All language subtitles for The.Shaggy.Dog.2006.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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[dog barking]

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[goats braying]

[helicopter whirring]

This is our target.

He's to be captured,
not harmed.

Which man is it?

We're after the canine.

His name is Khyi Yag Po.

Translation:
"Dog of Ageless Wonder."

Uh, sir, this picture's
80 years old.

Everybody in it is dead.

Not everyone.

[monks chanting]

[panting]

[whimpering]

[speaks in Tibetan]

[chicken squawks]

[urinating]

"It's misguided youth.
Your Honor..."

That sounds so pompous.
Can't... What's another
word for misguided?

Misguided...
It's too on the money.

Um...

Dog!

Hey, Baxter!

Why is it that my yard
is that mutt's outhouse?

Uhh, FYI,
calling Attila a mutt

is like referring
to my Porsche Carrera

as a Buick Skylark.

Hey, look, whatever kind
of car your dog is,

I'd appreciate it if he
wasn't whizzin' on my shrubs.

You know what your problem is,
Dave. You hate dogs.

No, I do not hate dogs.
I dislike dogs.

I hate that dog.
Now get outta here!

Oh, stop that. You did
not hear that, did you?

You did not hear that.

Are you OK? Baby?

Forrester got himself
in the newspaper today.

[chanting on TV]
No more testing!

And all over the TV.

[reporter] The trial
of Justin Forrester,

a local schoolteacher
accused of arson

- in a fire at
Grant & Strictland.
- Great.

Well, ya just can't
burn a building down,

because you think they're
puttin' makeup on bunnies.

You're going to
Josh's parent-teacher
conference, right?

- Josh!
- What?

Josh's parent-teacher thing?
Four o'clock?

[woman] You said
you'd take care of it.

[sighs] Honey, I...
I'm starting a trial today.

Ken Hollister's
stepping down.

[Dave] Don't you want me
to be the next DA?

Dave, you never make
these things.

All right.
I'll take him.

Look, you know what?
Let me say, once...

Once I get through
all this stuff,

why don't I take you
to Oahu?

You know that way that
you always say "Oahu,"

and you think it's so cute?

It really just reminds me
of how many times
you've canceled that trip.

- [boy] Hey, Dad.
- Hey, good mornin', Josh.

How's football goin'?

Awesome.
I'm playin' tailback.

Just like your old man.
Well, I can't wait.

When can I come down
and watch you play?

Oh, um, you know, the games
don't start for a while.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Mornin'.

Hey, take
the T-shirt off.

Why? Did you
drop the charges?

You know, this might be hard
for you to understand, sweetie,

but your social studies
teacher,

the Torch, is a criminal.

What's hard to believe
is that my father is
defending a puppy-murderer.

Who're you gonna put
in jail next? Grandma?

Well, the way she cooks,
I should put her in jail.

Here's your...
here's your buddy,

your hero, your
social studies teacher.

This guy lit a lab on fire,
and he coulda killed
a lot of people.

Yeah, but he says he's
innocent, and I believe him.

Gee, a criminal who thinks
he's innocent. What a concept.

- [car horn honks]
- Oh. That's Trey.
Josh, you want a ride?

In Trey's car? Yeah.

Thanks. Here you go.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[chewing] Bye.

[Dave] Oh, nice shirt.

If I was puttin' your
physics teacher in jail,
you'd be thrilled.

[door closes]

Justin Forrester is
a passionate advocate
of animal rights.

And I respect that.

But this case is not
about animal rights.

This case is about
whether the defendant

criminally trespassed on
Grant & Strictland property

and set a fire

that caused over $300,000
worth of damage.

[Dave] He broke into a company
that's dedicated to good.

From their organic
pet foods and shampoos

to their
life-saving medicines.

Created by them to help
people like you and me

fight heart disease,
arthritis,

diabetes, obesity.

And yes, even baldness.

[Dave] We will, by the way,
subpoena that tape.

I'm sorry, that's all the time
I have. Thank you all very much.

Dave. Here's your messages.

And I am holding 4:00 open
for your kid thing.

OK, 4:00 for the kid thing.

Unless you want me to go
for you. 'Cause I will.

No, thanks. Thanks.

Dave.
Hey. Great opening.

You really
won over that jury.

I learned everything
from you, Ken.

- Dr. Kozak.
- Yes.

Glad to have ya here.
Sorry I couldn't put you
on the stand today.

All right. Apology accepted.

Ken tells me that
when he steps down,

you're gonna be
our next district attorney.

- Well, that's my hope.
- Certainly.

Well, hopefully justice
will be served.

You'll have my support
as well as that of
Grant & Strictland.

- Till tomorrow? OK.
- All right.

- Once again.
- We actually just
shook hands.

Yes, we did.

Thank you.

Kozak. How did it go
in court today?

Ah, Mr. Strictland.
Uh... [stammers]

It went very,
very, very well, sir.

Have you unlocked
the dog's secret?

Let's talk in
the elevator, OK?

I have something
to show you that I think
will be most pleasing.

Have you figured out
why the dog lives so long?

Well, I... I take it you're
familiar with the concept
of dog years, sir?

- Don't like dogs.
- You don't like...

- I keep a squirrel.
- OK. A pet squirrel.

That's, uh, something.

Typically, dogs age seven years
for every human year.

But in the case
of this one,

this one that we
borrowed from Tibet,

a genetic mutation
reversed the equation.

What I'm saying is,

he lives seven years
for every human year.

Sir, this dog is
over 300 years old.

[Strictland] Hmm.

The things
you must have seen.

If we could transmit
that gene to humans,

we'd all live 700 years.

[man] We've isolated
the gene fairly quickly.

But we're unable
to viralize it outside his body

for transmission
to other species.

Therefore, we've had
to viralize his entire
genetic code in corpus.

[Strictland] Which makes
his bodily fluids...

- [woman]
Pretty dangerous stuff.
- [Kozak] Somewhat.

But it would have
to enter the bloodstream
to do any serious damage.

- [man] Correct.
We're really careful.
- [Kozak] Mm-hm.

- [Strictland] How close are we?
- [Kozak] How 'bout the snake?

Let's go look at the snake,
see how the snake's doin'.

You might be interested
to know, sir,

that when we got this snake,
he was nearly dead.

He was nearly dead
of old age.

Since we injected him
with the serum

made from the dog's
viralized DNA,

all cell degradation
has ceased.

And he's actually
been getting stronger.

Does that snake
have a furry tail?

Uh, that would be
a-a-a side effect

that I would classify
as, uh, minor.

Kozak, dry mouth
is minor side effect.

Growing a dog's tail
is... [stammers]

It makes your serum
into a carnival act.

You know what? Your job
is to relax. Our job is
to work out the kinks, OK?

Because when we do, Lance,

you and I are gonna have
the patent on the fountain
of youth.

[cell phone rings]

Ah. Excuse me.

Uh, yeah, Security.
Go for Kozak.

[all chanting] Grant
& Strictland's lying,
so we're lying down!

Grant & Strictland's lying,
so we're lying down!

When I called you,
it was to make sure
these people were arrested.

I understand that.

If we arrest them, they turn
into rebels with a cause
on the 6:00 news.

If we leave 'em there,
they're just kids
layin' on the sidewalk.

- [girl] Puppy-killers!
- ...so we're lying down!

Hmm. Good advice. All right.
Thanks for your help.

- You bet.
- I'm good.

Let's go.

All right, fellas,
let's just get some sort
of perimeter on this.

They're just kids.
Let 'em do their thing.

When they get hungry,
they're all gonna go home.

- Hold on a minute.
- Grant & Strictland's lying,
so we're lying down!

Grant & Strictland's lying,
so we're lying down!

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Carly.

What're you doing here?

I'm lying down
for what I believe in.

Uh, good to see you,
Mr. Douglas.

It's always good
to see you too, Trey.

We need to talk.

Oh, yeah, sure thing.

Um, Trey,
make some room for Dad.

- Ow!
- Get up. C'mon. Jeez.

- OK, OK.
- No, no, no, no. Not OK.

We gotta get outta here now.
We're leavin' right now.

