All language subtitles for The Pickwick Papers.aab.srt

- Music -

In the year 1836, Messrs. Chapman and Hall, the

publisher, paid the vast sum of 14 pounds a month to
a

comparatively obscure young journalist of 24 years
of age

to write a series of comic adventures around an

imaginary club and the misadventures of its
members.

His name was Charles Dickens, and he obliged by
creating

The Pickwick Club, forthwith bestowing immortal
fame upon

this little gentleman you now see before you, Mr.
Samuel

Pickwick himself. So now pray silence for his noble
and

poetic fellow Pickwickian and club secretary, Mr.
Augustus

Snodgrass.

In view of the success of the paper just read to us
by

our honorable chairman, Mr. Samuel Pickwick,
entitled

Speculations on the Source of the Hampstead Ponds
With Some

Observations on the Theory of Tittlebats, I wish to
move

the motion that he should now enlarge his sphere of

observation by journeying forth into the Length and

breadth of England accompanied by Mr. Tracy

Tupman, the club authority on matters of romantic
conquest,

Mr. Nathaniel Winkle, the all-round sportsman of the

group, and myself.

I second this motion.

Mr. Wardle?

As a guest of this distinguished club, I hereby

extend my hospitality to Mr. Pickwick when so ever his

explorations take him to Kent, where I'LL insist on

him putting up at Dingley Dell Farm as my honored

guest.

Mrs. Leo Hunter.

Thank you. And as another honored guest, I hereby

extend my invitation to Mr. Pickwick when his Literary

pilgrimage brings him to Etonsville, at which time I

shall arrange one of my celebrated Literary

breakfasts in his honor.

Here, here.

Well, off they go, Mrs. Bardell. Good-bye, my fine

Little lad.

Good-bye, Mr. Pickwick.

Good-bye, Mrs. Bardell.

Good-bye, Mr. Pickwick, and a safe journey.

Thank you, thank you.

- Music-

Ah, cabman, to the Golden Cross.

- Music-

How old is that horse, cabman?

42? Extraordinary. I really must make a note of

that for our next meeting of the club. But does he
never

suffer from fatigue?

Only when we take him out of the cab. Then he
always

falls down. But when he's in it, we bear him up very
tight

and take him in when it's cold, and we got a pair of
Large

prize wheels on, so that when he moves, they run
after him.

He has to keep up, he can't help it.

Bless my soul. Verification cab number 924.

- Music-

Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass, Mr. Winkle

Mr. Pickwick. ALL ready for fay eh? Here's your fare.

That for your shilling and I request the pleasure of

fighting you for it. Come on, stick up your hands.

What?

Must be mad.

Or drunk.

Or both.

Come on, all four of you.

Control yourself.

Here's the lot. Go to work on him, Sam.

What's the wrap?

Would you believe as a company informer that a
man

would use a man's cab and not only take his number
down,

but every word he says in the bargain?

Did he now?

Informer.

Yes, he did. Then agitates me into assault and

then gets three witnesses here to prove it. I'LL get

even with him, even if I do six months. Come on.

Stay! Hold! Desist! Enough! What's the commotion?

My dear sir, my name is Pickwick. Samuel Pickwick.

I'm chairman of the Pickwick club of which these
gentlemen

happen to be honored members and my friends. I
was merely

making a few notes on the extreme age and singular

habits of this cabman's horse, it being our custom in

the club to collect and comment about anything we

find particularity interesting, when he without

any -

He's an informer.

What? Respected gentleman. Know him Well.

What's your number?

Take some off 924, before I... License. None of your

nonsense. Step this way, sir. ALL a mistake. Never

mind. Never say die. Worse things happened at sea.

Jingle�s the name, sir. Alfred Jingle, Esquire. Step

this way, sir. Come along now. That's right. Stand
back

there, please.

Straight the way through, sir. That's right. That's

right. Little weak in the knees, sir? Natural reaction.

Recover in no time. There.

I'm Well adjusted to the strange mutability of human

affairs, sir.

A philosopher, sir?

An observer of human nature, sir.

So am I. Poet, too?

No. My friend Mr. Snodgrass has a strong poetic

turn.

So have I.

No, no, sir.

Oh, no, please, please.

I insist.

Well, if you insist.

Your heath, sir.

And yours, gentlemen. Fine girl. Not a patch on the

Spanish, though. Ah, noble creatures. Jet hair, black

eyes, Lovely forms, sweet creatures. Beautiful.

You have been in Spain, sir?

Second home.

Many conquests, sir?

Thousands. Don Bolaro Fizzgig. Grandee. Only

daughter. Donna Christina. Loved me to distraction.

Jealous father. Handsome Englishman. Donna
Christina

in despair. Prussic acid.

Oh.

Stomach pump in portmanteau. Saved Life. Old

Bolaro in ecstasies. Consent to union. Romantic
story,

very?

Is the Lady in England now, sir?

Dead, sir. Dead.

Dead, sir?

Dead.

What cause, sir?

Never recovered from the stomach pump.
Undermined constitution.

And her father?

Remorse and misery. Suddenly disappeared. Not a

trace. Her public fountain remains square, suddenly

ceased to play. Workmen employed to clean it.

Father-in-Law discovered sticking head first in main

pipe. Full confession in right boot.

Most singular idea, dear sir.

Will you allow me to note that Little romance down,
sir?

Certainly, sir. Certainly. 50 more if you

care to hear them. Strange Life, mine. Only one
ambition left.

Always wanted to settle down in Demerara, West

Indies. Perfect climate. Pineapple rum. Gentlemen

planter. Elegant. Very.

Ah, the coach. My Luggage.

Here it is, sir.

Thank you. Of course, that's not all. Rest has gone

on ahead by water. Packing cases as big as houses.

Where are you bound for, sir?

The Bull Inn Rochester, sir.

The Bull Inn Rochester? Why, so am I. Excellent
food.

Be my guest. I insist. After you, sir.

Oh no, no, sir. After you.

I insist. A privilege.

Thank you, sir.

- Music-

The objects of the Pickwick club.

Why, I do believe Mr. Winkle has fallen asleep.

Good gracious, so has Mr. Snodgrass.

Ah, mulled wine. Excellent. Waiter, fill up

all around. No expense spared. In vino veritas. No

heel taps. Ah, you were saying, sir?

Was saying?

Uh-huh.

Oh, yes, yes. The object of the Pickwick club, to

study human nature and to be of service to it. Ever

vigilant.

What's going on upstairs, waiter? Lamps, glasses,

harps?

A ball, sir, in aid of charity. Tickets at the bar,

sir, half a guinea.

Half guinea? Reasonable.

Many fine women in this town, do you know, sir?

Devastating. Everyone knows Kent. Apples,
cherries,

hops, women.

Could we go to the ball, Mr. Pickwick?

Beginning, fiddles tuning, now the harps. Off

they go.

- Music-

Ladies, God bless them.

Oh, I should Like to go very much. Very much.

So should I. Confounded Luggage. No rag to back.
No

money till bank opens in the morning. Provoking.
Very.

I should be happy not only to take you as my guest

No, no, no, please, please, please.

No, no, no, but I insist. And also to lend you a suit

of mine for the occasion. But you are rather slim, and
I -

Rather fat. A Bacchus dismounted from
tub.

Have some wine.

I was about to observe that a suit of my friend Mr.

Winkle would perhaps fit you better.

He has a new blue coat with the club buttons. He's

own invention, and not yet officially in use by the rest

of us.

Just the thing. Let music be the food of Love. Play
on?

Give me excess of it. Et cetera and so forth. After
you, sir.

- Music -

Charming group. Pompous doctor. Army. Gaudy.
Lady in

black, aging widow. Lots of money. Our first chance
to

get our dance with widow, doctor's nose out of joint.

Entertaining. Very.

Do you know the Lady, sir?

Never saw her in my Life.

Your servant, ma'am. Jingle�s the name. Lord

Alfred Jingle. Link major the 33rd. May I have the

honor of this dance? So charming, please, may I?

Well.

And what is the name, Love?

Budger.

Budger. Any relation to Colonel Budger?

- Music-

Sir, my name is Slammer. Dr. Slammer, sir. 97th

regiment Chatham Barracks. My card, sir, my card.

Much obliged. Not sick at the moment, Slammer.
When I

am, Look you up.

Sir, you're a stuffier, a poltroon, a coward, a Liar.

Will nothing induce you to give me your card, sir?

I see. Too much claret cup. Elderly gentlemen, the

hot room. Very foolish. Suffer in morning. Lemonade

much safer.

You are intoxicated now, sir. You shall hear from me

in the morning, sir. I shall find you out, sir. I shall

find you out.

Possible. I doubt very much if you�ll find me in.

- Music-

Mr. Winkle.

Mr. Winkle. Mr. Winkle. Boots informs me that a

gentleman in the coffee room is asking for you with
great

insistence?

For me?

It's the gentleman who owns the blue dress coat

with the guilt buttons, sir.

- Music-

This is the gentleman what owns the blue coat, sir.

Sir, allow me to introduce my -

You will not be surprised when I tell you I have
called

here on behalf of my friend, Dr. Slammer of the 97th.

Dr. Slammer of the who?

