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- ♪ And forgive us
our trespasses ♪
2
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:14,245
all: ♪ As we forgive those
who trespass against us ♪
3
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:19,047
♪ And lead us
not into temptation ♪
4
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:24,062
♪ But deliver us from evil ♪
5
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:28,497
- I'd like to talk today
about a very demonic show
6
00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:31,061
called "Will and Grace."
7
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:34,834
While I do think the woman
who plays Karen is funny,
8
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:39,511
Grace lives with
a homosexual man.
9
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:44,282
But Leviticus says,
"If a man lies with a male,
10
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,347
they shall surely
be put to death.
11
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:51,624
Their blood is upon them."
12
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,618
[crowd whispering]
13
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,691
[tense music]
14
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:01,257
♪ ♪
15
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:05,631
- You are embarrassing this
family and are in big trouble.
16
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,732
Wake up!
17
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,271
- Maybe if church wasn't
so goddamn boring.
18
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:13,910
- But what Leviticus--
- Safe another day.
19
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,883
[upbeat music]
20
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:18,812
[cheering]
[pop music playing]
21
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,452
- God, there's so many
hot people here. It's insane.
22
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,118
- I know.
Oh, I love the Soho house.
23
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,287
It's too bad I look like shit
for a living now
24
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,946
and do nothing but work.
25
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,724
Oh, you should go
on Grindr here.
26
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,259
You could absolutely
fuck tonight.
27
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:33,955
- I dunno.
I'm still kinda nervous.
28
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,300
- Oh, my God. Relax.
29
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:37,625
Everyone's on Grindr.
I am on Grindr.
30
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:38,830
- Wait, you are?
- Yeah.
31
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,172
Just to get TV recommendations.
32
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,296
It's how I first heard
about "Fleabag."
33
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,902
- I mean, I did create
a profile.
34
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:45,570
I just haven't pulled
the trigger yet.
35
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:49,778
- You did? Lemme see.
36
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,743
[laughs]
God, Cary!
37
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:54,081
This is the least sexy picture
I have ever seen.
38
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:57,317
It's supposed to be of, like,
your butt or dick.
39
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,987
- Okay. I do not have pics
like that on my phone.
40
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:03,756
- Ugh, well, I do.
How about this dick?
41
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,333
- No. That's Noah Centineo's.
42
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,185
Every person alive
is gonna recognize that.
43
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:11,163
- Okay, fine.
How about Lance's?
44
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:12,874
Can't believe I still have
this stupid thing in here,
45
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,466
but it was gorgeous,
so it'll work
46
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,935
till I guess they see yours?
47
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:19,514
- Okay. Fine. I'll use it.
48
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,806
Now, can you please stop
talking about dicks at church?
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00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:25,649
- ♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
50
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,782
♪ He fucking slays
all goddamn day ♪
51
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,278
♪ And you know it ♪
52
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,150
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
53
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:36,019
♪ So we should party
in his name ♪
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00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,822
♪ Do real dope shit ♪
- Oh, my God.
55
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,461
I wish our church
growing up was as cool as this.
56
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,697
- Sup, fam?
57
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,355
You guys as excited as I am?
58
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,834
Of course not, I'm the one
whose son is getting baptized.
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00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,800
- He's not your son.
- Ugh, great, this guy's back.
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00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:52,339
Yeah, no.
He's not officially my son,
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00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:56,205
but perhaps one day
you will all be my children.
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00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,179
- Okay. All right.
Where is our mom?
63
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:01,924
- Oh, she really wanted to be
here for this blessed event,
64
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,545
but unfortunately
she was called
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00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,390
to do the Lord's work
elsewhere.
66
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,885
[ding]- Madame Tussauds
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00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,816
will be closing in one hour.
68
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,888
- Wow!
That looks just like her.
69
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:13,431
- That's because it is me!
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00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,056
- [screams]
- Look, we got a camera!
71
00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,602
- Wait, so why is Chase
getting baptized?
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00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,098
I didn't even know
he was religious.
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00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,870
- Cary, this is
a celebrity church.
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00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,435
You don't come here to worship.
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00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,036
You come here to be famous
76
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,914
or to collaborate with
other people who are famous.
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00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:28,576
- Yeah.
And we wanna keep moving Chase
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00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:29,935
more into the fashion world.
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00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,083
And this is where
Kylie and Kendall met
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00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:32,407
to start their fashion line.
