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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,230 --> 00:00:50,536 There was a time, a time before cable, 2 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,406 when the local anchorman reigned supreme, 3 00:00:58,407 --> 00:01:02,321 when people believed everything they heard on TV. 4 00:01:02,364 --> 00:01:06,452 This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. 5 00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:12,932 And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest. 6 00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:15,106 His name was Ron Burgundy. 7 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,238 He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. 8 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:24,674 He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr, 9 00:01:25,761 --> 00:01:27,632 and suits so fine 10 00:01:27,632 --> 00:01:30,067 they made Sinatra look like a hobo. 11 00:01:30,110 --> 00:01:35,112 In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls. 12 00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:39,591 Mmm. I look good. 13 00:01:40,679 --> 00:01:43,549 I mean, really good. 14 00:01:43,593 --> 00:01:48,289 Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look! 15 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:59,945 Mm, ehh, mm. 16 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:03,554 Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this. 17 00:02:03,598 --> 00:02:07,208 How now brown cow. How now brown cow. 18 00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:08,773 How now brown cow. 19 00:02:08,773 --> 00:02:12,340 How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? 20 00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:15,558 Maybe don't wear a bra next time. 21 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,080 No, I was talking to you. No, not her. 22 00:02:20,124 --> 00:02:22,516 I don't know her name. What is it? 23 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,647 Lanolin? 24 00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:28,909 La-lanolin? Like sheep's wool? 25 00:02:29,865 --> 00:02:31,996 Unique New York. 26 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,910 Unique New York. 27 00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:35,911 Mm, I love Scotch. 28 00:02:35,911 --> 00:02:38,347 I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch. 29 00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:39,912 Here it goes down. 30 00:02:39,912 --> 00:02:42,348 Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm. 31 00:02:42,391 --> 00:02:44,651 The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. 32 00:02:44,695 --> 00:02:48,653 How much time? 30? 30 seconds? 33 00:02:48,696 --> 00:02:51,915 - You are on. - I'm on right now? 34 00:02:51,958 --> 00:02:53,785 I don't believe you. 35 00:02:53,785 --> 00:02:56,742 - # Doo doo doo. # - Ron! 36 00:02:56,742 --> 00:02:58,873 Oh, come on. Audrey. 37 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,656 I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes. 38 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:03,787 What's that? If you were a man, 39 00:03:03,831 --> 00:03:05,745 I'd punch you right in the mouth. 40 00:03:05,745 --> 00:03:07,701 That's bush. Bush league. 41 00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:11,050 The human torch was denied a bank loan. 42 00:03:11,094 --> 00:03:14,790 You hear me? Audrey, look at me! 43 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,269 I'm sorry. 44 00:03:16,269 --> 00:03:18,052 All right? I'm sorry. 45 00:03:18,052 --> 00:03:21,401 Ha ha! Ha ha ha ho! 46 00:03:21,445 --> 00:03:23,054 Ha ha ho. 47 00:03:23,054 --> 00:03:25,141 Ha oh! 48 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,925 All right, we're on. 49 00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:30,926 Ready, Phil. 50 00:03:30,926 --> 00:03:33,013 We're on in five, four... 51 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,927 When the clock struck 6:00, 52 00:03:35,971 --> 00:03:37,927 it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy 53 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,363 and his news team: Go time. 54 00:03:40,407 --> 00:03:40,537 Channel 4 News, 55 00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:42,624 Channel 4 News, 56 00:03:42,624 --> 00:03:45,451 with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor 57 00:03:45,451 --> 00:03:47,235 Ron Burgundy. 58 00:03:47,278 --> 00:03:49,017 Champ Kind, sports. 59 00:03:49,017 --> 00:03:51,104 Ooh! Hoo-hoo! 60 00:03:51,888 --> 00:03:53,975 Brick Tamland, weather. 61 00:03:56,193 --> 00:03:59,020 And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. 62 00:04:02,716 --> 00:04:05,324 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 63 00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,806 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, 64 00:04:10,806 --> 00:04:13,197 and this is what's happening in your world tonight. 65 00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:16,676 A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital 66 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:20,025 after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs 67 00:04:20,068 --> 00:04:21,852 in an abandoned pool. 68 00:04:21,852 --> 00:04:26,463 Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on! 69 00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:29,375 Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man 70 00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,985 - was loitering... - Ron Burgundy. 71 00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:34,115 Oh, my gosh! She said her first words! 72 00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:37,073 Right now it's 82' in our fair city, 73 00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:41,032 and compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest 74 00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:44,031 and 38' in the Middle East. 75 00:04:44,031 --> 00:04:46,423 Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, 76 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,859 one lucky cameraman happened to catch 77 00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:51,468 an unusual aquatic daredevil. 78 00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:55,165 What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive. 79 00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:57,991 His name is Nutty the Squirrel, 80 00:04:58,035 --> 00:05:00,124 and he's three years old. 81 00:05:00,124 --> 00:05:03,514 How 'bout that? 82 00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:07,343 That squirrel can water-ski. 83 00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:11,909 - Man, that's hilarious. - Yeah, that's good. 84 00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:14,605 For all of us here at News Center 4, 85 00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:16,127 I'm Ron Burgundy. 86 00:05:16,127 --> 00:05:18,040 You stay classy, San Diego. 87 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,519 You stay classy, San Diego. 88 00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:25,608 Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month. 89 00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:28,827 We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic. 90 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,001 - Super-duper, gang! - Yeah! Yeah! 91 00:05:31,044 --> 00:05:33,089 Super-duper! That's nice! 92 00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:34,740 Way to go! Neat-o, gang. 93 00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,436 - Yes! - Boy, Ed. 94 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,655 That is good news. I gotta be honest. 95 00:05:38,697 --> 00:05:41,394 - Congrats, congrats. - That is good news! 96 00:05:41,437 --> 00:05:43,135 - All right! - Stick around. 97 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,353 Make sure these guys don't party too much. 98 00:05:45,396 --> 00:05:48,092 - They don't really ever listen to me. - Just get it done. 99 00:05:48,136 --> 00:05:48,223 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 100 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:52,093 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 101 00:05:52,093 --> 00:05:54,441 I've just been handed an urgent 102 00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:57,443 and horrifying news story. 103 00:05:57,486 --> 00:06:00,443 I need all of you to stop what you're doing 104 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:01,922 and listen. 105 00:06:01,922 --> 00:06:04,140 Cannonball! 106 00:06:07,923 --> 00:06:11,011 Yes, these fellas were a real news team. 107 00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:14,751 Burgundy, of course, was the foundation, the rock. 108 00:06:14,794 --> 00:06:18,926 But each member brought their own special something to the equation. 109 00:06:18,969 --> 00:06:21,101 People call me the Bri-man. 110 00:06:21,145 --> 00:06:23,537 I'm the stylish one of the group. 111 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,624 I know what you're asking yourself, 112 00:06:25,624 --> 00:06:28,886 and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. 113 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,929 It's called the Octagon. 114 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,931 But I also nicknamed my testes. 115 00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:34,930 My left one is James Westfall, 116 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:37,540 and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. 117 00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:41,280 You ladies play your cards right, you might get to meet the whole gang. 118 00:06:41,322 --> 00:06:43,541 Bang, boom, they were showing lasers 119 00:06:43,584 --> 00:06:45,976 every Friday night. 120 00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:49,456 Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun. 121 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,327 You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, 122 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,414 start a fire in someone's kitchen. 123 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,936 Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. 124 00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:58,981 Anyway, I've become kind of famous 125 00:06:58,981 --> 00:07:01,981 for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!" 126 00:07:02,025 --> 00:07:05,286 As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate... 127 00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:08,243 and whammy!" 128 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,375 Whammy! 129 00:07:16,855 --> 00:07:18,246 I'm Brick Tamland. 130 00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:20,813 People seem to like me because I am polite 131 00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:22,726 and I'm rarely late. 132 00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:24,725 I like to eat ice cream, 133 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:27,945 and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. 134 00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:30,249 Years later, a doctor will tell me 135 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:33,033 that I have an lQ of 48 136 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,163 and am what some people call 137 00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:37,208 "mentally retarded." 138 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,817 Hello! 139 00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:41,470 - Whoo! Marco! - Polo! 140 00:07:42,992 --> 00:07:44,818 - Brian. - You having a good time? 141 00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:47,211 - I'm having a great time. - That makes two of us. 142 00:07:47,253 --> 00:07:48,993 You've gotta meet this girl. 143 00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:52,168 She used to be a Charger cheerleader, but she broke her pelvis. 144 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,517 Sherri, meet Ron Burgundy. 145 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,691 - Hey, Ron. - Hello. 146 00:07:56,735 --> 00:07:58,997 - I've got a big story for you. - Mm-hmm. 147 00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:00,866 And it's right here. 148 00:08:00,866 --> 00:08:02,953 Well, hello. 149 00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:06,738 You pointed to your boobies. 150 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:08,868 Oh, my God, you did! 151 00:08:10,694 --> 00:08:13,043 - Ron Burgundy? - Yes? 152 00:08:13,043 --> 00:08:16,523 I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl. 153 00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:18,175 Let's go somewhere. 154 00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:21,351 I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this. 155 00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,090 We've been coming to the same party for 12 years, 156 00:08:24,134 --> 00:08:26,221 and in no way is that depressing. 157 00:08:29,569 --> 00:08:30,919 Ahh. 158 00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:33,092 # Gonna make our own lightning # 159 00:08:33,136 --> 00:08:36,571 # Yeah, she got the way to move me, Cherry # 160 00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:38,658 # She got the way to groove me # 161 00:08:38,658 --> 00:08:39,920 # Cherry, baby # 162 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,572 # She got the way to move me # 163 00:08:42,572 --> 00:08:44,748 # She got the way to groove me... # 164 00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:50,401 By the beard of Zeus! 165 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,880 Excuse me. 166 00:08:58,142 --> 00:09:01,926 Ron, where you going? What, are you crazy? Ron! 167 00:09:01,926 --> 00:09:05,839 If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me! 168 00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:09,363 So there I go, head first, boom! 169 00:09:12,798 --> 00:09:14,885 I've lost her. 170 00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:26,714 Ohh. 171 00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,543 Hello. 172 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:37,630 Hello. 173 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:41,197 Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, 174 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,197 I saw you from across the party, and, uh, 175 00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:47,851 I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. 176 00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:51,852 You have... 177 00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:54,375 an absolutely breathtaking... 178 00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:56,505 heinie. 179 00:09:56,984 --> 00:09:59,202 I mean, that thing is good. 180 00:09:59,245 --> 00:10:01,463 I want to be friends with it. 181 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,812 Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. 182 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,856 Now, if you'll excuse me. 183 00:10:07,856 --> 00:10:10,074 Do you know who I am? 184 00:10:11,814 --> 00:10:13,857 No, I can't say that I do. 185 00:10:13,857 --> 00:10:17,816 I don't know how to put this, 186 00:10:17,858 --> 00:10:20,989 but I'm kind of a big deal. 187 00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,512 Really? 