All language subtitles for AESOPTQIA
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I hate bananas
I actually like to eat bananas they
taste good and are good for me
my doctors told me if I eat a banana
every day I will live longer
so I do
I eat a banana every single day it's the
first thing I do every morning
I hate my job
everyone hates their job but not in the
way I hate my job I wish I could hate my
job the way everyone else hates their
job
but that's impossible because of my job
many things are impossible
happiness fulfillment
love I buy bananas seven at a time once
a week one for every day of the week
I never get tired of eating them
but I hate them on day six I wake up go
to the kitchen eat a banana then notice
that there is only one banana left
[Music]
this means two things
first time to buy seven more bananas
second
another week has gone by in my pathetic
miserable lonely life in which nothing
has happened
is why I hate bananas
[Music]
I don't have much of me to lose
[Music]
okay I'm not falling for your charms not
falling into your arms reprobate
13 across
predestined to Eternal damnation
nine letter words starts with three
[Music]
reprobate
right here r
E P I know how to spell it
okay sorry just trying to help
busy
[Music]
okay
From Here to Eternity
vexatious and sacrifice sacrifice is
easy I already have most of the letters
[Music]
maybe you should do it instead of me
well I couldn't do any worse that's for
sure
but hey do you have the front section
because I heard there was some news on
ASAP
I think
[Applause]
new Sun ASAP did you hear anything stop
eavesdropping so rude but I overheard
Andrea yoga talking about a press
conference next week
ASAP is holding a press conference next
time in the big ASAP in this huge noise
for it not to exist it would exists but
its secret is probably something done
within this Segway wait I just heard
something about asap's secret invention
it's going to be bigger than Wi-Fi
foreign
[Music]
[Music]
I'm excited to be here buddy you
understand considering what you'll be
doing that you can't have a social life
no friends family and no intimate
relationships
it's not a problem
being a statistician doesn't get me into
too many Social Circles
so no close family
and you haven't had a boyfriend since
since ever
the job will last years decades maybe so
just
checking in to make sure you're okay
with this considering the payoff
absolutely
and just to be clear while the payoff is
incredible
the consequence for violating the rule
is severe
completely understandable
oh and of course this goes without
saying but no one can know what Aesop is
or what we do
I mean no one
you'll get a file every two days and
you'll have two days to complete it
simple stuff for a gal like you
and put the facts into the algorithm
examine the odds
and make a decision While most of the
decisions are easy the tough ones are
well I don't think tough is a strong
enough word lives are on the line
I understand
everything is to be done by hand in the
books no computers No Electronic Trail
the best way to secure data is to go as
old school as possible exactly
the final step is to watch this
introduction video
should answer any other questions you
may have
just look right through there
what is this it's portable
okay that's on
[Music]
stop division of Viridian Dynamics
Aesop stands for anti-entropy systematic
operational program
began after cotopic and anti-aging
mineral was found during a dig at the
Aztec mountains scientists learn this
mineral stops the aging process so
anyone who takes it won't die of old age
they can still die if they are shot full
of a building or kill themselves but
their body does not age
so theoretically they could live forever
unfortunately only so much kotope was
found on the Dig and they haven't been
able to find any more there is only
enough to create an agent cool for 88.4
of the world's population
11.6 percent will not get it the world
leaders met privately and decided that a
confidential program Aesop would be
created to deal with this cure in its
ethical sociological and political
effects how to distribute it and who
should get it an Enterprise this big
needed an organization a company to run
it the only company big enough was
Viridian Dynamics Military Support
company at the time
your job at Aesop is to determine which
individuals will receive the Cure and
which will not who will live forever and
who will not
foreign
[Music]
no I don't know what place that
reupholsters couch is
what caused the projectile vomiting
did you drink anything
take any drugs
what was the last thing you ate
sushi
Sushi can cause vomiting where'd you get
it
from inside a dumpster
I think we have our culprits
not from inside a dumpster but beside it
doesn't make a difference
well my advice is to take it easy drink
some ginger ale and stop eating food out
of dumpsters
I do know you worked with the homeless
he's a computer software salesman
yeah remind me not to go to any of his
parties seriously sorry enough of my
work how's yours I'm good necklaces are
up 13 is that is that good I'm sorry I
know nothing about the boutique jewelry
business yeah up is always good
I just thought that since you know you
make everything yourself you know when
too many orders be bad no such thing as
too many orders but I am worried that
some of the stores are skimming off the
top oh how so
charging one price and then paying me
another it's kind of common in the
boutique world but there's no real way
to check
without
spying on them oh no not another plan I
don't know but this one is so easy
that's what you said last time and we
had to build Stacy out of jail because
she didn't follow the plan all you would
have to do is go to one of the stores
buy one of my items and then tell me
what you paid for it
I don't know
why you can't turn me down I'm too
adorable
I am so gonna regret this
so
we'll go to the one on third on third
here two days in a row hopefully she
shows up
there she is
I need your help
with a Sunday crossword puzzle I I don't
think I'll be much help Oh no you're
useless for this
um my dress came undone and I can't
