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www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:23,789
Who's playing Six now?
3
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,270
This is what you get
for chasing after Chode
4
00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:45,402
over a stolen shipment
of silly string!
5
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,879
A fat old ticket
for going warp speed
6
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,973
through
the nebula vector!
7
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:51,847
6,000 kronigs?!
8
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,048
Doh, now I've got to drag
my powder-white ass
9
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,056
back to traffic school
10
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,183
just to keep our
insurance rates down.
11
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,886
Damn that Chode.
12
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:03,691
And damn that
- Commander Adam!
13
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,359
He's been pulsing those
speed traps all over the galaxy.
14
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,336
You really are a pathetic excuse
for a dark clown.
15
00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,339
What the hell
do you mean by that?!
16
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,171
I mean, somebody
with grandiose plans
17
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,074
to dominate the universe
18
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:20,443
shouldn't let
a purple crapsack
19
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,142
and some skrinky-ass
rent-a-cop
20
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:24,411
push him around!
21
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,817
How about wreaking
a little revenge?
22
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,753
But that would mean
growing something
23
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,689
bigger than a pair of ping-pong balls
between your legs.
24
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:34,852
Ping-pong balls, eh?
25
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,623
I'll show her.
26
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,791
I'll make 'em both wish
they'd never messed with me!
27
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,165
Yeah, that's it...
28
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:44,966
two turds
with one stone.
29
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,198
Okay, thanks.
I owe you one.
30
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:52,677
It's confirmed.
My friends got us in at Z Bar.
31
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,771
Yeah, well, your friend
had better be a chick
32
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:55,803
and that's a drink
you owe her.
33
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:59,580
All aboard!
Next stop, Z Bar!
34
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,019
It's ladies night
and you know what that means.
35
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:05,582
The tin fairy's going in drag
for half-priced drinks?
36
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,719
Can't a fellow wear a little eyeliner
without cheap shots?
37
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,820
Well, there's gonna be
plenty of cheap shots
38
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,798
when Six parades
her funbags around.
39
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,198
Chode, you're not making me hit on
anything with three legs
40
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,863
- just to get you free drinks.
- Of course not.
41
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:21,431
You've got to hustle your ta-tas
for T'nuk, Gus and Whip as well.
42
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,910
Anything miss mammary gland can do,
43
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:28,402
I can do better.
I'll get my own drinks.
44
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,814
Those should be good enough
for at least a swizzle stick.
45
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,283
Why don't you
blow it out your...
46
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,518
The following takes place
47
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:39,684
between the hours
of 10:30 and 10:551/2 pm.
48
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,360
I thought I told you
to make mine a double.
49
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,399
Come on, Six.
Let's go get our groove on.
50
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,914
Isn't that Paris Ramada
51
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,712
the hotel heiress?
52
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,946
- I'm not sure.
- Oh, come on.
53
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:10,183
You must've whacked off
to her sex hologram like a dozen times.
54
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:13,090
Actually, I've only made it
through the first 10 seconds.
55
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,855
After that,
I fall asleep.
56
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:17,328
She's hanging out
with clowns now?
57
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,331
She must've heard
that rumor
58
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,663
about guys
with big feet.
59
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:24,570
Move.
60
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:27,533
- Ah!
- Hey!
61
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,065
Where are you going?
You gotta buy her a drink first.
62
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,512
- What's going on, Uncle Chode?
- Two clowns in a van,
63
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,387
they just
took Six away!
64
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,484
Did you happen to catch
the license plate?
65
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:50,018
- No no no!
- Calm down, Chode.
66
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,860
- We'll get her back.
- No, it's not that.
67
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,832
Now who's gonna hustle
for the drinks?
68
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,731
What do you think
they're planning to do?
69
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,998
- Torture her?
- Hold her for ransom?
70
00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:01,996
Drug her, tie her up and have
a night of wild unspeakable sex?
71
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,512
Hello, Chode.
72
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:12,677
I shoulda known.
Darph Bobo.
73
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,244
Listen to me
very carefully, Chode.
74
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,381
Come closer
to the phone.
75
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:22,251
Closer.
76
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,694
Very funny, you...
77
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:27,825
What the hell do you want?
78
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,097
Commander Adam
is back in the club.
79
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:33,367
You have precisely
231/2 minutes
80
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:37,103
to assassinate him
or Six is dead.
81
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:39,771
What have you done with her?
