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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,612 Tonight's program takes us backstage 2 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:21,315 to witness firsthand the creation, start to finish, 3 00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:25,185 of a new play mounted on the American stage. 4 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,590 Asteroid City does not exist. 5 00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,257 It is an imaginary drama 6 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:33,226 created expressly for this broadcast. 7 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,197 The characters are fictional, the text hypothetical, 8 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,601 the events an apocryphal fabrication, 9 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:42,637 but together they present an authentic account 10 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:46,473 of the inner workings of a modern theatrical production. 11 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:50,377 Our story begins, of course, with an ink ribbon. 12 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:54,481 Conrad Earp, playwright, native of upper Wyoming, 13 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,552 well-known for his romantic poetic tapestries 14 00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,487 of life west of the Rocky Mountains. 15 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,762 There is little amusement to be had, however, 16 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,631 in watching a man type. 17 00:02:09,664 --> 00:02:13,266 Skip ahead, then, past the lonely, agonized months 18 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,504 of composing, revising, polishing, editing, rewriting, 19 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:20,173 cutting, pasting, pacing, doodling and solitary drinking, 20 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,510 and join our company as they take the stage 21 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,779 for their first read-through rehearsal. 22 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,848 Location: the Tarkington Theater, 23 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,851 345 South Northwest Avenue. 24 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,255 Curtain rises on a desert bus stop 25 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:38,325 halfway between Parched Gulch and Arid Plains. 26 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,561 Main scenography includes 27 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,664 a 12-stool luncheonette, 28 00:02:42,697 --> 00:02:44,464 a one-pump filling station 29 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,467 and a ten-cabin motor court hotel. 30 00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:48,903 Upstage left: 31 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,672 the Tomahawk Mountains. 32 00:02:50,705 --> 00:02:53,240 Highest peak: 11,000 feet. 33 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:56,276 Upstage right: an unfinished highway overpass 34 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,412 which vaults up 20 feet, then chops off midair 35 00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,815 behind a permanent roadblock. 36 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,517 Center front: an impact crater 37 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,418 a hundred feet in depth and diameter 38 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:08,255 encircled by a low Little League variety chain-link fence. 39 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,727 Offstage, distant: a 650-car freight train 40 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,329 which click-clacks by at five miles an hour. 41 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,298 Note to chief electrician: 42 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,234 The light of the desert sun is neither warm nor cool 43 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,805 but always clean 44 00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:26,741 and, above all, unforgiving. 45 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,242 Cast: Augie Steenbeck, 46 00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,512 war photographer, early 40s. 47 00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:34,749 His son Woodrow, 14, also known as Brainiac. 48 00:03:35,717 --> 00:03:38,753 Midge Campbell, late 30s, film actress. 49 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,955 Her daughter Dinah, 15. 50 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,725 June Douglas, schoolteacher. 51 00:03:43,758 --> 00:03:46,493 Ranch hand Montana, above. 52 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,596 Grif Gibson, five-star general. 53 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:53,266 Sandy Borden, Roger Cho, J.J. Kellogg. 54 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,670 Clifford, Ricky, Shelly. 55 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:59,741 Stanley Zak, 65, retired. 56 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:04,444 The action of the play takes place in September of 1955. 57 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,749 Act one: Friday morning, 7:00 a.m. 58 00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:10,283 Act two: the next day. 59 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,653 Act three: one week later. 60 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:20,561 ? Last train to San Fernando ? 61 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:24,832 ? Last train to San Fernando ? 62 00:04:24,866 --> 00:04:28,503 ? If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ? 63 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:32,640 ? Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando ? 64 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,509 ? Last night, I met my sweet Dorothy ? 65 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,544 ? She said, "Tomorrow I join in sweet matrimony" ? 66 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,546 ? But if you act all right ? 67 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,313 ? Oh, you can take me out tonight ? 68 00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,449 ? We can wine and dine and get back in time ? 69 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:45,052 ? For the last train to San Fernando ? 70 00:04:45,086 --> 00:04:49,957 ? Last train to San Fernando ? 71 00:04:49,991 --> 00:04:53,628 ? Last train to San Fernando ? 72 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,364 ? If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ? 73 00:04:57,397 --> 00:05:00,701 ? Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando. ? 74 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,015 It's a dead snake. 75 00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:30,251 Flat snake. 76 00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,954 Poke him in the head with this stick. 77 00:07:37,058 --> 00:07:39,160 ? I wander the streets ? 78 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:42,697 ? And the gay crowded places... ? 79 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:46,233 Five orders of flapjacks and a black coffee. 80 00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:49,603 ? But somehow it seems ? 81 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:53,007 ? That my thoughts ever stray ? 82 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,842 ? To our last... ? 83 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,110 Who needs to pee? 84 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,645 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. 85 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,513 Our average speed is 83 feet per second. 86 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,282 Poor fuel efficiency due to excess wind resistance. 87 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,984 Probably the luggage rack. 88 00:08:03,017 --> 00:08:05,252 Based on data before the loss of power, obviously. 89 00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:07,588 ? High in the sky... ? 90 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,523 What do you little princesses want to drink? 91 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,925 -Oh, we're not princesses. -I'm a vampire. 92 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,827 I'm a mummy in Egypt who got buried alive... 93 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,729 -I suck people's blood. -...and came back to life 94 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:17,031 -with his head chopped off. -I'm a fairy. 95 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,235 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 96 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,272 What was that? 97 00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:27,274 Another atom bomb test. 98 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,027 I've seen this combination of symptoms twice before 99 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,095 in the '52 Estate model. 100 00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:52,299 In one case, it was a quick fix of a 75-cent part. 101 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:54,602 In the other case, it was a difficult, costly, 102 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,304 time-consuming disassembly and re-mantling 103 00:08:57,338 --> 00:08:58,906 of the entire drivetrain 104 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,142 and lubrication mechanism, which didn't work. 105 00:09:01,175 --> 00:09:02,843 The motor exploded itself, 106 00:09:02,877 --> 00:09:05,046 and the body was stripped and sold for scrap. 107 00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:06,747 There it is. 108 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,322 Well, which one have we got? 109 00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:17,758 We're about to find out. 110 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,225 You got the first one. 111 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,793 -How much do I owe you? -Nothing. 112 00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:54,361 Ten dollars for the tow. 113 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,602 What's that? Wh-What's that? 114 00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,838 I don't know. 115 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,318 I think you've got a third problem 116 00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,353 we've never seen before. 117 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,695 Zak residence. 118 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,296 Romulus, this is Augie Steenbeck. 119 00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:31,065 Good morning, Mr. Augie. The gate is open. 120 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,033 -No, we're not there. -You're not here? 121 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:36,003 -May I speak to Mr. Zak? -Yes, Mr. Augie. 122 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,420 -You're not here? -We're not there. 123 00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:55,422 The car exploded. Come get the girls. 124 00:10:55,456 --> 00:10:56,991 The car exploded? 125 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,727 Parts of the car exploded itself, yes. 126 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,362 -Come get the girls. -I'm not their chauffeur. 127 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:02,897 I'm their grandfather. 128 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,999 -Where are you? -Asteroid City. 129 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,001 Farm Route Six, mile 75. Come get the girls. 130 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,469 I have to stay here with Woodrow. 131 00:11:08,503 --> 00:11:09,904 What are you talking about? 132 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,173 The thing for Woodrow. We're there. 133 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,876 Hmm. 134 00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:21,682 -Hello? -How'd they take it? 135 00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:26,387 They didn't. 136 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,721 -No? -No. 137 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,190 -No. -Yes. 138 00:11:29,223 --> 00:11:31,192 -You didn't tell them still? -I still didn't tell them. 139 00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,694 -You promised. -I know. 140 00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:37,464 The time is never right. 141 00:11:37,498 --> 00:11:40,067 The time... 142 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,102 is always wrong. 143 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,080 Are you okay? 144 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,949 No. 145 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,821 You never liked me, did you? 146 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,824 I never loved you. I always thought that you... 147 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,527 You always thought I wasn't good enough for her. 148 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,995 Yes. We're saying the same thing. 149 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,232 -Gas up the Cadillac. -Okay. 150 00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:12,499 -Tell the kids. -I will. 151 00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:14,902 I'll be there when I get there. 152 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,250 It's the end of that car. 153 00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,385 Andromeda, check under the floor mats. Come on. 154 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,053 Pandora, check the side pockets. 155 00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:35,022 Cassiopeia, check the cracks between the seats. 156 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,191 Take everything. What do you think, Woodrow? 157 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,126 I think it's kind of sad. 158 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,787 Rest stop, 13 minutes. 159 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,858 -Head count. -One. 160 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,126 -Two. -Three. -Four. 161 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,494 -Five. -Six. -Seven. -Eight. 162 00:13:47,529 --> 00:13:49,063 -Nine. -Ten. -All present. 163 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,931 Let's give thanks for a safe journey. Billy? 164 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,366 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee kindly 165 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,635 for a terrific bus ride. 166 00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:55,102 I ate three boxes of Cracker Jacks, 167 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,538 got a dog whistle and a miniature map 168 00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:58,172 of the original 13 colonies. 169 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,140 Also, we saw a coyote get run over by a 14-wheeler 170 00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,942 and left him flat as a pancake. 171 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,043 Boy, oh, boy. What else? 172 00:14:03,077 --> 00:14:04,111 The bus driver had to stop twice 173 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,379 because Bernice couldn't hold it. 174 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,480 -Could so. -Amen. 175 00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:07,948 Amen. 176 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,450 Lunchtime. Line up single file. 177 00:14:12,353 --> 00:14:14,955 My word. It's hot. 178 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,390 It's the desert. What'd you expect? 179 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,560 I don't know if I expected one thing or another, 180 00:14:18,593 --> 00:14:20,494 but I'm wilting like a cut petunia. 181 00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:22,096 -Humans don't wilt. -Don't they? 182 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,497 No, wilting is a phenomenon 183 00:14:23,531 --> 00:14:25,432 by which a petal, leaf or stem... 184 00:14:25,466 --> 00:14:27,101 Do you dare me? 185 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,571 -Dare you what? -To eat this hot pepper. 186 00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:32,206 -It's an experiment. -No, don't do it. 187 00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:36,644 Hot pepper. 188 00:14:36,678 --> 00:14:38,580 Holy Toledo. That's Midge Campbell. 189 00:14:38,613 --> 00:14:40,481 -Where? Who? -Right smack in back of you. 190 00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:42,116 Don't look. 191 00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:44,318 That must be her bodyguard. 192 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,387 Mr. Cho, yes? Hello. 193 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,690 You're in cabin seven. Well, tent seven. 194 00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:50,924 Here's the key, but there's no door. 195 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,527 Just a flap. Tent flap. 196 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,161 -Tent? -I know. 197 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,296 I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday morning. 