My friend Dr. Slammer commissioned me to say that

should you plead the excuse of intoxication for your

behavior Last night -

Intoxication? Mr. Winkle? Never.

He will consent to accept a written apology to be

penned by you from my dictation.

A written apology? For what, sir?

Yes, for what?

I was not present myself, sir. The matter is between

yourself and Dr. Slammer. You are aware of course
that the

alternative to an apology is a duel.

A duel?

A duel.

A duel? May I have a word with my friend? Mr.
Pickwick,

This is a nightmare. I did wear my blue coat Last night.

It was Lying on the floor this morning. I must have

taken too much wine, changed my coat, gone
somewhere and

insulted someone, and this is the terrible
consequence?

My dear sir.

Shall I write the apology?

Can you as a man of honor?

You feel I should accept the challenge?

As a gentleman, you have no choice.

Absolutely none?

Absolutely none.

Then you know best, I hope.

Sir, my friend accepts the challenge.

Shall we say sunset this evening, sir?

Shall we, Mr. Winkle? We shall, sir.

If you will come to Fort Pitt, I will meet you there

and take you to a secluded place where the affair
can be

conducted without fear of interruption. Good
morning,

sir.

Good morning.

You will need a second, Mr. Winkle.

Shall I?

I should be honored to attend you.

Thank you.

Not at all. Course of friendship, sir.

- Music-

Will he be a good shot, this doctor?

Most of these military men are. But so are you, are

you not?

Sometimes.

You've always given me to understand that you have

a very nimble arm with firearms.

Mr. Pickwick, if I fall, you will find in a packet

which I shall place in your hands a letter for my
father.

I shall deliver it in person.

Mr. Pickwick, if this should come to the ears of

the authorities, you might be transported for Life as
an

accessory to the fact.

In the cause of friendship, I would brave all

dangers.

Mr. Pickwick, I must not be prevented from fighting

this duel. You must not give information to the local

authorities. Do not obtain the assistance of several

peace officers to take either me or Dr. Slammer into

custody. I say, do not.

Not for the world.

- Music-

There's nothing more to be said, I think, sir. An

apology has been resolutely declined.

Yes, sir, it has.

They are loaded. Do you object to using them?

Certainly not, sir.

We may place our men, then, I think.

Yes, I think we may.

Be calm, my dear fellow, and shoot only to wing him.

In 15 seconds precisely upon the command, 20
paces,

turn and fire. One, two, three, four.

Are you sure you have that letter, Mr. Pickwick?

Yes, yes, my dear fellow. Concentrate on the matter
at

hand.

Who are you?

What's all this? That's not the man.

Not the man?

Not the man?

Not the man?

Certainly not.

Extraordinary.

Most extraordinary.

I'm not the man. I knew it.

Then why didn't you say so, sir?

Yes, sir. Why didn't you say so?

Because, sir, you ascribed intoxication an

ungentlemanly behavior to a person wearing a coat
which I

not only have the honor to own, but to have invented,

the proposed uniform of the Pickwick Club of
London. The

honor of that uniform I felt bound to maintain, and I

therefore without inquiry accepted the challenge
which

you offered me.

Oh, Mr. Winkle. Bravo.

My dear sir, I honor your gallantry.

I beg you won't mention it, sir.

I shall feel proud of your acquaintance, sir.

It will afford me the greatest of pleasure to know

you, sir.

I think we may adjourn.

Certainly.

Certainly, sir.

Certainly.

Can't understand. Usually I'm Lucky at cards. Lost

ancestral seat. Fortune, horses, one fell swoop.

My friends.

My dear sir.

We have met some worthy gentleman who are
interested

in the pursuits of our club. Very pleasant fellows. And

here they are.

- Music -

Allow me to introduce you. Dr. Slammer.

I have met this gentleman before. Sir, you were
present

at the ball Last night.

I seem to recall something to that effect.

That person was your companion.

I believe it's Possible.

I ask you once again in the presence of these

gentlemen whether you will choose to give me your
card

and receive the treatment of a gentleman, or whether
you

impose on me the necessity of kicking you on the
spot.

One moment, Dr. Slammer. Haven't I seen you
acting in

the local theater, sir?

Certainly.

He is a strolling actor. You cannot proceed in the

affair, Slammer. Impossible.

Quite, sir.

Allow me to suggest, sir, that the best way of
avolding

a recurrence of this situation in the future is to

be more select in your choice of companions. Good
day, sir.

And allow me to say, sir, had I been Dr. Slammer or
had

I been the Lieutenant, I should have pulled your nose,

sir, and the nose of every man present. I would, sir.

Every man.

My name is Payne, sir. Dr. Payne with the 43rd.

Good day, sir.

Do I understand that you were the wearer of my
coat

Last night, Mr. Jingle?

I was, sir, and grateful thanks. Uncommon snug fit.

May I ask the nature of the means by which

you acquired Mr. Winkle's coat, sir?

Well -

I took the Liberty of lending it to him, sir.

Indeed, sir?

Without Mr. Winkle's

knowledge, sir?

It was the act of a black guard, sir.

Mr. Winkle.

- Music-

Sir, you have called my friend a black guard.

So he is. So are you.

My attachment to your person, sir, is great, very

great. But upon that person I must now take
summary

vengeance?

Come on, sir!

- Music -

Mr. Winkle! Mr. Tupman! Do you dare stand that

you're about to descend to fisticuffs?

Such is my intention, sir. And why not, pray?

Why not, sir? Because, because you are too old.

Too old?

And if any further reason were required, you are too
fat.

Sir, this is an insult.

Sir, it was intended as one.

Sir, you have called me old.

I have.

And fat.

I reiterate the charge.

Sir, you're a fellow.

Sir, you're not.

Oh.

Restrain yourself!

Mr. Pickwick!

Let me go!

Mr. Pickwick you must not imperil your distinguished
Life.

Mr. Pickwick, with the eyes of the world upon you,

Mr. Tupman, who in common with us all derives a
Luster

from your undying name, for shame, gentlemen. For
shame.

Mr. Snodgrass speaks for us all, gentlemen.

Swallow this, a brandy and water. A jolly old

gentleman, Lots of pluck. CapitaI stuff.

Thank you, sir. I'm ashamed at having been

betrayed into such a warmth of feeling.

Understandable.

Take my Leave of one and all. A pressing
engagement.

Not good-bye but au revoir.

Au revoir.

Your servant, gentlemen.

Yours.

Gentlemen, Mr. Jingle is the viper in our midst.

Viper?

Viper, sir.

Nonsense, Winkle.

Nonsense, Winkle.

Nonsense, Winkle.

Very Well, then. We shall see.

A riding mare and a pony cart for Mr. Pickwick.

Is this the only way we can get to Dingley Dell?

We never got there any other way to my knowledge,
sir.

Bless my soul, who's going to drive? I hadn't

thought of that.

Why, you, of course.

As quiet as a mouse, sir. A infant in arms could
drive him.

She doesn't shy, does she?

Not if she met a wagon Load of monkeys with their

tails burned off.

But who's going to ride the horse?

Why you, Mr. Winkle. You're the all-round

sportsman of this expedition. You can ride a horse, I
hope?

Oh, naturally. Born in the saddle. But surely I'm

depriving one of you other gentlemen of the
pleasure.

No, no, no.

Perish the thought.

You're at Liberty, sir.

- Music-

That's the 20th time she's done that. What can she

mean by it?

I think she was trying to shy.

Then we must make her realize who is master. Mr.

Winkle, have the kindness to retrieve my whip. I
daren't

Let go of these reins.

Well, I daren't get off this horse.

Come, come, sir. If you got onto him once, you can

get onto him again.

ALL right.

- Music-

There. What did I tell you? Acquire a firm hand, and

they know who's master.

- Music-

Well, now, what am I to do? I'LL never get on again.

Show the beast that you will tolerate no nonsense,

as I am doing.

Oh dear. Hold still. Hold. Tally ho! Yikes!

Be quiet and firm.

He's the one that's being quiet and firm.

You had better Lead him till we come to a turnpike.

Whoa! He won't come.

Then I must come to your assistance.

He doesn't even understand English.

Whoa!

- Music-

So there you are! Why, you two Look tired. Ladies,

the guests are here! What have you been doing? So

you've been spilt, ay? Not hurt, I hope, ay? Joel Drat,

that boy's asleep again. Joe! Take that horse for the

gentlemen and Lead it to the stables.

- Music-

My dear Mr. Pickwick, gentlemen, welcome.
Welcome

to Dingley Dell.

My daughters, gentlemen.

How do you do?

How do you do?

And that's my sister, Miss Rachael Wardle. She's a

miss, she is, and yet she ain't a miss, ay sir, ay?

No, brother. Welcome to Dingley Dell, gentlemen.

Now you all know each other, Let's be comfortable

and happy, that's what I say. See what's going
forward.

We�ll soon have you patched up and ship shape. But
first

of all, you must come and meet my mother.

Do you think my dear nieces pretty?

Well, I should, if their aunt were not here.

Oh, you naughty man. You were going to say that
Emily

stoops. I know you were.

