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1
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Happy birthday, buddy.
Smile! Say "Happy birthday!"
2
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Good job. Good job.
3
00:00:04,758 --> 00:00:05,757
Okay, let me get you...
4
00:00:05,826 --> 00:00:08,794
So, I'm turning 7, and
for a lot of people,
5
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:10,662
I think 7 is this really big year,
6
00:00:10,731 --> 00:00:13,432
where they kind of look back
at their life and say, like,
7
00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:16,935
"Is this who I thought I
would be by the time I was 7?"
8
00:00:17,037 --> 00:00:18,270
But not me.
9
00:00:18,305 --> 00:00:19,938
I got you...
10
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,406
Oh, yeah!
11
00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:22,841
That's good.
12
00:00:22,910 --> 00:00:25,277
But I don't really
get hung up on numbers,
13
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:28,313
because instead, like, every year,
14
00:00:28,415 --> 00:00:31,116
I set a really specific goal for myself.
15
00:00:31,218 --> 00:00:33,151
Oh, sure. Just ignore my texts, Jason.
16
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:34,553
That's real mature.
17
00:00:37,858 --> 00:00:39,558
I mean, like, I get that
you're mad, but, like,
18
00:00:39,593 --> 00:00:41,560
let's not isolate each other, you know?
19
00:00:41,662 --> 00:00:44,730
One year, I decided to make
this, like, elaborate nest
20
00:00:44,798 --> 00:00:48,200
out of all of Nan's favorite,
most comfortable clothes,
21
00:00:48,235 --> 00:00:50,836
which was, like, a really
great moment for both of us.
22
00:00:50,938 --> 00:00:52,604
Plus, plus, I'm not the one
23
00:00:52,706 --> 00:00:55,240
who almost let the dog die, right?
24
00:00:55,342 --> 00:00:57,175
He's just being ridiculous.
25
00:00:57,244 --> 00:00:59,544
How many times do you have
to apologize to a person?
26
00:00:59,647 --> 00:01:01,046
And someday, like, yeah,
27
00:01:01,115 --> 00:01:04,116
someday I might confront
my fear of the, you know,
28
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:07,419
actual pit of despair
that lies under my house.
29
00:01:07,488 --> 00:01:10,289
But this year, for my
birthday, I have one plan...
30
00:01:10,357 --> 00:01:14,359
I'm gonna take the best
nap of my entire life.
31
00:01:14,428 --> 00:01:16,328
There's this certain way
32
00:01:16,397 --> 00:01:19,798
that the fall light,
like, strikes the hardwood,
33
00:01:19,867 --> 00:01:22,100
where it's warm on my back, but, like,
34
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,870
my cheek still rests on
the cool of the floor.
35
00:01:24,972 --> 00:01:27,906
And I think if I just set
my feet against the couch
36
00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:30,742
in just the right way and have,
like, just the right dream,
37
00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:33,245
my kicks will slowly
push me along, like,
38
00:01:33,314 --> 00:01:35,280
with the sun's movement.
39
00:01:35,349 --> 00:01:38,583
And I can just sleep
and sleep and sleep.
40
00:01:38,686 --> 00:01:40,185
Hey, what's up?
41
00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:43,922
Oh, my God. Jenn, I'm so sorry.
42
00:01:45,391 --> 00:01:47,959
Yeah, you... Absolutely,
you can crash here.
43
00:01:48,062 --> 00:01:50,295
Uh-huh.
44
00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,030
No, Martin loves puppies.
45
00:01:52,132 --> 00:01:55,133
I feel like literally
nothing can go wrong.
46
00:01:56,797 --> 00:02:01,264
- Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
47
00:02:03,451 --> 00:02:04,650
Thanks for the ride.
48
00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:05,911
Oh, yeah.
49
00:02:06,013 --> 00:02:08,109
Hey, I'm... I'm sorry
about your fight with Dan.
50
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,543
I feel your pain.
51
00:02:09,645 --> 00:02:12,713
You know, if there's... if
there's anything else I can do,
52
00:02:12,807 --> 00:02:15,274
like, teach you how to
drive yourself places...