198 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,132 Better lighting, power for the ice machine 199 00:14:58,165 --> 00:14:59,634 and a wall-mounted bug zapper. 200 00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,402 Unfortunately, a mistake got made, 201 00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:03,070 and cabin seven burned to the ground. 202 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,171 It's a tent now. 203 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,540 We don't want to sleep in a tent. 204 00:15:05,573 --> 00:15:07,141 Of course. I understand. 205 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,209 May I say, I think you'll find it very comfortable. 206 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,478 Is the young gentleman in distress? 207 00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:12,647 He's thirsty. 208 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,281 Of course. I understand. 209 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,684 Uh, juice preference, please: apple, orange or tomato? 210 00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,187 Excuse me, sir? 211 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,590 This bucket of nuts just stole my quarter. 212 00:15:22,624 --> 00:15:24,992 I beg your pardon. 213 00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,696 ? She lived so long till her head got bald ? 214 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:30,632 ? Taken a notion not to die at all ? 215 00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:32,700 ? Ida Red, Ida Red ? 216 00:15:32,734 --> 00:15:35,936 ? I'm a plumb fool about Ida Red... ? 217 00:15:38,606 --> 00:15:40,174 You're probably wondering why 218 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,409 we didn't pack your mother's suitcase. 219 00:15:43,578 --> 00:15:47,314 It's because she's not coming with us on this journey. 220 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,584 She can't come. 221 00:15:49,617 --> 00:15:52,085 She got too sick. 222 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,354 And, to put it bluntly, after all the surgeries, 223 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,423 therapies and interventions, 224 00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:59,493 after two years of struggling and suffering, 225 00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:02,062 she succumbed to her illnesses. 226 00:16:02,664 --> 00:16:04,064 I'm sorry. 227 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,999 I didn't know how to tell you then. 228 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,035 I couldn't figure out how to tell you later. 229 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,704 I didn't know what to do. 230 00:16:09,737 --> 00:16:12,339 The time was never right. 231 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,977 You're saying our mother died three weeks ago? 232 00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:20,113 Yes. 233 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:23,116 When is she coming back? 234 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,252 She's not coming back. 235 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,488 Let's say she's in heaven. 236 00:16:27,522 --> 00:16:29,624 Which doesn't exist for me, of course, 237 00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:31,593 but you're Episcopalian. 238 00:16:32,694 --> 00:16:35,028 Come here. Let me hug you. 239 00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:43,270 Okay. Sit back down. 240 00:16:49,777 --> 00:16:53,146 Did you know already, Woodrow? 241 00:16:54,816 --> 00:16:57,184 I think so. 242 00:16:57,852 --> 00:16:59,654 She'd been away so long. 243 00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:00,788 Mm-hmm. 244 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,526 Yeah. 245 00:17:04,559 --> 00:17:06,159 We're gonna be okay. 246 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,529 Your grandfather's on his way. 247 00:17:07,562 --> 00:17:09,531 We're gonna stay with him for a period of time 248 00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:12,466 which is yet to be determined how long it's gonna be. 249 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,036 Is she in there? 250 00:17:19,607 --> 00:17:21,441 Yeah. 251 00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,611 She's in the Tupperware. 252 00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:27,381 Cremated. 253 00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:34,454 Are we orphans now? 254 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,190 Huh? 255 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:40,695 Are we orphans now? 256 00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,162 No. 257 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,699 Because I'm still alive. 258 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,470 When my father died, my mother told me, "He's in the stars." 259 00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:53,841 I told her, "The closest star, other than that one, 260 00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:55,610 "is four and half light-years away 261 00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:58,412 with a surface temperature over 5,000 degrees centigrade." 262 00:17:59,747 --> 00:18:01,315 "He's not in the stars," I said. 263 00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,317 "He's in the ground." 264 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:04,886 She thought it would comfort me. 265 00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:06,521 She was an atheist. 266 00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:09,591 The other thing she'd say which is incorrect: 267 00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:11,593 "Time heals all wounds." 268 00:18:11,626 --> 00:18:13,160 No. 269 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,429 Maybe it can be a Band-Aid. 270 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,865 Your concept of time is completely distorted, though. 271 00:18:17,899 --> 00:18:19,734 I don't think any of you except Woodrow 272 00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:22,235 even understands what 15 minutes means. 273 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:26,239 15 minutes is 6,200 hours. 274 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:31,211 Exactly. 275 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,280 That's not your fault. 276 00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:41,856 If you could have anything in the world to eat right now, 277 00:18:41,889 --> 00:18:43,725 what would it be? 278 00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:49,229 The character of Augie Steenbeck 279 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,365 in the imaginary tale of our production 280 00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:54,234 was to become famously and indelibly connected 281 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,403 to the actor who created the role, 282 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,906 a former carpenter discovered in a bit part 283 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,308 by the play's director, Schubert Green. 284 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,477 I've finished my correspondence, Analisse. 285 00:19:03,511 --> 00:19:05,245 Please bring me my cocktail and my pill. 286 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,781 -Remember, the gentleman... -Oh, no. 287 00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:07,949 ...referred by Mr. Green has arrived. 288 00:19:07,982 --> 00:19:09,651 No. Send him away. 289 00:19:09,684 --> 00:19:11,519 Put him up at the Salty Skipper or the Lighthouse Inn 290 00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:13,286 and tell him to come back in the morning 291 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,454 but not before 11:00. 292 00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:15,923 The occasion of the first meeting 293 00:19:15,957 --> 00:19:18,258 between playwright and player is now, 294 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,861 in our fanciful telling, 295 00:19:19,894 --> 00:19:22,429 a matter of theatrical lore and legend. 296 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,465 Setting: late autumn, late afternoon, 297 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:28,503 a seaside village outside the grand metropolis. 298 00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:31,271 Oh, no, again. I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry. 299 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,841 Did Miss Watson not inform you? I'm indisposed. 300 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,309 I know, but the ice cream would've melted. 301 00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:44,552 -What's this? -I think it's the one you like. 302 00:19:44,585 --> 00:19:46,654 Gooseberry Wriggle from the Frosty Spoon 303 00:19:46,688 --> 00:19:48,221 on East Rotterdam. 304 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,257 I wrapped it in sawdust, newspaper and peanut shells. 305 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,626 You shouldn't waste your spending money 306 00:19:51,659 --> 00:19:52,960 on an old fool like me. 307 00:19:52,994 --> 00:19:54,428 Well, they gave me ten dollars bus fare, 308 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:55,963 so I bought us a half bucket, hitchhiked 309 00:19:55,997 --> 00:19:58,331 and pocketed the change. 310 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,540 Cool and delicious. 311 00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,009 How long have you been in the service? 312 00:20:08,042 --> 00:20:09,476 The service? What service? 313 00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:10,978 I don't know what you're talking about. 314 00:20:11,012 --> 00:20:12,580 Well, unless I've been deliberately misinformed, 315 00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,481 I believe those stripes indicate the status 316 00:20:14,515 --> 00:20:16,450 of a ranking corporal, second class. 317 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,986 Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues. 318 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:20,655 Was, anyway. We closed tonight. 319 00:20:20,688 --> 00:20:23,256 I see. Property of the wardrobe department. 320 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,292 Not anymore. 321 00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:28,763 How was it, by the way? 322 00:20:29,764 --> 00:20:31,264 -The play? It stunk. -Mm. 323 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,333 -Mind if I crack open a window? -Uh, not at all. 324 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,602 It's sweltering, isn't it? 325 00:20:34,635 --> 00:20:36,771 Even the daisies and buttercups are drooping... 326 00:20:36,804 --> 00:20:39,741 That window sticks a bit. That window sticks a bit! 327 00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:46,547 You broke my window. 328 00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:54,354 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 329 00:20:55,923 --> 00:20:58,425 Well, I don't even know myself, to tell you the truth. 330 00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,761 I hadn't planned it that way. 331 00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,896 He just sort of did it while I was typing. 332 00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:03,765 Is it too extraordinary for you? 333 00:21:03,798 --> 00:21:06,399 Uh, I guess, the way I read it, he was looking for an excuse 334 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,503 why his heart was beating so fast. 335 00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:09,704 Oh. 336 00:21:09,737 --> 00:21:12,372 Oh, what an interesting sentiment. 337 00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,075 I love that idea. 338 00:21:14,108 --> 00:21:15,710 Maybe he should say it. 339 00:21:15,743 --> 00:21:17,444 It's a very good line. 340 00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:22,750 No, I suppose not. Not necessary. 341 00:21:47,074 --> 00:21:48,876 It's a fact-- we're not alone. 342 00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:50,545 The alien stole the asteroid. 343 00:21:50,578 --> 00:21:52,079 Long thought to be a lunar splinter 344 00:21:52,113 --> 00:21:53,514 fragmented from the lesser moon 345 00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:55,750 of the hypothetical planet Magnavox-27, 346 00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:58,052 now considered a rogue pygmy cometette, 347 00:21:58,085 --> 00:22:00,555 according to the encyclopedia. 348 00:22:00,588 --> 00:22:02,089 Obviously, she would've said something to him. 349 00:22:02,123 --> 00:22:03,991 I'm certain of it. Your mother, I mean. 350 00:22:04,025 --> 00:22:06,561 She would've gotten him to tell us the secrets of the universe 351 00:22:06,594 --> 00:22:08,863 or yelled at him or made him laugh. 352 00:22:08,896 --> 00:22:11,431 She would've had a hypothesis. 353 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,668 You remind me of her more than ever. 354 00:22:13,701 --> 00:22:15,435 She wasn't shy. 355 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,538 You'll grow out of that. 356 00:22:17,572 --> 00:22:21,341 I think your sisters might be aliens, too, by the way. 357 00:22:24,545 --> 00:22:26,848 When I met your mother, she was only 19. 358 00:22:26,881 --> 00:22:29,382 She was smoking a cigarette, reading a paperback, 359 00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:31,819 taking a bath in a swimsuit on a rusty fire escape 360 00:22:31,853 --> 00:22:34,689 a flight and a half below my camera position. 361 00:22:34,722 --> 00:22:37,758 Sometimes I sometimes still think 362 00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:40,528 I still hear her here 363 00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:42,763 breathing in the dark. 364 00:22:46,767 --> 00:22:49,036 Who knows, Woodrow? 365 00:22:49,070 --> 00:22:51,471 Maybe she is in the stars. 366 00:23:04,185 --> 00:23:06,721 You're perfect. 367 00:23:32,947 --> 00:23:35,482 -Okay? -Okay. 368 00:24:06,914 --> 00:24:09,917 Hold on, partner! 369 00:24:13,087 --> 00:24:15,690 -Zut alors. -Oh, no. 370 00:24:19,093 --> 00:24:20,594 When's the next one? 371 00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:23,230 Sunday morning, I think. 372 00:24:34,875 --> 00:24:36,476 Drink your juice. 373 00:24:45,019 --> 00:24:46,253 You took a picture of me. 374 00:24:46,287 --> 00:24:48,589 Uh-huh. 375 00:24:49,223 --> 00:24:50,758 Why? 376 00:24:51,559 --> 00:24:53,027 I'm a photographer. 377 00:24:54,028 --> 00:24:55,229 You didn't ask permission. 378 00:24:55,262 --> 00:24:57,932 -I never ask permission. -Why not? 379 00:24:57,965 --> 00:25:02,136 Because I work in trenches, battlefields and combat zones. 380 00:25:02,169 --> 00:25:03,771 Really? 381 00:25:03,804 --> 00:25:05,006 Uh-huh. 382 00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:07,742 You mean you're a war photographer? 383 00:25:07,775 --> 00:25:08,509 Mostly. 384 00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:11,145 Sometimes I cover sporting events. 385 00:25:11,178 --> 00:25:13,214 My name is Augie Steenbeck. 386 00:25:13,247 --> 00:25:15,549 Mm-hmm. 387 00:25:17,818 --> 00:25:19,820 What are you gonna do with it? 388 00:25:19,854 --> 00:25:21,055 That picture. 389 00:25:21,088 --> 00:25:24,625 Hmm. Well, if it's any good, I guess I'll try to sell it 390 00:25:24,658 --> 00:25:26,827 to a magazine, now that you mention it. 391 00:25:26,861 --> 00:25:29,730 "Midge Campbell eating a waffle." 392 00:25:32,633 --> 00:25:35,536 Make me a print first, to approve. 393 00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:38,039 Uh-huh. 394 00:25:39,073 --> 00:25:40,908 This is Dinah. 395 00:25:40,941 --> 00:25:42,043 This is Woodrow. 396 00:25:42,076 --> 00:25:43,210 I have a question. 397 00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:44,712 Uh-huh. 398 00:25:44,745 --> 00:25:46,647 Have you ever been shot with bullets? 399 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,582 Have I ever been... 400 00:25:48,616 --> 00:25:50,918 Uh, once or twice-- just grazed. 401 00:25:50,951 --> 00:25:54,088 He got shrapneled in the back of the head, too. Show her. 402 00:25:57,158 --> 00:25:59,093 Hmm. 403 00:26:01,962 --> 00:26:04,698 I don't say I forgive you yet, by the way. 404 00:26:17,178 --> 00:26:19,747 Welcome from the United States Military-Science 405 00:26:19,780 --> 00:26:21,749 Research and Experimentation Division, 406 00:26:21,782 --> 00:26:23,984 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation. 407 00:26:24,018 --> 00:26:25,352 We salute you. 408 00:26:35,696 --> 00:26:37,698 Each year, we celebrate Asteroid Day, 409 00:26:37,731 --> 00:26:40,634 commemorating September 23, 3007 BC, 410 00:26:40,668 --> 00:26:43,904 when the Arid Plains Meteorite made Earth impact. 411 00:26:44,905 --> 00:26:46,774 The itinerary for this three-day celebration 412 00:26:46,807 --> 00:26:48,976 includes a tour of the newly refurbished observatory 413 00:26:49,009 --> 00:26:51,779 with Dr. Hickenlooper and her staff, 414 00:26:51,812 --> 00:26:54,148 a picnic supper of chili and frankfurters 415 00:26:54,181 --> 00:26:56,884 with evening fireworks display, 416 00:26:56,917 --> 00:26:58,953 the viewing of the astronomical ellipses 417 00:26:58,986 --> 00:27:01,388 at its peak just before midnight tonight, 418 00:27:01,422 --> 00:27:03,858 and finally, the awarding of the annual 419 00:27:03,891 --> 00:27:07,895 Hickenlooper Scholarship after Monday's banquet lunch. 