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Tonight's program
takes us backstage
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00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:21,540
to witness firsthand
the creation, start to finish,
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00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,252
of a new play mounted
on the American stage.
6
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,755
Asteroid City does not exist.
7
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,382
It is an imaginary drama
8
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,260
created expressly
for this broadcast.
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00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,264
The characters are fictional,
the text hypothetical,
10
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,891
the events
an apocryphal fabrication,
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00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,894
but together they present
an authentic account
12
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,648
of the inner workings of
a modern theatrical production.
13
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:50,527
Our story begins, of course,
with an ink ribbon.
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00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:54,740
Conrad Earp, playwright,
native of upper Wyoming,
15
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,909
well-known for
his romantic poetic tapestries
16
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,704
of life west
of the Rocky Mountains.
17
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,045
There is little amusement
to be had, however,
18
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,963
in watching a man type.
19
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,300
Skip ahead, then,
past the lonely, agonized months
20
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,636
of composing, revising,
polishing, editing, rewriting,
21
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:20,182
cutting, pasting, pacing,
doodling and solitary drinking,
22
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,726
and join our company
as they take the stage
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00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,936
for their first
read-through rehearsal.
24
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,064
the Tarkington Theater,
25
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,150
345 South Northwest Avenue.
26
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,322
Curtain rises
on a desert bus stop
27
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,575
halfway between
Parched Gulch and Arid Plains.
28
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,702
Main scenography includes
29
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,829
a 12-stool luncheonette,
30
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,748
a one-pump filling station
31
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,584
and a ten-cabin
motor court hotel.
32
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,211
Upstage left:
33
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,879
the Tomahawk Mountains.
34
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,340
Highest peak: 11,000 feet.
35
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,301
Upstage right:
an unfinished highway overpass
36
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,595
which vaults up 20 feet,
then chops off midair
37
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,931
behind a permanent roadblock.
38
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,599
Center front: an impact crater
39
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,518
a hundred feet
in depth and diameter
40
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:08,271
encircled by a low Little League
variety chain-link fence.
41
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,026
Offstage, distant:
a 650-car freight train
42
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,571
which click-clacks by
at five miles an hour.
43
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,365
Note to chief electrician:
44
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,451
The light of the desert sun
is neither warm nor cool
45
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,037
but always clean
46
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,998
and, above all, unforgiving.
47
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,418
Augie Steenbeck,
48
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,753
war photographer, early 40s.
49
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:35,090
His son Woodrow, 14,
also known as Brainiac.
50
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,927
Midge Campbell, late 30s,
film actress.
51
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,179
Her daughter Dinah, 15.
52
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,807
June Douglas, schoolteacher.
53
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,685
Ranch hand Montana, above.
54
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,812
Grif Gibson, five-star general.
55
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:53,358
Sandy Borden, Roger Cho,
J.J. Kellogg.
56
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,861
Clifford, Ricky, Shelly.
57
00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,031
Stanley Zak, 65, retired.
58
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661
The action of the play takes
place in September of 1955.
59
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,956
Act one:
Friday morning, 7:00 a.m.
60
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,459
Act two: the next day.
61
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,919
Act three: one week later.
62
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,677
♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪
63
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:25,098
♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪
64
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,602
♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪
65
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:32,856
♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando ♪
66
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,608
♪ Last night,
I met my sweet Dorothy ♪
67
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,776
♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join
in sweet matrimony" ♪
68
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,778
♪ But if you act all right ♪
69
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,405
♪ Oh, you can
take me out tonight ♪
70
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,616
♪ We can wine and dine
and get back in time ♪
71
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,410
♪ For the last train
to San Fernando ♪
72
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:50,207
♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪
73
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,793
♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪
74
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,464
♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪
75
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,884
♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando. ♪
76
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,281
GIRL
It's a dead snake.
77
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,575
Flat snake.
78
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,119
Poke him in the head
with this stick.
79
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,417
-♪ I wander the streets ♪
80
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,921
♪ And the gay
crowded places... ♪
81
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:46,466
Five orders of flapjacks
and a black coffee.
82
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,719
♪ But somehow it seems ♪
83
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:53,181
♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪
84
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,891
♪ To our last... ♪
85
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,226
Who needs to pee?
86
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,727
-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't.
87
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,479
Our average speed is
83 feet per second.
88
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,564
Poor fuel efficiency
due to excess wind resistance.
89
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,149
Probably the luggage rack.
90
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,485
Based on data before
the loss of power, obviously.
91
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,737
♪ High in the sky... ♪
92
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,614
What do you little princesses
want to drink?
93
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,241
-Oh, we're not princesses.
-I'm a vampire.
94
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,034
I'm a mummy in Egypt
who got buried alive...
95
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,911
-I suck people's blood.
-...and came back to life
96
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,372
-with his head chopped off.
-I'm a fairy.
97
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,501
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?
98
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,588
What was that?
99
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,465
Another atom bomb test.
100
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,109
I've seen this combination
of symptoms twice before
101
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,445
in the '52 Estate model.
102
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:52,532
In one case, it was a quick fix
of a 75-cent part.
103
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,701
In the other case,
it was a difficult, costly,
104
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,662
time-consuming disassembly
and re-mantling
105
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,164
of the entire drivetrain
106
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,374
and lubrication mechanism,
which didn't work.
107
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,001
The motor exploded itself,
108
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,253
and the body was stripped
and sold for scrap.
109
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,880
There it is.
110
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,597
Well, which one have we got?
111
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,807
We're about to find out.
112
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,341
You got the first one.
113
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,884
-How much do I owe you?
-Nothing.
114
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,552
-Ten dollars for the tow.
115
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,518
What's that? Wh-What's that?
116
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,020
I don't know.
117
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,617
I think you've got
a third problem
118
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,702
we've never seen before.
119
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836
MAN
Zak residence.
120
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,504
Romulus, this is
Augie Steenbeck.
121
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,422
Good morning, Mr. Augie.
The gate is open.
122
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,299
-No, we're not there.
-You're not here?
123
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,135
-May I speak to Mr. Zak?
-Yes, Mr. Augie.
124
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,736
-You're not here?
-We're not there.
125
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780
The car exploded.
Come get the girls.
126
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,282
The car exploded?
127
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,826
Parts of the car
exploded itself, yes.
128
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,661
-Come get the girls.
-I'm not their chauffeur.
129
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,037
I'm their grandfather.
130
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,248
-Where are you?
-Asteroid City.
131
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,292
Farm Route Six, mile 75.
Come get the girls.
132
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835
I have to stay here
with Woodrow.
133
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,169
What are you talking about?
134
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,463
The thing for Woodrow.
We're there.
135
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,925
Hmm.
136
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,639
-Hello?
-How'd they take it?
137
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,644
They didn't.
138
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,854
-No?
-No.
139
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,439
-No.
-Yes.
140
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,316
-You didn't tell them still?
-I still didn't tell them.
141
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,651
-You promised.
-I know.
142
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,864
The time is never right.
143
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,199
The time...
144
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,368
is always wrong.
145
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,254
Are you okay?
146
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,089
No.
147
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,803
You never liked me, did you?
148
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,848
I never loved you.
I always thought that you...
149
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,767
You always thought
I wasn't good enough for her.
150
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,061
Yes.
We're saying the same thing.
151
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,356
-Gas up the Cadillac.
-Okay.
152
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,690
-Tell the kids.
-I will.
153
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,943
I'll be there when I get there.
154
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,624
It's the end of that car.
155
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,584
Andromeda, check under
the floor mats. Come on.
156
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,252
Pandora, check the side pockets.
157
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,254
Cassiopeia, check the cracks
between the seats.
158
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,340
Take everything.
What do you think, Woodrow?
159
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,258
I think it's kind of sad.
160
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,735
Rest stop, 13 minutes.
161
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,033
-Head count.
One.
162
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,451
-Two.
-Three. -Four.
163
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,785
-Five. -Six.
-Seven. -Eight.
164
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,287
-Nine. -Ten.
-All present.
165
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,039
Let's give thanks
for a safe journey. Billy?
166
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,623
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee kindly
167
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:53,958
for a terrific bus ride.
168
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,334
I ate three boxes
of Cracker Jacks,
169
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,836
got a dog whistle
and a miniature map
170
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379
of the original 13 colonies.
171
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,381
Also, we saw a coyote
get run over by a 14-wheeler
172
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,091
and left him flat as a pancake.
173
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,092
Boy, oh, boy. What else?
174
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,302
The bus driver had to stop twice
175
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,511
because Bernice
couldn't hold it.
176
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,721
-Could so.
Amen.
177
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,056
Amen.
178
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,724
Lunchtime. Line up single file.
179
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,021
My word. It's hot.
180
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,647
It's the desert.
What'd you expect?
181
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,733
I don't know if I expected
one thing or another,
182
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,610
but I'm wilting
like a cut petunia.
183
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,403
-Humans don't wilt.
-Don't they?
184
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,738
No, wilting is a phenomenon
185
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,698
by which a petal,
leaf or stem...
186
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,325
Do you dare me?
187
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,827
-Dare you what?
-To eat this hot pepper.
188
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,413
-It's an experiment.
-No, don't do it.
189
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,918
Hot pepper.
190
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795
Holy Toledo.
That's Midge Campbell.
191
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,755
-Where? Who?
-Right smack in back of you.
192
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,381
Don't look.
193
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,425
That must be her bodyguard.
194
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,636
Mr. Cho, yes? Hello.
195
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,930
You're in cabin seven.
Well, tent seven.
196
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,973
Here's the key,
but there's no door.
197
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,725
Just a flap. Tent flap.
198
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,310
-Tent?
-I know.
199
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,562
I upgraded the electrical system
Tuesday morning.
200
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,314
Better lighting,
power for the ice machine
201
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,816
and a wall-mounted bug zapper.
202
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,651
Unfortunately,
a mistake got made,
203
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,194
and cabin seven
burned to the ground.
204
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,445
It's a tent now.
205
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,863
We don't want to sleep
in a tent.
206
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,281
Of course. I understand.
207
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,492
May I say, I think
you'll find it very comfortable.
208
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,744
Is the young gentleman
in distress?
209
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,954
He's thirsty.
210
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,497
Of course. I understand.
211
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,083
Uh, juice preference, please:
apple, orange or tomato?
212
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,419
Excuse me, sir?
213
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,922
This bucket of nuts
just stole my quarter.
214
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,091
I beg your pardon.
215
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,845
♪ She lived so long
till her head got bald ♪
216
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,847
♪ Taken a notion
not to die at all ♪
217
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,849
♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪
218
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,852
♪ I'm a plumb fool
about Ida Red... ♪
219
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,314
You're probably wondering why
220
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,608
we didn't pack
your mother's suitcase.
221
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:47,446
It's because she's not
coming with us on this journey.
222
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,866
She can't come.
223
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,243
She got too sick.
224
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,620
And, to put it bluntly,
after all the surgeries,
225
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,747
-therapies and interventions,
226
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667
after two years
of struggling and suffering,
227
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,128
she succumbed to her illnesses.
228
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,255
I'm sorry.
229
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,090
I didn't know
how to tell you then.
230
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,134
I couldn't figure out
how to tell you later.
231
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,927
I didn't know what to do.
232
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,471
The time was never right.
233
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,934
You're saying our mother died
three weeks ago?
234
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,271
Yes.
235
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,274
When is she coming back?
236
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,359
She's not coming back.
237
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,820
Let's say she's in heaven.
238
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,947
Which doesn't exist for me,
of course,
239
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,949
but you're Episcopalian.
240
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,077
Come here. Let me hug you.
241
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,419
Okay. Sit back down.
242
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,137
Did you know already, Woodrow?
243
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,225
I think so.
244
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,852
She'd been away so long.
245
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,103
Mm-hmm.
246
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,607
Yeah.
247
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,275
We're gonna be okay.
248
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,777
Your grandfather's on his way.
249
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,862
We're gonna stay with him
for a period of time
250
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,740
which is yet to be determined
how long it's gonna be.
251
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,077
Is she in there?
252
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,582
Yeah.
253
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,876
She's in the Tupperware.
254
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,588
Cremated.
255
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,637
Are we orphans now?
256
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,390
Huh?
257
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,977
Are we orphans now?
258
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,311
No.
259
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,939
Because I'm still alive.
260
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,736
When my father died, my mother
told me, "He's in the stars."
261
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,156
I told her, "The closest star,
other than that one,
262
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,908
"is four and half
light-years away
263
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,577
with a surface temperature
over 5,000 degrees centigrade."
264
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,580
"He's not in the stars," I said.
265
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,499
"He's in the ground."
266
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,251
She thought it would comfort me.
267
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,836
She was an atheist.
268
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,797
The other thing she'd say
which is incorrect:
269
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,757
"Time heals all wounds."
270
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,259
No.
271
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,553
Maybe it can be a Band-Aid.
272
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,014
Your concept of time is
completely distorted, though.
273
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,849
I don't think any of you
except Woodrow
274
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,393
even understands
what 15 minutes means.
275
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:26,272
15 minutes is 6,200 hours.
276
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,360
Exactly.
277
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,404
That's not your fault.
278
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,204
If you could have anything
in the world to eat right now,
279
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,081
what would it be?
280
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,420
The character of Augie Steenbeck
281
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,589
in the imaginary tale
of our production
282
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:54,342
was to become famously
and indelibly connected
283
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,552
to the actor
who created the role,
284
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,055
a former carpenter
discovered in a bit part
285
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,390
by the play's director,
Schubert Green.
286
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,559
I've finished
my correspondence, Analisse.
287
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,353
Please bring me my cocktail
and my pill.
288
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,896
-Remember, the gentleman...
-Oh, no.
289
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,272
...referred by Mr. Green
has arrived.
290
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,857
No. Send him away.
291
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,734
Put him up at the Salty Skipper
or the Lighthouse Inn
292
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,527
and tell him to come back
in the morning
293
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,737
but not before 11:00.
294
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,155
The occasion
of the first meeting
295
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,491
between playwright and player
is now,
296
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,076
in our fanciful telling,
297
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,661
a matter of
theatrical lore and legend.
298
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,664
late autumn,
late afternoon,
299
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,751
a seaside village
outside the grand metropolis.
300
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,337
Oh, no, again.
I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry.
301
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,048
Did Miss Watson not inform you?
I'm indisposed.
302
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,300
I know, but the ice cream
would've melted.
303
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,767
-What's this?
-I think it's the one you like.
304
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,769
Gooseberry Wriggle
from the Frosty Spoon
305
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,229
on East Rotterdam.
306
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,272
I wrapped it in sawdust,
newspaper and peanut shells.
307
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,690
You shouldn't waste
your spending money
308
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,109
on an old fool like me.