53
00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:17,571
Yeah, but then we'd miss out
54
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,977
on all these fun times
together, wouldn't we?
55
00:02:18,993 --> 00:02:19,648
Oh, yeah.
56
00:02:19,664 --> 00:02:21,121
Look, you sure you don't want
to just pop in, chat to Nan?
57
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,782
Then we can just... be done
with all this weirdness.
58
00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:26,093
Nope. Not really.
59
00:02:27,196 --> 00:02:28,128
- Hey.
- Hi.
60
00:02:28,197 --> 00:02:29,496
Thanks for letting me stay here.
61
00:02:29,599 --> 00:02:31,532
I am so sorry, Jenn.
62
00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:34,235
But look at this puppy!
Look at this puppy!
63
00:02:34,337 --> 00:02:36,203
I know it's a controversial
puppy and everything,
64
00:02:36,272 --> 00:02:37,705
but look at his face!
65
00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:39,340
- What's his name?
- It doesn't have a name
66
00:02:39,442 --> 00:02:41,008
because it's going back on Monday.
67
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,309
Why do you have it with you, then?
68
00:02:42,411 --> 00:02:44,411
Well, I'm not gonna let Dan
have a cute puppy as a prize
69
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,946
for being a complete ass, am I?
70
00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:47,181
That's a good point.
71
00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:49,984
You got everything, Jenn?
72
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,852
Uh, yeah, I think so.
73
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,420
Thank you, Jason.
74
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:54,488
Hey, Jason.
75
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:55,522
Bye, Jenn.
76
00:03:00,129 --> 00:03:02,396
I guess he's still
pretty mad at me, huh?
77
00:03:02,498 --> 00:03:05,432
Yeah. That's putting it mildly.
78
00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:07,434
Well, at least we're not
both going through major drama
79
00:03:07,536 --> 00:03:09,536
at the same time.
80
00:03:11,073 --> 00:03:15,442
The thing is, I don't, like, ask
a lot from Nan on my birthday.
81
00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:18,612
- You get it?
- This? Yeah.
82
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:20,080
So, I'm just gonna
clean out the junk room,
83
00:03:20,182 --> 00:03:21,048
put you in there, okay?
84
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:22,850
Oh, lovely.
85
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,819
Like, literally, all I wanted was a nap.
86
00:03:25,921 --> 00:03:29,390
Like, what did I do to possibly
deserve this thing
87
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,525
coming into my home?
88
00:03:33,095 --> 00:03:34,528
First, he buys me a puppy,
89
00:03:34,597 --> 00:03:36,630
then it's suburbs, then yoga pants,
90
00:03:36,732 --> 00:03:38,432
then, like, once-a-month sex
91
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:39,767
and my pelvis is being split in half
92
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:42,069
by some little brat named Forest.
93
00:03:42,171 --> 00:03:44,338
That's a... dark vision.
94
00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:46,740
And he just casually slips it
in that his parents have offered
95
00:03:46,842 --> 00:03:48,475
to give us a down payment for a house...
96
00:03:48,577 --> 00:03:50,044
In Wexford.
97
00:03:50,112 --> 00:03:54,281
That's, like, ground zero
Stepford Wife/Pilates land.
98
00:03:54,383 --> 00:03:55,082
Exactly.
99
00:03:55,184 --> 00:03:56,917
I think most people hate puppies
100
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,952
just because they're, like, tired
101
00:03:59,055 --> 00:04:01,288
of the glorification of youth culture.
102
00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:02,556
Or, like, the fact
103
00:04:02,658 --> 00:04:04,391
that they have their entire
lives in front of them
104
00:04:04,493 --> 00:04:06,493
and don't have to care
for their life partners
105
00:04:06,562 --> 00:04:09,530
as they cry about the
same guy for six years.
106
00:04:09,598 --> 00:04:10,664
Or just, like, the fact
107
00:04:10,766 --> 00:04:12,800
that puppies aren't
staring death in the face
108
00:04:12,868 --> 00:04:14,702
every time they lay awake at night.
109
00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:19,306
But that's not me... Like, not at all.
110
00:04:19,408 --> 00:04:20,908
I just want my nap.
