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1
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Kids, back when we were younger,
2
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,500
your uncle Marshall and I
were really into college basketball.
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,601
Every year, March Madness would
take over the entire apartment.
4
00:00:08,701 --> 00:00:11,601
- Hey. What's with the blackboard?
- It's our NCAA bracket.
5
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:14,101
Big board equals big luck!
6
00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:17,701
Hey, that looks familiar.
Where did you get it?
7
00:00:20,002 --> 00:00:20,702
Hello.
8
00:00:20,902 --> 00:00:22,402
I'm looking for my wife, Ms. Aldrin.
9
00:00:22,702 --> 00:00:24,602
There's no school today.
It's Saturday.
10
00:00:25,502 --> 00:00:27,402
Of course. How could I forget?
11
00:00:27,602 --> 00:00:28,602
Dumb ass.
12
00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:40,403
- Big board!
- Big luck!
13
00:00:40,903 --> 00:00:42,604
We found it.
No big deal.
14
00:00:43,004 --> 00:00:45,404
Anyway, every year,
Ted and I go in together on this
15
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,304
big money pool out in Staten Island.
16
00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:50,404
The winner gets
$100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
17
00:00:50,504 --> 00:00:53,204
And you get to keep the duffel bag.
18
00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:57,105
Why do you guys put yourselves
through this? You lose every year.
19
00:00:57,205 --> 00:00:59,005
That's because in the past,
we were just guessing.
20
00:00:59,105 --> 00:01:00,805
This year, we watched every game,
21
00:01:00,905 --> 00:01:02,705
read box scores, tracked injuries.
22
00:01:02,805 --> 00:01:04,305
This isn't March Madness.
23
00:01:04,405 --> 00:01:07,306
This is March
Meticulously Thought-outness.
24
00:01:07,506 --> 00:01:09,106
Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
25
00:01:11,706 --> 00:01:14,206
I didn't know
they were playing today.
26
00:01:15,906 --> 00:01:16,906
You okay, Barney?
27
00:01:17,406 --> 00:01:19,207
Something strange is going on.
28
00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:22,607
I was down at the hardware store trying
to get a little somethin' somethin'.
29
00:01:22,907 --> 00:01:25,607
Wait. You go to the hardware store
to pick up girls?
30
00:01:26,507 --> 00:01:29,007
There are four kinds of women who go
to the hardware store by themselves.
31
00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:30,207
Of course there are.
32
00:01:30,608 --> 00:01:34,108
Single, recently single,
recently divorced,
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00:01:34,208 --> 00:01:35,908
lesbian who will let me watch.
34
00:01:36,108 --> 00:01:37,708
You could not be more evil.
35
00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:40,508
Sorry. Five.
Recently widowed.
36
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:43,509
So, I'm talking to this girl...
37
00:01:44,109 --> 00:01:46,409
Look, I'm sure he's in a better place.
38
00:01:46,909 --> 00:01:49,309
Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
39
00:01:51,409 --> 00:01:53,409
I was only gone for a second when...
40
00:01:53,909 --> 00:01:55,610
See? Skid-proof.
41
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:01,310
The same thing happened
at the pet store yesterday.
42
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:02,410
Pet store?
43
00:02:02,610 --> 00:02:05,610
Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for
a canine replacement for the boyfriend
44
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,911
who just dumped her.
Instead, finds Barney.
45
00:02:08,511 --> 00:02:10,911
God bless you, Ted.
You're reading my blog.
46
00:02:12,811 --> 00:02:14,211
I'm really bored at work.
47
00:02:15,211 --> 00:02:18,812
I'd call your ex a dog, but that would
be an insult to little Ladybug here.
48
00:02:19,012 --> 00:02:20,712
I want to take her home right now.
49
00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:24,412
Not without a chew toy
from Uncle Barney first.
50
00:02:27,412 --> 00:02:28,812
And when I got back...
51
00:02:28,912 --> 00:02:32,713
I'm sorry, I'm already spoiling her,
but, Diamond in the ruff?
