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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,433 --> 00:00:33,893 Dear Lord... 2 00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,693 we pray that we may win this game today. 3 00:00:36,713 --> 00:00:40,433 We ask that you give us the strength and the courage... 4 00:00:40,443 --> 00:00:44,373 to win our second straight state championship. 5 00:00:44,393 --> 00:00:46,473 We ask, Lord, that... 6 00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:49,033 nobody on our side is seriously injured. 7 00:00:51,953 --> 00:00:55,003 We know in our hearts, Lord... 8 00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:57,043 that we are the best team. 9 00:00:59,703 --> 00:01:02,693 We ask that you allow us to win this game. 10 00:01:07,873 --> 00:01:10,693 The Lord wants you to put your foot on their balls... 11 00:01:10,713 --> 00:01:12,393 and believe in it... 12 00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,743 because that's what wins football games. 13 00:01:15,753 --> 00:01:19,603 Not jumping offsides like a bunch of wimps and faggots. 14 00:01:21,553 --> 00:01:24,133 All right, lift your heads. Prayer's over. I talked to God. 15 00:01:24,163 --> 00:01:28,553 I'm through talking to God. Now I'm talking to you. 16 00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:30,913 You're going to be out there in front of your families... 17 00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:32,513 your student body. 18 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:34,613 Every girl you ever had a hard-on for... 19 00:01:34,643 --> 00:01:36,823 is gonna be out there today, but you will not be going... 20 00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:38,383 to no sock hop tonight, boys. 21 00:01:38,403 --> 00:01:41,193 You will not get no honey on your stinger tonight... 22 00:01:41,203 --> 00:01:44,833 if you don't go out there and bust your ass. 23 00:01:44,853 --> 00:01:47,893 Because this is it. 24 00:01:47,913 --> 00:01:49,733 This is the big one. 25 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,963 I want you to taste it. 26 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:57,143 I want you to smell it, son. 27 00:02:01,423 --> 00:02:02,783 There's winners... 28 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,803 and there's nothing else. 29 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:07,763 I don't give a shit what those pinkos over in Russia say. 30 00:02:07,773 --> 00:02:10,923 You want to be a loser, you go live in Russia. 31 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:14,733 I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. 32 00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:16,163 I'm an American. 33 00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:17,863 Who wants to be John Wayne? 34 00:02:17,883 --> 00:02:21,493 Who wants to go out there and grab a root and hang on? 35 00:02:21,513 --> 00:02:23,333 Who wants to get a mean-on? 36 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,273 Get a mean-on, son. 37 00:02:25,293 --> 00:02:28,333 Let me see you get a mean-on, son! 38 00:02:28,353 --> 00:02:31,213 Now, who wants it? I want to know! Who wants this? 39 00:02:31,223 --> 00:02:32,373 Who wants to get a mean-on right now? 40 00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:35,923 -Who wants it? -I want it! 41 00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:08,813 Good job, man! 42 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:13,553 The pride of Ashcroft High, Johnny Walker! 43 00:03:13,563 --> 00:03:14,923 Hut! 44 00:03:21,343 --> 00:03:23,383 By God, we're playing football now! 45 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:24,393 Yes, sir! 46 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,633 Coach? It's the last game of the season. 47 00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:29,193 Do you think I could maybe get in for a couple of minutes? 48 00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:32,573 -You want to play? -Yes. Please. 49 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:33,933 No, you don't. 50 00:03:35,363 --> 00:03:37,813 Hut! Hut! 51 00:03:52,703 --> 00:03:55,863 Walker's fortieth T.D. pass this season! 52 00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:58,423 A new state record! 53 00:03:58,443 --> 00:04:01,703 Wide! Wide set! 54 00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:13,703 Gash, give him the punt sign, will ya? 55 00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:21,953 Walker! Kick the ball! Kick it! 56 00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:22,973 Hut! 57 00:04:36,423 --> 00:04:38,343 Another record for Walker! 58 00:04:38,353 --> 00:04:39,893 -Did you see that? -Look at that! 59 00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:42,243 Five-second hang time? 60 00:04:48,593 --> 00:04:49,603 Pardon you. 61 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:55,763 With that completion to Michael Bentley... 62 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:59,023 Walker has just set a national high school record! 63 00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:03,323 1:35, Gibson's out of his car and into the stadium. 64 00:05:06,013 --> 00:05:09,493 Excuse me. Shove over, would you, please? Thanks. 65 00:05:09,513 --> 00:05:12,163 Coach... 66 00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:14,263 that offer still stands. 67 00:05:14,293 --> 00:05:16,183 My answer's still no. 68 00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:18,183 You wait for us for the signals! 69 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,113 We're calling the plays here, Walker! 70 00:05:20,123 --> 00:05:23,343 I think the score is 52-0. 71 00:05:23,363 --> 00:05:25,363 What can we do to get Gash in the game? 72 00:05:25,373 --> 00:05:27,753 I got it. Let's lose five. Break! 73 00:05:27,773 --> 00:05:29,053 Break! 74 00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:32,753 Push it in! I want another score! 75 00:05:32,773 --> 00:05:34,883 Let's go! Let's go! 76 00:05:37,943 --> 00:05:39,933 Hut! Hut! 77 00:05:39,943 --> 00:05:42,193 I'm going down. Oh, it's the leg. I'm down. 78 00:05:43,213 --> 00:05:45,543 What's he doing? What's Walker doing? 79 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,203 I think I broke my dick! 80 00:05:49,493 --> 00:05:51,743 Oh, no, not his George. 81 00:05:51,753 --> 00:05:54,243 Walker's out. Gash! Gash! Get me Gash! 82 00:05:54,263 --> 00:05:55,343 Right here. What's up? 83 00:05:55,363 --> 00:05:57,413 Get in the game, Gash! Put it in the end zone. 84 00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:58,583 My first time! 85 00:05:58,603 --> 00:06:00,743 -What's the matter, son? -I broke my dick, Coach. 86 00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,683 Rub some dirt on it and get back in there. 87 00:06:02,703 --> 00:06:04,123 It's broken, I'm telling you. 88 00:06:04,143 --> 00:06:06,093 You go left. 89 00:06:06,113 --> 00:06:07,653 You go right. I'll run. 90 00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:08,683 Break! 91 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,423 Hut! 92 00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:19,973 Oh, Gash! Gash! 93 00:06:19,983 --> 00:06:22,403 Throw your navel in the ground, will ya? 94 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,773 -Hey, Juicy. -Hey, Johnny. 95 00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:26,583 Would you mind taking off your underpants real quick... 96 00:06:26,593 --> 00:06:27,883 and go stand over there? 97 00:06:27,893 --> 00:06:30,253 -Sure. Anything for you. -Thank you. 98 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:36,553 2:35, cheerleader taking her yellow panties off. 99 00:06:36,573 --> 00:06:38,153 Thank you. Over and out. 100 00:06:39,943 --> 00:06:43,423 Hey, guys, Juicy Dorfman isn't wearing any underpants. 101 00:06:48,153 --> 00:06:50,143 SQ? 102 00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:53,143 Left, 46, on the first sound. 103 00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:54,133 Ready? 104 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,143 Break! 105 00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:56,173 Break! 106 00:07:01,863 --> 00:07:03,613 Oh, I see. 107 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,323 That girl's not wearing any underwear. 108 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,513 What? 109 00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:08,523 -Which one? -Hey, check it out! 110 00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:10,153 Hut! 111 00:07:15,383 --> 00:07:17,593 Hob; mob!‘-! 112 00:07:17,613 --> 00:07:18,963 Oh, wrong. 113 00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:27,803 I see the hole! I see the hole! 114 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,713 I see--yeah! 115 00:07:39,903 --> 00:07:42,413 Ashcroft High has just won... 116 00:07:42,433 --> 00:07:45,923 their second consecutive state football championship! 117 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:48,763 Congratulations to coach Wayne Hisler... 118 00:07:48,773 --> 00:07:52,363 and especially to everyone's high school all-American... 119 00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:54,383 Johnny Walker! 120 00:08:17,703 --> 00:08:18,993 Hello? 121 00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:21,653 Hey, Johnny. Glad I could get to you. 122 00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:23,023 This is Howard Case“. 123 00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:25,803 You were just tremendous out there today. 124 00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:28,563 I've never seen a better performance... 125 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,833 at the high school level. 126 00:08:29,853 --> 00:08:33,363 You should go to an Ivy League school... 127 00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:37,513 by the name of Yale University, in my opinion, young man. 128 00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:39,773 Have you thought about such a thing? 129 00:08:39,793 --> 00:08:41,783 Is this really you, Howard? Howard? 130 00:08:41,793 --> 00:08:44,903 -Who is this? -This is Howard Cosell. 131 00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:47,923 Does anybody in America like you? Huh? 132 00:08:51,273 --> 00:08:54,353 Coach, I'm sorry. 133 00:08:54,383 --> 00:08:56,493 My boys, my boys, all right. 134 00:08:56,513 --> 00:08:58,163 That's worth a victory, huh? 135 00:08:58,183 --> 00:09:00,673 That's worth a victory. 136 00:09:03,813 --> 00:09:05,573 Johnny, listen to me, man. 137 00:09:05,593 --> 00:09:07,703 Sign with me, I will make you a star. 138 00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:09,073 Ignore all these other guys, man. 139 00:09:09,093 --> 00:09:10,903 They're a bunch of athletic pimps. 140 00:09:10,923 --> 00:09:13,143 Trust me--athletic pimps. Look at the way they dress. 141 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,083 Write your own ticket! I'll give you anything you want. 142 00:09:15,103 --> 00:09:17,183 Spring break, huh? Puerto Rico! 143 00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:19,553 Just tell me what you want, and I'll get you two of them. 144 00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:21,113 What do you like? You like girls? 145 00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:24,283 -I like your head. -You got it! What else? 146 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,023 Ice cream? Cultural pursuits? 147 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:30,123 Johnny, I can offer you TV coverage. 148 00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:32,753 I can offer you TV every single Saturday. 149 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,763 You don't need him. 150 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,973 I got what you want. I got what you need. 151 00:09:36,983 --> 00:09:39,703 We'll keep running that style of offense, boy. 152 00:09:39,723 --> 00:09:41,733 You're gonna start right away! Right away, you hear? 153 00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:43,703 That's what you want to do-- play football, right, boy? 154 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,633 Smurfs. Smurfs. Smurf patrol. 155 00:09:56,643 --> 00:09:59,153 Hi. Thank you. 156 00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:00,893 Watch my feet. Watch the toes. 157 00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:02,483 OK. Don't I know your mom? 158 00:10:02,503 --> 00:10:04,323 What's it like being king of the 12-year-olds? 159 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,363 Georgia! What? 160 00:10:06,383 --> 00:10:07,773 Say that again? 