309
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,527
Well, they gave me
ten dollars bus fare,
310
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,320
so I bought us a half bucket,
hitchhiked
311
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,406
and pocketed the change.
312
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,746
Cool and delicious.
313
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,374
How long have you been
in the service?
314
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,708
The service? What service?
315
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,210
I don't know
what you're talking about.
316
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,837
Well, unless I've been
deliberately misinformed,
317
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,713
I believe those stripes
indicate the status
318
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,507
of a ranking corporal,
second class.
319
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,260
Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three
in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues.
320
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,886
Was, anyway. We closed tonight.
321
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,431
I see. Property of
the wardrobe department.
322
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,266
Not anymore.
323
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,978
How was it, by the way?
324
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,272
-The play? It stunk.
-Mm.
325
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,441
-Mind if I crack open a window?
-Uh, not at all.
326
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,817
It's sweltering, isn't it?
327
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,069
Even the daisies
and buttercups are drooping...
328
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,030
That window sticks a bit.
That window sticks a bit!
329
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,745
-You broke my window.
330
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,420
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?
331
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,591
Well, I don't even know myself,
to tell you the truth.
332
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,009
I hadn't planned it that way.
333
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,011
He just sort of did it
while I was typing.
334
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,888
Is it too extraordinary for you?
335
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,515
Uh, I guess, the way I read it,
he was looking for an excuse
336
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,517
why his heart
was beating so fast.
337
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,977
Oh.
338
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,521
Oh, what an interesting
sentiment.
339
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356
I love that idea.
340
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,816
Maybe he should say it.
341
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,485
It's a very good line.
342
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,032
No, I suppose not.
Not necessary.
343
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:35,252
" playing)
344
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,016
It's a fact-- we're not alone.
345
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,726
The alien stole the asteroid.
346
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,269
Long thought to be
a lunar splinter
347
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,604
fragmented from the lesser moon
348
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,023
of the hypothetical planet
Magnavox-27,
349
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:58,234
now considered
a rogue pygmy cometette,
350
00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,736
according to the encyclopedia.
351
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,363
Obviously, she would've said
something to him.
352
00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,281
I'm certain of it.
Your mother, I mean.
353
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,825
She would've gotten him to tell
us the secrets of the universe
354
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,078
or yelled at him
or made him laugh.
355
00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:11,622
She would've had a hypothesis.
356
00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:13,791
You remind me of her
more than ever.
357
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,668
She wasn't shy.
358
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,670
You'll grow out of that.
359
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:21,340
I think your sisters might be
aliens, too, by the way.
360
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,096
When I met your mother,
she was only 19.
361
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,348
She was smoking a cigarette,
reading a paperback,
362
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,059
taking a bath in a swimsuit
on a rusty fire escape
363
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,895
a flight and a half
below my camera position.
364
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,815
Sometimes
I sometimes still think
365
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,734
I still hear her here
366
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,028
breathing in the dark.
367
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,326
Who knows, Woodrow?
368
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,745
Maybe she is in the stars.
369
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,844
You're perfect.
370
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:12,975
" playing)
371
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,539
-Okay?
-Okay.
372
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,199
Hold on, partner!
373
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,829
-Zut alors.
-Oh, no.
374
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,834
When's the next one?
375
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,587
Sunday morning, I think.
376
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,433
Drink your juice.
377
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,568
You took a picture of me.
378
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:48,654
Uh-huh.
379
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:50,906
Why?
380
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:53,367
I'm a photographer.
381
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,494
You didn't ask permission.
382
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,163
-I never ask permission.
-Why not?
383
00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:02,501
Because I work in trenches,
battlefields and combat zones.
384
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,919
Really?
385
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,295
Uh-huh.
386
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,840
You mean you're
a war photographer?
387
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,757
Mostly.
388
00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:11,301
Sometimes I cover
sporting events.
389
00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:13,470
My name is Augie Steenbeck.
390
00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,514
Mm-hmm.
391
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,852
What are you gonna do with it?
392
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,437
That picture.
393
00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,690
Hmm. Well, if it's any good,
I guess I'll try to sell it
394
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,025
to a magazine,
now that you mention it.
395
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,862
"Midge Campbell
eating a waffle."
396
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,534
Make me a print first,
to approve.
397
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,328
Uh-huh.
398
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,039
This is Dinah.
399
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,207
This is Woodrow.
400
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,542
I have a question.
401
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:44,877
Uh-huh.
402
00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:46,879
Have you ever been shot
with bullets?
403
00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:48,714
Have I ever been...
404
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,091
Uh, once or twice-- just grazed.
405
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:54,303
He got shrapneled in the back
of the head, too. Show her.
406
00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,308
Hmm.
407
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:04,688
I don't say I forgive you yet,
by the way.
408
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:19,912
Welcome from the
United States Military-Science
409
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,914
Research and Experimentation
Division,
410
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,166
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation.
411
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,751
We salute you.
412
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,763
Each year,
we celebrate Asteroid Day,
413
00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:40,641
commemorating
September 23, 3007 BC,
414
00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:44,019
when the Arid Plains Meteorite
made Earth impact.
415
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,855
The itinerary for
this three-day celebration
416
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,233
includes a tour of the
newly refurbished observatory
417
00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,860
with Dr. Hickenlooper
and her staff,
418
00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,321
a picnic supper
of chili and frankfurters
419
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,115
with evening fireworks display,
420
00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:59,201
the viewing of
the astronomical ellipses
421
00:26:59,201 --> 00:27:01,620
at its peak
just before midnight tonight,
422
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,956
and finally,
the awarding of the annual
423
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:08,085
Hickenlooper Scholarship
after Monday's banquet lunch.
424
00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:10,504
Now, I'll start by presenting
the commemorative medals,
425
00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:12,506
but first,
I'll do my speech first,
426
00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:15,551
which you'll also receive in
a folio edition as a souvenir.
427
00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,436
Chapter One.
428
00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,522
I walked to school 18 miles
each morning, milked the goats,
429
00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,148
plucked the chickens,
played hooky, caught fireflies,
430
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:31,567
went skinny-dipping
in the watering hole,
431
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,068
said my prayers every night
432
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,820
and got whipped with
a maple switch twice a week.
433
00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,738
That was life.
434
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,950
Chapter Two.
435
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,994
My father went off to fight
in the war to end all wars--
436
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,495
it didn't--
and what was left of him
437
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:45,581
came back in a pine box
with a flag on top.
438
00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,499
End of Chapter Two.
439
00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:49,501
Next, I went to officer school,
440
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,962
and 20 years passed
at the speed of a dream.
441
00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:55,173
A wife, a son,
a daughter, a poodle.
442
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,259
Chapter Three. Another war.
443
00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,386
Arms and legs blown off
like popcorn,
444
00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:02,180
eyeballs gouged out,
figuratively and literally.
445
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,266
The men put on shows
under the palm fronds
446
00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:05,851
dressed as women in hula skirts.
447
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,561
That was life.
448
00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:09,938
In the meantime,
somebody else's story.
449
00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:11,481
A man thinks up a number,
450
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,442
divides it by a trillion,
plugs it into the square root
451
00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:14,943
of the circumference
of the Earth
452
00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:16,778
multiplied by the speed
of a splitting atom,
453
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,488
and voilà, progress.
454
00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,490
I'm not a scientist. You are.
455
00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,367
End of Chapter Three.
456
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:25,037
Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets,
457
00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:27,372
we watch transfixed as you enter
458
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:30,667
into uncharted territories
of the brains and spirit.
459
00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:33,879
If you wanted to live
a nice, quiet, peaceful life,
460
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,423
you picked the wrong time
to get born.
461
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,509
That's my speech.
462
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,354
Be notified, you are each
the guardian of your own safety.
463
00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:51,772
Maintain alert caution
464
00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:54,191
throughout the following
demonstrations.
465
00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:56,902
To Ricky Cho,
for his work in the field
466
00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:58,487
of aeronautical induction:
467
00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:01,073
the Collapsing Star
Ribbon of Success.
468
00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,492
To Clifford Kellogg,
for his work in the study
469
00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:06,453
of particle disintegration:
470
00:29:06,453 --> 00:29:08,413
the Black Hole Badge of Triumph.
471
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,957
To Dinah Campbell...
472
00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,625
It's fueled by cosmic radiation
instead of sunlight.
473
00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:13,335
...for her work in the area
474
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:15,379
of botanical acceleration...
475
00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:18,298
Unfortunately, it makes
all vegetables toxic.
476
00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,801
...the Red Giant Sash of Honor.
477
00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:22,302
To Shelly Borden, for her work
478
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:23,887
in the realm
of mineral fabrication...
479
00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:25,889
I synthesized
an extraterrestrial element.
480
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,558
It's going to be added
to the periodic table next year.
481
00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:31,186
...the Distant Nebula
Laurel Crown.
482
00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,689
To Woodrow Steenbeck...
483
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,110
...for his work in the sphere
of astronomical imaging...
484
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,950
It may have applications
in the development
485
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,785
of interstellar advertising.
486
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,454
...the White Dwarf
Medal of Achievement.
487
00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:55,961
Our tour ends here.
488
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,671
Thank you for your attention,
and thank you
489
00:29:57,671 --> 00:30:00,382
to the Larkings Foundation
for their generous funding.
490
00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,182
-What do those pulses indicate?
-What?
491
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:11,059
Oh, the beeps and blips?
We don't know.
492
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,729
Indecipherable radio emissions
from outer space.
493
00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:15,981
-Probably a red herring.
-Does it change ever?
494
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,733
Not to my knowledge.
495
00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,152
-It's a date, maybe.
-It's a date?
496
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,862
-On the galactic calendar.
-Maybe.
497
00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:24,156
Mary, we think it's a date
on the galactic calendar.
498
00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:26,324
What? Wow.
-Is it always today?
499
00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,203
♪ Yippee-yay ♪
500
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:34,124
♪ There'll be no wedding bells
for today ♪
501
00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:37,919
♪ I got spurs that jingle,
jangle, jingle... ♪
502
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,337
We thank thee for the ketchup,
503
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:40,672
and we thank thee
for the mustard.
504
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:41,798
We thank thee for the relish,
505
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,592
and we thank thee
for the onions.
506
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:45,635
-We thank thee for the pickles,
and we thank... -Head count.
507
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:46,762
-One.
-Two.
508
00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:48,013
-Three.
-Four.
509
00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:49,514
-Five.
-Six.
510
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:51,224
-Dwight? Where's Dwight?
-Eight.
511
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,810
-Dwight? Dwight? -J.J.:
Less than 0.0000% chance exists
512
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:56,021
-of extraterrestrial life
in the entire universe. -Dwight!
513
00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:57,481
It's a scientific fact.
514
00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,274
Other than space bugs
and microscopic worms.
515
00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:00,942
-I assertively disagree.
-So do I.
516
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,070
-It's not a scientific fact.
-It's not even a number.
517
00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:04,863
-Pass the pickles, please.
-How's the chili?
518
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,656
-Fine, once you add
the hot sauce. -Thank you.
519
00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,116
Sparkler?
-Consider the constants:
520
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,701
endless space
and immeasurable time.
521
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,037
The likelihood is increased
by a factor of infinity.
522
00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,164
-Where'd you get that?
-The cantina machine.
523
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:17,042
-Where's the cantina machine?
The cantina machine?
524
00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:20,378
Can you see anything
with those on your face?
525
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:21,797
Hmm.
526
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,965
Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you...
527
00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:25,509
What did you do to deserve that?
528
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:26,968
-Nothing.
-Who hit you?
529
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,220
Nobody.
530
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,597
It's greasepaint,
to feel like my character.
531
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:33,225
Oh.
How does she get a black eye?
532
00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,351
In the story.
533
00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:35,811
Well, she doesn't in the story.
534
00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:37,646
-It's on the inside.
-Okay.
535
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,731
-It's supposed to be, anyway.
-It's on the inside. All right.
536
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:41,399
The Larkings
Foundation claims permanent,
537
00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:42,984
-incontestable rights.
-That's right.
538
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,694
-They're ours. We own them.
-Incontestable rights
539
00:31:44,694 --> 00:31:46,238
to all patents
or inventions derived
540
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,906
from any and every submission,
without exception.
541
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,574
Not for teenagers.
Read the fine print.
542
00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:51,326
The projects all belong
to Uncle Sam.
543
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,955
I call it
"Triple Orbit and Return
544
00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:57,499
without Burning Up
in the Atmosphere."
545
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:08,176
Why are you sitting there
all by yourself?
546
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,345
-You.
-Hmm?
547
00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,014
Uh, are you shy?
548
00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:15,016
I'm a late bloomer.
549
00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,810
So I've been told by my parents.
550
00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:19,729
-Are you intimidated by us?
-No.
551
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,023
Let's do a personality test.
What's your name again?
552
00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:23,692
Woodrow L. Steenbeck.
553
00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:25,235
-Hmm.
-What's the "L" for?
554
00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:27,612
Lindbergh.
-Everybody look at Woodrow.
555
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:34,828
I agree.
Shy but not intimidated.
556
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,705
Move over here, Woodrow.
557
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,136
-Brainiac, huh?
-Yeah, brainiac.
558
00:32:51,136 --> 00:32:52,929
It sort of goes without saying,
doesn't it?
559
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,390
Everybody already knows
we're abnormally intelligent.
560
00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:57,726
That's true.
My mother made it for me.
561
00:32:57,726 --> 00:33:00,228
It's supposed to be funny,
according to her sense of humor,
562
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,522
but it's not as hilarious
as it was originally.
563
00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,024
Oh, really? How come?
564
00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:07,485
Because she was alive then.
Now she's dead.
565
00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:09,654
-Oh.
-Ha-ha.
566
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,242
What was she like?
567
00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:16,494
My... Oh, my mother?
568
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,955
She was, um...
569
00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:25,378
...like this.
570
00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:35,722
When did you lose her?
571
00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:41,102
Officially, this morning,
but I think I already knew.
572
00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,021
Howdy.
573
00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:44,564
What are you doing up there?
574
00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:46,900
Just enjoying the desert air.
575
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,860
-You dare me?
Dare you what?
576
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,946
To jump off this bungalow.
577
00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,907
-It's an experiment.
-No.
578
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,790
I love gravity.
579
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:04,876
It might be my favorite
law of physics at the moment.
580
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,964
Players of the stage,
581
00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:11,633
a tribe of troubadours
and nonconformists.
582
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,970
They lead unconventional,
sometimes dangerous lives
583
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:18,223
which nourish and elevate
their artistic aspirations
584
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,517
and illuminate
the human condition.
585
00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:22,477
ten weeks later,
586
00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:25,438
the eve of Asteroid City's
first public preview.
587
00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:28,108
A drawing room on board
the Apache Plainsliner
588
00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:30,151
bound for the California coast.