52
00:02:32,813 --> 00:02:34,113
Could your heart just melt?
53
00:02:34,313 --> 00:02:35,113
Jerk!
54
00:02:37,713 --> 00:02:38,513
Weird, right?
55
00:02:39,013 --> 00:02:42,113
The same thing happened
last week at the museum.
56
00:02:43,114 --> 00:02:43,814
Lily.
57
00:02:44,014 --> 00:02:47,014
You pretend to be a struggling
young artist who needs a new muse.
58
00:02:47,214 --> 00:02:48,714
No. Marsh.
59
00:02:48,814 --> 00:02:51,314
You're a millionaire art thief
casing the joint for a thrill
60
00:02:51,414 --> 00:02:52,914
money can no longer give you!
61
00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:53,914
Oh. No. Robin.
62
00:02:54,114 --> 00:02:57,315
You're going blind, and you're trying
to soak up all the beauty in the world
63
00:02:57,415 --> 00:02:58,715
before the darkness descends.
64
00:02:58,915 --> 00:02:59,615
Bingo!
65
00:03:00,515 --> 00:03:01,915
So, I was talking to this girl.
66
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,615
At this point, about 83%.
67
00:03:05,915 --> 00:03:08,516
Soon, these audio guides
will be all that I have left.
68
00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:10,716
I'm so sorry.
69
00:03:13,116 --> 00:03:15,316
My God, you are beautiful.
70
00:03:17,216 --> 00:03:21,317
How about I get you a headset so
you can see with your ears like I do?
71
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,818
I couldn't have been gone more than
20 seconds, but when I came back...
72
00:03:32,418 --> 00:03:34,418
I also love the smell of great art.
73
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,518
Why does this keep happening?
74
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:42,419
Maybe you're not as good a liar
as you think you are.
75
00:03:42,519 --> 00:03:45,919
Oh, really? Then why am I not
in prison for perjury?
76
00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:47,419
But I don't want to talk about work.
77
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:51,319
Something weird is going on here.
78
00:03:51,919 --> 00:03:54,020
But the next night
got even weirder.
79
00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,620
Alan Alda.
It was Alan Alda.
80
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,620
You never gonna believe
what just happened.
81
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,220
Who was that, um,
guy from Mash?
82
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,621
The main guy. What...?
83
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,621
Hawkeye from Mash.
How can I be blanking on this?
84
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:09,921
Alan Alda?
85
00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:11,321
No.
86
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,221
Hey, a word of advice?
87
00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,622
That guy you were talking to,
Barney Stinson...
88
00:04:19,722 --> 00:04:21,022
I know he seems charming,
89
00:04:21,122 --> 00:04:23,322
but he's just saying whatever
it takes to get in your pants.
90
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:26,422
Sleeping with Barney was
the biggest mistake of my life.
91
00:04:30,023 --> 00:04:31,823
Oh, my God.
Where is she?
92
00:04:34,123 --> 00:04:35,323
She must have left.
93
00:04:35,823 --> 00:04:37,923
Well, she-she said
I hooked up with her?
94
00:04:38,023 --> 00:04:39,223
What was her name?
What did she look like?
95
00:04:39,323 --> 00:04:43,124
She didn't say her name,
but she had blonde hair, boobs.
96
00:04:43,224 --> 00:04:43,924
Kind of trashy.
97
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:47,324
Dead in the eyes with an aura of
self-loathing and despair?
98
00:04:47,424 --> 00:04:48,824
That's all of them.
99
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:50,824
Okay. Stay calm.
100
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,724
Let's think this through.
101
00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:57,625
One of the girls who I lied to, seduced
and abandoned is trying to ruin my life.
102
00:04:57,825 --> 00:05:00,425
Shouldn't be too hard
to figure out which one it is.
103
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:11,326
Oh, dear God!
104
00:05:12,726 --> 00:05:16,426
How I Met Your Mother 3x14
- The Bracket -
105
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,927
This is a nightmare.
