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1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:05,400
Kids, sometimes in life you see someone
and you just instantly know
2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,101
this is the person for you.
3
00:00:08,201 --> 00:00:09,401
It can happen anywhere.
4
00:00:09,601 --> 00:00:12,501
Even the waiting room
of a tattoo removal clinic.
5
00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:14,801
And that's what happened
when I met...
6
00:00:15,501 --> 00:00:16,601
...Stella.
7
00:00:21,402 --> 00:00:23,602
Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp.
8
00:00:23,702 --> 00:00:24,802
My bread and butter.
9
00:00:25,502 --> 00:00:28,402
So I'm guessing that the real story
involves a bad breakup and some booze.
10
00:00:28,602 --> 00:00:30,202
Unless it's a gang tattoo,
in which case,
11
00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,202
I think it's time to find a new gang.
12
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:35,103
No, I just thought it would be cool
to get a caterpillar tattoo,
13
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,203
and then a few weeks went by,
and all of a sudden...
14
00:00:38,803 --> 00:00:41,003
Well, I can get rid
of it in ten one-hour sessions,
15
00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:43,403
but, I should warn you,
laser surgery's very painful.
16
00:00:43,903 --> 00:00:46,704
Well, I think you'll find I have
a very high tolerance for pain.
17
00:00:46,804 --> 00:00:49,104
Just last night, I sat through
the worst movie ever made.
18
00:00:49,304 --> 00:00:52,804
- Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space?
- No, the worst movie...
19
00:00:52,904 --> 00:00:54,704
Manos: Hands of Fate.
20
00:00:54,904 --> 00:00:57,704
Uh, I'm a doctor, went to
medical school. It's Plan 9.
21
00:00:57,804 --> 00:00:59,705
If you don't believe me, it's playing
down at the Pamela Theater.
22
00:00:59,805 --> 00:01:01,505
I don't believe you, Doctor.
23
00:01:02,405 --> 00:01:04,005
Well, what are you doing tonight?
24
00:01:08,105 --> 00:01:08,805
Hello.
25
00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:10,505
- Hey, Ted.
- Hey.
26
00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:12,406
Hey, put that away.
Tonight's on me.
27
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,806
- Oh, no, no, don't...
- Come on, I insist.
28
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:16,606
That's so nice. Thank you.
29
00:01:16,906 --> 00:01:19,206
Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted.
He wants to pay.
30
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,106
- Thank you.
- One, two, three, four.
31
00:01:27,907 --> 00:01:29,107
Is something wrong?
32
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,107
No, it's just, um...
33
00:01:31,807 --> 00:01:35,107
I'm just a little embarrassed.
I thought this was a date.
34
00:01:35,407 --> 00:01:38,008
But it's no big deal.
Don't worry about it.
35
00:01:39,408 --> 00:01:40,108
What's wrong?
36
00:01:40,608 --> 00:01:43,508
Ted's embarrassed,
he thought this was a date.
37
00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:45,508
Ted thought this was a date.
38
00:01:45,608 --> 00:01:48,208
Stella, did you know
Ted thought this was a date?
39
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:51,209
What? I'm not allowed to date
a patient. It's an AMA rule.
40
00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:53,709
She's not allowed to date patients.
It's an AMA rule.
41
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,409
She's not allowed to date patients.
It's an AMA rule.
42
00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:58,509
- She's not allowed to date...
- Yeah, I got it.
43
00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,709
We all got it.
Ted's a schmuck.
44
00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:07,710
How I Met Your Mother 3x13
- Ten Sessions -
45
00:02:18,011 --> 00:02:19,811
And you bought all the tickets.
46
00:02:19,911 --> 00:02:22,911
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, you were right.
47
00:02:23,111 --> 00:02:25,911
Worst movie-going experience ever.
48
00:02:26,011 --> 00:02:28,112
Of course, it had nothing to do
with the movie.
49
00:02:28,212 --> 00:02:30,312
I am so sorry that
you thought that was a date.
50
00:02:30,412 --> 00:02:33,512
No, it's fine. I got to hang out
with you on girls' night out.
