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1
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Gentlemen...
2
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Gentlemen, I bid you welcome,
3
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and beg at the very outset to be allowed
to express my extreme gratitude...
4
00:02:52,627 --> 00:02:57,417
That you have seen fit to grace this noble room
5
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with your presence this afternoon.
6
00:03:01,107 --> 00:03:04,099
I... I have here to hand
7
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a document of high concern
and vast importance...
8
00:03:11,027 --> 00:03:13,939
Vast importance
9
00:03:13,987 --> 00:03:17,104
to each and every one of you.
10
00:03:17,147 --> 00:03:21,743
This document, gentlemen,
sets forth the rules regulating an agreement
11
00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:25,223
to enter upon a venture known as a tontine.
12
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"... tontine. "
13
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:31,656
A tontine is, in point of fact, a lottery,
14
00:03:31,707 --> 00:03:34,824
a lottery, plain and simple, gentlemen.
15
00:03:34,867 --> 00:03:36,266
"... simple. "
16
00:03:36,307 --> 00:03:40,619
Into this tontine each parent - or guardian -
17
00:03:40,667 --> 00:03:43,898
has placed for each of you and in your name
18
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:48,099
the sum of £1,000 sterling.
19
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The sum so constituted is to be administered
20
00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:54,500
by a self-perpetuating board
21
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and held in trust by them
for whomsoever survives.
22
00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:00,780
"... survives. "
23
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This £20,000 will grow and grow,
24
00:04:05,707 --> 00:04:11,737
under astute management,
who will charge but a nominal fee,
25
00:04:11,787 --> 00:04:14,699
and this by then great sum
26
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will be handed to the one amongst you
27
00:04:17,587 --> 00:04:21,341
who is the last surviving member of the tontine.
28
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It is as plain and as simple as that.
29
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Therefore, allow me to say, in conclusion,
long life to all.
30
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But since no other shall be present
when the winner has won...
31
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"... has won... "
32
00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,862
...let us cheer him now.
33
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He whom fate sees fit to favour.
34
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Oh. Hip-hip.
35
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Hooray!
36
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- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
37
00:04:52,347 --> 00:04:55,976
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
38
00:05:10,947 --> 00:05:13,415
- Cannon reloaded?
- Cannon reloaded, sir.
39
00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:15,378
- Then fire.
- But sir...
40
00:05:15,427 --> 00:05:17,418
You heard me, man. Fire!
41
00:05:25,907 --> 00:05:29,377
Never fear, ladies. He knows his prey.
42
00:05:30,947 --> 00:05:33,541
Ah, see, yonder.
43
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Kill!
44
00:06:04,587 --> 00:06:07,340
In the name of the Queen...
45
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:17,904
And so it gives me great pleasure
to name this ship Repulsion.
46
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God bless all who sail in her.
47
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You swine!
48
00:06:39,347 --> 00:06:43,659
They're disorganised!
Victory must soon be ours. Sound the charge!
49
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,824
- Sound the what, sir?
- Give that to me, you fool.
50
00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:06,463
Now, then, my good men, what's all this
poppycock about the mine not being safe, eh?
51
00:07:06,507 --> 00:07:09,021
Speak up. What's wrong with it?
52
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:19,699
Not yet, Tumba.
You must learn the white man's code.
53
00:07:19,747 --> 00:07:23,023
It is not sporting, it is not done,
54
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,786
to fire at rhino until he's actually charging.
55
00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:11,106
When I die, my son...
56
00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:15,264
...all this will be yours.
57
00:08:19,147 --> 00:08:21,138
Yes, Father.
58
00:08:44,307 --> 00:08:51,304
In recognition of your many and varied services
to the Crown...
59
00:08:57,387 --> 00:08:59,378
...I dub thee...
60
00:09:04,747 --> 00:09:06,339
Oh.
61
00:09:07,227 --> 00:09:11,106
We are frightfully sorry, Sir Robert.
62
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- Michael...
- Yes...
63
00:09:53,227 --> 00:09:55,536
Yes, Grandfather?
64
00:09:55,587 --> 00:09:58,340
The time has come...
65
00:09:59,027 --> 00:10:00,699
Yes.
66
00:10:00,747 --> 00:10:04,581
Yes, I really believe the time has come.
67
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:11,586
At last. At last.
68
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,897
Not so fast, sir! You're a very quick man
with the sheet, Michael.
69
00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:33,859
Oh, yes, yes. You see, sir, I thought...
70
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:37,104
I know what you thought, sir.
But let me tell you something.
71
00:10:37,147 --> 00:10:40,935
Death cannot be assumed
simply because signs of life are not present.
72
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,467
Hasn't medical school taught you
how to take a pulse?
73
00:10:44,507 --> 00:10:46,657
Oh, we have touched on it, sir.
74
00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:48,857
But mostly, we cut up things.
75
00:10:48,907 --> 00:10:50,898
Hmm.
76
00:10:51,707 --> 00:10:55,063
- Do you know what this is?
- No, sir. I gave it to you unopened.
77
00:10:55,107 --> 00:10:57,575
- Hackett is dead.
- Hackett, sir?
78
00:10:57,627 --> 00:11:00,539
Mm-hm. Ebenezer Hackett.
I went to school with him.
79
00:11:00,587 --> 00:11:03,863
An unpleasant name for a dirty little boy
and an even dirtier old man.
80
00:11:03,907 --> 00:11:05,659
Died of the pox, no doubt.
81
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:11,816
Now, the point is, sir, it only leaves
my brother Joseph and me in the tontine.
82
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:13,778
- Oh, yes, I see, sir.
- Do you, sir? Do you?
83
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:17,706
I doubt it. I doubt it.
But we're not concerned with you, are we, eh?
84
00:11:17,747 --> 00:11:20,466
We're concerned with me -
my thoughts and feelings.
85
00:11:20,507 --> 00:11:22,338
- That's right, sir.
- Yes.
86
00:11:22,387 --> 00:11:25,265
Now, you're to go and get Joseph
and tell him I want to see him.
87
00:11:25,307 --> 00:11:26,535
Yes, sir.
88
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:31,896
- Won't that upset you, sir?
- Upset me? But of course it'll upset me.
89
00:11:31,947 --> 00:11:34,700
But nothing will upset me more
than not winning the tontine
90
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:37,659
and leaving you with a mountain of debts
and a doubtful future
91
00:11:37,707 --> 00:11:40,779
as an idiot
in a profession of rogues and charlatans.
92
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,465
So, get him and tell him I'm dying.
93
00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:51,385
Thank you, Peacock.
94
00:11:51,427 --> 00:11:53,304
Privilege, sir.
95
00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:56,986
How's your grandfather this morning?
96
00:11:57,027 --> 00:12:00,861
- He says he's dying, Peacock.
- Oh, they always say that, sir.
97
00:12:00,907 --> 00:12:04,582
But Peacock,
he wants to see his brother Joseph.
98
00:12:04,627 --> 00:12:06,618
- Master Joseph?
- Yes.
99
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:11,861
But they haven't even spoken to each other
for 40 years.
100
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:14,216
Yes, I know, Peacock.
101
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He must be dying!
102
00:12:16,707 --> 00:12:19,221
Yes. Goodbye, Peacock.
103
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,256
Good day...
104
00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:23,899
Michael.
105
00:12:25,627 --> 00:12:29,302
There's too much excitement in this house.
106
00:12:47,547 --> 00:12:49,742
Yes? Who is that?
107
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,183
Oh, er... yes.
108
00:12:53,227 --> 00:12:56,458
Er... is Joseph Finsbury at home?
109
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I can't hear you. Could you speak a little lower?
110
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Is Joseph Finsbury at home?
111
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,178
Lower.
112
00:13:14,187 --> 00:13:17,224
Is Joseph...
113
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Oh, er...
114
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Joseph Finsbury. Is he at home?
115
00:13:29,787 --> 00:13:31,823
- No, he is not.
- Oh.
116
00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:36,705
Could you tell me, then, when he is expected?
117
00:13:36,747 --> 00:13:39,056
Who, may I ask, is enquiring?
118
00:13:39,107 --> 00:13:40,984
Oh, allow me...
119
00:13:41,027 --> 00:13:43,780
Allow me to introduce myself.
120
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:47,342
I am Michael Finsbury, of the same name.
121
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Oh...
122
00:13:52,547 --> 00:13:54,777
Oh, I'm sorry to seem so inhospitable,
123
00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:59,662
but in the past 12 months alone,
over 320 girls in the Greater London area
124
00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:04,064
have been attacked by persons unknown,
and many of them unnecessarily mutilated.
125
00:14:04,107 --> 00:14:06,223
- Do come in.
- Oh, yes.
126
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:09,058
Thank you.
127
00:14:11,987 --> 00:14:14,785
They do say
it's something to do with the weather.
128
00:14:15,747 --> 00:14:18,022
Oh... yes.
129
00:14:19,427 --> 00:14:22,225
So, you're Michael Finsbury?
130
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:23,825
Yes.
131
00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:27,542
Actually, Michael Hubert Gregory Finsbury.
132
00:14:27,587 --> 00:14:29,976
And I am your cousin Julia.
133
00:14:30,027 --> 00:14:32,018
Yes, I know.
134
00:14:35,627 --> 00:14:38,016
- Do come in.
- Thank you.
135
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:54,423
Oh, yes...
136
00:14:54,467 --> 00:14:57,027
Er... do you er...
137
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:01,500
- Do you breed birds?
- Oh, no.
138
00:15:01,547 --> 00:15:04,619
Cousin Morris is an ardent collector of eggs.
139
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:07,579
He has spent most of his adult life
in the pursuit of them.
140
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:10,699
- Most commendable.
- Oh, do you think so?
141
00:15:10,747 --> 00:15:13,739
I find them... obscene.
142
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,984
Well, yes, yes, of course. They are obscene.
143
00:15:17,027 --> 00:15:21,305
I suddenly see now how obscene they are.
144
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,657
He doesn't pursue birds, I take it?
145
00:15:29,707 --> 00:15:31,584
No. Only eggs.
146
00:15:31,627 --> 00:15:34,858
Well, I'm glad,
because that would be even more obscene.
147
00:15:34,907 --> 00:15:38,217
Oh, I can see you are a deep thinker, like me.
148
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:40,827
What is your particular interest?
149
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,906
My consuming interest is the human body.
150
00:15:44,947 --> 00:15:46,824
Oh...
151
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:50,337
Oh, I am studying to be a surgeon at St Mary's.
152
00:15:50,387 --> 00:15:54,426
Oh, I see. So, that's where you go
every morning. I see you often...
153
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,537
er... through the window.
154
00:15:56,587 --> 00:16:00,865
Oh, what an extraordinary coincidence!
I look at you through the window.
155
00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:05,583
And I've often had a burning desire... to nod.
156
00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:08,346
But my grandfather
does not approve of such things.
157
00:16:09,307 --> 00:16:11,298
Nor does my Uncle Joseph.
158
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,098
Yes.
159
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,218
Well...
160
00:16:21,907 --> 00:16:23,898
There it is, then.
161
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,737
Is he at home, your Uncle Joseph?
162
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:32,815
Oh, no. He is in Bournemouth, taking the sun,
with Cousin Morris and Cousin John.
163
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,983
Oh.
164
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,939
Might I enquire why you are enquiring?
165
00:16:37,987 --> 00:16:40,262
- Well, my grandfather is dying.
- Oh...
166
00:16:40,307 --> 00:16:43,504
Oh, it's nothing serious.
He's been dying for years.
167
00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:46,186
But now he seems
to have taken a turn for the worse,
168
00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:50,505
and he wants desperately to see his brother,
before it is too late.
169
00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:54,381
Well, you...
you could send Uncle Joseph a telegraph.
170
00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:58,056
They say
the telegraphic service has much to commend it.
171
00:16:58,107 --> 00:17:00,746
Yes. I've heard them say that.
172
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:04,296
What an excellent idea!
173
00:17:04,347 --> 00:17:06,702
I've never sent one.
174
00:17:06,747 --> 00:17:09,307
One should always broaden one's horizons.
175
00:17:09,347 --> 00:17:11,338
Oh, yes...
176
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:14,818
Yes.
177
00:17:16,507 --> 00:17:18,338
Well...
178
00:17:18,387 --> 00:17:20,378
That's what I'll do, then.
179
00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:25,260
Oh, thank you for pointing out to me
180
00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:27,741
how obscene eggs are.
181
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:31,063
It was a most... Excuse me.
182
00:17:31,107 --> 00:17:33,382
It was a most illuminating observation.
183
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,781
Oh...
184
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:40,136
It was superb of you to call.
185
00:17:40,187 --> 00:17:43,224
Oh, not at all.
I hope I shall see a great deal more of you.
186
00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:47,700
Well... off to St Mary's.
187
00:17:47,747 --> 00:17:50,545
Oh, yes, I'm... I'm...
188
00:17:50,587 --> 00:17:53,021
I'm sure they have need of you there.
189
00:17:54,427 --> 00:17:59,706
Along with everything else, Uncle Joseph says
there are 124 tropical diseases
190
00:17:59,747 --> 00:18:02,307
that can be contracted here in England.
191
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:05,419
Mainly from fresh fruit, returning travellers and...
192
00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:10,061
...hand towels in public places.
193
00:18:14,987 --> 00:18:16,864
- 124?
- Yes.
194
00:18:16,907 --> 00:18:18,898
Really?
195
00:18:18,947 --> 00:18:22,656
I must make a note of that. Goodbye.
196
00:18:22,707 --> 00:18:23,742
Goodbye.
197
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:37,742
Oh! Oh!
198
00:18:38,627 --> 00:18:41,425
Listen to me, all you eggs. I met him!
199
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,776
I've finally met him!