589
00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:32,529
-It's open.
590
00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,866
Schubert says
you got to come back.
591
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,619
If I'm so important,
why isn't he here himself?
592
00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,705
Probably too busy. Too busy
to go chasing after you.
593
00:34:41,705 --> 00:34:43,331
They sent me.
You know who I am?
594
00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:44,916
I think so. Understudy.
595
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:48,044
The understudy. That's right.
Let me just, uh...
596
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:51,589
He said, if you're crying,
I read you this one.
597
00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:52,966
No, that's not it. Here it is.
598
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:54,926
If you're hopping mad,
I read you this one.
599
00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,011
Give me both.
600
00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:57,595
Not what he said.
He said, if...
601
00:34:57,595 --> 00:34:59,180
Give me both.
602
00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:06,938
"Tell her she's a stuck-up,
low-class snob
603
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:08,606
"but she's got
no good reason to be.
604
00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:10,400
"If she sasses you,
sass her back.
605
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,818
"Tell her she's
a borderline neurotic
606
00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:12,902
with an Achilles heel complex."
607
00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:14,946
That's the second one.
608
00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:19,534
"Tell her she relies on
her beauty like a wobbly crutch.
609
00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:20,827
"It's her deepest weakness.
610
00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,120
"Tell her
she's got the potential
611
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,705
"for genuine greatness,
but I say
612
00:35:23,705 --> 00:35:26,708
with absolute certainty
she will never achieve it."
613
00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:28,376
Anything else?
614
00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,714
Uh-huh. He said,
if you're cool and collected,
615
00:35:32,714 --> 00:35:34,424
which I think is
what I think you seem to be,
616
00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,593
then that means you probably
really don't want to come back
617
00:35:36,593 --> 00:35:37,886
and I got to give you this.
618
00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,679
-Read it.
-Not what he said.
619
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,890
He said this one's private.
Just the two of you.
620
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:44,559
He said that... He-he said...
621
00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,067
"Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted
622
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,152
"and called you a spoiled bitch
and a minor talent
623
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:56,321
"and broke your glasses
and threw them out the window.
624
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:57,906
"Given that I have always
considered you
625
00:35:57,906 --> 00:35:59,574
"to be the most consummately
gifted living actress
626
00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,576
"and a person of great
intelligence and character,
627
00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:03,161
"these statements and actions
628
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,330
"do not accurately reflect
my true feelings.
629
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:06,956
"Yes, I may be
a manipulative snake,
630
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:08,750
"as you once characterized me
behind my back--
631
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:11,628
"you see, I do have my sources--
but I love you like a sister,
632
00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:13,922
"other than that one time
in the bathroom the day we met,
633
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:16,674
"which has never been repeated,
as we both know.
634
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:23,264
"I never meant to hurt you
635
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,517
"or insult you
or offend you in any way,
636
00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:28,269
"only to try with the few tools
I have at my disposal
637
00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:31,064
"to do my job,
which is to make it work.
638
00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,399
"Forgive me.
639
00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:34,275
"We open tomorrow night,
with or without you.
640
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,694
"Without,
our entire devoted company
641
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,239
"will suffer complete disaster
and tragic calamity,
642
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,409
"as will a brilliant, fragile
genius named Conrad Earp.
643
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:45,537
"With, you will enjoy
the triumph of your career,
644
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,914
"which does not matter
in the least.
645
00:36:47,914 --> 00:36:51,626
"All that matters is
every second of life onstage
646
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:53,211
"and our friendship.
647
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,629
"Your servant, your director
648
00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:57,382
"and, if I may,
your devoted mentor,
649
00:36:57,382 --> 00:36:59,134
Schubert Green."
650
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,934
What's your name, understudy?
651
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,105
They continued through
the night as far as Ohio,
652
00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:14,649
then disembarked
and caught the return flight
653
00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,652
arriving two hours
prior to curtain.
654
00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:20,780
The talented understudy
immediately replaced
655
00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,158
the original Woodrow.
656
00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:25,410
I strongly question
657
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:26,911
whether your daughter's
Silly Putty
658
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,538
resembles anything
from outer space.
659
00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,582
-It's not Silly Putty.
-I'm sorry, but I doubt it.
660
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:31,916
It's called S'morestozium.
661
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,376
-This is excellent.
-Thank you.
662
00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,003
It's really all
the machine's doing.
663
00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:37,130
What the devil do you know
about astrogeology anyway,
664
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:38,756
J.J., whatever that stands for?
665
00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:40,008
I just maintain the workings.
666
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,676
Shelly's thesis
is supported by...
667
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,052
Flimsy, outdated evidence.
668
00:37:43,052 --> 00:37:44,679
-I beg your pardon?
-Not in my opinion.
669
00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,431
I liked the Silly Putty
or S'morestozium, in fact.
670
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,724
I'm just quoting what he said.
671
00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:49,017
Your son's project
might very well
672
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,518
have killed us all today,
by the way.
673
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:52,145
Coming from the family
that brought us
674
00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:53,605
-the electromagnetic death ray.
-It's a weapon.
675
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,732
-Of course it's lethal.
-So you admit it.
676
00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,525
Not to mention Brainiac's flag.
677
00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:59,444
I mean, is he trying to provoke
World War Three or something?
678
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:01,112
The jet propulsion belt
is eminently safe.
679
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:02,906
I'd allow an eight-year-old boy
to operate it.
680
00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:04,824
In fact, I did--
Ricky's cousin Chip--
681
00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:08,036
and he broke the solo flight
altitude record.
682
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:09,787
They're strange, aren't they?
683
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,664
Your children,
compared to normal people.
684
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,124
-Yes.
-That's correct.
685
00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,084
-It's true.
-Hmm.
686
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,794
After that, the second person
687
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:18,796
says the name the first one
said, then adds another.
688
00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:20,548
Then the third person says both
plus a new name.
689
00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:22,967
And then the next person keeps
going, and so on in a circle.
690
00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:24,177
It's a memory game. Get it?
691
00:38:24,177 --> 00:38:25,470
I'll start. Cleopatra.
692
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,263
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose.
693
00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:28,431
-Like that?
-Exactly.
694
00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:29,933
-Of course. Yes.
Got it.
695
00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:32,310
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
696
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:34,604
-Antonie van Leeuwenhoek.
697
00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,356
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
698
00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:39,609
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus.
699
00:38:39,609 --> 00:38:41,236
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
700
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:44,864
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel.
701
00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,032
Oh, the Vienna Circle.
702
00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:48,284
-The Austrian logician.
-Correct.
703
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,870
Cleopatra,
704
00:38:50,870 --> 00:38:52,872
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
705
00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:54,874
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
706
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:56,876
Paracelsus,
707
00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,545
Kurt Gödel,
708
00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,255
-William Bragg.
Which one?
709
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,006
There's two.
-William Henry Bragg.
710
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,050
I prefer the son.
The father's better.
711
00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:06,553
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
712
00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:08,429
-Antonie van...
Leeuwenhoek.
713
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,099
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
714
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,433
William Henry Bragg.
715
00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,519
-And the new one.
-Lord Kelvin.
716
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,563
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
717
00:39:16,563 --> 00:39:18,856
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
718
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,776
William Henry Bragg,
Lord Kelvin...
719
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:23,653
Midge Campbell. Can I say her?
720
00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,863
As long as she's a real person,
you can say anybody you like.
721
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,448
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose...
722
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:29,117
-Including my mother.
She's my idol.
723
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:31,369
My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
724
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,871
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Bragg, the father,
725
00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:35,540
Lord Kelvin,
the mathematical physicist,
726
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,625
Midge Campbell, your mother,
727
00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:40,044
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,
the rocket scientist.
728
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,921
I don't know
if this game works with us.
729
00:39:41,921 --> 00:39:43,381
Uh, brainiacs, I mean.
730
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,591
I-I think
it might go on forever.
731
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:45,800
I don't mind.
732
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,176
In my school, nobody'd play
733
00:39:47,176 --> 00:39:48,970
this game with me
in a million years.
734
00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:50,513
Plus, the names
would be too obvious.
735
00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:51,973
I know my next one: Diophantus.
736
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,474
Wait until it's time to say it.
737
00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,560
Try it backwards, Brainiac.
738
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,395
Say the new one first.
739
00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,733
Hojo Tokiyuki,
740
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,818
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,
741
00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,987
Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin,
742
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,531
William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel,
743
00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,908
Paracelsus,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
744
00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:13,202
Jagadish Chandra Bose...
745
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,748
Cleopatra.
746
00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:33,181
Put out that cigarette, Dwight.
747
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,641
Oh, hold on. Hold on.
748
00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:36,768
You men should be ashamed
of yourselves. Are you?
749
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,478
Yes, ma'am,
but we didn't give him that.
750
00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:39,729
-Didn't you?
-That cigarette.
751
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,230
He just must have got it
his own self
752
00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:43,024
-from the cigarette machine.
-Dwight!
753
00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:48,613
I almost believe you.
754
00:40:48,613 --> 00:40:50,406
Let's go.
755
00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,452
-So long, Dwight.
756
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,931
Was I ever there?
757
00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,600
Was I ever there?
758
00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:21,437
Was I... ever there?
759
00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,610
Memorizing my lines.
760
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,487
Uh-huh.
761
00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:34,992
Approved.
762
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:48,297
♪ As I walked out in
the streets of Laredo ♪
763
00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:52,760
♪ As I walked out
in Laredo one day ♪
764
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,929
♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪
765
00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,682
I do a nude scene.
You want to see it?
766
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,853
-Huh? Did I say yes?
-You didn't say anything.
767
00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:03,980
Uh, I meant yes. My mouth...
my mouth didn't speak.
768
00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:05,356
It's a monologue.
769
00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:07,442
Pretend it starts
when I step out of the shower.
770
00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:09,652
♪ That you are a cowboy ♪
771
00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:11,487
♪ These words he did say ♪
772
00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:14,574
-♪ As I boldly walked by ♪
773
00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:19,245
♪ Come sit down beside me
and hear my sad story ♪
774
00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:24,125
♪ I'm shot in the breast
and I know I must die... ♪
775
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:28,463
When you first picked me out
of the secretarial pool,
776
00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:30,798
I had $111 in my bank account.
777
00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:32,633
I lived alone
with a cat and a parakeet
778
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,177
in a one-room dishwater flat.
779
00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,387
I sold the DeSoto
to lend you the down payment
780
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,889
for my engagement ring.
781
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,223
It was spring.
782
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:40,850
I'm not sore.
783
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:42,977
I know you're a good man.
784
00:42:42,977 --> 00:42:44,437
I'm not sorry.
785
00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,481
I never deceived you.
786
00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:48,983
Remember me as a blur
in the rearview mirror.
787
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,818
Was I ever there?
788
00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:52,904
Did you actually see me?
789
00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,866
I can't even see myself anymore.
790
00:42:59,118 --> 00:43:01,537
But here I am.
791
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,293
Let's get divorced.
792
00:43:10,004 --> 00:43:11,714
It'll be done tastefully,
of course.
793
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,383
We cut to the back of my legs
when the towel falls down.
794
00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:18,763
Sometimes they sometimes
do a stunt double.
795
00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,640
Sometimes.
796
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,850
I don't know if I like beards,
by the way.
797
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,185
Oh.
798
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,895
Can I take another picture?
799
00:43:25,895 --> 00:43:27,647
Not for publication.
800
00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,274
I thought
you never ask permission.
801
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,280
Don't move.
802
00:43:44,497 --> 00:43:46,457
I prefer to play abused,
tragic alcoholics,
803
00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:48,584
and one day, I'll probably
be discovered lifeless
804
00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:50,461
in an overflowing bathtub
with an empty bottle
805
00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:53,256
of sleeping pills spilled
all over the floor, but...
806
00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:57,468
the sad thing is I'm actually
a very gifted comedienne.
807
00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:59,595
-That's true.
-Are you married?
808
00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:02,390
I'm a widower,
but don't tell my kids.
809
00:44:02,390 --> 00:44:04,016
-Why not?
-I-I...
810
00:44:04,016 --> 00:44:05,977
-I mean, I wasn't going to.
-All right. Okay.
811
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,728
-Yeah.
-Oh. I'm sorry.
812
00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:11,941
Thank you. They do know,
by the way, but just barely.
813
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,659
What do you swap for
814
00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,703
out of this particular jukebox,
mister?
815
00:44:23,703 --> 00:44:25,371
Of course. I understand.
816
00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:27,039
This machine sells land.
817
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:28,666
-Land, you say?
-Yes, indeed.
818
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,501
The properties just beyond
these cottages, in fact.
819
00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,044
Out of this here
soda pop machine?
820
00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:33,504
Yes, indeed.
821
00:44:35,172 --> 00:44:37,258
Well, now, I ain't calling you
a liar to your face,
822
00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:39,343
but that sounds to me like
some kind of toadswindle.
823
00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,304
Of course. I understand.
It's not a toadswindle.
824
00:44:41,304 --> 00:44:42,889
You put in the money,
you receive
825
00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,599
a notarized deed to the land.
826
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,183
How big a spread?
827
00:44:46,183 --> 00:44:47,602
For ten dollars in quarters,
828
00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:50,229
approximately half
a tennis court.
829
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,697
Put the potion in it.
830
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,241
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo.
831
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:05,244
Knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.
832
00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:11,584
And with this spell,
Mama comes back alive!
833
00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:14,295
God save these bones.
834
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,929
What's in the Tupperware?
835
00:45:22,929 --> 00:45:24,639
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
836
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:27,600
♪ Going so fast... ♪
837
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,019
He finally told you.
838
00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:33,648
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
839
00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:37,944
♪ Won't you tell me
where's he gone... ♪
840
00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:43,240
Who's this old man?
841
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,951
Poppy, I think.
842
00:45:44,951 --> 00:45:46,577
You don't remember me.
843
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,746
I remember his smell.
844
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,964
We're not going to abandon
my daughter
845
00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,840
at a motel
in the middle of the desert
846
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,969
buried next to
the communal showers.
847
00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,347
-You're ruining the funeral!
-He's making her go to hell!
848
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,934
If you torture us,
we'll sacrifice you.
849
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,519
I understand.
850
00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:14,981
Thank you for your clarity.
851
00:46:14,981 --> 00:46:17,233
I'll tell you what--
let's leave her
852
00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:19,193
alone in the ground
until tomorrow morning.
853
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:20,820
Then we'll exhume
the Tupperware,
854
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,738
bring her with us
in the Cadillac
855
00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:25,032
and bury her again this weekend
in the backyard
856
00:46:25,032 --> 00:46:26,742
next to the seventh hole
at Rancho Palms,
857
00:46:26,742 --> 00:46:28,995
where I live in a beautiful
house with a swimming pool.