As a member of
the Animal Rescue Group,
there are principles...

You're a member
of the 11th grade.

If you don't get out
of here right now,
I'm gonna ground you.

Who's gonna enforce it?
You? You're never home.

You're never gonna leave home
unless you leave here right now.

[scoffs]
Come on, Trey.

It was nice seeing you.

You too, Trey.

- [barks]
- OK.

Yeah, this one still
freaks me out. A lot.

Can't make an omelet
without breakin' some eggs.

- That's a good point.
- Let's get a sample.

OK.

Such a good dog.

Never give us
any trouble, do you?

Nice.

Oh, my God, it's a trap.

- [barking]
- Dogs don't set traps.

Yeah, well, dogs
don't live 300 years either.

- [growling]
- [woman] Get the cattle prod.

OK. That's what I'm doing,

backing up to get
the cattle prod. I have it.

- [electricity crackling]
- [barking]

[woman] Watch out.

That blood's viral.

Aah!

He treats me like
a ten-year-old.

- What are you thinking?
- That we can prove
Mr. Forrester's right.

- You wanna sneak in?
- Just follow me.

[snoring]

It's the middle
of the day.

And if anyone asks, we're
just looking for a bathroom.

- [barks]
- [gasps]

[grunts]

- [Carly] I knew it.
- [barks]

Let's go.

[car engine starting]

We did it. We proved
Mr. Forrester's right.

They are testing
animals in there.

All right, so then,
what do we do now?

We'll take him to the media and
show them we've got this dog...

...who's got
no tags or markings

that we can actually prove
came from Grant & Strictland.

Well, can we take him
to your dad?

Oh, yeah, sure.

And, uh, as deputy DA,

he'll arrest us
for burglary.

[barks]

- We've searched the building.
- But we're gonna keep looking.

- Really?
- We're gonna... Yes.

Same places or new places?
If the same places...

- I think new places.
- Oh, yeah? Tell me
you're a moron.

- Definitely.
- Larry.

- Yes?
- Don't... don't speak.

Do you understand
the great lengths I went
to to get this dog? Yes?

- [whispering] Yeah.
- Yes-or-no question.

Well, you said
not to speak...

And just 'cause he holds
the key to my future...

...so it would stand to reason
that if you don't find him,

well, [chuckles]
you won't have a future.

Right.

Why are you still
standing here?

No sleeping.
No talking. Find him.

[Dave] Hey,
sorry I'm late, guys.

- Where's my dinner?
- [all] In the microwave.

Right.

So you guys see the trial
on the evening news?

Great shot of your dad
on channel eight. [chuckles]

So how was the parent-teacher
conference today?

[water running]

[sighs]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I... [sighs]
Completely slipped my...

[whimpers]

There's a dog
in the kitchen.

No, no, no, no.
It's a dog-free home.

[Carly] Dad,
stop oppressing Shaggy!

- He's got a name now?
- Yeah, it just happened.

He's so cute,
and he's very smart.

They're a breeding
ground for fleas.

They don't contribute
anything to the financial
well-being of a household.

And I'm not gonna get...
Oh!

It was an accident.
He's really sweet once
you get to know him.

- Honey, are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm OK.

Carly, this is precisely why,
no matter what happens,

that animal's goin' back
to wherever he came from.

[dog whimpering]

Look at that.
He's paper-trained.

All right, um,
come here. Ow!

Oh! Aah!

[echoing]

Ow!

- You scared him.
- Ow, he bit me.

- [Rebecca] Let me see.
- [Dave grunts]

Aww. He's licking it better.
What could be more sweet?

So no hard feelings, right?

[pants]

- Thanks, guys.
- [Josh] He licked you!
He tried to apologize!

You know what?
In our house, a lick is
not considered an apology.

Well, if he doesn't have rabies,
can we take him back?

[grunts]

- [sighs]
- Hey.

How's your hand?

[slurring] Uh, fine, thanks.

- What?
- Why are you talkin'
like that?

I don't...
[stammers]

I don't know. Huh.

So Josh's teacher
called me today at work
when you didn't show.

I am so sorry about that.

He's flunking math.

You're kidding.

Josh knows he can't
play football unless
he passes math.

I'll... I'll...
Don't worry, I'll... I'll...

I'll... I'll talk
to him or somethin'.

She also asked if there
were any problems at home.

Yeah, that's good.

I told her that we'd
reverted to cannibalism

and that we were eating
our neighbors.

OK, great.
I'd say the same thing.

What?

What happened to my husband?

Let's not exaggerate
the situation.

Dave!

You were bitten tonight
by a stray dog, and the kids
took the dog's side.

What does that tell you?
You don't know what's going on
with your own children.

You don't know
what's going on with me.

When was the last time
you even said, "I love you"?

I love you.

That doesn't count.

Rebecca. Wait a minute.
Rebecca, stop.

Stop for a second.
Please, look.

That didn't come out
right. Turn around.

Look,
sit down, sit down.

I got an idea.
I got an idea.

Tomorrow night I'm gonna
come home early,

I'm gonna cook dinner
for the kids, spend some
quality time with them.

And you know
what the next night is.

- Do you?
- Yes. It's our anniversary.

So we make
reservations at Grace,

get that table by
the window that we love.

I'll sing in French,
like you know that I can't do.

You have to do more
than just talk a good game.

- You have to
follow through, OK?
- Yeah.

You have to connect
with the whole family again.

[whispering] I love you.

[grunting] Oh.

I gotta get this.

- Ahh.
- [grunting, sighs]

[bicycle bell rings]

- [beeping]
- [sighing] Mmm.

Honey?

Rough night's sleep?

[sighs] No.

[grunting, squeaking] No.

- I slept great.
- Wow.

I dreamt I chased cars
all night.

- [Rebecca] Oh.
- Yeah.

Hey, you know
what we should do?

We should get out today.

Get out, just go outside,
go to the... [stammers] go...

We should go to the park.

We should go to the park
and just run, huh?

[high-pitched noise]

* Greased lightnin'
Go greased lightnin' *

* Go greased lightnin'...

- [door opens]
- [music playing in headphones]

Turn that down, please.

Dad, don't you ever knock?

I can hear that
all the way in my room.

That high-pitched...
What...? Turn it...

The machine,
turn the machine off.

- [noise squealing]
- [groans] Oh.

Great.
I hear everything.

Beautiful day
out there now.

I smell bacon and syrup.

Wow. [sniffs]

Ahh. [laughs]

I smell everything today.

[sniffs] I smell apples,
which are over here

and fresh fruit and...
[sniffs] Lemon.

Well, of course, they put
lemon on the wood. [laughs]

Little bit of turpentine
in there too. I can smell that.

[sniffs] Ooh, what's that?
What's that?

Do you sm...
[sniffs] Peanut butter?

Wheat? No. Somethin' else
in there. [sniffs]

No, it's bougainvillea...
No, uh, hyacinth, roses.

What is going on
with your hair?

Cedar. It's like wood.
It's...

- My perfume?
- Yeah.

- Did I put on too much?
- No, I like it.

And that music, hear it?
Where's the music? Over there.

Yeah.
I play it every day.

High notes. [sighing]

Those high notes, can you
hear those high notes?

It's fantastic.

Great smells,
great sounds, beautiful wife.

The kitchen,
it's a paradise.

- Hey, Josh.
- Hey, Dad.

Hmm. [sniffs]

It's hot. Bitter.

Terrible coffee. Yuck.

[sucking teeth] Hoo.

[sniffing] Mmm. Mmm.

Hey, your mom tells me
that your math grades are
fallin' a little bit, huh?

Yeah, it's been
a pretty tough year.

Yeah?

[Josh] Guess I should
spend more time studying.

I want you playin' football as
badly as you wanna play. But...

[slurping, munching]

...if you can't
keep your grades up,

we're gonna have to
pull you outta football.

Uh... I gotta run.

- [grunting]
- Ooh!

I love you.
Did that count?

I don't know. Maybe.

- [growls]
- [squeals]

Gotta go. Bye, guys.

Do you know what pruning is?
Is that a lost art?