161 00:10:07,783 --> 00:10:10,433 What's it like being king of the 12-year-olds? 162 00:10:10,453 --> 00:10:11,833 Let me tell you something. These girls are gonna be... 163 00:10:11,853 --> 00:10:13,633 beautiful grown women in about two minutes. 164 00:10:13,653 --> 00:10:16,043 -You shouldn't really say that. -Freeze! 165 00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:18,243 Move away from my daughter, Walker! 166 00:10:18,263 --> 00:10:19,743 Don't tell me he's still pissed off... 167 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,643 'cause I brought you home a day late? 168 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,743 Don't tell me that. Is that what happened? 169 00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:26,223 No. 170 00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:27,223 Johnny.. 171 00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:28,723 What? What was it? 172 00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,383 It was the hickeys. 173 00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:32,353 You can't really cover those up at all. 174 00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:36,763 -What? -Let's give him one. 175 00:10:40,983 --> 00:10:43,473 Get your mouth off her, Walker! 176 00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,243 Let's go, Georgia! 177 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,263 "Ow! 178 00:10:50,623 --> 00:10:52,543 I'll see you later. 179 00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:53,543 Very good. 180 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,843 Do you love me? 181 00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:59,193 Thank you. 182 00:10:59,203 --> 00:11:01,013 I can't say anything but thank you. 183 00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:05,333 -Over here, boy! -Johnny! 184 00:11:05,343 --> 00:11:07,353 You could be going to the Super Bowl! 185 00:11:11,573 --> 00:11:13,193 Excuse me. Excuse me. 186 00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:16,643 I'm sorry. I can't talk now. I have to go. Watch the jacket. 187 00:11:16,653 --> 00:11:18,043 We'll talk later. OK. 188 00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,593 Wrong! 189 00:11:19,623 --> 00:11:22,403 Less with the lies, more with the broads! 190 00:11:25,433 --> 00:11:26,443 Back off! 191 00:11:26,463 --> 00:11:27,913 Bye now! 192 00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:30,383 Thank you. Thanks a lot, recruiters! 193 00:11:30,393 --> 00:11:32,313 You think those recruiters would all want you as much... 194 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,723 if they knew you were afraid of the dark? 195 00:11:35,743 --> 00:11:37,123 I'm not afraid of the dark. 196 00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:38,993 It's OK. I'm not gonna spill the beans... 197 00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:40,623 that you sleep with a night-light. 198 00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:43,493 I don't need a night-light. 199 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:47,443 Come on. Yes, you do. It's OK. You're a punk. Accept it. 200 00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:49,703 All right, I accept it. 201 00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,673 So what?! 202 00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:52,933 SQ? 203 00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:55,973 OK, hit me again. 204 00:11:58,263 --> 00:11:59,303 Right here. 205 00:12:03,193 --> 00:12:05,093 I feel good now. 206 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:08,353 Leo, it's time you and me moved on to big-time, pal. 207 00:12:08,373 --> 00:12:10,223 -The big-time scholarships... -UCC. 208 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:14,053 -Big-time contacts, big deals. -UCC is the place for you. 209 00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,073 Hey, did I ever tell you about Coach Hisler's wife? 210 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:19,033 -No. UCC. -She has a set of chihuahuas... 211 00:12:19,213 --> 00:12:22,203 There's someone sneakin‘ 212 00:12:22,213 --> 00:12:25,233 Round the corner 213 00:12:25,253 --> 00:12:27,713 Could that someone 214 00:12:27,723 --> 00:12:30,973 Be Mack the Knife? 215 00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:33,743 There's a tugboat 216 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,413 Down by the river, don't you know? 217 00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:39,723 Well, the cement there 218 00:12:39,733 --> 00:12:42,553 Just a-drooping on down 219 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,253 You're getting really good, Wayne. 220 00:12:44,273 --> 00:12:46,463 I just love your singing. 221 00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:47,653 Thank you, baby. 222 00:12:47,673 --> 00:12:50,223 You know, I was reading at the market today... 223 00:12:50,243 --> 00:12:52,693 that we all come from another world... 224 00:12:52,713 --> 00:12:56,303 and we choose in that world who we want to be in this world... 225 00:12:56,323 --> 00:13:00,803 and we're all connected by a common cosmic thread. 226 00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,363 That's right, honey. That's true. 227 00:13:02,383 --> 00:13:03,743 What time you going to work? 228 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:06,373 After I make dinner for you and clean up. 229 00:13:06,393 --> 00:13:10,823 Do you realize that we're living nine lives simultaneously? 230 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,013 Of course. 231 00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:15,653 -Listen, sweetcake? -Yes? 232 00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:17,683 On your way back from work, would you pick up... 233 00:13:17,703 --> 00:13:19,163 my yellow suit from the cleaners? 234 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,323 OK. No problem. It's near that bakery... 235 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:26,803 that bakes that black mundle bread you love so much. 236 00:13:38,423 --> 00:13:39,713 Hello. Coach Hisler's house? 237 00:13:39,723 --> 00:13:41,213 Is he in? 238 00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:42,973 I think so. 239 00:13:42,993 --> 00:13:44,073 May I? 240 00:13:44,103 --> 00:13:47,613 Oh, sure. Just follow the sound of the music. 241 00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:48,923 Thank you. 242 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:50,253 Whoo, look out 243 00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:51,693 Oh, Miss Lottie Lenya 244 00:13:51,703 --> 00:13:56,263 And old Lucy Brown 245 00:13:56,283 --> 00:14:00,533 Chancellor, how are you? Good to see you again, sir. 246 00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:02,363 How about that game today, huh? 247 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,303 Nice. Walker was everything you said he was. 248 00:14:04,323 --> 00:14:05,333 Yes. 249 00:14:05,353 --> 00:14:07,603 What do I do to get him to go to Piermont? 250 00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:09,803 I just want you to sit down and relax. Enjoy my home. 251 00:14:09,823 --> 00:14:12,043 You're going to have dinner with us, aren't you? 252 00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:16,613 I don't think we have enough salmon patties, Wayne. 253 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:18,453 What the hey? 254 00:14:18,463 --> 00:14:21,353 Break out the fish sticks, honey. 255 00:14:21,363 --> 00:14:22,483 Oh, OK. 256 00:14:22,503 --> 00:14:26,263 Darling. Some of that sparkling fruit wine. 257 00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:30,393 Have a seat, please, Chancellor. 258 00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:32,623 Look, Coach, I didn't get to become president... 259 00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:35,573 of Piermont University by mincing words. 260 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,703 My backers are getting impatient. 261 00:14:37,723 --> 00:14:39,603 They want success this year. 262 00:14:39,623 --> 00:14:42,663 They want to win. I want Walker. 263 00:14:42,683 --> 00:14:45,343 I'm the key to Walker, obviously. 264 00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:46,973 Obviously you are. 265 00:14:46,993 --> 00:14:50,423 What is it you want? Name your price. 266 00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:53,883 I want to be the new head coach at Piermont University. 267 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,903 Is that all? 268 00:14:54,943 --> 00:14:56,953 No. I want a five-year no-cut contract... 269 00:14:56,973 --> 00:14:58,363 weekly television show... 270 00:14:58,373 --> 00:15:01,093 membership in the country club, et cetera. All the usual perks. 271 00:15:01,103 --> 00:15:04,533 The main thing is that Walker is going to go... 272 00:15:04,553 --> 00:15:07,703 where I tell him to go, or he's not going anywhere. 273 00:15:07,713 --> 00:15:09,003 That's a fact. 274 00:15:09,013 --> 00:15:11,763 You can guarantee that? 275 00:15:11,783 --> 00:15:13,633 The kid loves me. 276 00:15:13,653 --> 00:15:15,913 You know, it's--. 277 00:15:15,923 --> 00:15:18,213 I'm like a father to him. Really. 278 00:15:18,223 --> 00:15:20,873 Hisler's such an asshole. 279 00:15:22,263 --> 00:15:27,223 Johnny, I've been having all these twisted visions lately. 280 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:29,123 So lay one on me. 281 00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:32,253 Well, I was thinking about developing... 282 00:15:32,273 --> 00:15:34,983 a deep personal relationship with a psychiatrist. 283 00:15:35,013 --> 00:15:36,733 You know, very tight. 284 00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,753 And then one day, just while he's complimenting me... 285 00:15:38,783 --> 00:15:40,823 on all the headway progress I'm making... 286 00:15:40,843 --> 00:15:43,633 in the area of my obsessive fear of torque wrenches... 287 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:47,743 just cut him off mid-sentence and say, "Hey, oops! 288 00:15:47,753 --> 00:15:51,303 "Why am I angry at you today?" He gets all Germanic on me... 289 00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:53,873 and goes, "Well, I think that it stems--" 290 00:15:53,893 --> 00:15:56,613 It stems from nothing. That's a trick question. 291 00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:59,483 I take his Ph.D. off the wall and beat him... 292 00:15:59,503 --> 00:16:01,753 about the head and shoulders with it for about an hour... 293 00:16:01,763 --> 00:16:04,183 and then I whisper softly in his ear... 294 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,593 "I'd like to pay for my next twenty visits in advance." 295 00:16:24,363 --> 00:16:27,043 Johnny, be all you can be. 296 00:16:27,063 --> 00:16:30,383 -For $81.50 a month after taxes? -Exactly. 297 00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:32,143 No, I don't think so. Thank you, though. 298 00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:34,343 -Notre Dame, my son. -Father, how you doing? 299 00:16:34,373 --> 00:16:36,123 Aren't you gonna be late for a mass or something? 300 00:16:36,143 --> 00:16:37,523 Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. 301 00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:39,893 Alabama is football. Alabama's where you should be! 302 00:16:39,903 --> 00:16:41,913 Penn State is always in the top ten. 303 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:43,653 We kicked Alabama's butt last year. 304 00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:46,103 That was one game. It's freezing in Penn State. 305 00:16:46,113 --> 00:16:47,263 It's a normal climate. 306 00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:49,533 Normal? Normal if you're a seal or an eskimo. 307 00:16:49,553 --> 00:16:51,263 It's good to see the seasons change! 308 00:16:51,283 --> 00:16:53,393 It's good to see the seasons change! 309 00:16:57,323 --> 00:16:58,783 Leo, Leo. 310 00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:01,753 My school has a buddy system. If Johnny goes there... 311 00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:04,013 all of his buddies get to go there, too, first class. 312 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,043 Boy buddies, girl buddies, everybody. 313 00:17:06,073 --> 00:17:07,683 I'm ready for college... 314 00:17:07,703 --> 00:17:09,053 and corruption. 315 00:17:09,073 --> 00:17:10,523 My school doesn't do that, Leo. 316 00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:12,683 It just exists in your imagination. 317 00:17:12,703 --> 00:17:14,623 Well, I have a grand imagination. 318 00:17:15,613 --> 00:17:17,103 How about ten grand? 319 00:17:25,153 --> 00:17:26,473 Leo, more chicken? 