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1
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,715
Ted:
Kids, there are many buildings
in new york city.
2
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,685
Thousands of apartments,
3
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,221
Millions of stories.
4
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,723
And even thoughit's been decades
5
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,126
And someone elselives there now,
6
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,527
There's one apartmentin particular
7
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,829
That will always beour apartment.
8
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,398
I have so many great memories
9
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,999
Of that place.
10
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,568
Marshall playing video games.
11
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,670
Lily paintingon the fire escape.
12
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,406
Man:
Hey!
13
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:43,542
Sorry, mr. Matson.
14
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,411
And me making the coffee.
15
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,845
I had this coffee pot...
16
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,048
It was probably 50 years oldat the time,
17
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:52,051
And it made trulyterrible coffee.
18
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,719
We called it shocky.
19
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,721
Plugging in.
20
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,889
Saving game.
21
00:00:56,891 --> 00:01:00,025
( Groans )
22
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,927
I loved every last detail
23
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,695
Of that place,
24
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:05,164
Right down to the incrediblytacky swords
25
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,932
We hung on the wall.
26
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,268
I never wantedany of it to change.
27
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,171
But that's not how life works.
28
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,672
You guys will never believe
29
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,774
What just happened to us.
30
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:16,909
I don't even believe it myself.
31
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,243
Lily:
We were in queens,
32
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,579
And we decided to stop by
my apartment.
33
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,947
Wait, her apartment?
34
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,450
I thought aunt lily
lived with you and
uncle marshall.
35
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,518
I could see how
you would think that,
36
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,754
But I have to have my own place.
37
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,422
It's an independence thing.
38
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,391
When was the last time
you were there?
39
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,126
Three months ago.
40
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,227
What?
41
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,695
It's like fat pants.
42
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,530
You hope you never
have to use them,
43
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,132
But you're glad
to know they're there.
44
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,702
What the hell?
45
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,070
What?
46
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,239
This is my apartment.
47
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,807
Where?
48
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,476
Right here.
49
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:54,446
What the hell?
50
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,748
Lily, this is
a chinese restaurant.
51
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,384
No, no, this was my apartment.
52
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,153
My dresser was right...
53
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,155
( gasps )
54
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,989
That's my dresser!
55
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,726
And this is my closet.
56
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,794
And I spilled
57
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,064
Nail polish there.
There's the stain.
58
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,732
Hi. How many?
59
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,000
Lily.
60
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,635
Yes. You know me?
61
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,071
Yeah. From your
homecoming picture.
62
00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,073
You're much prettier
63
00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:21,740
In person.
64
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,743
Yeah, I know, the bangs
were a mistake.
65
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,845
Where's my stuff?!
66
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,747
Oh, it's all in the back.
67
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,249
We could wrap it up for you.
68
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,316
You want it to go?
69
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,986
This is my apartment.
70
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,854
Not anymore.
71
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,023
No way.
72
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,191
You're making this up.
73
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,192
Yeah, the building would have
74
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,493
Had to give you
some kind of notice.
75
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,762
They sent you a notice
about this.
76
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,297
When?
Three months ago.
77
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,299
And here's your mail.
78
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,367
Minus magazines.
79
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:52,204
Well, still legally, they can't
just toss you out on the street.
80
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,472
You have a lease.
81
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:56,675
Okay, so I didn't have
a written lease as such,
82
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,709
But go ask
83
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,878
My landlady, mrs. Conroy.
84
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,881
She may be 98 years old,
but she's still...
85
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,617
She's dead, isn't she?
86
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,286
Never even saw the bus.
87
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:12,791
My apartment is
a chinese restaurant.
88
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,726
What am I going to do?
89
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,895
Come live with us.
Really?
90
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,897
Of course.
91
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,898
You sure about this, ted?
92
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,967
Yeah. I mean, you basically
live here anyway.
93
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,902
It's not like it'll
change anything.
94
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,338
No, it's like it will
change everything.
95
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,372
Oh, ted,
96
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,041
You are so screwed.
97
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,142
What are you talking about?
98
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:31,543
And why is that girl
99
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,045
Checking you out?
100
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,314
Because I look good.
101
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:36,715
Now, focus.
102
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,317
You and marshall are roommates.
103
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,885
You have an amazing apartment.
104
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,553
Marshall and lily
just got engaged.
105
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,721
Yeah, so?
106
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,556
So, you're not still
going to be his roommate
107
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,758
When he gets married, are you?
