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[Nora] Previously on
Nora from Queens ...
2
00:00:01,687 --> 00:00:03,758
Everybody I love is mad
at me right now.
3
00:00:03,862 --> 00:00:05,726
My mom, Nora.
4
00:00:05,830 --> 00:00:07,142
Are you breaking up with me?
5
00:00:07,246 --> 00:00:10,007
- Am I dead?
- You're in a mystical vision.
6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,285
These are your alternate lives.
7
00:00:12,389 --> 00:00:16,324
But there's one more version of
you that you should see.
8
00:00:16,428 --> 00:00:17,636
Hey, Nora.
9
00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:19,397
And who the hell are you?
10
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,605
I'm Awkwafina.
11
00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,365
Who the fuck is Awkwafina?
12
00:00:23,539 --> 00:00:26,680
Okay. Nice.
You've been me the whole time.
13
00:00:26,784 --> 00:00:29,615
- You seem unimpressed.
- No, no, not unimpressed.
14
00:00:29,718 --> 00:00:31,341
It just--It just seems
like a lot, you know,
15
00:00:31,444 --> 00:00:33,308
with the shadowy garb and the--
16
00:00:33,412 --> 00:00:36,622
And the--
Oh, it's me.
17
00:00:36,725 --> 00:00:39,763
It's not only me, meta.
It's me, me, right?
18
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,559
- Mm-hmm.
- The real's a lot.
19
00:00:41,662 --> 00:00:44,010
It's all part of the
learning journey, Nora.
20
00:00:44,113 --> 00:00:46,426
Literally,
all of this is for you.
21
00:00:46,529 --> 00:00:48,014
[laughing]
22
00:00:48,118 --> 00:00:49,913
Sorry.
Is there something funny to you?
23
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:53,537
No, it's just--I'm just excited
to see what kind of cockamamie
24
00:00:53,641 --> 00:00:57,162
version of us you are now.
Are you the billionaire,
25
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,509
but I don't have any
thoughts in my head?
26
00:00:59,613 --> 00:01:02,823
Or are you a famous athlete,
but wa-oh Halloween spirit?
27
00:01:02,927 --> 00:01:03,928
Wazzup!
28
00:01:04,032 --> 00:01:05,688
What the fuck?
29
00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:07,173
Nora, chill.
30
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,589
Don't, don't, don't you
tell me to chill.
31
00:01:09,693 --> 00:01:11,523
Just shut the fuck up
and have a seat, please.
32
00:01:11,626 --> 00:01:13,594
Please.
33
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,631
These goddamn fucking people, man.
34
00:01:16,735 --> 00:01:18,875
Why do I even do this?
Why do I even do this?
35
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:19,980
♪ Do it, baby
36
00:01:20,084 --> 00:01:21,983
♪ Do it, do it, baby
37
00:01:22,086 --> 00:01:23,605
♪ Do it, baby
38
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:25,262
♪ Do it, do it, baby
39
00:01:25,365 --> 00:01:26,677
♪ Do it, baby
40
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,270
Thank you, Kelsey.
41
00:01:33,029 --> 00:01:36,412
How's Grandma and Dad?
42
00:01:36,515 --> 00:01:38,897
They're all right, I guess.
43
00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:42,452
You know, when I was younger,
44
00:01:42,557 --> 00:01:45,836
I wanted to spend every second
with Grandma.
45
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,251
I couldn't
wait to finish school,
46
00:01:47,355 --> 00:01:50,185
so-so that I could come back
and hang out with her.
47
00:01:50,289 --> 00:01:53,257
But she was always busy working.
48
00:01:53,362 --> 00:01:58,505
And I used to say,
when I grow up and you retire,
49
00:01:58,608 --> 00:02:02,612
I'm gonna hang out
with you all the time.
50
00:02:02,717 --> 00:02:05,306
And now I'm the one
that's too busy.
51
00:02:05,409 --> 00:02:08,964
So are you, like,
Kelly Clarkson level famous?