51
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,712
All right, so if you're not allowed
to date a patient, I'll just...
52
00:02:36,812 --> 00:02:40,112
I'll wait until these ten session are up
and then I'll ask you out then.
53
00:02:40,412 --> 00:02:42,113
Well, then, fair warning:
54
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:43,813
I'm going to say no.
55
00:02:44,513 --> 00:02:46,813
Really? I'm getting
mixed signals from you.
56
00:02:46,913 --> 00:02:49,113
I feel like you've been staring
at my ass for quite some time.
57
00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:52,113
- What, you're married?
- No.
58
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,013
- Boyfriend?
- No.
59
00:02:53,113 --> 00:02:54,114
- Lesbian?
- No.
60
00:02:54,314 --> 00:02:55,914
- Only date black guys?
- No.
61
00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:59,514
And yet you can say
with absolute confidence
62
00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:03,314
that ten weeks from now, if I ask you
out on a date, your answer will be...
63
00:03:03,614 --> 00:03:04,414
No.
64
00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:07,015
No... Hmm.
65
00:03:07,815 --> 00:03:11,315
What could she mean
when she says no?
66
00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:14,415
I don't know, it is totally cryptic.
67
00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:16,315
This is far from over.
68
00:03:16,415 --> 00:03:18,015
We're talking ten weeks from now.
69
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,416
Who knows what she'll want then?
70
00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:21,616
Do you know what you're going to
want for lunch ten weeks from now?
71
00:03:21,816 --> 00:03:24,016
Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail
and a milk shake.
72
00:03:25,216 --> 00:03:26,816
Ted, do you know how long
it takes a woman
73
00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,616
to decide whether or not
she's going to sleep with a guy?
74
00:03:28,716 --> 00:03:30,216
8.3 seconds.
75
00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:33,417
After that, her decision is made.
She will not change her mind.
76
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,417
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?
77
00:03:35,617 --> 00:03:38,017
Describe your first 8.3 seconds
with Stella.
78
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:41,917
Lower back butterfly tattoo,
you're up.
79
00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:48,518
So we got off to a rocky start.
80
00:03:48,618 --> 00:03:50,318
That may be a problem
for some guys,
81
00:03:50,418 --> 00:03:52,318
but I get better over time.
82
00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:54,218
I'm not some Top 40 song...
83
00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:55,818
easily digestible.
84
00:03:55,918 --> 00:03:57,819
I'm complex. I require...
85
00:03:57,919 --> 00:03:59,819
time and multiple listens.
86
00:04:00,219 --> 00:04:01,819
I'm "Stairway to Heaven."
87
00:04:02,019 --> 00:04:05,819
Wow, Roger Daltrey just
rolled over in his grave.
88
00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:09,919
That's not the right guy, is it?
89
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,020
He's not even dead, is he?
90
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,320
I think that's great, Ted.
91
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,220
You can do whatever
you set your mind to.
92
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,620
In fact, you've inspired me.
93
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,720
I'm going to stop biting my nails.
94
00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:25,421
- But, baby, you love biting your nails.
- I know, but I'm doing this for Ted.
95
00:04:28,221 --> 00:04:29,921
God, this is really hard.
96
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,421
Give me ten sessions,
97
00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:34,021
I'm going to turn that "no"
into a "yes."
98
00:04:34,121 --> 00:04:36,122
Really, Ted?
You think so?
99
00:04:36,422 --> 00:04:38,822
Well, tell me, how did the rest
of that session go?
100
00:04:39,522 --> 00:04:41,122
This is going to hurt a little.
101
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,222
Yeah, well, I can handle pain.
102
00:04:43,422 --> 00:04:45,822
This one time
I was playing tennis, and...
103
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:53,723
Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts.
104
00:04:53,823 --> 00:04:55,423
Everyone probably sounds like that.
105
00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:58,423
Doctor, are you all right?
I heard a woman screaming in here.
106
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,924
Here's to nine more great sessions.
107
00:05:15,325 --> 00:05:16,725
And so the weeks went by.
