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1
00:00:12,835 --> 00:00:15,037
I would totally shine
his little shoes for free.
2
00:00:15,104 --> 00:00:17,572
- Aw.
- I do say the cutest stuff.
3
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,741
Look, I love a good dog
as much as the next guy,
4
00:00:19,809 --> 00:00:21,943
But this building
doesn't allow animals.
5
00:00:22,011 --> 00:00:24,911
Andy, take him outside.
And shoot him?
6
00:00:24,978 --> 00:00:28,769
- No. Just keep him outside.
- Oh, come on, Ron.
7
00:00:28,837 --> 00:00:32,400
I'm just a little puppy.
I ain't done nothing wrong.
8
00:00:32,468 --> 00:00:36,716
I'm just a puppy. Mm.
I like your mustache.
9
00:00:36,784 --> 00:00:39,581
I wish I could have one,
but I can't.
10
00:00:39,649 --> 00:00:44,580
'cause I'm just a little puppy.
Mm, mm, mmm.
11
00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:46,412
Okay, take him out
and shoot him.
12
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:56,547
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
13
00:01:06,535 --> 00:01:09,204
- Fire! Fire! Fire!
- What? Where?
14
00:01:09,271 --> 00:01:10,537
In my belly.
15
00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:13,609
Because the "24-hour Pawnee
cares diabetes telethon"
16
00:01:13,676 --> 00:01:15,010
Starts tonight.
17
00:01:15,077 --> 00:01:17,345
Goodie. Let us know
how it went.
18
00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:19,816
Every year,
Pawnee cares teams up
19
00:01:19,884 --> 00:01:21,384
With the local
cable access station
20
00:01:21,452 --> 00:01:23,219
To raise money
for diabetes research.
21
00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:24,421
And it's important,
22
00:01:24,488 --> 00:01:27,123
Because Pawnee
is the fourth fattest town
23
00:01:27,191 --> 00:01:28,525
In the u.S.
24
00:01:28,593 --> 00:01:31,594
Goes us, uh, Dallas, Tulsa,
25
00:01:31,662 --> 00:01:33,996
And certain parts
of the mall of America.
26
00:01:34,064 --> 00:01:35,063
Well, this year,
27
00:01:35,131 --> 00:01:37,598
I get to program
my own four-hour block.
28
00:01:37,666 --> 00:01:39,533
I know. Exciting.
29
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,435
So, um, I've signed you all up
for multiple shifts.
30
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:45,270
Yeah. Just to answer phones
and provide moral support.
31
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:47,506
- From when to when?
- Tonight.
32
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:49,408
From 2:00 am
to 6:00 am.
33
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,843
- What?
- What?
34
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,214
Leslie, please.
Tonight's kind of a big night.
35
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:57,484
You know, all my kids
are away and...
36
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,886
Gross! No!
It's jerry's sex night!
37
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,387
That ruins sex and tonight.
38
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,156
- Look, why don't you put on
one of these t-shirts?
39
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,323
It'll get you in the mood.
40
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,192
I stayed up all night last night
making these.
41
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,459
You stayed up all night
42
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,294
The night before
an all-night telethon.
43
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,796
Yes. And here's why.
Boom.
44
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:13,898
- "diabetes.
Let's dia-beat-this."
45
00:02:13,966 --> 00:02:16,201
Yeah. Four hours
to come up with the slogan.
46
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:18,703
Four hours to embroider them.
47
00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:21,305
- Time well spent.
- Salad sucks.
48
00:02:21,372 --> 00:02:23,306
There. I said it.
Feel better?
49
00:02:23,374 --> 00:02:25,808
- Yeah.
- I've been doing some thinking.
50
00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:27,710
I'm not gonna ask Ann
to move in with me.
51
00:02:27,778 --> 00:02:28,811
Why? Is something wrong?
52
00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:29,979
No. I'm gonna ask her
to marry me.
53
00:02:30,047 --> 00:02:31,614
I love her.
54
00:02:31,682 --> 00:02:33,917
And, uh, I want a partner.
Horseback.
55
00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:35,753
You should ask her
on horseback.
56
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,754
No. You should ask her
in a hot air balloon.
57
00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:39,623
No. She should be
on a hot air balloon
58
00:02:39,691 --> 00:02:40,891
And you should ride up
on horseback.
59
00:02:40,959 --> 00:02:42,560
Oh, wait.
She's in a balloon.
60
00:02:42,627 --> 00:02:44,429
You ride up on horseback.
You point to the sky.
61
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:46,197
Up there, skywriting
"marry me, Ann."
62
00:02:46,265 --> 00:02:48,733
I think I can figure out
the right way to ask her.
63
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,668
How you ask someone
to marry you is a very big deal.
64
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,670
I mean, they have to repeat
that story
65
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:54,938
For the rest of their lives.
66
00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:56,272
So you think I should
do it, though?
67
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:57,607
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Definitely.