188 00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:24,643 People know me. 189 00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:26,686 I've very happy for you. 190 00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:28,210 I'm very important. 191 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,079 I have... 192 00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:32,298 many leather-bound books, 193 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,732 and my apartment 194 00:10:34,776 --> 00:10:37,212 smells of rich mahogany. 195 00:10:38,907 --> 00:10:41,256 That's stupid. 196 00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:45,778 No, no, that's... very exciting. 197 00:10:45,822 --> 00:10:47,955 Listen, can l-- 198 00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:50,128 can I start over again? 199 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,172 Sure. 200 00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:55,217 I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there. 201 00:10:55,261 --> 00:10:57,218 If you like it, you can take it. 202 00:10:57,218 --> 00:10:58,826 If you don't, send it right back. 203 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,913 Mm-hmm. 204 00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:03,001 I wanna be on you. 205 00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:07,741 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 206 00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:09,873 I-- 207 00:11:13,046 --> 00:11:15,656 I wanna be on you. 208 00:11:29,704 --> 00:11:31,704 Yoo-hoo! 209 00:11:31,704 --> 00:11:33,748 Baxter! 210 00:11:33,748 --> 00:11:35,358 Papa's home. 211 00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:37,446 There he is. There's my little man. 212 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,749 You're okay? 213 00:11:39,793 --> 00:11:42,099 Of course I met a lady tonight. 214 00:11:44,055 --> 00:11:46,186 This one was different. I have to be honest. 215 00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:48,752 Quite different. 216 00:11:48,752 --> 00:11:51,449 What-- 217 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,753 I'm lonely? I'm not lonely! 218 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,276 I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego. 219 00:12:00,799 --> 00:12:03,452 Wow. 220 00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:06,410 You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter. 221 00:12:06,452 --> 00:12:09,193 You're so wise. 222 00:12:10,453 --> 00:12:13,107 You're like a miniature Buddha 223 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,890 covered in hair. 224 00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:17,063 Come again? 225 00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:21,934 You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. 226 00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:24,066 Huh? 227 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:26,893 You pooped in the refrigerator? 228 00:12:26,936 --> 00:12:30,937 And you ate a whole wheel of cheese? 229 00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:32,850 How'd you do that? 230 00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:35,330 I'm not even mad. That's amazing. 231 00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:38,939 I forgive you. 232 00:12:38,983 --> 00:12:41,679 What do you say we get you in your pj's and hit the hay? 233 00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:45,594 Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on. 234 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,902 Oh, that was one crazy party. 235 00:13:02,945 --> 00:13:05,685 I am hung over. 236 00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:08,208 I woke up this morning 237 00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:21,168 All right, guys. Let's focus up. 238 00:13:21,212 --> 00:13:23,690 Morning, everyone. 239 00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:26,473 Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today. 240 00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,213 It looks like Ling Wong, 241 00:13:28,213 --> 00:13:31,127 the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant. 242 00:13:31,171 --> 00:13:32,824 This is a big one. 243 00:13:32,824 --> 00:13:35,650 This could be the big story of the summer. 244 00:13:35,694 --> 00:13:38,564 Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage. 245 00:13:38,564 --> 00:13:41,303 And speaking of network, word on the street is 246 00:13:41,347 --> 00:13:43,348 they're looking for a new anchor. 247 00:13:43,348 --> 00:13:45,349 - So, Ron... - Huh? Network? 248 00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:47,436 Are they here? 249 00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:54,742 A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining 250 00:13:54,786 --> 00:13:57,613 about a lack of diversity on the news team. 251 00:14:04,006 --> 00:14:06,223 What in the hell's diversity? 252 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,572 Well, I could be wrong, 253 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,137 but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship 254 00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:15,487 that was used during the Civil War era. 255 00:14:15,531 --> 00:14:18,227 I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned 256 00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:20,401 about the lack of an old wooden ship, 257 00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:22,706 but nice try. 258 00:14:22,749 --> 00:14:25,403 Diversity means that times are changing, 259 00:14:25,403 --> 00:14:27,621 and with that in mind-- 260 00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:30,622 - Ron, are you paying attention? - Nope. 261 00:14:30,664 --> 00:14:32,796 - This concerns all of us. - Okay. 262 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,579 Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition 263 00:14:36,622 --> 00:14:38,754 to the KVWN News Team, 264 00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:41,494 directly from WYPN 265 00:14:41,537 --> 00:14:44,712 in Asheville, North Carolina, 266 00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:47,757 Ms. Veronica Corningstone. 267 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,756 - # Who's that lady? # - Hello. 268 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,235 - # Who's that lady... # - Hello, everyone. 269 00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:55,714 - Oh! - I just want you all to know 270 00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,976 that I look forward to contributing 271 00:14:57,976 --> 00:15:01,151 to this news station's already sterling reputation. 272 00:15:03,848 --> 00:15:06,152 I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap! 273 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,588 Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. 274 00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:12,023 They rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom! 275 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:15,372 It is anchorman, not anchorlady! 276 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,982 - And that is a scientific fact! - Uh-huh. 277 00:15:19,026 --> 00:15:22,157 I don't know what we're yelling about! 278 00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:25,070 Ron, what do you think? 279 00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:27,157 She-- sh-- it's terrible! 280 00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:30,072 She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon! 281 00:15:30,116 --> 00:15:31,419 Mm-hmm. 282 00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:33,508 Loud noises! 283 00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:38,118 All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime. 284 00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:41,727 I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. 285 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,510 Bears can smell the menstruation. 286 00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:48,120 Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? 287 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:51,077 Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy. 288 00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:53,643 I will say one thing for her, Ed, 289 00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:56,819 she does have a nice, big old behind. 290 00:15:56,862 --> 00:16:00,035 I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt 291 00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:02,688 and just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch! 292 00:16:02,732 --> 00:16:05,298 - Ah-whoo! - Stop it! Oh, Jeez. 293 00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:11,474 Look at the full-moon butt! 294 00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:13,605 Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ! 295 00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:17,171 Mr. Harken, I was just wondering 296 00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:19,214 if you knew when my office would be ready. 297 00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:21,303 Well, that might take some time. 298 00:16:21,303 --> 00:16:24,521 For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen? 299 00:16:24,564 --> 00:16:27,695 You can use my office! Then afterwards maybe we can go to lunch! 300 00:16:29,043 --> 00:16:30,566 Lower your voice, Ron. 301 00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:32,567 Mm-hmm! 302 00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,654 All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken. 303 00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:38,568 I'll go get my desk set up. 304 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:49,136 Oh, she is a saucy mama! I mean, I would... 305 00:16:50,962 --> 00:16:53,311 Here we go again. 306 00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:55,398 Every station it's the same. 307 00:16:55,398 --> 00:16:57,963 Women ask me how I put up with it. 308 00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,573 Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice. 309 00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,574 This is definitely a man's world. 310 00:17:02,574 --> 00:17:04,792 But while they're laughing and grab-assing, 311 00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:06,488 I'm chasing down leads 312 00:17:06,488 --> 00:17:09,229 and practicing my nonregional diction. 313 00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:12,229 Because the only way to win is to be the best. 314 00:17:12,273 --> 00:17:14,360 The very best. 315 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,013 Touchy situation. 316 00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:22,492 I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone, 317 00:17:22,492 --> 00:17:25,102 to keep her in line, is bed her quick. 318 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,581 Oh, that behind is driving me loco! 319 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,061 I'm like a night wolf. 320 00:17:31,147 --> 00:17:33,582 Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy! 321 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:37,149 - She's got feelings, too. - Oh, my God! 322 00:17:37,191 --> 00:17:38,757 Listen to Burgundy. 323 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:41,803 He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch. 324 00:17:41,846 --> 00:17:43,932 You sound like a gay. 325 00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:47,848 Hey! Come on! 326 00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:50,674 It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right? 327 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:54,284 As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game. 328 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:57,023 Huh? Let the games begin! 329 00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,199 Hi-ohhh! 330 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:01,677 There he is. There he is. 331 00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:03,764 I'm very aroused. 332 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,157 What's this? 333 00:18:10,462 --> 00:18:12,549 Well, well, well. 334 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,291 Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team. 335 00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,421 Hello, Wes Mantooth. 336 00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:22,290 Hello, Evening News Team. 337 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:23,814 Nice clothes, gentlemen. 338 00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:26,509 I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale. 339 00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:31,163 Am I right? Look at these guys. 340 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:37,033 Hey, where did you get those clothes? 341 00:18:37,077 --> 00:18:39,165 At the toilet store? 342 00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:44,862 What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? 343 00:18:44,905 --> 00:18:47,341 You're about to get a serious beat-down. 344 00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:50,820 I will smash your face into a car windshield 345 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,038 and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, 346 00:18:53,082 --> 00:18:57,561 out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again! 347 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,431 Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? 348 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,997 - Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! - Hey. 349 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,693 Leave the mothers out of this, all right? 350 00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,260 It's unnecessary. 351 00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:14,565 Besides, I'm sure Wes here 352 00:19:14,609 --> 00:19:19,089 is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again. 353 00:19:19,132 --> 00:19:20,916 Ooh! 354 00:19:20,916 --> 00:19:23,438 That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. 355 00:19:23,438 --> 00:19:25,569 You know those rating systems are flawed. 356 00:19:25,612 --> 00:19:27,831 They don't take into account houses that have 357 00:19:27,831 --> 00:19:31,439 more than two television sets and other things of that nature. 358 00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:34,789 I guess I have to take you at your word, 359 00:19:34,832 --> 00:19:36,919 Number Two. 360 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:41,790 You have a great day, fellas. 361 00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:43,921 We'll see you around the bend. 362 00:19:46,443 --> 00:19:48,531 Son of a bitch! 363 00:19:48,574 --> 00:19:51,705 Excusez-moi, Numero Two. 364 00:19:54,185 --> 00:19:56,403 Hey, Burgundy. 365 00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:58,926 You know those sample audiences aren't big enough! 