Oh, no, I -

And so she does. It can't be denied. Oh, you quiz.
What

a sarcastic smile. I know what that smile means very
Well.

Oh. Do you?

You mean you don't think Emily�s stooping is as bad

as Isabel�s boldness?

Oh, but I -

Well, she is bold. I'm sure I cry about it for

hours together. But my dear brother is so good and
so

unsuspicious that he never sees it. I'm sure if he did

it would break his heart.

Well.

Look, I'm sure auntie's talking about us. She Looks

so malicious.

Is she?

Auntie, dear?

Yes, my dear Love?

I'm so afraid you're going to catch cold. Do put

this silk scarf round your dear, old, neck.

You must take care of yourself. Consider your age.

Consider it, angel. That was Isabel.

They obviously worship their aunt.

- Music -

Mr. Pickwick, Mother.

Huh? I can't hear you.

Mr. Pickwick, Grandma.

Ah, Well, it won't much matter.

But -

He don't care for an old woman Like me, I dare say.

I assure you -

Oh, Grandma. Isn't she naughty?

I assure you, madam, nothing delights me more
than

to see a lady at your time of Life heading so fine

a family and Looking so Well and so young.

- Music -

ALL very fine, I dare say, but I can't hear a word.

He was paying you a compliment, mother.

Grandma's put out now. But she�ll speak to

you presently.

Isabella, what a way to talk about your grandma.
Young

girls have such spirits.

But not a monopoly of them.

- Music -

Miss Wardle.

Miss Wardle, you are an angel.

Oh, Mr. Tupman, all women are angels, they say.

Then what and you be? To what can I without

presumption compare you? Where else can I hope to
find

so rare a combination of excellence and beauty?

Oh, men are such deceivers.

They are. They are. But not all men. There does
exist

at Least one being who could never change, who
would be

content to devote his whole existence to your
happiness,

who Lives but in your eyes, who breathes but in your

smiles.

Could such an individual exist?

He does exist. He is here, Miss Wardle.

Mr. Tupman, rise.

Never, till you say you Love me. Oh, Rachael, say

you Love me.

Oh, Mr. Tupman, I can scarcely breathe it, but

you're not wholly indifferent to me.

Oh, Rachael, my angel.

Oh. Oh! Mr. Tupman, we're observed!

What do you want here?

Lunch is ready, sir.

Oh. Lunch is ready. Have you just come here?

Just.

He knows nothing of what happened.

Nothing?

He was asleep, as usual.

- Music-

- Music-

Your bird, Mr. Winkle!

Oh! Oh!

Mr. Pickwick! Oh, Mr. Pickwick, I'm going fast!

Cain, you've slayed Abel.

No. Oh, don't say that.

Only a graze on the arm, my dear fellow. Lucky

escape. We must get you back to Dingley Dell. Mr.

Pickwick. Why, bless my soul, not another casualty!

It's silly of me, I know, but I'm afraid I've broken my

Leg.

My dear fellow!

Hello!

Why, it's Mr. Jingle. Oh, providential sight.

Put that down.

Don't Lift him. Possible sprain. Doctor

for years. And cold water and splints.

Came down Like a wolf on the foal.

Charming. Bitten by snake.... sword, saved Life.

What is the matter with the Little, old gentleman?

Why have they got him in a wheelbarrow? I do

hope it's not serious.

What's the matter with Mr. Tupman?

Now, don't be frightened, my dear.

What's the matter?

Mr. Pickwick has turned his ankle, and Mr. Tupman
has

met with a Little accident.

Oh, Auntie!

Pour some cold water over her, quickly.

I'm better. Bella, Emily, a surgeon! Is he wounded?

Is he dead? Oh, oh, oh!

Calm yourself, dear. Dea madam, calm yourself.

It's his voice.

Do not agitate, sir. Out of danger. Dressed wound
myself.

Then you're not dead? Oh, say you're not dead!

Don't be a fool, Rachael. How could he say he
wasn't

dead if he was?

And vice versa.

It is to the presence of mind and resourcefulness of

this gentleman that we are all indebted, my dear.

Oh, please.

Allow me to present an old and honored friend of our

friends, Mr. Alfred Jingle.

Your most obedient.

My sister Rachael, my daughters Isabel and Emily.

Exquisite examples of femininity. Overwhelmed.

Beauty, thy name is woman.

Mr. Jingle was already on his way to London, but we

have prevailed upon him to honor us with a few days
of

his company.

How delightful.

Well, it isn't all... Luggage all gone on ahead.

By water.

Quite. No rag to back. Scarecrow.

Why, I'm sure that all our wardrobes are
at

your disposal, ay? Why, bless me, we're forgetting all

about Mr. Pickwick.

Oh, poor Mr. Pickwick.

You must come inside at once, Mr. Pickwick.

What a shame.

I'm sure it will be all right when you rest.

I wish to make it quite clear that my wardrobe is not

at Mr. Jingle�s disposal.

Keen.

Missus? Missus?

Hmm? What do you want?

Oh, I wants to make your flesh creep. I see Mr.
Tupman

hugging and a kissing on Ms. Rachael in this very
summer

house you're sitting in now.

Mr. Tupman and my daughter?

Yes, Missus.

And she Let him?

Yes, Missus.

Oh. At her time of Life. I never did Like the Looks

of that Mr. Tupman from the moment I clapped eyes
on him.

A fortune hunter, that's what he is. He's after her
money?

Yes, Missus.

And she's a fool.

Yes, Missus.

- Music -

Miss Wardle.

Forgive intrusion. No time for ceremony. ALL is
discovered.

Fresh!

Fat boy. Scoundrel. Treacherous dog. Told the

old Lady. Old Lady furious, raving.

My mother?

You and Tuppy.

Tuppy?

Kissing in green house.

Mr. Jingle, if you're trying to insult me.

On the contrary. Overheard fat boy. Come to

warn you. Dreadful danger. Tender my services.
Prevent

hubbub. Other hand, think it an insult, Leave room.

What I shall I do? My brother will be furious.

No Possible doubt. Outrageous.

Oh, Mr. Jingle, what can I say?

Say, say he dreamt it. Nothing simpler. Fat boy

horse whipped, your word believed. End of matter.
One

word of warning. Beware of false heart beating

beneath smiling face.

Who ever do you mean?

Wild horses wouldn�t drag. Only wants you

for your money.

Are you referring to Mr. Tupman?

Lips sealed. Old friend. Lady killer. Loves another.

Another? Who?

Niece, Emily.

My niece? It can't be. I won't believe it.

Watch him.

Watch his Looks, his whispers. He�ll sit next

to her at table. He�ll flatter her and cut you.

Cut me?

I will.

You�ll take another?

Yes.

You shall. I shall be that man. Worship from first.

Devoted slave. Inner torment. Sleepless nights.
Fortune

of my own. Love you for yourself. Death do us part.

Dare I hope?

Oh, Mr. Jingle.

And so to sum it all up in a nutshell, Ms. Rachael

herself wishes me to appear indifferent until all

suspicion is averted.

Exactly. Cover her back. Family furious. Pretend

to make advances to her niece Emily.

Emily?

Emily. Convince family fat boy Liar. On no account

risk tete-a-tete with Ms. Rachael yet. Fat in fire.

And she has thought out all this just to protect me?

Exactly. Constant to eternity. Heart of gold.

Lucky man. Envy you.

My dear friend.

My dear.

Please tell her I will do exactly as she advises. And

my warmest thanks to you for your disinterested
kindness,

my dear friend. How can I ever help you?

Oh, don't talk of it. Unless - need 10 pounds,

a very particular purpose. Repay you in three days.

Well, if it's only for three days, I think I

could oblige you.

Three days at the outside. After that, rich

man. Repay you twofold. Remember, not a Look.

Not a wink.

Not a syllable.

Not a whisper.

If anything, be rude.

Rude?

Rude. Only way to convince family.

Remember, take care.

I'LL take care.

And I'LL take care.

- Music-

How I hate the wretch. You were so right, Mr.

Jingle.

Noblesse oblige.

Oh, mercy on us! Burglars!

- Music-

Ladies, whatever is the matter?

Oh, Mr. Pickwick, Aunt Rachael�s eloped with Mr.

Jingle.

What?

With the...

You villain! You were bribed by that scoundrel

Jingle to put us off the scent with some cock and bull

story about Ms. Rachael and Mr. Tupman!

Irony! Irony! He's eloped on the 10 pounds he
borrowed

from me! I paid the fellow�s expenses! Oh, I won't
stand

it, Mr. Pickwick! I'LL have justice!

Restrain yourself, Mr. Tupman!

Please, please, keep calm.

Now, get back to bed all of you! I'm going to follow

and bring her back! Joe! Put a horse in the gate!

Mr. Pickwick, papa's going to follow them!

It was my 10 pounds!

Ladies, keep calm. Mr. Jingle shall be brought to

task without bloodshed. I will accompany Mr. Wardle.

I'LL thrash him! I'LL thrash him!

Winkle, put Tupman back to bed.

I'LL not stand it!

- Music-

I'LL have my Lawyer answer him!

- Music-

Now, you do the asking. You're the Lawyer.

Good idea sir.

Did they not hear?

This is a curious old inn of yours.

