All language subtitles for Rosemary..Thyme.S02E01.en

-PICTURE THE SCENE.

IT IS 3 O'CLOCK IN
THE MORNING.

AND THERE YOU LIE IN THE
IMAGINED SAFETY OF YOUR OWN

BED, LISTENING IS THAT A
MOVEMENT YOU HEAR DOWNSTAIRS?

A SERVANT, PERHAPS, WHOSE DUTY
DRIVES HIM TO CHECK THE

SILVER, EVEN AT THIS
LATE HOUR.

NO.

IT IS SOMETHING FAR
MORE SINISTER.

SO YOU RISE FROM YOUR BED,
LOOKING AROUND YOURSELF.

AND WHAT DO YOU SEE
IN THE MOONLIGHT?

A POKER.

YES, THE IRON POKER FROM
YOUR BEDROOM FIREPLACE.

GRASPING IT FIRMLY IN YOUR
HAND, YOU PROCEED TO THE

STAIRS AND DESCEND
TO THE HALL.

THERE YOU STOP.

YOU LOOK AROUND.

ALL IS SILENCE.

AND THEN--

[BANG]

[GASPING]

-(ANGRILY) MISS BOXER.

-PICTURE THE SCENE.

-UH, LUNCH, I THINK.

THANK YOU, MR. JARDINE.

-CUT IT OUT, QUATERMASS.

-WHAT'S THE HURRY?

-WARWICK JARDINE'S ON HIS WAY
OUT, AND I GOT ON THE WRONG

SIDE OF HIM WHEN I SPRAYED
HIS DAIMLER.

-OH, WELL, HE'LL NEVER
GET FUNGAL ROT.

-OR A SHINE ON HIS PAINT WORK.

COME ON.

-MRS. THYME.

MISS BOXER.

-I'M SORRY ABOUT THE,
UM-- YOU KNOW.

-HOW MUCH MORE OF YOUR
PROFESSIONAL ATTENTION MAY WE

LOOK FORWARD TO?

-THE BLIGHT'S ALL BUT GONE.

-ARE YOU?

GOOD.

-HERE'S A TRICK THE
REST OF US USE.

IMAGINE HIM IN WOMEN'S
UNDERWEAR.

-DOES IT WORK FOR YOU?

-A BIT TOO WELL.

I'VE HAD TO STOP.

YOU NEARLY DONE HERE?

-WE'VE THINNED OUT THE INFECTED
LEAVES, SPRAYED TO

PROTECT THE REST OF THEM.

THERE'S NOT A LOT
MORE WE CAN DO.

-I'VE GOT A PROPOSAL I'D
LIKE TO RUN BY YOU.

TEA SHOP IN HALF AN HOUR?

MAN (OFFSCREEN): FRAZER!

-THE BUNS ARE ON ME.

-IT'S JUST A LITTLE OLD PLACE
OUT IN THE COUNTRY.

IT'S BEEN IN THE FAMILY SINCE
GOD WAS IN SHORT TROUSERS.

-HOW BIG'S THE GARDEN?

-TINY, TINY.

AND IT'S BARELY WORTH FIVE
MINUTES OF YOUR ATTENTION.

ACTUALLY, I'M LYING.

IT'S QUITE HUGE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WHICH GETS YOU MORE
INTERESTED?

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO
NAIL DOWN A LANDSCAPER?

-MARTIN, JUST DESCRIBE
THE PROBLEM.

-I WANT TO PUT THE ELIZABETHAN
GARDEN BACK THE WAY IT WAS.

BUT IT'S GONE TO POT.

COULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT IT?

-YEAH--

-WE'LL, UH, CHECK OUR DIARY,
AND LET YOU KNOW.

-I'VE BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF.

AND YOU DON'T PAD
YOUR OVERHEADS.

HERE'S MY NUMBER.

I'LL BE HOME ANYTIME FROM
9:00 ON FRIDAY.

-WHY CHECK THE DIARY WHEN
THERE'S NOTHING IN IT?

-IT'S BAD BUSINESS TO
SEEM TOO EAGER.

ANYWAY, HE'S ALREADY DROPPING
HINTS ABOUT OUR LOW OVERHEADS.

-OH, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT
GAVE HIM THAT IDEA.

-HA HA HA.

I'VE ALWAYS FANCIED GETTING
MY HANDS ON

AN ELIZABETHAN GARDEN.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): YES, AND,
UH, SPEAKING OF OVERHEADS,

I'VE HAD AN IDEA THAT
COULD SAVE US A TON

OF MONEY THIS SUMMER.

ROSEMARY (OFFSCREEN):
WHAT IS IT?

OH, DEAR.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): UH, IF I JUST
COME OUT AND TELL YOU,

YOU'LL ONLY SAY NO.

-SEE, YOU'VE GOT YOUR TWO
SLEEPING COMPARTMENTS ON

OPPOSITE SIDES WHILE THE MIDDLE
OPENS RIGHT OUT IN GOOD

WEATHER.

-OH, I LIKE THIS ONE.

-HAVE YOU BEEN CAMPING BEFORE?

-OH, YES.

IN THE BROWNIES.

MARTIN (OFFSCREEN):
THAT'S GREAT NEWS.

-WELL, JUST ONE MORE THING.

MARTIN (OFFSCREEN):
WHAT'S THAT?

-IS THERE ANYWHERE DECENT
WE CAN STAY?

MARTIN (OFFSCREEN): (LAUGHING)
WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU

CLASS AS DECENT.

-WALLS AND A ROOF.

MARTIN (OFFSCREEN): (LAUGHING)
WE'VE GOT BAGS OF ROOM.

-OH, GREAT.

RIGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE ON.

AH, WE'LL SEE YOU ON SUNDAY.

-LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

-BYE.

-SLIDE POLES INTO POLE SLEEVES
ON OUTSIDE OF FLY SHEET.