366 00:19:58,969 --> 00:20:02,447 Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you! 367 00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:07,100 I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you! 368 00:20:07,144 --> 00:20:10,276 You can't say one word? 369 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,450 Even the guy who can't think says something! 370 00:20:12,493 --> 00:20:15,103 You guys just stand there? Come on! 371 00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:20,453 Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase. 372 00:20:21,627 --> 00:20:23,323 I have no idea where 373 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,150 he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. 374 00:20:26,193 --> 00:20:28,281 But you and l are mature adults. 375 00:20:28,325 --> 00:20:31,672 We've both seen our share of pornographic materials. 376 00:20:31,717 --> 00:20:33,195 Oh, you never have? 377 00:20:33,195 --> 00:20:35,934 Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have l. 378 00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:38,240 I was just speaking in generalities. 379 00:20:38,283 --> 00:20:42,676 I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye. 380 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:45,677 Ed, she insisted on coming in. 381 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:47,330 Mr. Harken, sir, 382 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:50,329 I will not have my first story at this news station 383 00:20:50,329 --> 00:20:52,331 be about a cat fashion show. 384 00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:54,983 Miss Corningstone, ma'am, 385 00:20:55,027 --> 00:20:58,202 you will do the stories to which you are assigned. 386 00:20:58,245 --> 00:21:01,115 Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist, 387 00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:04,334 and this cat show thing is grade-A baloney. 388 00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:07,378 It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy! 389 00:21:07,422 --> 00:21:09,639 It is baloney! 390 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,511 Hey, Ron, 391 00:21:16,554 --> 00:21:18,904 I'm gonna take a run at the new girl. 392 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,033 Let the games begin. 393 00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:24,164 Oh, Champ, Champ, we're not really gonna actually do that. 394 00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:26,426 - We were just flapping our gums. - Oh, yeah. 395 00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:28,558 You kill me, Burgundy. 396 00:21:29,297 --> 00:21:32,907 Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that. 397 00:21:32,951 --> 00:21:35,125 - Whammy. - Hmm. 398 00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:37,473 - Uh, Champ? - Yeah. 399 00:21:37,516 --> 00:21:40,083 You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you? 400 00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:43,866 What can I say? I like the way you're put together. 401 00:21:43,909 --> 00:21:46,519 What do you say we go out on a date? 402 00:21:46,562 --> 00:21:49,042 Have some chicken, maybe some sex. 403 00:21:49,085 --> 00:21:50,737 You know, see what happens? 404 00:21:50,737 --> 00:21:53,651 Oh, let me get this over here. 405 00:21:55,174 --> 00:21:57,044 Sorry. 406 00:21:57,044 --> 00:21:59,392 Oh, there it is. 407 00:21:59,436 --> 00:22:01,609 I'll give this little cookie an hour 408 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,741 before we're doing the no-pants dance. 409 00:22:03,741 --> 00:22:06,046 Time to musk up. 410 00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:10,307 Wow. 411 00:22:10,307 --> 00:22:13,179 It never ceases to amaze me. 412 00:22:13,222 --> 00:22:15,396 What cologne you gonna go with? 413 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,048 London Gentleman, or-- 414 00:22:17,048 --> 00:22:20,224 wait. No, no, no. Hold on. 415 00:22:20,267 --> 00:22:21,919 Blackbeard's Delight. 416 00:22:21,919 --> 00:22:24,703 No, she gets a special cologne. 417 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,660 It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. 418 00:22:28,703 --> 00:22:32,662 It's illegal in nine countries. 419 00:22:32,705 --> 00:22:35,184 Yep, it's made with bits of real panther. 420 00:22:35,184 --> 00:22:38,011 - So you know it's good. - It's quite pungent. 421 00:22:38,054 --> 00:22:39,359 Oh yeah. 422 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,403 It's a formidable scent. 423 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,491 It stings the nostrils. 424 00:22:44,535 --> 00:22:46,448 - In a good way. - Yep. 425 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:49,275 I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline. 426 00:22:49,318 --> 00:22:51,710 They've done studies, you know. 427 00:22:51,753 --> 00:22:55,537 60% of the time, it works every time. 428 00:22:55,537 --> 00:22:57,537 That doesn't make sense. 429 00:22:57,537 --> 00:22:59,972 Well... 430 00:22:59,972 --> 00:23:02,408 Iet's go see if we can make this little kitty purr. 431 00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:11,106 Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way. 432 00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:16,586 My God. 433 00:23:16,586 --> 00:23:18,587 What is that smell? 434 00:23:18,587 --> 00:23:19,890 -Oh! 435 00:23:19,890 --> 00:23:22,066 That's the smell of desire, milady. 436 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:24,197 God, no, it smells like-- 437 00:23:24,239 --> 00:23:27,545 Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food. 438 00:23:27,589 --> 00:23:29,589 Oh! Excuse me. 439 00:23:29,589 --> 00:23:31,590 Desire smells like that to some people. 440 00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:35,417 What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair! 441 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:41,984 It smells like Bigfoot's dick! 442 00:23:44,028 --> 00:23:46,116 Oh, hell, that's rank! 443 00:23:48,376 --> 00:23:50,464 Oh, what's that smell? 444 00:23:54,728 --> 00:23:58,032 This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier. 445 00:23:58,074 --> 00:23:59,554 Yeah. 446 00:23:59,554 --> 00:24:01,206 It's very distracting. 447 00:24:01,206 --> 00:24:04,077 - When we get to the pet shop-- - Cough! 448 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,729 Look over here. 449 00:24:05,729 --> 00:24:07,642 Excuse me, Veronica. 450 00:24:07,642 --> 00:24:10,340 Yes, what is it, Brick? 451 00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,383 I would like to extend to you 452 00:24:12,383 --> 00:24:14,557 an invitation to the pants party. 453 00:24:15,602 --> 00:24:16,906 Excuse me? 454 00:24:16,906 --> 00:24:19,689 The party. The pants-- 455 00:24:19,732 --> 00:24:22,560 With the pants. Party with pants? 456 00:24:22,604 --> 00:24:24,038 Brick, are you saying 457 00:24:24,038 --> 00:24:26,560 that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited? 458 00:24:26,604 --> 00:24:28,214 That's it. 459 00:24:28,214 --> 00:24:31,128 Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick? 460 00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:33,086 No-- yes, he did. 461 00:24:33,086 --> 00:24:37,738 Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants. 462 00:24:37,781 --> 00:24:39,478 Very well. Ian? 463 00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,477 Would you like to go to a party in my pants? 464 00:24:41,477 --> 00:24:43,392 No, Brick. 465 00:24:43,392 --> 00:24:45,479 All right. Let's go! 466 00:24:47,568 --> 00:24:51,654 All right, now... 467 00:24:51,654 --> 00:24:54,830 I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster. 468 00:24:54,874 --> 00:24:56,961 A real ice queen. 469 00:24:57,004 --> 00:25:00,309 Mm. I just burned my tongue. 470 00:25:00,352 --> 00:25:02,614 The only way to bag a classy lady 471 00:25:02,657 --> 00:25:05,484 is to give her two tickets to the gun show... 472 00:25:08,529 --> 00:25:10,616 and see if she likes the goods. 473 00:25:12,659 --> 00:25:14,705 1,001. 474 00:25:14,705 --> 00:25:18,662 1,002. 475 00:25:18,706 --> 00:25:20,880 - Uh, Mr. Burgundy? - 1,003. 476 00:25:20,924 --> 00:25:23,228 Helen said that you needed to see me? 477 00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:24,663 Oh, Miss Corningstone. 478 00:25:24,663 --> 00:25:27,708 I wasn't expecting company. 479 00:25:30,882 --> 00:25:33,101 Just doing my workout. 480 00:25:33,144 --> 00:25:35,101 Tuesday's arms and back. 481 00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:38,319 - You asked me to come by, sir. - Oh, did l? 482 00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:40,450 Yes. 483 00:25:41,668 --> 00:25:43,929 Oh, it's the deep burn! 484 00:25:43,973 --> 00:25:47,061 Oh, it's so deep. 485 00:25:47,104 --> 00:25:50,106 I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. 486 00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:53,759 I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over 1,000. 487 00:25:53,801 --> 00:25:55,802 You have your ubulus muscle 488 00:25:55,802 --> 00:25:58,628 that connects to the upper dorsinus. 489 00:25:58,672 --> 00:26:00,934 It's boring, but it's part of my life. 490 00:26:00,977 --> 00:26:03,804 I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind. 491 00:26:03,847 --> 00:26:07,152 Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you. 492 00:26:07,196 --> 00:26:08,936 You are pathetic. 493 00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:11,415 This has to be the feeblest 494 00:26:11,502 --> 00:26:14,068 pickup attempt that I have ever encountered. 495 00:26:14,110 --> 00:26:18,026 I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you. 496 00:26:18,026 --> 00:26:20,374 Wait a minute! I-- pickup attempt? 497 00:26:20,418 --> 00:26:21,939 I'm offended. 498 00:26:21,939 --> 00:26:24,331 I have little time to get to the gym, 499 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,984 so I have to sculpt my guns at the office. 500 00:26:27,028 --> 00:26:29,942 Oh, stop calling your arms "guns." 501 00:26:29,986 --> 00:26:31,985 Look. 502 00:26:31,985 --> 00:26:34,160 My plan was to ask you 503 00:26:34,202 --> 00:26:36,812 if I could squire you about town 504 00:26:36,857 --> 00:26:39,510 as one professional helping another professional, 505 00:26:39,554 --> 00:26:42,597 because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city. 506 00:26:44,946 --> 00:26:47,033 - Really? - Yes. 507 00:26:47,033 --> 00:26:49,642 But now I am too hurt. 508 00:26:49,686 --> 00:26:52,339 And shocked and offended 509 00:26:52,383 --> 00:26:53,731 and-- and hurt. 510 00:26:53,731 --> 00:26:55,644 I could do that. 511 00:26:55,644 --> 00:26:56,863 Really? 512 00:26:56,863 --> 00:26:58,819 Well, yes. 513 00:26:58,819 --> 00:27:00,819 As a journalist, I should get to know 514 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,776 the city that I'm covering. 515 00:27:02,776 --> 00:27:05,734 - But this is not a date. - No, of course not. 516 00:27:05,778 --> 00:27:08,474 - Strictly professional. - Wonderful. 517 00:27:08,517 --> 00:27:10,866 - Hmm. - Great. 518 00:27:12,692 --> 00:27:14,214 Shall I pick you up 519 00:27:14,214 --> 00:27:16,302 8:00? 520 00:27:17,911 --> 00:27:19,998 Mm, 9:00. 521 00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:22,564 Downstairs? 522 00:27:22,564 --> 00:27:25,565 Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection. 523 00:27:25,565 --> 00:27:27,652 Really? 524 00:27:29,044 --> 00:27:31,523 Yes, I do. Um... 525 00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:34,306 I'm sorry, it's the-- 526 00:27:34,350 --> 00:27:36,697 - it's the pleats. - Mm. 527 00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,003 It's actually an optical illusion. 528 00:27:39,047 --> 00:27:41,047 It's the pattern on the pants. 529 00:27:41,047 --> 00:27:44,439 It's not flattering in the crotchal region. 530 00:27:44,482 --> 00:27:46,570 I'm actually taking them back right now. 531 00:27:46,614 --> 00:27:49,571 Taking them back to the pants store. 532 00:27:50,570 --> 00:27:52,876 Oh, this is awkward. 533 00:27:54,312 --> 00:27:57,182 and I will see you later. 534 00:28:06,010 --> 00:28:08,098 Don't act like you're not impressed. 535 00:28:08,185 --> 00:28:10,055 Frame up two. 536 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,968 - Let's go to Brian Fantana live... - Gimme a tighter one on two. 537 00:28:13,012 --> 00:28:15,404 ...with a Channel 4 News exclusive. 538 00:28:15,448 --> 00:28:16,839 Brian? 539 00:28:16,839 --> 00:28:19,144 Panda watch. The mood is tense. 540 00:28:19,186 --> 00:28:21,841 I have been on some serious, serious reports, 541 00:28:21,884 --> 00:28:23,536 but nothing like this. 542 00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,581 I-- l-- Ching-- King is inside now. 543 00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:29,625 I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't. 544 00:28:29,669 --> 00:28:32,453 He's a live bear. He will literally rip your face off." 545 00:28:32,496 --> 00:28:35,453 Hey! You're making me look stupid! 546 00:28:35,496 --> 00:28:38,367 Get out here! Panda jerk! 547 00:28:38,411 --> 00:28:41,106 Great story. Compelling and rich. 548 00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:45,369 That's gonna do it for all of us at Channel 4 News. 549 00:28:45,412 --> 00:28:47,672 You stay classy, San Diego. 550 00:28:47,716 --> 00:28:49,805 I'm Ron Burgundy? 551 00:28:50,892 --> 00:28:54,632 Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? 552 00:28:54,676 --> 00:28:57,980 For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, 553 00:28:58,024 --> 00:29:00,112 Burgundy will read. 554 00:29:02,329 --> 00:29:04,981 Oh, God, this is a mistake. 555 00:29:05,025 --> 00:29:06,895 This is a mistake. 556 00:29:06,895 --> 00:29:10,027 He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy. 557 00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:12,506 There she is! Veronica! 558 00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:14,985 My little China doll. 559 00:29:15,029 --> 00:29:16,985 I am full of it tonight. 560 00:29:16,985 --> 00:29:19,464 Oh, silly. Hi. 561 00:29:19,508 --> 00:29:21,595 You look ravishing. 562 00:29:21,595 --> 00:29:24,596 It truly is beauty and the beast. 563 00:29:26,161 --> 00:29:28,076 I might add a handsome beast at that. 564 00:29:28,076 --> 00:29:29,815 Are you ready for our rendezvous? 565 00:29:29,815 --> 00:29:31,468 It's not a date. 566 00:29:31,468 --> 00:29:34,121 No, strictly professional. 567 00:29:34,164 --> 00:29:36,687 Doesn't mean we can't have fun. 568 00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:38,817 - Shall we? - Yes. 569 00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:45,168 San Diego. 570 00:29:46,167 --> 00:29:48,168 Mm! Drink it in. 571 00:29:48,168 --> 00:29:50,255 It always goes down smooth. 572 00:29:52,429 --> 00:29:54,431 What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy. 573 00:29:54,431 --> 00:29:57,778 I know. I love this city. It's a-- 574 00:29:57,822 --> 00:29:59,562 it's a fact. 575 00:29:59,562 --> 00:30:01,824 It's the greatest city in the history of mankind. 576 00:30:03,564 --> 00:30:06,912 Discovered by the Germans in 1904. 577 00:30:06,912 --> 00:30:10,086 They named it San Diago, 578 00:30:10,130 --> 00:30:14,174 which of course in German means a whale's vagina. 579 00:30:16,436 --> 00:30:19,350 N-- no, there's no way that's correct. 580 00:30:23,785 --> 00:30:26,612 I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you. 581 00:30:26,656 --> 00:30:28,438 Oh. 582 00:30:28,438 --> 00:30:31,179 I don't know what it means. 