320 00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:28,743 I'll just get the rest to go, please. 321 00:17:28,753 --> 00:17:29,833 Right. 322 00:17:29,853 --> 00:17:32,273 Anything, Johnny, anything! 323 00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:33,673 I love you! 324 00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:35,413 Let's set a time! 325 00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:38,083 I'm free tonight! 326 00:17:40,203 --> 00:17:42,983 I can't believe the bald guy is still here. 327 00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:44,453 It's crazy out there. 328 00:17:44,473 --> 00:17:48,233 Well, it's crazy in here, too, but I like it. 329 00:17:48,243 --> 00:17:50,853 My lures are selling like hotcakes. 330 00:17:50,873 --> 00:17:53,393 They especially like my walleyed gibbler. 331 00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:56,173 - This is exciting. -It's original, huh? 332 00:17:56,383 --> 00:17:58,433 Oh, honey, I'm proud of you. I really am. 333 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,403 You've worked hard for this for a long time. 334 00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:01,603 Thank you, Mom. 335 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,803 You know I couldn't have done it without you. 336 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:04,863 Yeah. 337 00:18:04,893 --> 00:18:06,943 I'm glad you know it, 'cause it's true. 338 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:09,243 I swear one day very soon I'm gonna work hard enough... 339 00:18:09,263 --> 00:18:11,183 that you're not gonna have to work again, Mom. 340 00:18:11,193 --> 00:18:13,203 I don't mind working, Johnny. 341 00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:16,663 It's a decent way to make a living. 342 00:18:16,673 --> 00:18:19,453 Well, I know you don't mind. That's why I do. 343 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,523 Where's Georgia today? 344 00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:23,323 Yeah. Where is she? 345 00:18:23,343 --> 00:18:25,203 She's grounded. 346 00:18:25,213 --> 00:18:28,203 -Why? -For knowing me. 347 00:18:28,213 --> 00:18:30,463 Yes. I can understand that. 348 00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:33,873 Popping off, Ma, huh? 349 00:18:33,883 --> 00:18:35,343 You ready for a little pea in the head, Ma? 350 00:18:35,363 --> 00:18:37,643 Will you stop? No, wait. Now, don't. 351 00:18:37,663 --> 00:18:39,843 You want another one? Here it is. Whoa. 352 00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:41,213 All right. You stop. 353 00:18:43,663 --> 00:18:47,213 All right, that's it. No dessert. What can I do? 354 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,553 So, Ray, what did you think of the game? 355 00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:52,683 You looked goofy. 356 00:18:52,703 --> 00:18:53,853 I looked what? 357 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,083 Goofy. 358 00:18:55,113 --> 00:18:57,393 You didn't look in the mirror today. You know why? 359 00:18:57,413 --> 00:18:59,403 'Cause you don't have any teeth. When you get some front teeth... 360 00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:00,903 then you can tell me how goofy I look. 361 00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:04,743 Until that moment comes along, you can't say anything, OK? 362 00:19:04,753 --> 00:19:07,143 -OK? Do you hear me? -Yes! 363 00:19:07,153 --> 00:19:08,943 -Say, "| hear you, Johnny." -I hear you, Johnny! 364 00:19:08,953 --> 00:19:11,703 -Say, "| hear you, big brother." -I hear you, big brother! 365 00:19:11,723 --> 00:19:15,523 -Say, "You are my man." -You are my man. 366 00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,283 No. She just ate. Now... 367 00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:18,583 But much more importantly... 368 00:19:18,603 --> 00:19:20,243 what about Leo's first touchdown ever? 369 00:19:20,263 --> 00:19:21,513 You looked good today. 370 00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:24,083 Thank you. Once I got the right direction going, right? 371 00:19:24,113 --> 00:19:27,793 Why don't you ever eat at your house, Leo? 372 00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:29,093 Why? 373 00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:32,563 Well, I think it's basically because my parents hate me... 374 00:19:32,573 --> 00:19:34,823 and they have accused me of carrying... 375 00:19:34,853 --> 00:19:37,843 an ammonia-filled tentacle around with me... 376 00:19:37,853 --> 00:19:39,933 which, of course, I do not! 377 00:19:39,953 --> 00:19:42,703 What is this, the funny farm? 378 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,923 I can understand why they hate you. 379 00:19:48,293 --> 00:19:49,783 Johnny, my boy, you know. 380 00:19:49,793 --> 00:19:52,723 Listen. You've got to get organized, you know? 381 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,723 Now, you've had calls from Michigan... 382 00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:57,993 UCC, Piermont and Ol' Tex... 383 00:19:58,003 --> 00:20:01,653 LSU and Kansas and Cornell. 384 00:20:01,673 --> 00:20:04,453 What do you think, Mom? Do I call these people back? 385 00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:09,163 Well, superstar, you can start by clearing the table... 386 00:20:09,183 --> 00:20:11,263 and helping me with the dishes. 387 00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:13,963 Nice little reality break from Mom there, huh? 388 00:20:13,983 --> 00:20:15,983 - Isn't that nice? - Well, you're home now, son. 389 00:20:15,993 --> 00:20:16,983 Thank you, Gramp. 390 00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:19,953 This doesn't have a hook on it. 391 00:20:19,963 --> 00:20:21,073 And you are in trouble. 392 00:20:21,093 --> 00:20:22,743 You couldn't catch a single monkfish... 393 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,803 if you had to. 394 00:20:23,833 --> 00:20:26,653 -See you later. -That a boy. 395 00:20:26,673 --> 00:20:28,123 A fish. 396 00:21:34,203 --> 00:21:35,783 Your family's really nice. 397 00:21:35,803 --> 00:21:38,093 Your mom's a terrible cook. 398 00:21:39,703 --> 00:21:40,883 Thank you. 399 00:21:40,903 --> 00:21:42,983 -Where are we going now? -Georgia's. 400 00:21:43,003 --> 00:21:45,333 Really? I thought she was grounded. 401 00:21:45,353 --> 00:21:46,933 I'm ungrounding her. 402 00:21:57,523 --> 00:21:58,743 Freeze, boy! 403 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:05,483 I see. It's gotta be a Rottweiler. 404 00:22:05,503 --> 00:22:08,923 There's no mistaking this. That's no chihuahua. 405 00:22:11,533 --> 00:22:14,753 I thought her parents hated you. It must be embarrassing. 406 00:22:14,783 --> 00:22:16,263 Yeah, well, she digs me. 407 00:22:16,283 --> 00:22:18,393 Her father is the one who I have problems with. 408 00:22:18,413 --> 00:22:19,733 She'll come around. 409 00:22:22,043 --> 00:22:24,263 Mrs. Elkans, good evening. 410 00:22:24,293 --> 00:22:26,243 Is Georgia home? 411 00:22:26,253 --> 00:22:31,113 Yes...and that's where she's going to stay. 412 00:22:33,193 --> 00:22:35,483 I just felt the love beam. 413 00:22:35,503 --> 00:22:37,013 She loves me. 414 00:22:45,313 --> 00:22:47,263 Freeze, dirtbags! 415 00:22:47,273 --> 00:22:50,663 I don't want you sniffing around my daughter, Walker. 416 00:22:50,673 --> 00:22:51,793 What's shaking, Chief? 417 00:22:51,813 --> 00:22:54,233 Chief, how the hell was patrol? 418 00:22:54,253 --> 00:22:56,243 You're in big trouble, Walker. 419 00:22:56,253 --> 00:22:59,003 Chief, you can't keep me away from your daughter. 420 00:22:59,023 --> 00:23:01,603 I'm gonna keep you away from her forever. 421 00:23:01,623 --> 00:23:03,073 How you gonna do that, Chief? 422 00:23:03,083 --> 00:23:05,713 We're gonna settle this thing once and for all. 423 00:23:05,733 --> 00:23:08,183 I can't just beat the shit out of you... 424 00:23:08,193 --> 00:23:10,273 so we're gonna have us a little game of football... 425 00:23:10,293 --> 00:23:11,753 and I'm gonna hurt you. 426 00:23:11,763 --> 00:23:14,483 I'm gonna play with these two men right here. 427 00:23:14,503 --> 00:23:15,793 These men right here? 428 00:23:15,803 --> 00:23:18,593 OK, hold on. Let me get a head count for a second. 429 00:23:18,603 --> 00:23:20,423 You got one, two, three, four. 430 00:23:20,443 --> 00:23:23,153 That's a little unfair, isn't it? 431 00:23:23,173 --> 00:23:25,293 Well, then you can play with the big cheese. 432 00:23:25,313 --> 00:23:27,463 Oh, now I like it. Chief, one last thing. 433 00:23:27,483 --> 00:23:30,963 Once we kick your butt, Georgia's mine. 434 00:23:30,983 --> 00:23:32,903 Well, then, just to make it fair... 435 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:36,473 you're gonna get to play with one hand behind your back. 436 00:23:36,493 --> 00:23:38,003 Isn't that cute? 437 00:23:38,023 --> 00:23:40,413 Chief, you don't play with one hand, do you? 438 00:23:43,903 --> 00:23:45,853 Let's bless the ball. 439 00:23:45,873 --> 00:23:48,983 A little pooper for the Troopers. 440 00:24:00,243 --> 00:24:02,733 Rotten little piss-ants. 441 00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:05,203 Go, John! 442 00:24:08,393 --> 00:24:11,643 Cheerleaders? Cheerleaders? 443 00:24:11,653 --> 00:24:12,803 Run! 444 00:24:14,103 --> 00:24:15,413 I got it, I got it. 445 00:24:15,433 --> 00:24:16,823 Luther! 446 00:24:45,063 --> 00:24:46,673 Can I see some I.D., please? 447 00:24:51,863 --> 00:24:54,113 Nice catch, Cooper. 448 00:24:56,973 --> 00:24:59,723 Yay, Troopers! 449 00:24:59,743 --> 00:25:02,063 Get 'em out of here. 450 00:25:02,073 --> 00:25:03,963 Oh, my God. 451 00:25:03,983 --> 00:25:04,993 Hut! 452 00:25:07,753 --> 00:25:09,893 Hey, fat man, get out of here. 453 00:25:09,913 --> 00:25:11,463 I'm out of here. 454 00:25:18,423 --> 00:25:21,173 Look at him go. Look at the chief. 455 00:25:21,193 --> 00:25:22,583 Wait a second. 456 00:25:22,593 --> 00:25:24,273 That's a $20 ball. That's a game ball. 457 00:25:24,303 --> 00:25:26,313 Let's get him. 458 00:25:34,983 --> 00:25:38,833 It started last weekend 459 00:25:38,843 --> 00:25:41,563 At the Yale-Harvard game 460 00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:45,173 10:38. This movie is shit. 461 00:25:45,193 --> 00:25:49,233 Girl, I saw your beaver flash 462 00:25:49,253 --> 00:25:54,113 I'll never be the same 463 00:25:54,133 --> 00:25:57,683 Oh, no 464 00:26:00,663 --> 00:26:05,933 You gave me a soul kiss 465 00:26:05,943 --> 00:26:10,233 Oh, it sure was grand 466 00:26:10,243 --> 00:26:13,593 Johnny, now that I'm homeless... 467 00:26:13,613 --> 00:26:15,433 what do you plan to do with me? 468 00:26:15,453 --> 00:26:17,033 I'm gonna love you. 469 00:26:18,723 --> 00:26:20,713 And I'm gonna marry you. 470 00:26:22,753 --> 00:26:27,113 And that should take care of about sixty years. 471 00:26:27,133 --> 00:26:29,643 Is that a threat or a promise? 472 00:26:29,663 --> 00:26:32,773 That's a threat. 473 00:26:32,793 --> 00:26:34,913 I'm getting old, though. 474 00:26:34,943 --> 00:26:36,293 Yeah, real old. 475 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:37,623 I'm serious. 476 00:26:37,643 --> 00:26:40,563 Next thing you know, I'll be on the beach... 477 00:26:40,573 --> 00:26:45,503 with that big belly, sporting the bikini underwear... 478 00:26:45,513 --> 00:26:46,763 just walking. 479 00:26:48,783 --> 00:26:50,673 Then comes gray hair. 480 00:26:50,683 --> 00:26:54,303 Then comes ear hair, coming out of my ears. 481 00:26:54,323 --> 00:26:57,143 Then comes white hair. Then comes no hair. 482 00:26:57,163 --> 00:26:58,913 Then comes no teeth. 483 00:26:58,923 --> 00:27:02,143 Then, boom, you're 70 years old. 484 00:27:02,163 --> 00:27:03,773 Or 80. 485 00:27:03,793 --> 00:27:06,383 Ooh, nature. 486 00:27:06,403 --> 00:27:08,393 I'll be there. 487 00:27:20,313 --> 00:27:23,533 You kids having a good time? 488 00:27:26,293 --> 00:27:28,903 Hi, John. Johnny Ballgame. 489 00:27:28,923 --> 00:27:31,473 All right. Now, I don't mean to interrupt you. 490 00:27:31,493 --> 00:27:33,243 I just want you to know, John... 491 00:27:33,253 --> 00:27:36,653 that there's a lot of phony hype with all these schools. 492 00:27:36,663 --> 00:27:38,853 Now, I know you better than you know yourself... 493 00:27:38,863 --> 00:27:42,453 and right now the best situation for you is Piermont. 494 00:27:42,463 --> 00:27:44,793 Oh, yeah, Coach? 495 00:27:44,813 --> 00:27:46,123 -Really. -Yeah? 496 00:27:46,143 --> 00:27:49,103 Can I tell them you'll come down for a visit this weekend? 497 00:27:49,113 --> 00:27:50,123 Coach. 498 00:27:52,543 --> 00:27:56,413 You'd be my horse if you never even ran a race. 499 00:27:56,423 --> 00:27:58,413 OK, I'll be there. 500 00:27:58,423 --> 00:28:00,603 -Johnny Ballgame. -OK. 501 00:28:00,623 --> 00:28:03,043 I'll have 'em send you a plane ticket. 