106
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:31,228
Some woman that I slept with and
screwed over is trying to ruin my life.
107
00:05:31,328 --> 00:05:32,828
God, why is this happening to me?
108
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:33,828
It's Karma.
109
00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:35,628
Nah, it's not Karma.
110
00:05:35,928 --> 00:05:39,128
She's strippg in Vegas.
Plus, we're good.
111
00:05:40,128 --> 00:05:42,229
Look, if you want to figure out
who it is, why don't you just
112
00:05:42,329 --> 00:05:43,429
start by checking your list?
113
00:05:43,929 --> 00:05:44,829
My list?
114
00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:47,929
Dude, do not pretend
you're not the kind of guy
115
00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:50,029
who keeps a list of all the girls
he's slept with.
116
00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:51,629
I have one.
117
00:05:51,729 --> 00:05:54,630
It's called my marriage license.
118
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,730
Come on, let's see the list.
119
00:05:57,130 --> 00:05:58,630
Ted, don't be crass.
120
00:05:59,330 --> 00:06:01,430
I would never demean
the women that I've slept with
121
00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:04,430
by putting their names
on some tawdry list.
122
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:06,931
This is a scrapbook of all of
the women I've slept with.
123
00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:11,431
I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th.
Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you.
124
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,431
What do you think, Lil?
125
00:06:14,531 --> 00:06:16,131
You recognize the saboteur?
126
00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,832
I don't know, Barney.
I only saw her face.
127
00:06:19,932 --> 00:06:21,832
How many of these girls know
they're being photographed?
128
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,632
All of them, but only about half
buy a copy on the way out.
129
00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:29,933
Barney, you're never gonna figure out
which one of these is the mystery woman.
130
00:06:30,033 --> 00:06:31,933
All of these women
have a right to hate you.
131
00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:34,333
Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up.
I mean, any girl
132
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:38,133
who's gonna be with a guy
like Barney and do this or
133
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:42,434
that, or this and that,
or do this with those in that...
134
00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:44,734
I mean, she should have known
what she was getting into.
135
00:06:44,834 --> 00:06:46,434
Absolutely.
136
00:06:46,634 --> 00:06:50,934
And what I do with these women
should be between me and them.
137
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:53,034
And you guys.
138
00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:56,535
And Heloise.
She helped me do the decoupage.
139
00:06:56,935 --> 00:06:59,235
I don't know, Barney.
I don't recognize any of these women.
140
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:03,235
I mean, some minor celebrities,
one government official,
141
00:07:03,535 --> 00:07:06,736
and what appears to be
a national fast food chain mascot.
142
00:07:08,536 --> 00:07:10,336
This is impossible.
143
00:07:10,436 --> 00:07:11,936
There's too many girls.
144
00:07:12,036 --> 00:07:13,536
How the hell am I gonna
narrow this down?
145
00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:17,136
The top 64 women I've slept with,
split into four regions.
146
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,637
This tournament will
systematically narrow down
147
00:07:19,737 --> 00:07:21,837
which girl has the most cause
to hate my guts.
148
00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,837
Last girl standing
has to be the saboteur.
149
00:07:24,137 --> 00:07:27,137
Absolutely not, Barney.
We are not going to make a game out
150
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:29,338
of the women you've tricked
into sleeping with you.
151
00:07:33,938 --> 00:07:34,838
No way!
152
00:07:35,638 --> 00:07:37,538
The girl who thought
he had 12 hours to live
153
00:07:37,638 --> 00:07:39,338
has way more cause to ruin his life
154
00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:40,738
than the girl he fake proposed to.
155
00:07:40,838 --> 00:07:42,839
It's fake proposal girl.
156
00:07:42,939 --> 00:07:44,939
I mean, she hired a wedding planner!
157
00:07:45,039 --> 00:07:47,339
It's 12 hours to live!
That girl flew them both to Paris!
158
00:07:47,439 --> 00:07:49,239
Oh, she only bought him
a one-way ticket!