420 00:27:07,928 --> 00:27:10,264 Now, I'll start by presenting the commemorative medals, 421 00:27:10,297 --> 00:27:12,199 but first, I'll do my speech first, 422 00:27:12,233 --> 00:27:15,302 which you'll also receive in a folio edition as a souvenir. 423 00:27:24,478 --> 00:27:26,213 Chapter One. 424 00:27:26,247 --> 00:27:28,249 I walked to school 18 miles each morning, milked the goats, 425 00:27:28,282 --> 00:27:29,984 plucked the chickens, played hooky, caught fireflies, 426 00:27:30,017 --> 00:27:31,352 went skinny-dipping in the watering hole, 427 00:27:31,385 --> 00:27:32,953 said my prayers every night 428 00:27:32,987 --> 00:27:34,421 and got whipped with a maple switch twice a week. 429 00:27:34,455 --> 00:27:36,690 That was life. 430 00:27:38,192 --> 00:27:39,827 Chapter Two. 431 00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:41,795 My father went off to fight in the war to end all wars-- 432 00:27:41,829 --> 00:27:43,164 it didn't-- and what was left of him 433 00:27:43,197 --> 00:27:45,299 came back in a pine box with a flag on top. 434 00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:47,301 End of Chapter Two. 435 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,170 Next, I went to officer school, 436 00:27:49,203 --> 00:27:51,772 and 20 years passed at the speed of a dream. 437 00:27:51,805 --> 00:27:54,909 A wife, a son, a daughter, a poodle. 438 00:27:54,942 --> 00:27:57,044 Chapter Three. Another war. 439 00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:59,146 Arms and legs blown off like popcorn, 440 00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:02,016 eyeballs gouged out, figuratively and literally. 441 00:28:02,049 --> 00:28:04,185 The men put on shows under the palm fronds 442 00:28:04,218 --> 00:28:05,719 dressed as women in hula skirts. 443 00:28:05,753 --> 00:28:07,388 That was life. 444 00:28:07,421 --> 00:28:09,790 In the meantime, somebody else's story. 445 00:28:09,823 --> 00:28:11,225 A man thinks up a number, 446 00:28:11,258 --> 00:28:13,327 divides it by a trillion, plugs it into the square root 447 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,862 of the circumference of the Earth 448 00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:16,430 multiplied by the speed of a splitting atom, 449 00:28:16,463 --> 00:28:18,265 and voil�, progress. 450 00:28:18,299 --> 00:28:20,234 I'm not a scientist. You are. 451 00:28:20,267 --> 00:28:22,069 End of Chapter Three. 452 00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:24,838 Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets, 453 00:28:24,872 --> 00:28:27,107 we watch transfixed as you enter 454 00:28:27,141 --> 00:28:30,311 into uncharted territories of the brains and spirit. 455 00:28:30,344 --> 00:28:33,781 If you wanted to live a nice, quiet, peaceful life, 456 00:28:33,814 --> 00:28:36,217 you picked the wrong time to get born. 457 00:28:37,384 --> 00:28:39,253 That's my speech. 458 00:28:47,094 --> 00:28:50,231 Be notified, you are each the guardian of your own safety. 459 00:28:50,264 --> 00:28:51,533 Maintain alert caution 460 00:28:51,566 --> 00:28:54,068 throughout the following demonstrations. 461 00:28:55,102 --> 00:28:56,804 To Ricky Cho, for his work in the field 462 00:28:56,837 --> 00:28:58,172 of aeronautical induction: 463 00:28:58,205 --> 00:29:00,941 the Collapsing Star Ribbon of Success. 464 00:29:00,975 --> 00:29:03,277 To Clifford Kellogg, for his work in the study 465 00:29:03,310 --> 00:29:06,280 of particle disintegration: 466 00:29:06,313 --> 00:29:08,249 the Black Hole Badge of Triumph. 467 00:29:08,282 --> 00:29:09,850 To Dinah Campbell... 468 00:29:09,883 --> 00:29:11,418 It's fueled by cosmic radiation instead of sunlight. 469 00:29:11,452 --> 00:29:13,020 ...for her work in the area 470 00:29:13,053 --> 00:29:15,122 of botanical acceleration... 471 00:29:15,155 --> 00:29:18,058 Unfortunately, it makes all vegetables toxic. 472 00:29:18,092 --> 00:29:20,528 ...the Red Giant Sash of Honor. 473 00:29:20,562 --> 00:29:22,129 To Shelly Borden, for her work 474 00:29:22,162 --> 00:29:23,864 in the realm of mineral fabrication... 475 00:29:23,897 --> 00:29:25,866 I synthesized an extraterrestrial element. 476 00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:28,302 It's going to be added to the periodic table next year. 477 00:29:28,335 --> 00:29:31,005 ...the Distant Nebula Laurel Crown. 478 00:29:31,038 --> 00:29:33,774 To Woodrow Steenbeck... 479 00:29:35,009 --> 00:29:38,045 ...for his work in the sphere of astronomical imaging... 480 00:29:42,584 --> 00:29:44,586 It may have applications in the development 481 00:29:44,619 --> 00:29:46,420 of interstellar advertising. 482 00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:49,256 ...the White Dwarf Medal of Achievement. 483 00:29:54,328 --> 00:29:55,863 Our tour ends here. 484 00:29:55,896 --> 00:29:57,331 Thank you for your attention, and thank you 485 00:29:57,364 --> 00:30:00,267 to the Larkings Foundation for their generous funding. 486 00:30:06,907 --> 00:30:09,043 -What do those pulses indicate? -What? 487 00:30:09,076 --> 00:30:11,011 Oh, the beeps and blips? We don't know. 488 00:30:11,045 --> 00:30:13,581 Indecipherable radio emissions from outer space. 489 00:30:13,615 --> 00:30:15,849 -Probably a red herring. -Does it change ever? 490 00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:17,552 Not to my knowledge. 491 00:30:17,585 --> 00:30:20,020 -It's a date, maybe. -It's a date? 492 00:30:20,054 --> 00:30:21,455 -On the galactic calendar. -Maybe. 493 00:30:21,488 --> 00:30:23,991 Mary, we think it's a date on the galactic calendar. 494 00:30:24,024 --> 00:30:26,193 -What? Wow. -Is it always today? 495 00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:30,030 ? Yippee-yay ? 496 00:30:30,064 --> 00:30:33,967 ? There'll be no wedding bells for today ? 497 00:30:34,001 --> 00:30:37,605 ? I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle... ? 498 00:30:37,639 --> 00:30:39,073 We thank thee for the ketchup, 499 00:30:39,106 --> 00:30:40,474 and we thank thee for the mustard. 500 00:30:40,508 --> 00:30:41,609 We thank thee for the relish, 501 00:30:41,643 --> 00:30:43,377 and we thank thee for the onions. 502 00:30:43,410 --> 00:30:45,446 -We thank thee for the pickles, and we thank... -Head count. 503 00:30:45,479 --> 00:30:46,514 -One. -Two. 504 00:30:46,548 --> 00:30:47,881 -Three. -Four. 505 00:30:47,915 --> 00:30:49,416 -Five. -Six. 506 00:30:49,450 --> 00:30:51,118 -Dwight? Where's Dwight? -Eight. 507 00:30:51,151 --> 00:30:53,487 -Dwight? Dwight? -Less than 0.0000% chance exists 508 00:30:53,521 --> 00:30:55,923 -of extraterrestrial life in the entire universe. -Dwight! 509 00:30:55,956 --> 00:30:57,257 It's a scientific fact. 510 00:30:57,291 --> 00:30:59,093 Other than space bugs and microscopic worms. 511 00:30:59,126 --> 00:31:00,961 -I assertively disagree. -So do I. 512 00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:02,963 -It's not a scientific fact. -It's not even a number. 513 00:31:02,996 --> 00:31:04,632 -Pass the pickles, please. -How's the chili? 514 00:31:04,666 --> 00:31:06,300 -Fine, once you add the hot sauce. -Thank you. 515 00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:07,968 -Sparkler? -Consider the constants: 516 00:31:08,001 --> 00:31:09,370 endless space and immeasurable time. 517 00:31:09,403 --> 00:31:11,939 The likelihood is increased by a factor of infinity. 518 00:31:11,972 --> 00:31:14,041 -Where'd you get that? -The cantina machine. 519 00:31:14,074 --> 00:31:16,944 -Where's the cantina machine? -The cantina machine? 520 00:31:16,977 --> 00:31:20,214 Can you see anything with those on your face? 521 00:31:20,247 --> 00:31:21,516 Hmm. 522 00:31:21,549 --> 00:31:23,917 Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you... 523 00:31:23,951 --> 00:31:25,386 What did you do to deserve that? 524 00:31:25,419 --> 00:31:26,654 -Nothing. -Who hit you? 525 00:31:26,688 --> 00:31:28,122 Nobody. 526 00:31:28,155 --> 00:31:30,324 It's greasepaint, to feel like my character. 527 00:31:30,357 --> 00:31:33,193 Oh. How does she get a black eye? 528 00:31:33,227 --> 00:31:34,161 In the story. 529 00:31:34,194 --> 00:31:35,630 Well, she doesn't in the story. 530 00:31:35,663 --> 00:31:37,431 -It's on the inside. -Okay. 531 00:31:37,464 --> 00:31:39,466 -It's supposed to be, anyway. -It's on the inside. All right. 532 00:31:39,501 --> 00:31:41,201 The Larkings Foundation claims permanent, 533 00:31:41,235 --> 00:31:43,003 -incontestable rights. -That's right. 534 00:31:43,036 --> 00:31:44,338 -They're ours. We own them. -Incontestable rights 535 00:31:44,371 --> 00:31:46,106 to all patents or inventions derived 536 00:31:46,140 --> 00:31:47,675 from any and every submission, without exception. 537 00:31:47,709 --> 00:31:49,276 Not for teenagers. Read the fine print. 538 00:31:49,309 --> 00:31:51,111 The projects all belong to Uncle Sam. 539 00:31:52,980 --> 00:31:54,682 I call it "Triple Orbit and Return 540 00:31:54,716 --> 00:31:57,284 without Burning Up in the Atmosphere." 541 00:32:05,359 --> 00:32:08,028 Why are you sitting there all by yourself? 542 00:32:08,061 --> 00:32:10,230 -You. -Hmm? 543 00:32:11,064 --> 00:32:12,734 Uh, are you shy? 544 00:32:12,767 --> 00:32:14,968 I'm a late bloomer. 545 00:32:15,002 --> 00:32:16,638 So I've been told by my parents. 546 00:32:16,671 --> 00:32:19,473 -Are you intimidated by us? -No. 547 00:32:19,507 --> 00:32:21,743 Let's do a personality test. What's your name again? 548 00:32:21,776 --> 00:32:23,578 Woodrow L. Steenbeck. 549 00:32:23,611 --> 00:32:25,179 -Hmm. -What's the "L" for? 550 00:32:25,212 --> 00:32:27,347 -Lindbergh. -Everybody look at Woodrow. 551 00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:34,589 I agree. Shy but not intimidated. 552 00:32:34,622 --> 00:32:36,423 Move over here, Woodrow. 553 00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:51,071 -Brainiac, huh? -Yeah, brainiac. 554 00:32:51,104 --> 00:32:52,607 It sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? 555 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,242 Everybody already knows we're abnormally intelligent. 556 00:32:55,275 --> 00:32:57,512 That's true. My mother made it for me. 557 00:32:57,545 --> 00:33:00,180 It's supposed to be funny, according to her sense of humor, 558 00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:02,416 but it's not as hilarious as it was originally. 559 00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:04,084 Oh, really? How come? 560 00:33:04,117 --> 00:33:07,354 Because she was alive then. Now she's dead. 561 00:33:07,387 --> 00:33:09,389 -Oh. -Ha-ha. 562 00:33:11,693 --> 00:33:14,027 What was she like? 563 00:33:14,061 --> 00:33:16,363 My... Oh, my mother? 564 00:33:16,396 --> 00:33:18,600 She was, um... 565 00:33:23,337 --> 00:33:25,239 ...like this. 566 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,517 When did you lose her? 567 00:33:36,684 --> 00:33:40,788 Officially, this morning, but I think I already knew. 568 00:33:40,822 --> 00:33:42,790 Howdy. 569 00:33:42,824 --> 00:33:44,324 What are you doing up there? 570 00:33:44,358 --> 00:33:46,728 Just enjoying the desert air. 571 00:33:46,761 --> 00:33:48,696 -You dare me? -Dare you what? 572 00:33:48,730 --> 00:33:50,665 To jump off this bungalow. 573 00:33:50,698 --> 00:33:53,568 -It's an experiment. -No. 574 00:33:59,774 --> 00:34:01,509 I love gravity. 575 00:34:01,543 --> 00:34:04,579 It might be my favorite law of physics at the moment. 576 00:34:06,113 --> 00:34:08,583 Players of the stage, 577 00:34:08,616 --> 00:34:11,451 a tribe of troubadours and nonconformists. 578 00:34:11,485 --> 00:34:14,689 They lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous lives 579 00:34:14,722 --> 00:34:18,158 which nourish and elevate their artistic aspirations 580 00:34:18,191 --> 00:34:20,460 and illuminate the human condition. 581 00:34:20,494 --> 00:34:22,362 Next: ten weeks later, 582 00:34:22,396 --> 00:34:25,299 the eve of Asteroid City's first public preview. 583 00:34:25,332 --> 00:34:27,835 A drawing room on board the Apache Plainsliner 584 00:34:27,869 --> 00:34:30,103 bound for the California coast. 585 00:34:30,137 --> 00:34:32,339 It's open. 586 00:34:33,908 --> 00:34:36,578 Schubert says you got to come back. 587 00:34:37,612 --> 00:34:39,413 If I'm so important, why isn't he here himself? 588 00:34:39,446 --> 00:34:41,415 Probably too busy. Too busy to go chasing after you. 589 00:34:41,448 --> 00:34:43,150 They sent me. You know who I am? 590 00:34:43,183 --> 00:34:44,586 I think so. Understudy. 591 00:34:44,619 --> 00:34:47,722 The understudy. That's right. Let me just, uh... 592 00:34:49,356 --> 00:34:51,325 He said, if you're crying, I read you this one. 593 00:34:51,358 --> 00:34:52,827 No, that's not it. Here it is. 594 00:34:52,860 --> 00:34:54,729 If you're hopping mad, I read you this one. 595 00:34:54,762 --> 00:34:55,830 Give me both. 596 00:34:55,863 --> 00:34:57,497 Not what he said. He said, if... 597 00:34:57,532 --> 00:34:59,199 Give me both. 598 00:35:04,672 --> 00:35:06,774 "Tell her she's a stuck-up, low-class snob 599 00:35:06,808 --> 00:35:08,408 "but she's got no good reason to be. 600 00:35:08,442 --> 00:35:10,310 "If she sasses you, sass her back. 601 00:35:10,344 --> 00:35:11,679 "Tell her she's a borderline neurotic 602 00:35:11,713 --> 00:35:12,747 with an Achilles heel complex." 603 00:35:12,780 --> 00:35:14,649 That's the second one. 604 00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:19,286 "Tell her she relies on her beauty like a wobbly crutch. 605 00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:20,487 "It's her deepest weakness. 606 00:35:20,521 --> 00:35:21,856 "Tell her she's got the potential 607 00:35:21,889 --> 00:35:23,490 "for genuine greatness, but I say 608 00:35:23,524 --> 00:35:26,527 with absolute certainty she will never achieve it." 609 00:35:26,561 --> 00:35:28,261 Anything else? 610 00:35:29,964 --> 00:35:32,466 Uh-huh. He said, if you're cool and collected, 611 00:35:32,499 --> 00:35:34,368 which I think is what I think you seem to be, 612 00:35:34,401 --> 00:35:36,370 then that means you probably really don't want to come back 613 00:35:36,403 --> 00:35:37,772 and I got to give you this. 614 00:35:37,805 --> 00:35:39,507 -Read it. -Not what he said. 615 00:35:39,540 --> 00:35:41,776 He said this one's private. Just the two of you. 616 00:35:41,809 --> 00:35:44,444 He said that... He-he said... 617 00:35:50,283 --> 00:35:51,786 "Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted 618 00:35:51,819 --> 00:35:53,821 "and called you a spoiled bitch and a minor talent 619 00:35:53,855 --> 00:35:56,223 "and broke your glasses and threw them out the window. 620 00:35:56,256 --> 00:35:57,625 "Given that I have always considered you 621 00:35:57,659 --> 00:35:59,393 "to be the most consummately gifted living actress 622 00:35:59,426 --> 00:36:01,328 "and a person of great intelligence and character, 623 00:36:01,361 --> 00:36:02,930 "these statements and actions 624 00:36:02,964 --> 00:36:05,232 "do not accurately reflect my true feelings. 625 00:36:05,265 --> 00:36:06,634 "Yes, I may be a manipulative snake, 626 00:36:06,668 --> 00:36:08,536 "as you once characterized me behind my back-- 627 00:36:08,569 --> 00:36:11,438 "you see, I do have my sources-- but I love you like a sister, 628 00:36:11,471 --> 00:36:13,608 "other than that one time in the bathroom the day we met, 629 00:36:13,641 --> 00:36:16,544 "which has never been repeated, as we both know. 630 00:36:21,783 --> 00:36:23,250 "I never meant to hurt you 631 00:36:23,283 --> 00:36:25,419 "or insult you or offend you in any way, 632 00:36:25,452 --> 00:36:28,255 "only to try with the few tools I have at my disposal 633 00:36:28,288 --> 00:36:30,825 "to do my job, which is to make it work. 634 00:36:30,858 --> 00:36:32,325 "Forgive me. 635 00:36:32,359 --> 00:36:34,227 "We open tomorrow night, with or without you. 636 00:36:34,261 --> 00:36:36,496 "Without, our entire devoted company 637 00:36:36,531 --> 00:36:38,833 "will suffer complete disaster and tragic calamity, 638 00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:42,302 "as will a brilliant, fragile genius named Conrad Earp. 639 00:36:42,335 --> 00:36:45,372 "With, you will enjoy the triumph of your career, 640 00:36:45,405 --> 00:36:47,642 "which does not matter in the least. 641 00:36:47,675 --> 00:36:51,344 "All that matters is every second of life onstage 642 00:36:51,378 --> 00:36:52,914 "and our friendship. 643 00:36:52,947 --> 00:36:54,414 "Your servant, your director 644 00:36:54,448 --> 00:36:56,984 "and, if I may, your devoted mentor, 645 00:36:57,018 --> 00:36:59,219 Schubert Green." 646 00:37:05,392 --> 00:37:07,762 What's your name, understudy? 647 00:37:09,429 --> 00:37:11,966 They continued through the night as far as Ohio, 648 00:37:11,999 --> 00:37:14,468 then disembarked and caught the return flight 649 00:37:14,502 --> 00:37:17,505 arriving two hours prior to curtain. 650 00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:20,641 The talented understudy immediately replaced 651 00:37:20,675 --> 00:37:22,810 the original Woodrow. 652 00:37:23,845 --> 00:37:25,312 I strongly question 653 00:37:25,345 --> 00:37:26,614 whether your daughter's Silly Putty 654 00:37:26,647 --> 00:37:28,381 resembles anything from outer space. 655 00:37:28,415 --> 00:37:30,350 -It's not Silly Putty. -I'm sorry, but I doubt it. 656 00:37:30,383 --> 00:37:31,619 It's called S'morestozium. 657 00:37:31,652 --> 00:37:33,054 -This is excellent. -Thank you. 658 00:37:33,087 --> 00:37:34,722 It's really all the machine's doing. 659 00:37:34,756 --> 00:37:36,891 What the devil do you know about astrogeology anyway, 660 00:37:36,924 --> 00:37:38,492 J.J., whatever that stands for? 661 00:37:38,526 --> 00:37:39,894 I just maintain the workings. 662 00:37:39,927 --> 00:37:41,495 Shelly's thesis is supported by... 663 00:37:41,529 --> 00:37:42,764 Flimsy, outdated evidence. 664 00:37:42,797 --> 00:37:44,565 -I beg your pardon? -Not in my opinion. 