502 00:28:03,053 --> 00:28:06,143 You know I've always been fond of you, kid. 503 00:28:06,163 --> 00:28:07,443 Thank you, Coach. 504 00:28:07,463 --> 00:28:10,243 I'm fond of your Pacer. 505 00:28:10,263 --> 00:28:11,303 Thank you. 506 00:28:11,333 --> 00:28:12,873 I'm most fond of it. 507 00:28:12,893 --> 00:28:15,293 Hey, you could have one of these someday. 508 00:28:15,303 --> 00:28:16,813 Don't tease me, Coach. 509 00:28:22,343 --> 00:28:24,803 That's the last damn school I'd ever visit in my life. 510 00:28:24,813 --> 00:28:27,333 Johnny, why are you visiting all these schools? 511 00:28:29,353 --> 00:28:31,463 I thought we planned to go to State... 512 00:28:31,483 --> 00:28:33,633 to be together. 513 00:28:35,493 --> 00:28:37,573 I can't just ignore the opportunity... 514 00:28:37,593 --> 00:28:41,143 to go see schools, to see the country. 515 00:28:41,163 --> 00:28:43,373 You wouldn't want that. 516 00:28:45,603 --> 00:28:48,393 Come on. When you get that look on your face-- 517 00:28:48,403 --> 00:28:49,553 Let me get a kiss, please. 518 00:28:49,573 --> 00:28:51,753 Like, let me get a Georgia fish kiss. 519 00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:54,223 Come get it. 520 00:28:57,113 --> 00:28:58,503 Come get it? 521 00:29:00,013 --> 00:29:01,403 I will. 522 00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:26,493 It's the way to travel, ain't it, soldier? 523 00:29:26,513 --> 00:29:28,503 Huh? You see the country here and... 524 00:29:28,513 --> 00:29:31,333 first-class bucket seats. 525 00:29:31,343 --> 00:29:33,353 The price is right, too, huh? 526 00:29:36,423 --> 00:29:39,003 What are you, a private? 527 00:29:39,023 --> 00:29:42,063 Hey, I'm trying to eat. You mind? 528 00:29:42,083 --> 00:29:44,043 Hey, this is a family bus here. 529 00:29:44,053 --> 00:29:47,283 Hey, Slim. Hey, I'm trying to eat. 530 00:29:47,293 --> 00:29:50,883 Hey, Slim. Knock it off, will you? 531 00:30:02,103 --> 00:30:04,623 I wonder if that's the Ol' Tex plane. 532 00:30:04,653 --> 00:30:06,363 Have you seen a lot of commercial airlines... 533 00:30:06,383 --> 00:30:08,163 that look like a flying horny toad? 534 00:30:08,183 --> 00:30:09,223 No. 535 00:30:19,623 --> 00:30:22,443 Get off that. No. Please. 536 00:30:26,233 --> 00:30:29,093 -Hi. How y'all doing? -How you doing? Good to see you. 537 00:30:29,103 --> 00:30:32,063 My name's Tex Wade. I'm gonna be your host for the weekend. 538 00:30:32,073 --> 00:30:34,613 I'm gonna make sure you get everything you want... 539 00:30:34,643 --> 00:30:36,393 from your visit to Ol' Tex. 540 00:30:36,413 --> 00:30:39,763 Well, thank you, Tex. You got a lot of style, Tex. 541 00:30:39,783 --> 00:30:43,433 How about a little something to blur your vision, Johnny? 542 00:30:43,443 --> 00:30:46,103 - No, thanks, Tex. - Well, then hop in. 543 00:30:46,123 --> 00:30:48,273 OK. Bye, Georgia. 544 00:30:48,293 --> 00:30:50,373 Johnny, be good. 545 00:30:53,753 --> 00:30:56,153 Come on in, Tex. 546 00:30:56,163 --> 00:30:58,243 Georgia, can you see his boots? 547 00:30:59,933 --> 00:31:01,253 See you, Georgia. 548 00:31:04,273 --> 00:31:05,693 Just kidding, Tex. 549 00:31:05,713 --> 00:31:07,563 Aw, man! 550 00:31:19,923 --> 00:31:21,913 Where is that punk? 551 00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:23,433 Excuse me? 552 00:31:23,453 --> 00:31:25,743 I'm not talking to you, lady. 553 00:31:25,763 --> 00:31:27,113 What a jerk. 554 00:31:32,863 --> 00:31:36,353 Thinks his time is more valuable than mine, I guess. 555 00:31:36,373 --> 00:31:39,553 Probably stroking his muskrat somewhere. 556 00:31:43,773 --> 00:31:45,363 Sit down, Coach. 557 00:31:45,383 --> 00:31:47,133 Oh, thank you. 558 00:31:48,653 --> 00:31:51,033 You're late. Where's the kid? 559 00:31:51,053 --> 00:31:54,663 They sprung a math test on him. 560 00:31:54,693 --> 00:31:55,943 You believe that? 561 00:31:55,963 --> 00:31:57,773 He'll be flying down a little later. 562 00:31:57,793 --> 00:32:00,013 Actually, I should give him a little call. 563 00:32:00,023 --> 00:32:01,533 Use the phone back there, please. 564 00:32:01,563 --> 00:32:03,013 Yeah. 565 00:32:03,023 --> 00:32:04,983 You should have seen that airport. 566 00:32:05,003 --> 00:32:06,153 What a madhouse. 567 00:32:07,203 --> 00:32:09,783 It's a beautiful office, Chancellor. 568 00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:11,983 Not too shabby. 569 00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:15,203 John, how are you? 570 00:32:16,183 --> 00:32:17,393 What's the matter? 571 00:32:17,413 --> 00:32:19,193 Well, that's terrible. 572 00:32:19,213 --> 00:32:21,363 Listen. Don't worry about a thing. 573 00:32:21,383 --> 00:32:23,633 We'll just reschedule the meeting, OK? 574 00:32:23,643 --> 00:32:26,443 I know you want to come here with me. 575 00:32:26,453 --> 00:32:27,963 You haven't hurt your chances. 576 00:32:27,993 --> 00:32:31,033 Now, look. As soon as I get off the airplane... 577 00:32:31,053 --> 00:32:32,843 I'm coming right over to see you. 578 00:32:32,853 --> 00:32:35,353 I love you, too, son. 579 00:32:35,363 --> 00:32:36,413 Bye-bye. 580 00:32:37,733 --> 00:32:39,223 That's a great kid. 581 00:33:07,863 --> 00:33:11,843 I want you to feel right at home, like family. 582 00:33:11,863 --> 00:33:14,543 Like this was your very own ranch. 583 00:33:14,573 --> 00:33:17,033 Look, this comes straight from the heart, John. 584 00:33:17,043 --> 00:33:19,293 Everybody here loves you. 585 00:33:19,303 --> 00:33:21,293 You see these long-stemmed American beauties here? 586 00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:22,923 They're all for you. They're yours. 587 00:33:22,943 --> 00:33:25,563 That grass is yours. This whole shindig is yours. 588 00:33:25,583 --> 00:33:28,503 Them trees are yours. Hell, that lake is yours. 589 00:33:28,513 --> 00:33:30,023 Is this part of the campus, Tex? 590 00:33:30,053 --> 00:33:32,233 You could call it part of the campus, Johnny. 591 00:33:32,253 --> 00:33:35,743 You come to Ol' Tex, you can call it anything you want. 592 00:33:35,763 --> 00:33:36,973 I love Ol' Tex. 593 00:33:36,993 --> 00:33:39,783 Margarita, Mr. Wade? -Don't mind if we do, darling. 594 00:33:39,793 --> 00:33:40,903 Here you go. 595 00:33:40,923 --> 00:33:42,813 Never had one of these. 596 00:33:42,823 --> 00:33:46,723 Shit. Everybody drinks margaritas at Ol' Tex. 597 00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:48,623 Feisty little filly, ain't she? 598 00:33:48,633 --> 00:33:50,993 My wife says they're medicinal. 599 00:33:51,003 --> 00:33:52,253 The ride has started! 600 00:33:52,273 --> 00:33:53,693 He's out of the chute. 601 00:33:53,703 --> 00:33:55,793 He's riding that-- 602 00:33:55,813 --> 00:33:57,203 B.B., what's shaking? 603 00:33:57,213 --> 00:33:59,793 Come on, break yourself loose and say hi to Johnny Walker. 604 00:33:59,813 --> 00:34:02,433 Johnny, captain of the team, Bad Breath Banister. 605 00:34:02,443 --> 00:34:03,763 Tough duty, B.B. 606 00:34:03,793 --> 00:34:05,603 That boy's breath would gag a maggot. 607 00:34:05,623 --> 00:34:07,633 I know it, Tex, but he's gotta be... 608 00:34:08,693 --> 00:34:10,403 Ladies and gents... 609 00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:13,503 can I have your attention for one minute? 610 00:34:13,523 --> 00:34:16,113 I want to introduce to you... 611 00:34:16,133 --> 00:34:19,453 five of the most sought-after football players... 612 00:34:19,463 --> 00:34:22,393 in the entire country. 613 00:34:22,403 --> 00:34:24,413 Boys, come on now. 614 00:34:24,443 --> 00:34:25,833 Step up here. 615 00:34:30,573 --> 00:34:33,293 We want you! We want you! 616 00:34:33,313 --> 00:34:35,273 And you're gonna get 'em! 617 00:34:35,283 --> 00:34:37,203 This here is Flick Weaver... 618 00:34:37,223 --> 00:34:38,763 Pete Andropolous... 619 00:34:38,783 --> 00:34:40,973 Benny Figg... 620 00:34:40,983 --> 00:34:43,913 and that hunk of Mexican-Samoan man flesh... 621 00:34:43,933 --> 00:34:45,943 Jose Fopupu. 622 00:34:45,963 --> 00:34:49,543 And last, but not least, Johnny "Rocket Arm" Walker. 623 00:34:49,563 --> 00:34:52,913 We want you! We want you! 624 00:34:52,933 --> 00:34:56,363 Hail all to Ol' Tex 625 00:34:56,373 --> 00:34:59,793 Let the spirit lead 626 00:34:59,803 --> 00:35:03,193 Hail all to Ol' Tex 627 00:35:03,203 --> 00:35:06,573 On to victory 628 00:35:06,583 --> 00:35:10,973 Our minds and hearts are with you 629 00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:15,883 Your hallowed halls we praise 630 00:35:15,893 --> 00:35:18,903 Hail all to Ol' Tex 631 00:35:18,923 --> 00:35:23,613 All the live-long day 632 00:35:40,483 --> 00:35:41,933 Ol' Tex is great. 633 00:35:41,943 --> 00:35:45,413 Yeah, but it can't come close to the money Piermont offered. 634 00:35:45,423 --> 00:35:47,033 Man, only that junk bond bullshit. 635 00:35:47,053 --> 00:35:48,743 I'm splitting. 636 00:35:48,753 --> 00:35:50,113 Where are you going? 637 00:35:50,123 --> 00:35:52,013 I'm going to get some Chinese. 638 00:35:52,023 --> 00:35:53,603 Man, ain't you full yet, brother? 639 00:35:53,623 --> 00:35:56,753 I'm not talking about food. I told Tex I'd only come... 640 00:35:56,763 --> 00:35:58,813 to visit if he got me two Chinese girls. 641 00:35:58,833 --> 00:36:00,823 -Yo, Slick. -He did! 642 00:36:00,833 --> 00:36:03,223 Poontang foo-yang, hoss. 643 00:36:03,233 --> 00:36:07,633 We're gonna show you a real good time. 644 00:36:07,643 --> 00:36:08,993 How you doing, Carmen? 645 00:36:09,013 --> 00:36:11,003 I'm glad to see you. Ralph, what's up with you, man? 646 00:36:11,013 --> 00:36:12,693 How you doing? How's it feeling, man? 647 00:36:12,713 --> 00:36:14,593 Yeah? Things looking up? 648 00:36:14,623 --> 00:36:16,073 Aw, the stock market's down. 649 00:36:16,083 --> 00:36:18,133 Stocks are down, huh? How's your wife, man? 650 00:36:18,153 --> 00:36:19,143 Oh, fair. 651 00:36:19,153 --> 00:36:20,763 I need a partner. 652 00:36:20,783 --> 00:36:22,473 -Still picking pockets, man? -Yeah. 653 00:36:30,333 --> 00:36:33,343 I'm here to tell you that it is my responsibility... 654 00:36:33,363 --> 00:36:36,763 to welcome you to the fold of Ol' Tex. 655 00:36:36,773 --> 00:36:41,163 Sort of like a queen bee with a hive... 656 00:36:41,173 --> 00:36:42,783 and I never miss. 657 00:36:42,803 --> 00:36:45,633 I got me a player in every class. 658 00:36:47,813 --> 00:36:52,173 In order to prepare you for tonight's experience... 659 00:36:52,183 --> 00:36:54,263 we need to do a little hot heart exercise. 660 00:36:54,293 --> 00:36:56,373 Now I'm gonna send you some energy. 661 00:36:57,993 --> 00:36:59,273 Do you feel it? 662 00:36:59,293 --> 00:37:00,743 Do you feel it? 663 00:37:00,763 --> 00:37:02,573 I feel it. I feel good. 664 00:37:02,593 --> 00:37:05,113 -Do you feel the heat? -I feel the heat. 665 00:37:05,133 --> 00:37:07,493 OK, OK. I feel it, too. 666 00:37:07,503 --> 00:37:08,993 OK, now. 667 00:37:09,003 --> 00:37:12,253 How'd you like to go visit our campus? 668 00:37:12,273 --> 00:37:14,313 Where the hell is that campus, by the way? 669 00:37:14,343 --> 00:37:16,463 Well, I'm glad you asked... 670 00:37:16,483 --> 00:37:18,693 because I'm gonna take you there right now. 671 00:37:18,713 --> 00:37:19,723 Thank you, ma'am. 672 00:37:19,743 --> 00:37:24,763 Well, let us grab our drinks and vamoose. 673 00:37:24,793 --> 00:37:26,173 Ooh, numero uno. 674 00:37:28,023 --> 00:37:30,103 I'm going to show you, you lucky boy... 675 00:37:30,123 --> 00:37:33,443 why they call us the Horny Toads. 676 00:37:33,453 --> 00:37:37,253 Why, darling, this is far more than a football team. 677 00:37:37,263 --> 00:37:38,583 Armadillo. 678 00:37:38,603 --> 00:37:40,783 I mean, we have a very fine medical program... 679 00:37:40,803 --> 00:37:43,953 in which many operators come out successfully. 680 00:37:43,973 --> 00:37:45,043 Oh, is that right? 681 00:37:45,073 --> 00:37:46,823 Well, you understand the word "operator"? 682 00:37:46,843 --> 00:37:47,833 Not at all. 683 00:37:47,843 --> 00:37:49,853 -Was that your hand? -That was yours. 684 00:37:49,873 --> 00:37:52,953 Oh, well, that was my hand, darling. 685 00:37:52,973 --> 00:37:57,813 I thought it was a pillow, but I can see I was mistaken. 686 00:37:57,823 --> 00:38:00,973 And as you can see, we have a very fine library. 687 00:38:00,983 --> 00:38:02,233 Right. I can see that. 688 00:38:02,253 --> 00:38:05,613 Well, we'll see the library now. 689 00:38:07,233 --> 00:38:08,813 Excuse me. 690 00:38:14,673 --> 00:38:18,153 Listen, if you're not interested in her... 691 00:38:18,173 --> 00:38:22,183 I may know someone a little more your speed. 692 00:38:25,853 --> 00:38:28,173 Now, darling... 693 00:38:28,183 --> 00:38:32,663 I thought this would be a more intimate place to dine. 694 00:38:32,683 --> 00:38:34,173 A little more spacious. 695 00:38:34,193 --> 00:38:36,513 I can't believe the size of this campus. 