It is snipping,
not slashing.

- [Baxter] These are your roses.
- [sniffing]

Where's your commitment?

I'm payin' you guys $300
a month. That's $10 a day.

[growls] It's my yard,
my yard! My yard! My yard!

My yard! It's my... My yard!
My yard, my yard, my yard!

My yard! My yard, my yard,
my yard, my yard! My yard!

My yard, my yard! My yard!

[panting]

Mornin', Baxter.

[* The Rascals:
Beautiful Morning]

* It's a beautiful morning

* Aah

* I think I'll go outside
for a while *

* And just smile
Ooh-waa-aah *

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh

[panting]

* Ooh, wah-aah

* Ooh...

[Kozak] Security called me
in the middle of the night.

That's when
I discovered the fire.

Fortunately, though, the,
you know, sprinklers went off

and put it out before it spread
to the rest of the building.

Dr. Kozak, there's
a document I'd like you
to take a look at.

- [Kozak] All right.
- Um...

[Dave growls, bites paper]

[growling]

Mr. Douglas.

Hmm. [clears throat]

Hmm, well.

Could you tell us
what that is?

[Kozak] Yes. I'll just
dry it off, briefly,
first, if you don't mind.

Uh, this is the company's
policy on animal testing.

[Kozak] We perform only
noninvasive and humane tests,

and, I might add,
none of which, none of it,

occurs in the building
where the fire...

Objection, Your Honor.
It has never been estab...

[growling]

[louder growl]

[Judge] Mr. Douglas.

- Mr. Douglas!
- [growling stops]

Did you just growl
at opposing counsel?

Mm. No, no.

[coughs]
I need some water.

[clears throat]
This carpet, I think,
has something going on.

Do you need a brief recess?

[Dave] No, thanks,
it just... [growls]

- I don't need a re...
- Did you just growl at me?

No, no, no.
I had somethin' caught
in my throat. [growls]

- [mimics growl]
- [typing]

[judge] One more outburst,
and I'm holding you in contempt.

[barks] Silence! Quiet!
Whoo! [muffled]

[gasps]

I think I... I think I could
use a re... re... [growling]

- Recess.
- [bangs gavel]

[judge] Ten minutes!

[sighing] Ooh.

What's with my hair?

Oh. What's wrong with me?
[growls] Growlin'.

[panting]

[smacks lips]

Whoa.

[chuckles] Hoo.

Hey. Hey, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a...

That's, uh... That's, uh...

That's weird.

[sighs]

Dave, what is going on?

Lori, I am ill.
I am leaving.

- I want you to tell the judge.
- Hey, Dave, channel eight.

Just one question.
Is there any possible way
you can win this case?

Dave, is Forrester guilty?
Is Forrester guilty?

Well, he definitely
does not have rabies.

Well, then,
what does it have?

Ah, well, he has a silky coat
and a great disposition.

[laughs] I tell ya,
that's one good dog.

- Where is he?
- This way.

- [growling]
- [meows]

[dogs barking]

You.

- [panting]
- [Dave] Listen to me.

Why'd you bite me?

You meant to bite me,
didn't you?

You did mean to bite me.
I can... I can hear you.

I can hear you.
I can hear you. I can...

- What?
- [barking]

What do you want?
You and your buddy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you want some of this?

Is that what you want?

- [dogs barking]
- [barks] Quiet!

[echoing] Quiet, quiet!
All of you, quiet!

I can hear all of you. Quiet!

[Dave] Why did you bite me?
You bit me on purpose.

You knew who I was,
didn't you?

- [panting]
- You bit me because
you knew it was me.

What's happening?
What's happening to me?

- [barking]
- [heartbeat accelerating]

- [growls]
- [whimpering]

Wow. That felt weird.

OK, don't just sit there.
I want answers.

Why'd you bite me? Huh?

[barks]

What do you mean,
I'm an animal?

Is that some sort
of lawyer crack?

Wait a minute. Why is it
I understand you?

- [keys jingling]
- Run from what?

- Hey there.
- How'd you get out?

Well, you let me in here.

Wow. You're taller
than I remember.

- What are you doin'
with that stick?
- Come here!

- [Dave] Hey!
- [ripping]

Uh-oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why am I runnin'
on all fours? Thank you.

Man, am I flyin'!

Why'd I ever run on two?

This is weird.

[stammers] What's hittin' me
in the face? What is that?

- It's my tongue.
- [tongue smacking]

I can taste my own eyeball.

- Aw, man.
- Hi there.

Hoping you can help us.

Um, our dog wandered off.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back the truck up.

Look at that.

That's that new
42-inch plasma.

What is that?

Is that me?

It's impossible.
That can't be me.

[barks]
I'm barking now?

Did someone knock me out
and put me in a dog costume?

Right. 'Cause that happens
all the time.

I get it.

I'm, uh...
I'm dreaming. Yeah.

In about five seconds,
I'll be naked in the courtroom.

[barks] I've gotta
wake myself up.

Yeah. Wake myself up.

Oh!

[groans] That hurt.

So I'm not dreaming,
I'm not in a dog costume,

which can only mean
one thing. I'm a dog.

[barks] Weirder things
have happened.

I am a dog! [echoing]

Perfectly understandable,
everybody. I'm a dog!

I am a dog!

- [man] Is this him?
- [Larry] That is him.
That is him.

You are a lifesaver.
Thank you.

- [Gwen] Mm-hmm.
- Our kids have been
crying all day.

- [both] Aww.
- Can we take him now?

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah. Right now.

Please be home, please be home,
please be home, please be home.

[barks] Hey, Tom, hey, Mary.
Tom? Mary?

Please be home, please be home,
please be home, please be home.

[panting] There we go.
All right!

[barking]

What's going on?
I can't open this.

Come on, Dave,
grab and turn, grab and turn.

How do dogs do anything
with these?

[doorbell rings]

- [barks] Hi!
- Shaggy, you're back!

No, I'm... I'm not Shaggy.
I'm Dad.

Carly, you gotta help me.
Must've been that dog bite.

When the dog bit me,
I turned into Shaggy.

- [laughs]
- Why is that funny?

Gosh, you're talkative,
aren't you?

Oh, that feels good.
That feels good.

Oh, you're so cute.
I know. How ya doin'?

Oh, wow. That is so good.

But wait! Wait, wait, wait!
This is important!

Hey, it's Shaggy!

- Where'd he come from?
- I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. Listen to me.
Listen. I'm your dad.

[Josh chuckles]

Wow, he's really
hyper today.

[through barks]
I am your dad.

[Carly] Hey, do you need
to do your business?

Business? Did my daughter
just ask me if I wanted
to use the bathroom?

Wait a minute.
They can't hear me.

All they hear is barking.

I got an idea.
Here. Over here.

Follow me.

Watch, you guys.
Let's see. I... I am...

Shaggy, no! Bad doggy!

I am Dad. I am Dad.

I need a "D."
A "D"...

- Shaggy, stop.
- What are you doing?

[Dave] Stop. What are you
doing? Quit cleanin' up!

Sixteen years,
not once have you tried
to clean up your room.

But when Dad turns into
a dog, you're right there
cleanin' everything up.

- That's Janey. I gotta go.
- Where you goin'?

- [sighs] You promise you
won't tell Mom and Dad?
- Yeah.

I don't like the
sound of this.

- I'm getting a tattoo.
- What?

Janey knows this place
where they don't ask for ID,

and I'm gonna get the
Animal Rescue Group logo
tattooed right across...

- I don't think so!
- Shaggy, where are you going?

Hey, Carly, hurry up!

Oh! Who's the cute doggy?

Who's the...?
[stammers] Whoa, boy.

[Janey] Whoa, boy.
Whoa, boy.

- [Dave growling]
- Whoa! Whoa, boy! Whoa!

[screaming]

- Shaggy, don't!
- Janey! Janey! Listen to me!

How could you do this?
You're a good girl!

You went to church camp!

[tires squealing]

Shaggy, what's gotten
into you? Bad dog!

Don't use that tone
with me.

You're grounded, young lady.
You are grounded.