reach around to do it without making a
spectacle of myself so if you could just
it's not that hard
it's just a tie thank you
um
in Bose
perfect
hi
um have a seat
I'm Marie by the way
[Music]
oh okay this is the part where you shake
my hands tell me your name smile back at
me
um
uh I'm I'm Jill I'm my name is Joe uh
pleasure
so what do you do Jill
I'm a relationship counselor oh
well you know I'm having trouble with my
relationship maybe you can help
I would
um what's trouble
well I just I don't know how to
communicate with him
it's like all he ever does is take take
and all he ever wants is physical
gratification
and he wants me to feed him love him and
then leave him alone
and the only things he likes to do or
eat sleep play ball and
get loving from me oh and lick his balls
he loves to lick his balls especially
when we have company over
[Music]
excuse me well I thought he would grow
out of it when you grew out his puppy
face but he's four now and he still
licks his balls with abandon
you're talking about your dog
oh you only help with human
relationships whoa what I can tell you
is that you will never have a better
relationship than the one you have with
your dog
dogs are the greatest ah
funny I had you pegged for a cat person
ouch
I didn't mean that as an insult
it's a huge insult dogs are infinitely
cooler than cats and
dog lovers are infinitely even more
cooler than cat lovers
okay first impossible to be more cooler
and B impossible to be more infinite
it's impossible to be the grammar police
and cool at all
I'm hungry
Jasper
[Music]
hey I'm gonna have the falafel but extra
hummus at Bob ganoush I know
I should never could just pick one
just one is so boring
I'm guessing you're more of a just
Thomas person I don't know it's kind of
hard to tell I'm not really much of a
Mediterranean food person
um
how about just an order of fries
told you
but I'm honest is the best silky smooth
satisfying and the healthiest don't you
want to live long I mean how long do you
want to live have you ever met someone
who's lived over 100 they all have this
look on their face like oh just kill me
please and I wish I ate more french
fries
yeah I miss french fries you don't eat
french fries I gave them up they're
terrible for you and they take like five
years off your life yeah but it's the
last five years so what I'm not going to
be peeing in a closet or forgetting my
kids names bummer
well maybe ASAP will come up with
something that will let me live to a
hundred and still eat my French fries
yeah we'll need to argue that the
eternal return is frightening
what Ninja who a 19th century German
philosopher
he is considered the father of
existentialism
he argued that the internal return
of the eternal return is a view that
since time is infinite and matter is
finite everything that happens will
happen again and again and again forever
that time isn't linear
but circular
oh
so um the conversation that we're
currently having will happen again and
again and again correct
and then just curiously
um in any of these repeating future
conversations am I going to understand
what the [ __ ] you're talking about
probably not
that sucks I I'm curious I want to
understand it maybe you can teach me
thank you
yeah they both count okay I'm ready to
play no you cannot hold your cards like
that well you seriously yeah because she
can see them and you give us a bad name
just make it look like you know how to
play sorry I'll race
five dollars whoa five dollars it's a
quarter Auntie if you don't like it you
can Fold It Wants to be a rule about the
size of the race no it's just a friendly
game we never really made those rules if
someone wants to be a manipulative
little [ __ ] and take advantage of that
then yeah there is nothing we can do
thank you
if you don't like it you can suck my
dick Allison Stacy
fish I think Allison's bluffing alcohol
oh shoot
um
okay I have a good hand but I don't have
five dollars stays what you can't stay
if you have a good hand that goes
against the whole Poker Face thing right
maybe that's part of my poker face I'm
out Allison is just diabolical enough to
not be bluffing so too scary
Marie can I sell you this bracelet for
five dollars uh no first I got you that
bracelet for your birthday
and second it's from my fall line so I
can just make another one for like 87
cents and third is already out of style
I like it it looks well on you it works
really well with your skin tone and
everything color coming in with a
compliment just being honest you are not
you are so lying your whole voice and
Body Language changes yeah yeah she's
right I mean it's so easy to tell when
you're lying you are the worst liar
which is how I know you have nothing so
just give me the chips
may not have the best poker faces but at
least we can hide when we're in love
unlike Marie
yeah
yeah you are totally
but Marie is always in love so there's
like nothing to hide okay honestly
I feel like this one might be different
yeah really so it might last longer than
the next pair of socks maybe but I don't
know I don't want to drink it so I'm not
saying anything and I have to take my
pills so deal me in the next one I'll be
right back
I keep forgetting she had that kidney
transplant I know I would literally fall
apart if it went through everything
she's been through that's because you're
a hypochondriac and a germaphobe okay
don't listen to our Stace germs are bad
who are you're a doctor you're
surrounded by germs
which is why I hate them okay well wait
till you're married because Maggie and I
are always swapping germs
see that's why I will always live alone
even when I'm married I want to meet in
my life just not in my house you know
that makes sense
they're gross they're disgusting but if
you're going to be married to someone
that's different like they have to live
with you no I think I'm good yeah no
you haven't told me what you do
oh I run my own Boutique jewelry
business in process yeah but heavy is
the head that wears the crown
actually it's not heavy as the head it's
uneasy as the head
are you sure heavy makes more sense
heavy doesn't fit I am a contaminer
Shakespearean three syllables hence
