All language subtitles for Downward Dog - 01x04 - The Full Package_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:06,344 --> 00:00:08,678
There's no easy way to say this,
2
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:11,881
but a lot of dogs are just really,
3
00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:14,851
really like, they're just stupid.
4
00:00:17,522 --> 00:00:18,988
And that's fine, like,
5
00:00:19,057 --> 00:00:21,224
I don't think it's wrong to be stupid,
6
00:00:21,326 --> 00:00:24,727
but sometimes I feel like that stupidity
7
00:00:24,796 --> 00:00:26,996
is almost like, celebrated.
8
00:00:27,065 --> 00:00:28,531
- Good boy.
- Like, sometimes
9
00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:30,033
dog culture feels
10
00:00:30,101 --> 00:00:33,569
almost like a breeding ground
of anti-intellectualism
11
00:00:33,638 --> 00:00:37,006
and I just want to say, like,
it's not a sin to be smart.
12
00:00:38,576 --> 00:00:40,810
Like, there are things I
do that these other dogs
13
00:00:40,912 --> 00:00:45,014
couldn't dream of, like
every morning I wake Nan up
14
00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:48,284
with a series of very
carefully placed face licks.
15
00:00:48,386 --> 00:00:51,721
Oh, Martin! Ugh! Gross. Go away.
16
00:00:51,823 --> 00:00:54,257
Like, I do that every day like,
17
00:00:54,326 --> 00:00:56,092
it's not even challenging for me.
18
00:00:56,194 --> 00:00:57,126
Hunter. Heal.
19
00:01:00,332 --> 00:01:01,497
Hey.
20
00:01:01,599 --> 00:01:04,033
- What up?
- Is that my flat white?
21
00:01:04,069 --> 00:01:05,168
- I forgot yours.
- Okay.
22
00:01:05,236 --> 00:01:06,569
- I'm sorry.
- No kidding.
23
00:01:06,671 --> 00:01:08,471
Honestly, it took all I had
just to remember to get here.
24
00:01:08,573 --> 00:01:10,740
So I could... I could go back.
25
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,141
No, that's okay, I'll just have yours.
26
00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:15,411
Oh, that's, yeah, okay.
27
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,246
So, what did I miss?
28
00:01:17,315 --> 00:01:19,615
Well, tiny-vest lady
bitched out Great Dane guy.
29
00:01:19,718 --> 00:01:21,784
Aw, they just need to mate already.
30
00:01:21,853 --> 00:01:23,219
- I know, right?
- Can I have the ball?
31
00:01:23,288 --> 00:01:24,220
I want to throw the ball to Martin.
32
00:01:24,322 --> 00:01:25,788
- Yes.
- Yeah, gimme, gimme, gimme.
33
00:01:25,890 --> 00:01:27,190
Come on, Martin, you want this?
34
00:01:27,292 --> 00:01:28,391
- Go on, Martin.
- You want this? Come on!
35
00:01:28,493 --> 00:01:30,226
Get some exercise. Good boy.
36
00:01:30,328 --> 00:01:33,396
Of course, the down side of
having such a high, like,
37
00:01:33,498 --> 00:01:36,532
intelligence level is
that when you're so, like,
38
00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:39,002
mentally nimble the physical world
39
00:01:39,104 --> 00:01:41,838
has, like, a hard time
keeping up with you.
40
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:43,673
Huh!
41
00:01:43,775 --> 00:01:45,441
Go!
42
00:01:45,543 --> 00:01:48,177
Sit. Good boy.
43
00:01:48,279 --> 00:01:51,047
Awesome job.
44
00:01:51,149 --> 00:01:53,516
And it sucks because it's not like
45
00:01:53,618 --> 00:01:56,419
I wouldn't enjoy feeling
athletic, you know,
46
00:01:56,521 --> 00:01:58,788
to, like, be able to just, like,
47
00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:01,157
leap and dance and twist and, like,
48
00:02:01,259 --> 00:02:03,493
snatch those, like, impossible balls
49
00:02:03,595 --> 00:02:05,495
out of the sky. I mean,
50
00:02:05,597 --> 00:02:08,364
sometimes it's hard not to wonder, like,
51
00:02:08,466 --> 00:02:11,367
what it would be like if
I had it all, you know?
52
00:02:11,469 --> 00:02:14,670
Brains and brawn, like,
the full package.
53
00:02:15,046 --> 00:02:19,298
Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
* www.addic7ed.com *
54
00:02:25,284 --> 00:02:27,484
Hup! Hup!
55
00:02:27,586 --> 00:02:29,152
Sit!
56
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,492
Can you, can you make it,
57
00:02:35,594 --> 00:02:38,695
like, a little less obvious
when you're ogling other men?
58
00:02:38,797 --> 00:02:41,565
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's cool.
59
00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,433
I forgot that you have,
you know, a thing for...