200
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:47,539
Oh...
201
00:18:49,627 --> 00:18:52,699
- Yes?
- It's Michael Finsbury again.
202
00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:58,060
Oh... we mustn't make a habit of this.
People will begin to talk.
203
00:18:58,107 --> 00:19:00,496
Oh, I fully agree.
204
00:19:00,547 --> 00:19:03,823
It's just that...
I don't know where to send the telegraph.
205
00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:07,462
Oh. Mrs Goodge's Boarding House...
206
00:19:07,507 --> 00:19:10,067
Mrs Goodge's Boarding House...
207
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,667
...Flodden Road...
... Flodden Road...
208
00:19:12,707 --> 00:19:15,096
...Bournemouth...
... Bournemouth...
209
00:19:16,627 --> 00:19:19,778
- ... Hants.
... Hants.
210
00:19:36,947 --> 00:19:38,300
Funny.
211
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:48,184
John! What are you doing? You're supposed
to be looking after Uncle Joseph.
212
00:19:48,227 --> 00:19:52,743
Ah! Uncle Joseph. I knew there was somebody
I was supposed to be looking after.
213
00:19:52,787 --> 00:19:55,859
Erm... I merely threw my body
across this young lady,
214
00:19:55,907 --> 00:19:58,216
to protect her from the falling... thing.
215
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:01,304
You realise you made me drop my grebe?
216
00:20:02,227 --> 00:20:04,582
Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Morris.
217
00:20:04,627 --> 00:20:07,141
Come outside.
218
00:20:07,187 --> 00:20:10,179
Oh, Mr John,
do you think he'll get me my notice?
219
00:20:10,227 --> 00:20:14,778
Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of Mrs Goodge.
Tonight, then, at eight, behind the bandstand.
220
00:20:14,827 --> 00:20:16,579
Oh, you insatiable creature!
221
00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:19,016
John, I'm waiting!
222
00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:25,137
You must control this obsession you have
for chambermaids and other girls of that class.
223
00:20:25,187 --> 00:20:26,984
I try. Night and day, I try.
224
00:20:27,027 --> 00:20:29,336
Oh, there you are, boys.
225
00:20:29,387 --> 00:20:32,504
I was just about to take this telegraph
to your uncle.
226
00:20:32,547 --> 00:20:34,503
Telegraph? From whom?
227
00:20:34,547 --> 00:20:37,698
I don't know, Mr Morris.
Private matters are private with me.
228
00:20:37,747 --> 00:20:39,738
I'll take it.
229
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,662
We must relive our madness tonight.
230
00:20:44,707 --> 00:20:47,540
Ten o'clock, under the pier.
231
00:20:50,347 --> 00:20:52,463
I'm coming, Cousin.
232
00:20:53,947 --> 00:20:56,507
- What is it, Cousin?
- Look at that.
233
00:20:59,547 --> 00:21:02,220
We're going to win!
234
00:21:02,267 --> 00:21:05,976
We're going to win!
We're going to win! We're going to win!
235
00:21:06,027 --> 00:21:13,181
We're going to win! We're going to win!
236
00:21:14,187 --> 00:21:17,179
Later. Later. No time for celebration now.
237
00:21:18,427 --> 00:21:20,019
Uncle!
238
00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:23,218
Have you been smoking again, Uncle?
239
00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:25,735
And you're in a draught. The window's open.
240
00:21:25,787 --> 00:21:27,698
Well, shut it, and get his coat and things.
241
00:21:27,747 --> 00:21:29,738
Uncle, dear, you're going out.
242
00:21:29,787 --> 00:21:31,584
Going out? Well, that'll be jolly.
243
00:21:31,627 --> 00:21:33,583
Yes, you're going to London.
244
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,697
London? Yes.
245
00:21:35,747 --> 00:21:38,705
Now, where did I put it? Where is it?
246
00:21:39,747 --> 00:21:41,942
Ah, here it is. Now, London.
247
00:21:41,987 --> 00:21:44,740
Now, if you ascribe a number
to each letter of the alphabet,
248
00:21:44,787 --> 00:21:49,099
beginning with A as one and B as two,
culminating with the letter Z as 26,
249
00:21:49,147 --> 00:21:53,504
then the letters that compose the word London
add up to 74,
250
00:21:53,547 --> 00:21:56,061
which, coincidentally, is my age.
251
00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:58,826
- Lovely, Uncle. Now, read this.
- Yes. Get into your coat.
252
00:21:58,867 --> 00:22:01,142
Why... Why this unseemly haste?
253
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:04,338
- Your brother is dying.
- What did you say?
254
00:22:04,387 --> 00:22:09,939
What? Masterman? Masterman dying?
This must be the effect of the nutmeg tarts.
255
00:22:09,987 --> 00:22:11,579
Nutmeg tarts!
256
00:22:11,627 --> 00:22:13,663
At Harrow he lived on little else.
257
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:15,618
- Where are your gloves?
- I don't know.
258
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:19,296
I have for some time
been compiling exhaustive notes
259
00:22:19,347 --> 00:22:22,783
on the peculiarities
of spices and herbs in common use,
260
00:22:22,827 --> 00:22:26,456
and I have discovered
that it can be authoritatively proved
261
00:22:26,507 --> 00:22:29,067
that the excessive indulgence in nutmeg
262
00:22:29,107 --> 00:22:33,020
leads to hallucination and general debilitation.
263
00:22:33,067 --> 00:22:36,537
Pepper, on the other hand,
in any form or variety, passes through the body
264
00:22:36,587 --> 00:22:38,896
without any effect on the organs.
265
00:22:38,947 --> 00:22:42,064
It has absolutely no value, nutritive or otherwise.
266
00:22:42,107 --> 00:22:44,541
But, in the case of cinnamon or cloves...
267
00:22:44,587 --> 00:22:46,339
- Uncle...
- Yes? You have a question?
268
00:22:46,387 --> 00:22:48,184
Read your paper.
269
00:22:49,107 --> 00:22:51,860
- Tontine!
- Lovely word!
270
00:22:51,907 --> 00:22:55,217
- Tontine!
- A derivation from the name Lorenzo Tonti,
271
00:22:55,267 --> 00:22:57,098
a banker of Neapolitan persuasion.
272
00:22:57,147 --> 00:22:59,183
Read your paper, Uncle.
273
00:22:59,227 --> 00:23:02,697
Morris, have you any idea how much it's worth?
274
00:23:04,787 --> 00:23:06,903
Well over £100,000.
275
00:23:08,347 --> 00:23:10,542
And we've earned every penny of it.
276
00:23:10,587 --> 00:23:13,738
True, Cousin. True.
We've devoted our lives to him.
277
00:23:13,787 --> 00:23:17,575
We were two little orphans.
We waited on him hand and foot.
278
00:23:17,627 --> 00:23:19,902
It wasn't easy, keeping him alive.
279
00:23:19,947 --> 00:23:22,256
Yes, it was difficult.
280
00:23:23,227 --> 00:23:25,024
We kept him from the draughts.
281
00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:27,297
We warmed his shoes before we put them on.
282
00:23:27,347 --> 00:23:30,384
- We tucked him up in bed at night.
- Fed him every sort of tonic.
283
00:23:30,427 --> 00:23:34,102
- Never thinking of ourselves.
- First in our hearts, first in our minds.
284
00:23:34,147 --> 00:23:37,025
And now, after all these years...
285
00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,659
he's gone.
286
00:23:38,707 --> 00:23:40,186
He's gone?
287
00:23:43,067 --> 00:23:45,058
You go that way.
288
00:23:46,107 --> 00:23:48,621
- Excuse me, sir.
- Excuse you, sir?
289
00:23:48,667 --> 00:23:51,056
Mannerless young pup! Ought to be in the Army.
290
00:23:59,347 --> 00:24:02,896
I beg your pardon, sir.
I take it these seats are not reserved.
291
00:24:05,947 --> 00:24:09,576
I see you are proficient
in the ancient and noble art of knitting.
292
00:24:09,627 --> 00:24:13,905
I'm sure you know that examples of knitting,
much like your afghan there,
293
00:24:13,947 --> 00:24:15,983
date back to the mainstream
294
00:24:16,027 --> 00:24:18,336
of the Egyptian civilisation.
295
00:24:18,387 --> 00:24:21,936
Ah, the avocational activities of man
are many and varied.
296
00:24:21,987 --> 00:24:24,865
Some demand skill - yours, for instance.
297
00:24:24,907 --> 00:24:30,106
Carpentry, or the playing of games
with balls of various sizes.
298
00:24:33,627 --> 00:24:35,219
- Have you found him?
- No.
299
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:36,905
Come on, then. This way.
300
00:24:36,947 --> 00:24:39,063
Some demand inspiration -
301
00:24:39,107 --> 00:24:41,701
oil painting or the writing of epitaphs.
302
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:44,819
The rest of us, an uninspired lot, collect things.
303
00:24:44,867 --> 00:24:46,858
My nephew, for instance...
304
00:24:47,667 --> 00:24:51,580
...with whom I'm travelling... collects birds' eggs.
305
00:24:51,627 --> 00:24:56,018
And I, for the last 63 years,
have been collecting facts.
306
00:25:08,427 --> 00:25:10,543
- He seems safe enough.
- Yes.
307
00:25:17,747 --> 00:25:22,263
What a joy it is to indulge in convivial
conversation with a fellow being, a kindred spirit.
308
00:25:22,307 --> 00:25:25,185
This will prove the most amiable journey -
309
00:25:25,227 --> 00:25:29,140
you pursuing your hobby and me mine.
310
00:25:30,707 --> 00:25:35,781
"Bournemouth strangler escapes.
Large-scale murder hunt in three counties. "
311
00:25:35,827 --> 00:25:38,387
Ah, murder and murderers.
312
00:25:38,427 --> 00:25:41,544
I once gave an informal lecture on the subject.
313
00:25:41,587 --> 00:25:43,782
I wonder if you're aware, sir, of the fact
314
00:25:43,827 --> 00:25:48,503
that there is an increasing number
of unsolved murders every year.
315
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,742
Now, this fact I gleaned from a pamphlet
316
00:25:50,787 --> 00:25:53,142
by the noted criminologist Sir Henry Stanhope -
317
00:25:53,187 --> 00:25:56,941
whose own murder, I might add,
was never solved.
318
00:25:58,587 --> 00:26:01,738
My word, sir,
I perceive we are travelling at a goodish rate.
319
00:26:07,467 --> 00:26:10,857
You realise, sir, I state only facts, no opinions,
320
00:26:10,907 --> 00:26:13,865
and this fascinates everyone I meet.
321
00:26:14,587 --> 00:26:17,181
Oh, don't be alarmed.
322
00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:21,220
I shall continue, but for the moment,
I must take my leave.
323
00:26:51,827 --> 00:26:53,818
Next stop: Basingstoke!
324
00:26:55,707 --> 00:26:57,937
Basingstoke, next stop!
325
00:27:16,667 --> 00:27:21,183
Er... Morris,
I may or may not be back in a moment.
326
00:27:26,787 --> 00:27:30,223
Uncle, where are you going? Uncle!
327
00:27:38,147 --> 00:27:41,776
- How dare you?
- My apologies. I'm looking for my uncle.
328
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:45,456
- Well, do I look like anybody's uncle?
- No, no. I'm terribly sorry.
329
00:28:02,187 --> 00:28:04,781
- What do you make that out to be?
- What's that?
330
00:28:17,427 --> 00:28:20,180
- 'Tain't, is it?
- It is, you know.
331
00:28:20,227 --> 00:28:22,741
It's the 4.40 out of London!
332
00:28:22,787 --> 00:28:25,062
It's the 4.50 out of Bournemouth!
333
00:29:09,707 --> 00:29:14,542
Help me! Help me, somebody!
I think there's been an accident.
334
00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:16,100
Fred...
335
00:29:16,147 --> 00:29:18,138
- Yeah?
- We haven't heard the last of this.
336
00:29:18,187 --> 00:29:20,860
Drag them out of the cab!
337
00:29:20,907 --> 00:29:23,740
What's going on here, sir? Control yourself.
338
00:29:23,787 --> 00:29:25,778
Look here! Stop all this damn rioting.
339
00:29:25,827 --> 00:29:28,785
Now, look here, you men.
Dowse that fire in the baggage van.
340
00:29:28,827 --> 00:29:32,979
Now, the children will arrange themselves
by height, and the women in alphabetical order.
341
00:29:33,027 --> 00:29:35,939
Now, I want a couple of volunteers.
You and you. Now, follow me.
342
00:29:44,547 --> 00:29:47,425
Get those bags down. Form a human chain.
343
00:29:55,387 --> 00:30:00,222
Sir... I didn't lose my right eye in the Indian Mutiny
to have my left eye offended
344
00:30:00,267 --> 00:30:03,259
by the youth of England
standing with their arses hanging out.
345
00:30:03,307 --> 00:30:05,184
Dress yourself, sir. Dress yourself.
346
00:30:05,227 --> 00:30:08,856
One of the most disgusting sights
I've ever seen. Dress yourself, sir.
347
00:30:08,907 --> 00:30:12,616
You are, I suppose, aware of the fact
that accidents occur with more frequency
348
00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:14,976
on standard-gauge railways?
349
00:30:15,027 --> 00:30:19,225
Abigail? Abigail? Abigail?
350
00:30:19,267 --> 00:30:22,384
Has anyone seen Abigail?
351
00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:32,139
John! Come out of there at once.
Where's Uncle Joseph? Where is he?
352
00:30:32,187 --> 00:30:34,655
Er... I... was just having a look for him in there.
353
00:30:34,707 --> 00:30:37,141
- Come along.
- Morris...
354
00:30:37,187 --> 00:30:39,940
Do you realise
it's a criminal offence to wear that coat?