665 00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:46,333 I liked the Silly Putty or S'morestozium, in fact. 666 00:37:46,366 --> 00:37:47,535 I'm just quoting what he said. 667 00:37:47,568 --> 00:37:48,903 Your son's project might very well 668 00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:50,437 have killed us all today, by the way. 669 00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:51,839 Coming from the family that brought us 670 00:37:51,873 --> 00:37:53,508 -the electromagnetic death ray. -It's a weapon. 671 00:37:53,541 --> 00:37:55,543 -Of course it's lethal. -So you admit it. 672 00:37:55,576 --> 00:37:57,512 Not to mention Brainiac's flag. 673 00:37:57,545 --> 00:37:59,346 I mean, is he trying to provoke World War Three or something? 674 00:37:59,379 --> 00:38:00,782 The jet propulsion belt is eminently safe. 675 00:38:00,815 --> 00:38:02,617 I'd allow an eight-year-old boy to operate it. 676 00:38:02,650 --> 00:38:04,652 In fact, I did-- Ricky's cousin Chip-- 677 00:38:04,685 --> 00:38:07,822 and he broke the solo flight altitude record. 678 00:38:07,855 --> 00:38:09,557 They're strange, aren't they? 679 00:38:09,590 --> 00:38:11,424 Your children, compared to normal people. 680 00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,894 -Yes. -That's correct. 681 00:38:12,927 --> 00:38:14,729 -It's true. -Hmm. 682 00:38:14,762 --> 00:38:16,597 After that, the second person 683 00:38:16,631 --> 00:38:18,599 says the name the first one said, then adds another. 684 00:38:18,633 --> 00:38:20,535 Then the third person says both plus a new name. 685 00:38:20,568 --> 00:38:22,837 And then the next person keeps going, and so on in a circle. 686 00:38:22,870 --> 00:38:23,938 It's a memory game. Get it? 687 00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:25,405 I'll start. Cleopatra. 688 00:38:25,438 --> 00:38:27,041 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose. 689 00:38:27,074 --> 00:38:28,375 -Like that? -Exactly. 690 00:38:28,408 --> 00:38:29,677 -Of course. Yes. -Got it. 691 00:38:29,710 --> 00:38:32,113 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 692 00:38:32,146 --> 00:38:34,481 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. 693 00:38:34,515 --> 00:38:36,117 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 694 00:38:36,150 --> 00:38:39,486 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus. 695 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,955 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 696 00:38:40,988 --> 00:38:44,725 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, uh, Kurt G�del. 697 00:38:44,759 --> 00:38:45,526 Oh, the Vienna Circle. 698 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,929 -The Austrian logician. -Correct. 699 00:38:48,963 --> 00:38:50,731 Cleopatra, 700 00:38:50,765 --> 00:38:52,733 Jagadish Chandra Bose, 701 00:38:52,767 --> 00:38:54,702 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 702 00:38:54,735 --> 00:38:56,704 Paracelsus, 703 00:38:56,737 --> 00:38:58,438 Kurt G�del, 704 00:38:58,471 --> 00:38:59,874 -William Bragg. -Which one? 705 00:38:59,907 --> 00:39:01,776 -There's two. -William Henry Bragg. 706 00:39:01,809 --> 00:39:03,945 -I prefer the son. -The father's better. 707 00:39:03,978 --> 00:39:06,446 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 708 00:39:06,479 --> 00:39:08,149 -Antonie van... -Leeuwenhoek. 709 00:39:08,182 --> 00:39:10,952 Paracelsus, Kurt G�del, 710 00:39:10,985 --> 00:39:12,385 William Henry Bragg. 711 00:39:12,419 --> 00:39:14,454 -And the new one. -Lord Kelvin. 712 00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:16,489 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 713 00:39:16,524 --> 00:39:18,659 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt G�del, 714 00:39:18,693 --> 00:39:21,596 William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin... 715 00:39:21,629 --> 00:39:23,564 Midge Campbell. Can I say her? 716 00:39:23,598 --> 00:39:25,633 As long as she's a real person, you can say anybody you like. 717 00:39:25,666 --> 00:39:27,168 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose... 718 00:39:27,201 --> 00:39:28,836 -Including my mother. -She's my idol. 719 00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:31,005 My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 720 00:39:31,038 --> 00:39:33,641 Paracelsus, Kurt G�del, William Bragg, the father, 721 00:39:33,674 --> 00:39:35,176 Lord Kelvin, the mathematical physicist, 722 00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,477 Midge Campbell, your mother, 723 00:39:37,511 --> 00:39:39,747 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, the rocket scientist. 724 00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:41,782 I don't know if this game works with us. 725 00:39:41,816 --> 00:39:43,117 Uh, brainiacs, I mean. 726 00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:44,484 I-I think it might go on forever. 727 00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:45,620 I don't mind. 728 00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:47,021 In my school, nobody'd play 729 00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,756 this game with me in a million years. 730 00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:50,457 Plus, the names would be too obvious. 731 00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:51,759 I know my next one: Diophantus. 732 00:39:51,792 --> 00:39:53,194 Wait until it's time to say it. 733 00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:55,428 Try it backwards, Brainiac. 734 00:39:55,462 --> 00:39:57,430 Say the new one first. 735 00:39:59,066 --> 00:40:01,569 Hojo Tokiyuki, 736 00:40:01,602 --> 00:40:03,638 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, 737 00:40:03,671 --> 00:40:05,673 Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin, 738 00:40:05,706 --> 00:40:08,209 William Henry Bragg, Kurt G�del, 739 00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:10,645 Paracelsus, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 740 00:40:10,678 --> 00:40:12,914 Jagadish Chandra Bose... 741 00:40:14,682 --> 00:40:16,617 Cleopatra. 742 00:40:30,097 --> 00:40:33,034 Put out that cigarette, Dwight. 743 00:40:33,067 --> 00:40:34,568 Oh, hold on. Hold on. 744 00:40:34,602 --> 00:40:36,671 You men should be ashamed of yourselves. Are you? 745 00:40:36,704 --> 00:40:38,205 Yes, ma'am, but we didn't give him that. 746 00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:39,607 -Didn't you? -That cigarette. 747 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,075 He just must have got it his own self 748 00:40:41,108 --> 00:40:42,944 -from the cigarette machine. -Dwight! 749 00:40:46,714 --> 00:40:48,215 I almost believe you. 750 00:40:48,249 --> 00:40:50,051 Let's go. 751 00:40:52,086 --> 00:40:54,155 -So long, Dwight. -So long, Dwight. 752 00:41:12,707 --> 00:41:14,809 Was I ever there? 753 00:41:15,609 --> 00:41:17,611 Was I ever there? 754 00:41:18,312 --> 00:41:21,481 Was I... ever there? 755 00:41:25,653 --> 00:41:27,254 Memorizing my lines. 756 00:41:27,288 --> 00:41:29,290 Uh-huh. 757 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,795 Approved. 758 00:41:43,304 --> 00:41:47,942 ? As I walked out in the streets of Laredo ? 759 00:41:47,975 --> 00:41:52,646 ? As I walked out in Laredo one day ? 760 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,782 ? I spied a young cowboy... ? 761 00:41:54,815 --> 00:41:57,651 I do a nude scene. You want to see it? 762 00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,756 -Huh? Did I say yes? -You didn't say anything. 763 00:42:01,789 --> 00:42:03,891 Uh, I meant yes. My mouth... my mouth didn't speak. 764 00:42:03,924 --> 00:42:04,925 It's a monologue. 765 00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:07,228 Pretend it starts when I step out of the shower. 766 00:42:07,261 --> 00:42:09,563 ? That you are a cowboy ? 767 00:42:09,597 --> 00:42:11,132 ? These words he did say ? 768 00:42:11,165 --> 00:42:14,335 ? As I boldly walked by ? 769 00:42:14,368 --> 00:42:18,973 ? Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story ? 770 00:42:19,006 --> 00:42:23,911 ? I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die... ? 771 00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:28,182 When you first picked me out of the secretarial pool, 772 00:42:28,215 --> 00:42:30,718 I had $111 in my bank account. 773 00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:32,586 I lived alone with a cat and a parakeet 774 00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:33,954 in a one-room dishwater flat. 775 00:42:33,988 --> 00:42:36,190 I sold the DeSoto to lend you the down payment 776 00:42:36,223 --> 00:42:37,858 for my engagement ring. 777 00:42:37,892 --> 00:42:39,060 It was spring. 778 00:42:39,093 --> 00:42:40,694 I'm not sore. 779 00:42:40,728 --> 00:42:42,930 I know you're a good man. 780 00:42:42,963 --> 00:42:44,198 I'm not sorry. 781 00:42:44,231 --> 00:42:46,333 I never deceived you. 782 00:42:46,367 --> 00:42:48,936 Remember me as a blur in the rearview mirror. 783 00:42:48,969 --> 00:42:50,671 Was I ever there? 784 00:42:50,704 --> 00:42:52,773 Did you actually see me? 785 00:42:54,241 --> 00:42:56,744 I can't even see myself anymore. 786 00:42:58,979 --> 00:43:01,182 But here I am. 787 00:43:04,785 --> 00:43:07,021 Let's get divorced. 788 00:43:09,824 --> 00:43:11,292 It'll be done tastefully, of course. 789 00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:14,195 We cut to the back of my legs when the towel falls down. 790 00:43:16,697 --> 00:43:18,632 Sometimes they sometimes do a stunt double. 791 00:43:18,666 --> 00:43:20,634 Sometimes. 792 00:43:20,668 --> 00:43:22,703 I don't know if I like beards, by the way. 793 00:43:22,736 --> 00:43:24,105 Oh. 794 00:43:24,138 --> 00:43:25,706 Can I take another picture? 795 00:43:25,739 --> 00:43:27,675 Not for publication. 796 00:43:28,342 --> 00:43:30,077 I thought you never ask permission. 797 00:43:34,148 --> 00:43:36,016 Don't move. 798 00:43:44,158 --> 00:43:46,127 I prefer to play abused, tragic alcoholics, 799 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,195 and one day, I'll probably be discovered lifeless 800 00:43:48,229 --> 00:43:50,131 in an overflowing bathtub with an empty bottle 801 00:43:50,164 --> 00:43:53,000 of sleeping pills spilled all over the floor, but... 802 00:43:53,033 --> 00:43:57,304 the sad thing is I'm actually a very gifted comedienne. 803 00:43:57,338 --> 00:43:59,406 -That's true. -Are you married? 804 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,243 I'm a widower, but don't tell my kids. 805 00:44:02,276 --> 00:44:03,878 -Why not? -I-I... 806 00:44:03,911 --> 00:44:05,846 -I mean, I wasn't going to. -All right. Okay. 807 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,748 -Yeah. -Oh. I'm sorry. 808 00:44:07,781 --> 00:44:11,886 Thank you. They do know, by the way, but just barely. 809 00:44:20,194 --> 00:44:21,428 What do you swap for 810 00:44:21,462 --> 00:44:23,397 out of this particular jukebox, mister? 811 00:44:23,430 --> 00:44:25,166 Of course. I understand. 812 00:44:25,199 --> 00:44:26,834 This machine sells land. 813 00:44:26,867 --> 00:44:28,302 -Land, you say? -Yes, indeed. 814 00:44:28,335 --> 00:44:30,304 The properties just beyond these cottages, in fact. 815 00:44:30,337 --> 00:44:31,939 Out of this here soda pop machine? 816 00:44:31,972 --> 00:44:33,007 Yes, indeed. 817 00:44:35,009 --> 00:44:37,077 Well, now, I ain't calling you a liar to your face, 818 00:44:37,111 --> 00:44:39,113 but that sounds to me like some kind of toadswindle. 819 00:44:39,146 --> 00:44:41,048 Of course. I understand. It's not a toadswindle. 820 00:44:41,081 --> 00:44:42,783 You put in the money, you receive 821 00:44:42,816 --> 00:44:44,351 a notarized deed to the land. 822 00:44:44,385 --> 00:44:45,953 How big a spread? 823 00:44:45,986 --> 00:44:47,421 For ten dollars in quarters, 824 00:44:47,454 --> 00:44:50,090 approximately half a tennis court. 825 00:44:56,430 --> 00:44:59,433 Put the potion in it. 826 00:44:59,466 --> 00:45:01,969 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo. 827 00:45:02,002 --> 00:45:05,039 Knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 828 00:45:06,106 --> 00:45:11,345 And with this spell, Mama comes back alive! 829 00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:14,114 God save these bones. 830 00:45:20,821 --> 00:45:22,823 What's in the Tupperware? 831 00:45:22,856 --> 00:45:24,425 ? Freight train, freight train ? 832 00:45:24,458 --> 00:45:27,361 ? Going so fast... ? 833 00:45:27,394 --> 00:45:29,964 He finally told you. 834 00:45:30,898 --> 00:45:33,501 ? I don't know what train he's on ? 835 00:45:33,535 --> 00:45:37,905 ? Won't you tell me where's he gone... ? 836 00:45:41,275 --> 00:45:43,110 Who's this old man? 837 00:45:43,143 --> 00:45:44,778 Poppy, I think. 838 00:45:44,812 --> 00:45:46,347 You don't remember me. 839 00:45:46,380 --> 00:45:48,382 I remember his smell. 840 00:45:55,856 --> 00:45:57,858 We're not going to abandon my daughter 841 00:45:57,891 --> 00:45:59,827 at a motel in the middle of the desert 842 00:45:59,860 --> 00:46:02,930 buried next to the communal showers. 843 00:46:04,131 --> 00:46:06,133 -You're ruining the funeral! -He's making her go to hell! 844 00:46:06,166 --> 00:46:09,803 If you torture us, we'll sacrifice you. 845 00:46:09,837 --> 00:46:11,372 I understand. 846 00:46:11,405 --> 00:46:14,875 Thank you for your clarity. 847 00:46:14,908 --> 00:46:17,077 I'll tell you what-- let's leave her 848 00:46:17,111 --> 00:46:19,013 alone in the ground until tomorrow morning. 849 00:46:19,046 --> 00:46:20,548 Then we'll exhume the Tupperware, 850 00:46:20,582 --> 00:46:22,349 bring her with us in the Cadillac 851 00:46:22,383 --> 00:46:24,885 and bury her again this weekend in the backyard 852 00:46:24,918 --> 00:46:26,387 next to the seventh hole at Rancho Palms, 853 00:46:26,420 --> 00:46:28,556 where I live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool. 854 00:46:28,590 --> 00:46:30,157 Agreed? 855 00:46:30,190 --> 00:46:32,059 -Mm-hmm. -Okay. 856 00:46:33,260 --> 00:46:35,195 Let's hope a coyote doesn't dig her up in the meantime. 857 00:46:35,229 --> 00:46:37,097 Nothing we can do about it anyway. 858 00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,068 Ooh. Look at that. 859 00:46:56,216 --> 00:46:58,118 Tonight, you're in for a real treat. 860 00:46:58,152 --> 00:47:00,054 I don't know how many of you ever observed 861 00:47:00,087 --> 00:47:01,922 an astronomical ellipses before. 862 00:47:01,955 --> 00:47:04,825 In fact, can we get a show of hands? 863 00:47:05,527 --> 00:47:07,127 Nobody? 864 00:47:07,161 --> 00:47:09,063 Wow. Okay. 865 00:47:09,096 --> 00:47:12,933 Well, what you're gonna see is a very simple dot-dot-dot: 866 00:47:12,966 --> 00:47:15,336 three pinpoints of light inside your refracting box, 867 00:47:15,369 --> 00:47:17,871 which may not sound very exciting at first, 868 00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:19,340 until you consider how those dots 869 00:47:19,373 --> 00:47:20,608 managed to transmit themselves 870 00:47:20,642 --> 00:47:22,610 across a thousand billion miles of space 871 00:47:22,644 --> 00:47:25,613 onto that little scrap of black cardboard. 872 00:47:25,647 --> 00:47:27,481 Twice every 57 years, 873 00:47:27,515 --> 00:47:29,216 when the Earth, the sun, the moon 874 00:47:29,249 --> 00:47:31,085 and the galactic plane of the Milky Way 875 00:47:31,118 --> 00:47:33,987 all combobulate along the same angle of orbital interest, 876 00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:37,291 the radiant energy of three neighboring stellar systems 877 00:47:37,324 --> 00:47:39,259 induces a parallel ecliptic transit, 878 00:47:39,293 --> 00:47:41,061 thus all but proving 879 00:47:41,095 --> 00:47:43,297 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation. 880 00:47:43,330 --> 00:47:46,367 The hitch, of course, is that the math doesn't work. 881 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,068 But maybe one of you one day 882 00:47:48,102 --> 00:47:50,204 will be the genius who solves that problem. 883 00:47:50,237 --> 00:47:53,273 The event will begin in 30 seconds. 884 00:47:53,307 --> 00:47:55,376 Remember, if you look directly at the ellipses 885 00:47:55,409 --> 00:47:57,111 rather than through your refracting box, 886 00:47:57,144 --> 00:47:58,979 not only will you not actually see the effect 887 00:47:59,012 --> 00:48:00,381 but you will burn the dots 888 00:48:00,414 --> 00:48:02,349 straight into your retina, probably permanently. 889 00:48:02,383 --> 00:48:04,985 I know that for a fact, because they're still burned into mine 890 00:48:05,018 --> 00:48:06,954 from when I was 11 going on 12. 891 00:48:06,987 --> 00:48:09,423 That's when I realized I wanted to be an astronomer, 892 00:48:09,456 --> 00:48:10,592 which is another story. 893 00:48:10,625 --> 00:48:11,659 Here we go. 894 00:48:38,185 --> 00:48:39,621 There it is. 895 00:48:41,321 --> 00:48:43,090 Uh, these are just such 896 00:48:43,123 --> 00:48:45,025 marvelously luminous colors, aren't they? 897 00:48:45,058 --> 00:48:47,227 Very exciting. Does everybody see it? 898 00:48:47,261 --> 00:48:49,930 I don't. I just see a staple. 899 00:48:53,668 --> 00:48:55,936 Yipe! It works. 900 00:48:56,571 --> 00:48:58,105 Are you Shelly? 901 00:48:58,138 --> 00:48:59,306 Yeah. 902 00:48:59,339 --> 00:49:01,709 I'm your idol. What's your rank? 903 00:49:01,743 --> 00:49:03,977 Commanding secretary. 904 00:49:04,011 --> 00:49:05,547 I was a Cookie Trooper myself. 905 00:49:05,580 --> 00:49:07,080 Really? Wow. 906 00:49:07,114 --> 00:49:09,483 What'll they say in Squad 75? 907 00:49:13,287 --> 00:49:14,955 Hmm? 908 00:51:56,416 --> 00:52:00,487 The, uh, alien stole the asteroid. 909 00:52:14,569 --> 00:52:18,305 Schubert Green, born Shylock Grzworvszowski. 910 00:52:18,338 --> 00:52:19,907 Director, immigrant. 911 00:52:19,941 --> 00:52:24,277 Known for his limitless energy, his voracious enthusiasms-- 912 00:52:24,311 --> 00:52:26,547 a well-known actress described him sexually 913 00:52:26,581 --> 00:52:29,416 as an animal, specifically a rabbit-- 914 00:52:29,449 --> 00:52:32,920 and his long, deep and intimate relationship 915 00:52:32,954 --> 00:52:35,255 with success. 916 00:52:35,288 --> 00:52:37,391 What do you think, Lunky? 