He's kind of freaking me
out a little.

- What?
- Maybe we should take
him back to the pound.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll be good.

Look, I'm good! Look at this.
Hey, look how good I am.

Look who's a good doggy.

- [laughs]
- This is humiliating.

He probably just needs
to run around a little.

I just ran five miles to get
here. I don't need a run.

I know, I'll take him
to the dog park.

No, I have stuff to do,
important stuff.

I'm not going
to a dog park.

- [sniffing]
- [barking in distance]

Is there anyone
in this entire park
who has not sniffed my butt?

No, no, no. Thanks,
I don't wanna sniff
your butt. Maybe later.

I just want some answers.

Has anybody here ever heard of
a human being turning into a...?

- [Josh] Hey, Shaggy, hey, hey!
- What?

- Wanna play with the Frisbee?
- Josh, I am not playing Fris...

I got it!

- Yes! I nailed it!
- Awesome!

- Josh.
- Oh, hey, Tracy.
How's it goin'?

- Where were you today?
- What do you mean?

Auditions for Grease.

[Dave] That instinct
is really intense.
It's like insane.

Hey, I got a dog.
Pretty cool, huh?

Here you go. Keep the Frisbee.
I'll be right back.

I gotta talk to
those other... I got it!

Nothin' but mouth!

I'm not doin'
the musical this fall.

- What?
- I, you know, just don't wanna.

[mock laughs]
Funny. You're cute.

Be at the theater
tomorrow, 3:00.

And, uh, don't get too cocky.

Just 'cause you're the best

doesn't mean you're
gonna get the part.

- Ow.
- [woman] Come on, kids!

Did you see that catch,
Josh? That was great.

- Way up in the air...
Hey, what's the matter?
- [Josh sighs]

[barks, whimpers]

You were
a very bad dog.

Are you gonna be
a good boy?

- You get the cattle prod,
I'll get the needle.
- OK.

[barking]

[door opens]

So when was Dad
supposed to be home?

- [door closes]
- 'Bout an hour ago.

Hey, honey.

Honey, uh, remember
that "in sickness
and health" thing?

- What's for dinner?
- Well, your father was
supposed to be cooking.

At least he said he was,
last time he returned
one of my phone calls.

[Dave] Oh, boy,
that's the mad face.

You smell mad.
Are you in heat?

[Carly] Did you check
your e-mail?

The computer.
That's it. That's it!

- [chuckles] All right.
- Shaggy!

Where are you going?

[Dave] OK, um,
I can't make dinner...

[Carly] Shaggy,
stop causing trouble.

What's a shorter word
for metamorphosis?

All right. Look,
I can't make dinner...

I can't make dinner
because I turned into
a d... Don't shut that!

Hey, watch this.

Who does this remind you of?

Wow. Maybe he escaped
from the circus.

- [chuckles]
- C'mon, kids.

Try to see past the fur
and the tail, the snout
and the drool.

[chuckles] How cute.

Honey, you recognize me.
Honey?

Do you guys think your dad
is gonna come through,

or should we go ahead
and order in?

[in unison] Let's order in.

Ouch.

Well, I would let you
sleep inside, Shaggy.

But my husband
won't allow it.

Now, there's a bitter irony.

Good night.

Wait. Wait. Honey?
[barking]

I'm sorry about tonight.

I love you.
[growls]

Sweet dreams.

Really do love you.

[heartbeat thumping]

[floor creaking]

- It's 3am.
- [clears throat]

Where have you been?
What happened
to your clothes?

Clearly you're upset,
and I would be upset too.
But there's...

There's a simple
but hard-to-swallow
explanation for all this.

[sighs]
I turned into a dog.

[chuckles]

Lori, I wanna thank you

for picking up my car
at the animal shelter.

I figured you were getting
it fixed. [chuckles]

- Ooh.
- Um, no thanks necessary.

Is there anything else I
can do for you this morning?

- Actually, I need
some research done.
- Oh, OK. Great. On what?

On dogs and man.
Man and dog... [stammers]

Have you ever heard of a man
turning into a dog?

Well, they all do
eventually, don't they?

[laughing]

You've been drinking,
haven't you?

Dog-men. I'm on it.
Um, do you mind
if I ask why?

- It would be better
if you didn't.
- Right, OK.

I'll be honest,
the reports of your behavior

in court yesterday
were unsettling.

As was your disappearing
the rest of the day.

Yeah, I know. And I'm...
I'm sorry about that.

I had some kind
of food poisoning.

- I was mildly delirious.
- [elevator bell dings]

- You goin' down?
- Yeah.

- [sighs]
- Hold it.

[growls]

Should've taken
the stairs.

- But you're fine now.
- Huh? Yeah, yeah.

I'm great now,
thanks, Ken.

- [dog whimpers]
- [Ken] Good.

Because people don't
want a loose cannon

workin' the DA's office.

- Jeez.
- [dog whimpering]

- [growling]
- [gasps]

You ain't got
anything illegal
up there, do you?

[laughing]

[growling]

By the way, Lloyd Gannon
called today

about working on some
preliminary campaign ideas.

Sit.

He wants to go
grassroots to start.

Mailers,
some door hangers,

- then work up to
television and radio.
- Mm-hmm.

[whimpering, growling]

[clears throat]

- You OK?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. [sighs]

[panting]

[mumbling] Oh...

[pants]

[elevator bell dings]

You sure you're OK
to go into court today?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

[pants]

[gurgles] Oh.

There were these
little bunnies.

There... there were poor
little fluffy bunnies

all crammed together
in a cage.

[Dave] And you thought it was
a good idea to set a fire

where there was
fluffy bunnies present?

- Objection, Your Honor.
- Overruled.

Look, I didn't set the fire,
and I saw what I saw.

How come we can't see
what you saw?

Do we need special goggles
for this? Is this
like a Bigfoot affair?

Objection! Your Honor!
He's badgering the witness!

- Your Honor!
- I saw a monkey
who acted like a dog!

[courtroom laughing]

[judge] Counselors,
approach the bench.

[Dave sniffs]

[judge] Get over here!

Don't you dare turn
my courtroom into a barnyard.

Get your chin off my desk.

- [whimpers]
- Go on. Go on.

I assume you're going
somewhere with this line
of questioning?

I'd like a treat first.

Yes, yes, I was.
Thank you.

- [judge] Proceed, counsel.
- [Dave] Thank you, Your Honor.

How did this monkey
act like a dog?

It was growling
and chasing its tail.

[laughter]

[Dave] Was there anything else
that was genetically odd?

There was a snake
with a tail like a dog.

- [laughter]
- [gavel pounds]

And rats.
Rats that barked.

- [judge pounds gavel]
- [Forrester] It's true!

Look, it's true!

I'm... I'm not lying!
I'm not crazy!

[judge] Order! Order!

This dog that you saw,
what did it look like?

It was a big,
woolly sheepdog.

- No further questions,
Your Honor.
- Thank God.

- [judge] Court adjourned.
- [pounds gavel]

[bell ringing]

Josh was one
of my best math students,

and then, all of a sudden...
[whistles]

Bad grades.

And so we're just
trying to search out
an explanation, really.

Well, I think
the problem is he's
distracted by football.

Can I...? I think I know
what the problem...
The problem, I think, is me.

I've been workin' too much.
This is what this is all about.

I haven't been home.
It's...

It's been causing a lot
of stress on my family.

[teacher] Well, I know
what it's like to be
too busy to do anything.

In fact, I didn't even
get to eat lunch today.

- Do you mind if I just
eat a little something?
- [chuckles] Sure.

- [Dave] Go ahead.
- Thanks.

I realized this
in court, actually.

Uh, last couple days the...
the amount that I was in...

[sniffing]

Can you smell that?
It is so smelly in a great way.

That is...
[echoing] turkey...

- [lettuce crunching]
- [echoing] Mmm.

Look at that. Ah, yeah.

- [teacher] Do you want half?
- Hmm?

C'mon, please?

Uh, no.
Well, no, wait, no.

No, we're here
to talk about Josh.

Boy. Anyway,

I'm just gonna
commit myself to this.

