All language subtitles for Tripping.The.Rift.S03E09.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY_Subtitles01.ENG

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Why can't I stop
thinking about tits?

Come on, come on, Granny.

At your age trans fats
are the least of your problems.

Take a pill,
you bloated butt-plug.

You'll be old one day.

Yeah, and I'll still be
in this supermarket.

Oh relax, Chode.
It's a waste of time getting all...

oh my sweet Lord.
Frozen quiche is on special.

Oh, move it.
Move it, you old bag!

About time. What are the odds
we end up behind her

while she's counting out
her kronigs at the check out?

Watch where you're going,
you purple freak.

You nearly took
my little Brad's leg off.

Okay, that's it.

Let's get where we have to
and get out of this dump.

And remember,
just the essentials.

I ain't made of money.

- Now?
- No, let's wait.

Oh, my favorite...
Sugar Frosted Flies with cricket chips.

Buy that cheaper brand,

the ones with the wings
and the legs still attached.

Aw.

Sanitary napkins,
19.99 for a jumbo box.

If your box wasn't so jumbo,
we'd save a fortune.

Eat... and die.

Chode, what do you
think of these melons?

What is this,
"The Benny Hill Show"?

Hmm.

Wait for it. Now.

Hey, Six, check out
these penis pills.

Says just one
guarantees a whole night

of lovemaking.

Freeze, McBlob.
You're under arrest.

Those pills are amazing.
Chode's screwed already.

You got my boy's name wrong,
you moron.

Brad is spelled with a D,
not a T.

Whoa!

I don't understand.
Why have they arrested Chode?

There's probably some law

about barring ugly people
from the store.

Then how come you're
still rolling around freely?

We have to do something.

Find out what all this is about,

argue his case, break him out.

Or we could go
back to the ship, relax,

pay Chode's bail,
then take off.

Quiche, anyone?

Come on, I've been here
over 24 hours.

Will you two goons
tell me what's going on?

You're in a world of trouble.

Says you.
You haven't got anything on me.

Only a videotape of you
pilfering unpaid-for produce.

Unpaid-for produce?
Is this a joke?

Chocolate-covered raisins
and tissues are no joke.

Hey, that kid sprayed me with snot.

I ought to sue that store
for mucus abuse.

- What about the raisin?
- What about it?

That video
will never stand up in court.

You can't prove
it was me on it.

The results
from forensics might help.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Slow day bringing down
international terrorists?

They found that Raisinette
in your stool sample.

That's pretty sad.

Me sad? You're the ones
poking around in my...

You're looking
at two counts of felony theft.

And if I remember correctly,

this is your third strike.

Tsk tsk tsk.

You could be looking at 30 years.

Hey, I'm entitled
to a phone call.

You had one yesterday,
remember?

Too bad you blew it
on phone sex.

There's got to be something
we can do about this.

Can't we reach
some kind of a deal?

Hmm, a deal? Yes.

It's not really you that I want.
There's somebody else.

Hey, forget it.
I'm no snitch. I don't name names.

Then you're going in
for 30 years.

Now I come to think of it,
a few do come to mind.

Whip is always
stealing my porno mags.

I have to nail everything down
when T'nuk is around.

In fact, the whole bunch of them
are as crooked as an Englishman's teeth.

And my mother,
whenever she's at the diner

she's always lifting those little packets
of Sweet'N Low, and...

We need you to testify
against Darph Bobo.

Are you kidding?
Bobo would make my life

more of a misery
than it already is if I fingered him.

Even his proctologist
is starting to drink.

30 years.

But I don't even have anything
to testify against Bobo for.

Think again, Chode.

Remember that party
a while back?

You and a few others
got together

for an evening
of drinking, gambling

and who knows
what other debauchery

on Bobo's ship.

Oh yeah, Bobo's birthday bash.

We decided
to bury the hatchet for the night.

No broads except for hookers...

I mean, invited female guests.

Do you know what time it is?

I said you could go till midnight.

I need my beauty sleep.

Give it a rest, will you?

You only turn 40 once.