111
00:04:23,379 --> 00:04:25,612
"Nan... childhood"?
112
00:04:25,715 --> 00:04:27,681
Yes, please.
113
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:28,882
Can we not?
114
00:04:28,984 --> 00:04:30,884
I mean, it's probably
just, like, baby videos
115
00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:32,953
and tragic teen poetry.
116
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,823
My dad sent it, in a rare fit
of pretending to be a parent.
117
00:04:37,159 --> 00:04:38,592
Jenn...
118
00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:41,161
Oh!
119
00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:42,496
Nan!
120
00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:45,466
Look at all this stuff!
121
00:04:46,635 --> 00:04:48,569
"Nan, age 7"!
122
00:04:49,772 --> 00:04:51,038
Jackpot.
123
00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:55,709
Nan, get in here. It's starting.
124
00:05:01,183 --> 00:05:03,617
You got to wave to the camera!
125
00:05:03,719 --> 00:05:06,587
Nope. Nope, nope. Nope, nope.
126
00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:07,921
Today is not the day for that.
127
00:05:08,023 --> 00:05:10,424
Are you... Do you want
to talk about it or...?
128
00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:11,525
- No.
- No.
129
00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:12,593
Hey, do you feel like
getting out of here?
130
00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:13,761
And go where?
131
00:05:13,829 --> 00:05:15,996
Someplace, like, young
and dumb and stupid
132
00:05:16,031 --> 00:05:18,098
where we can run away from our problems,
133
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:19,299
like we did in our 20s.
134
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,068
No. I just want to mope all day.
135
00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,770
No, no.
136
00:05:22,872 --> 00:05:26,774
What you should do is
self-medicate with alcohol.
137
00:05:26,842 --> 00:05:29,543
And I have the perfect
place to do that...
138
00:05:29,645 --> 00:05:31,578
The Muddy Slutty.
139
00:05:32,815 --> 00:05:34,481
Oh, I do love that place.
140
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:37,351
The thing is, like, I'm a sensitive guy.
141
00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:39,153
Like... Like... Like,
I wouldn't hurt a fly.
142
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,656
Like, I know because I've tried
many, many times and failed,
143
00:05:42,758 --> 00:05:46,727
but at the same time,
like, I know for a fact
144
00:05:46,796 --> 00:05:48,762
I'm not gonna let
that puppy ruin my nap.
145
00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:50,731
Like... Like, I'm not.
146
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,065
I'm just not.
147
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:53,734
I'm just not.
148
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:56,837
All right. We're good.
149
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,139
All right!
150
00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:00,908
Okay. You think they'll be okay, yeah?
151
00:06:01,010 --> 00:06:02,609
Yeah, they'll be fine.
It's just a couple of hours.
152
00:06:02,711 --> 00:06:05,412
- Okay, awesome. Bye!
- Bye, guys! Have fun!
153
00:06:05,514 --> 00:06:06,880
Play nice.
154
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:11,952
I swear to God.
155
00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:22,354
You're right... After a couple of beers,
156
00:06:22,385 --> 00:06:25,019
it doesn't seem as loud
as it definitely is!
157
00:06:25,121 --> 00:06:26,921
Oh, yeah! This is fun!
158
00:06:26,989 --> 00:06:28,456
- Yeah, I like your plan!
- Yeah!
159
00:06:29,492 --> 00:06:31,092
Whoo! Muddy Slutty!
160
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,827
Whoo!
161
00:06:34,464 --> 00:06:38,099
You know what's so crazy, is that,
like, I was these people
162
00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:40,935
when I made every decision
that I'm dealing with right now.
163
00:06:41,037 --> 00:06:42,736
Hey. You guys want another round?
164
00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:44,672
Uh, it's more of,
like, a need than a want
165
00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:46,440
if you're gonna keep playing this song.
166
00:06:47,777 --> 00:06:48,843
We're drunk.
167
00:06:48,945 --> 00:06:50,678
Oh, let me get this. I need the miles.
168
00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:51,679
Oh, God. Geez.
169
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:53,814
Why do I keep saying old-people things?
170
00:06:53,883 --> 00:06:55,282
We're in our 30s.
