All language subtitles for Detectorists - Special (Crook_ Mackenzie 2022)_WEBRip.1080p.x264.AAC_EN

Morning. It's Kevin, is it?

- Yeah.
- Andy.

Lance.

So, metal detectors, are ya?

Detectorists.

Metal detectors are in
the boot all ready to go.

So, drawing up a contract as discussed,

outlining our agreement
that anything of any value

is split 50/50 between us,

the finders, and you, the landowner.

I'll have a look.

Was wondering if you'd sign
that now, actually, Kevin.

Best to get the paperwork
in place before we get started.

Well, okay.

So, which fields we allowed in?

Well, everything south of here
to the river is ours.

Winter barely is already in
at Brantford Road,

but otherwise, go where you like.

And nobody's ever searched here
before, to your knowledge?

Metal detectors?

Detectorists, yeah.

Not that I know of.

Well, thanks again.

Cheerio.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
10 acres of prime pay dirt,

freshly plowed and months
'til the crops go in.

Bring it on.

You're very welcome.

There are some guys mending the fence

down by the woods,
but they won't bother you.

Just tell you're the metal detectors.

♪ Will you search through
the lonely earth for me? ♪

♪ Climb through
the briar and bramble ♪

♪ I'll be your treasure ♪

♪ I'm waiting for you ♪

♪ I'm waiting for you ♪

Oi, archeology.

Eyes only.

Oh, nice, look at that.

That's a... that's a cup.

Oh, really?
Anything else?

Yeah, that looks like Colchester ware,

made somewhere near Colchester.

That's great, completed.

Looks like it's got some age to it.

Ah.

You like crockery. You keep it.

I don't want it, it's yours.
You found it.

You keep it, you philistine.

Not too bothered about kitchenware.

I'm looking for metal.

Not happening?

What's that?
A Scooby Doo van?

Mystery Machine, yeah.

Here.

Oh. Yeah.

- You know what that is?
- Think I know what it is.

- Sword pommel.
- That's what I was gonna say.

Will you give me a chance?

You know what period?

- Saxon.
- Saxon.

Bloody hell.

Yeah, nice find.

Something for the finds table at last.

You going along Tuesday?

What's happening?

Terry's giving a talk
on ground mineralization.

Sounds unmissable.

Tell you what,
come round at 6:00.

I'll knock out a Jalfrezi.

How's Toni?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Moved out a couple of weeks ago
now, back to her boat.

How's that feel?

Ah, I get on by.

Good to have the place to myself.

She'll still come and say,
but we couldn't live together.

I've got my hobbies, my stuff.

My habits.

She missed her boat.

Why you going this way?

It's roadworks up ahead.

Oh, shit.

Sorry, mate, you want me to turn around?

No, it's all right.

Actually, can you pull over a minute?

Yeah.

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

There's soup in the kitchen

when you've finished what you're doing.

Andy, is that you?

Can you turn over the fish fingers?

Yeah, hello.

Stan, Daddy's home.

- Daddy!
- Hello, sunshine.

You're too old to be carried.
You're 18.

No, I'm not. I'm 7.

- How old?
- 7.

Well, you're too big to be carried.

Did you find anything?

I did, actually.
I'll show you what I found.

- Hi.
- Hey.

How did the interview go?

It went all right.

I knew everyone on the board.
It was all the school governors.

- The fish fingers.
- Ooh!

Where'd you find your jar of pipes?

I went to the cottage.

Lance took a wrong turn.

Found it behind some beams.

How was it?

Really overgrown.

Stinging nettles.

Sad, but not as sad as it was.

So, if you get this job,
head teachers wages are what?

Substantially more?

Why? Have you got plans?

I think we should take
the cottage off the market.

- Why?
- I want to try again.

Rebuild it.

We were doing so well before the fire.

It's gone, Andy.
There's nothing left of it.

We still own the land.

We could sell this place, moved into a flat

for a couple of months
while the structure goes up

or even a static home,
then we can live onsite.

We were just doing so well,

and I was doing that online
thatching course.

Seems a shame to give up on it.

What did you find with your metal detector?

I'll show you what I found.
Part of a sword.

- What part?
- You know the blade of a sword?

The long shiny sharp bit

that does all the cutting and stabbing?

Yes.

Well, not that bit.

The other end of a sword
is a thing called a pommel.

Imagine that at the end of a sword.

♪ Oh, the hokey cokey,
oh, the hokey cokey ♪

♪ Oh, the hokey cokey ♪

♪ Ears out, eyes in, ra-ra-ra ♪

The thing is, it's nothing fancy.

It's just standard issue,

which could mean either a military base,

or the site of a battle.

- Go on.
- Battle of Braintree.