696 00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:38,843 - It's huge. - Well, you bet. 697 00:38:38,863 --> 00:38:41,073 They're all gonna be saying it-- "Go, Johnny, go." 698 00:38:41,093 --> 00:38:44,673 In the fall, 80,000 people will be cheering you on, darling. 699 00:38:44,703 --> 00:38:46,193 Johnny Walker! 700 00:38:46,203 --> 00:38:49,883 And I can guarantee you something, sweetheart. 701 00:38:49,903 --> 00:38:51,253 It will be nothing... 702 00:38:51,273 --> 00:38:53,763 like the performance I'm about to give. 703 00:38:55,713 --> 00:38:57,033 Oh, no. 704 00:39:00,213 --> 00:39:01,633 Oh. Ouch. 705 00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:02,633 Oh, boink. 706 00:39:02,643 --> 00:39:04,063 Thank you so much. 707 00:39:04,093 --> 00:39:05,373 Matter of fact... 708 00:39:05,393 --> 00:39:07,973 I should start abusing that term-thank you-- 709 00:39:07,993 --> 00:39:11,413 because it can get me in and out of more situations... 710 00:39:11,423 --> 00:39:13,173 with smooth sincerity. 711 00:39:14,663 --> 00:39:16,483 Absolutely the best thing I could say... 712 00:39:16,503 --> 00:39:17,923 is thank you right now. 713 00:39:17,933 --> 00:39:19,783 Thank you and... 714 00:39:19,803 --> 00:39:21,793 well, thank you. Thank you. 715 00:39:21,803 --> 00:39:23,283 Darling, you talk too much. 716 00:39:23,303 --> 00:39:24,783 Wait a minute. No, thank you. 717 00:39:24,813 --> 00:39:26,823 See, I'm not the type of guy who thinks-- 718 00:39:26,843 --> 00:39:28,853 -Joe Bob! -Yo! 719 00:39:28,873 --> 00:39:31,293 Tell 'em about the Ol' Tex baby dolls... 720 00:39:31,313 --> 00:39:35,303 and how they like to sneak in the locker room at halftime. 721 00:39:35,323 --> 00:39:37,313 Lord have mercy, boys. 722 00:39:37,323 --> 00:39:40,313 We spend $20,000 a month on these pretty little fillies... 723 00:39:40,323 --> 00:39:42,813 just for the football program alone. 724 00:39:42,823 --> 00:39:44,433 You gonna like it here. 725 00:39:44,463 --> 00:39:48,823 Please stop. Stop. I--thank you very much. 726 00:39:48,833 --> 00:39:51,823 Miss, look, thank you. No. You're making this hard enough. 727 00:39:51,833 --> 00:39:53,183 Please stop. 728 00:39:54,943 --> 00:39:57,693 Jose, come on down here, boy. I wanna show you your future. 729 00:39:57,703 --> 00:39:58,923 Ride 'em, cowboy! 730 00:39:58,943 --> 00:40:00,933 Speaking of luxury, if my eyes don't deceive me... 731 00:40:00,943 --> 00:40:02,823 that's a boy getting his knob polished... 732 00:40:02,843 --> 00:40:04,523 right there on the fifty-yard line. 733 00:40:04,553 --> 00:40:05,633 Say what? 734 00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:08,733 I gotta go, you understand? 735 00:40:08,753 --> 00:40:11,763 Oh, wait! Where are you-- Don't leave! 736 00:40:11,783 --> 00:40:14,503 And |--stop! Stop! Let me go. 737 00:40:14,523 --> 00:40:17,173 Oh, I gotta put this up on the scoreboard... 738 00:40:17,193 --> 00:40:18,683 see it a little clearer. 739 00:40:19,893 --> 00:40:23,403 I have to go. No, I'm not a homosexual. 740 00:40:23,423 --> 00:40:25,353 I have to go. 741 00:40:25,373 --> 00:40:26,853 No, you don't. 742 00:40:26,873 --> 00:40:29,363 By God. I'll be dipped in dog shit. 743 00:40:29,373 --> 00:40:30,853 That's Johnny Walker. 744 00:40:30,873 --> 00:40:32,353 What the-- 745 00:40:32,373 --> 00:40:35,203 Shit. That's my wife! 746 00:40:35,213 --> 00:40:36,663 That's your wife? 747 00:40:36,683 --> 00:40:39,193 Who said that? Wait a minute. Please. You have a husband? 748 00:40:39,213 --> 00:40:40,863 I'm getting out of here now. This is it, and I'm out. 749 00:40:40,883 --> 00:40:43,733 And put those tits away. This was no med school. 750 00:40:43,743 --> 00:40:45,743 -This was not a library! -I wanna play ball! 751 00:40:45,753 --> 00:40:46,903 I have to go! 752 00:40:46,923 --> 00:40:49,883 I won't put away my tits before you get back here! 753 00:40:49,893 --> 00:40:51,883 Come back here, you |i|' boy! 754 00:40:51,893 --> 00:40:53,373 I gotta go! No, no! 755 00:40:53,393 --> 00:40:55,913 Come back here! I can make you feel good! 756 00:41:04,343 --> 00:41:06,763 Get your butt in this car, boy! Now! 757 00:41:06,773 --> 00:41:08,263 Come on, let's go! 758 00:41:08,273 --> 00:41:09,763 You wanna go? Get in! 759 00:41:11,743 --> 00:41:13,733 Hey, don't be doing that to the paint! 760 00:41:13,743 --> 00:41:16,243 Tex'll have my behind for that. 761 00:41:16,253 --> 00:41:18,433 Don't be doing that. Get in. Come on. 762 00:41:24,363 --> 00:41:26,783 Oh, so this is the medical school. 763 00:41:43,753 --> 00:41:46,033 Hey, boys, come on down here! 764 00:41:46,053 --> 00:41:48,563 Got the entire front row for y'all! 765 00:41:57,263 --> 00:41:58,773 Oh, my gosh! 766 00:41:58,793 --> 00:41:59,903 It's looking very good! 767 00:41:59,923 --> 00:42:00,933 Oh, no. 768 00:42:32,353 --> 00:42:34,343 Sure was nice of 0|‘ Tex to let us use his car. 769 00:42:34,363 --> 00:42:37,513 Goddamn! It was nice of him to give us his wife! 770 00:42:40,063 --> 00:42:42,753 - Fill 'er up? - Yes, sir, with beer. 771 00:42:42,763 --> 00:42:44,223 HEY- 772 00:42:44,243 --> 00:42:46,393 Get you guys a beer or maybe two. 773 00:42:47,873 --> 00:42:49,193 How you doing? 774 00:42:49,213 --> 00:42:52,033 -Doing good. How you doing? -Good, good. 775 00:42:52,043 --> 00:42:54,593 You going to play football at Ol' Tex? 776 00:42:54,623 --> 00:42:56,873 Oh, I don't know yet. 777 00:42:56,883 --> 00:42:59,873 You know, I used to be a football player. 778 00:42:59,883 --> 00:43:02,303 They said I would've been all-American... 779 00:43:02,323 --> 00:43:04,363 if I hadn't hurt my leg. 780 00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:07,313 What happened? 781 00:43:07,333 --> 00:43:09,823 Did you go to Ol' Tex? 782 00:43:09,833 --> 00:43:12,183 I was going to, but... 783 00:43:12,193 --> 00:43:14,823 I never got the chance. 784 00:43:14,843 --> 00:43:16,833 After they took my scholarship away... 785 00:43:16,843 --> 00:43:18,323 I had to quit school. 786 00:43:18,343 --> 00:43:19,823 But... 787 00:43:19,843 --> 00:43:22,623 Ol' Tex took care of me, got me this job. 788 00:43:26,053 --> 00:43:27,693 I ain't complaining. 789 00:43:34,723 --> 00:43:35,843 HEY- 790 00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:37,853 - Yeah, buddy. - Party! 791 00:43:37,863 --> 00:43:40,043 Yeah! Gonna party tonight! 792 00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:47,123 What's this stuff, man? 793 00:43:51,233 --> 00:43:52,413 What is it? 794 00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:58,633 That's Texas sushi, boy. 795 00:43:58,643 --> 00:44:00,693 Forget you, man. 796 00:44:05,653 --> 00:44:07,303 Come on. We're out of here. 797 00:44:07,323 --> 00:44:08,813 Let's jam. 798 00:44:08,823 --> 00:44:09,863 Move it out! All right. 799 00:44:27,473 --> 00:44:28,983 There he is! 800 00:44:29,013 --> 00:44:31,763 Hey, Johnny, why'd you visit Ol' Tex? 801 00:44:31,773 --> 00:44:33,993 I need silence. I need silence. 802 00:44:34,023 --> 00:44:36,703 Why'd you go there in the first place? 803 00:44:36,723 --> 00:44:38,713 Come on, you're smarter than that, Johnny. 804 00:44:38,723 --> 00:44:40,033 I don't know. I don't know. 805 00:44:40,053 --> 00:44:43,703 Until you signed your letter, nothing else means squat. 806 00:44:46,563 --> 00:44:48,173 Hey. Hello there. 807 00:44:48,193 --> 00:44:50,553 Hi, honey. 808 00:44:50,563 --> 00:44:52,553 How was the campus? 809 00:44:52,563 --> 00:44:54,013 The campus. 810 00:44:54,043 --> 00:44:57,053 Right. It was nice, Mom. 811 00:44:57,073 --> 00:44:59,893 Yeah, it was nice. It really was a nice campus. 812 00:44:59,903 --> 00:45:02,483 Well, you think of Ol' Tex as just a football school, right? 813 00:45:02,503 --> 00:45:03,723 And in actuality... 814 00:45:03,743 --> 00:45:07,363 they have the finest pre-med school in the country. 815 00:45:07,383 --> 00:45:10,303 Really. Just a fierce-- it was a beautiful setup. 816 00:45:10,313 --> 00:45:12,803 Yeah, it was nice. It really was. 817 00:45:12,813 --> 00:45:16,973 Listen, something wonderful happened while you were away. 818 00:45:16,993 --> 00:45:19,503 This fella calls up on the telephone, see... 819 00:45:19,523 --> 00:45:22,983 and he orders 10,000 walleyed gibblers. 820 00:45:22,993 --> 00:45:24,413 Apparently he gives them away... 821 00:45:24,433 --> 00:45:26,013 on his late-night television show... 822 00:45:26,033 --> 00:45:29,653 like those Veg-a-matics or those spiffy little fishing rods... 823 00:45:29,673 --> 00:45:32,823 that turn into can openers. 824 00:45:32,833 --> 00:45:36,823 We could make a small fortune on this deal, you know? 825 00:45:36,843 --> 00:45:38,833 That's excellent, Gramp. 826 00:45:38,843 --> 00:45:40,833 Yeah. So he called? 827 00:45:40,843 --> 00:45:43,833 The fella says so long as they sell... 828 00:45:43,853 --> 00:45:45,843 the orders will just keep coming in. 829 00:45:45,853 --> 00:45:48,843 You know, we could maybe buy a larger house. 830 00:45:48,853 --> 00:45:51,903 That'll really catch a lot of fish. 831 00:45:52,093 --> 00:45:53,973 - Hi, Johnny. - Hey, Monica. 832 00:45:54,003 --> 00:45:55,883 Don't you bruise those tomatoes now. 833 00:45:59,403 --> 00:46:00,983 Have you folks tried those biscuits? 834 00:46:01,003 --> 00:46:03,143 - They're delicious. - What'd he say? 835 00:46:03,163 --> 00:46:04,343 Pick a school yet, Johnny? 836 00:46:04,373 --> 00:46:06,163 Baby love. 837 00:46:06,173 --> 00:46:09,133 Hey. How was it? 838 00:46:09,143 --> 00:46:13,123 It was cool. It was good. I had a good time. 839 00:46:13,143 --> 00:46:15,333 Yeah? 840 00:46:15,353 --> 00:46:17,463 So how were the girls? 841 00:46:17,483 --> 00:46:20,373 The girls. 842 00:46:20,383 --> 00:46:22,393 How were the girls? 843 00:46:23,383 --> 00:46:25,403 Well, they were... 844 00:46:26,893 --> 00:46:28,583 very short... 845 00:46:28,593 --> 00:46:30,603 very fat... 846 00:46:30,633 --> 00:46:32,883 and kinda weird looking. 847 00:46:32,893 --> 00:46:34,013 What was her name? 848 00:46:34,043 --> 00:46:36,863 - Huh? - What was her name? 849 00:46:39,003 --> 00:46:40,823 The woman I had dinner with was Lawanda. 850 00:46:40,843 --> 00:46:42,153 That was Tex's wife. 851 00:46:42,173 --> 00:46:43,493 Lawanda? 852 00:46:43,503 --> 00:46:46,263 Very old chick. Very fat woman. 853 00:46:46,283 --> 00:46:48,063 And very funny looking. 854 00:46:48,083 --> 00:46:51,073 She took me to dinner, and, you know... 855 00:46:51,083 --> 00:46:55,553 "What do you think of Texas?" And, you know, "I love it." 856 00:46:55,563 --> 00:46:57,843 Lot of small talk. 857 00:46:57,863 --> 00:47:00,003 I didn't--you know, I didn't do anything... 858 00:47:00,023 --> 00:47:02,573 or, you know, touched her. 859 00:47:06,303 --> 00:47:08,223 What are you thinking about? 860 00:47:10,473 --> 00:47:12,823 I think you're an asshole! 861 00:47:25,223 --> 00:47:27,843 This boy-girl shit hurts, man. 862 00:47:28,823 --> 00:47:31,313 Oh, no. None of that. 863 00:47:31,323 --> 00:47:33,813 It's a bogus product. It's a payoff. 864 00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:37,013 No self-respecting fish would go near a walleyed gibbler. 865 00:47:37,033 --> 00:47:39,823 Hey, Leo, read my lips. 866 00:47:39,833 --> 00:47:41,823 Joe Bob promised my grandfather... 867 00:47:41,833 --> 00:47:43,823 he'd by 10,000 of the things, OK? 868 00:47:43,843 --> 00:47:45,833 Dude, you're confused. You're repeating yourself. 869 00:47:45,843 --> 00:47:48,263 - Maybe you're wrong. - Well... 870 00:47:48,273 --> 00:47:51,023 I couldn't break his heart like that. 871 00:47:51,043 --> 00:47:53,503 Well, you can't commit to Ol' Tex. 872 00:47:53,513 --> 00:47:56,903 I'll tell you something, Leo, I had such a groove in Texas. 873 00:47:56,923 --> 00:47:58,563 I vomited margaritas the whole way home... 874 00:47:58,583 --> 00:48:00,043 but it was beautiful. I'm telling you. 875 00:48:00,053 --> 00:48:01,633 Well, perhaps you'll spew forth... 876 00:48:01,653 --> 00:48:03,433 the drink of every school you visit. 877 00:48:03,453 --> 00:48:05,113 I like that. I'll keep it in mind. 878 00:48:05,133 --> 00:48:06,813 Give me a hand. Howdy, Chief! 879 00:48:06,833 --> 00:48:08,283 Dirtbags! 880 00:48:09,263 --> 00:48:13,313 UCC, UCC, UCC. 881 00:48:14,643 --> 00:48:17,963 What's shaking, Coach? I didn't know you'd show. 882 00:48:17,973 --> 00:48:20,123 Coach, how do you feel? 883 00:48:20,143 --> 00:48:23,963 John, you promised me you were gonna visit Piermont. 884 00:48:23,973 --> 00:48:27,563 He's not going to Piermont. You get it? Got it? 885 00:48:27,583 --> 00:48:28,933 And goose yourself. 886 00:48:30,813 --> 00:48:34,673 If I want any shit out of you, Leo, I'll squeeze your head. 887 00:48:37,293 --> 00:48:40,043 You better listen to me, son. 888 00:48:40,063 --> 00:48:44,143 You're on the verge of destroying your entire career. 889 00:48:44,173 --> 00:48:46,383 I'm not gonna let it happen. 890 00:48:46,403 --> 00:48:48,323 I'm gonna do whatever it takes... 891 00:48:48,333 --> 00:48:50,723 to make sure you do the right thing. 