171
00:06:55,318 --> 00:06:57,284
Me too. But, uh, don't let them hear.
172
00:06:57,386 --> 00:06:59,086
They have, like,
supersonic hearing, so...
173
00:06:59,155 --> 00:07:00,688
Your secret's safe with us.
174
00:07:09,165 --> 00:07:13,033
So... I took care of the puppy.
175
00:07:13,136 --> 00:07:16,203
And, uh...
176
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:17,905
Yeah, like...
177
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:20,708
I guess I just want to
say, like, to be fair to me,
178
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:23,811
what I wanted to do was,
like, much, much, much worse.
179
00:07:23,913 --> 00:07:26,247
Like... Like, I-I could have ate him.
180
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,249
Like, of course I would
never... I would never do that.
181
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,652
I'm just saying, like, that...
Like, that was an option.
182
00:07:31,754 --> 00:07:34,788
The thing is, I gave him a chance.
183
00:07:34,857 --> 00:07:36,190
Like... Like, I told him, like,
184
00:07:36,225 --> 00:07:38,893
not to touch me, not to look at me,
185
00:07:38,961 --> 00:07:40,361
that everything was mine and not his,
186
00:07:40,429 --> 00:07:42,196
and as long as he didn't touch anything
187
00:07:42,265 --> 00:07:43,931
that we would be cool.
188
00:07:45,568 --> 00:07:46,767
But, of course, he didn't.
189
00:07:46,836 --> 00:07:50,804
Like, he couldn't keep his
ugly little paws to himself.
190
00:07:50,907 --> 00:07:52,139
Ladies.
191
00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:53,607
One lemon-drop martini
192
00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:56,477
and my personal take
on an old-fashioned.
193
00:07:56,546 --> 00:07:59,346
Thought you could use something
a little bit more... adult.
194
00:07:59,415 --> 00:08:00,347
Thank God!
195
00:08:00,449 --> 00:08:01,515
This is lovely. Thank you.
196
00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:03,117
So, what is this...
Like, moms' night out?
197
00:08:03,219 --> 00:08:04,418
What?
198
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,986
We look like moms?
199
00:08:10,326 --> 00:08:12,092
Oh, my God.
200
00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:14,728
This isn't working.
I feel old, old, old.
201
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,631
Okay, look, we need to
change locations, okay?
202
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,601
Quick... what's something fun
that doesn't require thinking?
203
00:08:20,703 --> 00:08:21,569
Dancing!
204
00:08:21,637 --> 00:08:24,271
No. No. Day dancing is so sad.
205
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,173
Okay. Um...
206
00:08:26,275 --> 00:08:27,274
Oh!
207
00:08:27,343 --> 00:08:28,909
Bike share!
208
00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:32,813
If we're gonna run
away from our problems,
209
00:08:32,915 --> 00:08:35,416
couldn't we at least pick a
faster mode of transportation?
210
00:08:35,484 --> 00:08:36,884
No, this is fun.
211
00:08:36,986 --> 00:08:38,419
It's like when we were young and poor
212
00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:39,887
and we couldn't afford cars, right?
213
00:08:39,989 --> 00:08:41,255
Was it fun?
214
00:08:41,357 --> 00:08:43,190
God, I don't know how I let
you convince me to do this.
215
00:08:43,259 --> 00:08:44,925
- There's some cute boys.
- Oh, okay.
216
00:08:45,027 --> 00:08:45,893
Hey, guys! Hi.
217
00:08:45,995 --> 00:08:47,094
- How's it going?
- Hey.
218
00:08:47,196 --> 00:08:47,995
Share the road!
219
00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:49,496
- Aah!
- You share the road.
220
00:08:49,599 --> 00:08:51,265
Share the road with your face!
221
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,801
No. Okay, that's it.
No, I'm done. I'm done.
222
00:08:53,903 --> 00:08:55,269
- What?!
- Oh, that's enough.
223
00:08:55,371 --> 00:08:56,437
Come on. This is amazing.
224
00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,138
You just got to, like, get into it.
225
00:08:58,241 --> 00:08:59,940
It's not amazing, okay?