52
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:13,486
I just...
wish I had more time with them,
53
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:14,695
like you do now.
54
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:18,906
You have people
giving you lemon water.
55
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:20,391
I'm the nobody Nora.
56
00:02:20,494 --> 00:02:22,117
Well, we could change that.
57
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:24,395
Thank you.
58
00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:26,398
Now that you've seen
the alternate versions,
59
00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:28,434
which Nora would you
wanna be the most?
60
00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:31,403
Hmm. Well, do you
have other examples,
61
00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,543
or were those nightmare
vignettes the only contenders
62
00:02:33,647 --> 00:02:34,821
of choice?
63
00:02:34,924 --> 00:02:36,443
They're the only contenders
of choice. Yes. Why?
64
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,720
No reason.
65
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,309
Other than that they were
all insane, insufferable,
66
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:43,105
miserable and selfish.
67
00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:44,796
None of them cared
about Dad and Grandma.
68
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:47,662
And I was literally fucking
a Japanese sex robot
69
00:02:47,766 --> 00:02:50,596
- the entire time.
- Right. Yeah. No. Yeah.
70
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,253
You have sex
with that thing too?
71
00:02:52,357 --> 00:02:56,015
I might have done a little
fiddling over the pandemic.
72
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,640
It wouldn't even be a question.
73
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:02,540
There's no version of me that
wouldn't want to choose home.
74
00:03:02,644 --> 00:03:06,199
Even if it's shitty,
I'll always be that Nora.
75
00:03:06,304 --> 00:03:08,306
But you could be me
if you wanted.
76
00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:11,309
You seem great,
but your house is very weird.
77
00:03:11,412 --> 00:03:13,414
It's like a polygamist
kind of deal where there is
78
00:03:13,518 --> 00:03:16,107
a lot of people coming in here
in cargo shorts and hogas and--
79
00:03:16,211 --> 00:03:17,868
Do you think I
literally live here?
80
00:03:17,971 --> 00:03:20,595
- Well, I don't--
- This is a film set, you idiot.
81
00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:25,358
This is a three-wall room.
And there's a camera there.
82
00:03:25,462 --> 00:03:28,637
- Okay.
- You want some lemon water?
83
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,952
No? We're good, Tim.
Thank you.
84
00:03:32,608 --> 00:03:35,128
So you wouldn't want
to be another Nora?
85
00:03:35,231 --> 00:03:37,716
I have a family that loves me
86
00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:39,616
and a job that makes
me really happy.
87
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,549
And...
88
00:03:41,652 --> 00:03:44,483
I live in a town that
I know and love.
89
00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:47,624
- So you wanna--
- Go home.
90
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,420
Yes, I would love--I would
absolutely love to go home.
91
00:03:49,523 --> 00:03:51,076
This has been really exhausting. Oh.
92
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:53,217
Why? Why would you
pull me from the feet?
93
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,150
Yeah. Slink down.
94
00:03:55,253 --> 00:03:57,876
[screaming]
95
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:02,675
Oh.
96
00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,886
Oh. Slip this out
of your ass pocket.
97
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:09,303
It's nice to see your penises.
98
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,479
[music]
99
00:04:13,929 --> 00:04:15,102
Grandma.
100
00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:17,553
Oh, Nora.
Are you okay?
101
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,280
I've been trying to call you.
Did you get your car?
102
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,801
Grandma, it's been crazy.
103
00:04:22,904 --> 00:04:25,769
I have been robbed.
My phone got stolen.
104
00:04:25,873 --> 00:04:29,048
- I met Awkwafina.
- Who the fuck is that?
105
00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:31,500
It's too convoluted for me
to get into you right now.
106
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,848
But-but I just need you
to know that I'm the one
107
00:04:34,952 --> 00:04:36,643
that chose family.
108
00:04:36,747 --> 00:04:39,957
Oh, well, our family is all
messed up right now.
109
00:04:40,061 --> 00:04:44,134
Brenda called me. She said that
your father broke up with her.