917 00:52:37,424 --> 00:52:39,426 Good. 918 00:52:44,297 --> 00:52:46,400 I'm not going to ask what the hell's going on here. 919 00:52:46,433 --> 00:52:49,570 His wife Polly left him for an all-star second baseman 920 00:52:49,604 --> 00:52:52,305 during the first week of rehearsals. 921 00:52:52,339 --> 00:52:54,274 My living quarters. 922 00:52:54,307 --> 00:52:56,276 ? Oh, Rose ? 923 00:52:56,309 --> 00:52:58,646 ? My Rose Marie... ? 924 00:52:58,680 --> 00:52:59,947 Sign this. 925 00:52:59,981 --> 00:53:02,182 Oh, no. 926 00:53:03,383 --> 00:53:06,219 It's Clark's report card. 927 00:53:06,253 --> 00:53:08,355 Uh-huh. What'd you think it was? 928 00:53:08,388 --> 00:53:10,692 I thought maybe we were already divorced. 929 00:53:10,725 --> 00:53:11,893 Oh. 930 00:53:11,926 --> 00:53:14,294 Not yet, but eventually. 931 00:53:14,327 --> 00:53:16,898 He made the honor roll again. 932 00:53:16,931 --> 00:53:21,234 ? Oh, Rose Marie ? 933 00:53:21,268 --> 00:53:24,505 ? I love you ? 934 00:53:24,539 --> 00:53:27,842 ? I'm always dreaming... ? 935 00:53:30,343 --> 00:53:32,345 I'm staying at Diego's penthouse. 936 00:53:32,379 --> 00:53:34,916 Clark's at my mother's. The apartment's empty. 937 00:53:34,949 --> 00:53:36,651 Why don't you just go home? 938 00:53:36,684 --> 00:53:39,520 I don't think I should be alone in a building with real windows. 939 00:53:42,957 --> 00:53:44,959 Makeup cuts my hair and shaves me. 940 00:53:44,992 --> 00:53:47,360 Costumes washes my dungarees. 941 00:53:47,394 --> 00:53:50,732 This is where I belong, for now. 942 00:53:50,765 --> 00:53:52,332 Much better. 943 00:53:52,365 --> 00:53:54,502 -Did you do the green? -Hmm. 944 00:53:57,672 --> 00:54:00,007 It's been a great ten years, Schubert. 945 00:54:00,041 --> 00:54:02,342 I don't regret a second of it. 946 00:54:02,375 --> 00:54:04,746 Clark still loves you. 947 00:54:04,779 --> 00:54:06,848 I still love you. 948 00:54:06,881 --> 00:54:08,649 But not like before? 949 00:54:09,684 --> 00:54:11,753 But not like before. 950 00:54:19,794 --> 00:54:21,896 Schubert Green lived in the scenic bay 951 00:54:21,929 --> 00:54:23,430 of the Tarkington Theater 952 00:54:23,463 --> 00:54:27,334 for all 785 performances of Asteroid City. 953 00:54:27,367 --> 00:54:28,770 Dark nights, he stayed 954 00:54:28,803 --> 00:54:31,506 in the Governor's Suite of the Nebraska Hotel. 955 00:54:31,539 --> 00:54:33,508 One last note. 956 00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:36,677 When Midge makes her exit in Act Three, Scene Five, 957 00:54:36,711 --> 00:54:39,981 try having her say the line after she closes the door. 958 00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:43,618 Hmm. Maybe we are doomed. 959 00:54:43,651 --> 00:54:44,986 I will. 960 00:54:45,019 --> 00:54:50,423 ? My Rose Marie. ? 961 00:54:50,457 --> 00:54:51,993 Goodbye. 962 00:55:38,139 --> 00:55:40,373 Here he comes. 963 00:55:41,042 --> 00:55:43,376 I've just informed the president. 964 00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:45,478 He authorized me to read and implement the provisions 965 00:55:45,513 --> 00:55:47,715 of National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X. 966 00:55:47,748 --> 00:55:49,416 Here I go. 967 00:55:49,449 --> 00:55:50,852 "The following top secret directive 968 00:55:50,885 --> 00:55:54,155 was mandated into law on July 1, 1950." 969 00:55:54,188 --> 00:55:55,857 "In the event of unforeseen engagement 970 00:55:55,890 --> 00:55:58,159 "with intelligent life-form or forms from any planet 971 00:55:58,192 --> 00:56:00,127 "not specifically defined as our Earth, 972 00:56:00,161 --> 00:56:02,462 "be advised to initiate the following protocols: 973 00:56:02,495 --> 00:56:04,464 "One, confirm said life-form 974 00:56:04,497 --> 00:56:05,967 "is not operating under the guidance 975 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,702 of any hostile foreign terrestrial government." 976 00:56:07,735 --> 00:56:09,469 No, I don't think he's working for the Russians 977 00:56:09,503 --> 00:56:10,872 or the Red Chinese, but you never know. 978 00:56:10,905 --> 00:56:12,707 He certainly didn't give me that impression. 979 00:56:12,740 --> 00:56:15,408 "Two, confirm the life-form does not intend to annex, 980 00:56:15,442 --> 00:56:17,712 "colonize, vaporize or expropriate the resources 981 00:56:17,745 --> 00:56:20,413 of the sovereign territories of the United States of America." 982 00:56:20,447 --> 00:56:22,583 I doubt it. He took the asteroid and went. 983 00:56:22,617 --> 00:56:24,652 "Three, identify and detain all possible witnesses 984 00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,153 "and place them under group arrest 985 00:56:26,187 --> 00:56:27,755 "for a period of no less than one week-- 986 00:56:27,788 --> 00:56:29,190 "defined as seven calendar days-- 987 00:56:29,223 --> 00:56:30,791 "during which time they be subjected 988 00:56:30,825 --> 00:56:32,727 "to a prescribed battery of medical and psychological 989 00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:34,629 examinations and cross-examinations." 990 00:56:34,662 --> 00:56:36,631 Standard procedure. Already in the works. 991 00:56:36,664 --> 00:56:38,099 "Four, secure the site, 992 00:56:38,132 --> 00:56:39,667 "cease the dissemination of information, 993 00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:41,502 "collect and transport the totality of evidence 994 00:56:41,535 --> 00:56:42,770 "to a hermetically enclosed, 995 00:56:42,803 --> 00:56:44,205 "deep-underground secret storage facility 996 00:56:44,238 --> 00:56:46,040 "and publicly deny all aspects of the event, 997 00:56:46,073 --> 00:56:48,175 "including its existence, for a period of no less than 998 00:56:48,209 --> 00:56:51,045 100 years-- defined as 36,500 days." 999 00:56:51,078 --> 00:56:52,713 End of directive. 1000 00:56:52,747 --> 00:56:54,181 -That's pretty clear. -Huh. 1001 00:56:54,215 --> 00:56:55,583 -What do we tell them? -Who? 1002 00:56:55,616 --> 00:56:56,784 The Junior Stargazers, 1003 00:56:56,817 --> 00:56:58,185 the Space Cadets, the moms and dads. 1004 00:56:58,219 --> 00:57:00,588 -Midge Campbell. -Midge Campbell. 1005 00:57:00,621 --> 00:57:02,189 Tell them it didn't happen? 1006 00:57:03,858 --> 00:57:06,127 No, obviously, we'll have to formulate 1007 00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,829 a suitable cover story. 1008 00:57:11,165 --> 00:57:13,067 You dare me? 1009 00:57:14,735 --> 00:57:17,470 -Dare you what? -To press that button. 1010 00:57:18,572 --> 00:57:20,708 I will break your neck. 1011 00:57:20,741 --> 00:57:22,209 That's an alien eating an apple. 1012 00:57:22,243 --> 00:57:23,611 That's an alien doing jumping jacks. 1013 00:57:23,644 --> 00:57:24,812 That's an alien in a top hat. 1014 00:57:24,845 --> 00:57:26,647 That's an alien climbing a ladder. 1015 00:57:26,681 --> 00:57:27,882 That's an alien on a racehorse. That's an alien... 1016 00:57:27,915 --> 00:57:29,684 Let's take it from the top. 1017 00:57:29,717 --> 00:57:32,520 I told you 50 times, the alien picked up the asteroid... 1018 00:57:32,553 --> 00:57:33,988 -Alleged alien. -I know what I saw! 1019 00:57:34,021 --> 00:57:35,690 -It's called a meteorite. -An extraterrestrial being. 1020 00:57:35,723 --> 00:57:37,490 This is a microfiche of your school newspaper. 1021 00:57:37,525 --> 00:57:39,126 Your byline accompanies an article criticizing 1022 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:40,995 the principal's disciplinary methods. 1023 00:57:41,028 --> 00:57:43,564 -Who were your sources? -I was in the sixth grade. 1024 00:57:43,597 --> 00:57:45,633 -Just answer the question. -And I will not name names! 1025 00:57:49,870 --> 00:57:51,605 -You dared me! -What did I say? 1026 00:57:51,639 --> 00:57:53,574 -What did I say? -You dared me! 1027 00:58:02,116 --> 00:58:04,685 All right. Um... 1028 00:58:04,719 --> 00:58:08,055 ? When I'm calling you... ? 1029 00:58:08,089 --> 00:58:09,657 I'm going to attempt to proceed 1030 00:58:09,690 --> 00:58:11,759 with the lesson plan I originally prepared. 1031 00:58:11,792 --> 00:58:13,894 Just to keep orderliness under the circumstances. 1032 00:58:13,928 --> 00:58:15,262 I expect that some... 1033 00:58:15,296 --> 00:58:16,864 some of our information about outer space 1034 00:58:16,897 --> 00:58:18,632 may no longer be completely accurate, 1035 00:58:18,666 --> 00:58:21,035 but, anyway, there are still only nine planets 1036 00:58:21,068 --> 00:58:23,237 in the solar system, as far as we know. Billy? 1037 00:58:23,270 --> 00:58:25,506 Except now there's a alien. 1038 00:58:26,173 --> 00:58:28,242 True, by all appearances. 1039 00:58:28,275 --> 00:58:29,744 Nevertheless, Neptune: 1040 00:58:29,777 --> 00:58:31,612 Fourth largest planet by diameter, 1041 00:58:31,645 --> 00:58:34,215 Neptune orbits the sun only once every 165 years. 1042 00:58:34,248 --> 00:58:35,316 Bernice? 1043 00:58:35,349 --> 00:58:38,085 Maybe the alien went there. 1044 00:58:38,119 --> 00:58:40,121 Well, maybe. 1045 00:58:40,154 --> 00:58:41,822 I don't think anybody knows 1046 00:58:41,856 --> 00:58:44,025 where the alien went or came from. 1047 00:58:44,058 --> 00:58:45,659 Yes, Dwight? 1048 00:58:45,693 --> 00:58:47,161 At first, I thought the alien was kind of sneaky, 1049 00:58:47,194 --> 00:58:49,797 but now I think he was probably nervous to go to Earth. 1050 00:58:49,830 --> 00:58:51,766 He's never been here before, I bet you. 1051 00:58:51,799 --> 00:58:53,167 Then why'd he steal our asteroid, then, 1052 00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:54,635 if he's such a gentleman? 1053 00:58:54,668 --> 00:58:56,604 These are all reasonable questions, 1054 00:58:56,637 --> 00:58:58,672 but at this time, let's stick to Neptune 1055 00:58:58,706 --> 00:59:00,775 because I haven't had time to prepare any lesson plan 1056 00:59:00,808 --> 00:59:02,209 on this subject we're talking about. 1057 00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:03,644 The alien. 1058 00:59:03,677 --> 00:59:05,579 The alien, yes. 1059 00:59:06,714 --> 00:59:09,183 And, by the way, I don't mean to evade your questions. 1060 00:59:09,216 --> 00:59:11,052 I want to emphasize that you're safe. 1061 00:59:11,085 --> 00:59:12,787 We all are, here on Earth. 1062 00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:15,356 Your parents have been notified of at least something. 1063 00:59:15,389 --> 00:59:18,192 America remains at peace. 1064 00:59:18,225 --> 00:59:20,161 Yes, Montana? 1065 00:59:20,194 --> 00:59:23,330 I'd like to parley a notion myself, if I could, June. 1066 00:59:23,364 --> 00:59:25,766 Um... 1067 00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,568 Okay. 1068 00:59:32,673 --> 00:59:34,341 I figure this here alien come from a tribe 1069 00:59:34,375 --> 00:59:36,277 we don't know nothing 'bout, do we? 1070 00:59:36,310 --> 00:59:39,080 Anything we say'd just be pure speculation. 1071 00:59:39,113 --> 00:59:41,015 But I tell you what I reckon. 1072 00:59:41,048 --> 00:59:44,652 I reckon that alien don't mean no harm at all. 1073 00:59:44,685 --> 00:59:46,187 I reckon he just took hisself down here 1074 00:59:46,220 --> 00:59:49,223 to have a look-see at the land and the peoples on it. 1075 00:59:49,256 --> 00:59:51,725 In the spirit of exploration. 1076 00:59:51,759 --> 00:59:55,096 See, I don't look on a feller alien all suspicious-like. 1077 00:59:55,129 --> 00:59:56,964 No, he ain't American. 1078 00:59:56,997 --> 00:59:59,233 No, he ain't a creature of God's green Earth. 1079 00:59:59,266 --> 01:00:03,637 But he's a creature of somewheres, and so are we. 1080 01:00:03,671 --> 01:00:07,007 Now, let's show the old feller some hospitality, 1081 01:00:07,041 --> 01:00:09,310 and if he turns out to be a dirty dog-- 1082 01:00:09,343 --> 01:00:11,045 which I reckon he ain't-- 1083 01:00:11,078 --> 01:00:13,380 well, that'll be a job for the United States armed forces, 1084 01:00:13,414 --> 01:00:15,749 and they ain't never lost a war yet. 1085 01:00:18,018 --> 01:00:19,854 Thanky-do. 1086 01:00:21,355 --> 01:00:23,357 I agree with Montana. 1087 01:00:23,390 --> 01:00:26,093 Now, Neptune. 1088 01:00:30,030 --> 01:00:32,800 ? Tell me, where do they go? ? 1089 01:00:34,835 --> 01:00:36,337 ? The smoke rings... ? 1090 01:00:36,370 --> 01:00:38,072 Which way did he go? 1091 01:00:38,105 --> 01:00:41,675 Hmm. Well, I think he went from here 1092 01:00:41,709 --> 01:00:45,146 to here to here to... 1093 01:00:45,179 --> 01:00:46,413 I don't know where. 1094 01:00:46,447 --> 01:00:48,315 My mother couldn't remember which was which, 1095 01:00:48,349 --> 01:00:50,084 so she made up her own constellations. 1096 01:00:50,117 --> 01:00:52,920 That one's the Coat Hanger. That one's the Leaky Faucet. 1097 01:00:52,953 --> 01:00:54,922 Over there's Fried Egg with Spatula. 1098 01:00:54,955 --> 01:00:57,358 My mother is a constellation, or-or at least part of one. 1099 01:00:57,391 --> 01:00:59,894 A Swiss scientist named a hypothetical star after her. 1100 01:00:59,927 --> 01:01:01,195 Really? What's it called? 1101 01:01:01,228 --> 01:01:02,763 Midge Campbell X-9 Major. 1102 01:01:02,796 --> 01:01:04,265 Midge Campbell X-9... I'm gonna look it up. 1103 01:01:04,298 --> 01:01:06,767 Is she interested in astronomy-- your mother? 1104 01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:08,869 Not exactly. She's interested in stardom. 1105 01:01:08,903 --> 01:01:10,471 I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way. 1106 01:01:10,505 --> 01:01:12,139 It's her job to be famous. 1107 01:01:12,173 --> 01:01:14,842 Anyway, I'm sick of her face, but I love her voice. 1108 01:01:14,875 --> 01:01:16,810 She should do more radio. 1109 01:01:17,745 --> 01:01:18,913 I never had children. 1110 01:01:18,946 --> 01:01:21,916 Sometimes I wonder if I wish I should've. 1111 01:01:21,949 --> 01:01:24,418 I discovered a hypothetical star myself, by the way. 1112 01:01:24,451 --> 01:01:26,120 -Ooh. Where is it? -Which one? 1113 01:01:26,153 --> 01:01:29,156 Right there. Partly blocked by that burnt-out light bulb. 1114 01:01:38,465 --> 01:01:41,068 Uh... 1115 01:01:41,101 --> 01:01:44,038 -What happened? -I don't know. 1116 01:01:52,846 --> 01:01:54,982 -Oh. -Uh... 1117 01:01:55,983 --> 01:01:57,918 After you. 1118 01:02:05,092 --> 01:02:07,795 Sometimes I think I'd feel more at home 1119 01:02:07,828 --> 01:02:10,130 outside the Earth's atmosphere. 1120 01:02:13,434 --> 01:02:15,135 Oh, wow. 1121 01:02:15,169 --> 01:02:16,971 Me, too. 1122 01:02:23,077 --> 01:02:24,378 Did it come out? 1123 01:02:24,411 --> 01:02:28,048 ? Some people say a man... ? 1124 01:02:28,082 --> 01:02:29,817 -I mean the other one. -Oh. 1125 01:02:29,850 --> 01:02:33,020 ? A poor man's made out of muscle and blood ? 1126 01:02:33,053 --> 01:02:35,956 ? Muscle and blood and skin and bones ? 1127 01:02:35,990 --> 01:02:39,893 ? A mind that's weak and a back that's strong... ? 1128 01:02:40,562 --> 01:02:42,129 Okay. 1129 01:02:43,063 --> 01:02:45,266 ? Another day older and deeper in debt ? 1130 01:02:45,299 --> 01:02:48,570 ? Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go ? 1131 01:02:48,603 --> 01:02:50,104 You feel different? 1132 01:02:50,137 --> 01:02:53,173 ? I owe my soul to the company store... ? 1133 01:02:53,207 --> 01:02:55,242 Hey. You feel different? 1134 01:02:56,377 --> 01:02:58,846 I don't feel anything at all. 1135 01:02:58,879 --> 01:03:01,081 -Me, neither. -Hmm. 1136 01:03:03,317 --> 01:03:05,019 I'm not a good mother. 1137 01:03:05,052 --> 01:03:06,253 Uh-huh. 1138 01:03:06,287 --> 01:03:08,122 I love my daughter, but I'm not a good mother 1139 01:03:08,155 --> 01:03:10,190 because, unfortunately for her, she's not my first priority. 1140 01:03:10,224 --> 01:03:11,825 On account of there's always already 1141 01:03:11,859 --> 01:03:13,093 the thing I plan to do next. 1142 01:03:13,127 --> 01:03:15,563 I love my daughter, by the way. I-I... 1143 01:03:15,597 --> 01:03:17,298 I love all my children. 1144 01:03:17,331 --> 01:03:20,000 We have a magical time when we're together. 1145 01:03:20,034 --> 01:03:21,902 I have another girl and a boy. 1146 01:03:21,935 --> 01:03:23,904 They live with my second ex-husband in Utah. 1147 01:03:23,937 --> 01:03:25,973 -Uh-huh. -He rarely sees them, either. 1148 01:03:26,006 --> 01:03:28,108 -Mm-hmm. -I wish I felt guilty at least, 1149 01:03:28,142 --> 01:03:29,943 but I don't experience that emotion, 1150 01:03:29,977 --> 01:03:31,312 if I understand it correctly. 1151 01:03:31,345 --> 01:03:33,113 -Yes. -I've played it, of course. 1152 01:03:33,147 --> 01:03:34,616 So you're saying you never feel guilty in real life? 1153 01:03:34,649 --> 01:03:36,183 Not to my knowledge. 1154 01:03:36,216 --> 01:03:38,319 I think because of my history with violent men. 1155 01:03:38,352 --> 01:03:43,057 Starting with my father, brother and uncles. 1156 01:03:43,090 --> 01:03:46,927 There's always already the thing I plan to do next, too. 1157 01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,495 Usually, it's a war. 1158 01:03:48,530 --> 01:03:50,565 Nobody can compete with that, can they? 1159 01:03:50,598 --> 01:03:52,433 Probably not. 1160 01:03:52,466 --> 01:03:54,201 I did a USO tour once. 1161 01:03:54,234 --> 01:03:55,969 It was thrilling. 1162 01:03:56,937 --> 01:04:00,107 ? I owe my soul to the company store... ? 1163 01:04:01,241 --> 01:04:04,244 -I think I see how I see us. -Hmm? 1164 01:04:04,278 --> 01:04:07,314 I mean, I think I know now what I realize we are. 1165 01:04:07,348 --> 01:04:08,516 Okay. 1166 01:04:08,550 --> 01:04:10,150 Two catastrophically wounded people 1167 01:04:10,184 --> 01:04:13,220 who don't express the depths of their pain because... 1168 01:04:13,253 --> 01:04:14,488 we don't want to. 1169 01:04:14,522 --> 01:04:15,956 That's our connection. 1170 01:04:15,989 --> 01:04:18,092 Do you agree? 1171 01:04:19,661 --> 01:04:22,096 Uh-huh. 1172 01:04:23,163 --> 01:04:24,498 Let's, um... 1173 01:04:24,532 --> 01:04:27,635 Let's change the subject, shall we? 1174 01:04:28,670 --> 01:04:30,270 It's open. 1175 01:04:33,508 --> 01:04:36,143 -Hello? -In here. 1176 01:04:39,313 --> 01:04:40,981 Hello? Hello. 