60
00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:44,467
for old dudes.
61
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:47,170
Okay, he's not that old.
62
00:02:47,272 --> 00:02:48,872
And also, I don't have a thing.
63
00:02:48,974 --> 00:02:50,841
You're just mad because
he stole your look.
64
00:02:50,943 --> 00:02:52,175
- My look?
- Yeah.
65
00:02:52,277 --> 00:02:55,478
Okay, my look is grounded and earthy.
66
00:02:55,581 --> 00:02:58,748
He looks like a James Bond super villain
67
00:02:58,851 --> 00:03:01,117
that just got back from a
transcendental meditation retreat.
68
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,752
Oh, crap, he's coming over here.
69
00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:03,620
- Can you be nice?
- Uh-huh.
70
00:03:03,722 --> 00:03:05,922
- Be nice.
- Oh, yeah.
71
00:03:06,024 --> 00:03:08,859
Hey, I saw you guys watching Hunter.
72
00:03:08,961 --> 00:03:11,761
He's, um, so beautiful.
What... What is he?
73
00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:12,796
He's a blue marrow border collie,
74
00:03:12,898 --> 00:03:14,931
the dog of Scottish kings.
75
00:03:15,033 --> 00:03:16,466
Well, Martin is a mutt,
76
00:03:16,568 --> 00:03:18,501
you know, the dog of democracy.
77
00:03:18,604 --> 00:03:21,571
It's really impressive
what you guys do out there.
78
00:03:21,673 --> 00:03:22,706
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
79
00:03:22,808 --> 00:03:23,840
I mean, honestly, you and your dog
80
00:03:23,909 --> 00:03:26,209
could do the same stuff we're doing.
81
00:03:26,311 --> 00:03:28,011
It's just a matter of
training, and I'd be happy
82
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,679
to give you some tips sometime.
83
00:03:29,748 --> 00:03:31,982
Martin is fine the way
he is. Aren't you, Martin?
84
00:03:32,050 --> 00:03:33,884
Aren't you? Aren't you, big guy?
85
00:03:33,986 --> 00:03:35,652
- I'll see you guys around.
- Okay.
86
00:03:35,754 --> 00:03:38,655
- Hunter, come!
- Bye.
87
00:03:38,757 --> 00:03:40,190
I'll call you.
88
00:03:42,794 --> 00:03:45,328
- Oh, hello.
- Hello again.
89
00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:46,796
Hunter! Hup!
90
00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:47,998
Really going pretty hard
91
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,599
on the whole English
gentleman thing, aren't you?
92
00:03:49,701 --> 00:03:51,534
Yeah, well, you... you got me there.
93
00:03:53,071 --> 00:03:54,437
Hey, you know, I meant what
I said about helping you
94
00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:55,572
and your boyfriend train your dog.
95
00:03:55,674 --> 00:03:57,407
Oh, I don't have a-a boyfriend.
96
00:03:57,509 --> 00:04:00,510
Okay, then, well, my name is Eric.
97
00:04:00,579 --> 00:04:02,445
Oh, sorry, I'm Nan. Nice to meet you.
98
00:04:02,514 --> 00:04:03,980
Nice to meet you, Nan. Here's my card.
99
00:04:04,082 --> 00:04:05,715
- Call me.
- Oh, wow.
100
00:04:05,817 --> 00:04:06,917
- If you want me to work with the dog.
- Sure.
101
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,919
Yeah, thanks. I will put you
102
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:12,088
in there as Handsome Eric
Dog Park... that's you.
103
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:14,457
That's funny.
104
00:04:14,559 --> 00:04:15,959
Thanks.
105
00:04:17,062 --> 00:04:19,863
The thing is, I've been
so committed to the life
106
00:04:19,932 --> 00:04:22,565
of the mind that I feel
like I've kind of missed out
107
00:04:22,668 --> 00:04:25,101
on the potential of my body.
108
00:04:25,203 --> 00:04:29,272
Today, after seeing Hunter,
like, I was kind of inspired.
109
00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:32,609
So when I got home, I decided to, like,
110
00:04:32,678 --> 00:04:35,779
test out my athletic abilities
around the house and...
111
00:04:35,881 --> 00:04:38,281
- Martin!
- ...it went awesome.
112
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:41,384
Yeah, I'm not refined, but
I thought I was really,
113
00:04:41,453 --> 00:04:44,321
really impressive on a raw talent level.
114
00:04:44,423 --> 00:04:47,624
But Nan didn't even, like, notice
115
00:04:47,693 --> 00:04:50,760
and I was like, right,
probably the only reason
116
00:04:50,862 --> 00:04:53,029
I don't think of myself as an athlete is
117
00:04:53,131 --> 00:04:55,832
because Nan has never
valued that about me.
118
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,034
All right, that's, that's, I mean,
119
00:04:58,136 --> 00:05:01,137
I don't know what else... to do.