81
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,882
- Aren't they sisters?
both: Yes.
82
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,018
[phone buzzing]
- Sorry. It's my agent.
83
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,623
- You never have to apologize
to me, my son.
84
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:40,949
- Hello?
- Car!
85
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,694
What do you say
to being on Grindr?
86
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,285
- What? Why does everyone
want me on Grindr so bad?
87
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,791
- I got you a gig hosting
a quiz show
88
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,563
that plays exclusively
on the app.
89
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,228
So in between guys decidingwho they gonna fuck,
90
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,426
they can guesswhere Cher was born
91
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,731
to win a year's supply of PrEP.
92
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,269
- No! I--
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00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,697
I want acting roles.
94
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,968
There are so many TV shows now.
95
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,641
It's statistically impossible
for me not to be on one.
96
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,310
I just saw my upstairs neighbor
who's a shut-in on "Ozark."
97
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:08,410
So you know what? I'm not doing
this again with another agent.
98
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:09,751
You're fired.
99
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,476
- No. No, no!
100
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,124
[crowd groans]
Okay, Car, what was that?
101
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,990
- [coughing]
102
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,729
Oh, my God. How did I just
get 50 emails in six minutes?
103
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,492
- Hi, there. I'm Lou.
104
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,304
This is Jagger and Seinfeld.
105
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,496
both: Hey.
- Holy shit.
106
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,928
I mean, hi. [chuckles]
107
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,971
Sorry.
You guys are all just so hot.
108
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,439
Everyone from my church
growing up
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00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,174
looked like
a mean sack of flour.
110
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,773
[laughing]
111
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:38,281
- You're joining today, right?
- Oh, no. My client is.
112
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,084
I represent ChaseDreams.
113
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,776
- Aww, that's too bad.
114
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,918
We were gonna invite you on
our Church trip this weekend.
115
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,293
- Oh, thanks.
116
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,321
But I don't really,
like, build houses.
117
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,360
- Houses?
No. We're going to Mykonos.
118
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,756
We're on Hailey Bieber's team,
and she has a photoshoot there.
119
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,495
- So we were all gonna go
and take the church jet.
120
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,525
- Oh, well. Bye!
121
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,600
- Okay. Bye.
122
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,167
Seinfeld?
123
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,998
- All right, The baptism will
start in just a few minutes,
124
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:05,273
so please take your seats.
125
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,268
And remember, the gospel
of the Lord.
126
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,880
Drink water, you guys.
127
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,306
- Hey.
- Hey.
128
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:13,547
- How was your call?
- Bad. I fired him.
129
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,316
- What?
- He never listened to me.
130
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,621
I've been submitting myself
for roles on Actors Access.
131
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,145
- Oh, Debra.
- 'Cause there are
132
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:21,619
roles out there,
like, this morning
133
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,288
I submitted for a part
on this new
134
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,786
"Riverdale" spin-off.
135
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:26,627
It's to play an elderly teacher
with dementia.
136
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:28,493
And I am the exact
right age for that.
137
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,031
- Yeah.
- But I'm sure no one
138
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,699
will even see my tape.
139
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,198
- But you know the producer
of that show
140
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,529
is a member of the church.
141
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:35,904
- What?
- Yeah.
142
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,302
You should talk to him
after the baptism.
143
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,540
I mean, Chase isn't
the only one
144
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,868
who can make connections here.
145
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:42,512
- Whoa, I absolutely will.
Thank you.
146
00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:44,305
- Anything...
147
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,077
for my children.
148
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,924
- And the Lord spoke unto me
and said, "My child,
149
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,387
you shall lead a church
where all celebrities
150
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:57,886
can worship freely.
It shall be called ChristSong.
151
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:04,360
And thy name shall be
Pastor Jax Dag!"
152
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,230
[cheers and applause]
153
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:09,242
[upbeat music]
154
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:16,405
♪ ♪
155
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:19,009
[cheering]
- Okay.
156
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,247
- How's everybody feeling
today?
157
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,578
[cheering]
158
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:26,523
- Yes, that's what
I'm talking about.
159
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:30,016
- I feel so blessed to be here
today as your pastor.
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00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:33,559
You know, I didn't always think
that I was gonna be a pastor.
161
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:37,426
I thought I was gonna have
my own prank show on MTV,
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00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,100
but God had
different plans for me.
163
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,439
- Ew, this is insane.
