All language subtitles for What.We.Do.in.the.Shadows.S05E01.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH[eztv.re]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:05,072 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:06,707 [owl hooting] 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,142 [Laszlo] Something is wrong with Gizmo lately. 4 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,711 He's morose, distracted. 5 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,613 Like a man with a secret. 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,082 I mean, he's still a perfectly adequate familiar. 7 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,351 But there's just something not right about him. 8 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,319 What it is, I don't know, 9 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,787 but I intend to find out. 10 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,656 So we're all here. That's good. 11 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,259 -If I can have your undivided attention -[Nandor] What? 12 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,127 -for a few minutes? -Absolutely not. -[Laszlo] No. 13 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,496 [director] So, aren't you actually a vampire now? 14 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,999 -Hmm? -Didn't you pay your friend Derek 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,334 -to turn you into a-- -We're not talking about that right now. 16 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,003 [Laszlo] He's behaving unusually. 17 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,471 If there's anyone that can get 18 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,338 to the bottom of this kind of thing, it's me. 19 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,407 Why? 'Cause I'm the king of bottoms. 20 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,109 [chortles] 21 00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:44,478 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 22 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,780 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 23 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:50,317 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 24 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,586 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 25 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,721 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 26 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,493 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 27 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,429 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 28 00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:04,565 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 29 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,500 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 30 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,036 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,146 -As I was saying-- -[Nadja] Couple of questions. First one: 32 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,048 -Why? And also, -Okay, you know what? 33 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,783 -who gives you the right? -[Guillermo] Okay, I was just-- 34 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,451 [Colin] I have a follow-up to that. 35 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:25,352 Okay. 36 00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,688 Yeah. 37 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,023 Nadja, Laszlo, Colin Robinson, please. 38 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,092 I would like to hear what Guillermo has to say. 39 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,427 [ragged groan] 40 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:34,661 [Nandor] A lot has changed 41 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,363 since you last saw me. 42 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,765 I'm in a really good place. 43 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,268 And it is all thanks to an ancient book of wisdom 44 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,671 I discovered that laid buried in Laszlo's 45 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,508 library of precious volumes for years and years. 46 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,309 This book has 47 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,112 taught me to focus on what is really important, 48 00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:56,750 like who is okay and who is not okay. 49 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,485 Thank you for sharing, Guillermo. 50 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,320 You are okay. 51 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:03,724 -I didn't say anything yet. -Then that is okay. 52 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,060 Okay. I want to talk about something very important. 53 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,196 If this about my sexual intercourse, 54 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,031 I saw the doctor and took the test. 55 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,599 [Guillermo] No, that was a Cosmo quiz that you took 56 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,735 called "Which Sex and the City Icon Are You?" 57 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,171 -And I was Kim Cattrall. -Ooh. 58 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,172 -Ooh. -[Laszlo] Now, I haven't got a clue who 59 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,173 that is, but as long as she's sexy 60 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,308 and down to fuck, bingo. 61 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,343 -Fine diagnosis. -[Guillermo] Okay, the thing I want to talk about is 62 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,711 -vampire safety. -[Colin] Go on. 63 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,146 [Guillermo] You're all becoming very sloppy 64 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,748 covering your vampirisms in public, okay? 65 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,715 It's becoming very dangerous. 66 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,651 What is the big deal? 67 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,319 If anyone notices, we just hypnotize them 68 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,687 -like we always do. -[Guillermo] No, 69 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,289 you've been doing that way too much lately. 