BRACE POLE, AND LOCATE POLE
PINS ON POLE END.

-WHY DON'T YOU USE THE
ENGLISH TRANSLATION?

-I'M SURE IT WILL BE PERFECTLY
CLEAR WHEN IT'S LAID OUT ON

THE GROUND.

-AH, HERE WE ARE.

MARTIN SAID WE GO LEFT WHEN
WE SEE A POST BOX.

AND THERE IT IS.

[CHILDREN TALKING]

[DOG BARKING]

CHILD (OFFSCREEN):
IT'S MY TURN!

[CHILDREN SHOUTING]

-DOESN'T IT GET LONELY WITH
MARTIN NOT AROUND DURING THE

WEEK, SUZANNE?

-NOT WITH A CLASS
OF 20 TO TEACH.

-WHAT?

YOU WORK, AS WELL?

-PART TIME.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO
KEEP IT ALL GOING.

-HUH.

-WE HAVEN'T HAD A HOLIDAY
IN FIVE YEARS.

AND THE KIDS GOT SECOND-HAND
BIKES FOR CHRISTMAS.

-ISN'T THERE AN INCOME
FROM THE ESTATE?

-HUH.

NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH.

OI, TOBY!

PLAY NICELY.

CHILD (OFFSCREEN): YEAH, BUT
IT'S MY TURN TO HAVE THE--

-I'VE HAD THIS ALL WEEK.

-GO ON.

WE'LL FIND OUR OWN WAY
TO THE GARDEN.

-COME ON, NOW.

WHY CAN'T YOU LEARN TO SHARE?

-(LAUGHING) OH, DEAR.

-I OUGHT TO WARN YOU.

I'VE PUT MARTIN ON LUNCH DUTY.

-WHY IS THAT WORTH A WARNING?

-WELL, IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER
YOU'RE OK WITH CAVEMAN FOOD.

IF HE CAN'T BURN IT, YOU'D
BETTER LIKE IT RAW.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): OH, LORD.

-THIS OLD PRINT SHOWS WHAT
IT USED TO BE LIKE.

EVERY GENERATION LEAVES
ITS MARK ON THE PLACE.

MARTIN WANTS THIS TO BE HIS.

-WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
US ALONE FOR A BIT?

-YEAH, WE'LL JUST HAVE A POKE
AROUND, AND SEE WHAT'S WHAT.

-OK, WELL, COME AND JOIN
US WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): IT'S GOING
TO TAKE A BIT MORE THAN A

PRUNE AND A TIDY.

-NO, IT'S NOT QUITE AS
BAD AS IT LOOKS.

THE BASIC LAYOUT'S STILL HERE.

-OOH, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST
OPTIMIST I'VE EVER KNOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

ROSEMARY (OFFSCREEN): I
RATHER FEAR THAT OLD

SUN DIAL'S LONG GONE.

OH, BUT LOOK AT THIS.

WON'T IT BE SOMETHING?

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): THERE'S
BEEN A BUILDING HERE.

YOU CAN SEE THE OLD
FOUNDATIONS.

-IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN
THE TWO OF US TO

GET THOSE DUG OUT.

-HMM.

WE'LL HAVE TO GET IN
SOME EXTRA LABOR.

-HMM.

BIG HUNKY BLOKES WITH
PICKS AND SHOVELS.

-AND A COUPLE OF DECK CHAIRS.

-DECK CHAIRS?

-SO WE CAN SIT AND WATCH.

-HAH.

-PARDON ME.

-WERE YOU SENT TO FETCH US?

SORRY WE'RE TAKING SO LONG.

-I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHO YOU ARE.

I'M JIM.

-LAURA THYME.

-ROSEMARY BOXER.

-I WOULD COUNT IT A GREAT FAVOR
IF YOU DIDN'T MENTION

THAT YOU'D SEEN ME.

-WHAT?

-I'M NOT REALLY SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE.

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM
THE PROPERTY.

-OH, WELL, I'M SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.

BUT YOU CAN'T ASK US
TO COVER FOR YOU.

-WE'RE GUESTS HERE.

-I'LL JUST GO THEN.

-ME BRING MEAT FROM
MIGHTY AGA.

[CLAPPING AND CHEERING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[DOG BARKING]

SUZANNE (OFFSCREEN): THERE'S
FREE ICE CREAM FOR ANYONE WHO

CAN TAKE THESE SCROUNGY DOGS
AWAY FROM THE TABLE.

[DOGS BARKING]

[CHILDREN'S VOICES]

-A PLANT PATHOLOGIST?

-THAT'S RIGHT.

-LIKE QUINCY OF THE GREENWOOD?

-IF YOU LIKE.

-DON'T LET HIM WIND YOU UP.

-NO, NO, NO.

I'M INTRIGUED.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU DO
A POST-MORTEM ON A TREE.

-WITH A CHAIN SAW.

-ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?

-YOU STARTED IT.

[LAUGHING]

-HAVE YOU LIVED HERE
ALL YOUR LIFE?

-BORN HERE.

WENT AWAY, CAME BACK.

NOW I'M IN CHARGE OF
THE LYVEDON TRUST.

-AND THE FIRST GIRL
I EVER KISSED.

-OOH.

-BUT DON'T YOU DARE TELL
THE MRS. THAT.

KATIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

-THANKS, I'M ON CALL.

-ARE YOU A DOCTOR?

-ANESTHETICS.

AND I'VE HEARD ALL THE
JOKES, THANK YOU.

-AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

-BOOK JACKETS.

I'M AN ILLUSTRATOR.

-REALLY?

WOULD I HAVE SEEN ANY?

- I DON'T KNOW.

CAN YOU READ?

-CHRIS!

-WHAT?

-FERN, THAT'S A LOVELY NAME.

WHERE'D IT COME FROM?

-MUM'S AN OLD HIPPIE.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT
TO LOOK AT HER NOW.

-I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TAKE THAT.