583 00:30:31,222 --> 00:30:34,179 I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. 584 00:30:34,223 --> 00:30:36,572 Scholars maintain that the translation was lost 585 00:30:36,615 --> 00:30:38,616 hundreds of years ago. 586 00:30:38,616 --> 00:30:41,007 Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? 587 00:30:42,139 --> 00:30:44,922 No. No. 588 00:30:44,966 --> 00:30:47,488 No, that's-- that's what it means. 589 00:30:47,532 --> 00:30:48,880 Really. 590 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,402 Well, agree to disagree. 591 00:30:55,794 --> 00:30:57,751 May I take your order? 592 00:30:57,751 --> 00:31:01,100 Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet 593 00:31:01,143 --> 00:31:04,014 with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese. 594 00:31:04,058 --> 00:31:05,971 Very good. 595 00:31:05,971 --> 00:31:07,928 A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth 596 00:31:07,928 --> 00:31:10,059 in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots. 597 00:31:10,059 --> 00:31:11,973 - Certainly. - Thank you, Scott. 598 00:31:11,973 --> 00:31:14,016 Thank you. 599 00:31:14,016 --> 00:31:16,582 Wow. Quite a drink order. 600 00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:19,800 Oh, well, when in Rome. 601 00:31:19,844 --> 00:31:21,410 Yes? 602 00:31:21,410 --> 00:31:23,324 Please, go on. 603 00:31:23,324 --> 00:31:26,802 Uh, do as the Romans do? 604 00:31:26,846 --> 00:31:28,585 It's an old expression. 605 00:31:28,585 --> 00:31:30,803 Oh! I've never heard of it. 606 00:31:30,846 --> 00:31:32,630 - Oh. - It's wonderful, though. 607 00:31:32,630 --> 00:31:34,892 Mr. Burgundy. 608 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,328 - Tino! How are you? - So good to see you. 609 00:31:37,371 --> 00:31:39,023 You're looking fantastic. 610 00:31:39,023 --> 00:31:41,023 Tino, Veronica. 611 00:31:41,023 --> 00:31:43,633 Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend. 612 00:31:43,676 --> 00:31:45,677 - Drinks are on Tino tonight. - No, no, no. 613 00:31:45,677 --> 00:31:48,155 We're work associates. I work at the station. 614 00:31:48,199 --> 00:31:51,331 - I'm a journalist. - Oh, okay. This is a good guy. 615 00:31:51,375 --> 00:31:53,505 Tino's the finest club owner in the city. 616 00:31:53,549 --> 00:31:55,114 - My best friend, right? - Yes. 617 00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:58,246 Yes, we have a saying in my country about people like him. 618 00:31:58,289 --> 00:32:00,811 "The coyote of the desert 619 00:32:00,899 --> 00:32:03,073 always likes to eat the heart of the young, 620 00:32:03,117 --> 00:32:06,856 where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner, 621 00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:09,683 - only the ribs will be broken in two." - Tino. 622 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:12,466 Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored 623 00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:15,207 if you will play "yazz" flute for us. 624 00:32:15,251 --> 00:32:17,164 - I can't. - Please. 625 00:32:17,164 --> 00:32:19,337 You play jazz flute? 626 00:32:19,381 --> 00:32:21,513 - I dabble. - Oh. 627 00:32:21,556 --> 00:32:24,688 Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute? 628 00:32:24,731 --> 00:32:27,993 - Get it goin', Ronnie! - Yes! Please. 629 00:32:28,036 --> 00:32:29,254 You, on stage now. 630 00:32:29,254 --> 00:32:32,037 Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty. 631 00:32:32,081 --> 00:32:33,820 - Honestly, I'm-- - Come on. 632 00:32:33,820 --> 00:32:37,517 - Give him a hand. - I'm not prepared. Not at all. 633 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,387 - Yeah! - This is a surprise, I'll tell you. 634 00:32:41,779 --> 00:32:44,432 Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat? 635 00:32:44,476 --> 00:32:46,084 Keep the cymbals splashy, 636 00:32:46,084 --> 00:32:48,215 and, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk. 637 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:53,912 Hold on. 638 00:32:53,912 --> 00:32:56,784 I'm not hearing it right. Hold on. 639 00:33:04,089 --> 00:33:06,176 We got it now. It's all right. 640 00:33:06,220 --> 00:33:08,308 Fire up, Ronnie! 641 00:33:09,961 --> 00:33:13,483 Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you. Hope you got your griddles. 642 00:33:20,224 --> 00:33:22,572 That's baby-makin' music, that's what that is. 643 00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:31,052 Let's go! 644 00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:15,108 Hey, Aqualung! 645 00:34:27,545 --> 00:34:28,720 Thank you. 646 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:30,808 Thank you! 647 00:34:37,244 --> 00:34:39,810 You were amazing. 648 00:34:39,854 --> 00:34:41,723 Mm. Thank you. 649 00:34:41,723 --> 00:34:43,854 Where did you learn to play like that? 650 00:34:43,898 --> 00:34:45,593 Well, jazz flute 651 00:34:45,593 --> 00:34:48,638 has always been a small passion of mine. 652 00:34:48,725 --> 00:34:51,683 So what other passions do you have, Mr. Burgundy? 653 00:34:51,726 --> 00:34:56,466 Well, I have one great passion that-- 654 00:34:56,511 --> 00:35:00,990 that lives deep within my loins, like a-- 655 00:35:01,034 --> 00:35:05,033 Iike a flaming golden hawk: 656 00:35:05,077 --> 00:35:08,209 To one day become a network anchor. 657 00:35:08,252 --> 00:35:11,341 Well, believe it or not, 658 00:35:11,384 --> 00:35:13,428 we share the same dream. 659 00:35:14,427 --> 00:35:16,471 I too want to be an network anchor. 660 00:35:18,255 --> 00:35:20,386 God, you are so beautiful. 661 00:35:24,995 --> 00:35:27,083 We really should be going. 662 00:35:27,127 --> 00:35:30,214 I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker. 663 00:35:31,911 --> 00:35:33,999 Wait. 664 00:35:35,998 --> 00:35:39,000 What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers? 665 00:35:39,087 --> 00:35:41,826 We were co-people? 666 00:35:42,913 --> 00:35:44,957 - I don't-- - Shh. 667 00:35:46,219 --> 00:35:48,306 You be a woman. 668 00:35:48,350 --> 00:35:50,742 I'll be a man. 669 00:35:50,785 --> 00:35:52,873 That's all. 670 00:35:53,481 --> 00:35:55,090 Oh. 671 00:35:55,090 --> 00:35:58,222 You continue to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy. 672 00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:22,141 Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady. 673 00:36:26,795 --> 00:36:29,622 Oh, mi coraz�n es en fuego! 674 00:36:29,666 --> 00:36:31,927 Julio, fuego, fuego, fuego! 675 00:36:31,970 --> 00:36:34,275 Wait, stop. Stop talking like that. 676 00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:36,840 - I can't understand you. - Sorry. 677 00:36:41,277 --> 00:36:43,277 Take me to Pleasure Town! 678 00:36:43,277 --> 00:36:45,364 - Oh, we're going there! - Oh! 679 00:36:49,148 --> 00:36:52,584 # Love is like candy on a shelf # 680 00:36:54,063 --> 00:36:58,020 # You want to taste and help yourself... # 681 00:36:58,020 --> 00:37:00,586 I friggin' love you! 682 00:37:00,630 --> 00:37:02,673 I friggin' love you back! 683 00:37:02,673 --> 00:37:05,153 # Help yourself, take a few # 684 00:37:05,196 --> 00:37:08,023 # That's what I want you to do... # 685 00:37:08,066 --> 00:37:11,024 Look! The most glorious rainbow ever! 686 00:37:11,068 --> 00:37:12,851 Oh, do me on it! 687 00:37:12,851 --> 00:37:15,938 # Just say the word and they are yours... # 688 00:37:15,982 --> 00:37:19,852 Whee! 689 00:37:19,896 --> 00:37:24,811 # In my heart your smile has opened up the door # 690 00:37:24,854 --> 00:37:28,811 # The greatest wealth that exists in the world. # 691 00:37:28,855 --> 00:37:30,899 Mmm. 692 00:37:30,899 --> 00:37:32,986 Well done, sir. 693 00:37:37,510 --> 00:37:40,205 Tip of the cap to you as well, Miss Corningstone. 694 00:37:46,904 --> 00:37:49,469 I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy. 695 00:37:49,513 --> 00:37:51,079 Mm. 696 00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:54,471 But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional. 697 00:37:54,515 --> 00:37:56,514 - Right. - Hmm. 698 00:37:56,514 --> 00:37:59,341 When in Rome. 699 00:37:59,384 --> 00:38:00,733 Yeah. 700 00:38:00,733 --> 00:38:02,646 That, uh, expression 701 00:38:02,646 --> 00:38:05,168 doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about. 702 00:38:05,212 --> 00:38:07,255 - Oh, I'm-- - What I was saying. 703 00:38:07,255 --> 00:38:10,257 I still don't quite understand what it means. 704 00:38:10,257 --> 00:38:12,519 Oh, no. You'll find it. 705 00:38:14,910 --> 00:38:16,911 No, I was saying that, 706 00:38:16,911 --> 00:38:18,998 if we continue seeing each other, 707 00:38:19,041 --> 00:38:22,782 that we should keep it relatively quiet around the station. 708 00:38:22,826 --> 00:38:24,608 Absolutely, 709 00:38:24,608 --> 00:38:27,262 my wild love tigress. 710 00:38:30,566 --> 00:38:32,699 Tasteful discretion is the name of the game. 711 00:38:32,741 --> 00:38:34,828 Mm-hmm. 712 00:38:37,134 --> 00:38:40,135 Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, 713 00:38:40,135 --> 00:38:43,308 and now we are in love! 714 00:38:44,352 --> 00:38:46,571 Did I say that loud? 715 00:38:46,614 --> 00:38:48,875 Yeah, you pretty much yelled it. 716 00:38:48,919 --> 00:38:51,007 Well, I can't help it. 717 00:38:51,007 --> 00:38:52,572 It's fantastic! 718 00:38:52,572 --> 00:38:55,703 - What's it like, Ron? - The intimate times? 719 00:38:55,747 --> 00:38:58,225 Outta sight, my man! 720 00:38:59,617 --> 00:39:03,010 No. The other thing. 721 00:39:03,054 --> 00:39:04,619 Love. 722 00:39:04,619 --> 00:39:07,272 Yeah. What is that? 723 00:39:07,315 --> 00:39:11,099 Well, it's tough to explain. 724 00:39:11,143 --> 00:39:15,014 - I think I was in love once. - Really, what was her name? 725 00:39:15,056 --> 00:39:16,491 I don't remember. 726 00:39:16,491 --> 00:39:19,449 That's not a good start, but keep going. 727 00:39:19,493 --> 00:39:21,536 She was Brazilian. 728 00:39:21,536 --> 00:39:23,972 Or Chinese, or something weird. 729 00:39:24,015 --> 00:39:26,973 I met her in the bathroom of a K-mart, 730 00:39:27,016 --> 00:39:29,191 and we made out for hours. 731 00:39:29,234 --> 00:39:32,627 Then we parted ways, never to see each other again. 732 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:35,106 I'm pretty sure that's not love. 733 00:39:35,150 --> 00:39:36,540 Damn it! 734 00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,628 I love... 735 00:39:39,933 --> 00:39:42,021 carpet. 736 00:39:43,804 --> 00:39:46,500 I love desk. 737 00:39:46,543 --> 00:39:50,370 Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them? 738 00:39:50,370 --> 00:39:52,239 I love lamp. 739 00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,981 Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it? 740 00:39:56,024 --> 00:39:59,720 I love lamp! I love lamp. 741 00:39:59,764 --> 00:40:01,982 You really want to know what love is? 742 00:40:02,026 --> 00:40:04,286 - Yeah. - Yes, tell us. 743 00:40:04,330 --> 00:40:06,419 More than anything in the world. 744 00:40:07,287 --> 00:40:10,202 Well, it's really quite simple. 745 00:40:11,767 --> 00:40:13,854 It's kind of like... 746 00:40:15,421 --> 00:40:18,508 # Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight # 747 00:40:18,552 --> 00:40:21,988 # Gonna grab some afternoon delight # 748 00:40:22,030 --> 00:40:25,031 # My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" # 749 00:40:25,031 --> 00:40:28,640 # Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night # 750 00:40:28,684 --> 00:40:34,861 # When everything's a little clearer in the light of day # 751 00:40:34,904 --> 00:40:37,209 # And we know the night # 752 00:40:37,252 --> 00:40:41,644 # Is always gonna be there anyway? # 753 00:40:41,688 --> 00:40:44,516 # Thinkin' of you's working up my appetite # 754 00:40:44,559 --> 00:40:47,384 # Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight # 755 00:40:47,384 --> 00:40:50,386 # Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite # 756 00:40:50,430 --> 00:40:53,821 # And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting # 757 00:40:53,910 --> 00:40:55,779 # Sky rockets in flight # 758 00:40:55,779 --> 00:40:58,693 - # Boo! # - # Afternoon delight... # 759 00:40:58,736 --> 00:41:01,520 - Whoop! - You guys have it, I think. 760 00:41:01,563 --> 00:41:04,694 # Afternoon delight. # 761 00:41:04,737 --> 00:41:08,696 I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy. 762 00:41:08,739 --> 00:41:10,914 Sounds like you have mental problems, man. 763 00:41:10,957 --> 00:41:13,696 - Yeah, you got mental problems, man. - Yeah, he really does. 764 00:41:13,739 --> 00:41:14,915 Man. 765 00:41:14,915 --> 00:41:17,741 # Afternoon delight. # 766 00:41:17,785 --> 00:41:20,046 - Wanna make a phone call. - Freshen this up. 767 00:41:28,439 --> 00:41:32,180 Oh, look out. Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus. 768 00:41:32,224 --> 00:41:34,267 He's ready to do battle in the arena 769 00:41:34,267 --> 00:41:37,094 against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined. 770 00:41:38,964 --> 00:41:41,487 I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone. 771 00:41:41,529 --> 00:41:43,748 Shut up. 772 00:41:43,791 --> 00:41:45,618 Oh, I hate cats. 773 00:41:45,618 --> 00:41:48,227 Let's just do my sign-off and get outta here. 774 00:41:49,489 --> 00:41:52,097 It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack. 775 00:41:52,141 --> 00:41:56,272 Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat. 776 00:41:56,317 --> 00:41:59,796 I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News. 777 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:03,449 That was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone. 778 00:42:03,493 --> 00:42:05,145 She's really great. 779 00:42:05,145 --> 00:42:08,363 I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating 780 00:42:08,406 --> 00:42:11,104 and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom. 781 00:42:11,148 --> 00:42:12,973 Uh... 782 00:42:12,973 --> 00:42:15,627 That's gonna do it for all of us here at 6:00. 783 00:42:15,670 --> 00:42:18,366 For the Channel 4 News Team, I'm Ron Burgundy. 784 00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,497 You stay classy, San Diego. 785 00:42:21,453 --> 00:42:23,497 All clear. 786 00:42:23,497 --> 00:42:25,585 Uh-oh. 787 00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:28,281 I might be in trouble on that one. 788 00:42:28,325 --> 00:42:32,239 I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air. 789 00:42:32,283 --> 00:42:35,935 Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue. 790 00:42:35,979 --> 00:42:39,328 Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor. 791 00:42:39,371 --> 00:42:41,807 That is never gonna happen if everyone in San Diego 792 00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:43,850 thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal. 793 00:42:43,850 --> 00:42:45,852 I don't know what to say. 794 00:42:45,852 --> 00:42:48,461 I just-- I got excited. 795 00:42:48,504 --> 00:42:52,635 I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain. 796 00:42:52,678 --> 00:42:55,898 But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera. 797 00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:57,463 Look. 798 00:42:57,463 --> 00:42:59,463 I report the news. That's what I do. 799 00:42:59,463 --> 00:43:03,856 And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world, 800 00:43:03,856 --> 00:43:06,118 read something like this: 801 00:43:06,162 --> 00:43:08,597 I love Veronica Corningstone. 