70 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:39,126 Yes, but I have getting really okay at it. 71 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,260 -[crowd cheering] -[grunts] 72 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,728 -You okay? -I am fine. 73 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,264 No, no, no. No, no. 74 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,701 -[crowd stops cheering] -You will all forget 75 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:51,305 that someone tripped and who it was. 76 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,173 [Guillermo] I just fear that the hypnosis is making 77 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,675 the borough dumber and dumber. 78 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,611 We live in Staten Island. Nobody will notice. 79 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,047 There are just some things you will never understand 80 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,783 -because you're not a vampire. -[Laszlo] Yeah. 81 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,551 -[Nandor] Very good point. -[Nadja chuckles] -[Laszlo] Precisely. 82 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,220 But even if I was a vampire, I-- 83 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,522 [all laughing] 84 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,528 We are not laughing with you, we are laughing at you. 85 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,363 You know what? Enough, okay? 86 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,031 Don't count on me to always be here to protect you. 87 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,200 I'm not gonna be around forever. 88 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,269 Really? Where will you go, David Attenborough? 89 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,303 -[Guillermo] Right now? -Yes. 90 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,372 -Out of this room. -Oh, finally. 91 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,040 And that is okay. 92 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,376 Look, guys, please, can I just have, like, a minute? 93 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,144 Please, can-- You know what, fine. 94 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,179 Fine. Let's get this over with. 95 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,414 Lock the door. 96 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,549 Lock the-- Please look the door. 97 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,718 So, yeah, 16 days ago, 98 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,521 I made an impulsive decision to have Derek... 99 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,488 Make me a vampire. 100 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,756 Sure, man. 101 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,360 -Oh. Whoa. Not yet, sorry. -[chuckles] Just a... 102 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,762 I know, but just gonna take my... 103 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,297 -cardigan off. -Yeah, of course, of course. 104 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,632 Just don't want anything on it. 105 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,066 -My grandma gave it to me. -Mm. 106 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,268 [Guillermo] And... 107 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:55,702 I was a little nervous at first, 108 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,605 and your first time I guess always... is? 109 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,675 Uh... Okay. [chuckles] 110 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:02,543 -Here we are. -Yes. 111 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,677 -Yeah. -Yeah. 112 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,713 I'm ready. 113 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,483 [clears throat] 114 00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:10,751 -[hisses] -[Trevor] Derek, 115 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,386 customer toilet is clogged again. 116 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,620 You know what? I got to take care of this. 117 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,788 Wait, what? Now? 118 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,523 If I don't do it now, people just go 119 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,325 on top of what's already there, and believe me, 120 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,459 -then no one's happy. -Derek, 121 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,628 later. After... 122 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,996 Oh, yes, of course, yes. [chuckles] 123 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:23,764 You know what? Trevor's always telling me 124 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,765 I have bad task management 125 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,033 skills, you know? 126 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,068 First, turn you into a vampire. 127 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,003 -Yes. -Then I'll clean the toilets. 128 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,605 [quietly] I'm ready. 129 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,240 Derek moved in, 130 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,209 and finally-- 131 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,110 [rainfall playing on speakers] 132 00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,614 What are you doing? 133 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,485 Just... showing off your... your sound machine. 134 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,354 Why do you have it on 135 00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,190 "rainy night at the leaky castle" setting? 136 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:52,159 -[soft chittering plays] -Ah... 137 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,361 The creatures of the night. 138 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:57,498 Such beautiful music they make. 139 00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:01,201 It also has a setting for "banshee wail" 140 00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:04,171 -It's white noise. -and "abandoned orphanage." 141 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,372 "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." 142 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,508 -Very creepy. -Master, is there something that 143 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,409 you needed to discuss with me? 144 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,445 Yes. 145 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,514 There is. 146 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,084 Guillermo... 