812
if you wanted
to come vibe with us.
217
00:08:02,911 --> 00:08:05,855
See what happens.
Yes, we'd love to.
218
00:08:05,954 --> 00:08:07,016
Beauty.
219
00:08:07,115 --> 00:08:09,838
Yay! #NewFriends.
220
00:08:11,401 --> 00:08:13,062
Why does she
keep saying "hashtag"?
221
00:08:13,161 --> 00:08:15,105
Yeah, Purple
was kicked in the head
222
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,225
by a beautiful horse,
223
00:08:16,326 --> 00:08:18,108
so now she just
says things at random.
224
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:18,988
Got it.
225
00:08:19,088 --> 00:08:21,951
Yas, queen.
That's bae.
226
00:08:22,052 --> 00:08:24,353
It's cute, right?
That is bae, darling.
227
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:26,355
All right, folks,
it's time to play
228
00:08:26,456 --> 00:08:28,838
Who! Will! Die!
229
00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:30,196
I just want to say I am sickened
230
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,081
and appalled by all of this.
231
00:08:32,182 --> 00:08:34,004
Have we forsaken our humanity?
232
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,649
When do you have time
to make that?
233
00:08:38,749 --> 00:08:40,126
All right, let's meet
our contestants.
234
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:43,213
First up, she's got
the face of an angel,
235
00:08:43,313 --> 00:08:44,774
and the mouth of a sailor,
236
00:08:44,875 --> 00:08:46,017
it's Granny McGill!
237
00:08:46,116 --> 00:08:48,178
Kiss my pruny ass.
238
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,821
Next up, he's the little stinker
239
00:08:49,921 --> 00:08:52,062
with a host of chronic
health problems,
240
00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:53,163
it's Young Levi!
241
00:08:55,086 --> 00:08:57,788
No. There's blood.
242
00:08:57,889 --> 00:09:00,272
Last but not least,
she's fun-loving
243
00:09:00,371 --> 00:09:01,793
with a bun in the oven,
244
00:09:01,893 --> 00:09:03,875
it's Pregnant Ruth!
245
00:09:03,975 --> 00:09:06,118
Please let me out of this!
246
00:09:06,217 --> 00:09:07,479
Think of my baby!
247
00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:08,799
This is a tough one?
248
00:09:08,899 --> 00:09:10,518
I think we're gonna have
to have a bonus round.
249
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:12,403
A fight to the death!
250
00:09:12,504 --> 00:09:14,206
No, no, no, no, no!
251
00:09:14,306 --> 00:09:15,527
This is grotesque.
252
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:18,129
All right, if we have
to leave somebody behind,
253
00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:19,331
let it be me.
254
00:09:20,832 --> 00:09:22,455
Rev, I don't think
255
00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:24,096
you understand
how the rules work.
256
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,196
You're off the hook.
257
00:09:25,236 --> 00:09:26,455
It's one of these losers
has to die.
258
00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:28,061
No, no, I understand
the rules, Benny.
259
00:09:28,161 --> 00:09:29,760
Just because everybody else
has abandoned
260
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:30,984
their basic moral principles
261
00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:32,865
doesn't mean I have to as well.
262
00:09:32,966 --> 00:09:35,227
All right, it's settled.
I'm... I'm staying.
263
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:38,150
- Thank you.
- Of course.
264
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,552
Thanks, Reverend.
265
00:09:39,652 --> 00:09:41,654
No problem, Levi.
266
00:09:43,336 --> 00:09:45,337
What the hell is going on here?
267
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,201
Hit it. Hit it.
268
00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:49,403
Hit it. Hit it.
269
00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:54,969
- Smooth, right?
- Okay.
270
00:09:55,068 --> 00:09:56,370
- It's good stuff.
- I like that.
271
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,092
You guys are officially
my role models.
272
00:09:59,192 --> 00:10:00,735
You live in this cute wagon
273
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:02,697
and go on these fun adventures.
274
00:10:02,797 --> 00:10:04,157
How are you able
to live like this?
275
00:10:04,238 --> 00:10:07,061
We get paid to take pictures
of our travels.
276
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,102
I mean, our fans love
to see the world
277
00:10:09,202 --> 00:10:10,303
through our unique lens.
278
00:10:10,403 --> 00:10:11,826
Let's show them pictures.