108
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,892
Someone's going to move out.
109
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,160
So who's it going to be?
110
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:49,928
Come on, barney,
I'm sure they've talked
111
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,163
About who gets the apartment.
112
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:52,764
You've talked about who gets
the apartment, right?
113
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,499
Yeah, we've talked about it.
114
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:58,170
So when lily and I get married,
115
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:01,039
Who's going to get
the apartment?
116
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,275
Oh, that's a tough one.
117
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,843
You know who I think
could handle
118
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,245
A problem like that?
119
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,113
Who?
120
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,383
Future ted and future marshall.
121
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,385
Totally.
122
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,087
Let's let those guys handle it.
123
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,855
Damn it, past ted.
124
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,725
You blew it, dude.
125
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,693
Now that lily's there,
it's a whole new dynamic.
126
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,061
They're edging you out.
127
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,230
That's crazy.
They're not edging me out.
128
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,431
Marshall's my best friend.
129
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,566
( Gasps)
130
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,201
One of my best friends.
131
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,436
He wouldn't do that to me.
132
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,306
Just keep your eyes open,
that's all I'm saying, teddy.
133
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,440
Little things
134
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,476
Are going to be changing
around that apartment.
135
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,044
Come on, barney, you're
just being paranoid.
136
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,147
Okay, seriously,
what is this girl's deal?
137
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:44,583
I'm sort of on a date with her.
138
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,450
What?
139
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,518
Yeah, yeah.
140
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,754
I found her online.
141
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,123
I'm tired of
the whole bar scene,
142
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,724
The one-night hookups.
143
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,593
I'm looking for a soul mate.
144
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,627
Someone who
145
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,296
I can love and cuddle.
146
00:04:57,298 --> 00:05:00,065
Or so it says in my profile.
147
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,901
( Evil laughter)
148
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,770
But this girl...
149
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,505
She wants the same stuff.
150
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,907
And it's...
It's bumming me out.
151
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,742
All right, ted,
call me from the hospital.
152
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,576
All right.
153
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:14,112
No. See, he's going to go
back over there,
154
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,180
And I'm going to call him.
155
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,415
He's going to pretend it's
an emergency call
156
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,582
From a family member
at the hospital.
157
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,651
Oh, lord, fake emergency?
158
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,087
That is the lamest,
most pathetic cop-out
159
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,488
In the book.
160
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,090
I expect more from you, barney.
161
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,291
Well, stay tuned.
162
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,926
I'm working on some stuff.
163
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,728
But in the meantime,
wish me luck.
164
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,199
So, are you going
to talk to marshall?
165
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,934
He's going to want
the apartment,
166
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,269
I'm going to want the apartment.
167
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,204
It's going to lead
to an argument. So, no.
168
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,972
Hmm, that's real healthy.
169
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,941
So when a serious
issue comes up,
170
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,544
Your response is just
to avoid it?
171
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,180
I should really make this call.
172
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,549
Ooh, can I do it?
173
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,520
( Phone ringing )
174
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,522
Excuse me.
175
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,690
Hello.
176
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,726
Hi, there... Sexy.
177
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,662
Hello, aunt cathy.
What's up?
178
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,996
Oh, nothing.
179
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,399
Just sitting here
thinking about you,
180
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,567
Hot stuff.
181
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,836
An accident?
182
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:13,739
Well, is uncle rudy
going to be okay?
183
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,974
Aunt cathy's got an itch
184
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,444
That only you can scratch,
big boy.
185
00:06:20,813 --> 00:06:22,214
Oh, god!
186
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,584
Why did he think he could build
his own helicopter?
187
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:29,888
Oh, come on, daddy, break me off
a piece of that white chocolate.
188
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,724
Well, if he needs a transplant,
189
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,693
He can have mine.
190
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,495
( Voice breaking ):
I'll be right there.
191
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,930
You know... I...
192
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:42,200
( sobbing )
193
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,869
See you guys later.
194
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:47,773
Put it on my check.
195
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:50,575
Ah, this will be nice.
196
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,111
The three of us living together.
197
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,913
I think it's a good setup.
198
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:58,750
Man, this coffee's great.
199
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,820
It's really great.
200
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,190
Too great.
201
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,562
What happened to shocky?
202
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,164
( Gasps )
203
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,274
What's this?
204
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,376
My coffeemaker
from my apartment.
205
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:25,877
It makes great coffee, right?