120
00:05:01,206 --> 00:05:02,939
Your days of untrained
fun are over, Mister!
121
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:06,309
Just enjoy them while you can!
122
00:05:06,411 --> 00:05:07,877
Oh, hey, Eric. Hi.
123
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:11,448
Um, it's, um, Nan...
124
00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:13,183
Dog park.
125
00:05:13,285 --> 00:05:15,118
Yeah, I-I, you know, I realized
126
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:16,553
I do have some free time this week,
127
00:05:16,621 --> 00:05:19,889
so I thought maybe if you're free...
128
00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:22,792
Sometimes I feel like Nan is responsible
129
00:05:22,894 --> 00:05:27,430
for, like, 99.100% of my problems.
130
00:05:27,532 --> 00:05:29,799
Today, I decided to take responsibility
131
00:05:29,901 --> 00:05:31,368
for my own training.
132
00:05:31,436 --> 00:05:34,971
I mean, she's been kind of a
failure in that way anyway.
133
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,007
- Martin, down!
- It's just so rare that
134
00:05:37,109 --> 00:05:39,476
I find a single area of myself
135
00:05:39,578 --> 00:05:41,444
that could possibly be improved.
136
00:05:41,546 --> 00:05:44,450
Like, honestly, I'm kind of excited.
137
00:05:46,154 --> 00:05:49,013
- Oh, this Eric Baxter?
- Yeah, he's cute, right?
138
00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:51,268
Mm-hmm. Older gentleman,
139
00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:54,071
super successful,
borderline materialistic.
140
00:05:54,173 --> 00:05:55,806
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I like how subtle
141
00:05:55,875 --> 00:05:58,442
you're being about taking
Jason's diametric opposite.
142
00:05:58,511 --> 00:06:00,211
No, it's like he's
like the ultimate Jason.
143
00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,813
I mean, he's like, like,
Jason in like 15 years
144
00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:04,381
if he got really
ambitious and successful
145
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:06,083
but he was still, like, cool.
146
00:06:06,152 --> 00:06:07,985
You know, he's like
the best of both worlds.
147
00:06:08,087 --> 00:06:09,053
Uh-huh.
148
00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:10,054
Besides, I mean, is it really a date
149
00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:11,455
if technically he asked out Martin
150
00:06:11,524 --> 00:06:12,957
and then I called him? I don't think so.
151
00:06:13,059 --> 00:06:16,327
No, Nan, babe, how long
did you wait to call?
152
00:06:17,363 --> 00:06:18,996
I waited like four hours.
153
00:06:19,098 --> 00:06:20,698
Is that, I'm sorry, I don't know!
154
00:06:20,766 --> 00:06:21,966
I don't know these things.
155
00:06:22,034 --> 00:06:23,234
I've been off the market
for, like, years and years.
156
00:06:23,302 --> 00:06:24,501
I'm pretty sure there are cave paintings
157
00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:26,503
that say wait three days to call.
158
00:06:26,572 --> 00:06:28,839
Ladies, theoretically,
159
00:06:28,908 --> 00:06:32,209
if someone were to be
going to a fancy club this weekend,
160
00:06:32,278 --> 00:06:34,144
which one of these would read more like
161
00:06:34,247 --> 00:06:36,580
Kanye West meets Neil deGrasse Tyson?
162
00:06:36,649 --> 00:06:38,816
- Oh, boy, I'm tapping out.
- Okay.
163
00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,352
All right, Kevin, you'll never
be either one of those men,
164
00:06:41,454 --> 00:06:43,654
and it's not just 'cause
you're white, yeah?
165
00:06:43,723 --> 00:06:46,523
Also, don't wear camo to
the Duquesne Gala, you know?
166
00:06:46,626 --> 00:06:47,658
Try to be subtle.
167
00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,879
Wait, how do you know
about the Duquesne Gala?
168
00:06:49,981 --> 00:06:51,180
Because Dan is making me go
169
00:06:51,282 --> 00:06:52,915
because his parents want
us to get married there.
170
00:06:53,017 --> 00:06:55,284
Wait a second, can you get me in?
171
00:06:55,386 --> 00:06:57,086
No, you already said you're going.
172
00:06:57,188 --> 00:06:59,889
I mean, I'm wait listed.
Same thing, right?
173
00:06:59,991 --> 00:07:01,490
Come on.
174
00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:02,913
Help a brother out.
175
00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:04,326
Nope, nope.
176
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:12,468
- Hi there.
- Hi. Wow, look at you.
177
00:07:12,537 --> 00:07:14,970
Is this your usual training ensemble?
178
00:07:15,039 --> 00:07:18,073
You know, I thought we were
training Martin, not me, so...
179
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,775
It's all right, it's going
to be a light day anyway.
180
00:07:19,844 --> 00:07:20,319
Come on in.
