All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E13.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

- Honey, you up?
- Hmm?

- Oh!
I had a good night's sleep.

Hey, there's no kids
in bed with us, for a change.

How about a little--
- oh, god, I don't feel so well.

- [sighs]

Hey, you usually don't say that
until after.

- No, I mean it, ray.
Stay away from me.

Oh, god, I'm so hot.
[groans]

- Well, I don't--

I'm getting
all these mixed signals.

[babies crying]
- aw, honey, the kids.

- I know, they're fine.
They're fine.

- Oh, ray,
could you get the kids, please?

- [groaning]

All this discussion.
We could have been done by now.

Hi, I'm ray,

And I live here
in long island

With my wife, debra.

She's great
with the kids,

The house,
everything.

Oh, I don't know
how she does it.

We've got
a daughter, ally,

And twin
two-year-old boys.

It's not really
about the kids.

My parents live
across the street.

That's right.

And my brother
lives with them.

Now, not every family

Would go by
on a conveyer belt for you,

But mine would,
because--

- Everybody
loves raymond.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mommy's not feeling too good.

- What did you do to her?

- Nothing.
Believe me, nothing.

- I think mommy's
got the flu, sweetie.

Ray, I think you're going
to have to help me today.

- All right. I'll--

Oh, wait a minute.

My terry bradshaw meeting.

- Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

- I--oh, no!

If I get to ghostwrite
his book,

I can afford to get you
round-the-clock nursing care.

- I'll take care of you,
mommy.

- Oh, thank you, honey.

- Oh, see, look at her.
Isn't she sweet?

Don't kids just
cheer you right up?

- Yeah.

- You're looking a lot
peppier right now.

- Ray, listen,

I'm starting
to get chills now, sweetie.

You better get
that thermoscan.

- Thermoscan?

- The thermometer,

So we know what
we're dealing with here.

- "know what
we're dealing with?"

That's hospital talk.

Stop.
Think positive.

Think positive.

Stop that hospital--
kitchen talk.

Like, what would ray
want for breakfast

Before his big meeting?

- Ally, ally, the jumping
is making mommy sick, honey.

- Stop, ally.
That's enough. That's enough.

Here, look, read this.

Wait a minute.
That's victoria's secrets.

That's daddy's.

Here, read this.

This is the thermometer?

- Yeah.

- All right,
should I set it to "stun"?

- No, here,
give it to me.

- What are you going to do
with that?

Where do you put that?

- You put it in your ear.

- That would have been
my third guess.

- Oh, honey, look,
it's almost 103.

- No. 103.
- Yeah.

- It's a scale.
That's what your head weighs.

It's not.

Come on, just laugh.

Laugh, a little laugh.

Laughter is
the best medicine.

A priest and a rabbi
are leg-wrestling--

- Ray.

Face it.
I'm sick, honey.

- But, oh, this is my one shot
with terry bradshaw.

Hey, can't you
walk it off?

- Walk it off?

- That's what my father
always told me.

That, and rub
some dirt on it.

- Ray, listen,
come on, I'm sick.

You're going to
have to help me.

- I know.
Of course, I know.

I'm just--

Panicking!

All right, rest.
Look, just you rest.

Take care of yourself
so this never happens again.

I'll do--I'll start
the breakfast.

All right. Come on, ally,
come on.

- Here.
- Mommy's not feeling good.

We're going
to have breakfast.

Come on, guys.

You just take care
of yourself.

I got it
all under control.

A little easy
on the throat, ally.

Hey, look, you're up.
You're feeling better.

- No.

I just got worried about you
down here unsupervised.

What's wrong with ally?

- All I did was
give her breakfast.

That's all I did.

The next thing I know,
she's burning up.

She's hot.
She's like you. She's sick.

- Oh, come here, honey.

- Okay.

- Not you.
Ally.

- I'm here.
Don't worry.

Oh, god,
look at you, debra. Ugh.

- Good morning, marie.

Well, ray,
your mom's here.

- I--I thought
she could come by,

While I'm
at my big meeting.

Wasn't that a good idea?

- Ah, yeah,
I have an idea.

How about if I bite
your nose really hard?

- That's the nyquil talking.

- Ray, listen,
ally's got to go to the doctor.

Now, what are we
going to do here?

- Oh, wait a minute.

- Michael's hot too.
- What?

- Oh, that's what comes
from vitamins

Shaped like
cartoon characters.

- Geoffrey's fine.

- No, that's not
how you do it.

Come here, baby.

Yeah, he's fine.
Okay.

Now--now--

Now, you have to take
michael and ally

To the doctor right now,

And I'll stay here
with debra and geoffrey.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, don't do that.