108
00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:18,725
The second session
I told her about
109
00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:21,425
how I spent a summer working
with inner-city kids.
110
00:05:21,925 --> 00:05:24,725
The third session we both spoke
nothing but French.
111
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:29,326
The fourth session I made her laugh
so hard she fell out of her chair.
112
00:05:31,826 --> 00:05:33,826
So by the time the fifth session
came around...
113
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:34,826
Still no.
114
00:05:36,926 --> 00:05:37,726
Still no.
115
00:05:37,926 --> 00:05:40,327
What's up with that?
I mean, I juggled.
116
00:05:40,727 --> 00:05:42,027
You juggled?
117
00:05:42,227 --> 00:05:44,227
I thought you were trying
to impress her.
118
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,427
You do magic.
119
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:47,227
How is juggling any lamer than magic?
120
00:05:47,427 --> 00:05:48,727
Magic's not lame.
121
00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:51,127
- I don't get it. I mean...
- Is this lame?
122
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,128
- Uhh..
- Barney, no, no..
123
00:05:54,328 --> 00:05:56,528
We said no fireballs at the table.
124
00:05:56,728 --> 00:05:58,128
What the hell is wrong with you?
125
00:05:58,328 --> 00:05:59,528
There's alcohol in here.
126
00:05:59,728 --> 00:06:00,428
- Barney...
- I...
127
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:01,828
We've talked about this.
128
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,029
- It's a fire code violation.
- Yeah, but Ted provoked me.
129
00:06:05,229 --> 00:06:07,329
No, you are on a time-out.
Go sit over there.
130
00:06:07,529 --> 00:06:09,429
- But...
- Go!
131
00:06:11,529 --> 00:06:13,729
Anyway... I don't get it.
132
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:15,129
She should be into me by now.
133
00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:16,729
You know, you can do this, Ted.
134
00:06:16,929 --> 00:06:20,330
I said that I would stop biting
my nails, and kablam-ey.
135
00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:22,230
It's just a challenge.
136
00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:23,930
It can't be easy
to woo someone while
137
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:26,130
you're sticking
your naked butt in their face.
138
00:06:26,530 --> 00:06:27,830
Works for baboons.
139
00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:31,731
It's called "presenting."
140
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,031
I got four sessions left.
141
00:06:34,131 --> 00:06:36,131
There's got to be an angle
I'm not seeing.
142
00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:39,531
You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted.
Can't be done.
143
00:06:39,631 --> 00:06:42,831
I don't know, Barney. I mean,
sometimes persistence pays off.
144
00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:44,932
- I said "yes" eventually.
- No, you didn't.
145
00:06:45,032 --> 00:06:46,832
You were like, "No, we can't,
146
00:06:46,932 --> 00:06:48,732
we're friends.
It would mess up the dynamic
147
00:06:48,832 --> 00:06:49,932
- of the group."
- To Ted.
148
00:06:50,032 --> 00:06:51,032
Oh, right.
149
00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:53,632
Wait a second.
Wait a second, I got the angle.
150
00:06:54,232 --> 00:06:55,632
Sir, please don't yell at me,
151
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,933
because when people yell at me,
I have a tendency to start crying.
152
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,033
Please don't do it.
153
00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:02,933
Abby, I've told you before.
154
00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:04,933
When they're rude to you,
hang up the phone.
155
00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:08,433
Go on, you can do this, hang up.
156
00:07:08,734 --> 00:07:09,934
Abby, hang it up.
157
00:07:10,134 --> 00:07:13,134
I am too busy to waste my time...
158
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:18,834
I'm sorry, I just wish that some of
the patients would be nicer to you.
159
00:07:19,434 --> 00:07:21,434
The receptionist.
That's my way in.
160
00:07:21,635 --> 00:07:22,535
I like this.
161
00:07:22,735 --> 00:07:25,635
Seduce the receptionist.
That's a great plan.
162
00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:27,135
That's not the plan.
163
00:07:27,235 --> 00:07:29,435
And how would that
help me with Stella?
