Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,883
Hey, Melodie.
2
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,343
Hey.
3
00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:33,636
Um, look, I know
4
00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:37,265
we've known each other
for a really long time.
5
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,728
And we live across the street
from each other and stuff.
6
00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:43,021
And...
7
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,941
I know, like, in four days,
8
00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:49,694
I'm sure, if...
9
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,029
You know, prom's,
like, in four days...
10
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,155
Oh, my God.
11
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:54,073
You're not asking
me to prom, are you?
12
00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:01,706
Fuck, no.
13
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,666
No, I...
No, I just...
14
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,127
You're probably
going with someone.
15
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,253
I'm sorry.
16
00:02:07,337 --> 00:02:09,088
I don't know how
to put this nicely.
17
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,632
There's not
a nice way to put it.
18
00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:12,175
You're a fucking nerd.
19
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:15,053
And, you know... I don't know.
She's hot.
20
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,056
Look at her.
Look at her.
21
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,307
Look at her. Look at her.
Look at her.
22
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,558
I'll see you later.
23
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,894
Bye. JENKO: All right,
buddy, good talk.
24
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,479
Dude, classic.
25
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,565
Greg Jenko
to the principal's office.
26
00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:28,983
Greg Jenko to
the principal's office.
27
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,777
Shit.
Good luck, bro.
28
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:32,987
I said loud and clear,
29
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,407
if you didn't get your grades up,
you weren't going to the prom.
30
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,285
You, my friend, are
about to pay the piper.
31
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:41,245
I should pay who?
32
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,498
You're not going to the prom.
33
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,833
Boy, you lucky
you even graduating.
34
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,295
But I'm going to be prom king.
35
00:02:49,379 --> 00:02:51,339
I'm glad you had
a great time in school.
36
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:54,050
'Cause you ain't
learned nothing.
37
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,406
Fuck! Fuck!
38
00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,002
Welcome to the Police Academy.
39
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:33,464
Make sure your form is completely
filled out, then move along.
40
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:39,470
Not-so-slim Shady, what's up?
Holy shit!
41
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,144
Jenko, Schmidt, you're up.
42
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:47,937
Oh, fuck!
43
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:49,564
Oh!
44
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:51,983
You're good at this, huh?
45
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,109
Yeah, I am.
46
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,193
Thank you.
47
00:03:56,112 --> 00:03:57,947
Such bullshit.
48
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,577
You're really good at this.
49
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,620
Yeah, I am.
50
00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:07,206
Hey, you want to be friends?
51
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,879
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
52
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,715
Come on, pick your knees up.
Pick your knees up.
53
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,801
I'm telling you right now,
it's not a felony.
54
00:04:18,885 --> 00:04:22,305
Chill, all right? Look, if it
has intent, it's a felony.
55
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,187
What did I tell you? Come on,
let's go, let's go, let's go!
56
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,189
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, let's go, let's go.
57
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:32,815
Faster. Let's go.
58
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:38,321
Clear!
59
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,073
Clear!
60
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:43,201
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Stop.
61
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,827
Yes! Yes!
62
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,291
Let me see.
Let me see.
63
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:53,544
Nice.
64
00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:57,465
Ten-hut!
Ladies and gentlemen,
65
00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:01,302
I present to you the
graduates of Class 137.
66
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,639
Get ready for a lifetime
of being badass motherfuckers.
67
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,057
Oh, lam.
68
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,484
I really thought
this job would have
69
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,444
more car chases and explosions,
70
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,655
and less homeless people
doo-dooing everywhere.
71
00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:23,032
Do you guys really
think this is a police matter?
72
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,242
To get your Frisbee back?
73
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:27,745
Get your own fucking Frisbee.
74
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,413
Shit.
75
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:32,542
Shit! Shit!
76
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,002
Yours isn't loaded, right? Huh?
77
00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,213
We're supposed to unload
them first, right?
78
00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:38,673
What, you... No.
79
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,341
That's no fun.
Come on.
80
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,009
Sign says,
"Do not feed the ducks."
81
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:43,261
It's right there.
82
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,346
Don't you... Don't...
Don't. Stop it.
83
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:48,432
Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.
84
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,309
You feel like a big shot?
85
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:52,770
No fucking way.
86
00:05:53,563 --> 00:05:54,772
One Percenters?
87
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,941
These guys are,
like, big-time drug dealers.
88
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,026
If we could take them
down as our first bust,
89
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:01,028
we'd be off park duty for sure.
90
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,322
You see what I see?
91
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,283
Cannabis sativa.
92
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,535
Chaka Khan.
93
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,746
Chaka Khan?
94
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:29,432
Gentlemen. We having
a little party?
95
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,893
Have we forgotten that the
use of marijuana is illegal?
96
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,520
I have glaucoma.
97
00:06:34,604 --> 00:06:35,980
I get nervous in crowds.
98
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,273
Herpes.
99
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:41,444
Then you won't mind if I search
your bike, now, would you?
100
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,905
Go ahead.
You won't find shit.
101
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,573
Get up.
102
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:46,782
Cálmate, gringo.
103
00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:51,412
Man, you guys even real cops? You
look like the kids on Halloween.
104
00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:56,042
If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.
105
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,502
I know, right? I know.
106
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,379
It's hilarious.
107
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:01,923
So why don't you show
us a little respect?
108
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,466
Fuck you, pig-
Hey.
109
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,176
You want me to
beat your dick off?
110
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,303
You want to beat my dick off?
111
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,180
I'll beat your dick off with both hands.
What's up? Let's go.
112
00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:11,265
That's weird, man. SCHMIDT: I think
what he was trying to say was,
113
00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,935
he's going to punch you so many
times around the genital area
114
00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:16,145
that your dick's
just going to fall off.
115
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,563
Why do you have salt in your...
116
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:19,565
That's actual drugs.
Oh, my God.
117
00:07:19,649 --> 00:07:21,275
Get on the ground! Hey!
118
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:22,985
- Come here now!
- What do I do?
119
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:24,820
- Chase someone!
- Chase someone?
120
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,698
Are you leaving your bike here?
121
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,283
Okay. All right.
122
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,995
Don't run from me! You're
making it worse for yourself!
123
00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:34,413
No! Get out of the way!
124
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,748
Stop!
125
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:40,044
I'm going to shoot you if you
don't slow down, man! Come on!
126
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:43,589
Hey! Come here!
127
00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:46,175
I'm not playing any more!
I'm so not kidding!
128
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,135
I got him.
I got him.
129
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:55,434
Freeze! Freeze!
130
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:58,646
Hands up or I shoot you!
Freeze!
131
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,356
That's it! Come here!
132
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,863
Freeze! Stop it!
133
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,243
You're a pussy!
134
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,538
You got the right to...
135
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,124
Give me that!
You got the right to...
136
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,543
...to suck my dick,
motherfucker!
137
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,253
Oh, my elbow.
138
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,255
You got nothing. How's my
dick feel in your ass, huh?
139
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,257
Hey! Hey! How's it feel?
How's it feel now?
140
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,968
That's right. Schmidt!
Schmidt, we got one!
141
00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:30,469
We got one!
I got him!
142
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,222
Yes! Yes!
143
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:34,890
Yeah!
We got an arrest!
144
00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,142
Yeah! We got him!
145
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,309
Yes!
146
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,896
Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!
Fuck you! Yeah!
147
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,023
What's up?
148
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:48,487
Drop my nuts on your
motherfucking forehead!
149
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,572
That's right.
150
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:50,823
Fuck you, park!
151
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,700
We arrest people now!
What up, park?
152
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,076
What's up?
What's up?
153
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,369
What up, park?
Who wants one?
154
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,503
Congratulations on the bust, boys.
It sounds great.
155
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,297
- Thank you, Cinnamon.
- Are those new?
156
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,883
The department was forced
to drop the charges
157
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,677
because you forgot to
read him his Miranda rights.
158
00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:16,057
What possible reason is there
for not doing the only thing
159
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:18,309
you have to do when
arresting someone?
160
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:22,313
I did read him his right...
I did a version of that.
161
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,732
Do you even know
the Miranda rights?
162
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,025
Yes.
163
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,485
Let's hear them, then.
164
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,612
You got a lot of stuff to do.
165
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,655
No, go ahead.
You going anywhere, Schmidt?
166
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,823
We got time.
167
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:35,409
I had a thing, but I can
probably push it back.
168
00:09:35,493 --> 00:09:38,746
Go ahead. It's four declamatory
sentences, followed by a question,
169
00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,414
for a total of 57 words.
170
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:43,334
Okay. Look,
it obviously starts with,
171
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,752
"You have the right
to remain silent."
172
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,838
I know you've heard
this before. And then,
173
00:09:47,922 --> 00:09:51,425
I think it
sounds something like...
174
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,968
"You have
the right to an attorney."
175
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:54,804
Well, the thing...
Yeah, right.
176
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,473
"You have the right
to remain an attorney."
177
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,601
Did you say that you have
the right to be an attorney?
178
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,313
You do have the right to be
an attorney, if you want to.
179
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,523
Where were you?
180
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:09,110
I was chasing my perp, sir.
181
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,028
And how did that go for you?
182
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:13,697
Honestly, he did get away,
183
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,616
and he threw me
down pretty hard.
184
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,868
Actually fucked up
my elbow pretty bad.
185
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:19,078
Can I see that?
186
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,623
Yeah, actually, it hurts 'cause
the dirt gets mushed into it.
187
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:23,958
Cw!
188
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,167
Wow.
189
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,836
Fortunately for you two,
190
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:30,673
we're reviving a canceled undercover
police program from the '80s
191
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,424
and revamping it
for modern times.
192
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:33,801
You see, the guys in
charge of this stuff
193
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:37,096
lack creativity and are
completely out of ideas,
194
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:40,975
so all they do now
is recycle shit from the past
195
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,893
and expect us
all not to notice.
196
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,189
One of these programs
involves the use of young,
197
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:48,983
immature-seeming officers.
198
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,568
Sir, are you saying
199
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,653
that you're going to
send us into, like,
200
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,614
a child sex slavery
ring or something?
201
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:59,285
Sir, if I have to suck
somebody's dick, I will.
202
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,122
It's just...
I'd prefer not to.
203
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,291
I think you idiots are perfect.
204
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:06,834
You're officially transferred.
205
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,460
All right. Yeah.
That's great.
206
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:10,254
Where should we report to?
207
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,964
Down on Jump Street.
208
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,924
37 Jump Street.
209
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,136
No, that doesn't sound right.
210
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,429
Is it...
211
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,225
This has got to be a joke.
212
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,144
This is it.
213
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,486
Aroma of Christ Church?
214
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,505
How's it going?
215
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,719
This place is weird.
216
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,564
Everybody comfortable?
217
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:12,316
Yeah.
218
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,197
Get your motherfucking ass up
when I'm talking!
219
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:22,493
You will be going undercover
as high school students.
220
00:12:22,952 --> 00:12:26,580
You are here simply
because you look young.
221
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:28,666
You some Justin Beaver,
222
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,585
Miley Cyrus-looking
motherfuckers.
223
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,128
Captain Sassy.
224
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,880
I know what you're thinking,
225
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,591
"Angry Black Captain."
226
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:40,261
It ain't nothing but
a stupid stereotype.
227
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,721
Well, guess what,
motherfuckers.
228
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,056
I'm black.
229
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:47,226
And I worked my ass
off to be the captain!
230
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,897
And sometimes I get angry.
231
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,524
So suck a dick!
232
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:55,776
What I'm trying to show you is,
233
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,945
embrace your stereotypes.
234
00:12:59,113 --> 00:13:02,032
Like this guy right here.
Handsome.
235
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,701
And he's probably a dummy.
236
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:05,953
And then this guy.
237
00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:09,081
He's short and insecure.
238
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,708
And he's probably
good with money.
239
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,959
You are good with money.
240
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,127
What the fuck?
241
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,629
Didn't somebody tell you guys
this was an undercover unit?
242
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,256
I don't...
I actually didn't...
243
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,549
I didn't get
a letter or anything.
244
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:19,967
Yeah, like, a start time...
245
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,343
With a dress code or
anything like that.
246
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:23,220
Teenage the fuck up!
247
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:28,600
Rule number one at
Jump Street. Fugazy.
248
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,352
Do not get expelled.
249
00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:33,480
Nobody in the system knows you're here.
All right? Nobody.
250
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,149
You get kicked out of school,
251
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:38,902
your monkey ass is getting
kicked out of Jump Street.
252
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,738
Rule number two Burns.
253
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:45,409
Do not have sexual relations
with students or teachers, sir.
254
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:48,120
You hear that?
That's you.
255
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,913
Don't do it, man.
Why...
256
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624
Keep that dirty dick in your pants.
Dirty?
257
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,418
Don't fuck no students.
258
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,086
Don't fuck no teachers.
259
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:59,631
Sir, I know we come off
as a couple of lady-killers,
260
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,885
but I promise you we will be
super professional on the job.
261
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,429
Clearly, I wasn't
talking to you, Big Titties.
262
00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,765
You cherub-looking
motherfucker.
263
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,184
I was talking to
your partner over here.
264
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,227
Fake-ass Handsome McGee.
265
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,271
When I'm talking to him,
I'm talking to him.
266
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:15,522
When I say, "Shut the fuck up,"
267
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,066
I'm talking to you.
Cool.
268
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,026
Now, you two sons of bitches,
269
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,694
in my office now.
270
00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:21,945
Right now!
271
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,615
Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.
272
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,283
So I bought these,
273
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,620
which is all anybody seems
to be talking about right now.
274
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,288
Cheers.
275
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,665
It's a new synthetic drug.
276
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:36,919
Goes by the street name H.F.S.
277
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,962
Holy fucking shit.
278
00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:40,631
Holy...
279
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,800
They put this on the Internet
for everybody to see?
280
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,552
They're teenagers, man.
They're really stupid.
281
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:47,471
So you should blend right in.
282
00:15:03,821 --> 00:15:05,280
Jessica, will you
go to prom with me?
283
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,824
But I already know the answer.
It's yes.
284
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,838
Whoo!
285
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,714
I could watch this kid all day.
286
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,383
Man, this kid rules.
287
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:25,843
Ruled.
288
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,179
His parents found him OD'd
in his room a few days ago.
289
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:30,556
He's dead.
290
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:35,185
Whatever he took, the lab
has never seen it before.
291
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:38,355
And as you can see,
this kid is white.
292
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,191
That means people
actually give a shit.
293
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,277
Sir, I just want
to throw out to you
294
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,237
that I would give
a shit if he was black.
295
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:52,077
Right now, H.F.S. is contained
right there at Sagan High.
296
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:56,457
Now, once this drug breaks containment,
it goes viral in a few days.
297
00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,252
Jenko, I looked at
your old transcript.
298
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,297
I enrolled you in
a bunch of bullshit courses
299
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,424
like photography and drama.
300
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,926
Get in with the burnouts
and the cool kids.
301
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,761
Find out who's
slinging this shit.
302
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:12,097
Schmidt, says you were a virgin
303
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:13,724
through high school.
It says that?
304
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,559
No. I just assumed it,
305
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145
due to your many
years on the honor roll
306
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,939
and your membership
to the juggling squad.
307
00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:24,359
It's the Juggling Society,
but it's fine. It's fine.
308
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:26,820
They're stealing equipment
from the chemistry lab.
309
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:29,031
That's what we think
they're cooking the dope with.
310
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,658
I enrolled you into
honors chemistry.
311
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,703
Here's your new identities,
all right?
312
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,622
Brad and Doug McQuaid.
313
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,499
The mission is this.
314
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,001
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
315
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,920
We get to be brothers?
316
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:46,089
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
317
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,341
But if we find
the supplier first,
318
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,800
we don't have to
worry about the dealers.
319
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,637
God damn. Infiltrate the
dealers, find the supplier.
320
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,696
Hey, Korean Jesus.
321
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:14,451
I don't know if you only cater
to Korean Christians
322
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:18,705
or if you even exist.
No offense.
323
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,210
I just...
324
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,006
I'm really freaked out about
going back to high school.
325
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:32,594
It was just
326
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,471
so fucking hard the first time.
327
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:40,477
I know we haven't made our first
arrest, or maybe I'm not the best cop.
328
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,147
Korean Jesus, I just really
don't want to fuck this up.
329
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,817
I'm sorry for swearing so much.
330
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,486
The end?
331
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,948
I don't really know how
to end a prayer. The end?
332
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,199
Yeah.
333
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:00,872
Hey! Hey!
334
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,333
Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!
335
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,836
He ain't got time for
your problems. He busy!
336
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,462
With Korean shit.
337
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:08,922
You two get to
your mama house ASAP.
338
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:10,048
What?
339
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,801
You're teenagers now,
all right?
340
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,095
You two are staying
at Schmidt's parents' house
341
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:16,888
for the duration
of this assignment.
342
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,348
Oh, fuck me.
343
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,601
This house is adorable.
344
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,729
My baby's home!
Come here.
345
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:27,274
You will always be my infant angel baby child.
There's my guy.
346
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,984
It's great to see you guys.
347
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:32,404
Hey. Schmidt family!
Up top, Papa Schmidt.
348
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,615
Oh, my God. Mama Schmidt, did
you do all this yourself?
349
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:35,741
This is unbelievable.
350
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:36,825
Well, yeah.
351
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:37,993
I guess I did.
352
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,119
It's gorgeous!
353
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,704
So are you.
354
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,539
Honey, listen,
I want to tell you,
355
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,249
we did blow up the air
mattress in your room
356
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,542
'cause we're kind of using
that as a workout area,
357
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,294
so I hope you don't
mind the elliptical.
358
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,088
No, no! Jenko, Jenko, oh,
my God, please. No, no.
359
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,049
Don't touch that. We just
brought it back from Sedona.
360
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,635
Guys, can we get rid
of this stuff?
361
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,178
I mean, it looks like
I died in a car crash
362
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,346
and you guys haven't moved on.
363
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,472
Rid of it?
364
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,099
If we take it down, we have
to stop bragging about you.
365
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,435
I look like Fred Savage
from The Wonder Years,
366
00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:06,355
but completely naked, wearing
Indian friendship bracelets.
367
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,482
That is a great picture, Morton.
Mmm-hmm.
368
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:09,900
You look like a young Jay Leno.
369
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,569
Am I even wearing underwear
in this picture?
370
00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:13,695
Umm...
371
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:14,988
No.
372
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:16,782
I remember.
You know why?
373
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,825
Because I've told it to a
therapist about 8,000 times.
374
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,953
I mean, this is a fourth grade
375
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:24,081
participation medal for soccer.
376
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:25,749
It's literally
a medal for sucking.
377
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,709
No, that is a medal for trying.
Yes.
378
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:31,546
Let me tell you something. This
guy was always a great tryer.
379
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,883
That must be Phyllis.
She is just dying to see you.
380
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,802
What? Mom, you told
Phyllis I was here?
381
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,011
She's going to tell
the whole neighborhood.
382
00:19:38,095 --> 00:19:41,098
I told you, it's an undercover assignment.
It's super secretive.
383
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,475
"Undercover."
That's so cute.
384
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,019
I'm going upstairs.
385
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:47,187
Okay, honey.
I want you to know
386
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,730
we are so glad you're here.
Okay.
387
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,774
That's great.
Thank you.
388
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,942
All right.
Where is he?
389
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,110
He's upstairs.
390
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,486
He just needs to
take a little rest,
391
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,987
and then he's
dying to see you, too.
392
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,072
Bye-bye.