892 00:49:01,613 --> 00:49:03,163 You keep playing games with me... 893 00:49:03,183 --> 00:49:06,343 you're gonna end up waiting on tables with this guy. 894 00:49:06,353 --> 00:49:08,773 That was cold-blooded, Coach. 895 00:49:08,793 --> 00:49:11,903 - Coach, where's your shoes? - Forgot those shoes, Coach. 896 00:49:12,093 --> 00:49:16,493 Are you sure Tom won't want to order more of my lures? 897 00:49:16,503 --> 00:49:20,483 We haven't sold one in three years. 898 00:49:20,503 --> 00:49:23,883 Well, Harvey, you tell him that a big shot down in Texas... 899 00:49:23,903 --> 00:49:25,903 just ordered 10,000 of them. 900 00:49:25,913 --> 00:49:29,763 Reckon the fish in that state are gonna be safe for a while. 901 00:49:53,843 --> 00:49:56,493 Grandpa Walker, can I have a word with you? 902 00:49:56,503 --> 00:49:58,323 Sure, Coach. Sit down. 903 00:49:58,343 --> 00:49:59,823 Got some bad news. 904 00:49:59,843 --> 00:50:01,693 You know Tom Norman? 905 00:50:01,703 --> 00:50:04,323 Well, he owns this shop. Fishing buddy. 906 00:50:04,353 --> 00:50:05,803 What's happened? 907 00:50:05,813 --> 00:50:07,463 Well, apparently he's very connected... 908 00:50:07,483 --> 00:50:09,333 with some of the alumni from Piermont. 909 00:50:09,353 --> 00:50:11,433 Tom tells me that if Johnny doesn't go to Fiermont... 910 00:50:11,453 --> 00:50:14,803 he's gonna have to cut off your credit here. 911 00:50:14,823 --> 00:50:18,343 Hey, I hear you're flunking English. Ouch. 912 00:50:18,363 --> 00:50:20,873 John, you need that English, son. 913 00:50:28,373 --> 00:50:29,683 You did your term paper... 914 00:50:29,703 --> 00:50:31,693 on the American hardware store, huh? 915 00:50:31,703 --> 00:50:33,023 Maybe you deserved that 916 00:50:33,033 --> 00:50:35,163 I don't want to hear about it. It's a very legitimate topic. 917 00:50:35,183 --> 00:50:38,293 - Yes, it is, and I must read it. - I know you wanted to. 918 00:50:38,313 --> 00:50:40,893 So, Leo, I think you know why we're here today. 919 00:50:40,913 --> 00:50:42,693 I think you do. 920 00:50:42,713 --> 00:50:44,863 Hisler's been messing with me, Leo. 921 00:50:44,893 --> 00:50:47,383 He's been messing with my grandfather... 922 00:50:47,393 --> 00:50:49,883 been messing with my little brother... 923 00:50:49,893 --> 00:50:51,403 my little sister. 924 00:50:52,893 --> 00:50:55,223 Been messing with my mom, Leo. 925 00:50:55,233 --> 00:50:58,883 He's been talking to her, messing with her. 926 00:50:58,903 --> 00:51:00,893 And now... 927 00:51:00,903 --> 00:51:02,653 we're gonna mess with him, Leo. 928 00:51:02,663 --> 00:51:03,813 Are you with me? 929 00:51:03,833 --> 00:51:05,123 Die! 930 00:51:07,343 --> 00:51:09,123 Gonna ruin his life 931 00:51:09,143 --> 00:51:10,993 Gonna ruin it good 932 00:51:11,013 --> 00:51:12,823 Gonna do the wrong thing 933 00:51:12,843 --> 00:51:14,333 Like I thought I could 934 00:51:14,353 --> 00:51:16,633 Oh, Leo, vengeance is mine. Made all the calls, did you? 935 00:51:16,653 --> 00:51:18,833 It all comes together now. 936 00:51:18,853 --> 00:51:21,433 Wait till you see these chihuahuas. 937 00:51:23,183 --> 00:51:25,383 Hut, hut, hut. 938 00:51:28,863 --> 00:51:31,353 Hello, John. Glad you boys came by. 939 00:51:31,363 --> 00:51:33,353 The wife has a Tupperware party... 940 00:51:33,363 --> 00:51:35,363 but we can talk in the den if you like. 941 00:51:35,373 --> 00:51:36,863 I'd appreciate that, Coach. 942 00:51:36,873 --> 00:51:39,383 - Come right in, please. - Thank you. Thank you. 943 00:51:39,403 --> 00:51:42,363 It has a green lid. 944 00:51:42,373 --> 00:51:43,863 It has blue. 945 00:51:43,873 --> 00:51:47,173 It has...purple. See that purple? 946 00:51:47,183 --> 00:51:50,643 You boys met my children before-Sugar and Honey? 947 00:51:50,653 --> 00:51:51,693 Oh, I love your kids. 948 00:51:51,713 --> 00:51:53,203 I've been giving a lot of thought... 949 00:51:53,213 --> 00:51:55,033 to what you told me about Piermont. I really have. 950 00:51:55,063 --> 00:51:56,943 That's good. 951 00:51:56,963 --> 00:51:58,973 Except I'm having a little problem with my English grade. 952 00:51:58,993 --> 00:52:00,883 Really? 953 00:52:00,893 --> 00:52:03,313 Yeah. I thought you could help. 954 00:52:03,323 --> 00:52:07,383 I might be able to help you out with that. Sure. 955 00:52:07,403 --> 00:52:09,083 I thought you could, Coach. 956 00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,483 Stick with me, Johnny. 957 00:52:12,503 --> 00:52:15,503 - More company, honey? - Don't get up, Pumpkin. 958 00:52:15,513 --> 00:52:18,833 - Keep selling your goods. - OK, now, I have... 959 00:52:18,843 --> 00:52:20,493 Pizza delivery for Hitler. 960 00:52:20,513 --> 00:52:22,363 Hitler? Hisler. Hisler. 961 00:52:22,383 --> 00:52:24,803 Where you going? Wait a minute, fellas. 962 00:52:24,823 --> 00:52:26,833 Wait a minute. I didn't order any pizza. 963 00:52:26,853 --> 00:52:29,673 $283. - No, it won't be $283. 964 00:52:29,693 --> 00:52:31,203 I didn't order any pizza. 965 00:52:31,223 --> 00:52:33,213 Look, pal, you order pizza, we bring you pizza. 966 00:52:33,223 --> 00:52:35,013 - Hey, listen, you like pizza? - Sure. 967 00:52:35,033 --> 00:52:38,653 Yeah, you like it? All right. You eat the pizza! 968 00:52:41,233 --> 00:52:43,123 What are you doing? 969 00:52:43,133 --> 00:52:45,693 Can't you take a joke, mister? 970 00:52:45,713 --> 00:52:48,533 Go back! Connie, get my shotgun! 971 00:52:50,113 --> 00:52:51,723 Honey, I'm coming! 972 00:52:51,743 --> 00:52:53,853 Can I have the rest of the pizzas? 973 00:53:02,483 --> 00:53:03,973 Is it for me? 974 00:53:03,983 --> 00:53:06,453 No! It's for nobody! Get out of here now! 975 00:53:11,993 --> 00:53:15,153 Whoa! Wait a minute! Where you going? 976 00:53:15,173 --> 00:53:16,853 I'm from D.O.A. Exterminators. 977 00:53:16,873 --> 00:53:18,723 Hear you got a problem with rodents. 978 00:53:18,743 --> 00:53:20,493 I got no rodents! 979 00:53:20,503 --> 00:53:22,153 I'm gonna take care of my own rodents. 980 00:53:22,173 --> 00:53:24,223 Out, out, out! 981 00:53:29,513 --> 00:53:32,563 Coach, we're even now. 982 00:53:32,583 --> 00:53:34,163 How do you turn this thing off? 983 00:53:34,193 --> 00:53:35,273 Come on. Out. 984 00:53:36,293 --> 00:53:37,873 Connie, where are you? 985 00:54:27,713 --> 00:54:29,923 Number one. 986 00:54:31,413 --> 00:54:33,023 That's your number. 987 00:54:33,043 --> 00:54:35,013 Yeah, I was really surprised. 988 00:54:35,023 --> 00:54:37,033 No kidding, yeah. 989 00:54:38,183 --> 00:54:40,103 Definitely want to see him, yeah. 990 00:54:40,123 --> 00:54:43,333 Fast like Homer Jones. Remember Homer? 991 00:54:43,353 --> 00:54:45,943 Yeah, yeah. Heck of a student. 992 00:54:45,963 --> 00:54:48,453 95 average--that's great. 993 00:54:48,463 --> 00:54:49,953 Let's have dinner next Tuesday. 994 00:54:49,963 --> 00:54:52,613 I gotta go. Next Tuesday, OK? 995 00:54:52,633 --> 00:54:54,243 I really have to go. Bye-bye. 996 00:54:54,273 --> 00:54:58,523 What do you say, Coach? How do you feel? 997 00:54:58,543 --> 00:55:02,463 Would you mind removing your feet from my desk, please? 998 00:55:02,473 --> 00:55:04,863 Thank you. 999 00:55:04,883 --> 00:55:07,803 So, I came here to do some business with you today, sir. 1000 00:55:07,813 --> 00:55:09,303 I just got back from Ol' Tex. 1001 00:55:09,313 --> 00:55:11,963 They're ready to cut a sweet and lucrative deal with me... 1002 00:55:11,983 --> 00:55:13,943 except the thing is, I want to play here. 1003 00:55:13,953 --> 00:55:15,503 I want to come to State. 1004 00:55:18,163 --> 00:55:20,703 Johnny, we don't give out deals here. 1005 00:55:21,993 --> 00:55:23,983 What? 1006 00:55:23,993 --> 00:55:28,013 We give the usual scholarship: Room and board... 1007 00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:29,993 a good education. 1008 00:55:30,003 --> 00:55:33,483 Everyone has to actually go to class here. 1009 00:55:33,503 --> 00:55:35,503 And I like to believe... 1010 00:55:35,513 --> 00:55:37,763 that we offer a good background in football. 1011 00:55:37,783 --> 00:55:39,733 We had a lot of players go into pro ball. 1012 00:55:39,743 --> 00:55:43,533 That's nice, Coach, but... 1013 00:55:43,543 --> 00:55:45,603 you're losing the top high school athletes... 1014 00:55:45,623 --> 00:55:47,943 every year for a reason. 1015 00:55:47,953 --> 00:55:49,463 What's that? 1016 00:55:51,623 --> 00:55:53,273 Well, you're not giving them anything. 1017 00:55:53,293 --> 00:55:55,443 You gotta show them something. They gotta see something. 1018 00:55:55,463 --> 00:55:57,113 They gotta know that they're gonna get something-- 1019 00:55:57,133 --> 00:56:00,953 cash, you know, cars, apartments, money. 1020 00:56:00,963 --> 00:56:03,113 Hook-ups, you know what I mean? 1021 00:56:03,133 --> 00:56:05,823 We're looking for benefits these days, Coach. 1022 00:56:05,843 --> 00:56:08,953 Look, Johnny, I like you... 1023 00:56:08,973 --> 00:56:11,963 so I'm not gonna B.S. you. 1024 00:56:11,973 --> 00:56:13,463 You're a good athlete. 1025 00:56:13,473 --> 00:56:17,463 You have a lot of talent and a lot of energy. 1026 00:56:17,483 --> 00:56:19,133 So I'm warning you... 1027 00:56:19,153 --> 00:56:21,773 you're getting into something that you don't understand. 1028 00:56:21,783 --> 00:56:24,643 See, when word goes out that a kid like yourself... 1029 00:56:24,663 --> 00:56:26,383 is looking for a deal... 1030 00:56:26,393 --> 00:56:29,513 believe me, that deal turns out to be a lot stronger... 1031 00:56:29,533 --> 00:56:31,283 than that kid ever bargained for. 1032 00:56:32,993 --> 00:56:34,483 Be careful. 1033 00:56:34,503 --> 00:56:36,363 You're playing with fire. 1034 00:57:06,973 --> 00:57:08,983 Are you crazy? 1035 00:57:09,003 --> 00:57:11,893 My father sleeps with his gun. 1036 00:57:15,043 --> 00:57:17,163 I heard you visited State. 1037 00:57:20,643 --> 00:57:23,333 Does this mean your lobotomy's worn off? 1038 00:57:27,323 --> 00:57:28,973 Well... 1039 00:57:28,993 --> 00:57:34,173 since you're not going to speak, you will rub my feet. 1040 00:57:37,663 --> 00:57:40,123 I mean, far be it for me to ask you to apologize... 1041 00:57:40,133 --> 00:57:43,313 when you have behaved like a complete son of a bitch... 1042 00:57:43,333 --> 00:57:44,953 but... 1043 00:58:08,793 --> 00:58:12,613 "Flowers that have festered smell far worse than weeds." 1044 00:58:14,143 --> 00:58:17,493 That means...you stink. 1045 00:58:20,973 --> 00:58:22,653 But it was sweet. 1046 00:58:23,753 --> 00:58:26,793 I guess I'm still sweet on you. 1047 00:58:26,813 --> 00:58:29,303 I'll cut in ten minutes. 1048 00:58:29,313 --> 00:58:31,463 You're a bombshell. 1049 00:58:38,093 --> 00:58:39,413 “Cc! 1050 00:58:39,423 --> 00:58:42,353 - We're going to 0l' Tex. - No, we're not. 1051 00:58:42,363 --> 00:58:43,843 People in Texas... 1052 00:58:45,873 --> 00:58:47,353 sorry- 1053 00:58:47,373 --> 00:58:48,383 Cool. 1054 00:58:51,003 --> 00:58:53,353 No real shots! No real shots! 1055 00:58:53,373 --> 00:58:54,383 Punk! 1056 00:58:58,543 --> 00:59:00,933 - You wouldn't really use that. - Yes, I would. 1057 00:59:00,943 --> 00:59:03,903 - No, you're not gonna use that. - Yes, I would. 1058 00:59:04,893 --> 00:59:06,373 Leo. 1059 00:59:06,393 --> 00:59:07,873 What? 1060 00:59:07,893 --> 00:59:11,073 What do you really want out of life, huh? 1061 00:59:11,093 --> 00:59:14,173 I want Johnny Walker to go to California. 1062 00:59:17,903 --> 00:59:19,823 - All right, I'll go. - Really? 1063 00:59:19,833 --> 00:59:21,483 - Yeah. - Cool. 1064 01:00:04,213 --> 01:00:08,303 Hey, how you doing, Johnny? Lew Landers, I.C.A. 1065 01:00:08,313 --> 01:00:09,933 It's good to see you. Welcome to California. 1066 01:00:09,953 --> 01:00:11,703 We got a fine time planned for you, buddy. 1067 01:00:11,713 --> 01:00:13,863 Listen, Lew, I'm here to meet the money man. 1068 01:00:13,883 --> 01:00:15,313 I'm here on business, not pleasure. 1069 01:00:15,323 --> 01:00:17,183 I'm the money man, Johnny. 1070 01:00:17,193 --> 01:00:19,243 And I'll tell you something. I'm gonna take you to meet... 1071 01:00:19,263 --> 01:00:20,843 the best quarterback in the country... 1072 01:00:20,863 --> 01:00:22,373 a close personal friend of mine. 1073 01:00:22,393 --> 01:00:24,723 Give me five, Johnny. Never touch. 1074 01:00:43,413 --> 01:00:47,003 Jim McMahon wears Adidas. 1075 01:00:58,033 --> 01:00:59,683 Either I wear Adidas... 1076 01:00:59,703 --> 01:01:01,213 or I wear nothing. 1077 01:01:03,033 --> 01:01:04,853 Almost nothing. 1078 01:01:04,873 --> 01:01:09,563 And cut! Great. Beautiful. Amazing. 1079 01:01:09,573 --> 01:01:11,693 Here you go, Jim. 1080 01:01:11,713 --> 01:01:13,593 I don't know how you do it, Jimmy. Every time. 1081 01:01:13,613 --> 01:01:14,593 Natural talent. 1082 01:01:14,623 --> 01:01:16,543 Back to the golf course again, huh? 1083 01:01:16,553 --> 01:01:18,703 - The rest of you--thank you. - Just one more, Jim. 1084 01:01:18,723 --> 01:01:21,043 - Hey, Yeoman, thanks a lot, man. - You bet, boss. 1085 01:01:21,053 --> 01:01:23,233 Thanks, Bob. 1086 01:01:23,253 --> 01:01:26,883 Jimmy, how you doing? Meet Johnny Walker. 