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♪ Well, I don't like
doing things ♪
3
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,269
♪ That other folks
tell me to do ♪
4
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,372
♪ So I hit him with a hammer ♪
5
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,574
♪ And now he's quite subdued ♪
6
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,643
Whoa!
7
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,713
Hey, Lemar, what's up?
You owe me 10 bucks!
8
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,451
Sorry, guys.
Sorry about that.
9
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,020
So then you're gonna walk
through it going... Whoa!
10
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,757
Good morning, Ithaca!
11
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,427
Hey, Lisa, you were
supposed to call me!
12
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,464
Call me tonight, all right?
13
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,540
Oh, God!
14
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,876
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
15
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,744
You cut off his leg!
16
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,581
Somebody get some help! I need
a tourniquet and some ice.
17
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,784
Okay, don't panic. Don't panic.
Everything's gonna be okay.
18
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,153
I'm a trained
first responder, okay?
19
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,288
Can you hear me?
20
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:02,322
I am so fired.
21
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,560
Is he laughing?
22
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,497
Y'all got punk'd!
23
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,366
What?
24
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,405
Son of a bitch.
25
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,942
Works every time, yo.
Thanks, man.
26
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:30,484
Welcome to the University of Ithaca.
I'm Kyle, your PUSE.
27
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,853
Come on, pervs.
28
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:39,125
PUSE. It stands for Prospective
Undergraduate Student Envoy.
29
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:43,263
Come on, people. Lighten up,
it was a joke. He's fine.
30
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,497
Take it easy, man.
31
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,533
You owe me a beer.
32
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,602
See? We're all about
special needs here.
33
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,671
As a matter of fact,
our motto is,
34
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,508
"If you're special,
we needs you."
35
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,646
So, besides being a PUSE,
36
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,948
what do you do at Ithaca, Kyle?
37
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:05,452
Well, I've been
an RA for four years.
38
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,320
I'm currently
getting my PhD.,
39
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,656
and I'm the alumni
advisor for my frat.
40
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:10,823
Wow.
41
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,425
Yeah. What percentage
of Ithaca students
42
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,527
end up going to
Ivy League grad schools?
43
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,763
That's a good question,
and I'm not really sure.
44
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,698
Okay, well, am I going to be
limited in the number of hours
45
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,601
that I can take
in a semester, or...
46
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,836
I don't know, but if
not, you sure should be.
47
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:27,575
Can I be both a double
major and a double minor?
48
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,110
Hmm.
49
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,679
I really don't know
about that, either.
50
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,983
So, what do you know,
Mr. PUSE?
51
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,653
That Ithaca is the proud holder
52
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,656
of a national
athletic championship.
53
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,724
Yeah, no way.
54
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,659
No, this is
an academic institution.
55
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,861
I mean,
your mascot's a librarian.
56
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:49,830
Lydia, stop.
57
00:03:49,831 --> 00:03:51,764
What?
He's a moron.
58
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,867
I'm sorry. She's under a
lot of stress right now.
59
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:55,803
It's okay.
60
00:03:55,804 --> 00:03:57,103
Mom, you're doing it again.
61
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,505
What? Doing what?
62
00:03:58,506 --> 00:03:59,972
You know what I'm talking about.
63
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:03,610
Ryan told me what you did
during his campus visit.
64
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,813
I have no idea what
she's talking about.
65
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,548
Oh, my God.
66
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:11,351
You get back here
right now, Missy!
67
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,552
Oh, or what?
68
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:13,986
No, it's cool, she can leave.
69
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,522
Of course, you're
gonna be missing out
70
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,690
on a really great story.
71
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,359
Love.
72
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,760
Sex.
73
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,994
Oh, God.
74
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,699
The relentless pursuit
of academic excellence.
75
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,006
Fine.
76
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,047
Okay, so,
77
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:45,552
there's this guy named Andy
who lives on my floor, right?
78
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:49,356
And he's been dating this girl
named Katy for, like, ever.
79
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,358
They began as high
school lab partners
80
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,926
in Mr. Blankenbaker's
biology class.
81
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,228
Andy helped Katy
win the science fair,
82
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,599
and Katy became Andy's band
manager and biggest fan.
83
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,968
They were in love,
whatever that is,
84
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,670
and they promised
that graduation
85
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,304
would only make them stronger.
86
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,873
Though their bodies
were separated,
87
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,875
their hearts
stayed together tight,
88
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,777
till the start of
their junior year.
89
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:14,547
♪ After five years of love ♪
90
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,584
♪ This song's just not enough ♪
91
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:23,289
♪ So I decided I won't be denied
and I'll sing it in the buff ♪
92
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,926
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
93
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,496
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
94
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:33,099
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
95
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,937
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff ♪
96
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:43,476
♪ In the buff ♪
97
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:46,646
Dude! What the fuck?
98
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,581
Korky, a little help.
My toe's cramping up.
99
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,883
I don't care if you're
having fucking seizures.
100
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,752
That is horrible.
Korky.
101
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,086
Oh, did you ever hear of manscaping?
I need help.
102
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,823
Don't touch me.
I'll be outside.
103
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,892
Do you actually have testicles?
104
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,728
Didn't you just see them?
105
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:04,531
I'm serious, man. My
cousin, his never dropped.
106
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,466
He literally has no balls.
107
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,000
So when he tells me
that he can't
108
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:11,070
break up with his
girlfriend, I get that.
109
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,306
No, it's not that I can't, Korkin.
I don't want to.
110
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,744
I mean, Katy's beautiful.
She's smart. She's...
111
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,581
Got your balls locked in her
Hello Kitty hope chest?
112
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,717
Whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.
113
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,553
What is that shit?
114
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,921
This, my friend,
is known as an ILMAG.
115
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,156
A what?
116
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,359
An Improvised Last-Minute
Anniversary Gift.
117
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,728
Every year I have a reminder
set on my computer,
118
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,866
but this year, mysteriously,
it didn't go off.
119
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,201
You're welcome.
120
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,538
Dude! Uncool.
121
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,607
Sabotage was my last resort.
122
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,008
You're 21 and you act 40.
123
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,843
You never go out.
You never party.
124
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,612
I play beer pong every weekend.
125
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,547
And you go right home
after every tournament.
126
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,948
Know why?
Why?
127
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,684
Because you fear temptation.
128
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,754
And who fears temptation
but a man with doubts?
129
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,456
Work it, Chloe.
130
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,224
Bite it, Korkin.
131
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,533
Okay, okay, so
sometimes I'm tempted.
132
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,434
But overall,
I'm a very happy man, okay?
133
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,069
Let me make you happier.
134
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,840
Designate Katy as your back-home girl.
Your hometown honey.
135
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:24,711
She's there for weekends,
vacations, long dry spells.
136
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,045
Let her think
whatever she wants,
137
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,615
but here, you do
whatever you want.
138
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,082
It's a win-win.
139
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,585
Okay, unlike you, I don't cheat.
140
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,820
What does that even mean?
141
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,856
It means I don't cheat.
142
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,192
In that bucket is
concentrated urine and feces.
143
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,832
Any Hagan Hall man known to have
a steady girlfriend gets treed.
144
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:50,169
Ass Turd will be there till
she comes to rescue him.
145
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,905
Guess I better not mention
K-A-T-Y to these guys.
146
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,473
Korkin, no.
147
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,009
You don't want to know what
else they put in that bucket.
148
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,845
You know, maybe you could
have mentioned that
149
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,713
before I swapped dorms.
150
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,281
Please don't swap dorms.
151
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,583
Katy?
152
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:06,085
It took me forever
to find this one.
153
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,021
What are you doing here?
154
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,123
Your big tournament's tonight,
155
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,026
so I wanted to say happy anniversary
and cheer you on in person.
156
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,662
That is so cool.
157
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,697
I'm not done.
Guess what else?
158
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,532
What could be better?
159
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:23,536
I transferred here, to Ithaca!
160
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:24,971
Wow!
161
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,573
Wow!
162
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,509
Better update those
hepatitis shots, bro.
163
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,380
There's a storm brewing, boys.
164
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,585
Wind, four knots.
165
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,588
Barometric pressure,
166
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,791
falling.
167
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,828
Perfect conditions
for Hurricane Jake.
168
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,598
♪ Well, I was walking
back home real late ♪
169
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,065
♪ Looked at the stars
up in the sky ♪
170
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,034
♪ Thought of the wishes
I had made ♪
171
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,304
♪ Then started thinkin' about
all the time we had left ♪
172
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:02,408
♪ Was counting all my mistakes
and counting all my regrets ♪
173
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,744
Oh!
174
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,313
Ponage!
175
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,116
Only his third try, Raz-R.
176
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,484
See you at Nationals.
Eat pussy.
177
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,853
You suck.
178
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,755
As soon as I capture this tape,
179
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,690
I can upload it to YouTube.
180
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,659
What about
your full ride at CMU?
181
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:23,963
I mean, it's like the
Harvard of horticulture.
182
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:27,099
Yeah, it's amazing,
but so are you.
183
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,402
I mean, we only have one chance
to be in college together.
184
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,138
I don't want to waste it.
185
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,606
Didn't you feel like
we were slipping away
186
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,909
with all the e-mails
and Skype sex?
187
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,812
I don't know. Maybe.
188
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,547
I freaked you out, didn't I?
189
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:42,615
No!
190
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,351
I mean, no, I...
191
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,819
It's gonna be great.
192
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,287
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
193
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,488
Okay.
194
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,324
♪ ...to sing it in the buff ♪
195
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,560
♪ In the buff ♪
196
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,701
There's a storm brewing, boys.
197
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,872
Wind, four knots.
198
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,374
Barometric pressure, falling.
199
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,243
Perfect conditions
for Hurricane Jake.
200
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,446
Uh-oh.
Somebody looks freaked out.
201
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,581
I'm not freaked out.
202
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,283
Well, you should be.
203
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,819
She's gonna suck you into
some off-campus apartment
204
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,254
with curtains and coasters
205
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:26,225
and a chaise lounger with
those giant fucking pillows.
206
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,727
Kick her ass to the curb
207
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:30,763
before you get doused with
concentrated urine and feces.
208
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,431
No woman is worth that.
209
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,936
But right now, both you
douche bags need to focus.
210
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,773
We go to war in one hour.
211
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,775
Awesome.
212
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,410
New uniforms.
213
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,146
Are you ready to
protect this house?
214
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,684
Sexy.
215
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,388
Go away.
Unless you have breasts.
216
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,890
Hey, guys. What's up?
217
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,026
Kyle! The man!
218
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,493
Dude, you're back!
219
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,429
Yeah, I went to Prague
in May on a convention
220
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,765
that ended up on a
three-month pub crawl
221
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,566
where I got laid a lot.
222
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,768
Very nice.
223
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,202
By different girls.
224
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,739
Wow.
That's real diversity, Kyle.
225
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,974
Wait, is the tournament tonight?
226
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,308
The finals. You coming?
227
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,812
No, I can't.
I've got a frat meeting.
228
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,015
We're practicing
for our new step show.
229
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,820
What?
Nice!
230
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,889
Yeah, well,
231
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,025
it's better with, like, more black
guys, but there's a little taste.
232
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,194
Well, I'm bummed
I'm gonna miss tonight.
233
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,264
Well, give them
hell for Hagan Hall.
234
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:41,367
You, too, Kyle.
Give them hell, bro.
235
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,769
Glad you're back, man.
236
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,470
Take it easy, guys.
Peace.
237
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,806
Peace.
238
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,776
Shit. It's ready.
239
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,312
Shit. Raz-R beat us to it.
240
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,947
What?
241
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,451
That's the third trick shot
he's uploaded this week.
242
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,460
What up, Jake the Fake?
243
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,362
Just wanted to say
good luck tonight,
244
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,165
so I can kick your
bony ass in Atlanta.
245
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,700
That's right, baby.
246
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,870
Do not let him into your head.
247
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,606
He's already there.
248
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,309
God.
249
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,444
See, there was a time eons ago
250
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,847
when beer pong was simply
a fringe novelty game
251
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:33,152
played by Cro-Magnons in
cave-like garages using paddles.
252
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,256
But the sport, thank you
very much, has now evolved
253
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,392
into a grueling mano
a mano death match
254
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:45,932
designed to push mind, body and
liver to their furthest limits.
255
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,800
Thus the high-tech
athletic gear.
256
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:51,370
Exactly, me lady. Our
bodies are our weapons.
257
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,373
Jake is one of the best
trick-shotters in the country.
258
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,876
This right here is
like our Olympic trials.
259
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,144
Hello!
260
00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,445
Well, Godspeed, good sirs,
261
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,148
and may you vanquish
your many enemies.
262
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,850
God, that's so lame.
263
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,784
Korkin.
264
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,219
Zoink!
265
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,755
Right, here you go.
Thank you.
266
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,423
There's something I forgot to
tell you about this place.
267
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,525
What? When somebody puts
money in the jar...
268
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,661
It's titty time!
269
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:16,762
Ooh!
270
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,764
...they flash you.
271
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,071
Welcome to the show, honey.
272
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,006
No, I'm not done yet.
273
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:32,578
Welcome to
the University of Ithaca's
274
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,746
Beer Pong Finals,
275
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:42,354
where tonight one of these eight
teams will win full sponsorship
276
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,823
from TaTa's Pub to compete for
277
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,759
the National
Collegiate Championship!
278
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,096
This is it!
279
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:54,133
Let's pong it out, bitches!
280
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,402
It's titty time!
281
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,275
We go eye to eye for possession.
282
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,444
Okay.
283
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,854
Splash!
284
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,466
We get the balls back
for two-hit shots,
285
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,903
but we get to keep shooting
until one of us misses.
286
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,023
I'm so glad I'm here.
287
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,724
I'm not glad you're here.
288
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,995
Hey, buddy, listen.
You shoot. I'll talk.