164
00:07:29,535 --> 00:07:30,235
Who?
165
00:07:31,435 --> 00:07:32,135
Here's the plan.
166
00:07:34,836 --> 00:07:36,536
Hi. Here.
167
00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:37,636
I stopped...
168
00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:44,036
Hi, I stopped for coffee and I...
169
00:07:44,036 --> 00:07:45,236
and I thought I'd grab you something.
170
00:07:45,336 --> 00:07:47,537
Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice.
171
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:48,537
You're like a knight.
172
00:07:48,637 --> 00:07:50,437
I should call you Sir Ted.
173
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,037
What?
174
00:07:52,837 --> 00:07:55,137
Nothing. Nothing.
It's really stupid.
175
00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:57,537
Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here.
176
00:07:58,537 --> 00:07:59,637
Thanks. Thanks, Abby.
177
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,638
And now we wait.
178
00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:07,038
And sure enough, by session seven,
179
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,838
she saw me in a whole new light.
180
00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:11,538
Okay, I'm about to break
my big rule here.
181
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:12,739
Break it.
182
00:08:15,639 --> 00:08:17,239
Abby goes bowling
with her church group
183
00:08:17,339 --> 00:08:18,639
every Wednesday night...
184
00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:21,039
and she really wanted to invite you,
but she's too shy.
185
00:08:23,439 --> 00:08:24,439
Abby is...?
186
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:27,640
My receptionist.
187
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,940
You really made quite an impression
on her with the coffee the other day.
188
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,540
I mean, she has really not stopped
talking about you.
189
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:34,440
Oh, Abby.
190
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,840
I thought you said "Alan."
191
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,041
But you just said, "Abby is...?"
192
00:08:40,341 --> 00:08:41,241
Right.
193
00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,941
Right, I thought I said "Alan."
194
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:45,341
Who's Alan?
195
00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:47,341
Who's Abby?
196
00:08:48,541 --> 00:08:50,141
My receptionist.
197
00:08:51,042 --> 00:08:52,042
Exactly.
198
00:08:55,842 --> 00:08:57,142
What is happening?
199
00:08:58,742 --> 00:09:00,842
You just got to be yourself,
no more gimmicks.
200
00:09:01,242 --> 00:09:03,242
You're right,
no more gimmicks.
201
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:04,143
One more gimmick.
202
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:05,843
You know what's on her shelf?
203
00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:08,243
That self-help book The Power of Me.
204
00:09:09,343 --> 00:09:11,543
I know, I know,
but I thought if I read it,
205
00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:13,143
maybe we'd have something new
to talk about.
206
00:09:15,143 --> 00:09:18,544
It's actually a great book. It taught me
the power of complete memory.
207
00:09:18,944 --> 00:09:19,844
Can I borrow your copy?
208
00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:23,344
I left it somewhere.
I forget.
209
00:09:26,944 --> 00:09:28,844
Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
210
00:09:29,245 --> 00:09:30,045
Hi, Ted.
211
00:09:31,345 --> 00:09:32,445
I'll let her know.
212
00:09:35,545 --> 00:09:36,845
Telepathically?
213
00:09:37,245 --> 00:09:40,145
That's funny.
That's funny, smart, and great.
214
00:09:43,246 --> 00:09:44,546
I am so sorry that I am late.
215
00:09:44,646 --> 00:09:46,246
I have, like, two minutes for lunch
everyday. It's crazy.
216
00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:49,946
Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh,
checking out the old bookshelf here.
217
00:09:50,246 --> 00:09:53,046
I see you've read The Power of Me.
It's funny...
218
00:09:53,146 --> 00:09:55,347
What? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no,
219
00:09:55,447 --> 00:09:57,647
I would never read that piece of crap.
220
00:09:57,747 --> 00:09:59,247
Some patient left it here.
221
00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:02,147
Oh, thank God.
I couldn't agree more.
222
00:10:02,247 --> 00:10:03,647
That's total crap.
223
00:10:03,747 --> 00:10:05,547
I see people reading that on the subway
and I just want to shout,
224
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:06,847
"Get a life, people!"