802 00:43:12,729 --> 00:43:14,816 Oh, Ron. 803 00:43:19,207 --> 00:43:21,208 This is nice, gang, sittin' here. 804 00:43:21,208 --> 00:43:23,600 - Oh, yeah. - Brown baggin' it. 805 00:43:23,644 --> 00:43:27,123 The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00. 806 00:43:27,167 --> 00:43:29,168 Oh! Almost forgot. 807 00:43:29,168 --> 00:43:31,472 I won't be able to make it, fellas. 808 00:43:31,515 --> 00:43:33,864 Veronica and I are trying this new fad called, 809 00:43:33,908 --> 00:43:35,821 uh, jogging. 810 00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:39,301 I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J." 811 00:43:39,343 --> 00:43:42,040 I'm not sure, but apparently you just run 812 00:43:42,084 --> 00:43:44,215 for an extended period of time. 813 00:43:44,258 --> 00:43:46,738 - It's supposed to be wild. - So Ron's not coming? 814 00:43:46,780 --> 00:43:48,433 No, Ron's coming. 815 00:43:48,433 --> 00:43:51,521 It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month. 816 00:43:51,564 --> 00:43:53,435 I realize that. 817 00:43:53,435 --> 00:43:57,087 Sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, "When in Rome." 818 00:43:57,131 --> 00:43:59,218 The bottom line is, 819 00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:02,306 you've been spending a lot of time with this lady. 820 00:44:02,350 --> 00:44:06,220 You're a member of the Channel 4 News Team. 821 00:44:06,264 --> 00:44:08,743 - That's a given. - We need you. 822 00:44:10,179 --> 00:44:12,266 Hell, I need you. 823 00:44:13,527 --> 00:44:15,745 I'm a mess without ya. 824 00:44:15,788 --> 00:44:18,181 I miss you so damn much. 825 00:44:18,224 --> 00:44:20,962 I miss being with you. 826 00:44:21,006 --> 00:44:24,616 I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. 827 00:44:30,141 --> 00:44:32,314 I miss-- I miss your scent. 828 00:44:32,358 --> 00:44:34,967 I miss your musk. 829 00:44:37,533 --> 00:44:40,054 When this all gets sorted out, 830 00:44:40,098 --> 00:44:43,100 I think you and me should get an apartment together. 831 00:44:45,143 --> 00:44:47,622 Just take it easy, Champ. 832 00:44:47,666 --> 00:44:50,102 Why don't you stop talking for a while? 833 00:44:50,145 --> 00:44:52,319 Maybe sit the next couple of plays out. 834 00:44:52,363 --> 00:44:53,929 You know what I mean? 835 00:44:53,929 --> 00:44:55,930 Yeah, I'm gonna quit sayin' things 836 00:44:55,930 --> 00:44:58,277 when they crop up in the ol' skull, huh? 837 00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:01,235 See what it's like when you're not here? 838 00:45:01,279 --> 00:45:04,279 You're our leader. Look what you're doing to the group. 839 00:45:04,322 --> 00:45:06,671 Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night. 840 00:45:06,714 --> 00:45:08,889 Here's the thing, 841 00:45:08,933 --> 00:45:10,760 I don't trust this chick. 842 00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,456 We need you around, and she is just using you. 843 00:45:13,500 --> 00:45:15,673 Everyone, just relax. All right? 844 00:45:15,717 --> 00:45:19,805 Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women. 845 00:45:20,197 --> 00:45:22,458 I don't know, Ron. 846 00:45:22,502 --> 00:45:24,720 Guess what. I do. 847 00:45:24,763 --> 00:45:28,111 I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married 848 00:45:28,155 --> 00:45:30,546 on top of a mountain. 849 00:45:30,590 --> 00:45:32,678 And there's going to be flutes playing 850 00:45:32,722 --> 00:45:35,591 and trombones and flowers 851 00:45:35,634 --> 00:45:38,158 and garlands of fresh herbs. 852 00:45:39,507 --> 00:45:42,768 And we will dance till the sun rises. 853 00:45:42,811 --> 00:45:45,595 And then our children will form a family band. 854 00:45:45,637 --> 00:45:47,638 And we will tour the countryside, 855 00:45:47,638 --> 00:45:49,726 and you won't be invited! 856 00:45:52,639 --> 00:45:56,337 I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head. 857 00:45:59,815 --> 00:46:03,034 Good. Good one! 858 00:46:03,077 --> 00:46:04,991 Oh, okay. I understand. 859 00:46:04,991 --> 00:46:07,905 You have a nice day, sir. Bye. 860 00:46:07,949 --> 00:46:10,688 Um, I could come back later, Mr. Harken. 861 00:46:10,732 --> 00:46:12,167 No, no, no. 862 00:46:12,167 --> 00:46:13,906 It's just parent stuff. 863 00:46:13,906 --> 00:46:16,559 It seems that our youngest, Chris, was 864 00:46:16,603 --> 00:46:18,430 on something called acid 865 00:46:18,430 --> 00:46:20,995 and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd. 866 00:46:21,038 --> 00:46:23,125 - Mm. - You know how kids are. 867 00:46:23,169 --> 00:46:25,039 Oh. Right. 868 00:46:25,039 --> 00:46:27,736 Anyhoo, what can I do you for? 869 00:46:27,780 --> 00:46:29,084 Well, Mr. Harken, 870 00:46:29,084 --> 00:46:32,085 I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist 871 00:46:32,172 --> 00:46:34,173 and that I deserve the opportunity 872 00:46:34,173 --> 00:46:36,304 to take on more challenging stories. 873 00:46:36,346 --> 00:46:38,478 Well, ask and you shall receive. 874 00:46:38,522 --> 00:46:41,828 Ah, yes, this just came across my desk. 875 00:46:41,870 --> 00:46:44,262 Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman 876 00:46:44,306 --> 00:46:48,132 who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meat loaf. 877 00:46:48,176 --> 00:46:50,263 Ooh, now that's a hot lead. 878 00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:53,613 It was very hard for Veronica. 879 00:46:53,655 --> 00:46:56,352 But she was a pro and hung tough. 880 00:46:56,352 --> 00:46:59,701 But soon, with a simple act of littering, 881 00:46:59,743 --> 00:47:02,267 everyone's life would change forever. 882 00:47:02,310 --> 00:47:04,398 # La la la la la. # 883 00:47:07,572 --> 00:47:10,965 # Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman # 884 00:47:11,009 --> 00:47:13,053 # I'll take you to foggy London Town # 885 00:47:13,053 --> 00:47:14,530 # Because you are what? # 886 00:47:14,530 --> 00:47:17,315 # My little gentleman. # 887 00:47:17,358 --> 00:47:20,272 This burrito is delicious, but it is filling. 888 00:47:20,316 --> 00:47:22,621 Whoa! 889 00:47:24,012 --> 00:47:26,100 Antony and Cleopatra! 890 00:47:32,752 --> 00:47:35,059 Goddamn son of-- 891 00:47:36,407 --> 00:47:38,015 What the hell, bro'? 892 00:47:38,015 --> 00:47:40,233 Hello, neighbor. 893 00:47:40,277 --> 00:47:42,495 Did you just throw a burrito out your window? 894 00:47:42,539 --> 00:47:43,756 I believe I did. 895 00:47:43,756 --> 00:47:46,714 Are you high or something? Did you see what happened? 896 00:47:46,757 --> 00:47:49,540 I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry. 897 00:47:49,583 --> 00:47:52,323 That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph. 898 00:47:52,367 --> 00:47:55,890 Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right? 899 00:47:55,934 --> 00:47:59,369 I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass! 900 00:47:59,411 --> 00:48:01,457 If you want to throw down, fine. 901 00:48:01,457 --> 00:48:04,848 I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you. 902 00:48:04,892 --> 00:48:07,197 You destroyed the only thing I love. 903 00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:10,372 All right? There it is. What do you love? 904 00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:12,503 I love poetry. 905 00:48:12,503 --> 00:48:14,764 And a glass of Scotch. 906 00:48:14,808 --> 00:48:17,591 And, of course, my friend Baxter here. 907 00:48:17,635 --> 00:48:20,331 Well, guess what. Now this is happenin'. 908 00:48:20,375 --> 00:48:23,375 Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing? 909 00:48:26,072 --> 00:48:28,551 That's how I roll. 910 00:48:29,681 --> 00:48:32,595 Baxter! 911 00:48:32,639 --> 00:48:36,422 No...! 912 00:48:38,205 --> 00:48:40,466 - Where the hell is he? - He'll be here. 913 00:48:42,206 --> 00:48:45,033 - I thought he was Mr. Dependable. - It's not like Ron. 914 00:48:45,076 --> 00:48:48,687 I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless. 915 00:48:48,730 --> 00:48:50,556 - Excuse me, gentlemen. - Oh. Hello. 916 00:48:50,556 --> 00:48:53,949 Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on. 917 00:48:53,992 --> 00:48:56,341 You and I have had this discussion a million times. 918 00:48:56,384 --> 00:48:58,167 There's never been a woman anchor. 919 00:48:58,167 --> 00:48:59,645 Mr. Harken, 920 00:48:59,645 --> 00:49:02,646 - this city needs its news. - Oh. 921 00:49:02,646 --> 00:49:05,778 You're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts? 922 00:49:05,822 --> 00:49:07,343 Exquisite breasts? 923 00:49:07,343 --> 00:49:11,735 I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on. 924 00:49:11,779 --> 00:49:13,823 Because I am good at three things: 925 00:49:13,866 --> 00:49:16,172 fighting, screwing and reading the news. 926 00:49:16,215 --> 00:49:19,955 I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? 927 00:49:22,174 --> 00:49:23,521 Uh-- 928 00:49:23,521 --> 00:49:25,608 Screwing? 929 00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:31,610 I will be in makeup. 930 00:49:33,045 --> 00:49:35,177 Jesus, she's terrifying! 931 00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:38,657 Fantana. 932 00:49:39,787 --> 00:49:41,134 Ron, are you okay? 933 00:49:41,134 --> 00:49:43,222 The man punted Baxter! 934 00:49:43,222 --> 00:49:45,309 Calm down. 935 00:49:45,353 --> 00:49:47,049 Breathe, Ron, breathe. 936 00:49:47,049 --> 00:49:49,528 The man that loved the motorcycle! 937 00:49:49,572 --> 00:49:51,442 What did the bad man do? 938 00:49:51,442 --> 00:49:55,573 The motorcycle on the bridge! I hit him with a burrito! 939 00:49:55,617 --> 00:49:56,921 - Ron! - He took him! 940 00:49:56,921 --> 00:50:00,270 He took him with his foot and he kicked him! 941 00:50:00,314 --> 00:50:01,748 That's what he did! 942 00:50:01,748 --> 00:50:03,098 Someone punted him? 943 00:50:03,098 --> 00:50:05,838 No, wait. Wait. Let me say something. 944 00:50:05,881 --> 00:50:11,229 Let me say something. 945 00:50:11,273 --> 00:50:14,274 What? 946 00:50:17,057 --> 00:50:20,188 I-- I don't-- I didn't understand one word you said. 947 00:50:20,232 --> 00:50:22,624 Ron, are you okay? Ron? 948 00:50:29,017 --> 00:50:31,235 Ron. Where are you? 949 00:50:31,278 --> 00:50:34,932 I'm in a glass case of emotion! 950 00:50:34,975 --> 00:50:37,063 He's gonna put Corningstone on. 951 00:50:37,063 --> 00:50:39,543 He's gonna put Corningstone on! 952 00:50:41,586 --> 00:50:43,673 I've got to do the news! 953 00:50:57,416 --> 00:50:59,504 You're not Ron. 954 00:51:01,113 --> 00:51:03,809 We're on in 10. Good luck, lady. 955 00:51:03,809 --> 00:51:05,897 Ready the announce. 956 00:51:09,767 --> 00:51:11,941 - Power. - Roll in. 957 00:51:11,985 --> 00:51:14,073 Power. Power. 958 00:51:18,247 --> 00:51:20,510 One slip, 959 00:51:20,553 --> 00:51:23,031 and you're gone. Whammy. 960 00:51:23,075 --> 00:51:25,423 And your reporter in the field, 961 00:51:25,467 --> 00:51:26,815 Brian Fantana. 962 00:51:26,815 --> 00:51:29,686 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 963 00:51:31,512 --> 00:51:34,078 Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight. 964 00:51:35,469 --> 00:51:37,948 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 965 00:51:37,992 --> 00:51:39,514 Tonight's top story: 966 00:51:39,514 --> 00:51:41,994 - Okay, we're off and running. - Three armed men 967 00:51:42,038 --> 00:51:45,733 wearing ski masks made off with over $20,000 from an area bank 968 00:51:45,776 --> 00:51:47,863 in a daring early morning robbery. 969 00:51:52,865 --> 00:51:54,300 Hey! 970 00:51:54,300 --> 00:51:57,476 And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy, 971 00:51:57,519 --> 00:52:00,432 with a jump of seven feet, 10 inches. 972 00:52:00,476 --> 00:52:02,345 Hmm. 973 00:52:02,345 --> 00:52:06,478 I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too. 974 00:52:08,522 --> 00:52:10,740 That will do it for us at 6:00. 975 00:52:10,784 --> 00:52:13,306 From all of us here at Channel 4 News, 976 00:52:13,350 --> 00:52:15,567 I'm Veronica Corningstone, 977 00:52:15,610 --> 00:52:18,741 and thanks for stopping by, San Diego. 978 00:52:18,785 --> 00:52:20,134 All clear! 979 00:52:20,134 --> 00:52:22,917 Yes! Yes! 980 00:52:24,047 --> 00:52:26,222 Lady! Lady! 981 00:52:26,266 --> 00:52:29,136 Not bad, Miss Corningstone. Not bad at all. 982 00:52:29,179 --> 00:52:31,311 Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good. 983 00:52:31,354 --> 00:52:34,267 - That felt really good. - I liked your sign-off line, too. 984 00:52:34,311 --> 00:52:37,268 You did? It just came through me. It was so organic. 985 00:52:37,312 --> 00:52:39,400 Thank you. 986 00:52:40,878 --> 00:52:42,879 Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling! 987 00:52:42,879 --> 00:52:45,574 I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God. 988 00:52:45,618 --> 00:52:47,531 I have something magnificent to tell you. 989 00:52:47,531 --> 00:52:49,967 I'm here. We can do the news now. 990 00:52:50,011 --> 00:52:52,837 It's all right, everyone! We can do the news. 991 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,709 Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go! 992 00:52:55,752 --> 00:52:58,840 Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you. 993 00:52:58,883 --> 00:53:00,231 What? 994 00:53:00,231 --> 00:53:02,318 Sweetheart, we were so worried about you, 995 00:53:02,362 --> 00:53:05,189 and we waited as long as we could, but-- 996 00:53:05,233 --> 00:53:09,189 Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it. 997 00:53:09,233 --> 00:53:13,843 Wait, wait! Veronica, please, tell me this is some kind 998 00:53:13,887 --> 00:53:16,366 of sick, tasteless joke. 999 00:53:16,410 --> 00:53:18,713 You weren't here. Why are you being this way? 1000 00:53:18,757 --> 00:53:20,759 Why can't you be proud of me 1001 00:53:20,759 --> 00:53:23,541 as a peer and as my gentleman lover? 1002 00:53:23,541 --> 00:53:25,107 Oh, Jeez. 1003 00:53:25,107 --> 00:53:27,933 I can't believe you did this to me! 1004 00:53:27,977 --> 00:53:29,978 You read my news! 1005 00:53:29,978 --> 00:53:33,022 I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. 1006 00:53:33,066 --> 00:53:34,633 I told you that. 1007 00:53:34,633 --> 00:53:37,067 I thought you were kidding! 1008 00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:39,111 I thought it was a joke! 1009 00:53:39,111 --> 00:53:41,415 I even wrote it down in my diary! 1010 00:53:41,459 --> 00:53:44,677 "Veronica had a very funny joke today." 1011 00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:46,766 I laughed at it later that night! 1012 00:53:46,766 --> 00:53:49,070 I can't believe that I cared for you. 1013 00:53:49,113 --> 00:53:51,115 Get out! Just go! 1014 00:53:51,115 --> 00:53:53,898 We are through! Through! 1015 00:53:53,941 --> 00:53:56,897 Because of your actions, you scorpion woman! 1016 00:53:56,941 --> 00:53:59,855 You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. 1017 00:53:59,899 --> 00:54:02,030 You have broken my heart. 1018 00:54:06,291 --> 00:54:08,075 From there on out, 1019 00:54:08,075 --> 00:54:10,597 things just got worse for Ron Burgundy. 1020 00:54:10,641 --> 00:54:12,728 Corningstone was a star, 1021 00:54:12,728 --> 00:54:15,600 and everything started to move awfully fast 1022 00:54:15,643 --> 00:54:18,295 - after her big break. - Where's lan? Ian! 1023 00:54:18,295 --> 00:54:20,774 All right, I got a call from network. 1024 00:54:20,817 --> 00:54:23,210 It looks like our broadcast last night 1025 00:54:23,252 --> 00:54:26,253 received a two-point ratings boost, 1026 00:54:26,341 --> 00:54:28,733 and the decision has been passed down 1027 00:54:28,776 --> 00:54:31,560 to make Veronica our co-anchor. 