110
00:04:44,238 --> 00:04:45,584
What? Why?
111
00:04:45,688 --> 00:04:47,655
He's going through some
kind of midlife crisis.
112
00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:51,176
He won't talk to anybody,
not even me.
113
00:04:51,281 --> 00:04:54,801
- He ran away this morning.
- Ran away?
114
00:04:54,905 --> 00:04:56,493
To where?
115
00:04:59,668 --> 00:05:03,293
- Dad. Dad. Open up!
- Leave me alone.
116
00:05:05,537 --> 00:05:08,333
Oh, my God.
With the hanger? Really?
117
00:05:12,511 --> 00:05:16,998
Oh. Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
118
00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:20,104
It smells like hamster feed.
119
00:05:20,484 --> 00:05:22,175
Oh man, it's cold.
120
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,455
Dad, this is so depressing.
121
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,458
Oh.
How did you find me?
122
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,219
You are literally parked
outside the goddamn house.
123
00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:31,565
Why are you in here?
124
00:05:31,669 --> 00:05:34,085
I've been hiding
from your grandma.
125
00:05:34,189 --> 00:05:35,432
Because you broke up
with Brenda?
126
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:39,194
I didn't mean to
break up with Brenda.
127
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,749
I'm such a fuck up.
128
00:05:41,852 --> 00:05:43,198
And now I'm going
through some serious
129
00:05:43,303 --> 00:05:46,306
Secret Life Of Walter Mitty
shit. You have no idea.
130
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,929
Just letting everybody down.
131
00:05:49,033 --> 00:05:51,069
I guess that's the way
it's supposed to be.
132
00:05:51,173 --> 00:05:53,900
A guy my age...
133
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:56,041
better get used to it.
134
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,978
I've had visions, Dad.
135
00:06:02,081 --> 00:06:04,670
I've seen our alternate lives.
I've seen you.
136
00:06:04,775 --> 00:06:06,639
Where you look like shit.
You are shit.
137
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:10,090
Your life is shit.
And-and me, I have opportunity.
138
00:06:10,194 --> 00:06:14,371
Sure. I have money. Sure, but
I'm empty and sad and tragic.
139
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:17,409
Kind of like the way
that you are now.
140
00:06:19,135 --> 00:06:21,551
I don't want you to...
141
00:06:21,655 --> 00:06:24,830
let your second chance
at love walk out the door.
142
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,318
You know what?
143
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,768
- What?
- You're right.
144
00:06:30,872 --> 00:06:33,771
- I'm gonna need your help.
- Okay.
145
00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:35,255
- Will you help me?
- Of course.
146
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,051
Your dad needs help.
147
00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:39,191
[Chuck] You doing okay, Mom?
148
00:06:39,295 --> 00:06:40,434
- Yes.
- Yeah?
149
00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:42,056
Yeah, yeah.
150
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,404
You know, you-you like
to think that everything is
151
00:06:44,507 --> 00:06:48,028
gonna work out, but, you know,
sometimes it won't.
152
00:06:48,132 --> 00:06:49,996
I'm fine.
I'll be fine.
153
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:52,240
For what it's worth,
I really liked Wally.
154
00:06:52,344 --> 00:06:55,347
Oh, I know.
Me, too.
155
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:59,523
But it's so exciting. I mean,
your deejay set's in the museum.
156
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,319
Yeah. Yeah,
it's actually in there.
157
00:07:01,423 --> 00:07:04,667
Oh. Oh, you can play
some of my favorites
158
00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:09,707
like Whitney, Mariah. And that
guy who sounds like a frog,
159
00:07:09,811 --> 00:07:11,779
but he's really nice.
What's his name?
160
00:07:11,882 --> 00:07:13,781
[Chuck] Mom, what are you
listening to?
161
00:07:15,058 --> 00:07:17,888
[Brenda] Chuck.
Chuck, where'd you go?
162
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,720
[Chuck] Sorry, Mom.
Just stay there for a second.
163
00:07:20,823 --> 00:07:24,793
Oh. Oh, no, no.
