All language subtitles for Tripping.The.Rift.S03E07.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY_Subtitles01.ENG

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What was Mr. Spock always looking at
inside that View-Master of his?

Oh yeah.

Da plane! Da plane!

Look at me, Uncle Chode.

Godzilla!

Not many of those to the pound.

This is exactly
how I looked in high school.

Really? I bet you had
to beat the boys off.

Yeah. Well, when they weren't
beating themselves off.

Hey, Gus, look how that mirror
gives you a dumpy ass.

This is a normal mirror.

Uncle Chode, I haven't
had this much fun

since you took me
to the Chicken Ranch

to lose my virginity.

Chode, tell me you didn't bring
your own nephew to a prostitute.

No, of course not.

I took him to the chicken farms.

That chicken will never be the same.

Turn me vegetarian.

Ooh! Ooh, look!
Star Gypsy!

I can't believe
people actually pay money

to hear some knockoff phony
predict their future.

That's not just any phony.
She's the best in the galaxy.

She even predicted
Britney Spears's marriage wouldn't last.

Yeah, well here's
another brilliant revelation:

Her next eight won't last either.

It's harmless fun, Chode.
Why don't you give it a try?

Forget it.
Do I look like an idiot?

Is that a trick question?

Who knows? Maybe she'll predict
if you end up a rich man.

Hmm.

Chode McBlob.

- Hey... How did you...
- I sensed you were coming to see me.

Told you she was good.

Welcome. I am Gypsy Rosalie.

Gypsy Rosalie, not Rose Lee.

What is it you would like
to know about your future?

Am I gonna be rich?
Will I be happy?

Will I live to see Michael Jackson
make a comeback?

Oh, yes yes yes. Yes!

You see good things
in my future?

No, I foresee a terrible illness.

Damn! That skank
from Titerion Seven insisted

she didn't have gonorrhea,
and I went and believed her.

Relax, it's just a bad cold.

You really should wash your hands

when using a public restroom.

Check. What else can you tell me?

Your tentacles tell me
you're an incredibly childish alien

who only cares about himself.

Wow, Uncle Chode.

It's like she's looking
right into your soul.

I predict one day
all those closest to you

will turn on you.

That's a given, but I wanna hear
something good about my future.

I'm afraid it doesn't work like that.

Sure it does. Start blowing
some smoke up my ass.

Okay, here's something.

I predict tomorrow morning

you will have the best
bowel movement of your life.

Now that'll be 50 kronigs.

50?! You call yourself
a fortune-teller?

The only thing you're good at is
making people's money disappear.

Pay up, or I will curse you.

Oh for heaven's sake,
Chode, pay her.

Okay. Here you go.

Nnng!

Evil spirits
of the here and beyond,

I summon you!

A covetous woman,
coitus interruptus,

Milena Kanakaredes,
Dom DeLuise.

I cast a hex on you,
Chode McBlob!

May you vanish
from the eyes of those around you...

forever!

I said supersize me!

Keep going, you cheap bastard.

And give me a jumbo strawberry
popsicle while you're at it.

- What happened to you?
- I'm hungry. Sue me.

Maybe you should go back
and pay the gypsy what you owe her.

Are you insane?
That overtucked nut job

is getting exactly
what she deserves.

Uh!

What do you say
we blow this popsicle stand?

Uh, Whip,

get us the hell out of here.

That's the last time I order sushi
at a traveling carnival.

Oh, I'm not sure which end

that caterpillar roll is
trying to crawl out of.

Bob, didn't you forget something?

No, I've already apologized

for reorganizing
your lingerie drawer this morning.

I mean Chode.
He's not here.

Is there a problem
with the transporter?

If there is, it's his own fault.

Chode insists
on filling the ship up with cheap gas.

Speaking of cheap gas...

I beamed Chode aboard.
He's standing right next to you.

- Wh-what's that?
- It's called a popsicle.

What's your problem?

Chode, where are you?

What are you talking about?
I'm standing right here in front of you.

You are? I can't see you.

That's ridiculous. I've never heard
anything so stupid in my whole life.

What the... hey!
Where's my hand?

It's the gypsy. She said
she was gonna put a curse on you.

That's what you get
for pissing her off.

Well, if this is the best she's got,

go for it.

Chode, you can't be serious.

You can't go through life
being invisible.

Why not?
Works for the homeless.

Besides, think about the upshots.

If no one can see me,
I can start letting myself go.

Start?

Hey, you did that on purpose.

No, this I did on purpose.

Hey!

Why do I get the feeling
the fun has just begun?

Chode? Are you here?

In the bathroom.

Remember, I'm taking you
to see a specialist this afternoon.

I told you,
I don't need no specialist.

Oh yes, you do.

You've no idea what
that gypsy's curse might lead to.

Are you okay?

I'll say this about that gypsy...

...she was right about one thing.

That was the best crap
I've ever had.

Okay okay.

If it'll make you feel better,
I'll go see your stupid doctor.