- I know.
164
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,535
- I'm getting, like,
one email per second.
165
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:45,914
- Now I can remember
the first time
166
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:49,242
I ever felt
the power of the Lord.
167
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,378
I was water skiing.
168
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:55,114
And I got up
on the very first try.
169
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:56,584
[cheering]
170
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,549
I had never done it before,
171
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:01,218
and here I was,
just crushing it.
172
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:04,587
- Wow.
- But today is not about me.
173
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:09,495
Today is about a new congregant
joining our church.
174
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:10,995
ChaseDreams!
175
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,997
[cheers and applause]
176
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,569
[upbeat music]
177
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:22,611
Chase, my man--what made
you wanna get baptized today?
178
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,505
- Uh, my manager said it'd be
good for my career?
179
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,951
- That's beautiful.
180
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,783
But you know who
your real manager is, right?
181
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,819
It's the big guy upstairs.
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00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,188
And you don't give him 10%,
183
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,687
You give him 100%.
184
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,459
[cheering]
185
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:39,964
You give us 10%.
186
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:44,996
because starting today,
we're family.
187
00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:47,167
I shall be your father,
188
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:50,196
and you shall be my son.
189
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,541
Now, let's do the damn thing!
190
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,609
[cheering]
191
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,805
- Father?
192
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,607
Son?
193
00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:03,983
- Do you, ChaseDreams Dubek,
194
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,820
as witnessed
by all of ChristSong,
195
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,615
including four out of the six
Avengers--what's up, guys--
196
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,688
fucks with God?
- I do.
197
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,790
- Then we offer you
all: Our strength.
198
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,229
Our guidance.
199
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,227
And if anyone sues you,
the full power of our
200
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,170
in-house legal team.
201
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,702
Amen.
202
00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,811
[cheers and applause]
203
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,642
- Thus concludes today's
baptism.
204
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,537
- Yes.
- All baptized members
205
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:30,982
are now welcome
to head upstairs
206
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:33,583
to join our exclusive
VIP after party.
207
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,079
Everyone else can,
I don't know,
208
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,922
fuck off?
- What?
209
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,818
No, no.
Shit, shit, shit.
210
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,388
- Unless there is anyone else
211
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,759
who is moved to
join the church today?
212
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,700
- I am.
213
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,029
- We're here to baptize another
new member of our flock.
214
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,571
Cary Dubek, adopted brother
of ChaseDreams.
215
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:59,210
- Biological brother.
216
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,042
- But different mom?
- No.
217
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,607
- Different dad?
- Nope.
218
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,738
- The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
219
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,284
Do you, Cary Donald Dubek,
220
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,449
as witnessed by all
of ChristSong, fucks with God?
221
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,520
- I do.
222
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,115
But could you not
put me all the way under?
223
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,420
The shirt still has the tags--
224
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,762
[cheers and applause]
225
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:23,257
- Eh--
226
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,874
[sighs]
227
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,639
God, I wish I was them.
228
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,736
- Do you, Brooke
229
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,608
Wouldn't-Tell-
Me-Her-Middle-Name-Dubek,
230
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,410
as witnessed by all
of ChristSong,
231
00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:42,049
fucks with God?
232
00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:43,384
- I do.
233
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,079
But I think I'm starting
to get a little sick.
234
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,791
I don't know if that'll
contaminate the pool, or--
235
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:48,646
- Nah.
Chlorine kills everything.
236
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,124
I've been peeing
in here all day.
237
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:51,762
- What?
238
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,294
[cheers and applause]
239
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:57,063
- Now, let's head
to the VIP section
240
00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,069
to celebrate
all my new children.
241
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,967
- They're my children.
242
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:07,570
- Um--do you
243
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,140
Streeter Peter Peters,
244
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,311
as witnessed by all
of ChristSong, fucks with God?
245
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:15,481
- I...do.
246
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:18,481
[dark music]
247
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:23,094
♪ ♪
248
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:26,825
- ♪ I believein what you are ♪
249
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:28,926
♪ Back on your feet ♪
250
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,495
- Okay, so now that
you're part of the church,
251
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,466
I wanna be there for you
through everything.
252
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,671
I wanna hold your hand
when you get your first tattoo.
253
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,337
I wanna help you
pick your wife.
254
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,035
And after you pick your wife,
255
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,507
I want you and your wife
to live with me.