599 CE.

Red World of East Anglia
versus Athelbert of Kent

and the first recorded
Christian army in Britain.

So writes Venerable Bede.

But if the Christians
are coming from Canterbury

and the Pagans from Rendlesham,

why do they meet all the way over there?

You think they met somewhere around here?

It's a much more direct route.

And a more likely one.

Why's it called the Battle of Braintree?

Well, it was when the farmer
mentioned Brentford Road.

Brentford would suggest a forge
through the River Brent,

but that river isn't called the Brent.

- It's called...
- The Blackwater.

Exactly.
So I delved a bit deeper.

Guess what it was called in Saxon times?

Could it possibly be...

River Brent, from where
Braintree gets its name.

Huh.

So, once again, the Venerable Bede

is talking out of his asshole.

Let's not talk about this
at the club tonight.

And I've been thinking,

let's play down the new
permission in general.

Play it down how?

Everyone knows about it.
They'll be asking.

Especially when they see my sword pommel.

Cupboard or fridge?

Cupboard, you fool.

What about not putting your sword pommel

on the finds table this week?

What?

That'll just get everyone all excited.

You're damn right it will.

That's the best thing I've found in a year.

That's a potential find of the months.

Well, it's only the first Tuesday.

You can wait two weeks.
It'll still qualify.

Oh, man, I was looking forward
to showing that off.

Let's just wait and see if anything else

turns up next visit,

and then we can present a body of evidence.

Where's that painting Stan did for you?

- What's that?
- Stan did you a painting at his

Saturday club at the Scout hall.

It was on the fridge here.

Must have chucked it out.

Chucked it out? Why?
Didn't you like it?

Well, it was fine.
It was a kid's painting.

I liked him giving it to me.
I liked the gesture.

But three weeks on the fridge,
I reckon that's fair enough.

Three weeks?

You want me to keep all of them forever?

Your fridge is a fire hazard.

Mate.

Oh, sorry, mate.
I wasn't thinking.

Do you write a best before date on them?

Sometimes.
On a Post It note.

Listen, about playing it down,

I just us to have a proper search

before the hoards come sniffing about.

If they ask where it is, just be vague.

I have in my hand a piece
of paper that bears grave news.

That doesn't bode well.

Grave news seldom does, Russell.

It involves the future of this hall

and all the societies
and clubs that use it.

Long story short,
developers are sniffing around.

And the council are saying that
unless we raise the funds

for refurbishment, this building will be

demolished and the land sold.

Added to which, it has also been confirmed

that despite our appeals,

we are to receive none of the reward

for the 162 Roman gold coins

that fell out of a tree
at our rally on Church Farm.

As you know, we subsequently
discovered that he land

had been sold to the solar company,

and we, as a club, had
no permission to be there.

Yeah, and Simon
and bloody Garfunkel did, so.

Must as it pains me to say it,

those two Terrafirma or the Dirt Sharks,

or whatever they're calling
themselves these days,

are claiming the finder's
share of the reward.

So, we are gonna need to do
some serious fund raising

if we're gonna keep this place.

Maybe it's finally time
for the naked calendar.

Well, I was thinking more of
a rally to begin with,

Russell, you know, with an entrance fee.

But to do that, we are gonna
need some really good land

to detect on.

How's your new permission, Lance?

Andy?

Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.

Don't hold out much hope
on that one, Terrance.

No?

Preliminary reces, disappointing.

Hmm.

Yeah, well, one rally isn't gonna be enough

to save this place,
but it would be a start.

So, any suggestions for a venue
will be gratefully received.

Along with any other straws
we can clutch at.

Tea's up.

Thanks, love.

Alright, grab yourselves a cuppa,

and then I'll get started on my talk.

Who found the cup?

Lance did. Eyes only.

Pah!

How much was that detector again, Lance?

You know you should get one that
actually detects metal, right?

No, no, Louise.

Any detectorist worth their salt

should regularly be
picking up eyes only finds.

You should be using all your senses,

constantly scanning the ground for clues.

Pottery can tell you a lot
about a location.

Uh-huh.

A great many gold finds are eyes only

because, Hugh?

'Cause gold doesn't corrode.

Good lad.

Comes out of the ground
as shiny as when it went in.

Right.

Are we ready for this evening's lecture?

Ah.

I noticed you were being very secretive

about your new permission there, chaps?

No, thing is, Terry, landowner,
Kevin, he's a bit wary.

We need to tread carefully.

He only wants us on there.

Mm. He said that, did he?

Yep.

Yeah, he did.

He said for now at least,
he'd prefer if it was just us.

Hmm.

Hello, DMDC.

Alright, Becks.
Been out this evening?