1028 00:54:31,602 --> 00:54:33,647 - What? - No. No! 1029 00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:35,734 No! 1030 00:54:35,777 --> 00:54:37,517 - No! - No! 1031 00:54:37,517 --> 00:54:38,953 - No! - This is wonderful. 1032 00:54:38,953 --> 00:54:42,432 Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man. 1033 00:54:42,518 --> 00:54:45,433 - We did it. - What is this, amateur hour? 1034 00:54:48,825 --> 00:54:51,478 - That's great. - Thank you. 1035 00:54:51,521 --> 00:54:53,478 - # Sunshine, go away today... # - Damn it! 1036 00:54:53,478 --> 00:54:57,827 # I don't feel much like dancing # 1037 00:54:57,871 --> 00:55:01,046 # Some man's gone, he's trying to run my life # 1038 00:55:01,089 --> 00:55:05,221 # Don't know what he's asking # 1039 00:55:07,047 --> 00:55:10,830 # When he tells me I better get in line # 1040 00:55:10,874 --> 00:55:14,484 # I can't hear what he's sayin' # 1041 00:55:14,528 --> 00:55:18,440 # When I grow up I'm gonna make it mine # 1042 00:55:18,484 --> 00:55:19,659 # These ain't dues... # 1043 00:55:19,659 --> 00:55:21,486 What Brian didn't tell you 1044 00:55:21,486 --> 00:55:24,486 was that those were not real pirates. 1045 00:55:24,530 --> 00:55:27,009 - They looked convincing, though. - Oh, yes. 1046 00:55:27,053 --> 00:55:29,618 Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News, 1047 00:55:29,662 --> 00:55:31,054 I'm Ron Burgundy. 1048 00:55:31,054 --> 00:55:33,053 You stay classy, San Diego. 1049 00:55:33,053 --> 00:55:35,097 And thanks for stopping by. 1050 00:55:35,097 --> 00:55:37,143 But mainly stay classy. 1051 00:55:37,143 --> 00:55:39,882 - Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy. 1052 00:55:39,924 --> 00:55:41,796 - Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy. 1053 00:55:41,796 --> 00:55:44,362 Ron Burgundy. 1054 00:55:46,710 --> 00:55:49,797 You are a real hooker, and I'm gonna slap you in public. 1055 00:55:55,625 --> 00:55:58,843 You have man boobs. 1056 00:55:58,886 --> 00:56:01,236 You've got a dirty, whorish mouth. 1057 00:56:05,585 --> 00:56:07,976 I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. 1058 00:56:08,020 --> 00:56:10,151 - A straight shot. - Ooh, ow. 1059 00:56:10,194 --> 00:56:12,238 Right to the baby-maker. 1060 00:56:12,238 --> 00:56:15,326 Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys. 1061 00:56:15,370 --> 00:56:17,457 Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for. 1062 00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,719 I can't work with this woman. It's terrible. 1063 00:56:21,371 --> 00:56:24,329 It's ringing. 1064 00:56:25,677 --> 00:56:27,503 Veronica Corningstone. 1065 00:56:27,503 --> 00:56:30,547 Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin 1066 00:56:30,590 --> 00:56:32,895 from the network. You've just been promoted. 1067 00:56:32,939 --> 00:56:35,071 You're gonna need to move to Moscow. 1068 00:56:35,113 --> 00:56:36,897 Start cleaning up your desk. 1069 00:56:36,897 --> 00:56:39,246 See you in the morning. We'll pick you up in a van. 1070 00:56:39,288 --> 00:56:40,897 What did you say your name was? 1071 00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:43,116 Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important. 1072 00:56:43,159 --> 00:56:44,681 Start cleaning your desk, 1073 00:56:44,725 --> 00:56:47,160 and we'll pick you up in the morning. 1074 00:56:47,204 --> 00:56:49,508 Tell her she might want to get a coat. 1075 00:56:49,508 --> 00:56:52,161 Hold on. Veronica? What was it? 1076 00:56:52,205 --> 00:56:53,727 Tell her to get a coat. 1077 00:56:53,727 --> 00:56:56,902 Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold. 1078 00:56:56,902 --> 00:56:58,469 You might want to buy a coat. 1079 00:56:58,469 --> 00:57:00,773 Are you and Champ having a good time, Ron? 1080 00:57:00,816 --> 00:57:01,947 Are we what? 1081 00:57:01,947 --> 00:57:04,077 I can see you, Ron. 1082 00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:05,513 What? 1083 00:57:05,513 --> 00:57:08,513 I can see you. 1084 00:57:08,557 --> 00:57:10,949 Okay. Bye-bye. 1085 00:57:10,993 --> 00:57:13,081 - What happened? - She knew it was me. 1086 00:57:16,908 --> 00:57:19,344 You're watching Channel 4 News 1087 00:57:19,344 --> 00:57:21,691 with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor 1088 00:57:21,735 --> 00:57:23,823 Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee. 1089 00:57:25,256 --> 00:57:28,128 Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1090 00:57:28,171 --> 00:57:30,258 Tits McGee is on vacation. 1091 00:57:33,564 --> 00:57:35,608 And I'm Tits-- I'm Ron Burgundy. 1092 00:57:39,218 --> 00:57:41,740 - Veronica Corningstone. - This is your doctor. 1093 00:57:41,740 --> 00:57:44,914 I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. 1094 00:57:44,958 --> 00:57:48,220 You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news. 1095 00:57:48,264 --> 00:57:50,743 - Who is this? - This is Dr. Chim. 1096 00:57:50,786 --> 00:57:54,222 - Dr. Chim Richalds. - Ron, is this you? 1097 00:57:54,265 --> 00:57:56,526 I'm a professional doctor. 1098 00:57:56,570 --> 00:57:59,091 You saw me. You don't remember. 1099 00:57:59,136 --> 00:58:02,137 We-- you should move. 1100 00:58:02,180 --> 00:58:04,399 - Get out of the business. - This is pathetic. 1101 00:58:04,399 --> 00:58:06,529 You're pathetic. 1102 00:58:06,572 --> 00:58:08,226 What'd she say? 1103 00:58:08,226 --> 00:58:10,662 She-- I don't-- I think she bought it. 1104 00:58:10,705 --> 00:58:13,141 She's looking this way. 1105 00:58:13,183 --> 00:58:16,314 - Oh, uh-oh. Whoa! - Here she comes. 1106 00:58:20,489 --> 00:58:22,968 I'll tell you what, it's just not working. 1107 00:58:23,012 --> 00:58:25,404 She's making us look like a bunch of fools. 1108 00:58:25,447 --> 00:58:28,491 Ellen, where's the party? 1109 00:58:29,580 --> 00:58:32,276 Children, grow up. 1110 00:58:33,362 --> 00:58:35,362 Son of a bee sting. 1111 00:58:35,362 --> 00:58:37,494 She's turning the entire office against us. 1112 00:58:37,537 --> 00:58:40,147 - This is grim. Real grim. - What are we gonna do? 1113 00:58:40,191 --> 00:58:42,451 There's only one thing a man can do 1114 00:58:42,451 --> 00:58:46,410 when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk. 1115 00:58:46,454 --> 00:58:48,672 Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys? 1116 00:58:48,714 --> 00:58:51,324 No. Buy new suits. 1117 00:58:51,368 --> 00:58:53,151 Yea! 1118 00:58:53,151 --> 00:58:55,281 # That girl # 1119 00:58:57,543 --> 00:59:00,022 # I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night # 1120 00:59:00,065 --> 00:59:01,631 # Can you dig it? Can you dig it? # 1121 00:59:01,631 --> 00:59:03,327 # Can you dig it? Can you dig it? # 1122 00:59:03,327 --> 00:59:03,415 Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes. 1123 00:59:03,415 --> 00:59:06,457 Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes. 1124 00:59:06,501 --> 00:59:08,937 Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut. 1125 00:59:08,981 --> 00:59:10,286 Fantastic. 1126 00:59:10,286 --> 00:59:12,764 - Is it a shortcut or not? - Okay. 1127 00:59:13,895 --> 00:59:15,982 Jeez. 1128 00:59:18,635 --> 00:59:20,461 Hey. 1129 00:59:20,504 --> 00:59:24,114 Uh-oh. Here comes trouble. 1130 00:59:26,550 --> 00:59:29,247 Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh? 1131 00:59:30,725 --> 00:59:33,727 You boys walkin' around and talkin' things through? 1132 00:59:33,727 --> 00:59:35,814 Keep a tight perimeter. 1133 00:59:37,597 --> 00:59:39,684 Yes, sirree. 1134 00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:42,598 Well, well, well. 1135 00:59:43,555 --> 00:59:45,512 Ron Burgundy 1136 00:59:45,512 --> 00:59:47,512 and the Channel 4 News Team. 1137 00:59:47,512 --> 00:59:49,513 Where's your mommy? 1138 00:59:49,513 --> 00:59:51,992 You back off, Evening News Team. 1139 00:59:56,775 --> 00:59:58,993 You know, I understand that, uh, 1140 00:59:59,037 --> 01:00:01,516 they had to bring a female in. 1141 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,256 Change your diapers. 1142 01:00:04,256 --> 01:00:06,779 Wipe the dribble away from your bubblin' lips. 1143 01:00:08,475 --> 01:00:10,389 Rub Vaseline all over your heinie 1144 01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:13,694 and tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's. 1145 01:00:15,607 --> 01:00:17,825 He said "heinie"! 1146 01:00:17,869 --> 01:00:19,564 Brick, get back over here! 1147 01:00:19,564 --> 01:00:21,042 Heinie! 1148 01:00:21,042 --> 01:00:23,130 Does she tuck you in, Ronnie? 1149 01:00:24,174 --> 01:00:26,566 Give you a little kiss on your forehead? 1150 01:00:26,566 --> 01:00:28,479 Tell you everything's gonna be okay? 1151 01:00:28,479 --> 01:00:30,740 I've had enough of you, Mantooth. 1152 01:00:30,740 --> 01:00:33,786 This is gonna end right here, right now. 1153 01:00:33,830 --> 01:00:35,655 Let's dance, dickweed. 1154 01:00:35,655 --> 01:00:37,742 You wanna dance, Ronnie? 1155 01:00:41,092 --> 01:00:43,180 I wanna polka. 1156 01:00:51,442 --> 01:00:53,921 Come get a taste. 1157 01:00:57,661 --> 01:00:59,706 Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade? 1158 01:00:59,706 --> 01:01:01,792 I don't know. 1159 01:01:02,706 --> 01:01:05,751 All right. Let's do this! 1160 01:01:06,968 --> 01:01:09,055 Hey! 1161 01:01:11,752 --> 01:01:13,753 If you're gonna have a fight, 1162 01:01:13,753 --> 01:01:16,145 then don't forget Channel 2 News with me, 1163 01:01:16,189 --> 01:01:18,448 Iead anchor Frank Vitchard. 1164 01:01:18,492 --> 01:01:21,754 You dirtbags have been in third place for five years. 1165 01:01:21,754 --> 01:01:25,625 Yeah? Well, you're about to be in dead place. 1166 01:01:31,322 --> 01:01:35,367 Not so fast, you ingrates! 1167 01:01:35,411 --> 01:01:38,498 Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive 1168 01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:40,194 to kick some ass. 1169 01:01:40,194 --> 01:01:42,412 No commercials! No mercy! 1170 01:01:55,633 --> 01:01:57,677 C�mo est�n, pinches! 1171 01:01:57,677 --> 01:01:59,764 Spanish Language News is here. 1172 01:01:59,808 --> 01:02:01,200 Tonight's top story: 1173 01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:04,636 The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood. 1174 01:02:04,636 --> 01:02:06,723 Hyah! Hyah! 1175 01:02:13,072 --> 01:02:16,421 Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest. 1176 01:02:23,249 --> 01:02:26,990 Now, before we do this, let's go over the ground rules. 1177 01:02:29,294 --> 01:02:31,512 Rule number one: 1178 01:02:31,556 --> 01:02:34,253 No touching of the hair or face. 1179 01:02:35,296 --> 01:02:36,514 Of course. 1180 01:02:36,514 --> 01:02:38,688 And that's it! 1181 01:02:38,732 --> 01:02:40,993 Now let's do this! 1182 01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:51,647 Begin! 1183 01:03:29,397 --> 01:03:31,789 I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass! 1184 01:03:31,833 --> 01:03:33,920 - Blade! - Here you go, mate! 1185 01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,008 Ahh! God! 1186 01:03:36,051 --> 01:03:38,617 Oh! I did not see that coming! 1187 01:03:42,313 --> 01:03:44,401 Oh! Aaah! 1188 01:03:44,401 --> 01:03:47,619 - Now I'll be number one. - No, you won't! 1189 01:03:49,751 --> 01:03:52,621 Polic�a! 1190 01:04:06,015 --> 01:04:09,017 Boy, that escalated quickly. 1191 01:04:09,059 --> 01:04:12,016 I mean, that really got out of hand fast. 1192 01:04:12,060 --> 01:04:14,670 - It jumped up a notch. - It did, didn't it? 1193 01:04:14,714 --> 01:04:17,105 Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart. 1194 01:04:17,149 --> 01:04:20,714 I saw that. Brick killed a guy. 1195 01:04:20,758 --> 01:04:22,932 - Did you throw a trident? - Yeah. 1196 01:04:22,932 --> 01:04:26,326 There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident. 1197 01:04:26,368 --> 01:04:28,674 I've been meaning to talk to you about that. 1198 01:04:28,717 --> 01:04:31,545 Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. 1199 01:04:31,587 --> 01:04:35,762 Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. 1200 01:04:35,806 --> 01:04:37,285 I'm proud of you fellas. 1201 01:04:37,285 --> 01:04:39,112 You kept your head on a swivel. 1202 01:04:39,112 --> 01:04:42,068 That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight. 1203 01:04:42,112 --> 01:04:44,895 Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team? 1204 01:04:44,938 --> 01:04:47,373 "Where's your mommy? Someone's gotta change your diapers." 1205 01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:50,157 This Corningstone business is really hurting our rep. 1206 01:04:50,157 --> 01:04:52,158 I know exactly what you mean, Brian. 1207 01:04:52,158 --> 01:04:54,638 Every newsman in this city's laughing at us. 1208 01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:58,465 - And I don't like it. - I don't like the put-downs. 1209 01:04:58,508 --> 01:05:00,291 We're gonna do something about it. 1210 01:05:00,291 --> 01:05:02,857 It is time to put an end to this! 1211 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:06,249 Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name? 1212 01:05:06,292 --> 01:05:07,858 - Brian Fantana. - Champ Kind. 1213 01:05:07,858 --> 01:05:09,555 - Brian Fantana. - No, you're Brick. 1214 01:05:09,555 --> 01:05:10,771 - Brian. - I'm Brian. 1215 01:05:10,771 --> 01:05:12,338 Veronica. 1216 01:05:12,338 --> 01:05:15,686 And I've shown you, old man! 1217 01:05:15,729 --> 01:05:18,905 Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead. 1218 01:05:18,948 --> 01:05:20,731 Ron's using the machine 1219 01:05:20,731 --> 01:05:23,470 to play his local Emmy acceptance speech from last year. 1220 01:05:23,514 --> 01:05:25,383 I tried to ask her out on a date. 1221 01:05:25,383 --> 01:05:29,124 Turn the music off! I'm still talking! 1222 01:05:29,124 --> 01:05:31,647 - This is ridiculous! - I don't remember doing it. 1223 01:05:31,734 --> 01:05:33,952 - Excuse me. - What are you doing? 1224 01:05:33,996 --> 01:05:37,301 I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story. 1225 01:05:37,343 --> 01:05:39,430 I'm using the tape. 1226 01:05:39,430 --> 01:05:41,519 I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. 1227 01:05:41,519 --> 01:05:43,216 We are watching history. 1228 01:05:43,216 --> 01:05:45,737 Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, 1229 01:05:45,781 --> 01:05:49,347 and I would like to be able to do my job. 1230 01:05:49,391 --> 01:05:51,521 Big deal! I am very professional! 1231 01:05:51,564 --> 01:05:54,131 Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby. 1232 01:05:54,173 --> 01:05:57,871 I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman! 1233 01:05:57,914 --> 01:06:00,785 You are not a man. You are a big fat joke! 1234 01:06:00,829 --> 01:06:02,786 I'm a man who discovered the wheel 1235 01:06:02,786 --> 01:06:06,047 and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. 1236 01:06:06,091 --> 01:06:07,875 That's what kind of man I am. 1237 01:06:07,875 --> 01:06:10,570 You're just a woman with a small brain. 1238 01:06:10,570 --> 01:06:14,442 With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. 1239 01:06:14,484 --> 01:06:17,399 I will have you know that I have more talent 1240 01:06:17,399 --> 01:06:19,834 and more intelligence in my little finger 1241 01:06:19,877 --> 01:06:22,356 than you do in your entire body, sir! 1242 01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,880 You are a smelly pirate hooker! 1243 01:06:24,922 --> 01:06:27,183 You look like a blueberry. 1244 01:06:27,227 --> 01:06:30,314 Why don't you go back to your home on Whore lsland? 1245 01:06:30,358 --> 01:06:33,620 Well, you have bad hair. 1246 01:06:35,924 --> 01:06:37,969 What did you say? 1247 01:06:37,969 --> 01:06:39,752 I said 1248 01:06:39,752 --> 01:06:41,492 your hair 1249 01:06:41,492 --> 01:06:44,274 Iooks stupid. 