147 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,753 we know why you have been acting so 148 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,055 oddly lately. 149 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,524 -You do? -Mm. 150 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,659 Are you-are you mad? 151 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,528 Yes. 152 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,164 We are mad at ourselves 153 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,633 for forgetting your birthday. 154 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:36,336 I am okay and you are okay, but this is not okay. 155 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,471 For a human, 156 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,040 a birthday is a terrible day. 157 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,377 -We have forgotten his birthday. -Oh, yes. 158 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,579 [Laszlo] No, I really don't think it's about his birthday. 159 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:48,248 And if it is, what a bitch. 160 00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,617 -When is his birthday? -Uh... 161 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,686 I don't know, to be honest. 162 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,288 [Nandor] Poor creatures only live for, like, 163 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:57,090 two, 300 years, tops. 164 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,992 So we are taking you out for a birthday dinner. 165 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,562 Change into your nicest shitty sweater 166 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,497 -and we will see you at the restaurant. -What... 167 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,998 What restaurant? 168 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,739 [Colin] So, full disclosure: 169 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:16,009 I am back in the workforce. 170 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,746 I'm Colin Robinson. I'll be taking your order today. 171 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:23,183 So, what are we thinking about munching on? 172 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:26,320 I decided to take a break from the office life. 173 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:29,723 How about we set you two up with some pro-sexy? 174 00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,559 It's a fun way of saying prosecco. 175 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,027 -[chair legs squeak] -Prosecco is... 176 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,030 Simply because the opportunities to feed 177 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:41,468 in the service industry are so incredible. 178 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,437 Dressing on the side. Ugh. 179 00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,405 Uh, I can ask the chef, 180 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,008 but it's probably a no go. 181 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,710 -I hate to see you cry. -I'm not crying. 182 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,211 I just... I want... 183 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,346 Pardon my reach. 184 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,681 Oops. 185 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,450 Just wanted to check in on you two, 186 00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,718 see how everything's tasting. 187 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,721 Think about desert. 188 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,289 -Strip steak. -Uh-huh. 189 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,590 Medium-well. 190 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:07,427 The Caesar salad but with no croutons. 191 00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,696 Are you sure you're getting all this? 192 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,533 Yeah, I-I never write anything down. 193 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:15,035 I got it. I think I know you want. 194 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,436 Bon appétit. 195 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,572 ♪ ♪ 196 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,307 Hey, folks, my name is Colin. 197 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,442 I'll be your server this evening. 198 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,311 Has your whole party arrived? 199 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,748 No. Tonight, Gizmo arrives upon an Uber. 200 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,551 -Mm-hmm. -[Colin] Okay. They're really not supposed to 201 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,452 seat you until your entire party has arrived. 202 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,022 Can I ask you to go stand in the crowded alcove 203 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,690 where the cigarette smoke comes in? 204 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,059 Fuck off. Just get us anything 205 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,727 so it looks like we're eating. 206 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,263 Okey dokey, jalapeño poppers, jalapeño poppers, 207 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,065 jalapeño poppers, 208 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,434 and one more per la tavola. 209 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,004 Koúkla mou, do you want to come up and join us? 210 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,173 -[laughs] -No, I hate you and I want to die. 211 00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,142 When I was running the vampire nightclub 212 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,277 I may have got a little bit 213 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,446 too much into the old, uh, [chuckles] 214 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,314 liquor blood. 215 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,583 [exclaiming] 216 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:05,385 And then, one night, I got so shit off my faced... 217 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,555 ...that I sat on my dolly 218 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,158 and I minced her legs with my wagon. 