If you'd sent word you was a'coming, we'd have had

it repaired, sir.

Pretty busy, ay?

Oh, very Well, sir. We shan't go bankrupt, and we

shan't make our fortune. We eats our boiled mutton

without capers, and we don't care for horseradish
when we

can get beef.

Ah, you're a wag, aren't you?

My eldest brother was troubled with that complaint,

sir. It may be catching. used to seep with him.

The fact of the matter is we want to know, and we
ask

the question of you in order that we may not arouse

apprehension inside, we want to know who you've
got in the

inn at the moment.

Well, there's a wooden Leg in number six, a pair of

Hessians in 13, two pairs of halves in the
commercial,

these here painted tops in the snuggery inside the
bar,

and five more tops in the coffee room.

Nothing more?

Stop a bit. Yes. There's pair of pumps, very Well

worn, and a pair of Lady�s country shoes in number
five.

What's the maker's name?

Brown.

Where of?

Muggleton.

It's them, by heaven! We found them!

We're in time!

Charge to the room, there's no time to be Lost!

Now, now, my dear sir. Caution, caution. Show us to

the room at once, and this half sovereign is yours.

Follow me, sir.

- Music -

Open up!

Yes, yes?

Oh!

- Music -

You're an artful blackguard, aren't you?

I ought to have you horse whipped!

Dear, sir, please, consider defamation of

character! Calm yourself!

How dare you drag my sister from my house!

Ay, you can ask it. How dare you, sir?

Who the devil are you, sir?

Who is he, you scoundrel! He's my Lawyer! Mr.
Parker of

Gray's Inn. Parker, I'LL have this man indicted,

persecuted! I'LL ruin him! And you, you, Rachael at
the

time of Life when you ought to know better, what do
you

mean by running away with a vagabond, bringing
disgrace

on your family and making yourself miserable?

Get your bonnet on and come back! Where

are said boots?

Call a hackney coach, sir, directly.

Yes, sir

And bring the Lady�s bill, you hear? You hear?

Certainly, sir.

Rachael, you will get your bonnet on.

Nothing of the kind. Leave the room, sir. Lady,

free to act as she pleases. She is more than one

and twenty.

More than one and twenty. She's more than one and

forty.

I'm not!

You are! You're 50 if you're a day.

A Glass of water, quick!

Glass of water? Bring a bucket of water and throw it

all over her! It�ll do her good. She deserves every
drop

of it.

Orders carried out, sir.

Boots, get me an officer.

Stay, stay. Consider, sir. Consider.

I will not consider, sir. She's her own mistress. See

who dares take her away against her own wishes.

I will not be taken away. I don't wish it.

My dear sir, my dear sir, we're in a very awkward

situation. I warned you before we came there was

nothing to Look to but a compromise.

What kind of compromise do you suggest?

Mr. Jingle, would you be good enough to step into
the

next room? Mr. Wardle.

Well, sir?

Now, my dear sir, I put it to you, don't you think

that 50 pounds and Liberty would be better than Ms.

Wardle and her expectations?

Won't do.

Why not?

Not enough.

Well, my dear, sir, we won't waste time

spitting straws. Say 70.

Won't do.

80. Come. I'LL give you the cash at once.

Won't do.

Well, my dear sir, just tell me what will do.

Expensive affair. Out of pocket, breach of

honor, Loss of Lady.

Say a hundred.

And 20?

Oh, my dear, sir.

Give it to him and Let him go!

One, two 50's, two 10's. A receipt, if you please.

Oh, come, sir. Gentlemen's agreement. Oh,

here, sir.

What is it?

A marriage License.

Give to Tuppy. Do for same Lady.

- Music-

It's time we taught him a Lesson!

- Music-

Up you go, sir.

Furniture must be cheap where you come from, sir.

Hold still, sir. Now, what's the use of running after a

man as has made his Lucky and got to the other end
of

London by now, ay?

To the Golden Cross.

Away.

To think that I have been the innocent cause of so
much

indignity. It will be my solemn duty to settle with

that villain if ever I meet him again.

Ah, the world is very full of villains, to be sure,

sir. What you need, if you don't mind my being so
bold,

is extra reserves to fall back on if and when, sir.

Extra reserves?

A henchman, sir. A confidential gentleman's

gentleman. A valet, sir. Someone as can clean your

shoes so's you can see your face in them.

Now you come to mention it, I believe I do need a
man

servant.

And he's standing right before your very eyes this

very minute, sir, or I'm a Dutchman's donkey with

a red mark coattail.

But have you any reason to be discontented with

your present place?

Well, a poor answer to that question, sir. I should

Like to know in the first place whether you're going to

provide me with a better. So out with it, as the father

said to the child when he swallowed the farthing.

I must give this thought. Yes, very serious thought. I

shall have to raise the matter with Mrs. Bardell, of

course, my housekeeper. But if she approves, as I
have no

doubt she will do, yes, I think it would be a most

admirable arrangement. I'LL speak to Mrs. Bardell at
once?

Ah, Mrs. Bardell.

Yes, sir?

Do you think it very much more expensive to keep
two

people than to keep one?

Mr. Pickwick, what a question.

I know, but do you?

Oh, Mr. Pickwick, it is so kind of you to have such

consideration for my Loneliness.

Oh, yes, I'd never thought of that. When I'm in

town, you will always have someone to sit with you.
To

be sure you will.

Mr. Pickwick.

And to tell you the truth, Mrs. Bardell, I've

made up my mind.

Mr. Pickwick, I'm sure I should be the happiest of

women?

Then it's a bargain, is it?

Yes, you good, kind, playful dear.

Bless my soul! Mrs. Bardell.

Somebody might come!

Let them come. I'LL never Leave you, you dear, kind,

good soul.

No, don't you faint, too. Mercy upon me. I hear
someone

coming up the stairs. Don't, my good creature, don't.

Oh, what are you doing to my momma?

Let go my momma.

Stop it! Desist! Take this Little vern away.

What is the matter with Mrs. Bardell?

I don't know.

Help me to get her downstairs.

No, no, I'm better now.

Let me Lead you downstairs.

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

A very extraordinary thing.

Very.

Placed me in an extremely awkward situation.

Extremely.

Mr. Pickwick, there's a man downstairs, wants to
see

you, says his name is Weller. Shall I tell him to be
off?

No, no indeed. Be good enough to call him upstairs,

Mr. Snodgrass.

Certainly.

You're very silent.

So are you.

I cannot conceive what took hold of that woman. I

had merely announced to her my intention of
keeping a man

servant, this very Mr. Weller, when she fell into

that extraordinary paroxysm in which you found her.

Oh, quite?

Mr. Weller, Mr. Pickwick.

As per instruction, sir.

Ah, my man. I have decided to engage you.

Have you, now? Wages?

12 pounds a year.

Uh-huh. Clothing?

Two suits.

Take the sign out of the window. I'm Let to a single

gentleman, and the terms is agreed upon.

Excellent.

By the by, sir, this was on the hall table addressed

to you, sir. An invitation of some kind.

Mrs. Leo Hunter invites Mr. Pickwick and friends to a

Literary fancy dress breakfast party August the

14th, 9:00 a. m. RSVP. The Den, Eatanswill,
Middlesex.

Fancy dress?

Imagine that.

Whatever shall we go as?

- Music-

- Music-

Welcome one, welcome all to our gladsome revels
on

This gladsome day. As my stalwart fellow worshippers

of thespians know, it is our custom at these garden

gatherings of the gifted to offer up our latest

offspring bread at the altar of Carnasis. So

with all humility, I shall break the metaphorical ice.

Thank you. Ode to An Expiring Frog, some Lines

written by myself. Can I view thee panting, Lying on
thy

stomach, without sighing? Can I unmoved see thee
dying on a

Log expiring frog?

Say, have fiends in shape of boys, with wild halloo
and

brutal noise, hunted thee from marshy joys, with a
dog,

expiring frog.

Most affecting.

Such elegant sentiments.

I didn't Like it.

Thank you.

Ah, my guest of honor.

Bravo, Mrs. Hunter, ma'am. Beautiful. Finely

expressed.

Thank you so much, Mr. Pickwick. Praise from one

as renowned as yourself is praise indeed. I must
make

you promise not to stir from my side the entire day.
There

are hundreds of Literary Lions here I must positively

introduce to you, and none other than the special
very

famous Captain James Fitz-Marshall. Where is he?

Captain Fitz-Marshall! Come to me directly. Pray
make

room to Let Captain Fitz-Marshall pass.

Coming, dear Lady. Coming quick as I can. Crowds
of

people. Hard work. Very. Dear madam, your most
obedient.

Crossed half of England to be at your side today.

I want to introduce two famous people to each other.

Quite forgot instructions coachman. Back in a
moment.

My servant can do it.

No, no, no, ma'am. Do it self. Back in no time. Faux
pas?

Well, meanwhile, may I introduce Mr. and Mrs.

Nupkins and their ward, Ms. Arabella Allen?

Honored.

Sir, madam, ma'am, honored. Permit me to

ask you, ma'am, who that gentleman is and where

he resides.

Oh, that's the famous explorer of the Himalayas.

Yes, yes. His residence?