1250 01:06:51,146 --> 01:06:54,451 - Let 'em work it out! - It's between the two of them! 1251 01:07:06,933 --> 01:07:09,456 They're just talking. Just talking. 1252 01:07:09,498 --> 01:07:11,978 - I hate you! - I hate you more! 1253 01:07:23,719 --> 01:07:25,284 Ow! 1254 01:07:25,284 --> 01:07:27,851 Shut up! Shut up! 1255 01:07:31,896 --> 01:07:33,331 All right, stop! 1256 01:07:33,331 --> 01:07:35,331 Stop what you're doing right now! 1257 01:07:35,331 --> 01:07:38,376 I will not have my newsroom be divided. 1258 01:07:39,898 --> 01:07:42,247 Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts! 1259 01:07:44,464 --> 01:07:46,552 I was like, "Who is that guy?" 1260 01:07:50,248 --> 01:07:53,249 I just can't believe what Ron did to you. 1261 01:07:53,293 --> 01:07:55,728 It is so awful. 1262 01:07:55,728 --> 01:07:57,773 Yes. 1263 01:07:57,773 --> 01:08:00,990 Have you ever thought about fighting fire 1264 01:08:00,990 --> 01:08:03,382 with fire? 1265 01:08:04,556 --> 01:08:06,427 What do you mean? 1266 01:08:06,427 --> 01:08:10,514 I have some information that you can choose to use or not use. 1267 01:08:10,557 --> 01:08:11,993 Up to you. 1268 01:08:12,037 --> 01:08:14,211 Ron Burgundy 1269 01:08:14,255 --> 01:08:17,734 will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter. 1270 01:08:17,777 --> 01:08:19,778 And when I say anything, 1271 01:08:19,778 --> 01:08:22,214 I mean an-y-thing. 1272 01:08:30,999 --> 01:08:32,302 Arnold, cue one. 1273 01:08:32,302 --> 01:08:34,391 After the FotoMat was destroyed, 1274 01:08:34,391 --> 01:08:37,173 the bear scampered back into the woods. 1275 01:08:37,217 --> 01:08:40,087 Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints. 1276 01:08:40,131 --> 01:08:42,219 Oh. 1277 01:08:43,089 --> 01:08:45,088 From the entire Channel 4 News Team, 1278 01:08:45,088 --> 01:08:46,871 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1279 01:08:46,871 --> 01:08:48,264 And I'm Ron Burgundy. 1280 01:08:48,264 --> 01:08:50,830 Go fuck yourself, San Diego. 1281 01:08:56,874 --> 01:08:59,354 What in the name-- 1282 01:08:59,397 --> 01:09:01,397 No! 1283 01:09:01,397 --> 01:09:03,659 Nobody talks about my city that way! 1284 01:09:03,703 --> 01:09:05,790 Ron Burgundy's ass is grass! 1285 01:09:08,529 --> 01:09:11,445 Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast. 1286 01:09:11,487 --> 01:09:13,878 Really good. Everyone on the floor as well. 1287 01:09:13,922 --> 01:09:16,010 Really a lot of hustle. I liked it. 1288 01:09:16,968 --> 01:09:19,186 Dump out! Dump out! 1289 01:09:19,229 --> 01:09:21,316 Hello, Edward. 1290 01:09:21,359 --> 01:09:24,186 - Ron, I've got to fire you. - I've got to fire you. 1291 01:09:24,230 --> 01:09:26,274 Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed. 1292 01:09:26,274 --> 01:09:29,319 Do you even know what you just said? 1293 01:09:29,361 --> 01:09:32,580 Great Odin's raven! 1294 01:09:32,623 --> 01:09:34,667 Are you happy, Ron? 1295 01:09:34,667 --> 01:09:37,581 Veronica. She put that in the Teleprompter. 1296 01:09:37,625 --> 01:09:41,930 You're probably right, but this is bad, Ron. Real bad. 1297 01:09:41,930 --> 01:09:44,018 My hands are tied. I-- 1298 01:09:44,018 --> 01:09:45,801 I gotta fire you. 1299 01:09:45,801 --> 01:09:48,280 Ed, let's hold on. Let's count to 10. 1300 01:09:48,323 --> 01:09:52,062 That's a rash decision. Is this about something else? 1301 01:09:52,106 --> 01:09:56,455 Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego-ites. 1302 01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:58,978 San Diego-ins. San Diego-uns. 1303 01:09:59,021 --> 01:10:01,326 - San Dieg-ons. - San Diegans. 1304 01:10:01,370 --> 01:10:03,588 San Diegans out in front of the station. 1305 01:10:03,632 --> 01:10:05,416 They want Ron's blood. 1306 01:10:05,416 --> 01:10:06,849 They want to hurt you. 1307 01:10:06,849 --> 01:10:10,155 Why did you say that? Why? 1308 01:10:10,155 --> 01:10:12,678 Why, Ron? Why? 1309 01:10:12,721 --> 01:10:15,070 You're my hero, Ron. 1310 01:10:15,114 --> 01:10:16,462 Garth, l-- 1311 01:10:16,462 --> 01:10:20,462 And you come out with stink like that poop! 1312 01:10:20,506 --> 01:10:25,333 You poop mouth! Get all the poop out of your mouth! 1313 01:10:25,333 --> 01:10:29,247 If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain? 1314 01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:32,465 I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you! 1315 01:10:38,250 --> 01:10:40,337 Ron? Ron! 1316 01:10:40,424 --> 01:10:43,469 I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy? 1317 01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:45,338 No, Ron, I'm not! 1318 01:10:45,338 --> 01:10:47,512 I have nothing left! Nothing! 1319 01:10:47,556 --> 01:10:49,731 I've been reduced to rubble! 1320 01:10:51,167 --> 01:10:53,471 Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart. 1321 01:10:55,776 --> 01:10:59,081 No! No! 1322 01:11:11,606 --> 01:11:13,998 Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself. 1323 01:11:14,042 --> 01:11:16,955 - Please, l-- - You're an awful man! 1324 01:11:16,999 --> 01:11:20,826 You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr. Burgundy! 1325 01:11:22,783 --> 01:11:24,610 Bob Dylan once wrote, 1326 01:11:24,653 --> 01:11:26,653 "The times, they are a-changin'." 1327 01:11:26,698 --> 01:11:29,089 Ron Burgundy had never heard that song. 1328 01:11:29,132 --> 01:11:33,177 So when he fell, he fell hard. 1329 01:11:36,526 --> 01:11:40,658 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00! 1330 01:11:40,701 --> 01:11:42,310 Good evening, San Diego. 1331 01:11:42,310 --> 01:11:45,920 I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone. 1332 01:11:45,963 --> 01:11:49,050 Tonight's top story: an ultrasound of Ling Wong, 1333 01:11:49,093 --> 01:11:51,225 the most famous panda in the world, 1334 01:11:51,268 --> 01:11:54,095 shows that her baby is doing quite well. 1335 01:11:54,139 --> 01:11:57,227 No! 1336 01:12:02,402 --> 01:12:04,577 Ron Burgundy, stay classy. 1337 01:12:04,619 --> 01:12:06,925 Hello, this is Ron. 1338 01:12:06,969 --> 01:12:08,272 Hello. 1339 01:12:08,272 --> 01:12:11,056 Who's there? I'm talking. Hello. 1340 01:12:11,100 --> 01:12:12,754 Who is this? 1341 01:12:12,754 --> 01:12:15,405 Baxter, is that you? 1342 01:12:15,449 --> 01:12:16,840 Baxter! 1343 01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:18,928 Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. 1344 01:12:19,929 --> 01:12:21,972 Is this Wilt Chamberlain? 1345 01:12:21,972 --> 01:12:25,060 Have the courage to say something. Hello! 1346 01:12:27,364 --> 01:12:29,453 Hello! 1347 01:12:34,932 --> 01:12:37,584 Hey, you watch yourself, mister. 1348 01:12:37,628 --> 01:12:40,325 Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah. 1349 01:12:40,368 --> 01:12:42,456 You smell. 1350 01:12:44,849 --> 01:12:48,196 Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron. 1351 01:12:48,241 --> 01:12:49,762 Fellas! 1352 01:12:49,762 --> 01:12:52,241 Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you. 1353 01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:55,677 - What? - I'm sorry. 1354 01:12:55,721 --> 01:12:58,113 I-- Brian! 1355 01:12:58,113 --> 01:13:00,243 - It's Ronnie! - Ron! 1356 01:13:00,287 --> 01:13:02,375 - Champ! - Ron! 1357 01:13:02,418 --> 01:13:04,462 Champ, come on. Come on! 1358 01:13:04,462 --> 01:13:05,854 Go, Brick. 1359 01:13:05,854 --> 01:13:08,027 My sweet Brick. 1360 01:13:08,071 --> 01:13:11,115 Brick, come hug me. I know you want to. 1361 01:13:12,726 --> 01:13:15,987 I am completely miserable, San Diego! 1362 01:13:19,335 --> 01:13:21,423 It's so damn hot! 1363 01:13:24,207 --> 01:13:26,294 Milk was a bad choice! 1364 01:13:33,557 --> 01:13:35,557 Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me. 1365 01:13:35,557 --> 01:13:38,820 Put down the gun and let the marching band go. 1366 01:13:38,862 --> 01:13:41,342 We'll play it off as a prank. 1367 01:13:41,342 --> 01:13:44,168 We'll straighten it out later. I'm getting another call. 1368 01:13:44,168 --> 01:13:46,168 Ed Harken. 1369 01:13:46,168 --> 01:13:48,300 What? Oh, my God! 1370 01:13:48,344 --> 01:13:52,997 Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth! 1371 01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:55,998 Get Corningstone over there right away! 1372 01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:58,086 The network is picking up the feed. 1373 01:13:58,086 --> 01:14:01,085 I want a shot of that panda being born! 1374 01:14:07,784 --> 01:14:10,306 This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News Los Angeles, 1375 01:14:10,348 --> 01:14:12,001 reporting from the San Diego Zoo. 1376 01:14:12,001 --> 01:14:13,698 And this is the moment 1377 01:14:13,698 --> 01:14:16,307 the entire world has been waiting for. 1378 01:14:16,350 --> 01:14:19,569 I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda, 1379 01:14:19,569 --> 01:14:22,656 but if I had to guess, I'd say female. 1380 01:14:22,699 --> 01:14:24,961 - Excuse me. Press. - Hey, lady, watch it. 1381 01:14:25,004 --> 01:14:27,527 Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got? 1382 01:14:27,571 --> 01:14:29,833 Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain. 1383 01:14:29,875 --> 01:14:31,962 Oh, damn it. 1384 01:14:31,962 --> 01:14:36,443 Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way. 1385 01:14:36,486 --> 01:14:39,531 Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich? 1386 01:14:39,573 --> 01:14:42,140 Okay, I'll go get your sandwich. 1387 01:14:42,183 --> 01:14:45,359 Then I'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman. 1388 01:14:45,402 --> 01:14:48,229 Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it. 1389 01:14:49,446 --> 01:14:51,577 - Whatever. - We're live, Mr. Mantooth. 1390 01:14:53,448 --> 01:14:55,534 Good afternoon, San Diego. 1391 01:14:55,578 --> 01:14:58,231 We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda. 1392 01:14:58,231 --> 01:15:01,015 # Sky rockets in flight # 1393 01:15:02,102 --> 01:15:06,407 # Afternoon delight # 1394 01:15:06,451 --> 01:15:08,929 # Af-- # 1395 01:15:08,929 --> 01:15:12,192 # I make fart noises with my mouth # 1396 01:15:13,540 --> 01:15:15,758 - # And I like to cut-- # - Hey, nut job! 1397 01:15:15,801 --> 01:15:17,454 Quit the singin'! 1398 01:15:17,454 --> 01:15:19,541 Creeping out all the regulars. 1399 01:15:19,541 --> 01:15:23,673 I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song! 1400 01:15:23,716 --> 01:15:26,761 Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day, 1401 01:15:26,761 --> 01:15:28,892 stinking up the joint with your craziness. 1402 01:15:28,935 --> 01:15:30,979 Now, what the hell is wrong with you? 1403 01:15:30,979 --> 01:15:32,979 I got no heart! 1404 01:15:32,979 --> 01:15:35,284 Because a she-devil stole it! 1405 01:15:35,327 --> 01:15:37,937 You know what the worst part about it is? 1406 01:15:39,981 --> 01:15:42,068 She's better than me! 1407 01:15:43,592 --> 01:15:45,678 She's better than me. 1408 01:15:46,808 --> 01:15:48,896 You know, times are changing. 1409 01:15:50,071 --> 01:15:52,332 Ladies can do stuff now. 1410 01:15:52,376 --> 01:15:55,203 You're gonna have to learn how to deal with that. 1411 01:15:55,246 --> 01:15:57,725 What? Were you saying something? 1412 01:15:57,769 --> 01:16:00,075 Look, I don't speak Spanish. 1413 01:16:00,117 --> 01:16:02,204 Ah. 1414 01:16:11,424 --> 01:16:12,729 Scotty. 1415 01:16:12,729 --> 01:16:15,338 Scotty, I have the shot. 1416 01:16:15,381 --> 01:16:17,427 Scotty. Scotty! 1417 01:16:17,427 --> 01:16:19,427 Hey, uh, 1418 01:16:19,427 --> 01:16:22,383 that is some fantastic shot you got there. 1419 01:16:22,427 --> 01:16:25,819 The kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news. 1420 01:16:25,819 --> 01:16:29,255 - Oh, well, we hope. - We at public television, 1421 01:16:29,299 --> 01:16:33,735 we're really down with the woman's lib thing. 1422 01:16:33,779 --> 01:16:36,083 That is so refreshing to me. 1423 01:16:36,127 --> 01:16:38,605 Because the struggle I've-- 1424 01:16:41,867 --> 01:16:45,173 Howie, we have the shot. 1425 01:16:45,173 --> 01:16:47,173 Up a little. Up, up. 1426 01:16:47,216 --> 01:16:49,303 Oh. You son of a bitch! 1427 01:16:49,347 --> 01:16:51,348 Shh! 1428 01:16:51,348 --> 01:16:53,478 Don't want to wake up your friends. 1429 01:17:04,439 --> 01:17:05,742 Help! 1430 01:17:05,742 --> 01:17:08,352 - Simply vanished. - How do you lose your lead anchor? 1431 01:17:08,395 --> 01:17:10,874 - I can't find Corningstone. - Where the hell is she? 1432 01:17:10,917 --> 01:17:12,919 - No one's seen her. - I can't believe this. 1433 01:17:12,919 --> 01:17:16,441 Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this. 1434 01:17:16,485 --> 01:17:19,530 I've got no damn lead anchor! 1435 01:17:19,572 --> 01:17:22,008 Damn it! Get me a phone. 1436 01:17:22,052 --> 01:17:24,401 I can't believe I'm about to do this. 1437 01:17:27,270 --> 01:17:29,097 Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining. 1438 01:17:29,097 --> 01:17:32,054 - Is there an anchorman there? - Hold on. 1439 01:17:32,097 --> 01:17:34,881 This is killing me. I'd rather slit my throat. 1440 01:17:34,924 --> 01:17:37,490 - Hello? - Hello? 1441 01:17:37,534 --> 01:17:39,534 - Is this Ron? - Who is this? 1442 01:17:39,534 --> 01:17:41,535 - It's me. Ed. - Who? 1443 01:17:41,535 --> 01:17:44,057 - Ed Harken. - I don't know a Ned. 1444 01:17:44,101 --> 01:17:46,362 - Ed Harken! - Ed! 1445 01:17:46,406 --> 01:17:48,667 - Ed, hello. - Listen, Ron. 1446 01:17:48,710 --> 01:17:52,537 Corningstone disappeared in the midst of the biggest story of the year. 1447 01:17:52,581 --> 01:17:54,669 We need you down here right away. 1448 01:17:54,669 --> 01:17:56,365 Wait, Ed. 1449 01:17:56,365 --> 01:17:59,539 Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again? 1450 01:18:01,279 --> 01:18:03,279 - Yes. - Ed! 1451 01:18:03,279 --> 01:18:05,410 That's wonderful! Thank you! 1452 01:18:05,454 --> 01:18:07,803 Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words. 1453 01:18:07,846 --> 01:18:11,152 - You have always been a good friend! - Right. 1454 01:18:11,195 --> 01:18:13,282 - Always! - Right. 1455 01:18:15,283 --> 01:18:17,761 Get down here as quickly as you can. 1456 01:18:17,805 --> 01:18:19,849 Ed, I'll be down there. 1457 01:18:20,937 --> 01:18:23,589 And I'm going to look good. 1458 01:18:33,288 --> 01:18:36,723 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy. 1459 01:18:36,766 --> 01:18:39,159 Damn! That dude cleans up good! 1460 01:18:39,159 --> 01:18:43,335 If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side. 1461 01:18:51,075 --> 01:18:53,119 News team! 1462 01:18:53,119 --> 01:18:55,685 Assemble! 1463 01:19:02,817 --> 01:19:06,339 News team, assemble! 1464 01:19:08,254 --> 01:19:10,168 Hey, Ron. 1465 01:19:10,168 --> 01:19:11,820 What's up? 1466 01:19:11,820 --> 01:19:13,342 Oh. 1467 01:19:13,342 --> 01:19:15,603 Hi. Didn't see you there. 1468 01:19:15,646 --> 01:19:18,996 We've been here literally the entire time you have. 1469 01:19:19,039 --> 01:19:21,953 I'm a little embarrassed. 1470 01:19:21,997 --> 01:19:24,085 Look. 1471 01:19:24,128 --> 01:19:28,390 I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back. 1472 01:19:28,433 --> 01:19:30,738 But I can't do this without my news team. 1473 01:19:30,782 --> 01:19:32,435 I don't know, Ron. 1474 01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:35,174 That was half a lifetime ago. We're different people now. 1475 01:19:35,218 --> 01:19:37,217 When you left, the hurt was so deep. 1476 01:19:37,217 --> 01:19:39,783 I don't know if I can go through that again. 1477 01:19:39,827 --> 01:19:41,828 Think about what you're asking. 