Yeah, saw some friends.

Alright, Terry.
How'd your talk go?

What was it again?

Oh, uh, the pros and cons
of calibrated balance

versus pulse induction

and coping with ground mineralization.

- Breathtaking.
- Intoxicating.

Ignore the sarcasm, Becky.
I think it was very informative.

And how did your

Battle of Braintree theory go down?

What's this now?

Oh, no, no, that was...
you're getting mixed up.

Am I?
Getting mixed up?

Yeah, yeah, that...
that was something else.

Battle of Braintree? 599?

Raedwald vs Ethelbert?
What about it?

Sorry, Terry.
Apparently, I'm confused.

Yes, Becky, I think you'll find
the Battle of Braintree

took place in Braintree.

"You're getting mixed up."
How fucking patronizing!

I'm sorry, it was Lance.

He doesn't want anyone to know
about the battle thing.

Why not?

Because he found the farm,
he wants to detect it himself.

So, you're keeping it a secret.

Oh, Jesus, you're like kids.

You're a qualified archeologist, Andy.

What does that mean?

It means why aren't you
taking this seriously?

The way you enthusiazing about it,

why aren't you trying to get
funding for a dig or something?

This is my hobby. You know what
happened with the archeology.

I got disillusioned.

Oh, yeah, really quickly.

All those years studying,
you qualify, you do one job,

and then you chuck it all in.

What a waste of time.

Two jobs. And why is
a waste of time?

I've still got all the knowledge.

Yeah, what do you use it for?

To make pedantic points
on metal detecting forums.

Is this how you feel?

How long have you been feeling like this?

Oh, I don't know.
I'm probably not.

I'm just pissed off you made me
look like an idiot in there.

But when you talk about
moving us into a caravan

so you can build a house,

while you talk about learning
to thatch, online,

for God's sake, you're not
a thatcher or a builder.

You're an archeologist!

There's no money in archeology.

There's no money in doing fuck all either!

- Y'ello?
- Alright, mate.

Uh, any chance you could get
the afternoon off work?

I was gonna head over to the farm.

Hang on a sec. Kev?!

Alright if I knock off,
once I've done these 'shrooms?

Mum's been taken into hospital again.

Yeah, okay. I'll pick you up
at yours midday?

Copy that.

You did what? Why?

I was just passing.

I didn't know when I'd next get the chance.

You had 14 days to declare that find.

Why did you have to do it so quick?

Teacher's pet.

It's at the bottom of a pile this big.

It'll be months before it's researched.

Yeah, months before you see it again, too.

And you can forget find of the month.

You'd better not have told them
about the Battle of Braintree.

Just left it at reception.

What was that?
Thunder?

I don't know.
Earth tremor?

Whatever it was, it came
at exactly the same point

- as a beautiful clear...
- Clear signal.

Yeah, me too.

Right when it happened, what did you find?

You won't believe it.

Another one, almost identical.

Shit.

You were right.

This can only be the site of a battle.

Three of them in the same field.

And that's not all I found.
Look.

That's a bridal fitting, strap end.

Yeah, buckle.

And, well, that's part of a spur.

Things were popping up all over the place.

They were leaping out of the ground.

I've never known a day like it.

This is massive.

Just think of it,
all that history, right there.

Under the bodie.

Bodie?

Bodie and Doyle, soil.

Speaking of which,

suppose we need to call
in the professionals.

Professionals?

What, archeologists?

Yeah.
Shouldn't we?

This is massive.
You said so yourself.

We need to tell someone,
get a team down there.

We are the team.
We can do it ourselves.

We know what we're doing,
we're careful, diligent.

Archeologists can't excavate a whole field.

What they gonna do?

Put down a trench in a battlefield?

No, this site needs to be
detected by detectorists.

- We need to tell someone.
- No, we don't.

Not yet.

Please. Andy.

Look, let's the two of us do it
just for a little bit longer.

It's the best permission
we've had in years.

Hey, Andy, do you feel that one?

Andy!

Mate? What you got?

Nothing.

Oh, I thought you called me.

It looked like you had
something, concentrating.

That turned out to be nothing.

Nothing at all?

Uh, it's...

Lead, lump of lead.

Oh, well, can't really complain.
It's been a good day.

Pub?

Yeah. Uh, no.

No, I've got...

I've got to go do and something.

Ah, better get off.

Oof.

Found a buckle and a strap end
in the same hole.

Found a buckle, checked again,
another signal, amazing.

Yeah.

How deep are you finding things?

All of mine were pretty much
within four inches

of the surface.

- Uh-huh.
- Driving a bit fast.

We're under the speed limit.

Just feels fast 'cause we're
close to the ground in this car.