68
00:02:57,674 --> 00:02:59,409
Can you get five eagles?
No, get ten eagles.
69
00:02:59,476 --> 00:03:00,910
- Leslie.
- No, it's you're life.
70
00:03:00,977 --> 00:03:02,344
Get as many eagles as you want.
71
00:03:02,412 --> 00:03:04,713
So, tom, you're in
for tonight, right?
72
00:03:04,781 --> 00:03:05,847
I forgot to tell you
73
00:03:05,915 --> 00:03:07,415
I can't make it
to the telethon tonight
74
00:03:07,483 --> 00:03:09,751
Because I have no interest
in being there.
75
00:03:09,819 --> 00:03:11,019
Okay, you're in charge
76
00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:13,155
Of the v.I.P.
Special telethon guest.
77
00:03:13,223 --> 00:03:14,423
And you're never gonna believe
who I got.
78
00:03:14,491 --> 00:03:15,524
People are gonna freak out.
79
00:03:15,592 --> 00:03:16,892
- Rihanna.
- No.
80
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,462
- Dr. Oz.
- No. You're never gonna guess.
81
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:22,465
- Justin Bieber.
- No.
82
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:26,803
Ex-Indiana pacers small forward
Detlef Schrempf.
83
00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:29,572
The Detlef Schrempf?
84
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,674
I know!
So it's really exciting.
85
00:03:31,742 --> 00:03:33,809
And I need you to be
his body man.
86
00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:36,311
Pick him up at the airport
at 7:00 pm and then, you know,
87
00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:37,846
Just entertain him
because he doesn't need
88
00:03:37,914 --> 00:03:39,281
To be in hair and makeup
until 2:00 am.
89
00:03:39,348 --> 00:03:41,683
Does Pawnee cable access
even have hair and makeup?
90
00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,518
Well, they have
a communal lipstick
91
00:03:43,585 --> 00:03:45,653
And a box of combs.
92
00:03:45,721 --> 00:03:47,288
As a nurse and as your friend,
93
00:03:47,355 --> 00:03:48,722
I highly suggest
you don't try to stay up
94
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,157
For the next 24 hours.
95
00:03:50,225 --> 00:03:51,492
I can definitely do it.
96
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,628
I've already been up
for 24 hours.
97
00:03:53,695 --> 00:03:57,898
But I have a secret weapon.
98
00:03:57,966 --> 00:03:59,299
Nutriyum bars? Leslie.
99
00:03:59,367 --> 00:04:01,268
I know. I know.
They're terrible.
100
00:04:01,335 --> 00:04:04,037
But they give me
an insane 15-minute burst.
101
00:04:04,104 --> 00:04:06,406
Plus my Nana used to tell me
"you'll sleep when you're dead."
102
00:04:06,473 --> 00:04:08,107
My Nana, she used
to say the best stuff.
103
00:04:08,175 --> 00:04:10,510
"don't work yourself
into a lather."
104
00:04:10,577 --> 00:04:12,011
"look where it is
and you'll find it."
105
00:04:12,079 --> 00:04:13,379
"don't put me in a home."
106
00:04:13,447 --> 00:04:14,815
"tell the truth
and shame the devil."
107
00:04:14,882 --> 00:04:16,416
"the devil knows
where you're hiding."
108
00:04:16,484 --> 00:04:17,984
"if you take enough rides
with the devil,
109
00:04:18,052 --> 00:04:20,254
Pretty soon he's gonna drive."
110
00:04:20,321 --> 00:04:21,756
She was really into the devil.
111
00:04:21,823 --> 00:04:23,824
I have not checked in
with you lately.
112
00:04:23,891 --> 00:04:25,325
I'm randomly
and casually asking
113
00:04:25,393 --> 00:04:26,961
How are things going with mark?
114
00:04:27,028 --> 00:04:29,497
- Things are good.
- Do you think he's the one?
115
00:04:29,564 --> 00:04:32,133
The one? I don't know.
Maybe.
116
00:04:32,201 --> 00:04:34,569
- Good.
- I'm here.
117
00:04:34,636 --> 00:04:35,836
What do I have to do?
118
00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:38,940
Um, I have you on phone
answering duty
119
00:04:39,007 --> 00:04:40,942
From 4:00 to 6:00 am.
120
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:43,712
That's horrible.
I have to nap up.
121
00:04:43,779 --> 00:04:46,982
If I don't get a solid five,
it kills my sunny disposition.
122
00:04:47,049 --> 00:04:49,384
Got enough leg room back there?
123
00:04:49,452 --> 00:04:51,652
Yeah. Yeah. You don't have
to sit so far up.
124
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,354
Yeah, I do.
125
00:04:53,422 --> 00:04:55,723
So...Detlef Schrempf...
126
00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:57,558
Three-time NBA all-star.
127
00:04:57,626 --> 00:04:59,259
Two-time six-man
award winner.