unease e
heavy is such a better word
since the crown is physically heavy
making the head heavy via metaphorical
transference
some tax over meaning
no I was right bill was wrong yeah
Shakespeare was such a lazy writer
oh yay
I thought you gave themselves uh Jill
convinced me to try them again
no fair now I feel responsible if you
don't live as long but I'll be happier
[Music]
uh I'm gonna pass
talk about no fair
you've inspired me to try hummus
that's so sweet
that's actually too sweet
it's like the perfect thing to say
like what a player would say
I didn't know women could be players
anybody can be a player
but yeah you're right they're mostly men
I was just trying to be nice how does
that make me a player
that's the problem
what makes players players is that they
are nice they say all the right things
they come off as kind caring committed
and then bam Bob's your uncle and they
leave you for someone else
Bob who and what Uncle you never heard
of that expression
well it's a big conundrum one of the
biggest I face impossible to tell the
difference between a friend and a player
sounds confusing
tell me about it
so
um are you satisfied
with my fries
absolutely
just making sure you
change what you want all the time it's
hard to tell sometimes well I think I
found something worth sticking with
[Music]
I'm
very happy for you
I wish you the best
we have some history I think maybe she's
still in love with me hmm yeah she's
definitely still in love with you
I can see why
sorry if that makes me seem like too
much of a player
[Music]
[Music]
I could get used to this
I'm not sure if I could ever get used to
this
is that a good thing or a bad thing
there's a lot I'm not used to
don't
get offended but
am I here first
a woman that is
I once had this drunken thing with this
girl at a party
but afterwards she blamed it on the
tequila and never spoke with me again
oh
your only time
[Music]
I grew up in a family where it was
considered wrong so
I just never acted on it
[Music]
sorry
[Music]
it really wasn't that bad
it was kind of like a bell
when it rings
it's wonderful
but it can sit and sit and sit
and never ring
eventually
it just gets used to not ringing
can't imagine
I've been
multi-sexual since I can remember
is that a real thing a multi-sexual yeah
it is now
I thought it was pansexual
as a post with ginstonian I have created
my own word
[Music]
you remember that conversation and
understood enough to throw it in my face
Bravo
I remember everything you're teaching me
that's what I love the most about you
[Music]
[Music]
do you hear that
thing
[Music]
um
[Laughter]
yeah you know I'm glad you finally
started taking these lunchtime boxes
yeah I think it's been good for me to
get out of the office finally enjoy the
outdoors nature
everything
and it's it's nice to have company
but you know you look like a completely
different person
same on me just not as buried in my work
I really think these walks have helped
you know I hate to bring up work but
there's this file that you're following
behind on and it's not a big deal just
nothing to worry about I yeah I know I'm
sorry it's just
I've had some really tough files in this
last batch you know I'll have them in by
the movie
I know you will your roofs my most
reliable and trustworthy team member
[Music]
oh my god did you read that funny gift
book that I told you about yeah cat's
fatal yes okay so I want to start
calling Andrew Ice Nine just because he
kills every conversation what do you
think
from are you in on it I'm yeah okay
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
so
what do you think
about what
what
my dress
it's nice
okay why don't you like it
I just said I liked it no you said
it's nice
which means you don't like it
I like it
then why wouldn't you say so
I thought I did
okay so what do you like about it
what do you mean
is it
pretty is it cute is it stylish
it's all those things it's pretty cute
and stylish
okay it can't be all of those things is
it pretty cute or stylish
oh cute
it's not supposed to be cubes I have
plenty of cute dresses this one was
supposed to be stylish you know sexy
elegant
yeah that's what I meant it's stylish
and sexy
and
and I forgot the last one
Elegance it's Elegance it's stylish sexy
and elegant
really yeah you mean it you're not just
saying that yes I genuinely mean all the
things you just told me to say yeah
yeah you're done with this that's it no
more oh no this will never stop you do
understand never no I'm going to torture
you forever this is just the beginning
you cringe every time I say it
but
we will be together forever
trust me
do you like it
it's nice
let me see you're stressed
what's going on
it's France
France France they're mad
about what
numbers
there's our low lowest of any country
percentage-wise but
someone has to be the lowest
yes but
it's by a lot and it's France
so
so they're threatening to pull out if
the algorithm doesn't change
the algorithm is fine
it's France
well if they change the algorithm it'll
make it a lot worse for me
can't
change the object and they can't have
France pulling out
oh
I'm sure they will figure something out
we'll see
[Music]
hey
um
one more thing yeah
I need you to stop seeing her
[Music]
they see everything you do and it's for
your own good
trust me I know
can I tell her no it ends now
for what it's worth I thought you two
made a cute couple
I'll have today's paperwork and first
thing tomorrow morning booth
great
I'll have today's paperwork in first
thing tomorrow morning
have a nice day buddy
I can't believe you're still holding
your cards like that why must you always
bring up that hold my cards like this I
need to see everything because whatever
works for you you're a doctor so I guess
that's surgical yes it is it is actually
thank you
Marie call unfold
[Music]
a fault are you high you folded three
tens over 80 cents yeah I'd do anything
for 80 cents that's what the golf team
said it was the track team
I mean I don't think date is the most
accurate for to describe what you did
but yeah okay at least I don't have a
six month rule like Miss Disney princess
here
men need to prove themselves okay but