159
00:07:50,239 --> 00:07:52,539
Okay, okay, everybody!
Hands.
160
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,240
12 hours to live!
161
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,440
Damn it!
162
00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:58,240
Okay, toss up.
163
00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:01,640
"Thought I was Jorge Posada,"
or "You have my dead wife's kidney?"
164
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,640
- Kidney!
- Jorge Posada!
165
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,141
She bought Yankees season tickets
to watch him play!
166
00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:07,941
- That's true...
- It's "Dead wife's kidney."
167
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:09,941
How are we even discussing this?
168
00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:14,941
- Fake baby!
- Lost at sea!
169
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,342
I was there.
Trust me.
170
00:08:17,942 --> 00:08:19,242
It's fake baby.
171
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,442
Down to the sweet 16.
172
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:24,042
And coming out
of the Upper West Side,
173
00:08:24,142 --> 00:08:27,242
we have the number three seed,
"Girl who thought I owned Google,"
174
00:08:27,342 --> 00:08:31,143
up against the number seven seed, "Girl
who thought I was a scuba instructor."
175
00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:33,743
- You got to go scuba instructor.
- You're kidding me!
176
00:08:33,843 --> 00:08:36,343
- She got the bends!
- Yeah, she did.
177
00:08:37,543 --> 00:08:40,343
Boo.
178
00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:42,844
- Evil twin!
- Prince of Norway!
179
00:08:42,944 --> 00:08:46,444
- How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
- Barney, you're the tiebreaker.
180
00:08:47,344 --> 00:08:49,544
- I'm going with Evil Twin.
- You're kidding me!
181
00:08:49,744 --> 00:08:54,745
Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl
twice. As Barney and Larney.
182
00:09:00,445 --> 00:09:03,245
Okay, we're down to the Final Four.
183
00:09:03,345 --> 00:09:05,646
What do you think, people?
Come on, dig deep.
184
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,046
Oh! I can't decide.
It could be any one of them.
185
00:09:09,746 --> 00:09:12,446
Is that the blackboard
from my classroom?
186
00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:14,246
Come on! Marshall?
187
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:17,247
I'm tired and sad.
188
00:09:18,047 --> 00:09:18,747
Mosby?
189
00:09:19,947 --> 00:09:21,747
I want to call my mom,
190
00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:23,447
just tell her I love her.
191
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:28,747
Then this is as far as we get.
192
00:09:29,048 --> 00:09:30,348
The Final Four.
193
00:09:30,748 --> 00:09:33,748
It's got to be Meg, Anna,
194
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,448
Kate or Holly.
195
00:09:36,548 --> 00:09:38,348
We are gonna track these girls down,
196
00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:40,849
and you're going to tell me which one
approached you at the bar.
197
00:09:40,949 --> 00:09:43,149
You guys stole my blackboard!
198
00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:51,549
Okay, there's her building.
199
00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:53,650
When she comes out,
I'm gonna hide,
200
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,150
and once you figure out if she's
the girl from the bar, we run like hell.
201
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:58,150
- No.
- What do you mean, no?
202
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,250
That woman, like every woman
in your Final Four,
203
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,850
deserves an apology, and I'm not
telling you if she's the one
204
00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:05,651
until I hear you say, "I'm sorry."
205
00:10:06,051 --> 00:10:07,351
Are you nuts?
206
00:10:07,451 --> 00:10:10,351
That would involve me speaking to
a woman I've already had sex with,
207
00:10:10,451 --> 00:10:13,851
which, frankly, is a little bit like
changing the oil in a rental car.
208
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:15,751
Barney, you're doing this.
209
00:10:15,951 --> 00:10:17,852
Lily, this girl hates me.
210
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:20,652
I hooked up with her in an apartment
I was pretending was my own,
211
00:10:20,852 --> 00:10:23,352
told her I loved her,
and then ditched her there.
212
00:10:23,452 --> 00:10:27,352
She got arrested for trespassing,
bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail.