219 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,993 Don't be such a Debbie Downer. 220 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,996 -Come and join in the human birthday party. -Yes, eh? 221 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,432 What you've done to my legs is unforgivable. 222 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,001 Nadja absolutely crushed my lower body. 223 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,402 There's nothing wrong with my butt. 224 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:24,738 Eh, I'll be the judge of that. 225 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,473 [Doll Nadja] And Colin Robinson's solution 226 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:30,010 is something I very much do not like. [spits] 227 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,579 Come on, you can be the queen of the restaurant, huh? 228 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,580 -Push the button, my darling. -[Doll Nadja] Don't you dare 229 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,449 press the button on my toe. 230 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,150 Oh, come on, it's so fun. 231 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,752 -♪ I feel good... ♪ -[Laszlo laughing] 232 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,653 -No! I don't actually feel good at all! -[whoops] 233 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,722 ♪ I knew that I would, now... ♪ 234 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,558 I will never forgive you for destroying my-- ♪ I feel good ♪ 235 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:47,294 -Wow! Peekaboo! Queen of Soul in the house. -♪ So good... ♪ 236 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,263 -Fuck-fuck-fuck you all! ♪ So good ♪ -[Laszlo] I think so. 237 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,731 ♪ I got you. ♪ Ow! 238 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,332 -Ow! Stop! -[Nadja whoops] 239 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,434 Put me back under the table. 240 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,703 -Oh, what have I done? -You know what you did. 241 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,272 You're never going to forgive me, are you? 242 00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,273 [speaks Greek] 243 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,474 [Nandor] Colin Robinson. 244 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:01,608 -Yes, sir? -[Nandor] Are those 245 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:05,179 "yalapeño" whatevers-- are they coming any time soon? 246 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,047 Oh, I'll ask your server to check on those. 247 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,315 I thought you were our server. 248 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,050 [Colin] I'm on break. 249 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,686 -My darling, what is on your mind? -[Nandor] Yes. 250 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,155 It's nothing, I just... 251 00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:16,690 I can't get something out of my mind that 252 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,659 that little pipsqueak Gizmo said about 253 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,562 not being around forever. 254 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,697 I mean, he could mean that he's gonna die soon. 255 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,265 -Right. -That's something that, uh, 256 00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:26,300 -humans do. -[Nadja] All the time. 257 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,135 Or he could get his old job 258 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,469 at Panera Bread back. 259 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,538 That's another thing all humans do 260 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,540 -at some point. Or... -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 261 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,710 I suppose eventually, perhaps, he could... 262 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,414 ...become a vampire himself. 263 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,749 -[all laughing] -Fuck, no. 264 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:46,186 -What an idiot. -It could happen. It could happen. 265 00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:48,622 I don't understand why. Why do you keep asking that? 266 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,491 You were there, you saw what happened. 267 00:09:50,524 --> 00:09:51,391 -Why are we going to-- -[director] Guillermo, we're just trying to 268 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,460 understand it from your point of view. 269 00:09:53,494 --> 00:09:54,695 Derek leaned in... 270 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,729 Wait, stop! 271 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,531 -Oh, what?! -Sorry. 272 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:58,665 Have you done this before? 273 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,134 Yeah. [scoffs] Tons of ti-- 274 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,302 Like, many dozens of times. 275 00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:03,537 -Derek. -I'm-- No. 276 00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:05,639 I haven't. No. Um, have you? 277 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,276 Why doesn't Andy just do this? 278 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,311 -Who? -Your master. 279 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,614 You mean Nandor? 280 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,749 Oh-- Okay. 281 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,751 That clears up so much for me. 282 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,319 I mean, I kept thinking, 283 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,421 "A vampire named Andy? That's so random." 284 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,623 It's not like he doesn't want to. 285 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,024 It's, like, he always says 286 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,193 he's gonna get around to it, you know? 287 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,028 He actually cares about me a lot, 288 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,296 and he does a lot of 289 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,431 -really nice things for me. -Oh. 290 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,304 Oh, sorry, I'm just pausing. 