six months paying for the big one
even not that except for that never that
well you know a few days for a long time
Maggie's idea of interesting is going to
meet other Sioux Plantation on
Manchester
[Music]
about what do you guys know about Aesop
what
anything
well rumor at the hospital is that it
either stop sprinkles or proven Spalding
yeah why
I met someone and I think she works for
ASAP every time I mention it she either
leaves or changes the subject well you
should sleep with her and then find out
why
yeah I want to I can't she disappeared
ghosted me right when things were going
great so she's a she this time why does
that matter it doesn't I'm just yeah I
don't have a problem
it's okay Stace you will never
understand why I like both boys and
girls and I will never understand why
you like juicy sweatsuits yeah they're
so comfy same
I don't know I guess you must really
liked her
I haven't seen like this since Anthony
oh
um I'm sorry Marie I I forgot we weren't
supposed to mentioning his name and then
it's okay it's fine it was a long time
ago so many versions of me ago yeah well
I'll ask around the hospital see what I
can find
the rumor is I heard it's the biggest
secret since the baked Moon oh my God
not that again there is no wind on the
moon how did the flag fly oh thank you
Pilar but um don't worry about it I can
handle this one on my own
it's Maggie's lawyer
you know given what happened with
Michelle
I'll be good this time at least as good
as I can be
um
good
thank you good luck wait so what do I do
now
um she folded yes yeah
[Music]
what is it this time Ruth
teacher of the year
four times in a row chemistry
and a transplant patient hard automatic
now he also teaches drama
his students love him
and his kidney is going to need to be
replaced every year you know the codepac
won't keep it from aging because it's
not his
we've been through this
he adopts disabled dogs and runs a doggy
rehab out of his house
okay I would probably marry him if given
the chance but he's a hard automatic now
I feel like this isn't just about the
teacher
I don't know what you're talking about
Earth we've
we've all been there we all have needs
and if you want to talk about it I'm
fine there's nothing to talk about I
don't have needs the it's just get in
the way needs cause pain and frustration
and and pain and more pain you know
who do you see it's I don't eat these
are
they're just needs these are stupid
so what's wrong
you wouldn't understand
you liked her
she was different
so different I mean nothing like Anthony
or Becca or Josh so she was smart kind
caring faithful yes I get it I have had
a few issues to work out
which is why I liked Jill you know no
more cavemen dominatrix
wiccans yeah I liked her because she was
just a dork
Maggie's kind of a dork
yeah
not like Joe she wears a members only
jacket knockoff oh
so she wants to be a member but she's
not cool enough
and she does crossword puzzles in an
actual newspaper she like 80.
she's just a sweet smart woman who
ghosted me for no reason
which is why I'm depressed I can't win
so find her we we all know you can all
your restraining orders say so two I
only have two that are current okay so
I'm passionate
sorry is that a crime these days
well no but
hacking into Josh's computer network and
changing all of his co-workers
screensavers to a pick of him taking a
crop
that is that was some of my best work I
should have a medal for that I agree
but it also shows that you have the
skills to find Jill
so go find her
[Music]
thank you
I have no friends no one knows where I
live
it has to be them
[Music]
[Music]
foreign
I don't have cookies
um do you want a banana God no my doctor
told me to one a day I didn't last a
week boring
you can't stay
[Music]
you can't
stay
[Music]
then
make me go
[Music]
oh my goodness
should any word you found me so easily
terrified
I mean seriously that was kind of insane
like that's not what stable rational
people do
whatever gave you the idea I was stable
or rational
no but honestly this is the most stable
rational response I've had to being
dumped ever
so I should be terrified
no you're the first person that I found
and didn't
Revenge
not so much I love you
you love me
I gave up a week of my life to search
for you
do you love me yes
you're adorable
can I ask you a stupid question
there are no stupid questions just
stupid people and lots of them
why
why
do you love me
hell if I know
okay
if I could choose who I fell in love
with my life would be so much easier
I know why I like you but
love you
no idea I just do
I don't know where I'm going with this
but
I think it has something to do with
death
death
give me a second I almost have it
when we love someone it's like
we aren't important anymore and we lose
ourselves
when we're single or in lust all we care
about is ourselves our own successes our
own feelings but
when we're in love we care about someone
else as much as ourselves
or more
or more
so we're no longer afraid of death or
not our own death when we're with
someone we love it's like
we can never die or at least that's what
it feels like
so love isn't about passion it's about
eternity
it's finding our own eternity
that's why we're so drawn to it
and
why when we lose someone we love it's
like we died because we did
we lost our
eternity
what if we lived forever
huh
like what if we were Eternal beings we
never died would we still love
uh I don't know that is [ __ ] up even
for me
yeah that's nonsense
we love so we can live forever
that's it
I like that
[ __ ]
I forgot to take my pills
what pills
my immune suppression pills
immune suppression meaning for a
transplant
impressive that is exactly what they're
for
I got a kidney transplant and the pills
basically help lower my immune system so
it doesn't try to kick my new kidney out
hubla
what what's wrong
nothing
[Music]
[Music]
everybody keep dancing morning
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
3 P.M yeah but he just woke up so it's
where'd you get that
that counter
what what what are you doing
well I now have to go to the grocery
store on Wednesday instead of Thursday
because I'll run out of bananas a day