256
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,605
- Uh, speaking of tattoos,
you know,
257
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,144
Pastor Dag isn't the only one
258
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,009
who knows his way
around the old ink parlor, so--
259
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,282
- Whoa, Streeter,
you have a tattoo?
260
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,347
- Do I have a tattoo?
Oh please.
261
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,689
I got this on 9/11.
262
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:55,615
Not for 9/11, I just happened
to be getting it that morning.
263
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,988
Anyway, a lot better
than those dumb goose wings,
264
00:10:58,057 --> 00:10:59,527
am I right, Chase?
- [laughs]
265
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:00,855
They're angel wings, actually,
266
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,860
and they're for
my late grandmother.
267
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,132
- They're so cool.
268
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,297
- Cooler than mine?
269
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,866
- Hi!
270
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,668
Excuse me. Sorry.
271
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,867
Hey, girlies!
272
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:15,073
all: Hey!
273
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,644
- We are so glad
that you got baptized.
274
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:19,250
- Yeah. Me too.
275
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:23,045
So can I still come with you
guys to Mykonos on your jet?
276
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:26,349
- I think you mean, our jet.
- Oh, my God.
277
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,719
Our jet.
- Hailey wants to try
278
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,261
this new foie gras place
when we land.
279
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,927
You in?
- Duh!
280
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,225
I love foie gras.
281
00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:36,056
I have always
pronounced it that way.
282
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,862
- And if you want,
we can have someone
283
00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:39,370
take care
of your roots on the jet.
284
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,732
- Are you serious?
I would love that.
285
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,244
I haven't had a second
to touch them up in months.
286
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:45,706
[gasping]
- We should do facials, too.
287
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,341
- Oh yeah. Yeah.
- Wow.
288
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:52,606
So, like, every problem I have,
you guys will just...fix?
289
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,112
all: Yeah.
290
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,723
- Is this the promised land?
291
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,581
[angelic music]
292
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,061
- [clears throat]
Mind if I join you?
293
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,934
I'm Cary.
- Dennis.
294
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,786
Congrats on being baptized.
295
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:12,404
- What can I say?
I--I love the Lord.
296
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,095
Almost as much
as I love to act.
297
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:16,601
- Oh, you're an actor?
298
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:17,872
I'm a producer.
299
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,567
I should put you
in some of my stuff.
300
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,868
- Oh, uh, wow!
301
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,281
Yeah, that would be great.
What kind of--
302
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:27,276
- I'm actually casting a
"Riverdale" spin-off right now.
303
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,919
- Oh, that's cool.
I hadn't actually heard of--
304
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,722
- You'd be great for the
elderly teacher with dementia.
305
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,285
It's only two scenes
and then you die,
306
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:35,286
but it's a great death.
307
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:36,287
Goldilocks kills you.
308
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,988
- As in, the three bears?
309
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,830
- Yeah. They just kinda
let us do whatever.
310
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,596
Anyway, part's yours
if you want it.
311
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:47,232
- Sorry, you're just giving me
the part?
312
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,899
Wha--what's the catch?
313
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,438
- No catch.
You're part of the church now.
314
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,274
We help each other out.
315
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,639
[angelic music]
316
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,180
- Curtis, you're not gonna
believe this.
317
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,975
I just got cast in
a "Riverdale" spin-off.
318
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:00,808
- Shut up! You did? How?
319
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:03,823
- It's a crazy story.
I got baptized into ChristSong
320
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,986
because the producer
of the show goes here.
321
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:10,415
And he offered me the role just
because I'm part of the church.
322
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:13,661
- Are you insane?
323
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:14,989
That church is horrible.
324
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,664
It's, like, crazy anti-gay.
325
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:19,533
- What? No, no.
326
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,872
The people here are cool.
327
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,636
- Cary, they don't let
gay people
328
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,771
hold positions of power,
shit like that.
329
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,137
You should Google it.
330
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,705
It's also weirdlyanti-woman too.
331
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,107
You have to leave.
You cannot take that role,
332
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,352
- Cary, hey.
Just got back from
333
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,677
only peeing in the bathroom.
334
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:37,852
- What is happening here?
335
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,890
- Oh, these?
[chuckles]
336
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,285
I've always had these.
You know, the goose wings
337
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:43,694
are for my grandmother.
338
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:47,029
- Are you trying to be Jax Dag?
- What?