There's nothing more
important than Josh.

There's nothing more
important to me...

Nothing more important
to me than family.

- [smacks lips]
- [teacher] That's true.

Oh, that's great.
I love hearing that. [chuckles]

- You know, as a teacher,
I love to hear...
- [hisses]

- Honey?
- [door closing, running]

[stammers]
I'm so sorry. [laughs]

I mean, he's... he's really
a wonderful father.

You know, we just have
a very normal lifestyle.

- Right. Yeah,
it just seems that way.
- [cat yowling]

Very down-to-earth.

[* Baha Men:
Who Let The Dogs Out?]

* Who let the dogs out?

- [horn honks]
- [tires screeching]

Whoa!

* Who let the dogs out?

- * Well, the party was nice
The party was pumpin' *
- * Hey, yippie yi-yo

- * And everybody
havin' a ball *
- * Yippie yi-yo

- * I tell the fellas
"Start the name callin'" *
- * Yippie yi-yo

* And the girls
respond to the call *

* Heard a woman shout out

- * Who let the dogs out?
- * Woof, woof, woof-woof

- * Who let the dogs out?
- * Woof, woof, woof-woof

* Last year at the dance
you had a ball *

* You call me
millibug and skettell *

* Get back, gruffy
Back, scruffy *

* Get back, you
flea-infested mongrel *

[panting]

Oh! Ohh!

- * Gonna tell myself
"Hey, man, no get angry" *
- * Hey, yippie yi-yo

- * To any girls
callin' them canine *
- * Hey! Yippie yi-yo

- * But they tell me,
"Hey, man
it's part of the party" *
- * Yippie yi-yo

Now this is
why I come here.

* Heard a woman shout out

- * Who let the dogs out?
- * Woof, woof, woof-woof

Toning up all day long
just for me.

[laughing] That's why they
call them trophy wives.

* Who let the dogs out?

- Aaah!
- [tires screeching]

[truck horn blaring]

[panting]

[yowling]

[Dave] I got ya now.
[panting, groans]

Come here! [grunts]

[panting] Now I gotcha.

- [cat yowls]
- Oh!

- [panting]
- [heartbeat accelerates]

Aw, nuts!

- [cat meows]
- What?

[yowls]

Well, if ya didn't
do anything wrong,
why were you running?

[laughs] Serves you right...
[grunts] Oh!

Gotcha.

This is just not my week.

[whimpers]

I think we've got it.

- This rabbit was injected
with the serum two days ago.
- [Kozak] Uh-huh.

So far cell degeneration has
ceased with no side effects.

- You're sure?
- I'm sure.

Are you absolutely,
entirely certain?

Absolutely.

- I've done it.
- Um, we've done it.

I've done it! [laughs]
I'm gonna call Strictland.

I bet he's gonna want
an injection of
this stuff right away.

Can we do that?
Isn't there, like, an FDA?

The man's got one lung
and someone else's
kidney. He'll risk it.

Gwen, I want you
to manufacture as much
serum as you can.

And don't worry about the FDA.
It's nothing money can't handle.

[laughing]

[dogs barking]

- That's him.
- Kids! Boy, am I
glad to see you.

This mastiff just sold me
for three biscuits.

Where you been?
We've been lookin'
all over for you, boy.

I've been waitin' for you guys
to come get me outta here.

[Josh] Let's go. I got
a football game to go to.

[Dave] There's
a game today? Wow!

I... I get to watch you play.
That'll be great.

[crowd cheering]

- Get him!
- C'mon.

- Hit him! Hit him!
- [referee blows whistle]

[man] That's the way
to hit somebody, Jenkins.
Way to go.

[Dave barking]

[Dave] Hey, coach,
would ya put my kid in?

We waited all game
for this.

Douglas!

You're in at tailback.

[players laughing]

Oh, it's OK, coach.
You don't have to play me.

- What?
- Everybody plays,
Douglas. Come on.

But with the game
on the line and all...

We're up by 30.
Now let's go.

- [woman] C'mon, buddy!
- All right.

Get in. Come on, Josh.
Come on, buddy.
Get in there. C'mon.

[grunts] Oh!
Sorry, coach.

That's what I gotta
deal with.

Show 'em what you can do.
Show 'em what you can do.

[Dave] The other team's
afraid. I can smell it!

And a hot dog.
And a poodle.

[boy 1] I run.
Twenty-four dive, I run.

- Ready? Break!
- Break!

- [boy 2] All right!
- Where...? I go...?

What the...?

[coach] Douglas! Tailback!

Tail...!
Behind the fullback!

Back up! Back up!
Back up!

Back! Back, back, back,
back, back! Right there!

- Stay right there!
- [quarterback calls play]

Set! Hut!

- [boys] Block him!
- Here it comes!

[coach] You got the ball!
Run! Run!

Whoa!

- [grunts]
- [crowd groans]

- Ooh!
- Ow!

- [blowing whistle]
- Man! That's gotta hurt.

- [sighs]
- [coach] Hustle!

[Dave] Attaboy, Josh.
Come on! Shake it off.

Pain is just fear
leavin' your body, buddy.

You completely suck,
Douglas.

Why do you even show up?
Everybody thinks you're a loser.

[barks, growls]

Thanks, pal.

Wish I could buy you
an ice cream.

But I've got paws
and, uh, don't have a wallet,

because I'm actually nude
right now.

Football? That's why
you're not trying out?

[chuckles] You hate football!

Shh! I know,
but my dad loves it.

[Josh] You should hear him.
"Ah, you're gonna be
just like your old man."

If I told him I wanted
to do a musical instead,

he'd, like,
write me off as a son.

Aw, Josh.

Josh, is your father
a stupid man?

No. But he is clueless,

- which, in some ways,
is better.
- Oh, boy.

See, he told me I could only
play if I keep my grades up.

So I started
flunking math.

But he only let me
off with a warning.

So now I gotta
flunk English

and maybe history
and home ec,

which is actually
really hard to fail.

Aww, no, Josh.

So you'd rather
wreck your future

than tell your dad
you hate football?

I can get
my grades back up,

as long as he makes me
quit in time.

[scoffs] Wow.

Men are so complicated.

- Come on.
- How did I let this happen?

[stammers] What kind
of a father am I?

[Carly] So? What do you think
of the new pamphlet?

[Trey] It's infuriating.

No, but in a good way.

Makes me wanna get out there
and do something
about animal testing.

That's the response
I was hoping for.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
what're you doin' in
my daughter's bedroom?

- You rock.
- [chuckles]

Don't even
think about it, Trey.

Shaggy, stop.

What's that?

That's really well-done.

Admit it, this is way
more effective than a tattoo.

One thing I learned
from Mr. Forrester

is that just because
something seems ridiculous

doesn't mean
that it's wrong.

It just takes more courage
to stand up for it.

Wow, you really believe
all of this.

I am so proud of you.

[giggles] Shaggy, stop.

All right. Down, boy.

Hey, easy
on the hands, bud.

I mean, just imagine
what would have happened

if we hadn't stolen Shaggy
from Grant & Strictland.

You what? Stolen?!

You stole a dog
from Grant & Strictland,
and you lied about it.

Shaggy. Shaggy, c'mon.

C'mon. Go fetch, boy.
C'mon, boy.

I am not your boy,
and I'm not gonna go...

- Go fetch.
- Hey, I'll be right back.

[groans] I've got
to stop doing that.

[Josh] * I've got chills
They're multiplyin' *

* And I'm losin' control

Keep goin'.

What? Why're you
lookin' at me like that?

Hey, you're pretty
darned good at this.

Hey, let's order
some pizza.

Mom and Dad
are out to dinner.

Dinner. Oh, no.

I forgot about
our anniversary!

[woman clears throat]

You should have
brought a book.

The single woman's
best friend.

Oh. [laughs]
I'm not single.

Oh.

Yet. [sighs]

[* Percy Sledge:
When A Man Loves A Woman]

I'm late, I'm late,
I'm so late. I am so late.

I'm also a dog.

So I can't go in there.

* When a man loves a woman

- [sighs]
- [Dave] You are so beautiful.