181
00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:21,288
Okay. Come on, bud.
182
00:07:21,351 --> 00:07:22,554
Hello, Martin.
183
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,347
Wow, your house is...
184
00:07:25,449 --> 00:07:27,149
Sorry, I know, it's a total mess.
185
00:07:28,753 --> 00:07:31,086
I'll show you a mess.
186
00:07:31,155 --> 00:07:32,188
Not really.
187
00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:33,689
Anyway, the training area is out back.
188
00:07:33,724 --> 00:07:35,324
Okay. Come on.
189
00:07:35,393 --> 00:07:37,660
Yeah, this, of course, is Hunter's
190
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favorite part of the compound.
191
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:41,063
Wow.
192
00:07:41,132 --> 00:07:43,165
You have, like, an
actual training course.
193
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:44,900
Yeah. Yeah, it started out as a hobby
194
00:07:45,002 --> 00:07:47,403
and has become more of an obsession.
195
00:07:48,573 --> 00:07:49,705
Should we begin?
196
00:07:49,807 --> 00:07:50,739
Yeah, I'm ready.
197
00:07:50,808 --> 00:07:51,941
It's just crazy,
198
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,877
the confidence that
dogs like Hunter exude.
199
00:07:54,946 --> 00:07:56,312
They have this swagger
200
00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:58,280
that just comes from being
affirmed their whole life,
201
00:07:58,316 --> 00:08:00,816
because when I saw what
Hunter had in the yard,
202
00:08:00,885 --> 00:08:03,285
I was like, oh, of course, like,
203
00:08:03,354 --> 00:08:05,721
that's why he's so good at these things.
204
00:08:05,823 --> 00:08:08,624
And I thought, now that
I have the same equipment
205
00:08:08,693 --> 00:08:12,494
and training as Hunter, like,
now I'll be an athlete too.
206
00:08:12,597 --> 00:08:14,463
I'm gonna try a few
things and you follow.
207
00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:15,497
Oh. Sure.
208
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,766
- Capisce?
- Yeah, capisce.
209
00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:19,668
You made me an offer I can't refuse.
210
00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:21,170
Hmm?
211
00:08:21,272 --> 00:08:23,072
That's from "The Godfather."
212
00:08:23,174 --> 00:08:24,106
That's funny.
213
00:08:25,076 --> 00:08:26,909
Hunter, come on!
214
00:08:27,011 --> 00:08:28,177
Hup! Hup!
215
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:30,179
In light of all his societal advantages,
216
00:08:30,281 --> 00:08:32,014
Hunter didn't look all that impressive.
217
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:34,416
Stay. Go, go, go.
218
00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:35,584
It looked kind of easy.
219
00:08:35,653 --> 00:08:38,153
I was kind of excited to show him up.
220
00:08:38,222 --> 00:08:41,423
Good boy! Awesome! Now you try.
221
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:42,691
Sure thing.
222
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,126
Hey, hey, hey, stop doing that.
223
00:08:44,228 --> 00:08:46,695
Listen, don't screw
this up for me, okay?
224
00:08:46,764 --> 00:08:47,930
Okay, good boy, come on.
225
00:08:48,032 --> 00:08:50,032
Then I was just shocked.
226
00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:52,991
Right there, Martin, come through,
227
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,499
Through the hoop.
228
00:08:56,049 --> 00:08:58,316
I don't even want to
talk about what happened.
229
00:08:58,409 --> 00:09:00,776
Over! Through the tube.
230
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:02,587
Martin, come on, Martin. Go through.
231
00:09:02,656 --> 00:09:04,756
Come over, come, that's...
232
00:09:04,824 --> 00:09:06,124
Like, of course, yeah,
233
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:09,794
I-I failed physically,
like, surprise, surprise.
234
00:09:09,863 --> 00:09:12,807
No, on this side. Come on.
235
00:09:13,058 --> 00:09:15,158
But Nan was saying all these
things that were, like,
236
00:09:15,226 --> 00:09:16,793
meaningless to me...
237
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:20,530
I just kept thinking,
oh, I am smart enough.
238
00:09:20,632 --> 00:09:22,665
Like, at some point
it's just going to click
239
00:09:22,734 --> 00:09:26,669
and I'll get it but, like,
that moment never came.
240
00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:32,775
Hunter understood everything.
241
00:09:32,877 --> 00:09:35,378
He made it look so easy.
242
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,380
I don't understand anything.
243
00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:41,417
I just, I just looked
like a stupid idiot.
244
00:09:41,519 --> 00:09:43,753
Come on. Come on, come on, buddy.
245
00:09:43,822 --> 00:09:46,489
I know, you're embarrassed.
Come on. Come on out.
246
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:49,092
You weren't kidding about
his lack of athleticism.
247
00:09:49,194 --> 00:09:51,294
It's stunning, actually.