213
00:10:28,352 --> 00:10:31,653
Oh, crap, there she is!
If she sees me, she's gonna kill me!
214
00:10:31,853 --> 00:10:34,453
Here's what we're gonna do.
Hey, Meg! Over here!
215
00:10:34,653 --> 00:10:37,953
Look who it is!
Your old friend Barney!
216
00:10:41,354 --> 00:10:42,154
Barney?
217
00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:45,254
If she kills me,
I want you to go into my apartment,
218
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:48,354
grab the metal briefcase under my bed
and throw it in the East River.
219
00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:49,954
What are you doing here?
220
00:10:50,054 --> 00:10:52,354
Look, Meg, we need to talk.
221
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,355
It was all my fault.
222
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,655
I know it was, baby.
223
00:10:57,955 --> 00:10:59,655
I just came on too strong.
224
00:11:00,555 --> 00:11:01,955
And I forgive you.
225
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:03,655
I love you.
226
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:07,556
Oh, my God!
I love you, too!
227
00:11:07,656 --> 00:11:13,156
No! What's the matter with you?
Get off of him!
228
00:11:13,556 --> 00:11:16,857
Look, she's not the one,
but you still owe her an apol...
229
00:11:24,757 --> 00:11:26,557
So you remember who
this one is, right?
230
00:11:26,757 --> 00:11:29,158
Yes. You told her you were Ted
and that you were an architect.
231
00:11:29,258 --> 00:11:32,658
Right, and if you recall, her computer
had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I...
232
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,658
Yeah, I know, Barney,
you showed me.
233
00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:37,058
And that still doesn't count
as a Christmas present.
234
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,658
Go over there
and apologize.
235
00:11:40,859 --> 00:11:42,559
Ah, there she is.
236
00:11:42,659 --> 00:11:45,559
Ooh, and she's holding hot coffee.
Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
237
00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:48,959
- You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
- I'm making a scrapbook.
238
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,360
Anna, hi.
239
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,360
Look who it is,
Mr. Big Shot Architect.
240
00:11:57,860 --> 00:12:00,660
If you're here to ask me
to take down the Web site, forget it.
241
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,560
- What Web site?
- Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
242
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:07,761
You're right, I do deserve that.
243
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,961
That's all I came here to say.
244
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:12,561
You know what?
245
00:12:13,261 --> 00:12:16,362
I don't care who knows about it.
Excuse me.
246
00:12:16,562 --> 00:12:19,662
Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby,
247
00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:21,962
am a jerk to women.
248
00:12:22,462 --> 00:12:27,062
Tell your sisters.
Tell your daughters to stay away!
249
00:12:28,263 --> 00:12:30,963
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
250
00:12:32,163 --> 00:12:37,763
And that little Web site went on
to get 400,000 hits. Thanks, Barney.
251
00:12:42,764 --> 00:12:44,664
Which one is this again?
252
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:47,664
Larney! Die!
253
00:12:48,864 --> 00:12:50,464
- Is it her?
- Die!
254
00:12:50,764 --> 00:12:51,564
Smile.
255
00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:56,565
You look good.
Have you lost weight?
256
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,565
We're down to the number one seed.
257
00:13:03,865 --> 00:13:06,366
I knew it was Holly.
It had to be Holly.
258
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,966
Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
259
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,967
Barney, did you hear that?
Somebody's stealing my truck.
260
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,367
Barney?
261
00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:26,367
Barney!
262
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,868
That is the worst thing
you've ever done.
263
00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:37,268
That's the worst thing
anyone has ever done.
264
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:41,469
But in my defense,
she was kind of annoying.
265
00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:44,769
She's gonna kill you.
266
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,569
- Barney.
- Holly.
267
00:13:49,869 --> 00:13:51,169
Mark, come over here.
268
00:13:53,470 --> 00:13:56,370
Barney, this is my fianc�, Mark.
269
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:57,470
Barney?