* Can't keep his mind
on nothin' else *

Shaggy?

And I am so sorry, honey.

[thunder rumbles]

Happy anniversary.

It's me.

I cannot believe
that you stood me up for
our anniversary dinner.

[sobbing]
And then you send the dog
with roses in his mouth?

Are you trying
to push me away?

[sighs]
We need to talk, but...

I don't know how we're
gonna get past this one.

What?

Goodbye.

Honey, no.
Please don't cry.

It didn't used to be
like this, Shaggy.

He used to be here
for everything.

And if he couldn't be,
then he would call,

or he would send a note
or flowers, or he'd...

Sometimes he
would write these...

These funny little rhymes.
[sniffs]

[Dave whimpering]

[Rebecca, crying]
Oh, Shaggy.

Don't you cry too.

Aww. Is this
how it ends? [sniffs]

With him God-knows-where
and me hugging the dog?

No. I'm gonna figure out
what happened to me,

and I'm gonna fix it.

And I'm gonna be
a better man. I promise.

- [crying] Oh.
- I love you.

[growling] I love you.

Don't pee in the car, OK?
We're almost home.

[whimpering]

Hey, thanks, honey.

Oh, boy.

- This is just not workin'.
- [thunder rumbling]

I'm not a bad dog.

But I'm a terrible man.

I've got to make this better.

- [heartbeat accelerates]
- [dog barks echoing]

[thunder rumbles]

[door opens]

Hey, Ken, thanks for s...

Hey, hey, Dave.
It's three in the morning,

and you want a warrant
to search Grant & Strictland.

- Right.
- They're the victims.

No. Listen, listen.
You gotta trust me on this.

Kozak is hidin' somethin'.
Forrester was framed
for that arson.

If Forrester was framed,
why did he throw in
the towel?

What...? What're you
talking about?

Forrester pleaded out.

Well, why didn't somebody
tell me that?

- 'Cause you're off the case.
- You can't do this.

The jury convenes at ten
to hear Forrester's plea.
I'll handle it.

And I want you
to either get your head
screwed on straight

or find another job.
Is that clear?

Abundantly clear.
However, the point I had to...

[sniffing]

[sniffing]

[whimpers]

[barking]

[screeching]

[all barking]

- What's gotten into them?
- I don't know.

Eh, boy.

Can't...

That's not gonna work.

I'm too big.

Hey, you. Hold on a second.
Do me a favor.

All right? Here.

All right.
Throw the stick, over there.

Why would I
throw the stick?

Just throw the stick,
please.

Why would I
throw the stick?

Because I'll give you
$5 to throw the stick.

Oh, I look like a guy
who needs 5 bucks.

Gimme the money.

- Speed or distance?
- Uh, distance.

[panting] It's so close.
It's close.

This time, throw it

and... and yell, "Fetch!"

Don't make me bite ya.

Fetch!

Wow. I can't believe
that worked. Thanks!

Whoa.

[grunts]
Drop the stick.

All right.
Perfect. Nice fit.

[sniffs] That's it,
follow your nose.

Wait a minute. [sniffs]
What's that smell?

What is it?
Oh, it's me.

[sighs]

The transistor.

The microchip.
The artificial heart.

All footnotes
compared to this.

[coughing]

[coughing]

Bingo.

[coughs, wheezes]

- What's happening?
- He's going into shock.

It's the serum.
It doesn't work.

- What do we do?
- Of course it works.

I just didn't
give it to him.

- What have you done to him?
- [Kozak] Lance? Lance?

I'm so sorry that
I had to do this to you,

but I just couldn't let you
take all the credit again.

And plus, you're a pig,
and I hate you.

I hate you in so many ways.

Can you hold this
for a second?

Get rid of it,
accomplice.

[gasps] Ah.

But is he... dead?

No, he's not dead.
He's fully conscious,
but he's unable to speak.

Doctors will think
it's dementia.

[Kozak] The drug itself
will wear off
in a few months.

But by then I'll be CEO,

and I will be fabulously,

insanely,
unimaginably wealthy.

- This was not part
of the plan.
- This is totally wrong.

Of course, I'll cut both
of you in on his share.

- I'm cool with that.
- It's fine by me.

Good. Uh, Larry,

why don't you wheel him
up to his office,
park him at his desk.

Or, uh, should I say,
my desk?

Oh, boy.
Gotta get outta here.

Go, go, go, go, go!

- What was that?
- What was that?

I knew Kozak
was up to something.

Carly was right
about everything.

Forrester was framed.

[barks] Uh-oh.

Looks like I'm walkin'.

- [Gwen] Wow.
- [Larry] That's somethin'.

That's... Wow. Do you realize
the significance of that?

Wow. You think?

Yeah, I think it's
mildly significant.

Unfortunately,
it's on tape.

So we... [stammers]

[sighs] I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

You two are going to pay
Mr. Douglas a visit.

[sighs]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, not my babies.
Not my darlings.

Oh, evil.

These hooligans! [grunts]

Where's Trey?
We're gonna be late for school.

Shoulda gotten
a ride from Mom.

What's the matter?

[sobs] Do you realize
what's happening?

Mom and Dad
are splitting up.

How do you know?

[scoffs]
Josh, it's obvious.

[doorbell rings]

- [barks]
- Shaggy.

I just witnessed
an attempted murder.

Carly, you were right
about everything.

An innocent man is about
ready to go to jail.
I gotta take a nap.

Don't wake me
unless I'm human, OK?

I mean, did you see
that note he left?

"I'll explain
everything"?

We're gonna get
the talk.

- What talk?
- The "Mom and Dad are
having problems" talk.

Then Dad'll leave.

[scoffs] They'll say it's
temporary, but it won't be.

Are you sure you're not
just drama-queening?

Josh, he didn't even
come home last night.

But if you ask me,

he stopped caring
a long time before that.

No, no, no, no.
No, that's not it.

No, no, no.

[Carly] Shaggy.

Shaggy, would you stop
making such a...?

That's impossible.

Finally.

How?

- [Josh] Grant & Strictland?
- Yes.

Mr. Forrester said
they were making
mutant animals,

and... and that's
where I found Shaggy.

And Shaggy bit Dad.

- [whimpers]
- [gasps] Oh, Daddy!

It's OK, kiddo. It's OK.

[crying] I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.

Can you please forgive me?

There's nothin' to forgive.

[crying]

I'm gonna go call Mom.

So you saw the game
yesterday?

Yeah.

I didn't want to let you down,
but I'm just no good.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
You are good.

- [ringing]
- Come on, come on.

Josh? This...

There we go.
Lemme get in here.

Do this.
This is what you love.

'Cause if you keep
playin' football,
you're gonna get hurt.

Thanks, Dad.

And somethin' else.

I know, I know.

- Deal?
- It's a deal.

Mom, it's Carly.

Call me back as soon as
you get this message. Bye.

Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?

Somebody's peein'
on the lawn!

Nobody makes it on my lawn
and gets away with it!

I'm gonna...
[grunts] Oh!

Oh!

[woozy] Clean up
on aisle three.

Price check
on dog biscuits.

OK. Hi, Mr. Douglas.

- Who are you?
- How are ya?

[growls]

[mumbling] Wait a second.
I don't...

I don't feel so good.

- Dad!
- Dad! Daddy!

- Hit it.
- Yeah, OK.

[tires squeling]

I'm sorry you're a dog.
I am.

Also, very sorry that you
won't be leaving here alive.

People will be wondering
where you've disappeared to.

Then again...

...dogs do wander off.
[chuckles]

I can't believe
you think you're gonna
get away with this, Kozak.

Nonetheless,
before you die,

we're going to want
to run some tests on you.

Eenie, meenie, minie,
cut you, hurt you, ow,

your nose is coming off.

Because we just don't
understand how you
turned into him.

- [barks]
- I'm very excited.

I just can't wait to get
inside that body of yours
and just poke around.

Aah!

Oh, you filthy
little mongrel!

[blows, pants]
That wasn't very nice.

Ooh, that hurt, didn't it?

Gonna have to work on that
attitude when I get back.