858
00:46:28,995 --> 00:46:30,287
Agreed?
859
00:46:30,287 --> 00:46:32,248
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay.
860
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,543
Let's hope a coyote doesn't
dig her up in the meantime.
861
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,420
Nothing we can do about it
anyway.
862
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,215
Ooh. Look at that.
863
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,274
Tonight, you're in
for a real treat.
864
00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,234
I don't know how many of you
ever observed
865
00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:02,028
an astronomical ellipses before.
866
00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:04,864
In fact, can we get
a show of hands?
867
00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:07,283
Nobody?
868
00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:09,160
Wow. Okay.
869
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,997
Well, what you're gonna see
is a very simple dot-dot-dot:
870
00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,666
three pinpoints of light
inside your refracting box,
871
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,002
which may not sound
very exciting at first,
872
00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:19,503
until you consider
how those dots
873
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:20,880
managed to transmit themselves
874
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,798
across a thousand billion miles
of space
875
00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:25,885
onto that little scrap
of black cardboard.
876
00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:27,595
Twice every 57 years,
877
00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:29,430
when the Earth,
the sun, the moon
878
00:47:29,430 --> 00:47:31,098
and the galactic plane
of the Milky Way
879
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:34,018
all combobulate along the same
angle of orbital interest,
880
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:37,563
the radiant energy of three
neighboring stellar systems
881
00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:39,356
induces a parallel
ecliptic transit,
882
00:47:39,356 --> 00:47:41,192
thus all but proving
883
00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,569
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation.
884
00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:46,530
The hitch, of course,
is that the math doesn't work.
885
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:48,240
But maybe one of you one day
886
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:50,493
will be the genius
who solves that problem.
887
00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:53,537
The event will begin
in 30 seconds.
888
00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:55,706
Remember, if you look directly
at the ellipses
889
00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:57,333
rather than through
your refracting box,
890
00:47:57,333 --> 00:47:59,210
not only will you
not actually see the effect
891
00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,711
but you will burn the dots
892
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,588
straight into your retina,
probably permanently.
893
00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,965
I know that for a fact, because
they're still burned into mine
894
00:48:04,965 --> 00:48:06,926
from when I was 11 going on 12.
895
00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:09,553
That's when I realized
I wanted to be an astronomer,
896
00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:10,846
which is another story.
897
00:48:10,846 --> 00:48:12,014
Here we go.
898
00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:39,959
There it is.
899
00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:43,254
Uh, these are just such
900
00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:45,214
marvelously luminous colors,
aren't they?
901
00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:47,424
Very exciting.
Does everybody see it?
902
00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:49,885
I don't. I just see a staple.
903
00:48:53,889 --> 00:48:55,850
Yipe! It works.
904
00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:58,310
Are you Shelly?
905
00:48:58,310 --> 00:48:59,520
Yeah.
906
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,981
I'm your idol. What's your rank?
907
00:49:01,981 --> 00:49:04,024
Commanding secretary.
908
00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,734
I was a Cookie Trooper myself.
909
00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,194
Really? Wow.
910
00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:09,822
What'll they say in Squad 75?
911
00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:14,994
Hmm?
912
00:51:56,655 --> 00:52:00,701
The, uh, alien
stole the asteroid.
913
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,510
Schubert Green,
born Shylock Grzworvszowski.
914
00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:20,220
Director, immigrant.
915
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:24,350
Known for his limitless energy,
his voracious enthusiasms--
916
00:52:24,350 --> 00:52:26,769
a well-known actress
described him sexually
917
00:52:26,769 --> 00:52:29,563
as an animal,
specifically a rabbit--
918
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,233
and his long, deep
and intimate relationship
919
00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,486
with success.
920
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,488
What do you think, Lunky?
921
00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,656
Good.
922
00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,538
I'm not going to ask
what the hell's going on here.
923
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,917
His wife Polly left him
for an all-star second baseman
924
00:52:49,917 --> 00:52:52,586
during the first week
of rehearsals.
925
00:52:52,586 --> 00:52:54,546
My living quarters.
926
00:52:54,546 --> 00:52:56,423
♪ Oh, Rose ♪
927
00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:58,759
♪ My Rose Marie... ♪
928
00:52:58,759 --> 00:53:00,260
Sign this.
929
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:02,096
Oh, no.
930
00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:06,266
It's Clark's report card.
931
00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:08,435
Uh-huh. What'd you think it was?
932
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,854
I thought maybe
we were already divorced.
933
00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:12,106
Oh.
934
00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:14,400
Not yet, but eventually.
935
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,111
He made the honor roll again.
936
00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:21,448
♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪
937
00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:24,827
♪ I love you ♪
938
00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:28,038
♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪
939
00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:32,501
I'm staying at
Diego's penthouse.
940
00:53:32,501 --> 00:53:35,212
Clark's at my mother's.
The apartment's empty.
941
00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,880
Why don't you just go home?
942
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,675
I don't think I should be alone
in a building with real windows.
943
00:53:43,095 --> 00:53:45,139
Makeup cuts my hair
and shaves me.
944
00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:47,474
Costumes washes my dungarees.
945
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,853
This is where I belong, for now.
946
00:53:50,853 --> 00:53:52,438
Much better.
947
00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:54,606
-Did you do the green?
-Hmm.
948
00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,320
It's been a great ten years,
Schubert.
949
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,573
I don't regret a second of it.
950
00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,992
Clark still loves you.
951
00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,077
I still love you.
952
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,912
But not like before?
953
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:12,040
But not like before.
954
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,092
Schubert Green lived
in the scenic bay
955
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,510
of the Tarkington Theater
956
00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:27,473
for all 785 performances
of Asteroid City.
957
00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:29,016
Dark nights, he stayed
958
00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:31,643
in the Governor's Suite
of the Nebraska Hotel.
959
00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,562
One last note.
960
00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:36,857
When Midge makes her exit
in Act Three, Scene Five,
961
00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:40,194
try having her say the line
after she closes the door.
962
00:54:40,194 --> 00:54:43,780
Hmm. Maybe we are doomed.
963
00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:45,324
I will.
964
00:54:45,324 --> 00:54:50,704
♪ My Rose Marie. ♪
965
00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:52,289
Goodbye.
966
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,420
Here he comes.
967
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,382
I've just informed
the president.
968
00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,551
He authorized me to read
and implement the provisions
969
00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:47,761
of National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X.
970
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,471
Here I go.
971
00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:51,098
"The following
top secret directive
972
00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:54,393
was mandated into law
on July 1, 1950."
973
00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,103
"In the event
of unforeseen engagement
974
00:55:56,103 --> 00:55:58,397
"with intelligent life-form
or forms from any planet
975
00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:00,274
"not specifically defined
as our Earth,
976
00:56:00,274 --> 00:56:02,609
"be advised to initiate
the following protocols:
977
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:04,611
"One, confirm said life-form
978
00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:06,280
"is not operating
under the guidance
979
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:07,948
of any hostile foreign
terrestrial government."
980
00:56:07,948 --> 00:56:09,616
No, I don't think
he's working for the Russians
981
00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,201
or the Red Chinese,
but you never know.
982
00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:12,911
He certainly didn't give me
that impression.
983
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:15,497
"Two, confirm the life-form
does not intend to annex,
984
00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:17,874
"colonize, vaporize
or expropriate the resources
985
00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,502
of the sovereign territories of
the United States of America."
986
00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,713
I doubt it.
He took the asteroid and went.
987
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,923
"Three, identify and detain
all possible witnesses
988
00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:26,341
"and place them
under group arrest
989
00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:28,010
"for a period
of no less than one week--
990
00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:29,428
"defined as
seven calendar days--
991
00:56:29,428 --> 00:56:30,971
"during which time
they be subjected
992
00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,931
"to a prescribed battery
of medical and psychological
993
00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:34,725
examinations
and cross-examinations."
994
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:36,810
Standard procedure.
Already in the works.
995
00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:38,270
"Four, secure the site,
996
00:56:38,270 --> 00:56:39,813
"cease the dissemination
of information,
997
00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:41,648
"collect and transport
the totality of evidence
998
00:56:41,648 --> 00:56:42,983
"to a hermetically enclosed,
999
00:56:42,983 --> 00:56:44,401
"deep-underground
secret storage facility
1000
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,403
"and publicly deny
all aspects of the event,
1001
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,488
"including its existence,
for a period of no less than
1002
00:56:48,488 --> 00:56:51,366
100 years--
defined as 36,500 days."
1003
00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,035
End of directive.
1004
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,453
-That's pretty clear.
-Huh.
1005
00:56:54,453 --> 00:56:55,871
-What do we tell them?
-Who?
1006
00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:57,080
The Junior Stargazers,
1007
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,457
the Space Cadets,
the moms and dads.
1008
00:56:58,457 --> 00:57:00,834
-Midge Campbell.
Midge Campbell.
1009
00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,586
Tell them it didn't happen?
1010
00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,381
No, obviously,
we'll have to formulate
1011
00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,009
a suitable cover story.
1012
00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,180
You dare me?
1013
00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,434
-Dare you what?
-To press that button.
1014
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,854
I will break your neck.
1015
00:57:20,854 --> 00:57:22,439
That's an alien eating an apple.
1016
00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,774
That's an alien
doing jumping jacks.
1017
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,067
That's an alien in a top hat.
1018
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:26,693
That's an alien
climbing a ladder.
1019
00:57:26,693 --> 00:57:28,236
That's an alien on a racehorse.
That's an alien...
1020
00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:29,863
Let's take it from the top.
1021
00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:32,616
I told you 50 times, the alien
picked up the asteroid...
1022
00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:34,326
-Alleged alien.
-I know what I saw!
1023
00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:35,911
-It's called a meteorite.
-An extraterrestrial being.
1024
00:57:35,911 --> 00:57:37,579
This is a microfiche
of your school newspaper.
1025
00:57:37,579 --> 00:57:39,331
Your byline accompanies
an article criticizing
1026
00:57:39,331 --> 00:57:41,333
the principal's
disciplinary methods.
1027
00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,669
-Who were your sources?
-I was in the sixth grade.
1028
00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,879
-Just answer the question.
-And I will not name names!
1029
00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,718
-You dared me!
-What did I say?
1030
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:53,595
-What did I say?
-You dared me!
1031
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,856
All right. Um...
1032
00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:08,193
♪ When I'm calling you... ♪
1033
00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:09,820
I'm going to attempt to proceed
1034
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,988
with the lesson plan
I originally prepared.
1035
00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:14,074
Just to keep orderliness
under the circumstances.
1036
00:58:14,074 --> 00:58:15,492
I expect that some...
1037
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:17,160
some of our information
about outer space
1038
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,787
may no longer be
completely accurate,
1039
00:58:18,787 --> 00:58:21,415
but, anyway, there are still
only nine planets
1040
00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,542
in the solar system,
as far as we know. Billy?
1041
00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:25,544
Except now there's a alien.
1042
00:58:26,378 --> 00:58:28,547
True, by all appearances.
1043
00:58:28,547 --> 00:58:30,006
Nevertheless, Neptune:
1044
00:58:30,006 --> 00:58:31,591
Fourth largest planet
by diameter,
1045
00:58:31,591 --> 00:58:34,511
Neptune orbits the sun
only once every 165 years.
1046
00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:35,595
Bernice?
1047
00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:38,265
Maybe the alien went there.
1048
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,267
Well, maybe.
1049
00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:42,018
I don't think anybody knows
1050
00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,229
where the alien went
or came from.
1051
00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:45,689
Yes, Dwight?
1052
00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:47,441
At first, I thought the alien
was kind of sneaky,
1053
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,943
but now I think he was probably
nervous to go to Earth.
1054
00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:51,945
He's never been here before,
I bet you.
1055
00:58:51,945 --> 00:58:53,447
Then why'd he steal
our asteroid, then,
1056
00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:54,781
if he's such a gentleman?
1057
00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:56,700
These are all
reasonable questions,
1058
00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:58,785
but at this time,
let's stick to Neptune
1059
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,996
because I haven't had time
to prepare any lesson plan
1060
00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:02,539
on this subject
we're talking about.
1061
00:59:02,539 --> 00:59:03,874
The alien.
1062
00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,625
The alien, yes.
1063
00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,379
And, by the way, I don't mean
to evade your questions.
1064
00:59:09,379 --> 00:59:11,256
I want to emphasize
that you're safe.
1065
00:59:11,256 --> 00:59:12,883
We all are, here on Earth.
1066
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,510
Your parents have been notified
of at least something.
1067
00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:18,388
-America remains at peace.
1068
00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:20,432
Yes, Montana?
1069
00:59:20,432 --> 00:59:23,643
I'd like to parley a notion
myself, if I could, June.
1070
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,771
Um...
1071
00:59:25,771 --> 00:59:27,481
Okay.
1072
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,571
I figure this here alien
come from a tribe
1073
00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,490
we don't know
nothing 'bout, do we?
1074
00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:39,242
Anything we say'd
just be pure speculation.
1075
00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,328
But I tell you what I reckon.
1076
00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:44,748
I reckon that alien
don't mean no harm at all.
1077
00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:46,541
I reckon he just
took hisself down here
1078
00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:49,503
to have a look-see at the land
and the peoples on it.
1079
00:59:49,503 --> 00:59:51,838
In the spirit of exploration.
1080
00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:55,217
See, I don't look on a feller
alien all suspicious-like.
1081
00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:57,135
No, he ain't American.
1082
00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:59,513
No, he ain't a creature
of God's green Earth.
1083
00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:03,642
But he's a creature
of somewheres, and so are we.
1084
01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:07,229
Now, let's show the old feller
some hospitality,
1085
01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:09,523
and if he turns out
to be a dirty dog--
1086
01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,191
which I reckon he ain't--
1087
01:00:11,191 --> 01:00:13,610
well, that'll be a job for
the United States armed forces,
1088
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:15,862
and they ain't never
lost a war yet.
1089
01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:19,991
Thanky-do.
1090
01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:23,703
I agree with Montana.
1091
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:26,373
Now, Neptune.
1092
01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:32,921
♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪
1093
01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,550
♪ The smoke rings... ♪
1094
01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,343
Which way did he go?
1095
01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:41,763
Hmm. Well, I think
he went from here
1096
01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:45,225
to here to here to...
1097
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,560
I don't know where.
1098
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,436
My mother couldn't remember
which was which,
1099
01:00:48,436 --> 01:00:50,230
so she made up
her own constellations.
1100
01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:53,066
That one's the Coat Hanger.
That one's the Leaky Faucet.
1101
01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,026
Over there's
Fried Egg with Spatula.
1102
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,779
My mother is a constellation,
or-or at least part of one.
1103
01:00:57,779 --> 01:01:00,156
A Swiss scientist named
a hypothetical star after her.