248
00:09:51,362 --> 00:09:52,862
Don't say I didn't warn you, right?
249
00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:54,564
Well, maybe it's time for break anyway.
250
00:09:54,666 --> 00:09:57,934
- Oh, good.
- And perhaps a glass of wine?
251
00:09:58,002 --> 00:09:59,635
Yeah, that would be great.
252
00:09:59,737 --> 00:10:03,506
It's just really nice to spend
time with a grown-up, you know?
253
00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:05,641
Like, you have a real job,
254
00:10:05,743 --> 00:10:07,610
and you don't play video games,
255
00:10:07,712 --> 00:10:09,078
and maybe you used to smoke pot
256
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,047
but now you're like,
"I don't even need it"
257
00:10:11,149 --> 00:10:14,317
because accomplishing tasks
can be completely as fun, right?
258
00:10:14,419 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, you certainly
are a delight yourself.
259
00:10:17,422 --> 00:10:18,387
Thanks.
260
00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:20,556
- More wine?
- Yes, please.
261
00:10:22,193 --> 00:10:23,860
You know, I read in some cultures
262
00:10:23,962 --> 00:10:26,129
it's considered rude to refuse wine.
263
00:10:26,231 --> 00:10:28,264
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
264
00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:34,237
Yum.
265
00:10:34,339 --> 00:10:35,938
You know, I never do this,
266
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,542
but would you mind
terribly using a coaster?
267
00:10:41,312 --> 00:10:42,512
Th-There's one...
268
00:10:42,614 --> 00:10:44,614
Yep, yep. Yep.
269
00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:50,920
I think today was the
worst day of my entire life
270
00:10:51,022 --> 00:10:54,056
because as it turns out, like,
271
00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:56,192
I'm not smart or athletic.
272
00:10:56,294 --> 00:10:58,728
Like, I'm not the full package at all.
273
00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:02,965
I'm just, I'm just
like an empty package.
274
00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:05,607
Come on.
275
00:11:06,928 --> 00:11:08,606
It was kind of awesome you know?
276
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:11,491
Like, so different but cool.
277
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,526
He has this house from
this famous architect,
278
00:11:13,628 --> 00:11:15,862
and we had wine I couldn't pronounce.
279
00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:18,464
- Ooh, did he seem into you?
- Uh, gosh, I don't know,
280
00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:21,034
but he did invite me to the gala, so...
281
00:11:21,102 --> 00:11:23,036
Nan, way to bury the lead!
282
00:11:23,104 --> 00:11:25,405
Yes, thank God, I'm not
going to be there on my own
283
00:11:25,507 --> 00:11:27,273
listening to Dan talk about securities.
284
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:30,710
I know, and I'm going to
get all fancy, you know?
285
00:11:30,812 --> 00:11:33,479
The nicest place Jason ever
took me was, like, Burger World.
286
00:11:33,582 --> 00:11:35,748
Oh. God.
287
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,650
So listen, can you help me
find everything that's wrong
288
00:11:37,719 --> 00:11:39,252
with this place so I don't
have to get married there?
289
00:11:39,321 --> 00:11:40,520
Yes, done. On it.
290
00:11:40,589 --> 00:11:42,722
Perfect, and if it's
weird I will rescue you,
291
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:44,724
and if it's not weird,
you just let me know
292
00:11:44,826 --> 00:11:46,526
how much you want to bone this guy.
293
00:11:46,628 --> 00:11:48,895
Right, I don't know.
294
00:11:48,997 --> 00:11:51,164
It's early, you know, and,
like, he's really attractive,
295
00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:53,366
but he's also kind of stiff.
296
00:11:53,435 --> 00:11:54,767
Ooh, naughty.
297
00:11:54,869 --> 00:11:58,705
No, he's, like, super serious,
like, about everything.
298
00:11:58,773 --> 00:12:00,773
I mean, like, he never laughs.
299
00:12:00,842 --> 00:12:02,609
Like, he just says, "That's funny."
300
00:12:02,711 --> 00:12:05,445
- Huh.
- Yeah.
301
00:12:05,513 --> 00:12:06,913
But I don't know.
Like, who cares, right?
302
00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:08,448
- I mean, I'm having fun...
- Yeah.
303
00:12:08,516 --> 00:12:09,983
And at least he's not lecturing me
304
00:12:10,051 --> 00:12:12,986
on the evils of the 1% every
time I reach for a LaCroix.
305
00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:15,655
That's funny.
306
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,224
- What are you giving them?
- Ooh. All the good stuff.
307
00:12:18,293 --> 00:12:21,160
I've got raw salmon,
quinoa, fresh apples,
308
00:12:21,229 --> 00:12:23,062
and a special blend of protein powder.
309
00:12:23,131 --> 00:12:26,099
Okay, I just... You have
to be kind of careful
310
00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:28,954
what you give to Martin because
his stomach is a little iffy, so....
311
00:12:29,023 --> 00:12:29,900
Don't worry about it.
312
00:12:29,962 --> 00:12:32,872
It is literally impossible
that this would harm him.
313
00:12:32,941 --> 00:12:34,574
All right, well, you're the expert.
314
00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:36,776
Yeah.
315
00:12:36,845 --> 00:12:40,446
I guess this is what
being humble looks like.
316
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:41,914
There, boys.
317
00:12:41,983 --> 00:12:45,285
I mean, now, like, now I
see that I've blamed Nan.
318
00:12:45,353 --> 00:12:47,720
Like, I've blamed
training courses, like,
319
00:12:47,789 --> 00:12:52,677
I blamed culture at large, but
I never once blamed myself.
320
00:12:52,786 --> 00:12:55,662
Hunter? Sit.
321
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,096
Lie down.
322
00:12:57,165 --> 00:12:58,831
Play dead.
323
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,868
And in the past, I've
always judged these dogs
324
00:13:01,936 --> 00:13:05,138
who do the whole sit,
stay, play-dead thing.
325
00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:07,106
Like, just the phrase "play dead"
326
00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:09,709
is actually pretty dark,
if you think about it.
327
00:13:09,811 --> 00:13:12,478
Okay, sit.
328
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:15,181
Stay.
329
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:18,818
But maybe Hunter has something
figured out that I don't.
330
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,687
Like, I've always been the teacher,
331
00:13:20,755 --> 00:13:23,089
but maybe I have something to learn.
332
00:13:26,294 --> 00:13:30,263
Ugh, too much.
Why do you need all that?
333
00:13:30,332 --> 00:13:33,166
Can you believe how
gaudy that chandelier is?
334
00:13:33,268 --> 00:13:34,500
- Yep.
- Like, you can almost hear
335
00:13:34,602 --> 00:13:35,868
the cries of the steelworkers
336
00:13:35,937 --> 00:13:37,270
who were systemically
oppressed to build it.
337
00:13:37,339 --> 00:13:39,405
Yeah, and like, chill
with the gold leaf, okay?
338
00:13:39,474 --> 00:13:40,840
Everybody understands you're rich.
339
00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:42,375
Yes! Like, we get it, okay?
340
00:13:42,444 --> 00:13:44,844
You had to destroy vast
tracts of virgin land
341
00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:48,915
to build this magical marble palace.
342
00:13:49,017 --> 00:13:50,149
Sheesh.
343
00:13:50,218 --> 00:13:52,218
- You like this place.
- What?
344
00:13:52,287 --> 00:13:54,420
No, this place is offensive. No.
345
00:13:54,522 --> 00:13:55,555
Yes, you do.
346
00:13:55,623 --> 00:13:57,523
You love it, don't you? A little bit?
347
00:13:57,625 --> 00:13:59,092
Fine. Fine!
348
00:13:59,194 --> 00:14:00,760
It makes me feel like a
princess and I love it.
349
00:14:00,862 --> 00:14:01,961
I never want to leave this place.
350
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:03,363
Don't tell Dan. I won't tell him.
351
00:14:03,431 --> 00:14:05,031
Because he's going to be so smug.
352
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:08,201
- Ladies, crémant de Bourgogne.
- Ooh, champagne.
353
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:10,737
Technically it's not
champagne, it's sparkling wine.
354
00:14:10,839 --> 00:14:13,106
Well, still gets you drunk, right?
355
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:14,273
- I heard that.
- Hey-oh!
356
00:14:14,376 --> 00:14:15,708
That's funny.
357
00:14:17,045 --> 00:14:19,612
The thing is, Hunter is so committed
358
00:14:19,681 --> 00:14:22,315
because I thought, like, once
the lovebirds left, like,
359
00:14:22,384 --> 00:14:24,450
Hunter would stop
pretending to care, like,
360
00:14:24,552 --> 00:14:26,052
what they thought and
we would just, like,
361
00:14:26,121 --> 00:14:29,222
you know, let down a little
bit, like, we would play.
362
00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:31,457
But he just stayed... like,
363
00:14:31,526 --> 00:14:35,194
he takes that word
really, really literally.
364
00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:38,164
And on one hand, like, like,
I respect that commitment.
365
00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:39,665
Like...
366
00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:41,401
...all I've ever been
committed to is, like,
367
00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,069
binge eating my breakfast,
368
00:14:43,138 --> 00:14:45,938
but then again, like,
this is possibly, like,
369
00:14:46,007 --> 00:14:50,777
the least fun I've ever
had in my entire life.
370
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:53,045
And like, I'm someone
who has stared at a wall
371
00:14:53,148 --> 00:14:55,248
for four hours straight.
372
00:15:03,124 --> 00:15:04,824
Nan?
373
00:15:04,926 --> 00:15:07,260
What are you doing here?
374
00:15:07,328 --> 00:15:09,762
Hi, Kevin. I'm actually, I'm on a date.
375
00:15:09,864 --> 00:15:10,963
With a man?
376
00:15:11,065 --> 00:15:14,100
Yeah, with this, this guy, Eric?
377
00:15:14,202 --> 00:15:15,935
He's a member.
378
00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:20,406
Eric Baxter? How is that even possible?
379
00:15:20,475 --> 00:15:23,075
You know, honestly, when you
guys, like, after you do it
380
00:15:23,178 --> 00:15:24,911
or whatever, like, if you're talking
381
00:15:25,013 --> 00:15:26,412
and the topic of my
Duquesne club application
382
00:15:26,481 --> 00:15:29,315
- came up, it would be...
- Eric!
383
00:15:29,417 --> 00:15:31,551
Eric, what's up, man?
384
00:15:31,653 --> 00:15:33,586
Hey. Nan, are you about ready to go?
385
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:35,054
Hunter really needs
to be kenneled by 9:00.
386
00:15:35,156 --> 00:15:38,257
- Oh, sure, yeah.
- Okay, I get it.
387
00:15:38,359 --> 00:15:41,027
I like your style, man. I get that.
388
00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:42,995
Okay.
389
00:15:43,097 --> 00:15:44,130
Who is that guy?
390
00:15:44,232 --> 00:15:45,298
I don't know.
391
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:49,101
You're like a sexy old Jesus!
392
00:15:50,371 --> 00:15:53,606
In retrospect, yeah, like,
393
00:15:53,675 --> 00:15:56,242
I guess I knew something was wrong,
394
00:15:56,311 --> 00:15:58,611
but I was trying to,
like, be like Hunter
395
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,980
and I thought, you know, like,
I'm going to tough it out.
396
00:16:01,049 --> 00:16:03,749
Like, pain is just
weakness leaving the body.
397
00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:08,454
But as it turns out, it
wasn't pain leaving the body.
398
00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:11,090
It was something else leaving
the body all together.
399
00:16:14,362 --> 00:16:17,763
Hey, I don't believe I've told you,
400
00:16:17,832 --> 00:16:21,100
but you look absolutely lovely tonight.
401
00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:23,436
Oh, uh, thank you.
402
00:16:23,505 --> 00:16:25,838
Yeah, I don't think you
mentioned it, actually.
403
00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:30,643
Oh.
404
00:16:37,519 --> 00:16:41,354
I guess we should...
get back to the dogs.
405
00:16:41,456 --> 00:16:42,455
You're right.
406
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,460
Thank you for kissing with me.
407
00:16:49,931 --> 00:16:51,197
Yep.
408
00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:53,099
- There you go.
- Thank you.
409
00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:54,834
You got it.
410
00:16:56,204 --> 00:16:58,337
Oh. I know that smell.
411
00:16:58,439 --> 00:16:59,505
Oh, no.
412
00:16:59,574 --> 00:17:02,942
- Martin, baby?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
413
00:17:03,044 --> 00:17:06,312
Eric? I am so sorry.
414
00:17:07,348 --> 00:17:09,315
Hey, buddy, you okay?
415
00:17:09,417 --> 00:17:10,449
You okay?
416
00:17:12,787 --> 00:17:14,520
It's everywhere.
417
00:17:14,589 --> 00:17:16,556
Eric, I am so sorry.
418
00:17:16,658 --> 00:17:18,190
Martin, down.
419
00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:19,392
It's not his fault.
420
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:21,193
It doesn't matter. This
is a teachable moment, Nan.
421
00:17:21,262 --> 00:17:23,296
Okay. Buddy, hi. Hi, sweetie pie.
422
00:17:23,398 --> 00:17:26,432
- Nan, you are rewarding him.
- I'm just comforting him.
423
00:17:26,534 --> 00:17:27,934
He's never going to respect you.
424
00:17:28,036 --> 00:17:29,068
It's fine!
425
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:30,736
It's not fine, Nan! You're ruining him.
426
00:17:30,805 --> 00:17:33,439
Eric, Martin is my dog, okay,
427
00:17:33,541 --> 00:17:36,275
and I really don't care if
he's, like, the best trained dog,
428
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:39,078
and I don't even care if he
craps on the floor now and then.
429
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,280
I just, I just want him to be happy.
430
00:17:42,884 --> 00:17:44,584
Okay, Nan, look,
431
00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:48,120
I'm aware that I can come
across as a little uptight.
432
00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:50,122
- Okay.
- But I really think if you,
433
00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:51,524
if you take some time
434
00:17:51,626 --> 00:17:54,193
to get to know me you'll
realize that's not the case.
435
00:17:54,295 --> 00:17:56,329
I'm sorry, I have to get that.
436
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,967
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
- Yeah.
437
00:18:01,069 --> 00:18:02,501
I think we'd better go.
438
00:18:02,604 --> 00:18:04,637
I'll see you later.
439
00:18:04,739 --> 00:18:06,606
Yeah, absolutely, I'll see
you around, okay, no worries.
440
00:18:06,708 --> 00:18:08,174
Come, on buddy, come on.
441
00:18:08,276 --> 00:18:11,410
Come on.
442
00:18:11,512 --> 00:18:13,412
The thing is, like, sure, like,
443
00:18:13,514 --> 00:18:15,948
Hunter is this really impressive dog
444
00:18:16,017 --> 00:18:18,818
and like, I'm kind of a
mess, like, like, I get that.
445
00:18:22,957 --> 00:18:24,423
Hunter, cuddle.
446
00:18:27,462 --> 00:18:29,362
But today, honestly, like,
447
00:18:29,464 --> 00:18:31,397
I'm just really impressed with myself,
448
00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:34,367
because I think I finally let go
449
00:18:34,435 --> 00:18:37,503
of that desire to be impressive.
450
00:18:37,572 --> 00:18:39,205
I guess we can't win them all, can we?
451
00:18:39,307 --> 00:18:41,340
Come here, you, come here.
452
00:18:41,442 --> 00:18:43,776
Who is that?
453
00:18:46,481 --> 00:18:48,447
Come on, come on.
454
00:18:55,657 --> 00:18:57,556
Like, who cares about perfection?
455
00:18:57,625 --> 00:19:00,760
Like, who cares about
being the full package?
456
00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:03,029
I am flawed and awkward and floppy,
457
00:19:03,131 --> 00:19:04,797
and I might never catch a ball, like,
458
00:19:04,866 --> 00:19:07,133
in my entire life and, like,
459
00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:10,936
I might not even be one of the
greatest minds of all time.
460
00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:13,939
Like, I might be just
one of the great minds
461
00:19:14,042 --> 00:19:16,876
of my generation, like top two.
462
00:19:18,246 --> 00:19:20,146
Come on, buddy. Hi.
463
00:19:20,248 --> 00:19:21,147
Oh, hey there.
464
00:19:21,249 --> 00:19:22,481
What's with the dress, Cinderella?
465
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:24,316
- Oh, work thing.
- Uh-huh.
466
00:19:24,419 --> 00:19:26,452
So, 75-cent hamburger night, huh?
467
00:19:26,554 --> 00:19:28,120
- Yeah, can't beat it.
- Damn straight.
468
00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:29,922
Beautiful evening like this. Yeah.
469
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:30,956
It's really nice.
470
00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:33,259
Like, I'm okay with that.
471
00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:36,862
I think the important
thing is to love yourself.
472
00:19:36,964 --> 00:19:39,065
Ga ga ga ga! Get your own.
473
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,433
You have four burgers!
474
00:19:40,535 --> 00:19:42,268
There's like 8,000! Ohh! Okay.
475
00:19:42,370 --> 00:19:44,336
But yours are always so tasty.
476
00:19:44,439 --> 00:19:45,404
Go for it.
477
00:19:45,506 --> 00:19:46,906
I'm sure self love is easy
478
00:19:47,008 --> 00:19:48,407
when you're somebody like Hunter.
479
00:19:48,509 --> 00:19:50,109
- Mmm.
- That's good, right?
480
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:52,185
But when you're as flawed as me...
481
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:53,208
Where's your dress?
482
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,181
...when you're as flawed as me,
483
00:19:55,283 --> 00:19:56,716
choosing to love yourself
484
00:19:56,818 --> 00:19:59,819
might be the bravest
thing ever attempted
485
00:19:59,921 --> 00:20:01,420
in the history of the world.
486
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:05,691
Hey!
487
00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:07,093
Rip it out, rip it out.
488
00:20:07,195 --> 00:20:08,694
Baby, don't eat that.
489
00:20:11,657 --> 00:20:12,949
That's funny.
490
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:18,460
Sometimes I like to just,
like, let my thoughts, like,
491
00:20:18,516 --> 00:20:20,914
like, wander because
492
00:20:21,046 --> 00:20:24,250
I'll stumble across these
really deep thoughts
493
00:20:24,297 --> 00:20:28,332
like, what if the entire
universe, everything we know,
494
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:33,904
is just like some tiny speck
on some other giant food bowl,
495
00:20:34,006 --> 00:20:37,007
and what if that food bowl
is part of another food bowl,
496
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:39,377
and that's part of another
one and they all just, like,
497
00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:41,712
nest together in this infinite regress
498
00:20:41,814 --> 00:20:44,348
and then, like, I just
feel like if that's true,
499
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:48,252
if that's true, how could
you ever be really sure
500
00:20:48,354 --> 00:20:51,389
if a food bowl is full or not?
501
00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:53,391
Like, like, I think about that.
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