Meanwhile, we are gonna
run upstairs for a minute.

It seems Dr. Strictland
is having a bit of
a health crisis.

And after that,
we're off to court

to watch Justin Forrester
back down to save
his own skin.

Be back to cut you up
like a birthday cake later.

[chittering]

Huh. Who are you, anyway?

[barking]

[Dave] Tibet. Really.

Well, let me ask you this:
[barking]

Why did you bite me?

And turning me into a dog
would help you... how?

[whimpers]

I guess you didn't think
about that, did you?

[barking, chittering]

Well, I turn into a human
when I sleep,

but there's no time
for that now, is there?

There's gotta be another way.

[barking]

Meditation?

- Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Get in and drive.

- What's wrong with you?
- Dad's been dognapped.
Go, go!

[Dave] Inhale, exhale.

I got to get
my heart rate down.

[inhales, exhales]

I'm on a beach.

[echoing] Inhale, exhale.

Surrounded by
fire hydrants.

[deep breathing]

Food everywhere.

Slow rolling waves of gravy,

crashing onto the shore.

The beached whale
made of peanut butter.

[heartbeat slowing]

[Dave] It worked.

It worked. Great.

- [barks]
- I'm back.
It's good, it's good.

[howling]

- New problem. New problem.
- [barks]

[Dave] Yeah. I've got
to get those keys.

Now if I could just
get over there.

OK. Yeah. Go. Go.

- Go.
- [creaking]

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no...
Oh!

Oh! Oh.

[grunting] Oh.

Oh, boy. OK.

Who's got a plan?

Snake! Do they have ears?

- [barking]
- Can you hear me?

- [barks]
- Don't need to show
that hood at me.

You better watch
'cause it's gonna fall over.

- All right, monkey.
- [hooting]

Sorry, chimp.
You gotta push.

On three, ready?

One, two, three. Push!

Harder this time.
One, two, three. Push!

[Dave] I need some help
from the rabbits.
You gotta hop into this.

One, two, three. Hop!

Aw, ya almost got it.
Ya almost got it.

All right, one more time.
We got a big one. Here we go.

One, two, three. Hop!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah!

[hooting]

[Dave] Yo, snake!
Walk, skirt...

Do what...
Uh, you know, slither.

Go, go, go. Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.

Yeah, yeah.
Thattaboy, Thattaboy!

Do you see where it is?

'Course you do. Perfect.

Stretch. Reach up.

Up there, up there.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

[Dave chuckles]

Beautiful.

Yes! We're outta here!

[all barking]

[grunts] Up, up.

- [Dave grunts]
- [barks]

Yes! You're next.

Follow the dog.

All right. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

Up there. Go!

Take care of the rabbit.

- [gas hissing]
- [belches]

[Dave] Get it? Help him out.

Easy, easy. Come here.

Good. [grunts] There you...
Come on. Go, go, go.

- [croaks]
- Come here. Come here.
Come on.

Come here.

[grunting] Jeez.

What have you been eatin'?

- [barks]
- [Dave] Sorry about that.

All right, up here.
Up here. Up...

Boy, you're heavy
for a snake.

Come on. Oh! Oh! Uh!

Ooh, yeah.
That's creepy. That's...

That's creepy.
Whoo. All right.

[Dave] It's a left, a left,
a right and a left.

Just go towards the light.

I'll meet you guys
out there.

[electricity crackling]

- Nice.
- Thank you.

[barking]

[howls]

There he is! Look!

Come here!
Come on, Dad! Come on!

Come on, let's go!

We won't let them
get away with it.
Don't worry, Daddy.

- [barking]
- That's right, Dad.

You know, you guys seem
like nice young people
with great futures.

You know that I'm
the deputy district attorney.

Kidnapping
is a capital crime.

You just can't lock
people in cages, guys.

Yeah, there's
a definite... line
we're crossing here.

We crossed that line
a long time ago, Larry.

[Gwen] Deal with it.

You know, you're not
gonna get away with this.

Now...

...you be a good little doggy
and do just what we say.

[electricity crackling]

Doesn't feel so good
to get zapped, does it?
Attaboy, chimp!

Good, now get over here
and get me out of here.

Come on.
Put that thing down.

- [barking]
- Please don't be mad,
Daddy.

Don't worry, Dad.
We're gonna take you to Mom
and explain everything.

[sighs] He's really angry.

[animals chittering]

All right. We gotta go.

Do you know which way
the door is?

All right. Good, good, good.
Which way?

- Are you sure?
- [monkey chitters]

I like the dark travertine
better. What do you think?

I agree, I agree.
I'll push for that one.

- Yeah.
- OK, good.

[barking]

Could you just excuse me
for a minute? I...

Oh, yeah, sure.

It's tough bein'
a single mom.

[sighs] I'm not
a single mom.

[Carly] Mom,
we need to talk.

Why aren't you guys in school?
And why is Shaggy here?

It's not a dog.
It's Dad.

I thought we were going
to break it to her slowly.

Grant & Strictland's
been doing all these
weird animal tests.

So when Shaggy bit Dad,
he turned into a dog.

- Carly, that's not possible.
- It's true.

It... The computer.

The other night, he was
typing on the computer.

Come on, Dad.
Type Mom a message.

Come on.

- [growling]
- Come on.

Come on, Dad.
Do it like you did
the other night.

Come on.
You know, like this.

Just one sentence.
"I am Dad."

- How 'bout just "Dad"?
- [Rebecca sighs]

Kids...

...I know that these
last couple days

- have been difficult, but...
- [phone rings]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?
- Hi, honey, it's me.

It's your father.

[Rebecca] Wow.

Uh, so many questions.

Do you know why the kids
are at my office with Shaggy?

He's not Shaggy.
His name is Khyi Yag Po.

- Khyi Yag who?
- [barks]

[Dave] Po,
that's his real name.

You know, how did the kids
find him? That's weird.

That is not the only thing
that's weird.

No, not that. You oughta
see what I'm lookin' at.

They're trying to tell me
that he is you.

[Dave] Stop that!
What are you doing?

- What?
- Stop doing that, all right?
You, quiet down.

He's not... Guys, guys,
guys, guys! He's not me.

Well, yes, I gathered that.

But they're half right.
Look, um, I'll meet you
at the courthouse,

and I'll explain
everything to ya.

- [Rebecca] I think you
better explain it now.
- Well, I can't explain...

Hold on a sec. I can't.
The chimp. What?
Excuse me. The monkey...

- [Rebecca] Hello?
- What is it?

[squealing]

The chimp... The chimp?
The chimp has got sunglasses on.

He's supposed to be
giving me directions.

- [snarls]
- Honey, you gotta believe me.

- [barking]
- [panting]

[barking]

- I'll meet you
at the courthouse.
- What?

Just meet me at
the courthouse and bring me
some clothes, OK?

- Dave!
- Watch the rat!

I love you!
Everybody, calm down!

Dave!

What's the matter
with you guys?

How come you can't act
like the snake here, right?

- [barks]
- Eh.

He wants us to meet him
at the courthouse with
a change of clothes.

- I don't get it.
- It doesn't make any sense.

Two days ago,

when your father came home
in the middle of the night,

he tried
to convince me that...

...he'd turned into a dog.

- [in unison] Let's go
to the courthouse.
- Come on, come on.

That's my Norah Jones CD.

[Dave] You can play it
if you want. Play it.

- [horn honking]
- Or you could throw it
out of the car.

Why'd you do that?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Everybody watch out,
watch out!

[tires squealing]

- [Dave] Ahh!
- [snarls]

Phew. We're all done?

It's OK.
Yeah, it's all right.

I know, I saw it coming.
[sighs]

All rise for the Honorable
Judge Whitaker.

[bangs gavel]

[bailiff] Be seated
and come to order.

All right.
[pants] I gotta go, guys.

All right, you guys stay here.
All of you stay here.

Look, look.
I'll be right back.
Don't talk to anybody.

Don't play the music,
and, uh...

You're in charge.

[heartbeat accelerates]

To infinity and beyond!

Do you guys think
he's really coming?

I don't know, kids.