291 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,006 It's for the editors. 292 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,440 They insert, probably, like, a cute montage or something, 293 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,409 of all the stuff he's done for me 294 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:45,078 -over the years, so, might take a second. -Okay. 295 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,346 -Oh, okay. -Yeah. 296 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,248 ♪ ♪ 297 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,721 Are you sure you want to do this? 298 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,623 Yes. 299 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,425 No, I still absolutely want to be a vampire. 300 00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,593 I just didn't think it would 301 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,695 -happen like this. -Mm. 302 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,564 I don't know, maybe it's, like, deep down inside, 303 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,299 my psyche is just telling me that 304 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,035 I'm really not ready to, like-- 305 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,270 Oh, shit! What the fuck are you doing?! 306 00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:13,440 -[screaming] -Oh, oh, oh. 307 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,575 I'm sorry, I-I thought you said you were ready. 308 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,410 I wasn't ready! 309 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,678 I heard "ready!" I just heard "ready!" 310 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,146 I think he hit an artery. 311 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,013 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 312 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,315 ¡Puta madre! 313 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,317 Oh! 314 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,319 And it was just like... [whooshes] 315 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:29,223 Aah! Fucking shit! Oh! 316 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,757 Be honest with me. Is it bad? 317 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,992 Hold still, let me look. 318 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,560 Uh, yeah, it's bad. 319 00:11:33,594 --> 00:11:36,163 -Oh! ¡Puta madre! -[stammering] 320 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,397 Okay, I got to drink your blood. 321 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:39,433 Ooh. That is gonna be a sticking point for me. 322 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,435 -Why is that? -Because I'm a bit of a fainter. 323 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,303 -I have low blood pressure. -What? 324 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,740 If I'm being honest, you people can be real parasites. 325 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:48,408 I mean, why do I need to repeat myself? 326 00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:50,310 You were there, you saw the blood. 327 00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:52,713 -Thank you so much, and I will be giving you five stars. -Yeah. 328 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,348 And you know what? I'm done. I'm off to my birthday dinner 329 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,415 when it's not really my birthday. 330 00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:56,583 [Nadja] Imagine Guillermo 331 00:11:56,617 --> 00:12:00,187 flying around in his little short legs. 332 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,322 -I enjoy that joke. -That's made my night. 333 00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,158 What's so funny? What'd I miss? 334 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,260 Hey, gang. 335 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,997 Hi. Do you mind if I borrow? Thank you so much. 336 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,732 -That's me. -What's so funny? 337 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,567 Oh, nothing. 338 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,302 We were doing the joke where we imagine 339 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,738 that you have become a vampire. 340 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:21,141 I don't know why that's so laughable. 341 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,577 -Could you imagine Grahame as a vampire? -I know! 342 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,313 He would be just a little bat with diarrhea, like... 343 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,482 Flying and then... [imitates farting] 344 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,617 Why do I always shit in your scenarios? 345 00:12:30,651 --> 00:12:32,452 [Nandor] Guillermo, I'm sorry. Eventually, of course, 346 00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,755 I will definitely be turning you into a vampire 347 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,456 when the time is right. 348 00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,125 But you got to admit, it's a funny image. 349 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,459 [laughing] 350 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:41,728 With the big glasses. [laughing] 351 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,164 Or a shitty woolen cape. 352 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:45,599 What if-what if I didn't wait 353 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,568 till I felt like you thought the time was right? 354 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,436 -[Nandor] What do you mean? -[Guillermo] What if, hypothetically, 355 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,039 walking down the street, and then Dracula-- 356 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,741 -[laughing] -Dracula? -[Guillermo] He says, 357 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,144 "Do you want me to make you into a vampire?" 358 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,113 And I said yes? 359 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,052 [weak chuckle] 360 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:11,124 A familiar going to a vampire who is not his master 361 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,060 and asking him to turn him? 362 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,029 Now, I am a fan of edgy comedy, 363 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,665 but that is no laughing matter. 