339
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:49,696
Who the frig even is Jax Dag?
340
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,995
- The man who just
baptized you.
341
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:55,304
- Yeah. And when he did,
I could feel his arm shaking.
342
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:57,337
It's weird to believe in God
343
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,243
when God made you so weak.
344
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,738
- Okay. Streeter.
I--I have to go.
345
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,882
[indistinct chatter]
346
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,478
- Could we also get a dentist
on the jet?
347
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,017
I've been working so much.
348
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,152
I haven't been able
to go in 15 years. [laughs]
349
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,848
- Brooke. Hey, sorry.
- Sorry.
350
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,720
- Okay, get this.
I got that part.
351
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,362
The elderly teacher,
he just gave it to me.
352
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,734
- What? Oh my God. Cary! Yes!
- I know.
353
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:23,056
But then I talked to Curtis
and he said,
354
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,832
this church is anti-gay
so I can't take the role.
355
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,768
- Oh.
- But I was thinking
356
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,537
maybe I could still take it,
and stay in the church.
357
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,214
Because this role could lead
to other roles.
358
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:35,843
And then one day
I might be famous enough
359
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:37,908
to take down the church
from the inside, you know?
360
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:39,350
'Cause its power
to enact change.
361
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:42,451
So in a way it would be
anti-gay of me
362
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,018
not to take the role.
363
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,593
- Uh, Cary, I love you,
364
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:49,585
but I don't think you can
take it, right?
365
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:52,088
Like, morally?
- [sighs]
366
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,261
- Anyway, I gotta get back
to my girls.
367
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,930
We're planning
our Mykonos trip. [laughs]
368
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,629
- Curtis also said the church
is anti-woman.
369
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,444
- So I do see
what you were saying earlier.
370
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:05,536
- Mm.
- About needing power
371
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,114
to enact change.
- Right.
372
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,736
- This church is probably
anti-woman
373
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,537
because it's run by men.
- Hmm.
374
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:13,449
So I should stay in the church
and go to Mykonos.
375
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:14,945
And rise in the ranks,
376
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,717
and become
its first female leader.
377
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,322
- So your plan is to be
378
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:21,447
the leader
of an anti-woman church?
379
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,988
- Ugh.
- Ugh.
380
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:31,456
- You know,
Curtis can sometimes be wrong.
381
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:34,073
- Yes. Yes.
I have heard that about him.
382
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,003
- Uh-huh.
- Plus, it would be anti-woman
383
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,641
to listen
to a man's opinion on this.
384
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:38,896
- Yes!
- So I should go
385
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,771
find a woman
and ask her opinion.
386
00:15:40,839 --> 00:15:43,309
- And I should go ask
more gay men.
387
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,239
Just to be sure.
- Yep, absolutely.
388
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:46,651
That seems totally fair.
- Great. Cool.
389
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:49,515
So where do I find
gay men near me?
390
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,145
- Oh, my God. Grindr.
391
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,350
- No. Okay. I haven't even used
Grindr to have sex.
392
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,422
I can't use it to ask people if
I can be in an anti-gay church.
393
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,858
- Cary, guys on Grindr
are up for anything.
394
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,488
This is technically that.
395
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:02,933
- Okay, fine. Fine.
396
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,155
I'm gonna go ask gay guys
and you go ask women.
397
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:08,974
- Or, you can go ask women
and I'll do the fun one.
398
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:13,644
- No, I'm ready.
I'm gonna go on Grindr.
399
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:18,336
- And I'm going to
go talk to women.
400
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,620
- Okay.
401
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,818
[knocking]
402
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,187
- Hey.
- Oh, shit.
403
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,959
You've been
in my phone this whole time?
404
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:37,895
- Oh, you actually don't
have to--Jesus Christ.
405
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,067
I was actually
just wondering--whoo,
406
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,525
look at that fat dick.
407
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:46,874
Nope, sorry. I just have to
ask you a question.
408
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,172
it's gonna be a little weird.
409
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:52,180
But I was offered a role
on a TV show--
410
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:53,554
- I'll run lines
with you after.
411
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,505
That's not weird.
Most guys ask to do that.
412
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,551
- Oh, no. I was offered a role,
413
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:01,889
but I have to be in
an anti-gay church to take it.
414
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:04,257
Do you think I could do that?
Probably, right?
415
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:08,056
Also you were really
gonna have sex with me?