-I THINK YOU'RE VERY LUCKY.

-I KNOW.

IF I'D BEEN A BOY, IT
WOULD'VE BEEN BAMBI.

[LAUGHING]

-SEE THERE'S ANOTHER
JOB HALF FINISHED.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL BE LEFT
WITH A BUILDER'S YARD.

-IT BELONGS TO THE
ODD-JOB MAN.

AND HE ONLY COMES BACK BECAUSE
WE HIDE HIS TOOLS.

I THINK MARTIN FELL FOR YOU TWO
BECAUSE YOU'LL LIVE ON THE

JOB TILL IT'S DONE.

-OH, DID YOU TELL MARTIN
ABOUT THE MAN WE SAW?

-NO, UH--

-WHERE WAS THIS?

-AT THE DOOR IN THE
WALLED GARDEN.

-SEE, HE SEEMED A BIT ODD.

HE ASKED US NOT TO SAY
THAT WE'D SEEN HIM.

HE SAID HIS NAME WAS JIM.

-COUSIN JIM.

-WHAT DID HE WANT?

-I DON'T KNOW.

HE DIDN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.

-I THOUGHT HE'D BEEN
TOLD TO STAY AWAY.

-IS THERE SOMETHING WE
SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

-NO.

HE'S PERFECTLY HARMLESS.

BUT HE'S TROUBLED.

NOTHING YOU SHOULD LOSE
ANY SLEEP OVER.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, LAURA HERE
ABSOLUTELY INSISTS ON SPURNING

OUR HOSPITALITY FOR A NIGHT
UNDER THE STARS.

WHERE'S THE BEST SPOT
TO PITCH THE TENT?

-OH, DEFINITELY THE DINGLE.

DOWN BY THE RIVER.

-WELL DONE, GIRLS.

YOU'VE JUST SPARED MY POOR, LONG
SUFFERING A WHOLE HEAP OF

EXTRA LAUNDRY.

[LAUGHING]

-CHEERS.

-CHEERS TO THAT.

-DID YOU NOTICE HOW EVERYONE
REACTED WHEN COUSIN

JIM'S NAME CAME UP?

-I AM SO HAPPY TO BE INSIDE A
THIN LAYER OF NYLON WHILE

HEATHCLIFF'S OUT THERE, STALKING
THE COUNTRYSIDE.

-MARTIN SAYS HE'S HARMLESS.

-MARTIN'S IN A HOUSE.

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

-YOU SEEM TO BE GETTING
ON WELL WITH CHRIS.

IS HE THE ARTIST?

-HMM.

HE SAYS HE'S ALWAYS ON THE
LOOKOUT FOR LIFE MODELS.

-OOH, I'D WATCH HIM.

-NO, NO.

I DON'T THINK THAT WAS
WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND.

NOT WITH HIS WIFE SITTING
RIGHT THERE.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): OOH,
I DON'T KNOW.

THESE ARTISTIC TYPES.

"WHILE TITIAN WAS MIXING
ROSE MADDER, HIS MODEL

RECLINED ON A LADDER.

HER POSITION TO TITIAN SUGGESTED
COITION, SO HE RAN

UP THE LADDER

AND AT HER." [LAUGHTER]

-ANYWAY, IT'S WHO HE
WANTS TO PAINT.

-LAURA, YOU AWAKE?

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): (MUMBLING)

-I'M GOING FOR WATER.

-OOH.

[WATER RUNNING]

-AAAH.

[WATER RUNNING]

-JIM?

JIM!

OFFICER (OFFSCREEN):
START DOWN THERE.

THE LAST PERSON THAT FELL IN
THIS RIVER TURNED UP THREE

DAYS LATER AND A MILE
DOWNSTREAM.

-DEAD?

-UPSETTING FOR YOU, I KNOW.

BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS.

ONE WAY, OR ANOTHER, THIS WAS
A TRAGEDY WAITING TO HAPPEN.

IF JIM FRAZER HADN'T TOPPED
HIMSELF, SOMEONE AROUND HERE

WOULD HAVE MURDERED HIM.

-WHY ON EARTH WOULD
YOU SAY THAT?

-HE WAS A LONER.

HE WAS A BIT STRANGE.

AND HE MADE IT HIS LIFE'S
MISSION TO RUB PEOPLE

UP THE WRONG WAY.

YOU ASK GEORGE HAMILTON TEED.

-GEORGE WHO?

-HAMILTON TEED.

EDITOR OF THE "LYVEDON
OBSERVER." HE CAN FILL HIS

LEDGERS PAGE 10 TIMES OVER WITH
THE STUFF HE GOT FROM OUR

JIM.

-IF IT WASN'T FOR THE
LAW OF LIBEL.

LOOK, I KNOW IT'S A BIT OF A
BAD TIME, BUT CAN I HAVE A

QUICK WORD?

-I WAS AT A BREAKFAST
MEETING IN CHAMBERS.

HAVE THEY FOUND ANY
SIGN OF HIM YET?

-THEY SAY HE COULD FETCH
UP ANYWHERE DOWN RIVER.

I'LL GET AWAY AS
SOON AS I CAN.

YOU KNOW WARWICK JARDINE.

MENTION COMPASSIONATE LENIENCE,
HE'LL REACH FOR A

DICTIONARY.

-WELL, THERE'S NOTHING YOU
CAN DO FOR JIM ANYWAY.

-MARTIN.

-I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'LL CALL YOU TONIGHT.

-BYE, LOVE.

-ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE
THE DAY OFF?

-SCHOOL'S CLOSED
FOR HALF-TERM.

-HERE.

-DO YOU WANT US TO CARRY
ON WITH THE GARDEN?

-OH, LORDY.

YES, NOTHING CHANGES THERE.

YOU'LL HAVE SOME HELP
WITH THE HEAVY WORK.

-APPARENTLY JIM WROTE TO THE
LOCAL NEWSPAPER, COMPLAINING

ABOUT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

AND ALL OF IT UNPRINTABLE.