128
00:04:59,327 --> 00:05:01,095
Must've been pretty cool
to be traded to the pacers
129
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:04,298
In exchange for veteran center
herb Williams.
130
00:05:04,366 --> 00:05:06,466
So you looked me up
on Wikipedia, huh?
131
00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:09,703
No. Everybody knows that.
132
00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:12,506
Just like everybody knows
you appeared in two episodes
133
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:16,410
Of the German soap opera
gute Zeiten, schlechte Zeiten.
134
00:05:16,477 --> 00:05:18,078
What, you a big fan
of that show?
135
00:05:18,146 --> 00:05:19,179
Huge fan.
136
00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:21,415
Huh? Oh, 6'10".
137
00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:25,919
- I'm 5'6"
and three-quarters.
138
00:05:25,987 --> 00:05:27,354
All right, team,
you guys psyched?
139
00:05:27,422 --> 00:05:28,822
Just remember,
all you need to do
140
00:05:28,890 --> 00:05:30,290
Is take down everybody's name
and address
141
00:05:30,358 --> 00:05:32,193
And ask them how much
they want to donate.
142
00:05:32,261 --> 00:05:33,494
Hey, do these phones dial out?
143
00:05:33,562 --> 00:05:35,697
- Yes. Why?
- No reason.
144
00:05:35,764 --> 00:05:38,233
Leslie, you know what,
my phone has 25 lines.
145
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:39,835
I think it might be
a switchboard.
146
00:05:39,902 --> 00:05:41,703
Congratulations then.
You got the most lines.
147
00:05:41,771 --> 00:05:44,006
Figure it out, jerry.
Come on, jerry.
148
00:05:44,074 --> 00:05:45,875
Everyone else has one line.
149
00:05:45,942 --> 00:05:48,377
Oh, so, Leslie,
150
00:05:48,444 --> 00:05:50,712
I hear you're gonna be in front
of the camera this year.
151
00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:52,647
- Yeah. It's exciting.
- Cut the chatter.
152
00:05:52,715 --> 00:05:55,683
Telehosting not as easy
as it looks, okay?
153
00:05:55,751 --> 00:05:59,219
This isn't c-span.
This is local access 46.
154
00:05:59,287 --> 00:06:01,989
Don't blow it.
155
00:06:02,056 --> 00:06:03,223
Good evening and welcome
156
00:06:03,291 --> 00:06:07,060
To the 10th annual Pawnee cares
diabetes telethon.
157
00:06:07,128 --> 00:06:10,030
I'm Pawnee today's
Joan Callamezzo.
158
00:06:10,098 --> 00:06:12,934
And I am not a crook. Brr.
159
00:06:13,002 --> 00:06:14,469
No, he's not.
160
00:06:14,537 --> 00:06:16,638
What time is it?
I'm tired already.
161
00:06:16,706 --> 00:06:18,373
It's 8:03.
162
00:06:18,441 --> 00:06:20,876
Your shift doesn't start
for another six hours.
163
00:06:20,944 --> 00:06:22,111
Ugh.
164
00:06:22,179 --> 00:06:24,781
Diabetes. Yuck.
165
00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:27,083
Tonight we're hoping
the people of Pawnee
166
00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:30,586
Dig their big, chubby hands
into their plus-sized pockets
167
00:06:30,654 --> 00:06:32,154
And donate generously.
168
00:06:32,222 --> 00:06:34,423
We're wacky stuff.
169
00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:35,657
Stop it.
170
00:06:35,725 --> 00:06:39,260
Coming up, a very special
video presentation
171
00:06:39,328 --> 00:06:43,063
Called "even my tongue is fat:
The story of Pawnee."
172
00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:45,098
But right now, to begin with,
173
00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:47,601
Let's start things off
on our telethon with a song.
174
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:52,473
From Pawnee's most bookable
personality, Denise Yermley!
175
00:06:56,712 --> 00:07:00,182
♪ sweet dreams
of made of this ♪
176
00:07:00,249 --> 00:07:01,250
Pawnee cares.
177
00:07:01,317 --> 00:07:02,518
Hello. Hello.
Here we go.
178
00:07:02,586 --> 00:07:04,019
Head up there. Thank you.
Yeah, $50 is great.
179
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:07,757
- Hello. Who--Pawnee...
- Pawnee cares.
180
00:07:07,825 --> 00:07:11,460
Who's next? I feel great.
Everything is running smoothly.
181
00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:13,429
♪ some of them want to use me ♪
182
00:07:14,464 --> 00:07:16,332
♪ some of them want ♪
183
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,034
Clipboard mouth.
Clipboard mouth.
184
00:07:19,102 --> 00:07:21,403
There's some secret ingredient
in these nutriyum bars
185
00:07:21,471 --> 00:07:23,005
That make me feel so good.
186
00:07:23,073 --> 00:07:26,175
Sugar.
It's a block of sugar.