Well, you're driving faster
than you usually do.

Am I?
I hadn't noticed.

Alright if I drop you here?

Here?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, it's just a bit further on.

Okay. Cheers for the lift.

Wait, mate, mate! Stop!

You drove off with my detector, you prick.

Can you make sure it doesn't
stay in the boot all night,

and can you give it a wipe down
with a damp cloth?

And can you make sure it's fully
charged before we go out again.

And give me a ring back or a text

so I know you got this message.

Oh, hey.
You're home early.

I didn't get the job, so I took
the rest of the day off.

Ah, shit.
Who got it?

Someone from outside.
Don't know them.

Ah, well.

Bloody Lance drove off
with my blood detector.

I was gonna give a coat of wax tonight.

"Ah, well"?

Sorry.
I was distracted.

I'm sorry you didn't get the job.

I gave in my notice.

What? Like, as in...?

You know what "I gave
in my notice" means, Andy.

It means I've resigned.

Okay, wow.
Why are you saying it like that?

Like what?

Like it's my fault.

Please don't make it about you,
Andy, for Christ sakes.

You didn't want to check with me first?

What happened to discussing things

and figuring them out together?

It was spur of the moment.

I didn't know I was gonna do it,
but the minute they told me

I hadn't got the job,
I realized I was relieved.

It was a weight off my shoulders.

I don't want to stay in that same place

with more work and more responsibility.

I want a complete change.

Change from me?

That's about what I said, Andy.

I love you, but...

I'm so tired.

I haven't stopped.

Not after the fire.

Not after Mum died.

And dealing with all her
affairs, it's been...

It's been exhausting.

I'm so tired.

I need you to help me, Andy.

I need you to step up.

Gree, greeden...

greg, gleg...

gregormy.

Gregormy?

What?

Oh.

Hi, love.

Hmm?

No, no, don't... don't come,
don't come round.

I'll meet you at the pub.

Yeah.

Alright, yeah.

Alright, love.

Okay, see you soon.

Yep.

Mm, me too.

Gregormy, greg or me.

Greg orme.

Ah. Gregorme.

Ah!

- Who is it?
- It's me, Andy.

- Alright?
- Alright, mate.

You're not gonna invite me in?

Thing is, I was just getting
ready to go out and see Toni.

Okay.
Well, can I get my detector?

I haven't got your detector.

You drove off with it, you bastard.

I left you a message.

Oh, yeah, I saw you rang.
I haven't listened to it.

I'll go get the key.

Mate, I've got a confession.
I lied to you.

I did tell the archeology service

about the Battle of Braintree idea,

and they're really interested.

I knew you did.

Teacher's pet.

So that's that, is it?

They'll soon be down.

Their cordons and their
little trowels and brushes.

Brush me off my own permission.

They said the sword pommel
wasn't enough to go on,

but if something of significance
were to turn up,

then there might be funding
available for an excavation.

I think what we found today,

including three sword pommels,
is significant,

and you wouldn't be
turfed off your permission

because I want to go back to work.

I want to be part of the team
that does the dig,

and you can, too, you can be involved.

Very noble of you.

This is Becky's doing, isn't it?

"Becky's doing"?
What, like a spell?

We talk about stuff, and we talked about me

going back to work, and we
decided it was a good idea.

She didn't put a curse on me.

Oh. Do you know what?

I don't think three sword
pommels is very significant.

I think it's little more
than a coincidence.

What? What about,
"This is massive"?

What about, "All that history
under the bodie?"

Oh, I was just excited after
finding a few interesting bits.

Do what you want.

Gonna be late.
Got to go meet Toni.

Mate, come on, this is important to me.

I'm telling the club on Tuesday.

I'm gonna put all my finds
on the finds table.

Do what you want.

Hello, you.

Hi, love.

Sorry. You been here long?

Uh, five minutes.
You're all right.

Expecting someone?

I need you to take something for me.

Look after it on your boat.

Stash it somewhere safe.

What's in it?

I can't tell you.

No, then.

Pardon?

Sorry, you're asking me
to hide a briefcase?

No, I won't.

What are you talking about,
Lance? What's in it?

Just something I found metal detecting.

Well, it's obviously not just
something you found,

or it wouldn't be in a briefcase.

Why is it in a briefcase?

Where did you get a briefcase from?

God.

You can't tell anyone.

I've broken protocol, badly.

Oh, I see.

Shiny.

Yeah.

Gold.

What is it?

Dunno.

Can't find out.

Is that writing?

- Yeah.
- What does it say?

I don't know.
Can't find out.

How've you broken the protocol?

I hid it from Andy.

Didn't tell him.

Why not?