I don't want you--
getting sick.

- Oh, I don't get sick, dear.

- Mom's more of a carrier.

Go get dressed and take
the kids to the doctor.

- All right, come on.
Ally, come on, go, go up.

Oh, my terry bradshaw meeting!

I can't just blow him off.

- Who's that?

- The football player.

He's very famous.

He's in the hall of fame.

He won four super bowls.

- I never heard of him.

- I have a big meeting
with him!

All right. Forg--

Don't worry.
Look, I'll take care of it.

- Yeah, would you
just call hammond?

- Hammond?

- Dr. Hammond,
the kids' doctor.

- Right, dr. Hammond,
the guy with the good lollipops.

Okay.
I'll call him.

- Yeah.
His number--

His number's
in the book, honey.

- All right.

- In the kitchen.

In the drawer.

By the refrigerator.

- Yeah, you got nothing now.

- Come here.

Come here, let me
take your temperature.

- No, I think I'm fine.
No, please, don't.

- 103.

- Whoa.
- Oh, yeah.

- I can't believe
how long this is taking.

I'm supposed to meet
terry bradshaw right now.

I can't believe this.

- I was up all night

Cleaning vomit
off an antique quilt.

- Okay, it's a bad day
for all of us.

How old is he?
Let me guess: Ten months.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

He's got a nice shaped head.

Was he--
still got those soft spots?

- Yeah.

- You know, you always got to
check those when they're born.

Make sure that spot goes in,
you know,

Because if it comes out,

That means they've been
tampered with.

Look, michael,
look over there.

Look at that pretty
little girl.

- He's a boy.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.

I got thrown
by all the pink.

And the earrings.

- Daddy,
I don't feel so good.

- I know. I know, honey.
Here, here.

Let's try and take your mind
off it, okay?

Let's look at this.

Oh, here,
look at this page.

"what doesn't belong?"

Puppy, kitten,

Chipmunk, bird,

Frog...

Terry bradshaw.

- Ray barone?

- Hey, hi.
Hi, terry.

How are you?

- This is where
you want me to meet you?

- Well--yeah, I--

Listen, I knew you had
a plane to catch,

And I really wanted us
to get together.

And then this--
this thing came up,

And I thought this would be
as good a place as any

As long as you don't put
anything in your mouth.

Honey, come here.
Honey, come here.

Look, this is terry bradshaw.

This is the man
daddy's going to talk to

About his new book.

- Hello!

- Hello.

- Yo, terry!
Hey, hey.

Steelers rule, man!

- Hey, listen,
ray, I'm sorry.

I mean,
I read your column, man.

I love your column,
but, I mean,

I just don't think this thing
is going to work out.

- Terry, I understand.

Look, I know this is
out of the ordinary,

But there was no way
around this.

I really think
it can work out.

We can just--

Look, we'll just talk
for five minutes.

Here, here,
sit here.

I'll sit here.
Honey, sit down.

I'm going to
talk to the man.

- [clears throat]

- Okay, all right.

- [laughing]
I can't--I can't do this.

- All right.
We don't have to.

We don't have to sit.
We'll just talk.

- Listen, I just don't--

I just don't think
this is a good idea.

I mean, I don't normally
do business like this.

- I know. Of course you don't.
You don't. I know, I know.

And, look, I wouldn't have--
I wouldn't have done this

If I didn't think
it was a great opportunity

For me and for you.

I got some great ideas,
really.

Real quickly, I think
the book should answer questions

The public has
always wanted to ask.

- Can I touch your head?

- Hey, girl,
look at this.

[blows raspberry]

- [whining]

- Okay, all you kids.

- Ray, ray, ray.

Hey, look, you know,

I can see you've got
your hands full here.

But I still think we can
just talk for a little while.

- Mr. Barone, you want to bring
ally and michael in now, please.

- Hey, hey,
nice meeting you, ray.

- Thanks, I think
we did something here.

- Ray, I'm sorry, man.

- All right.
We had a good meeting.

We laid a little foundation.

I'll have my people
call your people.

- You do that!
- Okay.

Who am I kidding?

This is my people.

- I don't understand
how the children got so sick.

I mean, you do put coats
on them, don't you?

- No, marie,
I send them out

Straight from the tub
buck naked.

Yes, of course
they wear coats.

- What coats?

- The coats
that you bought them.

- I never see them
wearing them.

Now, I know you never
liked those coats,

But I don't think it's worth

Endangering your children's
health

Just to send me a message.

- They wear the coats.
[coughing]

- Here, here.

You know, they are
very expensive coats.

- They're good.

They're good, warm coats.

- You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

I bought bad coats.

- No, they're--
they're fine, marie.