393
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,365
I baked muffins!
394
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,826
If you don't know your
identity, we're screwed tomorrow.
395
00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:02,202
You got to study this stuff.
396
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,037
Forget those identities.
They're bullshit.
397
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:05,163
They said I was
held back a year.
398
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,957
You were. You were
held back two years.
399
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,375
Just 'cause it's
a fake backstory
400
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,127
doesn't mean it
doesn't hurt my feelings.
401
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,462
Fuck! Socks don't match.
402
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:13,964
I got to start all over.
403
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,133
It's the first day of school, dude.
I got to look awesome.
404
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,969
You know, back in the
day, you were super popular,
405
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,763
and I wasn't as much.
406
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,350
We didn't really get
along in high school.
407
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,478
You don't think that's going
to happen again, do you?
408
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:32,524
No. Come on, man. We're adults now.
We're best buds.
409
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:33,984
It's definitely not
going to happen again.
410
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,652
We're good.
Cool.
411
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,661
Beautiful day out there, boys.
412
00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:46,872
Just shut up.
413
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:50,709
"Anything you say can and will
be used against you in a court of law."
414
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,002
"You have the right
to an attorney."
415
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:55,130
"If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed..."
416
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:58,592
Dude, do you still not know the
Miranda rights? You're a cop.
417
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,679
Come on, man. They always cutaway
on TV before they finish them.
418
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,058
All right, let's do it.
419
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,935
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
420
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:09,978
What are you doing?
421
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,022
What? What are you talking about?
Are you two-strapping?
422
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:14,608
My backpack? Yeah.
423
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:15,734
Yeah, I got to be
seen with you.
424
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,611
You got to one-strap it.
425
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,280
Seriously, I would no-strap it
if that would even be possible.
426
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,740
Okay, what makes you the expert?
427
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:24,159
I was cool in high school,
and you weren't.
428
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,203
Okay, that makes sense.
Continue.
429
00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:31,792
The Three Keys of Coolness
in High School, by Jenko.
430
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:35,253
One, don't try hard at anything.
431
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:38,632
Okay? Two, make fun
of people who do try.
432
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,634
Three, be handsome.
433
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:42,969
Four, if anyone steps to you
on the first day of school,
434
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:45,096
you punch them
directly in the face.
435
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,557
Five, drive a kick-ass car.
436
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,893
Shit.
437
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:56,358
All right, but just don't be
driving it like teenagers,
438
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:59,277
revving up the engine
and shit, okay?
439
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:00,904
We would never.
440
00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:03,240
Come on, Hoffs.
Give us a little credit.
441
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,744
Hey, you ready?
Go!
442
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,254
That was awesome!
That was amazing.
443
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:19,422
Was I flying?
That was amazing.
444
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:20,799
All right, do mine, do mine.
445
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,092
Okay, ready?
Here I go.
446
00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,426
Yeah, yeah.
447
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,101
You Okay?
448
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,937
I think I shit my pants.
449
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,612
Hey, park in
that handicapped spot.
450
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:43,864
It'll make us look cool.
451
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,490
That's awesome.
452
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:01,965
Dude?
453
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,425
Everybody's
two-strapping it.
454
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,926
Just stay with
the one-strap.
455
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:06,887
I can't. I can't.
I can't right now.
456
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,471
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
457
00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:09,598
Don't succumb to
the peer pressure.
458
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,224
What are you doing? You're
supposed to use two straps.
459
00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:12,517
One strap is peer pressure.
460
00:23:12,601 --> 00:23:13,894
No. No. You're fucking
up right now.
461
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,937
Okay, those are Goths.
462
00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,900
Those are nerds.
463
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:22,444
I don't know what they are.
464
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,698
What the fuck are those things?
465
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:28,158
I'm so confused right now.
466
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:36,833
Whoa.
467
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,086
Hi.
468
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:41,129
Hey.
469
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,964
Hey.
Good morning.
470
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:46,426
Hey, yo. Hey.
471
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,554
Is that your car?
Yeah.
472
00:23:49,638 --> 00:23:51,222
What's that thing get,
10 miles to the gallon?
473
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,058
No, try, like, seven.
474
00:23:53,683 --> 00:23:56,061
What about you?
Biodiesel, dawg.
475
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,520
Smells like egg rolls.
476
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:58,605
Yeah, it does.
477
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:01,399
Runs on leftover fry oil
from Hunan Palace.
478
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:02,943
But we try to
ride bikes when we can.
479
00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,694
Global crisis and whatnot.
480
00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:06,237
Whatever, man.
481
00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:07,656
I don't care about anything.
482
00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,157
You don't care
about the environment?
483
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,450
That's kind of fucked up, man.
484
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,118
Hey, hey,
will y'all shut the hell up?
485
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:13,328
I'm trying to study.
Thanks.
486
00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:17,582
Look at him. He's trying.
487
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,501
He's actually trying.
What a nerd.
488
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:21,461
Look at the nerd.
Look at the nerd.
489
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:22,712
Look at him.
Look at the nerd.
490
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:23,797
Who you calling a nerd, man?
491
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,215
I'm sorry. What...
492
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,968
Shit!
Shit, dude.
493
00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:30,136
Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell?
Are you serious?
494
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,888
Well, turn that
gay-ass music off.
495
00:24:31,972 --> 00:24:33,848
You punched me because I'm gay?
What?
496
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,643
No. Oh, Come on.
497
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:37,894
That's not cool, man.
498
00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:39,187
That is really insensitive.
499
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:40,605
I didn't punch him
because he's gay.
500
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:42,107
I punched him,
501
00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:44,818
and then he happened to turn
out to be gay afterwards.
502
00:24:44,901 --> 00:24:45,860
I was gay when you punched me!
503
00:24:45,944 --> 00:24:46,945
In a weird way,
504
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:49,364
it might have been
homophobic not to punch you
505
00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:51,282
just because you were gay.
Right.
506
00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:53,368
You punched a little gay
black kid in the face,
507
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:55,787
and it's not even second period.
How do you explain that?
508
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,581
Mr. Dadier, I'm so sorry about that.
I just...
509
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,208
Look, guys, I'm going
to relate to you, okay?
510
00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:03,044
A kid died the other
day from drugs,
511
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:06,464
and nobody, including me,
is doing anything about it.
512
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:08,967
That's weird, guys.
513
00:25:09,551 --> 00:25:12,053
And then you two show up,
with 30 days left,
514
00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:14,347
causing trouble in my school.
515
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:17,267
I am one more black gay kid
getting punched in the face
516
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,019
away from a nervous breakdown.
517
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:20,770
Do I make myself clear?
518
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,105
You guys cross my line again,
519
00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:25,150
and you walk into this office,
I'm going to expel you.
520
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:26,693
You got me?
521
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:30,113
All right, let's do this.
Which one of you is Doug?
522
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:33,616
Let's do that again and pretend
you guys aren't weird.
523
00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:36,119
Which one of you is named Doug?
524
00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:38,288
No, dude, I'm Brad.
Okay, good.
525
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:40,582
So that means your
name is Doug, son.
526
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:42,167
Yeah, I'm Doug.
Great.
527
00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:43,585
Here are your class schedules.
528
00:25:43,668 --> 00:25:46,296
Funny, I wouldn't have taken
you for the brainy type.
529
00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:49,090
I wouldn't. But you as a drama
geek, far less surprising.
530
00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:50,550
Thank you.
531
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,260
Now we have the wrong
identities, you dumb-ass.
532
00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:54,095
I'm in drama.
I suck at drama.
533
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:55,472
It's girly and embarrassing.
534
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,974
Oh, my God. Relax, dude.
Who cares?
535
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,726
I can fake my way
through band practice
536
00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,352
and app chemistry
for a few weeks.
537
00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:04,731
AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry.
And, no, you can't,
538
00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:06,733
because you don't even know what
it's actually fucking called!
539
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,401
It's going to be fine.
540
00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:10,445
You go to my classes,
and I'm going to go to yours.
541
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:11,529
Okay, now, chemistry's
the one with
542
00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:12,614
the shapes and shit, right?
543
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,032
Fuck.
544
00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:18,787
So, we are going to hold auditions
for the Peter Pan part today.
545
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:23,166
Billiam would've
wanted the show to go on.
546
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:27,295
When I was a young actor just
starting out in New York state,
547
00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:28,797
Albany, to be exact,
548
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,964
I booked a local
television commercial...
549
00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:31,091
Hey.
550
00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,176
...In which I had to
play a young man...
551
00:26:33,259 --> 00:26:36,179
It's really sad about
that kid. He was talented.
552
00:26:36,429 --> 00:26:40,266
So are you saying if he wasn't
talented, it would be less sad?
553
00:26:40,683 --> 00:26:43,895
No. No, no, no,
that's not what I meant.
554
00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:47,357
I was just busting your balls.
555
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,361
Okay. Good.
556
00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:56,616
I remember, one time, doing cocaine
with Willie Nelson's horse,
557
00:26:58,368 --> 00:27:00,370
and we were having so much fun.
558
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:03,665
And then I realized
that she was dead.
559
00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:06,793
I remember one summer...
560
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,878
Do kids still do this stuff?
561
00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:10,755
Even after what
happened to him?
562
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:14,342
Everyone's saying that
Billiam had a heart murmur.
563
00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:16,052
Pretty much
everyone I know does it,
564
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,512
but it's not my thing.
565
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,889
It's not really
my thing, either,
566
00:27:19,973 --> 00:27:22,767
but a buddy of mine
really wants it.
567
00:27:22,851 --> 00:27:25,770
Who would he call
if he wanted it?
568
00:27:25,854 --> 00:27:27,981
Well, you can tell your friend
569
00:27:28,064 --> 00:27:30,400
that if he really wanted it,
570
00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:32,485
it's not so hard to find.
571
00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:34,988
When to take it. He
shouldn't have been taking it at all.
572
00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:36,906
Drugs are bad.
573
00:27:37,407 --> 00:27:41,161
But they can have their place in
the life of a professional actor.
574
00:27:41,244 --> 00:27:43,204
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
575
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:45,248
Notice the distinction.
I said "professional actor."
576
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:52,755
New person.
Mr. Texty Texty.
577
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:55,717
Since you have so
much to say to Molly,
578
00:27:55,842 --> 00:27:58,261
let's see if you can
be Peter to our Wendy.
579
00:27:58,344 --> 00:28:01,222
You look like you might have
a little Peter inside of you.
580
00:28:01,764 --> 00:28:05,810
Uh, I can't. I'm fine just
being a tree or something.
581
00:28:05,935 --> 00:28:08,021
Doug, you never won't know
582
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:11,608
what you can't achieve
before you don't achieve it.
583
00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:12,817
My point is,
584
00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:15,695
you have to. Everyone
auditions for Peter.
585
00:28:17,030 --> 00:28:18,615
Yeah, sure.
586
00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:20,742
My favorite molecule is water.
587
00:28:20,825 --> 00:28:23,119
I'd marry it, unless
it was my daughter.
588
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:25,246
Its solid form
floats on its liquid form,
589
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,749
which makes it far
outside the norm.
590
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:30,460
It allowed life to
form on ancient Mars,
591
00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:32,128
and we use it to wash our cars.
592
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,047
H2O.
593
00:28:34,297 --> 00:28:36,799
H2O. H2O.
594
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:39,135
H2O It's okay.
Thank you.
595
00:28:40,511 --> 00:28:42,972
Thank you, Zack.
Whoo! So good.
596
00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:45,850
All right, anybody else for
Molecule Mondays? Anyone?
597
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:48,561
Okay.
Time for a pop Quiznos.
598
00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:49,938
A What?
599
00:28:50,563 --> 00:28:51,856
Oh, I'm sorry.
600
00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:53,441
What is your name? Brad?
601
00:28:53,691 --> 00:28:55,401
Brad. Yes, ma'am.
Wow. Look at you,
602
00:28:55,485 --> 00:28:57,111
Brad. Big.
603
00:28:57,946 --> 00:28:58,947
Uh...
604
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,698
What is a pop Quiznos?
605
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:04,035
It's a quiz, and the first
person who finishes
606
00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:07,163
gets a $10 gift
certificate to Quiznos.
607
00:29:07,705 --> 00:29:08,957
Today's quiz is on...
608
00:29:09,082 --> 00:29:10,333
You look really old.
609
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:11,751
Were you held back
or something or...
610
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:14,504
No. You look super young.
611
00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:16,464
Were you held forward?
612
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,634
I went to school
in France, so...
613
00:29:19,717 --> 00:29:22,053
And they do, like, two extra
years of middle school there.
614
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,179
It's so lame.
615
00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:26,099
French, the language of love.
616
00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,810
That's cool, man.
It's nice to meet you also.
617
00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:30,853
Hey.
618
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:34,357
Good luck.
619
00:29:55,003 --> 00:29:56,087
Okay.
620
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,380
Um...
621
00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:00,591
Maybe try one cooler.
622
00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:02,969
And faster.
623
00:30:03,928 --> 00:30:06,556
And louder.
And better.
624
00:30:07,015 --> 00:30:10,393
And less insecure
and more just cool.
625
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:17,984
Okay, yeah,
those are great notes.
626
00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:19,235
I'm going to run outside,
627
00:30:19,319 --> 00:30:22,113
and I'm going to utilize those,
and I'm going to come back.
628
00:30:33,416 --> 00:30:34,417
It's such bullshit.
629
00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:42,467
Oh.
630
00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:43,968
Wow. You're fast.
631
00:30:44,552 --> 00:30:46,804
Not like that.
Just, let me check you out.
632
00:30:47,138 --> 00:30:49,182
Let me check out your chest.
633
00:30:49,265 --> 00:30:50,975
Check out your test...
Let me...
634
00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:52,602
Let me grade your quiz.
635
00:30:57,148 --> 00:30:58,983
Um, can I go take a dump?
636
00:31:00,401 --> 00:31:02,362
Yeah, okay.
That's cool.
637
00:31:03,488 --> 00:31:06,157
Oh. We have this
"hurry back" rule,
638
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,742
so if you're not
back in six minutes,
639
00:31:07,825 --> 00:31:09,285
I have to send you
to the principal.
640
00:31:10,119 --> 00:31:11,788
Rules are rules, so,
641
00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:15,041
I guess this will
have to be a quickie.
642
00:31:15,458 --> 00:31:16,876
Which way is yearbook?
I don't know.
643
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:18,002
Is it this way?
I don't know!
644
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:34,811
Yo.
645
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:36,062
Hey.
646
00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:37,146
You guys, huh?
647
00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:38,523
Um...
648
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,609
That was a total mix-up,
what happened earlier.
649
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:42,819
Yeah. He feels awful.
He feels...
650
00:31:42,902 --> 00:31:44,737
Totally, very nervous.
651
00:31:44,987 --> 00:31:47,115
You're the dealer?
652
00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:48,241
You're the dealer guy?
Is that you?
653
00:31:48,908 --> 00:31:49,951
Yep.
654
00:31:50,034 --> 00:31:51,160
So do you make the stuff or...
655
00:31:51,244 --> 00:31:53,996
Do I look like a fucking scientist?
No, I just sell it.
656
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:55,456
Yeah, he just sells it Come on.
657
00:31:55,540 --> 00:31:56,624
Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
658
00:31:56,707 --> 00:31:58,668
I meant I just...
How many you guys want?
659
00:31:58,876 --> 00:32:00,420
20 bucks a pop.
660
00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:04,382
One each?
One pop each of drugs.
661
00:32:04,507 --> 00:32:06,008
You guys aren't narcs, are you?
662
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:07,260
Whoa!
663
00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:10,221
Dude, come on.
No! Maybe you're a narc.
664
00:32:10,471 --> 00:32:12,181
You know who
calls people narcs?
665
00:32:12,265 --> 00:32:13,850
Narcs, narc.
666
00:32:14,517 --> 00:32:17,145
First of all, your argument kind
of just collapsed on itself,
667
00:32:17,228 --> 00:32:18,938
because if you call us narcs,
668
00:32:19,730 --> 00:32:22,775
if narcs call people narcs, and you
call us narcs, then that's kind of...
669
00:32:22,859 --> 00:32:24,694
'Cause you just said that.
They call people...
670
00:32:24,777 --> 00:32:25,903
Look, I don't have
time for this shit.
671
00:32:25,987 --> 00:32:27,071
You guys want to
do this or not?
672
00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:28,239
Jesus.
Yes.
673
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:30,199
Yes, yes.
No problem.
674
00:32:31,951 --> 00:32:33,828
All right, take it here
so I know you're cool.
675
00:32:33,911 --> 00:32:34,996
I'm sorry. What?
676
00:32:35,997 --> 00:32:37,039
We were going to take it home.
677
00:32:37,123 --> 00:32:38,124
I gotta go back to class,
678
00:32:38,207 --> 00:32:39,250
is the only thing.
679
00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:40,585
I was thinking that I
was going to go home,
680
00:32:40,710 --> 00:32:42,170
maybe turn down the lights,
681
00:32:42,253 --> 00:32:43,629
getting snuggy,
get a little weird.
682
00:32:43,713 --> 00:32:45,465
I was going to take it,
and then masturbate later.
683
00:32:45,548 --> 00:32:46,507
Okay, I'm not asking.
684
00:32:46,591 --> 00:32:48,384
Take it now or
get the fuck out.
685
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:50,428
I got to finish the girls'
volleyball page by lunch.
686
00:32:52,513 --> 00:32:53,598
Yeah?
687
00:32:55,766 --> 00:32:57,727
Yeah, no, it's all good.
688
00:32:57,810 --> 00:32:59,562
I love doing drugs at school.
689
00:32:59,729 --> 00:33:01,481
I'll just take
the drugs right here,
690
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,149
in our mouths.
691
00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:04,901
There you go. That's it.
692
00:33:09,530 --> 00:33:10,865
Mmm. Mmm.
693
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:13,534
What is that?
Barbecue? Cool Ranch?
694
00:33:13,743 --> 00:33:14,994
Have fun.
695
00:33:16,412 --> 00:33:17,788
You got to pull the trigger!
Okay.
696
00:33:17,872 --> 00:33:19,499
You got to pull the trigger!
697
00:33:19,582 --> 00:33:21,375
We got to throw up, man.
I can't.
698
00:33:21,459 --> 00:33:23,503
We gotta throw up. That kid, Billiam, died.
We got to throw up.
699
00:33:23,586 --> 00:33:25,296
Just think of something gross.
Think of something gross.
700
00:33:25,379 --> 00:33:26,631
You fucking think of something.
701
00:33:26,756 --> 00:33:28,007
Okay, all right, all right.
702
00:33:28,090 --> 00:33:29,300
Your grandma's vagina,
703
00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:30,593
and there's a dick
going into it.
704
00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:32,470
What the fuck are you saying? I don't know!
I'm just trying!
705
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:34,305
I'm trying my best! I'm just trying!
Fuck! Come on, man!
706
00:33:34,388 --> 00:33:36,265
Dude, let's just
finger each other's mouths.
707
00:33:36,766 --> 00:33:37,934
No!
Yeah.
708
00:33:38,017 --> 00:33:39,143
No, you're not
fingering my mouth.
709
00:33:39,227 --> 00:33:40,728
Do you wanna die?
Do you wanna die?
710
00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:41,938
Okay, fine!
711
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,732
Let's go. Come on. Come on!
Come on!
712
00:33:52,156 --> 00:33:54,033
What are you doing? Are
you trying to find my G-spot?
713
00:33:54,158 --> 00:33:56,160
Just stick it in! I don't know.