82
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:43,304
I've just transported her
aboard Intergalactic Airlines
83
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,317
flight 69.
84
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,319
Now kill the commander
85
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,548
or Six and a planeful
of innocent victims
86
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:52,456
will perish
in a fiery crash!
87
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:56,428
Bobo, I always knew you were
a lowlife motherless scumbag,
88
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,225
but this
takes the cake.
89
00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:01,290
Flattery will
get you nowhere, Chode.
90
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,234
You just lost 30 seconds.
91
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,100
Hey, that's not fair!
92
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,504
The clock should start
once we end the call.
93
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,407
I mean, what kind of extortion plot
are you running here?
94
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,240
Fine.
95
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:14,269
You're back
at 231/2 minutes.
96
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,509
- Happy now?
- There's another call coming in
97
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,642
on my communicator.
98
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,848
- Can I put you on hold?
- Nice try...!
99
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,424
Well, are you gonna tell us or are we
gonna have to beat it out of you?
100
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,894
Bobo's gonna kill Six
in 231/2 minutes
101
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:32,090
unless I assassinate
Commander Adam.
102
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:34,395
Neither of those events
are gonna happen, Chode.
103
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,265
My name is Jack Hour.
104
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,293
I'm the head of the Alien
Terrorist Unit.
105
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,136
So you've been here the whole time
staking out the situation?
106
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,405
Actually, no. I just swung by the club
to blow off some steam.
107
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:48,107
You have no idea what my life's
been like for the past 24 hours.
108
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:51,207
The good news is my people
are already on top of the situation.
109
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:54,413
Once they secure the bar, they will
escort the commander to a safe haven.
110
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:55,887
But what about Six?
111
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:59,323
It's imperative we find a way aboard
Intergalactic flight 69.
112
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,883
We don't have much time.
113
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,096
I've got some bad news.
114
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,367
I can beam you
aboard flight 69,
115
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,636
but because of their
diffraction scanner,
116
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,370
I won't be able
to beam you off.
117
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,378
That's okay.
Once we secure Six,
118
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,970
I'll have the captain
make an emergency landing.
119
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,981
Emergency landing?
120
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,848
Did I mention that I tend
to get space sick?
121
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:29,150
How do you manage to stand upright
without a backbone?
122
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,055
If we're going,
you're going.
123
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:34,286
Confederation regulations
prohibits anyone
124
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,989
from carrying any liquids,
gels, penis pumps,
125
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:39,691
knitting needles or sharp objects
of any kind.
126
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,199
Check.
127
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,168
Gus has an illegal substance
on his person.
128
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,103
Out with it, Gus.
We can't afford to lose another second.
129
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,004
It's merely
a synthetic lubricant
130
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,701
for my
mechanical parts.
131
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,336
Gus, we're saving six
from a fiery death,
132
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,107
not a weekend
on Fire Island.
133
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,207
Oh fine. Let's hurry
and save your silicone slut
134
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,218
so you can have
all the fun around here.
135
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,524
Here, put these on.
136
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,931
There she is.
Let's go get her.
137
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,462
Not yet. My people
have informed me
138
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,873
there's a high probability
this plane is boobytrapped.
139
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,708
You mean Bobo packed
the time bomb in Six's cajungas?
140
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,714
No, Chode.
I'm talking about you and I
141
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:32,206
searching the ship's cargo hold
to diffuse any possible explosives.
142
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,515
- Oh, right.
- You two stay up here.
143
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,613
Keep your eyes on Six.
Whatever you do,
144
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,489
remain calm.
145
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,186
- What's wrong?
- We're out of coffee.
146
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,388
Where are you going?
Jack said we should stay here.
147
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,626
If you must know,
148
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,965
I'm gonna pinch off
a peanut-filled fudge stick.
149
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,333
Sue me.
150
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:56,069
He's sure one lucky pizza delivery guy
151
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,701
What the hell?!
152
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,235
How did they know that...
153
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,249
Jack Hour!
154
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,081
They've just released
a news statement,
155
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,087
something about
thwarting a plot
156
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,419
to assassinate
Commander Adam?
157
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,391
Nice job, numbnuts.
158
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,360
Get off my back,
Bernice.
159
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,328
Plan A might not
have worked out,
160
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,594
but plan B is
rolling along nicely.
161
00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:27,429
That reminds me,
can you pick up a tube
162
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,839
of Preparation-H
on the way home?
163
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,810
You know,
just forget it.