I just need to rest now.

You know, I bought those coats
from frank's friend leon.

He said it was a deal,
that crook.

He sold me paper coats!

- If I could just
make it to the phone.

- Oh, I should never
listen to frank.

"buy from leon,"
he said.

"leon has quality
merchandise."

What he doesn't say

Is that leon
wants to kill my grandchildren.

- Where's the ketchup
in this house?

- Oh, my god.
What are you doing here?

- Looking for ketchup.

- That's what
you're worried about?

It's your fault that debra
and the kids are sick.

- What?

- Your friend leon
with his cheap coats.

- Those coats
were very expensive!

- He made everyone sick.

- Please, my head.

- Or how about those
$9 slacks?

- You loved the color!
- They ripped the first day!

- I didn't read
the thing!

You're not supposed
to sit in them.

They're not
sit-down slacks.

- Oh, please,
you are actually killing me.

- See? You see what
you're doing to her?

Shhh.
Go, go, go, go, please.

She needs her rest.

- She should be up
and moving around.

She should
walk it off!

- You don't know what
you're talking about,

You and your cheap coats.

I know what sick people need.

They need rest
and peace and quiet.

- All right.
I know where the ketchup is.

Upper left,
refrigerator door.

Upper left.

- That's all I needed to know.

Feel better, sweetheart.

- Ketchup!

- It's great to see you again,
mr. Barone.

It's been quite a while.

- That's 'cause debra loves
this part of being a parent.

Do you know, does this phone
dial out?

- Why, is everything
all right?

- Yeah, yeah.

I was just thinking
of calling the guy

Who left with my...
Career.

You know what, though?

I just want the kids
to get better, that's all.

Don't worry.
Daddy's here. Okay?

- Well, that's good,
'cause, you know,

Sometimes
I need a little help

Restraining the children
when I'm examining them.

- Restraining the children?

You are a real doctor,
right?

- How you feelin', ally?

- Crummy.

- Oh, she upgraded herself.

This morning she was icky.

- What's she been
eating lately?

- Oh, uh--

Good things.

Yeah. Lots of--

Lots of green stuff.

Sometimes hot
and sometimes cold.

Debra--

Debra--debra does that,
mostly.

- What about her
sleeping habits?

- Oh, that I know.

I know that
'cause I read her a book

And I tuck her in
right about 8:00.

Well, if I'm not
at the game--

Working, working.

I'm a sports writer,
you know.

- Oh, that's right.
That's right. I remember.

Does she wake up a lot
during the night?

- I'm--I'm a pretty heavy
sleeper, you know, so--

I--it's kind of like that tree
falling in the forest thing,

You know?

But I read her
the books,

And I sing her the duck song,
right, honey?

♪ little ducks

♪ big ducks

♪ lots of

♪ swingin' ducks

- You have
a lovely voice.

Deep breath.

- [wheezing]

- She been around a lot of
children who are sick?

- Yes.
In your waiting room.

Oh, god, it's like
a hot zone out there,

I'll tell you.

- I mean the children
she plays with.

- Well, uh, debra,
she arranges the play dates,

But then I go
and I pick her up.

Right, sometimes?

- When you're home.

- You sound like
a typical dad.

- No, no.
I'm a very good dad.

Yeah,
I go on the road a lot,

But then,
when I come home,

Then they're all mine,
right?

Like what'd we do last week?

What'd we do?

We went to the video store,
and we got your favorite video.

That's why they like it
when it's daddy's day.

Like my wife only lets them
watch it once, you know.

I'll let 'em watch that
as many times as they want.

They love it.
Oh, it's great.

Man, they can sit in front of
that thing for hours.

Ohh.

Right?

We have fun, don't we?

And--
and ally's favorite video--

The little mermaid.

- No.
Beauty and the beast.

- Right!

[chuckles]

It's the same thing.

- Ally, honey, I'm going to take
a look in your ears now, okay?

- Okay.
- Can you hold her for me?

- Yeah.

It's all right now.

- [whimpering]

- Okay.

Doctor's making me
do this.

This is the doctor's fault,
okay?

Daddy is still a great man.

- There we go.

That's it.
All done.

Go get yourself
a lollipop.

Ally seems to have
a touch of the flu.

- Yeah.

- Let's see how
little michael's doing.

- I'm pretty sure that's
going to be the same thing too.

He's got
that same fever,

Same sniffles,
same crumminess.

Oh, believe me,
I know these kids.

- Mr. Barone,
michael seems fine to me.

- I think
that's impossible.

- No, I'm telling you,

There's nothing wrong
with that child.

- What are you talking about?
This morning...

- Feeling better, honey?

- Yeah, you know, I think
that garlic actually helps.