225
00:10:07,047 --> 00:10:09,648
- Ted, I found your book.
- What?
226
00:10:09,848 --> 00:10:12,448
Your book The Power of Me. I think you
accidentally dropped it in the garbage.
227
00:10:12,648 --> 00:10:14,248
What? No, that's...
that's not mine.
228
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,848
I've never seen that before in my life.
229
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:17,348
No, you were reading it in the lobby.
230
00:10:17,448 --> 00:10:19,648
What, no, you have me confused
with someone else.
231
00:10:19,848 --> 00:10:22,149
No, no, look right here.
"From the personal library of Ted Mosby"
232
00:10:22,249 --> 00:10:23,749
That's you.
233
00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:27,249
Ted,
234
00:10:27,449 --> 00:10:28,849
I hate to say this,
235
00:10:28,949 --> 00:10:31,449
but I think it's
"nail the receptionist" time.
236
00:10:31,649 --> 00:10:32,950
I'm not gonna nail the receptionist.
237
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:36,750
Ted, every little boy wants to grow up
to nail the doctor or the lawyer.
238
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:39,350
Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist.
239
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:41,150
No. I like Stella.
240
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,150
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there, Ted.
241
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,751
Your little Stella is not so perfect.
242
00:10:46,051 --> 00:10:47,251
What do you mean?
243
00:10:47,351 --> 00:10:50,651
I went down there
and checked her out for myself.
244
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,251
And while I was down there,
245
00:10:54,351 --> 00:10:56,451
I discovered that she had a secret,
246
00:10:57,251 --> 00:11:00,452
a terrible... terrible secret.
247
00:11:01,552 --> 00:11:02,752
What? What is it?
248
00:11:05,952 --> 00:11:07,452
Hold on, I gotta pee.
249
00:11:12,453 --> 00:11:13,553
Okay, I'm back.
250
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:16,353
What's going on at work?
251
00:11:16,553 --> 00:11:17,753
What's the big secret?!
252
00:11:17,953 --> 00:11:19,053
Oh. Oh, right.
253
00:11:19,653 --> 00:11:21,053
Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please.
254
00:11:21,253 --> 00:11:22,153
Sure, what's it regarding?
255
00:11:22,553 --> 00:11:25,554
Oh, I just want to see her. Want to
look at her, see what she looks like.
256
00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:27,554
I-I don't understand.
257
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:31,054
I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima
numero dos when I called?
258
00:11:31,454 --> 00:11:32,954
Do you speak English?
259
00:11:33,254 --> 00:11:35,054
I want to see her!
260
00:11:35,454 --> 00:11:36,855
Sir, please don't yell at me
261
00:11:37,055 --> 00:11:39,955
because when people yell at me,
I have a tendency to start crying.
262
00:11:41,055 --> 00:11:42,955
Please don't do that. Please.
263
00:11:43,855 --> 00:11:48,055
At first she seemed great, beautiful,
smart, way out of your league.
264
00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:50,456
But then, I overheard this conversation.
265
00:11:52,056 --> 00:11:55,656
Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist
call yet?
266
00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:58,956
When am I going to kick
this folliculaphilia?
267
00:12:05,557 --> 00:12:06,657
Folliculaphilia?
268
00:12:06,957 --> 00:12:08,857
Folliculaphilia.
269
00:12:09,557 --> 00:12:10,257
What is that?
270
00:12:11,157 --> 00:12:13,157
Ted, your perfect woman...
271
00:12:13,157 --> 00:12:14,657
can only be attracted...
272
00:12:14,657 --> 00:12:16,358
to men with moustaches.
273
00:12:18,658 --> 00:12:23,058
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard. That's not real.
274
00:12:23,558 --> 00:12:25,858
You're right, Ted.
I'm just making that up.
275
00:12:26,058 --> 00:12:28,159
I know that you are
because there's no such thing.
276
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:31,759
I got it a little bit.
277
00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:39,859
Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
278
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,360
Oh, hi, Ted.
Love the 'stache.
279
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,460
You look like a youngTom Selleck,
only a million times handsomer.