-WELL, EVERYONE NEEDS A HOBBY.

-WELL, THIS WAS LIKE
AN OBSESSION.

I THINK HE SAW HIMSELF AS THE
CONSCIENCE OF THE VILLAGE.

-YOU AREN'T LETTING
THIS GET TO YOU?

-WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

YOU DIDN'T SEE THE
LOOK HE GAVE ME.

OH, AND THE POLICEMAN SAID
THAT IF JIM HADN'T THROWN

HIMSELF IN THE RIVER
WHEN HE DID, HE--

-LADIES.

-OH.

-I THINK IT'S OUR LABOR FORCE.

-COOL HAND LUKE AND THE GANG.

-NOT GOING TO EAT YOU.

NOT HERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT,
ANYWAY.

-IT'S ALL VERY WELL
FOR AN EX-COPPER.

YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE
WITH LAW BREAKERS.

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM TRIED
TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT?

-THERE'S NO WOODEN HORSE.

AND STEVE MCQUEEN HIMSELF
COULDN'T GET A

MOTORBIKE OVER THAT WALL.

-WELL, HE'S NOT GOING TO
BE MUCH OF AN OBSTACLE.

-DON'T BE MISLEAD BY
OUR MR. COUTTS.

HE'S LIKE A COILED SPRING.

-HELLO.

-WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
INTRODUCE THE BOYS?

-HUXTON RYMER, MP.

RING ANY BELLS?

-OOOH.

-GEORGE MARSDEN PLUMMER.

AN EXAMPLE TO US ALL.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BURN DOWN A
BUILDING, AND CLAIM FROM FIVE

DIFFERENT INSURANCE COMPANIES,
MAKE SURE YOU PUT THE CLAIM

FORMS IN THE RIGHT ENVELOPES.

-YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

-I'M RUPERT WALDO.

CELEBRITY CHEF.

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY SHOW ON THE
HOME AND KITCHEN CHANNEL.

-YOU DIDN'T POISON SOMEONE
ON AIR, DID YOU?

-FRAUD, I'M AFRAID.

THOSE, UH, RECIPE BOOKS
WITH MY NAME ON THEM.

DIDN'T WRITE A SINGLE
ONE OF THEM.

-THEY PUT YOU IN
JAIL FOR THAT?

-WELL, PLUS A SMALL MATTER OF
MISSTATED PROFITS AND THE

INLAND REVENUE.

-SO WHAT ARE YOU
ALL DOING HERE?

-WE ARE ON LOAN TO MR. FRAZER
FROM BLEAKMOOR GRANGE.

HE'S DONE A DEAL WITH
THE GOVERNOR.

HE HAS AN EYE FOR A BARGAIN,
MR. FRAZER.

I BET HE GOT YOU CHEAP.

-UM, ANY CHANCE OF
A LOOK AT A PLAN?

-THERE'S BEEN A-- A BUILDING
HERE THAT DOESN'T APPEAR ON

THE ORIGINAL PLAN.

-NO.

UM, NOW THIS WAS THE
VICTORIAN CHAPEL.

AS UGLY A PIECE OF
JERRY-BUILDING AS EVER SPOILED

A GARDEN.

-IT HAD BEEN A RUIN FOR YEARS.

WE SPENT THE LAST THREE WEEKS
LOADING UP STONES FOR CARTING

AWAY.

-WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO, UM, DIG
OUT THE FOUNDATIONS AND MAKE

THE GROUND GOOD BEFORE
WE CAN RECREATE

THE ELIZABETHAN DESIGN.

-WHEN THE JUDGE SAID 10 YEARS,
HE NEVER MENTIONED HARD LABOR.

-IS THIS A PROBLEM?

-I AM KIDDING.

WE'RE ALL VOLUNTEERS.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES THAT
WANT TO SEE THIS GARDEN

RESTORED, YOU KNOW.

-HAVE YOU DONE THIS SORT
OF THING BEFORE?

-BEST WINDOW BOX DISPLAY
KETTLE HAMPTON

FLOWER SHOW LAST YEAR.

-(PROUDLY) RUNNERS-UP BEST
GARDEN (SLIGHTLY CHAGRINED) IN

A SMALL, ENCLOSED YARD.

-THEY'D HAVE GIVEN US
BEST HANGING BASKET.

BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET
US HAVE A LADDER.

[LAUGHTER]

-OH, ROSEMARY?

-WHAT?

-WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THESE HOLES?

-WE'VE BEEN SEEING
THEM ALL OVER.

-OH, I DIDN'T KNOW MOLES BROUGHT
THEIR OWN SPADES.

-HMM.

-MAYBE THAT'S WHY JIM WAS
SNEAKING INTO THE GARDEN.

-DIGGING IN THE CHAPEL RUINS
FOR SOME ANCIENT FAMILY

TREASURE?

-HMM.

HAVE THEY FOUND JIM?

-NOBODY FOUND ANYTHING.

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE VERY
COMFORTABLE HERE.

BUT, WOULD YOU MIND AWFULLY
STAYING WITH ME

IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT?

MARTIN CAN'T GET BACK
UNTIL MORNING.

-WELL, IF YOU INSIST.

COME ON, ROSEMARY.

WE CAN'T LET SUZANNE DOWN.

-AHH.

AH HAH HAH.

-ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.

-OH, I WILL.

I WILL.

[CHILDREN'S VOICES]

-TOBY.

TIM.

BACK INTO BED RIGHT NOW,
AND STAY THERE.

MOMMY'S GOT FRIENDS ROUND.

[CHILDREN'S VOICES INDISTINCTLY
FROM UPSTAIRS]

-AS LONG AS THEY STAY UPSTAIRS
AFTER 8 O'CLOCK, THAT'S ALL

THE VICTORY I ASK FOR.

-AH, WHO'S JOINING US?

-GWYNNE.

