Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,029 --> 00:00:06,367
So I told the haberdasher,
"You are not going to pawn off
2
00:00:06,392 --> 00:00:08,494
last season's grosgrain on me."
3
00:00:08,519 --> 00:00:10,129
And guess what I did next.
4
00:00:10,154 --> 00:00:13,465
Oh, I bet you said something
a little bit cutting.
5
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:15,392
I did. I did indeed.
6
00:00:15,492 --> 00:00:16,860
I told him where he could shove
7
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,530
his heinous autumnal
pumpkin ribbon.
8
00:00:19,630 --> 00:00:21,648
Where the sun don't shine.
9
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,342
In the butt, right? (laughs)
10
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:24,635
(laughs)
11
00:00:25,436 --> 00:00:28,105
Oh, Carly, I so enjoy
our little chats.
12
00:00:28,205 --> 00:00:30,174
- Aw, thanks. Me too.
- Aw, thanks. Me too.
13
00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:32,556
(all scream)
14
00:00:33,144 --> 00:00:34,978
How could you...
15
00:00:35,737 --> 00:00:38,140
G2G! Bye, brother!
16
00:00:40,215 --> 00:00:41,650
? I know ?
17
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:42,753
? You see ?
18
00:00:42,778 --> 00:00:44,996
? Somehow the world
will change for me ?
19
00:00:45,021 --> 00:00:48,477
? And be so wonderful ?
20
00:00:48,502 --> 00:00:52,536
? So wake up the
members of my nation ?
21
00:00:52,561 --> 00:00:54,277
? It's your time to be ?
22
00:00:54,302 --> 00:00:57,150
? There's no chance
unless you take one ?
23
00:00:57,175 --> 00:01:00,132
? And the time to see
the brighter side ?
24
00:01:00,157 --> 00:01:03,124
? Of every situation ?
25
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:05,016
? Some things are meant to be ?
26
00:01:05,041 --> 00:01:08,545
? So give your best and
leave the rest to me. ?
27
00:01:11,648 --> 00:01:13,917
Who am I? Where am I?
28
00:01:14,017 --> 00:01:15,419
What am I?
29
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:17,454
Carly. Apartment.
30
00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:18,554
Girl.
31
00:01:18,588 --> 00:01:19,890
Nailed it.
32
00:01:20,657 --> 00:01:22,193
Ho-ho, babe!
33
00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:24,895
I got your texts asking
me to explain technology.
34
00:01:24,995 --> 00:01:27,298
I am so flattered, I
dropped everything.
35
00:01:27,398 --> 00:01:29,633
Millicent can take the bus.
36
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:33,103
God, it's hot when you ignore
your priorities for me.
37
00:01:34,205 --> 00:01:35,472
I took the bus.
38
00:01:35,572 --> 00:01:37,083
It was faster, better
for the environment
39
00:01:37,107 --> 00:01:40,411
and I didn't have to make
small talk with the driver.
40
00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:42,212
Win-win!
41
00:01:42,246 --> 00:01:43,947
Now, from your texts,
42
00:01:44,046 --> 00:01:46,950
it sounds like
Carly is the victim
43
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:48,485
of a deepfake.
44
00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:50,987
Oh. The guy who turned in Nixon?
45
00:01:51,087 --> 00:01:52,256
No.
46
00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:53,689
Right?
47
00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:56,893
A deepfake comes from
deep learning technology,
48
00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:59,195
a type of A.I. that
creates algorithms
49
00:01:59,296 --> 00:02:00,697
to do things like swap faces
50
00:02:00,797 --> 00:02:03,600
to make realistic-looking
fake media.
51
00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:05,469
Computers.
52
00:02:05,569 --> 00:02:07,070
- Oh!
- Ah.
53
00:02:08,070 --> 00:02:09,406
Millicent!
54
00:02:09,506 --> 00:02:11,442
I wrote one of my signature
instructional tunes.
55
00:02:11,542 --> 00:02:13,444
I know.
56
00:02:13,544 --> 00:02:14,711
I kinda like those songs.
57
00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:16,380
You're a regular Kidz Bop.
58
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:17,914
I just hope this doesn't mess
59
00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:20,016
with your new product that
you had me stock up on.
60
00:02:20,116 --> 00:02:22,686
? "D" is for your doppelganger
out in cyberspace... ?
61
00:02:22,786 --> 00:02:24,721
Babe, I love you, but shut up.
62
00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:27,122
Wait, what new product?
63
00:02:27,224 --> 00:02:28,992
This new product!
64
00:02:29,092 --> 00:02:30,527
Tastes Famiglia!
65
00:02:30,627 --> 00:02:34,731
The best pasta-based meat
alternative you've never tried.
66
00:02:34,831 --> 00:02:36,433
I never posed for this.
67
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:39,703
But is that what I look like
when I shush people? (chuckles)
68
00:02:40,571 --> 00:02:44,007
Nah, it's usually more
like, "Be quiet. Ugh."
69
00:02:44,107 --> 00:02:45,676
(laughs): Wow.
70
00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:47,978
That was spot-on.
71
00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:49,211
Not.
72
00:02:50,281 --> 00:02:52,583
"Carly Shay says,
'Tastes Famiglia mimics
73
00:02:52,683 --> 00:02:53,917
"'the sturdiness of meat
74
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:56,987
with the plush
mouthfeel of pasta.'"
75
00:02:57,086 --> 00:02:58,355
"Mouthfeel"? Ugh.
76
00:02:58,455 --> 00:02:59,923
You disgust me.
77
00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:04,328
Guys, this... (chuckles)
obviously isn't me.