355
00:30:39,987 --> 00:30:42,103
I'm not wearing any trousers.
356
00:30:43,067 --> 00:30:46,298
But... but that too is a criminal affair.
357
00:30:46,347 --> 00:30:48,497
Uncle Joseph?
358
00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:53,063
- I hope you don't mind if I take my leave.
- Oh, would you, sir?
359
00:30:54,147 --> 00:30:56,138
Uncle Joseph?
360
00:30:59,147 --> 00:31:01,138
Uncle Joseph?
361
00:31:02,547 --> 00:31:04,538
Uncle Joseph?
362
00:31:08,107 --> 00:31:09,904
Cousin!
363
00:31:10,867 --> 00:31:13,142
Oh... oh, no.
364
00:31:13,187 --> 00:31:15,781
Oh, don't tell me. I can't bear it. Is it him?
365
00:31:15,827 --> 00:31:18,295
- Of course it's him!
- Well, how do you know?
366
00:31:18,347 --> 00:31:21,066
Well, look at his coat. It's his coat.
367
00:31:21,107 --> 00:31:23,098
Is he dead?
368
00:31:24,787 --> 00:31:26,903
What's left of him is very dead indeed.
369
00:31:28,507 --> 00:31:30,623
Are you going to say a prayer or something?
370
00:31:30,667 --> 00:31:32,498
Not at a time like this.
371
00:31:32,547 --> 00:31:36,506
Now, you listen to me, Uncle Joseph.
You may be dead, but you listen to me.
372
00:31:36,547 --> 00:31:39,903
You're a nasty, mean,
spiteful, vindictive old man,
373
00:31:39,947 --> 00:31:41,778
to do this to two little orphans.
374
00:31:41,827 --> 00:31:44,819
Your brother's on his deathbed.
Couldn't you have waited a day?
375
00:31:44,867 --> 00:31:46,505
You stupid oaf!
376
00:31:47,547 --> 00:31:50,015
- Look, I'll get some help.
- What's the use?
377
00:31:52,107 --> 00:31:54,098
Wait. Let me think.
378
00:31:56,307 --> 00:31:59,697
- Into the woods.
- Oh. Right. Yes.
379
00:32:00,667 --> 00:32:02,419
- With him!
- Who?
380
00:32:02,467 --> 00:32:05,539
- Uncle Joseph.
- Into the woods with Uncle Joseph?
381
00:32:05,587 --> 00:32:08,101
Don't stand there.
The tontine - we may still win it.
382
00:32:08,147 --> 00:32:11,822
- But he's dead.
- He's not dead until I say he's dead.
383
00:32:17,147 --> 00:32:17,897
Hey!
384
00:32:19,547 --> 00:32:21,139
Hey, sir!
385
00:32:21,187 --> 00:32:25,624
Ah. I wonder, sir, if you and your fine
bay gelding are heading for London.
386
00:32:25,667 --> 00:32:28,306
- I am, sir.
- And what would you ask a passenger?
387
00:32:28,347 --> 00:32:31,419
- Your company would be payment enough, sir.
- Oh...
388
00:32:31,467 --> 00:32:33,742
Well, thank you.
389
00:32:35,627 --> 00:32:37,743
Hey.
390
00:32:37,787 --> 00:32:43,578
Well, I wonder if you realise how many times
the word "whip" occurs in the Old Testament.
391
00:32:43,627 --> 00:32:45,504
174 times.
392
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:49,096
Oh, I see you are impressed.
But that figure is infinitesimal,
393
00:32:49,147 --> 00:32:51,581
when you consider that the Bible contains
394
00:32:51,627 --> 00:32:56,826
774,176 words altogether.
395
00:32:56,867 --> 00:32:59,097
And it is a remarkable fact...
396
00:33:06,867 --> 00:33:08,983
Do get on, or we'll be here all night.
397
00:33:09,027 --> 00:33:11,587
Well, a penknife's not the ideal tool, is it?
398
00:33:11,627 --> 00:33:15,620
Anyway, I don't think we ought to do this.
I don't want to go to prison.
399
00:33:15,667 --> 00:33:18,261
Don't start snivelling in that revolting way.
400
00:33:18,307 --> 00:33:21,936
If you can't dig a hole for him,
cover him in leaves or something. Cover him.
401
00:33:21,987 --> 00:33:24,547
But why do I always have to do the dirty work?
402
00:33:24,587 --> 00:33:28,944
Because you are remarkably stupid.
403
00:33:28,987 --> 00:33:30,864
Yes, I forgot that. Sorry.
404
00:33:30,907 --> 00:33:32,784
In any case, I have to look after my hands.
405
00:33:32,827 --> 00:33:37,139
Petal-soft hands are the mark
of a great ornithologist. Now, get on with it!
406
00:33:38,347 --> 00:33:40,656
Morris, I beg of you - let's have done with this.
407
00:33:42,027 --> 00:33:46,145
Let's get an undertaker. He won't be
too expensive and he'll do a professional job.
408
00:33:46,187 --> 00:33:48,576
- We're not burying him.
- We're not?
409
00:33:48,627 --> 00:33:50,743
We're merely hiding him.
410
00:33:50,787 --> 00:33:53,347
- Merely hiding him.
- What we need is a venal doctor.
411
00:33:53,387 --> 00:33:55,742
But uncle Joseph's dead! It's too late.
412
00:33:55,787 --> 00:33:59,336
Not for him, for us. Now, you remember
that chamber maid you got into erm?
413
00:34:00,267 --> 00:34:03,100
- Thing.
- Thing. Who was the doctor who did the er?
414
00:34:03,147 --> 00:34:06,025
Thing. Er Pratt. Dr Pratt.
415
00:34:06,067 --> 00:34:08,023
Was he venal?
416
00:34:08,067 --> 00:34:09,625
I didn't like to ask.
417
00:34:09,667 --> 00:34:11,498
- Well, did he do the?
- Thing. Yes.
418
00:34:11,547 --> 00:34:13,458
- Good.
- But what's he got to do with it?
419
00:34:13,507 --> 00:34:15,543
He's part of the plan.
420
00:34:15,587 --> 00:34:20,183
Now, you and I are the only two people in the
world who know that Uncle Joseph is erm...
421
00:34:20,227 --> 00:34:22,741
- Thing.
- Dead. And we won't tell anyone.
422
00:34:22,787 --> 00:34:24,982
But people are bound to find out sooner or later.
423
00:34:25,027 --> 00:34:26,506
Not quite yet.
424
00:34:26,547 --> 00:34:30,859
Now, Uncle Masterman, at best,
has only two or three days to live.
425
00:34:30,907 --> 00:34:37,176
When he goes, I'll announce that Uncle Joseph
has died of a heart attack
426
00:34:37,227 --> 00:34:39,616
on hearing the tragic news
of his brother's death.
427
00:34:39,667 --> 00:34:42,704
I then go along to your accommodating Dr er...
428
00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:44,419
- Pratt.
- Thing.
429
00:34:44,467 --> 00:34:47,857
He provides me with a blank death certificate
for Uncle Joseph.
430
00:34:47,907 --> 00:34:50,262
I fill in the date and the tontine is mine.
431
00:34:50,307 --> 00:34:53,458
- Ours.
- We'll go into that later.
432
00:34:53,507 --> 00:34:57,898
There come moments in life, cousin,
when every man must find moral courage.
433
00:34:57,947 --> 00:34:59,824
Your moment is about to come.
434
00:34:59,867 --> 00:35:01,266
- It is?
- It is.
435
00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:05,619
I'll go to London, tell everybody
that you and Uncle Joseph have been delayed.
436
00:35:05,667 --> 00:35:09,057
You go back to Bournemouth
and remain there till I send for you.
437
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,463
I see, but erm... what about him?
438
00:35:12,507 --> 00:35:14,304
I'm coming to that.
439
00:35:14,347 --> 00:35:19,023
You must find a suitable box or container,
crate him up and send him back to London.
440
00:35:19,067 --> 00:35:21,535
We shall, after all, need him at the funeral.
441
00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:24,306
Crate him in a box? What sort of box?
442
00:35:24,347 --> 00:35:27,737
Something of suitable size and robustness
for a man in that condition.
443
00:35:31,707 --> 00:35:33,538
If you'll allow me, sir.
444
00:35:34,947 --> 00:35:38,019
I will take charge of the rest of the packing.
445
00:35:38,067 --> 00:35:40,023
All right, Peacock.
446
00:35:40,067 --> 00:35:43,139
But don't lean too far in the barrel.
447
00:35:53,147 --> 00:35:56,662
I say! We've received a telegraph.
It must be from Uncle.
448
00:35:56,707 --> 00:35:58,663
Oh, drat.
449
00:35:59,787 --> 00:36:02,176
No. It's from Lady Pitman.
450
00:36:02,987 --> 00:36:05,785
She's sending back that statue we sent her,
says it's a fraud.
451
00:36:06,947 --> 00:36:09,859
"I am having it crated
and sent back to you at once. "
452
00:36:11,027 --> 00:36:12,699
Was it a fraud, Peacock?
453
00:36:12,747 --> 00:36:16,262
Life is a fraud, Master Michael.
454
00:36:16,307 --> 00:36:18,104
Yes, Peacock.
455
00:36:18,147 --> 00:36:21,696
Well, this is all right, isn't it?
This should fetch a good price at Sotheby's.
456
00:36:21,747 --> 00:36:25,262
Well, if it arrives in one piece, sir.
457
00:36:25,307 --> 00:36:27,218
Well, there's nothing else to sell.
458
00:36:27,267 --> 00:36:28,905
Except the piano.
459
00:36:28,947 --> 00:36:32,383
It's all right, Peacock, I'll answer it.
460
00:36:37,827 --> 00:36:39,818
Michael Finsbury, do I presume?
461
00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:42,939
- Yes?
- I'm your cousin, Morris Finsbury.
462
00:36:42,987 --> 00:36:44,784
- Oh, do come in.
- Thank you.
463
00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:47,182
- Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?
- Alas, no.
464
00:36:47,227 --> 00:36:52,745
My dear uncle, like your beloved grandfather,
is of advancing years and declining health.
465
00:36:52,787 --> 00:36:55,426
Grandfather will be disappointed.
May I take your coat?
466
00:36:55,467 --> 00:36:57,378
No, thank you. No, thank you.
467
00:36:58,387 --> 00:37:04,735
Uncle Joseph is naturally deeply concerned
with his brother's death - I mean, illness.
468
00:37:04,787 --> 00:37:07,460
- Or is he already?
- Oh, no, no, not yet.
469
00:37:07,507 --> 00:37:09,338
What a relief to us all.
470
00:37:09,387 --> 00:37:12,140
I know you are a medical student, cousin,
471
00:37:12,187 --> 00:37:15,736
so I need hardly remind you
that blood is thicker than water.
472
00:37:15,787 --> 00:37:17,664
Yes, five times, as I believe.
473
00:37:17,707 --> 00:37:21,495
Uncle Joseph is valiantly gathering
what remains of his strength
474
00:37:21,547 --> 00:37:23,981
in order to come to London
in the next day or two
475
00:37:24,027 --> 00:37:27,144
to be with his dear brother... at the end.
476
00:37:27,187 --> 00:37:29,064
I do hope he will be in time.
477
00:37:29,107 --> 00:37:31,177
Uncle Masterman is that low?
478
00:37:31,227 --> 00:37:32,819
Yes.
479
00:37:32,867 --> 00:37:36,416
Oh, I am filled with an immense grief...
480
00:37:36,467 --> 00:37:39,857
that that proud and lovely man should...
481
00:37:39,907 --> 00:37:42,296
Oh, my God.
482
00:37:42,347 --> 00:37:44,178
Sir...
483
00:37:44,227 --> 00:37:47,981
Sir, it's me - Maurice.
484
00:37:48,027 --> 00:37:53,863
Oh, look at that noble face ravaged by time,
those eyes filled with pain.
485
00:37:53,907 --> 00:37:57,138
Oh, I should never have forgiven myself,
if I hadn't seen you before.
486
00:37:57,187 --> 00:37:59,303
- Cousin...
- But you shouldn't be out of bed.
487
00:37:59,347 --> 00:38:02,066
- Cousin, this is our butler.
- No need to call him.
488
00:38:02,107 --> 00:38:04,382
I can assist my own flesh and blood.
489
00:38:06,027 --> 00:38:08,143
Who's the butler?
490
00:38:08,187 --> 00:38:10,064
I have that honour, sir.
491
00:38:10,107 --> 00:38:11,745
How dare you embrace me!
492
00:38:11,787 --> 00:38:13,743
Grandfather is upstairs, sleeping.
493
00:38:13,787 --> 00:38:16,176
All right, Peacock, you may go.
494
00:38:16,227 --> 00:38:19,185
Thank you, Master Michael, sir.
495
00:38:22,027 --> 00:38:24,063
Thank you, too, Colonel.
496
00:38:25,107 --> 00:38:30,784
I, too, must be on my way, cousin.
I have some urgent, pressing business.
497
00:38:30,827 --> 00:38:33,295
You will let us know
the moment Uncle Joseph arrives.
498
00:38:33,347 --> 00:38:36,703
As soon as I've got the date.
That is, immediately.
499
00:38:36,747 --> 00:38:41,696
A great pity, cousin, that grief is the agent
responsible for bringing us together
500
00:38:41,747 --> 00:38:43,738
after all these years.
501
00:39:04,627 --> 00:39:07,380
Cousin Morris had no trousers on, Peacock.
502
00:39:07,427 --> 00:39:09,622
If you say so, sir.
503
00:39:27,907 --> 00:39:29,625
For heaven's sake, Julia.
504
00:39:29,667 --> 00:39:33,376
Oh, it's you, Morris. I thought it was
the Bournemouth strangler.