1104
01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,408
Really? What's it called?
1105
01:01:01,408 --> 01:01:02,868
Midge Campbell X-9 Major.
1106
01:01:02,868 --> 01:01:04,619
Midge Campbell X-9...
I'm gonna look it up.
1107
01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,872
Is she interested
in astronomy-- your mother?
1108
01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:09,040
Not exactly.
She's interested in stardom.
1109
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,834
I don't mean that
as a criticism, by the way.
1110
01:01:10,834 --> 01:01:12,419
It's her job to be famous.
1111
01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,088
Anyway, I'm sick of her face,
but I love her voice.
1112
01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:16,882
She should do more radio.
1113
01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:19,050
I never had children.
1114
01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:22,012
Sometimes I wonder
if I wish I should've.
1115
01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:24,598
I discovered a hypothetical star
myself, by the way.
1116
01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,266
-Ooh. Where is it?
-Which one?
1117
01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:29,352
Right there. Partly blocked
by that burnt-out light bulb.
1118
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:41,364
-Uh...
1119
01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:44,200
-What happened?
-I don't know.
1120
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,170
-Oh.
-Uh...
1121
01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,048
After you.
1122
01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,849
Sometimes I think
I'd feel more at home
1123
01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,268
outside the Earth's atmosphere.
1124
01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:15,273
Oh, wow.
1125
01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:17,025
Me, too.
1126
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,574
Did it come out?
1127
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:28,370
♪ Some people say a man... ♪
1128
01:02:28,370 --> 01:02:29,913
-I mean the other one.
-Oh.
1129
01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:33,249
♪ A poor man's made
out of muscle and blood ♪
1130
01:02:33,249 --> 01:02:36,086
♪ Muscle and blood
and skin and bones ♪
1131
01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:40,006
♪ A mind that's weak
and a back that's strong... ♪
1132
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,217
Okay.
1133
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,512
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
1134
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:48,848
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me, 'cause I can't go ♪
1135
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,266
You feel different?
1136
01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:53,228
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪
1137
01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:55,438
Hey. You feel different?
1138
01:02:56,481 --> 01:02:58,942
I don't feel anything at all.
1139
01:02:58,942 --> 01:03:01,194
-Me, neither.
-Hmm.
1140
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,156
I'm not a good mother.
1141
01:03:05,156 --> 01:03:06,491
Uh-huh.
1142
01:03:06,491 --> 01:03:08,284
I love my daughter,
but I'm not a good mother
1143
01:03:08,284 --> 01:03:10,537
because, unfortunately for her,
she's not my first priority.
1144
01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:11,997
On account of
there's always already
1145
01:03:11,997 --> 01:03:13,331
the thing I plan to do next.
1146
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,875
I love my daughter,
by the way. I-I...
1147
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,627
I love all my children.
1148
01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:20,255
We have a magical time
when we're together.
1149
01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:22,007
I have another girl and a boy.
1150
01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:23,967
They live with
my second ex-husband in Utah.
1151
01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:26,052
-Uh-huh.
-He rarely sees them, either.
1152
01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:28,304
-Mm-hmm.
-I wish I felt guilty at least,
1153
01:03:28,304 --> 01:03:30,056
but I don't experience
that emotion,
1154
01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:31,599
if I understand it correctly.
1155
01:03:31,599 --> 01:03:33,226
-Yes.
-I've played it, of course.
1156
01:03:33,226 --> 01:03:34,894
So you're saying you never
feel guilty in real life?
1157
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,354
Not to my knowledge.
1158
01:03:36,354 --> 01:03:38,565
I think because of my history
with violent men.
1159
01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:43,153
Starting with my father,
brother and uncles.
1160
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:47,157
There's always already the thing
I plan to do next, too.
1161
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:48,700
Usually, it's a war.
1162
01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:50,910
Nobody can compete with that,
can they?
1163
01:03:50,910 --> 01:03:52,662
Probably not.
1164
01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:54,330
I did a USO tour once.
1165
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,041
It was thrilling.
1166
01:03:56,999 --> 01:04:00,295
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪
1167
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:04,424
-I think I see how I see us.
-Hmm?
1168
01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:07,469
I mean, I think I know now
what I realize we are.
1169
01:04:07,469 --> 01:04:08,678
Okay.
1170
01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,263
Two catastrophically
wounded people
1171
01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,266
who don't express the depths
of their pain because...
1172
01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:14,642
we don't want to.
1173
01:04:14,642 --> 01:04:16,102
That's our connection.
1174
01:04:16,102 --> 01:04:18,146
Do you agree?
1175
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,150
Uh-huh.
1176
01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:24,694
Let's, um...
1177
01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:27,989
Let's change the subject,
shall we?
1178
01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:30,492
It's open.
1179
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,331
-Hello?
In here.
1180
01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,127
Hello? Hello.
1181
01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:42,712
I'm just your neighbor,
Stanley Zak.
1182
01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:44,547
I wanted to make sure
you and your daughter
1183
01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,508
have everything you might need
at the moment.
1184
01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:48,009
Thank you. I think so.
1185
01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:50,261
What a strange experience
this is, isn't it?
1186
01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:52,806
I went to law school with
your former agent, by the way.
1187
01:04:52,806 --> 01:04:54,641
-Mort?
-Mort. Yes, Mort.
1188
01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:55,850
Oh.
1189
01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,895
That came out.
1190
01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:01,856
Yeah, it came out.
All my pictures come out.
1191
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:07,487
Anyway, as I say,
we're just across the driveway,
1192
01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:10,240
as my son-in-law seems
to have established.
1193
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,617
Send my best wishes to Mort
and his family.
1194
01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:14,035
I will, if and when
we're permitted
1195
01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:15,578
contact with the outside world,
1196
01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:18,581
though I don't speak to him,
to tell you the truth.
1197
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,459
I love your hairdo like that.
1198
01:05:21,459 --> 01:05:23,294
Ugh, Christ.
1199
01:05:25,672 --> 01:05:27,549
You see
that wonderful crackly-patch
1200
01:05:27,549 --> 01:05:29,175
right out there
between the dead cactuses
1201
01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,510
and the dried-up riverbed?
1202
01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:32,053
-I think so.
-That's your parcel.
1203
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:33,680
How much of it do I own?
1204
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,223
Well, it's actually
an interesting
1205
01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:36,683
financial mechanism.
1206
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,018
You don't technically own
anything outright.
1207
01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:41,813
You own stock in the town
in the form of a loan
1208
01:05:41,813 --> 01:05:43,148
with a 50-year maturity rate.
1209
01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:44,357
Then, at the end,
the loan is forgiven.
1210
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,692
-You dare me?
-How about water?
1211
01:05:45,692 --> 01:05:47,152
Of course. I understand.
1212
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:49,112
There isn't any.
This is a desert opportunity.
1213
01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:50,530
-You dare me?
-I heard you.
1214
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:52,157
-It's an experiment.
-I don't care anymore.
1215
01:05:52,157 --> 01:05:54,367
I dare you or I don't dare you.
It doesn't matter.
1216
01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:56,619
Do what you wish. I give up.
1217
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,463
What's the cause?
1218
01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,965
What's the meaning?
1219
01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:11,634
Why do you always
have to dare something?
1220
01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:17,307
I don't know.
1221
01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:22,395
Maybe it's because I'm afraid,
1222
01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:26,524
otherwise, nobody'll...
1223
01:06:26,524 --> 01:06:32,238
notice my existence
1224
01:06:32,238 --> 01:06:34,532
in the universe.
1225
01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,668
Dare you what?
1226
01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,713
Yes, dare you what?
1227
01:06:48,713 --> 01:06:50,423
To climb that cactus out there.
1228
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:52,175
-Lord, no. No.
-Please don't.
1229
01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:56,596
Hello.
1230
01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,306
Hello. Hello.
1231
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,683
We met before. I'm the mother
of that Cookie Trooper
1232
01:07:00,683 --> 01:07:02,435
-who idolizes you.
-I know.
1233
01:07:02,435 --> 01:07:05,438
Thought you might not
recognize me out of uniform.
1234
01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:07,065
You were very good in the one
1235
01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:08,858
about the tramp in the brothel
who gets amnesia
1236
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:10,526
-and becomes a pediatrician.
-Thank you. Thank you.
1237
01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:12,153
-You were very authentic.
-That's actually maybe
1238
01:07:12,153 --> 01:07:13,529
my favorite character
I've ever played.
1239
01:07:13,529 --> 01:07:15,240
I don't know why
nobody else liked it.
1240
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,950
Oh. Yes. Me, neither.
1241
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,701
Thank you. Some people liked it.
1242
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,662
Oh, I'm sure. I did.
1243
01:07:20,662 --> 01:07:22,580
Who hit you?
1244
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:29,087
Am I not in this?
1245
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,258
Excuse me. I'm not in this.
1246
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:34,801
Um, who hit you?
1247
01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,970
-It's on the other eye.
-It's greasepaint.
1248
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,638
Some people did-- do-- liked it.
1249
01:07:38,638 --> 01:07:40,306
Oh, I'm sure.
1250
01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,184
I thought it might have been
your second ex-husband in Utah.
1251
01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:57,532
If I sleep on a cot
instead of the sofa bed,
1252
01:07:57,532 --> 01:07:59,117
that might leave room
for me to set up
1253
01:07:59,117 --> 01:08:00,785
-a darkroom in the pool house.
1254
01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:02,161
Is that possible
as a compromise?
1255
01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:03,830
-It depends on the measurements.
1256
01:08:03,830 --> 01:08:05,415
-It's not that big. -I can
actually carpool the girls
1257
01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:07,583
to school by golf cart,
you know.
1258
01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:09,085
If I cut across the 14th tee.
1259
01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,628
Oh, it's that close
to the elementary?
1260
01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:12,547
How can you two
even think about this?
1261
01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:14,841
The world will never
be the same.
1262
01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:17,051
What happens next? Nobody knows.
1263
01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:18,970
Will he visit us again?
Will he speak to us?
1264
01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:21,097
What will he say?
Why did he steal our asteroid?
1265
01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:23,474
Was it ours in the first place?
Does he like us?
1266
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:25,184
-Nobody knows.
-That's true.
1267
01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,687
What's out there? Something.
1268
01:08:27,687 --> 01:08:29,981
The meaning of life.
Maybe there is one.
1269
01:08:29,981 --> 01:08:33,026
I hope you're still
Episcopalian.
1270
01:08:33,026 --> 01:08:35,486
You took his picture, Dad.
1271
01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:41,326
I'm a photographer.
1272
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,707
Episcopalian?
1273
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,633
You really want us, Stanley?
1274
01:08:57,633 --> 01:09:00,553
No, but you need me.
1275
01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:02,221
She did love me, you know.
1276
01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:03,890
Who says she didn't?
1277
01:09:03,890 --> 01:09:05,975
I've been on my own
for 12 years, after all.
1278
01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:08,519
And remember,
my wife drank herself to death.
1279
01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:12,065
"Drank herself to..."
I don't know what that means.
1280
01:09:12,065 --> 01:09:15,568
In my loneliness--
or perhaps because of it--
1281
01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:17,820
I've learned
not to judge people,
1282
01:09:17,820 --> 01:09:21,366
to take people as I find them,
not as others find them,
1283
01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,326
and most of all,
to give complete
1284
01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:26,496
and unquestioning faith
to the people I love.
1285
01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,915
I don't know
if that includes you,
1286
01:09:28,915 --> 01:09:32,543
but it included my daughter
and your four children,
1287
01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:34,128
so you're welcome
to stay with me
1288
01:09:34,128 --> 01:09:36,672
for as long as you wish,
whether I like it or not.
1289
01:09:36,672 --> 01:09:38,800
Which I don't, by the way.
1290
01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:44,055
Stop helping us.
1291
01:09:44,055 --> 01:09:45,640
We're in grief.
1292
01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:49,435
♪ He rides in the sun
till his day's work is done ♪
1293
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,895
Me, too.
1294
01:09:50,895 --> 01:09:54,899
♪ And he rounds up
the cattle each fall ♪
1295
01:10:00,154 --> 01:10:03,991
♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪
1296
01:10:03,991 --> 01:10:06,244
Are you planning to abandon us?
1297
01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:10,540
Uh...
1298
01:10:10,540 --> 01:10:13,042
I was, as a temporary measure.
1299
01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,627
-What?
-But I decided against it.
1300
01:10:14,627 --> 01:10:16,295
-I knew it. I sensed it.
-I didn't.
1301
01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,131
I'm not the wet nurse.
I'm their grandfather.
1302
01:10:18,131 --> 01:10:20,174
I would've hired a babysitter
in addition to you.
1303
01:10:20,174 --> 01:10:22,176
I'm not planning
to abandon you anymore,
1304
01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:23,553
even as a temporary measure,
1305
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,847
which is all
it ever would've been.
1306
01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,309
I forgive you
for considering it.
1307
01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:58,421
Evening, soldier.
1308
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:01,674
Can I ask you to stick this dime
in the pay phone for me, please?
1309
01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:03,134
All public telephone service
1310
01:11:03,134 --> 01:11:04,886
has been suspended
until further notice.
1311
01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,262
I know it. The thing is,
1312
01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:07,889
right before the hubbub
yesterday,
1313
01:11:07,889 --> 01:11:09,932
I made a trunk call
to my cousin long-distance,
1314
01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:11,684
and the operator
let me owe the surcharge
1315
01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:13,478
because all I had
was three pennies.
1316
01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:16,564
I don't feel right stealing
from the telephone company.
1317
01:11:48,221 --> 01:11:49,764
Although it might convey
a different meaning
1318
01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:51,182
-on his planet.
-It's true.
1319
01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:53,017
If he even has a planet,
by the way.
1320
01:11:53,017 --> 01:11:54,310
-He might be nomadic.
-Hmm.
1321
01:11:54,310 --> 01:11:56,229
Operator?
Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh.
1322
01:11:56,229 --> 01:11:58,022
-Station to station.
Stay on the line.
1323
01:11:58,022 --> 01:11:59,398
-Thank you.
1324
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:05,029
-Hello? Who's calling?
1325
01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:07,156
Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford.
It's Ricky Cho.
1326
01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:09,242
-May I have a word with...
-Ricky, it's after 9:00.
1327
01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:10,701
He's already drinking
his Ovaltine.
1328
01:12:10,701 --> 01:12:12,078
Can't this wait until tomorrow?
1329
01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:13,663
I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Weatherford.
1330
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:15,289
I-I wouldn't disturb you
if it weren't
1331
01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,500
of the utmost importance
to the Weekly Bobcat.
1332
01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:19,919
I just need a minute
of his time.
1333
01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,546
All right, Ricky. Hold the line.
1334
01:12:21,546 --> 01:12:23,464
Some kind of romance
between the two of you?