Because he wants to call in the
beards and it's my permission.

He wants to turn it
into a proper organized dig.

He's talking about going
back to work in archeology,

and he thinks he's gonna head a team

that's gonna discover the site
of a major historic battle.

Well, that all sounds amazing.

Well, when I put it
like that, it does, yeah.

How else might you put it?

It's my permission.
I found that permission.

I want to do it with my metal detector.

Lance, listen to yourself.

This sounds like an incredible
opportunity for Andy.

It sounds really exciting.
For you, as well.

Just tell him.
Show him the gold.

I broke it.

He'd never trust me again.

Can't you find it again?

What?

Find it again.

But this time make sure
Andy sees you find it.

I could.

I could find it again.

Even better.

Have loads of witnesses, hold
one of your detecting rallies.

Find the gold, take the glory,
and then do the right thing

and hand it all over to Andy and
the beards, as you call them.

- I'd have to dance.
- Hm?

I'd have to fake a convincing gold dance.

At a rally, it'd be expected.

Do you want me to help you
work something out?

No, no, I could throw a few moves together.

Make it look spontaneous.

Not too slick.

Well, this is unprecedented.

The first time we have ever had
to extend the finds table.

Sorry I'm late.

Hello, Russ.

You look well.

I didn't know you played squash.

Just taken it up.

Oh, hello. You had a trim?

Just a tidy up.

Whay hey, look at this.

You're gonna need a bigger finds table.

You know, like, in "Jaws."

Whose is all this?

Lance and Andy's new permission.

Well, you know what all this
is saying to me?

It's saying, "Site of
potentially great importance."

Yeah, well, I got a theory about that.

Actually, Terry, I've been looking into it,

and I think it'll be worth informing

the Archeology Service.

I agree.

Do you?

Yeah. Makes sense.

I was wondering, Terry,

if we were to detect the whole site first,

catalog all the finds
just below the surface,

give them a better idea

of where to put down their little trenches.

Do you reckon you could get us
all on that permission?

Yeah, I've already spoken to Kevin.

Give him a bell.
He's happy to let anyone on.

What's this?

Yeah, don't you think?

Share the wealth?

How quickly can you scramble
a rally, Telford?

- This weekend?
- Sunday?

I think it's eminently doable.

What are you doing?

What about asking me first?

I thought it was what you wanted?

That's not what I said.

Gets loads of people down there.

Yeah, archeologists.

You said yourself.

The archeologists will only come

if we find something significant.

More people that get down there,

the better chance we have of finding it.

Then you can invite
all your beady bum chums.

What, five pounds each?

What do you reckon, tenner?

Hi, Andy. How are you?

I'm well. Thanks, Toni.

Have we got that gold dance, ready?

Partner, got a gold dance ready?

Got a good feeling about today.

Does everyone want to start
gathering round?

That's it, folks.
Welcome, everybody.

Now, first thing's first,
many thanks to Lance and Andy

for sharing their permission.

The lunch whistle will be blown
at midday precisely,

and, Russell,

I believe you're gonna read
the blessing for us today.

Our farmer, who art named Kevin,
furrowed be thy plain.

Viking for some, Saxon, Roman
unearthed, so it isn't hidden.

Give us permission this day to tread

so we won't be trespassers,

as trespassing leaves a bad taste among us

and lead us not into frustration,

but deliver us medieval.

Decline aluminum, whatever the weather.

Amen.

- Amen.
- Amen.

♪ Will you swim through
the briny sea for me? ♪

♪ All along the ocean's floor ♪

♪ I'll be your treasure ♪

♪ And with the ghosts of the men
who come dancing again ♪

♪ There's a face, follow me ♪

♪ We're alone, lost at sea ♪

♪ He's waiting for you ♪

♪ He's waiting for you ♪

Marked the spot with
a big lump of of flint.

It's called a hack stone.

Farmers used to hang them in
their barns, ward off witches.

That one.

I know, I'm on it.

I was watching you.
You're behaving so suspiciously.

I'm surprised nobody's guessed.
Why haven't you found it yet?

Keep your voice down.

When are you going to find it?

No gold has ever been found
before lunch, ever.

If I'd have dug it up this morning,

they'd have smelled a rat.

That's rubbish.

Ideally, it'd be the last signal
of the day.

Gold usually is.

But I'll know when the time is right.

That one.

I know, I've got it.

Didn't realize you were actually
gonna bury the gold.

Could you not just had it in your pocket

and dropped it in a hole?

Oh, bloody hell.

That's a much better idea.

What a fool.

Unbelievable.

Well, hello there.

Didn't know the DMDC was still going.

This our rally.

Go on, get lost.

You're not welcome.