206
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,145
Ted:
Yeah, definitely.
207
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,648
I mean, so does shocky.
208
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:34,419
I always thought shocky's coffee
tasted kind of rusty.
209
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,987
Yeah, no, it did.
210
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,890
I mean, I kind of liked
the rusty taste.
211
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,259
I'm used to it, I don't know.
212
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:44,563
Also, lily's coffeemaker
doesn't, you know,
213
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,465
Shock people.
214
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:48,667
No, it's just...
215
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,235
You got to admit
that shock, that...
216
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,670
Wakes you up in the morning.
217
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:54,639
You know what else
wakes you up in the morning?
218
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,707
Coffee.
219
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,510
That's great.
220
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,778
You're right.
221
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,847
Roomies.
222
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,048
I love it.
223
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:05,684
They're edging me out.
224
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,586
They're totally edging me out.
225
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,120
I didn't believe it,
but you're right.
226
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,188
Told you.
227
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,523
That lily...
she's a shrewd one.
228
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,025
Yeah, she got you a nice new
coffeemaker...
229
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,927
How dare she.
230
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,430
It's not just the coffeemaker.
231
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,798
Done.
232
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,600
The painting's done.
233
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,835
That is great.
234
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,303
Nice.
235
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,771
Where do you want to hang it?
236
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:27,839
I don't know.
237
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,341
Uh...
238
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,176
Over the piano?
239
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,012
Yeah, that would be
a good place for it.
240
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,014
Too bad the swords are there.
241
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,916
We kind of love those swords.
242
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:42,354
Well, those swords have been
up there a long time.
243
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,356
I know, right?
244
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,556
I'd really miss them, too.
245
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,026
So, maybe marshall's room.
246
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,728
Okay.
247
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,864
He was going to take
the swords down.
248
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,798
Can you believe that?
249
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,699
Ted, why don't you
250
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,867
Just talk to him.
251
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:56,835
He's your best friend.
252
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,236
( Sputtering )
253
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,972
One of your best friends.
254
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,008
The point is,
255
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,176
Maybe it's time for some
healthy communication.
256
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,845
Healthy communication?
257
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,513
That's the worst idea ever.
258
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,548
Look,
259
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,483
You held off their first
advance. That's good.
260
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,718
Now it's time to counterstrike.
261
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,220
Well, what am I supposed to do?
262
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,155
You got to mark your territory.
263
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,990
And I don't mean
missing the toilet.
264
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,893
You've got to do something big.
265
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,395
What, like buy a new sofa?
266
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,897
Bigger.
267
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,066
Katie's here.
Okay, real quick...
268
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,401
Last night, epiphany...
269
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,536
I realized what the world
of dating needs.
270
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,405
Ready? A lemon law.
271
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,707
A lemon law like for cars?
272
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:36,942
Exactly.
273
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,410
From the moment the date begins,
274
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:39,844
You have five minutes to decide
275
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,713
Whether you're going to commit
to an entire evening.
276
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:42,715
And if you don't,
277
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,915
It's no hard feelings.
278
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,517
Just, "good night.
Thanks for playing.
279
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,218
See you never."
280
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,286
Huh? Huh?
281
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,388
The lemon law...
it's going to be a thing.
282
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,624
Possibly, starting right now.
283
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,194
Hi, katie.
Barney.
284
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,596
( Loud obnoxious voice):Hi.
285
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,198
It's good to finally meet you.
286
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:04,869
Hmm, yeah.
287
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:05,871
Katie,
288
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,773
You are about to be
a part of history.
289
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,647
Tell your friends.
290
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:18,683
It's going to be a thing.
291
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,454
Man, ted's been acting weird.
292
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,823
He started labeling
all his food.
293
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,058
He even carved "ted"
into that block of cheese.
294
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,727
Yeah.
295
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,161
Well, now it's ed's.
296
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,064
I think he's not cool
297
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,666
With me moving in.
298
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,768
No, that's not it.
299
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,470
You've basically lived here
all along.
300
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,838
Ted loves you.
301
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,073
So what's he pmsing about?
302
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,942
I don't know.
303
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,977
But when he's ready
to talk to me about it,
304
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,612
He'll come and talk
to me about it.
305
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:48,614
Are you kidding?
306
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,515
You guys never talk
about anything.
307
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,250
( Knocking ) he'll just let it
308
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,451
Fester under the surface
309
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,453
Until he doesn't something big
and passive-aggressive.