280
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:50,960
Dr. Zinman,
Magnum's here to see you.
281
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,260
Just kidding. Stupid.
282
00:12:55,461 --> 00:12:57,461
Sorry I'm late.
Typical two-minute lunch.
283
00:12:57,661 --> 00:13:00,561
So we are very close to getting...
284
00:13:06,462 --> 00:13:08,362
Why? Just why?
285
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,862
Y-you don't remember?
286
00:13:11,462 --> 00:13:15,762
I'll bet anyone ten bucks
I can get Ted to grow a moustache.
287
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,862
Uh... okay.
288
00:13:19,763 --> 00:13:23,263
You sabotaged my next to last chance
with Stella for ten dollars?
289
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:26,163
I know.
I would've done it for free.
290
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:28,863
But, no. You owe me ten bucks.
291
00:13:29,863 --> 00:13:33,164
This is awful. My-my tenth session
is next week.
292
00:13:33,364 --> 00:13:34,964
I'm gonna ask her out and,
293
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:38,664
she's gonna say the most demoralizing
syllable in the English language, no.
294
00:13:39,764 --> 00:13:41,764
You know what? Just forget it.
I'm not even gonna ask her.
295
00:13:41,964 --> 00:13:44,865
No, you have to. She likes you.
She said so herself.
296
00:13:45,265 --> 00:13:46,565
I mean...
297
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:48,665
Oh, my God,
you went and saw her, too.
298
00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:50,865
I swear to you, I did not.
299
00:13:56,665 --> 00:13:59,066
My wife's always getting on me
about my dry elbows.
300
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:00,866
So good to be in a relationship.
301
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:02,266
Anyone special in your life?
302
00:14:02,266 --> 00:14:04,266
Or maybe just someone
you're interested in?
303
00:14:04,366 --> 00:14:06,866
Interes-ted in?
304
00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:11,467
You know, we should really
get this mole checked out.
305
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:13,067
It's just a little irregular.
306
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,567
Irregular?
307
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:16,267
Oh, my God.
308
00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,867
This is it. It's all over.
309
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,167
One patients has this little butterfly
tattoo at the bottom of his back.
310
00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,568
Can you stop talking
about your other patients?!
311
00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,568
I'm dying here, woman!
312
00:14:27,168 --> 00:14:30,668
Look, even if it is something,
it's easily treatable, so try to relax.
313
00:14:30,768 --> 00:14:31,768
Okay.
314
00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:34,968
Hey, what was it you were saying before
about the guy with the butterfly tattoo?
315
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:38,969
Oh, that... that's nothing.
It's just a little crush.
316
00:14:39,769 --> 00:14:42,169
So I will be calling you
with your results.
317
00:14:42,269 --> 00:14:43,869
Oh. Okay. Thank you.
318
00:14:45,869 --> 00:14:47,369
Oh, sir, your book!
319
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,970
- No.
- Yes.
320
00:14:51,670 --> 00:14:52,970
She said "crush"?
321
00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:55,870
And she was talking about me?
322
00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:59,470
That last session was
the least painful of all.
323
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:02,371
I savored every searing blast
of that laser.
324
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:03,671
All done.
325
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:07,071
The moment I'd waited
ten weeks for had arrived.
326
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:08,871
Stella...
327
00:15:09,971 --> 00:15:12,871
...now that I'm no longer your patient,
328
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:16,372
would you like
to have dinner with me?
329
00:15:19,472 --> 00:15:22,972
- Ted, you're a really nice guy...
- Oh, no.
330
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,572
It has been so great
getting to know you.
331
00:15:25,772 --> 00:15:27,173
I am gonna kill Marshall.
332
00:15:27,373 --> 00:15:28,873
I've had so much fun
these last ten weeks.
333
00:15:29,073 --> 00:15:31,673
Oh, my God, this is worse
than the laser.
334
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,473
I have a daughter.
335
00:15:34,673 --> 00:15:35,873
What?
336
00:15:36,273 --> 00:15:38,273
Her name's Lucy.