289
00:14:55,996 --> 00:15:00,899
Katy, hi.
Girlfriends and beer pong
290
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,237
don't mix.
291
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,143
Unless, of course,
you can do that.
292
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,346
Nope. Can't do that.
293
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:18,418
All right, Ithaca's boys
are going to Atlanta next week.
294
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,922
Bounce shots can be blocked,
295
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,624
and guys can finger the rim
296
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,261
when it's a spinner,
but not girls.
297
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:35,167
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
298
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,704
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
299
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,672
Andy! Andy!
300
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,541
Yeah!
301
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,811
Girls can blow the hole
and it scores as our miss.
302
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,879
Damn it.
303
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,382
Son of a...
304
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,186
Oh!
305
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,423
Kiki, a drink for our opponents.
306
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,957
Oh...
307
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,993
I remember.
308
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,996
Now, go do your thing.
309
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,631
She's just a distraction.
310
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:09,501
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
311
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,669
Hey, Lester.
312
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:14,574
Now check this out.
Andy, you the man!
313
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,944
That's our secret phrase.
314
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:22,681
Hit a cup in our opponent's
hand, and it's...
315
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:23,849
Booya!
316
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,352
Death cup.
317
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,054
Game over, asshole.
318
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,091
Yes!
319
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,660
Yes, man! Yes!
320
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,763
All right, all right, all right!
321
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,699
Who's going to the A-town next week?
Lock and load.
322
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,735
It's titty time!
323
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,940
All right, Ithacans!
This is it, the finals!
324
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,910
We trick-shot for possession.
325
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,546
Come on, Jake.
326
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,335
Did you see that?
Did you see that?
327
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,940
Possession, Hagan Hall!
328
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:24,577
Hagan! Hagan! Hagan!
329
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,682
Hagan Hall.
330
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,951
So do I get to wear
your beer pong
331
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,654
Letterman jacket, you jock stud?
332
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,857
Actually,
it wasn't my best night.
333
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,593
Maybe I can change that.
334
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,495
It's time to celebrate
our anniversary.
335
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,764
How?
336
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,368
See you in an hour.
337
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,570
Ooh.
338
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,473
What's up, guys?
339
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,808
Dude, this is what awaits us
340
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,645
at the end of the
rainbow, my friend,
341
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,180
if you get your
fucking head straight.
342
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,316
No way.
343
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,719
What?
I knew her before I met Katy.
344
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,122
Her name's Jenna.
She's French.
345
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,890
Bullshit.
346
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,227
So, before Katy, there was Jenna.
She was a total babe.
347
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,830
Sexy. Exotic.
A real woman among boys,
348
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,133
not unlike the lovely
lady by my side.
349
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,304
Did I trip you?
350
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,208
I'm sorry.
351
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,446
Such soft, gentle hands.
352
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,082
So, what's your degree in?
353
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,218
Interpretive Urban Dance.
354
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,786
It is so hot.
355
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,788
Yeah, so, I'm sorry,
you were saying,
356
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,357
about the young,
hot, exotic Jenna?
357
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,893
Yeah. Way back before
there was ever a Katy,
358
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,696
Jenna was Andy's first
crush, his first kiss,
359
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,598
and would have even been
his first boink,
360
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,133
if not for the vicious,
man-eating corn snake
361
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,768
who called their love nest home.
362
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,772
Jenna's foot recovered nicely
363
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,775
with donated replacement
tendons from a cadaver.
364
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,677
But once she was loaded
into the ambulance,
365
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,146
Andy never heard from her again.
366
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,448
Bullshit.
No, I'm serious.
367
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:12,050
We met at summer camp
when I was 16.
368
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,885
She gave me this bracelet.
369
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,721
Bullshit.
370
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:19,291
To prove the lovely Jenna
was once his willing near-boink,
371
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,093
Andy logged on
to the Pong America web site
372
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,962
in an effort to find her.
373
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,665
Booya!
374
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,067
And Jenna nearly wet
her dainty little panties
375
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:32,471
when Andy pinged her,
376
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,673
which gave him
a virtual hard-on.
377
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,910
She gave me her digits.
378
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,412
Call her.
379
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,880
I'm going to.
Okay.
380
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,683
Of course I remember Mon Andrew!
381
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,586
Of course she remembers
Mon Andrew.
382
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,921
I have wondered
about you many times.
383
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,558
She's wondered
about me many times.
384
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:55,827
Wondered if you're straight?
385
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,329
We actually won
our beer pong tournament.
386
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,730
I'm coming to Atlanta next week!
387
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,966
No! First you must
come meet me on the tour!
388
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,470
You can hang out with me and
the other girls on the bus!
389
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:06,004
Do you wanna go? No?
390
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,139
Yes. Yes.
391
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,608
Okay. Where are you?
392
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,710
Tomorrow we are in Illinois.
393
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,144
I'll meet you in Illinois.
394
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,981
Where the hell is Illinois?
395
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,952
He's coming to see me.
396
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,021
Wait. I can't leave.
397
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,723
What? What?
398
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,927
I can't go anywhere.
Katy just transferred here.
399
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,562
Give me her.
400
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,865
Dude, this chick is
a world-class hottie,
401
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:37,537
and some snake stole your
chance to consummate?
402
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,739
You have to go to her.
403
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:45,711
Now. It's a rite of passage,
a vision quest.
404
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,846
Vision.
405
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,781
I can't.
406
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,383
Okay. Tell me this.
407
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:55,587
Is Katy just your first, your first
of many, or your first and last?
408
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,855
How should I know?
409
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,525
Then let's go find this goddess,
410
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,660
and then if you realize
you still want Katy,
411
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,596
you'll never have to worry
about having doubts again.
412
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,766
You'll know she's the one.
413
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,041
That was the best week
of my life.
414
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:18,410
Until now.
415
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,413
Road trip!
416
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,515
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
417
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,784
The bar gave us tickets
to Atlanta.
418
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,554
Who's paying for us
to get to Illinois?
419
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,890
We need some chump
to sponsor us.
420
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,794
I know a guy.
421
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:40,031
His name is Arash. His
dad's the dictator of Tandoor.
422
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,367
Where the hell is Tandoor?
423
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,034
Next to Illinois.
424
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:45,303
No, it's an island off
the coast of Indonesia.
425
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,539
He's loaded.
426
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,841
I took Intro to Modern
Drug Cultures with him.
427
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,977
Awesome class.
Changed my life.
428
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:54,781
Yes?
429
00:21:54,782 --> 00:21:56,849
Hey, man.
It's Jake.
430
00:21:57,950 --> 00:21:59,652
I brought some weed.
431
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,555
I'm winning this.
This is the game...
432
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,424
This is the game of real life.
433
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,960
This is not a fantasy. Welcome
to real life. I hope you like...
434
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,898
I bet you guys
kick ass at paintball.
435
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,102
I have the weed.
I don't know...
436
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:21,973
You're dying.
You're not living anymore.
437
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:26,311
This is the real life. Do not
fuck with me, Lawdawg54!
438
00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:27,746
I am now owning your ass!
439
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:31,016
I am the property master
and you are my servant!
440
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:34,421
Yes. In your face! That hurts bad.
Go to sleep!
441
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,859
I admired your essay on the
socio-political relevance
442
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,194
of Up in Smoke very much, Jake.
443
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,696
Thanks, man.
444
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,832
So, tell me,
why are you really here?
445
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:49,868
My friend and I are
beer pong players,
446
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,905
and we come requesting
sponsorship for our team.
447
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,674
Beer pong?
448
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:57,610
Let me demonstrate.
449
00:23:02,449 --> 00:23:04,816
I have seen this.
You Americans
450
00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,453
can turn even drinking
into a contest.
451
00:23:07,454 --> 00:23:11,389
Indeed. But if we win, your
investment will be doubled,
452
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:17,162
and you will bring glory to your
father, your country and to Ithaca.
453
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:18,630
I will travel with you?
454
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,466
Probably better
if we go it alone.
455
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,735
Keep costs down.
Stay low profile.
456
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,705
I have no need for money,
I hate my father,
457
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:30,275
my country is a shit bucket,
and Ithaca was my fallback.
458
00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,644
Evidently, Harvard does not
accept the sons of despots.
459
00:23:32,645 --> 00:23:34,546
Who knew?
Leave me now.
460
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,582
I will keep your hashish
in return for my time.
461
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,550
Wait! You can come,
462
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:42,854
and I'll put us on a busload
of gorgeous models.
463
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:44,155
Look, this girl in the middle,
464
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:47,125
that's the girl
I'm going to see.
465
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:48,393
Is she a virgin?
466
00:23:48,394 --> 00:23:51,763
She's all natural, man.
467
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,532
Except for some tendons
in her foot.
468
00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:55,702
And her private regions?
Jungle bush?
469
00:24:01,741 --> 00:24:04,976
Okay. If you are lying,
you will all be kidnapped
470
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,212
and sent to my father's mines,
471
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:09,447
where you will work
in complete darkness
472
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:13,184
until you die of the black lung,
473
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:16,956
filthy, emaciated and cold.
474
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,893
Works for me.
No problem. Yes.
475
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,294
Then we have a deal.
Yes.
476
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,730
Yes.
477
00:24:24,731 --> 00:24:27,499
Here we go. Okay. Very good.
Thank you.
478
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,173
Phone the hanger.
Have them prepare
479
00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:36,642
Tandoor 2 for a dawn departure.
480
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,577
And make me some soup.
481
00:24:38,578 --> 00:24:40,145
What is Tandoor 2?
482
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,581
It's the royal jet.
483
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:46,619
Fuck yeah, it is!
Welcome to the team!
484
00:24:47,453 --> 00:24:48,887
Fuck yeah, it is!
485
00:24:48,888 --> 00:24:51,489
Hey, what's this?
Not good.
486
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:54,693
Shit.
Adji!
487
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,630
This is the CIA. You're
surrounded, and we're coming in.
488
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,636
It's him.
He's the terrorist!
489
00:25:07,574 --> 00:25:10,441
Andy, where are you?
490
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:13,780
It's been, like, three hours.
Please call me back.
491
00:25:24,456 --> 00:25:29,695
Your turn, Jenna. And no dares for you.
I want the truth.
492
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,798
Was this Andy guy your first?
493
00:25:32,799 --> 00:25:34,132
I'm working.
494
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:35,634
Yeah, we wanna
hear the truth, sister.
495
00:25:35,635 --> 00:25:37,102
Come on, Jenna.
496
00:25:37,103 --> 00:25:40,606
Fine, the answer is no,
but almost.
497
00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:43,675
Within one week we were in love.
498
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:45,911
So, you guys gonna
hook up or what?
499
00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,947
I don't hook up.
I'm a lady.
500
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:50,348
Who sells beer with her breasts.
501
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,217
Right.
502
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:55,320
And then, overwhelmed by
the inter-gravitational pull
503
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:56,888
of their mutual hotness,
504
00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:00,326
the beer pong girls engaged
in a naked pillow fight.
505
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:11,536
What a bunch of male
wish-fulfillment bullshit.
506
00:26:11,537 --> 00:26:15,340
I've never been in a naked
pillow fight before.
507
00:26:15,341 --> 00:26:17,342
I have.
508
00:26:17,343 --> 00:26:18,710
Right.
509
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:21,112
So anyway,
our heroes were transported
510
00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,548
to a secret CIA
interrogation center,
511
00:26:23,549 --> 00:26:26,384
where they were interrogated...
512
00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:30,088
No. No.
513
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,823
That looks like Korkin's mom.
514
00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:32,824
...tortured...
515
00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:34,193
This is a bad trip.
516
00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:38,029
I'm tripping out, man!
517
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:39,931
Hey, man.
...and humiliated.
518
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,566
You don't need to do it.
519
00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:42,934
Open wide for mommy! Oh!
520
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,836
What the fuck is that?
521
00:26:44,837 --> 00:26:48,339
No, no, no, no, no.
Back up. Back up.
522
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,880
Turns out papa tyrant
was overthrown in a coup.
523
00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:56,948
All of his assets
were seized and given
524
00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:59,350
to the poor,
hungry people of Tandoor.
525
00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:02,420
Greedy bastards.
I thought my dad was bad,
526
00:27:02,421 --> 00:27:06,192
but apparently some despotic
parents can never be pleased.
527
00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:23,141
Okay, it's safe.
528
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:31,182
My dick hole is the size of a
garden hose, you son of a bitch!
529
00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:33,118
Whoa! Whoa!
So sorry.
530
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,722
Okay, okay, all right. Allow
me to apologize to you all.
531
00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:38,489
I had no idea my father
would be overthrown
532
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,992
by a group of 12 unarmed
peasants and a wizard.
533
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:43,661
I am now destitute,
penniless, homeless.
534
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:45,263
Welcome to America.
535
00:27:45,264 --> 00:27:46,765
Whoa, whoa, Korkin,
it's not his fault.
536
00:27:46,766 --> 00:27:48,767
We're lucky they let us go.
537
00:27:48,768 --> 00:27:50,635
Let's just find
out where we are.
538
00:27:50,636 --> 00:27:51,971
"Bethesda"?
539
00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,505
That's bullshit, man.
540
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,307
Maryland?
541
00:27:56,308 --> 00:27:58,309
It's like, there should be a
fucking law that the fucking CIA
542
00:27:58,310 --> 00:28:02,013
has to fucking drop you off
where they fucking got you!
543
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:04,349
So write your
fucking congressman!
544
00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:06,151
You know what?
Eat my ass, Korkin,
545
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:08,319
'cause I had to swallow
a whole pound of weed,
546
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,189
and then they made me
listen to techno all night.
547
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,858
You know what that's like?
548
00:28:14,894 --> 00:28:16,461
Guys!
Okay, you know what?
549
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,529
Shut up and let's focus
on getting out of here.
550
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,501
Oh, shit.
551
00:28:23,502 --> 00:28:24,836
Hello?