1335
01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:24,924
-Skip, Ricky Cho!
-What? Who?
1336
01:12:24,924 --> 01:12:26,300
-Who? You.
-Who?
1337
01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:27,635
-You know who.
-Us?
1338
01:12:27,635 --> 01:12:28,928
We only met yesterday.
1339
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,429
I feel she doesn't like me
in that way.
1340
01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:31,639
Uh-huh. Well, I think
you're pretty smart,
1341
01:12:31,639 --> 01:12:33,057
but I think you're pretty dumb.
1342
01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,308
-Hello?
-Shh, shh. Hold it.
1343
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,978
Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop.
1344
01:12:44,986 --> 01:12:48,614
The first hints of the future
existence of Asteroid City
1345
01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:50,616
were revealed during
a special seminar
1346
01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:52,994
scheduled at
the playwright's request.
1347
01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:55,371
Conrad Earp,
how can we help you?
1348
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,540
Well, the thing is, Saltzie,
I'd like to make a scene
1349
01:12:57,540 --> 01:13:00,793
where all my characters are
each gently, privately seduced
1350
01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:03,337
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives
1351
01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:05,256
as a result of
their shared experience
1352
01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:08,092
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery.
1353
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:10,678
-A sleeping scene.
-A scene of sleep.
1354
01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:12,263
But I don't know
how to write it.
1355
01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:14,390
-Yet.
1356
01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:16,017
I thought, perhaps, if you
1357
01:13:16,017 --> 01:13:19,228
and your wonderfully talented
pupils just improvise,
1358
01:13:19,228 --> 01:13:21,439
something might reveal itself.
1359
01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:23,482
Who wasn't going to be famous?
1360
01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:27,486
On any given day, roll call
in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom
1361
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:31,699
was a now dazzling list
of undiscovered luminaries:
1362
01:13:31,699 --> 01:13:33,409
Linus Mao.
1363
01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,161
Lucretia Shaver.
1364
01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:36,996
Walter Geronimo.
1365
01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:38,497
Asquith Eden.
1366
01:13:38,497 --> 01:13:40,124
Mercedes Ford.
1367
01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:43,628
Even, unofficially, Jones Hall.
1368
01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:46,088
What's it about, the play?
1369
01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:49,967
Mm, infinity,
and I don't know what else.
1370
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,636
Is there a title?
1371
01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:52,678
I'm torn.
1372
01:13:52,678 --> 01:13:55,306
Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness.
1373
01:13:55,306 --> 01:13:56,599
Do you like that one?
1374
01:13:56,599 --> 01:13:58,184
-Mm, not really.
Uh-uh.
1375
01:13:58,184 --> 01:13:59,769
What's the alternative?
1376
01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:01,020
Title, I mean.
1377
01:14:01,020 --> 01:14:02,480
Well, it's the name
of the small town
1378
01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,065
on the California/Nevada/
Arizona desert
1379
01:14:04,065 --> 01:14:05,691
where the story takes place.
1380
01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:10,071
Okay. Who here has ever
actually fallen asleep onstage
1381
01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:13,115
during a live performance
in front of a paying audience?
1382
01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:14,784
Me.
1383
01:14:14,784 --> 01:14:17,286
I spent the first three-quarters
of Act Two of The Welterweight
1384
01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:21,332
on a massage table with no lines
till the last minute and a half.
1385
01:14:21,332 --> 01:14:23,709
One night, I nodded off.
1386
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:26,045
-On purpose, you did this?
- No.
1387
01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:28,756
-Did you miss your cue?
-Almost.
1388
01:14:28,756 --> 01:14:31,217
I heard it,
and I woke up very scared,
1389
01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:32,718
but I knew my lines.
1390
01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:34,470
-Good morning, Schubert.
-Good morning, Saltzie.
1391
01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:35,971
What brings you here today?
1392
01:14:35,971 --> 01:14:37,515
We haven't seen you
in six weeks.
1393
01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,558
Lavender and Lemons
opened last night
1394
01:14:39,558 --> 01:14:42,561
to very good, uh...
I might say raves, by the way.
1395
01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:44,271
I'm available.
1396
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:48,025
What did he teach? Example.
1397
01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:49,985
Sleep-- it's not death.
1398
01:14:49,985 --> 01:14:52,196
The body keeps busy,
breathing air,
1399
01:14:52,196 --> 01:14:53,739
pumping blood, thinking.
1400
01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:56,033
Maybe you pay a visit
to your dead mother.
1401
01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:59,036
Maybe you go to bed
with your ex-wife or husband.
1402
01:14:59,036 --> 01:15:00,705
Maybe you climb the Matterhorn.
1403
01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,707
Connie, you wake up
with a new scene
1404
01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:04,834
three-quarters written
in your head already.
1405
01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:07,545
Schubert, you wake up
with a hangover.
1406
01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,171
Important things happen.
1407
01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:11,257
Is there something to play?
I think so.
1408
01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:14,051
Let's work on the scene
from the outside in.
1409
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:15,428
Be inert.
1410
01:15:15,428 --> 01:15:17,430
Then dream.
1411
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,560
Where are we, Connie? And when?
1412
01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:23,728
Talk to us.
1413
01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:25,187
Yes. All right.
1414
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,605
One week later.
1415
01:15:26,605 --> 01:15:28,524
Our cast of characters'
already tenuous
1416
01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:31,444
grasp of reality has further
slipped in quarantine,
1417
01:15:31,444 --> 01:15:33,571
and the group begins
to occupy a space
1418
01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:35,906
of the most peculiar
emotional dimensions.
1419
01:15:35,906 --> 01:15:37,908
Meanwhile,
the information blockade
1420
01:15:37,908 --> 01:15:39,952
spearheaded
by General Grif Gibson
1421
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,413
has been, it appears...
1422
01:15:42,413 --> 01:15:44,623
incomplete.
1423
01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:19,909
Extra! Extra! Late edition!
1424
01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,577
Extra! Extra!
1425
01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:23,329
Late edition!
1426
01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:30,878
I hope you're aware, you and
your accomplices may still face
1427
01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:33,339
felony prosecution,
possibly even a treason charge.
1428
01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:35,633
I'll fight it all the way
to the Supreme Court,
1429
01:16:35,633 --> 01:16:37,927
-if necessary, and win.
1430
01:16:37,927 --> 01:16:40,346
This just in,
from the president.
1431
01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:43,098
He's furious.
Thanks a lot, Ricky.
1432
01:16:43,098 --> 01:16:45,142
I don't know what to say,
General Gibson.
1433
01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:46,977
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apologize, Dad.
1434
01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:48,687
The public has a right
to the truth.
1435
01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:51,065
-You made your point.
-This tribunal is a mockery!
1436
01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,733
What about Steenbeck,
who took the photograph?
1437
01:16:52,733 --> 01:16:54,693
It's on the front page of
every newspaper on the planet.
1438
01:16:54,693 --> 01:16:57,238
-Can't we arrest him, as well?
-Unfortunately, no.
1439
01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,781
He dropped a print in the mail
1440
01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:00,449
to his photo agency
first thing Tuesday morning,
1441
01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,785
and the postman got it
before we did. He's innocent.
1442
01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:04,787
Supposedly, he did a nude
of Midge Campbell, too.
1443
01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:07,164
-Midge Campbell?
-Ooh, Midge Campbell.
1444
01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:10,125
As you know, boys and girls,
your parents arrived
1445
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:11,710
late last night
by military helicopter.
1446
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:13,504
They've been sequestered
in that metal hut over there
1447
01:17:13,504 --> 01:17:15,089
for the past several hours
while the government scientists
1448
01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:16,549
explain the situation to them,
1449
01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:18,175
although everything's
already in the newspapers.
1450
01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,802
It's my understanding
they're about to go onto
1451
01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:21,387
this closed-circuit
television set at any moment.
1452
01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:23,556
Everything's connected,
but nothing's working.
1453
01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:26,934
Let's carry on with
the lesson plan, then. Billy?
1454
01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:28,602
I did the alien's flying saucer
1455
01:17:28,602 --> 01:17:31,272
with a hubcap
and a chicken pot pie tin.
1456
01:17:31,272 --> 01:17:33,524
Good work. Very accurate.
1457
01:17:33,524 --> 01:17:35,067
Jupiter, fifth planet
from the sun,
1458
01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,569
largest in our solar system...
1459
01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:37,945
Yes, Bernice?
1460
01:17:37,945 --> 01:17:40,489
I did the alien
on his home planet.
1461
01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:43,617
Well done. How wonderful.
1462
01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,703
Due to extreme
atmospheric conditions,
1463
01:17:45,703 --> 01:17:49,123
an anticyclonic storm has raged
on Jupiter's surface for over...
1464
01:17:49,123 --> 01:17:50,249
Yes, Dwight?
1465
01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,834
I wrote a song about him.
1466
01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:56,255
Oh. Um, this may not be the time
for a musical performance.
1467
01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:57,798
-Let's...
1468
01:17:57,798 --> 01:17:59,258
Uh, yes, Montana?
1469
01:17:59,258 --> 01:18:00,634
Pardon the interruption, June.
1470
01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:02,011
The boys and I heard old Dwight
1471
01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:03,429
was scribbling up
a little warble,
1472
01:18:03,429 --> 01:18:05,180
so we learned ourselves
to play it.
1473
01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:14,440
-One, two, three.
1474
01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:17,026
♪ Howdly-dee... ♪
1475
01:18:17,026 --> 01:18:21,864
Dear alien, who art in heaven,
1476
01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:27,161
lean and skinny,
'bout six-foot-seven;
1477
01:18:27,161 --> 01:18:31,290
Though we know ye ain't our
brother:
1478
01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:34,418
are you friend or foe
1479
01:18:34,418 --> 01:18:36,712
?
1480
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,714
Hop on one foot, skip on two
1481
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,341
dance the Spaceman,
howdly-do!
1482
01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:42,259
Bounce on four foot, spring on
three;
1483
01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:44,136
let's be spacemen,
howdly-dee!
1484
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:47,306
-♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
1485
01:18:47,306 --> 01:18:51,143
♪ Howdly-dee,
howdly-dee ♪
1486
01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:54,438
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
1487
01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:58,192
-♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
-Come on, y'all!
1488
01:18:58,192 --> 01:19:00,152
♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪
1489
01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:02,071
♪ Dance the Spaceman,
howdly-do ♪
1490
01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,906
♪ Bounce on four foot,
spring on three ♪
1491
01:19:03,906 --> 01:19:05,532
♪ Let's be spacemen,
howdly-dee ♪
1492
01:19:05,532 --> 01:19:09,703
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪
1493
01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,582
This was on an old roll
I forgot to develop
1494
01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:15,376
in the glove box.
1495
01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:18,087
"Self-Portrait with Shrapnel."
1496
01:19:24,718 --> 01:19:26,762
Do page 45.
1497
01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:38,691
"What have you done?
How could you?"
1498
01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,150
-It says "shouting and crying."
-Uh-huh.
1499
01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,695
-So shout and cry.
-"How could you?!"
1500
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,948
"How couldn't I?"
1501
01:19:45,948 --> 01:19:47,366
"How couldn't you?"
1502
01:19:47,366 --> 01:19:48,784
"That's what I'm asking."
1503
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:50,995
"It was over already.
You were free.
1504
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,913
"What's the point
of committing suicide
1505
01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:55,541
when there's nothing left
to escape?"
1506
01:19:56,458 --> 01:19:59,128
"Maybe that was
the problem all along."
1507
01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:01,964
"Stares for a moment."
1508
01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:03,966
And then it says I smash
everything off the shelf.
1509
01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:05,634
So smash everything
off the shelf.
1510
01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,557
"Such a sickening waste.
1511
01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:14,393
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.
1512
01:20:14,393 --> 01:20:16,645
-Think of the world..."
-Use your grief.
1513
01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:18,063
For a rehearsal?
1514
01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:19,565
I'm not even in this picture.
1515
01:20:19,565 --> 01:20:21,442
I'm a war photographer.
1516
01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:23,068
Use your grief.
1517
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,988
All right.
1518
01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:31,744
"Such a sickening waste.
1519
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:36,999
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.
1520
01:20:36,999 --> 01:20:40,252
Think of the world
you could have seen, Dolores."
1521
01:20:42,337 --> 01:20:44,465
"I've already seen it."
1522
01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,135
She still is...
uh, is-is she a ghost?
1523
01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:52,723
It's not clear.
1524
01:20:53,515 --> 01:20:54,808
Uh...
1525
01:20:54,808 --> 01:20:56,560
Then the, uh... the...
1526
01:20:57,644 --> 01:20:59,605
Then the coroner comes in,
orders me out of the room.
1527
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,440
I slowly turn away
and close the door.
1528
01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,524
Scene.
1529
01:21:02,524 --> 01:21:04,651
My sandwich is burning.
1530
01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:21,752
My daughter saw us.
1531
01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:22,753
What?
1532
01:21:22,753 --> 01:21:24,713
Oh, uh, Dinah saw us.
1533
01:21:24,713 --> 01:21:27,424
Through this window,
in your bedroom yesterday.
1534
01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:39,353
Did you, uh, tell her
we were rehearsing again?
1535
01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:42,314
I didn't think of that.
I should've.
1536
01:21:42,314 --> 01:21:45,275
But it's too late,
because I admitted everything.
1537
01:21:46,318 --> 01:21:48,112
Did she tell Woodrow?
1538
01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:50,572
Hard to say.
1539
01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:52,157
She can keep a secret.
1540
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,951
I don't know if she will.
1541
01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,540
This isn't the beginning
of something, Augie.
1542
01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:01,542
Isn't it?
1543
01:22:02,417 --> 01:22:03,919
Is it?
1544
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,879
Probably not.
1545
01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:07,256
Unless maybe it is.
1546
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:08,841
I don't like the way
that guy looked at us.
1547
01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:10,926
-What guy?
-The alien.
1548
01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:12,302
Oh. How did he...
1549
01:22:12,302 --> 01:22:14,555
-How did he look at us?
-Like we're doomed.
1550
01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:19,268
Maybe we are.
1551
01:22:24,815 --> 01:22:26,441
What did you just do?
1552
01:22:26,441 --> 01:22:28,026
I burned my hand
on the Quicky-Griddle.
1553
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,112
-Why?
-It's not clear.
1554
01:22:30,112 --> 01:22:32,281
Show me.
1555
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,783
You really did it.
1556
01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:37,411
That actually happened.
1557
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,504
Pull.
1558
01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:56,305
How long can they keep us
in Asteroid City?
1559
01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:57,764
Legally, I mean.
1560
01:22:57,764 --> 01:22:59,141
Well, I'm not an attorney,
1561
01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:00,767
but I'd say
as long as they like.