She's eight.
337
00:15:38,373 --> 00:15:41,674
Work and being with her,
that's pretty much my life.
338
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:43,374
My social calendar
339
00:15:43,574 --> 00:15:46,074
is movie night with the girls
once a month when I can get a sitter.
340
00:15:46,174 --> 00:15:48,774
I mean, I've been to one
party in the past year...
341
00:15:48,874 --> 00:15:51,274
St. Paddy's Day...
it was awful, I left early.
342
00:15:51,374 --> 00:15:54,875
But, really, my only free time is
the two minutes I get for lunch, so...
343
00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:56,475
this is why I don't date.
344
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:03,375
I only have time for one most important
person in my life, and that's Lucy.
345
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,676
Anyway, it's been fun.
346
00:16:05,776 --> 00:16:08,076
Next time, think before you ink.
347
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,776
But if you ever do
wake up with, like, a
348
00:16:10,976 --> 00:16:15,076
dolphin tattoo on your ankle,
just give me a call.
349
00:16:19,577 --> 00:16:21,877
There it is.. she's a mom.
350
00:16:23,077 --> 00:16:24,177
It's just not gonna happen.
351
00:16:24,377 --> 00:16:25,677
Sorry, dude.
352
00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:27,977
Have a shrimp.
353
00:16:28,077 --> 00:16:28,877
I'm good.
354
00:16:30,478 --> 00:16:32,078
I guess I got
no one but myself to blame.
355
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:35,478
She told me right from the start she was
gonna say no and sure enough...
356
00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:38,578
Wait a minute.
357
00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:44,879
- Hi.
- Hi.
358
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:47,279
You didn't actually say no.
359
00:16:47,379 --> 00:16:48,079
What do you mean?
360
00:16:48,379 --> 00:16:50,979
All this time you were, uh, you were
supposed to say no, but you didn't...
361
00:16:51,079 --> 00:16:52,079
I checked the transcript.
362
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,580
So, here's what I'm proposing.
Uh... you only have two minutes, right?
363
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:57,480
Right.
364
00:16:57,980 --> 00:17:01,080
Okay. You want to, uh...
go on a a two-minute date with me?
365
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,780
Last two-minute date I had
gave me a daughter.
366
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,280
But um... Okay.
367
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:09,181
Great.
368
00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:13,881
And... go.
369
00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:16,081
Taxi!
370
00:17:18,481 --> 00:17:20,881
- I seriously only have two minutes...
- I know.
371
00:17:22,982 --> 00:17:24,482
That's like 120 seconds.
372
00:17:24,582 --> 00:17:26,382
380 West 22nd, please.
373
00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:27,682
And step on it.
We're in a hurry.
374
00:17:27,982 --> 00:17:30,282
380 West 22nd? That's...
375
00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,283
- Right this way.
- Thank you, sir.
376
00:17:36,683 --> 00:17:38,883
You know, I have always wanted
to try this place.
377
00:17:39,483 --> 00:17:40,883
House salad.
378
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,883
- So, college?
- Stanford.
379
00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:45,583
- Wesleyan.
- Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar?
380
00:17:45,683 --> 00:17:47,684
No. Scott Crable?
381
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:50,984
- Eggplant parmesean.
- Thanks.
382
00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:53,084
- Already cut up.
- Could we get the check please.
383
00:17:53,184 --> 00:17:54,884
We're trying to make
a movie in 15 seconds.
384
00:17:54,984 --> 00:17:56,184
- Of course.
- Okay, great.
385
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,384
Uh, how do you want to do this?
386
00:17:57,484 --> 00:18:00,185
You had the eggplant parm.
I only really had water so...
387
00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:01,285
I'm kidding.
388
00:18:01,885 --> 00:18:03,885
Okay. Let's go.
Taxi!
389
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,385
- You nervous?
- A little bit.
390
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,085
- You can't tell at all.
- Oh, good.
391
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:10,085
Hello!
392
00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,686
384 West 22nd.
393
00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:22,986
- 15 seconds. The movie's started.
- Nah, previews. We'll be fine.