He's at present at the Angel Inn at Berry's and
Digmnan.

Oh, must you go, Mr. Pickwick?

A thousand pardons, ma'am.

Oh, he's gone. But this is catastrophe.

- Music -

Heave ho and up she rises, heave ho and
up

she rises, heave ho and up she rises.

Where's my servant?

Weller?

Here we are, sir.

Follow me instantly.

Shall we come, too?

No. Return to London and await me there.

But Mr. Pickwick, is this wise?

Sir, how do we know who he may be deceiving
there?

He deceived a worthy man once, and we were the
innocent

cause. He shall not do it again if I can prevent

it. I shall expose him. Sam, the horses.

Right away, sir.

You Look Like one of the jolly sort, as convivial as a

Live trout in a Lime basket.

Well, I was out late with my master Last night.

Oh, and what is your master's name?

Fitz-Marshall.

- Music-

What? Captain James Fitz-Marshall? Him as

explored the Himalayas? Give us your hand. I should
Like

to get to know you better. I Likes your face.

Now, isn't that strange? I Liked yours so much, I

wanted to speak to you from the very first moment
you

come in the door.

Did you, now?

I need a friend to talk to. I'm working for a regular

bad man, and it goes again my conscience
something horrid.

Does it, now? Give us two pints over here, governor,

and no head on them.

Right, sir.

Now, about these troubles of yours.

I got into conversation with a cove down in the bar,

and he turns out to be Mr. Jingle�s valet.

Are you sure, Sam?

Come with me, sir. I'I point him out to you.

Like this?

Oh, sir. No one will see you.

- Music-

That's him, sir. Name of Trotter.

He Looks as great a rogue as his master.

Oh, no doubt of it at all, sir. But I'm getting him

very merry, sir. His tongue's a� wagging at both ends

already, and I'LL soon have it a� wagging in the middle
as

Well. Now, you just go up to your room, sir.

and wait.

- Music-

Gracious heaven! What's that?

It's only, only a gentleman, ma'am.

A strange man! Oh!

Madam! Madam!

What do you want?

Nothing whatever, madam.

Nothing?

Nothing, ma'am, upon my soul. I'm almost ready to

sink, ma'am, beneath the confusion of addressing a

Lady in my nightcap, but I cannot get it off, ma'am.

It is evident to me that I have mistaken this bedroom

for my own, madam.

If this improbable story be true, sir, you will Leave
instantly.

I will, madam, with the greatest of pleasure.

Instantly!

Certainly, ma'am. I'm only sorry to be the innocent

cause of this alarming emotion. Deeply sorry, ma'am.

Please Leave at once.

- Music-

Ah, there you are, sir. I was a' Looking for you.

Sam, where's my bedroom?

On the next floor, sir.

Sam, I've just made the most extraordinary mistake

that ever was heard of. Never again will I trust myself

alone in a strange house ever.

That's the very prudentest remark as you can

make, sir. But we've got other fish to fry. I've

landed Mr. Jingle�s valet, and he's waiting for us now.

- Music-

Now, Mr. Trotter, divulge your information to my

master, if you please.

Oh, sir, my master is a bad Lost soul, sir. He's got

another innocent female in his horrible clutches.

The fiend.

Yes, sir, a very fiend in human shape, sir. He's going

to run away with a rich young lady from a boarding
school.

And when is this villainous design to be

carried into execution?

Tonight, sir.

This very night, sir.

Then I must warn the principal of the

establishment immediately.

Beg pardon, sir, but that would never do, sir.

Why not?

My master's a very plausible gent with his

tongue, sir.

Oh, he is, sir.

He's so wound himself round the old Lady�s heart

that she would believe nothing to his prejudice.

Them old cats will run their heads against milestone.

Unless I was to help you catch him red handed, sir,
in

the very act of eloping.

Are you to take part in this dreadful business?

Naturally, sir. I have to be in charge of the carriage

and pair out in the road. But if you was to conceal

yourself in the corner of the garden alone.

Why alone?

The old Lady would hardly Like such an unpleasant

discovery to be made before more persons than can

actually be helped, sir.

Quite right. I commend your consideration for her

feelings.

Well, sir, if you was there by half past 11:00

o�clock, you would be just in the very moment of time
to

assist me in frustrating the designs of this bad man
by

whom I've been unfortunately ensnared.

But stay, could I not communicate with the young

person's family?

Oh, no, sir, or I'd have done it. They Live a hundred

miles from here.

That's a clincher.

How do I get into the garden?

It's a very low wall, sir. And if you go to the

back door and tap on it as soon as you hear the
clock

strike 11:30, my master and the young Lady will come
from

the inside, thinking it's me that's tapped. And what
more

proof could you have than that, sir?

Sam, give this honest fellow a guinea and fetch my

boots.

Right away, sir.

- Music-

- Music-

What is the meaning of this?

Ma'am, there's a strange man in the garden. He's
been

hiding there for an hour.

Two hours.

Yes, he has.

He's come to murder us all.

Murder us? Nonsense.

Now, ma'am, begging your pardon. It ain't
nonsense. I

seen him climb over the wall with me own eyes an
hour ago.

Girls! Girls! I insist on your Looking into the garden

immediately.

I don't want to. I'LL be murdered!

I insist on your Looking into the garden immediately.

Do you hear me, cook?

Do you hear your missus, cook?

What an impudent thing that cook is.

- Music-

Ladies, dear Ladies.

Oh, he says we're dear.

Oh, the wretch.

Hear me. I am no robber. I only want the Lady of the
house.

Oh, what a ferocious monster. He wants Ms.
Duncan.

Send the alarm, someone! Fetch a magistrate!

Only hear what I've got to say, I beseech you. I've

come to warn you that one of your young Ladies is
going to

elope tonight.

Elope?

Girls.

Elope? Who with?

With your friend, Captain James Fitz-Marshall from
the

Angel Inn.

My friend? Why, I never heard of any such person.

Mr. Jingle then.

Jingoes? Jingle? I never heard the name in my Life.

Never?

Never.

Great heavens! I've been deceived and deluded! I

am the victim of a base and foul conspiracy!

It's my opinion he's a madman, Miss Thompkins!

Call for the magistrate.

I assure you -

Don't move, not an inch, till Mr. Nupkins gets here.

- Music -

Good work, Trotter. Imagine your dispatches.

Now, sir, yours was the brain work.

He also serves who only stands and waits.

- Music-

Well, where's the villain, ay?

Calm yourselves, Ladies! Calm yourselves!

Miss Thompkins, Miss Thompkins, Mr. Nupkins is

here.

Well, Ladies, what's all this? Ah. Who are you, sir?

Explain yourself, sir. Don't Lie, sir. You�ll regret it if

you do. What's the charge, ma'am?

He's a madman, Mr. Nupkins. He says one of my

girls is eloping with a Captain Fitz-Marshall from

the Angel Inn.

What? Captain Fitz-Marshall? Ridiculous.

What's that, sir?

Ridiculous, sir. I know Captain Fitz-Marshall. My

wife is acquainted with Captain Fitz-Marshall.

Then, sir, she's acquainted with an

Un principled adventurer, sir, who preys upon society
and

makes easily deceived people his dupes.

A truer word was never spoke.

Ah, my man servant. He will confirm every word of

it. Confirm every word, Sam.

That is so. My master, Mr. Pickwick here, is one of

them dupes what he just mentioned.

Yes, sir. Unhappily, I am.

Dear me. Don't I know you, sir?

You do, sir. We were introduced at Mrs. Hunter's

Literary breakfast.

Good gracious, so we were.

You see, madam.

And you tell me that Captain Fitz-Marshall is an

adventurer?

Don't call him Captain, nor Fitz-Marshall neither.

He's just a strolling actor, he is, name of Jingle.

It's very true, sir. My whole business in this town

is to expose the very person of whom we speak.

Sir, we must discuss this matter further elsewhere.

Ladies, I trust you will not press further charges
against

this gentleman now that I can vouch for him?

Not if you vouch for him, of course, Mr. Nupkins. It

was all a very natural mistake.

Thank you, madam.

Sir, I'd better see you to your place of residence. I

shall proceed with the matter of Captain - Mr. Jingle

tomorrow. Ladies, with your kind permission.

Your very obedient servant, Ladies, a thousand

abject apologies.

Pray, don't mention it.

- Music-

I still I think he's a madman, Miss Thompkins.

Silly creature. ALL real gentlemen are a Little odd.

Good day, sir.

Good day, sir Nupkins.

My dear sir, I have brought with me this morning

my wife and my ward with the express purpose of
having you

reveal to them the true nature of this Mr. Jingle.

You know women, sir, gullible creatures. They will
not be

convinced by me.

I shall take it as my duty, sir, both to convince

them and to bring this wretch to Well-deserved
justice.

I shall be most grateful, sir. Ah, my dear. Here is Mr.

Pickwick. You remember him, of course.

Your obedient servant, ladies.

Good morning, Mr. Pickwick.

My dear madam. My dear young Lady, I wish I were
the

harbinger of happier tidings I assure you this grieves
me

as much as it does all of us.

I always expected something of this kind, Mr.