And you won't turn 41
if you don't come to bed.

And get rid of that slut.

- Hit me.
- Don't tempt me, you bastard.

- 20!
- 19.

Read 'em and weep.
21.

Looks like I get
to take you home.

You cheated.
It's my birthday,

and I should be
getting the snatch.

Chode, aren't you
gonna do something?

Why should I care?
I got a red-hot android

with gazoomers
that go on forever back on my ship.

Yeah, and you've got
a bitchy old lady covered in...

waiting for you upstairs.

You take that back,

or I'll shove
my birthday present up your ass.

It's been a blast, Darph.
Happy birthday.

Nobody insults Darph Bobo.

You're a dead man,
you hear me?

D- E-D, dead.

But how the hell
do you know all this?

Because that green character
was working undercover for us.

He reported in,
then showed up dead the following day.

Bobo might be lousy
at spelling words,

but he's good for his word.

Okay, but what has this
got to do with...

We can't find the hooker, and you're
the only one who heard Bobo's threat.

And that's what
you're going to testify to.

Or 30 years.

Thanks for understanding.

What if Bobo finds out
I'm gonna squeal on him?

We'll put you in a witness
protection program until the trial,

give you a new name, relocate you
on a suburban planet somewhere.

He'll never find you.
Do we have a deal?

Do I have a choice?

You've made
the right decision, Chode.

Bobo is going to fry
for what he did.

- Huh?
- And it's all thanks to you.

You!

I should have known
you'd rat me out.

It's curtains for you,
you dirty purple stoolie!

You're dead.

Do you hear me?

D- E-D, dead.

That's the third time
this week.

I've got to remember
to close that door.

My name is Alice Marie.

Nothing strange
has ever happened in my life.

That is, until recently.

That was when
I went into my bedroom

and retrieved an old revolver
that hadn't been used in years.

God... piece of...

Alice certainly
had a beautiful funeral.

Yes.

Except when that whore Deidre
grabbed her husband's ass.

I'm really going to miss her.

She had so many good qualities.

I'll even miss Alice's bad qualities.

Remember, she tended
to be a little paranoid.

- And she was bigoted.
- And a snob.

And irrational.

A funny thing happens when you die.

Your body is gone, but you can still
see and hear everything.

What a bunch of bitches.

Hey, there's that strange
family that moved in next to Alice's place.

They've sure been
keeping to themselves.

Where do you think they're from?

Probably Africa.

They've brought
their wildebeest with them.

This may sound weird,
but I've been without...

male companionship
for so long,

even that disgusting fat purple one

is beginning to look good.

I hear you, sister.

My dear old hubby
spends so much time working

I'm ready to date a banana.

No wonder
that broad next door shot herself.

This place is so boring.

I agree.
The flesh-burning pus swamps

controlled by
the scab-infested anus rapers

on planet Vomitaria
look good right now.

Only a complete idiot
could be happy living in this 'burb.

Wow, there are some
really cool video games here.

I just broke the all-time record
for hours logged on

to Universe of Warcraft.

I rest my case.

We can't even
make a run for it if we wanted.

Why did I let Adam talk me
into placing Bob in the program?

Who knows where he is?

Of course back in those days,

space exploration was exciting.

We used to go
where no man had gone before.

Now these places
are... resorts

full of... I don't even want to know.

Kill me now.

¤ I'd love to be ¤

¤ Here on the sidewalk ¤

¤ Watching you, baby,
moving so sexy ¤

¤ I can feel your desire... ¤

¤ You look at me ¤

¤ Your eyes on fire... ¤

- Ooh!
- Chode, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking if I'm ever reincarnated,
I'd like to come back as that car.

Chode, don't even consider
fooling around while we're here.

We don't want
to draw attention to ourselves.

Or do you
want to end up as a corpse?

Or a prison bitch for 30 years?

Nix the prison bitch talk.
Here come the local natives.

Hi there, neighbors.
We noticed you moving in.

- I'm Sue-Anne.
- I'm Danielle.

And I'm horny.

- Ugh.
- Ooh.