416
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,700
Like, with that dick
and those wet abs?
417
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,104
You saw me and you were like,
"Yeah, I'd have sex with him."
418
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,400
- Yeah. You're hot.
- Oh, my God.
419
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,843
I think I'm going to pass out.
420
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,744
- But for me I guess
I wouldn't take the role.
421
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,739
That just feels morally wrong.
422
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:25,112
Can I take off your shirt?
423
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,250
- I would love that,
but I do have to go find
424
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:30,076
someone else
to give me the opposite answer.
425
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:33,192
- Okay. You do you.
- All right.
426
00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,052
Mm.
427
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:48,203
- Okay. Thank you.
I should--
428
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,237
I should get going.
429
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:52,302
[clears throat]
430
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,614
[light music playing]
431
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:56,605
[indistinct chatter]
432
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,710
- Hello.
433
00:18:00,779 --> 00:18:02,779
Hi.
434
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:14,460
- Is your body nice
and relaxed?
435
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,800
And more importantly,
is your mind nice and open?
436
00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:21,497
- Yes.
- Now, imagine
437
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,340
you're lying on
a white sand beach in Mykonos.
438
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:29,407
- Mmm.
- You just got your roots done
439
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,135
on the flight over.
440
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,853
Doesn't that sound nice?
441
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,345
- Yes.
- Now, imagine
442
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:39,487
to do all of that,
all you need to do
443
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:42,145
is join an anti-woman church.
444
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:45,164
- What?
No. Why would I do that?
445
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,187
- Damn it!
446
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,601
[footsteps]
[door shuts]
447
00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:50,661
- Hello?
448
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,802
- So do you think I can do it?
449
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,165
- Morally, I say
who gives a fuck?
450
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,596
- Yes! Who gives a fuck?
Thank you.
451
00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:57,998
- But you might
eat shit online.
452
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,013
- What's that, now?
- I guess it depends
453
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,035
how famous you are.
454
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,470
Tony?
- Yeah?
455
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:05,281
- Do you know who this guy is?
- Um, no.
456
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:06,814
This is no one to me.
Sorry.
457
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,209
- No, I am no one.
458
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,483
It's like, "Cary Dubek?
Who cares what he does?"
459
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:13,049
- Cary Dubek? Oh, my God.
460
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,522
You're, like, famous.
- No. No, I am not.
461
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,321
I am no one. He just said--
462
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:19,159
- Sorry, is this an actor
I should know?
463
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,194
- Uh, not really an actor.
More like just a host?
464
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:24,334
- Exactly.
More like just a host.
465
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,026
So you shouldn't know who I am.
466
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:27,531
It's actually kind
of weird he does.
467
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:32,203
- Okay. Hold on.
So Tony doesn't know you and--
468
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,214
- Bruce.
- Bruce does.
469
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:37,006
I think we need a tie-breaker.
Curtis?
470
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,905
- Yes?
Cary, what are you doing here?
471
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,682
- Shit. Nothing. I was just--
472
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,217
- Wait, are you trying
to get permission
473
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,015
from other gays
to take that part?
474
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:50,593
- No, no, nope!
475
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,359
- Okay, nope.
476
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,063
Absolutely not.
477
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,201
Bingo!
478
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:04,096
[with Southern accent]
Hey, my Texas lady!
479
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,543
I was just having
a little problem,
480
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,074
and I was wondering
if you could help.
481
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,742
- Oh, sure.
- Well, I just met these girls
482
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,940
and they invited me
on their private jet.
483
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,383
- I see the problem.
484
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,184
Jets are really bad
for the environment.
485
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:15,946
- Oh, yeah, no.
That's not the problem yet.
486
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,378
Anyway, we're gonna be
winin' and dinin'
487
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,590
on foie gras--
488
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,115
- Oh, now I see the problem.
489
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,620
Foie gras is a by-product
of animal abuse.
490
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:24,722
- Oh, that's not
the problem either.
491
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,260
- Oh, it is a problem.
492
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:27,958
They force feed ducks
to make their livers fatter.
493
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,300
- Okay. What is going on here?
Are you even from Texas?
494
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,255
- Yeah. I'm from Austin.
495
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,304
- Fuck!
496
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,728
I always forget about Austin.
497
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,441
[upbeat music playing]
498
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:41,367
[indistinct chatter]
499
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,610
Well, I was right.
I hate women.