505
00:39:33,427 --> 00:39:35,657
It says in the papers he might be in London.
506
00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:38,665
Do I look like the Bournemouth Strangler?
507
00:39:38,707 --> 00:39:42,063
Well... yes, you could be, Morris.
508
00:39:43,467 --> 00:39:45,458
Why are you wearing that strange coat?
509
00:39:45,507 --> 00:39:47,338
Because it suits me to wear it.
510
00:39:47,387 --> 00:39:50,584
I think you should have it shortened.
511
00:39:50,627 --> 00:39:52,379
Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?
512
00:39:52,427 --> 00:39:54,497
Er... no, erm...
513
00:39:54,547 --> 00:39:58,142
the news in The Telegraph came
as a great shock to him.
514
00:39:58,187 --> 00:40:01,145
He is remaining in Bournemouth
with Cousin John.
515
00:40:01,187 --> 00:40:03,382
And now I must bid you good night.
516
00:40:03,427 --> 00:40:05,497
Good night, cousin.
517
00:40:05,547 --> 00:40:09,335
You won't always wear that coat, will you?
It's very frightening.
518
00:40:15,227 --> 00:40:18,936
It could easily have been
the Bournemouth Strangler instead of you.
519
00:40:18,987 --> 00:40:24,619
I might have been stalked by him and, in fleeing,
been trampled by a runaway horse.
520
00:40:25,627 --> 00:40:32,385
Perhaps a large hole in my head, my brains
spilling out all over Shaftesbury Avenue.
521
00:40:32,427 --> 00:40:34,987
Oh, wouldn't that have been
a homecoming for you,
522
00:40:35,027 --> 00:40:39,896
going to the mortuary to identify my poor,
crushed body?
523
00:40:40,947 --> 00:40:43,415
Body? What body?
524
00:40:43,467 --> 00:40:46,698
No body, Morris. I was just thinking aloud.
525
00:40:46,747 --> 00:40:49,659
You mustn't use that word. It isn't becoming.
526
00:40:49,707 --> 00:40:52,096
Oh, I meant a dead body, Morris.
527
00:40:53,347 --> 00:40:55,656
Not what is under a person's clothing.
528
00:40:55,707 --> 00:40:57,425
Julia.
529
00:41:00,067 --> 00:41:03,901
Now, why... did I say that?
530
00:41:07,747 --> 00:41:10,420
See that it gets on the first available train.
531
00:41:27,907 --> 00:41:30,626
If I could help you with your baggage.
It's rather heavy.
532
00:41:42,667 --> 00:41:46,899
There have, of course, been many editions
of the Bible, some famous, some infamous.
533
00:41:46,947 --> 00:41:48,858
For instance, there is the Wicked Bible,
534
00:41:48,907 --> 00:41:52,502
so called because the word "not"
is omitted from the seventh commandment,
535
00:41:52,547 --> 00:41:55,107
making it read: "Thou shalt commit adultery. "
536
00:41:55,147 --> 00:41:58,264
A small error which could encourage certain
sections of the populace
537
00:41:58,307 --> 00:42:02,061
to a frenzy of immorality unknown
since first-century Rome.
538
00:42:02,107 --> 00:42:05,577
Speaking of which, have you heard
that the Emperor Heliogabalus?
539
00:42:05,627 --> 00:42:07,538
I'm afraid, sir, that this is as far as I go.
540
00:42:07,587 --> 00:42:12,661
What? Oh, splendid. Excellent, excellent.
Many, many thanks.
541
00:42:12,707 --> 00:42:15,585
13 hours seemed but so many minutes.
542
00:42:15,627 --> 00:42:19,142
Well, perhaps you might care to know
who your fellow traveller was.
543
00:42:19,187 --> 00:42:23,100
Non other than Joseph Finsbury,
scholar extraordinary, lecturer,
544
00:42:23,147 --> 00:42:26,822
and one of the two Englishmen living
who can speak pure Swahili.
545
00:42:26,867 --> 00:42:31,258
Well, said, sir.
546
00:42:31,307 --> 00:42:35,664
Well, well, who knows,
perhaps our paths may cross again?
547
00:42:35,707 --> 00:42:37,823
- God save us.
- Ah!
548
00:43:17,747 --> 00:43:20,022
Oh! Good.
549
00:43:20,067 --> 00:43:22,376
Good, yes. Thank you, Peacock.
550
00:43:23,747 --> 00:43:25,419
It is Peacock, isn't it?
551
00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:26,900
It is, sir.
552
00:43:26,947 --> 00:43:28,983
Ah! How long has it been?
553
00:43:29,027 --> 00:43:31,541
I came as quick as I could.
554
00:43:31,587 --> 00:43:35,057
It's Master Joseph, Peacock.
555
00:43:36,187 --> 00:43:38,621
Master Joseph!
556
00:43:38,667 --> 00:43:42,023
Oh! Forgive me, sir.
557
00:43:42,067 --> 00:43:44,820
It must be all of 40 years.
558
00:43:44,867 --> 00:43:46,585
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.
559
00:43:46,627 --> 00:43:49,937
I remember clearly the last time I saw you.
560
00:43:49,987 --> 00:43:54,344
On that very day, the American, Colonel Colt,
inventor of the Colt revolver,
561
00:43:54,387 --> 00:43:57,823
used electricity to detonate a torpedo,
562
00:43:57,867 --> 00:44:03,385
thereby destroying a brig in full sail
upon the Potomac in Washington DC.
563
00:44:03,427 --> 00:44:09,218
The present, not the former capital of the
United States, New York City, being the first...
564
00:44:09,267 --> 00:44:11,861
I take it my brother is upstairs?
565
00:44:11,907 --> 00:44:13,579
Yes, sir.
566
00:44:13,627 --> 00:44:17,336
- May I announce you, sir?
- No, no. I will announce myself.
567
00:44:17,387 --> 00:44:20,140
You might perhaps bring me a cup of tea.
I am a trifle piqued.
568
00:44:20,187 --> 00:44:21,745
With pleasure, sir.
569
00:44:21,787 --> 00:44:25,496
China, of course. You'll remember,
I developed a taste for it in Turkey
570
00:44:25,547 --> 00:44:28,345
during the 23rd revolution there.
571
00:44:29,467 --> 00:44:31,219
Oh, ha ha, yes.
572
00:44:37,867 --> 00:44:39,823
Masterman?
573
00:44:46,587 --> 00:44:48,225
Masterman?
574
00:44:49,827 --> 00:44:51,624
Is that you, Mother?
575
00:44:51,667 --> 00:44:53,703
It is I - Joseph.
576
00:44:53,747 --> 00:44:55,738
Joseph?
577
00:44:57,987 --> 00:44:59,864
Brother Joseph.
578
00:45:01,507 --> 00:45:05,136
What unexpected joy.
579
00:45:05,187 --> 00:45:06,859
Don't tax yourself, brother.
580
00:45:06,907 --> 00:45:10,866
I am raised in spirits already.
581
00:45:10,907 --> 00:45:13,421
Doesn't raise mine to find you so,
582
00:45:13,467 --> 00:45:17,176
lying in the very bed
in which our dear papa passed from us.
583
00:45:17,227 --> 00:45:20,776
I am soon to follow his example, I fear.
584
00:45:20,827 --> 00:45:22,306
Never say it.
585
00:45:22,347 --> 00:45:24,303
But I do say it.
586
00:45:24,347 --> 00:45:26,986
Last week old Hackett.
587
00:45:27,027 --> 00:45:30,337
Next week, or even before...
588
00:45:31,347 --> 00:45:32,905
...old Masterman.
589
00:45:32,947 --> 00:45:35,222
Ah, yes. Poor Hackett.
590
00:45:35,267 --> 00:45:37,417
I must somehow attend his funeral.
591
00:45:38,787 --> 00:45:41,824
Our generation, brother,
is on its way to Valhalla.
592
00:45:41,867 --> 00:45:46,418
Or, as the Red Indians so aptly put it,
the happy hunting ground.
593
00:45:47,827 --> 00:45:52,503
Let me... give you a glass of good cheer. Hm?
594
00:45:52,547 --> 00:45:54,697
It will seal the occasion...
595
00:45:54,747 --> 00:45:57,784
and revive your spirits.
596
00:45:57,827 --> 00:46:00,387
Oh, no, thanks. I've asked for some tea.
597
00:46:00,427 --> 00:46:01,985
Oh.
598
00:46:04,707 --> 00:46:06,857
Ah... Ah...
599
00:46:06,907 --> 00:46:08,863
Oh, what... What is it, brother?
600
00:46:09,907 --> 00:46:11,306
Shall I send for a physician?
601
00:46:11,347 --> 00:46:14,066
Oh, no, no. No, send for no-one.
602
00:46:14,107 --> 00:46:16,302
I only want you.
603
00:46:17,307 --> 00:46:20,105
- Jo-jo.
- Oh... oh, Jo-jo.
604
00:46:20,147 --> 00:46:23,298
Jo-jo. Oh, those boyhood names.
605
00:46:23,347 --> 00:46:27,022
Oh! What fond memories they recall.
606
00:46:28,507 --> 00:46:29,337
Argh!
607
00:46:30,827 --> 00:46:32,783
My goodness! My gracious!
608
00:46:32,827 --> 00:46:35,625
What... What is it?
609
00:46:35,667 --> 00:46:37,464
Are you hurt?
610
00:46:37,507 --> 00:46:40,419
No, no, no. I needed some air.
611
00:46:40,467 --> 00:46:42,503
I must... I must have air.
612
00:46:42,547 --> 00:46:44,139
Open the window, Joseph.
613
00:46:44,187 --> 00:46:46,621
Yes. Yes. Yes.
614
00:46:55,627 --> 00:46:57,857
Oh. Bless my soul.
615
00:46:57,907 --> 00:46:59,420
You're down again.
616
00:46:59,467 --> 00:47:01,219
Here. Let me...
617
00:47:01,267 --> 00:47:02,859
Come on. Oh.
618
00:47:02,907 --> 00:47:08,857
Yes, now, you lie here...
and let me open the window.
619
00:47:15,787 --> 00:47:17,186
What was that? What was that?
620
00:47:18,067 --> 00:47:20,979
Surely... Surely the populace
are not demonstrating?
621
00:47:22,147 --> 00:47:25,264
Yesterday, do you know,
I had the narrowest of escapes.
622
00:47:25,307 --> 00:47:29,016
- Upon my soul, I could have been killed.
- Killed?
623
00:47:29,067 --> 00:47:31,979
I was in the water closet
of the Bournemouth Express,
624
00:47:32,027 --> 00:47:34,222
when it quite unaccountably exploded,
625
00:47:34,267 --> 00:47:36,986
thereby extensively damaging
the rest of the train.
626
00:47:37,987 --> 00:47:42,219
I can't really think that I was to blame,
although at the time I was smoking.
627
00:47:42,267 --> 00:47:45,304
But it didn't... damage you?
628
00:47:45,347 --> 00:47:46,746
No, no, no.
629
00:47:46,787 --> 00:47:48,505
Thanks for the thought.
630
00:47:48,547 --> 00:47:50,777
I confess, I am a trifle ruffled.
631
00:47:51,787 --> 00:47:56,907
Yes... I think I'll lie low at the club a few days.
632
00:47:56,947 --> 00:48:00,019
My nephews have been most annoying of late.
633
00:48:00,067 --> 00:48:03,059
Oh, brother, no, no. Don't test yourself.
634
00:48:03,107 --> 00:48:06,702
Sit down. It's you who should sit up here.
635
00:48:06,747 --> 00:48:09,136
You may have a nutmeg poisoning.
636
00:48:10,387 --> 00:48:13,185
Take a sip of your glass of good cheer,
dear old chap.
637
00:48:13,227 --> 00:48:15,058
It may prove effective.
638
00:48:15,107 --> 00:48:17,541
Do you know, it's the most astonishing thing,
639
00:48:17,587 --> 00:48:21,944
there is a tribe of aborigines
in Southwest Tasmania
640
00:48:21,987 --> 00:48:25,343
who distil the chewed bark of the banyan tree.
641
00:48:25,387 --> 00:48:29,938
Enough, you pedantic, boring old poop!
642
00:48:29,987 --> 00:48:32,740
A pedantic, boring, old...
643
00:48:32,787 --> 00:48:36,257
- Poop!
- I shall leave you... brother.
644
00:48:36,307 --> 00:48:38,457
You've lost your reason.
645
00:48:38,507 --> 00:48:40,737
Reason? Reason, yes.
646
00:48:40,787 --> 00:48:43,904
But not... not the tontine!
647
00:48:48,387 --> 00:48:50,378
Here it is!
648
00:48:51,467 --> 00:48:53,298
Too late to apologise.
649
00:48:59,787 --> 00:49:01,584
- Name of Finsbury, sir?
- Yes?
650
00:49:01,627 --> 00:49:03,219
Sign here, please, sir.
651
00:49:05,147 --> 00:49:06,705
Where do you want it, sir?
652
00:49:06,747 --> 00:49:08,783
Anywhere, my good man, anywhere.
653
00:49:12,387 --> 00:49:15,140
Er... thank you for the tea and cakes.
654
00:49:15,187 --> 00:49:17,826
I shall taste them all through my dissection class.
655
00:49:17,867 --> 00:49:23,100
Would you say your work
is in the nature of a vocation?
656
00:49:23,147 --> 00:49:26,344
No, no, not quite. My grandfather wished it.
657
00:49:26,387 --> 00:49:29,265
He believes that if one cannot join
the ruling classes,
658
00:49:29,307 --> 00:49:31,218
one must do one's best to deplete them.
659
00:49:32,267 --> 00:49:34,258
Well...
660
00:49:44,707 --> 00:49:46,220
Who is it?