I believe it was an open invitation.

You greedy pigs.

You didn't find those coins.

Neither did any of you.
They fell out the trees.

Truth is, when they heard
the DMDC didn't have

the correct paperwork in place,

we had to distance ourselves from you.

You must understand to share
the reward money with the DMDC

would mean we condone your behavior.

We were in a corner.

We needed that money
to save our Scout hall.

Do you know how many clubs
and societies use that hall?

Ugh, Sheila, you're breaking my heart.

He's shaking my confidence daily.

Go on, hop it.

If the National Council
for Metal Detecting were to

find out you held a rally on land

you had no right to be on,
if someone were to tell them,

well, they might just
strip you of your license.

This is Craig.

He helps us out.

Oh, hello, Craig.

Shall we?

Did I see you detecting backwards earlier?

Just trying something out.

- Oi, where'd you get that?
- Found it.

- Call 'em mag stones.
- I know what they call 'em.

Yeah, farmers used to hang 'em
in their barns

to ward off the witches.

I know what farmers used to do with 'em.

Think I might pop that on the finds table.

Eyes only.

Hardly a find, is it?

Should have left it where it was.

Hey!

Over here!

Ah, it's nothing.

Alright, Lance.

Anything?

Nothing much to speak of,
really. You?

Late 20th century pocket drop.

And a bunch of keys.

£1.22, and a Nokia 5110.

- Look at that.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I haven't seen one of them in years.

My first mobile was one of these.

Hugh!

Come over and check this signal for me.

Right there.

You want to dig that?

This was fashion accessory
of the year in 1999.

Got mine in '98.

What's the circuitry in one of those?

What sort of signal reading did you get?

Terry!

Russell!

- Come have a look at this.
- What's that?

- Louise!
- Is he dancing?

It's gold!

Bloody hell!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, careful, careful.

Now, just stand back, stand back.

Give it some room.

What we got, Andy?

About six inches down, popped straight out.

We are gonna need tape cordons
and GPS coordinates.

Terry for Sheila.
Sheila do you copy, over?

Oh, forgot to give her the other unit.

Sheila! Cordons!

First things first,
we need to get that into

a humidity controlled environment.

- Where's Lance?
- Oh, it's all right.

I can see Sheila come with some tape.

Where's Lance?

What?
Something significant?

I think I might have.

Congratulations.

Did you check your hole?

Hugh? Could you?

So you can hold it there, mate.

We'll take some more away if we need to.

So, what are you gonna do, Jobless?

Sign on?

I don't know.

I'm gonna take a year, try and turn Mum's

mid-century museum into a home.

Hang out with Stan.

I don't know, maybe try
and learn something new.

Hey!

Come down!

Come and detect the spoil heap.

Do you want to?

I don't detect spoil heaps.

Vulgar.

Do you think they'll be okay?

Yeah.
He'll get over it.

It was a good thing he did.

Andy's so excited.

I know. Look at him.
He's in his element.

Mm-hmm.

Are you ready, Lance?
Shall we leave them to it?

Yeah.

You're very welcome.

Why is there a party at Uncle Terry

and Auntie Sheila's house?

You remember I told you all
the things we found in the field

went to the big museum in London

and the metal detecting club
is getting all the reward money.

- Will Lance be there?
- I hope so.

Has he really not been metal
detecting for a whole year?

So he says.

Unless he's been out secretly.

You know how you don't get
to keep the gold that you found?

Yeah, sadly.

- We don't have to be sad.
- No?

No, because I made you
some treasure at Saturday Club.

Did you?

Wait 'til you get an eye full of this.

Wow!

That is magnificent.

- Do you like it?
- I love it.

Do you know who'd love
it even more than me?

- Who?
- Uncle Lance.

He loves treasure.

I reckon he'd put this on his special shelf

with all his favorite finds,
if you asked him.

Can I give it to Uncle Lance?

Oh, yes.

You wait 'til you see his face.

He is gonna love this.

Oh, there they are.
Hello, Lance. Hello, Toni.

We're just having a photo done.

Terry, move in a bit.

Ah-ah. That's it. Now, Andy,
hold your hands like this.

What are we doing?

Do we have to go through
all of this, Russell?

Can't we just take the photo?

Hold on, this is going to be good.

Okay. And smile.

Hey, there she is, folks.

65 big ones to renovate the scout hall,

starting with the kitchen.

And then on Saturday, a press conference at

the British Museum, where all the findings

will be revealed to the world.

Pity we can't all be there, but
I'm sure our two star members,

well, they'll be great
ambassadors for the club.

So, please raise your glasses
to Andy and Hugh.

Cheers, boys.

Cheers.

Hey, hello, mate.

Look at that.