500
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:46,080
- Oh, I struck out too.
501
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,654
God, I needed this so bad.
502
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:51,617
- I know. I know. God damnit!
503
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,647
And, like, I'm grateful
for my job or whatever,
504
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,122
but all I do is work.
505
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,290
I actually look forward
to shitting now,
506
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,659
because it's the only time
507
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,787
I can't physically get up
and do something.
508
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:03,162
And these girls
were just fucking nice.
509
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,132
And I don't know,
it just seems like things
510
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:06,300
are easier for them.
511
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:07,668
Like, they get to go places,
512
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,796
and look like human beings
and have friends.
513
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:14,973
- Maybe we can stay.
Like, who will care?
514
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,843
We're small fish. I'm on Cameo.
515
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,912
- Wait, you are?
- Yeah. I charge $18.
516
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:22,648
- Oh, my God! We have to stay!
- Yeah.
517
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,748
And if people attack
the church, they're gonna come
518
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:28,186
for the really
famous people, not us.
519
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,087
- Oh, my God.
- What?
520
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:32,315
- I'm so fucking dumb.
521
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:33,594
Chase.
522
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:35,029
They're gonna come for Chase.
523
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,357
I'm his manager, Cary.
I have to pull him.
524
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:38,802
We have to go.
525
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,004
- Did you guys know
the Body of Christ here
526
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,468
is a margherita flatbread?
527
00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:43,373
- [sighs] Um, hey bud,
528
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,768
I have some bad news.
529
00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:47,006
This church's anti-gay
and anti-woman,
530
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:50,105
so I don't think we can stay.
531
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:52,435
- Oh. That sucks.
532
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,681
- It's okay.
533
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,723
I think he just needs time
to process it.
534
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,848
I mean, it took us two hours,
and he's a child.
535
00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:06,534
- Hey guys, I just heard
some news that really sucks.
536
00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:09,555
Apparently this church
is anti-gay and anti-woman,
537
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,901
so I have to leave without even
giving it a second thought.
538
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,997
Because when you hear
information like this,
539
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,196
that's what you do. You act.
540
00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,971
- Yes. That's right.
541
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,407
You act immediately.
542
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,365
- I also then Googled
the church right away
543
00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:23,984
just so
I'd be properly informed.
544
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:26,012
- Yep.
'Cause that's what you do.
545
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:27,178
You Google.
546
00:22:27,245 --> 00:22:28,875
You Google right away.
- Mm-hmm.
547
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:31,150
- And I found
a lot of bad stuff.
548
00:22:31,216 --> 00:22:33,046
Apparently you guys
don't allow gay people
549
00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:34,521
to hold positions of power.
550
00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:36,486
Wow. Wow.
551
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:37,815
You guys are okay with this?
552
00:22:37,889 --> 00:22:39,089
- And you have a history
of sexism
553
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,731
that goes
all the way to the top.
554
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:43,496
- This is so bad, you guys.
555
00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:45,032
- It also says
some of your leaders
556
00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:46,867
used to support
conversion therapy?
557
00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:48,772
- Wait, I actually
didn't know that one.
558
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:51,537
- Is this church worse
than our old church?
559
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,573
Why do you guys
all look so cool?
560
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,612
You're this anti-gay,
you should be like,
561
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:56,907
living in pig shit.
562
00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:59,078
Not doing molly
at the Soho House.
563
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:01,207
- And Pastor Jax,
apparently your dad
564
00:23:01,279 --> 00:23:02,849
has some weird allegations
against him
565
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:04,884
that you helped cover up
using church money?
566
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,280
It says something to do
with little kids.
567
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:09,755
- Uh--
- Yes! Little kids?
568
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:11,955
That's great.
- Oh, my God.
569
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:13,457
What is this now?
- Wow.
570
00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:18,798
You look like a fool, Jax Dag.
An absolute fool.
571
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:22,767
And this whole church
should take a good long look
572
00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:25,038
in the mirror
because if you did,
573
00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,143
I don't think
you'd like what you saw.
574
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,909
Now, if you'll excuse me.
575
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:34,614
I'm taking my children,
and we are going home.
576
00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:36,623
- [tisking]
577
00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:39,323
- Can I just get the name
of the person
578
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,048
who does your roots on the jet?
579
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,419
- No.
- Okay.
580
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:43,817
Well, you shouldn't
even use jets.
581
00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:46,062
Even people
from Texas know that.