Pickwick. I suspected Captain Fitz-Marshall from the
start,

but my advice was ignored, as it always is by Mr.
Nupkins.

But my dear.

I never did trust Captain Fitz-Marshall, Mr. Pickwick.

I knew he was trying to make fools of us.

You may thank your guardian for that, my dear.

How I begged and implored that man to inquire into
the

Captain's family connections.

My dear.

Don't talk to me, you aggravating thing! Don't!

You professed yourself very fond of Captain

Fitz-Marshall. You constantly invited him to the
house and

Lost no opportunity of introducing him elsewhere.

Didn't I say Arabella? Didn't I say he would lay

this at my door?

My Love, you're terribly unjust.

Isn't it too much? ALL to bring this disgrace upon our

heads, but now taunting me with being the cause of
it.

How are we ever going to hold our heads up in
society

again? How can we face the Parkinsons?

Let alone the Griggses.

Oh, what is that to your guardian?

Ladies, Ladies, I'm sure this can all be rectified.

Ah, Mr. Nupkins, Mrs. Nupkins, Miss Arabella. With

Mr. Pickwick.

Sir. I have only this to say to you, sir. I might have

taken a greater revenge for the indignities which I
have

suffered at your hands, but I will content myself with

exposing you, sir, which is a duty I feel I owe to
society.

Good fellow, Pickwick. A fine heart. A stout old boy.

But a Little odd, slightly eccentric.

I will add this, sir. I consider you to be a ruffian,

sir, and a rascal, sir, and worse than any man I have

ever seen or even heard of.

Sir, do you admit you're an

impostor?

Never admit anything, sir. Bad for Liver.

What's to prevent me as magistrate from detaining
you

and your accomplice as rogues and impostors?
What's to

prevent me?

Pride, old fellow. Pride. Turned down old Sidney

Porkenham for richer young Captain. Make it public?
Oh,

not for worlds.

Wretch! We scorn your base insinuations. You never

deceived me for a moment, sir.

Oh, of course not. A rave about me yesterday. Catch

of season. Biter bit. Look foolish. Very.

- Music-

Sir, you dare to insult Ladies! Then, sir, Let me

tell you this, sir. Your path Leads even Lower than I
had

thought. It Leads to the prison, sir and to the

poorhouse and possibly to the gallows.

Oh, tut tut, Pickwick. Must not be passionate. Break

blood vessel.

Sir, we've heard enough. Go!

No, sir. Not until my brother-in-Law to be, Mr.

Justice Stareleigh, has given his Legal opinion on
your

case, sir. Finest Legal brain in the country, sir. I shall

confront you with him, sir.

Pray do, sir.

Mr. Stareleigh, would you step inside, sir?

- Music-

Allow me. Mr. Pickwick, my sister-in-Law Miss

Wethersfield and her fianc� Mr. Justice Stareleigh.

Oh!

My dear.

- Music-

What is the meaning of this, Mr. Nupkins?

What is the meaning of this, Mr. Pickwick?

Yes, what is the meaning of this, sir?

I decline to answer.

Ah, he declines it.

He declines it. Mis Wethersfield, do you know this

person?

Know him? I have seen him.

Where?

That I would not reveal for worlds.

I understand you, ma'am. And I respect your
delicacy.

It will never be revealed by me, you may depend
upon it.

Upon my word, ma'am, considering I am affianced
to

you, you carry this matter off with tolerable coolness,

tolerable coolness, ma'am.

Oh, cruel, Mr. Stareleigh.

Sir, kindly address your observations to me. I alone

am to blame, if anybody be.

Oh, you alone are you to blame, are you?

And this is the gentleman who has mallgned me.
Oh,

hypocritical. Very.

Is it Possible you have attempted to hoodwink me,

sir?

To what you, sir?

To hoodwink me, sir.

And to hoodwink me, sir?

And to hoodwink me, sir?

No, I am not, sir. How dare you.

Ah, I see through you, sir.

And I do, too, sir.

I saw through you from the start, sir.

But you shall answer for it, sir.

You shall indeed, sir.

Answer for what, sir?

Never mind, sir.

The rogue. Captain Fitz-Marshall, we have

wronged you.

Oh.

Gentlemen, a secret of some delicacy in which this

Lady is concerned is the cause of the difficulty

between us. But I assure you, sir, that it has no
relation

to yourself and is not in any way connected with your

affairs. I need hardy point out to you that should you

Continue to dispute It, you cast doubts on my veracity

which I can only find extremely insulting, sir.

Your gloves.

Oh!

Oh!

Name the hour and place, sir!

Name the weapon, sir!

Mr. Stareleigh, as magistrate of this borough, I

forbid you to duel with a person who already faces

charges of house breaking, perjury, damage to
property

and improper conduct in the presence of young
Ladies!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Like alive, Ladies! Ste to it, gents!

The head's afire!

Take the Ladies!

Get out of there!

You set the fire!

Yes, sir. What you might call a compounded plot.

Stop! I will not fly the field Like a cur. Honor must

be satisfied!

Your trouble is, sir, you're never satisfied. We're

off to London while we're still in one piece, sir.

What about our baggage, our belongings?

We ain't going back for them, sir.

Why not?

Mr. Jingle stole them before he Left.

- Music-

Oh, please go away, Mr. Winkle. Mr. Nupkins has

threatened to shoot you if he finds you talking to me.

Let him shoot me. Death, where is thy sting if you do

not reciprocate my undying devotion, Miss Arabella.

Oh, dear. Mr. Nupkins would never agree to it, Mr.

Winkle. Please go away before he shoots you. For
my sake.

For your sake, anything. If only you will answer the

one question which torments me.

I do reciprocate your affection, sir.

Ah.

Now, go. Please go.

Arabella, where are you?

Oh.

- Music-

Master Winkle, Look out!

Arabella.

Good morning, gentlemen, good morning.

Good morning, Sam.

Good morning, Sam.

Good morning.

Mr. Pickwick is waiting for you.

- Music-

Welcome back to London, Mr. Pickwick.

Yes, welcome.

Welcome.

Oh, gentlemen, I'm glad you're so punctual. I've only

just returned to London myself, and I have a great

deal to tell you about our friend Mr. Jingle.

Ha!

Any sign of Mrs. Bardell yet, Sam?

None, sir. A gentleman Left this downstairs, sir.

Extraordinary. Oh, perhaps she's out shopping.

What is this? A Legal document? Bardell against

Pickwick. Bardell against Pickwick? But I don't know

anyone called Bar -

Having been instructed by Mrs. Martha Bardell to

commence action against you for a breach of
promise of

marriage for which the plaintiff Lays her damage at

1,500 pounds.

We beg to inform you that a writ has been issued

against you in this suit in the court of common pleas
and

request to know by return of post the name of your

attorney in London.

We are, sir, your obedient servants, Dodson and

Fogg.

Dodson and Fogg?

Bardell against Pickwick?

It's a conspiracy. It's a base conspiracy on the part

of these rascally Lawyers Dodson and Fogg. Mrs.
Bardell

would never do it. She hasn't the heart. She hasn't
the

cause. Who ever heard me address her in any way
but

that in which a gentleman would address his

housekeeper?

Well -

Oh quite.

Of course.

Exactly. It's a vile attempt to extort money from

me?

What are you going to do?

Do? Do, sir? Fight it, of course. I'LL deal with this

Dodson and Fogg.

- Music-

I am to understand, then, gentlemen, that in spite of

my explanation, you are determined to proceed with

this action?

In view of the gravity of our client�s accusation.

Mr. Fogg, I am going to speak.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Dodson.

You are correct in that understanding, sir, to which

I may add that both Mr. Fogg and myself advise you
to

settle out of court.

Never, sir.

In that case, I had better serve you with this

writ now, sir.

Very Well, gentlemen. You will hear from my solicitor.

We shall be happy to do so, sir.

Very happy.

And before I go, gentlemen, permit me to say

that all that the disgraceful and rascally proceedings

Stay, sir. Stay. Mr. Jackson, Mr. Wick.

Yes, sir?

I really want you to hear what this gentleman says.

Pray go on, sir. Disgraceful and rascally

proceedings, I think you said.

I did, sir. I repeat it.

You�ll hear him repeat it, Mr. Wicks.

Yes, sir.

You hear that, Mr. Jackson?

Every word, sir.

Perhaps you'd Like to call us swindlers, sir. Pray

do so if you feel disposed. Now pray do, sir.

I do. You are swindlers.

Very good. You'd better call us thieves, sir. Perhaps

you'd Like to assault one of us.

Pray do so, if you would. We would make not the

slightest resistance.

You just come away, sir. Battledore and
shuttlecock's

a very good game, provided you ain't the shuttlecock
and

two Lawyers ain't the battledores.

- Music-

Very clever of Dodson and Fogg, the use of that
boy.

Brilliant effect on the jury. I trust you won't Let it make

you unduly nervous.

I have never been more confident, sir. The truth and

justice will prevail.

It would make a nice change.

Here comes Sergeant Buzfuz, the counsel for the

prosecution.

Silence!