187
00:07:26,242 --> 00:07:27,176
Aah!
188
00:07:27,244 --> 00:07:30,680
Leslie.
189
00:07:30,748 --> 00:07:32,682
Leslie!
Tigers.
190
00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:34,484
Hey, you told me
to wake you up at 1:45.
191
00:07:34,552 --> 00:07:35,619
- Yeah.
- It's 1:45 now.
192
00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:36,954
I'm up.
193
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,722
Oh, I need to pull it together.
My slot's coming up.
194
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:39,990
Hey, before you go on,
195
00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,359
Can I just talk to you
about something?
196
00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:44,162
Uh, wait a minute. Sorry.
197
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,364
It's tom. He may have
a Schrempf problem.
198
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,599
- Okay.
- You understand.
199
00:07:47,666 --> 00:07:49,267
- I do. Take it.
- Okay. To be continued, Ann.
200
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,668
I promise.
We'll talk later.
201
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:51,802
- Yes.
- Okay.
202
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:53,771
Hey, hi.
Are you on your way?
203
00:07:53,839 --> 00:07:56,541
The snakehole is booming!
204
00:07:56,608 --> 00:07:59,377
People are loving
Detlef Schrempf.
205
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:00,878
I had no idea
professional athletes
206
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:02,213
Were so popular.
207
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,381
That's awesome.
208
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:04,615
But you promised
to get him here.
209
00:08:04,683 --> 00:08:06,050
Get him here.
Don't worry.
210
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,186
We're leaving soon, all right?
Bye.
211
00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:09,654
Whoa, you can't leave.
212
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:12,023
Tommy, this is the most business
the club's done in months.
213
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,591
But I got to get him
to the telethon.
214
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:17,629
He's not going anywhere.
215
00:08:17,696 --> 00:08:19,464
Okay. Oh, god. Problem!
216
00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:22,366
Um, Andy, I know I told you
that you were going on
217
00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:24,168
At 3:00 am
after the Detlef Schrempf
218
00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:25,603
Interview
and career retrospective,
219
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:26,805
But you're going on now.
220
00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:27,872
You're kicking things off.
221
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:30,175
Whoa. Sweet. Headlining.
222
00:08:30,242 --> 00:08:32,610
Yeah, at 2:00
on cable access.
223
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,846
Yeah. Let's go.
224
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,017
So how are things going
with you two?
225
00:08:40,085 --> 00:08:42,086
They're going really well.
We're gonna get married.
226
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,755
And I'm pregnant
with his child.
227
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,059
Thank you, Joan.
228
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,028
There are two types
of diabetes,
229
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,230
But only one type of caring.
230
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,700
Type-1 caring.
231
00:08:53,768 --> 00:08:55,635
And tonight, god willing,
232
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,571
We will all be stricken
with that.
233
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,406
There's a lot of fun stuff
coming up.
234
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:02,243
Indiana pacers legend
Detlef Schrempf
235
00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:04,745
Will be joining us
in the studio later on.
236
00:09:04,813 --> 00:09:05,980
Uh, but until then,
237
00:09:06,048 --> 00:09:07,282
I would like to introduce
238
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:10,217
One of the hottest bands
in Pawnee.
239
00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:13,186
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you mouse rat.
240
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:16,923
♪ I know that life is crazy ♪
241
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:21,059
Well, okay, slight hiccup,
but we're back on track.
242
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,227
See the board?
243
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,862
When my shift is done,
244
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:26,764
That board is gonna read
$20,000.
245
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:31,903
Pawnee cares.
246
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:34,473
Hi, yes,
I'd like to donate $50, please.
247
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,776
- Mm-hmm. Leslie?
248
00:09:39,285 --> 00:09:40,819
♪ you got sex hair ♪
249
00:09:40,886 --> 00:09:42,487
♪ you got it from me, girl ♪
250
00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:44,256
♪ sex hair ♪
251
00:09:44,324 --> 00:09:47,359
God, we're not getting
any donations coming in.
252
00:09:47,427 --> 00:09:48,894
I'm tired of waiting for people
to call us.
253
00:09:48,962 --> 00:09:50,462
Let's call them.
Everybody call somebody.
254
00:09:50,530 --> 00:09:51,830
Leslie, it's the middle
of the night.
255
00:09:51,897 --> 00:09:53,131
Well, then good.
They'll be home.
256
00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:54,766
Donna, someone good?
No.
257
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:56,234
I'm talking to my brother
George.
258
00:09:56,302 --> 00:09:58,168
You're not supposed to receive
personal phone calls.
259
00:09:58,236 --> 00:09:59,470
Oh, I called him.
260
00:09:59,537 --> 00:10:01,104
He's in Liberia visiting
my uncle.
261
00:10:01,172 --> 00:10:03,273
Wants to know what happened
on lost.
262
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:04,941
- Oh, thank god.
- There you go.
263
00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:07,409
Thank you.