582
00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:49,899
[music starts]
583
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,800
- I'm sorry about that, bud.
584
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,969
I really wanted you
to get a fashion line.
585
00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:57,497
- Well, that's okay.
I don't care.
586
00:23:57,602 --> 00:24:00,512
- Oh, well, thanks. It's nice.
587
00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:03,235
I'm sorry you didn't get
your thing either, Cary.
588
00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:07,908
- It's fine. I think I can
actually go get
589
00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:10,479
another thing.
590
00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:13,122
[ding]
591
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:14,815
Bye.
592
00:24:16,755 --> 00:24:18,515
- I need a fucking thing.
593
00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:22,863
- Holy shit.
594
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:25,331
That is what sex can be?
595
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,300
- I'm glad you liked it.
596
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:30,795
- And I seemed normal
and good, too?
597
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:37,040
- Well, I don't usually
give feedback, but yes.
598
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,852
- So what do you do?
599
00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,276
- I'm a lawyer in D.C.
I'm just here for work.
600
00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:45,648
- Oh. Cool.
601
00:24:45,717 --> 00:24:48,647
So we won't see
each other again?
602
00:24:49,721 --> 00:24:52,061
- Oh, sorry. I just thought
this was a fun thing.
603
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,787
- Yeah. Yeah, no.
This is--this is great.
604
00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:55,859
I've--I've been meaning
to do one of these.
605
00:24:55,961 --> 00:24:58,701
I just was worried
I wouldn't actually do it.
606
00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:00,867
So this is perfect.
- All right.
607
00:25:00,966 --> 00:25:02,396
But hey, I have a question.
608
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:05,301
Why does your dick
look so different on Grindr?
609
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:09,168
- Uh, yes. So--sorry. I, um--
610
00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:11,481
- It's just so much bigger
in person.
611
00:25:13,478 --> 00:25:14,978
- Uh, what?
- Yeah.
612
00:25:15,046 --> 00:25:17,876
It's, like, bigger and better.
613
00:25:19,484 --> 00:25:20,924
- It is?
- Yeah.
614
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:23,889
But FYI, you can't have a dick
as your profile pic.
615
00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:25,989
- This is amazing.
I have to call my sister.
616
00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:27,657
- What? Ew! Why?
- Never mind.
617
00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:29,086
Uh, can we actually
have sex again?
618
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,864
Because I just got
very hard, very fast.
619
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:33,230
- Yeah, sure.
620
00:25:33,331 --> 00:25:35,901
- ♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
621
00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:39,071
♪ He fucking slaysall goddamn day ♪
622
00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:40,610
♪ And you know it ♪
623
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:43,405
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
624
00:25:43,508 --> 00:25:46,208
♪ So we should partyin his name ♪
625
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:48,078
♪ Do real dope shit ♪
626
00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:51,279
♪ Real dope shitreal dope shit ♪
627
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:54,253
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
628
00:25:54,352 --> 00:25:56,192
♪ Better than any crush ♪
629
00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:58,024
♪ Nothing 'bout himthat's fake ♪
630
00:25:58,089 --> 00:26:01,429
♪ And I know I'm gonnaneed him for life ♪
631
00:26:01,526 --> 00:26:03,296
♪ I'll never ask too much ♪
632
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:05,395
♪ I'll post him on my main ♪
633
00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:09,873
♪ I can't wait untilhe shows me my wife ♪
634
00:26:09,935 --> 00:26:11,535
♪ He's never ending ♪
635
00:26:11,603 --> 00:26:13,443
♪ He's always trending ♪
636
00:26:13,538 --> 00:26:16,808
♪ And he deservesthe best of me ♪
637
00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:19,638
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
638
00:26:19,744 --> 00:26:22,484
♪ He fucking slaysall goddamn day ♪
639
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,151
♪ And you know it ♪
640
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,949
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
641
00:26:27,052 --> 00:26:29,822
♪ So we should partyin his name ♪
642
00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,921
♪ Do real dope shit ♪
643
00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:35,130
♪ Real dope shitreal dope shit ♪
644
00:26:35,226 --> 00:26:38,126
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
645
00:26:38,229 --> 00:26:40,969
♪ ♪
646
00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:42,396
♪ Real dope shit ♪
647
00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:44,637
♪ Jesus fucking slays ♪
648
00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:46,266
♪ Real dope shit ♪
44727
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