Cheers. 65,000.

Lemonade, Louise? Varde?

No, you're all right.
We're all set. Thanks, Sheila.

Craig. Lemonade.

Thanks, Sheila.
Very kind.

Yeah, so soon after they fired me,

they changed their name again.

- Lemonade?
- From Terrafirma

to Absolute Hunters.

Ah, come on, you're kidding me.

No "E" in Absolut.

Like the vodka.

Wankers.

They got new bomber jackets
with "AH" on the back.

Ass holes.

Exactly.

- Who's that?
- Uncle Russell.

And who are they?

Aunty Louise and Aunty Varde.

When's your new kitchen arriving
for the Scout hall, Terry?

Oh, couple of weeks.
Yeah.

And we'll be very glad
of your new found joinery skills

when the time comes, Becky.

But, I do have a skip
coming on Saturday, so,

anyone who's free and wants
to lend a hand dismantling

the old kitchen, filling a skip,
the more the merrier.

- And who's that?
- Uncle Hugh.

And who are they?

Uncle Lance and Aunty Sheila.

In terms of safety,

you don't need to keep this refrigerated.

The main components
are tomatoes and vinegar

and they preserve it at room temperature

'cause of their natural acidity.

Alright, Lance.

Can I have a word?

Alright, Hugh.

I was wondering if you'd
take my place on Saturday

at the press conference.

Why?

I want to help out with the skip.

I love skips.
I don't want to miss it.

That's rhubarb, Hugh.

I know what you're doing
and it's very kind of you.

You're a good lad.

- I'm 38.
- It should be you and Andy

who go there.

No. Really.

I don't want to miss that skip.

Seriously?

Well, thanks but, uh, I have
plans for Saturday.

Oh.

No, you don't.

I might have.

Well, you don't because
you told me in the car

on the way over here.

Swallow your pride.
Go and talk to him.

Alright.

Alright.

Get to find out on Saturday if
we were right about the battle.

Yeah. Exciting.

Sorry, it's just the two invites.

Hugh reckons he's not going.

Really?

He likes skips.

Yeah?

Well then, you can come.

Ah, I'm busy, I'm afraid.

Meeting.

What sort of meeting?

General meeting.

Nothing you can get out of?

Doubtful.

Well, I'm catching the 8:30
from Henburystone.

Stan, Uncle Lance is here.

He made you something at Saturday Club.

- I don't want it.
- Stan, come and show

Uncle Lance what you made.

I don't want it.

Hello, Stan.

What the devil is that?

Is that for me?

I made it.

It's great.
What is it?

Treasure because you didn't find any gold.

Oh, right, I see.

He wants you to put it
on your special shelf, Lance.

You mean the shelf on which I display

my best finds
and more treasured possessions?

Yeah. That shelf.

Ask him how long he'll keep it for, Stan.

How long will you keep it for?

Well, I'll level with you Stan.
I'll keep it for three weeks.

How long is three weeks?

21 days precisely,
so that's, um, 29th of August.

Fair enough.

Good lad.

- Alright?
- Alright.

You're cutting it fine.

Car wouldn't start.

Been watching "University Challenge"?

I keep half an eye on it.

- Did you see the episode...
- Questions on Sutton Hoo?

That's the one. Yeah.

Episode five.
About 13 minutes in.

Unbelievable.
What a bunch of ignoramuses.

Not a single correct answer.

Assume you got 'em all right?

Yes, easy.

Me too.

Easy.

Excited to see your gold again?

Hey, did you see the landowner,
Kevin, on the "One Show"?

He's come out of his shell.

I read he might be doing
"Strictly."

So, who do you think will be there?

Journalists, academics, everyone I reckon.

Yeah, archeology's the new rock and roll.

All the big hitters
will be interested in this one.

Do you think she'll be there?

Professor Alice Roberts?

It's not impossible.

Ready?

Born ready.

Excuse me.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Please come on forwards.

There's some seats here to fill up.

Yes, we have some space.
Thank you.

Lovely to see you.
Good, good, yes.

Excellent. Everybody in? Good.

I'd like to introduce
Professor Stephen Drinkwater

from the Early Medieval Collections

and Jennifer Maynard from
the Portable Antiquity Scheme.

So, to begin.

Is it too early to be
renaming the Battle of Braintree

the Battle of Danebury?

Well, the evidence is extremely compelling.

It makes a very good argument
for that very...

You're all right, you're all right.

You're all right.

Right. Oh!

There we go.

That'll be the press conference
starting down in London.

Yeah. Andy said he'd give us
a shout when it's all finished.

Right, this is being picked up later today,

so we don't have much time.

Let's try and fill it,
and let's be ruthless.