YOU MET HER YESTERDAY.

SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND
IN THE VILLAGE.

AND SHE WAS MARTIN'S FIRST
GIRLFRIEND, I KNOW.

HE TELLS EVERYONE.

AND THEN HE TELLS THEM NOT
TO MENTION IT TO ME.

-(LAUGHING) BLESS HIM.

-CHEERS.

[PHONE RINGING]

-WHOEVER IT IS, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.

-THEY MIGHT HAVE FOUND HIM.

-WELL, THAT'S THE LAST THING
I WANT TO THINK ABOUT.

MARTIN (ON ANSWERING MACHINE):
HELLO, LOVE.

OLD HAUSERSTOKES SAYS I CAN TAKE
THE REST OF THE WEEK OFF

ONCE I'VE COVERED THE
CUSTODY HEARING.

SO I'LL DEFINITELY BE HOME
BY TOMORROW, I PROMISE.

I'LL TRY AND BE BACK BY NIGHT.

[DISHES CLANKING]

-BY THE WAY, I STOPPED BY AND
FED JIM'S CHICKENS ON THE WAY

OVER.

-OH, THANKS.

-OK.

-HAS ANYBODY ANY IDEA
WHAT MADE HIM DO IT?

-NOBODY WAS THAT CLOSE TO HIM.

NOBODY WANTED TO BE.

-OH, THERE'LL BE
SO MUCH TO DO.

THERE'S THE WHOLE
HOUSE TO CLEAR.

-WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT
HE'S DEAD YET.

-BLESS YOU FOR HELPING, BUT
YOU DON'T INTERRUPT RAPIDS

DOWNSTREAM.

-HE DIDN'T GET OUT
BEFORE THAT?

-HE DIDN'T GET OUT.

-WHY DID MARTIN HAVE
TO WARN HIM OFF?

-JIM COULD NEVER APPRECIATE THE
FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING A

WELCOMED GUEST AND
A TRESPASSER.

-(ADMONISHINGLY) GWYNNE.

GWYNNE (OFFSCREEN): WELL, LOOK
AT THE NUMBER OF TIMES MARTIN

CAUGHT HIM ON THE PROPERTY.

YOU SAW FOR YOURSELVES.

NEVER MIND SHE'S HERE
ON HER OWN WITH THE

CHILDREN ALL WEEK.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[DOOR OPENS]

-OH, THAT'LL BE FERN.

I TOLD HER TO CALL BY AFTER WORK
IF SHE NEEDS A LIFT HOME.

YOU'RE EARLY, DARLING.

-ONLY THREE TABLES, AND
THE TIPS WERE LOUSY.

-DO YOU WANT ANYTHING TO EAT?

-OH, CHEF MADE ME SOME CHIPS.

WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-I'LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS.

-WELL, I SAW JIM HANGING OUT
HERE ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

-WHEN?

-WHEN I WAS WALKING TO WORK.

HE WAS OUT THERE ON THE LANE,
OUTSIDE THE GATES.

I RECKON HE DIDN'T WANT
ME TO SEE HIM

POSTING ONE OF HIS LETTERS.

-YOU MEAN ONE OF THE LETTERS
HE SENT TO THE LOCAL PAPER?

-JIM WAS HARMLESS.

-HE COULD HAVE A NASTY
MIND WHEN IT

CAME TO CERTAIN PEOPLE.

-GWYNNE!

PLEASE.

-WHAT ABOUT SOME ACIDIC
FERTILIZER?

-SEE WHAT I'VE GOT IN.

-JIM?

SORRY.

SORRY.

[CAR HONKING]

-THEY FOUND JIM'S BODY
IN THE RIVER.

MARTIN'S JUST BEEN
TO IDENTIFY HIM.

-JUST STAND UP, SAY WHAT
YOU SAW, AND SIT DOWN.

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

-MORNING.

-GOOD MORNING.

-MORNING.

-ROSEMARY, I THINK OUGHT
TO WARN YOU.

DO YOU KNOW WHO THE CORONER FOR
THE LYVEDON BOROUGH IS?

-NO.

-WELL, TECHNICALLY, IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE ME.

BUT WHEN THERE'S A CLASH OF
INTEREST, WHAT HAPPENS IS--

-SURELY MARTIN CAN'T BE EXPECTED
TO PRESENT OVER HIS

OWN COUSIN'S INQUEST.

-NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS
HAPPENS, THEY SWAP DUTIES WITH

THE PART-TIMER FROM
THE NEXT BOROUGH.

-WELL, WHY WOULD THAT BE
A PROBLEM FOR ROSEMARY?

-WARWICK JARDINE?

YOU'RE JOKING.

-THE BODY WAS WASHED DOWN RIVER,
AND WAS RETRIEVED FROM

THE WEIR AT 11 O'CLOCK
ON TUESDAY MORNING.

IT WAS IN A VERY
POOR CONDITION.

BUT MR. MARTIN FRAZER WAS
ABLE TO IDENTIFY HIS

COUSIN AT THE SCENE.

-AND THE REASON FOR THAT
POOR CONDITION BEING--

-ALL THE ROCKS AND STONES.

IT'S A VERY FAST-MOVING RIVER.

OUR PATHOLOGIST SAID IT WAS THE
BATTERING THAT KILLED HIM.

-THANK YOU, CONSTABLE STUART.

AND NOW I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM
MISS ROSEMARY BOXER.

-I SAW JAMES FRAZER OUT ON
THE STEPPING STONES.

HE SEEMED TO BE WAITING
FOR SOMETHING.

AND HE LOOKED STRAIGHT
AT ME FOR A MOMENT.

AND THEN HE JUST LET HIMSELF
FALL INTO THE WATER.

-DID HE STRUGGLE OR CRY OUT?

-NO, HE WAS CARRIED AWAY
IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

-SO, IN EFFECT, YOU WERE THE
LAST PERSON TO SEE HIM ALIVE.