364 00:13:18,699 --> 00:13:20,033 [Laszlo] I'm not entirely sure we should be 365 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,402 talking about any of this out loud. 366 00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:23,237 [Guillermo] But it's okay. 367 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,705 I was just saying hypothetically. 368 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:25,706 [Laszlo] Hypothetically, 369 00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,007 what you are talking about 370 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,309 is the greatest humiliation 371 00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:32,145 a familiar could bestow upon his master. 372 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:35,682 If that were to happen, Guillermo... 373 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:40,320 ...then I will kill you. 374 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,125 I would not like to do it, but I would have to do it. 375 00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:46,693 And then I would kill myself, 376 00:13:46,727 --> 00:13:49,163 which I would not like either. 377 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,698 There are some things about which 378 00:13:51,732 --> 00:13:54,134 we do not joke. 379 00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,269 [Colin] Obee-kaybee. 380 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:59,173 I have six plates of veggie dumplings 381 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,574 and a chocolate pudding. 382 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:03,343 -[Laszlo] That looks... -[Nadja] Mm, brown. 383 00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,412 -Thank you. -[Laszlo] ...like shit. 384 00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:15,422 Well, it was a nice dinner, so you have had a 385 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,424 to distract you from the fact you will soon die. 386 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,293 -You are welcome. -Hear, hear. Well said. 387 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,295 And, for your birthday wish, 388 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:24,064 we all promise to do a much better job 389 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,133 of blending in, as you requested. 390 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,302 I guess I'll see you back at the hou-- 391 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,137 Okay. I'm just gonna get some stuff at the mall. 392 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,540 What is "mawrl?" 393 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,311 -[Nandor] [gasps] I have heard -[Laszlo] Oh, ho! 394 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,447 about this thing called mall. 395 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,717 But I thought it was a myth, a rumor, 396 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,421 a fairy tale made up by an insane child. 397 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,556 -This, I have to see. -[Guillermo] Maybe I shouldn't 398 00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:51,124 have mentioned anything about the mall. That's on me. 399 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,326 I take responsibility for that. 400 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,662 Okay, this is the mall. 401 00:14:55,696 --> 00:14:59,466 Just sit down and people-watch, do whatever you want 402 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,734 while sitting down. 403 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,070 I'm gonna get some new glasses and a footlocker 404 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,038 -and then we can go home. -It is rising! 405 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,039 -[Guillermo] That's an elevator. -Ah. 406 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,608 So just stay here. 407 00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:10,410 -Great. -Yes, we understand. -[Guillermo] Okay, great. 408 00:15:10,444 --> 00:15:12,412 -I'll be right back. -[Doll Nadja] All right. Yeah. 409 00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:13,413 [Nadja] I'm gonna get you some new knickers. 410 00:15:13,447 --> 00:15:15,182 What is Sephora? 411 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,685 [Nandor] Gilly's Gifts. Very nice. 412 00:15:18,719 --> 00:15:21,188 This mall has a Guillermo's Gifts? 413 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,190 Uh, I'm not sure. 414 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,559 That is fine. I will explore. 415 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,196 I would like you to tell me more about this product. 416 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,198 -[cashier] Well, that's Shrek. -Great. 417 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,266 Ring me up. 418 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,067 And also... 419 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,703 I would like you to honor these special coupons. 420 00:15:36,737 --> 00:15:39,039 I will honor this coupon 421 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,607 for a free oil change 422 00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:44,144 that expired 18 years ago, 423 00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:46,346 -Yes. -and this one that's 424 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:50,117 just a cut-out photo of Ryan Seacrest from a magazine. 425 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,321 -Will it work? -Yes, of course it will work. 426 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,257 We are going to fix this, and this is how we do it. 427 00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,159 Sorry about that. 428 00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:01,161 -So, did we make a selection? -Yes. 429 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:03,730 I am looking for the exact proportions of 430 00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:07,434 Venus herself when her pussy was serving witches tea, 431 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,137 nipples so sharp they're on the most wanted list, 432 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,439 and a taint that can sign its own checks. 433 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:16,710 Uh... I meant more like, which hat did you want? 434 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:20,080 Oh, yes. Rainbow sombrero for sure. 435 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,281 -[laughs] -[chuckles] Okay. 436 00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:23,584 -[groans] -What is wrong now? 437 00:16:23,617 --> 00:16:26,687 [speaks Greek] You didn't even ask for my opinion. 