270
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,670
You're the Barney
who ditched her in the woods?
271
00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:06,571
So you're not mad at Barney?
272
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,671
Don't you want an apology?
273
00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:10,771
An admission of guilt?
274
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:12,371
Your truck back?
275
00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:14,871
No, whatever happened was in the past.
276
00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:17,472
And Mark is my present and my future.
277
00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:19,872
And if you ditching Holly
in the woods
278
00:14:19,972 --> 00:14:22,272
made her stop running around
with guys like you,
279
00:14:22,872 --> 00:14:24,472
then cheers.
280
00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:28,273
Well then, to the last
Fourth of July weekend
281
00:14:28,373 --> 00:14:30,373
I'll spend getting eaten alive
by mosquitoes.
282
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:33,173
Fourth of July?
283
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,473
We started dating in June.
284
00:14:40,274 --> 00:14:41,674
We ruined their lives.
285
00:14:42,074 --> 00:14:43,274
And the worst part of it
286
00:14:43,474 --> 00:14:46,074
is that you didn't apologize
to any of those women.
287
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:49,174
No, the worst part is that we still
have no idea who my stalker is.
288
00:14:49,374 --> 00:14:51,875
Well, that's because
you're going about this all wrong.
289
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,975
I mean, why chase someone
who's following you?
290
00:14:54,475 --> 00:14:56,675
All you need to do
is go down to the bar,
291
00:14:56,775 --> 00:14:58,975
hit on someone,
and wait until she turns up.
292
00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:01,375
That's not a bad idea.
293
00:15:02,175 --> 00:15:04,076
I'll pretend to be the girl
that you're hitting on.
294
00:15:04,476 --> 00:15:07,776
I don't know. That's a lot riding on
a girl who giggles when she lies.
295
00:15:07,876 --> 00:15:08,776
I do not.
296
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,876
Have you ever fallen asleep
while eating ribs?
297
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:12,376
No.
298
00:15:15,677 --> 00:15:17,377
Look, I can do this, okay?
299
00:15:17,477 --> 00:15:20,677
I mean, how else are you going
to find out who this girl is.
300
00:15:20,977 --> 00:15:22,577
- I'm in.
- Okay,
301
00:15:22,977 --> 00:15:24,677
here's how it's gonna work.
Now Lily,
302
00:15:25,277 --> 00:15:26,677
she knows what you look like,
303
00:15:26,777 --> 00:15:30,478
so just hang out at the jukebox, and
don't draw any attention to yourself.
304
00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:37,178
And the guys will be in the booth,
305
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,179
just pretending to have
a normal conversation.
306
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:44,379
-Talking, we should be talking.
- Words. Here are words.
307
00:15:44,479 --> 00:15:45,879
Why is this so hard?
308
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:48,579
Laughter!
309
00:15:48,879 --> 00:15:52,480
And then I'll come in,
looking hot as all hell.
310
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,480
Wow, you are gorgeous.
311
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,980
- God, I know that's awful. I....
- Shh, go away.
312
00:16:03,781 --> 00:16:04,781
But come back later.
313
00:16:07,781 --> 00:16:10,381
And then Barney will make his move.
314
00:16:10,581 --> 00:16:12,581
Hey, there,
how are you doing?
315
00:16:13,081 --> 00:16:17,282
Fine, Barney.
I mean, um, fine, stranger.
316
00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:20,782
Wow, you really are awful
at this, aren't you?
317
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,782
Get your hand off my thigh, Barney.
318
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,482
It's supposed to look like
we're about to hook up, Robin.
319
00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:28,783
You know I'm curious.
320
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:31,183
What do you say to these girls
to get them to come home with you?
321
00:16:32,383 --> 00:16:35,783
Usually I just lean in and whisper
this one thing in their ear.
322
00:16:45,384 --> 00:16:47,384
You're a little turned on
right now, aren't you?
323
00:16:47,584 --> 00:16:48,684
No.
324
00:16:52,285 --> 00:16:54,385
Look, somebody's watching us.