552
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,571
Andy, where are you?
Are you okay?
553
00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:28,073
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
554
00:28:28,074 --> 00:28:30,341
You won't believe what happened.
555
00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:35,114
Thank you.
556
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,420
Jake, follow me.
557
00:28:42,421 --> 00:28:47,826
Ass-rash, thanks for nothing,
and I'll see you never.
558
00:28:47,827 --> 00:28:50,128
No, no, no, no, wait, wait,
you can't leave me here.
559
00:28:50,129 --> 00:28:53,631
His dad is the dictator
of Tandoor, right?
560
00:28:53,632 --> 00:28:55,600
The dictator of Tandoor?
561
00:28:55,601 --> 00:28:57,202
If I am found by rebel agents,
562
00:28:57,203 --> 00:28:59,070
I will be brutally
tortured and fed to goats.
563
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,106
That's not my problem, shithead.
564
00:29:01,107 --> 00:29:03,674
We need a sponsor, not
some assassination target.
565
00:29:03,675 --> 00:29:05,110
For the first time in my life,
566
00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:07,545
I have no guards, no father.
567
00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:08,713
I am finally free.
568
00:29:08,714 --> 00:29:10,048
All right, I have an idea.
569
00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:11,416
Please don't
leave me here, Korkin.
570
00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:14,886
Play along, or you're goat food.
571
00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:17,355
Take that.
Okay.
572
00:29:17,356 --> 00:29:19,357
Follow me.
573
00:29:19,358 --> 00:29:21,759
He was going to fly us
to Atlanta on Tandoor 2,
574
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,594
his own private jet.
575
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:27,132
You want me to believe that you
stood me up on our anniversary
576
00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:30,269
so you could ride
on some dictator's airplane?
577
00:29:31,537 --> 00:29:33,972
My phone's dying,
Ass-rash, so hurry up.
578
00:29:33,973 --> 00:29:37,043
Take some bags, head to
the van in the front.
579
00:29:47,686 --> 00:29:49,321
Do you see keys?
580
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:52,423
Yes.
581
00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:54,060
Okay,
put the luggage in the back.
582
00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:04,635
Wait! Turn right. The
cabbies are staring at you.
583
00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,238
Flip them off.
584
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,808
No, flip them off!
585
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:13,111
Flip them off!
586
00:30:13,112 --> 00:30:15,746
No, not me, moron. Them.
587
00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:18,084
Do it!
My uncle was a cabbie!
588
00:30:20,619 --> 00:30:22,387
Fuck off!
Fuck off!
589
00:30:24,924 --> 00:30:27,592
They had helicopters and
they had laser-sight guns,
590
00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:29,261
and then we were thrown
into this helicopter...
591
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:36,101
Hit it!
Hit what?
592
00:30:36,102 --> 00:30:38,070
Go!
What, drive?
593
00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:44,109
Awesome!
594
00:30:44,110 --> 00:30:45,243
You can't drive?
595
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:46,644
I was never allowed to,
596
00:30:46,645 --> 00:30:49,180
but I am most excellent
at Super Mario Kart.
597
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:51,182
Korkin had, like,
this penile pap smear,
598
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,351
Jake was tortured by bad music.
599
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,720
And let me guess,
you were waterboarded?
600
00:30:55,721 --> 00:30:57,389
No, that was Arash.
601
00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,430
Need a ride?
602
00:31:05,597 --> 00:31:07,165
Get in!
603
00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:08,866
No! No, no, no, you didn't.
Come on!
604
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,301
Okie dokie.
605
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:11,470
Come on.
606
00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:31,090
Like that.
It was totally crazy.
607
00:31:33,459 --> 00:31:34,559
Okay.
608
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,495
So, how does this
ridiculous farce
609
00:31:37,496 --> 00:31:40,198
contribute to my
decision to come here?
610
00:31:40,199 --> 00:31:43,534
Because it speaks to the
spirit of our students.
611
00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,537
I became the man I am today
because of a road trip.
612
00:31:46,538 --> 00:31:48,339
I love a good ride.
613
00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:49,540
Mom.
614
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:51,943
I still like to roll
every once in a while.
615
00:31:51,944 --> 00:31:53,679
Mom!
616
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,149
Okay. TMI.
617
00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:02,989
Come in.
618
00:32:06,025 --> 00:32:07,425
Katy Hartman?
619
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:09,527
Yeah.
620
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:10,861
Andy's Katy?
621
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:12,063
Yeah.
622
00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:13,831
Cool. I'm Kyle, your RA.
623
00:32:13,832 --> 00:32:15,633
You know, Andy and I are
pretty good friends.
624
00:32:15,634 --> 00:32:18,669
We even compared penises
in the shower once,
625
00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,572
and he totally regretted it.
626
00:32:21,573 --> 00:32:23,941
So this is Amy.
627
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,510
Amy had a little
altercation with
628
00:32:25,511 --> 00:32:27,012
her former Sigma Gamma roommate
629
00:32:27,013 --> 00:32:29,148
and had to be relocated.
630
00:32:30,549 --> 00:32:33,719
I think you guys are
gonna be a good match.
631
00:32:54,173 --> 00:32:57,808
Hey! How's my
favorite glamorous supermodel?
632
00:32:57,809 --> 00:33:02,380
Very glamorous, Mon amour.
Runway. Bright lights.
633
00:33:02,381 --> 00:33:03,948
Wait, I send you a photo.
634
00:33:03,949 --> 00:33:05,751
Mandee?
Okay.
635
00:33:08,020 --> 00:33:09,355
Smile!
636
00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:23,169
That looks like a fun job.
Good resume builder.
637
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,476
Okay. So wait.
638
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:34,412
So you transferred
from your dream school,
639
00:33:34,413 --> 00:33:37,648
the Columbia of cultivation,
to be here for some guy?
640
00:33:37,649 --> 00:33:39,584
I missed him,
and I wanted to be with him.
641
00:33:39,585 --> 00:33:41,452
And now there's a nail
in that man's head
642
00:33:41,453 --> 00:33:43,421
because he bounced
the same day you showed up?
643
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:46,224
We'll get through it, and I'll
just stay busy until he gets back.
644
00:33:46,225 --> 00:33:49,494
What? Baking cookies?
Doing his ironing?
645
00:33:49,495 --> 00:33:50,661
Excuse me?
646
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,630
I'm just saying.
647
00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,099
Look here, Amy,
648
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:57,502
I don't care how many sorority
girls you've punched.
649
00:33:57,503 --> 00:34:00,305
Just because I don't have purple
eye shadow and spiky hair
650
00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:04,109
doesn't mean I'm not a strong,
independent woman, okay?
651
00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:05,810
I just panicked, all right?
652
00:34:05,811 --> 00:34:08,113
And now I'm here and he's there,
653
00:34:08,114 --> 00:34:10,382
and, frankly,
I'm a little freaked out.
654
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:13,552
Okay.
655
00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:22,093
Look, I'm having a party
tonight, all right?
656
00:34:22,094 --> 00:34:26,197
Just some ladies hanging
out, having a good time.
657
00:34:26,198 --> 00:34:29,235
I think you should come.
Yeah.
658
00:34:31,370 --> 00:34:32,703
Sorry about that.
659
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,405
Do you remember the song
you wrote for me?
660
00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,673
♪ When the bitches attack ♪
661
00:34:35,674 --> 00:34:37,242
♪ Don't you cry, don't you cry ♪
662
00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:39,710
♪ Because, baby,
Big A's got your back ♪
663
00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:41,812
♪ Big A's got your back ♪
664
00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:43,181
God.
665
00:34:43,182 --> 00:34:45,150
Wow, I kind of forgot that one.
666
00:34:45,151 --> 00:34:46,984
But you still have
a record deal, no?
667
00:34:46,985 --> 00:34:48,753
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
668
00:34:48,754 --> 00:34:51,757
I just recorded a new
song yesterday, actually.
669
00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:54,459
In my studio.
670
00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:56,194
What?
671
00:34:56,195 --> 00:34:57,895
Yeah, sure he did.
672
00:34:57,896 --> 00:34:59,297
We have a stage on the tour.
673
00:34:59,298 --> 00:35:02,833
You can play a concert
when you arrive.
674
00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:04,669
Actually,
we got a little sidetracked,
675
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:06,704
so we won't be
able to make it today,
676
00:35:06,705 --> 00:35:09,106
but I'll meet you at your next
stop in Nashville for sure.
677
00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:14,145
I must now enter the glamorous
beer pong dunking booth.
678
00:35:16,515 --> 00:35:17,648
Whoa!
679
00:35:17,649 --> 00:35:20,118
Au revoir, my wittle French fry.
680
00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:23,221
I'm gonna fucking puke.
681
00:35:23,222 --> 00:35:25,723
I, too, am in need
of a restroom.
682
00:35:25,724 --> 00:35:26,891
Again?
683
00:35:26,892 --> 00:35:28,125
What are you, a chick?
684
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,261
Nudie bar!
Pull in there.
685
00:35:30,262 --> 00:35:32,797
You can potty while we party.
686
00:35:32,798 --> 00:35:35,700
My people are known
to have diminutive bladders.
687
00:35:35,701 --> 00:35:38,670
To go with your
diminutive wittle weewees?
688
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,582
Is that your
record studio, Big A?
689
00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:53,919
Gotta go. Gotta go.
Gotta go.
690
00:35:55,354 --> 00:35:57,155
Hey.
Oh, Andy!
691
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,428
Boys, give it up for Bambi!
692
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:11,669
Bambi enjoys
early bird specials,
693
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:13,771
cuddling up with
a nice box of wine,
694
00:36:13,772 --> 00:36:16,341
and watching reruns of Matlock!
695
00:36:20,212 --> 00:36:21,712
Shit. Left my wallet
in the car.
696
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:22,880
Yeah, me, too.
697
00:36:22,881 --> 00:36:24,749
Welcome to
the Kit 'N Cougar, fellas.
698
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:29,587
Actually, we just came so my
friend could take a piss.
699
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:30,921
So you wanna use my plumbing,
700
00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:32,823
but you can't patronize
my business?
701
00:36:32,824 --> 00:36:36,362
No, of course not. Don't be rude, Jake.
Let's party.
702
00:36:49,508 --> 00:36:52,777
After last night and then this
morning I was totally freaking out,
703
00:36:52,778 --> 00:36:54,579
but my new roommate is so sweet.
704
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:56,080
She invited me to
her party tonight,
705
00:36:56,081 --> 00:36:57,782
and I decided to go with her.
706
00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,451
Good for you.
That's great.
707
00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:13,698
Don't fight it, boys. You'll
never get her out of your mind.
708
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:16,867
You think our cougar's hot,
you gotta see our kittens.
709
00:37:16,868 --> 00:37:20,271
The kitten?
Show me a little pussy.
710
00:37:20,272 --> 00:37:21,839
Watch your language, boy.
711
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,441
This is a classy establishment.
712
00:37:23,442 --> 00:37:24,842
Yes, sir.
No problem, sir.
713
00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:27,279
Arash, get the fuck over here.
714
00:37:29,515 --> 00:37:30,815
I mean, I can't believe it!
715
00:37:30,816 --> 00:37:32,583
This campus is really gorgeous.
716
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:34,385
And I found this
cute little coffee shop
717
00:37:34,386 --> 00:37:36,421
where we can study by the fire
together when it's snowing.
718
00:37:36,422 --> 00:37:38,589
Dude, if one of the Golden Girls
719
00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:39,757
tries to give me a lap dance,
720
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:42,527
I swear to God, I am gonna puke.
721
00:37:49,835 --> 00:37:52,537
Hi, guys.
You like the twins?
722
00:37:52,538 --> 00:37:54,171
They're sisters?
723
00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:56,807
Fraternal.
I'm their ma,
724
00:37:56,808 --> 00:38:00,311
and Bambi dancing out
there, well, she's my ma.
725
00:38:00,312 --> 00:38:03,280
And Lester, that teddy bear
that brought you all in,
726
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,782
well, he's my hubby.
727
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,585
It's a family business.
728
00:38:07,586 --> 00:38:10,522
Then momma, come to daddy.
729
00:38:19,931 --> 00:38:21,265
Mangoes.
730
00:38:21,266 --> 00:38:24,669
There are these adorable
little apartments off campus.
731
00:38:24,670 --> 00:38:26,437
We can totally move in
together next year.
732
00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:46,491
I like you.
I have to go.
733
00:38:46,492 --> 00:38:48,225
Watch the hands, Mowgli.
734
00:38:48,226 --> 00:38:49,961
Okay.
735
00:38:53,098 --> 00:38:55,165
There's even a spare room for my
mom, when she comes to visit.
736
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,368
She'll totally cook and clean.
You know her!
737
00:39:08,714 --> 00:39:11,882
I'll make us some curtains, and
we can buy our own furniture.
738
00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,317
I've always wanted one
of those chaise loungers
739
00:39:13,318 --> 00:39:14,985
with the big, fluffy pillows.
740
00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:16,554
Katy? Katy? This is
going to be so great for us.
741
00:39:16,555 --> 00:39:18,789
I thought you were mad at me.
742
00:39:18,790 --> 00:39:20,959
Well, I was, until I read
about the coup in Tandoor.
743
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:24,495
How's Arash?
Poor little guy.
744
00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:31,869
Oh, my God.
That's disgusting!
745
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,438
Carrie, I told you
that could happen.
746
00:39:33,439 --> 00:39:35,072
Now be professional, SUG.
747
00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:36,642
Mom, he peed on me.
748
00:39:39,478 --> 00:39:43,782
Lester, code red! Golden
shower in the champagne room!
749
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:46,417
You have a napkin?
750
00:39:46,418 --> 00:39:49,219
He's fine.
751
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:52,457
We found a ride and we're
headed to the tournament.
752
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,791
That's awesome.