226
00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:01,875
I came to your house so
that you could pamper me
227
00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:03,210
and throw wine down my throat
228
00:09:03,312 --> 00:09:05,879
and listen to me moan
about all my problems.
229
00:09:05,982 --> 00:09:07,548
Come on!
230
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:08,682
This is that.
231
00:09:08,751 --> 00:09:09,817
This is just, like...
232
00:09:09,919 --> 00:09:12,720
Like, a fun, like, more
active version of that.
233
00:09:12,822 --> 00:09:15,556
Oh, okay, 'cause it
kind of feels like you...
234
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:18,158
Forget it. It's...
235
00:09:21,964 --> 00:09:23,330
You're right. I'm sorry.
236
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,532
I'm not trying to be a bad friend.
237
00:09:25,635 --> 00:09:26,934
It's just, like...
238
00:09:29,372 --> 00:09:33,340
So, that DVD is this video
that my dad shot of me
239
00:09:33,409 --> 00:09:35,576
the day before my mom left.
240
00:09:36,879 --> 00:09:39,980
And he just, like, chucked
it in the box, you know?
241
00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:42,716
Like, "Hey, here's some
fun childhood nostalgia."
242
00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:44,084
Enjoy that."
243
00:09:45,888 --> 00:09:47,054
I'm really sorry, Nan.
244
00:09:47,156 --> 00:09:51,025
No, I'm... I'm the one
who should be sorry.
245
00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:53,360
Yeah. You are.
246
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:54,528
You are.
247
00:09:54,597 --> 00:09:56,163
You should be very sorry
about this whole day.
248
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:58,165
Got to be kidding me!
249
00:10:01,003 --> 00:10:04,905
And even though he... he
took my toy and he ruined my nap
250
00:10:04,974 --> 00:10:08,108
and he basically destroyed
my entire birthday,
251
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:10,744
like, still, I was patient.
252
00:10:12,114 --> 00:10:14,748
Even while he was literally
physically assaulting me,
253
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:16,150
like, I-I let him win.
254
00:10:16,218 --> 00:10:19,687
Like, I-I let him have Lobster Jimmy.
255
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:22,356
And I-I just, like, went
outside, like, to cool down.
256
00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:31,832
I... And, like, I sat
there counting to three,
257
00:10:31,934 --> 00:10:33,467
just, like, trying to calm down
258
00:10:33,536 --> 00:10:37,237
and, like, maybe, in
some way, salvage my day.
259
00:10:37,306 --> 00:10:39,640
I thought maybe I can take
the nap back here, you know,
260
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,075
and, like, make the best of it.
261
00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:43,677
But then...
262
00:10:43,779 --> 00:10:45,212
then it started to rain.
263
00:10:59,362 --> 00:11:01,395
Jenn, come on!
264
00:11:01,464 --> 00:11:02,496
Oh, my God!
265
00:11:02,565 --> 00:11:04,264
Oh, my God!
266
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:05,899
Okay, just leave it! Leave
it, leave it, leave it!
267
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:07,301
Quickly... get in!
268
00:11:08,604 --> 00:11:10,704
I guess I just snapped.
Because you know what?
269
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:12,806
Maybe 7 isn't just, like, a number.
270
00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:16,176
Like, maybe I'm not so chill
about getting older, okay?
271
00:11:16,245 --> 00:11:19,813
Like, that puppy... he has
his youth, he has his beauty,
272
00:11:19,882 --> 00:11:22,750
like, he has a whole lifetime
of toys in front of him,
273
00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:25,919
and this could be one of
the last toys I ever get.
274
00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:28,222
And I just thought, like,
275
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:31,258
if that puppy wants Lobster
Jimmy, you know what?
276
00:11:31,327 --> 00:11:32,393
He can go to hell.
277
00:11:39,368 --> 00:11:42,136
It just so happens that,
like, hell is located,
278
00:11:42,238 --> 00:11:45,272
very conveniently, right under my house.
279
00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:48,342
Go right on through, girls.
280
00:11:48,444 --> 00:11:50,411
- Thanks. You're welcome.
- Have fun.