Is this a haunted house?
164
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:25,587
Oh...
165
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:30,661
♪ Hi, sweetheart
166
00:07:31,456 --> 00:07:32,905
♪ Yeah
167
00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:34,597
Edmund?
168
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,840
♪ I didn't mean it when
I said I didn't love you so ♪
169
00:07:36,944 --> 00:07:38,394
♪ I should have
held on tight ♪
170
00:07:38,498 --> 00:07:40,638
♪ I never should
have let you go ♪
171
00:07:40,742 --> 00:07:42,709
♪ I didn't know nothing
I was stupid ♪
172
00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:48,543
♪ I was foolish
I was lying to myself ♪
173
00:07:49,165 --> 00:07:51,236
I'm Constantine from Sam Ash.
174
00:07:51,339 --> 00:07:52,789
Yeah, I remember.
175
00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:56,621
♪ 'Cause baby
when you left ♪
176
00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:59,727
♪ I lost a part of me
177
00:07:59,832 --> 00:08:03,249
♪ It's still so hard
to believe ♪
178
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,734
♪ Come back, baby, please
Come back, come back ♪
179
00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:10,705
♪ Cause we belong together
180
00:08:10,809 --> 00:08:13,605
Oh, shit.
I fucked up the last note.
181
00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:18,921
- Hey.
- Hi.
182
00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:22,925
I like your haircut.
Oh, is this a model of New York?
183
00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:27,033
Look, I'm an idiot
for everything
184
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:29,277
these past few months,
185
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,486
but I love you.
186
00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:35,836
I love the life
we're gonna have together.
187
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,942
But I do have one question that
I actually never got the chance
188
00:08:38,045 --> 00:08:40,565
to ask the right way
189
00:08:40,669 --> 00:08:42,947
in front of all of New York.
190
00:08:47,884 --> 00:08:50,093
Brenda,
191
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,164
will you marry me?
192
00:08:52,268 --> 00:08:55,340
You really are an idiot.
193
00:08:55,444 --> 00:08:57,377
Yes! Yes!
194
00:08:57,481 --> 00:09:00,138
Come up here!
Come on!
195
00:09:01,623 --> 00:09:05,765
Ah, shit.
I'm stuck at LaGuardia.
196
00:09:06,352 --> 00:09:10,702
[music]
197
00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:16,812
[Grandma] Let's go, bitches!
Chop, chop.
198
00:09:16,916 --> 00:09:20,816
We haven't got all day.
My son's getting married.
199
00:09:26,202 --> 00:09:28,169
- Hey.
- Hey.
200
00:09:28,273 --> 00:09:29,446
Need some help?
201
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:30,447
Yeah, sure.
That'll be nice.
202
00:09:30,551 --> 00:09:31,518
Yeah.
203
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:33,865
So...
204
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:37,282
I wanted to tell you,
I am moving to Mexico City.
205
00:09:37,386 --> 00:09:38,526
Oh.
206
00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:39,906
The vibes there
are super awesome.
207
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:42,909
- And tacos, you know.
- Nice.
208
00:09:43,013 --> 00:09:47,120
I do have aspirations to one day
move out of New York.
209
00:09:47,225 --> 00:09:49,089
I've got it.
210
00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:51,160
Oh.
211
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,645
- There you go.
- Thank you.
212
00:09:53,749 --> 00:09:56,165
- Yeah.
- Okay. Well.
213
00:09:57,374 --> 00:09:59,203
I just wanted to say it was
super sweet of you to get
214
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,688
our parents back together.
215
00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:04,381
Yeah. Yeah. It was super sweet
of you as well to help--
216
00:10:04,484 --> 00:10:07,177
to dually, to help them. Yeah.
217
00:10:07,281 --> 00:10:08,904
We make a good team.
218
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:14,703
We do. We should do more--
team activities.
219
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:17,291
Do you know how
to play gin rummy?
220
00:10:17,396 --> 00:10:19,053
Oh, oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
221
00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:20,295
It was a little
garden snake there.