Make your move to the bathroom.
325
00:16:54,485 --> 00:16:56,585
I'm going to go to the bathroom now,
326
00:16:56,685 --> 00:17:00,685
but, uh, when I come back
we'll go to my place and have sex.
327
00:17:04,886 --> 00:17:07,986
Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl
heading over to Robin right now.
328
00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:09,186
We are go.
329
00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:13,086
I don't know what to do with my hands.
What do I normally do with my hands?
330
00:17:17,987 --> 00:17:21,387
I brought a copy of the bracket.
Which one is she?
331
00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:26,487
I don't recognize her.
She's not on the Top 64.
332
00:17:26,687 --> 00:17:28,288
Not even on bracket.
333
00:17:28,388 --> 00:17:31,488
Wow, Cinderella story comes out
of nowhere to win the whole thing.
334
00:17:31,588 --> 00:17:33,188
That'll warm your heart.
335
00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:34,388
Are you okay?
336
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,288
I don't even recognize her.
337
00:17:41,289 --> 00:17:42,989
I don't remember you.
338
00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:45,889
I've spent the last two days
trying to remember
339
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:48,189
every girl that I've slept with
and all the horrible things
340
00:17:48,289 --> 00:17:49,489
that I have done to them.
341
00:17:49,589 --> 00:17:52,890
And I have done some
horrible things. I mean,
342
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:55,490
at one point, I'm pretty sure
I sold a woman.
343
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:58,790
I didn't speak the language, but,
344
00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:00,290
I shook a guy's hand,
345
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,490
he gave me the keys to a Mercedes,
and I left her there.
346
00:18:04,391 --> 00:18:06,491
I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook
347
00:18:06,591 --> 00:18:08,491
of all of the women
I have slept with,
348
00:18:08,591 --> 00:18:11,191
but I never thought I was the guy
who would sleep with a girl
349
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,891
and not even remember her.
350
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,992
So from the bottom of my heart,
for whatever I did to you,
351
00:18:16,092 --> 00:18:17,592
I apologize.
352
00:18:17,892 --> 00:18:22,892
Oh, Barney!
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
353
00:18:23,292 --> 00:18:24,392
That's not her.
354
00:18:25,092 --> 00:18:26,692
- I'm so sorry.
- What? What?
355
00:18:26,792 --> 00:18:29,093
Barney, I'm sorry,
that's my friend Sally from work.
356
00:18:29,193 --> 00:18:30,493
We just ran into each other.
357
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,893
So I apologized for nothing?
358
00:18:32,993 --> 00:18:35,193
Yes, but it was a great apology.
359
00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:37,793
And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.
360
00:18:37,893 --> 00:18:41,294
I'm going to call this photo
"Barney's Redemption."
361
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,094
Could you stop giving me the finger?
362
00:18:46,194 --> 00:18:50,894
# One shining moment you
reached for the sky #
363
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:55,695
# One shining moment you knew #
364
00:18:55,795 --> 00:19:00,795
# One shining moment you
were willing to try #
365
00:19:00,995 --> 00:19:03,796
# One shining moment #
366
00:19:03,896 --> 00:19:07,296
Eventually, Barney did figure out
who the mysterious girl was.
367
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,196
But more on that later.
368
00:19:19,797 --> 00:19:23,097
Sometimes we search for one thing but
discover another.
369
00:19:23,197 --> 00:19:26,297
Even through I didn't find
370
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:30,098
the mystery girl...
371
00:19:35,198 --> 00:19:38,198
I did find out something
372
00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:41,699
very important about myself...
373
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:44,699
Barney, come back to bed.
374
00:19:44,799 --> 00:19:47,199
You have a shuttle launch tomorrow.
375
00:19:47,499 --> 00:19:50,399
And that asteroid
that's headed for Manhattan,
376
00:19:50,499 --> 00:19:52,600
it's not going to destroy itself.
377
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,300
I'm awesome.
29433
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