Anything we don't need goes
straight in there.

Come on then.

This inscription, we believe,
when complete would have read

"Gregoriouis mekhet Gerikan."

"Gregory had me made."

And we now believe that this is a panel

from an early Christian reliquary.

As many of you know,
Augustine of Canterbury

was sent by Pope Gregory to convert

King Ethelbert of Kent to Christianity.

And he came, so writes Sir Venerable Bede,

with many gifts, including a gilded box

containing a holy relic.

Now, according to Bede,

this relic was subsequently
taken into several battles

but we can find no reference
of what became of it.

So, what relic would it have contained?

Again, there's nothing
documented about its contents.

Most commonly, these reliquaries
claim to hold a bone fragment

or piece of the true cross,
but it's that old adage,

if all the pieces of the true
cross were gathered together,

there'd be enough timber for 100 crosses.

Thank you.

Thank you very much indeed.

The only visual reference we can find

for a reliquary of this period

is depicted as containing
a bejeweled challis,

presumably the so-called "holy grail".

But, as I say, the contents
of these reliquaries

were largely symbolic,
and Christ at the Last Supper

would certainly not have been
handing around a golden challis.

The real Holy Grail

would have much more likely
been a simple clay cup.

What happened to the cup?

- I don't know.
- Have you still got...

Just trying to think.

What did I do with it?

I found it, and then I...

Ah! I threw it to you.

I threw it back.

It was on the finds table.

I remember you put it on the finds table

that following Tuesday.

Yes.

And Louise took the piss.

So, what happened to it after that?

Did you take it back?

- I don't know.
- Think!

What do you suppose I am doing?
Not thinking?

Shut up.

I've never thought so hard in all my life.

Russell drank his tea from it.

Yes, and then the week
after he trimmed his beard,

he looked years younger.

It must have been washed up
in the Scout hall kitchen.

The kitchen that everyone's
currently throwing into a skip.

Hell and blood.

Varde, can you help me, please?

Careful, Varde.

What was that?

Do you want to sweep up those pieces

before someone treads in it?

Are we getting new crockery?

Oh, yes.

Matching cups and sauces
for everyone from now on, Russ.

Shall I chuck these, then?

Well, just see if there's anything in there

that's good enough
for the charity shop first, huh?

Oh, Tesser, give me a ring back
as soon as you get this message.

Yeah.

There was a cup, a clay cup,
on the finds table.

Might be in lost property.

Yeah, it might e in lost property.

But just don't throw anything away,

Tesser, and give me a ring back
as soon as you get this message.

Hmm.

So you didn't declare it,

you didn't record the GPS coordinates,

you didn't even take a photo.

It was just a cup.

You said it was from Colchester.

I thought it was.

There we are.
It probably was.

This is ridiculous.

Why we even talking about it?

Are we seriously entertaining the idea

that we might have found...

Tessler.

A what?

No, look, sorry, you're breaking up.

Hello?

Signal.

What shall I do with these, Terry?

Oh, what's in there?
Anything interesting?

Nah.
Nothing of interest.

Chuck it, I reckon.

Or leave it on the side

in case anyone else
wants another look through.

Hang on.

Hello, Lance. Sorry, mate.
We got cut off there.

I don't know what happened.

Terry. Terry?

Hello?

Yeah, no, I can hear you.
Can you hear me?

- Terry?
- Yeah, no, I can hear you.

Can you hear me?

I can't hear him.

What was that?

Forgot to pay the car park.

Good job.

Bag!

You're all right, you're all right.

You're all right.

No! Wait!

- Wait!
- No!

Don't let it go!

What?

- Stop it.
- What?

What's going on?

- Has he gone?
- You've finished?

Yeah, why?

Everything is all...
you've cleaned everything out?

What have you lost?

- Nothing.
- Nothing.

I should have gone to the landfill site.

Might have been obvious where they'd dumped

the most recent stuff.

Ah, mate.

That way madness lies.

Imagine trying to explain
that one to Becky.

Just got to let it go.

Assume it wasn't what we don't
really believe it was anyway.

Don't we?

Don't we think it could have been?

Oi, archeology.

Eyes only.

Oh.
Nice, look at that.

That's a cup.

Oh, really?
Anything else?

Yeah, looks like Colchester ware.

Somewhere near Colchester.

No, mate.

That way madness lies.

That way, too, huh?

Afraid so.

It's a minefield of madness.

- Pub?
- Go on then.

Ah, probably better we
didn't find the Holy Grail.

Imagine all the...

Hullaballoo?

Right old brew ha-ha.

Do you feel that?

- What is that?
- I don't know. Sonic boom?

Fracking?

Have to ask the interweb.