661
00:49:48,427 --> 00:49:50,657
Finsbury? Name of Finsbury, ma'am?
662
00:49:50,707 --> 00:49:52,937
- Yes?
- There's a shipment for you, ma'am.
663
00:50:01,907 --> 00:50:04,785
Cousin Morris must have excelled himself.
664
00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:08,502
We're always having shipments of eggs,
but never anything like this before.
665
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:12,938
A little assistance would not be refused, ma'am.
If the staff were available.
666
00:50:12,987 --> 00:50:15,182
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, allow me to help.
667
00:50:15,227 --> 00:50:17,946
Oh, won't you miss your class?
668
00:50:17,987 --> 00:50:21,536
Oh, that's of no consequence.
I doubt if my class will miss me.
669
00:50:23,027 --> 00:50:25,222
- Would you hold my coat?
- Oh...
670
00:51:08,427 --> 00:51:09,906
Dr Pratt?
671
00:51:11,227 --> 00:51:13,263
Dr Pratt?
672
00:51:19,747 --> 00:51:21,180
Dr Pratt?
673
00:51:23,787 --> 00:51:25,505
Are you Dr Pratt?
674
00:51:28,747 --> 00:51:30,385
What? What?
675
00:51:30,427 --> 00:51:32,418
Are you Dr Pratt?
676
00:51:32,467 --> 00:51:34,059
Are you?
677
00:51:34,107 --> 00:51:36,860
Are you from the police?
678
00:51:36,907 --> 00:51:40,217
- No.
- Then I am Dr Pratt, yes.
679
00:51:40,267 --> 00:51:45,739
I was referred to you by a slight acquaintance...
for professional advice.
680
00:51:45,787 --> 00:51:47,539
Oh, yes, yes.
681
00:51:47,587 --> 00:51:49,305
Yes, mm.
682
00:51:49,347 --> 00:51:51,736
Is it? Is it night or day?
683
00:51:52,787 --> 00:51:54,220
Day.
684
00:51:54,267 --> 00:51:56,622
Did you have an appointment to see me, sir?
685
00:51:56,667 --> 00:51:58,180
I'm afraid not.
686
00:51:58,227 --> 00:52:00,980
Then I will give you
a day appointment immediately.
687
00:52:01,027 --> 00:52:03,063
Thank you very much.
688
00:52:03,107 --> 00:52:05,098
Sit in that chair.
689
00:52:06,147 --> 00:52:09,025
Don't sit on that moggy, sir.
690
00:52:09,067 --> 00:52:11,262
She's the finest ratter in the East End.
691
00:52:11,307 --> 00:52:13,377
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right.
692
00:52:13,427 --> 00:52:15,418
Quiet, Tiger.
693
00:52:15,467 --> 00:52:19,346
Now, then, take off your clothes, sir... and cough.
694
00:52:19,387 --> 00:52:21,503
Doctor, it's not me.
695
00:52:21,547 --> 00:52:24,220
It's certainly not me, sir.
It's probably one of my cats.
696
00:52:24,267 --> 00:52:26,656
- Doctor!
- Come in!
697
00:52:27,907 --> 00:52:29,704
- Come in!
- Doctor!
698
00:52:29,747 --> 00:52:33,865
I am not here
on a matter of my personal health.
699
00:52:35,547 --> 00:52:39,096
Would you be so good, sir,
as to er... say that again?
700
00:52:39,147 --> 00:52:42,981
I did not come here
for reasons of my personal health.
701
00:52:43,987 --> 00:52:45,784
What is the young lady's name?
702
00:52:45,827 --> 00:52:48,978
- It is not that, Doctor.
- No, no, it isn't, no.
703
00:52:49,027 --> 00:52:53,464
- I wanted to make a somewhat unusual request.
- Yes, yes.
704
00:52:53,507 --> 00:52:59,821
I was wondering... do you by any chance...
happen to have any...
705
00:53:00,907 --> 00:53:02,625
...death certificates?
706
00:53:03,907 --> 00:53:06,137
Do I happen to have any death certificates?
707
00:53:06,187 --> 00:53:07,905
What a monstrous thing, sir.
708
00:53:07,947 --> 00:53:10,984
What a monstrous thing to say to a member
of the medical profession!
709
00:53:11,027 --> 00:53:13,416
You realise the enormity
of what you have just said?
710
00:53:13,467 --> 00:53:15,105
Yes.
711
00:53:15,147 --> 00:53:17,217
Do you have any death certificates?
712
00:53:17,267 --> 00:53:21,306
- How may do you want?
- Just the one would be sufficient.
713
00:53:21,347 --> 00:53:22,257
Ah.
714
00:53:22,307 --> 00:53:27,825
And if you'd be so good as to simply sign
your name and leave the remainder blank...
715
00:53:27,867 --> 00:53:29,346
It'll cost you five shillings.
716
00:53:29,387 --> 00:53:30,740
Price is no object.
717
00:53:30,787 --> 00:53:33,096
Right, ten shillings, then, payable in advance.
718
00:53:33,147 --> 00:53:36,105
Stay there, I'll just get my medical pen.
719
00:53:38,507 --> 00:53:39,986
Sorry, Button.
720
00:53:41,507 --> 00:53:43,418
I keep them here. Yes.
721
00:53:43,467 --> 00:53:46,504
Oh! Would you like to buy a moggy?
722
00:53:46,547 --> 00:53:48,424
No, thank you, Doctor.
723
00:53:48,467 --> 00:53:50,264
They make lovely pets.
724
00:53:50,307 --> 00:53:52,423
You'd like to have a moggy in the home.
725
00:53:52,467 --> 00:53:54,264
I collect eggs, Doctor.
726
00:53:54,307 --> 00:53:56,298
Eggs? Oh, yes, I enjoy an egg myself.
727
00:53:56,347 --> 00:53:58,622
Yes, they don't make god pets, though.
728
00:53:58,667 --> 00:54:02,421
You can never get 'em in at night.
They're too quiet. Yes.
729
00:54:02,467 --> 00:54:05,539
All I want is a death certificate, Doctor.
730
00:54:05,587 --> 00:54:08,021
Don't we all? Yes, yes.
731
00:54:08,067 --> 00:54:09,466
Yes, indeed.
732
00:54:09,507 --> 00:54:13,136
Erm... you may return for it this evening.
733
00:54:13,187 --> 00:54:17,738
I will have one of my staff collect it
from the place of its origin.
734
00:54:17,787 --> 00:54:20,096
Meanwhile, keep taking the pills.
735
00:54:20,147 --> 00:54:21,899
This evening, Doctor.
736
00:54:21,947 --> 00:54:24,984
Take them this evening
it's as good a time as any, yes.
737
00:54:25,987 --> 00:54:27,386
That's better.
738
00:54:27,427 --> 00:54:32,182
Of course, I was not always as you see me now.
739
00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:34,104
I am sure you weren't, Doctor.
740
00:54:34,147 --> 00:54:37,935
No, I had a magnificent practice
in the fair confines of Camden Town.
741
00:54:37,987 --> 00:54:39,386
A charming area.
742
00:54:39,427 --> 00:54:43,102
The sick and groggy travelled
from all over the world to queue at my door.
743
00:54:43,147 --> 00:54:44,546
Wonderful work.
744
00:54:44,587 --> 00:54:47,943
I specialised, you see, in rare,
malign diseases of the spleen.
745
00:54:47,987 --> 00:54:49,420
How very interesting.
746
00:54:49,467 --> 00:54:52,265
The accolade itself was not beyond my grasp.
747
00:54:52,307 --> 00:54:54,025
- Within it, I'm sure.
- Yes.
748
00:54:54,067 --> 00:54:57,377
Until that unfortunate episode
with the Lord Mayor's wife.
749
00:54:57,427 --> 00:54:58,860
Goodbye, Doctor.
750
00:54:58,907 --> 00:55:01,467
Come in. Come in.
751
00:57:29,707 --> 00:57:31,982
We are both old enough
to know what kisses lead to.
752
00:57:32,027 --> 00:57:34,541
- Oh, yes.
- And if I may be blunt,
753
00:57:34,587 --> 00:57:36,464
our children would be idiots.
754
00:57:36,507 --> 00:57:38,577
Why? Is there insanity in your family?
755
00:57:38,627 --> 00:57:40,345
What? Oh, no, no.
756
00:57:40,387 --> 00:57:44,266
What I mean is, it is a proved medical fact
that marriage between cousins...
757
00:57:44,307 --> 00:57:45,706
Oh, but we're not cousins.
758
00:57:45,747 --> 00:57:47,863
Uncle Joseph is just my guardian.
759
00:57:47,907 --> 00:57:49,579
I am an orphan.
760
00:57:49,627 --> 00:57:51,345
- An orphan?
- Yes.
761
00:57:51,387 --> 00:57:55,380
Oh, me, too. I never knew my parents.
They were killed in a balloon ascension.
762
00:57:55,427 --> 00:57:58,737
I only knew mine vaguely.
My father was a missionary.
763
00:57:58,787 --> 00:58:00,584
He was eaten by his Bible class.
764
00:58:00,627 --> 00:58:02,299
- And your mother?
- She too.
765
00:58:02,347 --> 00:58:04,224
They never eat one without the other.
766
00:58:04,267 --> 00:58:06,223
Oh, it's... it's destiny!
767
00:58:06,267 --> 00:58:07,461
Oh.
768
00:58:09,027 --> 00:58:12,059
Stop!
769
00:58:17,307 --> 00:58:19,662
Have you just made a delivery to number 11?
770
00:58:19,707 --> 00:58:21,220
That's right, sir. Yeah.
771
00:58:21,267 --> 00:58:23,019
Thank you.
772
00:58:27,267 --> 00:58:30,464
Ah, cousin.
How is your dear grandfather this morning?
773
00:58:30,507 --> 00:58:32,259
- Oh, she's well.
- What?
774
00:58:32,307 --> 00:58:35,299
That is to say, he's just the same -
my grandfather, of course.
775
00:58:35,347 --> 00:58:37,178
Well, I must be off to my Bible class.
776
00:58:37,227 --> 00:58:40,742
Cousin... I mean, Julia.
777
00:58:40,787 --> 00:58:43,620
Master Michael, sir, come quickly!
778
00:58:43,667 --> 00:58:46,261
Your granddad! Come quickly!
779
00:58:52,907 --> 00:58:55,137
Oh... Dr Slattery.
780
00:58:56,667 --> 00:59:00,262
- Am I too late?
- No, no, no. I've just given him a sedative.
781
00:59:02,627 --> 00:59:04,060
Is it anything serious?
782
00:59:04,107 --> 00:59:08,180
As you know, I'm a medical student and I would
understand a more detailed diagnosis.
783
00:59:08,227 --> 00:59:13,255
I see. Well, in that case, what I think he had...
to the nearest guess,
784
00:59:13,307 --> 00:59:17,016
technically speaking, that is,
was a conniption fit.
785
00:59:17,067 --> 00:59:19,376
Oh... yes.
786
00:59:19,427 --> 00:59:22,021
Yes, well, don't worry about it.
787
00:59:22,067 --> 00:59:25,218
Oh, what are you blubbing for, boy? Hm?
788
00:59:25,267 --> 00:59:27,019
Such a good man.
789
00:59:27,067 --> 00:59:29,627
Such a gentle soul to be taken from us.
790
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:32,659
- What are you talking about?
- My dear departed Uncle Masterman.
791
00:59:32,707 --> 00:59:34,345
He's no more departed than you are,
792
00:59:34,387 --> 00:59:37,265
probably less so,
judging from the last time you consulted me.
793
00:59:37,307 --> 00:59:39,662
How are the boils, by the way, hm?
Disappeared?
794
00:59:39,707 --> 00:59:41,299
Miss Julia.
795
00:59:41,347 --> 00:59:42,985
Excuse me.
796
00:59:44,147 --> 00:59:47,583
Come, Julia. Good day, cousin.
797
00:59:48,907 --> 00:59:50,306
Julia?
798
01:00:05,627 --> 01:00:07,219
Peacock?
799
01:00:09,987 --> 01:00:12,057
What is this? I thought they'd all gone.
800
01:00:13,507 --> 01:00:18,456
I took it to be Lady Pitman's goods returned, sir.
801
01:00:18,507 --> 01:00:20,099
Oh, dear.
802
01:00:21,147 --> 01:00:22,819
A perfect day ruined.
803
01:00:46,747 --> 01:00:48,226
Dead.
804
01:01:07,867 --> 01:01:09,459
Peacock!
805
01:01:11,187 --> 01:01:13,178
Peacock...
806
01:01:14,227 --> 01:01:18,140
- Uncle Joseph...
- Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.
807
01:01:18,187 --> 01:01:20,178
He came and went.
808
01:01:20,227 --> 01:01:22,536
- Came and went?
- Yes.
809
01:01:22,587 --> 01:01:24,305
It was terrible, sir.
810
01:01:24,347 --> 01:01:27,862
- Oh, terrible, it was.
- What was?
811
01:01:27,907 --> 01:01:29,818
The altercation between them.
812
01:01:29,867 --> 01:01:32,335
- Altercation?
- Yes, terrible.
813
01:01:32,387 --> 01:01:34,343
Things flying around.
814
01:01:34,387 --> 01:01:36,901
Words, angry words.
815
01:01:36,947 --> 01:01:38,619
And objects.
816
01:01:38,667 --> 01:01:40,180
Objects?
817
01:01:47,387 --> 01:01:48,979
Peacock...
818
01:01:51,347 --> 01:01:54,259
...Grandfather has murdered Uncle Joseph...
819
01:01:55,627 --> 01:01:57,902
And then suffered a conniption fit.
820
01:01:57,947 --> 01:02:00,336
No, never say...