I've never done this before!
714
00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:57,370
Just stick it in! Go!
715
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,418
Cut your fucking fingernails!
716
00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:07,630
Oh, God!
717
00:34:09,257 --> 00:34:10,758
Is it me?
718
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:12,176
I'm sorry.
719
00:34:12,260 --> 00:34:13,344
I just can't sometimes.
720
00:34:14,387 --> 00:34:16,180
Think we're going to be fine.
I don't feel anything.
721
00:34:16,264 --> 00:34:17,682
Me, neither.
722
00:34:17,807 --> 00:34:19,350
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
723
00:34:20,017 --> 00:34:21,602
You got a pass for running
around the hallways
724
00:34:21,686 --> 00:34:22,770
like a couple of
ding-a-lings?
725
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:24,564
Pass, in your hand.
726
00:34:24,647 --> 00:34:25,815
Hello.
727
00:34:26,357 --> 00:34:27,400
Oh, damn.
728
00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:28,568
You guys are late.
729
00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:30,361
Now I'm going to have to take
you to the principal's office.
730
00:34:30,486 --> 00:34:34,615
No, no, no, man. Come on, please.
Sorry. Come on, please.
731
00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:36,701
You have exceptional muscle
tone there, young man.
732
00:34:36,993 --> 00:34:39,287
When'd you go through puberty?
Like, at seven or something?
733
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,581
You look like you're in your
mid-20s, for crying out loud.
734
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:44,500
McQuaid, huh?
Doug McQuaid.
735
00:34:44,584 --> 00:34:45,626
I read your file.
736
00:34:45,876 --> 00:34:48,838
You got a lot of something special
going on there, young man.
737
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:51,090
What the hell was that?
God damn it, son!
738
00:34:51,173 --> 00:34:53,009
Don't ever raise your hand to
me like that again, all right?
739
00:34:53,092 --> 00:34:54,260
I consider that a threat.
740
00:34:54,343 --> 00:34:56,095
I was just
saying that I'm Doug.
741
00:34:56,178 --> 00:34:57,430
I'm Doug McQuaid.
742
00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,015
See, that's Brad.
743
00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:00,850
That's Brad.
744
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:03,436
You're the new kid
who's All County in track?
745
00:35:03,519 --> 00:35:05,313
Yes, I'm Doug McQuaid,
746
00:35:06,188 --> 00:35:10,693
the track star, and this is
Brad, the science prodigy.
747
00:35:13,195 --> 00:35:15,323
He's really fast.
748
00:35:18,951 --> 00:35:20,036
Is this funny to you guys?
749
00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:28,961
So you're Doug.
750
00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:31,547
You're Doug. You're Doug.
751
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:33,215
Here's the deal.
752
00:35:33,341 --> 00:35:36,135
My track team is full of
physically incapable rejects.
753
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:39,263
I mean, if I wasn't the coach,
I'd be laughing my ass off
754
00:35:39,347 --> 00:35:42,725
at how spastic they are,
but I am the coach,
755
00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:44,769
so I need you.
756
00:35:45,394 --> 00:35:47,146
I need me some Doug McQuaid.
757
00:35:47,229 --> 00:35:48,356
Understand?
758
00:35:48,856 --> 00:35:52,568
I need you to run anchor on the
4 X 400 at today's track meet.
759
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:55,237
You do that,
and I'll sign this pass.
760
00:35:55,905 --> 00:35:57,365
Don't blow on me, son.
761
00:35:58,074 --> 00:36:00,201
I haven't trained.
762
00:36:00,451 --> 00:36:03,913
Guys, don't make me take you
to the principal's office.
763
00:36:04,413 --> 00:36:06,082
Do we have a deal?
764
00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:08,876
Yes.
765
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,087
Nice.
766
00:36:13,714 --> 00:36:16,717
I don't like that. Put your
tongue back in your mouth.
767
00:36:16,884 --> 00:36:18,427
Put your tongue in
your mouth, and close it.
768
00:36:19,095 --> 00:36:21,222
What are you doing?
Stop it.
769
00:36:21,597 --> 00:36:23,599
Actually, that's not bad.
770
00:36:23,683 --> 00:36:25,601
All right, here you go.
771
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:29,480
Are you guys on drugs?
772
00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:36,237
Okay.
773
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,613
One particle of Unobtainium has
774
00:36:37,738 --> 00:36:38,989
a nuclear reaction
with a flux capacitor.
775
00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:40,741
Carry the two,
changing its atomic isotoner
776
00:36:40,825 --> 00:36:42,618
into a radioactive spider.
777
00:36:44,829 --> 00:36:46,455
Fuck you, science!
778
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,714
All right, all right, we're good.
Whoo!
779
00:36:54,797 --> 00:36:56,716
We're good. We're good, man.
We're good.
780
00:36:56,799 --> 00:36:58,467
We're good, baby.
Whoo!
781
00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,970
Good work.
Hit that shit.
782
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:41,177
Christoph, did you feel that?
783
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:42,678
Who are you?
784
00:37:46,390 --> 00:37:48,559
Welcome aboard, Peter.
785
00:37:59,236 --> 00:38:00,696
Whoo! No, keep it going!
786
00:38:00,821 --> 00:38:02,907
Keep it going.
That was so tight!
787
00:38:03,032 --> 00:38:04,241
No, no, no, keep it going.
Keep it going.
788
00:38:08,788 --> 00:38:10,998
All right, let's go, McQuaid!
789
00:38:11,248 --> 00:38:12,792
All right! Yeah!
790
00:38:13,292 --> 00:38:15,211
I like it!
I like the confidence, son!
791
00:38:16,378 --> 00:38:18,839
I know y'all seen
this shit before.
792
00:38:18,923 --> 00:38:20,341
I know you've seen
this shit before.
793
00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:23,093
Huge lead! Huge lead!
We got this. All right.
794
00:38:23,219 --> 00:38:25,054
You're looking amped!
795
00:38:27,223 --> 00:38:28,390
Here we go.
796
00:38:28,474 --> 00:38:29,809
Here we go!
Here we go!
797
00:38:30,851 --> 00:38:32,061
Hey, pick it up!
798
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:35,231
Hey, no, McQuaid, pick it up.
What are you doing?
799
00:38:37,274 --> 00:38:38,359
What are you doing?
Pick it...
800
00:38:38,734 --> 00:38:40,611
What? McQuaid!
801
00:38:41,487 --> 00:38:44,114
Don't throw the baton,
you jackass!
802
00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:45,991
Come on!
803
00:38:46,075 --> 00:38:47,743
McQuaid!
804
00:38:47,827 --> 00:38:49,954
Run that way!
805
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:53,165
Spike that!
Fuck you, Miles Davis!
806
00:38:55,584 --> 00:38:58,128
Let's go, God damn it!
Let's do this!
807
00:38:58,254 --> 00:38:59,505
Let's go! Come on!
808
00:38:59,839 --> 00:39:01,173
Oh, my God.
809
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:03,384
No, no.
810
00:39:03,926 --> 00:39:05,261
No, stop.
811
00:39:05,553 --> 00:39:06,846
Come here.
Come here.
812
00:39:06,929 --> 00:39:08,347
Don't make a...
813
00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:09,932
That is a baton penis.
814
00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:21,527
Oh, speak of the devil!
815
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:24,280
Dude, that was awesome how you
sabotaged that track meet, man.
816
00:39:24,363 --> 00:39:26,615
Organized sports are so fascist.
It makes me sick.
817
00:39:27,074 --> 00:39:28,576
That's just what I do.
818
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:30,619
Okay. Shit, man. See
you around, all right?
819
00:39:33,956 --> 00:39:35,958
I don't get this school.
820
00:39:36,959 --> 00:39:38,460
That was awesome.
821
00:39:40,296 --> 00:39:42,131
Okay, so we stayed up
all night making this.
822
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:43,591
It's awesome. You're
really going to like it.
823
00:39:43,674 --> 00:39:45,467
All yarn work
was done by Jenko.
824
00:39:45,551 --> 00:39:47,595
Okay, Captain, look, the
dealers are the popular kids,
825
00:39:47,678 --> 00:39:48,888
but they're not normal popular.
826
00:39:48,971 --> 00:39:51,432
They're these crunchy granola dudes
that have convinced everyone
827
00:39:51,515 --> 00:39:52,850
that they're cool,
and they're not cool.
828
00:39:53,142 --> 00:39:55,019
It's backwards and unnatural,
and it's got to be stopped.
829
00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:57,813
Lead dealer, Eric Moison.
Alpha dog.
830
00:39:57,897 --> 00:39:59,982
Sick chicks, killer steeze.
831
00:40:00,107 --> 00:40:01,275
Did the AIDS run this year.
832
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:03,903
He's getting into Berkeley,
early admish,
833
00:40:03,986 --> 00:40:05,362
and he totally gets me.
834
00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:07,740
Who put this together?
Are you autistic?
835
00:40:07,823 --> 00:40:09,700
It is artistic,
sir, because the thing is,
836
00:40:09,783 --> 00:40:10,910
the yarn actually indicates...
837
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:12,119
We're compiling a list
838
00:40:12,202 --> 00:40:14,246
of suspicious types at school.
The users are here.
839
00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:16,624
This kid was actually talking
to a tree this morning.
840
00:40:16,707 --> 00:40:17,791
Cut the bullshit!
841
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,461
I want to know
who's the supplier.
842
00:40:20,961 --> 00:40:23,464
We don't know. That's why there's
a question mark on his face.
843
00:40:23,547 --> 00:40:25,716
That's not the way his face looks.
That's just a question mark.
844
00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:28,427
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
845
00:40:28,552 --> 00:40:29,720
Simple.
846
00:40:29,970 --> 00:40:33,015
Sounds like you guys really
cracked the whole case.
847
00:40:33,140 --> 00:40:34,558
Great job.
You guys are on fire.
848
00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:35,935
So proud.
849
00:40:36,018 --> 00:40:37,061
Like you could do any better?
850
00:40:37,144 --> 00:40:38,938
We just brought down
a group of wannabe thugs
851
00:40:39,021 --> 00:40:41,357
stripping down cars in the
Garfield High metal shop.
852
00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:42,775
What?
853
00:40:42,858 --> 00:40:44,568
Meanwhile, you two
were standing around
854
00:40:44,652 --> 00:40:46,528
finger-popping
each other's assholes.
855
00:40:46,612 --> 00:40:49,198
We're not finger-popping
each other's assholes.
856
00:40:49,281 --> 00:40:51,784
What we're doing is
getting shit done.
857
00:40:52,201 --> 00:40:53,285
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
858
00:40:53,369 --> 00:40:54,995
I'm about to infiltrate
a super high-tech
859
00:40:55,079 --> 00:40:58,415
drug manufacturing ring
in the chemistry classroom.
860
00:41:05,756 --> 00:41:07,132
Password!
Open the door!
861
00:41:07,591 --> 00:41:09,176
You have to say the password.
I'm sorry. What?
862
00:41:09,259 --> 00:41:10,636
What are you...
863
00:41:12,221 --> 00:41:13,389
Geez.
864
00:41:17,226 --> 00:41:19,228
What are y'all doing?
How'd you get a key in here?
865
00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:22,564
Ms. Griggs gave us one so we
could work, tutor, deal Bakugan.
866
00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,984
Bakugan?
You dealing drugs?
867
00:41:25,275 --> 00:41:26,652
Let me see. You dealing drugs?
No.
868
00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,570
It's just a card game. It's,
like, a hybrid card game.
869
00:41:28,779 --> 00:41:30,489
See? They open up.
Battle Brawlers.
870
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:32,408
You're not doing anything illegal?
No.
871
00:41:32,658 --> 00:41:33,784
What are you doing in here?
872
00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,036
I'm here to study.
873
00:41:36,537 --> 00:41:38,622
Good. You could use it. You're
pretty far behind, so...
874
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:40,791
You're behind.
I'm ahead.
875
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:43,085
I know everything.
Really?
876
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:44,920
What's a covalent bond?
877
00:41:45,004 --> 00:41:47,006
Fuck you, man. I don't
need to tell you.
878
00:41:47,089 --> 00:41:49,550
I wasn't trying to be rude.
Sorry.
879
00:41:49,758 --> 00:41:52,344
I just... I don't think
you know everything.
880
00:41:52,636 --> 00:41:53,721
I know everything.
881
00:41:54,304 --> 00:41:55,472
Okay.
882
00:42:02,730 --> 00:42:04,148
What kind of
bullshit do they say
883
00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:06,275
about a covalent bond
in this school?
884
00:42:06,608 --> 00:42:10,696
They say it's when two atoms
share both their electrons.
885
00:42:10,779 --> 00:42:12,364
It helps them to
stick together.
886
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,659
I could help you out if you
want, tutor you for the test.
887
00:42:16,368 --> 00:42:18,746
What are you doing with
all those phones anyway?
888
00:42:19,371 --> 00:42:21,874
I crack and jailbreak kids' phones
to try and save for college.
889
00:42:21,957 --> 00:42:23,542
You know, I switch
their wireless carriers,
890
00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:24,710
get them restricted apps.
891
00:42:24,793 --> 00:42:26,003
Can you listen in on
phone calls and stuff?
892
00:42:26,086 --> 00:42:29,965
No, no, I can't install a spyware
to remotely monitor calls
893
00:42:30,049 --> 00:42:31,425
or anything that
the mic picks up.
894
00:42:31,717 --> 00:42:32,760
I can't do that at all.
895
00:42:32,885 --> 00:42:33,927
Wait, you can't do it?
896
00:42:34,136 --> 00:42:35,554
No, I can't.
897
00:42:36,972 --> 00:42:38,724
Is he being sarcastic?
I don't know.
898
00:42:39,975 --> 00:42:41,101
So you can.
899
00:42:45,481 --> 00:42:47,274
Liking comic books is popular.
900
00:42:47,357 --> 00:42:50,110
Environmental awareness,
being tolerant.
901
00:42:50,194 --> 00:42:51,570
If I was just
born 10 years later,
902
00:42:51,653 --> 00:42:53,363
I would have been
the coolest person ever.
903
00:42:53,489 --> 00:42:55,365
I know.
It's bullshit.
904
00:42:56,784 --> 00:42:57,910
You know what?
905
00:42:57,993 --> 00:43:00,329
I totally know the cause.
906
00:43:00,412 --> 00:43:02,831
Glee. Fuck you, Glee.
907
00:43:03,999 --> 00:43:05,834
Man, I got to say,
this is kind of awesome.
908
00:43:06,001 --> 00:43:10,047
I might become popular. I might
get in with the popular kids.
909
00:43:10,964 --> 00:43:14,384
We just have to do something wildly
irresponsible to earn their trust.
910
00:43:14,510 --> 00:43:15,636
You saying we
should throw a party?
911
00:43:15,886 --> 00:43:17,137
I'll invite Molly,
912
00:43:17,221 --> 00:43:18,597
and then Molly will
invite Eric,
913
00:43:18,931 --> 00:43:20,724
and that'll be the quickest way
for me to bro down with him.
914
00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:23,185
Wouldn't it be better if we both
infiltrated the cool kids' group?
915
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,645
I think it would be
better if you get in
916
00:43:24,728 --> 00:43:26,271
with the nerdy kids and see
what's going on over there.
917
00:43:26,355 --> 00:43:27,856
That'd be the best
thing for the case.
918
00:43:28,315 --> 00:43:30,984
Yeah. I mean,
I guess that makes sense.
919
00:43:40,452 --> 00:43:42,538
Hello?
Hey. Is this Molly?
920
00:43:42,996 --> 00:43:44,123
Speaking.
921
00:43:44,206 --> 00:43:45,666
Hey. It's Schmidt.
922
00:43:46,208 --> 00:43:49,545
It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.
923
00:43:49,753 --> 00:43:51,922
Oh. Hey, man.
924
00:43:52,005 --> 00:43:53,966
It's so weird that
you're calling me.
925
00:43:54,049 --> 00:43:58,178
I pretty much text except for
when a random old relative calls.
926
00:43:58,554 --> 00:44:02,057
Uh I was just calling 'cause we're
costarring in this play together,
927
00:44:02,141 --> 00:44:03,225
- and...- Hello?
928
00:44:03,350 --> 00:44:04,518
Mom, get off the phone!
929
00:44:04,893 --> 00:44:06,645
Oh. Sorry, Doug,
930
00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:08,397
my teen son.
Mom!
931
00:44:08,564 --> 00:44:10,858
I love you, honey, Dougie
Doug, Douglas McQuaid.
932
00:44:10,941 --> 00:44:12,776
Mom, so serious right now!
Stop!
933
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,449
I'm sorry.
My mom's such a dick.
934
00:44:19,575 --> 00:44:21,660
Ugh! She just, like,
smothers me with affection
935
00:44:21,743 --> 00:44:23,620
and makes me feel
like I'm five years old.
936
00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:26,957
Wow. You're a sharer.
I dig that.
937
00:44:27,249 --> 00:44:28,542
Well, I'm 18 years old,
938
00:44:28,625 --> 00:44:30,460
and my mom still packs
a lunch for me every day.
939
00:44:30,586 --> 00:44:33,797
There was this one month where she
bought me 43 stuffed animals.
940
00:44:34,089 --> 00:44:36,675
The doctor thought I was gonna
spontaneously grow a vagina.
941
00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:38,719
I didn't, though,
just to be clear.
942
00:44:38,969 --> 00:44:40,596
Yeah, because
you already had one.
943
00:44:40,762 --> 00:44:42,181
Exactly.
I already had one.
944
00:44:42,264 --> 00:44:44,016
And you don't need two vaginas.
You just don't.
945
00:44:44,099 --> 00:44:46,101
Although you could
use one as a coin purse.
946
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:48,687
I never got any stuffed
animals growing up.
947
00:44:48,770 --> 00:44:51,023
Oh, wait, actually, that's not true.
I did.
948
00:44:51,106 --> 00:44:52,941
My dad gave me a stuffed puppy
the day he bailed on us.
949
00:44:55,027 --> 00:44:56,403
I'm just fucking with you.
950
00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:58,488
That is a weird joke.
951
00:44:58,614 --> 00:45:00,282
I thought your dad
abandoned your family.
952
00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:02,409
No, he did walk out on us, though.
Oh.
953
00:45:02,492 --> 00:45:04,870
But he didn't even
leave me a stuffed puppy.
954
00:45:04,953 --> 00:45:06,038
Just broken dreams.
955
00:45:06,121 --> 00:45:09,458
Oh, man. Well, I guess,
to that, I would say,
956
00:45:09,625 --> 00:45:10,626
well, uh,
957
00:45:12,002 --> 00:45:14,129
that there are some
good guys out there,
958
00:45:14,213 --> 00:45:17,799
and I wouldn't let,
you know, one experience
959
00:45:17,883 --> 00:45:20,219
taint your memory.
960
00:45:20,469 --> 00:45:21,803
Oh, my God.
961
00:45:21,887 --> 00:45:24,723
Are you getting choked up?
I'm sorry if I made you upset.
962
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:28,644
No, it's just, you know, I don't
like when guys are mean to girls.
963
00:45:28,727 --> 00:45:31,063
Yeah. Well, thanks.
964
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:33,565
Normal transition here.
965
00:45:34,775 --> 00:45:37,903
Actually, I'm having a party next weekend.
You should come!
966
00:45:37,986 --> 00:45:39,821
You and Eric and Juario,
whatever.
967
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:43,075
Do you mind if I just put,
like, a posting on Facebook?