Wait, look!

[barking]

[Carly] Daddy?
Is that you?

It's me, kiddo.

But it can't be.

He's a dog.

[Dave]
Would a dog say this:

[barking] I love you.

What did you say?

[barking] I love you.

- Oh, honey.
- You got it.

I love you too.

I love you.

It's weird for me too.
But it is me.

That was cool.

And I'm real sorry
about everything.
I'm really sorry.

And I'll make it up
to all of you.

But right now, I've
got a trial to stop.

[Trey] Uh, Mr. Douglas?

Yeah.

- Ooh.
- No, I can't go.

[chuckles]

- Everyone's gonna need
therapy after this.
- Good luck, honey.

Counselors,
you may proceed.

Your Honor, at this time,

my client would like
to change his plea.

Hold everything, please.
Hold everything.

[crowd murmuring]

Kozak, sit.

[Judge Whitaker] Mr. Douglas,
it is my understanding

that you are
no longer on this case.

That is exactly right,
Your Honor.

I understand that,
Your Honor.

If I could just have a few
moments with my associate.

It's very important.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Give me a chance.
Give me one more chance.
I will not disappoint you.

Stay, Kozak!

You gotta trust me.

If you ever trusted me,
you gotta trust me
right this minute.

- He's back on, Your Honor.
- [sighs]

We...

Let's get Kozak back
on the stand one more time.
Let me handle it.

[clears throat]

We'd like to recall
Dr. Kozak to the stand.

[Judge Whitaker]
Dr. Kozak, would you please
return to the stand.

Uh, I'd be, uh, delighted.

Counselor, you are
on a very short leash.

This court has lost
all patience with
ridiculous behavior.

Your Honor, just because
something looks ridiculous
doesn't mean it's not true.

Just takes more courage
to believe in it.

Just don't let your courage
get itself kicked out
of my courtroom.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Dr. Kozak, may I remind you
you are still under oath.

Yes, you may.

Dr. Kozak, is it true
your company is workin'
on a drug

that will extend human life
like a hundred years?

I am not at liberty
to discuss that matter.

Of course you're not.
But if that were true,

that would be
a pretty big deal, right?

Ah, "were true,"
which it is not, probably.

And whoever was in charge of
developing such a thing... Whoo!

Not only would they
be insanely wealthy,

they would be immortalized
in history, right?

[chuckles] Yes,
I suppose they would.

Wow. Wow. What a thrill
it must be

to work under
Dr. Strictland.

[sniffs]

'Scuse me.

Dr. Strictland, the creative
force at your company, right?

Well, it takes many different
people to contribute
to the higher... [babbles]

[Dave] Yes, yes, yes, yes.
But what an honor it must be

to work in
Dr. Strictland's shadow.

No, no, no. I don't work
in anyone's shadow.

I wouldn't. I couldn't
live with myself.

There's nothing wrong
with being in second place.

Second fiddle,
second banana, second up.

I am the chief scientist.

I, me, mine!
[growls]

[Dave] Ho! Come on.

Gettin' kinda agitated.
What's up, dog?

Pick up a little virus
down there in the lab, did ya?

Must be something
going around. [growling]

[both growling, snarling]

[Judge Whitaker]
No more growling.

Mr. Douglas,
I have had enough.

He stole a sacred dog from China
and stuck needles in it

- and almost killed this thing
for his little experiments.
- Did not!

- The witness is not on trial.
- Thank you.

You put your boss
in a coma, didn't you?

Bailiff, escort Mr. Douglas
out of the courtroom.

You set that fire
to cover up your crime!

He set that fire,
and you're trying to...

You're trying to
frame Forrester for it!

I've seen that monkey
that barks! It's real!

- Enough!
- They've also got this rabbit
they taught how to fetch!

- He does!
- Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

please disregard everything
Mr. Douglas has said.

- [sighs]
- Hey!

Kozak! Kozak!
Kozak! Go fetch!

Mmm! [pants]

[crowd murmuring]

[growling]

[panting]

Sorry, uh, things are
a little stressy at work,

long hours and the like.
What?

What?

- [crowd gasping]
- What?

- Oh!
- [crowd gasping]

[Kozak grunts] Whoo!

[Dave] If that isn't evidence
of genetic mutation,

I don't know what is!

On second thought, bailiff,
take him into custody.

For what?

Shufflin' around
a little DNA? Huh?

Don't you morons realize
I can make us all immortal?

Animals don't care. They don't
even understand what's goin' on!

Don't tell me
they don't understand.

Animals understand.
I know different.

Yeah, you know.
[chuckles]

This isn't over.
We got so much in common.

Let's stay in touch, huh?
[growls]

Ooh!
Are we goin' outside?

[chuckles]

I owe you an apology.

You got this one right,
after all.

Thank you, Ken.

I don't even wanna know
how that car got here.

[chimpanzee hooting]

- Would...?
- [Dave] All right, boss,

I want you to set up
a trust fund to help
my animal friends there.

- Keep 'em off the highway.
- [Ken] Absolutely.

After today, ace, you're
a shoo-in to get elected DA.

- [chuckles]
- Take your kudos.

I have some more
important people to talk to.

- I'll see ya, guys.
- Dave, congratulations
on the case.

Thank you all very much.
No, thank... You know what?

I will have a prepared
statement from my office.
Thank you all very much.

[barking]

- Hey.
- Mm.

You made a great dog, Dad.

But you're gonna make
an even better DA.

Carly, it means the world
to me to hear you say that.

It really does.

Josh, listen.

[sighs] It took the eyes
of a dog for me to see

that I made it hard
for you to tell the truth.

The truth is, son,
whatever you love

I'm gonna love
and support too.

Thanks, Dad.

[laughing] Hey.

Brace yourself for the old dog
in your new man.

Yeah. Get out
that new bikini.

We are goin'...
to Oahu.

Mm, Oahu. I love you.

I love you too.

Just like I promised.

Hey, you guys,
check it out!

- What's that?
- [gasps]

Will you look at that.

[* The Beach Boys:
Surfin' USA]

* If everybody had an ocean
across the USA *

- [barking]
- [Dave] Look at that.

Hey, folks, that is
a 300-year-old dog
shootin' a curl.

Attaboy!

* Haggerties and Swamies

* Pacific Palisades

[barking, howling]

Oh, I wish he didn't have
to go back to Tibet.

Yeah.

[Josh] Hey, Dad!
Catch!

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I got it!

[* Akon: Big Dog]

* Feelin' like a big dog

- * Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

* Ever since I gotten bitten
by my dog things changed *

* Everything's different
and my life is not the same *

* I must have been infected
when it bit me on my hand *

* And now I understand why
I'm feelin' like a big dog *

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

* I can see a lot farther
I can hear a lot clearer *

* My senses getting better
Transitions getting nearer *

* I notice that I'm chasing
every cat that pass by *

* And I think I know why
I'm feelin' like a big dog *

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

* OK
Here we go *

* Yeah
Come on *

- * Are you feelin'
like a big dog? *
- * Oh, yeah

- * Said are you feelin'
like a big dog? *
- * Oh, yeah

- * Come on and
shout it out, out, out *
- * Hey, hey, hey

- * Come on and
shout it out, out, out *
- * Hey, hey, hey

- * Said are you feelin'
like a big dog? *
- * Oh, yeah

- * Said are you feelin'
like a big dog? *
- * Oh, yeah

- * Come on and
shout it out, out, out *
- * Hey, hey, hey

- * Come on and
shout it out, out, out *
- * Hey, hey, hey

- * Ow!
- * I can see a lot farther
I can hear a lot clearer *

* My senses getting better
Transition's getting nearer *

* I notice that I'm chasing
every cat that pass by *

* And I think I know why
I'm feelin' like a big dog *

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

* I can see a lot farther
I can hear a lot clearer *

* My senses getting better
Transitions getting nearer *

* I notice that I'm chasing
every cat that pass by *

* And I think I know why
I'm feelin' like a big dog *

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Oh ohh

- * Woof! Hey!
- * Feelin' like a big dog *

[* Click Five:
Man's Best Friend]