821
01:02:00,387 --> 01:02:04,016
And he did it because he wanted me
to have the tontine.
822
01:02:04,067 --> 01:02:05,864
Mercy on us.
823
01:02:05,907 --> 01:02:07,625
See for yourself, Peacock.
824
01:02:09,307 --> 01:02:11,104
See for yourself.
825
01:02:13,267 --> 01:02:14,905
No.
826
01:02:21,347 --> 01:02:23,577
What shall we do, Master Michael?
827
01:02:24,707 --> 01:02:26,857
What shall we do?
828
01:02:26,907 --> 01:02:29,296
There's only one thing to do, Peacock.
829
01:02:30,467 --> 01:02:32,219
We must inform the police.
830
01:02:33,387 --> 01:02:35,981
But your grandfather's good name, sir?
831
01:02:36,027 --> 01:02:37,699
I shall say I did it.
832
01:02:37,747 --> 01:02:40,102
No. I am an old man.
833
01:02:40,147 --> 01:02:42,536
Let me say I did it.
834
01:02:42,587 --> 01:02:45,624
- What was your motive?
- Money.
835
01:02:45,667 --> 01:02:48,227
- They'd never believe you.
- Why not, sir?
836
01:02:48,267 --> 01:02:51,657
After all, I haven't been paid for seven years.
837
01:02:51,707 --> 01:02:53,743
Begging your pardon, sir.
838
01:02:53,787 --> 01:02:55,539
No, Peacock.
839
01:02:55,587 --> 01:02:57,737
It's a noble gesture...
840
01:02:57,787 --> 01:03:00,017
but I shall plead guilty to the crime.
841
01:03:00,067 --> 01:03:01,785
But think of your career, sir.
842
01:03:01,827 --> 01:03:04,102
You have your whole life before you.
843
01:03:04,147 --> 01:03:06,058
Yes, there is that, of course.
844
01:03:06,107 --> 01:03:08,701
Well, we must think of something else, then.
845
01:03:10,187 --> 01:03:11,586
Who is it?
846
01:03:11,627 --> 01:03:14,061
I don't know, sir. Shall I ask?
847
01:03:14,107 --> 01:03:15,859
I don't know.
848
01:03:15,907 --> 01:03:17,898
Could it be the police already?
849
01:03:17,947 --> 01:03:20,859
- I don't know. Do they work that fast?
- I don't know.
850
01:03:20,907 --> 01:03:22,625
Hello?
851
01:03:22,667 --> 01:03:24,578
Oh, it's Miss Julia.
852
01:03:26,507 --> 01:03:28,384
Listen, listen, listen.
853
01:03:29,427 --> 01:03:31,782
Take your time getting to the door.
854
01:03:34,307 --> 01:03:35,786
Coming!
855
01:03:40,947 --> 01:03:43,063
I'll slow it down a bit.
856
01:03:56,507 --> 01:03:57,906
Thank you.
857
01:03:58,907 --> 01:04:01,501
I've brought some broth for Uncle Masterman.
858
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:04,539
My Uncle Joseph says it has
strong recuperative qualities.
859
01:04:06,147 --> 01:04:07,341
Oh.
860
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:10,661
Hello.
861
01:04:10,707 --> 01:04:12,698
Oh...
862
01:04:12,747 --> 01:04:16,376
Oh, I've brought a little sustenance
for your dear grandfather.
863
01:04:16,427 --> 01:04:18,065
I thought that...
864
01:04:18,107 --> 01:04:19,699
Oh.
865
01:04:19,747 --> 01:04:21,465
What is it?
866
01:04:21,507 --> 01:04:23,065
Oh.
867
01:04:25,467 --> 01:04:27,344
You haven't any furniture.
868
01:04:27,387 --> 01:04:29,981
- What?
- Oh, how sad.
869
01:04:30,987 --> 01:04:35,663
I always knew you were poor,
but I never imagined anything like this.
870
01:04:35,707 --> 01:04:38,540
- Oh, really?
- Would you mind if I looked around?
871
01:04:38,587 --> 01:04:42,626
- Would you like to look around the hallway?
- I've always wanted an empty room of my own.
872
01:04:42,667 --> 01:04:44,066
Ours is so cluttered.
873
01:04:44,107 --> 01:04:46,905
We have lots of empty rooms.
Would you like to see another one?
874
01:04:46,947 --> 01:04:48,380
Oh!
875
01:04:48,427 --> 01:04:51,260
Oh, how sad.
876
01:04:51,307 --> 01:04:54,060
All you've got left is your piano.
877
01:04:55,707 --> 01:04:58,301
- I learned the pianoforte as I child, but...
- Oh, yes?
878
01:04:58,347 --> 01:04:59,939
...I can never practise.
- No.
879
01:04:59,987 --> 01:05:02,820
Cousin Morris will not a permit an instrument
in the house.
880
01:05:02,867 --> 01:05:05,335
He says the vibrations might shatter his eggs.
881
01:05:05,387 --> 01:05:06,786
Yes, of course.
882
01:05:06,827 --> 01:05:09,182
I think you'll find the piano's rather out of tune.
883
01:05:09,227 --> 01:05:11,058
Oh, I'm sure not.
884
01:05:18,627 --> 01:05:20,936
My repertoire is somewhat limited, I'm afraid.
885
01:05:20,987 --> 01:05:23,137
I think I hear my grandfather calling me.
886
01:05:24,227 --> 01:05:25,899
No, I don't think so.
887
01:05:28,467 --> 01:05:31,106
I'm terribly sorry.
It must be cousin Morris calling you.
888
01:05:31,147 --> 01:05:32,739
Yes, that must be it.
889
01:05:32,787 --> 01:05:34,505
In either case, it's one or the other.
890
01:05:34,547 --> 01:05:38,222
And I think we ought see which one of them
wants to see which one of us.
891
01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:39,985
- Goodbye.
- Oh!
892
01:05:44,627 --> 01:05:46,026
Oh.
893
01:05:47,587 --> 01:05:49,225
Forgive me!
894
01:05:51,427 --> 01:05:54,180
What to do, Peacock?
What to do? That's the question.
895
01:05:54,227 --> 01:05:57,299
If I may be allowed to say, sir.
896
01:05:57,347 --> 01:05:59,577
Anything, Peacock, anything.
897
01:05:59,627 --> 01:06:06,339
I have heard that there are,
in certain sectors of this great city, men...
898
01:06:07,387 --> 01:06:09,139
...unscrupulous men, sir,
899
01:06:09,187 --> 01:06:15,626
who, for a price,
will perform the most unsavoury tasks.
900
01:06:21,067 --> 01:06:23,058
Dr Pratt?
901
01:06:23,107 --> 01:06:25,780
Rouse yourself, Dr Pratt.
902
01:06:27,427 --> 01:06:31,500
I assure you, the lady was already dead,
when I arrived, Constable.
903
01:06:31,547 --> 01:06:33,902
- Dr Pratt.
- Come in. Hm?
904
01:06:33,947 --> 01:06:37,496
I was here earlier. You asked me to return.
905
01:06:37,547 --> 01:06:38,980
What?
906
01:06:39,027 --> 01:06:41,905
Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I remember.
907
01:06:41,947 --> 01:06:44,381
- I've got what you wanted.
- Thank you, Doctor.
908
01:06:44,427 --> 01:06:48,306
Blackcurrant jelly.
It contains 12 grains of arsenic.
909
01:06:48,347 --> 01:06:50,736
Just spread it on your mother's bread and butter.
910
01:06:50,787 --> 01:06:52,937
Doctor, I wanted a death certificate!
911
01:06:54,507 --> 01:06:56,737
Oh, you've done her in already, have you?
912
01:06:56,787 --> 01:06:58,982
- What's this? Is that it?
- Mm? What?
913
01:06:59,027 --> 01:07:01,587
- What's that?
- Oh, yes, this is...
914
01:07:01,627 --> 01:07:04,061
- This is a death certificate.
- Yes.
915
01:07:04,107 --> 01:07:07,622
- I've signed a lot of these in my time.
- Could you sign this one?
916
01:07:07,667 --> 01:07:09,976
Yes, yes, I'll sign this one.
917
01:07:11,547 --> 01:07:14,619
- Give me a hand.
- Up you get, Doctor.
918
01:07:14,667 --> 01:07:16,658
Yes. Yes.
919
01:07:17,227 --> 01:07:20,537
Oh, yes. Before I sign this,
920
01:07:20,587 --> 01:07:26,822
I must do my ablutions according to the sterile
principles laid down by Lord Lister:
921
01:07:26,867 --> 01:07:30,826
"Cleanliness in all things,
even the humblest of tasks. "
922
01:07:36,187 --> 01:07:38,223
Oh, that's better.
923
01:07:40,347 --> 01:07:42,338
Now, then.
924
01:07:42,387 --> 01:07:46,175
Oh, look at that. Look at that! Scarcely human.
925
01:07:47,107 --> 01:07:49,462
- I'll have to see a vet about it.
- Doctor...
926
01:07:49,507 --> 01:07:51,498
- Come in.
- Come on!
927
01:07:52,507 --> 01:07:54,896
Keep taking the pills. You'll be all right.
928
01:08:00,587 --> 01:08:04,216
- Are you all right, Doctor?
- Yes, I'm all right. It's just a fur ball.
929
01:08:04,267 --> 01:08:05,746
It's nothing.
930
01:08:05,787 --> 01:08:09,018
Strange. I haven't had fur for a fortnight.
931
01:08:10,067 --> 01:08:12,422
Now, let's see...
932
01:08:12,467 --> 01:08:15,777
Now... Yes. Er... That's it.
933
01:08:19,147 --> 01:08:21,138
There they are.
934
01:08:21,187 --> 01:08:23,178
- Doctor...
- Mm?
935
01:08:24,267 --> 01:08:27,259
Oh, you want it signed in two places? Yes.
936
01:08:28,107 --> 01:08:30,098
Yes.
937
01:08:31,067 --> 01:08:33,058
P.
938
01:08:34,507 --> 01:08:36,384
- P, Doctor. P.
- Oh, yes.
939
01:08:36,427 --> 01:08:38,224
- P.
- R.
940
01:08:38,267 --> 01:08:43,022
- R...
... A- T-T.
941
01:08:45,307 --> 01:08:47,298
Oh.
942
01:08:48,227 --> 01:08:50,457
MD.
943
01:08:51,467 --> 01:08:53,822
"Pratt MD". Is that your name, as well?
944
01:08:55,147 --> 01:08:58,105
Oh, I've gone and blotted it, now.
It's a small world.
945
01:08:59,507 --> 01:09:02,863
You'd never think that there were two Pratts
in one room, would you?
946
01:09:06,667 --> 01:09:08,703
There we are.
947
01:09:08,747 --> 01:09:11,580
- Thank you, Doctor. Good night.
- Yes. Come in.
948
01:09:13,587 --> 01:09:15,578
Of course, you know...
949
01:09:16,747 --> 01:09:18,942
...I was not always as you see me now.
950
01:09:19,947 --> 01:09:22,302
Was I, Mervin, eh?
951
01:09:22,347 --> 01:09:24,338
Oh, no, you are too young to remember.
952
01:09:26,507 --> 01:09:28,498
Stay away, lad. It's not good for you.
953
01:09:41,387 --> 01:09:43,378
Julia!
954
01:09:43,427 --> 01:09:45,702
Are you mad?
955
01:09:45,747 --> 01:09:48,625
A scream like that
might have shattered my eggs.
956
01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:53,218
Oh, but I was dreaming I was an egg, Morris,
and that an eagle was trying to hatch me.
957
01:09:53,267 --> 01:09:56,657
- Please cover yourself.
- Oh...
958
01:09:57,267 --> 01:09:59,258
What erm...
959
01:10:00,867 --> 01:10:03,427
What news of next door?
960
01:10:03,467 --> 01:10:06,459
Oh, well, very peculiar, Morris.
961
01:10:06,507 --> 01:10:08,702
I took Uncle Masterman some broth
962
01:10:08,747 --> 01:10:11,500
and Michael... Well, he seemed to...
963
01:10:11,547 --> 01:10:15,460
How shall I say it? I... I think he threw me out.
964
01:10:16,907 --> 01:10:21,105
- Threw you out?
- Yes! What do you think it means, Morris?
965
01:10:21,147 --> 01:10:23,138
Well, it means that erm...
966
01:10:23,987 --> 01:10:25,978
What it means is that erm...
967
01:10:27,547 --> 01:10:29,822
I... don't know what it means.
968
01:10:30,907 --> 01:10:33,785
Morris, am I pretty?
969
01:10:33,827 --> 01:10:35,818
Let me think.
970
01:10:36,747 --> 01:10:39,056
Oh... Never mind.
971
01:10:41,867 --> 01:10:43,858
He's up to something.
972
01:10:44,547 --> 01:10:47,186
It's happened. I know it's happened.
973
01:10:48,067 --> 01:10:50,217
And Michael's trying to cheat us.
974
01:10:50,267 --> 01:10:52,497
Trying to cheat two orphans out of the tontine.
975
01:10:53,707 --> 01:10:55,698
That must be it!
976
01:11:02,987 --> 01:11:06,343
Peacock? Peacock!
977
01:11:08,427 --> 01:11:10,987
Where is the old fool?
978
01:11:13,907 --> 01:11:16,501
The house is full of fools!
979
01:11:16,547 --> 01:11:19,584
I'm coming, blast you!
980
01:11:37,347 --> 01:11:41,101
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
981
01:11:41,947 --> 01:11:45,303
I'm... Oh! Aagh! Oh!
982
01:11:51,667 --> 01:11:54,022
I'll turn the cart round and stand guard.
983
01:12:06,747 --> 01:12:08,738
Hey...