MISS BOXER?

-I THOUGHT I SAW HIM AGAIN
AT THE TUESDAY MARKET.

IT WAS ONLY FOR A SECOND, AND
I--I COULDN'T BE SURE.

BUT IT ISN'T A FACE THAT
I'D QUICKLY FORGET.

-MISS BOXER, I WANT YOU TO THINK
VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT

WHAT YOU'RE TELLING US.

-I THOUGHT I SAW HIM, BUT
I COULDN'T SWEAR TO IT.

-MISS BOXER, THIS IS
A CORONER'S COURT.

YOU ARE SWEARING TO IT.

-IN THAT CASE, I WOULD
HAVE TO SAY THAT I

WAS PROBABLY MISTAKEN.

-THANK YOU.

-YOU CAN FORGET IT NOW.

IT'S OVER.

-ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THE
SUICIDE VERDICT, MISS BOXER?

THANK YOU.

-WELL, HE MIGHT HAVE WAITED
FOR AN ANSWER.

-HE'S A JOURNALIST.

HE CAN MAKE UP HIS OWN--

-YOU POOR THING.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

-OH, I'M FINE.

-YOU MUSTN'T TAKE ANY OF THAT
AWFUL SUMMING UP PERSONALLY.

-YEAH, ANYONE CAN HAVE A WILD
AND IRRATIONAL FLIGHT OF

FANTASY AT ANY TIME.

I KNOW I CAN.

-THANK YOU.

-I, UH--

I WONDERED IF YOU HAD A CHANCE
TO MENTION YOU-KNOW-WHAT TO

YOU-KNOW-WHO?

-WHAT?

-ABOUT POSING.

-NO, I DIDN'T SEE THE
ACTUAL EVENT.

-NO, I DON'T THINK
SHE'S INTERESTED.

-OH.

-YEAH, I'M SORRY, MARTIN.

BUT IF WARWICK JARDINE HADN'T
PUT ME ON THE SPOT, I WOULDN'T

EVEN HAVE MENTIONED IT.

-YOU COULD SEE WHAT I'M GETTING
AT, THOUGH, CAN'T YOU?

THE LAST THING I WANT IS SUZANNE
AND THE KIDS BEING

SPOOKED WHEN I'M NOT HERE.

-I'M NOT SAYING THAT THEY'RE
GOING TO MEET THEIR DEAD UNCLE

JIM ON THE DOORSTEP
IN THE MOONLIGHT.

-I SAW HIM DEAD.

YOU SAW HIM DIE.

WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING,
ROSEMARY?

SOME KIND OF FUNNY BUSINESS?

-SHE WAS UNDER OATH, MARTIN.

SHE HAD TO SAY WHAT SHE
BELIEVED SHE SAW.

-I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

DO THIS, AND YOU'LL
BE DOING ME A BIG

FAVOR AT THE SAME TIME.

GO TO JIM'S COTTAGE.

SORT OUT HIS BLOODY
ANIMALS FOR ME.

YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO SNOOP,
SNEAK, AND CRAWL ALL

OVER THAT PLACE.

AND IF YOU FIND ANYTHING THAT
SMACKS OF DODGY BUSINESS, TELL

CONSTABLE STUART.

TELL THE WORLD.

BUT MOST OF ALL, TELL ME.

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE
THE FIRST TO KNOW.

-SHH.

-AS IF THIS ISN'T EMBARRASSING
ENOUGH.

-I--

I'M SERIOUS.

JIM WAS MY COUSIN, BUT WE
GREW UP LIKE BROTHERS.

HE WAS THE BEST FRIEND
A BOY COULD ASK FOR.

IT BROKE MY HEART TO SEE HOW
HE WENT AS HE GOT OLDER.

HOW DO YOU THINK IT FELT TO
WATCH HIM TURN INTO THE

VILLAGE NUTTER?

-MARTIN.

-WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE WAS.

THAT WAS NOT THE JIM
THAT I KNEW.

THE JIM THAT I KNEW WAS HERE.

THE MAN THAT YOU SAW WAS
A STRANGER TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT PUSHED
HIM OVER THE EDGE.

BUT IT ONLY PUT HIM
IN A KINDER PLACE.

-PERHAPS WE SHOULD DISCUSS THIS
AGAIN WHEN WE'RE ALL A

LITTLE BIT LESS WORKED UP.

(SHOCKED) ROSEMARY.

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): I
DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

ROSEMARY (OFFSCREEN): WELL,
YOU CAN'T EXPECT MARTIN TO

MOVE CHICKENS AND A GOAT
IN THE FAMILY PEUGEOT.

-YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.

-CONSTABLE STUART SAID THAT IF
JIM FRAZER HADN'T TOPPED

HIMSELF, SOMEBODY AROUND HERE
WOULD HAVE MURDERED HIM.

WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY HAS?

-HE STILL WOULDN'T BE ALIVE, AND
WALKING AROUND THE MARKET.

-UNLESS THE JIM WE SAW IN THE
GARDEN WASN'T MARTIN'S COUSIN,

BUT SOMEONE PRETENDING
TO BE HIM.

-WHY?

-BECAUSE THE REAL COUSIN
JIM'S ALREADY

DEAD, AND IN THE RIVER.

-WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCE
WITH GOATS?

-NONE.

-CHICKENS?

-ONLY IN SOUP OR
SANDWICH FORM.

-GWYNNE SAID SHE'S BEEN POPPING
AROUND TO FEED THEM.

POOR THINGS.

LOST YOUR DADDY?

WHAT?

GO ON.

NO ONE'S GOING TO
JUMP OUT AT YOU.

-I WOULDN'T BE SO SURE.

-(WHISPERED DISAPPROVINGLY)
ROSEMARY.

(NORMAL VOLUME) WHY WOULD ANYONE
MURDER JIM, AND THEN

PRETEND TO BE HIM JUST TO CHUCK
HIMSELF IN THE RIVER?