310
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,389
You clearly don't know ted.
311
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:00,425
Delivery for ted mosby.
312
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:08,299
Your english phone booth
arrived.
313
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,502
Oh, awesome!
314
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,003
It's great, right?
315
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,638
Yeah, I guess.
316
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,074
I'm just not sure if
lily's going to like it.
317
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,177
Well, I like it,
318
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,113
So I'm just going
to keep it right here,
319
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,515
If that's cool.
320
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,650
Of course.
321
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,552
I mean, we all live here, so...
322
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,854
We should all be able to have
things the way we want them.
323
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:30,889
Exactly.
324
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,524
Great.
325
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,692
Terrific.
326
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,161
You like the phone booth,
it stays.
327
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,163
I like this painting...
328
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,330
So I'm just
329
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,566
Going to hang it...
330
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,802
Right here on the wall.
331
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,874
Mm.
332
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,975
Oh.
333
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,644
So it's like that, is it?
334
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:55,180
( Imitates phone ringing )
335
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,681
( british accent):
Oh, hello, governor.
336
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,849
Oh, it's like that, isn't it?
337
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,017
Cheerio.
338
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,885
( Normal voice):
Yeah, it's like that.
339
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,555
I want this apartment.
340
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,690
Well, I want it, too.
341
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,258
You're a jerk.
342
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,993
No, I'm a visionary.
343
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,929
Lemon law!
It's going to be a thing.
344
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,233
For the record,
345
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,502
Your little lemon law
is a symbol of everything
346
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,938
That's wrong with our
no-attention-span society.
347
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,607
No. Wrong.
Lemon law's awesome.
348
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,542
It takes longer than
five minutes
349
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,845
To really get to know someone.
350
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,413
You keep giving up
on people so quickly.
351
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,881
You could miss out
on something great.
352
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,417
Okay, you're on a blind date.
353
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,253
Sitting across from
the table is... That guy.
354
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,857
You really think it'll take
more than five minutes
355
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,459
To realize there will be
no date number two?
356
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,027
Yes, I do.
357
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,131
For all I know,
that guy's my soul mate.
358
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,766
Oh...
359
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,567
Bad move, scherbotsky.
360
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:51,469
Hi.
361
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,372
Have you met robin?
362
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,141
Hi.
363
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,275
Hi.
364
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,044
All right, marshall,
365
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,647
We're deciding right now
who gets this apartment.
366
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,316
May lead to an argument,
367
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,785
But we're settling this.
368
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,620
Or we could flip a coin.
369
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,687
Yeah, let's flip a coin.
370
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,324
Flip it.
Okay.
371
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,592
I'm flipping it.
Here I go.
372
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,161
Flip it.
Okay, here I go.
373
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,262
Flip it.
I'm flipping.
374
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,297
Go ahead.
Flip it.
I'm flipping.
375
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,900
But before I do, I just
want to say something.
376
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,768
You didn't even want to move
in here in the first place.
377
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,937
You said a pre-war building
was bad for your allergies.
378
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,839
That was five years ago.
Now you can get
379
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,340
Prescription-level
antihistamines over the counter.
380
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,309
Oh, snap.
What else you got?
381
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,945
Okay, I'm flipping.
Heads or tails?
382
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,014
You don't need two rooms.
383
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,348
Heads or tails, marshall.
384
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,150
Like you need two rooms.
385
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,685
We might be starting
a family soon.
386
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,020
Oh, no, you're not.
There's no way you're
having a baby
387
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,188
While you're still
in law school.
388
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,756
It's going to be
at least three years.
389
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:45,957
It could be sooner.
390
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,325
We're not that careful
with our birth control.
391
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,493
Two-zip.
392
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,295
Oh, come on!
You know damn well,
393
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,930
I move out,
that room's going unused.
394
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,832
Oh, and I suppose
you'll get a new roommate.
395
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,099
Who's it going to be, barney?
396
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,668
You know he cooks naked.
397
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,169
Yeah, well, at least
398
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,338
Barney wouldn't take
the swords down.
399
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,706
We were bros!
400
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,675
These swords represent
our bro-hood.
401
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,444
To make room for your fiancee's
stupid painting?
402
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,545
My fiancee?
403
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,781
Suddenly she's "my fiancee"?
404
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:11,516
Lily's a part of who I am.
405
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,817
And if you're such a bro,
406
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,485
She's a part of
who you are, too.