984
01:12:14,747 --> 01:12:16,817
- Funny.
- Funny, Daddy.
985
01:12:16,867 --> 01:12:19,142
What's all this malarkey about a piano, then?
986
01:12:20,147 --> 01:12:23,298
Still, he must be the one. Can't be two
in the same house, can there?
987
01:12:23,347 --> 01:12:25,417
Come on, let's get him wrapped up now.
988
01:12:25,467 --> 01:12:28,265
Here, you take his legs, I'll take his shoulders.
989
01:12:43,187 --> 01:12:46,384
Right, well, thanks for the business, sir.
Good night.
990
01:13:08,027 --> 01:13:09,938
You, there!
991
01:13:09,987 --> 01:13:13,263
- Where are you going with that?
- Er... Chelsea Undertakers, sir.
992
01:13:13,307 --> 01:13:15,696
We have a dead person
what has just deceased.
993
01:13:16,387 --> 01:13:21,381
I see. Well, be about your sacred business.
994
01:13:21,427 --> 01:13:24,260
Thank you, sir.
The compliments of the night to you, sir.
995
01:13:41,147 --> 01:13:46,904
And so, gentlemen,
the great tontine has been won after 63 years
996
01:13:46,947 --> 01:13:51,225
by your uncle erm... Joseph of Finsbury.
997
01:13:51,267 --> 01:13:53,656
Yes, we've telegraphed him in Bournemouth.
998
01:13:53,707 --> 01:13:57,700
He will erm... arrive shortly.
999
01:13:57,747 --> 01:14:02,582
- A most magnificent sum!
- Erm... could we ask... just how magnificent?
1000
01:14:02,627 --> 01:14:04,822
Oh, yes. Well,
1001
01:14:04,867 --> 01:14:11,022
it's the magnificent total of
£111,000 three shillings and thruppence.
1002
01:14:13,067 --> 01:14:15,217
We could continue to administer the fund.
1003
01:14:15,267 --> 01:14:19,658
No, no, no, no, no.
Erm... my uncle gave quite explicit instructions.
1004
01:14:19,707 --> 01:14:22,824
He wants the entire amount handed over to him.
1005
01:14:22,867 --> 01:14:24,266
- Oh?
- In cash.
1006
01:14:24,907 --> 01:14:28,297
- Immediately.
- Oh. That is most unusual.
1007
01:14:29,387 --> 01:14:30,706
Oh, well. However...
1008
01:14:30,747 --> 01:14:32,226
Well, in that case...
1009
01:14:33,947 --> 01:14:37,906
...would it be convenient for you to return,
say, at three o'clock?
1010
01:14:37,947 --> 01:14:41,940
Ah! We were thinking
more immediately than that.
1011
01:14:41,987 --> 01:14:46,105
Erm... Unless, of course,
our new legal friend could bring it to the house.
1012
01:14:46,147 --> 01:14:50,823
Yes, that would suit. You see, this is sure
to prove a trying day for our dear uncle.
1013
01:14:50,867 --> 01:14:53,301
Mm! The shock of losing a brother, you see.
1014
01:14:53,347 --> 01:14:55,463
Plus the shock of winning the tontine
1015
01:14:55,507 --> 01:14:59,295
- might prove too much for his... weak...
- Terribly weak.
1016
01:14:59,347 --> 01:15:01,907
...heart.
- Mm!
1017
01:15:01,947 --> 01:15:04,336
That's no good. Here! Give it to me.
1018
01:15:04,387 --> 01:15:08,266
Leave it, leave it, leave it! Give it to me.
Now, this time. This time, pull!
1019
01:15:08,307 --> 01:15:11,344
- Pull!
- You know what that is?
1020
01:15:12,267 --> 01:15:16,021
That is stuck. That is what that is.
1021
01:15:17,187 --> 01:15:19,382
Is this the Finsbury residence?
1022
01:15:20,347 --> 01:15:22,736
- Who asks?
- Kindly address me as "Major".
1023
01:15:23,507 --> 01:15:28,262
- Are you a member of this household?
- The butler, Major.
1024
01:15:28,307 --> 01:15:31,617
Does your employer answer to the name
of Masterman Finsbury?
1025
01:15:31,667 --> 01:15:34,261
That was the case, Major.
1026
01:15:34,307 --> 01:15:36,946
Then he is delivered up and safely returned.
1027
01:15:36,987 --> 01:15:41,424
This poor, misguided man
attempted to take his own immortal life last night.
1028
01:15:42,387 --> 01:15:44,696
- We fished him out of the river.
- Mercy!
1029
01:15:45,587 --> 01:15:47,578
Yes? Did somebody call?
1030
01:15:48,347 --> 01:15:52,386
Later, Mercy. Later! First things first.
Pass him through.
1031
01:15:52,427 --> 01:15:54,418
Come along! Come along!
1032
01:15:57,867 --> 01:15:59,858
Now, you two, give a hand. Come along!
1033
01:16:03,947 --> 01:16:06,825
Get the piano out of the way!
Come on, get moving! Get moving!
1034
01:16:15,187 --> 01:16:17,655
- Where is he usually kept?
- First door.
1035
01:16:17,707 --> 01:16:19,698
Forward, the Army!
1036
01:16:26,707 --> 01:16:28,698
Take him upstairs.
1037
01:16:31,787 --> 01:16:34,859
You ought to count yourself lucky
we were on our toes last night.
1038
01:16:34,907 --> 01:16:37,102
The Lord moves in mysterious ways
1039
01:16:37,147 --> 01:16:39,456
when He is raising money for our cause.
1040
01:16:39,507 --> 01:16:42,385
He will have to move very mysteriously...
1041
01:16:43,827 --> 01:16:45,818
...to raise any boodle here.
1042
01:16:46,427 --> 01:16:48,702
Boodle? What do you mean?
1043
01:16:48,747 --> 01:16:51,307
I am not in charge of the finances.
1044
01:16:52,547 --> 01:16:55,186
You have to wait till Master Michael returns.
1045
01:16:56,227 --> 01:16:58,218
We can wait.
1046
01:16:59,147 --> 01:17:04,096
- Agh, Master Michael! Oh, poor!
- Ha!
1047
01:17:06,987 --> 01:17:08,978
Here, that boy!
1048
01:17:10,467 --> 01:17:13,027
- Do you want to earn a penny?
- Yeah.
1049
01:17:13,987 --> 01:17:16,342
Here, go to St Mary's hospital.
1050
01:17:16,387 --> 01:17:20,096
- Ask for Mr Michael Finsbury.
- Michael Finsbury?
1051
01:17:44,267 --> 01:17:45,620
Good morning.
1052
01:17:45,667 --> 01:17:47,658
May I be of service in your hour of need?
1053
01:17:47,707 --> 01:17:50,858
Oh... Oh, yes, I've come to pay my respects.
1054
01:17:51,547 --> 01:17:53,856
Who, may I ask, do you suffer the sad loss of?
1055
01:17:53,907 --> 01:17:56,137
My uncle, Masterman Finsbury.
1056
01:17:57,107 --> 01:17:59,257
Finsbury?
1057
01:17:59,307 --> 01:18:01,298
"Finsbury" as in "Park"?
1058
01:18:02,667 --> 01:18:04,658
No, the only soul reposing here
1059
01:18:04,707 --> 01:18:08,302
belongs and answers to the name
Wilfred Ebenezer Hackett.
1060
01:18:08,347 --> 01:18:12,386
Oh. Well, Uncle was called many names,
1061
01:18:12,427 --> 01:18:14,657
but that was never one of them.
1062
01:18:14,707 --> 01:18:17,062
- When did your uncle die?
- Late last night.
1063
01:18:18,267 --> 01:18:20,701
In that case,
allow me to present you with my card.
1064
01:18:21,627 --> 01:18:23,902
Er... Er...
1065
01:18:23,947 --> 01:18:28,304
Oh, I appear to have run out.
Business is so brisk these days!
1066
01:18:28,347 --> 01:18:32,420
It is quite obvious, my dear young lady,
that you are in need of my entire organisation.
1067
01:18:32,467 --> 01:18:37,063
When you leave me at the undertakers',
go back to the house, unpack Uncle
1068
01:18:37,107 --> 01:18:41,225
and place him in the hallway,
so that it appears he fell down the stairs.
1069
01:18:41,267 --> 01:18:43,940
Why do I always have the packing
and unpacking to do?
1070
01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:48,219
You're quite right. I can't trust you
with the simplest task. I'd better handle it.
1071
01:18:48,267 --> 01:18:50,258
We haven't got much time.
1072
01:18:50,787 --> 01:18:52,937
Here we are. Get out!
1073
01:18:55,187 --> 01:18:58,657
Tell the undertakers, a simple coffin.
Nothing expensive!
1074
01:19:01,347 --> 01:19:03,338
♪
1075
01:19:32,227 --> 01:19:34,502
Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Finsbury.
1076
01:19:39,107 --> 01:19:41,098
♪
1077
01:20:25,907 --> 01:20:28,899
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers were for nought.
1078
01:20:28,947 --> 01:20:31,256
Hymn 231.
1079
01:20:31,307 --> 01:20:34,902
♪ Onward Christian soldiers
1080
01:20:34,947 --> 01:20:36,858
♪ Marching as to...
1081
01:20:36,907 --> 01:20:38,898
♪
1082
01:20:42,707 --> 01:20:44,698
Most unusual.
1083
01:20:47,067 --> 01:20:49,058
Most unusual!
1084
01:20:51,027 --> 01:20:54,019
I think we'd better pay a call on...
1085
01:20:58,547 --> 01:21:00,538
...on...
1086
01:21:03,507 --> 01:21:06,385
Hm... Yes!
1087
01:21:08,667 --> 01:21:12,455
I think we'll pay a call on...
1088
01:21:14,707 --> 01:21:17,096
- Michael Finsbury, sir?
- I know, I know!
1089
01:21:18,067 --> 01:21:20,058
Michael Finsbury, naturally.
1090
01:21:21,267 --> 01:21:23,462
♪
1091
01:21:35,547 --> 01:21:37,856
- Bring that down, will you?
- Right, sir.
1092
01:22:41,627 --> 01:22:43,618
Mr Patience.
1093
01:22:45,907 --> 01:22:48,262
- What means this?
- Our dead uncle.
1094
01:22:48,547 --> 01:22:51,937
My cousin should never have broken
the glad news at the top of the stairs.
1095
01:22:51,987 --> 01:22:54,785
- Why? What happened?
- Well, the poor old chap...
1096
01:22:55,707 --> 01:22:59,905
...broke his noodle.
- I see. You mean it... it proved fatal?
1097
01:22:59,947 --> 01:23:02,541
Oh, totally. Excuse me.
1098
01:23:02,587 --> 01:23:04,578
Allow me.
1099
01:23:18,147 --> 01:23:21,184
Er...
1100
01:23:24,027 --> 01:23:25,506
Morris?
1101
01:23:30,107 --> 01:23:31,859
Morris!
1102
01:23:35,387 --> 01:23:38,140
Morris?
1103
01:23:40,587 --> 01:23:42,578
Excuse me.
1104
01:23:43,707 --> 01:23:45,902
Morris!
1105
01:23:46,947 --> 01:23:48,938
Morris!
1106
01:23:48,987 --> 01:23:52,457
Patience is here with the boodle.
Where is Uncle Joseph?
1107
01:23:52,507 --> 01:23:57,103
- I say, she's a bit of all right!
- "Where is Uncle Joseph," indeed, you cretin!
1108
01:23:57,147 --> 01:24:00,059
- I sent him to you in a barrel!
- Oh? What's this?
1109
01:24:00,107 --> 01:24:03,736
- You realise we're ruined?
- I think I know what's happened.
1110
01:24:04,907 --> 01:24:08,422
- There's been a mix-up.
- You imbecile!
1111
01:24:08,467 --> 01:24:09,980
Let go of me!
1112
01:24:10,027 --> 01:24:13,099
♪ Leads against the foe
1113
01:24:13,787 --> 01:24:16,984
♪ Forward into battle
1114
01:24:17,027 --> 01:24:19,780
♪ See His banners...
1115
01:24:20,867 --> 01:24:22,698
- Oh, help him up!
- Are you all right?
1116
01:24:22,747 --> 01:24:25,819
- Are you all right? Get him on his feet.
- Yes.
1117
01:24:25,867 --> 01:24:27,858
And that, sir, is that.
1118
01:24:27,907 --> 01:24:30,705
The doctor left this death certificate.
1119
01:24:33,827 --> 01:24:35,818
One moment!
1120
01:24:37,387 --> 01:24:41,778
Pray, what is going on? Hmm?
1121
01:24:46,707 --> 01:24:49,904
Ah! Erm... Thank you.
1122
01:24:49,947 --> 01:24:51,938
Well, what... what is this?
1123
01:24:51,987 --> 01:24:55,696
- What's what?
- Well, today's the 12th. This is dated the 13th.
1124
01:24:55,747 --> 01:24:58,819
Well, here today and gone tomorrow.
1125
01:24:58,867 --> 01:25:01,176
Surely a mere formality, sir?
1126
01:25:01,227 --> 01:25:05,459
You have our words as English gentlemen
that our uncle is... no longer with us.
1127
01:25:07,067 --> 01:25:11,504
I wonder... I wonder if you could give us
a few more moments alone with him
1128
01:25:11,547 --> 01:25:15,460
- before you remove his mortal remains.
- Of course, sir.
1129
01:25:15,507 --> 01:25:18,704
- Please indulge yourself.
- Thank you.
1130
01:25:18,747 --> 01:25:23,184
Well, in that case, perhaps it'd be as well
if I returned another day for the transfer of the...
1131
01:25:23,227 --> 01:25:24,626
Oh, no, no.