279
00:10:11,926 --> 00:10:14,148
This is us with Lewis and Clark.
280
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:17,432
What? You went on the
Lewis and Clark expedition?
281
00:10:17,532 --> 00:10:18,753
We know them.
282
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,674
Tell me everything!
283
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:22,797
Is Sacagawea just, like,
so beautiful in real life?
284
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:24,119
We didn't go on the trip.
285
00:10:24,219 --> 00:10:25,418
We just happened to be staying
286
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,761
at the same hunting lodge.
287
00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:28,683
Get this. This is crazy.
288
00:10:28,783 --> 00:10:31,086
Clark actually
thinks he's hot shit,
289
00:10:31,186 --> 00:10:33,408
and in reality,
290
00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:34,769
he's not.
He's not.
291
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:36,167
- That is crazy.
- He's just, like, a guy.
292
00:10:36,191 --> 00:10:38,413
This is us at the White House.
293
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,775
- My gosh.
- Babe, you are so hot in that.
294
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,097
And spiritual.
295
00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:44,659
That is a picture
of me being spiritual.
296
00:10:44,759 --> 00:10:47,222
Okay. So what was
the White House like?
297
00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:49,264
We didn't go inside.
298
00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:51,226
It's actually my personal belief
299
00:10:51,326 --> 00:10:53,328
that politics is fake.
300
00:10:55,331 --> 00:10:57,332
True.
301
00:11:02,739 --> 00:11:04,120
Hey, what's going on over here?
302
00:11:04,221 --> 00:11:05,980
What are you doing
with all this river trash?
303
00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:07,803
I am building myself a raft
304
00:11:07,903 --> 00:11:09,365
made of discarded wagon parts
305
00:11:09,466 --> 00:11:10,706
tied together with horse flesh.
306
00:11:10,746 --> 00:11:13,049
It's not much, I know,
but I am hoping
307
00:11:13,149 --> 00:11:15,152
the good Lord will have
mercy on my soul.
308
00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:19,015
- Whoa!
- All right, wise guy.
309
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:21,138
The jig is up.
Tell me what's going on here
310
00:11:21,238 --> 00:11:22,254
or I'm gonna pump you
full of lead!
311
00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:23,576
There's nothing going on,
I swear.
312
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,823
Come on! No one willingly
dies for no reason!
313
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,225
What are you getting out of it?
314
00:11:28,326 --> 00:11:31,349
Nothing! I just...
It's being selfless.
315
00:11:31,448 --> 00:11:32,448
Self what?
316
00:11:32,529 --> 00:11:35,273
Selfless.
Like, when you do something
317
00:11:35,373 --> 00:11:38,235
for someone else with
no personal gain for yourself?
318
00:11:38,336 --> 00:11:41,198
Just out of the goodness
of your heart?
319
00:11:41,298 --> 00:11:45,923
You know, I did save a guy
from a fire once. Yeah.
320
00:11:46,024 --> 00:11:47,280
But I mean,
that was just to rob him.
321
00:11:47,304 --> 00:11:48,687
I shot him right after.
322
00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,568
No.
That's not it, then.
323
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,730
I don't know how else
to put it, Benny.
324
00:11:52,831 --> 00:11:53,927
I just... I'm doing it because
325
00:11:53,951 --> 00:11:55,933
I think it's
the moral thing to do.
326
00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:58,496
No.
Nah, I'm not buying it.
327
00:11:58,596 --> 00:11:59,859
You're up to something.
328
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,179
I'm really not.
I swear.
329
00:12:01,279 --> 00:12:04,783
Hey, watch out for this one,
folks. He's good.
330
00:12:04,884 --> 00:12:07,547
Very good.
331
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:09,347
Wait, wait, wait.
I don't understand.
332
00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:11,309
So, you guys are just
333
00:12:11,409 --> 00:12:14,634
taking photos and not actually
doing these things?
334
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,197
What's your point?
What about living your life
335
00:12:17,297 --> 00:12:18,638
like it's an adventure?
336
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,955
I thought that
was your whole thing.
337
00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:22,923
It is, but it's also just like,
338
00:12:23,023 --> 00:12:24,302
you know, an inspirational quote
339
00:12:24,384 --> 00:12:26,927
for, like, basic farm girls
to stitch on a pillow.