222
00:10:20,399 --> 00:10:21,331
It's okay.
It's fine.
223
00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:22,746
- We can't.
- Yeah, no. We--
224
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:24,921
We absolutely can't.
225
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:28,062
I mean, we're pretty
much blood related now.
226
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:30,652
Yeah. I'm also...
227
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,586
I'm also realizing I had--
I had garlic bread earlier.
228
00:10:33,689 --> 00:10:34,759
For breakfast?
229
00:10:34,863 --> 00:10:38,694
It was more of a
Texas toast kinda.
230
00:10:38,799 --> 00:10:41,802
- Yeah. Yeah. It was.
- Have you been to Texas?
231
00:10:41,905 --> 00:10:43,562
- No.
- There's the champagne!
232
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:45,150
- Champagne.
- And the guests are arriving!
233
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,256
There is absolutely champagne.
And we must go. And we must go.
234
00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:54,194
[music]
235
00:10:55,471 --> 00:10:59,061
- I love weddings.
- What business do us old ladies
236
00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:03,688
- have going to weddings anyway?
- Why? Hey, come on, guys!
237
00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:06,725
We're the most vivacious
bitches in town.
238
00:11:06,829 --> 00:11:08,278
You're right.
239
00:11:08,382 --> 00:11:10,626
We should start group exercises.
240
00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:14,285
Get our dome pieces
on point for that D.
241
00:11:14,389 --> 00:11:16,391
You first have to take
that dome piece out of that
242
00:11:16,494 --> 00:11:18,876
stupid bucket hat of yours.
243
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:21,396
Oh, I like my bucket hat!
244
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,296
Ellen, what do you think?
245
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:26,816
- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no.
246
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,681
You're fine.
I didn't mind.
247
00:11:29,785 --> 00:11:31,510
- Oh, we've met before.
- Yeah.
248
00:11:31,615 --> 00:11:33,790
- At Sam Ash.
- I'm Patrick.
249
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:37,207
- I'm Edmund.
- Hi.
250
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:38,760
Hey.
251
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,797
I actually have to run
because I'm in the band,
252
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,523
but I'll see you around.
253
00:11:42,627 --> 00:11:44,871
- Yeah.
- Okay. Okay.
254
00:11:45,595 --> 00:11:48,357
Yo, that dude is
totally into you.
255
00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:50,048
What? No.
256
00:11:50,152 --> 00:11:52,568
- You think?
- Yeah. I have eyes.
257
00:11:52,673 --> 00:11:54,916
I don't know.
I'm trying to be good
258
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:57,436
and not hook up
with random people
259
00:11:57,539 --> 00:11:59,818
and actually get to
know them first.
260
00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:02,268
Okay, so--
You can get to know him.
261
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:04,064
[Man] All right, everyone,
please take your seats.
262
00:12:04,168 --> 00:12:07,205
The wedding is about to begin.
263
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,967
- Can I do it this time?
- Go for it, man.
264
00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:13,142
A one, a two,
skiddly, diddly do.
265
00:12:13,247 --> 00:12:19,149
[music]
266
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:52,047
[music]
267
00:13:05,407 --> 00:13:08,065
[Nora] All right. All right.
Please be seated.
268
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,174
Hello, everyone. Thank you so
much for being here today
269
00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:17,247
to celebrate the union
of Wally and Brenda.
270
00:13:17,351 --> 00:13:23,392
Like all human beings,
we all go through a mind hole of
271
00:13:23,495 --> 00:13:25,532
alternate versions of our lives
272
00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:27,637
where else we
could have ended up.
273
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:30,089
And, Grandma, I did put you in
a nursing home in one of them.
274
00:13:30,193 --> 00:13:32,229
And I apologize.
I would never do that.
275
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,783
I would never.
276
00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:39,616
Alas, we choose the version
that is here and now.
277
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,207
I'm so happy that
you guys found each other.