753
00:39:53,792 --> 00:39:55,526
Well, I have to
jet to registration,
754
00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,529
but have fun, okay?
Love you. Bye.
755
00:40:06,572 --> 00:40:08,372
Korkin!
What?
756
00:40:08,373 --> 00:40:10,542
He pissed on my baby girl!
757
00:40:12,143 --> 00:40:13,945
Get them!
Oh, shit!
758
00:40:21,319 --> 00:40:23,722
Get the fuck in the cab!
759
00:40:28,093 --> 00:40:29,894
Go! Go! Go! Go!
760
00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:46,845
They both had the same exact little
mole above their butt cracks.
761
00:40:48,313 --> 00:40:51,917
Never have I seen six more
perfectly diverse breasts.
762
00:40:53,351 --> 00:40:57,221
And now, thanks to Ass-rash
and his girlie bladder,
763
00:40:57,222 --> 00:40:59,223
that memory will forever
be a painful one,
764
00:40:59,224 --> 00:41:01,759
because my already swollen
dick is now chaffed
765
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,896
from sprinting full speed
with a fucking boner!
766
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:08,699
Yeah!
767
00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:10,568
Come on, man.
No hitchhikers.
768
00:41:10,569 --> 00:41:14,805
Not a hitchhiker, a fare. This is
a taxi and we need some money.
769
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:17,008
Plus, do you see that ass?
770
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,048
Hi! Need a ride?
771
00:41:24,049 --> 00:41:26,785
You can share a fare
with these guys.
772
00:41:36,928 --> 00:41:38,663
Hi.
773
00:41:38,664 --> 00:41:40,599
So where you heading?
774
00:41:42,233 --> 00:41:43,668
Just down the road.
775
00:41:43,669 --> 00:41:45,703
That's cool.
776
00:41:45,704 --> 00:41:48,505
But I wouldn't go too far down
the road in a stolen cab.
777
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:51,742
Not too hard to spot, you know.
778
00:41:51,743 --> 00:41:53,578
Come on, guys.
779
00:41:53,579 --> 00:41:55,613
DC plate,
the meter's not running,
780
00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:58,949
and your cabbie's sitting in the
back in girlie pink pajamas
781
00:41:58,950 --> 00:42:00,885
'cause he pissed his pants.
782
00:42:00,886 --> 00:42:03,120
Interesting ensemble yourself.
783
00:42:03,121 --> 00:42:04,655
I know, right?
784
00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,456
I got this off
a Dr. Ratchett.
785
00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:10,227
No way was I gonna run
cross-country in high heels.
786
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:12,063
Oh, shit! My stomach, man.
787
00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:14,765
What's his deal?
788
00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:16,200
He swallowed a bag of marijuana
789
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:18,836
before we were
detained by the CIA.
790
00:42:18,837 --> 00:42:21,538
I fucking hate those guys, man!
Seriously.
791
00:42:21,539 --> 00:42:25,576
They have been spying on me
ever since I got back.
792
00:42:25,577 --> 00:42:27,712
Back from where?
793
00:42:27,713 --> 00:42:29,346
I can't say.
They're listening.
794
00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:32,650
God!
795
00:42:32,651 --> 00:42:34,318
Pull over, man. It's bad.
Right there.
796
00:42:34,319 --> 00:42:35,920
I have to dump
this load somewhere.
797
00:42:35,921 --> 00:42:37,187
Not in the car.
798
00:42:37,188 --> 00:42:38,723
Here's a convenience store.
799
00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:39,990
Convenient?
Do they sell trousers?
800
00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:41,893
If you had any money.
801
00:42:46,732 --> 00:42:48,699
Who wants grub?
I do.
802
00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:49,834
I do.
No. No, you don't.
803
00:42:49,835 --> 00:42:51,168
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
804
00:42:51,169 --> 00:42:52,436
My stomach is hollow.
It's hollow.
805
00:42:52,437 --> 00:42:54,404
No one cares.
806
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,539
No, we're broke.
807
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,709
No worries.
I'll buy.
808
00:43:01,312 --> 00:43:04,915
Korkin, that woman clearly just
escaped from somewhere not good.
809
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,484
That's why we get the food
and then ditch her ass.
810
00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:10,922
Go tell Jake the plan.
Let me handle this. Okay?
811
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:18,829
Hey, hey.
Thanks, buddy.
812
00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:21,165
Hey, you guys, grab a basket,
get anything you want.
813
00:43:21,166 --> 00:43:22,366
Sweet.
814
00:43:22,367 --> 00:43:23,702
See you tomorrow.
815
00:43:34,579 --> 00:43:36,580
Hey, Jake, it's me.
Let's go.
816
00:43:36,581 --> 00:43:39,283
Korky's going to ditch her
as soon as she buys us food.
817
00:43:39,284 --> 00:43:41,518
Yeah, Andy. Why don't I
just lube my hands
818
00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:44,154
so I can shove it up my ass
and remove the bag of ganja
819
00:43:44,155 --> 00:43:45,589
lodged in my rectum?
820
00:43:51,930 --> 00:43:53,297
Hey, handsome.
Hey.
821
00:43:53,298 --> 00:43:56,400
We're going to take all of this,
822
00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:57,768
and everything you
got in the register.
823
00:43:57,769 --> 00:43:59,403
Whoa! Hello!
824
00:43:59,404 --> 00:44:01,605
Come on.
Come on.
825
00:44:01,606 --> 00:44:02,773
All right. Don't shoot.
Move.
826
00:44:02,774 --> 00:44:04,508
Shit! Shit! Shit!
827
00:44:04,509 --> 00:44:06,811
Stop pressuring me!
828
00:44:06,812 --> 00:44:07,978
Hurry up. Hurry up.
I'm hurrying.
829
00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,015
Come on. Let's go.
830
00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:12,683
Keys, please.
831
00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:15,285
Come on, come on.
832
00:44:15,286 --> 00:44:16,721
Thanks.
833
00:44:16,722 --> 00:44:19,156
You guys might wanna hit
the floor right about now.
834
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:22,092
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, then.
835
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:28,833
You bitches stay on the floor.
Your ho is gonna die.
836
00:44:42,113 --> 00:44:45,615
Back door! Hey, Jake, back door.
Come on!
837
00:44:49,420 --> 00:44:50,756
Go, go, go, go!
838
00:45:18,483 --> 00:45:19,549
You okay?
839
00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:20,751
Shit.
840
00:45:20,752 --> 00:45:21,952
Thought you took care of that.
841
00:45:21,953 --> 00:45:24,354
Fucker never came out.
842
00:45:24,355 --> 00:45:26,490
Pretty sure
the baggie burst, though.
843
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:27,557
No signal.
844
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:28,926
Who are you calling?
845
00:45:28,927 --> 00:45:30,660
I don't know, man. 911?
We need some help.
846
00:45:30,661 --> 00:45:34,231
What are you gonna tell them?
Our stolen taxi got stolen?
847
00:45:34,232 --> 00:45:36,033
Wait, you have a better idea?
No.
848
00:45:36,034 --> 00:45:40,604
Not yet, but I'm not a quitter.
I'm finishing this thing.
849
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:44,809
Finishing what, Korkin?
You don't even play beer pong.
850
00:45:44,810 --> 00:45:47,177
We're in deep shit here, man,
and it's all your fault,
851
00:45:47,178 --> 00:45:50,815
so you better start praying
we get out of this somehow.
852
00:45:50,816 --> 00:45:54,384
You want me to pray?
You want me to pray?
853
00:45:54,385 --> 00:45:56,020
Fine!
854
00:45:56,021 --> 00:46:00,590
Here I am praying that Jake can
squeeze a fucking pot brownie
855
00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:02,392
from his rectum.
Please, God.
856
00:46:02,393 --> 00:46:05,762
Here I am praying that Arash
isn't devoured by goats.
857
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:08,332
Here I am praying that the
aliens return Andy's balls,
858
00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,801
so he can be a man and dump
his lame-ass girlfriend!
859
00:46:10,802 --> 00:46:12,903
Here I am praying
for a miraculous rescue
860
00:46:12,904 --> 00:46:14,271
before the cops
take us all to jail!
861
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:16,507
Amen! Is that good
enough for you?
862
00:46:24,049 --> 00:46:25,917
You guys okay?
863
00:46:28,653 --> 00:46:30,021
Wow.
864
00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,191
Wow.
865
00:46:34,192 --> 00:46:39,263
No. We're not, actually.
We're in big trouble.
866
00:46:39,264 --> 00:46:41,665
Would you believe
our van got stolen?
867
00:46:41,666 --> 00:46:44,936
That sucks. Were you
just at the retreat?
868
00:46:46,437 --> 00:46:49,806
Why, yes!
869
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:53,510
Yes, we were at the retreat.
We were retreating.
870
00:46:53,511 --> 00:46:57,882
But now we're here,
alone in the wilderness,
871
00:46:57,883 --> 00:46:59,816
all by ourselves.
872
00:46:59,817 --> 00:47:04,321
Well, we could give you guys a
ride to the next town, I guess.
873
00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:08,592
That would be mighty kind.
We're headed to Nashville.
874
00:47:08,593 --> 00:47:10,460
We're from Arkansas.
We go right through there.
875
00:47:10,461 --> 00:47:11,996
Thank God you stopped.
876
00:47:11,997 --> 00:47:14,531
Well, you see four guys praying
by the side of the road,
877
00:47:14,532 --> 00:47:17,435
and you kind of
feel obligated, you know?
878
00:47:24,609 --> 00:47:25,977
Hello.
879
00:47:29,047 --> 00:47:31,081
Is your friend okay?
880
00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:34,119
I'm fine.
Much better now.
881
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:37,622
I can totally hear myself blink.
882
00:47:39,457 --> 00:47:41,192
Think.
883
00:47:48,399 --> 00:47:50,600
So, do you guys
wanna go to the cops?
884
00:47:50,601 --> 00:47:51,936
No.
885
00:47:51,937 --> 00:47:53,637
Yeah, that car sucked, anyway.
886
00:47:53,638 --> 00:47:55,173
Yeah, it's insured.
887
00:47:56,908 --> 00:47:58,808
So, what's next?
888
00:47:58,809 --> 00:48:00,410
Party, dumb-ass.
889
00:48:00,411 --> 00:48:02,446
Jake's baggie burst.
He's stoned and happy.
890
00:48:02,447 --> 00:48:04,481
Even Ass-rash here
might get laid.
891
00:48:04,482 --> 00:48:06,650
Nobody's getting laid.
892
00:48:06,651 --> 00:48:10,154
Hate to tell you this, but this is
a church retreat about chastity.
893
00:48:10,155 --> 00:48:12,222
What the hell is chastity?
894
00:48:12,223 --> 00:48:14,558
Abstinence from
sexual intercourse.
895
00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:15,592
What?
896
00:48:15,593 --> 00:48:17,727
Abstinence from
sexual intercourse.
897
00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:20,064
No sex until marriage.
898
00:48:20,065 --> 00:48:22,766
Well, that's fucking perfect.
899
00:48:22,767 --> 00:48:25,802
I'm a devout heathen, you're
gonna cheat on your girlfriend
900
00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:28,105
with a beer pong model, Jake's
stoned out of his fucking gourd,
901
00:48:28,106 --> 00:48:29,539
and Ass-rash here is a Muslim.
902
00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:31,441
I am Hindu, asshole.
Is there a difference?
903
00:48:31,442 --> 00:48:33,010
And if you
call me Ass-rash again,
904
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:34,378
I will rip off your arm
905
00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:37,415
and I will bitch-slap you
with your own hand.
906
00:48:40,885 --> 00:48:42,252
Just a joke, man.
907
00:48:43,354 --> 00:48:46,057
No need to go all
third world on me.
908
00:48:48,059 --> 00:48:50,261
Wow, is that your van?
909
00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:52,997
Let go!
Wow.
910
00:48:52,998 --> 00:48:54,364
No. No.
No.
911
00:48:54,365 --> 00:48:56,101
That one's a taxi.
No.
912
00:49:04,309 --> 00:49:06,343
Ready? Okay.
Okay, you got this.
913
00:49:06,344 --> 00:49:08,379
I got this.
All right.
914
00:49:16,521 --> 00:49:18,822
My name's Sarah.
Korkin.
915
00:49:18,823 --> 00:49:20,024
What's your first name?
916
00:49:20,025 --> 00:49:22,227
People call me Korkin.
917
00:49:23,128 --> 00:49:24,462
So, Sarah,
918
00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:30,067
have you ever been tempted
to break the chastity code?
919
00:49:30,068 --> 00:49:32,669
I sure have.
920
00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:38,008
Well, Korkin, my father,
people call him Reverend.
921
00:49:38,009 --> 00:49:39,876
He founded
the Chastity Movement.
922
00:49:39,877 --> 00:49:42,080
So, does that
answer your question?
923
00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:45,949
Yeah. Guess so.
924
00:49:45,950 --> 00:49:48,318
Good.
Now I've got one for you.
925
00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:49,619
What's the deal?
926
00:49:49,620 --> 00:49:52,390
I saw you duck
when we passed the cops.
927
00:49:55,093 --> 00:49:57,195
Okay. Okay.
928
00:49:58,563 --> 00:50:00,330
I like you,
929
00:50:00,331 --> 00:50:01,531
so I'm gonna do something here
930
00:50:01,532 --> 00:50:03,700
that I never really do, ever,
931
00:50:03,701 --> 00:50:05,369
and tell the truth.
You better,
932
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:07,937
or you're going
to be finding another ride.
933
00:50:10,408 --> 00:50:15,179
We weren't
at any retreat. No.
934
00:50:15,180 --> 00:50:17,614
Andy and Jake are
actually beer pong players
935
00:50:17,615 --> 00:50:19,149
from the University of Ithaca,
936
00:50:19,150 --> 00:50:20,650
and technically
I'm their manager,
937
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:24,388
but really I just tag along
to cause trouble.