968
00:45:43,158 --> 00:45:45,160
Okay. Yeah, yeah!
969
00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:46,870
I should call you back.
970
00:45:46,954 --> 00:45:49,206
Well, all right, I'll see you at school.
You're a great person.
971
00:45:49,289 --> 00:45:50,249
Bye-bye. Bye,
Bye.
972
00:45:50,332 --> 00:45:51,875
What the fuck are you...
973
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:04,054
Are y'all throwing a party?
974
00:46:05,055 --> 00:46:06,056
What?
975
00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:08,976
There's rumors in
the Twittersphere.
976
00:46:09,851 --> 00:46:11,603
And if any of my officers
977
00:46:11,687 --> 00:46:14,773
are caught giving
alcohol to minors,
978
00:46:15,190 --> 00:46:17,150
they'll find theyself in prison
979
00:46:18,151 --> 00:46:21,571
with a snorkel
duct-taped to they mouth
980
00:46:21,697 --> 00:46:24,866
and me shitting
down that snorkel.
981
00:46:26,827 --> 00:46:28,704
That's extremely vivid.
Thank you.
982
00:46:29,204 --> 00:46:31,748
You're the best.
You are the best.
983
00:46:32,082 --> 00:46:33,458
Oh, my God.
We love you.
984
00:46:33,542 --> 00:46:34,626
Enjoy the vineyard.
You boys be good, now.
985
00:46:34,710 --> 00:46:37,004
Yeah, I can't believe
you guys did this for us.
986
00:46:37,296 --> 00:46:38,463
Bye!
987
00:46:38,547 --> 00:46:39,548
"We love you"?
What are you doing?
988
00:46:39,631 --> 00:46:41,049
Why you saying "I
love you" to my mom?
989
00:46:41,133 --> 00:46:42,467
I'm in character. Shut up.
It's weird.
990
00:46:44,052 --> 00:46:46,722
Look, dude, it's kind
of like we're brothers.
991
00:46:47,222 --> 00:46:48,974
Wait, how are we
going to buy alcohol?
992
00:46:49,599 --> 00:46:51,310
Dude, I don't have a fake ID.
993
00:46:58,900 --> 00:47:00,986
How are we going to
get drugs for the party?
994
00:47:01,862 --> 00:47:03,155
Oh, no.
995
00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:10,954
We got a pound of coke.
996
00:47:11,038 --> 00:47:13,415
We're trying to show them a good
time, not ruin their fucking lives.
997
00:47:13,498 --> 00:47:14,583
Pound of marijuana?
998
00:47:15,083 --> 00:47:16,668
Best party ever.
Boo-yah!
999
00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:34,478
To a brilliant idea
1000
00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,438
from my brilliant brother
1001
00:47:36,563 --> 00:47:37,856
that I love so very much.
1002
00:47:39,107 --> 00:47:41,276
And this is going
to fucking rock.
1003
00:47:41,401 --> 00:47:43,195
Cheers, man.
Cheers.
1004
00:47:49,826 --> 00:47:51,703
Who invited you guys?
I did!
1005
00:47:51,787 --> 00:47:52,788
The party's here!
1006
00:47:53,455 --> 00:47:55,040
What's up, Zack?
Hey, buddy.
1007
00:47:55,123 --> 00:47:56,166
What's up, Roman?
1008
00:47:56,249 --> 00:47:59,628
This is crazy. This is, like, the
craziest thing I've ever been a part of.
1009
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,384
Where is Eric, man?
He said he'd be here.
1010
00:48:05,467 --> 00:48:07,010
Do we have enough chips?
1011
00:48:07,094 --> 00:48:09,012
Is this playlist
too dance-y?
1012
00:48:09,096 --> 00:48:10,222
Feels too dance-y.
Too dance-y?
1013
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,348
What are you talking about?
1014
00:48:11,431 --> 00:48:13,517
I don't know,
it just feels dance-y.
1015
00:48:17,604 --> 00:48:19,648
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
1016
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:20,774
That's my mom's Kokopelli vase.
1017
00:48:20,857 --> 00:48:21,858
I got it, I got it.
1018
00:48:21,942 --> 00:48:23,402
Doug, Doug, hey!
1019
00:48:23,485 --> 00:48:26,655
Hey, Paul Blart: Molly Cop.
1020
00:48:27,447 --> 00:48:28,865
Such a bad joke.
1021
00:48:28,949 --> 00:48:30,075
Terrible, terrible.
1022
00:48:30,158 --> 00:48:31,326
You guys know each other, right?
Yeah.
1023
00:48:31,451 --> 00:48:33,078
Get ready,
get ready, there's Eric.
1024
00:48:33,161 --> 00:48:34,246
Wait for the signal.
1025
00:48:34,329 --> 00:48:36,248
And then you come in here
looking like a rock-solid 10.
1026
00:48:36,331 --> 00:48:37,457
What?
1027
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,418
What's up, man, how you doing?
1028
00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,294
Eco Suave.
1029
00:48:41,837 --> 00:48:42,838
Whoa.
1030
00:48:43,296 --> 00:48:46,091
Wow, so I'm really
digging this decor.
1031
00:48:46,425 --> 00:48:48,343
Very Native American.
1032
00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:50,220
Yeah, our parents are actually
1033
00:48:50,303 --> 00:48:52,764
really into Native American...
Let's rock and roll.
1034
00:48:54,516 --> 00:48:56,059
- Sorry.
- What are y'all doing?
1035
00:48:56,518 --> 00:48:58,228
Come on. Did you
guys even see Eric?
1036
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,355
Seriously,
did you not see Eric?
1037
00:49:00,897 --> 00:49:02,607
No offense, man,
but your brother sucks.
1038
00:49:02,691 --> 00:49:05,444
Yo, this is butt. There's,
like, no hot dudes here.
1039
00:49:05,527 --> 00:49:07,279
Man, let's bounce.
We're out of here, man.
1040
00:49:07,362 --> 00:49:10,198
No, no, no, come on, you guys
just got here, you just got here.
1041
00:49:10,282 --> 00:49:12,451
Come on, let me at
least give you a tour.
1042
00:49:12,534 --> 00:49:14,911
Okay, boys, come on, we did
it, we can do this, just go,
1043
00:49:14,995 --> 00:49:16,538
just go as fast as
you possibly can.
1044
00:49:16,663 --> 00:49:18,290
Taking out the SIM card.
1045
00:49:18,373 --> 00:49:20,250
Taking out the SIM card.
1046
00:49:22,377 --> 00:49:24,129
Come on, CSI
the shit out of this thing.
1047
00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:25,839
Are you drunk?
No.
1048
00:49:25,922 --> 00:49:27,299
Have you even
been drunk before?
1049
00:49:27,382 --> 00:49:28,884
No, but“ Give me this.
1050
00:49:29,009 --> 00:49:30,635
What? Can we get some
bitches up in here?
1051
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,512
'Cause it's just
boys right now.
1052
00:49:32,596 --> 00:49:34,306
No, you can't get
any bitches up here.
1053
00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:36,099
This is my parents' bedroom.
1054
00:49:38,226 --> 00:49:39,519
What the fuck, bro? Some privacy!
Shit, shit, shit!
1055
00:49:39,603 --> 00:49:42,022
And that is
a really gross three-way.
1056
00:49:43,565 --> 00:49:45,108
But what was the girl
in the back doing?
1057
00:49:45,192 --> 00:49:47,194
Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.
1058
00:49:47,277 --> 00:49:49,029
Cool, yeah.
1059
00:49:49,112 --> 00:49:51,114
Hey, man, thank you
for the hospitality,
1060
00:49:51,198 --> 00:49:53,283
but we got to get going.
You know how it is, yeah?
1061
00:49:53,366 --> 00:49:54,993
Dude, tell me about it.
1062
00:49:56,119 --> 00:49:57,621
Is it ready? He's gonna
leave right now.
1063
00:49:57,746 --> 00:49:59,164
It's extracting right now.
1064
00:49:59,247 --> 00:50:01,166
Dude, it's now or never!
Is it ready or not?
1065
00:50:01,249 --> 00:50:03,001
Read this. "Please wait.
Extracting data from SIM card."
1066
00:50:03,084 --> 00:50:05,253
Shit! It's a bust.
1067
00:50:09,424 --> 00:50:10,634
- Keep it casual.
- Yeah.
1068
00:50:10,759 --> 00:50:11,760
Go with the flow, dude.
Cool, man.
1069
00:50:11,801 --> 00:50:13,178
I don't like to make plans or whatever.
You got it.
1070
00:50:13,261 --> 00:50:14,346
Thank you again, though, man.
All right.
1071
00:50:14,429 --> 00:50:17,849
Eric, Eric, Eric.
Hey, man, what's up?
1072
00:50:18,433 --> 00:50:20,018
Hey, why you here, Scott?
1073
00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:22,521
What, Kennedy High isn't
having any parties tonight?
1074
00:50:22,604 --> 00:50:24,606
No, I heard you guys were
partying with some new stuff.
1075
00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:27,192
Wanted to know your hookup so me
and my boys can get in on it.
1076
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:29,194
Got other commitments on
that front, so, you know...
1077
00:50:29,277 --> 00:50:30,362
I wasn't asking.
1078
00:50:31,905 --> 00:50:33,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1079
00:50:33,573 --> 00:50:36,034
Take five, take five, man,
let me get this. I got this.
1080
00:50:36,117 --> 00:50:38,453
Yeah? You sure?
I got this one.
1081
00:50:39,371 --> 00:50:41,373
Hey, big player,
I don't know who you are.
1082
00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:43,333
Don't worry about who I am.
I'm worried about it.
1083
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:45,460
Why? 'Cause you're at my
party right now, dude.
1084
00:50:45,585 --> 00:50:47,963
This is my temple, this is where
I come to find peace, dawg,
1085
00:50:48,171 --> 00:50:49,256
and you're coming in here
1086
00:50:49,339 --> 00:50:50,882
like an emotional bull
in a china shop,
1087
00:50:50,966 --> 00:50:53,468
metaphorically knocking over
vases, messing with my crew,
1088
00:50:53,552 --> 00:50:54,636
and I'm like,
1089
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,639
"What, Scott, what, Scott, what,
what, what, what, Scott?"
1090
00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:59,099
It's that kind of party?
Yeah, dude.
1091
00:50:59,182 --> 00:51:01,142
Matter of fact, it's
getting hot in here, huh?
1092
00:51:01,226 --> 00:51:03,228
No, it's getting real.
It's getting very real.
1093
00:51:03,311 --> 00:51:05,021
Yeah. It's like seven strangers
living in one house.
1094
00:51:05,105 --> 00:51:06,106
True story.
1095
00:51:06,189 --> 00:51:07,607
You want Real World?
Yeah, let's do it, man.
1096
00:51:07,649 --> 00:51:08,775
Come on. What's your Real...
Here's Real World.
1097
00:51:09,943 --> 00:51:11,236
What was that?
Did you hear that?
1098
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:12,779
Real enough for you?
1099
00:51:12,862 --> 00:51:14,322
Schmidt. Doug.
1100
00:51:14,406 --> 00:51:15,991
What do I do?
Hit him!
1101
00:51:17,993 --> 00:51:19,536
Shit! That hurt worse
than when he hit me!
1102
00:51:26,251 --> 00:51:27,460
Fight normal.
1103
00:51:27,544 --> 00:51:28,962
Yo, I'm serious.
1104
00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:30,171
Sorry.
1105
00:51:34,301 --> 00:51:35,468
I'll fucking kill you!
1106
00:51:35,552 --> 00:51:36,886
I'm sorry!
I'm very sorry!
1107
00:51:38,096 --> 00:51:41,266
Seriously, use your words,
use your words!
1108
00:51:44,019 --> 00:51:45,061
I kicked him in the nuts.
1109
00:51:50,525 --> 00:51:52,861
Fight's over, dude!
Fight's over! Fight's over!
1110
00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:58,491
No, watch my mom's shit, man!
1111
00:51:58,533 --> 00:52:00,410
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
You'll knock over my mom's vase!
1112
00:52:00,493 --> 00:52:01,453
Fuck your mom's vase!
1113
00:52:01,536 --> 00:52:02,746
Fuck this!
1114
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:08,877
Oh, shit!
1115
00:52:09,628 --> 00:52:10,920
Yeah!
1116
00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:16,843
That's my brother!
1117
00:52:21,890 --> 00:52:23,058
That was insane!
1118
00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:24,267
You're so cool!
1119
00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:28,229
Did you see that shit?
That was crazy.
1120
00:52:32,651 --> 00:52:33,735
Oh, shit,
1121
00:52:34,361 --> 00:52:35,737
when did I get stabbed?
1122
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,448
That's awesome.
1123
00:52:40,575 --> 00:52:41,576
Yeah!
1124
00:52:44,954 --> 00:52:46,581
Is that a cop?
1125
00:52:46,665 --> 00:52:47,916
Where?
1126
00:52:48,041 --> 00:52:50,251
No, it's not. Here.
1127
00:52:50,919 --> 00:52:53,004
Oh, I'm so glad we're going
back to get my phone.
1128
00:52:53,088 --> 00:52:54,923
I just hope we
don't wake up Schmidty.
1129
00:52:55,048 --> 00:52:56,424
Oh, my God,
he's a policeman now.
1130
00:52:56,508 --> 00:52:58,134
It's like we're
living with a narc.
1131
00:52:59,302 --> 00:53:00,637
The boy is an angel.
1132
00:53:01,179 --> 00:53:02,305
Pull it out!
1133
00:53:02,639 --> 00:53:06,351
Pull it out! Pull it out!
Pull it out!
1134
00:53:06,434 --> 00:53:07,560
Sorry!
1135
00:53:15,276 --> 00:53:16,319
Aw...
1136
00:53:17,570 --> 00:53:18,822
Okay, let's take some shots.
1137
00:53:18,905 --> 00:53:20,281
Shots, shots!
1138
00:53:25,453 --> 00:53:27,747
That's like us fucking Mother
Earth without a condom.
1139
00:54:04,576 --> 00:54:06,202
What the fuck is going on?
1140
00:54:06,327 --> 00:54:08,163
Annie, hang on.
1141
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,876
Are you fucking kidding me?
1142
00:54:13,001 --> 00:54:15,920
Get out of my house. I said get out!
The party's over!
1143
00:54:16,004 --> 00:54:17,464
I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry!
1144
00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:19,340
The mom is coming!
1145
00:54:19,632 --> 00:54:21,509
Listen to me!
Chill out! Chill out!
1146
00:54:22,010 --> 00:54:23,303
Let go of me! SCHMIDT:
You're embarrassing me
1147
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,346
in front of my friends!
Get back here, you shit!
1148
00:54:28,641 --> 00:54:30,477
Dude, that was so crazy, man.
1149
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,771
I swear, best party
I've been to in years.
1150
00:54:32,854 --> 00:54:34,481
Dude, I'm doing
crazy stuff like that,
1151
00:54:34,564 --> 00:54:36,232
like, all the time, man.
I bet you are.
1152
00:54:36,357 --> 00:54:38,777
Dude, I'm so amped
right now, God!
1153
00:54:40,236 --> 00:54:41,821
You, dude, I like you, man.
1154
00:54:41,905 --> 00:54:43,490
How do you feel about making
a little extra money?
1155
00:54:43,615 --> 00:54:45,658
Whatever it is, I'm in.
1156
00:54:45,742 --> 00:54:46,993
All right, here's the deal.
1157
00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:48,953
Okay, I can't sell
all this shit on my own,
1158
00:54:49,078 --> 00:54:50,997
but I only bring
in people I like.
1159
00:54:51,706 --> 00:54:54,042
Okay, you do good, maybe we bring
you in on what we're doing,
1160
00:54:54,167 --> 00:54:56,211
I introduce you to my hookup.
How's that sound?
1161
00:54:57,170 --> 00:54:58,463
Cool with me.
My man.
1162
00:54:58,546 --> 00:55:00,423
That is my man...
1163
00:55:00,757 --> 00:55:02,383
That was nuts.
I lost you guys.
1164
00:55:04,427 --> 00:55:07,180
Um... Hey, thank you again
for the party, man.
1165
00:55:07,263 --> 00:55:08,640
Yo, yo.
1166
00:55:12,894 --> 00:55:14,229
Come on!
1167
00:55:16,898 --> 00:55:18,316
I love dick"?
1168
00:55:18,399 --> 00:55:19,901
You think that's funny?
1169
00:55:19,984 --> 00:55:21,486
"Wonder Years douche"?
1170
00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:23,780
What kind of
a sick animal draws
1171
00:55:23,863 --> 00:55:27,325
an ejaculating penis
into an 8-year-old's mouth?
1172
00:55:27,408 --> 00:55:30,453
It's arguably, like,
an airplane throwing up.
1173
00:55:31,246 --> 00:55:32,914
You think I don't know
that's a dick and balls?
1174
00:55:33,039 --> 00:55:34,916
I know all about
dick and balls!
1175
00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:37,377
I partied with Robert Downey Jr.
before he got sober,
1176
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:39,712
when he was really fucked
up and a lot of fun!
1177
00:55:39,921 --> 00:55:41,840
You know what? From now on,
you're gonna do some chores.
1178
00:55:41,923 --> 00:55:44,217
You're gonna wash the laundry,
you're gonna fold it,
1179
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:47,929
you're gonna do the dishes, you're
gonna mow the lawn...
1180
00:55:53,852 --> 00:55:55,270
Dude, I have
a surprise for you.
1181
00:55:55,353 --> 00:55:57,146
Last night at the party,
I took Eric's phone
1182
00:55:57,272 --> 00:55:59,941
and I had Zack put this
monitoring device in it,
1183
00:56:00,066 --> 00:56:03,194
so we're gonna get to hear every single
thing that little prick is up to.
1184
00:56:03,444 --> 00:56:05,196
Dude, I don't know if
that was a good idea.
1185
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:06,281
What?
1186
00:56:06,322 --> 00:56:08,283
What if you had gotten found out?
But it worked.
1187
00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:10,243
This is, like, the smartest
move I've ever pulled,
1188
00:56:10,326 --> 00:56:12,954
so, I'm sorry, what are you
getting mad at me for?
1189
00:56:13,037 --> 00:56:14,205
I'm not getting mad at you.
1190
00:56:14,289 --> 00:56:15,957
I'm glad you have
something to do.
1191
00:56:18,459 --> 00:56:19,502
Good.
1192
00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:24,048
What's up?
1193
00:56:29,846 --> 00:56:31,055
Great job, Schmidt.
1194
00:56:46,821 --> 00:56:47,864
Password!
1195
00:56:47,947 --> 00:56:49,032
Kneel before Zod!
1196
00:56:49,115 --> 00:56:50,408
You may enter.
1197
00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:52,076
Thank you, Zod.
1198
00:57:00,168 --> 00:57:01,294
Let's tap that wire, huh?
1199
00:57:01,377 --> 00:57:03,129
We were just about to go outside
with a bunch of chemicals.
1200
00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:05,006
We were going to
test what blows up.
1201
00:57:05,506 --> 00:57:08,343
There's no reason the wiretap
is super urgent, right?
1202
00:57:09,510 --> 00:57:11,638
Not that I can think of
that would make sense.
1203
00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:13,640
Go for it, go for it.
1204
00:57:13,723 --> 00:57:15,516
Look out.
Go, go, go!
1205
00:57:18,561 --> 00:57:19,562
Yes!
1206
00:57:19,938 --> 00:57:21,856
Yes, that's what
I'm talking about!