264
00:10:07,477 --> 00:10:08,977
Did you put cream in this?
265
00:10:09,045 --> 00:10:12,481
- Uh, yeah. Did I screw up?
- No. I can drink it.
266
00:10:12,549 --> 00:10:13,916
Guys, has anyone seen tom?
267
00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:16,385
The ultimate celebrity,
I think, to hang out with
268
00:10:16,453 --> 00:10:20,290
For a night
would be criss angel.
269
00:10:20,357 --> 00:10:21,758
Like, you'll be talking to him
270
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:24,761
And then he would just turn
into fire. Ha ha ha!
271
00:10:24,828 --> 00:10:27,864
Brooks brothers boys
is, like, the cuts are slimmer
272
00:10:27,932 --> 00:10:29,065
And it's cheaper.
273
00:10:29,133 --> 00:10:30,533
Win, win.
274
00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:32,501
You ever talk to someone
and you're just, like,
275
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:34,570
"oh, we're gonna be
best friends"?
276
00:10:34,638 --> 00:10:36,305
I'm getting that, like,
right now.
277
00:10:36,373 --> 00:10:40,475
He had two beers.
Light beers.
278
00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:43,177
I need you to make
that out to Wendy.
279
00:10:43,245 --> 00:10:45,546
"tom is an amazing guy.
280
00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:47,581
"you never should have
left him.
281
00:10:47,649 --> 00:10:49,316
"you made a huge mistaken
in your life.
282
00:10:49,384 --> 00:10:51,285
"and you're probably
gonna die alone.
283
00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:52,787
Love, Detlef."
284
00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:54,022
Do you know what,
285
00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:55,624
I think we should be heading
to that telethon.
286
00:10:55,691 --> 00:10:57,827
Yes. We will definitely
go to the telethon soon.
287
00:10:57,894 --> 00:10:59,495
After this song!
288
00:10:59,563 --> 00:11:01,497
♪ hopped up out the bed ♪
289
00:11:01,565 --> 00:11:03,933
♪ turn my swag on ♪
290
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:06,403
♪ took a look in the mirror,
said "what's up?" ♪
291
00:11:06,471 --> 00:11:11,073
Ron. Ron, wake up.
292
00:11:12,576 --> 00:11:13,509
Ron, wake up.
It's Leslie.
293
00:11:13,577 --> 00:11:14,944
Ah! Gah!
294
00:11:15,012 --> 00:11:16,412
Were you having a bad dream?
295
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,015
No. I suffer from a disorder
called "sleep fighting."
296
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:23,251
- Wow, that must be terrible.
- Only when I'm losing.
297
00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:24,919
Look, I'm freaking out, okay?
298
00:11:24,987 --> 00:11:27,689
Tom is not here.
And he's got Detlef Schrempf.
299
00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:29,390
And I have three hours to fill.
300
00:11:29,458 --> 00:11:31,392
I'm sure you'll figure
something out.
301
00:11:31,459 --> 00:11:33,261
Don't go back to sleep, okay?
I need you to wake up!
302
00:11:33,329 --> 00:11:35,964
Ron, come on! Help me!
303
00:11:36,032 --> 00:11:37,366
Attaboy.
304
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:40,970
I am only here because I owe
Leslie a thousand favors.
305
00:11:41,038 --> 00:11:43,306
I'm not big on charities.
306
00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:46,777
Give a man a fish
and you feed him for a day.
307
00:11:46,845 --> 00:11:50,648
Don't teach a man to fish
and you feed yourself.
308
00:11:50,716 --> 00:11:53,751
He's a grown man.
Fishing's not that hard.
309
00:11:56,955 --> 00:12:00,524
Okay, that was the national
anthem of Canada.
310
00:12:00,592 --> 00:12:05,262
And now I'm going to see
how long I can hold a d-chord.
311
00:12:06,631 --> 00:12:08,399
April, will you call
some of the rec center teachers
312
00:12:08,467 --> 00:12:09,534
And see if they want
to come on down
313
00:12:09,602 --> 00:12:10,769
And show off
their special skills?
314
00:12:10,836 --> 00:12:11,936
Yes. Nod your head "yes."
315
00:12:12,004 --> 00:12:15,507
I can do magic.
316
00:12:15,575 --> 00:12:16,641
Egg, milady?
317
00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:18,510
Jerry, that's disgusting
and fake!
318
00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:20,746
Oh, my god. It's real.
Go up there and do that.
319
00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:23,015
- I--you broke my egg.
- You don't have a second egg?
320
00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:24,417
No, but I'm a very good
piano player.
321
00:12:24,485 --> 00:12:25,919
I'd be happy to go up there
and give it a shot.
322
00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:29,689
Why are you wasting my time?
This is really serious!
323
00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:31,724
You go keep your eye out
for tom.
324
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,459
I got this covered.