1562
01:23:00,767 --> 01:23:02,477
I think we'd have to file
an injunction
1563
01:23:02,477 --> 01:23:04,229
and successfully argue
the case-- six months to a year?
1564
01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:05,647
Of course,
we'd also need to initiate
1565
01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:07,065
a civil suit for loss of income.
1566
01:23:07,065 --> 01:23:08,817
Maybe we should just
walk out right now.
1567
01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:11,945
I'm not sure they could stop us
without killing somebody.
1568
01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:13,530
Interesting idea.
1569
01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:16,158
What kind of mileage
you think that jet pack gets?
1570
01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:17,492
Ask Roger or his son.
1571
01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:19,077
Apparently,
he's being prosecuted
1572
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,495
for revealing state secrets.
1573
01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:22,456
-They'll never make it stick.
-I'm in no hurry.
1574
01:23:22,456 --> 01:23:24,499
I like the desert.
I like aliens.
1575
01:23:24,499 --> 01:23:26,043
-Pull.
1576
01:23:26,043 --> 01:23:27,502
How'd you get that back?
1577
01:23:27,502 --> 01:23:28,921
The projects remain
under secure lockdown.
1578
01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,297
No Stargazer is permitted
personal access
1579
01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:31,381
without the express
permission...
1580
01:23:31,381 --> 01:23:32,674
My son invented this death ray.
1581
01:23:32,674 --> 01:23:34,176
That may be true,
but my orders are...
1582
01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:35,761
-Step back.
-Easy, fellas.
1583
01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,512
-We're not in Guadalcanal
anymore. -Okay, okay, okay.
1584
01:23:37,512 --> 01:23:39,348
Everyone, please. It's been
a difficult quarantine.
1585
01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,016
-I'll zap you right now!
-You stole your projects!
1586
01:23:41,016 --> 01:23:42,559
GIBSON
Goddamn it, tell them
1587
01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,936
-to stand down!
-Stand down! You hear that?
1588
01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:45,312
General Gibson says,
"Stand down."
1589
01:23:45,312 --> 01:23:46,730
-You married?
-Of course.
1590
01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:48,815
We'll reconfiscate the projects
at a later time.
1591
01:23:48,815 --> 01:23:50,317
Probably after dinner.
1592
01:23:51,193 --> 01:23:53,320
Try it.
1593
01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:56,698
Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out,
1594
01:23:56,698 --> 01:23:58,784
Jack the Ripper, out,
Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple,
1595
01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,827
out, out, Orson Welles,
Lucille Ball, out,
1596
01:24:00,827 --> 01:24:03,038
Marlon Brando, out,
Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle,
1597
01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:04,706
out, out, Yul Brynner,
Louis Armstrong,
1598
01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:07,209
out, Lana Turner, out,
Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald,
1599
01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:09,711
out, out, Rock Hudson, out,
Jerry Lewis, out, out,
1600
01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:11,922
Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out,
Joan of Arc, out,
1601
01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:13,548
Charles Darwin,
Walter Pidgeon, out,
1602
01:24:13,548 --> 01:24:15,467
Emily Dickinson,
Galileo, out, out,
1603
01:24:15,467 --> 01:24:17,302
Pontius Pilate, out,
Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O...
1604
01:24:17,302 --> 01:24:19,429
Who's responsible for stealing
my radio telescope,
1605
01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,056
my signal processing receiver
1606
01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,558
and my entire spectrographical
monitoring network?
1607
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,145
They're trying
to contact the alien.
1608
01:24:27,145 --> 01:24:30,065
Well, I appreciate that,
but what about Dr. Hickenlooper?
1609
01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:33,068
If you're trying to contact
the alien, include me.
1610
01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:35,237
Did you hear anything
from him so far?
1611
01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,947
-No.
Huh.
1612
01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:38,782
What's all this?
1613
01:24:38,782 --> 01:24:41,076
I put the American flag
just to be patriotic.
1614
01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,828
Now we need
to really mean something.
1615
01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:44,830
A universal message,
not only to earthlings.
1616
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,957
We already thought of
everything we could think of:
1617
01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:48,667
a cross, a star,
a four-leaf clover,
1618
01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:50,252
letters, numbers, hieroglyphics.
1619
01:24:50,252 --> 01:24:52,129
What's the point of projecting
a star onto the moon?
1620
01:24:52,129 --> 01:24:53,505
-Exactly.
-I ask that sincerely.
1621
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:54,756
How about "E equals MC-squared"?
1622
01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:56,091
-I still think it's...
-They know that.
1623
01:24:56,091 --> 01:24:57,426
-It's too easy.
-This is our chance
1624
01:24:57,426 --> 01:24:59,511
to be actually worthwhile
in our lifetimes.
1625
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:01,179
I see what you mean.
1626
01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:03,181
-Whose turn was it?
-Oh, the middle of mine.
1627
01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,850
I'd better start over.
1628
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,601
-Cleopatra, Jagadish...
-A word, Woodrow.
1629
01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:09,187
About the, uh, settings
on the spectrograph.
1630
01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:10,689
Over here, if you wouldn't mind.
1631
01:25:10,689 --> 01:25:12,316
...Kurt Gödel,
William Henry Bragg...
1632
01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:14,359
The, uh, warning label indicates
1633
01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,153
that the, uh...
1634
01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,158
It's all worthwhile
in your lifetime.
1635
01:25:21,158 --> 01:25:22,826
-This, I mean.
-Okay.
1636
01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:25,120
Your curiosity is
your most important asset.
1637
01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:26,455
-Trust it.
-Okay.
1638
01:25:26,455 --> 01:25:28,040
-Trust your curiosity.
-Okay.
1639
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:30,125
The resources of my lab
will always be available to you.
1640
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,752
After this thing is over,
I mean.
1641
01:25:31,752 --> 01:25:33,754
You could maybe sort of
be my protégé, if you like.
1642
01:25:33,754 --> 01:25:35,088
Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove
1643
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,423
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation
1644
01:25:36,423 --> 01:25:37,758
and get the math right finally.
1645
01:25:37,758 --> 01:25:39,092
Wow. Let's try.
1646
01:25:39,092 --> 01:25:41,053
I think I see
the dots from space
1647
01:25:41,053 --> 01:25:42,846
burned into your eyeballs.
1648
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,267
I'm sorry about your mother.
1649
01:25:47,267 --> 01:25:50,187
I miss mine, too,
and she died 46 years ago.
1650
01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:53,482
Thank you.
1651
01:25:55,609 --> 01:25:57,277
I've already petitioned
the State Assembly
1652
01:25:57,277 --> 01:25:59,654
to change the name of the town
from Asteroid City
1653
01:25:59,654 --> 01:26:01,281
to Alien Landing, U.S.A.
1654
01:26:01,281 --> 01:26:03,825
This municipality might end up
being the center
1655
01:26:03,825 --> 01:26:07,037
of a vast community
of Stargazers and Space Cadets.
1656
01:26:07,037 --> 01:26:09,998
It's a historic offering.
1657
01:26:15,212 --> 01:26:17,297
As you know,
the Asteroid Day itinerary
1658
01:26:17,297 --> 01:26:18,757
had to be suspended last week
1659
01:26:18,757 --> 01:26:21,259
due to the factual reality
of our circumstances.
1660
01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,095
However, I have
an announcement to make.
1661
01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:25,055
Dr. Hickenlooper
and the Military-Science
1662
01:26:25,055 --> 01:26:26,723
Research and Experimentation
Division,
1663
01:26:26,723 --> 01:26:28,600
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation,
1664
01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:30,936
have officially selected
a recipient
1665
01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:32,979
for this year's
Hickenlooper Scholarship,
1666
01:26:32,979 --> 01:26:36,191
and you're all going home
first thing tomorrow morning.
1667
01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:38,276
The president has opted
to lift the quarantine
1668
01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,112
by executive decree.
1669
01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:44,366
I'd like to take
this opportunity--
1670
01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:46,493
and, by the way,
all of this year's projects,
1671
01:26:46,493 --> 01:26:47,994
setting aside my own
1672
01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:50,038
differences of opinion
with Ricky Cho,
1673
01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:52,541
were of the very highest
caliber, without exception--
1674
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:55,419
-to officially declare, uh...
1675
01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:56,837
-What's happening now?
-Scholarship...
1676
01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,213
-What's happening now?
-I don't know.
1677
01:26:58,213 --> 01:26:59,881
It's today again.
1678
01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:35,292
It's been inventoried.
1679
01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:41,256
Under the provisions of
1680
01:27:41,256 --> 01:27:42,883
National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X,
1681
01:27:42,883 --> 01:27:44,801
the lifting of the quarantine
which I just announced
1682
01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:46,803
is now canceled
or at least postponed
1683
01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:50,265
due to the unexpected
new event which just...
1684
01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:20,212
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?
1685
01:28:20,212 --> 01:28:22,506
I still don't understand
the play.
1686
01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:24,966
What?
1687
01:28:33,475 --> 01:28:36,228
Where are you going?
1688
01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:38,104
I'll be right back.
1689
01:28:38,104 --> 01:28:40,065
I don't play him
as an alien, actually.
1690
01:28:40,065 --> 01:28:41,691
I play him as a metaphor.
1691
01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:43,443
-That's my interpretation.
-Metaphor for what?
1692
01:28:43,443 --> 01:28:46,154
I-I don't know yet.
We don't pin it down.
1693
01:28:46,154 --> 01:28:48,240
Schubert. Schubert.
1694
01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:50,408
-Schubert! Schubert!
-Huh? Yes.
1695
01:28:50,408 --> 01:28:52,744
What's wrong? Are you on?
1696
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,538
Technically, but General Gibson
just started the scene
1697
01:28:54,538 --> 01:28:56,331
where the president
doesn't accept his resignation.
1698
01:28:56,331 --> 01:28:58,333
I've got six and a half minutes
before my next line.
1699
01:28:58,333 --> 01:29:00,335
I need an answer
to a question I want to ask.
1700
01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,461
Okay.
1701
01:29:01,461 --> 01:29:03,421
Am I doing him right?
1702
01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:04,756
Oh.
1703
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,091
Well...
1704
01:29:06,091 --> 01:29:07,592
I told you before,
there's too much business--
1705
01:29:07,592 --> 01:29:08,843
with the pipe, with the lighter,
1706
01:29:08,843 --> 01:29:10,470
with the camera,
with the eyebrow--
1707
01:29:10,470 --> 01:29:12,597
but aside from that,
on the whole,
1708
01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:14,975
in answer to your question...
Sit down.
1709
01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:18,979
You're doing him just right.
1710
01:29:18,979 --> 01:29:21,606
In fact, in my opinion,
you didn't just become Augie.
1711
01:29:21,606 --> 01:29:22,941
He became you.
1712
01:29:22,941 --> 01:29:24,025
I feel lost.
1713
01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:25,610
-Good.
-He's such a wounded guy.
1714
01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:27,487
I feel like my heart
is getting broken--
1715
01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:28,697
my own, personal heart--
1716
01:29:28,697 --> 01:29:29,864
-every night.
-Good.
1717
01:29:29,864 --> 01:29:31,408
-Do I just keep doing it?
-Yes.
1718
01:29:31,408 --> 01:29:33,201
-Without knowing anything?
-Yes.
1719
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,078
Isn't there supposed to be
some kind of an answer
1720
01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:36,538
out there
in the cosmic wilderness?
1721
01:29:36,538 --> 01:29:37,789
Woodrow's line
about the meaning of life.
1722
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:39,082
-"Maybe there is one."
-Right.
1723
01:29:39,082 --> 01:29:40,458
Well, that's my question.
1724
01:29:42,210 --> 01:29:44,212
I still don't understand
the play.
1725
01:29:44,212 --> 01:29:45,755
Doesn't matter.
1726
01:29:45,755 --> 01:29:48,216
Just keep telling the story.
1727
01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,385
You're doing him right.
1728
01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:51,886
I need a breath of fresh air.
1729
01:29:51,886 --> 01:29:52,971
Huh.
1730
01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,432
Okay, but you won't find one.
1731
01:29:58,268 --> 01:29:59,853
Right.
1732
01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:21,124
Hello.
1733
01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,920
Oh. It's you, the wife
who played my actress.
1734
01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:29,257
Hmm. My scene was cut
after one rehearsal.
1735
01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:33,136
-We still use your photograph.
-Hmm.
1736
01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:38,475
You remember the dialogue?
1737
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,144
No.
1738
01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:45,482
We meet in a dream
on the alien's planet.
1739
01:30:45,482 --> 01:30:47,359
Magnavox-27.
1740
01:30:47,359 --> 01:30:49,944
Actually,
it's one of the moons of it.
1741
01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:54,157
You say,
"Did you talk to the alien?"
1742
01:30:54,157 --> 01:30:57,285
I say, "Not yet."
1743
01:30:57,285 --> 01:31:00,038
You say, "Why not?
I thought for sure
1744
01:31:00,038 --> 01:31:02,999
you would've yelled at him
or made him laugh."
1745
01:31:02,999 --> 01:31:07,212
I say, "Or asked him
the secrets of the universe?"
1746
01:31:07,212 --> 01:31:09,339
You say, "Exactly."
1747
01:31:10,423 --> 01:31:13,426
I say, "I think he's shy."
1748
01:31:14,678 --> 01:31:16,388
You say,
1749
01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:19,182
"So's Woodrow, but I'm sure
he'll grow out of it.
1750
01:31:19,182 --> 01:31:22,143
I mean, at least I hope he will,
without a mother."
1751
01:31:23,937 --> 01:31:27,482
I say, "He's a late bloomer,
1752
01:31:27,482 --> 01:31:32,779
but maybe I think
you'll need to replace me."
1753
01:31:32,779 --> 01:31:34,155
You say,
1754
01:31:34,155 --> 01:31:37,283
"What? Why? How? I can't."
1755
01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:43,164
I say, "Maybe I think
you'll need to try.
1756
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:47,919
I'm not coming back, Augie."
1757
01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,967
Then you take a picture of me
and start crying,
1758
01:31:53,967 --> 01:31:56,010
and I say...
1759
01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,682
"I hope it comes out."
1760
01:32:03,768 --> 01:32:05,937
And I say,
1761
01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,314
"All my pictures come out."
1762
01:32:19,951 --> 01:32:21,745
Hmm.
1763
01:32:21,745 --> 01:32:23,621
Good memory. Why'd they cut it?
1764
01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:25,123
Running time.
1765
01:32:25,123 --> 01:32:26,833
Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting
to the Queen Consort
1766
01:32:26,833 --> 01:32:28,376
in Fruit of a Withering Vine.
1767
01:32:28,376 --> 01:32:30,044
You missed your cue.
1768
01:32:30,044 --> 01:32:32,172
June and the cowboy are already
necking in the station wagon.