1087 01:01:26,893 --> 01:01:28,213 What's up, Jim? 1088 01:01:28,233 --> 01:01:29,713 How you doing, John? 1089 01:01:29,733 --> 01:01:32,153 Glad to see you're coming to UCC. 1090 01:01:32,163 --> 01:01:34,173 Well, I haven't really made up my mind yet... 1091 01:01:34,203 --> 01:01:37,093 but I'm damn glad to meet you, man. 1092 01:01:37,103 --> 01:01:39,153 I'm having a little party for my man tonight. 1093 01:01:39,173 --> 01:01:40,713 Why don't you stop by the house, huh? 1094 01:01:40,743 --> 01:01:43,253 Well, I'd love to, but I promised my wife... 1095 01:01:43,273 --> 01:01:45,903 I wouldn't show up at your place anymore. 1096 01:01:47,683 --> 01:01:50,193 What a kidder, huh? I love you, Jimmy. 1097 01:01:50,213 --> 01:01:52,403 Hey, maybe next time, huh, babe? 1098 01:01:53,683 --> 01:01:55,083 - Hey, Lew. - Yeah? 1099 01:01:55,093 --> 01:01:57,243 Did you notice how he had his hair done up like that? 1100 01:01:57,263 --> 01:01:58,403 Yeah. Looks good. 1101 01:01:58,423 --> 01:02:00,243 Just like mine. Like he planned it for me. 1102 01:02:00,263 --> 01:02:01,903 Listen, let me tell you something serious, huh? 1103 01:02:01,923 --> 01:02:03,243 You play your cards right... 1104 01:02:03,263 --> 01:02:04,903 you could be the next Adidas man someday. 1105 01:02:04,933 --> 01:02:07,253 Lew, he had his hair hooked up just like mine. 1106 01:02:07,273 --> 01:02:10,753 1:45--Walker receives jacket from Landers. 1107 01:02:10,773 --> 01:02:11,953 Over and out. 1108 01:02:17,643 --> 01:02:20,863 I know I may talk 90% of the time, Johnny... 1109 01:02:20,883 --> 01:02:24,493 but, believe me, I only take 10% of the action. 1110 01:02:24,523 --> 01:02:27,343 - How you doing, Doc? - Terrific, Lew, terrific. 1111 01:02:30,353 --> 01:02:32,673 - Lewie. - Yeah? 1112 01:02:32,693 --> 01:02:35,123 My mother's medicine cabinet was never like this. 1113 01:02:35,133 --> 01:02:38,353 Don't worry about it, Johnny. You're not in Ashcroft anymore. 1114 01:02:38,363 --> 01:02:40,983 We use only the finest steroids available. 1115 01:02:42,063 --> 01:02:45,123 We have only one mind-set here at UCC... 1116 01:02:45,143 --> 01:02:46,993 and that is that our boys are winners. 1117 01:02:47,013 --> 01:02:49,053 - Isn't that right, boys? - Right! 1118 01:02:49,073 --> 01:02:51,963 I love these guys like my own kids, and because of that... 1119 01:02:51,973 --> 01:02:54,523 I take better care of them than their own mommies do. 1120 01:02:54,553 --> 01:02:57,233 - Isn't that right, boys? - Right! 1121 01:02:57,253 --> 01:02:59,173 We have the best training facilities... 1122 01:02:59,183 --> 01:03:01,173 in the country, Johnny, college or pro. 1123 01:03:01,183 --> 01:03:02,503 Our men are appreciated... 1124 01:03:02,523 --> 01:03:04,913 for the fine pieces of machinery that they are. 1125 01:03:04,933 --> 01:03:06,713 - What's up, Slick? - Hey. 1126 01:03:06,733 --> 01:03:07,843 Does he play here? 1127 01:03:07,863 --> 01:03:09,473 No, he just pisses for the players... 1128 01:03:09,493 --> 01:03:11,113 so they pass their drug tests. 1129 01:03:11,133 --> 01:03:13,343 - A designated pisser, huh? - Yeah. 1130 01:03:13,363 --> 01:03:15,323 Let's get you some threads for the party. 1131 01:03:15,343 --> 01:03:16,553 All right. 1132 01:03:16,573 --> 01:03:17,823 Lew, how tall are you? 1133 01:03:17,843 --> 01:03:18,853 About 5'8“. 1134 01:03:42,493 --> 01:03:45,123 Hi, I'm Tex Wade. I'm looking for Johnny Walker. 1135 01:03:45,133 --> 01:03:48,353 Oh. Well, he hasn't got back from UCC yet. 1136 01:03:48,373 --> 01:03:52,123 The hell's he doing at UCC? Isn't he committed to Ol' Tex? 1137 01:03:52,133 --> 01:03:55,793 As far as I know, he hasn't committed himself anywhere. 1138 01:03:55,813 --> 01:03:59,703 Well, I hate to be the one to enlighten you, Grandpa... 1139 01:03:59,713 --> 01:04:01,633 but you did not get that order... 1140 01:04:01,643 --> 01:04:03,893 for them 10,000 walleyed gibblers... 1141 01:04:03,913 --> 01:04:05,913 because they catch fish. 1142 01:04:07,993 --> 01:04:09,803 What are you saying, mister? 1143 01:04:09,823 --> 01:04:12,613 You figure it out, Grandpa. 1144 01:04:27,113 --> 01:04:28,793 Ah, it's good to be home. 1145 01:04:28,813 --> 01:04:30,453 Thanks, everybody. Thank you. 1146 01:04:32,173 --> 01:04:33,393 Thank you. 1147 01:04:33,413 --> 01:04:34,623 Hey, it's Johnny Walker. 1148 01:04:39,953 --> 01:04:41,063 Thank you. 1149 01:04:47,763 --> 01:04:49,413 This is a nice ride. This is all right. 1150 01:04:49,433 --> 01:04:51,423 Where'd you get it, anyway? My dad got it for me. 1151 01:04:51,433 --> 01:04:53,683 Kind of a graduation present type thing. 1152 01:04:53,693 --> 01:04:56,823 I thought I knew your father hated you. 1153 01:04:56,843 --> 01:04:59,423 Well, he used to, but we're real tight now. 1154 01:04:59,443 --> 01:05:01,523 Just kind of woke up one morning... 1155 01:05:01,543 --> 01:05:04,463 we had breakfast, and now, you know, real solid. 1156 01:05:04,483 --> 01:05:05,873 Things are real good. 1157 01:05:05,883 --> 01:05:09,273 I look cleaner than the board of health, don't I? 1158 01:05:09,283 --> 01:05:12,103 You kind of look like a combo-- 1159 01:05:12,113 --> 01:05:15,173 Liberace meets Prince's mom. But it's groovy. 1160 01:05:28,833 --> 01:05:30,383 Bye now. 1161 01:05:34,613 --> 01:05:36,063 What's happening, Chief? 1162 01:05:36,083 --> 01:05:39,903 Where did you finally decide to go to college, clown school? 1163 01:05:39,913 --> 01:05:43,493 You know what you are, Chief? You're an officer of love. 1164 01:05:43,513 --> 01:05:45,373 Not of law-of love, you are. 1165 01:05:53,593 --> 01:05:55,113 Do you dig it? 1166 01:05:56,433 --> 01:05:57,713 It's a look. 1167 01:06:26,863 --> 01:06:30,343 Mom, Mom, Johnny's lost his mind! 1168 01:06:40,503 --> 01:06:42,123 What do you think? 1169 01:06:43,443 --> 01:06:45,593 Mom, I got to tell you about this school. 1170 01:06:45,613 --> 01:06:50,003 UCC has a premed program-- absolutely blows Ol' Tex away. 1171 01:06:50,013 --> 01:06:52,803 Not even in the running anymore, Ol' Tex, because you know why? 1172 01:06:52,813 --> 01:06:56,213 I'm gonna get about 3 times the lab time I had at Ol' Tex. 1173 01:06:56,223 --> 01:06:59,443 Johnny, what has happened to you? 1174 01:06:59,463 --> 01:07:01,643 Me? I'm great. Don't I look great? 1175 01:07:01,663 --> 01:07:03,873 I feel great, Mom. I really do. 1176 01:07:03,893 --> 01:07:06,553 UCC is a football factory, Johnny. 1177 01:07:06,573 --> 01:07:08,583 Only about half the players there even graduate. 1178 01:07:08,603 --> 01:07:10,113 What about your education? 1179 01:07:11,133 --> 01:07:12,883 Ma, education? Please, OK? 1180 01:07:12,903 --> 01:07:15,263 Just, please, step off with that, OK? 1181 01:07:15,283 --> 01:07:16,493 I want to tell you something. 1182 01:07:16,513 --> 01:07:18,263 I have a much better deal here at UCC. 1183 01:07:18,283 --> 01:07:19,633 They're working out a sweeter deal... 1184 01:07:19,643 --> 01:07:21,653 and they're gonna take care of everything, guys. 1185 01:07:21,683 --> 01:07:24,503 The way Ol' Tex took care of me? 1186 01:07:26,823 --> 01:07:29,933 Come on, look, everyone looks nauseous here now. 1187 01:07:29,953 --> 01:07:33,073 I want to explain to you, OK? UCC has a better deal for me. 1188 01:07:33,093 --> 01:07:37,023 They're going to hook us up. Mom, you'll have a bigger house. 1189 01:07:37,033 --> 01:07:39,023 I don't want a bigger house, Johnny. 1190 01:07:39,033 --> 01:07:40,883 I want you to stop thinking about yourself... 1191 01:07:40,903 --> 01:07:42,383 and start thinking about what's right... 1192 01:07:42,403 --> 01:07:45,193 and about your family. We're the people who love you... 1193 01:07:45,213 --> 01:07:47,423 or maybe you've been too busy Lear-jetting around... 1194 01:07:47,443 --> 01:07:48,593 to remember that. 1195 01:07:48,613 --> 01:07:52,193 I mean, look at you. Purple and gold? 1196 01:07:52,213 --> 01:07:53,723 You look ridiculous. 1197 01:07:54,923 --> 01:07:58,433 I don't know how this could've happened. 1198 01:07:58,453 --> 01:08:02,133 Maybe it was just too important a decision to leave up to you. 1199 01:08:02,153 --> 01:08:05,383 Hey, Mom, wait a second. Mom, can we-- 1200 01:08:12,633 --> 01:08:14,483 Come on, Gramps. Isn't this what you wanted? 1201 01:08:15,843 --> 01:08:20,623 I wanted to sell my lures, not my grandson. 1202 01:08:20,643 --> 01:08:22,153 Come on. 1203 01:08:24,453 --> 01:08:26,133 Gramp. 1204 01:08:26,153 --> 01:08:27,503 Gramp. 1205 01:08:35,663 --> 01:08:38,043 What do you think, Randy? Come on, what's up? 1206 01:08:38,063 --> 01:08:42,043 I'm going to go do my homework and take a reality break. 1207 01:08:57,513 --> 01:08:59,593 Johnny, I've had a deep, revelatory vision... 1208 01:08:59,613 --> 01:09:02,663 and I think you should drop this ridiculous college ball thing. 1209 01:09:02,683 --> 01:09:03,963 And do what? 1210 01:09:03,993 --> 01:09:07,203 Become a professional waiter. Develop a reputation... 1211 01:09:07,223 --> 01:09:09,803 as a bistro's most courteous server. 1212 01:09:09,823 --> 01:09:11,743 And, of course, you're waiting for one night... 1213 01:09:11,753 --> 01:09:13,613 when the manager's relatives come in. 1214 01:09:13,623 --> 01:09:16,423 You seat them. You serve them. You wine them. You dine them. 1215 01:09:16,433 --> 01:09:18,323 You read them the specials. 1216 01:09:18,333 --> 01:09:20,843 You take the last of their orders, and then you say... 1217 01:09:20,863 --> 01:09:24,413 "Actually, it's the fish or nothing!" 1218 01:09:24,443 --> 01:09:25,833 Of course, at this point... 1219 01:09:25,843 --> 01:09:27,263 they're all jamming for the door like wild. 1220 01:09:27,273 --> 01:09:28,853 You tackle down around the ankles. 1221 01:09:28,873 --> 01:09:31,123 You get them down on the ground. You pound them in the spine. 1222 01:09:31,143 --> 01:09:32,863 You say, "Are you trying to stiff me... 1223 01:09:32,873 --> 01:09:34,363 "on the gratuity, you fop?" 1224 01:09:34,383 --> 01:09:35,633 Right. 1225 01:09:35,653 --> 01:09:38,303 UCC is your only move 1226 01:09:38,323 --> 01:09:41,973 UCC is your evermost groove 1227 01:09:41,983 --> 01:09:44,533 Excuse me. We're new in town... 1228 01:09:44,563 --> 01:09:46,953 and we've never had sex before. 1229 01:09:46,963 --> 01:09:48,853 Would you give us a hand? 1230 01:09:50,063 --> 01:09:51,073 Up. 1231 01:09:51,093 --> 01:09:52,953 Don't follow the dames. 1232 01:09:57,543 --> 01:10:00,493 Leo. Leo, turn-- I want to go home. 1233 01:10:00,503 --> 01:10:02,723 I started dating this Nancy girl... 1234 01:10:02,743 --> 01:10:05,933 specifically because she was a virgin. 1235 01:10:05,953 --> 01:10:09,703 Well, milliseconds before initial penetration... 1236 01:10:09,713 --> 01:10:13,763 I just shot up in bed like a reverse domino... 1237 01:10:13,783 --> 01:10:16,913 and I just said, "Hey, there'll be none of this. 1238 01:10:16,923 --> 01:10:18,673 "What kind of boy do you think I'm? 1239 01:10:18,693 --> 01:10:21,343 "I will hardly pop you without having met your father. 1240 01:10:21,363 --> 01:10:23,283 "Get him on the horn." 1241 01:10:23,293 --> 01:10:27,523 The things that make life worth so much and so worthwhile... 1242 01:10:27,533 --> 01:10:31,293 are things that we have to look up at a lot of the time-- 1243 01:10:31,303 --> 01:10:33,623 it's clouds, it's stars... 1244 01:10:33,633 --> 01:10:34,753 children. 1245 01:10:34,783 --> 01:10:36,493 "By the way, where is the can? 1246 01:10:36,513 --> 01:10:41,263 "I have to take an awful, putrid asparagus piss." 1247 01:10:41,283 --> 01:10:43,033 He says, "Down the hall to the left." 1248 01:10:43,043 --> 01:10:45,513 That just really ticked me off, so I got up and I said... 1249 01:10:45,523 --> 01:10:47,983 "Just a goddamn minute. That won't do." 1250 01:10:47,993 --> 01:10:49,913 I run right up to the family drapes... 1251 01:10:49,923 --> 01:10:52,713 and proceed to write my surname on them in urine. 1252 01:10:52,723 --> 01:10:54,773 Well, Mom bolts out of the La-Z-Boy chair... 1253 01:10:54,803 --> 01:10:58,123 and comes over and delivers me a flurry of slaps... 1254 01:10:58,133 --> 01:10:59,953 so I retaliate with a series of blows... 1255 01:10:59,963 --> 01:11:02,713 to her midriff and midsection that I usually reserve... 1256 01:11:02,733 --> 01:11:05,293 only for those times when I actually do see red. 1257 01:11:05,313 --> 01:11:07,123 I'm a winner. 1258 01:11:07,143 --> 01:11:10,133 I'm, and so all these big money men... 1259 01:11:10,143 --> 01:11:12,533 they're offering me this, this, this, and this, you know? 1260 01:11:12,543 --> 01:11:15,673 Because I came home wearing, like, heels and gold. 1261 01:11:15,683 --> 01:11:19,113 My mother sat me down and she told me what the deal was... 1262 01:11:19,123 --> 01:11:21,833 you know, and spoke her mind, and I've been acting crazy. 1263 01:11:21,853 --> 01:11:23,003 I really have. 1264 01:11:23,023 --> 01:11:25,743 Are you still conscious? 