340
00:12:27,027 --> 00:12:29,028
It's our brand.
341
00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:31,291
My God.
342
00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,390
I shouldn't be here.
I should be fording the river.
343
00:12:33,472 --> 00:12:35,254
Ew. Why would you be
fording the river?
344
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,697
Sweetheart,
never ford a river.
That's so gross.
345
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,220
No, my friends are out there
346
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,701
having a real adventure,
unlike you guys
347
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,664
who are just #fake.
Hey! Excuse me.
348
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,307
Do not make fun of
my wife's condition.
349
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,009
It took hours to get
that horseshoe out of her head.
350
00:12:50,091 --> 00:12:51,873
Wait, Prudence!
What are you doing?
351
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,553
The ferry's about to take off.
352
00:12:53,653 --> 00:12:55,355
Prudence!
353
00:12:55,456 --> 00:12:56,557
I...
354
00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:58,440
I'm so sorry.
355
00:12:58,539 --> 00:13:00,522
Yeah, it's a bummer.
356
00:13:00,621 --> 00:13:02,243
I really thought
we were all gonna swing.
357
00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:05,647
- Well, I am still down.
- No.
358
00:13:05,746 --> 00:13:08,289
It was you watching, at best.
359
00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:09,850
- I liked her.
- At best.
360
00:13:09,951 --> 00:13:12,214
Hnaah...
You should probably
head out.
361
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,594
- I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, head out.
362
00:13:13,674 --> 00:13:15,216
- I'm gonna go.
- Goodbye.
363
00:13:15,317 --> 00:13:17,298
- Thank you for the drugs.
- Yes.
364
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:20,302
All right, folks,
it's fording time!
365
00:13:21,363 --> 00:13:22,544
- Yeah!
- Ha ha! Come on, now.
366
00:13:22,644 --> 00:13:24,506
- Yeah!
- Move 'em out.
367
00:13:24,606 --> 00:13:26,609
Come on,
put some muscle into it!
368
00:13:32,254 --> 00:13:34,476
Well, God,
369
00:13:34,576 --> 00:13:36,578
wish me luck.
370
00:13:42,304 --> 00:13:44,888
Benny? We making a mistake
leaving the rev behind?
371
00:13:44,988 --> 00:13:46,369
This don't feel right.
372
00:13:46,469 --> 00:13:47,571
Nah, don't fall for it.
373
00:13:47,671 --> 00:13:49,011
This is some kind of a trick.
374
00:13:49,111 --> 00:13:51,414
No!
I'm sinking instantly!
375
00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:52,936
This was a terrible plan!
376
00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:54,658
I've seen this one before.
377
00:13:54,758 --> 00:13:56,419
It's a classic Dead Man Shuffle.
378
00:13:56,519 --> 00:13:58,422
Keep an eye on your wallets,
folks.
379
00:13:58,522 --> 00:13:59,663
I'm not a swimmer!
380
00:13:59,763 --> 00:14:01,705
I didn't grow up around water!
381
00:14:01,804 --> 00:14:03,868
Not familiar with this trick.
382
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,469
Goodbye, world!
383
00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:13,477
I see.
He's just fully dying.
384
00:14:13,577 --> 00:14:16,100
Okay. Interesting.
385
00:14:18,702 --> 00:14:21,365
Help! Help!
386
00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:23,488
We have to do something!
387
00:14:23,587 --> 00:14:25,850
Are you crazy?
And risk our necks?
388
00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:28,293
- Help!
- Zeke!
389
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:30,895
I'm coming for ya!
Hold on!
390
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,376
Yes! Yes!
391
00:14:32,476 --> 00:14:34,479
Now she's doing it?
392
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,484
Come on, girl.
You got this.
393
00:14:40,885 --> 00:14:42,388
What is wrong with these people?
394
00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:48,313
My God!
395
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:51,798
- I got you.
- Wow. You are very strong!
396
00:14:51,898 --> 00:14:54,039
- Swim, Prudence! Come on, girl!
- You can do it!
397
00:14:54,139 --> 00:14:55,642
Hey, hey, don't let them on!
398
00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:57,363
They're too heavy!
We'll sink!
399
00:14:57,462 --> 00:15:00,846
You shut your yap, Benny.