early
oh my God
oh
trust me you'll thank me so now that
you're up I can make you your eggs
okay
I'm gonna make you my top secret special
eggs they're actually just sunny side up
but I do something miraculous that makes
them better than any sunny summer eggs
you've ever had before
I am actually like being scrambled
well top titties because you'll be
getting them Sunny Side Up and you will
adore them
okay
so what's the biggest problem with sunny
side up eggs
I don't know because I like them
scrambled Roddy White's nobody likes the
runny whites but fear not I will make
your sunny side up eggs with firm whites
and still a runny yolk
it's gonna be good
okay
I know you're tired but you should
really be more excited about this is my
sunny side up eggs with firm whites and
a runny yolk might be the greatest
scientific discovery in history
and have you achieved such culinary
brilliance
well the secret is really very simple
you
break the white like you would the yolk
you spread it thin so it Cooks quickly
and this makes the edges of the whites
crispy
voila
it's good
go sit down and I'll bring you the rest
of the breakfast when I'm done
since you don't like my secret special
breakfast I made you oatmeal
I hope it's boring enough for you
we need to talk
I know too much too fast I know it's I'm
a lot it's just I worked so hard to find
you and then I wanted to make it nice
and it's not that though you are as you
say
a lot
it's not the oatmeal is it I thought
that was just a joke no I actually love
oatmeal
thank you of course you do
there's something I've been hiding from
you
you work for ASAP and your name's not
Jill
how could you I'm really good at puzzles
but you're really bad at hiding things
I'm absolutely the worst which is also
why I figured out from your reactions
that Aesop discovered something about
living longer and that because of my
transplant I won't be able to get
whatever they discovered
wow
that's
wow you found that all out just for my
reactions
mostly
first you hesitated when I asked your
name clearly it was fake the first time
I mentioned ASAP you immediately got up
and left and the next time you changed
the subject and every time after that so
obviously you work for them
and the first time I mentioned us being
together forever you got this lost look
in your eye and then I mentioned my
condition and you got the same lost look
so it wasn't simply that the simplest
explanation knowing that you work for
Aesop is that Aesop came up with
something that will make it impossible
for us to be together forever and then
the rest I was just guessing but
how close am I
first
my name is Ruth
seconds you do not want to know how
close
I love puzzles
seriously you don't want to know how
close that's why we have to talk can I
just bask in my glory for a few more
seconds por favor
you got everything right
except
ASAP didn't just come up with a way to
live longer
they came up with a way to live forever
forever
it seems that way we developed a pill
that ends entropy which means people
stop aging which means people don't die
of old age
stop aging
holy [ __ ] mother of Christ ah but but
I won't get it because it's transplant
no one with a transplant because the
transplant organ will age
so so wait only transplant patients
don't get the pill
it's made from a limited natural
resource so there's only enough for
around 88 of the population
this is going to be interesting
yeah pretty much
but that's what I do
I use an algorithm to decide who gets it
and who doesn't
that's why you broke up with me
it's it's just part of the job I can't
have friends no one to blur on my
objectivity
oh
that must suck
wow I mean if this really happens like
everything changes
yeah pretty much that's why everything
has to say as Secrets until they figure
it all out
huh
is this why you're so into philosophy
I always have been but yeah
listen
let's take a step back
reflect on what I told you we'll talk
tomorrow
so many questions
take your time
figure out your questions organize your
thoughts
you're kicking me out
just until tomorrow
let's meet at the park
it's a good place to talk
[Music]
I don't understand the problem
I ordered them three days ago two dozen
heirloom tomato tarts
problem is if the pastry chef didn't
make any this morning why not it's your
most popular item
the chef went to the farmer's market
this morning and didn't find any
tomatoes that were worthy of her tart so
she didn't buy any
sorry
sorry you're joking right we don't joke
about tart worthiness
sorry I just never thought I would hear
the phrase tart worthiness out loud
well I have a party this afternoon
that's expecting two dozen of your
famous heirloom tomato tarts
what do you want me to do
I hate to interject but have you tried
their Artisan avocado bacon bombs
avocado bacon rocks those just sound
promising
and we could pretty easily have two
dozen ready for your party oh looks like
the chef found the avocados to be bomb
worthy today
there's no such thing as bomb worthy
avocados don't be absurd
such a lifesaver thank you oh yeah just
want to make sure those soccer moms in
Chesterfield get their trendy app
how'd you know the party was for soccer
moms in Chesterfield
easy everyone around here knows the
Tomato Tarts haven't been trending in
months but Chesterfield is the last
place in town that thinks they're still
hip my soccer moms
if it were soccer dads you'd be getting
nachos good point now if you really want
to impress me
what's the party for
um
let's see
I'm gonna go with
Caitlyn is moving her divorce papers
went through and now she's free to move
to a new cul-de-sac in Chesterfield
she's not moving but it is a divorce
party and how the [ __ ] did you know her
name was Caitlyn
uh playing the odds um there was a big
Caitlyn baby name explosion a while back
so now nearly third of all Suburban
women over 30 are Caitlyn's
oh and the divorce Marie what are you
having uh give me a second that is
Chesterfield it is just what women over
30 do in Chesterfield
[Music]
you're even smarter than they said
who's they
love her
um
I'm sorry Who Who Are You
if you love her
I don't know what to do