1265 01:11:25,763 --> 01:11:27,273 She's talking. Good. 1266 01:11:30,833 --> 01:11:32,843 Let her go. It's been an hour. 1267 01:11:32,863 --> 01:11:36,383 Look, I seem to have lockjaw of the arm. 1268 01:11:41,543 --> 01:11:44,033 Love is a verb, and I wish... 1269 01:11:44,053 --> 01:11:46,803 I wish I'd just get to it a lot more... 1270 01:11:46,813 --> 01:11:49,363 because I feel good when I do. 1271 01:11:49,383 --> 01:11:52,703 Say, are we going to have sex or not? 1272 01:12:02,593 --> 01:12:03,703 Rape! 1273 01:12:03,723 --> 01:12:05,123 Rape! 1274 01:12:08,403 --> 01:12:09,753 Put your top on! 1275 01:12:11,903 --> 01:12:13,153 Freeze, assholes! 1276 01:12:14,143 --> 01:12:16,933 - This is too good to be true. - For who? 1277 01:12:17,943 --> 01:12:20,903 You're going to the joint forever. 1278 01:12:22,543 --> 01:12:24,593 What are you looking at, weirdo? 1279 01:12:24,623 --> 01:12:25,663 Ouch. 1280 01:12:30,293 --> 01:12:31,803 We got to get out of here. 1281 01:12:33,123 --> 01:12:35,623 Look, Lew Landers can get us out of here, right? 1282 01:12:35,633 --> 01:12:40,493 - But then you got to go to UCC. - Wait a minute. 1283 01:12:40,503 --> 01:12:41,923 You know Lew Landers? 1284 01:12:43,033 --> 01:12:45,393 Of course. You think my dad bought me that Jeep? 1285 01:12:45,413 --> 01:12:47,623 Are you kidding? Lew Landers bought me the jeep. 1286 01:12:47,643 --> 01:12:51,103 UCC got it for me to try to get you to go to their school. 1287 01:12:54,083 --> 01:12:57,373 - You set me up? - No, I didn't set you up. 1288 01:12:57,383 --> 01:12:59,103 I just pushed you in a direction... 1289 01:12:59,123 --> 01:13:01,663 trying to do the right thing for you. 1290 01:13:01,683 --> 01:13:03,103 You set me up. You didn't tell me. 1291 01:13:03,123 --> 01:13:05,783 If I told you, you would've said no, and then... 1292 01:13:05,793 --> 01:13:07,343 well, then, it still wouldn't have been setting you up. 1293 01:13:07,363 --> 01:13:08,873 I just, you know... 1294 01:13:10,533 --> 01:13:11,953 I just made a mistake. 1295 01:13:11,963 --> 01:13:13,783 I got... 1296 01:13:16,103 --> 01:13:17,463 selfish. 1297 01:13:19,903 --> 01:13:21,123 Me, too. 1298 01:13:29,713 --> 01:13:32,503 Oh, this is terrible. This is awful. 1299 01:13:32,513 --> 01:13:34,803 This is really awful. 1300 01:13:34,823 --> 01:13:37,043 This is a serious mess. 1301 01:13:37,063 --> 01:13:39,313 Does the phrase "Bail us out immediately"... 1302 01:13:39,323 --> 01:13:40,573 mean anything to you? 1303 01:13:40,593 --> 01:13:41,673 Bail? 1304 01:13:42,993 --> 01:13:44,103 There's your bail. 1305 01:13:44,133 --> 01:13:47,123 That's your ticket out of here right there. 1306 01:13:47,133 --> 01:13:49,123 All he has to do is sign with Fiermont-- 1307 01:13:49,133 --> 01:13:50,313 you're on the street. 1308 01:13:50,333 --> 01:13:52,053 Otherwise, boys... 1309 01:13:52,073 --> 01:13:54,063 you're looking at twenty years in the slammer... 1310 01:13:54,083 --> 01:13:55,723 with all the butt pirates. 1311 01:13:55,743 --> 01:13:57,963 And they say they're waiting for you up there, Johnny... 1312 01:13:57,983 --> 01:14:01,303 want to give you a little hiney poke up there. 1313 01:14:01,313 --> 01:14:03,133 Coach, I know I'm a man, OK? 1314 01:14:03,143 --> 01:14:04,763 My asshole is exit only... 1315 01:14:04,793 --> 01:14:07,473 and we really didn't do anything wrong. 1316 01:14:07,493 --> 01:14:08,803 You want sympathy, Leo... 1317 01:14:08,823 --> 01:14:12,473 you look between "shit" and "syphilis" in the dictionary. 1318 01:14:12,493 --> 01:14:14,773 No, no, you're gonna like it. You're going to love it... 1319 01:14:14,803 --> 01:14:17,753 on the road gang, out there with the cons cutting that grass. 1320 01:14:17,763 --> 01:14:18,753 Oh, yeah. 1321 01:14:18,763 --> 01:14:20,683 Boom. Boom. 1322 01:14:20,703 --> 01:14:23,023 All the pretty girls will be going by in convertibles... 1323 01:14:23,033 --> 01:14:26,053 on spring break, drinking beer. 1324 01:14:26,073 --> 01:14:29,503 They'll be waving at you. "Hi, Johnny. Johnny!" 1325 01:14:30,473 --> 01:14:31,983 It's up to you, John. 1326 01:14:32,013 --> 01:14:34,943 Put your foot in the chain gang... 1327 01:14:34,953 --> 01:14:37,673 or you can put your foot in the cash register. 1328 01:14:38,783 --> 01:14:41,073 You let me know. 1329 01:14:43,053 --> 01:14:45,063 Don't drop the soap, boys. 1330 01:14:49,833 --> 01:14:51,783 Hello, everyone. I'm Gary DeLaune. 1331 01:14:51,793 --> 01:14:53,783 Today, throughout the country, hundreds of boys... 1332 01:14:53,793 --> 01:14:55,883 will be signing their national letters of intent. 1333 01:14:55,903 --> 01:14:58,483 These letters are commitments by high school seniors... 1334 01:14:58,503 --> 01:15:00,323 to play for the college of their choice. 1335 01:15:00,343 --> 01:15:02,453 Today, there's no place across the country... 1336 01:15:02,473 --> 01:15:04,623 that has more media coverage and more attention... 1337 01:15:04,653 --> 01:15:06,363 than right here-- Ashcroft High School. 1338 01:15:06,383 --> 01:15:07,963 We're here at Ashcroft High School. 1339 01:15:07,983 --> 01:15:09,133 It's signing day. 1340 01:15:09,153 --> 01:15:11,233 Now, Johnny Walker has just arrived... 1341 01:15:11,253 --> 01:15:13,243 to sign his national letter of intent. 1342 01:15:13,253 --> 01:15:15,033 In just a very few short moments... 1343 01:15:15,063 --> 01:15:17,413 the entire country will know where Johnny Walker... 1344 01:15:17,423 --> 01:15:20,113 has decided to play his college football. 1345 01:15:20,123 --> 01:15:23,243 Glad to see you boys could be here for the announcement. 1346 01:15:23,263 --> 01:15:25,553 I sure hope none of us are disappointed. 1347 01:15:25,573 --> 01:15:28,893 Something sure don't smell right here. 1348 01:15:32,173 --> 01:15:34,183 Thank you very much. Thank you. 1349 01:15:34,213 --> 01:15:37,723 I'm very happy to have been asked, ladies and gentlemen... 1350 01:15:37,743 --> 01:15:39,893 to introduce Johnny Walker here today. 1351 01:15:39,913 --> 01:15:43,963 And I'm so happy to announce... 1352 01:15:43,983 --> 01:15:47,143 that John and I are going to be together for another four years. 1353 01:15:47,153 --> 01:15:50,173 I'm the new head coach at Piermont University. 1354 01:15:52,523 --> 01:15:54,603 But, you know, what really makes me proud... 1355 01:15:54,633 --> 01:15:56,813 is that John could've gone anywhere in America... 1356 01:15:56,833 --> 01:15:58,613 and he chose to be with me. 1357 01:15:58,633 --> 01:15:59,883 Now, we've also landed... 1358 01:15:59,903 --> 01:16:03,323 four of the top blue-chip prospects in this country... 1359 01:16:03,333 --> 01:16:05,453 and they're all here today. Come on up, fellas. 1360 01:16:08,643 --> 01:16:10,793 You need a haircut. 1361 01:16:10,813 --> 01:16:12,323 All right. 1362 01:16:14,153 --> 01:16:15,833 This is not about me. 1363 01:16:15,853 --> 01:16:18,363 I'm only as good as my players, believe me. 1364 01:16:18,383 --> 01:16:19,873 Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce... 1365 01:16:19,883 --> 01:16:21,893 the man of the hour, Johnny Walker. 1366 01:16:37,443 --> 01:16:38,753 'Iay! 'lay! 1367 01:16:40,773 --> 01:16:42,553 Throughout this recruitment... 1368 01:16:43,773 --> 01:16:46,603 I've acted like an idiot. 1369 01:16:46,613 --> 01:16:48,863 I completely embarrassed my mother... 1370 01:16:48,883 --> 01:16:51,173 my family, my girlfriend... 1371 01:16:51,183 --> 01:16:53,433 my friends. 1372 01:16:53,453 --> 01:16:55,973 Mostly, I just embarrassed myself... 1373 01:16:58,223 --> 01:17:02,583 because I thought I had something, and I lost it. 1374 01:17:02,593 --> 01:17:06,393 And if this is what it takes to play college football... 1375 01:17:06,403 --> 01:17:10,193 then I don't even want to play at all. 1376 01:17:10,203 --> 01:17:15,733 Just because I know how to remember to throw a ball... 1377 01:17:15,743 --> 01:17:21,763 doesn't mean I should forget my life or anyone else's. 1378 01:17:23,083 --> 01:17:26,743 Therefore, I'm not going to sign any letters to any schools. 1379 01:17:26,753 --> 01:17:29,333 Now, that's reality. 1380 01:17:29,353 --> 01:17:30,933 Thank you. 1381 01:17:30,953 --> 01:17:33,603 You listen to me. You are going to Piermont. 1382 01:17:33,623 --> 01:17:36,093 - No, I'm not. - If he doesn't go, I don't go. 1383 01:17:36,103 --> 01:17:38,213 - I'm with him. - Wait a minute, fellas. 1384 01:17:38,233 --> 01:17:39,413 Hold on, fellas. 1385 01:17:39,433 --> 01:17:41,613 Piermont University will honor all its commitments. 1386 01:17:41,633 --> 01:17:42,853 Now, I promise you that. 1387 01:17:42,863 --> 01:17:45,093 Slight misunderstanding, ladies and gentlemen. 1388 01:17:45,113 --> 01:17:46,363 Bear with us. 1389 01:17:46,373 --> 01:17:47,383 Who are you? 1390 01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:49,453 My name is Floyd Gondole. 1391 01:17:49,473 --> 01:17:52,493 I'm the NCAA recruitment investigator... 1392 01:17:52,513 --> 01:17:53,823 and I have followed... 1393 01:17:53,843 --> 01:17:57,313 the recruitment of Johnny Walker since day one... 1394 01:17:57,323 --> 01:18:00,533 and I'm now calling for a complete investigation... 1395 01:18:00,553 --> 01:18:02,943 of UCC, Ol' TeX... 1396 01:18:02,953 --> 01:18:05,923 and, specifically, Piermont. 1397 01:18:05,933 --> 01:18:07,313 We didn't do anything wrong. 1398 01:18:07,333 --> 01:18:10,583 You call framing a kid for rape not wrong? 1399 01:18:10,593 --> 01:18:12,553 You mean you framed the kid for rape? 1400 01:18:12,563 --> 01:18:14,523 You're both history. You're both finished. 1401 01:18:14,543 --> 01:18:15,583 Oh, this is ridiculous. 1402 01:18:15,603 --> 01:18:17,463 Congratulations, John. I'm proud of you. 1403 01:18:17,473 --> 01:18:19,053 Ladies and gentlemen, this is... 1404 01:18:19,073 --> 01:18:20,753 You did good. I'm proud of you. 1405 01:18:20,773 --> 01:18:24,193 Hey, Johnny, I'm proud of you. You did good, kid. 1406 01:18:24,213 --> 01:18:26,263 So, what are you going to do now, huh? 1407 01:18:26,283 --> 01:18:28,743 Penn State, Johnny! Penn State! Penn State! 1408 01:18:28,753 --> 01:18:31,173 Alabama! Remember the weather! 1409 01:18:31,183 --> 01:18:33,363 Listen, Johnny, nobody-- and I mean nobody-- 1410 01:18:33,383 --> 01:18:35,113 makes a schmuck out of me, capisce? 1411 01:18:35,123 --> 01:18:36,513 Nobody has to, Lew. 1412 01:18:36,523 --> 01:18:37,673 Is that right? 1413 01:18:38,823 --> 01:18:40,443 You're going down now, Lew. 1414 01:18:40,463 --> 01:18:42,473 Oh, you done made a big mistake. 1415 01:18:46,033 --> 01:18:47,653 No pictures! 1416 01:18:52,803 --> 01:18:55,863 Title fight. Hey, wish I could help. 1417 01:19:13,293 --> 01:19:14,473 Thank you, my friend. 1418 01:19:14,503 --> 01:19:16,143 Good move, man. 1419 01:19:17,963 --> 01:19:19,653 Let's get out of here. 1420 01:19:22,803 --> 01:19:24,223 Get back here, Walker! 1421 01:19:24,243 --> 01:19:26,463 Get out of my way! Walker, get back here! 1422 01:19:29,443 --> 01:19:30,763 Get down, Gramp. 1423 01:19:30,773 --> 01:19:32,233 Never did like that fella. 1424 01:19:45,733 --> 01:19:48,183 Coach. Coach. 1425 01:20:05,313 --> 01:20:06,393 Coach? 1426 01:20:09,713 --> 01:20:11,223 I want an education. 1427 01:20:13,953 --> 01:20:16,343 I saw the news conference last night, Johnny. 1428 01:20:16,363 --> 01:20:18,903 Yeah? 1429 01:20:21,193 --> 01:20:23,043 What'd you think? 1430 01:20:23,063 --> 01:20:25,753 You showed the type of character... 1431 01:20:25,773 --> 01:20:27,853 that we like in our students. 1432 01:20:27,873 --> 01:20:29,223 I like that. 1433 01:20:30,633 --> 01:20:34,063 Does this mean... 1434 01:20:34,083 --> 01:20:36,093 you want me to come play ball here? 1435 01:20:39,643 --> 01:20:41,603 You bet I do. 1436 01:21:54,723 --> 01:21:59,083 The Johnny Walker recruitment scandal widened today... 1437 01:21:59,093 --> 01:22:02,773 with the announcement that UCC and Ol' Tex... 1438 01:22:02,793 --> 01:22:06,383 have each been placed on one-year probation. 1439 01:22:06,403 --> 01:22:08,413 Well, Joe Bob, thank God... 1440 01:22:08,433 --> 01:22:10,893 basketball season's right around the corner. 1441 01:22:10,903 --> 01:22:13,013 Yeah, amen to that, Tex. 1442 01:22:13,033 --> 01:22:16,663 You know, football ain't been good to us this year at all. 1443 01:22:22,143 --> 01:22:24,763 In a still further development... 1444 01:22:24,793 --> 01:22:29,543 Lew Landers has been barred from participating... 1445 01:22:29,553 --> 01:22:33,373 in the UCC football program for life. 1446 01:22:33,393 --> 01:22:36,053 You have one "F"? We'll take care of it for you. 1447 01:22:37,303 --> 01:22:39,553 Hey, slow down for a minute! I just want to talk to you! 1448 01:22:39,633 --> 01:22:41,923 Lew Landers gave me that jeep! 1449 01:22:54,783 --> 01:22:58,103 This is a pack of lies! A pack of lies! 1450 01:22:58,123 --> 01:23:01,003 I know what I did. 1451 01:23:01,023 --> 01:23:02,003 No, no. 1452 01:23:02,023 --> 01:23:03,943 I hired a common idiot! 1453 01:23:03,963 --> 01:23:05,313 A common idiot! 1454 01:23:05,333 --> 01:23:06,583 Get the hell away from me! 100171

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