938
00:50:24,389 --> 00:50:26,290
We're trying to get to
Atlanta for Nationals,
939
00:50:26,291 --> 00:50:27,857
but we've got to go
through Nashville first
940
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,327
so that Andy can hook up
with a beer pong model.
941
00:50:30,328 --> 00:50:33,029
And our stolen van...
942
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:37,234
I mean, our van was stolen by that
chick after she robbed a store
943
00:50:37,235 --> 00:50:39,104
and got us shot at.
944
00:50:40,771 --> 00:50:42,005
That's it.
945
00:50:42,006 --> 00:50:43,673
So will you take us?
946
00:50:43,674 --> 00:50:46,344
To Nashville or Atlanta?
947
00:50:47,812 --> 00:50:49,147
Both?
948
00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:56,019
Road trip?
949
00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:57,621
Road trip!
Road trip!
950
00:50:57,622 --> 00:50:59,290
Yes!
Yeah.
951
00:51:03,694 --> 00:51:06,930
♪ Philosophy ♪
952
00:51:06,931 --> 00:51:08,998
♪ Is the talk on a cereal box ♪
953
00:51:08,999 --> 00:51:10,267
♪ Religion ♪
954
00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:11,701
Hmm.
955
00:51:11,702 --> 00:51:12,969
What?
956
00:51:12,970 --> 00:51:14,771
Come on.
957
00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:16,973
♪ I'm not aware
of too many things ♪
958
00:51:16,974 --> 00:51:20,445
♪ I know what I know,
if you know what I mean ♪
959
00:51:21,946 --> 00:51:23,714
♪ D-doo yeah ♪
960
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:26,616
What's wrong?
961
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:29,586
Nothing. I just feel
a little out of place.
962
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:32,156
Girl, please, chill out.
Here.
963
00:51:32,157 --> 00:51:36,461
Have some fun. I mean, these girls
are all really, really close.
964
00:51:38,463 --> 00:51:40,564
That's pretty close.
965
00:51:40,565 --> 00:51:45,369
So what I didn't tell you is,
we're all LUGs.
966
00:51:45,370 --> 00:51:47,103
You're what?
967
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:49,539
Lesbians Until Graduation.
968
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,908
Okay. I'm confused about a
lot of things right now,
969
00:51:51,909 --> 00:51:54,811
but I'm pretty sure
that I'm still straight.
970
00:51:54,812 --> 00:51:57,414
Yeah, okay. That's what I
said my first time, too.
971
00:52:20,037 --> 00:52:21,571
Andrew.
972
00:52:21,572 --> 00:52:23,707
Hey, Jenna.
So, we're on the road.
973
00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:27,311
Did you find another bus
full of models to play with?
974
00:52:27,312 --> 00:52:29,879
Yeah, but they only do
cornhole tournaments.
975
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,915
You Americans and your corn.
976
00:52:31,916 --> 00:52:35,619
Anyway, my friends, they start
to think you are my fantasy.
977
00:52:35,620 --> 00:52:38,855
Well, I am, right?
Your fantasy?
978
00:52:38,856 --> 00:52:40,156
Of course, Mon amour.
979
00:52:40,157 --> 00:52:42,058
Since our last kiss
that tragic day,
980
00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:45,229
you have been my one thought,
981
00:52:45,230 --> 00:52:47,898
my one breath, my one dream.
982
00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:55,639
No pregnancy. No VD,
983
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:59,944
and let me just say, women
know how to love other women.
984
00:53:01,246 --> 00:53:03,247
That's the LUG life, baby.
985
00:53:03,248 --> 00:53:07,116
Yeah, I bet the initiation
ceremony is a whole lot of fun.
986
00:53:07,117 --> 00:53:08,752
So, are you seeing anyone?
987
00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:10,287
Other then drunk college boys
988
00:53:10,288 --> 00:53:12,856
with beer breath
and bad hair? No.
989
00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:14,424
And you?
990
00:53:14,425 --> 00:53:18,094
With your music career, you
must meet many beautiful women.
991
00:53:18,095 --> 00:53:19,996
Totally, all the time.
992
00:53:19,997 --> 00:53:22,932
I mean, too many to choose from, really.
It's crazy.
993
00:53:22,933 --> 00:53:26,970
How nice of you to fit me into your
busy schedule, monsieur Casanova.
994
00:53:26,971 --> 00:53:29,539
Well, we do have
some unfinished business,
995
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:31,241
if I recall correctly.
996
00:53:31,242 --> 00:53:33,978
Indeed we do.
Indeed we do.
997
00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:38,482
I'm not saying
you gotta LUG it out.
998
00:53:38,483 --> 00:53:40,016
I mean, how long has it been
999
00:53:40,017 --> 00:53:43,387
since you haven't
had a boyfriend?
1000
00:53:43,388 --> 00:53:45,255
Since about the sixth grade.
1001
00:53:45,256 --> 00:53:47,223
Girl, please.
1002
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:50,093
How you supposed to be sure about
this guy unless you look around?
1003
00:53:50,094 --> 00:53:52,896
And how do you know he's not
doing the same damn thing
1004
00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:55,966
while he's out on his
mysterious little trip?
1005
00:54:18,856 --> 00:54:20,724
Thank you for using
Auto Service System.
1006
00:54:20,725 --> 00:54:23,226
My name is Sujatmi.
How may I help you?
1007
00:54:23,227 --> 00:54:26,624
Sujatmi is a lovely name.
My name is Arash.
1008
00:54:26,636 --> 00:54:28,031
I'm from Tandoor.
1009
00:54:28,032 --> 00:54:29,265
Oh, my God!
1010
00:54:32,337 --> 00:54:34,371
Sujatmi, I'm so lonely.
1011
00:54:34,372 --> 00:54:37,073
Arash, that is so sad.
1012
00:54:37,074 --> 00:54:39,909
Sujatmi, I have not spoken
with a Tandoori female
1013
00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:41,244
in many, many a moon.
1014
00:54:41,245 --> 00:54:44,247
That is a long time, Arash.
1015
00:54:44,248 --> 00:54:46,450
Is this a dream?
Is this reality?
1016
00:54:46,451 --> 00:54:50,086
No, this is all a fantasy.
1017
00:54:50,087 --> 00:54:51,321
Okay.
Are you ready?
1018
00:54:51,322 --> 00:54:52,422
For fantasy?
1019
00:54:52,423 --> 00:54:55,158
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
1020
00:54:55,159 --> 00:54:57,026
What are you wearing?
1021
00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:59,162
I'm wearing
a very stylish shirt.
1022
00:54:59,163 --> 00:55:02,966
I'm also wearing some pajamas
with squirrels, pink squirrels.
1023
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:04,368
What are you wearing?
1024
00:55:04,369 --> 00:55:06,436
A sari.
A sari.
1025
00:55:06,437 --> 00:55:09,439
I bet it is a lovely sari.
What color is it?
1026
00:55:15,913 --> 00:55:18,948
Well, here I am, Arash.
Here I am.
1027
00:55:18,949 --> 00:55:21,314
Your voice is
so lovely right now.
1028
00:55:21,326 --> 00:55:22,118
Are you hot?
1029
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:23,653
Yes, I am so hot.
Oh.
1030
00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:26,756
Are you hot?
I'm very, very hot.
1031
00:55:26,757 --> 00:55:29,626
So hot there is literally
a fire in my pants.
1032
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:31,361
How big is the fire?
1033
00:55:31,362 --> 00:55:34,030
I'd say three to four-alarmer.
1034
00:55:34,031 --> 00:55:36,065
It's a big one.
Why don't you blow it out?
1035
00:55:36,066 --> 00:55:39,369
I can't. I can't. It's too big.
Please.
1036
00:55:39,370 --> 00:55:42,305
You have put
a spell on my banana.
1037
00:55:42,306 --> 00:55:44,340
Yes. Is it peeling?
1038
00:55:44,341 --> 00:55:45,775
It is peeling.
It is ripe.
1039
00:55:45,776 --> 00:55:47,110
Yes.
1040
00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:49,479
Right now, you're so tight,
I need to loosen you up.
1041
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,014
You caveman.
1042
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,682
I will take you and,
with a club,
1043
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:54,618
beat you on the head
and bring you to my cave.
1044
00:55:54,619 --> 00:55:55,952
Hibernate in the winter.
1045
00:55:55,953 --> 00:55:57,353
Yes. Yes.
1046
00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:59,288
It's very dirty. I do not wipe anything.
Yes. Yes.
1047
00:55:59,289 --> 00:56:00,657
There's stuff everywhere.
1048
00:56:01,959 --> 00:56:03,326
I will bathe you.
You are the man.
1049
00:56:03,327 --> 00:56:04,694
Do you like the loofah?
1050
00:56:04,695 --> 00:56:07,230
I do.
I will loofah your behind.
1051
00:56:07,231 --> 00:56:10,934
Smother you with lather.
I am playing with my banana.
1052
00:56:10,935 --> 00:56:13,503
If you were in a field right
now, I would till it.
1053
00:56:13,504 --> 00:56:15,505
No one has tilled it before.
1054
00:56:15,506 --> 00:56:16,840
No one has tilled you?
1055
00:56:16,841 --> 00:56:17,874
No. Maybe.
1056
00:56:17,875 --> 00:56:20,076
I just want Tandoori boobiebs.
1057
00:56:20,077 --> 00:56:21,244
That's me.
1058
00:56:21,245 --> 00:56:23,413
Arash, Arash, Sujatmi is here.
1059
00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:27,517
Sujatmi, I will take you home,
I will put you on my bed...
1060
00:56:27,518 --> 00:56:28,752
Oh, God.
1061
00:56:28,753 --> 00:56:30,119
...and then I will...
1062
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:31,755
All over your place.
1063
00:56:38,629 --> 00:56:40,430
Sujatmi.
Arash.
1064
00:56:40,431 --> 00:56:42,966
Sujatmi, touch it, touch it.
Arash.
1065
00:56:42,967 --> 00:56:43,868
Oh.
1066
00:56:43,869 --> 00:56:46,537
Touch it good.
Oh, Arash!
1067
00:56:48,005 --> 00:56:49,806
I am playing the pied piper.
Arash.
1068
00:56:49,807 --> 00:56:51,541
Arash. Arash.
Peel the banana.
1069
00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:54,611
Do you like the baby
gravy on your mashed potatoes?
1070
00:56:59,884 --> 00:57:01,651
What did you do?
1071
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,030
It appears you
have had an accident.
1072
00:57:14,665 --> 00:57:16,634
Arash, what was that?
1073
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,370
Oh.
1074
00:57:23,173 --> 00:57:26,142
Arash hit a wild boar
during his telephone orgasm,
1075
00:57:26,143 --> 00:57:28,444
and it got stuck under the bus.
You killed it.
1076
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,547
I just ejaculated.
Lick my balls.
1077
00:57:30,548 --> 00:57:33,550
But they decided to leave it
there in case they got hungry.
1078
00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:36,385
Kind of like when you're
fishing and you get hungry,
1079
00:57:36,386 --> 00:57:38,856
so you decide to eat some worms.
1080
00:57:42,092 --> 00:57:43,828
What? Fish eat them.
1081
00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:47,731
That's all
very fascinating, Kyle,
1082
00:57:47,732 --> 00:57:49,899
but I'd rather hear
more about you.
1083
00:57:49,900 --> 00:57:54,004
No, not me.
In fact, my heart is racing.
1084
00:57:55,673 --> 00:57:58,175
I want to hear the end.
Please?
1085
00:58:04,014 --> 00:58:07,083
So, our group was
back on the move.
1086
00:58:17,962 --> 00:58:19,563
All right, Arash.
You're coming?
1087
00:58:19,564 --> 00:58:20,997
I'm up.
Okay. Done.
1088
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:22,632
I've got the gas.
You got it?
1089
00:58:22,633 --> 00:58:24,968
Yeah.
All right, grab it.
1090
00:58:24,969 --> 00:58:26,369
Okay, cool.
Okay, go under my arm.
1091
00:58:26,370 --> 00:58:27,705
Okay.
1092
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:30,675
Got it.
1093
00:58:34,779 --> 00:58:37,582
Arash, come on, man.
That's disgusting.
1094
00:58:39,750 --> 00:58:41,652
What's new, virgins?
1095
00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,159
We need to stop, okay?
1096
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,861
We're hungry, we're grubby,
1097
00:58:51,862 --> 00:58:54,832
and this bus smells
like rancid bacon.
1098
00:59:04,875 --> 00:59:07,677
You got a little
eye booger there.
1099
00:59:07,678 --> 00:59:09,078
Where are we?
1100
00:59:09,079 --> 00:59:11,480
We had to make a little stop.
1101
00:59:11,481 --> 00:59:12,716
For the night.
1102
00:59:12,717 --> 00:59:14,217
Korkin, what'd you do now?
1103
00:59:14,218 --> 00:59:16,720
It's more like,
what am I going to do now?
1104
00:59:16,721 --> 00:59:21,591
Right now, I'm facing the greatest
challenge of my young life.
1105
00:59:21,592 --> 00:59:24,661
Sarah is the daughter
of the preacher
1106
00:59:24,662 --> 00:59:28,297
who founded
Chastity Until Marriage.
1107
00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:33,136
We pull this off,
we are talking legendary.
1108
00:59:33,137 --> 00:59:34,403
Biblical.
1109
00:59:34,404 --> 00:59:36,173
So where are we?
1110
00:59:37,574 --> 00:59:40,576
Getting lucky in Kentucky.
1111
00:59:42,813 --> 00:59:44,147
Where is my Katy's honey?
1112
00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:45,481
Momma Hartman?
1113
00:59:45,482 --> 00:59:48,985
There you are, sweetie.
I have missed you so much.
1114
00:59:48,986 --> 00:59:51,187
Well, come on
off this smelly bus.