Sue-Anne, Danielle,

Horny, I'm Ch... er, Chance.

I'm Chance.
They're a bunch of nobody losers

who cannot hold
any possible interest for you.

Chance, I was wondering,
have you seen my pussy?

- No, but the night is still young.
- Chance.

Here it is.

Ugh!

Chance, what do you think
of my hooters?

- They're... magnificent.
- Chance!

No, silly. Up there.

Hey, wanna see my ass?

Oh, you have a donkey?

No, an ass.

Why don't you all kiss it?

Whoa! I've seen
smaller cracks on a fault line.

Okay, Mr. Bobo.

I'll take your case,
but I have to warn you,

it's not going to be easy.

I suppose it makes no difference

that I'm innocent, Miss Bullred?

An alibi for the time in question
wouldn't hurt.

I told you. I was in bed hung-over
from the night before.

It's not my fault my old lady
was off having her ass waxed.

This Chode character,

you say he's in
a witness protection program?

Don't mention
that... name in front of me.

What if someone
were to find him?

I'm one step ahead of you,
Miss Bullred.

I got the smartest,
most experienced hit man

that kronigs can buy
on his trail.

What's his modus operandi?

He sticks
"Have you seen this man?" posters

on telephone poles.

Ugh. Well you'd better pray
you do find this Chode,

or you're gonna fry.

Gee, you don't sound
very optimistic.

Of course I'm optimistic.

By the way, I need to be paid
upfront in full.

I virtually threw myself
at that miserable mauve...,

and he still hasn't
come sniffing around.

Perhaps I was too subtle.

Yeah.
"Have you seen my pussy?"

Really subtle.

If you insist
on jumping his bones,

why don't you throw
a welcome-to-the-neighborhood party?

Hey, that's a great idea.

Where? When?

Why not here, tonight?

I have an idea.

Ron always liked
my lobster thermador.

All I need is 3 Ibs
of cheddar cheese,

nutmeg, six bottles
of dry white wine,

a dozen lobsters
and 30 gallons of boiling water.

Is it any wonder why
her husband had a heart attack?

You know, I never did understand

why the broads
threw themselves at the captain.

He used to come
at rift speed,

if you get my drift.

Besides, I think
it was all an act.

He and Scotty were
a little light in the lithium crystals,

if you know what I mean.

Always referring to me as a woman.

And what was all that

"She's gonna blow" bull?

Believe me, you're the lucky one.

I hear the dead woman's
husband next door left town.

Smart guy.

Aren't you curious
as to why she killed herself?

We should take a look around.

Jeez, why don't you
marry a Spice Girl

and sign for the LA Galaxy?

Oh dear, now I'll have to climb
over the fence and get it back.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

If I stay around here much longer,
I'm gonna kill something.

And if you don't stay,
you might be the one getting killed.

I'm willing
to reenter the civilized world

and take my chances.

There's no way
that assassin will ever find me.

And if he does,
I'll kick his ass.

It's the babe
from across the street.

Hello again, Chance.

I've just dropped by to invite you over
for a welcoming party.

One moment,
I'll consult my friends.

Please, Six.

Let me go.
I'll be good, I promise.

Please!

- It'll be safer if we come along.
- Thank you.

Are my friends invited?
If they're not, who cares?

I'll just tell them they are
and ditch them later.

Of course they're invited.

Except for the ugly fat one
with the big ass.

Deal. What time
shall we be there?

Any time you're ready.

The front door is always open.

Or you can go around to the back
and enter that way.

And don't worry,
we're harmless.

"They are all stupid, shallow

and I believe quite insane.

I fear for my life. "

Holy...!

Those crazy housewives killed her!

Hey, you'll never...

Huh?

Damn.

Don't forget to use your aliases.

Hi neighbors, glad you could make
our little party. Come on in.

- And no hanky-panky.
- I promise.

- Are you crossing your fingers?
- Of course not.

So throw a party
and not invite me, eh?

Well, nobody
kisses off Deidre Clit

and gets away with it.

Yes. I think I have.

Look who's here, everyone.

- Our new neighbors.
- Hi, Chance.