278
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:46,900
And-and-and-and I support it,
no matter if I have to become
279
00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:49,834
a celibate monk.
I don't get any ass.
280
00:13:49,939 --> 00:13:52,113
I-I just know that this is
where I'm supposed to be.
281
00:13:52,217 --> 00:13:54,633
And this is where you're
supposed to be, too.
282
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:57,636
- So unless anyone objects--
- I object!
283
00:13:57,740 --> 00:13:59,570
- What?
- I love you, Nora.
284
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,883
But we were just
in the kitchen area.
285
00:14:01,986 --> 00:14:03,746
And I tried to make out
with you, and you were like,
286
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:05,990
no, no, you're my blood sister.
287
00:14:06,094 --> 00:14:10,339
- Brother, but, yeah.
- No, I love you, Nora.
288
00:14:10,444 --> 00:14:12,032
I've always been kind of
attracted to you.
289
00:14:12,135 --> 00:14:14,310
And ever since you
became a minister,
290
00:14:14,413 --> 00:14:17,278
- I'm just gonna shoot my shot.
- Melanie, sit down!
291
00:14:17,382 --> 00:14:19,280
Shot denied!
You're my best friend.
292
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:21,318
You have a kid
and a boyfriend, sicko.
293
00:14:21,421 --> 00:14:24,839
Nora, I flew in from China
to say I love you too,
294
00:14:24,942 --> 00:14:26,564
but like a friend's way.
295
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:27,980
- Thank you, Grace.
- Who's Grace?
296
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:31,086
[Teddy] I just wanna say
that I don't love Nora
297
00:14:31,191 --> 00:14:34,332
- and I never have.
- That's not necessary, Teddy.
298
00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:36,921
I love you, too, Nora.
299
00:14:37,024 --> 00:14:38,543
Oh, hell no, bitch!
300
00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:39,785
What the hell, Brenda?
301
00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,754
Oh yeah? You think
you can just do that?
302
00:14:41,858 --> 00:14:42,859
Just go. Retreat!
303
00:14:42,962 --> 00:14:44,688
- Damn, you could see him?
- Yeah.
304
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:46,103
What's going on?
305
00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:49,072
- Nothing. It's absolutely.
- I love you, Noboo.
306
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:51,557
- Oh, my God.
- That's not my goddamn name.
307
00:14:51,661 --> 00:14:56,287
You told me we were going
to the Empire State Building!
308
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,668
Philandering elf!
309
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,429
What the hell is happening?
310
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:03,052
Everything's fine.
It's just his giant elf wife.
311
00:15:03,157 --> 00:15:07,195
So by the powers vested in me
by ordainedministerfast.com
312
00:15:07,299 --> 00:15:09,680
in the state of New York, I now
pronounce you man and wife.
313
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,061
And I have to go
because she's coming.
314
00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:13,995
[Wedding March playing]
315
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:17,966
[crowd applauding]
316
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:23,869
[Nora] Go Grandma!
317
00:15:23,973 --> 00:15:25,491
♪ Yo, what you know
about goin' out ♪
318
00:15:25,595 --> 00:15:27,977
♪ Head west, that act's friend
in a Lex or a Benz ♪
319
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,254
♪ Let's begin
320
00:15:29,357 --> 00:15:30,876
♪ Bring the BS to an end
Come on ♪
321
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,810
♪ Bad, bad, bad,
bad boy ♪
322
00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:36,365
♪ You make me
feel so good ♪
323
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,920
♪ You know you make me
feel so good ♪
324
00:15:39,023 --> 00:15:40,128
♪ That's what we do
325
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,131
♪ Bad, bad, bad...
326
00:15:50,794 --> 00:15:55,592
[laughing] That was crazy, huh?
327
00:15:55,697 --> 00:15:58,113
Yeah. I'm about to pass away.
328
00:15:58,217 --> 00:16:01,392
I had, like,
16 slices of cheesecake.
329
00:16:01,737 --> 00:16:05,258
You know, when you were a baby,
you used to walk around
330
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:10,506
like a little nut.