1132
01:25:24,667 --> 01:25:28,262
- What must be done... must be done.
- Er... yes.
1133
01:25:28,307 --> 01:25:31,538
- We must...
- Curb our natural grief.
1134
01:25:32,547 --> 01:25:34,538
- Exactly.
- Yes.
1135
01:25:34,587 --> 01:25:40,981
♪ With the cross of Jesus going on before
1136
01:25:42,107 --> 01:25:45,702
♪ Onward Christian soldiers
1137
01:25:49,547 --> 01:25:55,383
♪ With the cross of Jesus going on before
1138
01:25:55,427 --> 01:25:56,826
No...
1139
01:26:00,507 --> 01:26:03,419
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers have been answered!
1140
01:26:03,467 --> 01:26:05,583
Hymn 224!
1141
01:26:05,627 --> 01:26:09,666
♪ All things bright and beautiful
1142
01:26:10,547 --> 01:26:14,745
You were too keen to get me buried, sir!
The point is... The point is,
1143
01:26:14,787 --> 01:26:18,666
I did not kill my brother Joseph!
I tried to, but I failed.
1144
01:26:18,707 --> 01:26:22,063
Grandfather...
- Stop your spluttering and allow me to speak!
1145
01:26:22,107 --> 01:26:24,780
The point is, the tontine is ours!
1146
01:26:24,827 --> 01:26:27,660
Well, it certainly isn't yours
and it must be returned!
1147
01:26:28,307 --> 01:26:31,060
- It must be returned at once!
- You can't!
1148
01:26:31,107 --> 01:26:33,667
You can't ask that of two innocent little orphans!
1149
01:26:33,707 --> 01:26:36,983
You couldn't take it back now!
You gave it to us. It's ours!
1150
01:26:37,027 --> 01:26:41,179
I put it to you, gentlemen, that Masterman
Finsbury is alive and your uncle dead.
1151
01:26:41,227 --> 01:26:44,697
- I have his death certificate!
- It's a mistake! It says he died tomorrow!
1152
01:26:44,747 --> 01:26:46,544
- Relinquish that dresser.
- Never!
1153
01:26:46,587 --> 01:26:48,976
And please do not touch me!
1154
01:26:49,027 --> 01:26:52,542
Ooh! You touched me!
1155
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:56,135
- Er... you may remove the body now.
- Certainly, sir.
1156
01:27:00,267 --> 01:27:02,303
Stop them! Stop them! They have the money.
1157
01:27:03,667 --> 01:27:05,817
Get this...
1158
01:27:06,827 --> 01:27:07,896
Stop!
1159
01:27:10,107 --> 01:27:12,098
Come on!
1160
01:27:13,107 --> 01:27:15,098
Stop them!
1161
01:27:15,147 --> 01:27:17,377
- Stop them, they've got the tontine!
- Julia!
1162
01:27:22,667 --> 01:27:24,259
Stop!
1163
01:27:34,067 --> 01:27:36,979
Stop them! They've got the tontine! Stop them!
1164
01:27:43,827 --> 01:27:46,899
Could you tell me
where I could find Michael Finsbury?
1165
01:27:46,947 --> 01:27:51,179
It's Morris Finsbury you want!
He's just made off with £100,000!
1166
01:27:51,227 --> 01:27:53,218
- What? Where?
- That way!
1167
01:27:53,267 --> 01:27:55,258
In a hearse!
1168
01:27:56,027 --> 01:27:59,258
This man was a witness.
1169
01:28:05,347 --> 01:28:06,780
Seize him.
1170
01:28:12,027 --> 01:28:14,097
It's obvious we are not needed here.
1171
01:28:14,147 --> 01:28:16,536
We brought the Gospel,
but they would not listen.
1172
01:28:17,467 --> 01:28:18,695
Damn them all!
1173
01:28:18,747 --> 01:28:20,738
♪ Triumphant march
1174
01:28:44,907 --> 01:28:46,863
Come on. Come on. Hey!
1175
01:28:46,907 --> 01:28:50,661
Halt! In the name of the law...
1176
01:28:50,707 --> 01:28:55,383
...follow those hearses!
- Stop! Wait for me!
1177
01:28:56,267 --> 01:28:58,258
♪ Upbeat march
1178
01:29:14,227 --> 01:29:16,218
♪ Solemn funeral march
1179
01:29:48,187 --> 01:29:50,178
♪ Solemn funeral march
1180
01:30:05,587 --> 01:30:06,702
Giddy-up! Giddy-up!
1181
01:30:27,467 --> 01:30:29,697
♪ Upbeat march
1182
01:30:33,907 --> 01:30:36,865
♪ Lively trumpet solo
1183
01:31:45,827 --> 01:31:47,943
It is, as you know, a statistical fact
1184
01:31:47,987 --> 01:31:51,104
that in London one person dies
every 25 seconds,
1185
01:31:51,667 --> 01:31:54,101
which means it is extremely probable
that one of us
1186
01:31:54,147 --> 01:31:56,980
may not even live to arrive at the cemetery.
1187
01:32:09,227 --> 01:32:11,866
Morris, I think there's been another mix-up.
1188
01:32:11,907 --> 01:32:14,182
- We've got a body instead of the boodle.
- What?
1189
01:32:15,827 --> 01:32:17,818
We must go to the cemetery!
1190
01:32:45,267 --> 01:32:47,781
Quick. Get the flag. They'll never notice.
1191
01:32:47,827 --> 01:32:50,102
I will recall, Mrs Hackett,
1192
01:32:50,147 --> 01:32:53,696
that your late husband showed me
another kindness on February 3rd.
1193
01:32:53,747 --> 01:32:59,185
- No, February 4th. Another kindness, by...
- And it was kind of him to pass on, wasn't it?
1194
01:32:59,227 --> 01:33:04,665
Wasn't it? Gave you a better chance
of the tontine! Hypocrite! You hypocrite!
1195
01:33:04,707 --> 01:33:08,222
Don't touch me!
1196
01:33:09,747 --> 01:33:13,103
Now, come, Mrs Hackett.
You mustn't spoil this beautiful occasion.
1197
01:33:13,147 --> 01:33:17,220
Perfidious! How dare...
1198
01:33:28,347 --> 01:33:30,383
What have you done with Mr Hackett?
1199
01:33:30,427 --> 01:33:32,463
Look at the size of that coffin!
1200
01:33:32,507 --> 01:33:36,216
That's only part of him! He weighed 15 stone.
1201
01:33:36,267 --> 01:33:38,701
And look at that ridiculous flag!
1202
01:33:38,747 --> 01:33:42,581
He hated England!
1203
01:33:55,187 --> 01:33:58,497
Excuse me, you have our body.
Erm... our Yorkshire terrier.
1204
01:33:58,547 --> 01:34:00,105
He would have been 14 tomorrow.
1205
01:34:00,147 --> 01:34:02,741
Poor little beggar.
1206
01:34:05,027 --> 01:34:06,699
Hey! Get back!
1207
01:34:10,907 --> 01:34:13,660
Excuse... Excuse me!
1208
01:34:13,707 --> 01:34:16,267
Stop! Thief! Stop! Thief!
1209
01:34:19,907 --> 01:34:22,740
Let us remember where we are!
1210
01:34:27,547 --> 01:34:29,538
- Aaah!
- Aargh!
1211
01:34:34,907 --> 01:34:36,863
- Oh!
Oh, my!
1212
01:34:44,827 --> 01:34:46,818
Uncle...
1213
01:34:50,747 --> 01:34:52,738
That's him.
1214
01:34:54,867 --> 01:34:57,665
Please. May we begin?
1215
01:34:59,067 --> 01:35:02,662
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
together in the sight of God
1216
01:35:02,707 --> 01:35:07,144
and in the face of this congregation
to join this man and this woman...
1217
01:35:08,627 --> 01:35:11,539
No, no - that's not it. Er... Er...
1218
01:35:11,587 --> 01:35:13,896
- Aah!
- Ugh!
1219
01:35:13,947 --> 01:35:18,179
I must have quiet! I demand the silence
due this solemn occasion!
1220
01:35:20,387 --> 01:35:22,298
Uncle Joseph!
1221
01:35:28,867 --> 01:35:31,939
- Just where you belong, Jo-jo.
- Oh!
1222
01:35:31,987 --> 01:35:34,296
Please! I beg of you, sir!
1223
01:35:34,347 --> 01:35:38,659
- Get off him, all of you!
- Ladies! Gentlemen!
1224
01:35:38,707 --> 01:35:41,619
I beg of you to conduct your business elsewhere.
1225
01:35:41,667 --> 01:35:45,785
- What do you mean, elsewhere?
- Not you, of course, Mrs Hackett.
1226
01:35:48,907 --> 01:35:50,898
Uncle Joseph.
1227
01:35:51,907 --> 01:35:53,260
Let us begin...
1228
01:35:54,187 --> 01:35:58,226
Man that is born of a woman
hath but a short time to live
1229
01:35:58,267 --> 01:35:59,939
and is full of misery.
1230
01:35:59,987 --> 01:36:03,616
He cometh up and is cut down like a flower.
1231
01:36:03,667 --> 01:36:06,465
He fleeth as it were a shadow
1232
01:36:06,507 --> 01:36:09,465
and never continueth in one stay.
1233
01:36:09,507 --> 01:36:12,101
In the midst of life, we are in death.
1234
01:36:12,147 --> 01:36:16,299
- Of whom may we seek for succour...
- Stop! Stop this funeral.
1235
01:36:17,267 --> 01:36:21,385
I demand the money to be returned.
The tontine has yet to be won.
1236
01:36:21,427 --> 01:36:23,736
If fate names me the winner,
1237
01:36:23,787 --> 01:36:26,506
the entire amount goes to my ward, Julia.
1238
01:36:29,427 --> 01:36:32,419
Julia, my darling, I've always loved you.
Be mine tonight.
1239
01:36:32,467 --> 01:36:34,458
Better still, be mine.
1240
01:36:34,507 --> 01:36:39,501
Let us begin. Man that is born of woman
hath but a short time to live
1241
01:36:39,547 --> 01:36:42,107
and is full of misery.
1242
01:36:43,427 --> 01:36:45,622
What's going on? What is it? Come on.
1243
01:36:45,667 --> 01:36:47,862
Please, sir, I beg of you.
There's a dead man here.
1244
01:36:47,907 --> 01:36:49,226
All right, no-one move!
1245
01:36:57,867 --> 01:36:59,778
- Finsbury?
Yes?
1246
01:37:02,787 --> 01:37:05,301
- Morris Finsbury?
- Yes.
1247
01:37:05,347 --> 01:37:08,737
Morris Finsbury, I arrest you
for stealing £100,000.
1248
01:37:08,787 --> 01:37:11,665
- But the money has been returned, sir.
- And who are you, sir?
1249
01:37:11,707 --> 01:37:15,336
- Some sort of accomplice?
- Certainly not! I am his solicitor.
1250
01:37:15,387 --> 01:37:17,617
You've brought a solicitor with you, have you?
1251
01:37:17,667 --> 01:37:20,977
- I've met your type before.
- No, I'm the administrator of the tontine!
1252
01:37:21,027 --> 01:37:23,939
- "Tontine"?
- Named after Lorenzo Tonti,
1253
01:37:23,987 --> 01:37:27,343
- a Neapolitan banker.
- And who are you, sir?
1254
01:37:27,387 --> 01:37:30,060
- I...
- He's nobody. He's my young brother.
1255
01:37:30,107 --> 01:37:32,177
- And who are you, sir?
- None of your business.
1256
01:37:32,827 --> 01:37:35,182
I shall have you arrested for indecent exposure!
1257
01:37:35,987 --> 01:37:38,182
My grandfather was recently buried, sir.
1258
01:37:38,227 --> 01:37:40,024
And who are you, sir?
1259
01:37:40,067 --> 01:37:42,058
He is Michael Finsbury.
1260
01:37:42,107 --> 01:37:43,460
And who are you, madam?
1261
01:37:43,507 --> 01:37:47,022
She is Julia Finsbury, shortly to become...
1262
01:37:47,987 --> 01:37:49,545
...Julia Finsbury.
1263
01:37:49,587 --> 01:37:52,420
Young man, did you know
there was a body in the piano?
1264
01:37:54,707 --> 01:37:56,698
I did it.
1265
01:37:59,827 --> 01:38:02,022
- Who is he?
- He is the butler, sir.
1266
01:38:02,067 --> 01:38:05,025
- The butler did it?
- No, sir.
1267
01:38:05,947 --> 01:38:08,097
- I put the body there.
- Is this true?
1268
01:38:08,147 --> 01:38:12,026
- Yes, sir.
- Then you are entitled to a reward of £1,000.
1269
01:38:12,067 --> 01:38:16,265
You are responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth Strangler to his just end.
1270
01:38:16,307 --> 01:38:18,582
£1,000?
1271
01:38:19,707 --> 01:38:22,096
Oh, but I... I don't deserve it.
1272
01:38:22,147 --> 01:38:25,059
- The body just arrived in a barrel.
- I sent it.
1273
01:38:25,107 --> 01:38:28,861
- And who are you, sir?
- He is of diminished responsibility, Officer.
1274
01:38:28,907 --> 01:38:33,742
It was all my doing. If there's any justice
in this naughty world, the reward is mine.
1275
01:38:33,787 --> 01:38:35,539
And who are you?
1276
01:38:35,587 --> 01:38:37,862
You remember me. Morris Finsbury.
1277
01:38:37,907 --> 01:38:41,024
I was falsely accused of stealing £100,000,
1278
01:38:41,067 --> 01:38:42,898
whereas, in fact, it was me and me alone
1279
01:38:42,947 --> 01:38:46,986
who was responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth Strangler to his just deserts.
98444
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