We didn't catch your names.

- Hi, ladies. I'm Wally.
- Who cares?

- I'm Seven.
- We all lie about our ages, honey,

but aren't you
stretching it a bit?

And I'm Guffman.
I'm a 500K model.

You shouldn't
sell yourself short, Guffman.

Danielle used to be a model,

and she'd charge
a lot more than 500K.

I beg your pardon?

I'll get it.

Can I get you guys a drink?

Tie me to the bedpost.

That's vodka, rum,
melon liqueur and sour mix, right?

No, tie me to the bedpost, really.

I'm looking for my friends.

I don't believe you were invited.

Oh my God, I'm too late!

What have you done,
you crazy bitch?

Get a grip, Cujo.
What are you talking about?

Quit blowing smoke up my ass.
I heard a scream.

It's the lobsters.
I just put them in the water.

Oh yeah?
Then where's Chance?

Strange. He and Sue-Anne
were here a moment a...

Chance, you'd better not be doing

what I think you're doing.

And that's how
you do the foxtrot.

Now the waltz is something
completely different.

Ow ow.
Ow ow ow ow ow!

Not so rough.

Quick, we have to get out of here.

They killed their neighbor
and we could be next.

Who do you want to be,
Mummy or Daddy?

- Uh, Daddy?
- Okay, Daddy.

Get over here
and suck Mummy's...

Good news.

The undercover agent's wife
just confessed to killing him.

She found him banging the hooker
and blew his head off.

- You're free to leave.
- Hallelujah!

I'll write, I promise.

Now that you're off the hook,
you should cancel that hit on Chode.

Here's your cell phone.

Nah. He's out in the boonies.

It's the middle of the day.

Think of the roaming charges.

And let me tell you about those Tribbles.

They weren't
cute, adorable balls of fluff.

They were cooties...

spacecraft crabs.

I scratched for a month

after those little bastards
infected us.

Yes, finally.

Get this old
piece of... outta here

before I lose my mind.

No, not me. You've got the wrong ship.
You're making a mistake!

No nooky until I mow the lawn.

Six is taking this suburban crap
way too seriously.

I can't wait until tomorrow
when we're out of here.

Not getting into Chance's pants
was bad enough.

But lobster three times a day
for the next month?

- Give me a break.
- Hey, what's going on over there?

Oh my Lord,
it's a man with a gun!

And he's pointing it at Chance.

He's kinda cute.

Damn, here comes that whore Deidre.

Whoa!

- I saw him first!
- Back off, bitch, this one's mine!

- Stop squashing.
- There's enough here for all of us.

Chode, we just received a message

from Commander Adam.
The case against Bobo has fallen through.

You don't have to testify.
We can leave.

Yeah, and about time too.

This place should be
in the record books

for being the most
mind-numbing... hole in the universe.

Look at them.
They'll screw anything that moves.

But they didn't kill me, and I wasn't
referring to them in my journal.

I was talking about
that bunch of foreigners

who moved in next door to me.
My friends are right.

I am a paranoid, bigoted,
irrational snob.

And yes, I shot myself.

I mean, who wants to live
next to stupid... holes like that?

I swear I'll get even with you
for what you put me through.

Quit your bitching, Bob.
Nobody got hurt.

Another minute
and I would have been recycled

into intergalactic porta-potties.

If it'll make you feel better,
it's good to be back onboard.

Those housewives
were driving me up the wall.

Yeah, up the wall into the mattress
and against the cupboard.

Hey, I had everything
under control.

There's not a woman alive
who can bring old Chodie to his knees.

Hi, Chance.

Hi.

You left so quickly
you didn't even say goodbye.

Don't we have
some unfinished business?

Whoa whoa whoa!

- What the?
- Now we're even.

You...!

Maybe it's for the best,
Uncle Chode.

She is a little crazy.

She's not crazy.
Like the others, she's just a woman

whose emotional needs
aren't being met.

She's simply
looking for something

to fill that empty hole inside.

Oh.

Oh, hello.

Maybe that guy has something
to fill her empty hole.

Let's get out of here.