Bumping into things,
331
00:16:10,609 --> 00:16:13,267
yelling at everyone.
332
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:17,685
The only time we heard silence
[laughing] when you would hide
333
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:21,967
in the corner to poop.
334
00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:24,348
I must have been cute.
335
00:16:24,452 --> 00:16:29,457
[laughing] You know what
you used to call me?
336
00:16:29,561 --> 00:16:31,356
What?
337
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:34,428
Best friend.
338
00:16:37,398 --> 00:16:42,058
You think it'd be all right if
I--I don't know. Moved?
339
00:16:42,161 --> 00:16:44,163
Left the city someday?
340
00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:50,031
Oh, Nora. I don't ever want to
be an anchor tying you down.
341
00:16:50,136 --> 00:16:55,175
As long as you are happy,
I'm happy.
342
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:57,591
Being with you
makes me happy, Grandma.
343
00:16:57,696 --> 00:16:59,974
Me too, Bao Bao.
344
00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:02,632
You always got me.
345
00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:09,018
[music]
346
00:17:20,617 --> 00:17:24,069
[Grandma] Ooh, looks like Li-Wei
got herself a young man.
347
00:17:28,488 --> 00:17:31,422
[music]
348
00:17:31,526 --> 00:17:33,769
[bell tinkles]
349
00:17:33,873 --> 00:17:35,254
Anything to quit this place.
350
00:17:35,357 --> 00:17:36,841
You know, my uncle turned
one of his corner stores
351
00:17:36,945 --> 00:17:39,603
into a kombucha bar,
but for dogs.
352
00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:41,502
Immediately profitable.
353
00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:43,366
You know, this could be
my fourth acquisition
354
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,850
here in Queens.
355
00:17:44,954 --> 00:17:47,267
I just love that the rent is
so cheap in this neighborhood
356
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,924
because, well,
it's such a shithole.
357
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:51,824
[laughing]
358
00:17:51,927 --> 00:17:54,206
It's not a shithole.
359
00:17:54,309 --> 00:17:55,931
Excuse me.
Who are you?
360
00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:57,174
I'm the manager.
361
00:17:57,278 --> 00:18:00,522
Well, uh,
looks like shit.
362
00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:03,733
Yeah, sure,
but you could fix that up.
363
00:18:03,837 --> 00:18:06,771
Don't sell the deli to this guy.
364
00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:08,980
Why not?
365
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:11,258
Well, what if I bought it?
366
00:18:11,363 --> 00:18:15,919
What if I went to a Bank of...
367
00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:17,748
- America?
- America.
368
00:18:17,852 --> 00:18:20,130
And take out a--
369
00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:23,133
- Small business loan?
- Small business loan,
370
00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:27,242
because I have...
I have credit now.
371
00:18:27,345 --> 00:18:30,279
Come on.
372
00:18:30,383 --> 00:18:33,800
You know, a deli is more
than just an acquisition.
373
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,217
It's a part of the community.
It's a part of the history.
374
00:18:36,321 --> 00:18:37,563
It's the thing in the
neighborhood that's not
375
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:41,291
supposed to leave or change
because it's important.
376
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,914
The little people are important.
377
00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:47,747
Even townie losers like me
are important.
378
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:49,231
And I'll love it every day.
379
00:18:49,335 --> 00:18:50,991
I'ma live, laugh, love
up in here...
380
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:52,855
Every day.
381
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,757
And this guy--
382
00:18:56,860 --> 00:18:58,621
She was definitely too close.
383
00:18:59,691 --> 00:19:02,314
[music]
384
00:19:11,393 --> 00:19:12,705
[Wally]
Hey, hey, hey, princess.
385
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:14,189
- Hey.
- Hey.
386
00:19:14,294 --> 00:19:16,572
We brought you a little, uh,
grand opening present.
387
00:19:16,675 --> 00:19:19,091
It's a Chinese good luck
with your business plan.
388
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:20,507
Oh, thanks.