1115
00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:53,857
I am just so glad that my
Katy called and let me know
1116
00:59:53,858 --> 00:59:56,092
that you boys
needed a crash pad.
1117
00:59:57,161 --> 01:00:00,830
Everybody grab a shower.
Ladies first.
1118
01:00:00,831 --> 01:00:05,769
Go on, go on. You know where it is.
Go on. There you go.
1119
01:00:05,770 --> 01:00:11,641
In the meantime, I'm gonna
figure out something for supper.
1120
01:00:11,642 --> 01:00:14,477
What in the world is...
Oh, my gosh.
1121
01:00:14,478 --> 01:00:17,180
There's fried chicken
with all the fixings,
1122
01:00:17,181 --> 01:00:21,450
and veggie lasagna for all
you poor non-meat eaters,
1123
01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:24,087
and, Arash, honey, I
didn't know what you are,
1124
01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:26,055
so I made you some enchiladas
1125
01:00:26,056 --> 01:00:27,724
and some Pad Thai
and some Baba Ghanoush.
1126
01:00:27,725 --> 01:00:30,193
We eat goat testicles.
1127
01:00:30,194 --> 01:00:31,627
Ah.
1128
01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:33,063
Delicious.
1129
01:00:34,531 --> 01:00:35,932
You boys look so spiffy.
1130
01:00:35,933 --> 01:00:37,867
You look spiffy, too.
1131
01:00:37,868 --> 01:00:41,004
I am so glad I didn't get rid
of Papa Hartman's old clothes.
1132
01:00:41,005 --> 01:00:43,306
This is wrong.
This is so wrong.
1133
01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:47,811
We were nearby.
I had to improvise.
1134
01:00:47,812 --> 01:00:50,714
And by the way,
Katy said to give her a ring.
1135
01:00:50,715 --> 01:00:51,815
What?
1136
01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:53,349
You should call her.
1137
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:54,784
May I have everyone's attention?
1138
01:00:54,785 --> 01:00:56,619
I wanna show y'all something.
1139
01:00:56,620 --> 01:01:01,758
These are my two beautiful oldest
daughters, Katrina and Kerry,
1140
01:01:01,759 --> 01:01:03,793
and their wonderful husbands.
1141
01:01:03,794 --> 01:01:08,631
And then this is
for my Katy and Andy.
1142
01:01:08,632 --> 01:01:10,199
Hopefully someday soon!
1143
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:11,869
Aw.
1144
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:14,670
Isn't that sweet?
1145
01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:19,109
Andy! Well, this just calls
for a toast, doesn't it?
1146
01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:22,478
Yes! Toast.
1147
01:01:22,479 --> 01:01:25,214
To the future happy couple.
1148
01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,084
Cheers.
1149
01:01:29,754 --> 01:01:31,154
That's so sweet.
1150
01:01:35,392 --> 01:01:36,927
Beer pong 101.
1151
01:01:38,028 --> 01:01:39,695
See what happens?
1152
01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:41,899
Ready? All right.
1153
01:01:43,734 --> 01:01:45,668
This is the face-off.
1154
01:01:45,669 --> 01:01:49,605
Look into her eyes and be ready.
1155
01:01:49,606 --> 01:01:51,008
A toast.
1156
01:01:53,010 --> 01:01:55,644
To the ponging of the balls.
1157
01:01:55,645 --> 01:01:56,981
Cheers!
Cheers!
1158
01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:01,351
Nice!
Oh, my gosh.
1159
01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:05,154
No, they can judge you.
No, they can't.
1160
01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:08,357
That's not very judgmental.
Is that your thing?
1161
01:02:08,358 --> 01:02:11,360
Yes.
Here.
1162
01:02:11,361 --> 01:02:14,731
She's talking shit about you guys.
She's talking shit.
1163
01:02:33,417 --> 01:02:36,385
Okay, so I'm here not
hearing from you all day,
1164
01:02:36,386 --> 01:02:39,488
and you have that asshole Korkin
calling me for a place to stay?
1165
01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:44,094
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. He stole
my phone when I was asleep.
1166
01:02:47,231 --> 01:02:48,364
Impressive.
1167
01:02:48,365 --> 01:02:51,700
Yeah, I know
many survival skills.
1168
01:02:51,701 --> 01:02:53,402
Yeah, sure.
1169
01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:55,238
Andy, why aren't you in Georgia,
1170
01:02:55,239 --> 01:02:57,440
and what's with
the busload of girls?
1171
01:02:57,441 --> 01:03:01,444
Well, we had to hitch a ride.
Got a little detoured.
1172
01:03:01,445 --> 01:03:04,147
But the Chastity Girls
are harmless.
1173
01:03:04,148 --> 01:03:06,049
The Chastity Girls?
1174
01:03:06,050 --> 01:03:08,251
It's a church group, sort of.
1175
01:03:08,252 --> 01:03:11,320
Anyway, I'm in your room.
Right.
1176
01:03:11,321 --> 01:03:13,022
Safe and sound.
1177
01:03:13,023 --> 01:03:15,124
Sex without love
dooms relationships,
1178
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:17,293
because people
spend more time screwing
1179
01:03:17,294 --> 01:03:19,129
than really getting
to know each other.
1180
01:03:30,274 --> 01:03:31,807
Nice.
Oh, my gosh.
1181
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,276
Did I just do that?
Yes!
1182
01:03:35,745 --> 01:03:38,047
Bye.
1183
01:03:38,048 --> 01:03:40,249
So then, is sex without love
1184
01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:42,385
the same thing
as premarital sex?
1185
01:03:42,386 --> 01:03:45,621
People have
different definitions.
1186
01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:48,124
So what is yours?
1187
01:03:48,125 --> 01:03:50,994
I've never really
had the chance to decide.
1188
01:03:50,995 --> 01:03:52,929
Most guys don't have the balls
1189
01:03:52,930 --> 01:03:55,064
to go after
a preacher's daughter,
1190
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:57,968
despite our reputation
for being naughty.
1191
01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:01,770
I got your anniversary present.
1192
01:04:01,771 --> 01:04:03,006
Already?
1193
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,041
Yeah, Korkin sent me the link.
1194
01:04:05,042 --> 01:04:08,078
In The Buff? It's all over YouTube.
I can't believe you did that.
1195
01:04:12,149 --> 01:04:14,183
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1196
01:04:14,184 --> 01:04:16,153
♪ To sing it in the buff ♪
1197
01:04:17,988 --> 01:04:21,926
♪ In the buff! ♪
1198
01:04:25,829 --> 01:04:27,164
Korkin!
1199
01:04:29,599 --> 01:04:31,234
Andy!
1200
01:04:31,235 --> 01:04:34,171
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1201
01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:37,206
Half a million people, man.
1202
01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:38,908
It's a top-featured
video on YouTube.
1203
01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:40,509
I know.
1204
01:04:40,510 --> 01:04:43,212
Now the whole world knows
you have no balls.
1205
01:04:43,213 --> 01:04:45,581
That's still not funny.
It's never been funny.
1206
01:04:45,582 --> 01:04:47,951
Dude, chill.
I'm your promoter, right?
1207
01:04:47,952 --> 01:04:53,056
I did my job. I made you a big star.
Now when Jenna sees Big A,
1208
01:04:53,057 --> 01:04:55,024
your little story
will seem legit.
1209
01:04:55,025 --> 01:04:57,994
I don't know about Jenna.
1210
01:04:57,995 --> 01:05:02,331
I mean, Katy, she's so amazing.
1211
01:05:02,332 --> 01:05:04,567
She transferred just for me.
1212
01:05:04,568 --> 01:05:06,335
Just see it through.
1213
01:05:06,336 --> 01:05:08,571
When you get to Jenna,
you'll know what to do.
1214
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:14,243
Remember, this is a vision
quest, a rite of passage.
1215
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:16,480
A road trip.
A road trip, yes, it is!
1216
01:05:19,683 --> 01:05:21,317
Now go away.
1217
01:05:21,318 --> 01:05:25,421
Leave me the fuck alone, please.
I'm on a mission here.
1218
01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:29,025
It's true, I walked down
the streets of Tandoori City,
1219
01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:31,360
I look in the monkey eyes,
and I say,
1220
01:05:31,361 --> 01:05:33,562
"You are right.
There are no virgins here."
1221
01:05:34,664 --> 01:05:36,300
What are the...
1222
01:05:38,102 --> 01:05:40,103
Too much caffeine.
1223
01:05:40,104 --> 01:05:42,272
Wanna get hot and sticky?
1224
01:05:57,287 --> 01:06:00,823
Arash, honey, I found a
pair of pants for you.
1225
01:06:00,824 --> 01:06:03,826
Thank you, and thank you
for the wonderful meal.
1226
01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:05,361
It was my pleasure, hon.
1227
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:07,496
But I know your mom
could have done it better.
1228
01:06:07,497 --> 01:06:09,065
No.
Your Baba Ghanoush surpassed
1229
01:06:09,066 --> 01:06:11,168
that of my
father's finest cooks,
1230
01:06:12,502 --> 01:06:14,170
and actually, ma'am,
I don't have a mother.
1231
01:06:14,171 --> 01:06:16,072
My father wouldn't
allow me to meet her
1232
01:06:16,073 --> 01:06:17,940
for fear we would
conspire to kill him
1233
01:06:17,941 --> 01:06:20,510
and assume
the throne of Tandoor.
1234
01:06:21,611 --> 01:06:23,379
I'm gonna tell you what I used
1235
01:06:23,380 --> 01:06:25,549
to tell my children
every single day.
1236
01:06:27,417 --> 01:06:29,785
Your daddy's an asshole.
1237
01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:32,655
Now you come here to me.
1238
01:06:32,656 --> 01:06:34,024
Come on.
1239
01:06:35,092 --> 01:06:38,294
You have got a mama now.
Yes, you do!
1240
01:06:38,295 --> 01:06:39,595
You're my mama.
1241
01:06:39,596 --> 01:06:42,531
Yes, I am your mama.
You're my son.
1242
01:06:42,532 --> 01:06:43,966
Oh...
1243
01:06:43,967 --> 01:06:45,168
Let it out.
Let it out.
1244
01:06:45,169 --> 01:06:46,535
Asshole!
1245
01:06:46,536 --> 01:06:48,904
Yeah. There you go.
There you go.
1246
01:06:48,905 --> 01:06:50,973
You are the hole in the ass.
1247
01:06:50,974 --> 01:06:52,475
Yeah, that's better.
1248
01:06:52,476 --> 01:06:53,809
Rectal chamber.
1249
01:06:53,810 --> 01:06:55,612
Yeah.
Dungeon of poo.
1250
01:06:59,449 --> 01:07:04,353
I know all about competitive
and domineering parents,
1251
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:08,491
so if you decide to come
to Ithaca, I can help.
1252
01:07:08,492 --> 01:07:11,228
Thank you, Kyle.
That's so sweet.
1253
01:07:13,297 --> 01:07:17,633
Lydia, let's go.
We're leaving right now!
1254
01:07:17,634 --> 01:07:21,404
No, Mother.
I'm staying.
1255
01:07:21,405 --> 01:07:23,539
And you know what?
Leave me alone,
1256
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:26,342
or I swear to God,
I will go to Cornell,
1257
01:07:26,343 --> 01:07:29,179
and it will cost you
a fucking fortune.
1258
01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:38,887
Good job.
Thanks.
1259
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:40,689
Bye-bye.
1260
01:07:40,690 --> 01:07:42,591
Here you go.
1261
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:43,926
Safe trip.
1262
01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:45,094
Right, now you eat something.
1263
01:07:45,095 --> 01:07:47,096
Munchies!
1264
01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:51,167
And, Arash, honey, I gave you a little
extra helping of Baba Ghanoush.
1265
01:07:51,168 --> 01:07:53,836
You just call me anytime,
you hear me?
1266
01:07:53,837 --> 01:07:56,272
Yes.
1267
01:07:56,273 --> 01:07:58,874
I wish you birthed me.
1268
01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:01,645
I'm sorry for
flooding your toilets.
1269
01:08:03,012 --> 01:08:04,381
Oh.
1270
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:07,850
Andrew.
1271
01:08:07,851 --> 01:08:10,719
Listen, I don't know what's
going on between you and Katy,
1272
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,557
but just be honest
with each other.
1273
01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:16,526
Hey.
1274
01:08:17,727 --> 01:08:18,862
Okay.
1275
01:08:20,830 --> 01:08:21,997
It was good to see you.
1276
01:08:21,998 --> 01:08:24,032
It was great seeing you.
1277
01:08:24,033 --> 01:08:25,368
Oh.
1278
01:08:25,369 --> 01:08:27,136
And I jacked up
the front of the bus
1279
01:08:27,137 --> 01:08:28,971
and cut that hog
right out of there.
1280
01:08:28,972 --> 01:08:32,142
Well, enjoy your ham
sandwiches, everybody.
1281
01:08:33,377 --> 01:08:35,212
Bye!
See you.
1282
01:08:37,147 --> 01:08:38,914
Bye!
Bye!
1283
01:08:38,915 --> 01:08:42,319
Bye! Bye!
Okay. Stay safe.
1284
01:08:52,996 --> 01:08:54,530
Ladies and gentlemen,
1285
01:08:54,531 --> 01:08:57,200
we have reached our
final destination.
1286
01:08:57,201 --> 01:08:59,368
Prepare to get your pong on!
1287
01:09:16,253 --> 01:09:17,786
You throw like a girl!
1288
01:09:17,787 --> 01:09:20,155
Two times, you cannot hit
even a small target?
1289
01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:21,624
One more strike...
Jenna!
1290
01:09:21,625 --> 01:09:24,528
...and you're out
if I'm not in, baby!
1291
01:09:40,910 --> 01:09:42,545
So much has changed.
1292
01:09:42,546 --> 01:09:46,283
You're now so big and strong.
1293
01:09:48,585 --> 01:09:51,354
I'll take over.