Marie what do you want
Jasper I'm busy listen [ __ ] I don't
know
foreign
they already know about us of course
they do they knew when I first broke up
with you no they know who I am where to
find me everything
I told you ASAP is everywhere they know
everything they approached me
when where just now at the cafe
who approached you how do you know it
was Aesop
it was so weird
that was online waiting for this woman
she was having an issue with Jasper the
last Jasper and I was trying to help so
we started like laughing bonding and
then out of nowhere she asks me do you
love her
what she said do you love her I was like
what and then she said if I love you I
will know what to do
it may not have been ASAP that is way
out of character for them did you get
her name no but I asked Jasper the name
under the order and she said Alexandra
Corrington but I mean I'm sure that's
not a real name
Alex
you know her
an ex
much worse
AVP
who AVP it's a part of ASAP
just imagine a combination of the CIA
KGB
and the mob
I'd rather not
I don't know if this is good or bad it
seems bad like really bad like we're
about to die bad
if that's not how they operate there's a
knock at the door
you open it all of a sudden it's them
and it's over
okay maybe something happened maybe she
got spooked before she doesn't spook no
one at AVP does
but she used her real name
she had to know that you'd find it out
you'd tell me and I would recognize it
so
I don't know
okay maybe
she was giving us a warning a heads up
why she doesn't owe me anything
okay I'm officially scared we should be
but we should not panic okay what should
we do
nothing we should just wait here until
they kill us if they wanted to kill us
we would already be dead
that's supposed to make me feel better
no not at all but that's all we can do
right now
we have to show them that we are not
scared
let's go home
pretend like nothing happened
okay okay
need I remind you of the mess you made
of Germany
perfect timing handle friends
[Music]
[Music]
so
we need to be careful with Maureen
or nothing we're used to and and she's
crazy about her
[Music]
does she know
[Music]
yeah
good I hate eliminating the Smart Ones
all right
ASAP questions
what have you got for me
okay how long have you had this oh 57
years
so how following
86.
funny you don't look a day over 85. yeah
that joke got old a long time ago sorry
oh I'm gonna need a minute that was a
bit
jarring
take your time
oh wait so if Aesop has been around for
decades then that means people have died
while you've been sitting on the pill
there isn't enough for everyone people
are gonna die no matter what
if we rushed it there could have been
devastating consequences
still it doesn't seem right
difficult decisions have been made had
to be made
but if things continue to go as planned
were there others before me in your long
life
a verse women
like me
no there have not been others like you
so besides transplant patients who else
doesn't get the pill
it's a really complicated algorithm it's
person by person mostly outside of those
who are sick
mentally too
emotionally morally
anyone deemed unhealthy
the key is
who will be the most productive in this
new Eternal Society
okay so then none of my exes will get it
since they're all lying cheating
douchebags
even the women
especially the women
so will people still get married
well
it won't be against the law but without
children I doubt many will
no children
no new children
the people living forever will have to
be able to control the population
somehow
and people will want to age to adulthood
prior to taking the pill
no one wants to get stuck at age 14
forever
God no what a horrible age
wait
what about
dogs
no but Socrates
if there isn't enough for every human
but some dogs are more productive than
Some Humans right
well I don't want to live in a world
without dogs
there will still be dogs they just won't
live forever
we'll have to keep getting new ones just
like we do now but forever okay I guess
that's a little better but
I want Socrates to live forever you know
if I can't
you know you are taking this quite well
considering
well I never thought I was gonna live
forever so not much has changed
but I still haven't wrapped my head
around the whole Aesop thing
you have been avoiding the real reason
for this conversation
I know
I think
we both know what we should decide
I can't be responsible for your there
might be other options than you think
either we break up and you live forever
or we don't and you die
there are other options
and maybe I don't want to live without
you
that's very sweet but that is [ __ ] I
am not worth giving up Eternity for well
maybe the judge of that
has anyone else ever given up Aesop
only one that I know of
do tell
Cindy
she was the receptionist at Aesop I saw
her at the front desk every single day
for decades
totally okay sounds groovy bye
hey Sandy hey how's it going Ruth I know
just checking out my files
what you doing this weekend seeing the
Exorcist let's go in theaters no I'm
watching at home my brand new VCR
like the ones they have here yeah they
make personal ones now and it was a
little pricey but I get to watch movies
at home that can't be a thing where have
you been you gotta get with the times
man you know just buried in my work
always better than my work
[Music]
what is that thing Cindy oh that's a
texting telephone
say what
it was originally created for the deaf
but like anybody can use it to do what
okay let's say you don't want to pick up
the phone say like this
put it on there
type in your message
and then the person on the other end of
the line can read what you said it's
called texting
I would anyone do that
trust me everybody's gonna be texting
I just don't see this whole
thing thing catching on yeah
no I totally got it
okay I gotta go bye
another Gadget oh yeah this is a Newton
it's not out yet but I got my hands on a
prototype
what's it do everything
everyone in the future is going to have
one of these and it will change the
world
[Music]
and then I came to work one day and she
was gone
a new girl Andrea replaced her and she's
been there ever since
so what happened to her