-SO EVERYONE WOULD ASSUME IT WAS
SUICIDE WHEN JIM'S ACTUAL

BODY TURNED UP DOWNSTREAM.

-BEARING THE MARKS OF
A MURDER VICTIM?

-NO, NOT NECESSARILY.

YOU'D HAVE A HARD TIME SORTING
OUT THE INJURIES AFTER THE

RIVER BED PINBALL.

-WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY AND
FIND SOME PICTURE ID?

SURELY THAT WOULD SETTLE THE
QUESTION ONCE AND FOR ALL.

-HELP ME LOOK.

-NO, I SHALL BE ESTABLISHING
A RAPPORT WITH A GOAT.

-WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

-IF YOU NEVER TRAVEL, YOU
DON'T NEED A PASSPORT.

AND IF HE DIDN'T HAVE A CAR--

-NOT ONE PICTURE
OF HIM, THOUGH.

NOT ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.

-PEOPLE KEEP PICTURES
OF OTHER PEOPLE.

THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE SIGNIFICANT.

-UNLESS THAT MEANS THAT SOMEBODY
WENT THROUGH THE

PLACE BEFORE US.

I'D CALL THAT SIGNIFICANT.

-YOU HEARD MARTIN.

HIS LANDLORD'S KEY WAS
THE ONLY SPARE.

-STRANGE.

EVEN MARTIN DIDN'T
HAVE A PICTURE.

AND SPEAKING OF MARTIN, HE SEEMS
TO BE THE ONLY PERSON

AROUND HERE WHO DOESN'T
GET A MENTION IN JIM'S

LETTERS TO THE PRESS.

I WONDER IF THEY'RE ALL HERE.

-WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?

-CARBON COPIES.

-(APPALLED) YOU-- YOU NEVER TOOK
THEM FROM THE COTTAGE.

-WELL, I'M ONLY DOING WHAT
MARTIN TOLD ME TO.

[EXASPERATED SNORT]

-OH, LISTEN TO THIS ONE.

"SHE HAS ACCESS TO ALL THOSE
DRUGS AT THE HOSPITAL.

BUT SOMEONE OUGHT TO ASK HER
WHAT SHE'S HOARDING IN THAT

BRIDGE."

-WHO?

-KATIE STEVENS, THE
ANESTHETIST.

DRUGS!

MAYBE JIM SAW SOMETHING
THERE THAT COULD

HAVE GOT HIM KILLED.

-KATIE.

-MMM.

ONE OF US HAS A PERFECT EXCUSE
TO KNOW WHO'S AROUND THE

STEVENS' HOUSE.

-WHO WOULD THAT BE?

-I'M NOT THE ONE HER HUSBAND
WANTS TO PAINT.

-YOU SEE?

-NOTHING MUCH GOT PAST
HIM, DID IT?

"SHE'S GROWING UP A TERRIBLE
FLIRT, BUT THEN LOOK AT WHO

HER FATHER WAS."

-WHICH ONE'S THAT?

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): THE ONE
ABOUT GWYNNE'S DAUGHTER.

ROSEMARY (OFFSCREEN): FERN?

LAURA (OFFSCREEN): MM.

ROSEMARY (OFFSCREEN):
NOW, JUST REMEMBER.

IF YOU SEE HIM START MIXING
ROSE MADDER--

[LAUGHING]

IS THAT THE FACE YOU'RE
GOING TO POSE WITH?

-I DON'T CARE HOW
CHARMING HE IS.

THE KIT STAYS ON.

[DISTANT VOICES]

-HELLO?

[GROWLING]

[LAURA YELLS]

[SCREAMING]

[CLICK OF CAMERA]

-OH.

HI, HER.

-HELLO, MRS. THYME.

-BE WITH YOU IN ABOUT
10 MINUTES.

YOU WANT TO FIND THE KITCHEN?

GRAB A COFFEE?

THRUD THE BARBARIAN.

REPRINTING THE WHOLE SERIES
WITH NEW COVERS.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ALL WRITTEN
BY PSYCHIATRISTS.

-I'LL, UH, LEAVE YOU
TO IT, THEN.

-(TEASING) FULL MONTY.

-DAH.

HEY, IF MY SERGEANT SAW THAT.

-ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.

SETTLE DOWN.

COME ON.

WORK TO DO.

-MILK?

-FEELING PEAKY?

THAT COULD SOLVE ALL
YOUR PROBLEMS.

-AH.

-IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN'S
LITTLE AILMENTS.

I MAKE IT UP MYSELF.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOMEOPATHY
WORKS?

-YOU TAKE A HEAVILY DILUTED FORM
OF SOMETHING THAT WOULD

CAUSE THE SAME SYMPTOMS
AS THE DISEASE.

-AH, YOU'VE DONE STUDY.

-JUST WHAT I'VE READ
IN MAGAZINES.

-OF COURSE, WHEN THEY SET THE
DILUTION LEVELS, THEY FAILED

TO REALIZE YOU NEED TO DRINK
8,000 GALLONS OF THIS STUFF TO

GET ONE MOLECULE OF
THE ADDITIVE.

SO THEN THEY CAME UP WITH
THE MEMORY OF WATER.

-I WAS NEVER THAT
GOOD AT SCIENCE.

-YOU SEE IT DOESN'T MATTER IF
THE ADDITIVE'S LONG VANISHED.

THE WATER REMEMBERS IT.

NOW, WHEN I MAKE UP MEDICINE FOR
THE CHILDREN, I JUST TAKE

THAT ONE STAGE FURTHER.

I SIMPLY SHOW THE ADDITIVE
TO THE WATER.

AND THE WATER IMAGINES IT.

-YOU DON'T BELIEVE ANY
OF THIS, DO YOU?

-I DO BELIEVE IN THE
PLACEBO EFFECT.

THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.