325
00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:35,828
When re-caning an old chair,
326
00:12:35,895 --> 00:12:38,897
One needs to make sure that one
has all the right elements
327
00:12:38,964 --> 00:12:39,897
In place.
328
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:42,299
Over. Under.
329
00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:45,969
And...You guessed it.
Over.
330
00:12:46,037 --> 00:12:48,105
God, he's actually
losing money.
331
00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:52,610
Over. Under. This chair's
almost caning itself.
332
00:12:52,677 --> 00:12:57,015
- No, sir. If you want to make
a donation, you have to--
333
00:12:57,083 --> 00:13:00,018
Yeah, that sounds really cool.
334
00:13:00,086 --> 00:13:03,723
You sound cool.
You sound really strong.
335
00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:05,525
Hey, why don't you forget
about the donation
336
00:13:05,592 --> 00:13:08,495
And just come down here
and meet me in person.
337
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:11,898
What? Oh, my god.
338
00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:16,603
You're so...Funny
and you're--funny. Bye.
339
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,872
Hi.
Hey.
340
00:13:18,939 --> 00:13:20,273
Funny girl you were talking to?
341
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,842
When it comes
to preparing taxes...
342
00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:25,145
Oh, my god.
This is a disaster.
343
00:13:25,212 --> 00:13:27,447
The only thing that's taxing
344
00:13:27,514 --> 00:13:29,915
Is deciding which software
to buy.
345
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,784
I am completely screwed.
346
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,053
I have no Schrempf,
no backup plan,
347
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,421
No more nutriyum bars.
348
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:39,190
What do people want to watch?
Cute animals on a bike?
349
00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:40,892
No time to train one.
350
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,794
Hot people kissing?
351
00:13:42,861 --> 00:13:45,363
I don't know,
maybe mark and Ann would...
352
00:13:46,732 --> 00:13:48,833
Have you ever seen
this man sleep?
353
00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:50,869
It's like underwater ballet.
354
00:13:50,936 --> 00:13:53,271
- I have a great idea.
- Uh, what's that?
355
00:13:53,339 --> 00:13:57,108
- I think you should propose
to Ann tonight--today--
356
00:13:57,176 --> 00:14:00,813
Whatever it is--
on camera for diabetes.
357
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,450
- Really?
- Yes. I would be so cool.
358
00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:06,119
Don't you remember
when Ahmad Rashad proposed
359
00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:07,621
To Mrs. Cosby on TV?
360
00:14:07,688 --> 00:14:10,156
- No.
- I do. And most women do.
361
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,760
- On television though.
- Yes, but...
362
00:14:13,828 --> 00:14:14,894
Oh, my god.
363
00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,496
We talked about it being
something big.
364
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,830
Right.
365
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,398
And I don't think we can get
a hot air balloon
366
00:14:19,466 --> 00:14:20,399
This time of night.
367
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:23,101
I have my grandma's ring.
368
00:14:23,169 --> 00:14:25,570
I guess I could go home
and get it.
369
00:14:25,638 --> 00:14:28,472
Is there a story behind it?
Was she on the titanic?
370
00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:30,308
Was she on the titanic?
371
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,643
No.
She was just my grandma.
372
00:14:32,711 --> 00:14:36,648
It would make a great story.
I trust Leslie.
373
00:14:36,715 --> 00:14:40,219
I don't know.
What do you think I should do?
374
00:14:41,287 --> 00:14:44,223
And that concludes a quick look
375
00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:46,459
At quickbook--s pro.
376
00:14:46,527 --> 00:14:49,196
- Quickbook--s!
377
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,700
Okay. Thank you so much,
Barney, for...That.
378
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:56,069
Thank you. Um...Go.
379
00:14:56,137 --> 00:14:57,504
We'd like to make
a quick announcement.
380
00:14:57,571 --> 00:15:00,774
Detlef Schrempf is temporary,
um, delayed.
381
00:15:00,842 --> 00:15:03,544
But, uh, coming soon,
a really amazing thing
382
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:04,611
Is going to happen.
383
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:06,313
So get your wallets out
384
00:15:06,381 --> 00:15:08,148
Or get your handkerchiefs out.
385
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:10,551
Or get your tissues out
if you're like me
386
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,120
And think handkerchiefs
are gross.
387
00:15:12,187 --> 00:15:15,723
For now, please, let's take
a look at this moving video
388
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:20,796
The widening of America.
389
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:26,202
No. Ann. Wait. Ann. Ann!
Where are you going?
390
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:27,570
Just stay
a little while longer.
391
00:15:27,638 --> 00:15:29,338
Leslie, I'm so beat.
392
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:30,806
I'm so sorry
that I've been crazy.
393
00:15:30,874 --> 00:15:32,174
What did you want
to talk to me about?
394
00:15:32,242 --> 00:15:33,742
Oh, no worries.
It can wait.
395
00:15:33,810 --> 00:15:36,211
No, no. What is it?