281
00:11:50,513 --> 00:11:51,979
♪ ...my apple tree ♪
282
00:11:52,081 --> 00:11:54,181
♪ Slide down my rainbow ♪
283
00:11:54,283 --> 00:11:56,150
♪ Look down my cellar door ♪
284
00:11:56,252 --> 00:11:57,317
♪ And we'll be jolly... ♪
285
00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:59,186
It's like a Pittsburgh "Brigadoon."
286
00:12:00,322 --> 00:12:01,288
Hey!
287
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:03,957
I mean, he wanted that lobster so bad,
288
00:12:04,059 --> 00:12:06,693
maybe... Maybe he was chasing it.
289
00:12:06,796 --> 00:12:10,197
Like, maybe that's how he
fell, like, because of his greed.
290
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:23,210
The important thing...
Like, the big picture...
291
00:12:23,312 --> 00:12:26,246
is that he's down there now,
292
00:12:26,348 --> 00:12:27,581
and he can't get back up,
293
00:12:27,683 --> 00:12:29,583
And I can finally get that nap.
294
00:12:30,297 --> 00:12:33,248
♪ In Heaven, there is no beer ♪
295
00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:37,139
♪ That's why we drink it here ♪
296
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:38,807
♪ And when you're... ♪
297
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:40,976
This cost $5.
298
00:12:41,078 --> 00:12:42,178
The entire pitcher.
299
00:12:42,246 --> 00:12:44,446
Oh, thank God. I was
almost getting sober.
300
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,215
♪ Hey! ♪
301
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:48,684
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, no further ado.
302
00:12:48,786 --> 00:12:50,986
Here she is, your favorite...
303
00:12:51,088 --> 00:12:54,657
Our very own DeeJay Devine!
304
00:12:59,497 --> 00:13:00,563
Yes!
305
00:13:00,665 --> 00:13:02,932
Whoooooo!
306
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:09,438
♪ Some of these days ♪
307
00:13:09,507 --> 00:13:13,776
♪ You're gonna miss me, honey ♪
308
00:13:13,844 --> 00:13:17,513
♪ Some of these days ♪
309
00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:22,351
♪ You're gonna be so lonely ♪
310
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:26,055
♪ You'll miss my huggin' ♪
311
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:29,592
♪ You'll miss my kisses ♪
312
00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:32,394
This woman is my new everything.
313
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,597
I wonder if she's dating.
314
00:13:34,699 --> 00:13:38,767
♪ When I'm far away ♪
315
00:13:38,836 --> 00:13:42,638
♪ I feel so lonely ♪
316
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:43,706
Let's dance.
317
00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:47,943
♪ For you only ♪
318
00:13:48,045 --> 00:13:51,213
♪ 'Cause you know, honey ♪
319
00:13:51,282 --> 00:13:55,651
♪ You always had your way ♪
320
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,622
♪ And when you leave me ♪
321
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:05,694
♪ You know it's gonna grieve me ♪
322
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:10,532
♪ You're gonna miss your big, fat mama ♪
323
00:14:10,635 --> 00:14:12,334
♪ Your mama ♪
324
00:14:12,403 --> 00:14:18,040
♪ Some of these daaaaaaaays ♪
325
00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:25,047
One of the most important lessons
326
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,315
that I've learned in life
327
00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:28,817
is to never, ever give up on your goals,
328
00:14:28,886 --> 00:14:31,820
even if your obstacle happens
to be, like, you know, like,
329
00:14:31,889 --> 00:14:34,290
a tiny, fluffy, little puppy.
330
00:14:34,358 --> 00:14:35,624
Like, that... and... that...
331
00:14:35,693 --> 00:14:37,393
And it's really good to be flexible,
332
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,628
because, like, sure, like,
333
00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:42,498
today's not ideal, but it's salvageable.
334
00:14:42,566 --> 00:14:45,668
Like, the real key to a
great nap is the circling.
335
00:14:45,736 --> 00:14:47,603
Like... Like, at the beginning,
336
00:14:47,672 --> 00:14:50,572
I, personally, like to
circle, like, 5 1/2 times
337
00:14:50,675 --> 00:14:52,074
and then...
338
00:14:54,278 --> 00:14:57,913
The key is the 5 1/2... Maybe
6 1/4 if the moon's right.