1769
01:32:32,172 --> 01:32:35,049
They're bandaging
the understudy's hand right now.
1770
01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,136
Oh. It's you.
1771
01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,971
We almost would've had
a scene together.
1772
01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:42,140
-Hello.
1773
01:32:44,309 --> 01:32:48,146
Six months into the run,
the company received the news:
1774
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:50,857
a catastrophic
automobile accident.
1775
01:32:50,857 --> 01:32:52,984
Conrad Earp, American playwright
1776
01:32:52,984 --> 01:32:55,820
unequaled in passion
and imagination,
1777
01:32:55,820 --> 01:32:57,363
dead at 50.
1778
01:32:57,363 --> 01:32:59,616
I'd like to make
a scene where all my characters
1779
01:32:59,616 --> 01:33:01,242
are each gently,
privately seduced
1780
01:33:01,242 --> 01:33:03,536
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives
1781
01:33:03,536 --> 01:33:05,246
as a result
of their shared experience
1782
01:33:05,246 --> 01:33:08,124
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery,
1783
01:33:08,124 --> 01:33:10,585
-but I don't know
how to write it. -
1784
01:33:11,503 --> 01:33:14,088
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1785
01:33:14,088 --> 01:33:15,632
-What was that?
1786
01:33:15,632 --> 01:33:17,217
What's happening?
1787
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:19,928
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1788
01:33:19,928 --> 01:33:21,095
-What?
-That's not true.
1789
01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:22,430
-Say it again.
-Who cares?
1790
01:33:22,430 --> 01:33:25,183
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1791
01:33:25,183 --> 01:33:26,351
-Why should you?
-Maybe not.
1792
01:33:26,351 --> 01:33:27,852
-Of course.
-Uh, yes.
1793
01:33:27,852 --> 01:33:29,854
-You can't wake up...
-If you don't fall asleep.
1794
01:33:29,854 --> 01:33:32,190
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1795
01:33:32,190 --> 01:33:34,192
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1796
01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,486
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1797
01:33:36,486 --> 01:33:38,947
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1798
01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:41,324
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1799
01:33:41,324 --> 01:33:43,618
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1800
01:33:43,618 --> 01:33:45,995
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1801
01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:48,373
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1802
01:33:48,373 --> 01:33:50,792
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1803
01:33:50,792 --> 01:33:53,294
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1804
01:33:53,294 --> 01:33:55,463
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1805
01:33:55,463 --> 01:33:57,799
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1806
01:33:57,799 --> 01:34:00,927
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1807
01:34:28,955 --> 01:34:32,625
♪ Somewhere there's music,
how faint the tune ♪
1808
01:34:32,625 --> 01:34:35,753
♪ Somewhere there's heaven,
how high the moon... ♪
1809
01:34:35,753 --> 01:34:38,715
Uh, where'd they go?
1810
01:34:39,465 --> 01:34:40,925
Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck.
1811
01:34:40,925 --> 01:34:43,094
Juice preference, please--
apple, orange or tomato.
1812
01:34:43,094 --> 01:34:44,929
Where'd they go? Everybody.
1813
01:34:44,929 --> 01:34:46,431
Of course. I understand.
1814
01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:48,433
The president lifted
the quarantine after all,
1815
01:34:48,433 --> 01:34:49,934
at midnight.
1816
01:34:49,934 --> 01:34:51,769
He sent the whole gang home--
the troops, the cowboys,
1817
01:34:51,769 --> 01:34:53,479
the Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets.
1818
01:34:53,479 --> 01:34:55,982
You are free to return
back to wherever you came from.
1819
01:34:55,982 --> 01:34:57,817
We had 11 checkouts
this morning.
1820
01:34:57,817 --> 01:34:59,861
I guess you overslept.
1821
01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:01,779
They returned your
science projects, by the way.
1822
01:35:01,779 --> 01:35:03,406
Hmm.
1823
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,701
-Tomato.
-Right away.
1824
01:35:13,249 --> 01:35:16,711
The plan was to shovel it up
and take her with us.
1825
01:35:16,711 --> 01:35:20,089
Like I said,
we'll exhume the Tupperware.
1826
01:35:20,089 --> 01:35:22,675
We don't have any burial rights
to this plot here.
1827
01:35:22,675 --> 01:35:24,677
I would question
whether it even is a plot.
1828
01:35:24,677 --> 01:35:26,095
It isn't.
1829
01:35:26,095 --> 01:35:28,181
-Don't murder my mother's ashes!
-He's killing her!
1830
01:35:28,181 --> 01:35:30,934
No, no, no, no. Let us pray.
1831
01:35:34,938 --> 01:35:36,481
Poppy!
1832
01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:40,610
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee for the life
1833
01:35:40,610 --> 01:35:44,572
of this magnificent woman,
who was once just a little girl
1834
01:35:44,572 --> 01:35:47,241
like these three
witches in training.
1835
01:35:47,241 --> 01:35:48,826
-Not in training.
-We are witches.
1836
01:35:48,826 --> 01:35:50,453
Part witch, part alien.
1837
01:35:50,453 --> 01:35:52,830
Like these three witches
at one time.
1838
01:35:52,830 --> 01:35:55,750
We had no intention
of permanently burying her
1839
01:35:55,750 --> 01:35:57,752
next to this unmarked cactus,
1840
01:35:57,752 --> 01:35:59,253
but I no longer have
the strength
1841
01:35:59,253 --> 01:36:02,256
to fight for her dignity,
nor neither does Augie.
1842
01:36:02,256 --> 01:36:04,008
-Do you?
-No.
1843
01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:07,095
So we'll defer to the wishes
of her stubborn daughters.
1844
01:36:07,095 --> 01:36:10,682
Woodrow, any final farewell?
1845
01:36:10,682 --> 01:36:12,475
I don't believe in God anymore.
1846
01:36:12,475 --> 01:36:13,893
Fair enough.
1847
01:36:13,893 --> 01:36:16,938
-Amen.
Amen.
1848
01:36:16,938 --> 01:36:19,524
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo,
1849
01:36:19,524 --> 01:36:22,819
knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.
1850
01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:25,113
Mama is in the ground.
1851
01:36:25,113 --> 01:36:27,448
Say the prayer for Mama.
1852
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:30,076
Mama, we'll say the prayer, too.
1853
01:36:30,076 --> 01:36:31,703
You are beautiful...
1854
01:36:33,287 --> 01:36:35,081
Five orders of flapjacks
and two black coffees.
1855
01:36:35,081 --> 01:36:36,874
-Thanks.
1856
01:36:39,711 --> 01:36:41,129
Who needs to pee?
1857
01:36:41,129 --> 01:36:42,839
-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't. -Not me.
1858
01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:44,549
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?
1859
01:36:44,549 --> 01:36:46,592
Mmm.
-Yes, please.
1860
01:36:48,052 --> 01:36:50,763
Somebody win that scholarship?
1861
01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:52,724
I did.
1862
01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:54,392
-When?
-Last night.
1863
01:36:54,392 --> 01:36:57,311
General Gibson slipped it to me
in line at the communal showers.
1864
01:36:57,311 --> 01:36:59,355
I think he just wanted
to get it over with.
1865
01:36:59,355 --> 01:37:01,733
It's actually a standard-sized
check of typical dimensions.
1866
01:37:01,733 --> 01:37:03,818
The big one's only for show.
1867
01:37:03,818 --> 01:37:05,820
-Wow.
-Congratulations, Woodrow.
1868
01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:07,196
That's, uh, stupendous.
1869
01:37:07,196 --> 01:37:08,656
You must be
some kind of a genius.
1870
01:37:08,656 --> 01:37:09,866
I agree.
1871
01:37:09,866 --> 01:37:12,493
You must be
some kind of brainiac.
1872
01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,329
Has it got any strings
attached to it?
1873
01:37:15,329 --> 01:37:16,914
It's made out to you personally.
1874
01:37:16,914 --> 01:37:18,958
How you plan to use it?
1875
01:37:20,209 --> 01:37:22,503
I'll probably spend it
on my girlfriend.
1876
01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:29,052
What do you write
in that little book?
1877
01:37:30,428 --> 01:37:32,180
Next year's project,
confidentially.
1878
01:37:32,180 --> 01:37:34,265
-Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa.
-Wow. Is that possible?
1879
01:37:34,265 --> 01:37:36,225
-Is that possible?
1880
01:37:36,225 --> 01:37:39,604
Midge Campbell
left you her address.
1881
01:37:39,604 --> 01:37:42,440
It's just a post office box.
1882
01:37:44,442 --> 01:37:46,110
What happened
that night I saw the...
1883
01:37:46,110 --> 01:37:47,695
That's none of
your business, Stanley.
1884
01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:49,447
I know. Of course it isn't.
1885
01:37:49,447 --> 01:37:51,032
I only ask because
Woodrow told me
1886
01:37:51,032 --> 01:37:52,784
-Dinah told him.
-I understand. I understand.
1887
01:37:52,784 --> 01:37:54,285
I understand.
1888
01:37:54,285 --> 01:37:56,954
I went to law school
with her former agent.
1889
01:37:56,954 --> 01:37:59,165
Anyway, I don't object.
1890
01:37:59,165 --> 01:38:02,251
She's actually
a very gifted comedienne.
1891
01:38:02,251 --> 01:38:03,795
That's true.
1892
01:38:07,381 --> 01:38:09,634
Another atom bomb test.
1893
01:38:32,448 --> 01:38:34,617
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1894
01:38:34,617 --> 01:38:36,410
♪ Going so fast ♪
1895
01:38:36,410 --> 01:38:38,454
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1896
01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,248
♪ Going so fast ♪
1897
01:38:40,248 --> 01:38:43,084
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1898
01:38:43,084 --> 01:38:45,586
-♪ Won't you tell me... ♪
1899
01:38:45,586 --> 01:38:47,755
Woodrow, let's go.
1900
01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:56,722
♪ Don't know where ♪
1901
01:38:56,722 --> 01:38:59,100
-♪ He's heading for ♪
1902
01:38:59,100 --> 01:39:00,601
♪ What he's done ♪
1903
01:39:00,601 --> 01:39:02,895
-♪ Against the law ♪
1904
01:39:02,895 --> 01:39:06,065
♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪
1905
01:39:06,065 --> 01:39:09,944
♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪
1906
01:39:17,952 --> 01:39:19,871
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1907
01:39:19,871 --> 01:39:21,622
♪ Going so fast ♪
1908
01:39:21,622 --> 01:39:23,833
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1909
01:39:23,833 --> 01:39:25,585
♪ Going so fast ♪
1910
01:39:25,585 --> 01:39:28,171
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1911
01:39:28,171 --> 01:39:30,339
-♪ Won't you tell me ♪
1912
01:39:30,339 --> 01:39:32,884
♪ Where he's gone ♪
1913
01:39:40,683 --> 01:39:44,478
♪ He lost his reason,
lost his life ♪
1914
01:39:44,478 --> 01:39:48,357
♪ He killed his friend
in mortal strife ♪
1915
01:39:48,357 --> 01:39:51,652
♪ He must keep moving
like the rolling skies ♪
1916
01:39:51,652 --> 01:39:55,907
♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪
1917
01:40:03,623 --> 01:40:05,583
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1918
01:40:05,583 --> 01:40:07,376
♪ Going so fast ♪
1919
01:40:07,376 --> 01:40:09,378
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1920
01:40:09,378 --> 01:40:11,214
♪ Going so fast ♪
1921
01:40:11,214 --> 01:40:14,258
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1922
01:40:14,258 --> 01:40:18,471
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone ♪
1923
01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:30,399
♪ When he dies,
just bury him, please ♪
1924
01:40:30,399 --> 01:40:34,362
♪ Way down the end
of old Chestnut Street ♪
1925
01:40:34,362 --> 01:40:37,657
♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪
1926
01:40:37,657 --> 01:40:42,286
♪ And tell them
he's gone to sleep ♪
1927
01:40:49,502 --> 01:40:51,545
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1928
01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,297
♪ Going so fast ♪
1929
01:40:53,297 --> 01:40:55,258
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1930
01:40:55,258 --> 01:40:57,134
♪ Going so fast ♪
1931
01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,221
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1932
01:41:00,221 --> 01:41:04,225
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone. ♪
1933
01:41:40,469 --> 01:41:44,640
♪ You ♪
1934
01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:50,271
♪ Can't wake up ♪
1935
01:41:50,271 --> 01:41:54,025
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1936
01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:57,862
♪ You can't fall in love ♪
1937
01:41:57,862 --> 01:42:01,574
♪ And land on your feet ♪
1938
01:42:01,574 --> 01:42:04,952
♪ You won't smell the roses ♪
1939
01:42:04,952 --> 01:42:08,956
♪ If you never plant a seed ♪
1940
01:42:08,956 --> 01:42:12,084
♪ And you can't wake up ♪
1941
01:42:12,084 --> 01:42:16,797
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1942
01:42:19,717 --> 01:42:23,512
♪ You can't make an entrance ♪
1943
01:42:23,512 --> 01:42:26,265
♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪
1944
01:42:28,142 --> 01:42:30,519
♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪
1945
01:42:30,519 --> 01:42:35,191
♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪
1946
01:42:35,191 --> 01:42:38,277
♪ You'll never find
the treasure ♪
1947
01:42:38,277 --> 01:42:41,989
♪ Unless you dig deep ♪
1948
01:42:41,989 --> 01:42:45,159
♪ And you can't wake up ♪
1949
01:42:45,159 --> 01:42:49,080
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1950
01:42:52,625 --> 01:42:56,337
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪
1951
01:42:56,337 --> 01:42:59,965
♪ Have memories ♪
1952
01:42:59,965 --> 01:43:03,386
♪ Worth keeping ♪
1953
01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:10,768
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪
1954
01:43:10,768 --> 01:43:14,105
♪ Find the truth ♪
1955
01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:18,317
♪ You are seeking ♪
1956
01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:28,494
♪ While you are sleeping ♪
1957
01:43:32,581 --> 01:43:36,877
♪ But you can't wake up ♪
1958
01:43:36,877 --> 01:43:40,714
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1959
01:43:40,714 --> 01:43:44,510
♪ So go live your dreams ♪
1960
01:43:44,510 --> 01:43:47,346
♪ And live them real deep ♪
1961
01:43:47,346 --> 01:43:51,976
♪ There is some counting money ♪
1962
01:43:51,976 --> 01:43:57,148
♪ And there's some
counting sheep ♪
1963
01:43:57,148 --> 01:44:01,318
♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪
1964
01:44:01,318 --> 01:44:06,699
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1965
01:44:12,621 --> 01:44:16,208
♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪
1966
01:45:01,879 --> 01:45:03,964
Wicked.
136468
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