164
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,210
I don't know why
I even bother anymore.
165
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,008
There doesn't seem to be
anything of an explosive nature.
166
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:40,780
Oh no? What about this new CD
by Michael Jackson?
167
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,754
"Let's Hear It
for the Boys"?
168
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:46,383
He never learns.
Let's get back upstairs.
169
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,991
Poisonous snakes.
So that's how Darph Bobo
170
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,793
plans on bringing
the plane down.
171
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,823
Well... me hard
on a sandy beach.
172
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,494
Come on, we don't
have much time.
173
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,690
Holy... The snakes have
beaten us to it.
174
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,420
Hey, you two,
get your asses over here.
175
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,724
Why not? We're running out
of pillows anyway.
176
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,789
The plane's been infected
with hundreds of deadly snakes.
177
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:29,198
- Oh my lord.
- On the bright side,
178
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,328
we'll all be dead
when it crashes.
179
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,894
We'll deal with
the snakes later.
180
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,737
First we have to find a way to get Six
away from those two goons.
181
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,606
I think I've got that one covered.
Yoo-hoo, Six.
182
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,678
Good to see you, Six.
Let me look at you.
183
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,187
Huh?!
184
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,359
Whew, that was close.
For a while there,
185
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,088
I thought you were
six feet under for sure.
186
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,465
You've outgrown
your usefulness to me, Six.
187
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,025
I suppose I could
give you one for the road,
188
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:07,369
but I'm sure the old
ball and chain would find out
189
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,341
- and make my life a misery.
- Chode will find me, Darph.
190
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,867
- I know it.
- He won't even come looking.
191
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:16,871
He thinks you're that cheap
carbon copy aboard flight 69.
192
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,884
But even if someone
does find you
193
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,818
and opens the casket,
194
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,481
a deadly virus
will be released
195
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:27,549
killing everything
in 100 square mile range.
196
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,994
You can't be serious.
That's way too convoluted, even for you.
197
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,520
Wait, there's more!
198
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,123
Once I close the lid,
199
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:38,432
you have precisely
12 minutes of oxygen.
200
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,338
Nighty night, Six.
Pleasant dreams.
201
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,534
Darph, please, no.
202
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:01,486
I'm Jack Hour,
head of the Alien Terrorist Unit.
203
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:03,427
And a guy a little
obsessed with time.
204
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:06,795
I promised to get you safely out
of here, but I need you to remain calm.
205
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,891
- We don't have much time.
- I rest my case.
206
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,869
Listen, I've been through situations
10 times worse than this
207
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,998
and the one I've learned
is the key to survival is never panic.
208
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,303
Ahh!
209
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,810
Jack, Jack,
what do we do now?
210
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:19,970
Panic.
211
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,018
I just had the most
incredible dream.
212
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,213
You were there
and you were there.
213
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,620
- He's delirious.
- Or deliriously gay.
214
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:34,092
That's from "The Wizard of Oz. "
215
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,959
The passengers
are starting to freak!
216
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:39,760
- Now what do we do?
- Gus, go to the cockpit,
217
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,859
warn the captain.
T'nuk, get out there and calm them down.
218
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:45,097
You mean the ones
who are still breathing.
219
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,002
It's too late for me, Chode.
220
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,507
You're gonna have
to finish this without me.
221
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,306
No one's ever died on my watch
and I'm not about to start now.
222
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,869
Six, I'm gonna need you
to suck out the poison.
223
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,981
Ahh!
224
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,784
- What is it?
- I think I've been bitten.
225
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,417
Can't blame a guy for trying.
226
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,485
Everybody remain calm!
227
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:13,589
The situation
is totally under control!
228
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:16,294
Snakes on a plane?
Come on, that's ridiculous.
229
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:19,566
It's true, Captain.
Half the passengers are already dead.
230
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,233
You've got to radio...
231
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,975
You're wasting your time,
you metal moron.
232
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,947
You can't stop 'em all!
233
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,084
I've got you now, black mamba!
234
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,489
I'm the head flight attendant.
235
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,856
Let me at it.
236
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:48,055
Whip, do you hear me?
237
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,398
- Six, is that you?
- Yes.
238
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,994
I'm trapped in a casket.
239
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:55,165
You have to lock onto my position
and beam me aboard the ship.
240
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:56,902
But... can't be.
241
00:12:56,942 --> 00:13:01,106
Uncle Chode's on... jet liner
trying to save you as we speak.