1177 01:04:41,014 --> 01:04:42,383 I'm just your neighbor, Stanley Zak. 1178 01:04:42,416 --> 01:04:44,251 I wanted to make sure you and your daughter 1179 01:04:44,284 --> 01:04:46,387 have everything you might need at the moment. 1180 01:04:46,420 --> 01:04:47,988 Thank you. I think so. 1181 01:04:48,021 --> 01:04:50,157 What a strange experience this is, isn't it? 1182 01:04:50,190 --> 01:04:52,594 I went to law school with your former agent, by the way. 1183 01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:54,428 -Mort? -Mort. Yes, Mort. 1184 01:04:54,461 --> 01:04:55,896 Oh. 1185 01:04:57,231 --> 01:04:58,700 That came out. 1186 01:04:58,733 --> 01:05:01,902 Yeah, it came out. All my pictures come out. 1187 01:05:03,137 --> 01:05:07,241 Anyway, as I say, we're just across the driveway, 1188 01:05:07,274 --> 01:05:10,077 as my son-in-law seems to have established. 1189 01:05:10,110 --> 01:05:12,279 Send my best wishes to Mort and his family. 1190 01:05:12,312 --> 01:05:13,681 I will, if and when we're permitted 1191 01:05:13,715 --> 01:05:15,315 contact with the outside world, 1192 01:05:15,349 --> 01:05:18,318 though I don't speak to him, to tell you the truth. 1193 01:05:19,186 --> 01:05:21,288 I love your hairdo like that. 1194 01:05:21,321 --> 01:05:23,157 Ugh, Christ. 1195 01:05:25,426 --> 01:05:27,327 You see that wonderful crackly-patch 1196 01:05:27,361 --> 01:05:29,029 right out there between the dead cactuses 1197 01:05:29,062 --> 01:05:30,297 and the dried-up riverbed? 1198 01:05:30,330 --> 01:05:31,965 -I think so. -That's your parcel. 1199 01:05:31,999 --> 01:05:33,568 How much of it do I own? 1200 01:05:33,601 --> 01:05:35,035 Well, it's actually an interesting 1201 01:05:35,068 --> 01:05:36,437 financial mechanism. 1202 01:05:36,470 --> 01:05:39,039 You don't technically own anything outright. 1203 01:05:39,072 --> 01:05:41,609 You own stock in the town in the form of a loan 1204 01:05:41,643 --> 01:05:43,043 with a 50-year maturity rate. 1205 01:05:43,076 --> 01:05:44,178 Then, at the end, the loan is forgiven. 1206 01:05:44,211 --> 01:05:45,580 -You dare me? -How about water? 1207 01:05:45,613 --> 01:05:47,080 Of course. I understand. 1208 01:05:47,114 --> 01:05:48,982 There isn't any. This is a desert opportunity. 1209 01:05:49,016 --> 01:05:50,284 -You dare me? -I heard you. 1210 01:05:50,317 --> 01:05:52,052 -It's an experiment. -I don't care anymore. 1211 01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:54,121 I dare you or I don't dare you. It doesn't matter. 1212 01:05:54,154 --> 01:05:56,356 Do what you wish. I give up. 1213 01:06:05,466 --> 01:06:07,334 What's the cause? 1214 01:06:07,367 --> 01:06:08,736 What's the meaning? 1215 01:06:08,770 --> 01:06:11,438 Why do you always have to dare something? 1216 01:06:15,409 --> 01:06:17,244 I don't know. 1217 01:06:18,646 --> 01:06:22,216 Maybe it's because I'm afraid, 1218 01:06:22,249 --> 01:06:26,420 otherwise, nobody'll... 1219 01:06:26,453 --> 01:06:32,025 notice my existence 1220 01:06:32,059 --> 01:06:34,328 in the universe. 1221 01:06:43,805 --> 01:06:45,507 Dare you what? 1222 01:06:45,540 --> 01:06:48,543 Yes, dare you what? 1223 01:06:48,576 --> 01:06:50,244 To climb that cactus out there. 1224 01:06:50,277 --> 01:06:52,145 -Lord, no. No. -Please don't. 1225 01:06:54,749 --> 01:06:56,483 Hello. 1226 01:06:56,518 --> 01:06:58,252 Hello. Hello. 1227 01:06:58,285 --> 01:07:00,555 We met before. I'm the mother of that Cookie Trooper 1228 01:07:00,588 --> 01:07:02,322 -who idolizes you. -I know. 1229 01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:05,259 Thought you might not recognize me out of uniform. 1230 01:07:05,292 --> 01:07:07,060 You were very good in the one 1231 01:07:07,094 --> 01:07:08,596 about the tramp in the brothel who gets amnesia 1232 01:07:08,630 --> 01:07:10,364 -and becomes a pediatrician. -Thank you. Thank you. 1233 01:07:10,397 --> 01:07:11,833 -You were very authentic. -That's actually maybe 1234 01:07:11,866 --> 01:07:13,300 my favorite character I've ever played. 1235 01:07:13,333 --> 01:07:15,068 I don't know why nobody else liked it. 1236 01:07:15,102 --> 01:07:16,671 Oh. Yes. Me, neither. 1237 01:07:16,704 --> 01:07:18,540 Thank you. Some people liked it. 1238 01:07:18,573 --> 01:07:20,440 Oh, I'm sure. I did. 1239 01:07:20,474 --> 01:07:22,376 Who hit you? 1240 01:07:26,179 --> 01:07:29,049 Am I not in this? 1241 01:07:30,785 --> 01:07:33,086 Excuse me. I'm not in this. 1242 01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,556 Um, who hit you? 1243 01:07:34,589 --> 01:07:36,791 -It's on the other eye. -It's greasepaint. 1244 01:07:36,824 --> 01:07:38,526 Some people did-- do-- liked it. 1245 01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:40,294 Oh, I'm sure. 1246 01:07:40,327 --> 01:07:43,096 I thought it might have been your second ex-husband in Utah. 1247 01:07:55,275 --> 01:07:57,311 If I sleep on a cot instead of the sofa bed, 1248 01:07:57,344 --> 01:07:58,846 that might leave room for me to set up 1249 01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:00,615 a darkroom in the pool house. 1250 01:08:00,648 --> 01:08:01,883 Is that possible as a compromise? 1251 01:08:01,916 --> 01:08:03,551 It depends on the measurements. 1252 01:08:03,585 --> 01:08:05,218 -It's not that big. -I can actually carpool the girls 1253 01:08:05,252 --> 01:08:07,321 to school by golf cart, you know. 1254 01:08:07,354 --> 01:08:08,856 If I cut across the 14th tee. 1255 01:08:08,890 --> 01:08:10,390 Oh, it's that close to the elementary? 1256 01:08:10,424 --> 01:08:12,326 How can you two even think about this? 1257 01:08:12,359 --> 01:08:14,729 The world will never be the same. 1258 01:08:14,762 --> 01:08:16,864 What happens next? Nobody knows. 1259 01:08:16,898 --> 01:08:18,666 Will he visit us again? Will he speak to us? 1260 01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:20,902 What will he say? Why did he steal our asteroid? 1261 01:08:20,935 --> 01:08:23,303 Was it ours in the first place? Does he like us? 1262 01:08:23,337 --> 01:08:24,906 -Nobody knows. -That's true. 1263 01:08:24,939 --> 01:08:27,474 What's out there? Something. 1264 01:08:27,508 --> 01:08:29,811 The meaning of life. Maybe there is one. 1265 01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,814 I hope you're still Episcopalian. 1266 01:08:32,847 --> 01:08:35,349 You took his picture, Dad. 1267 01:08:38,953 --> 01:08:41,254 I'm a photographer. 1268 01:08:45,392 --> 01:08:47,494 Episcopalian? 1269 01:08:55,803 --> 01:08:57,404 You really want us, Stanley? 1270 01:08:57,437 --> 01:09:00,374 No, but you need me. 1271 01:09:00,407 --> 01:09:01,943 She did love me, you know. 1272 01:09:01,976 --> 01:09:03,645 Who says she didn't? 1273 01:09:03,678 --> 01:09:05,680 I've been on my own for 12 years, after all. 1274 01:09:05,713 --> 01:09:08,415 And remember, my wife drank herself to death. 1275 01:09:08,448 --> 01:09:11,919 "Drank herself to..." I don't know what that means. 1276 01:09:11,953 --> 01:09:15,389 In my loneliness-- or perhaps because of it-- 1277 01:09:15,422 --> 01:09:17,558 I've learned not to judge people, 1278 01:09:17,592 --> 01:09:21,228 to take people as I find them, not as others find them, 1279 01:09:21,261 --> 01:09:23,263 and most of all, to give complete 1280 01:09:23,296 --> 01:09:26,299 and unquestioning faith to the people I love. 1281 01:09:26,333 --> 01:09:28,636 I don't know if that includes you, 1282 01:09:28,670 --> 01:09:32,339 but it included my daughter and your four children, 1283 01:09:32,372 --> 01:09:33,741 so you're welcome to stay with me 1284 01:09:33,775 --> 01:09:36,410 for as long as you wish, whether I like it or not. 1285 01:09:36,443 --> 01:09:38,613 Which I don't, by the way. 1286 01:09:41,916 --> 01:09:43,818 Stop helping us. 1287 01:09:43,851 --> 01:09:45,520 We're in grief. 1288 01:09:45,553 --> 01:09:49,423 ? He rides in the sun till his day's work is done ? 1289 01:09:49,456 --> 01:09:50,658 Me, too. 1290 01:09:50,692 --> 01:09:54,696 ? And he rounds up the cattle each fall ? 1291 01:09:59,901 --> 01:10:03,771 ? Singing his cattle call... ? 1292 01:10:03,805 --> 01:10:06,206 Are you planning to abandon us? 1293 01:10:06,874 --> 01:10:10,343 Uh... 1294 01:10:10,377 --> 01:10:12,847 I was, as a temporary measure. 1295 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:14,414 -What? -But I decided against it. 1296 01:10:14,448 --> 01:10:16,017 -I knew it. I sensed it. -I didn't. 1297 01:10:16,050 --> 01:10:17,785 I'm not the wet nurse. I'm their grandfather. 1298 01:10:17,819 --> 01:10:19,987 I would've hired a babysitter in addition to you. 1299 01:10:20,021 --> 01:10:21,956 I'm not planning to abandon you anymore, 1300 01:10:21,989 --> 01:10:23,423 even as a temporary measure, 1301 01:10:23,457 --> 01:10:25,660 which is all it ever would've been. 1302 01:10:27,360 --> 01:10:29,997 I forgive you for considering it. 1303 01:10:55,790 --> 01:10:58,025 Evening, soldier. 1304 01:10:58,059 --> 01:11:01,495 Can I ask you to stick this dime in the pay phone for me, please? 1305 01:11:01,529 --> 01:11:02,964 All public telephone service 1306 01:11:02,997 --> 01:11:04,766 has been suspended until further notice. 1307 01:11:04,799 --> 01:11:06,299 I know it. The thing is, 1308 01:11:06,333 --> 01:11:07,702 right before the hubbub yesterday, 1309 01:11:07,735 --> 01:11:09,670 I made a trunk call to my cousin long-distance, 1310 01:11:09,704 --> 01:11:11,506 and the operator let me owe the surcharge 1311 01:11:11,539 --> 01:11:13,440 because all I had was three pennies. 1312 01:11:13,473 --> 01:11:16,511 I don't feel right stealing from the telephone company. 1313 01:11:48,109 --> 01:11:49,577 Although it might convey a different meaning 1314 01:11:49,610 --> 01:11:51,012 -on his planet. -It's true. 1315 01:11:51,045 --> 01:11:52,880 If he even has a planet, by the way. 1316 01:11:52,914 --> 01:11:54,081 -He might be nomadic. -Hmm. 1317 01:11:54,115 --> 01:11:55,950 Operator? Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh. 1318 01:11:55,983 --> 01:11:57,885 -Station to station. -Stay on the line. 1319 01:11:57,919 --> 01:11:59,086 Thank you. 1320 01:12:03,124 --> 01:12:04,759 Hello? Who's calling? 1321 01:12:04,792 --> 01:12:06,894 Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford. It's Ricky Cho. 1322 01:12:06,928 --> 01:12:08,996 -May I have a word with... -Ricky, it's after 9:00. 1323 01:12:09,030 --> 01:12:10,497 He's already drinking his Ovaltine. 1324 01:12:10,531 --> 01:12:11,732 Can't this wait until tomorrow? 1325 01:12:11,766 --> 01:12:13,501 I'm afraid not, Mrs. Weatherford. 1326 01:12:13,534 --> 01:12:14,902 I-I wouldn't disturb you if it weren't 1327 01:12:14,936 --> 01:12:17,370 of the utmost importance to the Weekly Bobcat. 1328 01:12:17,404 --> 01:12:19,607 I just need a minute of his time. 1329 01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:21,441 All right, Ricky. Hold the line. 1330 01:12:21,474 --> 01:12:23,110 Some kind of romance between the two of you? 1331 01:12:23,144 --> 01:12:24,846 -Skip, Ricky Cho! -What? Who? 1332 01:12:24,879 --> 01:12:26,080 -Who? You. -Who? 1333 01:12:26,113 --> 01:12:27,480 -You know who. -Us? 1334 01:12:27,515 --> 01:12:28,716 We only met yesterday. 1335 01:12:28,749 --> 01:12:30,417 I feel she doesn't like me in that way. 1336 01:12:30,450 --> 01:12:31,519 Uh-huh. Well, I think you're pretty smart, 1337 01:12:31,552 --> 01:12:32,920 but I think you're pretty dumb. 1338 01:12:32,954 --> 01:12:34,088 -Hello? -Shh, shh. Hold it. 1339 01:12:34,121 --> 01:12:36,824 Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop. 1340 01:12:44,866 --> 01:12:48,468 The first hints of the future existence of Asteroid City 1341 01:12:48,502 --> 01:12:50,470 were revealed during a special seminar 1342 01:12:50,504 --> 01:12:52,707 scheduled at the playwright's request. 1343 01:12:52,740 --> 01:12:55,009 Conrad Earp, how can we help you? 1344 01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:57,144 Well, the thing is, Saltzie, I'd like to make a scene 1345 01:12:57,178 --> 01:13:00,615 where all my characters are each gently, privately seduced 1346 01:13:00,648 --> 01:13:03,084 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1347 01:13:03,117 --> 01:13:04,919 as a result of their shared experience 1348 01:13:04,952 --> 01:13:07,822 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery. 1349 01:13:07,855 --> 01:13:10,558 -A sleeping scene. -A scene of sleep. 1350 01:13:10,591 --> 01:13:12,026 But I don't know how to write it. 1351 01:13:12,059 --> 01:13:14,161 -Yet. -Yet. 1352 01:13:14,195 --> 01:13:15,830 I thought, perhaps, if you 1353 01:13:15,863 --> 01:13:19,033 and your wonderfully talented pupils just improvise, 1354 01:13:19,066 --> 01:13:21,168 something might reveal itself. 1355 01:13:21,202 --> 01:13:23,170 Who wasn't going to be famous? 1356 01:13:23,204 --> 01:13:27,074 On any given day, roll call in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom 1357 01:13:27,108 --> 01:13:31,444 was a now dazzling list of undiscovered luminaries: 1358 01:13:31,478 --> 01:13:33,080 Linus Mao. 1359 01:13:33,114 --> 01:13:34,916 Lucretia Shaver. 1360 01:13:34,949 --> 01:13:36,817 Walter Geronimo. 1361 01:13:36,851 --> 01:13:38,152 Asquith Eden. 1362 01:13:38,185 --> 01:13:39,954 Mercedes Ford. 1363 01:13:39,987 --> 01:13:43,456 Even, unofficially, Jones Hall. 1364 01:13:43,490 --> 01:13:45,793 What's it about, the play? 1365 01:13:45,826 --> 01:13:49,864 Mm, infinity, and I don't know what else. 1366 01:13:49,897 --> 01:13:51,464 Is there a title? 1367 01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:52,566 I'm torn. 1368 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:55,069 Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness. 1369 01:13:55,102 --> 01:13:56,537 Do you like that one? 1370 01:13:56,570 --> 01:13:58,039 -Mm, not really. -Uh-uh. 1371 01:13:58,072 --> 01:13:59,740 What's the alternative? 1372 01:13:59,774 --> 01:14:00,608 Title, I mean. 1373 01:14:00,641 --> 01:14:02,243 Well, it's the name of the small town 1374 01:14:02,276 --> 01:14:03,945 on the California/Nevada/ Arizona desert 1375 01:14:03,978 --> 01:14:05,646 where the story takes place. 1376 01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:09,817 Okay. Who here has ever actually fallen asleep onstage 1377 01:14:09,850 --> 01:14:12,920 during a live performance in front of a paying audience? 1378 01:14:12,954 --> 01:14:14,288 Me. 1379 01:14:14,322 --> 01:14:16,991 I spent the first three-quarters of Act Two of The Welterweight 1380 01:14:17,024 --> 01:14:21,095 on a massage table with no lines till the last minute and a half. 1381 01:14:21,128 --> 01:14:23,564 One night, I nodded off. 1382 01:14:23,597 --> 01:14:25,766 -On purpose, you did this? -No. 1383 01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:28,569 -Did you miss your cue? -Almost. 1384 01:14:28,602 --> 01:14:31,072 I heard it, and I woke up very scared, 1385 01:14:31,105 --> 01:14:32,673 but I knew my lines. 1386 01:14:32,707 --> 01:14:34,241 -Good morning, Schubert. -Good morning, Saltzie. 1387 01:14:34,275 --> 01:14:35,776 What brings you here today? 1388 01:14:35,810 --> 01:14:37,278 We haven't seen you in six weeks. 1389 01:14:37,311 --> 01:14:39,580 Lavender and Lemons opened last night 1390 01:14:39,613 --> 01:14:42,249 to very good, uh... I might say raves, by the way. 1391 01:14:42,283 --> 01:14:44,018 I'm available. 1392 01:14:45,619 --> 01:14:47,922 What did he teach? Example. 1393 01:14:47,955 --> 01:14:49,790 Sleep-- it's not death. 1394 01:14:49,824 --> 01:14:51,993 The body keeps busy, breathing air, 1395 01:14:52,026 --> 01:14:53,594 pumping blood, thinking. 1396 01:14:53,627 --> 01:14:55,830 Maybe you pay a visit to your dead mother. 1397 01:14:55,863 --> 01:14:58,766 Maybe you go to bed with your ex-wife or husband. 1398 01:14:58,799 --> 01:15:00,568 Maybe you climb the Matterhorn. 1399 01:15:00,601 --> 01:15:02,603 Connie, you wake up with a new scene 1400 01:15:02,636 --> 01:15:04,672 three-quarters written in your head already. 1401 01:15:04,705 --> 01:15:07,241 Schubert, you wake up with a hangover. 1402 01:15:07,274 --> 01:15:08,876 Important things happen. 1403 01:15:08,909 --> 01:15:10,945 Is there something to play? I think so. 1404 01:15:10,978 --> 01:15:13,914 Let's work on the scene from the outside in. 1405 01:15:13,948 --> 01:15:15,182 Be inert. 1406 01:15:15,216 --> 01:15:17,518 Then dream. 1407 01:15:20,621 --> 01:15:22,256 Where are we, Connie? And when? 1408 01:15:22,289 --> 01:15:23,591 Talk to us. 1409 01:15:23,624 --> 01:15:25,026 Yes. All right. 1410 01:15:25,059 --> 01:15:26,594 One week later. 1411 01:15:26,627 --> 01:15:28,562 Our cast of characters' already tenuous 1412 01:15:28,596 --> 01:15:31,298 grasp of reality has further slipped in quarantine, 1413 01:15:31,332 --> 01:15:33,300 and the group begins to occupy a space 1414 01:15:33,334 --> 01:15:35,703 of the most peculiar emotional dimensions. 1415 01:15:35,736 --> 01:15:37,705 Meanwhile, the information blockade 1416 01:15:37,738 --> 01:15:39,707 spearheaded by General Grif Gibson 1417 01:15:39,740 --> 01:15:42,143 has been, it appears... 1418 01:15:42,176 --> 01:15:44,578 incomplete. 1419 01:16:17,044 --> 01:16:19,680 Extra! Extra! Late edition! 1420 01:16:19,713 --> 01:16:21,248 Extra! Extra! 1421 01:16:21,282 --> 01:16:23,084 Late edition! 1422 01:16:27,955 --> 01:16:30,758 I hope you're aware, you and your accomplices may still face 1423 01:16:30,791 --> 01:16:33,027 felony prosecution, possibly even a treason charge. 1424 01:16:33,060 --> 01:16:35,396 I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court, 1425 01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:37,798 if necessary, and win. 1426 01:16:37,832 --> 01:16:40,134 This just in, from the president. 1427 01:16:41,068 --> 01:16:42,937 He's furious. Thanks a lot, Ricky. 1428 01:16:42,970 --> 01:16:44,939 I don't know what to say, General Gibson. 1429 01:16:44,972 --> 01:16:46,841 -I'm sorry. -Don't apologize, Dad. 1430 01:16:46,874 --> 01:16:48,709 The public has a right to the truth. 1431 01:16:48,742 --> 01:16:50,911 -You made your point. -This tribunal is a mockery! 1432 01:16:50,945 --> 01:16:52,713 What about Steenbeck, who took the photograph? 1433 01:16:52,746 --> 01:16:54,715 It's on the front page of every newspaper on the planet. 