438 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,422 What the hell are you talking about? 439 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,724 Did you not hear what I said about the taint? 440 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,393 Malls are fascinating places full of fascinating things. 441 00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:35,329 [laughs] 442 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,697 That's a baby village. 443 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,465 Makes sense to keep them all in one place. 444 00:16:38,499 --> 00:16:39,666 That's called London Shoes. 445 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,702 Now, if those shoes were really from London, 446 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:43,403 they'd be covered in shit. 447 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,305 Bikini Warehouse. 448 00:16:45,339 --> 00:16:48,041 -Must be a front for a brothel. -[clerk] Excuse me. 449 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,577 -Hi. Would you like to sample our new scent, Noir? -No, fuck off. 450 00:16:50,611 --> 00:16:53,313 Can't be sidetracked with cheap sex potions. 451 00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:54,715 Question still remains. 452 00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,416 What is Gizmo up to? 453 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:07,694 [Nandor] Hyah! 454 00:17:07,728 --> 00:17:10,430 Prepare to be pillaged! 455 00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,566 -Laszlo! -Shut up. 456 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,168 -I found John! -Idiot. 457 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,435 -[Nandor] It's John! -Fucking idiot. 458 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:19,306 [Nandor exclaims] Make this thing go faster! 459 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,075 [Guillermo] That was, uh, some pretty heavy stuff at dinner, huh? 460 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,443 [chuckles] 461 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,413 Just stuff I did not even, I didn't even... 462 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,581 [clicks tongue] 463 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,016 ...know. 464 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,486 Sorry. [short chuckle] 465 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,322 Where was I? Um... 466 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:38,025 I was hemorrhaging profusely, uh, about to die. 467 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,160 -You good? -[grunts] Yeah. 468 00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:42,062 -Yeah, I think so. -Well, that's good. 469 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,198 -'Cause I haven't done it yet. -Oh, dude. 470 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,066 Other people's blood I'm fine with. 471 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,168 But the sight of my own? No, thank you. 472 00:17:48,202 --> 00:17:49,436 You know, when I think about fainting, I faint. 473 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,572 -[gasps] -[grunts] 474 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:53,707 It's really hard to break the skin. 475 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,576 -Um... -I'm running out of time here, buddy. 476 00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:57,711 Here. Why don't you slice me up with this box cutter? 477 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,313 Are you sure? It's gonna hurt. 478 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,648 -I'm a vampire. I think I can handle it. -Okay. 479 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,153 -Did you do it? -Yeah, I did. 480 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,187 -But don't look because-- -Don't look at what? 481 00:18:07,221 --> 00:18:08,188 -Oh, shit. -No, Derek. 482 00:18:08,222 --> 00:18:09,523 No. 483 00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:18,465 The deed is done. The die is cast. 484 00:18:18,499 --> 00:18:20,300 There's no turning-- 485 00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:22,002 [groaning] 486 00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:26,573 ♪ ♪ 487 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:33,347 Derek. Toilet again. 488 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,681 [gasps] 489 00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:36,183 Oh... 490 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,718 Okay, sorry, dude, I got to go take care of this. 491 00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:40,287 Oh, shit. Dude? 492 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,689 -Dude? -[grunts] 493 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,695 So, yeah. 494 00:18:50,731 --> 00:18:51,999 That's where we're at. 495 00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,205 [Guillermo] It seems to be 496 00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,740 a process. 497 00:18:59,773 --> 00:19:03,443 I thought the transformation would be faster, 498 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:05,579 but I haven't drank blood. 499 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,214 I can still eat human foods. 500 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,984 In fact, my appetite for very rare meat is ravenous. 501 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,623 My teeth are totally normal and... 502 00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,692 I don't feel any sexier. 503 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,961 I can still go out into the sun. 504 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,033 I can't fly or turn into a bat. 505 00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:27,034 Yet. 506 00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:28,569 Bat! 507 00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,070 Human form. 508 00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,438 I thought the transformation 509 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,741 would be overnight, but it's been 16 days. 510 00:19:34,775 --> 00:19:36,577 Which is why I've been keeping it a secret. 511 00:19:38,078 --> 00:19:39,546 I was kind of holding off for that big 512 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:41,615 "wow factor" for the reveal, but at this point, 513 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,450 I don't even think I should tell them because-- 514 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,586 -[optometrist] Mr. de la Corz? -Uh, so sorry about that. 515 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,587 De la Cruz? That's me. 516 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,188 -De la Cruz. -Hi. 517 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:49,590 How long have you been wearing glasses 518 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:50,624 with this prescription? 