339
00:15:05,122 --> 00:15:06,322
- Hello.
- Hi.
340
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:07,556
Hi. Sorry, we just...
341
00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:10,893
We wanted to say "Thank
you" and, um, you're amazing.
342
00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:12,394
Well, you're very sweet.
343
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:15,531
Yeah, you are... honestly,
you're an inspiration.
344
00:15:15,599 --> 00:15:17,466
Let me tell you something, honey.
345
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:21,370
I didn't start singing until I was 79.
346
00:15:22,707 --> 00:15:24,173
You know why?
347
00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:27,943
I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
348
00:15:28,045 --> 00:15:30,212
That and my husband died.
349
00:15:30,281 --> 00:15:31,447
- Oh.
- Oh.
350
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,449
Best thing ever happened to me.
351
00:15:34,552 --> 00:15:35,818
Okay.
352
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,053
I'm 86 years old,
353
00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:41,223
and I'm having the time of my life.
354
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,397
You could say, "Oh,
you just pushed a little puppy"
355
00:15:48,499 --> 00:15:49,732
down a flight of stairs
356
00:15:49,834 --> 00:15:53,068
"into the darkest place
that has ever existed."
357
00:15:54,405 --> 00:15:58,040
Yeah, like, you would be
technically right about that.
358
00:15:58,142 --> 00:16:00,008
But, like, what you'd be forgetting
359
00:16:00,077 --> 00:16:01,343
is what happened next.
360
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:10,018
That's only the first part of the story.
361
00:16:10,054 --> 00:16:11,720
But the second part of the story...
362
00:16:11,756 --> 00:16:15,324
Like, the important part...
Is that today, I became a hero,
363
00:16:15,393 --> 00:16:18,160
because I chose to
confront my fear of aging
364
00:16:18,262 --> 00:16:21,263
and I confronted the gathering
inevitability of my own death.
365
00:16:21,332 --> 00:16:23,799
I even confronted my
fear of that basement,
366
00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:27,035
and I saved that stupid, stupid,
367
00:16:27,138 --> 00:16:30,172
incredibly cute,
super-adorable, little puppy.
368
00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:32,408
Like, we're riding a
bike and looking like...
369
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:34,710
Like, real sexy.
370
00:16:34,812 --> 00:16:35,811
We were idiots.
371
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,713
They were not interested
in the slightest.
372
00:16:37,815 --> 00:16:39,281
Where are our dogs?
373
00:16:41,452 --> 00:16:42,818
Puppies?
374
00:16:46,891 --> 00:16:48,257
Ohh!
375
00:16:51,028 --> 00:16:52,094
Aw!
376
00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:54,730
Martin? You taking care of that puppy?
377
00:17:00,104 --> 00:17:02,638
I remember this dream I had.
378
00:17:09,814 --> 00:17:12,014
There was, like, a
giant mountain of toys.
379
00:17:12,082 --> 00:17:15,050
And it was, like, all the toys
that have ever existed, like,
380
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:17,519
in the history of the
world were, like, piled up
381
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:19,621
and, like... like... like,
stretched up to the sky.
382
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,558
And I was, like... I was,
like, so excited and overjoyed.
383
00:17:22,618 --> 00:17:24,899
And, like... And then,
like, I ran to it.
384
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:34,303
But when I got there, I saw
at the base of the mountain,
385
00:17:34,405 --> 00:17:37,706
there was this other, separate,
little, tiny pile of toys.
386
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:41,643
And I looked closer, and I saw
that I recognized some of them.
387
00:17:41,745 --> 00:17:43,779
They were toys that I'd had before.
388
00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:45,447
And then I saw a couple
others in the pile
389
00:17:45,549 --> 00:17:48,250
that were, like, new toys...
Like, toys I hadn't seen.
390
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:50,986
And then it just, like,
struck me... "Oh, my God."
391
00:17:51,088 --> 00:17:53,822
These are all the toys
I will ever play with."
392
00:17:53,924 --> 00:17:55,791
Like, all I will ever experience
393
00:17:55,860 --> 00:18:00,329
is, like, a tiny, tiny
fraction of what exists.