394
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:28,087
Ah! Just in time.
It hasn't started yet.
395
00:18:28,187 --> 00:18:30,487
- So, what are we seeing?
- Manos: Hands of Fate.
396
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:33,487
- The whole thing?
- Only the important parts.
397
00:18:39,388 --> 00:18:41,488
Worst movie ever.
398
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,788
Yeah, I almost walked out,
like, five times.
399
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:46,988
- How we doing on time? Taxi!
- We got a little time.
400
00:18:47,088 --> 00:18:49,288
- Okay. Do you want to walk it?
- Why not?
401
00:18:49,388 --> 00:18:50,488
Hello!
402
00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:52,689
Good-bye!
403
00:18:53,389 --> 00:18:54,889
So what grade's your daughter in?
404
00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:56,789
- Third grade.
- Ah! That's a good year.
405
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:58,089
Yeah, she's wonderful.
406
00:18:58,189 --> 00:19:00,489
I just wish that I could get her
to quit smoking, you know?
407
00:19:00,589 --> 00:19:02,889
- What?
- I'm kidding.
408
00:19:03,089 --> 00:19:04,790
Look, coffee and dessert?
409
00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:07,390
You know, this neighborhood
just keeps on changing.
410
00:19:07,590 --> 00:19:09,190
This used to be a cute,
little Italian restaurant.
411
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:10,190
I know. New York.
412
00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:13,990
It's a living organism, an ever-changing
tapestry. Ooh, look at the time.
413
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:16,491
- Let's go.
- The cheesecake's amazing.
414
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,091
- Flowers?
- I'm allergic.
415
00:19:20,391 --> 00:19:23,491
Okay. See? We're getting
to know each other.
416
00:19:23,591 --> 00:19:27,491
Stella, I had a lovely...
Doggy bag?
417
00:19:28,091 --> 00:19:31,492
- Stella, I had a lovely time.
- Me, too, Ted.
418
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,592
And... date.
Huh?
419
00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:38,592
That wasn't so bad, right?
No lengthy, awkward silences.
420
00:19:38,692 --> 00:19:43,293
Dessert ran a little long, so...
I had to cut the good-night kiss.
421
00:19:43,893 --> 00:19:47,293
I think I can be late just once.
422
00:19:58,794 --> 00:20:01,694
Look, I would love to have
a second date, I would.
423
00:20:01,894 --> 00:20:05,694
But I understand that you really don't
have time right now, but if you ever do,
424
00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:06,994
will you give me a call?
425
00:20:07,695 --> 00:20:09,395
- Yes.
- Okay.
426
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,995
And that, kids, is how
you turn a "no" into a "yes."
427
00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:22,396
All my friends told me,
"Abby, be strong.
428
00:20:22,496 --> 00:20:25,196
He doesn't deserve another chance."
But I forgive you!
429
00:20:25,296 --> 00:20:26,496
No, no, no, no!
430
00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:35,997
He seems so nice but then
he just kept toying with my emotions.
431
00:20:37,397 --> 00:20:39,597
This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk.
432
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:43,297
You know your problem?
You're too sweet.
433
00:20:43,497 --> 00:20:45,397
Aren't you going to see
the doctor about that mole?
434
00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:48,298
Oh, yeah.
Turns out it's just a Raisinet.
435
00:20:50,198 --> 00:20:53,898
Hey, how would you like me
to take you out to a fancy restaurant
436
00:20:53,998 --> 00:20:56,198
and then go on a shopping spree?
437
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,599
Treat you the way
you should be treated.
438
00:20:58,699 --> 00:21:00,899
Would that make you forget
about that Ted monster?
439
00:21:01,599 --> 00:21:04,499
My mom was wrong.
There are nice guys in New York.
440
00:21:05,799 --> 00:21:07,799
We just have to go
by my hotel room first.
441
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:10,699
My bed was broken.
I just have to make sure they fixed it.
442
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,500
Well, then if it's fixed,
can we have sex on it
443
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,600
and then go shopping.
444
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,500
I like you.
33699
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