1478 01:19:41,828 --> 01:19:43,828 Man. 1479 01:19:43,828 --> 01:19:45,916 Gentlemen, 1480 01:19:46,872 --> 01:19:49,221 there was a time 1481 01:19:49,221 --> 01:19:52,222 when you called me your lead anchor. 1482 01:19:55,397 --> 01:19:57,616 Will you follow me again? 1483 01:19:59,572 --> 01:20:01,702 I'm gettin' too old for this shit. 1484 01:20:01,746 --> 01:20:03,747 To the news van! 1485 01:20:03,747 --> 01:20:06,486 - To the news van! - Okay! 1486 01:20:16,098 --> 01:20:18,490 Ahh! 1487 01:20:18,533 --> 01:20:20,664 Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy. 1488 01:20:20,707 --> 01:20:22,403 He's back! 1489 01:20:22,403 --> 01:20:25,404 Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story. 1490 01:20:25,404 --> 01:20:27,405 - How does the hair look? - Magnificent. 1491 01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:29,536 You have hair like an angel. 1492 01:20:29,578 --> 01:20:32,450 Oh, whoa, whoa. Network talent scout. 1493 01:20:32,494 --> 01:20:35,930 - This is a hot one. - I'm actually nervous. 1494 01:20:35,972 --> 01:20:38,059 Let's go get 'em. 1495 01:20:38,103 --> 01:20:40,016 Wait! Did you just hear something? 1496 01:20:40,016 --> 01:20:42,757 Help. 1497 01:20:42,801 --> 01:20:45,279 - Ron, help! - Veronica! 1498 01:20:45,279 --> 01:20:47,497 - Are you okay? - Shh! 1499 01:20:47,497 --> 01:20:49,193 How did you get down there? 1500 01:20:49,193 --> 01:20:51,280 Just go get someone. Please. 1501 01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:53,629 Hold on. Hold on! 1502 01:20:56,804 --> 01:20:58,631 We've got to do something. 1503 01:20:58,631 --> 01:21:01,110 Whoa, Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but-- 1504 01:21:01,110 --> 01:21:03,457 There's a network talent scout over there. 1505 01:21:03,501 --> 01:21:05,589 This is a tough decision. 1506 01:21:05,633 --> 01:21:08,241 So much to think about. 1507 01:21:08,285 --> 01:21:10,808 Basically the biggest story of my career, 1508 01:21:10,808 --> 01:21:14,635 Iaunching me to a level I've never known before, 1509 01:21:14,635 --> 01:21:16,113 or saving the woman 1510 01:21:16,113 --> 01:21:19,463 I used to have familiar relations with. 1511 01:21:19,463 --> 01:21:22,158 This is hard! 1512 01:21:22,201 --> 01:21:24,811 I am in a pickle! 1513 01:21:24,855 --> 01:21:27,247 Ron, I know it sounds harsh, 1514 01:21:27,247 --> 01:21:29,769 but God does not want her to live. 1515 01:21:29,812 --> 01:21:31,899 No. Hold on. 1516 01:21:33,206 --> 01:21:35,293 It's clear now. 1517 01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:39,380 We go into the bear pit. 1518 01:21:40,686 --> 01:21:42,773 Ron, don't. 1519 01:21:44,773 --> 01:21:46,860 Oh! 1520 01:21:48,992 --> 01:21:51,949 I immediately regret this decision. 1521 01:21:51,992 --> 01:21:54,515 What are you doing? Why didn't you get help? 1522 01:21:54,558 --> 01:21:56,950 These bears are massive! 1523 01:21:56,994 --> 01:21:59,646 They looked a lot smaller from up there. 1524 01:21:59,690 --> 01:22:02,518 Fan out. Let's go find Harken. 1525 01:22:02,561 --> 01:22:05,170 Stay calm. 1526 01:22:07,215 --> 01:22:10,562 It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla. 1527 01:22:10,606 --> 01:22:12,693 - Oh, Ron. - Yes, yes. 1528 01:22:12,737 --> 01:22:14,869 In case we die here today, 1529 01:22:14,911 --> 01:22:17,782 there's something that you should know. 1530 01:22:17,824 --> 01:22:20,826 That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't-- 1531 01:22:20,870 --> 01:22:24,306 Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it? 1532 01:22:24,350 --> 01:22:26,741 It was Wes Mantooth. 1533 01:22:26,785 --> 01:22:29,698 - Oh, I should have known. - No, no. 1534 01:22:29,742 --> 01:22:32,090 - No, I did it. - You bitch! 1535 01:22:32,134 --> 01:22:35,221 Shh! 1536 01:22:36,396 --> 01:22:38,700 You woke the bears. Why did you do that? 1537 01:22:41,788 --> 01:22:45,399 There's somebody in the bear pit! 1538 01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:50,834 It took my impending death 1539 01:22:50,877 --> 01:22:53,530 for me to realize how much I need you. 1540 01:22:53,573 --> 01:22:55,878 Oh, Ron. 1541 01:22:59,228 --> 01:23:01,227 Those bears are gonna hurt them! 1542 01:23:01,227 --> 01:23:04,054 News team, let's hunt. 1543 01:23:05,490 --> 01:23:07,579 News team! 1544 01:23:10,578 --> 01:23:12,665 Bear fight! 1545 01:23:14,927 --> 01:23:17,450 Come on. Come on! 1546 01:23:24,017 --> 01:23:25,408 Damn! 1547 01:23:25,408 --> 01:23:27,496 Hit 'em in the uvula! 1548 01:23:28,410 --> 01:23:29,757 Hey, Ron! 1549 01:23:29,757 --> 01:23:31,845 I'm riding a furry tractor! 1550 01:23:32,759 --> 01:23:35,194 The bears have descended on the news team 1551 01:23:35,236 --> 01:23:36,889 and it's not going well. 1552 01:23:36,889 --> 01:23:39,890 Clearly, after today, I will no longer-- 1553 01:23:39,934 --> 01:23:42,587 Come on! Oh, God! 1554 01:23:42,631 --> 01:23:45,066 It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous! 1555 01:23:46,762 --> 01:23:48,197 Oh, no. 1556 01:23:48,197 --> 01:23:51,285 We woke up the mama. 1557 01:23:53,851 --> 01:23:55,938 Oh, God! 1558 01:23:56,851 --> 01:23:59,287 I don't wanna die. 1559 01:24:04,985 --> 01:24:09,115 Baxter! 1560 01:24:47,388 --> 01:24:49,865 Look! They're following their mother! 1561 01:24:49,865 --> 01:24:51,257 It's instinct. 1562 01:24:51,257 --> 01:24:53,562 Oh, Baxter! 1563 01:24:53,606 --> 01:24:57,998 Oh! Oh, Baxter, you're still alive! 1564 01:24:57,998 --> 01:25:01,391 Oh, I'm so happy! 1565 01:25:01,434 --> 01:25:05,088 I'm so happy! You are alive! 1566 01:25:05,131 --> 01:25:07,739 I'm so happy! 1567 01:25:14,090 --> 01:25:15,568 I will lick you! 1568 01:25:15,568 --> 01:25:18,656 I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy. 1569 01:25:18,700 --> 01:25:20,787 Oh. Ohhh! 1570 01:25:20,787 --> 01:25:23,875 Boy, he really likes that dog. 1571 01:25:23,919 --> 01:25:26,354 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1572 01:25:26,398 --> 01:25:28,745 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1573 01:25:28,789 --> 01:25:31,398 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1574 01:25:31,442 --> 01:25:33,704 Hi, Ron. 1575 01:25:33,747 --> 01:25:36,878 It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it? 1576 01:25:36,921 --> 01:25:38,401 Easy, Wes. 1577 01:25:38,401 --> 01:25:41,792 I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time. 1578 01:25:41,835 --> 01:25:44,227 - All right. - Deep down in my stomach, 1579 01:25:44,227 --> 01:25:45,924 with every inch of me, 1580 01:25:45,924 --> 01:25:48,750 I pure, straight 1581 01:25:48,794 --> 01:25:50,882 hate you! 1582 01:25:55,579 --> 01:25:57,971 But, God damn it, do I respect you! 1583 01:26:11,018 --> 01:26:12,496 Thank you, 1584 01:26:12,496 --> 01:26:14,584 brother. 1585 01:26:16,193 --> 01:26:19,455 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1586 01:26:19,455 --> 01:26:21,935 Today we spell redemption 1587 01:26:21,935 --> 01:26:23,978 R-O-N. 1588 01:26:23,978 --> 01:26:26,804 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1589 01:26:26,847 --> 01:26:28,718 Ron, you're my hero! 1590 01:26:28,718 --> 01:26:32,544 Ron, I think you've got a story to report. 1591 01:26:34,631 --> 01:26:36,719 Are you sure, Ed? 1592 01:26:37,111 --> 01:26:39,024 Do it. 1593 01:26:39,024 --> 01:26:41,633 It's the story you were born to tell. 1594 01:26:46,679 --> 01:26:49,158 San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em. 1595 01:26:49,201 --> 01:26:50,810 Make way! 1596 01:26:50,810 --> 01:26:53,811 Ron Burgundy's about to report on pandas! 1597 01:26:56,290 --> 01:26:57,899 Count me down. Three. 1598 01:26:57,899 --> 01:26:59,986 You're live, Mr. Burgundy. 1599 01:26:59,986 --> 01:27:01,988 This is Ron Burgundy, 1600 01:27:01,988 --> 01:27:05,857 proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. 1601 01:27:05,901 --> 01:27:09,729 Today's story is one of the more remarkable things 1602 01:27:09,773 --> 01:27:12,859 ever to happen to San Diago 1603 01:27:12,903 --> 01:27:14,643 or even the world. 1604 01:27:14,643 --> 01:27:17,644 But in order to properly retell it, 1605 01:27:17,644 --> 01:27:19,992 I'm going to need some help 1606 01:27:20,036 --> 01:27:22,383 from my co-anchor, 1607 01:27:23,602 --> 01:27:25,645 Miss Veronica Corningstone. 1608 01:27:27,777 --> 01:27:30,474 - High-pressure system-- - No, no, no, no, Brick. 1609 01:27:30,517 --> 01:27:32,604 - High-pressure system-- - Go stand over there. 1610 01:27:36,561 --> 01:27:37,997 Oh, Ron. 1611 01:27:37,997 --> 01:27:40,346 Ron, there are literally thousands of men 1612 01:27:40,388 --> 01:27:41,998 that I should be with instead, 1613 01:27:41,998 --> 01:27:45,130 but I am 72% sure that I love you. 1614 01:27:52,349 --> 01:27:55,523 Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy. 1615 01:27:55,567 --> 01:27:58,263 Yes! Ron! 1616 01:27:58,306 --> 01:28:01,960 - As for the news team: - Stop it! Ron! 1617 01:28:02,004 --> 01:28:05,395 Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL, 1618 01:28:05,439 --> 01:28:08,004 but was later fired after being accused 1619 01:28:08,048 --> 01:28:11,702 of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw. 1620 01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,790 Excuse me. 1621 01:28:13,790 --> 01:28:16,355 Is that Sex Panther you're wearing? 1622 01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:21,182 Brian Fantana went on to have great success 1623 01:28:21,226 --> 01:28:23,749 as the host of the hit reality TV show 1624 01:28:23,791 --> 01:28:26,662 "lntercourse lsland" on the Fox Network. 1625 01:28:26,706 --> 01:28:29,402 Anyone seen Brick? 1626 01:28:29,446 --> 01:28:31,490 - Brick? - Don't! That tickles! 1627 01:28:31,490 --> 01:28:34,707 No, that tickles me! Come on! 1628 01:28:34,751 --> 01:28:37,708 Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children 1629 01:28:37,752 --> 01:28:39,970 and is one of the top political advisors 1630 01:28:40,014 --> 01:28:41,753 to the Bush White House. 1631 01:28:41,753 --> 01:28:44,405 I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you! 1632 01:28:54,974 --> 01:28:58,148 And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long. 1633 01:29:02,063 --> 01:29:04,194 I chose them as my replacement, 1634 01:29:04,237 --> 01:29:07,629 and they became the first mixed-gender network news team, 1635 01:29:07,672 --> 01:29:09,933 and they're still doing it today. 1636 01:29:09,977 --> 01:29:13,065 From all of us here at the World News Center, 1637 01:29:13,109 --> 01:29:14,892 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1638 01:29:14,892 --> 01:29:16,762 And I'm Ron Burgundy. 1639 01:29:16,762 --> 01:29:19,415 You stay classy, planet Earth. 1640 01:29:19,676 --> 01:29:22,373 Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies] 1641 01:29:22,677 --> 01:29:26,635 Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies] # Carry on, my wayward son # 1642 01:29:26,635 --> 01:29:30,679 # There'll be peace when you are done # 1643 01:29:30,723 --> 01:29:34,984 # Lay your weary head to rest # 1644 01:29:34,984 --> 01:29:37,072 # Don't you cry no more... # 1645 01:29:37,116 --> 01:29:40,421 Oh! Great Odin's raven! 1646 01:29:40,463 --> 01:29:43,942 Oh! By the hammer of Thor! 1647 01:29:43,987 --> 01:29:47,596 Oh! Saint Damien's beard! 1648 01:29:47,640 --> 01:29:50,163 Sweet grandmother's spatula! 1649 01:29:50,206 --> 01:29:52,989 Oh! Hot pot of coffee! 1650 01:29:53,033 --> 01:29:56,468 Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe! 1651 01:29:59,121 --> 01:30:01,991 I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. 1652 01:30:02,035 --> 01:30:04,036 In the back of the head. 1653 01:30:04,036 --> 01:30:06,558 I'm sorry. 1654 01:30:08,035 --> 01:30:10,297 You're not very bright. You know that, right? 1655 01:30:10,341 --> 01:30:12,038 You're actually quite a dullard. 1656 01:30:12,038 --> 01:30:14,431 Everyone here knows it. 1657 01:30:14,473 --> 01:30:18,605 If I'm a dullard, you're the, uh, the dull-- 1658 01:30:18,648 --> 01:30:21,823 Oh! Can't think of anything to say, can you? 1659 01:30:21,866 --> 01:30:24,868 Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say. 1660 01:30:24,868 --> 01:30:26,954 Like, you're a dirty bitch. 1661 01:30:29,868 --> 01:30:32,173 Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison-- 1662 01:30:32,216 --> 01:30:34,304 Oh, my God! 1663 01:30:38,783 --> 01:30:42,002 I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava. 1664 01:30:42,045 --> 01:30:44,394 I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation. 1665 01:30:44,437 --> 01:30:48,873 It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said. 1666 01:30:48,916 --> 01:30:50,527 My stomach's itchy. 1667 01:30:50,527 --> 01:30:51,744 I pooped a hammer. 1668 01:30:51,744 --> 01:30:53,918 I pooped a tape recorder. 1669 01:30:53,961 --> 01:30:56,049 I pooped a Cornish game hen. 1670 01:30:58,659 --> 01:31:00,572 Uh... 1671 01:31:00,572 --> 01:31:02,659 Nope. 1672 01:31:03,616 --> 01:31:05,660 You do not take a tone with me, 1673 01:31:05,660 --> 01:31:08,922 'cause I will give you a rap right on the Jack Johnson! 1674 01:31:08,966 --> 01:31:10,488 - Okay. - Yes. 1675 01:31:10,488 --> 01:31:12,270 Now this is happenin'. 1676 01:31:12,270 --> 01:31:13,924 What are you doing? 1677 01:31:13,924 --> 01:31:16,012 - Hah! - What are you doing? 1678 01:31:16,055 --> 01:31:18,141 What are you-- 1679 01:31:22,404 --> 01:31:23,622 Action. 1680 01:31:23,622 --> 01:31:25,710 We'll go back to doing what I do best-- 1681 01:31:25,753 --> 01:31:28,537 I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off. 1682 01:31:28,579 --> 01:31:30,536 When do we get started? 1683 01:31:30,536 --> 01:31:32,276 When do we get started? 1684 01:31:32,276 --> 01:31:34,276 - That's my line. - When do we get started? 1685 01:31:34,276 --> 01:31:36,277 You say, "Whenever you like." 1686 01:31:36,277 --> 01:31:38,017 Whenever you like. 1687 01:31:38,017 --> 01:31:40,104 Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff. 1688 01:31:41,104 --> 01:31:43,931 ...an area bank in a daring... 1689 01:31:43,975 --> 01:31:47,194 Probably not the same one. Probably not the same guy. 1690 01:31:54,935 --> 01:31:56,979 Brick, before I let you go, 1691 01:31:56,979 --> 01:31:59,588 are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer? 1692 01:31:59,588 --> 01:32:01,588 No, too many people died last year. 1693 01:32:01,632 --> 01:32:03,806 So we're not gonna do-- 1694 01:32:03,850 --> 01:32:05,937 Sorry. Sorry. 1695 01:32:06,633 --> 01:32:09,938 They named it San Diego. 1696 01:32:09,938 --> 01:32:13,722 Which in German means, "a whale's vagina." 1697 01:32:20,289 --> 01:32:22,812 This is the most ridiculous thing ever. 1698 01:32:43,903 --> 01:32:47,513 # Carry on, my wayward son # 1699 01:32:47,557 --> 01:32:51,340 # There'll be peace when you are done # 1700 01:32:51,340 --> 01:32:55,038 # Lay your weary head to rest # 1701 01:32:55,081 --> 01:32:56,211 # Don't you cry # 1702 01:32:56,211 --> 01:32:59,169 # Don't you cry no more # 1703 01:33:16,390 --> 01:33:18,652 Way to handle him. That was nice. 1704 01:33:18,696 --> 01:33:20,565 It sure is good to be number one. 1705 01:33:20,565 --> 01:33:23,219 It sure beats the hell out of number two. 1706 01:33:24,653 --> 01:33:27,046 We are laughing! 1707 01:33:27,046 --> 01:33:29,393 And we are very good friends. 1708 01:33:29,437 --> 01:33:32,395 Good buddies sharing a special moment. 1709 01:33:32,439 --> 01:33:35,265 Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen. 1710 01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:38,353 We're laughing, enjoying our friendship. 1711 01:33:38,353 --> 01:33:41,832 And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness. 1712 01:33:42,920 --> 01:33:46,051 Yeah. 123136