394
00:18:00,431 --> 00:18:03,098
The thought just paralyzed me.
395
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,733
What do you think it says about a person
396
00:18:04,802 --> 00:18:07,202
if they leave their fiancé
for buying them a puppy?
397
00:18:07,304 --> 00:18:08,370
Oh, I don't know.
398
00:18:08,439 --> 00:18:10,873
I think it says that...
399
00:18:10,975 --> 00:18:12,641
we're all just baby adults
400
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:14,676
and we have no idea what
we're doing with life.
401
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:18,313
Oh, speaking of baby adults,
Jason told me not to tell you,
402
00:18:18,382 --> 00:18:21,550
but he just enrolled
in community college.
403
00:18:23,387 --> 00:18:25,354
That's really surprising.
404
00:18:25,389 --> 00:18:27,022
He didn't say this, but I do feel like
405
00:18:27,091 --> 00:18:28,557
it's got a lot to do with you.
406
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:34,530
Did I tell you I haven't
seen my dad in three years?
407
00:18:34,632 --> 00:18:36,932
No, you didn't.
408
00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,100
Yeah.
409
00:18:40,804 --> 00:18:42,771
I think...
410
00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:44,873
maybe it's time for
you to stop running away
411
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:47,109
from that grown-up
conversation with Dan.
412
00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:50,312
And I think maybe it's time
for me to stop running away
413
00:18:50,381 --> 00:18:52,114
from this stupid DVD.
414
00:18:53,617 --> 00:18:54,950
I'm 31 years old.
415
00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:00,355
It's time to stop
feeling sorry for myself.
416
00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:04,159
But now, after the basement,
417
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:06,962
I kind of think about
things differently.
418
00:19:07,031 --> 00:19:08,864
Because, sure, in some ways,
419
00:19:08,966 --> 00:19:12,100
my experiences must not
matter, like... like, that much.
420
00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,936
I've only got a handful of toys
421
00:19:14,038 --> 00:19:16,572
and, like... like, yeah,
like, only a handful of years.
422
00:19:18,236 --> 00:19:19,668
How about Nellie?
423
00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:26,415
Ellen, say hi to the camera.
Come on. Give us a smile.
424
00:19:26,517 --> 00:19:28,083
Can you not do that now?
425
00:19:32,423 --> 00:19:34,656
Look, we don't have to watch
this if you don't want to.
426
00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:37,326
No, it's okay.
427
00:19:37,428 --> 00:19:40,062
But the thing is, like,
I have this year.
428
00:19:41,198 --> 00:19:43,165
Today, I'm turning 7, and...
429
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:44,666
That's for you and Mommy!
430
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:46,735
...that might not mean
a lot to some people,
431
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:49,871
and maybe I don't have
all that many years left,
432
00:19:49,974 --> 00:19:51,406
but, like, that's fine.
433
00:19:51,508 --> 00:19:54,610
Because today... Like,
today is worth it.
434
00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:57,579
Like, I'm here right now, and
I have all this in front of me.
435
00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,648
And, I mean...
436
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:04,152
today I had the best nap
of my whole, entire life.
437
00:20:20,537 --> 00:20:22,437
Hey, Dad. It's me.
438
00:20:24,508 --> 00:20:26,609
Like, I-I'm not an expert
on dreams or anything,
439
00:20:26,711 --> 00:20:27,744
but sometimes, it feels like
440
00:20:27,812 --> 00:20:29,579
my subconscious isn't
even, like, trying.
441
00:20:29,681 --> 00:20:33,516
♪ You're gonna die ♪
442
00:20:33,618 --> 00:20:39,122
♪ And everything will be the same ♪
443
00:20:39,224 --> 00:20:41,157
♪ You're gonna die ♪
444
00:20:41,259 --> 00:20:46,896
♪ And no one will know your name ♪
445
00:20:46,998 --> 00:20:49,132
♪ Sure, Nan will cry ♪
446
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,636
♪ But then she's gonna get a new... ♪
447
00:20:53,738 --> 00:20:55,872
♪ ...dog ♪
448
00:20:56,615 --> 00:21:01,081
- Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
32858
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