396
00:15:36,279 --> 00:15:38,246
I think I need to break up
with mark.
397
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,621
I've just been feeling
for a while
398
00:15:44,688 --> 00:15:45,789
Like something's missing.
399
00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,791
And I kept thinking
about the question
400
00:15:47,858 --> 00:15:50,894
You asked me today about whether
or not he's the one.
401
00:15:50,961 --> 00:15:53,496
And he's not.
Mark really loves you.
402
00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:56,499
I think he's ready to take this
to the next step.
403
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,434
He doesn't know
what he's ready for,
404
00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,835
But I think I do.
405
00:15:59,903 --> 00:16:01,404
Guess you're just gonna have
to marry him
406
00:16:01,472 --> 00:16:02,472
And figure it out.
407
00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:03,806
- No.
- No. No.
408
00:16:03,874 --> 00:16:05,408
Why would you do that?
No. No.
409
00:16:05,475 --> 00:16:08,010
No. No.
Good for you, Ann.
410
00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:11,414
Hey, mark, it's Leslie.
Um, change of plans.
411
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:13,450
Can you call me back?
Tom, get here! Now!
412
00:16:13,517 --> 00:16:16,186
Call me! Bye!
Hey, Leslie, it's Leslie.
413
00:16:16,254 --> 00:16:20,124
Hang in there.
I love you. Bye.
414
00:16:20,192 --> 00:16:23,995
- Please be April. April?
- Yeah?
415
00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:26,431
It's Joe. From the phone.
I made you laugh.
416
00:16:26,499 --> 00:16:28,968
You said come down.
417
00:16:29,036 --> 00:16:30,636
Listen, my van's out back.
Let's roll.
418
00:16:30,704 --> 00:16:33,906
- Ew. No. Please leave.
- Where you going?
419
00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:37,010
- Hey. What's up?
- Is this guy bothering you?
420
00:16:37,078 --> 00:16:39,779
No. I'm bothering you
for bothering her.
421
00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:41,147
Are you her bodyguard?
422
00:16:41,215 --> 00:16:42,849
I mean, she's an adult.
423
00:16:42,917 --> 00:16:44,317
I think she can decide
on her own
424
00:16:44,385 --> 00:16:45,685
What train she wants to ride.
425
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:47,520
- It's time to go.
- Whatever, man.
426
00:16:47,588 --> 00:16:49,089
I work for the sewage
department.
427
00:16:49,157 --> 00:16:51,158
I'm up to my waist
in hot snizz.
428
00:16:51,226 --> 00:16:53,761
- Take a walk. Bye-bye.
429
00:16:57,966 --> 00:17:01,269
Okay. Heads.
430
00:17:01,336 --> 00:17:04,138
Oh, boy.
What is gonna happen next?
431
00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:06,540
Okay, my second favorite
episode,
432
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,442
Monica's making dinner.
433
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,611
And joey is mad at chandler
434
00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:11,879
Because chandler made out
with his girlfriend.
435
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,380
So joey says,
"get in the box."
436
00:17:13,448 --> 00:17:15,649
I forgot to tell you
there's a box.
437
00:17:15,717 --> 00:17:17,418
Oh, and it's thanksgiving day.
438
00:17:17,485 --> 00:17:19,620
So they get ready to eat.
What is Ross and Rachel doing?
439
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:20,855
Oh, they're fighting.
440
00:17:20,923 --> 00:17:22,958
So Ross, Rachel,
joey, chandler,
441
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,892
Monica, and phoebe
are all together.
442
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,728
Although is phoebe there?
443
00:17:31,066 --> 00:17:32,100
Yes. So...
444
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:34,335
I will now drink
eight glasses of milk
445
00:17:34,403 --> 00:17:35,904
In three minutes.
446
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,673
No. No, you won't.
No, you won't.
447
00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:39,241
Because if you do that,
you will die.
448
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,576
Oh.
449
00:17:49,954 --> 00:17:51,554
♪ ♪
450
00:17:56,794 --> 00:17:58,528
All right. Okay.
Enough of that racket.
451
00:17:58,595 --> 00:18:03,899
Um, well, Pawnee, it's, um,
almost 6:00 in the morning.
452
00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:06,301
And, uh, we need to keep
those donations coming in.
453
00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:09,638
I know we promised
a special event coming up and...
454
00:18:09,706 --> 00:18:11,306
- Leslie.
- No.
455
00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:12,474
Should I come up now?
456
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:14,476
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No.
457
00:18:14,544 --> 00:18:15,977
No. What we're gonna do
is we're gonna pull
458
00:18:16,045 --> 00:18:16,978
Our pants down.
459
00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:18,079
That's what we're gonna do.
460
00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:19,481
Everyone's gonna pull
their pants down
461
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,116
For diabetes, okay?
On 1, 2.