Never in the whole course of my professional
experience

have I approached a case with feelings of such deep
emotion

and with such a heavy sense of responsibility
imposed

upon me. A sense of responsibility I would add,

which I could not support, gentlemen, were I not
buoyed

up and sustained by a conviction so strong that it

amounts to a positive certainty that the cause of

my much injured client must prevail with the high
minded

and intelligent gentlemen I now see in this box
before

me. The plaintiff, gentlemen, is a widow. Yes,
gentlemen, a

widow. Some time before her tragic Loss, her husband

stamped his Likeness upon a Little boy.

With this Little boy, the Lonely and desolate widow

shrunk from the world and retired to Lodgings in

GosWell Street. What were the thoughts that came to
this

Lonely and desolate widow? Mr. Bardell had been a

gentleman, a man of honor, a man of his word. Mr.
Bardell

was no deceiver. Mr. Bardell had once been a single

gentleman himself. Where then should she turn for
comfort,

for consolation? To whom should her Lodgings be Let

but to a single gentleman whose conduct and
propriety

would serve as a constant reminder of that paragon,

that saintly personification of the best impulses of our

imperfect nature, gentlemen, the late Mr. Bardell.
The

Lonely and desolate widow dried her tears, clasped
her

innocent boy to her maternal bosom, and put up the
sign in

the parlor window, apartments furnished for a single

gentleman. Did it remain there for Long? No,

gentlemen. A serpent was on the watch. The mine
was Laid.

Before the bill had been in the parlor window for
three

days, gentlemen, a being, erect upon two Legs and

bearing all the outward semblance of a man and not
a

monster knocked at the door of Mrs. Bardell's
Lodgings.

That man was Pickwick. Pickwick the defendant. And

If he be in court, gentlemen, as I am informed that he
is,

Let me tell the defendant Pickwick that it would have

been more decent of him, more becoming, in better
taste and

in better judgment if he had stayed away rather than
he

should have shamed the precincts of this court by

delighting in the exhibition of his own heart lessness
and

his own systematic villainy.

Here, here.

The facts and circumstances, gentlemen, you

shall now hear detailed.

- Music-

Now, sir, have the goodness to Let his Lordship

know and the jury know what your name is.

Arabella, Arabella.

I asked you a question, sir.

Oh, did you?

Yes, sir. Have the goodness to Let his Lordship

know and the jury know what your name is.

Winkle.

What is your Christian name, sir?

Nathaniel.

Daniel? Any other name?

Nathaniel, sir. My Lord, I mean.

Nathaniel Daniel or Daniel Nathaniel?

Neither, my Lord. Only Nathaniel, not Daniel.

Then what did you tell me it was Daniel for?

I didn't, my Lord.

You did, sir. How could I have got Daniel on my
notes

unless you told me so?

Mr. Winkle has a conveniently short memory, my

Lord. We shall find means to refresh it before we're
done

with him, I dare say.

You'd better be careful, sir.

Now, Mr. Winkle, and Let me recommend you for
your own

sake to bear in mind his Lordship�s injunction to be

careful. You're a particular friend of Pickwick the

defendant, are you not?

I - I've known Mr. Pickwick now as Well as I can

recollect at this moment -

Please, sir, do not evade the question. Are you or
are

you not a friend of Pickwick the defendant? I will
repeat

the question a dozen times if you require it, sir.

I was just about to tell you.

Really? My Lord, it is impossible to get any

evidence through the impenetrable stupidity of

this witness.

If you don't answer the question, you�ll be

committed, sir.

Come, come, come, sir. Yes or no, sir? If you

please.

Yes, I am.

Yes, you are. Then why couldn�t you have said so at

once? Now, Mr. Winkle, do you remember calling on
the

defendant Pickwick at the plaintiff�s Lodgings in

GosWell Street on one particular morning in July

Last?

Yes, I do.

Were you accompanied on that occasion by a friend
in

the name of Tupman, and another in the name of

Snodgrass?

Yes, I was.

Are they here?

Yes, they are.

Pray, sir, attend to me and never mind about your

friends. They must tell their own stories without any

consultation with you, if none has yet taken place.

Now, Mr. Winkle, pray tell the jury what you saw on

entering the defendant's Lodgings.

Uh -

Come, come, sir. Out with it! We must have it sooner
or

Later, you know.

Mr. Pickwick was holding the plaintiff in his arms,

clasping her waist, and the plaintiff appeared to have

fainted away.

Thank you, Mr. Winkle. That is all.

I have only one more question to ask you. Will you

undertake to swear that the defendant Pickwick did
not

say on that occasion, my dear Mrs. Bardell, you are
a good

soul, compose yourself to this situation, for to this

situation you must come, or words to that effect?

I didn't understand him, so, but I was on the

staircase and couldn�t hear distinctly. The impression
on

my mind is -

The gentlemen of the jury want nothing of the

impressions on your mind, which I fear would have

Little effect upon honest, straightforward men. You
were

on the staircase, and you did not distinctly hear, yet
you

will not swear that Mr. Pickwick did not make use of

the expressions I have quoted?

No, I will not.

He means my Lord, that he dare not.

No questions, my Lord.

Silence!

- Music-

Are you agreed to bring your verdict, gentlemen?

We are, my Lord.

Do you find for the plaintiff, gentlemen, or for

the defendant?

For the plaintiff, my Lord.

What damages, gentlemen?

750 pounds, my Lord.

I congratulate you gentlemen upon your verdict,

despite its tendency to Leniency. Personally, I would

have trebled the damages, not halved them.

Thank you, sir.

Arabella.

Well, gentlemen.

Well, sir.

You imagine you�ll get your costs, don't

you, gentlemen?

I think it is rather probable, sir.

We shall try to.

You may try until you're blue in the face, Messrs.

Dodson and Fogg.

Dear Mr. Pickwick.

Not one farthing of costs or damages will you ever
get

from me.

The alternative is hardy a peasant one, sir.

The debtors' prison, Mr. Pickwick.

If the alternative were to spend the rest of my Life

in a debtors' prison, I would yield myself up with
perfect

cheerfulness and content of heart.

You�ll soon think better of that, sir.

Yes, we�ll soon see about that, Mr. Pickwick.

- Music-

Listen to me wrath and fire is upon us! The hour of

repentance is near. Repent! Repent! Repent! We are
all

fallen by the wayside.

Will you not still reconsider at the Last

moment, Mr. Pickwick? ALL you have to do is pay the
damages

and costs.

Sir, never. Good-bye, gentlemen. Do not distress

yourselves unduly. As you see, my own spirits were

never higher. Good-bye. Sir, at your pleasure.

- Music-

Prisoner Pickwick, sir.

Come with me.

- Music-

I'm dying of thirst.

I had no idea it would be Like this.

I told you before if I warn you again I'd put you

in irons.

Give us a chew of tobacco, sir. Just a loan.

I'LL pay you back.

He can't pay. He's just come in.

Give us some food.

Go away!

What's the matter?

How pitiful. How pitiful. I never dreamed that
anyplace

could be so destitute.

Why bless you, sir, they're Living in Luxury

on this side. You should see them on the poor side.

Poor, poor, hungry.

Well, sir, this is your chummery.

Chummery?

Yes, sir. You chum here with 25 other gentlemen. It's

not exactly a home from home.

I was hardly expecting one.

Of course, with a Little diplomatic representation in

the right quarter, I wouldn't be surprised but what a

different complexion could be put on things. But you

wouldn't want to bribe anybody, would you?

Oh, no. No.

Quite right.

- Music-

Not one farthing of damages do you get from me,

he says, even if I spend the rest of my existence in a

debtors' prison.

Very vigorous words, Sammy. Does the old gent

credit, my son.

Except that he meant them.

Ay?

Every word. He's in the Fleet prison this very

minute. Gone there of his own accord, he has.

Gone there of his own accord? Why, what good'll

that do? They�ll eat him alive in the Fleet.

Matter of principle, says he. Right, sir. In we goes

then says I. No, Sam, say she. The Fleet prison is no

place to bring a young man into. I shall continue to
pay

your wages, he says, and if ever I do Leave this
place,

Sam, he says, I pledge you my word that you shall
return to

me instantly. So I come straight away to find me old

father, what I know he's probably at this here very
bar

bar in this here particular low haunt at this here

particular time of day.

Here I was. And what can I do, Sammy?

You can favor me with a loan of 25 pound.

What good would that do?

Nothing. Unless you was to ask for it back five

minutes afterwards, and I was to say I won't pay and
cut up

rough.

What, to your own father? Shame on you, Sammy.

Well, you wouldn't think of arresting your own son
for

the money or packing him off to the Fleet prison for a

debt now, would you? You unnatural old vagabond,
you?

I always said you�ll end up in prison,

Sammy, my son.

- Music-

Sam!

Well, if it ain't someone so very Like me as me own

father wouldn't be able to tell us apart.

What are you doing here?

Just visiting, in a manner of speaking.

Visiting? But they only allow my Lawyer to visit me.

Ah, but it's different in my case, sir. I'm a prisoner.

I was arrested this here very afternoon, I was, for
debt.

Arrested for debt?

Yes, sir. And the man that's put me in here said

that you�ll get out before I do. So I better be off to

finding me self a bed somewhere before I do

anything else.

Bless my heart and soul. How much was the sum?

25 pound.