no one knows for sure
we think
that she started seeing a guy ASAP found
out and she disappeared
killed her
no one knows for sure but that's what we
think
she could have easily run away before
they got to her
let's find out
I mean if she's alive we should talk to
her about what happened and then we'll
have a better idea of what we should do
no that's way too risky
especially since they already confronted
you
remember I'm great at solving puzzles
and like you said if they wanted us dead
we'd already be
I don't even know her last name
her name is Cindy
she loves gadgets you know what she
looks like
oh and she doesn't age
it's not that hard
okay wow thank you okay well before we
go gentlemen I would like to have a word
with you each of you owe me one favor
and I'm thinking I want to cash in on
those favors all at once uh are you
kidding you owe me like half a dozen
papers already it's like 10 for me I
lost count years ago yeah okay well
clearly I have also lost track but since
I already owe you so many favors maybe
what's one more to add to the list
just tell us what you want hon okay I
love my friends
and Stacy do you have access to old news
stories yeah that's what I did was from
1984 I mean basically everything's
digitized now great could you look into
any story about a 28 year old blonde
named Cindy and she was really into
science
sure thank you Pilar if you could look
into old hospital records anything about
28 year old blonde named Cindy over the
last 27 years
that's gonna be a long list I know I'm
sorry any and every name and if you have
pictures even better
okay
Ally you're still into Old gadgets and
gizmos and things right yeah I mean
Engineers call them vintage inventions
but yeah okay great
um could you look into
um anything about a 28 year old blonde
named Cindy yes active on one of your
vintage inventions message boards okay
uh what year like when was she 28
well any and every year
it's confusing but could you do that
people don't really use their real names
but yeah I'll try
thank you
I really really appreciate it it means a
lot to me
listen I don't mind like helping you
stalk one of Joe's ex-girlfriends but
this is getting like really weird yeah
this is the craziest plot you've hatched
yet and that's saying something no no
this is not about stalking one of her
ex-girlfriends it's more important than
that
is this about Aesop oh yeah you thought
that she was working there no not about
Aesop it's just too confusing to explain
I wish you were Pilar that I know if you
were lying
but you can't because I'm such a good
poker player which is why I usually take
all your money
but not tonight you got lucky it's
nothing I have smell it I'm a strategist
what oh cards like this
that's a strategy because then when I
win I just go and then I win okay well
you did win I'm just gonna take it
what's up
Marie what now you're all right she's
smarter than we used to culture we
should really think about recruiting her
maybe eventually but
her friends are now involved
need me to take care of any of them no
they're Clueless
and besides Pilar is a conspiracy
theorist
conspiracy theorists make our job so
much easier plant little story here and
and Marie has learned about Cindy
it's a matter of time
how close days maybe hours
it seems our threat didn't work maybe
the next option
okay I know this is what you do best but
remember
we're the good guys and not like last
time I'll follow orders good
but my way is easiest and removes all
risk
considering how high the stakes are
we really should be focused on
minimizing risk
you always have been more cold-blooded
than me
comes with the job
anyways we have leverage or transplant I
don't think she's one for negotiating
well I think she is
especially with what we have to offer
I'll be right I am
quietly please
not like last time
I'm gonna get gray hairs is that even
possible
we could have met anywhere this isn't
top secret information I wanted to meet
in a parking garage like deep throat and
Woodward but I couldn't find any that
were empty this time of day you realize
I'm both deep throat and Woodward in
this situation whatever what did you
find surprisingly quite a bit this
includes everything from Allison and
Pilar as well but uh we weren't sure
what you're looking for so there's a
good chance most of it's a dead end I'm
sure there is something in here I can
use and when I find it I will tell you
everything and it will make you more
famous than Woodward I can't wait have
fun thank you
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
hello Marie
those artisanal avocado bacon bombs work
magic with the soccer mobs in
Chesterfield
thanks Marie pleasure Chester I have
heard so much about you well actually I
have heard everything about you and I
must confess I am impressed you harm one
hair on her head and I swear as God is
my witness my dear
too many movies
ASAP it's a benevolent organization our
goal has always been to make the world a
better place we're not as diabolical as
some
have assumed I already know all about
you the pursuit of perfection can get
Messy as the cliche goes you've got to
crack a few eggs before you make an
omelette
even get rid of a few rotten ones you
know that's not what I mean yes
that is why we're here I just found out
less than an hour ago and you beat me
here that's scary
misery said we monitor everything
I'm sorry what are you guys talking
about
do you want to tell her or should I
tell me what
I guess I'm gonna have to tell her your
beloved Aesop is a scam
it can't be
I took the pill I know it works that's
not the scam the scam is that they have
plenty for everyone
that's what Cindy found out she didn't
meet a guy
I don't understand
Eugenics ethnic cleansing genocide
proactive Darwinism not a thing survival
of the fittest thinning out the herd
whatever you want to call it a murder
I still don't understand when codepek
was discovered we immediately started
working on a synthetic version it took
over a decade but we were eventually
successful
so ASAP can make as many pills as it
wants
enough for everyone
technically yeah accurately and actually
then why keep up with the list and the