AND I DON'T THINK PLAIN WATER
EVER DID ANYONE MUCH HARM.

-UNLESS YOUR NAME
IS JIM FRAZER.

COULD THE POWER OF SUGGESTION
MAKE SOMEONE KILL HIMSELF?

-I DOUBT IT.

UNLESS THE PERSON'S WEAK AND
VULNERABLE, AND DEEP IN HIS

HEART REALLY NEEDED TO DIE.

-CHRIS IS READY FOR YOU NOW.

-BYE, FERN.

DON'T FORGET YOUR COFFEE.

-OH, THANKS.

-OK, JUST WRAP IT
AROUND YOURSELF.

FLING IT ACROSS.

LIKE THIS.

-OOH, VERY SCARLET PIMPERNEL.

WHAT'S THE BOOK CALLED?

-"THE KING'S

LAST MISTRESS." -OH.

SOUNDS RACY.

HAVE YOU READ IT?

-MMM.

NOW, CAN YOU LOOK SURPRISED?

REALLY SURPRISED?

-WELL, I'M NOT USED TO THIS.

-YOU HERE TO WORK, OR
JUST WASTE MY TIME?

-I BEG YOUR PARDON.

-GOOD.

EXCELLENT.

MORE OF THAT.

COME ON, YOU TROLLUP.

LET'S WORK.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

MORE LIKE THAT, OR I'LL
THROW YOU OUT OF HERE.

[OUTRAGED GASP]

-SHOCK!

HORROR!

SHOCK!

HORROR!

-MR.TEED!

MR. TEED.

-I LOVE IT WHEN WOMEN
CHASE AFTER ME.

TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU.

-I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE
RUNNING A PICTURE OF JIM

FRAZER ALONGSIDE THE
INQUEST REPORT.

-OF COURSE.

-AW.

HE'S BARELY 10 YEARS
OLD IN THIS.

IS THERE NOTHING A
BIT MORE RECENT?

-ALAS, THAT'S ALL MARTIN
COULD GIVE ME.

-IS THERE NOTHING ON FILE?

-MISS BOXER.

THIS NEWSPAPER STAYS AFLOAT
ON ONE SIMPLE PRINCIPLE.

WHENEVER THERE'S AN EVENT IN ONE
OF THE VILLAGES, I TURN UP

AND PHOTOGRAPH THE CROWD.

IF THOSE PEOPLE BUY THE
NEWSPAPER, I BREAK EVEN.

IF SOME OF THEM BUY A COPY OF
THE PICTURE, I'M IN PROFIT.

JAMES FRAZER, I'M SORRY TO SAY,
WAS NEVER A WELCOME FACE

IN ANY CROWD.

-HE SENT YOU A LOT OF
LETTERS, THOUGH.

-BIG PART OF HIS PROBLEM.

-DID YOU PRINT ANY OF THEM?

-I LIKE MY HOUSE TOO MUCH.

-THEY DIDN'T LOOK PRETTY
CONTENTIOUS.

-WELL, YOU COULDN'T SAY.

I GOT TO THE POINT I DROPPED
THEM IN THE SHREDDER WITHOUT

READING THEM.

-SO YOU WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW IF
ANY OF THE GOSSIP CONCERNED

HIS COUSIN, MARTIN?

-HA HA HA.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT TO
UNDERSTAND SOMETHING ABOUT THE

SETUP IN LYVEDON.

EVERYBODY IN THIS ENTIRE VALLEY
DEPENDS ON MARTIN

FRAZER AND HIS FAMILY'S ESTATE
IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER.

THEY RENT FROM HIM,
SELL TO HIM.

THEY WORK IN TRADES WOULD HAVE
VANISHED WITHOUT HIM.

HE KEEPS THE SCHOOL
OPEN, THE--

THE DEVELOPERS OUT.

-SO WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME IS
EVEN IF THERE WAS ANY SCANDAL,

YOU'D ONLY LOSE READERS
IF YOU PRINTED IT.

-WHAT I'M TELLING YOU IS
YOU'D GO A LONG WAY TO

FIND A BETTER MAN.

I DON'T SUPPOSE I COULD, UM,
PUT YOU DOWN TO, UH, BUY A

PICTURE, HMM?

THIS WEEK'S PAGE THREE.

-YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.

-WELL, SAY IT A BIT LOUDER
SO THE MRS. CAN HEAR.

-I MEAN IT.

YOU COULD BE IN GALLERIES.

YOU COULD BE STINKING RICH.

-I AM STINKING RICH.

HAVE THE OVERDRAFT
TO PROVE IT.

-I'VE READ SOME OF THESE.

-WELL DONE.

-DO YOU OFTEN USE PEOPLE
FROM THE VILLAGE?

-ALWAYS.

I LIKE TO USE REAL FACES.

I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT EVERYONE
THROUGH HERE.

-INCLUDING JIM FRAZER.

-THERE IS A LIMIT.

-WHAT YOU MEAN?

-WELL, ALL DUE DEFERENCE TO
MARTIN, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE

THAT COUSIN OF HIS ANYWHERE
NEAR MY HOUSE.

-WHY NOT?

-HE TRIED TO MAKE TROUBLE
FOR ME AND MINE.

GOD REST HIS SOUL.

I SHALL SAY NO MORE.

-UM, WHO WAS THE MODEL
FOR THAT ONE?

-I CAN'T RECALL.

-OH.

THANK YOU.

-YES, MARTIN.

YES, SHE JUST LEFT WITHIN
THE LAST MINUTE.

NOW, THE THING IS,
I TOLD HER THE

LETTERS HAD BEEN DESTROYED.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?

DO YOU KNOW IF JIM KEPT COPIES
OF WHAT HE WROTE?

THIS SOUNDS TO ME LIKE--

LIKE SHE'S HAD HER
HANDS ON THEM.

OK.

NO PROBLEM.

I'M DOING IT NOW.

[WHIR OF SHREDDER]