462
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:24,452
♪ tall and tan
and young and lovely ♪
463
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,955
♪ turn my swag on ♪
464
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,291
♪ took a look in the mirror,
said "what's up?" ♪
465
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,259
Detlef, are you sure
you don't want me to drive?
466
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,461
I'm good to drive.
467
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,262
You want to come over
and play video games?
468
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:36,965
Oh, pull over, man.
That place has good chicken.
469
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,566
I'm hungry.
470
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:42,970
You just love flashing
your ass, don't you?
471
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,638
When it's
for a good cause, Joan.
472
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,273
- ♪ what's up? ♪
- Hey, look who's here.
473
00:18:47,341 --> 00:18:50,610
Wake up, Pawnee,
Tommy Timberlake's in the house.
474
00:18:50,678 --> 00:18:52,745
And you know who else
is with me?
475
00:18:52,813 --> 00:18:56,450
Detlef Schrempf!
476
00:18:56,518 --> 00:18:58,219
Tell them what they won, son!
477
00:18:58,287 --> 00:18:59,521
Hey, thanks, tom.
478
00:18:59,588 --> 00:19:02,057
Well, on behalf of the Detlef
Schrempf foundation,
479
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:04,260
I'd like to present
this check for $5,000
480
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:06,262
For diabetes research.
481
00:19:06,329 --> 00:19:09,665
Oh, man! Yeah.
482
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:14,203
Thank you very much.
Wow. Wow. Big man, big check.
483
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:19,140
By the way, I'm drunk!
484
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:20,342
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
485
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,743
I don't understand
what happened.
486
00:19:21,811 --> 00:19:22,977
I'm sorry.
487
00:19:23,045 --> 00:19:24,312
I think I was a little tired
when I told you
488
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,713
That you should do that.
489
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:27,614
I don't think that that's
something Ann wants.
490
00:19:27,682 --> 00:19:29,182
Not on TV.
491
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,418
So that's why you pull
your pants down.
492
00:19:31,485 --> 00:19:35,221
Yeah. Wait.
What did I do?
493
00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:38,024
It's 6:04 am
and I'm Perd Hapley
494
00:19:38,092 --> 00:19:39,859
Of channel four
eyewitness news.
495
00:19:39,927 --> 00:19:41,761
And the story
of this next dance
496
00:19:41,829 --> 00:19:43,531
Is that it's called
"the worm."
497
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:53,476
- Good morning, Knope.
- Morning, Ron.
498
00:19:53,543 --> 00:19:55,177
Everything running smoothly?
499
00:19:55,245 --> 00:19:57,246
You know, I'm happy
to go back out there
500
00:19:57,313 --> 00:19:59,047
And demonstrate
more of my skills.
501
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,249
How to start a fire
without matches.
502
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:02,884
How to build a cribbage board.
503
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,988
- No. I'm okay. Thanks.
- Get some sleep.
504
00:20:06,056 --> 00:20:08,091
Aye, aye, captain.
505
00:20:11,963 --> 00:20:14,997
What the [bleep]
are you doing, Perd Hapley?
506
00:20:17,234 --> 00:20:18,567
Hey.
507
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,203
Leslie,
what are you doing here?
508
00:20:20,271 --> 00:20:21,505
Why aren't you sleeping?
509
00:20:21,572 --> 00:20:24,307
- I just--I thought maybe
you'd want to talk more
510
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,276
About all the crazy stuff
going on.
511
00:20:26,344 --> 00:20:27,944
I do. I really do.
Thanks.
512
00:20:28,012 --> 00:20:29,712
Yeah.
513
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,147
I just got to tell you
I'm a little tired.
514
00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:32,315
Okay.
515
00:20:32,383 --> 00:20:35,985
So I may have parked
on your front lawn.
516
00:20:36,052 --> 00:20:37,286
- Oh, you did.
- I did.
517
00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:40,255
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
518
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:43,424
Just come in
before anybody, um...
519
00:20:44,922 --> 00:20:45,922
Leslie and I had
an amazing talk.
520
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:48,024
It was so great of her
to come over here.
521
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:50,893
Even though she was exhausted
beyond belief.
522
00:20:50,961 --> 00:20:55,331
Anyway, after we talked,
she fell asleep on my couch.
523
00:20:55,399 --> 00:21:01,203
And she's been asleep
for 22 hours.
524
00:21:01,271 --> 00:21:03,605
It's amazing
what she slept through.
525
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:07,242
At one point,
I thought she was up...
526
00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:10,412
Hold on. Hi. Hey.
527
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,014
But then she went right back
to sleep.
528
00:21:14,050 --> 00:21:15,551
I've been monitoring
her vital signs.
529
00:21:15,619 --> 00:21:16,719
She's totally fine.
530
00:21:16,787 --> 00:21:19,655
I love her so much.
531
00:21:19,723 --> 00:21:22,058
But I think I'm gonna draw
a mustache on her face.
532
00:21:22,562 --> 00:21:26,062
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
39111
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