407
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,120
She's a bro by extension.
408
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,389
I deserve this apartment,
marshall.
409
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,626
No more than I do.
410
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:25,530
Great.
So let's flip for it.
411
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,598
Flip it.
412
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,077
So is this how we're deciding
who gets the apartment?
413
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,079
I guess so.
414
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,747
How are we doing this exactly?
415
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,148
Is this, like, to the death?
416
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,650
We should probably
figure that out.
417
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,218
Ooh! Ow. Ow.
418
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,553
He's okay, he's okay.
419
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,422
Can I observe something?
420
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,924
That this is kind of awesome?
421
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,759
Totally.
422
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,094
I can't believe
we didn't do this before.
423
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,161
I know.
424
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,299
Thank you.
425
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:04,869
I can't believe this.
426
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,905
I'm sitting here with
a beautiful woman I just met
427
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,040
Eating at
my favorite restaurant.
428
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,174
Sweet.
429
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,943
It's a nice place.
430
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:15,380
It's good to know
the future has ribs.
431
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,048
In the future,
food will most likely
432
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,616
Be served in gel cap form.
433
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:23,187
Plus, cows will probably
have died out by then.
434
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,622
Or be our leaders.
435
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,991
( Cell phone rings )
436
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,094
Hello.
437
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,195
( Chuckling ):
H-h-h-h-hey.
438
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,597
Time's running out, scherbotsky.
439
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,032
Last chance for the lemon law.
440
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,433
Leave me alone.
441
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,634
4:56, 4:57,
442
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,102
4:58...
443
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,138
We're only just getting
to know each other.
444
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,874
Say I'm right
and this could all be over.
445
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,375
This could be your call
from the hospital.
446
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,244
( Cell phone beeps )
447
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,578
Let me guess...
448
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,615
There's been a crazy accident
and you have to go.
449
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,717
No, I would never do that.
450
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,152
I don't want to go anywhere.
451
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,154
I'm all yours.
452
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,222
Look, if you're a hooker,
453
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,725
I don't have a lot of money...
454
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,295
( yelling )
455
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,897
Oh, that was awesome.
I know.
456
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,465
Do it again.
Okay.
457
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,308
But this time jump up
and I'll swipe your legs.
458
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,972
( Yells )
459
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:18,943
Look...
460
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,645
Here's why I should
get the place.
461
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,747
You and lily,
you get to be married.
462
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,182
What do I get, right?
463
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:27,085
I get to be unmarried, alone,
minus two roommates.
464
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,087
And on top of that,
I have to be homeless.
465
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,254
Does that seem fair?
466
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,756
Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo.
467
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,924
What?!
468
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,125
Woe is me.
469
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,259
"I'm not married yet.
470
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,528
My ovaries are shrinking."
ted!
471
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,163
If you wanted to
be married by now,
472
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,431
You would be, but you're not.
473
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,433
And you know why?
474
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,434
Because
you're irrationally picky.
475
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,037
You're easily distracted
and you're utterly anhedonic.
476
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,372
"Anhedonic"?
477
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,774
Anhedonic. It means
you can't enjoy anything.
478
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,709
The hell I can't.
I'm enjoying this.
479
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,111
I know. This rules!
480
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,548
( Yells )
481
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,649
Hey.
482
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,318
I'm sorry I took
those swords down.
483
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,953
Dude, that's okay.
It lead to this
484
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:04,522
Totally rad swordfight,
didn't it?
Yeah, it did.
485
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,190
( Grunts )
486
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,395
You remember when we
first got these swords?
487
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,796
It was the day we moved in.
488
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,798
Congratulations, marshall,
489
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,000
We live in an apartment
with swords on the wall.
490
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,569
List of lifelong dreams,
you're now half as long.
491
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:22,407
Crap, I'm missing one
of the screws for this table.
492
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,474
Just use this wood glue.
493
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,209
It'll hold.
494
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,811
Yeah.
495
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,313
( Grunting, yelling )
496
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,748
( lily screams)
497
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:39,390
Oh, god!
I'll be right there.
498
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,826
Kevin, I'm so sorry.
I have to go.
499
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:44,028
My friend's been stabbed
with a sword.
500
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,264
Hab slosi' quch!
501
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,233
It's a klingon insult.
502
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,601
You have no honor.
503
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,236
You know,
504
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,871
If you felt this way,
you could've just been upfront.