We're done listening to you.
400
00:15:00,947 --> 00:15:03,450
Everybody, start throwing
your stuff overboard!
401
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,995
Here we go.
402
00:15:10,397 --> 00:15:12,259
Craziest damn thing
I've ever seen!
403
00:15:12,359 --> 00:15:13,500
Keep swimming!
404
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,461
Rev, hold on!
405
00:15:15,562 --> 00:15:17,563
You can do it!
406
00:15:21,969 --> 00:15:23,389
All right.
407
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,173
Let's see what this morality
thing is all about.
408
00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:31,399
Hey! That was mine!
409
00:15:31,499 --> 00:15:33,561
Yeah, well,
that was pretty big for me.
410
00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:35,663
We all saw
where I was at earlier.
411
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:39,888
All right, let's get
these wagons on shore!
412
00:15:39,988 --> 00:15:42,811
Pru, you saved my life.
413
00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:45,052
- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?
414
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,455
Did you see me out there?
I was all like,
415
00:15:47,554 --> 00:15:50,057
whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
"I got you, Zeke,"
416
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,020
and then everyone was like,
"She's a hero! My God,
417
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,183
I want to marry you, Prudence!
I worship you."
418
00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:56,465
For a near-death experience,
419
00:15:56,565 --> 00:15:57,701
there were a lot
of nice moments.
420
00:15:57,725 --> 00:15:59,888
Prudence!
421
00:16:00,808 --> 00:16:01,951
Shit.
422
00:16:02,051 --> 00:16:03,591
What the hell was that
back there?
423
00:16:03,692 --> 00:16:05,910
You embarrassed me in front
of our attractive new friends.
424
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:08,116
I'm sorry, dear,
but I really just needed
425
00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:10,438
to do this for myself.
Okay?
426
00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:11,538
Hey, no.
427
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:13,322
What has gotten into you?
428
00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:15,043
You openly disobey your husband.
429
00:16:15,144 --> 00:16:17,527
You ruined
your pretty little dress.
430
00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:19,629
This is not the woman I married.
431
00:16:21,671 --> 00:16:22,851
You're wrong, dear.
432
00:16:22,951 --> 00:16:25,455
This is the woman you married.
433
00:16:25,554 --> 00:16:26,576
Get used to it.
434
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,283
I'm wet!
435
00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:37,307
My beautiful dry skin is ruined!
436
00:16:37,407 --> 00:16:38,509
It's ruined!
437
00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:43,594
- Let me help you.
- No!
438
00:16:45,336 --> 00:16:48,438
Well, Rev, I gotta say,
you were right.
439
00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:50,400
I think there is room
for morality
440
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,123
out on the trail,
once in a while.
441
00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:53,403
I'm glad you see it that way.
442
00:16:53,504 --> 00:16:55,605
- Good.
- I'm sorry, I'm very wet.
443
00:16:55,706 --> 00:16:58,048
Hey guys.
Do you mind if we just
take a quick pic?
444
00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,331
Just a quick little snap
of the whole fam?
445
00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:01,613
Everyone gather round.
446
00:17:01,712 --> 00:17:02,974
- Let's get in there.
- #Selfie.
447
00:17:03,073 --> 00:17:04,335
Okay, selfie.
448
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,377
All right, ready, fit fam?
449
00:17:06,478 --> 00:17:08,579
Let's take it.
Three, two, one.
450
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,541
Sex!
451
00:17:17,088 --> 00:17:19,090
All right.
452
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,233
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho!
453
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:23,334
We gotta do grace.
454
00:17:23,414 --> 00:17:24,797
Shucks!
455
00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:26,919
Come on, quit your griping.
456
00:17:27,019 --> 00:17:29,020
Let's keep it classy, people.
457
00:17:29,741 --> 00:17:31,743
Rev, if you please.
458
00:17:32,944 --> 00:17:34,567
Bless us, Lord,
and these, thy gifts
459
00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:35,683
which we are about to receive
460
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:37,710
from thy bounty.
461
00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:41,633
Forget about that.
462
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:42,935
Cram it in, shit it out.
463
00:17:43,036 --> 00:17:44,133
That's what food is all about.
464
00:17:44,156 --> 00:17:46,159
- Amen.
- Amen!
465
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,461
There you go.
32694
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