1434 01:16:54,748 --> 01:16:56,917 -Can't we arrest him, as well? -Unfortunately, no. 1435 01:16:56,951 --> 01:16:58,719 He dropped a print in the mail 1436 01:16:58,752 --> 01:17:00,121 to his photo agency first thing Tuesday morning, 1437 01:17:00,154 --> 01:17:02,723 and the postman got it before we did. He's innocent. 1438 01:17:02,756 --> 01:17:04,692 Supposedly, he did a nude of Midge Campbell, too. 1439 01:17:04,725 --> 01:17:06,961 -Midge Campbell? -Ooh, Midge Campbell. 1440 01:17:08,062 --> 01:17:09,897 As you know, boys and girls, your parents arrived 1441 01:17:09,930 --> 01:17:11,665 late last night by military helicopter. 1442 01:17:11,699 --> 01:17:13,200 They've been sequestered in that metal hut over there 1443 01:17:13,234 --> 01:17:14,835 for the past several hours while the government scientists 1444 01:17:14,869 --> 01:17:16,270 explain the situation to them, 1445 01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:18,005 although everything's already in the newspapers. 1446 01:17:18,038 --> 01:17:19,773 It's my understanding they're about to go onto 1447 01:17:19,807 --> 01:17:21,142 this closed-circuit television set at any moment. 1448 01:17:21,175 --> 01:17:23,277 Everything's connected, but nothing's working. 1449 01:17:23,310 --> 01:17:26,814 Let's carry on with the lesson plan, then. Billy? 1450 01:17:26,847 --> 01:17:28,415 I did the alien's flying saucer 1451 01:17:28,449 --> 01:17:31,018 with a hubcap and a chicken pot pie tin. 1452 01:17:31,051 --> 01:17:33,354 Good work. Very accurate. 1453 01:17:33,387 --> 01:17:34,889 Jupiter, fifth planet from the sun, 1454 01:17:34,922 --> 01:17:36,323 largest in our solar system... 1455 01:17:36,357 --> 01:17:37,758 Yes, Bernice? 1456 01:17:37,791 --> 01:17:40,194 I did the alien on his home planet. 1457 01:17:41,061 --> 01:17:43,364 Well done. How wonderful. 1458 01:17:43,397 --> 01:17:45,332 Due to extreme atmospheric conditions, 1459 01:17:45,366 --> 01:17:48,969 an anticyclonic storm has raged on Jupiter's surface for over... 1460 01:17:49,003 --> 01:17:50,104 Yes, Dwight? 1461 01:17:50,137 --> 01:17:51,772 I wrote a song about him. 1462 01:17:51,805 --> 01:17:55,976 Oh. Um, this may not be the time for a musical performance. 1463 01:17:56,010 --> 01:17:57,444 Let's... 1464 01:17:57,478 --> 01:17:59,180 Uh, yes, Montana? 1465 01:17:59,213 --> 01:18:00,447 Pardon the interruption, June. 1466 01:18:00,481 --> 01:18:01,882 The boys and I heard old Dwight 1467 01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,317 was scribbling up a little warble, 1468 01:18:03,350 --> 01:18:05,052 so we learned ourselves to play it. 1469 01:18:11,392 --> 01:18:14,261 One, two, three. 1470 01:18:14,295 --> 01:18:16,964 ? Howdly-dee... ? 1471 01:18:44,058 --> 01:18:47,094 ? Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ? 1472 01:18:47,127 --> 01:18:50,965 ? Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ? 1473 01:18:50,998 --> 01:18:54,201 ? Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ? 1474 01:18:54,235 --> 01:18:58,005 -? Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ? -Come on, y'all! 1475 01:18:58,038 --> 01:18:59,974 ? Hop on one foot, skip on two ? 1476 01:19:00,007 --> 01:19:01,909 ? Dance the Spaceman, howdly-do ? 1477 01:19:01,942 --> 01:19:03,811 ? Bounce on four foot, spring on three ? 1478 01:19:03,844 --> 01:19:05,312 ? Let's be spacemen, howdly-dee ? 1479 01:19:05,346 --> 01:19:09,350 ? Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ? 1480 01:19:11,051 --> 01:19:13,320 This was on an old roll I forgot to develop 1481 01:19:13,354 --> 01:19:15,055 in the glove box. 1482 01:19:15,089 --> 01:19:17,992 "Self-Portrait with Shrapnel." 1483 01:19:24,498 --> 01:19:26,800 Do page 45. 1484 01:19:36,877 --> 01:19:38,546 "What have you done? How could you?" 1485 01:19:38,580 --> 01:19:40,014 -It says "shouting and crying." -Uh-huh. 1486 01:19:40,047 --> 01:19:42,349 -So shout and cry. -"How could you?!" 1487 01:19:44,285 --> 01:19:45,587 "How couldn't I?" 1488 01:19:45,620 --> 01:19:47,221 "How couldn't you?" 1489 01:19:47,254 --> 01:19:48,556 "That's what I'm asking." 1490 01:19:48,590 --> 01:19:50,891 "It was over already. You were free. 1491 01:19:50,924 --> 01:19:52,594 "What's the point of committing suicide 1492 01:19:52,627 --> 01:19:55,262 when there's nothing left to escape?" 1493 01:19:56,196 --> 01:19:58,932 "Maybe that was the problem all along." 1494 01:19:58,966 --> 01:20:01,902 "Stares for a moment." 1495 01:20:01,935 --> 01:20:03,904 And then it says I smash everything off the shelf. 1496 01:20:03,937 --> 01:20:05,406 So smash everything off the shelf. 1497 01:20:09,611 --> 01:20:11,312 "Such a sickening waste. 1498 01:20:11,345 --> 01:20:14,181 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1499 01:20:14,214 --> 01:20:16,450 -Think of the world..." -Use your grief. 1500 01:20:16,483 --> 01:20:17,951 For a rehearsal? 1501 01:20:17,985 --> 01:20:19,420 I'm not even in this picture. 1502 01:20:19,453 --> 01:20:21,322 I'm a war photographer. 1503 01:20:21,355 --> 01:20:23,023 Use your grief. 1504 01:20:24,358 --> 01:20:25,926 All right. 1505 01:20:29,263 --> 01:20:31,398 "Such a sickening waste. 1506 01:20:33,133 --> 01:20:36,937 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1507 01:20:36,970 --> 01:20:40,107 Think of the world you could have seen, Dolores." 1508 01:20:42,109 --> 01:20:44,278 "I've already seen it." 1509 01:20:45,245 --> 01:20:48,082 She still is... uh, is-is she a ghost? 1510 01:20:50,652 --> 01:20:52,453 It's not clear. 1511 01:20:53,387 --> 01:20:54,589 Uh... 1512 01:20:54,622 --> 01:20:56,357 Then the, uh... the... 1513 01:20:57,424 --> 01:20:59,360 Then the coroner comes in, orders me out of the room. 1514 01:20:59,393 --> 01:21:01,295 I slowly turn away and close the door. 1515 01:21:01,328 --> 01:21:02,396 Scene. 1516 01:21:02,429 --> 01:21:04,465 My sandwich is burning. 1517 01:21:19,714 --> 01:21:21,448 My daughter saw us. 1518 01:21:21,482 --> 01:21:22,517 What? 1519 01:21:22,550 --> 01:21:24,385 Oh, uh, Dinah saw us. 1520 01:21:24,418 --> 01:21:27,287 Through this window, in your bedroom yesterday. 1521 01:21:36,163 --> 01:21:39,233 Did you, uh, tell her we were rehearsing again? 1522 01:21:40,167 --> 01:21:42,202 I didn't think of that. I should've. 1523 01:21:42,236 --> 01:21:45,172 But it's too late, because I admitted everything. 1524 01:21:46,173 --> 01:21:48,041 Did she tell Woodrow? 1525 01:21:48,643 --> 01:21:50,411 Hard to say. 1526 01:21:50,444 --> 01:21:51,979 She can keep a secret. 1527 01:21:52,012 --> 01:21:53,914 I don't know if she will. 1528 01:21:56,450 --> 01:21:59,319 This isn't the beginning of something, Augie. 1529 01:21:59,353 --> 01:22:01,321 Isn't it? 1530 01:22:02,289 --> 01:22:03,591 Is it? 1531 01:22:03,625 --> 01:22:05,560 Probably not. 1532 01:22:05,593 --> 01:22:07,161 Unless maybe it is. 1533 01:22:07,194 --> 01:22:08,630 I don't like the way that guy looked at us. 1534 01:22:08,663 --> 01:22:10,665 -What guy? -The alien. 1535 01:22:10,698 --> 01:22:12,166 Oh. How did he... 1536 01:22:12,199 --> 01:22:14,368 -How did he look at us? -Like we're doomed. 1537 01:22:16,738 --> 01:22:19,239 Maybe we are. 1538 01:22:24,612 --> 01:22:26,246 What did you just do? 1539 01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:27,749 I burned my hand on the Quicky-Griddle. 1540 01:22:27,782 --> 01:22:29,717 -Why? -It's not clear. 1541 01:22:29,751 --> 01:22:32,152 Show me. 1542 01:22:32,754 --> 01:22:34,556 You really did it. 1543 01:22:34,589 --> 01:22:37,224 That actually happened. 1544 01:22:45,533 --> 01:22:47,301 Pull. 1545 01:22:53,775 --> 01:22:56,276 How long can they keep us in Asteroid City? 1546 01:22:56,310 --> 01:22:57,612 Legally, I mean. 1547 01:22:57,645 --> 01:22:59,079 Well, I'm not an attorney, 1548 01:22:59,112 --> 01:23:00,648 but I'd say as long as they like. 1549 01:23:00,682 --> 01:23:02,349 I think we'd have to file an injunction 1550 01:23:02,382 --> 01:23:04,151 and successfully argue the case-- six months to a year? 1551 01:23:04,184 --> 01:23:05,520 Of course, we'd also need to initiate 1552 01:23:05,553 --> 01:23:07,087 a civil suit for loss of income. 1553 01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:08,556 Maybe we should just walk out right now. 1554 01:23:08,590 --> 01:23:11,626 I'm not sure they could stop us without killing somebody. 1555 01:23:11,659 --> 01:23:13,327 Interesting idea. 1556 01:23:13,360 --> 01:23:15,797 What kind of mileage you think that jet pack gets? 1557 01:23:15,830 --> 01:23:17,231 Ask Roger or his son. 1558 01:23:17,264 --> 01:23:18,766 Apparently, he's being prosecuted 1559 01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:20,300 for revealing state secrets. 1560 01:23:20,334 --> 01:23:22,236 -They'll never make it stick. -I'm in no hurry. 1561 01:23:22,269 --> 01:23:24,238 I like the desert. I like aliens. 1562 01:23:24,271 --> 01:23:25,773 Pull. 1563 01:23:25,807 --> 01:23:27,274 How'd you get that back? 1564 01:23:27,307 --> 01:23:28,710 The projects remain under secure lockdown. 1565 01:23:28,743 --> 01:23:30,110 No Stargazer is permitted personal access 1566 01:23:30,143 --> 01:23:31,211 without the express permission... 1567 01:23:31,245 --> 01:23:32,412 My son invented this death ray. 1568 01:23:32,446 --> 01:23:34,081 That may be true, but my orders are... 1569 01:23:34,114 --> 01:23:35,517 -Step back. -Easy, fellas. 1570 01:23:35,550 --> 01:23:37,384 -We're not in Guadalcanal anymore. -Okay, okay, okay. 1571 01:23:37,417 --> 01:23:39,253 Everyone, please. It's been a difficult quarantine. 1572 01:23:39,286 --> 01:23:40,822 -I'll zap you right now! -You stole your projects! 1573 01:23:40,855 --> 01:23:42,389 Goddamn it, tell them 1574 01:23:42,422 --> 01:23:43,758 -to stand down! -Stand down! You hear that? 1575 01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:45,158 General Gibson says, "Stand down." 1576 01:23:45,192 --> 01:23:46,493 -You married? -Of course. 1577 01:23:46,528 --> 01:23:48,663 We'll reconfiscate the projects at a later time. 1578 01:23:48,696 --> 01:23:50,264 Probably after dinner. 1579 01:23:50,865 --> 01:23:53,200 Try it. 1580 01:23:54,836 --> 01:23:56,436 Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out, 1581 01:23:56,470 --> 01:23:58,472 Jack the Ripper, out, Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, 1582 01:23:58,506 --> 01:24:00,542 out, out, Orson Welles, Lucille Ball, out, 1583 01:24:00,575 --> 01:24:02,810 Marlon Brando, out, Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle, 1584 01:24:02,844 --> 01:24:04,444 out, out, Yul Brynner, Louis Armstrong, 1585 01:24:04,478 --> 01:24:07,180 out, Lana Turner, out, Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald, 1586 01:24:07,214 --> 01:24:09,416 out, out, Rock Hudson, out, Jerry Lewis, out, out, 1587 01:24:09,449 --> 01:24:11,686 Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out, Joan of Arc, out, 1588 01:24:11,719 --> 01:24:13,353 Charles Darwin, Walter Pidgeon, out, 1589 01:24:13,387 --> 01:24:15,355 Emily Dickinson, Galileo, out, out, 1590 01:24:15,389 --> 01:24:17,257 Pontius Pilate, out, Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O... 1591 01:24:17,291 --> 01:24:19,259 Who's responsible for stealing my radio telescope, 1592 01:24:19,293 --> 01:24:21,094 my signal processing receiver 1593 01:24:21,128 --> 01:24:23,430 and my entire spectrographical monitoring network? 1594 01:24:25,165 --> 01:24:27,167 They're trying to contact the alien. 1595 01:24:27,200 --> 01:24:30,103 Well, I appreciate that, but what about Dr. Hickenlooper? 1596 01:24:30,137 --> 01:24:32,840 If you're trying to contact the alien, include me. 1597 01:24:32,874 --> 01:24:35,108 Did you hear anything from him so far? 1598 01:24:35,142 --> 01:24:36,678 -No. -Huh. 1599 01:24:36,711 --> 01:24:38,513 What's all this? 1600 01:24:38,546 --> 01:24:40,848 I put the American flag just to be patriotic. 1601 01:24:40,882 --> 01:24:42,517 Now we need to really mean something. 1602 01:24:42,550 --> 01:24:44,552 A universal message, not only to earthlings. 1603 01:24:44,586 --> 01:24:46,721 We already thought of everything we could think of: 1604 01:24:46,754 --> 01:24:48,355 a cross, a star, a four-leaf clover, 1605 01:24:48,388 --> 01:24:50,190 letters, numbers, hieroglyphics. 1606 01:24:50,223 --> 01:24:51,859 What's the point of projecting a star onto the moon? 1607 01:24:51,893 --> 01:24:53,260 -Exactly. -I ask that sincerely. 1608 01:24:53,293 --> 01:24:54,461 How about "E equals MC-squared"? 1609 01:24:54,494 --> 01:24:55,863 -I still think it's... -They know that. 1610 01:24:55,897 --> 01:24:57,331 -It's too easy. -This is our chance 1611 01:24:57,364 --> 01:24:59,466 to be actually worthwhile in our lifetimes. 1612 01:24:59,499 --> 01:25:01,168 I see what you mean. 1613 01:25:01,201 --> 01:25:02,904 -Whose turn was it? -Oh, the middle of mine. 1614 01:25:02,937 --> 01:25:04,606 I'd better start over. 1615 01:25:04,639 --> 01:25:06,440 -Cleopatra, Jagadish... -A word, Woodrow. 1616 01:25:06,473 --> 01:25:09,142 About the, uh, settings on the spectrograph. 1617 01:25:09,176 --> 01:25:10,511 Over here, if you wouldn't mind. 1618 01:25:10,545 --> 01:25:12,245 ...Kurt G�del, William Henry Bragg... 1619 01:25:12,279 --> 01:25:14,214 The, uh, warning label indicates 1620 01:25:14,247 --> 01:25:16,183 that the, uh... 1621 01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,855 It's all worthwhile in your lifetime. 1622 01:25:20,888 --> 01:25:22,523 -This, I mean. -Okay. 1623 01:25:22,557 --> 01:25:24,826 Your curiosity is your most important asset. 1624 01:25:24,859 --> 01:25:26,259 -Trust it. -Okay. 1625 01:25:26,293 --> 01:25:27,695 -Trust your curiosity. -Okay. 1626 01:25:27,729 --> 01:25:29,864 The resources of my lab will always be available to you. 1627 01:25:29,897 --> 01:25:31,498 After this thing is over, I mean. 1628 01:25:31,532 --> 01:25:33,433 You could maybe sort of be my prot�g�, if you like. 1629 01:25:33,467 --> 01:25:34,836 Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove 1630 01:25:34,869 --> 01:25:36,303 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation 1631 01:25:36,336 --> 01:25:37,639 and get the math right finally. 1632 01:25:37,672 --> 01:25:38,906 Wow. Let's try. 1633 01:25:38,940 --> 01:25:40,842 I think I see the dots from space 1634 01:25:40,875 --> 01:25:42,644 burned into your eyeballs. 1635 01:25:45,680 --> 01:25:47,247 I'm sorry about your mother. 1636 01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:50,217 I miss mine, too, and she died 46 years ago. 1637 01:25:51,418 --> 01:25:53,420 Thank you. 1638 01:25:55,489 --> 01:25:57,257 I've already petitioned the State Assembly 1639 01:25:57,290 --> 01:25:59,393 to change the name of the town from Asteroid City 1640 01:25:59,426 --> 01:26:01,194 to Alien Landing, U.S.A. 1641 01:26:01,228 --> 01:26:03,564 This municipality might end up being the center 1642 01:26:03,598 --> 01:26:06,801 of a vast community of Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1643 01:26:06,834 --> 01:26:09,737 It's a historic offering. 1644 01:26:14,976 --> 01:26:16,944 As you know, the Asteroid Day itinerary 1645 01:26:16,978 --> 01:26:18,579 had to be suspended last week 1646 01:26:18,613 --> 01:26:21,248 due to the factual reality of our circumstances. 1647 01:26:21,281 --> 01:26:22,950 However, I have an announcement to make. 1648 01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:24,886 Dr. Hickenlooper and the Military-Science 1649 01:26:24,919 --> 01:26:26,554 Research and Experimentation Division, 1650 01:26:26,587 --> 01:26:28,422 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation, 1651 01:26:28,455 --> 01:26:30,692 have officially selected a recipient 1652 01:26:30,725 --> 01:26:32,727 for this year's Hickenlooper Scholarship, 1653 01:26:32,760 --> 01:26:35,997 and you're all going home first thing tomorrow morning. 1654 01:26:36,030 --> 01:26:37,999 The president has opted to lift the quarantine 1655 01:26:38,032 --> 01:26:39,801 by executive decree. 1656 01:26:42,469 --> 01:26:44,271 I'd like to take this opportunity-- 1657 01:26:44,304 --> 01:26:46,273 and, by the way, all of this year's projects, 1658 01:26:46,306 --> 01:26:47,642 setting aside my own 1659 01:26:47,675 --> 01:26:49,711 differences of opinion with Ricky Cho, 1660 01:26:49,744 --> 01:26:52,412 were of the very highest caliber, without exception-- 1661 01:26:52,446 --> 01:26:55,315 to officially declare, uh... 1662 01:26:55,348 --> 01:26:56,551 -What's happening now? -Scholarship... 1663 01:26:56,584 --> 01:26:57,885 -What's happening now? -I don't know. 1664 01:26:57,919 --> 01:26:59,587 It's today again. 1665 01:27:33,054 --> 01:27:35,022 It's been inventoried. 1666 01:27:39,459 --> 01:27:41,028 Under the provisions of 1667 01:27:41,062 --> 01:27:42,697 National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X, 1668 01:27:42,730 --> 01:27:44,599 the lifting of the quarantine which I just announced 1669 01:27:44,632 --> 01:27:46,634 is now canceled or at least postponed 1670 01:27:46,667 --> 01:27:50,004 due to the unexpected new event which just... 1671 01:28:16,731 --> 01:28:19,967 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 1672 01:28:20,001 --> 01:28:22,435 I still don't understand the play. 1673 01:28:23,638 --> 01:28:24,806 What? 1674 01:28:33,380 --> 01:28:36,017 Where are you going? 1675 01:28:36,050 --> 01:28:37,819 I'll be right back. 1676 01:28:37,852 --> 01:28:39,921 I don't play him as an alien, actually. 1677 01:28:39,954 --> 01:28:41,556 I play him as a metaphor. 1678 01:28:41,589 --> 01:28:43,423 -That's my interpretation. -Metaphor for what? 1679 01:28:43,456 --> 01:28:45,927 I-I don't know yet. We don't pin it down. 1680 01:28:45,960 --> 01:28:47,995 Schubert. Schubert. 1681 01:28:48,029 --> 01:28:50,097 -Schubert! Schubert! -Huh? Yes. 1682 01:28:50,131 --> 01:28:52,567 What's wrong? Are you on? 1683 01:28:52,600 --> 01:28:54,434 Technically, but General Gibson just started the scene 1684 01:28:54,467 --> 01:28:55,970 where the president doesn't accept his resignation. 1685 01:28:56,003 --> 01:28:58,105 I've got six and a half minutes before my next line. 1686 01:28:58,139 --> 01:28:59,974 I need an answer to a question I want to ask. 1687 01:29:00,007 --> 01:29:01,108 Okay. 1688 01:29:01,142 --> 01:29:03,044 Am I doing him right? 