505
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,274
No, I swear, that was
a real call. I just...
506
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,309
Oh, forget it.
507
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:04,248
I stabbed lily.
508
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:07,251
I stabbed my fiancee.
509
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,420
Come on, marshall,
510
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,989
Do you really think
she's still your fiancee?
511
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,358
I'm kidding.
512
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,862
Hey, I think you guys
should have the apartment.
513
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,965
But you fought
so bravely for it.
514
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,367
I wasn't fighting
for the apartment,
515
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,069
I was fighting for...
516
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,071
I don't know...
517
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,606
For everything
to stay the way it is.
518
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,409
But I'm not going
to get that, so...
519
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,577
Seriously,
520
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,312
Take the place, it's yours.
521
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,780
Is she okay?
522
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,615
They're just patching her up.
She's going to be fine.
523
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,884
So get this: I was on a date
with this girl, jackie...
524
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,287
What? You said she's fine.
525
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,790
So anyway, I was on a date
with this girl, jackie...
526
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,793
Wow, jackie, you
make a really great
first impression.
527
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,994
I have a feeling
528
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,830
That tonight you might
end up being jackie...
529
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,666
Oh.
530
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,502
Yeah.
531
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,571
I'm sorry, I'm going to have
to lemon law you.
532
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,174
It's out there.
533
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,176
It's a thing.
534
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,943
The lemon law is a thing!
535
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,678
Damn, I should've called it
barney's law.
536
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,913
But you totally...
537
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,581
Just let him have this one.
538
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:13,518
All set.
539
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,186
She said she'd like to see
540
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,022
The knights of the poorly
constructed roundtable?
541
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:21,559
That's us.
542
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,595
A swordfight?
543
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,532
Sorry, lily.
Sorry, lily.
544
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,701
On Monday, I'm going to have
to tell my kindergarten class,
545
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,104
Who I teach not to run
with scissors,
546
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:36,874
That my fiance ran me through
with a frickin' broadsword.
547
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,710
Well, just to be fair,
548
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,945
It didn't go
all the way through.
549
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:45,149
I'm sorry, is this a discussion
of the degree
550
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,784
To which you stabbed me?
551
00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:49,320
You're right.
552
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,555
I'm sorry.
553
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,224
We were fighting to see
who gets the apartment,
554
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,692
And I won.
555
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,061
Uh, you didn't win.
I...
556
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,462
Uh...
...Gave it to you.
557
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,231
You know what...?
Wait, wait, wait.
558
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,300
I don't want that apartment.
559
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,801
It's a boy apartment.
560
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:07,538
It's... Full of swords
and video games and...
561
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,141
Kind of smells like dude.
562
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,212
I mean, it's fine for now,
563
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,913
But when we get married,
564
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,282
I want to start
a new life with you...
565
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,484
In a new place.
566
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,422
Gonna miss the old place.
567
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,757
I will, too.
568
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,227
But we're not going to get
married for, like, a year.
569
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,495
Yeah, that's future marshall's
problem.
570
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:32,897
Let that guy deal with it.
571
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,032
Totally.
572
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,934
Maybe it's the massive
blood loss talking,
573
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,036
But I'm starving.
574
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,205
Let's go get some dinner.
575
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,374
I know just the place.
576
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,376
Chinese restaurant.
577
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,911
I still don't believe it.
578
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,079
I told you.
579
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,715
Hey, a toast.
580
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,883
Life is full of changes.
581
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,885
One day you have an apartment,
582
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:58,089
The next day it's
a house of dumplings.
583
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,191
But the important stuff
doesn't change.
584
00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:01,525
To the important stuff.
585
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:03,160
Here, here.
Cheers.
Cheers.
586
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:06,330
And to the lemon law.
587
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,600
Self click.
588
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,236
And by the way,
I bought these glasses.
589
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,471
Bought them at ikea.
590
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,240
These are my glasses!
591
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:17,308
I love this song.
592
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,609
I haven't heard this in forever.
593
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,045
And I'm pretty sure
this is a mix tape
594
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,446
You made me in sophomore year.
595
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,748
Yeah, right.
596
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:27,451
Lily, your apartment makes
the best shanghai dumplings.
597
00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:30,221
( On tape ):
I love you, lily.
598
00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:32,757
Happy valentine's day 1998.
599
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:34,091
( Iaughing )
600
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:35,826
♪
601
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:39,964
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access. Wgbh. Org
37739
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