242
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,173
You must warn Chode.
The Six on the plane is an impostor.
243
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:06,480
Darph Bobo's buried me
somewhere on the planet
244
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,180
with less than eight
minutes of air left.
245
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:11,383
The planet only has eight minutes
of air left? That's terrible!
246
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:14,256
She means the casket
has eight minutes of air left.
247
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,126
Listen carefully...
don't... the casket.
248
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:19,358
Six, I can't hear you!
249
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,389
- Six!
- I repeat,
250
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,333
the casket will release
a deadly virus
251
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,597
the moment the lid
is opened.
252
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:28,698
- Whip? Hello?
- Six, are you there?!
253
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,177
Bob, lock onto Six
and beam her out of there.
254
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,111
Bob, talk to me!
255
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,080
Bad news.
I can't reach Six.
256
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,742
There's something blocking
the transporter beam.
257
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:40,911
You can always trust Six's sucking
to put color back in your cheeks.
258
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:44,445
Chode, you've got to stop the snakes
from getting into the galley.
259
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,481
Use the luggage
as a barricade.
260
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:48,857
Yeah yeah yeah.
261
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,987
- Jack Hour.
- Jack, it's Whip!
262
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,294
You need to listen to me
very carefully!
263
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,425
Six is an impostor!
264
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:56,934
What?
Are you sure?
265
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,301
The real Six is buried alive
on the planet
266
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,533
with less than
seven minutes of air left!
267
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,769
A planet with seven
minutes of air left...
268
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,868
- how dumb is that?
- That's what I thought.
269
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:08,106
And the hits keep on coming...
270
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,774
And coming.
271
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,288
I'd kill for a cigarette right now.
272
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,522
You and me both,
but I'll settle for a dump.
273
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,461
Control, this is flight 69.
274
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:26,327
We got a serious situation here!
275
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,798
Ah! Oh!
276
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,774
- Are you guys okay?
- I'm afraid Jack didn't make it.
277
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,577
I meant your fluffpuffs.
278
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,947
What happened?
279
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,382
He's dead.
You know what that means?
280
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:51,787
This is the last time you can say
"No one's ever died on my watch"?
281
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:54,054
Well, that.
And we're totally screwed.
282
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,754
Our situation
couldn't get any worse.
283
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,363
Gus, turn those... alerts off.
284
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,342
There, that's better.
Now pull up, pull up!
285
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,641
What do you think I'm trying to do,
a loop-de-loop?
286
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,237
I need some help here.
287
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,806
Hit the auto-pilot.
288
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:22,884
- All right, the worst is over.
- Pardon moi.
289
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,584
Is there a Chode McBlob
in here?
290
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,752
- T'nuk, are you okay?
- My name's not T'nuk.
291
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:30,318
It's...
292
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:32,523
I can't seem to remember.
293
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:36,398
Millicent. Mildred?
No.
294
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,834
Looks like amnesia.
295
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,236
I bet she doesn't remember
how ugly she is.
296
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:43,139
- I'm Chode.
- I've got a message for you
297
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,473
- from a Whip.
- Go ahead.
298
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:48,480
He said Six is an impostor.
299
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,779
The real Six is buried alive
in a casket somewhere.
300
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,682
He's unable to beam her out
301
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,553
and she only has five minutes
and 14 seconds of air left.
302
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,057
Bob is programming
the coordinates
303
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,083
into the plane's
flight computer
304
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,221
so we can land
right next to Six's location.
305
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:06,822
- Is that all?
- No.
306
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,834
The women's lavatory
is out of toilet paper.
307
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:12,428
It's a lie... about me,
not the toilet paper.
308
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,235
Chode, Whip might be
a useless masturbating teenager,
309
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:17,708
but why would he concoct
a whopper like that?
310
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,712
You're right. We have to find out
if she's who she says she is.
311
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,737
And there's only one way to prove it.
312
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,942
You're not actually going to
have to have sex with her now
313
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,919
on a plane full of deadly snakes
and flying on fumes?
314
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,648
Relax, this shouldn't take long.
315
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,383
I don't believe
316
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,391
we've been properly introduced.
317
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,985
- My name is Helene.
- Oh shut up.
318
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,329
How could you have sex
in five seconds?
319
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:43,858
I blew off the foreplay.
320
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,530
- Well, is she the real deal?
- No doubt about it.
321
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,506
Now let's land this bird.