1689 01:29:03,077 --> 01:29:04,512 Oh. 1690 01:29:04,545 --> 01:29:05,847 Well... 1691 01:29:05,880 --> 01:29:07,548 I told you before, there's too much business-- 1692 01:29:07,582 --> 01:29:08,649 with the pipe, with the lighter, 1693 01:29:08,683 --> 01:29:10,417 with the camera, with the eyebrow-- 1694 01:29:10,450 --> 01:29:12,520 but aside from that, on the whole, 1695 01:29:12,553 --> 01:29:14,789 in answer to your question... Sit down. 1696 01:29:17,158 --> 01:29:18,793 You're doing him just right. 1697 01:29:18,826 --> 01:29:21,461 In fact, in my opinion, you didn't just become Augie. 1698 01:29:21,494 --> 01:29:22,830 He became you. 1699 01:29:22,864 --> 01:29:23,931 I feel lost. 1700 01:29:23,965 --> 01:29:25,533 -Good. -He's such a wounded guy. 1701 01:29:25,566 --> 01:29:27,134 I feel like my heart is getting broken-- 1702 01:29:27,168 --> 01:29:28,468 my own, personal heart-- 1703 01:29:28,502 --> 01:29:29,604 -every night. -Good. 1704 01:29:29,637 --> 01:29:31,138 -Do I just keep doing it? -Yes. 1705 01:29:31,172 --> 01:29:32,874 -Without knowing anything? -Yes. 1706 01:29:32,907 --> 01:29:34,742 Isn't there supposed to be some kind of an answer 1707 01:29:34,775 --> 01:29:36,443 out there in the cosmic wilderness? 1708 01:29:36,476 --> 01:29:37,578 Woodrow's line about the meaning of life. 1709 01:29:37,612 --> 01:29:38,880 -"Maybe there is one." -Right. 1710 01:29:38,913 --> 01:29:40,413 Well, that's my question. 1711 01:29:42,049 --> 01:29:43,951 I still don't understand the play. 1712 01:29:43,985 --> 01:29:45,519 Doesn't matter. 1713 01:29:45,553 --> 01:29:47,955 Just keep telling the story. 1714 01:29:48,956 --> 01:29:50,157 You're doing him right. 1715 01:29:50,191 --> 01:29:51,759 I need a breath of fresh air. 1716 01:29:51,792 --> 01:29:52,894 Huh. 1717 01:29:52,927 --> 01:29:55,462 Okay, but you won't find one. 1718 01:29:58,065 --> 01:29:59,767 Right. 1719 01:30:19,053 --> 01:30:20,855 Hello. 1720 01:30:22,823 --> 01:30:25,693 Oh. It's you, the wife who played my actress. 1721 01:30:25,726 --> 01:30:28,996 Hmm. My scene was cut after one rehearsal. 1722 01:30:30,231 --> 01:30:32,934 -We still use your photograph. -Hmm. 1723 01:30:36,037 --> 01:30:38,506 You remember the dialogue? 1724 01:30:39,640 --> 01:30:40,942 No. 1725 01:30:42,243 --> 01:30:45,179 We meet in a dream on the alien's planet. 1726 01:30:45,212 --> 01:30:47,214 Magnavox-27. 1727 01:30:47,248 --> 01:30:49,750 Actually, it's one of the moons of it. 1728 01:30:50,718 --> 01:30:53,955 You say, "Did you talk to the alien?" 1729 01:30:53,988 --> 01:30:57,091 I say, "Not yet." 1730 01:30:57,124 --> 01:30:59,794 You say, "Why not? I thought for sure 1731 01:30:59,827 --> 01:31:02,797 you would've yelled at him or made him laugh." 1732 01:31:02,830 --> 01:31:06,968 I say, "Or asked him the secrets of the universe?" 1733 01:31:07,001 --> 01:31:09,003 You say, "Exactly." 1734 01:31:10,237 --> 01:31:13,473 I say, "I think he's shy." 1735 01:31:14,709 --> 01:31:16,110 You say, 1736 01:31:16,143 --> 01:31:18,946 "So's Woodrow, but I'm sure he'll grow out of it. 1737 01:31:18,980 --> 01:31:21,949 I mean, at least I hope he will, without a mother." 1738 01:31:23,751 --> 01:31:27,288 I say, "He's a late bloomer, 1739 01:31:27,321 --> 01:31:32,693 but maybe I think you'll need to replace me." 1740 01:31:32,727 --> 01:31:33,995 You say, 1741 01:31:34,028 --> 01:31:36,998 "What? Why? How? I can't." 1742 01:31:38,299 --> 01:31:42,903 I say, "Maybe I think you'll need to try. 1743 01:31:45,239 --> 01:31:47,775 I'm not coming back, Augie." 1744 01:31:50,644 --> 01:31:53,881 Then you take a picture of me and start crying, 1745 01:31:53,914 --> 01:31:55,883 and I say... 1746 01:31:58,085 --> 01:32:00,654 "I hope it comes out." 1747 01:32:03,791 --> 01:32:05,760 And I say, 1748 01:32:05,793 --> 01:32:08,129 "All my pictures come out." 1749 01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:21,609 Hmm. 1750 01:32:21,642 --> 01:32:23,277 Good memory. Why'd they cut it? 1751 01:32:23,310 --> 01:32:24,912 Running time. 1752 01:32:24,945 --> 01:32:26,647 Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting to the Queen Consort 1753 01:32:26,680 --> 01:32:28,149 in Fruit of a Withering Vine. 1754 01:32:28,182 --> 01:32:29,884 You missed your cue. 1755 01:32:29,917 --> 01:32:31,919 June and the cowboy are already necking in the station wagon. 1756 01:32:31,952 --> 01:32:34,922 They're bandaging the understudy's hand right now. 1757 01:32:36,223 --> 01:32:37,925 Oh. It's you. 1758 01:32:37,958 --> 01:32:39,927 We almost would've had a scene together. 1759 01:32:39,960 --> 01:32:42,029 -Hello. -Hello. 1760 01:32:44,098 --> 01:32:47,935 Six months into the run, the company received the news: 1761 01:32:47,968 --> 01:32:50,704 a catastrophic automobile accident. 1762 01:32:50,738 --> 01:32:52,807 Conrad Earp, American playwright 1763 01:32:52,840 --> 01:32:55,376 unequaled in passion and imagination, 1764 01:32:55,409 --> 01:32:57,078 dead at 50. 1765 01:32:57,111 --> 01:32:59,346 I'd like to make a scene where all my characters 1766 01:32:59,380 --> 01:33:00,981 are each gently, privately seduced 1767 01:33:01,015 --> 01:33:03,284 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1768 01:33:03,317 --> 01:33:04,985 as a result of their shared experience 1769 01:33:05,019 --> 01:33:07,955 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery, 1770 01:33:07,988 --> 01:33:10,224 but I don't know how to write it. 1771 01:33:11,158 --> 01:33:13,828 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1772 01:33:13,861 --> 01:33:15,362 What was that? 1773 01:33:15,396 --> 01:33:17,031 What's happening? 1774 01:33:17,998 --> 01:33:19,767 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1775 01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:20,868 -What? -That's not true. 1776 01:33:20,901 --> 01:33:22,303 -Say it again. -Who cares? 1777 01:33:22,336 --> 01:33:25,106 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1778 01:33:25,139 --> 01:33:26,207 -Why should you? -Maybe not. 1779 01:33:26,240 --> 01:33:27,808 -Of course. -Uh, yes. 1780 01:33:27,842 --> 01:33:29,777 -You can't wake up... -If you don't fall asleep. 1781 01:33:29,810 --> 01:33:31,979 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1782 01:33:32,012 --> 01:33:33,981 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1783 01:33:34,014 --> 01:33:36,150 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1784 01:33:36,183 --> 01:33:38,786 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1785 01:33:38,819 --> 01:33:41,021 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1786 01:33:41,055 --> 01:33:43,390 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1787 01:33:43,424 --> 01:33:45,826 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1788 01:33:45,860 --> 01:33:48,062 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1789 01:33:48,095 --> 01:33:50,698 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1790 01:33:50,731 --> 01:33:53,000 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1791 01:33:53,033 --> 01:33:55,136 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1792 01:33:55,169 --> 01:33:57,738 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1793 01:33:57,771 --> 01:34:00,875 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1794 01:34:28,836 --> 01:34:32,273 ? Somewhere there's music, how faint the tune ? 1795 01:34:32,306 --> 01:34:35,409 ? Somewhere there's heaven, how high the moon... ? 1796 01:34:35,442 --> 01:34:38,679 Uh, where'd they go? 1797 01:34:39,346 --> 01:34:40,881 Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck. 1798 01:34:40,915 --> 01:34:42,917 Juice preference, please-- apple, orange or tomato. 1799 01:34:42,950 --> 01:34:44,785 Where'd they go? Everybody. 1800 01:34:44,818 --> 01:34:46,187 Of course. I understand. 1801 01:34:46,220 --> 01:34:48,255 The president lifted the quarantine after all, 1802 01:34:48,289 --> 01:34:49,890 at midnight. 1803 01:34:49,924 --> 01:34:51,759 He sent the whole gang home-- the troops, the cowboys, 1804 01:34:51,792 --> 01:34:53,227 the Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1805 01:34:53,260 --> 01:34:55,863 You are free to return back to wherever you came from. 1806 01:34:55,896 --> 01:34:57,731 We had 11 checkouts this morning. 1807 01:34:57,765 --> 01:34:59,800 I guess you overslept. 1808 01:34:59,833 --> 01:35:01,402 They returned your science projects, by the way. 1809 01:35:01,435 --> 01:35:03,137 Hmm. 1810 01:35:04,338 --> 01:35:06,707 -Tomato. -Right away. 1811 01:35:13,080 --> 01:35:16,483 The plan was to shovel it up and take her with us. 1812 01:35:16,518 --> 01:35:19,954 Like I said, we'll exhume the Tupperware. 1813 01:35:19,987 --> 01:35:22,489 We don't have any burial rights to this plot here. 1814 01:35:22,524 --> 01:35:24,391 I would question whether it even is a plot. 1815 01:35:24,425 --> 01:35:25,960 It isn't. 1816 01:35:25,993 --> 01:35:27,962 -Don't murder my mother's ashes! -He's killing her! 1817 01:35:27,995 --> 01:35:30,898 No, no, no, no. Let us pray. 1818 01:35:34,969 --> 01:35:36,270 Poppy! 1819 01:35:37,905 --> 01:35:40,341 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for the life 1820 01:35:40,374 --> 01:35:44,378 of this magnificent woman, who was once just a little girl 1821 01:35:44,411 --> 01:35:46,981 like these three witches in training. 1822 01:35:47,014 --> 01:35:48,516 -Not in training. -We are witches. 1823 01:35:48,550 --> 01:35:50,117 Part witch, part alien. 1824 01:35:50,150 --> 01:35:52,554 Like these three witches at one time. 1825 01:35:52,587 --> 01:35:55,489 We had no intention of permanently burying her 1826 01:35:55,523 --> 01:35:57,491 next to this unmarked cactus, 1827 01:35:57,525 --> 01:35:59,059 but I no longer have the strength 1828 01:35:59,093 --> 01:36:02,129 to fight for her dignity, nor neither does Augie. 1829 01:36:02,162 --> 01:36:03,964 -Do you? -No. 1830 01:36:03,998 --> 01:36:06,934 So we'll defer to the wishes of her stubborn daughters. 1831 01:36:06,967 --> 01:36:10,505 Woodrow, any final farewell? 1832 01:36:10,538 --> 01:36:12,273 I don't believe in God anymore. 1833 01:36:12,306 --> 01:36:13,807 Fair enough. 1834 01:36:13,841 --> 01:36:16,877 -Amen. -Amen. 1835 01:36:16,910 --> 01:36:19,413 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo, 1836 01:36:19,446 --> 01:36:22,550 knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 1837 01:36:22,584 --> 01:36:24,885 Mama is in the ground. 1838 01:36:24,918 --> 01:36:27,288 Say the prayer for Mama. 1839 01:36:27,321 --> 01:36:29,857 Mama, we'll say the prayer, too. 1840 01:36:29,890 --> 01:36:31,425 You are beautiful... 1841 01:36:33,127 --> 01:36:34,862 Five orders of flapjacks and two black coffees. 1842 01:36:34,895 --> 01:36:36,463 Thanks. 1843 01:36:39,466 --> 01:36:40,968 Who needs to pee? 1844 01:36:41,001 --> 01:36:42,604 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. -Not me. 1845 01:36:42,637 --> 01:36:44,438 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 1846 01:36:44,471 --> 01:36:46,340 -Mmm. -Yes, please. 1847 01:36:47,975 --> 01:36:50,477 Somebody win that scholarship? 1848 01:36:50,512 --> 01:36:52,514 I did. 1849 01:36:52,547 --> 01:36:54,248 -When? -Last night. 1850 01:36:54,281 --> 01:36:57,151 General Gibson slipped it to me in line at the communal showers. 1851 01:36:57,184 --> 01:36:59,186 I think he just wanted to get it over with. 1852 01:36:59,219 --> 01:37:01,523 It's actually a standard-sized check of typical dimensions. 1853 01:37:01,556 --> 01:37:03,591 The big one's only for show. 1854 01:37:03,625 --> 01:37:05,527 -Wow. -Congratulations, Woodrow. 1855 01:37:05,560 --> 01:37:06,994 That's, uh, stupendous. 1856 01:37:07,027 --> 01:37:08,362 You must be some kind of a genius. 1857 01:37:08,395 --> 01:37:09,597 I agree. 1858 01:37:09,631 --> 01:37:12,232 You must be some kind of brainiac. 1859 01:37:13,233 --> 01:37:15,069 Has it got any strings attached to it? 1860 01:37:15,102 --> 01:37:16,604 It's made out to you personally. 1861 01:37:16,638 --> 01:37:18,906 How you plan to use it? 1862 01:37:20,074 --> 01:37:22,242 I'll probably spend it on my girlfriend. 1863 01:37:26,146 --> 01:37:29,016 What do you write in that little book? 1864 01:37:30,250 --> 01:37:32,086 Next year's project, confidentially. 1865 01:37:32,119 --> 01:37:34,121 -Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa. -Wow. Is that possible? 1866 01:37:34,154 --> 01:37:36,090 Is that possible? 1867 01:37:36,123 --> 01:37:39,460 Midge Campbell left you her address. 1868 01:37:39,493 --> 01:37:42,262 It's just a post office box. 1869 01:37:44,298 --> 01:37:46,033 What happened that night I saw the... 1870 01:37:46,066 --> 01:37:47,468 That's none of your business, Stanley. 1871 01:37:47,502 --> 01:37:49,169 I know. Of course it isn't. 1872 01:37:49,203 --> 01:37:50,938 I only ask because Woodrow told me 1873 01:37:50,971 --> 01:37:52,507 -Dinah told him. -I understand. I understand. 1874 01:37:52,540 --> 01:37:54,108 I understand. 1875 01:37:54,141 --> 01:37:56,644 I went to law school with her former agent. 1876 01:37:56,678 --> 01:37:58,979 Anyway, I don't object. 1877 01:37:59,012 --> 01:38:02,149 She's actually a very gifted comedienne. 1878 01:38:02,182 --> 01:38:03,551 That's true. 1879 01:38:07,187 --> 01:38:09,423 Another atom bomb test. 1880 01:38:32,212 --> 01:38:34,415 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1881 01:38:34,448 --> 01:38:36,150 ? Going so fast ? 1882 01:38:36,183 --> 01:38:38,285 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1883 01:38:38,318 --> 01:38:40,087 ? Going so fast ? 1884 01:38:40,120 --> 01:38:42,990 ? I don't know what train he's on ? 1885 01:38:43,023 --> 01:38:45,392 ? Won't you tell me... ? 1886 01:38:45,426 --> 01:38:47,461 Woodrow, let's go. 1887 01:38:55,102 --> 01:38:56,604 ? Don't know where ? 1888 01:38:56,638 --> 01:38:58,972 ? He's heading for ? 1889 01:38:59,006 --> 01:39:00,374 ? What he's done ? 1890 01:39:00,407 --> 01:39:02,710 ? Against the law ? 1891 01:39:02,744 --> 01:39:06,013 ? Got no future, got no hope ? 1892 01:39:06,046 --> 01:39:09,651 ? Just nothing but the rope ? 1893 01:39:17,725 --> 01:39:19,594 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1894 01:39:19,627 --> 01:39:21,328 ? Going so fast ? 1895 01:39:21,361 --> 01:39:23,565 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1896 01:39:23,598 --> 01:39:25,299 ? Going so fast ? 1897 01:39:25,332 --> 01:39:28,068 ? I don't know what train he's on ? 1898 01:39:28,101 --> 01:39:30,103 ? Won't you tell me ? 1899 01:39:30,137 --> 01:39:32,607 ? Where he's gone ? 1900 01:39:40,447 --> 01:39:44,318 ? He lost his reason, lost his life ? 1901 01:39:44,351 --> 01:39:48,222 ? He killed his friend in mortal strife ? 1902 01:39:48,255 --> 01:39:51,358 ? He must keep moving like the rolling skies ? 1903 01:39:51,391 --> 01:39:55,597 ? Just a-waitin' till he dies ? 1904 01:40:03,337 --> 01:40:05,405 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1905 01:40:05,439 --> 01:40:07,174 ? Going so fast ? 1906 01:40:07,207 --> 01:40:09,109 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1907 01:40:09,142 --> 01:40:11,111 ? Going so fast ? 1908 01:40:11,144 --> 01:40:14,181 ? I don't know what train he's on ? 1909 01:40:14,214 --> 01:40:18,385 ? Won't you tell me where he's gone ? 1910 01:40:26,326 --> 01:40:30,264 ? When he dies, just bury him, please ? 1911 01:40:30,297 --> 01:40:34,167 ? Way down the end of old Chestnut Street ? 1912 01:40:34,201 --> 01:40:37,371 ? Poplars at his head and feet ? 1913 01:40:37,404 --> 01:40:41,843 ? And tell them he's gone to sleep ? 1914 01:40:49,283 --> 01:40:51,418 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1915 01:40:51,451 --> 01:40:53,120 ? Going so fast ? 1916 01:40:53,153 --> 01:40:55,122 ? Freight train, freight train ? 1917 01:40:55,155 --> 01:40:57,124 ? Going so fast ? 1918 01:40:57,157 --> 01:41:00,160 ? I don't know what train he's on ? 1919 01:41:00,193 --> 01:41:03,865 ? Won't you tell me where he's gone. ? 1920 01:41:40,434 --> 01:41:44,505 ? You ? 1921 01:41:46,808 --> 01:41:50,177 ? Can't wake up ? 1922 01:41:50,210 --> 01:41:53,815 ? If you don't fall asleep ? 1923 01:41:53,848 --> 01:41:57,652 ? You can't fall in love ? 1924 01:41:57,685 --> 01:42:01,321 ? And land on your feet ? 1925 01:42:01,355 --> 01:42:04,759 ? You won't smell the roses ? 1926 01:42:04,792 --> 01:42:08,730 ? If you never plant a seed ? 1927 01:42:08,763 --> 01:42:11,799 ? And you can't wake up ? 1928 01:42:11,833 --> 01:42:16,537 ? If you don't fall asleep ? 1929 01:42:19,540 --> 01:42:23,343 ? You can't make an entrance ? 1930 01:42:23,377 --> 01:42:26,279 ? If you keep missing your cue ? 1931 01:42:27,949 --> 01:42:30,350 ? And you won't pick a winner ? 1932 01:42:30,384 --> 01:42:34,956 ? Till you learn how to choose ? 1933 01:42:34,989 --> 01:42:38,191 ? You'll never find the treasure ? 1934 01:42:38,225 --> 01:42:41,763 ? Unless you dig deep ? 1935 01:42:41,796 --> 01:42:44,899 ? And you can't wake up ? 1936 01:42:44,932 --> 01:42:48,736 ? If you don't fall asleep ? 1937 01:42:52,372 --> 01:42:55,943 ? Oh, you'll never ? 1938 01:42:55,977 --> 01:42:59,781 ? Have memories ? 1939 01:42:59,814 --> 01:43:03,350 ? Worth keeping ? 1940 01:43:05,953 --> 01:43:10,692 ? Oh, you'll never ? 1941 01:43:10,725 --> 01:43:13,895 ? Find the truth ? 1942 01:43:13,928 --> 01:43:18,331 ? You are seeking ? 1943 01:43:24,304 --> 01:43:28,375 ? While you are sleeping ? 1944 01:43:32,379 --> 01:43:36,718 ? But you can't wake up ? 1945 01:43:36,751 --> 01:43:40,454 ? If you don't fall asleep ? 1946 01:43:40,487 --> 01:43:44,357 ? So go live your dreams ? 1947 01:43:44,391 --> 01:43:47,294 ? And live them real deep ? 1948 01:43:47,327 --> 01:43:51,866 ? There is some counting money ? 1949 01:43:51,899 --> 01:43:56,938 ? And there's some counting sheep ? 1950 01:43:56,971 --> 01:44:01,274 ? Oh, you can't wake up ? 1951 01:44:01,308 --> 01:44:06,514 ? If you don't fall asleep ? 1952 01:44:12,452 --> 01:44:15,890 ? If you don't fall asleep. ? 1953 01:45:01,602 --> 01:45:03,704 Wicked. 144304

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