1207
00:57:21,940 --> 00:57:23,358
That's what I'm talking about!
1208
00:57:23,441 --> 00:57:24,901
I love this science shit!
1209
00:57:24,984 --> 00:57:27,403
This is what you guys do all day?
Let's do it again.
1210
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:45,254
Are you texting Molly?
1211
00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:46,756
Uh, what?
1212
00:57:47,215 --> 00:57:48,675
I don't...
Molly, uh...
1213
00:57:49,342 --> 00:57:50,635
Maybe. Is that...
1214
00:57:50,718 --> 00:57:53,346
Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.
1215
00:57:53,429 --> 00:57:56,599
I'm not some, like, '50s
letterman who pins a girl.
1216
00:57:56,683 --> 00:57:59,310
I mean, yeah, we blow each other
sometimes, but it's not a thing.
1217
00:57:59,394 --> 00:58:00,395
I just, like...
1218
00:58:00,478 --> 00:58:02,522
I don't know, I don't believe
in possessions, ja feel?
1219
00:58:03,272 --> 00:58:05,400
Ja feel, ja definitely feel.
1220
00:58:05,692 --> 00:58:07,485
Yeah.
Schmidty?
1221
00:58:09,070 --> 00:58:10,238
Schmidty.
1222
00:58:11,406 --> 00:58:12,407
Phyllis.
1223
00:58:13,700 --> 00:58:15,076
I'll be right back, dude.
Okay.
1224
00:58:17,036 --> 00:58:19,372
Hey. How are you?
1225
00:58:19,455 --> 00:58:20,581
How is my
favorite police officer?
1226
00:58:20,665 --> 00:58:21,666
Okay.
1227
00:58:21,749 --> 00:58:24,293
Your mother told me
that you are undercover.
1228
00:58:24,377 --> 00:58:25,878
Listen, now
is not a really good time.
1229
00:58:26,212 --> 00:58:27,922
Are you undercover right now?
1230
00:58:28,006 --> 00:58:29,465
Yes, it means I'm
undercover right now.
1231
00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:31,259
Are those the bad
guys over there?
1232
00:58:31,342 --> 00:58:32,593
Do they have guns?
1233
00:58:32,677 --> 00:58:34,137
Oh, my God. Oh, God,
this is so exciting.
1234
00:58:34,262 --> 00:58:36,097
I have got to call Annie. She
is gonna die.
1235
00:58:36,222 --> 00:58:39,100
I heard that that Jenko
boy is your partner.
1236
00:58:39,183 --> 00:58:40,810
Where is my phone?
Okay, okay.
1237
00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:42,186
Shut your fucking mouth.
1238
00:58:42,270 --> 00:58:44,397
Shut your fucking mouth,
you understand me? Shh...
1239
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,315
Let's go check this out.
1240
00:58:46,399 --> 00:58:48,526
I will straight-up punch you in
the face if you do not shut up.
1241
00:58:48,609 --> 00:58:49,610
There is no...
1242
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:50,695
A straight-up face punch.
1243
00:58:50,778 --> 00:58:51,904
I swear to God,
you're gonna get me killed.
1244
00:58:51,988 --> 00:58:53,406
Hey, yo.
That is...
1245
00:58:55,324 --> 00:58:57,118
Shit! She just tried
to grab my dick, dude!
1246
00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:58,202
What?
You tried to grab his...
1247
00:58:58,286 --> 00:58:59,412
She tried to grab my junk.
1248
00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,039
She was like, "Oh, my
God, I have arthritis,"
1249
00:59:01,122 --> 00:59:02,790
"it hurts my hand, I need to
grab a handful of that dick."
1250
00:59:02,874 --> 00:59:04,000
I was like,
"Get the fuck off me!"
1251
00:59:04,083 --> 00:59:05,460
She said, "I need to grab
a handful of that dick"?
1252
00:59:05,543 --> 00:59:07,170
And it felt good, but then
it felt weird for a second,
1253
00:59:07,253 --> 00:59:09,338
so I pushed her.
We got to get out of here.
1254
00:59:09,422 --> 00:59:10,423
All right,
cool, let's get the...
1255
00:59:26,731 --> 00:59:29,067
Ah, so your
parents are just cool
1256
00:59:29,150 --> 00:59:30,526
with having
people over whenever?
1257
00:59:30,651 --> 00:59:32,361
Yeah, you know,
they're out most nights.
1258
00:59:32,487 --> 00:59:34,155
Pretty laissez-faire
about the whole thing.
1259
00:59:34,697 --> 00:59:36,949
You're so lucky your parents
don't give a shit about you.
1260
00:59:37,033 --> 00:59:38,242
Right?
1261
00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:40,161
This place is awesome.
Yeah.
1262
00:59:40,328 --> 00:59:41,454
Hey.
1263
00:59:41,913 --> 00:59:42,914
Hey, what's up?
1264
00:59:42,997 --> 00:59:44,457
How's it going?
1265
00:59:44,540 --> 00:59:47,460
Wow, that's a bigger hug
than I was expecting.
1266
00:59:48,252 --> 00:59:49,629
Sorry. I'm happy to see you.
1267
00:59:49,712 --> 00:59:51,297
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
1268
00:59:51,380 --> 00:59:52,965
Hey.
Oh, hey.
1269
00:59:55,176 --> 00:59:56,385
Good?
Mmm-hmm.
1270
00:59:56,677 --> 00:59:58,012
All right, come on.
Yeah, let's...
1271
00:59:58,096 --> 01:00:00,348
I brought tacos,
so that's cool.
1272
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:10,942
Hey, boys, this eco-pussy
is going down today.
1273
01:00:26,082 --> 01:00:27,917
It's really not a planet.
It's for sure a planet.
1274
01:00:28,376 --> 01:00:29,794
Pluto is a planet.
1275
01:00:29,877 --> 01:00:30,920
It's ready!
It used to be a planet.
1276
01:00:31,003 --> 01:00:32,046
It's ready.
Not any more.
1277
01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:38,761
I'm embarrassed.
1278
01:00:38,845 --> 01:00:39,804
I always feel
exposed after playing.
1279
01:00:39,887 --> 01:00:41,222
Do not feel exposed.
1280
01:00:41,347 --> 01:00:42,390
I got to use the bathroom.
1281
01:00:42,515 --> 01:00:44,392
Is it in there? ERIC: Yeah,
yeah, right up there, dude.
1282
01:00:44,475 --> 01:00:46,477
All right, all right, all right, all right.
God damn that.
1283
01:00:46,561 --> 01:00:49,021
The mic is live and we can
hear how the other half lives.
1284
01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:05,496
What are you doing?
1285
01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:07,123
I heard something.
1286
01:01:07,206 --> 01:01:09,333
Hey, can
I ask you something? Sit down.
1287
01:01:09,417 --> 01:01:10,585
Okay.
1288
01:01:11,169 --> 01:01:14,172
I just want to make sure that you
and Eric are going to be careful
1289
01:01:14,255 --> 01:01:17,884
with whatever it is that
you're getting involved in.
1290
01:01:19,010 --> 01:01:20,928
Yeah, I promise we will.
1291
01:01:21,012 --> 01:01:23,389
It would just suck
if something bad happened,
1292
01:01:24,891 --> 01:01:26,559
because you're a good guy.
1293
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:29,854
Yeah, no, I feel
the same way about you,
1294
01:01:29,937 --> 01:01:31,772
except girl version.
1295
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:33,608
You're a girl.
1296
01:01:34,025 --> 01:01:35,193
I am.
Yeah.
1297
01:01:36,319 --> 01:01:37,528
That's why I put this dress on,
1298
01:01:37,612 --> 01:01:39,030
to remind you.
Exactly.
1299
01:01:39,238 --> 01:01:40,990
Are you excited about the play?
1300
01:01:41,115 --> 01:01:42,116
Yes.
1301
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:43,242
Yeah, you were just
1302
01:01:43,367 --> 01:01:44,410
right in there with excitement.
Yes.
1303
01:01:44,493 --> 01:01:45,870
No hesitash.
I'm very excited.
1304
01:01:45,953 --> 01:01:47,496
Yeah.
1305
01:01:47,622 --> 01:01:49,207
Does that make me a super nerd?
1306
01:01:49,290 --> 01:01:50,917
No, not at all.
1307
01:01:51,125 --> 01:01:52,418
We get to act together.
1308
01:01:52,501 --> 01:01:55,379
What a vagina. He has
no chance with her.
1309
01:01:55,463 --> 01:01:56,547
So...
1310
01:01:56,631 --> 01:01:57,882
Shit.
Sorry.
1311
01:01:57,965 --> 01:01:59,759
You're on the prom committee.
Mmm-hmm.
1312
01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:01,344
Do you think it's
going to be fun?
1313
01:02:01,594 --> 01:02:02,803
Did she just bring
up prom on her own?
1314
01:02:02,845 --> 01:02:04,639
She did, she just brought up prom.
What is she doing?
1315
01:02:04,722 --> 01:02:06,349
I think it's
going to be awesome.
1316
01:02:06,515 --> 01:02:07,850
Prom eats a dong.
Multiple dongs.
1317
01:02:07,934 --> 01:02:09,018
All right, anyone who says
1318
01:02:09,101 --> 01:02:11,896
they don't care about prom
actually secretly does.
1319
01:02:11,979 --> 01:02:12,980
Who we gonna take to the prom?
1320
01:02:13,064 --> 01:02:14,065
No one's going to prom with us.
1321
01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:15,233
Come on, picture it.
1322
01:02:15,316 --> 01:02:17,401
You pull up in a white
stallion of a limo.
1323
01:02:17,485 --> 01:02:19,111
You got fine-ass
honeys with you.
1324
01:02:19,195 --> 01:02:21,364
You're dressed to the nines
with your best buds.
1325
01:02:21,447 --> 01:02:23,449
Doves fly out behind
you, slow motion.
1326
01:02:23,532 --> 01:02:25,243
Doves. Why doves?
1327
01:02:25,826 --> 01:02:28,955
'Cause doves make you look
like a badass, that's why.
1328
01:02:29,038 --> 01:02:30,748
I am pretty skeptical,
1329
01:02:31,499 --> 01:02:34,585
but maybe,
if someone fun asked me,
1330
01:02:34,669 --> 01:02:36,003
I would go.
1331
01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:40,091
Aren't... Isn't...
Aren't you and Eric...
1332
01:02:40,174 --> 01:02:41,759
Wouldn't you and Eric
go together?
1333
01:02:43,052 --> 01:02:44,720
Not that I know of.
1334
01:02:50,726 --> 01:02:51,852
Uh...
1335
01:02:53,062 --> 01:02:54,188
Would you...
1336
01:02:54,272 --> 01:02:55,314
He's going to choke.
1337
01:02:55,523 --> 01:02:58,067
He always chokes. He's going
to choke, wait for it.
1338
01:02:58,526 --> 01:03:01,445
So would...
1339
01:03:01,696 --> 01:03:03,239
So would...
1340
01:03:04,365 --> 01:03:05,992
Would you...
1341
01:03:07,702 --> 01:03:08,828
Mayb...
1342
01:03:10,037 --> 01:03:11,038
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
1343
01:03:11,122 --> 01:03:12,248
Yeah.
1344
01:03:12,456 --> 01:03:15,418
That is the actual
sound of choking.
1345
01:03:16,294 --> 01:03:19,380
I was wondering if you...
1346
01:03:20,798 --> 01:03:22,258
Would you
1347
01:03:23,884 --> 01:03:25,553
maybe want to go
1348
01:03:27,555 --> 01:03:28,681
with me to prom?
1349
01:03:28,764 --> 01:03:29,807
Would you want to go to me...
1350
01:03:29,890 --> 01:03:31,017
Maybe with me to prom?
1351
01:03:31,517 --> 01:03:32,560
Yes.
1352
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:35,688
I would love to go
to prom with you.
1353
01:03:36,397 --> 01:03:38,482
What?
She just said yes!
1354
01:03:38,566 --> 01:03:40,026
Whoa.
Wow.
1355
01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:42,194
Good for you, Doug.
1356
01:03:42,528 --> 01:03:44,405
Thank you for asking.
1357
01:03:52,705 --> 01:03:53,748
Put her there, man.
1358
01:03:53,831 --> 01:03:55,750
Just put...
Put it right there.
1359
01:03:56,042 --> 01:03:59,337
I'm putting it right there.
1360
01:03:59,628 --> 01:04:01,339
Yeah. There you guys are.
1361
01:04:01,422 --> 01:04:02,965
What's up, my man?
1362
01:04:03,049 --> 01:04:04,050
Hi.
How you doing?
1363
01:04:04,133 --> 01:04:05,801
Whazzup?
Yeah.
1364
01:04:06,385 --> 01:04:09,221
Doug...
Okay, settle an argument.
1365
01:04:09,347 --> 01:04:11,057
You and your brother
aren't related, right?
1366
01:04:11,140 --> 01:04:12,350
'Cause you look
totally different.
1367
01:04:12,433 --> 01:04:13,768
He's adopted.
1368
01:04:13,851 --> 01:04:16,103
We all suspect from
a very lame family.
1369
01:04:17,563 --> 01:04:18,814
Where is he tonight?
1370
01:04:18,939 --> 01:04:20,816
Probably at home
with those lame tools
1371
01:04:20,900 --> 01:04:22,693
he hangs outwith.
I don't know.
1372
01:04:22,777 --> 01:04:25,363
You know how Tom Cruise is
always pissed off at Rain Man?
1373
01:04:25,446 --> 01:04:28,991
That's like my life, except
Brad is really shitty at math.
1374
01:04:31,452 --> 01:04:32,912
Your brother's kind of a dick.
1375
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:34,538
Well, yeah
1376
01:04:36,082 --> 01:04:37,458
he kind of is, isn't he?
1377
01:04:37,583 --> 01:04:38,793
Don't listen to that.
1378
01:04:39,126 --> 01:04:40,878
I don't give a fuck.
1379
01:04:46,967 --> 01:04:49,387
Dude, Eric is
the funniest IM-er.
1380
01:04:56,268 --> 01:04:57,686
Oh, fuck.
1381
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,816
Oh, hey, guys. It's so
funny seeing you here.
1382
01:05:01,899 --> 01:05:03,567
How are you?
Guess what, I don't care.
1383
01:05:03,651 --> 01:05:06,112
We just closed our third
high school operation.
1384
01:05:06,195 --> 01:05:08,114
And check what
we found at Kennedy.
1385
01:05:08,197 --> 01:05:10,783
Looks like we're going to
have to do your job for you.
1386
01:05:10,866 --> 01:05:14,161
Your drugs is spreading to
different schools now, sucker.
1387
01:05:16,414 --> 01:05:20,376
You failed to stop the outbreak,
and you have no leads!
1388
01:05:20,668 --> 01:05:22,503
We are running out of time!
1389
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,338
You either find the supplier,
1390
01:05:24,422 --> 01:05:26,924
or I'm gonna jump your
asses off Jump Street!
1391
01:05:27,007 --> 01:05:28,968
I totally understand where
you're coming from, sir,
1392
01:05:29,051 --> 01:05:31,470
but, look, I heard Eric
talking on the phone yesterday
1393
01:05:31,554 --> 01:05:33,722
with somebody that
sounded very suspect
1394
01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:35,975
about meeting up
with a stuffed piñata.
1395
01:05:37,601 --> 01:05:39,728
Is that a code for sex?
1396
01:05:42,398 --> 01:05:44,275
Piñata? Really?
Yep.
1397
01:05:44,567 --> 01:05:46,235
Remember that wiretap
I put on Eric's phone?
1398
01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:49,029
While you were having the time of your
life last night, I was listening.
1399
01:05:49,155 --> 01:05:51,949
I overheard a phone call between
Eric and some dude about a piñata.
1400
01:05:54,076 --> 01:05:55,202
That's all you heard?
1401
01:05:55,786 --> 01:05:56,871
Yep.
1402
01:06:00,458 --> 01:06:02,042
I am so nervous.
1403
01:06:02,168 --> 01:06:05,212
We are about to premiere
in front of the whole school.
1404
01:06:05,296 --> 01:06:07,756
I apologize in advance
if I throw up on you onstage.
1405
01:06:08,382 --> 01:06:09,967
Serious question, though.
1406
01:06:10,759 --> 01:06:12,261
How do I look?
1407
01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:14,263
Ravishing.
1408
01:06:14,388 --> 01:06:16,807
Is it too sexy of an outfit?
1409
01:06:16,891 --> 01:06:18,184
Bend the knee a little bit.
1410
01:06:18,267 --> 01:06:19,643
Yep, it is.
1411
01:06:21,896 --> 01:06:25,065
Oh, it's going to be so much
easier having you onstage with me.
1412
01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:26,650
I am so happy that I met you.
1413
01:06:26,734 --> 01:06:30,029
You're, like, the only guy
that I can really trust.
1414
01:06:30,112 --> 01:06:32,573
Yep. That's me.
1415
01:06:33,407 --> 01:06:34,492
Doug.
1416
01:06:39,914 --> 01:06:41,582
Potassium nitrate.
1417
01:06:42,458 --> 01:06:45,461
Don't hate.
It's great.
1418
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:47,338
It can act as an oxidizer.
1419
01:06:47,421 --> 01:06:49,256
I didn't know that,
but now I'm wiser.
1420
01:06:50,758 --> 01:06:53,052
It has a crystalline structure.
1421
01:06:53,135 --> 01:06:55,930
If you can't respect that,
you're a butt muncher.
1422
01:06:56,597 --> 01:06:58,891
It's a key ingredient
in gunpowder.
1423
01:06:59,266 --> 01:07:02,019
K-NO-three,
don't give no grief.
1424
01:07:02,645 --> 01:07:05,314
It can be used to
make corned beef.
1425
01:07:07,107 --> 01:07:09,151
It's also known as saltpeter.
1426
01:07:15,157 --> 01:07:16,283
Brad?
Shit.
1427
01:07:16,367 --> 01:07:18,035
Where are you going?
1428
01:07:18,118 --> 01:07:20,287
I don't want to look like
it's like I'm wearing makeup.
1429
01:07:20,371 --> 01:07:22,081
Right.
Doug! HL
1430
01:07:22,164 --> 01:07:23,541
Brad!
1431
01:07:23,624 --> 01:07:24,833
Whoa. What are you wearing?
1432
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:26,502
Potassium nitrate.
Thanks for noticing.
1433
01:07:26,752 --> 01:07:27,795
I need to borrow you.
1434
01:07:27,878 --> 01:07:29,547
Now's not a good time, Brad.
1435
01:07:29,672 --> 01:07:31,382
Mmm-hmm.
It's a really good time.
1436
01:07:31,966 --> 01:07:35,636
'Cause my piñata is killing me.
1437
01:07:35,886 --> 01:07:37,721
Is that code for a sex thing?
1438
01:07:37,805 --> 01:07:39,431
It's leaving the parking lot.
1439
01:07:39,515 --> 01:07:41,058
Piñata?
Mmm-hmm.
1440
01:07:42,476 --> 01:07:44,770
Molly, uh,
1441
01:07:44,853 --> 01:07:46,814
I will be right back. I need to
help Brad with something, okay?
1442
01:07:46,897 --> 01:07:48,482
I just need to help Brad
with something real quick.
1443
01:07:48,566 --> 01:07:49,692
What? No. What?
I promise you...
1444
01:07:49,775 --> 01:07:51,527
Do you understand how soon
the show is starting?
1445
01:07:51,610 --> 01:07:53,153
I swear to you I will be
back in time for curtain.