322
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,600
You and what's-her-name go outside
and start stacking the bodies.
323
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:54,168
I don't want anymore of those
- snakes coming in.
324
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,272
Six, can you hear me?
325
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:59,045
If you can,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
326
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,075
I can't beam you aboard.
327
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,247
Your casket is lined
with refractive alloy.
328
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,188
And because
you're underground,
329
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,249
I'm only getting static
on your communicator.
330
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:10,022
- Say something comforting.
- Six, I want you to know
331
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,552
that everything
is gonna be all right.
332
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:14,031
Mind you, for all I know
you might already be dead
333
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,795
and I'm just sitting here
like an idiot talking to a corpse.
334
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,165
Perfect.
335
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:20,638
This is crazy. There's no telling
if Chode will get there in time!
336
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:23,266
- I'm going down.
- But I want to go down on Six.
337
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,105
I mean, I want to go down
and save Six.
338
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,840
- You're a ship, Bob.
- Sure, rub it in.
339
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,872
I feel about as useful
as a Michael Richards public apology.
340
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,679
This is your captain speaking.
341
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,345
We are coming in for a landing.
342
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,217
Please put
your tray tables away
343
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,314
and your chairs
in the upright position.
344
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,120
And if you have a free hand,
enjoy the moment.
345
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,820
It might be your last.
346
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,224
Aah!
347
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,430
Six, what are you doing?!
348
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,132
If this about the other night,
349
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,834
I only screamed out
Pamela Anderson's name
350
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,775
- 'cause I was thinking of you!
- Say good night, Chode.
351
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,336
Think again, chesticles.
352
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:04,076
- T'nuk, is that you?!
- Who do you think it is,
353
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,584
- you dumb...?
- Yeah, that's her.
354
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,880
What the...
355
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:39,475
We're gonna make it!
We're gonna make it!
356
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,987
Not gonna make it.
We're not gonna make it!
357
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,320
If you can hear me, Six,
I'm gonna read you a story
358
00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:48,155
to settle your nerves.
Ahem.
359
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:51,094
"A Tale of Two Cities. "
Chapter One:
360
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,657
"It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times. "
361
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,725
Bob, I can hear you.
362
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:59,294
Whip, don't open the casket.
363
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,499
If you do, you'll release
a deadly virus.
364
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,940
In that case, I'm just gonna
skip to the end of this thing.
365
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,015
Phew.
366
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:18,249
Smooth landing, Captain.
367
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:24,185
You know what they say.
Any landing you can walk away from
368
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,992
is a good landing!
369
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:28,966
Whoa!
370
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,466
- How much air does she have left?
- About 20 seconds.
371
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,441
What are you waiting for?
Get her out of there!
372
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:41,640
If we open the lid, a deadly virus
will be released into the atmosphere.
373
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,511
But if we don't,
Six is goner.
374
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,643
This day is turning out to be
just one... sandwich after another.
375
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,482
Six, it looks like the end.
376
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,852
What do you want to do
with our last 15 seconds together?
377
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,948
He could make love
to her three times.
378
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:57,485
Hold your breath, open the lid,
and have Bob beam us back on board.
379
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,394
Right.
So simple, it's brilliant.
380
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:01,797
- Why didn't I think of that?
- Here's a thought...
381
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,893
because you're an idiot!
382
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,701
Bob, beam us
in three, two, one.
383
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,001
Go!
384
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:15,574
Bob, aren't you
forgetting somebody?
385
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:16,546
Oh right.
386
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:21,950
- Six, are you all right?
- How do we know it's the real Six?
387
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,716
You're right.
We need proof.
388
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,120
Can you guys
give me five seconds?
389
00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,282
Hello, Chode.
390
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,124
I may not have won the war,
391
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,790
but today marks
a major victory
392
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,231
for the Dark Clown Federation.
393
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:37,701
Watch and relish with me
394
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:40,204
the moment
I cast open this casket
395
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,230
to reveal the remains
396
00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:44,299
of one of your most cherished
397
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,368
and sexually permissive
398
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,936
crew members!
399
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:51,609
Nice job, numbnuts!
400
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,618
Cut! Cut!
401
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,321
I can't believe audiences
actually eat this "24" crap up.
402
00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:01,554
Plane crashes, explosions,
kidnappings, extortion...
403
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,117
And that's just
in the first 10 minutes.
404
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:04,753
When's the guy even get
a chance to take a leak?
405
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:06,889
Mmn.
31120
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