Looks like you need a break.
1294
01:09:51,355 --> 01:09:54,056
Thanks. Hurry, come with me.
1295
01:10:09,038 --> 01:10:11,106
Hello, everyone.
1296
01:10:11,107 --> 01:10:12,942
This is my friend Andy.
1297
01:10:17,581 --> 01:10:20,784
You probably have seen
a lot of him on the net.
1298
01:10:24,521 --> 01:10:26,889
And he is here today especially
1299
01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:30,726
to perform his new
song In The Buff!
1300
01:10:38,768 --> 01:10:42,671
In The Buff!
In The Buff! In The Buff!
1301
01:10:42,672 --> 01:10:45,742
In The Buff! In The Buff!
1302
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:54,182
♪ After five years of love ♪
1303
01:10:54,183 --> 01:10:57,052
♪ This song's just not enough ♪
1304
01:10:57,053 --> 01:10:59,788
♪ So I decided
I won't be denied ♪
1305
01:10:59,789 --> 01:11:02,325
♪ And I'll sing it in the buff ♪
1306
01:11:02,326 --> 01:11:05,728
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1307
01:11:05,729 --> 01:11:07,596
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1308
01:11:07,597 --> 01:11:11,033
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1309
01:11:11,034 --> 01:11:14,704
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff ♪
1310
01:11:24,414 --> 01:11:27,850
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1311
01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,152
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1312
01:11:30,153 --> 01:11:32,287
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1313
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,889
Oh, my God!
1314
01:11:33,890 --> 01:11:37,394
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff ♪
1315
01:11:41,831 --> 01:11:43,198
Thank you!
1316
01:11:43,199 --> 01:11:45,668
Thank you, my Andy.
1317
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:49,873
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
1318
01:11:56,346 --> 01:11:58,313
What do you see?
1319
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,350
An amazingly gorgeous girl
1320
01:12:01,351 --> 01:12:03,886
who once made
a really dorky American
1321
01:12:03,887 --> 01:12:07,857
feel cool before
falling out of a hay loft.
1322
01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:12,996
So let's see it.
1323
01:12:22,639 --> 01:12:23,773
Whoa.
1324
01:12:28,878 --> 01:12:31,047
Not too bad for a cadaver.
1325
01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:35,885
Hello.
1326
01:12:36,753 --> 01:12:38,855
Andy's song inspired me.
1327
01:12:42,992 --> 01:12:45,429
Oh, sweet God!
1328
01:12:47,731 --> 01:12:49,064
Hello!
1329
01:12:49,065 --> 01:12:51,901
But I'm having a little
trouble with this bra.
1330
01:12:53,336 --> 01:12:54,738
So did I.
1331
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:59,842
Here, you know what,
let me help you.
1332
01:12:59,843 --> 01:13:03,146
You know what you do
when someone has a boo-boo?
1333
01:13:04,981 --> 01:13:06,883
Kiss it. Make it better.
1334
01:13:16,059 --> 01:13:18,894
I've dreamed of
this so many times.
1335
01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:23,666
Were they, how do you
say, the water dreams?
1336
01:13:23,667 --> 01:13:25,969
Yeah.
Sometimes twice a day.
1337
01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:35,912
♪ In the buff ♪
1338
01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:41,517
♪ In the buff ♪
1339
01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:45,455
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff ♪
1340
01:13:51,928 --> 01:13:53,361
Thank you!
1341
01:13:53,362 --> 01:13:54,798
Thank you, my Andy.
1342
01:14:00,069 --> 01:14:02,706
Take it off for Andy!
1343
01:14:29,633 --> 01:14:34,369
I can't.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
1344
01:14:34,370 --> 01:14:35,705
It's...
1345
01:14:36,840 --> 01:14:38,641
It's complicated.
1346
01:14:38,642 --> 01:14:42,811
Perhaps it's better that way,
because I must leave, anyway.
1347
01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:44,613
You know how I was hoping
1348
01:14:44,614 --> 01:14:46,949
for the next step on the ladder?
Well, it came.
1349
01:14:46,950 --> 01:14:49,084
A big agency saw me
for a shoot in Paris.
1350
01:14:49,085 --> 01:14:52,055
That's great.
You deserve it.
1351
01:14:53,122 --> 01:14:54,923
Yeah.
1352
01:14:54,924 --> 01:14:58,326
But always remember, when those
crazy model bitches attack...
1353
01:14:58,327 --> 01:14:59,928
♪ Don't you crack,
don't you crack ♪
1354
01:14:59,929 --> 01:15:03,365
♪ 'Cause, baby,
Big A's got your back ♪
1355
01:15:03,366 --> 01:15:07,169
♪ Big A's got your back ♪
1356
01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:08,672
My Andrew.
1357
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:15,644
Whatever happens,
your complication
1358
01:15:15,645 --> 01:15:17,581
is a very lucky girl.
1359
01:15:27,991 --> 01:15:30,593
How about some of this?
And then that?
1360
01:15:30,594 --> 01:15:31,960
You're gonna go down.
1361
01:15:31,961 --> 01:15:33,929
You're going to go downtown.
1362
01:15:33,930 --> 01:15:35,564
Take the train.
Yes, you want some?
1363
01:15:37,066 --> 01:15:41,036
Here we go. Yes, here we go!
Step it up.
1364
01:15:41,037 --> 01:15:41,905
Yeah?
1365
01:15:41,906 --> 01:15:43,872
You lied to me, Andy.
1366
01:15:43,873 --> 01:15:46,942
You really were freaked out. So
maybe after five years of love,
1367
01:15:46,943 --> 01:15:48,577
instead of getting in the buff,
1368
01:15:48,578 --> 01:15:49,978
you should have
just told me the truth.
1369
01:15:49,979 --> 01:15:52,147
Have fun with your
French beer bitch.
1370
01:15:52,148 --> 01:15:53,282
Liar.
1371
01:16:01,658 --> 01:16:03,992
Korkin? God...
1372
01:16:03,993 --> 01:16:07,896
Dude! What? This is
becoming a very bad habit.
1373
01:16:07,897 --> 01:16:11,066
We gotta leave, man.
Now. Come on.
1374
01:16:11,067 --> 01:16:13,101
You couldn't do it, could you?
1375
01:16:13,102 --> 01:16:15,103
No, I could have.
But I didn't.
1376
01:16:15,104 --> 01:16:18,774
Then that's why we came here, right?
To find out?
1377
01:16:18,775 --> 01:16:22,678
No, no. You wanted to come here.
I didn't want to come here.
1378
01:16:22,679 --> 01:16:27,616
I swear, if you didn't have a boner
right now, I'd kick your ass.
1379
01:16:27,617 --> 01:16:29,284
It's pretty intimidating, huh?
1380
01:16:29,285 --> 01:16:30,653
You know what?
1381
01:16:30,654 --> 01:16:32,621
He probably didn't mention
that screwing you
1382
01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:35,991
would be the biggest challenge
of his life, did he?
1383
01:16:35,992 --> 01:16:38,493
"Biblical,"
if I recall correctly.
1384
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:40,162
Biblical, huh?
1385
01:16:40,163 --> 01:16:41,064
No.
1386
01:16:41,065 --> 01:16:42,365
Let's see about that.
1387
01:17:24,407 --> 01:17:27,976
She won't answer
any of my calls.
1388
01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:29,112
Who?
1389
01:17:30,780 --> 01:17:33,216
All right.
I was just checking.
1390
01:17:35,251 --> 01:17:37,519
I taught him the Tandoori
national anthem.
1391
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:39,021
And we found weed.
1392
01:17:39,022 --> 01:17:41,724
We encountered a Tandoori
team from Harvard.
1393
01:17:41,725 --> 01:17:43,058
And they wanna scrimmage us.
1394
01:17:43,059 --> 01:17:44,559
They gave us
these glorious fatties
1395
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:46,294
to celebrate the imprisonment
1396
01:17:46,295 --> 01:17:50,299
of Captain Mother Bitch
Bag of Douche, my father.
1397
01:17:51,935 --> 01:17:55,337
Yeah, and by the way,
I finally took a shit.
1398
01:17:55,338 --> 01:17:56,872
And get this,
1399
01:17:56,873 --> 01:17:58,273
the weed was gone...
1400
01:17:58,274 --> 01:17:59,742
But where did it go?
1401
01:17:59,743 --> 01:18:04,379
...and in its place
was a turd in a baggie!
1402
01:18:04,380 --> 01:18:07,682
The human body is truly
an amazing machine.
1403
01:18:10,486 --> 01:18:11,686
We have to go.
1404
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:13,022
Yeah.
1405
01:18:17,994 --> 01:18:19,962
Ladies and gentlemen,
1406
01:18:19,963 --> 01:18:24,199
your three-time defending
national champion,
1407
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:26,702
Raz-R!
1408
01:18:34,778 --> 01:18:39,681
And last but not least, representing
the University of Ithaca,
1409
01:18:39,682 --> 01:18:44,552
North-East regional
champions, Hagan Hall!
1410
01:18:48,491 --> 01:18:50,458
What up, Fake?
1411
01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:52,127
Ready to be exposed
1412
01:18:52,128 --> 01:18:56,198
as the burnout, scraggily,
Sasquatch-looking fraud you are?
1413
01:18:56,199 --> 01:18:58,266
I will bitch-slap the...
Hey, hey, hey.
1414
01:18:58,267 --> 01:18:59,803
Yeah?
Yeah.
1415
01:19:01,704 --> 01:19:03,973
I got nothing, bro.
Sorry.
1416
01:19:05,909 --> 01:19:09,077
You got nothing
because you are nothing.
1417
01:19:09,078 --> 01:19:11,646
Why don't you go back
to your dorm where it's safe?
1418
01:19:11,647 --> 01:19:14,382
Let the big dog eat!
1419
01:19:16,652 --> 01:19:18,520
Take your places...
You ready for this?
1420
01:19:18,521 --> 01:19:21,189
Totally. I'm fine.
...for the Beer Pong Nationals.
1421
01:19:21,190 --> 01:19:24,060
Brought to you by
Beer Pong America.
1422
01:19:35,571 --> 01:19:37,841
And now, round one.
1423
01:19:51,020 --> 01:19:53,121
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
1424
01:19:53,122 --> 01:19:55,224
Yeah. I actually
invented that trick.
1425
01:20:08,104 --> 01:20:11,273
Round two, the quarterfinals.
1426
01:20:11,274 --> 01:20:14,977
Go, go, go, go!
1427
01:20:14,978 --> 01:20:17,914
Go, go, go, go!
1428
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,285
Dude, you suck.
1429
01:20:37,066 --> 01:20:39,002
You'll never make it.
1430
01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:44,572
So close.
1431
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:46,374
Hurricane Jake.
1432
01:20:46,375 --> 01:20:47,375
Booya!
1433
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:50,279
The Pong America Semifinals.
1434
01:20:55,218 --> 01:20:58,620
Okay. How do you do?
You want a piece of this?
1435
01:20:58,621 --> 01:21:00,155
Okay, okay, okay!
1436
01:21:00,156 --> 01:21:02,358
That's not really
playing fair, is it?
1437
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:13,602
Don't even...
1438
01:21:18,374 --> 01:21:19,542
Taxi!
1439
01:21:32,688 --> 01:21:34,356
Damn.
1440
01:21:34,357 --> 01:21:35,524
Excuse me?
1441
01:21:36,792 --> 01:21:38,194
Where's Andy?
1442
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:41,564
The complication.
1443
01:21:44,767 --> 01:21:46,469
You're a lucky girl.
1444
01:21:49,705 --> 01:21:51,040
He's inside.
1445
01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:02,550
Any more weed?
1446
01:22:02,551 --> 01:22:04,052
The Tandooris have been smoking
1447
01:22:04,053 --> 01:22:05,420
since they lost
in the first round,
1448
01:22:05,421 --> 01:22:06,721
and now they're
completely tapped out.
1449
01:22:06,722 --> 01:22:09,325
That's gonna be a problem.
1450
01:22:11,060 --> 01:22:12,860
All right, guys.
This is it.
1451
01:22:12,861 --> 01:22:15,130
I want a good clean match, okay?
No contact whatsoever.
1452
01:22:15,131 --> 01:22:17,665
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1453
01:22:17,666 --> 01:22:20,002
Jake, you know what happens
when you drink too much.
1454
01:22:20,003 --> 01:22:23,238
Lost my high, bro.
I gotta do something.
1455
01:22:23,239 --> 01:22:25,940
All right.
Nice, Jake.
1456
01:22:25,941 --> 01:22:30,679
No surprises, okay? It's us
against Raz-R and Jabba.
1457
01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:33,181
Now, hey,
1458
01:22:33,182 --> 01:22:34,749
if Jake wins possession,
1459
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:37,252
we have to hit every throw
'cause they will not miss.
1460
01:22:37,253 --> 01:22:39,155
I know. Okay.
Okay?
1461
01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:41,823
Get your shit straight.
1462
01:22:41,824 --> 01:22:44,060
Okay. Okay.
Okay? Okay.
1463
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:46,894
Ready?
Ready.
1464
01:22:46,895 --> 01:22:49,365
All right, do your thing.
Okay.
1465
01:22:54,203 --> 01:22:55,538
Katy?
1466
01:22:58,374 --> 01:23:00,408
I swear, nothing happened.
1467
01:23:00,409 --> 01:23:02,477
It doesn't matter.
Okay, okay, something happened.
1468
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:04,212
Something little. I kissed her
1469
01:23:04,213 --> 01:23:05,747
on the lips and the toes...
Andy.
1470
01:23:05,748 --> 01:23:07,749
...and the whole general foot
and ankle area...
1471
01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:11,553
Andy, it's okay. You made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
1472
01:23:11,554 --> 01:23:13,421
I shouldn't have transferred.