519 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,426 Oh, since I was three or four? 520 00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:53,994 I-I don't know who screwed up here, 521 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:57,130 but you actually don't need glasses at all. 522 00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:58,532 According to the eye exam you just did, 523 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,667 you have 20/20 vision. 524 00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:02,402 It's actually better than 20/20 vision. 525 00:20:02,436 --> 00:20:03,704 -Whoa. -Yeah. 526 00:20:03,737 --> 00:20:06,039 Well, that is... 527 00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:09,009 a super power. 528 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,445 -Wow, that's... Wow. -So, right now, you're wearing 529 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,714 a very strong prescription for no reason. 530 00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:15,048 -Let's stop doing that. -Let's stop doing that. 531 00:20:15,082 --> 00:20:16,216 -Yeah. [chuckles] -Yeah, okay. 532 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:18,452 Would it be possible to just get a pair 533 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,153 without a prescription? 534 00:20:20,187 --> 00:20:21,355 Just, I don't want people to think 535 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,291 I look... different. 536 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:27,027 Uh, yeah. Sure. You want the same frames or... 537 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,662 [chimes ringing] 538 00:20:32,199 --> 00:20:34,168 [Nandor] Did you enjoy your birthday? 539 00:20:34,201 --> 00:20:36,069 It was all right, Master. 540 00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,304 I guess I wasn't really that hungry. 541 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,439 And that is okay. 542 00:20:39,473 --> 00:20:40,741 Do the other side. 543 00:20:40,774 --> 00:20:43,343 -Master? -Mm-hmm? 544 00:20:43,377 --> 00:20:45,579 If I accidentally 545 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:48,015 got made into a vampire... 546 00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:49,049 -Mm-hmm? -by somebody else, 547 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,584 you wouldn't really... 548 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,152 kill me, would you? 549 00:20:53,487 --> 00:20:55,155 Accidentally, you say? 550 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:59,993 -Yes. -Not intentionally? 551 00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:04,398 No, I guess... not. 552 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:07,668 I'd still have to kill you. What choice would I have? 553 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:11,171 What about "vampire shall not kill other vampire"? 554 00:21:11,205 --> 00:21:13,207 Guillermo, I don't like 555 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,475 hypothetical brain-ticklers before bedtime. 556 00:21:15,509 --> 00:21:17,177 -You know this. -Right. 557 00:21:17,211 --> 00:21:19,179 Makes my head heat up. 558 00:21:19,213 --> 00:21:24,084 How's about a nice bedtime story? 559 00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:27,321 Okay. I did see this very interesting movie 560 00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:28,722 the other night. 561 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,658 -Oh, tell me. -It was about this guy. 562 00:21:31,692 --> 00:21:34,161 -And he got turned into a vampire. -[gasps] 563 00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:35,696 -Really? -Yeah. 564 00:21:35,729 --> 00:21:37,331 But then he realizes that maybe 565 00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:40,701 he wasn't ready to be turned into a vampire. 566 00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:41,702 Why not? 567 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,038 He had his reasons. But then 568 00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:46,673 he tries to find a way to 569 00:21:46,707 --> 00:21:48,675 stop the process of becoming a vampire and rever-- 570 00:21:48,709 --> 00:21:50,043 Guillermo, please. 571 00:21:50,077 --> 00:21:52,579 I don't like science-fiction stories 572 00:21:52,613 --> 00:21:54,581 before bedtime either. 573 00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:57,551 -Yeah. -That reminds me. 574 00:21:57,584 --> 00:21:59,720 I got you a birthday present. 575 00:21:59,753 --> 00:22:02,289 I heard you when you said you wanted a footlocker. 576 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:04,158 [singsongy] So I got you 577 00:22:04,191 --> 00:22:06,693 a footlocker. 578 00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:08,729 -[Guillermo] Thank you, Master. -Yes. 579 00:22:08,762 --> 00:22:11,732 You are welcome. Close the lid. [sighs] 580 00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:14,635 ["Secrets in the Moonlight" by Harry James playing] 581 00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:25,045 [Guillermo] Being a vampire is 582 00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:26,346 no different than being a human. 583 00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:29,550 We're all just doing what it takes to survive. 584 00:22:33,086 --> 00:22:35,689 We go on about our day. 585 00:22:35,722 --> 00:22:36,723 Blend in. 586 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:40,527 Act like everyone else. 587 00:22:43,297 --> 00:22:45,566 But the truth is 588 00:22:45,599 --> 00:22:47,534 we're all just hiding in plain sight. 589 00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:54,041 ♪ Secrets in the moonlight ♪ 590 00:22:54,074 --> 00:22:57,744 ♪ Whispers in the dark with you ♪ 591 00:22:57,778 --> 00:23:01,014 ♪ Secrets in the moonlight ♪ 592 00:23:02,249 --> 00:23:06,086 ♪ Silent fire kiss or two ♪ 593 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,590 ♪ When there are moonbeams ♪ 594 00:23:09,623 --> 00:23:14,561 ♪ Dancing on your cheek ♪ 595 00:23:14,595 --> 00:23:18,065 ♪ My darling, every dream ♪ 596 00:23:18,098 --> 00:23:19,666 ♪ I've ever had ♪ 597 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:23,303 ♪ Comes true ♪ 598 00:23:23,337 --> 00:23:28,075 ♪ When I share secrets in the moonlight ♪ 599 00:23:28,108 --> 00:23:43,423 ♪ With you. ♪ 41317

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.