decisions good question ASAP was
designed to create a perfect Eternal
world
an everlasting Utopia and that would not
be possible if everyone got the pill
why not the sick the weak the criminal
there would just be a drain on our
resources the world would be the same
except everyone would live forever
we wouldn't improve as a society this
this would help us improve
we are constantly improving why would we
stop are we I mean our technology is but
are we as people
consider the ancient Greeks of the
Romans are we any more just moral
profound or
do we just have cooler toys okay so no
one sees the contradiction in murdering
millions of people in order to become
more moral it's the same problem that
has played Humanity since the beginning
of time only this time
we have the perfect solution
don't you mean the final solution we are
not Nazis yeah denying your Nazis kind
of means you are we have a once in a
lifetime opportunity to build a perfect
Society one free of disease crime and
laziness who would want to live in such
a boring place especially forever we
didn't come here to debate
we came here to make an offer
whatever it is no
what kind of offer we are not accepting
their offer we must stop them we have to
let everyone know what they're really up
to Marie we should at least listen I
have everything loaded up ready to send
to my friend Stacy who is a national
reporter who would love to blow the lid
off this Aesop is everywhere they
control everything
we already have counter stories to run
making whatever you post seem like
conspiracy theories
but if it's out there maybe someone will
believe it maybe not today but maybe
over time as more people learn about it
and more research is done about it
that's a lot of maybes this isn't the
first rumor that Aesop is squashed
we're pretty good at it I don't care I
can't not do something and I can't take
your offer
we'll give you the pill
and find a way to make it work with
their transplant
we'll find a way to eliminate your need
for a transplant
and until then
you can have as many
what about everyone else
this is just for you but you have to
promise
to never reveal anything that you've
learned
ever
yeah I can guess the consequences if I
do
so I'm taken care of for eternity but
Millions tens of millions hundreds of
millions of people will die who don't
need to the weak and the sick will die
out just as Nature has intended
hurry
it's a good offer
we are not gonna get a better one
I can't
I just can't
you send that
you may or may not stop it but one thing
is certain your immediate fate
I know a knock at the door you open it
and before you realize and not just your
fate
but Roots as well
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
choice
morning
I get it
it's rough right now but
it will get better
remember I'm the one who decides who
gets it so I've lost a lot of sleep too
you know
the one thing that kept me up most last
night
trying to figure out how you found their
secret
I mean
everything's on hard copies
nothing is digital nothing's online
unless you broke into their offices
how did you do it
Cindy
she left it for me to find
excuse me
well not me but
someone
you know how she was always into the
latest gadgets technology
yeah she had the next biggest thing
before anyone else exactly
she disappeared in 1991 so the next big
thing then was the internet
close that was around for a few decades
but
the World Wide Web was created then and
this allowed anyone with a computer to
go on the internet and place something
onto a server
then it would be there as long as this
River was around
so Cindy plays what she learned on a
server
she placed her whole story there
how she accidentally found out their
secret and was worried what would happen
if they found out she knew
she wrote it all up and hid it deep in a
server she created
so if ASAP never found it how do you
they thought they found it when they
found her hard copies
remember Aesop never used anything but
old school methods so they would never
expect it would be on a server
especially not in 1991
but how did you find it
I had Help from My Friends
they gave me a lot of info on her that I
used and then
once I thought that it might be on a
server
it was kind of easy
wow
I have to say I'm impressed
I'm just
sad
she
she died for this
in hopes that someone would find it and
and stop them
and I found it
but I'm not stopping them
I'm not even trying
it's not fair
I don't know if this is fair
foreign
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
[Music]
starving
I'm tired of this battle I need a place
to rest my head
[Music]
I Wanna Lay Down these weapons be
embraced by loving ends instead
laughs
I fought this war for so long what was I
even fighting for
I don't know anymore
once you open my door you changed my
whole world all the rest faded and
obscure
you're the only thing that makes sense
in the chaos
[Music]
[Music]
in the chaos
when nothing else exists
[Music]
only us
only us
only
only us
your voice rises above the noise
it's the only song I hear
[Music]
I thought this war for so long I forgot
what I was fighting for
and I don't care anymore
once you open my door you changed my
whole world you're the one I'm fighting
for
you're the only thing that makes sense
in the chaos
of Darkness you're the only thing that
makes sense
in the chaos
where nothing else exists
only
us you're the only thing that makes
sense
in the chaos
[Music]
you're the only thing
says
[Music]
nothing else exists
[Music]
[Music]
follow me
[Music]
on
me
[Music]
you're the only thing that makes sense
[Music]
thank you
[Music]
ever since you walked into my life I've
been dreaming about you
[Music]
I don't know if I could stand on these
two feet if I had to live without you
foreign
[Music]
let me learn the steps I'll do anything
to be closer to your heat
[Music]
yeah yeah
[Music]
this feels like it was supposed to be I
am I wanna feel you close to me
[Music]
this feels like you're supposed to be
[Music]
a shot and I promise I'll give you the
world
[Music]
I would do anything to be your only girl
foreign
[Music]
this feels like it's supposed to be
[Music]