- You will?
- Yeah, sure, whatever.

Thank you.

Uh, Six... that's not my face.

I know.

Well, Doctor, what do you think?

It doesn't look good.

That's because
I'm invisible, you quack.

You cholesterol
is through the roof.

You really need
to lay off the fast food.

That's it, high cholesterol?

Pretty much.
Everything else checks out.

Phew, that's a relief.

But what about his invisibility?

I won't deny it's incredibly rare,

but all other vital signs are normal.

You hear that, Six?

There's got to be something
that could be done for him.

A medication, a treatment?

Well, there's the old school approach
or the new school approach.

What's the old school?

You wrap gauze around your face
and body and put on sunglasses.

And the new school?

Well, have you ever seen
the Blue Man Group perform?

There's got to be
something else you can do, Doctor.

Frankly, until his condition changes,

I think the best thing you all can do
is simply get used to it.

Get used to it.

Huh? Hmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Huh?

Hmm.

Huh?

Oh!

Hmm.

Huh?

Uncle Chode!

- Pervert!
- How'd you know I was here?

Thermal body scan.

From now on, we'll all know
exactly where you are at all times.

You're no fun.

Yes, well. Looks like
you're just going to have to find

some other
poor schmucks to torment.

Hmm, I never thought of that.

Hmm.

It says here,

women reach
their sexual peak at 45.

You're not gonna start,
are you?

I'm a woman, Darph.

I have needs.

I know. I've got
the credit card bills to prove it.

Come on, Darphie.

What's it gonna take to get you

to make love to me?

A lot of porn and a laser
pointed at my temple.

I'm gonna sleep on the couch.

Damn, you pervert
son of a bitch, you always...

Mmm!

Bernice! Turn that thing off!

You're gonna blow a fuse!

Whoa!
Bobo's got one of those

supernova space-age
foam mattresses.

I've gotta try that puppy out.

So, you decided
to come back to bed, did ya?

Well, you're gonna
have to work for it.

- Huh? What...
- Oh yes!

Baby wants what Daddy's got.

Oh, honey!

Oh, that intergalactic-strength Viagra

is really working.

Yes! Yes!

Give it to me!

Harder! Please, harder!

Huh?
What the hell is going on?

Honey's been a dirty girl.

A dirty, dirty girl.

Whoa!

Oh oh oh!

Oh my God! No!

Bernice, what the hell is going on?

- Wha...
- What just happened?

I don't know,
but "Cosmos" is right.

I think I just hit
my sexual peak.

Are you sure
the purple dickwad isn't here?

I did a thermal scan and
cordoned off the bridge. We're alone.

I'm just waiting
for him to pull a wedgie

or trip me down
another flight of stairs.

Tell me about it.

- I've been walking around on eggshells.
- You and me both.

You mean he sprinkled eggshells
around your bed

while you were sleeping too?

I was hoping the novelty
would start to wear off,

but he's just getting worse
by the minute.

Okay, so what are we
gonna do about the invisible asswipe?

Fool me once, shame on you;
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me again, I'll toast
his crystal balls on an open fire.

I'd like to see you try,
you overgrown hippo.

He's here! I thought you said
you did a thermal scan of his fat ass.

I did, and secured the hatch.

Chode, how did you get in here?

I just walked through the door
like it wasn't there.

Chode, something's happening.

I think you're getting worse.
Where are you?

All right, if you're
going to play games...

I used this spray snow to decorate
the ship's windows last Christmas.

Er... huh?

You look like a Frosted Mini-Wheat.

Yeah, then why don't you eat me?

Uncle Chode, if you're not
coming up on the thermal scan,

and you're able
to walk through doors,

I'd say something's going on
with your molecular structure.

Thanks for the diagnosis,
Mr. Spock, but I'm fine.

Chode, where are you going?

To wash this crap off and then
to the Crab Nebula for a cold one.

Chode, wait.

What are you doing?

Obviously we were visited

by some type
of interstellar apparition last night.

I wouldn't say visited

so much as invaded.

Whatever. I'm calling in
the experts of the paranormal

to make sure that freak occurrence
doesn't happen again.

Pick up that phone,
and it'll be the last call you make!

Oh, ooh.

Call me.

Scotch on the rocks.

Mmm. Ah.

You gonna give me
something more than a glass of ice?

I just poured you a Scotch, bub.

Do you want another one?
It'll be six kronigs.

I'd like the one I just paid for.

Hey! What... I...

Guys, take a look at this.

I think Uncle Chode
is disappearing...

for good.

From your lips to God's ears.

After Uncle Chode didn't show up
on the thermal scan,

I've been checking
the ship's video feed

to see if I could find
anything else peculiar.

These video logs were taken
three months ago.

- Oh my God.
- It gets worse.

After I saw this, I decided
to go through his online photo album.

Here's a baby picture of Chode
on a bearskin rug.

Heavens. Look at that ass.