1446
01:07:53,279 --> 01:07:55,114
I swear. I swear to you. Tell
me you understand how soon...
1447
01:07:55,197 --> 01:07:57,157
What? Are you kidding me?
1448
01:07:59,326 --> 01:08:00,911
What did I say?
What did I say?
1449
01:08:00,995 --> 01:08:03,872
See? Whose wiretap is
working for him now, huh?
1450
01:08:13,591 --> 01:08:14,758
Shit.
1451
01:08:15,009 --> 01:08:16,176
Fuck!
1452
01:08:16,677 --> 01:08:18,637
You told me not to
worry about the tickets!
1453
01:08:18,721 --> 01:08:20,889
I thought they
made us look cool.
1454
01:08:20,973 --> 01:08:21,932
Cones, cones...
1455
01:08:22,016 --> 01:08:23,100
Driver's ed car.
1456
01:08:23,183 --> 01:08:24,226
I'm driving.
No, you're not.
1457
01:08:24,351 --> 01:08:25,686
I never get to drive.
I'm driving this time.
1458
01:08:25,853 --> 01:08:27,229
Fine! Drive!
1459
01:08:27,354 --> 01:08:29,273
Hey, guys. Just borrowing
this for one sec.
1460
01:08:29,356 --> 01:08:30,399
Sure.
1461
01:08:30,482 --> 01:08:31,525
Go. Go, go, go, go.
1462
01:08:32,026 --> 01:08:33,611
Guys, hey, wait. Guys,
you're not on the list.
1463
01:08:33,694 --> 01:08:35,988
Hey, guys, wait!
Ah, who cares?
1464
01:08:51,795 --> 01:08:53,756
Holy fucking shit.
No fucking way.
1465
01:08:54,381 --> 01:08:55,716
Those are the guys
from the park.
1466
01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,092
That's just too crazy.
1467
01:08:58,385 --> 01:09:00,471
What do you think's
in that thing?
1468
01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,222
I don't know, money, drugs.
1469
01:09:02,306 --> 01:09:04,767
They could be a new buyer,
or they could be the supplier.
1470
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:06,727
If it's good,
you'll hear from me.
1471
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:08,771
If it's not good,
you'll hear from me
1472
01:09:08,854 --> 01:09:10,314
about telling you
how it's not good.
1473
01:09:10,397 --> 01:09:11,482
Makes sense.
1474
01:09:11,565 --> 01:09:12,608
Get the fuck out of here.
1475
01:09:12,691 --> 01:09:13,984
Yeah, no worries, man.
1476
01:09:14,068 --> 01:09:15,736
I'll see you guys.
1477
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:18,072
We definitely got to follow
them and find out, though.
1478
01:09:20,574 --> 01:09:22,493
Get down! Get down!
Get down! Get down!
1479
01:09:26,038 --> 01:09:27,206
What are you doing?
If they see us,
1480
01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:28,540
just pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1481
01:09:28,624 --> 01:09:30,125
What? No!
Yes. Stop.
1482
01:09:30,209 --> 01:09:31,794
You pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1483
01:09:31,919 --> 01:09:33,504
No, just pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1484
01:09:33,587 --> 01:09:34,922
Why am I automatically
blowing you?
1485
01:09:35,005 --> 01:09:37,132
'Cause you're in
a fucking Peter Pan costume!
1486
01:09:37,216 --> 01:09:38,300
Okay.
1487
01:09:44,431 --> 01:09:45,557
Okay, let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
1488
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:47,059
Go, go, go. Okay, fine,
we'll follow them.
1489
01:09:47,142 --> 01:09:49,103
But we need to be back in
30 minutes for curtain.
1490
01:09:55,234 --> 01:09:56,527
Dude, did you just
hit the teacher brake?
1491
01:09:56,610 --> 01:09:57,653
Yeah, you're
following too close, dude.
1492
01:09:57,778 --> 01:09:59,446
They're going to make us.
Well, if I go too far back,
1493
01:09:59,530 --> 01:10:01,365
it's going to look even more
suspicious, so just stop.
1494
01:10:01,448 --> 01:10:02,616
God, just let me do my thing.
1495
01:10:02,741 --> 01:10:04,326
I know what I'm doing.
1496
01:10:06,453 --> 01:10:07,705
Seriously,
if you do that again,
1497
01:10:07,788 --> 01:10:09,081
I'm going to Whac-A-Mole
you in the balls.
1498
01:10:09,164 --> 01:10:10,207
Just stay back.
1499
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:11,709
I could not be more serious.
1500
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:13,168
Take your foot off the brake.
1501
01:10:13,252 --> 01:10:15,629
No. I'm not... No.
Take your foot off the brake!
1502
01:10:23,554 --> 01:10:25,013
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1503
01:10:25,097 --> 01:10:26,390
Look what you did!
Look what you did!
1504
01:10:26,473 --> 01:10:29,393
What the fuck? You
non-driving motherfuckers!
1505
01:10:29,476 --> 01:10:31,270
Get the fuck out of the car!
1506
01:10:31,353 --> 01:10:32,396
Oh, fuck.
1507
01:10:32,479 --> 01:10:33,939
Lock the door!
Lock the door!
1508
01:10:34,022 --> 01:10:35,149
What do I do?
Go away!
1509
01:10:35,232 --> 01:10:36,483
What are you,
a fucking Keebler Elf?
1510
01:10:37,484 --> 01:10:38,986
Get him out of that car!
1511
01:10:40,904 --> 01:10:42,698
No, no!
It's fucking ZZ Top!
1512
01:10:42,823 --> 01:10:44,491
No, no! No, no, no!
It's fucking ZZ Top!
1513
01:10:44,575 --> 01:10:45,576
Like an angry walrus!
1514
01:10:45,659 --> 01:10:46,910
I stomp the car now!
1515
01:10:46,994 --> 01:10:48,245
Oh, my God!
1516
01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,665
Stomp! Stomp!
Oh, shit.
1517
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:54,042
Okay. Okay.
Oh, my God! Stop, dude! Go!
1518
01:10:57,504 --> 01:10:59,506
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
1519
01:11:02,718 --> 01:11:03,886
Just let me drive!
1520
01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,095
Stop hitting me!
1521
01:11:13,437 --> 01:11:14,938
Dude, watch out!
1522
01:11:16,190 --> 01:11:17,441
Will you stop
front-seat driving?
1523
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:18,734
Get your hands off the wheel!
1524
01:11:18,859 --> 01:11:20,569
Man, you just hit
two people back there!
1525
01:11:20,694 --> 01:11:22,696
You stop. I'm not... Take
your hands off. Shit!
1526
01:11:27,326 --> 01:11:28,660
We're stuck in traffic!
Oh, shit.
1527
01:11:28,702 --> 01:11:30,996
Shit, they're coming!
They're coming! What?
1528
01:11:31,538 --> 01:11:32,831
Oh, my God, dude.
1529
01:11:32,915 --> 01:11:33,999
What do we do?
1530
01:11:34,082 --> 01:11:35,292
What the...
What the...
1531
01:11:35,375 --> 01:11:37,169
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
1532
01:11:37,252 --> 01:11:38,670
Oh, shit.
1533
01:11:38,712 --> 01:11:40,088
Oh, shit. What's wrong with you?
Run!
1534
01:11:40,172 --> 01:11:42,049
I can't!
I'm wearing tights!
1535
01:11:42,132 --> 01:11:44,510
I got skinny jeans on!
It's the same fucking thing!
1536
01:11:46,553 --> 01:11:48,555
They're going to
make us, or kill us.
1537
01:11:49,890 --> 01:11:51,809
Porsche! Porsche! Police!
Get out of the car, douche!
1538
01:11:51,892 --> 01:11:53,477
I'm on a call here, jackass.
1539
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:54,978
That's right.
Go to sleep, bitch.
1540
01:11:55,062 --> 01:11:56,855
You just got head-butted,
motherfucker!
1541
01:11:56,939 --> 01:11:58,190
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Shit.
1542
01:12:02,152 --> 01:12:04,071
Check around for a gun
or something, all right?
1543
01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:05,489
Where? Where? There's
no glove compartment
1544
01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,659
in this shitty-ass car!
There's golf balls and this.
1545
01:12:08,784 --> 01:12:10,661
What am I supposed to do with this?
I don't know, man!
1546
01:12:10,744 --> 01:12:12,371
I've never been in
a freeway chase before!
1547
01:12:26,969 --> 01:12:30,013
Watch out! It's going to explode!
It's going to go!
1548
01:12:30,889 --> 01:12:32,641
What happened?
I don't know.
1549
01:12:32,766 --> 01:12:34,017
It just didn't explode.
That's weird.
1550
01:12:36,728 --> 01:12:39,398
Can anybody
tell me where my Peter is?
1551
01:12:40,023 --> 01:12:41,692
French!
You're not my first choice,
1552
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:43,527
but I need you
to go on as Peter.
1553
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:45,737
Oh, gosh. And I've been in
character for months now.
1554
01:12:45,821 --> 01:12:47,573
Great. Nobody cares.
1555
01:12:48,115 --> 01:12:49,867
Come on!
Another traffic jam?
1556
01:12:51,034 --> 01:12:52,995
I'm sorry I didn't
check the traffic report
1557
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:54,913
before we got in a car chase!
Let's go! Come on!
1558
01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,332
Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
1559
01:12:57,416 --> 01:12:58,417
Shit!
1560
01:12:59,751 --> 01:13:00,752
Are you texting?
1561
01:13:00,878 --> 01:13:01,879
No, I'm not texting!
1562
01:13:01,962 --> 01:13:03,046
Yes, you are!
You're texting!
1563
01:13:03,130 --> 01:13:04,131
No, I'm not!
1564
01:13:04,214 --> 01:13:05,215
Okay, almost done.
1565
01:13:07,009 --> 01:13:08,135
"LOL."
1566
01:13:10,345 --> 01:13:11,722
I'm driving!
1567
01:13:11,805 --> 01:13:13,640
Why do you always jump
over the car like that?
1568
01:13:13,724 --> 01:13:14,933
Hi. Hi. How are you?
1569
01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:16,393
Hi.
God damn, you are beautiful.
1570
01:13:16,476 --> 01:13:18,729
Oh. Hi.
You are fine as shit.
1571
01:13:18,812 --> 01:13:20,105
Don't worry.
Someone will pick you up.
1572
01:13:20,188 --> 01:13:22,024
Wow.
Hurry. Just drive.
1573
01:13:22,149 --> 01:13:23,650
Wait. Pick me up?
1574
01:13:27,070 --> 01:13:28,739
They're coming! They're coming!
I got an idea.
1575
01:13:28,822 --> 01:13:29,823
Why don't you text them
1576
01:13:29,907 --> 01:13:30,991
and ask them to
stop chasing us?
1577
01:13:36,788 --> 01:13:38,206
Oh, shit!
1578
01:13:40,667 --> 01:13:41,752
He's got a gun!
1579
01:13:41,835 --> 01:13:42,794
I'm going to throw
this thing at him!
1580
01:13:42,878 --> 01:13:43,962
Okay, you don't have
to narrate everything!
1581
01:13:44,046 --> 01:13:45,422
Just throw it!
Okay! Okay, okay!
1582
01:14:01,813 --> 01:14:03,398
It's going to explode! Oh, my God!
Roll up the windows!
1583
01:14:03,523 --> 01:14:04,650
What the fuck is that going to do?
Roll it up!
1584
01:14:04,775 --> 01:14:05,901
I don't fucking care! Just do it!
Oh, God!
1585
01:14:10,364 --> 01:14:11,490
Huh?
1586
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:15,243
I really thought that one
was going to explode.
1587
01:14:21,583 --> 01:14:22,834
Oh, shit!
1588
01:14:25,295 --> 01:14:26,630
Look in the glove
compartment for a gun.
1589
01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:28,340
What are you talking about?
We're in a pink Bug!
1590
01:14:28,423 --> 01:14:31,426
I don't care. Look in the
goddamn glove compartment!
1591
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:33,011
What the hell?
1592
01:14:37,391 --> 01:14:39,226
Shoot
Oh, my God. Okay! Okay!
1593
01:14:39,309 --> 01:14:41,186
Shoot the gun!
Shoot the gun!
1594
01:14:41,269 --> 01:14:43,355
Can't get a good shot, man!
I can't get a good shot!
1595
01:14:43,480 --> 01:14:45,065
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Take the shot!
1596
01:14:45,232 --> 01:14:46,483
Take the shot! Just shoot him!
Let's go!
1597
01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:47,901
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
1598
01:14:48,026 --> 01:14:49,361
Shoot! Shoot!
Shit, shit...
1599
01:15:05,544 --> 01:15:07,921
That's what exploded?
Holy shit. That was crazy.
1600
01:15:08,005 --> 01:15:09,423
Why did you shoot for me?
1601
01:15:09,756 --> 01:15:11,174
You weren't shooting,
you were choking,
1602
01:15:11,258 --> 01:15:12,759
so I had to save us.
I was going to shoot.
1603
01:15:12,884 --> 01:15:14,177
You always do this,
every single time.
1604
01:15:14,261 --> 01:15:15,220
What?
1605
01:15:15,303 --> 01:15:17,014
Seriously, just take
me back to school, man.
1606
01:15:17,097 --> 01:15:18,682
If I miss this play,
Molly's going to freak out
1607
01:15:18,765 --> 01:15:20,475
and she's not going
to go to prom with me.
1608
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:22,602
Are you fucking serious right now?
Fuck, yes, I'm serious!
1609
01:15:26,064 --> 01:15:29,151
Can't believe you made me late.
You're so selfish.
1610
01:15:29,276 --> 01:15:31,153
I'm selfish?
Yes, you're selfish!
1611
01:15:31,278 --> 01:15:32,362
Are you fucking kidding me?
1612
01:15:32,446 --> 01:15:33,864
Look at yourself!
1613
01:15:34,948 --> 01:15:36,783
You're in too deep, man.
1614
01:15:37,367 --> 01:15:39,661
Yesterday, I found a college
application on your desk!
1615
01:15:39,786 --> 01:15:41,955
I don't know how long this
case is going to last.
1616
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:43,623
And Eric's going to
get into Berkeley,
1617
01:15:43,707 --> 01:15:45,625
and, honestly,
I can get in, too.
1618
01:15:45,709 --> 01:15:46,918
Who knows? I could
ride this thing out.
1619
01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:48,378
I could be
a doctor or something.
1620
01:15:48,462 --> 01:15:49,796
Have you lost
your fucking mind?
1621
01:15:49,921 --> 01:15:52,132
You screwed this
investigation all up.
1622
01:15:52,716 --> 01:15:54,760
At least I know my Miranda
rights, you idiot.
1623
01:16:00,015 --> 01:16:02,309
You are a very
silly man indeed.
1624
01:16:02,392 --> 01:16:04,519
Boys, squaws, come quickly.
1625
01:16:04,603 --> 01:16:08,106
Hey! Sorry!
It's okay. I'm here.
1626
01:16:08,648 --> 01:16:10,358
I know I missed
the first few scenes.
1627
01:16:10,442 --> 01:16:12,819
I want to thank... Give
it up to French Samuels
1628
01:16:12,903 --> 01:16:14,154
for ably backing me up.
1629
01:16:14,237 --> 01:16:16,239
Fuck you, Doug!
What?
1630
01:16:16,323 --> 01:16:18,325
I say we just roll
right into this thing, huh?
1631
01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,996
This is my twin.
We're together in...
1632
01:16:23,121 --> 01:16:24,331
Get the fuck out of here.
1633
01:16:25,499 --> 01:16:28,001
What are you doing? Have you
completely lost your mind?
1634
01:16:28,335 --> 01:16:29,544
What is this?
1635
01:16:29,628 --> 01:16:31,922
I don't know, but it's
already more exciting.
1636
01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:33,465
You're embarrassing me.
1637
01:16:33,548 --> 01:16:34,800
It's okay.
I'll make it up to you.
1638
01:16:35,425 --> 01:16:38,011
And... Let's fly!
1639
01:16:41,765 --> 01:16:43,850
- Such bullshit!
- Get off of me!
1640
01:16:46,144 --> 01:16:48,438
I'm not dumb!
I'm smart!
1641
01:16:48,522 --> 01:16:50,482
You think I'm stupid?
You're stupid!
1642
01:16:50,565 --> 01:16:51,858
Go, Doug!
1643
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:53,318
I guess I should do something.
1644
01:16:53,401 --> 01:16:55,112
I should probably not
just stand here watching.
1645
01:16:55,195 --> 01:16:56,571
I should take action.
1646
01:16:56,655 --> 01:16:58,031
Worst best friend ever!
1647
01:17:03,787 --> 01:17:04,955
Molly, I'm sorry!
1648
01:17:05,288 --> 01:17:06,957
I don't want to
talk to you ever again.
1649
01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:08,208
I'm sorry.
1650
01:17:14,172 --> 01:17:15,257
You stupid idiot!
1651
01:17:20,887 --> 01:17:22,639
Come here!
Come on!
1652
01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:31,898
Make fun of me behind my back
and everybody laughs at me?
1653
01:17:32,023 --> 01:17:35,318
I was a loser for four years! You
couldn't handle it for five minutes!
1654
01:17:35,402 --> 01:17:37,529
Have some fairy dust,
motherfucker!
1655
01:17:40,740 --> 01:17:41,825
Hey, guys, no!
1656
01:17:43,285 --> 01:17:46,246
I heard you call me
Rain Man, you asshole!
1657
01:17:46,329 --> 01:17:48,248
Principal Dadier sucks dick!
1658
01:17:51,418 --> 01:17:52,878
You're supposed
to be my friend!
1659
01:17:52,961 --> 01:17:56,631
Stop! Stop it. You're expelled.
Both of you are expelled.
1660
01:18:00,051 --> 01:18:02,012
And that's the end of Act Two.
1661
01:18:21,948 --> 01:18:24,951
Is that it? You're not
going to scream at us?
1662
01:18:25,619 --> 01:18:26,786
Nope.
1663
01:18:27,913 --> 01:18:29,497
I'm gonna just fire you.
1664
01:19:18,922 --> 01:19:20,465
Moving out?
1665
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:21,758
Yep.
1666
01:19:24,344 --> 01:19:26,429
You know what's crazy to me
1667
01:19:26,972 --> 01:19:29,307
is that I think that I actually
thought that we were brothers.
1668
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:33,687
I would've tooken
a bullet for you.
1669
01:19:40,527 --> 01:19:42,946
Get in now.
Both of you.
1670
01:19:43,029 --> 01:19:44,155
Why should I?
1671
01:19:45,156 --> 01:19:46,157
Just get in the car, man.
1672
01:19:46,533 --> 01:19:48,618
Get in the fucking car.
1673
01:19:48,702 --> 01:19:50,161
Nope, not until you ask nicely.
1674
01:19:51,997 --> 01:19:53,623
Please get in the car.
1675
01:19:58,420 --> 01:20:00,922
Come on, you guys.
Come on. Please. Jesus.
1676
01:20:02,924 --> 01:20:05,135
Some messed up shit
went down yesterday.
1677
01:20:05,468 --> 01:20:07,137
Yeah, after we made
the exchange,
1678
01:20:07,220 --> 01:20:08,430
our potential business partners
1679
01:20:08,513 --> 01:20:10,724
got followed by
some fucking cops.
1680
01:20:10,807 --> 01:20:12,225
That's insane, man.
1681
01:20:12,350 --> 01:20:13,643
Are you serious?