389
00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:22,923
I just brought some alcohol
from me and Patrick.
390
00:19:23,026 --> 00:19:25,995
Oh, thanks.
Oh, I can mark this up.
391
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,930
This place is so nice.
392
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:30,103
Oh, look at the cat!
I love it.
393
00:19:30,207 --> 00:19:32,347
He's got HGH.
394
00:19:32,451 --> 00:19:34,246
Oh, wow.
You really made it your own.
395
00:19:34,349 --> 00:19:35,868
Hey, Grandma,
you got that new hot sauce?
396
00:19:35,972 --> 00:19:37,733
Yeah!
397
00:19:37,836 --> 00:19:38,975
Hey, Ma.
398
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:40,529
I didn't know you
were working today.
399
00:19:40,632 --> 00:19:44,049
Oh, I just come in
whenever I want.
400
00:19:44,153 --> 00:19:45,982
Oh, yeah.
401
00:19:46,087 --> 00:19:48,503
Have you seen the bong display?
402
00:19:48,607 --> 00:19:50,195
Yeah.
Show them the bong display.
403
00:19:50,298 --> 00:19:51,437
Go check out the bong display.
404
00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:53,198
There's one that looks
like a penis.
405
00:19:53,301 --> 00:19:54,716
[Nora] Oh, yeah,
show that dick bong.
406
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,477
Come on, Jessie.
407
00:19:56,581 --> 00:19:58,134
[Wally] Oh, Ma.
408
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:01,137
Oh wow, that's a lot of bongs.
409
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,347
No, no, no, no.
No, no, Ma.
410
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,176
Ma. Hold on. Hold on.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
411
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,626
- I'm already getting it.
- Just tell me which one it is.
412
00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:08,111
- Let her do it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
413
00:20:08,215 --> 00:20:09,699
Don't manhandle the bongs.
414
00:20:09,802 --> 00:20:12,046
Stop. What? We're getting
your grandma a bong.
415
00:20:12,149 --> 00:20:13,012
- What?
- What?
416
00:20:13,116 --> 00:20:19,226
[music]
417
00:20:31,136 --> 00:20:33,034
- Damn.
- Thank you.
418
00:20:33,138 --> 00:20:36,141
- And for you.
- Oh, thank you.
419
00:20:36,245 --> 00:20:37,211
Are you ready to
watch this thing?
420
00:20:37,315 --> 00:20:38,281
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
421
00:20:38,386 --> 00:20:39,628
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
422
00:20:39,732 --> 00:20:41,527
All right. Let's do it.
423
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:44,426
[Grandma] Wally and Brenda.
424
00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:48,396
- [Nora] Wow.
- [Grandma] Sweet.
425
00:20:48,499 --> 00:20:50,329
[Nora]
That's a nice angle.
426
00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:53,816
Wally and Brenda, you rock!
427
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,231
You totally rock.
428
00:20:55,335 --> 00:20:57,613
We want to celebrate you two
with a jam later.
429
00:20:57,716 --> 00:21:00,167
So what do you think? Maybe
When a Man Loves a Woman?
430
00:21:00,272 --> 00:21:01,756
I don't know if we have
a budget for that one.
431
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:03,413
[Nora] Oh, oh.
432
00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:05,656
We have a very special guest
that's going to be doing
433
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,245
the hit song,
Mambo Number Five.
434
00:21:08,349 --> 00:21:10,868
[Woman]
Oh my God, is it Lou Bega?
435
00:21:10,973 --> 00:21:12,043
No.
436
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:14,528
♪ One, two, three, four, five
437
00:21:14,632 --> 00:21:15,771
[Wally] He can really dance.
438
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:19,188
[Nora] Oh no.
439
00:21:21,191 --> 00:21:27,301
[music]
440
00:21:33,273 --> 00:21:35,896
[Grandma] Such a good time.
Let's do it again.
441
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,209
[Wally] Oh, Ma.
442
00:21:40,107 --> 00:21:41,316
[switch clicks]
443
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:45,916
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