It's like Chode's ceasing to exist.

I've got to talk some sense
into him before it's too late.

Ah.

Just got fired from my job.
What's your misery?

I think my wife is
screwing a ghost.

Yeah, that tops me.

Can I buy you a drink?

Ooh!

Hey, what's your problem?

I'm not the one boning your wife.

Yeah well, I... see, um...

Playtime's over, Chode.
I need to talk to you.

Ow ow ow! Easy!

That's my pinkie tentacle.

Okay. What...
what is it already?

Listen to me very carefully.

Whip took a look
at the ship's logs.

Your image is slowly
disappearing from all records.

- Big deal.
- You're even disappearing

from your baby photograph.

The rug shot?
I always hated that picture.

Don't you understand? That gypsy curse
hasn't just made you invisible.

She's wiping you out... completely.

You won't be able to hear,
smell and... feel anything.

You mean...?

Yes, you can kiss sex goodbye.

What are you just
standing around for?

We've got to come up with a plan
or I'm a dead man.

- T'nuk, did you hear something?
- Nothing but a lot of hot air.

Come on, guys.
Don't do this to me.

The clock's ticking.

Yeah, well, karma's a bitch...

and so am I.

Okay guys, look.
I know I've been nothing but an ass,

but I promise
to make all this up to you.

But I need your help, please!

God, I love it when he grovels.

Relax, Chode. Whip's locking in
the coordinates on the carnival.

We'll find that gypsy.

It's too late. It looks like they up
and moved on to the next planet.

Now I'm totally...

Not necessarily.

I did a little digging
on the background of the carnival.

Turns out it's owned and operated
by Bobo Enterprises.

Newsflash, nephew:
Bobo hates my guts.

Chode, I'm sure
the carnival's schedule

can be accessed
from Bobo's computer.

Oh boy. Why do I get the feeling
this is gonna get ugly?

Is that you, my love?

I've been waiting.

I know you're here.

Take me, please!

Okay, what am I looking for?

Where is it, where is it?

Uncle Chode had better hurry.

He's fading fast.

Even if he does locate the carnival,

how are we supposed to get
the gypsy to reverse the curse?

Something tells me she won't want
to spend the rest of her life

uglier and more disgusting
than she could ever imagine.

Why's everyone looking at me?

Uncle Chode did it. We've got
the coordinates on the carnival.

So there you are.

I knew you were here.

Mmm. I smelled your musky scent.

I'm not letting you out of here
until you satisfy me.

Hmm. It's gonna be a long night.

- This is never gonna work.
- It has to.

Remember,
this will relay images to you.

Pick up our video signal
and transmit it back.

We just
have to stick to the script.

That purple-butt raisin is
gonna owe me big after this one.

Just kiss me!
One kiss and I'll let you go.

I lied.

Mmm.

What do you want?

I want you to reverse
the curse on Chode.

And I want lips
like Angelina Jolie

and a vaginal rejuvenation.

Ain't gonna happen.

In that case,
you leave me no choice.

I give you the evil eye.

You're kidding, right?

I invented the evil eye.

Therefore, I cast a pox on you.

I summon the souls
of warlocks, witches and evil.

Look, is this going to take long?

I've got a hot date with the wolf man
from the freak exhibit.

Oh yeah, it's doggie-style tonight.

Before you go, you might
want to check your makeup.

Okay, it's working.

Just mimic everything
she says and does.

My face!

What have you done to it?

I am hideous!

You'll spend an eternity
looking like this,

unless you reverse the curse.

Yes, I'll do it.
I'll reverse the curse.

Just turn me back
to the way I was.

This is so obscene.

Revolting.

Loathsome.

Nauseating.

Watch it, bitch!

Give it to me!

Not going to happen.

This isn't what it looks like.

I'm not even sure
what it looks like.

Huh?

You... Darph,

there's a perfectly good
explanation for this.

This is all a figment
of your imagination.

Whip, get me
the... out of here now!

Ow!

You guys really saved my ass.

And to be perfectly honest,
I don't know how to thank you.

I knew it.
He's taking the cheap way out.

So I picked out a few things

as a token of my appreciation.

Those are genuine diamonds, Six.

Not the cheap pubic zirconia
I always try to pass over on you.

Chode, it's gorgeous.
Thank you.

Huh?

Cash. Cool, Uncle Chode.

Yeah, what's going on?

Did your brain vanish
with that gypsy's curse?

Not at all. I just felt
it was time to be generous.

Gus, aren't you
going to open yours?

A designer wallet.

Oh, Chode, I don't know what to say.
This is extravagant.

Nothing but the best for my crew.

I see. It still has
the driver's license and credit cards

of the guy you lifted it from.

Mm-hmm. I'd say
you've got a good two hours

to go hogwild
with those credit cards

before they're reported stolen.

I don't know.
I feel kind of weird

about accepting
ill-gotten presents.

Yes.

You heard the man,
we've got two hours.

Let's hit the mall.