1682
01:20:13,727 --> 01:20:15,854
Okay, it's just I
don't want to go to jail!
1683
01:20:15,937 --> 01:20:18,315
You know what happens to a
handsome guy like me in jail?
1684
01:20:18,398 --> 01:20:20,150
It rhymes with "grape"!
1685
01:20:20,817 --> 01:20:22,277
It rhymes with "grape."
1686
01:20:23,236 --> 01:20:24,529
I can't let that happen.
1687
01:20:24,612 --> 01:20:25,739
So I got these from
my dad's gun cabinet.
1688
01:20:25,822 --> 01:20:27,490
Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.
Whoa. Come on. Whoa.
1689
01:20:27,574 --> 01:20:31,369
Springfield .45s, police issue.
Very powerful guns.
1690
01:20:31,995 --> 01:20:33,621
You ever use one?
1691
01:20:34,414 --> 01:20:37,000
We're not really gun people, man.
No. No?
1692
01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:40,378
A lot of things have made
me wonder about you.
1693
01:20:40,462 --> 01:20:41,504
Come on.
1694
01:20:42,047 --> 01:20:44,007
Your taste in music.
1695
01:20:44,090 --> 01:20:46,760
The fact that you look like
a fucking 40-year-old man.
1696
01:20:47,385 --> 01:20:50,680
Then after that shit
at the play, I realized
1697
01:20:53,391 --> 01:20:56,019
there's no way you
guys could be cops.
1698
01:20:57,187 --> 01:20:58,355
Oh.
1699
01:20:58,438 --> 01:20:59,731
Yeah, I got this
deal going down.
1700
01:20:59,814 --> 01:21:01,024
The supplier's
going to be there.
1701
01:21:01,107 --> 01:21:03,318
I need people I can trust.
1702
01:21:05,111 --> 01:21:06,571
All right.
All right, come on.
1703
01:21:06,654 --> 01:21:08,323
Okay, right over here, we're
going to shoot these bottles.
1704
01:21:08,448 --> 01:21:09,783
We're going to practice, okay?
Okay.
1705
01:21:20,293 --> 01:21:23,254
That was... That was actually
really fuckin' awesome.
1706
01:21:23,338 --> 01:21:24,589
Beginner's luck.
1707
01:21:24,672 --> 01:21:26,007
All right.
1708
01:21:26,091 --> 01:21:27,717
The supplier wants the deal
to go down at prom.
1709
01:21:27,801 --> 01:21:29,302
All right, there's going to be
all these heavies there,
1710
01:21:29,427 --> 01:21:30,929
but as long as you
guys have my back...
1711
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:32,847
Yeah? Yeah? Shit.
1712
01:21:32,931 --> 01:21:34,682
I always got your back.
1713
01:21:35,683 --> 01:21:37,727
Time to get our jobs back.
1714
01:21:40,063 --> 01:21:41,356
Let's get ready for prom.
1715
01:21:56,329 --> 01:21:58,540
Schmidty! Chore time!
1716
01:21:58,665 --> 01:22:00,959
Mom, we don't have time
for chores right now!
1717
01:22:01,042 --> 01:22:04,879
If you stay in this house,
you have time for chores!
1718
01:22:04,963 --> 01:22:06,256
Mom! Ugh!
1719
01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:23,815
Fuck this thing.
1720
01:22:29,404 --> 01:22:30,572
Here.
Huh?
1721
01:22:30,697 --> 01:22:32,740
It'll be quicker if I help.
1722
01:22:34,909 --> 01:22:35,994
There you go.
1723
01:22:37,579 --> 01:22:38,830
Thanks.
1724
01:22:44,878 --> 01:22:47,088
Your shotgun's hanging too low.
1725
01:22:47,172 --> 01:22:48,798
They're gonna see it.
1726
01:22:52,051 --> 01:22:53,219
Thanks.
1727
01:23:00,852 --> 01:23:02,312
Jenko, uh...
1728
01:23:07,734 --> 01:23:09,861
Will you go to prom with me?
1729
01:23:14,032 --> 01:23:15,366
I guess.
1730
01:23:17,577 --> 01:23:19,037
Are we really
going to take down
1731
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:21,206
a whole drug operation
by ourselves?
1732
01:23:23,416 --> 01:23:26,127
I got some contacts
that'll help us.
1733
01:24:07,877 --> 01:24:10,213
Brad, what are you doing here?
You can't be here.
1734
01:24:10,296 --> 01:24:11,381
What if the principal sees you?
1735
01:24:11,464 --> 01:24:12,549
This is wrong, yet so right.
1736
01:24:12,632 --> 01:24:13,675
What?
1737
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:16,052
I am so happy you're willing
to get in trouble for me.
1738
01:24:16,135 --> 01:24:18,680
You have to go. Please,
don't leave me ever.
1739
01:24:18,805 --> 01:24:20,014
Ms. Griggs, stop. Stop.
1740
01:24:20,098 --> 01:24:21,474
Stay! Stay.
Stop.
1741
01:24:21,599 --> 01:24:23,226
What?
Stay.
1742
01:24:23,601 --> 01:24:24,602
Go!
Okay.
1743
01:24:24,686 --> 01:24:25,937
Stay.
Stop. Stop.
1744
01:24:26,020 --> 01:24:27,730
I'm lost without you.
What?
1745
01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:30,817
Get out of me.
I'm going to throw up.
1746
01:24:31,484 --> 01:24:32,819
You are so hot!
1747
01:24:35,029 --> 01:24:36,114
All right.
1748
01:24:41,703 --> 01:24:43,246
Hey, pumpkin head.
1749
01:24:43,329 --> 01:24:45,665
I'm very mad at you.
Dance with me.
1750
01:24:45,748 --> 01:24:47,709
Are you on that shit?
So what if I am?
1751
01:24:47,834 --> 01:24:50,753
Look, Molly, some serious
stuff is about to go down,
1752
01:24:50,837 --> 01:24:53,047
and I don't want
you to get hurt.
1753
01:24:53,131 --> 01:24:55,550
I've already been hurt, Doug.
I don't care.
1754
01:24:55,675 --> 01:24:57,927
You need to leave.
You need to leave.
1755
01:24:58,011 --> 01:24:59,596
You need to get out
of here right now.
1756
01:24:59,679 --> 01:25:01,431
Making a lot of hand gestures!
1757
01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:04,225
Okay, my name's not Doug.
1758
01:25:04,309 --> 01:25:05,602
It's Schmidt.
What?
1759
01:25:05,685 --> 01:25:07,270
And I'm a cop.
What?
1760
01:25:07,353 --> 01:25:09,522
Okay, and I care about you,
1761
01:25:09,606 --> 01:25:11,065
and I don't want you
to get busted,
1762
01:25:11,149 --> 01:25:13,276
so you have to leave right now.
1763
01:25:13,359 --> 01:25:15,028
Leave the prom
right now, Molly.
1764
01:25:15,111 --> 01:25:16,613
I'm serious.
Hey. Hey.
1765
01:25:16,696 --> 01:25:17,989
Penthouse now.
Supplier's waiting.
1766
01:25:18,072 --> 01:25:19,282
What are you?
Come on. Hey, come on.
1767
01:25:19,365 --> 01:25:20,867
Supplier's waiting.
Is that Eric?
1768
01:25:20,950 --> 01:25:22,994
Molly, leave right now.
What are you...
1769
01:25:23,077 --> 01:25:24,120
Just leave right now!
1770
01:25:24,203 --> 01:25:25,496
What is this?
1771
01:25:39,719 --> 01:25:40,803
Mr. Walters?
1772
01:25:41,679 --> 01:25:42,680
Hey!
1773
01:25:42,764 --> 01:25:45,266
Beautiful Brad,
and his brother.
1774
01:25:45,350 --> 01:25:46,684
Wow. You look great.
1775
01:25:46,768 --> 01:25:48,269
You're the supplier?
You're a teacher.
1776
01:25:48,353 --> 01:25:49,979
And I was stuck on
a teacher's salary, bro.
1777
01:25:50,063 --> 01:25:51,314
Could barely pay my alimony.
1778
01:25:51,397 --> 01:25:52,899
What are you gonna do? Ha!
1779
01:25:53,566 --> 01:25:54,567
Oh, yeah.
1780
01:25:54,692 --> 01:25:56,486
You boys are so good at this.
1781
01:25:56,569 --> 01:25:58,154
Oh, yeah, Cinnamon!
1782
01:25:58,237 --> 01:26:00,823
Oh, my God, we're getting
such good evidence.
1783
01:26:00,907 --> 01:26:02,659
I stole some of
that Bunsen burner crap
1784
01:26:02,742 --> 01:26:05,036
from the chem lab, threw
in some of my Cool Deets,
1785
01:26:05,119 --> 01:26:07,080
and it was muy delicioso!
1786
01:26:07,163 --> 01:26:09,415
Then one day I catch
Eco Butt-munch over here
1787
01:26:09,499 --> 01:26:11,250
smoking a J.J.
behind the field house,
1788
01:26:11,334 --> 01:26:13,211
and I'm like, "Hey, you
want to make some coin?"
1789
01:26:13,294 --> 01:26:15,254
What a green penis
that guy is, huh?
1790
01:26:17,131 --> 01:26:18,299
There's my quesadilla.
1791
01:26:19,759 --> 01:26:21,427
I hurt my hands!
1792
01:26:22,428 --> 01:26:23,429
Bitch.
1793
01:26:30,770 --> 01:26:31,938
Oh, shit.
1794
01:26:32,021 --> 01:26:34,357
You guys look crazy scary.
1795
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:35,525
How many of you are there?
1796
01:26:35,817 --> 01:26:36,859
A lot.
1797
01:26:36,943 --> 01:26:38,111
Karl.
1798
01:26:38,611 --> 01:26:39,862
Patch looks pimp, man.
1799
01:26:40,446 --> 01:26:41,781
Thank you.
1800
01:26:42,532 --> 01:26:44,033
He's gonna recognize us, man.
1801
01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:45,576
I'm freaking out.
1802
01:26:45,660 --> 01:26:47,286
This is Walters,
he made the stuff.
1803
01:26:47,745 --> 01:26:48,746
Real pleasure to meet you.
1804
01:26:48,830 --> 01:26:49,872
Fuck what his name is.
1805
01:26:49,956 --> 01:26:51,207
Your shit's good.
1806
01:26:51,290 --> 01:26:52,250
Thank you.
1807
01:26:52,333 --> 01:26:53,334
That means a lot
coming from you.
1808
01:26:53,418 --> 01:26:54,544
What, you having a party now?
1809
01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,462
Who are these
two motherfuckers?
1810
01:26:56,546 --> 01:26:57,547
Fuck!
1811
01:26:59,340 --> 01:27:01,175
Hey.
Hey. How's it going?
1812
01:27:02,176 --> 01:27:04,011
Nah, nah, it's cool,
man, they're my boys, so...
1813
01:27:04,470 --> 01:27:05,471
Are they?
Yeah.
1814
01:27:05,596 --> 01:27:06,973
I don't like strangers.
1815
01:27:07,265 --> 01:27:08,599
How do you ever expect
1816
01:27:08,683 --> 01:27:09,976
to make any new friends
with that attitude?
1817
01:27:10,059 --> 01:27:11,436
It's, like,
everyone's a stranger
1818
01:27:11,519 --> 01:27:12,895
till you give
them a chance, man.
1819
01:27:12,979 --> 01:27:14,397
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1820
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:15,481
I don't even...
1821
01:27:15,565 --> 01:27:17,150
Just fuckin' around.
1822
01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:19,193
Do your thing, man. Proceed.
1823
01:27:21,195 --> 01:27:22,488
Hey, kid, come here.
1824
01:27:22,613 --> 01:27:24,657
You, you look familiar.
1825
01:27:25,366 --> 01:27:26,659
Me?
Yeah.
1826
01:27:27,577 --> 01:27:31,164
I was in a French fry
commercial when I was a kid,
1827
01:27:31,247 --> 01:27:33,624
so people are like, you know, often
say, "Oh, I think I know you,"
1828
01:27:33,708 --> 01:27:35,835
but I don't think
we've ever met before.
1829
01:27:35,918 --> 01:27:38,129
Do I look like I
eat French fries?
1830
01:27:38,212 --> 01:27:40,256
I don't know, you look like
you're in great shape,
1831
01:27:40,339 --> 01:27:42,091
but maybe you have,
like, one cheat day,
1832
01:27:42,175 --> 01:27:44,635
like a carb blowout, you know?
I don't know.
1833
01:27:44,719 --> 01:27:45,887
Nah.
1834
01:27:46,012 --> 01:27:47,388
Yeah, the theme song
was, like...
1835
01:28:02,612 --> 01:28:04,030
That's my quesadilla!
1836
01:28:04,113 --> 01:28:05,239
Who wants a piece? Huh?
1837
01:28:05,323 --> 01:28:07,158
I know you're in there,
Doug, or whatever your name is!
1838
01:28:07,241 --> 01:28:08,284
You lied to me!
1839
01:28:10,620 --> 01:28:13,873
I'm gonna kill you,
you stupid fucking cop!
1840
01:28:13,956 --> 01:28:15,291
Hey, you guys,
she just called me
1841
01:28:15,374 --> 01:28:16,709
a stupid fucking cock.
That's rude.
1842
01:28:16,834 --> 01:28:19,212
Dickhead narc motherfucker!
1843
01:28:19,295 --> 01:28:22,215
Did she just say "nickhead
dark motherfucker"?
1844
01:28:22,298 --> 01:28:23,633
That's just racist.
1845
01:28:23,716 --> 01:28:25,176
I know these two.
1846
01:28:25,259 --> 01:28:26,928
Your boys are cops!
They're cops!
1847
01:28:27,053 --> 01:28:28,221
Police! Get on the ground!
1848
01:28:28,304 --> 01:28:30,223
You get on the fuckin' ground!
1849
01:28:30,306 --> 01:28:32,266
We asked you first!
I don't give a damn!
1850
01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:34,018
You're fucking cops?
1851
01:28:34,101 --> 01:28:35,937
But we partied together, man.
1852
01:28:36,771 --> 01:28:38,564
You bought us Taco Bell.
1853
01:28:38,689 --> 01:28:40,983
Eric, honestly,
that was a sincere gesture.
1854
01:28:41,067 --> 01:28:42,568
You made me this
friendship bracelet.
1855
01:28:42,693 --> 01:28:43,820
Well, he's not
really your friend.
1856
01:28:43,903 --> 01:28:45,488
He was pretending
the whole time.
1857
01:28:45,571 --> 01:28:47,281
I'm gonna cut this the
fuck off later, all right?
1858
01:28:48,449 --> 01:28:50,576
What the fuck is going on?
1859
01:28:50,660 --> 01:28:52,286
Shut this kid up!
1860
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:55,456
Him, too.
No, no! Hey, wait!
1861
01:28:55,540 --> 01:28:56,707
No, no, no.
Listen, I'm with you guys!
1862
01:28:56,791 --> 01:28:57,917
I didn't know
these guys were cops!
1863
01:28:58,000 --> 01:28:59,252
I'm getting out of here.
1864
01:28:59,335 --> 01:29:00,753
I fucking hate you!
1865
01:29:00,878 --> 01:29:02,088
Get that out of my face!
1866
01:29:02,171 --> 01:29:04,090
Molly!
Oh, there you are!
1867
01:29:05,174 --> 01:29:06,175
What the fuck!
1868
01:29:06,259 --> 01:29:08,719
Drop your guns, or I'll spray
her brains all over the room!
1869
01:29:08,803 --> 01:29:11,180
Trying to take a hostage,
some goddamn TV show shit?
1870
01:29:11,264 --> 01:29:12,849
I don't know! I'm
trying to help, all right?
1871
01:29:12,932 --> 01:29:14,308
I've never done
this shit before.
1872
01:29:14,392 --> 01:29:15,434
Well, you're fucking up.
1873
01:29:15,518 --> 01:29:16,769
Drop the guns or she's dead!
1874
01:29:16,936 --> 01:29:18,187
She looks dead already.
1875
01:29:18,563 --> 01:29:19,814
What? No.
1876
01:29:19,981 --> 01:29:21,524
Oh, Jesus.
1877
01:29:22,483 --> 01:29:24,026
Yeah, I can hear her breathing.
1878
01:29:24,110 --> 01:29:26,320
She just passed out from the drugs.
We're good.
1879
01:29:26,404 --> 01:29:27,488
Drop the guns or...
1880
01:29:27,572 --> 01:29:29,156
All right, all right,
just chill out.
1881
01:29:29,240 --> 01:29:30,950
We're gonna drop our guns.
1882
01:29:31,033 --> 01:29:34,203
You got to let the kids go,
and no one's gonna die, okay?
1883
01:29:34,287 --> 01:29:36,372
Just drop the guns,
and kick them over here.
1884
01:29:37,707 --> 01:29:40,084
D.B., shoot these
motherfuckers.
1885
01:29:40,167 --> 01:29:42,545
Oh, come on, that's unfair! We
put our guns down in good faith.
1886
01:29:42,628 --> 01:29:44,297
You're a liar, and you're mean!
1887
01:29:45,047 --> 01:29:46,883
That's unfair.
We're all friends here.
1888
01:29:47,216 --> 01:29:49,343
Let's just relax, and we
can all leave here as friends.
1889
01:29:49,427 --> 01:29:50,469
Yeah, let's do that.
1890
01:29:50,553 --> 01:29:51,721
Y'all boys are stupid.
1891
01:29:52,179 --> 01:29:55,433
Oh, my God, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
1892
01:29:56,142 --> 01:29:57,268
God damn it!
1893
01:29:57,602 --> 01:29:59,478
Tom Hanson, DEA!
On your knees!
1894
01:29:59,562 --> 01:30:00,605
What the fuck?
1895
01:30:00,688 --> 01:30:02,565
Now!
Fuck!
1896
01:30:02,648 --> 01:30:04,734
Doug Penhall, DEA!
You're under arrest!
1897
01:30:04,817 --> 01:30:06,944
Guns down, all of you!
Domingo, tell them!
1898
01:30:07,236 --> 01:30:09,822
Put them down.
1899
01:30:09,947 --> 01:30:11,449
Nice! Yes!
1900
01:30:11,866 --> 01:30:13,534
Shut the fuck up!
1901
01:30:14,243 --> 01:30:16,871
You little dweebs just ruined
a five-year investigation.
1902
01:30:16,954 --> 01:30:18,080
We had no idea.
1903
01:30:18,164 --> 01:30:19,540
You're, like,
an amazing actor, man.
1904
01:30:19,790 --> 01:30:22,126
You played saxophone
at my sister's wedding, man!
1905
01:30:22,209 --> 01:30:23,711
Tough titty.
I fucked her, too.
1906
01:30:24,045 --> 01:30:25,212
What?
1907
01:30:25,296 --> 01:30:26,589
You little turds.
1908
01:30:26,672 --> 01:30:28,049
Do you have any idea
how difficult it is
1909
01:30:28,132 --> 01:30:29,467
to infiltrate a gang like this?
1910
01:30:32,845 --> 01:30:34,221
Do you see this nose?
1911
01:30:34,555 --> 01:30:35,890
That is a fake nose.
1912
01:30:36,015 --> 01:30:37,934
Do you want to wear a fake
nose on your fuckin' head
1913
01:30:38,017 --> 01:30:39,852
for, like, months on end?
Glue and shit?
1914
01:30:41,020 --> 01:30:42,271
Worse things in the world.