To tell you the truth,

I thought that was
an old wives' tale.

- Look who
you're talking to.

- Honey, button up
your sweater.

Let's close your robe.

I don't want you
to catch a chill.

Now, is there anything else
I can get for you?

- Well, maybe I'll go
upstairs for a while.

- No, you stay right here.

I'll go straighten out
the covers.

- Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.

- I know.

I've been ordering you around
a lot today, but--

When one of your own
is sick,

You have to forget about
winning a popularity contest.

- You're in no danger.

- Ohh!

The important thing
is that you get better.

- Thanks, marie.

It's nice to be taken care of
for a change.

Thank you.

- Well, we're both mothers.

You know, there's not much
difference between us.

Isn't that right?

- I don't want to say
the wrong thing.

- We're the same,
aren't we, frank?

- Oh, yeah.
You're exactly the same.

Like me and fabio.

- [laughing]

- You see,
frank thinks so too.

- Okay.

- Oh.
- Hi.

- I'm back with
all the right children.

- How are the kids?

- Daddy said
we could watch tv

Until we get better.

- Dr. Hammond said they'll be
fine in about 24 hours.

And he was amazed at
how identical these twins are.

You know, if they
ever need x-rays,

I bet we only
have to bring in one.

It was an honest mistake.

- Yeah, like father
knows best.

- You brought the wrong kid.

[laughter]

- I know! I know!

- Well, I never mixed up
you and robert.

- Yes, you did, dad.

- Oh, right.

- Hey, hey,
how you feelin'?

- Yeah, much better,
thanks.

- Oh, good, good.

- What happened
to your shirt?

- Oh, I was giving the kids
their medicine.

They love that stuff.

[telephone rings]

- Hello.

Oh, yes, he is.
Just a minute, please.

It's terry bradshaw.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

- Hi.
Terry, yeah.

Well, I'm--

I'm sorry
about this afternoon.

Yeah.

Well, you know, being a parent
is the toughest thing.

Don't you think?

No, I never had to see
mean joe green naked.

Yeah, yeah. Well--

Well, you know, thanks,

But my kid's still a little sick
and my wife's still sick,

And you know what?
I don't think so.

All right.
Well, thanks.

Okay, terry, bye.

- What did you do?

- His plane was delayed
a few hours,

And he wanted me
to come visit him at the hotel,

And I told him,
uh, you know--

- What?

- I told him.

I told him
what was important.

- You told him
to forget it?

- I told him
I can't meet him tonight.

I'm going to help you.

- What, are you
out of your mind?

You're going to
pass this up?

- What are you talking about?
I'm here.

I'm helping you with the kids,
with the medicine.

All right, all right,

Not the medicine,
but, uh--

- Get terry back on the phone
before he hires somebody else.

- Is this a test?

Is this a--

Yeah.

Yeah! This is like
the time you told me

I could go to bernie's
bachelor party.

- It's not like
terry bradshaw's

Going to give you
a lap dance, ray.

- I'm just saying,
I don't get you.

Don't you--
aren't you upset

That I don't know the kids
as well as you?

- No, ray.

I mean, look,
you did your best.

I needed you this morning,
and you were there for me,

And now I need you tonight
to go make the money.

- All right, all right.
I'll call him.

But am I a bad father

Because I don't know
who the kids' doctor is

Or what ally
has for lunch

Or how long you breast-fed
the twins for?

By the way, I told the doctor
you stopped, right?

- Yeah, six months ago.

- Right.

I thought it was a little less
crowded around there.

- Ray, come here.

I mean, look, honey,

So you don't know
some things, you know?

But--but you're trying,

And you care,
and you work hard,

And, yeah, I mean,
your job takes you away a lot,

But it's because of your job

You were able to pay
the doctor today.

- I was supposed
to pay him today, right?

- Yeah.

Come here.
Take my temperature.

- Hey, you're feeling
a lot cooler.

- Yeah.

- I think it's time
for a little

"doctor and the patient."

- Ray.

- Oh, mrs. Barone,

Why are you taking
your clothes off?

I'm the dentist.

- Ray.

Come on.

Come on, ray.

- What?

- 'cause I'm better,
but I'm tired.

- Oh.

Well, how tired
are you?

You don't have to do much.

- [laughing]
I'm tired.

Go away.

- All right.

Don't worry
about it.

I'll walk it off.

- Yeah, or rub
some dirt on it.

- I'm glad we finally got
some time to do this.

I know we've both been
very busy.

Okay, so--

So tell me--

Of all the places
you've played,

Where would you say
is your favorite?

- In my room.

- Room. Okay.

Have you ever seen
mommy kiss the cable man?