I'LL pay it.

Ah, begging your pardon, sir, you�ll be doing nothing

of the kind. And tomorrow morning I'LL be after finding

you a room to yourself.

A room to myself? Is that Possible?

Well, this is the debtors' prison, isn't it?

Anything's Possible if you slip the warders a pound or

two.

Here you are, sir. You�ll be Living in the lap of

Luxury here. The best cell in the place, sir.

I thank you, sir. I wish I'd known you were the paying

kind when you first came, and we wouldn't have had
that

Little misunderstanding.

Any Little thing you want, just Let me know.

Don't worry. We will.

Thank you.

Come on, come on. Don't stand here a'gaping.
You've

got work to do.

- Music-

What we need now, sir, is a Little canary bird

a'singing away in the window, a kettle doing Likewise
on

the hearth, and who's to say we ain't in Kensington
palace

itself? It's wonderful what money'll do for you in one
of

these here debtors' prisons, sir.

Wonderful.

Oh, come, give us a Little smile, sir. Go on, it

won't crack your face. That's it.

Is Mrs. Bardell at home?

Who shall I say is asking?

Mr. Jackson of Dodson and Fogg.

Oh! Mrs. Bardell, Mr. Jackson of Dodson and Fogg.

Is anything the matter, Mr. Jackson? Has anything

happened?

Nothing whatever ma'am. How do you do, Ladies?
No bad

news, but our people want you down in the city
directly,

Mrs. Bardell.

Down in the city?

As late as this?

On very important and pressing business, what can't

be postponed on any account. Indeed, Dodson
expressly said

so to me, and so did Mr. Fogg. I've kept the coach on

purpose for you to go back in.

How very strange. I'I just go get my bonnet and

shawl.

- Music-

Prisoner Bardell. Tak her in.

Yes, sir.

He made a terrible mistake. I didn't

sign anything that said I had to pay costs. Oh,
please,

sir, send for Mr. Dodson and Mr. Fogg. They�ll
explain

this is all a mistake.

Well, Well, Well.

Oh.

Well, if it ain't Mrs. Bardell herself. District was in

the poor?

Don't bother the woman. She's just come in.

Not as a prisoner? Who sent her?

Dodson and Fogg.

Not Dodson and Fogg?

Well, I never meant to sue Mr. Pickwick. They put
me

up to it. Truly they did. And after the trial they made
me

sign a paper as a matter of form for the amount of
costs.

And when Mr. Pickwick didn't pay, they had me
arrested.

And now I'm prisoner. I'LL be here all my Life. I'LL never

get out alive. Nobody ever does.

Oh, come on.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Ah, Mr. Pickwick, good morning.

Mr. Perker, why bless my soul. What has brought
you

here?

The news, my dear sir, that Mrs. Bardell the

plaintiff is within these walls.

I knew it.

Well, my dear sir, the first question I have to put

to you is whether the woman is to remain here.

How could you ask me? It rests with Dodson and
Fogg.

You know that very Well.

I know nothing of the kind. It rests solely and

entirely with you, sir.

With me? With me?

I say that her speedy Liberation from perpetual

imprisonment rests with you and you alone. Hear me
out,

my dear sir, and do not be so very energetic. I say
that

only you can rescue her from this den of wretches by

paying the cost of this suit, both of defendant and

plaintiff.

I? Pay her costs?

Or Leave her to expire in a scene of misery and

debauchery to which no man should be consigned if
I had

my will. But the infliction of which on any woman is
even

more frightful and barbarous.

You are quite right. I was putting my stubborn

battle with two sharks before my Christian duty to a

misguided creature. Take whatever steps are Legally

necessary, Mr. Perker.

Splendid. I shall. I shall.

We will take it as agreed then, Mrs. Bardell, that you

are prepared to furnish Mr. Pickwick with a Letter in

which you withdraw all claims to breach of promise,
in

return for which Mr. Pickwick will pay all Legal costs
of

your case and you will be released from this prison.

Correct?

Oh, yes, sir. Oh, Mr. Pickwick, how I wronged you.

I've been a wicked woman.

No, no, no, Mrs. Bardell. Just a Little too easily

persuaded, shall we say. I pray you to think no more
of

it. We've all been victims of Dodson and Fogg, but
right as

I knew it would has prevailed. Right as it always

must has prevailed.

Exactly. Well now, Mrs. Bardell, if you will step

outside, I will draw up the necessary documents and
join

you very shortly.

Yes, sir. Bless you, Mr. Pickwick.

Pity the poor debtor. Pity the poor debtor.

- Music-

Pity the poor debtors. Pity the poor debtors.

Mr. Jingle.

Mr. Pickwick. Queer peace. Strange thing. Serves

me right, very.

Have you no boots?

Gone, sir. Man must eat. Lived on them for a whole

fortnight. Silk umbrella, ivory handle a week.

Pawnbroker's shop. Small sums. All rascals.

My poor Mr. Jingle.

No, no, no, sir. Deserve it. Nothing Left now. Lie in

bed. Starve. Die. Inquest. Hush it up. Natural
causes?

Worker's funeral. Deserve it all. ALL over. Drop the

curtain.

Nothing of the sort. I won't hear of it. Here. Take

this. Buy yourself some warm clothes at once and a
good,

hot meal. Now, now. Tut tut tut. Come, come, my
dear

fellow.

Ungrateful dog. Good fellow. Boyish to cry.

Can't help it. Bad fever. Deserved it all. Suffered

much. Very.

- Music-

The sun's smarting my eyes.

That's clever of it, seeing it ain't even out.

- Music-

Where to? Where to?

Why home, of course.

No, to the offices of Dodson and Fogg.

Oh now, my dear sir, Let sleeping dogs Lie.

To Messrs. Dodson and Fogg.

Very good, sir.

- Music-

Just a moment, sir.

- Music-

Ah, gentlemen.

Mr. Pickwick.

Good gracious. Out of prison.

Yes, sir.

What does this mean?

The meaning is very clear sir. Very clear, sir.

Mr. Pickwick, pray Let me explain.

No, sir. Let me explain.

Take care, sir. Let him assault you, Mr. Fogg.

What?

But don't return it on any account.

Oh, no, no, no, I won't return it.

You need not disturb yourselves, gentlemen. I only

came here to tell you that you are a Well matched
pair

of mean, rascally, pettifogging robbers. Yes,

sir. A pair of mean, rascally, pettifogging

robbers. Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

And a happy new year.

Now I feel my old self again. And now to work.

Sam, is Mr. Jingle here yet?

Mr. Jingle is outside, sir.

Good, good. Ask him in.

Mr. Jingle, this way, sir, if you please.

Ah, Mr. Jingle. Come in. You know my Lawyer, Mr.

Perker, I think.

Lawyers. Too late. Remorseful, very, but no

means of reparation.

There is no question of reparation, sir. At Mr.

Pickwick's instigation, I have obtained for you a

passage from Liverpool to Demerara in the West
Indies.

West Indies?

Yes, sir. You have often spoken nostalgically of

wishing to retire there, and I feel it would constitute a

new lease of Life, as it were.

At a Loss, sir. Don't understand.

Mr. Pickwick feels that you have been punished

sufficiently, Mr. Jingle.

We wish you to know that we bear you no grudge,
Mr.

Jingle, and we should Like you to accept this as a

memento of the Pickwick club.

What is it?

My blue coat. The blue coat.

Would Like to express sentiment suitable to

occasion. First time in my Life no words. No words,
sir.

No words.

Tut tut, sir. None needed.

- Music-

And now Mr. Pickwick, we have a problem that we
have

only withheld from you until this moment by dent of

extreme restraint, ay, Snodgrass?

Oh, extreme restraint.

Dear me, not a very serious problem, I hope?

Explain the circumstances, Winkle.

Well, I - Mr. Pickwick, sir.

Yes? Yes?

I've had the fortune to Lose my heart to a certain

young Lady, sir.

Why congratulations.

Alas, sir, they're premature.

Why?

She is the ward of Mr. Nupkins.

Mr. Nupkins? Mr. Nupkins. Does the young Lady
return

your regard?

Oh, yes, sir, she does.

But Mr. Nupkins doesn't.

He tried to shoot him.

Shoot him? This must be put to rights.

Take a Leaf out of Mr. Jingle�s book, sir. Do what

he did with Miss Rachael. Elope.

Arabella, Arabella, Arabella.

Ah! I knew it. Blackguard! Bring her back,

or I'LL shoot you Like a dog.

Don't shoot!

Speech! Speech! Speech, Mr. Pickwick.

My very, very dear friends, I confess I have

tried, I have wracked my brains, but I cannot
conceive

of a happier occasion than that which now delights
my

eyes?

My three fellow members of the Pickwick club, after

many adventures in the cause of enlightenment,
adventures

which I think I may say were victorious, are now
embarked

upon an adventure which I am sure will prove to be
even

more felicitous and rewarding than any that they
have

embarked on here before.

Thank you, sir.

We've already drunk to the heath of the brides

and bridegrooms, so I will give you this Little toast

instead. To those feelings that repose however
remotely

n the human breast, awaiting only encouragement to
awaken,

good will, good hope, good nature.

- Music -

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