1915
01:30:42,355 --> 01:30:44,607
We had to get fuckin' tattoos
on our dicks, man.
1916
01:30:44,690 --> 01:30:46,567
Hey, actually, I just said that
1917
01:30:46,651 --> 01:30:48,319
to mess with you.
What?
1918
01:30:48,402 --> 01:30:49,779
Looks tough.
1919
01:30:49,862 --> 01:30:52,531
Look, we know what
it's like being undercover.
1920
01:30:52,615 --> 01:30:53,824
Metro Police,
Jump Street Division.
1921
01:30:53,908 --> 01:30:54,992
Come on,
you guys are Jump Street?
1922
01:30:55,076 --> 01:30:56,118
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
1923
01:30:56,202 --> 01:30:58,162
That's funny, because
we were actually Jump Street.
1924
01:30:58,245 --> 01:30:59,705
What?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1925
01:30:59,914 --> 01:31:01,290
Oh, shit!
1926
01:31:01,374 --> 01:31:03,209
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit.
1927
01:31:03,292 --> 01:31:04,293
Oh, my God, dude!
1928
01:31:04,377 --> 01:31:05,628
Get them!
1929
01:31:05,711 --> 01:31:07,338
Motherfucker!
1930
01:31:09,507 --> 01:31:10,883
Shoot them!
1931
01:31:12,301 --> 01:31:13,302
Fuck that.
1932
01:31:24,730 --> 01:31:25,731
That was a gun.
1933
01:31:25,856 --> 01:31:27,066
Somebody definitely got shot.
1934
01:31:31,070 --> 01:31:32,071
All right.
1935
01:31:33,114 --> 01:31:35,574
Here, take the money, all right?
We're getting out of here.
1936
01:31:45,209 --> 01:31:46,210
Did I hit anything?
1937
01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:47,920
You were shooting at
the fuckin' ceiling.
1938
01:31:48,879 --> 01:31:49,964
Doug.
1939
01:31:51,048 --> 01:31:53,968
I know sometimes I
was a jerk to you
1940
01:31:54,552 --> 01:31:55,970
when we were undercover.
1941
01:32:01,308 --> 01:32:04,270
It's just... I didn't
feel good about myself.
1942
01:32:04,979 --> 01:32:10,109
All that stuff I wore, like the
bracelets, the rings, the tight pants,
1943
01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:12,862
was just so
1944
01:32:12,945 --> 01:32:15,364
that people
would think I'm cool.
1945
01:32:16,115 --> 01:32:17,533
The only approval
1946
01:32:18,617 --> 01:32:20,327
that I ever needed
1947
01:32:22,580 --> 01:32:23,664
was my best friend.
1948
01:32:24,206 --> 01:32:25,958
Thanks, man.
1949
01:32:44,977 --> 01:32:46,562
The money's gone!
1950
01:32:46,645 --> 01:32:48,022
Come on, let's roll.
1951
01:32:48,147 --> 01:32:49,440
We gotta get out of here, man.
1952
01:32:49,523 --> 01:32:50,775
Are you telling me it's on?
1953
01:32:51,233 --> 01:32:52,985
Let's do this.
Let's make a baby.
1954
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:54,820
What? What are you talking about?
I don't know.
1955
01:32:54,945 --> 01:32:56,489
I was trying to sound cool.
Sorry.
1956
01:33:47,665 --> 01:33:50,417
That was crazy!
You killed a guy!
1957
01:33:51,460 --> 01:33:53,212
Oh, fuckin' shit!
1958
01:33:55,172 --> 01:33:57,007
Hey, hey, we'll lose
them in the prom! Go!
1959
01:34:18,404 --> 01:34:19,572
Go, go, go, go!
1960
01:34:21,699 --> 01:34:22,867
Where'd they go?
1961
01:34:25,411 --> 01:34:26,412
Molly!
1962
01:34:31,458 --> 01:34:32,501
Shit!
1963
01:34:36,505 --> 01:34:38,007
You want to drive?
Yeah, I do, actually.
1964
01:34:38,090 --> 01:34:39,258
Okay, cool.
1965
01:34:40,301 --> 01:34:41,343
Nice!
1966
01:34:41,427 --> 01:34:42,428
Did it look cool when I did it?
1967
01:34:42,511 --> 01:34:44,430
That's what I'm talking about!
Yeah!
1968
01:34:46,932 --> 01:34:48,559
How you guys
doing back there, huh?
1969
01:34:48,726 --> 01:34:50,102
God, I love high school!
1970
01:34:50,269 --> 01:34:51,437
Best prom night ever!
1971
01:34:57,151 --> 01:34:58,777
Shoot them!
Stay on them!
1972
01:34:59,028 --> 01:35:00,613
I'm on them!
I'm on them!
1973
01:35:00,696 --> 01:35:03,199
Oh, good, you guys, come
hang out with me back here.
1974
01:35:03,324 --> 01:35:05,743
Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing?
Did she pass out back there?
1975
01:35:08,412 --> 01:35:09,580
Whoo!
1976
01:35:09,872 --> 01:35:12,166
Hey, you got a gun. Why
don't you shoot back there?
1977
01:35:12,291 --> 01:35:13,751
Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!
1978
01:35:13,834 --> 01:35:15,169
All right, one second!
1979
01:35:15,294 --> 01:35:16,545
Just shoot someone, you bitch!
1980
01:35:19,048 --> 01:35:20,299
Peek-a-boo!
1981
01:35:20,466 --> 01:35:21,634
Give me my money!
1982
01:35:22,509 --> 01:35:24,678
Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!
1983
01:35:24,762 --> 01:35:27,389
I can't do this! I'm
supposed to go to Berkeley!
1984
01:35:28,891 --> 01:35:29,975
I'm gonna get
the party started!
1985
01:35:30,142 --> 01:35:31,560
I'm gonna get the party started!
No! No! Lisa, no!
1986
01:35:31,644 --> 01:35:34,772
Hey, I'm living my dream
of standing in a limo!
1987
01:35:34,855 --> 01:35:35,981
What?
1988
01:35:38,567 --> 01:35:40,152
You're killing my dream!
Come in.
1989
01:35:40,319 --> 01:35:41,362
What? I'm trying to party.
Down!
1990
01:35:41,612 --> 01:35:42,655
Bitch!
1991
01:35:44,156 --> 01:35:46,075
What? Fuck!
1992
01:35:46,158 --> 01:35:47,493
I'll kill you!
1993
01:35:47,701 --> 01:35:48,702
Kill you!
1994
01:35:49,787 --> 01:35:51,580
No! No!
Stay where you are.
1995
01:35:51,789 --> 01:35:52,831
Go! Go, go!
1996
01:35:56,293 --> 01:35:57,628
No! Stop!
1997
01:35:57,711 --> 01:35:59,922
I'm not fucking kidding! Look,
I'm trying to shoot people!
1998
01:36:00,005 --> 01:36:01,340
Will you stop!
Just for two seconds!
1999
01:36:01,423 --> 01:36:03,259
You're really hot and you're
really slutty and it's awesome,
2000
01:36:03,342 --> 01:36:04,635
but I got to shoot
people right now!
2001
01:36:04,718 --> 01:36:06,136
You think I'm hot?
2002
01:36:20,609 --> 01:36:22,444
I wanna...
Oh, my God!
2003
01:36:23,445 --> 01:36:25,155
Wait, guys! Call me!
2004
01:36:25,239 --> 01:36:26,949
Let me know where
you're ending up later.
2005
01:36:31,370 --> 01:36:32,788
I'm almost out of ammo.
2006
01:36:32,871 --> 01:36:33,998
We're fucked.
2007
01:36:34,957 --> 01:36:36,041
Give me my money!
2008
01:36:36,542 --> 01:36:37,668
I got an idea.
2009
01:36:37,793 --> 01:36:39,503
You still got those shotgun shells?
Yeah.
2010
01:36:40,296 --> 01:36:41,338
Pop Quiznos.
2011
01:36:41,839 --> 01:36:46,343
What do you get when lithium batteries
react to potassium nitrate?
2012
01:36:46,552 --> 01:36:48,971
That would be
a covalent bond, brother.
2013
01:36:49,054 --> 01:36:51,557
That's when two atoms,
they share electrons.
2014
01:36:51,640 --> 01:36:53,642
You see, they both need
what the other one has.
2015
01:36:53,726 --> 01:36:55,185
That makes them stick together.
2016
01:36:55,269 --> 01:36:56,520
Are you saying
we're covalent bonds?
2017
01:36:57,146 --> 01:36:58,689
What? No.
2018
01:36:59,440 --> 01:37:00,816
We're not atoms, dude.
2019
01:37:18,959 --> 01:37:20,586
What's this?
Tequila?
2020
01:37:21,253 --> 01:37:22,838
I don't know,
it was supposed to explode.
2021
01:37:23,881 --> 01:37:26,050
Oh, shit!
2022
01:37:30,929 --> 01:37:32,431
Where'd you learn
how to do that, man?
2023
01:37:32,514 --> 01:37:33,766
App chemistry, bitch.
2024
01:37:39,938 --> 01:37:41,106
Come on, blondie.
2025
01:37:42,983 --> 01:37:44,026
Molly!
2026
01:37:46,820 --> 01:37:48,238
Drop your weapon!
2027
01:37:48,614 --> 01:37:49,948
Don't you fuckin'
pull that arm up.
2028
01:37:50,240 --> 01:37:51,325
Don't.
2029
01:37:51,700 --> 01:37:55,037
Oh-ho! Looks like you're
out of ammo, asshole!
2030
01:37:55,287 --> 01:37:56,372
Come on!
Get out here!
2031
01:37:56,455 --> 01:37:58,165
What? What's going on?
All right.
2032
01:37:58,248 --> 01:38:01,460
All right, here's the deal. Nobody
moves, or she's gonna get hurt.
2033
01:38:01,543 --> 01:38:03,879
Do you understand?
Nobody move!
2034
01:38:03,962 --> 01:38:05,756
All right.
Eric, help me.
2035
01:38:06,215 --> 01:38:07,841
Don't you have a gun?
2036
01:38:08,926 --> 01:38:10,219
All right, don't move!
2037
01:38:11,136 --> 01:38:12,137
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
2038
01:38:12,304 --> 01:38:13,305
No!
2039
01:38:13,430 --> 01:38:14,431
Hey! Hey, hey!
2040
01:38:14,515 --> 01:38:15,641
Hey, no, no, I said don't move!
2041
01:38:19,603 --> 01:38:21,021
Oh, fuck, you shot him!
2042
01:38:21,105 --> 01:38:22,064
Oh, God!
2043
01:38:22,147 --> 01:38:23,273
Are you okay?
2044
01:38:23,357 --> 01:38:24,983
You shot my partner,
you motherfucker!
2045
01:38:25,150 --> 01:38:27,152
I didn't mean to shoot you!
I meant to shoot him!
2046
01:38:27,277 --> 01:38:30,197
Are you alive, buddy? You okay?
You took a bullet for me, man.
2047
01:38:30,280 --> 01:38:32,699
Yeah, I'm feeling a little
ambivalent about that right now.
2048
01:38:32,783 --> 01:38:34,410
Didn't you hear me?
I said don't move!
2049
01:38:34,493 --> 01:38:35,869
I said that!
You heard, right?
2050
01:38:35,953 --> 01:38:37,079
Eric, you heard me!
2051
01:38:37,162 --> 01:38:38,497
- I said don't move!
- Eric, help me!
2052
01:38:38,580 --> 01:38:40,040
- You got this.
- Hey, hold still.
2053
01:38:47,172 --> 01:38:48,340
Freeze!
2054
01:38:48,465 --> 01:38:49,675
Shoot!
2055
01:38:52,678 --> 01:38:53,762
Come on.
2056
01:38:55,180 --> 01:38:57,391
You peaked in high school,
motherfucker.
2057
01:38:59,768 --> 01:39:00,894
Oh, shit.
2058
01:39:01,145 --> 01:39:02,187
I shot him in the dick.
2059
01:39:02,271 --> 01:39:04,690
You shot me in the dick!
2060
01:39:04,815 --> 01:39:05,941
Oh, my God!
2061
01:39:06,150 --> 01:39:07,151
Yes!
2062
01:39:07,359 --> 01:39:09,111
Yes! Yes!
2063
01:39:09,319 --> 01:39:10,362
Yes!
2064
01:39:10,529 --> 01:39:12,364
You are under arrest!
2065
01:39:12,489 --> 01:39:13,740
It definitely came
out my asshole!
2066
01:39:13,824 --> 01:39:15,951
You have the right
to remain silent!
2067
01:39:16,034 --> 01:39:19,121
Anything you say can
and will be used against you
2068
01:39:19,204 --> 01:39:20,289
in a court of law!
2069
01:39:20,372 --> 01:39:21,874
You have
the right to an attorney!
2070
01:39:21,957 --> 01:39:25,419
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you!
2071
01:39:25,711 --> 01:39:28,547
Do you understand these rights
as they have been read to you?
2072
01:39:28,630 --> 01:39:30,424
Fuck you! Bitch!
2073
01:39:30,549 --> 01:39:32,217
Yes! Yes!
2074
01:39:32,509 --> 01:39:34,136
We did it, man!
2075
01:39:34,219 --> 01:39:35,304
We did it.
2076
01:39:35,387 --> 01:39:36,555
God, I feel so good.
2077
01:39:36,638 --> 01:39:38,056
We did it, man!
2078
01:39:38,891 --> 01:39:40,559
You're a goddamn rock star.
2079
01:39:42,060 --> 01:39:43,353
Do you feel that?
2080
01:39:43,437 --> 01:39:44,438
God damn, you're so cool.
2081
01:39:45,105 --> 01:39:46,315
You just shot him in the dick.
2082
01:39:46,982 --> 01:39:48,942
I've never seen that.
Who does that?
2083
01:39:49,735 --> 01:39:51,403
Look, I'm sorry I
called you Rain Man.
2084
01:39:51,528 --> 01:39:53,947
I know I didn't say you
were, but you're smart.
2085
01:39:54,072 --> 01:39:56,658
You're a smart guy,
and you're thoughtful,
2086
01:39:56,742 --> 01:40:00,954
and you're sincere and you're
sweet and you're loyal...
2087
01:40:02,039 --> 01:40:03,790
And I fuckin' cherish you.
2088
01:40:06,752 --> 01:40:07,753
Should we high-five?
2089
01:40:13,800 --> 01:40:15,344
Ow! My hand!
2090
01:40:16,637 --> 01:40:18,347
Are you all right? Should we
get you to the hospital, man?
2091
01:40:18,430 --> 01:40:20,265
Yeah, I think we need to call somebody.
Hey, call somebody!
2092
01:40:20,432 --> 01:40:22,351
I got to get my
dick sewn back on.
2093
01:40:22,434 --> 01:40:23,977
You shut the fuck up.
Hey, you shut up.
2094
01:40:24,186 --> 01:40:25,771
That's not funny.
Is that it?
2095
01:40:26,021 --> 01:40:27,147
What?
2096
01:40:28,649 --> 01:40:30,067
That's my dick!
2097
01:40:30,776 --> 01:40:31,818
Pick up my dick! Please!
2098
01:40:31,902 --> 01:40:33,195
No, we're not
picking up your dick.
2099
01:40:33,278 --> 01:40:34,696
Fuckin' pick my dick up!
2100
01:40:37,991 --> 01:40:38,992
Oh, fuck!
2101
01:40:44,498 --> 01:40:45,666
He's my friend.
2102
01:40:46,500 --> 01:40:48,627
They don't serve
vegan in jail, bitch.
2103
01:40:56,301 --> 01:40:57,511
Hey.
2104
01:40:59,096 --> 01:41:00,472
Molly...
2105
01:41:01,890 --> 01:41:02,891
I'm really sorry.
2106
01:41:04,142 --> 01:41:05,894
I know you
wanted a guy to trust,
2107
01:41:06,019 --> 01:41:07,813
and I wanted to be
that person so badly.
2108
01:41:08,855 --> 01:41:10,983
And I let you down
in a lot of ways.
2109
01:41:11,650 --> 01:41:12,818
And...
2110
01:41:15,195 --> 01:41:16,863
It's good that
you're mad at me.
2111
01:41:17,489 --> 01:41:20,200
I think it's good. I think you
should be mad at more guys,
2112
01:41:20,284 --> 01:41:25,330
because you deserve a guy who's
good and who doesn't lie to you.
2113
01:41:25,664 --> 01:41:28,166
And you should never settle
for less than that.
2114
01:41:28,500 --> 01:41:30,460
There are good guys out there
2115
01:41:32,337 --> 01:41:34,006
who aren't assholes like me.
2116
01:41:36,675 --> 01:41:38,594
Thanks for saving my life,
2117
01:41:38,677 --> 01:41:40,429
asshole.
2118
01:41:43,015 --> 01:41:45,017
Put her there, partner.
2119
01:41:58,363 --> 01:41:59,990
I'll come back later.
2120
01:42:04,703 --> 01:42:07,914
We're, like, in the end of Die Hard
right now, but it's our actual life.
2121
01:42:08,248 --> 01:42:09,291
It's crazy.
2122
01:42:09,374 --> 01:42:10,459
Number one or two?
2123
01:42:10,584 --> 01:42:11,710
Three.
2124
01:42:12,544 --> 01:42:14,379
Sam Jackson one. Yeah!
Sam Jackson style.
2125
01:42:16,006 --> 01:42:19,176
Boom, motherfuckers!
What's going on? Come on!
2126
01:42:24,014 --> 01:42:25,557
Where is he?
There's my guy!
2127
01:42:25,682 --> 01:42:28,018
There he is! That's him.
That's him.
2128
01:42:28,393 --> 01:42:29,394
Enough.
Too long on the hug.
2129
01:42:29,895 --> 01:42:33,690
Congratulations, you crazy,
sick, vigilante motherfuckers.
2130
01:42:33,774 --> 01:42:35,525
You got your first arrest, huh?
2131
01:42:36,526 --> 01:42:38,487
- Look. Got something made for you.
- You didn't!
2132
01:42:38,570 --> 01:42:40,781
Come on. All right, all right.
Enough. Enough.
2133
01:42:40,947 --> 01:42:42,240
New assignment.
2134
01:42:42,699 --> 01:42:45,369
Since you two cowboys
love to drink booze,
2135
01:42:45,619 --> 01:42:49,665
smoke weed with kids, and fuck
anything with a big ass in jeans
2136
01:42:49,748 --> 01:42:51,083
with low self-esteem,
2137
01:42:51,166 --> 01:42:55,128
I'm gonna send you to a place
where all that shit is allowed.
2138
01:42:55,212 --> 01:42:56,421
Oh, I love Disneyland!
2139
01:42:56,755 --> 01:42:59,841
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!
2140
01:42:59,925 --> 01:43:01,551
No! Yes!
2141
01:43:42,801 --> 01:43:43,802
Boo-yah!
2142
01:44:01,153 --> 01:44:02,154
Whoo!
2143
01:44:20,630 --> 01:44:22,674
Oh, my God! You're like
two Hardy Boys in one!
2144
01:44:37,522 --> 01:44:38,523
Oh, fuck!
2145
01:46:28,174 --> 01:46:29,426
Hey, why are you here, Scott?
2146
01:46:29,509 --> 01:46:29,426
What, Kennedy High isn't
having any parties tonight?
154958
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Javanese
Kazakh
Kirundi
Kongo
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Malagasy
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Oromo
Pashto
Polish
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Tajik
Tatar
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof