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1
00:00:05,061 --> 00:00:08,281
I remember before we got kids
and I could just lie in bed on Saturday.
2
00:00:08,481 --> 00:00:09,681
That's how we got them.
3
00:00:10,149 --> 00:00:12,249
Why did I have to be so sexy?
4
00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:15,702
A few moths ago, Luke
joined the club soccer team
5
00:00:15,702 --> 00:00:16,902
and at first we were thrilled.
6
00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:20,754
But then we realised it
takes over your whole weekend.
7
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,154
And not in the cool
MythBusters marathon way.
8
00:00:23,278 --> 00:00:25,378
Luke sits on the bench. A lot.
9
00:00:25,578 --> 00:00:27,178
Which means we sit at the hot sun
10
00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:29,578
for like 8 hours, just
to see him play 5 minutes.
11
00:00:30,372 --> 00:00:32,092
But what five minutes.
Tell them about last week.
12
00:00:32,228 --> 00:00:33,228
Oh. Yeah.
13
00:00:33,403 --> 00:00:35,503
Luke stopped a goal
with his face.
14
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,396
- Too bad he doesn't remember that.
- Yeah.
15
00:00:38,762 --> 00:00:42,293
What if we sent Luke
to the game without us today?
16
00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:43,980
- We can't do that.
- Why not?
17
00:00:43,981 --> 00:00:46,491
Missing one tournament
doesn't make us bad parents.
18
00:00:46,492 --> 00:00:49,420
My mom never went
to any of my stuff. I'm fine.
19
00:00:49,421 --> 00:00:50,842
Why didn't she go
to any of your stuff?
20
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,529
Because she was
an incredibly competitive woman
21
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,564
who didn't like to see me
do very well at anything,
22
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:56,055
but I think it's
pretty clear who won.
23
00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,341
I'm working now, you know,
24
00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:00,492
and I really need my weekends back
25
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,260
to -- to catch up on errands.
26
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:03,776
I don't know.
It just feels wrong.
27
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:07,557
Would it feel wrong
to use that robot gutter cleaner
28
00:01:07,558 --> 00:01:09,413
that's been sitting in the box
for the last three weeks?
29
00:01:09,414 --> 00:01:11,482
- No, that would feel right -- so right.
- Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:11,483 --> 00:01:13,218
Did I tell you I call it "the gutter done"?
31
00:01:13,219 --> 00:01:14,815
You did!
I love "gutter done."
32
00:01:14,816 --> 00:01:16,602
It's your sense of humor.
It's so fun.
33
00:01:16,603 --> 00:01:18,428
Okay, stop drilling.
You struck oil.
34
00:01:18,429 --> 00:01:20,775
But only if Luke's
100% cool with it.
35
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,510
Yeah, of course.
I'm on it.
36
00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:24,707
You know, if we're not going,
37
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,516
we could stay in bed
a little longer.
38
00:01:27,637 --> 00:01:28,929
- No, thank you.
- Okay.
39
00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:31,426
Don't want to have this
conversation again in 15 years.
40
00:01:40,338 --> 00:01:43,838
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,214
What are you doing
with those swatches?
42
00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:50,522
She's gonna be here any minute.
43
00:01:50,523 --> 00:01:52,529
I told you to put
all this wedding stuff away.
44
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,763
Are these really our top-two
choices for color palette?
45
00:01:54,764 --> 00:01:55,838
Why are they both white?
46
00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:59,241
That's what my friend Keisha
asks about you and daddy.
47
00:01:59,903 --> 00:02:01,130
Instead of hiding all this stuff,
48
00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:03,046
why don't you just tell Pam
we're getting married?
49
00:02:03,047 --> 00:02:05,318
I will, when she's ready.
50
00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:08,316
Carefully and preferably
in a large, open field.
51
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:10,487
She's your sister, not the Hulk.
52
00:02:10,488 --> 00:02:12,991
My big sister, Pam,
is emotionally fragile
53
00:02:12,992 --> 00:02:14,953
and she's still single,
so when she finds out
54
00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:16,802
I'm getting married before she is --
55
00:02:17,894 --> 00:02:18,520
look out.
56
00:02:18,521 --> 00:02:20,615
She can be meaner
than a barn owl at sunset.
57
00:02:20,616 --> 00:02:21,900
Because that's when they wake up?
58
00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:23,467
Yep. That's morning time
for a barn owl.
59
00:02:25,306 --> 00:02:27,368
- It's her!
- Quick! Hide!
60
00:02:27,369 --> 00:02:28,917
It's okay, Lily. Come on.
61
00:02:28,918 --> 00:02:30,196
Oh, take that bow out of her hair.
62
00:02:30,197 --> 00:02:31,702
I don't want to rub
our daughter's adorableness
63
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,841
in my barren sister's face.
64
00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:35,520
- There she is!
- Hey, Pam!
65
00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:37,136
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
66
00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:39,355
Well, the damn airline
lost my trunk.
67
00:02:39,356 --> 00:02:41,861
- Now I'm gonna have
to make new clothes. - Oh, no.
68
00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:42,650
Yep.
69
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,566
I need to squeeze something.
70
00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,792
- Get over here, Lily.
- I'm good.
71
00:02:46,851 --> 00:02:48,325
Yeah, well, she's shy.
72
00:02:48,346 --> 00:02:50,701
So, Pam, we've got some big news.
73
00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:52,222
Speaking of big news --
74
00:02:52,223 --> 00:02:53,977
you remember that little ugly girl
75
00:02:53,978 --> 00:02:55,750
I used to babysit, Britney Horner?
76
00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:57,759
- Yeah.
- Well, she got married last summer,
77
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,161
and now she's pregnant with twins.
78
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:02,202
So, if you're keeping track,
that's ugly -- 2, me -- nothing.
79
00:03:02,576 --> 00:03:03,715
What's your news?
80
00:03:03,908 --> 00:03:04,706
Um... well...
81
00:03:04,707 --> 00:03:06,234
We're getting a new dryer.
82
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,449
Well, I'm very happy for y'all.
83
00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:11,135
Thank you.
84
00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:13,451
How come I never
get a new dryer?
85
00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:17,547
Mom, in all the time
you've known grandpa,
86
00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:19,178
has he ever used
the word "fluxions"?
87
00:03:19,179 --> 00:03:21,692
That is not an f-word
I have heard him use.
88
00:03:21,693 --> 00:03:23,389
He's beating me
in "Words with friends."
89
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:24,469
How is that even possible?
90
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,154
Shouldn't you be playing
"Words with friends"
91
00:03:26,155 --> 00:03:27,385
with friends?
92
00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:28,745
Grandpa is my friend.
93
00:03:28,746 --> 00:03:30,918
Of course he is.
That's not sad. What?
94
00:03:31,364 --> 00:03:32,857
Morning, buddy.
What's with the pillow?
95
00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:33,666
It's for soccer.
96
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:36,067
My neck gets pretty tired
watching all those games.
97
00:03:36,506 --> 00:03:37,380
Right.
98
00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:38,786
Yeah, I'll bet.
99
00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,764
Say, listen, your dad and I
were just talking
100
00:03:40,765 --> 00:03:43,835
about you maybe wanting to go
to the game without us today.
101
00:03:43,836 --> 00:03:45,915
- Oh.
- But it's totally up to you.
102
00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:48,199
Whatever you want because
we love you very much.
103
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,681
Right. You can either ride
with some of your teammates,
104
00:03:50,682 --> 00:03:52,806
like the L.A. Kings,
or you can ride with us,
105
00:03:52,807 --> 00:03:55,841
like how Gloria and grandpa
take Joe to playdates.
106
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:58,237
Professional athlete,
little poopy baby --
107
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,028
- your call.
- I'll get a ride with Max.
108
00:04:00,029 --> 00:04:01,508
- Great!
- Are you sure it's okay?
109
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,604
Yeah, it's fine.
110
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,002
Hey, can I borrow
your sleep mask?
111
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:05,668
- You bet.
- Awesome.
112
00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:09,122
Yes! I love that kid.
113
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,163
Can you imagine how easy
it would be if it was just him?
114
00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:12,403
- Mm.
- I mean...
115
00:04:12,404 --> 00:04:13,629
I know what you mean.
116
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,321
You call that folded?
117
00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:22,739
Where's that military precision?
118
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,008
We didn't fold many
onesies in the Navy.
119
00:04:25,735 --> 00:04:27,293
I'm back!
120
00:04:27,575 --> 00:04:28,826
What did the doctor say?
121
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,953
He said my eyes are perfect.
122
00:04:30,954 --> 00:04:32,765
Where was he looking
when he said it?
123
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:34,968
Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses.
124
00:04:34,969 --> 00:04:37,207
The last couple of months,
she's been struggling.
125
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:48,018
I'll take this one.
It looks very good.
126
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,964
That's their address, Magoo.
127
00:04:53,348 --> 00:04:54,874
Did he even give you an eye test?
128
00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:55,973
He put the spoon in one eye,
129
00:04:55,974 --> 00:04:57,030
the spoon in the other eye,
130
00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,826
the puff puff, the eye drops.
131
00:04:58,827 --> 00:05:01,085
20/20.
Now who's the Magoo?
132
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,843
What the hell language was that?
133
00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:07,038
Did you see that
fresh coat of nail polish?
134
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,517
She never went to the doctor.
135
00:05:08,578 --> 00:05:10,550
- Why would she lie?
- She's vain, Manny.
136
00:05:10,598 --> 00:05:12,097
She doesn't want to wear glasses.
137
00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:13,641
Well, she's only hurting herself.
138
00:05:17,866 --> 00:05:20,481
- Okay, I hope you're hungry.
- Starving.
139
00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,837
That damn airline
ran out of roast beef.
140
00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:23,838
Tried to fast talk me
141
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,259
into eating something
called "hoo-mus."
142
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:27,186
Oh, hummus --
it's actually really delicious.
143
00:05:27,187 --> 00:05:29,440
You would like tha-- uh.
Oh.
144
00:05:31,038 --> 00:05:33,217
- What's this?
- Oh, uh, that's an action figure.
145
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:34,661
It's two grooms.
146
00:05:34,662 --> 00:05:35,955
They melted together in the car
147
00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:37,162
on a very, very hot day.
148
00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:38,245
It was 103.
149
00:05:38,281 --> 00:05:40,342
My daddies are getting married.
150
00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,470
Your dads are getting married?
151
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,314
That can't be right.
152
00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:46,961
That's what my friend Keisha says.
153
00:05:49,401 --> 00:05:50,401
Is this true?
154
00:05:50,402 --> 00:05:52,984
Pam, honest to goodness,
we were gonna tell you.
155
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,187
Get over here, you!
156
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,215
Hey, hey!
157
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,358
She's got me.
158
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:57,850
Well, damn!
159
00:05:58,661 --> 00:06:00,741
This is the greatest news
I've ever heard!
160
00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:03,998
Oh, I am so happy
to hear you say that, Pam.
161
00:06:04,215 --> 00:06:05,953
Of course. Oh!
162
00:06:05,954 --> 00:06:08,696
I want my baby brother
to be happy.
163
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:11,852
And as long as we're sharing,
I have some news.
164
00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:13,276
You remember Bo Johnson?
165
00:06:13,277 --> 00:06:16,037
Oh, my gosh,
how could I forget? Oh!
166
00:06:16,038 --> 00:06:17,724
He was my first crush.
167
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,832
Please tell me nothing
happened to his face.
168
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,216
What did he fall into?
169
00:06:21,371 --> 00:06:22,998
He fell into me.
170
00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:24,412
We're engaged!
171
00:06:24,413 --> 00:06:26,865
Say what?
Bo and I are getting married!
172
00:06:26,866 --> 00:06:30,022
That is fantastic!
Cam, isn't this great news?
173
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:30,775
Come here, you. Oh!
174
00:06:30,776 --> 00:06:32,617
Yeah. So great.
175
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:35,485
Oh! Get in on this! Come on!
176
00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:37,629
Thank you for jumping.
177
00:06:39,105 --> 00:06:41,516
I didn't feel guilty for missing
Luke's soccer tournament
178
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,260
because I had a ton of errands
179
00:06:43,261 --> 00:06:45,413
I figured would
take me all day to finish.
180
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:49,251
But for some weird reason,
I was flying through my list.
181
00:06:49,381 --> 00:06:51,310
I ended up in every short line.
182
00:06:51,474 --> 00:06:53,117
I made every green light.
183
00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:55,705
It was the ultimate
karmic bitch-slap.
184
00:06:56,002 --> 00:06:58,016
Because suddenly
I had no more errands,
185
00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,688
which meant no more excuses,
186
00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:03,015
which meant me at that
boring soccer tournament.
187
00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:07,194
Hi. There you are.
188
00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:08,759
Your son is playing so great.
189
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,538
- No, I'm Luke's mom.
- No, I know.
190
00:07:10,539 --> 00:07:12,933
- He's been amazing all day.
- Luke?
191
00:07:13,652 --> 00:07:15,467
Oh! Luke?
192
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,304
Here, you want one?
193
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,892
Uh, no, thanks.
I'm coffeed out.
194
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:21,167
- Oh, honey, it's sangria.
- Well, all right.
195
00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:26,002
Okay, that's it.
Grandpa's cheating.
196
00:07:26,036 --> 00:07:28,239
On Gloria?
How could he possibly do better?
197
00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:30,309
No, not on Gloria --
on this game.
198
00:07:30,969 --> 00:07:32,627
I've never lost it to anyone.
199
00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:35,024
Keep playing word games with grandpa,
and you never will.
200
00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:36,282
Hey, girls!
201
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,380
Hey. What is that thing?
202
00:07:38,381 --> 00:07:39,483
What do they call it,
203
00:07:39,484 --> 00:07:40,906
or what should
they have called it?
204
00:07:40,907 --> 00:07:42,794
- Never mind.
- Uh, wait, wait, wait!
205
00:07:43,019 --> 00:07:44,255
It's a gutter cleaner.
206
00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:50,905
Ladies, I give you the future.
207
00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:55,710
How many times have you girls
seen me fall off this ladder?
208
00:07:55,711 --> 00:07:58,432
Now that's gonna happen less.
209
00:07:58,790 --> 00:07:59,865
Looks like your, uh,
210
00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:01,798
gutter cleaner
is stuck on something.
211
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:02,491
Not a problem.
212
00:08:02,492 --> 00:08:04,848
This baby detects blockage
and then ramps up the power.
213
00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:07,742
That's why I've nicknamed it
"The gutter done."
214
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:09,694
- Stop!
- Dad!
215
00:08:09,695 --> 00:08:11,692
Sorry, it's such
a missed opportunity.
216
00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:13,255
- Aah!
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
217
00:08:13,256 --> 00:08:14,874
- What? What happened?
- It's a bird's nest!
218
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,807
- No!
- And they're all dead!
219
00:08:16,808 --> 00:08:18,937
- Oh, my God!
- You killed them!
220
00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,201
Honey, it wasn't me!
221
00:08:20,202 --> 00:08:22,073
It was the robot!
222
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,329
It doesn't know!
223
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,813
I'm sorry!
224
00:08:30,784 --> 00:08:32,633
Mom! Mom! Help!
225
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:33,705
What?! What happened?!
226
00:08:33,706 --> 00:08:36,568
- I just ate a handful of this rat poison.
- Why?!
227
00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:37,702
I thought it was trail mix.
228
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,947
- Why do I keep it so close together?
- I'll call 911!
229
00:08:39,948 --> 00:08:42,405
Here, read the box!
Tell me what it says to do!
230
00:08:42,406 --> 00:08:43,155
Hurry!
231
00:08:43,532 --> 00:08:46,120
- It says...
- I don't have much time!
232
00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:47,514
In the...
233
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,296
- And I'm dead.
- What?
234
00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:55,850
You'd rather kill your husband
than admit you need glasses.
235
00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:57,760
- Wow, mom.
- It's not poison?
236
00:08:57,761 --> 00:08:58,637
Oh, there's rat poison,
237
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,985
and I do keep it dangerously
close to the trail mix,
238
00:09:00,986 --> 00:09:02,265
but this was to point out
239
00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:03,949
that your vanity could be fatal.
240
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,402
I knew this was all a trick.
241
00:09:05,403 --> 00:09:08,506
That's why I acted like
I couldn't read that box!
242
00:09:08,688 --> 00:09:11,247
How many people have
to pretend to die, Gloria?
243
00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:14,065
It just doesn't make any sense.
244
00:09:14,066 --> 00:09:17,762
- Pam and bo Johnson? My bo Johnson?
- "My"?
245
00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:20,481
Should it bother me that you're
this jealous of an old crush?
246
00:09:20,482 --> 00:09:21,736
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
247
00:09:21,737 --> 00:09:22,877
Bo is straight.
248
00:09:22,878 --> 00:09:24,760
He'd probably never go for me.
249
00:09:27,194 --> 00:09:29,655
Oh, my gosh, it is Bo!
250
00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:32,007
Look, he's hotter than ever.
251
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:35,581
- I'm gonna answer it.
- No, you can't.
252
00:09:35,582 --> 00:09:37,937
Yes, I can.
We're practically family.
253
00:09:39,213 --> 00:09:41,557
Hey, dude. It's Cam.
254
00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:42,453
Where?
255
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:45,520
Been good -- been real, real good.
256
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,787
So, you and Pam, huh?
257
00:09:49,499 --> 00:09:51,029
Hey, better be good to my old sis,
258
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:52,635
or I'll have to wrestle you down.
259
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,412
Hey, question --
260
00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:58,157
do you still have that friendship bracelet
that I made for you?
261
00:09:58,926 --> 00:09:59,881
Oh, okay.
262
00:09:59,882 --> 00:10:03,084
Yeah, okay, if you're busy,
I'll have Pam call you back.
263
00:10:03,514 --> 00:10:05,795
Hey, and, Bo, congratulations.
264
00:10:05,978 --> 00:10:06,872
You too.
265
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,846
- Can you believe it?
- Oh, and we're gay again.
266
00:10:09,847 --> 00:10:11,000
It just doesn't make sense.
267
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,906
I mean, he's got to be
after our drilling rights.
268
00:10:12,907 --> 00:10:14,051
I knew it.
269
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,400
This is why I didn't
want to tell you.
270
00:10:17,932 --> 00:10:19,679
I knew you couldn't stand
the thought
271
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,909
of me landing
the man of your dreams!
272
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:22,963
"Dreams" is strong.
273
00:10:22,964 --> 00:10:25,403
Believe it or not,
Bo and I are in love.
274
00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:28,018
He thinks I'm beautiful,
and he's right.
275
00:10:28,291 --> 00:10:31,622
And for the record,
Bo has twice the land we do.
276
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:34,222
He has absolutely no interest
in my drilling rights!
277
00:10:34,223 --> 00:10:36,382
- Not that kind, at least.
- Okay, let's just relax.
278
00:10:36,383 --> 00:10:39,258
Hey, hey, come on, Pam,
do you want to pick me up again?
279
00:10:39,319 --> 00:10:41,179
- They warned me, you know.
- Who warned you?
280
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:43,995
The whole family said
you wouldn't take it well.
281
00:10:44,402 --> 00:10:45,574
Ever since you moved to the city
282
00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:47,072
'cause you couldn't
hack it on the farm.
283
00:10:47,073 --> 00:10:49,312
- "Couldn't hack it"?
- Yeah, that's right.
284
00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:52,448
Everyone knows, Cam,
you're not farm strong.
285
00:10:52,449 --> 00:10:54,113
You take that back,
Pameron Jessica Tucker!
286
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,991
I will not!
You are weak and weepy.
287
00:10:56,992 --> 00:10:58,905
That's why we can't ever
say anything to you
288
00:10:58,906 --> 00:11:01,170
'cause we know you'll crumble
into a big heaping mess!
289
00:11:01,171 --> 00:11:03,112
Oh, are you saying I'm the one
people have to step around --
290
00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:04,558
that I'm the Pam of the family?
291
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,217
You mean the Cam of the family?!
292
00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:08,094
- 'Cause that's what we all call it!
- Okay, that's enough!
293
00:11:08,095 --> 00:11:08,694
That's enough! That's enough!
294
00:11:08,695 --> 00:11:09,747
- You know what?
- Well, I was Gammy's favorite!
295
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:10,548
- That's enough!
- Really?
296
00:11:10,549 --> 00:11:12,711
- Yeah!
- Come on! Enough!
297
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,515
No!
298
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,002
Seriously -- Pameron?
299
00:11:20,637 --> 00:11:23,238
Oh! Way to go, Luke!
300
00:11:23,239 --> 00:11:24,817
The kid's amazing. Amazing.
301
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,235
So great. Right?
Hello?
302
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:28,718
- Claire?
- Phil?
303
00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:32,152
Oh, hi, honey, I was --
I was just about to call you.
304
00:11:32,502 --> 00:11:34,088
I killed a bunch of baby birds.
305
00:11:34,089 --> 00:11:36,021
- What?
- My robot wiped out the nest.
306
00:11:36,022 --> 00:11:38,040
And now the mom's
just staring at me.
307
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:42,073
They recognize faces, you know.
I saw it in a documentary.
308
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,863
Sweetie, I'm sure
it was just an accident.
309
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:44,623
None of this would have happened
310
00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:45,856
if we'd just gone to Luke's game.
311
00:11:45,857 --> 00:11:48,799
- We're terrible parents for not going.
- No. No.
312
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,331
Was that a whistle?
Where are you?
313
00:11:50,332 --> 00:11:53,187
Um, I-I'm just walking by
a construction site.
314
00:11:53,188 --> 00:11:54,193
Pervs!
315
00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:56,556
Sorry. Sorry. Not you.
316
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,096
I hope Luke's not mad at us.
317
00:11:58,097 --> 00:11:59,501
No, he's fine, honey.
318
00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,624
Or he's not.
He -- he could be mad.
319
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,069
We don't know.
We won't -- we won't know.
320
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,070
I'll -- I'll be home soon, though.
321
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,766
I love you.
Okay, bye-bye.
322
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,171
Thank you. It was great.
323
00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:08,747
Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke,
324
00:12:08,748 --> 00:12:11,081
don't tell your dad I was here,
all right? Great game.
325
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,125
Claire?
326
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:14,594
Claire?
327
00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,252
- Mwah!
- Say good night to daddy.
328
00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:25,968
- Mwah!
- Good night, my boy.
329
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,518
Hey, grandpa, great word
you played earlier today.
330
00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,063
What does "syzygy"
even mean?
331
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:33,258
It means 45 points. Ha!
332
00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:36,837
Hey, everybody,
you remember my sister, Pam.
333
00:12:36,838 --> 00:12:38,147
Oh, hi, Pam.
334
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,051
She's here to pay a visit
and cast aspersions.
335
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,497
- Oh, grow up.
- You grow up.
336
00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:42,583
Real good one.
337
00:12:42,957 --> 00:12:44,981
Hi, y'all. I brought boar.
338
00:12:45,251 --> 00:12:47,516
Oh. Well, let me give you
a hand with that.
339
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,423
Cam, look, I know you're upset,
340
00:12:49,424 --> 00:12:51,448
but please just try
and let it go tonight.
341
00:12:51,449 --> 00:12:53,571
Well, can you believe she said
I'm the emotionally fragile one?
342
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:54,583
I mean, how crazy is that?
343
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,754
- Boy.
- "Boy"?
344
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:57,642
Is that your thinly veiled
345
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,599
- way of saying you agree with her?
- Pfft.
346
00:12:59,874 --> 00:13:00,518
Okay, you know what?
347
00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:02,465
If I was fragile, I would care,
but I'm not, so I don't.
348
00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:05,043
- Good. - Good. And you know what?
That shirt washes you out,
349
00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:07,338
so don't be shocked when someone
mistakes you for a beige candle.
350
00:13:07,339 --> 00:13:08,482
Hey, everyone.
351
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,591
- Hi, Luke.
- Hey, buddy.
352
00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,451
I'm so sorry I missed your game.
353
00:13:12,452 --> 00:13:14,727
We are both so sorry
we missed your game.
354
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,827
The universe punished me.
355
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,917
I did something awful
to a bunch of baby crows.
356
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,207
Actually, it's not a bunch of crows.
It's called a murder.
357
00:13:20,489 --> 00:13:21,890
I know what I did!
358
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:24,219
- How was your game?
- Fine. Nothing special.
359
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,290
What do you mean,
"fine, nothing special"?
360
00:13:26,512 --> 00:13:28,901
Well, there was this girl
on the 16-year-old team
361
00:13:28,902 --> 00:13:30,097
who wasn't wearing a bra.
362
00:13:30,098 --> 00:13:31,446
- So that was cool.
- Huh.
363
00:13:31,705 --> 00:13:33,039
But Josh's mom texted me.
364
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,800
She said you were
having a great game.
365
00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,115
She drinks.
366
00:13:37,536 --> 00:13:38,989
I-I'll be right back.
367
00:13:39,645 --> 00:13:41,701
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey, Pam.
368
00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:43,940
Oh. Sorry.
369
00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,435
It's my parents again.
370
00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:47,657
I'm getting married soon,
371
00:13:47,658 --> 00:13:50,485
and they're already acting like
they have empty nest syndrome.
372
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,384
I appreciate you not saying
373
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:55,610
anything to your dad
about me being there,
374
00:13:55,611 --> 00:13:57,663
but why aren't you telling him
what a great game you played?
375
00:13:57,664 --> 00:13:59,676
I can tell he feels bad
enough for missing it.
376
00:13:59,677 --> 00:14:01,352
I don't want
to make him feel worse.
377
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,323
I screwed up.
378
00:14:04,324 --> 00:14:05,356
Why? What's wrong?
379
00:14:05,442 --> 00:14:07,732
I talked Phil into
skipping Luke's game,
380
00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:10,236
and then I went, and, of course,
he played the game of his life.
381
00:14:10,237 --> 00:14:12,051
But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil
about the game now
382
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,409
because he doesn't want
to hurt his feelings.
383
00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:15,842
Oh, well, I think it's sweet
that Luke's protecting Phil.
384
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:18,828
You know, we all have to protect
my sister in my family
385
00:14:18,829 --> 00:14:20,550
because she's a disaster.
386
00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:22,622
- Mm.
- I mean, you can see it, right?
387
00:14:22,623 --> 00:14:24,853
I think it was a little weird
she brought pig to a party.
388
00:14:24,854 --> 00:14:27,553
Hey! I can say it.
389
00:14:29,782 --> 00:14:30,624
Hey, hon.
390
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:32,720
I'm sorry about what I did before.
391
00:14:32,721 --> 00:14:36,013
I saw this, and I thought
it would look beautiful on you.
392
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:38,872
You know I can't stay mad at you
393
00:14:38,873 --> 00:14:40,460
when you buy me...
394
00:14:40,461 --> 00:14:42,690
Glasses, you son of a bitch!
395
00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:44,465
Just try 'em on.
You'll still look gorgeous.
396
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,745
I will try them on when
you buy hearing aids!
397
00:14:46,746 --> 00:14:48,732
There's nothing wrong
with my hearing.
398
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:52,494
Um, I have a, uh,
hearing-test app on my phone.
399
00:14:52,495 --> 00:14:53,610
Let's do it!
400
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:57,272
- You do it!
- Okay.
401
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:59,979
Everybody under the age of 60
should be able to hear this.
402
00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,141
- Yes. Heard that.
- Yeah, definitely.
403
00:15:03,142 --> 00:15:05,278
What? You're lying.
You didn't hear anything.
404
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,649
We did! You see, you're deaf!
405
00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:09,759
Okay, 70.
406
00:15:10,006 --> 00:15:11,293
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
407
00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:13,222
Oh, what is th--
did she put you up to this?
408
00:15:13,223 --> 00:15:15,515
Here, grandpa, I'll play you
something even louder.
409
00:15:16,378 --> 00:15:17,633
Okay, I heard that one.
410
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,261
I didn't press anything.
411
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:21,063
Oh, look who's a cheater.
412
00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:22,313
Don't worry about it, big guy.
413
00:15:22,314 --> 00:15:23,390
I have trouble smelling lemons.
414
00:15:23,391 --> 00:15:24,764
You know, I don't need any of this.
415
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:26,851
But I'll tell you what
I can hear loud and clear.
416
00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:29,672
The sound of you all
munching free food.
417
00:15:29,673 --> 00:15:32,823
Oh, come on, dad, aren't you
being a little oversensitive?
418
00:15:32,824 --> 00:15:34,675
Oh, well, we can
consult my sister, Pam.
419
00:15:34,676 --> 00:15:36,757
- She's the self-appointed
sensitivity expert. - Uh-oh.
420
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,661
- Oh, let it go.
- I will not let it go.
421
00:15:38,662 --> 00:15:39,563
In fact, I would like
422
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,530
everyone to be honest with me,
please, right now.
423
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:42,942
No sugar-coating.
424
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,670
My sister here seems
to think you all
425
00:15:44,671 --> 00:15:47,889
-have to walk on eggshells around me.
- Eggshells.
426
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:49,105
Do you all think I'm so fragile
427
00:15:49,106 --> 00:15:52,781
you can't tell me things
for fear of how I will react?
428
00:15:53,121 --> 00:15:55,238
- Well --
- Claire, don't. Zip. Bup-bup-bup.
429
00:15:55,239 --> 00:15:56,968
No, let her talk, please.
430
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,293
Claire, you have the floor.
431
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:01,704
W-well, you're not not fragile.
432
00:16:02,663 --> 00:16:04,402
Okay, well, why don't you
give me an example
433
00:16:04,403 --> 00:16:06,199
of something you haven't told me
434
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,039
because you were worried
I couldn't handle it?
435
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:08,938
Go on.
436
00:16:09,696 --> 00:16:10,551
All right.
437
00:16:11,468 --> 00:16:13,363
Last week when we were
supposed to have lunch
438
00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:14,893
- and you canceled...
- Mmm-hmm.
439
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:21,511
Okay. The singer or Pepper's dog?
440
00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:22,573
The singer.
441
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,030
And when I was leaving,
442
00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:27,768
I-I-I stopped and
I said hello to her
443
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,272
and we chatted
for like 10 minutes.
444
00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:31,794
Okay, that's great.
445
00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:33,453
I'm glad you had
that experience?
446
00:16:33,454 --> 00:16:35,793
I mean, I don't know what
you talked to her about,
447
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,283
seeing that you don't know
any of her songs
448
00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:38,486
other than "Single ladies,"
449
00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:40,083
which everyone knows.
450
00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:42,338
- I love that song.
- I'm surprised you can hear it.
451
00:16:42,339 --> 00:16:43,813
Well, this was fun.
Who's hungry?
452
00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:44,879
Hey, where's that boar?
453
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,220
Okay, anyone else?
454
00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:47,963
Well, since we're coming clean,
455
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,741
you overuse the word "divine."
456
00:16:49,783 --> 00:16:51,955
It's just an ice-cream sandwich.
457
00:16:51,964 --> 00:16:53,440
You're the boy who cried "divine."
458
00:16:53,441 --> 00:16:54,751
Okay. Was not aware of that.
459
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,243
- Duly noted.
- Hey, I got one.
460
00:16:56,244 --> 00:16:58,877
Remember that blue rotary phone
you gave me for Christmas?
461
00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:00,194
- Yes.
- I tossed it.
462
00:17:00,195 --> 00:17:02,830
Okay. May I ask the reason?
463
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,237
It made me feel like
Ann-Margret in "Bye bye birdie."
464
00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,942
- Why?!
- Okay, anyone else?
465
00:17:07,989 --> 00:17:09,129
I don't really like the
466
00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:11,074
- shirts with the crazy cuffs.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
467
00:17:11,075 --> 00:17:12,962
Can you push your boobs down?
Because I couldn't hear you.
468
00:17:12,963 --> 00:17:15,136
- Here we go.
- No, no, here we don't go.
469
00:17:15,228 --> 00:17:18,002
This is fine. I'm fine, okay?
470
00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:20,514
Sometimes when you read to me,
471
00:17:20,515 --> 00:17:23,148
I pretend to fall asleep
so you'll go.
472
00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:25,336
I heard that one.
473
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,085
Well, I heard you all
loud and clear.
474
00:17:28,086 --> 00:17:28,822
I have to use the restroom.
475
00:17:28,823 --> 00:17:30,554
So, Cam, you're sensitive.
476
00:17:30,555 --> 00:17:32,324
Big deal.
It's one of your best qualities.
477
00:17:32,524 --> 00:17:34,724
Thank you Phil. And I'm sorry
your Beyonce loving wife
478
00:17:34,791 --> 00:17:36,340
went to Luke's game without you.
479
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:41,305
See? Farm strong!
480
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:46,579
You went to Luke's game?
481
00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,355
I did, Phil, and I am so sorry.
482
00:17:48,356 --> 00:17:49,582
I did not mean to.
483
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:52,244
But then he started playing
the most amazing game,
484
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,526
and I got so wrapped up in it.
485
00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:54,772
I know I should have called.
486
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:55,650
Yeah, you should've called.
487
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:58,300
- You were amazing? - Oh, he was incredible.
I wish you'd been there.
488
00:17:58,301 --> 00:18:00,699
Then why'd you make me skip it?!
I knew you had it in you!
489
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,320
Oh, coach said he's gonna
start next week.
490
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:04,092
You're starting?
I'm so mad at you!
491
00:18:04,093 --> 00:18:05,930
I'm so proud of you!
492
00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:12,145
- Hey, how are you doing in here?
- Fine.
493
00:18:12,146 --> 00:18:13,955
I'm a little embarrassed
about my outburst,
494
00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,248
but otherwise...
495
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,802
You had a lot to take in.
496
00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,130
As a lawyer,
I should've told you,
497
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,252
never ask questions
you don't want the answer to.
498
00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:23,933
Am I really that much of a mess?
499
00:18:24,257 --> 00:18:25,463
Are you not listening to me?
500
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:29,620
- Hey. Room in here for me?
- Not really.
501
00:18:29,939 --> 00:18:33,247
Look, I'm real sorry
I said what I said.
502
00:18:33,248 --> 00:18:34,391
No, no, you're right.
503
00:18:34,392 --> 00:18:35,885
I am the Cam of the family.
504
00:18:35,886 --> 00:18:38,016
Apparently, I'm the Cam
of two families, so...
505
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,878
So what if you go a little cuckoo
506
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,285
when you get bad news?
507
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,779
You also go all cuckoo when
you hear good news.
508
00:18:43,995 --> 00:18:45,779
It's one of the
I love most about you.
509
00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:46,800
No, that's -- that's true.
510
00:18:46,801 --> 00:18:48,312
You're the --
you're the first person I call
511
00:18:48,313 --> 00:18:49,296
when I have good news.
512
00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:51,767
I mean, remember when I got
my adult braces removed?
513
00:18:51,768 --> 00:18:53,774
Your teeth look divi-- divine.
514
00:18:53,775 --> 00:18:55,996
See? I can't help it.
I'm a celebrator.
515
00:18:55,997 --> 00:18:57,169
Of course you are.
516
00:18:57,771 --> 00:18:59,578
And I should have celebrated
how lucky Bo is
517
00:18:59,579 --> 00:19:01,306
to land a great gal like you.
518
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,174
Look at me.
I'm crying like a Cam.
519
00:19:06,013 --> 00:19:07,344
Sorry, old habits.
520
00:19:11,921 --> 00:19:14,732
- Are you mad because I embarrassed you?
- Forget about it.
521
00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:17,032
And I'm gonna ease up
on the glasses, too.
522
00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:19,489
It's just that I worry, you know,
523
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:20,901
you're not seeing everything.
524
00:19:20,938 --> 00:19:22,478
I'm getting old, Jay.
525
00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:23,572
When Manny was little,
526
00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:26,075
I used to run around
with him all day
527
00:19:26,076 --> 00:19:27,635
without getting tired.
528
00:19:27,636 --> 00:19:29,647
Today at Joe's baby class,
529
00:19:29,865 --> 00:19:32,539
a 6-year-old had to pull me
out of the ball pit.
530
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:34,406
Hold on.
Manny used to run around?
531
00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:38,277
All the mothers are
so young and perky.
532
00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:40,328
I hate being
the oldest one there.
533
00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:42,071
Well, I for one love
that you're getting older.
534
00:19:42,072 --> 00:19:43,998
It makes me feel closer to you.
535
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:47,970
So you'll like it if I get
all wrinkly and saggy?
536
00:19:47,971 --> 00:19:49,433
Well, I wouldn't make it a goal.
537
00:19:49,512 --> 00:19:51,112
Okay, I'll wear them.
538
00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:55,666
What?
539
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,104
Nothing.
540
00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,521
You have lines there.
541
00:19:59,522 --> 00:20:01,618
I can see them very clearly
now with these --
542
00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,734
Okay, okay, these are
just for reading.
543
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:05,715
I won't be able to hear her.
544
00:20:05,716 --> 00:20:07,019
She won't be able to see me.
545
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:08,828
We'll be together forever.
546
00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:14,646
Congratulations.
547
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,902
You officially beat me
in "Words with friends."
548
00:20:16,903 --> 00:20:18,193
Better luck next time, kid.
549
00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:20,672
Okay, I have to ask --
did you cheat?
550
00:20:20,749 --> 00:20:21,903
Is that how you won?
551
00:20:22,581 --> 00:20:24,148
I never took you for a sore loser.
552
00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:25,369
That's not an answer.
553
00:20:25,512 --> 00:20:27,092
Listen, one day you might be
554
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,482
the smartest person
in this family,
555
00:20:28,483 --> 00:20:29,989
but today is not that day.
556
00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:32,733
So tread lightly before
you assiduously malign
557
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:35,507
the veracity of
my etymological prowess.
558
00:20:36,857 --> 00:20:38,892
Jay Pritchett out.
559
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,958
You broke your phone,
smarty-pants.
560
00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:44,975
Damn it!
561
00:20:45,175 --> 00:20:55,375
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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