1473
01:23:13,422 --> 01:23:16,391
I'm gonna go back to CMU.
1474
01:23:16,392 --> 01:23:19,061
And then things can
go back to normal?
1475
01:23:19,062 --> 01:23:24,066
Our weekly virtual thing? 'Cause
I really like the Skype sex.
1476
01:23:24,067 --> 01:23:26,401
How about you could just be
my hometown guy for a while,
1477
01:23:26,402 --> 01:23:28,303
and we'll see
each other on breaks?
1478
01:23:28,304 --> 01:23:29,704
Christmas, summer...
1479
01:23:29,705 --> 01:23:31,439
Hey!
Hey.
1480
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:33,007
Hey, Katy.
It's good to see you.
1481
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:35,210
Listen, buddy, it's game time.
1482
01:23:35,211 --> 01:23:37,679
I know.
Just one minute. Okay?
1483
01:23:37,680 --> 01:23:39,381
You know what?
Actually, I gotta go.
1484
01:23:39,382 --> 01:23:42,984
No, no, no. It's the finals.
Please stay.
1485
01:23:42,985 --> 01:23:44,886
Look, I really want you here.
1486
01:23:44,887 --> 01:23:50,225
Beer Pong America National
finalists, take your positions.
1487
01:23:50,226 --> 01:23:51,859
Winner take all.
Good luck.
1488
01:23:51,860 --> 01:23:52,994
Thanks.
1489
01:23:52,995 --> 01:23:54,563
And may the best team win.
1490
01:24:00,703 --> 01:24:04,806
Tournament rules apply, and the
decision of the judge is final.
1491
01:24:04,807 --> 01:24:08,743
The winner will be
undisputed world champions.
1492
01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:11,246
All right. This is it.
1493
01:24:11,247 --> 01:24:13,515
Trick shot for possession.
1494
01:24:13,516 --> 01:24:16,652
Peons, plebes
and punk-ass bitches.
1495
01:24:22,625 --> 01:24:24,193
Miss it. Miss it!
1496
01:24:29,265 --> 01:24:30,732
We're fucked.
1497
01:24:30,733 --> 01:24:32,201
Thank you very much.
1498
01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:42,009
Bring it, Fake.
What you got?
1499
01:24:42,010 --> 01:24:44,147
I'll tell you what I got.
1500
01:24:55,724 --> 01:24:57,226
God damn it!
1501
01:24:59,228 --> 01:25:01,664
Possession, Raz-R Bax.
1502
01:25:04,233 --> 01:25:07,670
Don't worry, boys. It's gonna
be quick and painless.
1503
01:25:31,360 --> 01:25:32,895
You. You and me!
1504
01:25:40,836 --> 01:25:42,904
This is ridiculous.
Hey, Raz-R!
1505
01:25:42,905 --> 01:25:45,072
Why don't you just take
a little peek at that?
1506
01:25:45,073 --> 01:25:46,508
Kiss it. Love it.
1507
01:25:46,509 --> 01:25:48,109
You want a little piece of that?
1508
01:25:48,110 --> 01:25:50,178
Make a wish. Rub it. The
genie will come out, baby.
1509
01:25:50,179 --> 01:25:51,613
Fuck that shit.
1510
01:25:51,614 --> 01:25:53,014
How about that? You want it?
You like that?
1511
01:25:53,015 --> 01:25:55,384
You hungry for that?
We rack!
1512
01:25:56,485 --> 01:26:00,588
Are you serious? Golly!
1513
01:26:00,589 --> 01:26:02,857
How do you like that, son?
1514
01:26:02,858 --> 01:26:04,726
That's real questionable, buddy.
1515
01:26:04,727 --> 01:26:06,395
Forgot to wipe.
1516
01:26:07,630 --> 01:26:08,796
All right.
Don't worry about it, guys.
1517
01:26:08,797 --> 01:26:11,234
Let's go!
Let's go, Jake!
1518
01:26:21,210 --> 01:26:22,645
Tandoori time!
1519
01:26:58,281 --> 01:27:00,081
Whoa, whoa.
1520
01:27:00,082 --> 01:27:01,383
Ref, time out!
1521
01:27:02,851 --> 01:27:05,353
Thirty-second time out,
Hagan Hall from Ithaca.
1522
01:27:05,354 --> 01:27:08,189
Everybody, gather around.
1523
01:27:08,190 --> 01:27:12,294
Let's bow our heads, close
our eyes, and let's pray.
1524
01:27:14,830 --> 01:27:16,732
You gotta be kidding me.
1525
01:27:18,066 --> 01:27:19,667
Are you serious, man?
1526
01:27:19,668 --> 01:27:21,836
It worked for you, didn't it?
1527
01:27:21,837 --> 01:27:23,605
Yeah.
1528
01:27:23,606 --> 01:27:25,641
This is a fucking joke.
1529
01:27:28,444 --> 01:27:30,879
Bounce it at them.
Finish them off.
1530
01:27:45,728 --> 01:27:49,765
Nice stop, Raz-R Bax.
Ball's to Hagan Hall.
1531
01:27:53,135 --> 01:27:54,503
Suck it!
1532
01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:05,548
Kiss it now, big boy.
Kiss it now.
1533
01:28:07,383 --> 01:28:10,986
Ready? Ready? All right. Let's
send these bitches home.
1534
01:28:15,057 --> 01:28:16,524
You cool?
1535
01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:17,993
Yeah. I'm fine.
1536
01:28:20,262 --> 01:28:23,665
Shoot, freak.
I'm waiting.
1537
01:28:23,666 --> 01:28:25,801
Are you guys seeing this?
1538
01:28:35,544 --> 01:28:38,312
It went in!
Yes! It went in!
1539
01:28:38,313 --> 01:28:39,748
Fuck you!
1540
01:28:41,283 --> 01:28:42,751
Yeah!
1541
01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:46,989
Yeah!
1542
01:28:48,123 --> 01:28:49,591
No!
1543
01:28:49,592 --> 01:28:52,494
Hey, Jake.
Is he out?
1544
01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:55,563
He never has to drink this much, man.
He's got zero tolerance.
1545
01:28:55,564 --> 01:28:57,399
Fucking amateurs.
1546
01:28:57,400 --> 01:28:59,300
Even if you get it in,
it's over.
1547
01:28:59,301 --> 01:29:01,235
No subs allowed.
1548
01:29:01,236 --> 01:29:06,007
He's right. The rule is, if your
partner can't shoot, you forfeit.
1549
01:29:06,008 --> 01:29:10,244
Maybe you wanna sing your little
swan song first, In The Buff.
1550
01:29:10,245 --> 01:29:12,515
Be my guest.
It's all yours.
1551
01:29:16,652 --> 01:29:20,655
Hagan Hall,
resume play or forfeit.
1552
01:29:20,656 --> 01:29:23,492
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up!
1553
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:33,768
Thought you were with him.
1554
01:29:33,769 --> 01:29:36,738
No. He was
just a distraction.
1555
01:29:36,739 --> 01:29:39,707
Raz-R, you're the man.
1556
01:29:39,708 --> 01:29:42,077
Wait, what did she just say?
1557
01:29:43,211 --> 01:29:44,712
What did she just say?
1558
01:29:44,713 --> 01:29:46,482
She said I'm the man.
1559
01:29:59,261 --> 01:30:00,596
What?
1560
01:30:03,766 --> 01:30:06,934
Game over, asshole!
1561
01:30:06,935 --> 01:30:09,938
What? What?
1562
01:30:12,808 --> 01:30:13,942
Dude!
1563
01:30:15,644 --> 01:30:19,547
Okay, okay, not bad, Katy.
Not bad at all.
1564
01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:23,217
I thought you said girlfriends
and beer pong don't mix.
1565
01:30:23,218 --> 01:30:24,552
No.
1566
01:30:24,553 --> 01:30:27,121
Welcome to the show, honey.
1567
01:30:27,122 --> 01:30:30,726
I thought you said you were
just my hometown honey.
1568
01:30:33,596 --> 01:30:35,630
We've got to find more weed.
1569
01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:40,035
And that's how Ithaca won its first
national sports championship.
1570
01:30:44,139 --> 01:30:47,108
Wait, well, what
happened to everybody?
1571
01:30:47,109 --> 01:30:50,745
Well, Andy tried to follow
up his YouTube success In The Buff
1572
01:30:50,746 --> 01:30:53,915
with the Beer Pong Song.
It ended up a one-hit wonder,
1573
01:30:53,916 --> 01:30:57,686
and his 15 minutes of fame
only lasted 15 minutes.
1574
01:30:58,987 --> 01:31:00,855
Katy regained her scholarship.
1575
01:31:00,856 --> 01:31:02,857
She and Andy hooked up
on Thanksgiving
1576
01:31:02,858 --> 01:31:05,192
and Christmas and summer break,
1577
01:31:05,193 --> 01:31:08,830
and that time he came home
for his great aunt's funeral.
1578
01:31:08,831 --> 01:31:10,565
Having met the perfect girl,
1579
01:31:10,566 --> 01:31:12,767
Arash returned to Ithaca,
got a job
1580
01:31:12,768 --> 01:31:14,736
and worked his
way through college.
1581
01:31:14,737 --> 01:31:17,271
But before he could commit,
1582
01:31:17,272 --> 01:31:20,474
he had to take her home to
Kentucky to Momma Hartman's field.
1583
01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:25,112
He needed Momma Hartman to teach
Sujatmi how to "till it."
1584
01:31:27,683 --> 01:31:31,986
Jake now coaches Ithaca's
National Champion Beer Pong Team,
1585
01:31:31,987 --> 01:31:35,123
and we petitioned
to make it an Olympic sport.
1586
01:31:36,892 --> 01:31:38,860
And Korkin found the one girl
1587
01:31:38,861 --> 01:31:42,997
worth being doused with
concentrated urine and feces.
1588
01:31:42,998 --> 01:31:44,600
Good for him.
1589
01:31:46,034 --> 01:31:48,335
And as for me,
1590
01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:50,137
I will remain at Ithaca,
1591
01:31:50,138 --> 01:31:54,375
an ever vigilant PUSE
proudly serving our students,
1592
01:31:54,376 --> 01:31:58,713
until I can get a real job
or until my dad dies.
1593
01:31:58,714 --> 01:32:00,148
Any questions?
1594
01:32:03,018 --> 01:32:05,186
Yeah.
1595
01:32:05,187 --> 01:32:09,190
Could you tell me
where those LUGs hang out?
1596
01:32:17,332 --> 01:32:18,934
♪ Buff ♪
1597
01:32:20,135 --> 01:32:22,037
♪ Hey, hey ♪
1598
01:32:23,338 --> 01:32:24,840
♪ Buff ♪
1599
01:32:25,908 --> 01:32:29,176
♪ After five years of love ♪
1600
01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:32,546
♪ This song's just not enough ♪
1601
01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:37,985
♪ So I decided I won't be denied
and I'll sing it in the buff ♪
1602
01:32:37,986 --> 01:32:41,789
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1603
01:32:41,790 --> 01:32:43,858
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1604
01:32:43,859 --> 01:32:47,494
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1605
01:32:47,495 --> 01:32:52,034
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff ♪
1606
01:32:53,135 --> 01:32:54,803
♪ Buff ♪
1607
01:32:56,138 --> 01:32:58,006
♪ Hey, hey ♪
1608
01:32:59,241 --> 01:33:00,743
♪ Buff ♪
1609
01:33:02,611 --> 01:33:04,979
♪ When I sing this song ♪
1610
01:33:04,980 --> 01:33:08,049
♪ It's just like making love ♪
1611
01:33:08,050 --> 01:33:11,552
♪ And I can't fake it,
I'm totally naked ♪
1612
01:33:11,553 --> 01:33:13,921
♪ I'm singing in the buff ♪
1613
01:33:13,922 --> 01:33:17,491
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1614
01:33:17,492 --> 01:33:19,894
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1615
01:33:19,895 --> 01:33:23,330
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1616
01:33:23,331 --> 01:33:27,803
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff ♪
1617
01:33:29,071 --> 01:33:30,605
♪ Buff ♪
1618
01:33:31,740 --> 01:33:34,676
♪ Hey, hey ♪
1619
01:33:34,677 --> 01:33:36,078
♪ Buff ♪
1620
01:33:38,180 --> 01:33:42,684
♪ We just wanna, yeah,
we just wanna be naked ♪
1621
01:33:42,685 --> 01:33:44,385
♪ Naked ♪
1622
01:33:44,386 --> 01:33:48,589
♪ We don't want to, no,
we don't want to wear clothes ♪
1623
01:33:48,590 --> 01:33:50,157
♪ Wear clothes ♪
1624
01:33:50,158 --> 01:33:54,696
♪ We just wanna, yeah,
we just wanna be naked ♪
1625
01:33:54,697 --> 01:33:56,397
♪ Naked ♪
1626
01:33:56,398 --> 01:34:00,669
♪ We don't want to, no,
we don't want to wear clothes ♪
1627
01:34:14,116 --> 01:34:17,118
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1628
01:34:17,119 --> 01:34:19,153
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1629
01:34:19,154 --> 01:34:23,024
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1630
01:34:23,025 --> 01:34:27,029
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff ♪
1631
01:34:28,196 --> 01:34:32,133
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1632
01:34:32,134 --> 01:34:34,568
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough ♪
1633
01:34:34,569 --> 01:34:37,772
♪ In the buff, in the buff ♪
1634
01:34:37,773 --> 01:34:42,944
♪ Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff ♪
1635
01:34:42,945 --> 01:34:45,880
♪ To do it in the buff ♪
1636
01:34:45,881 --> 01:34:48,816
♪ To do it in the buff ♪
1637
01:34:48,817 --> 01:34:51,720
♪ To do it in the buff ♪
1638
01:34:54,990 --> 01:34:56,324
♪ In the buff ♪
1639
01:34:57,305 --> 01:35:57,851
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