78
00:03:04,428 --> 00:03:06,263
I use napkins.
79
00:03:06,363 --> 00:03:07,931
Oh, my God.
80
00:03:08,031 --> 00:03:12,235
Someone is using fake
me to sell fake meat.
81
00:03:12,336 --> 00:03:13,570
This is a crime.
82
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,839
- Maybe we should call the cops?
- Yeah.
83
00:03:15,939 --> 00:03:17,974
(laughs)
84
00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,311
Oh, you're serious?
85
00:03:20,411 --> 00:03:21,878
Of course he is.
86
00:03:21,978 --> 00:03:24,381
? When the situation's
not that fun ?
87
00:03:24,481 --> 00:03:27,984
? Just pick up a
phone, dial 911. ?
88
00:03:28,752 --> 00:03:30,621
Remember when someone in
my comments threatened
89
00:03:30,721 --> 00:03:33,089
to "find me and wear me"?
90
00:03:33,189 --> 00:03:34,925
- Yeah, but that was...
- Not done.
91
00:03:35,025 --> 00:03:37,193
The cops said it didn't count
92
00:03:37,294 --> 00:03:39,195
because it happened in my phone.
93
00:03:39,296 --> 00:03:40,597
(scoffs) But surely...
94
00:03:40,697 --> 00:03:41,698
Still going.
95
00:03:41,798 --> 00:03:43,634
Then he texted me, "Carly Shay,
96
00:03:43,734 --> 00:03:46,336
I'm coming to get
you at the Bushwell."
97
00:03:46,437 --> 00:03:48,271
And the police said... quote...
98
00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:51,174
"This could be about anyone."
99
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,644
Look, I know this sucks,
100
00:03:53,744 --> 00:03:55,379
but, like I always
tell Millicent...
101
00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:57,381
? When life gives
you lemons... ?
102
00:03:57,481 --> 00:03:59,983
Be quiet! Ugh.
103
00:04:01,352 --> 00:04:02,719
Hey, Meat-stagroupies.
104
00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,389
I'm here at Shay
What?! To try...
105
00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:06,957
Tastes Famiglia,
106
00:04:07,057 --> 00:04:10,994
the best pasta-based meat
alternative I've never tried.
107
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:21,037
(gagging)
108
00:04:23,374 --> 00:04:24,675
You!
109
00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:27,444
(retching)
110
00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,112
Tastes Famiglia is blowing up,
111
00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:32,148
but now Shay What?!
customers are throwing up.
112
00:04:32,248 --> 00:04:33,617
#iBlameCarly.
113
00:04:33,717 --> 00:04:35,886
#RideTheBus.
114
00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:37,521
So,
115
00:04:37,621 --> 00:04:39,523
you got a little
ditty for this one?
116
00:04:39,623 --> 00:04:41,157
I do not.
117
00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:47,197
"#iBlameCarly"?
118
00:04:47,297 --> 00:04:48,999
"#RideTheBus"?
119
00:04:49,099 --> 00:04:51,267
Man, Carly's going through it.
120
00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:52,603
Which one's Carly?
121
00:04:52,702 --> 00:04:53,770
The little girl?
122
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,639
No, the one that I live with.
123
00:04:55,739 --> 00:04:57,340
You live with a child?
124
00:04:57,441 --> 00:04:59,843
She does love a bib
and a bedtime story.
125
00:05:01,044 --> 00:05:02,913
I'm so glad your
bestie's finally in town.
126
00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:05,081
I just hope you don't
love him more than me.
127
00:05:05,181 --> 00:05:07,017
- Oh. (chuckles): Harper!
- (chuckles)
128
00:05:07,117 --> 00:05:08,885
I'm not ready to
make that decision.
129
00:05:08,985 --> 00:05:10,921
- (laughs) Oh!
- (doorbell rings)
130
00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,423
Do I look all right?
131
00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:14,691
Dimitri-Pascual used to work
the counter at Neiman's.
132
00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:15,959
Oh, he sold clothes?
133
00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:18,662
No. He just gave his
unsolicited opinions.
134
00:05:18,762 --> 00:05:19,996
And charged for them.
135
00:05:21,131 --> 00:05:23,166
- Hey, girl, hey!
- (giggling)
136
00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:24,611
DIMITRI-PASCUAL and
TINSLEY: Walk, walk,
137
00:05:24,635 --> 00:05:26,703
walk, walk, walk, pose!
138
00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:28,572
(laughing)
139
00:05:28,672 --> 00:05:29,906
Ew.
140
00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:31,584
-That'll be ten dollars.
(laughs) -(laughs)
141
00:05:31,608 --> 00:05:35,646
Harper, I want you to meet my
ride-or-die, Dimitri-Pascual.
142
00:05:35,746 --> 00:05:37,026
- (chuckles)
- He's like Madonna.
143
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,715
- No. Last. Name. (laughs)
- (chuckling)
144
00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:41,317
- Oh! Mwah. Mwah.
- Mwah. Mwah.
145
00:05:41,418 --> 00:05:43,153
Mwah. Mwah.
146
00:05:43,253 --> 00:05:48,191
OMG, you are serving
disgusting, queen.
147
00:05:48,291 --> 00:05:49,426
(chuckles)
148
00:05:49,526 --> 00:05:51,528
I hope you catch
chlamydia from a koala.
149
00:05:51,628 --> 00:05:53,229
(Tinsley chuckles)
150
00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:56,900
(quietly): Does this man think
I have unsafe sex with koalas?
151
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,269
-Absolutely not. It's a compliment.
-(chuckles)
152
00:05:59,369 --> 00:06:02,639
- Dimitri-Pascual loves marsupials.
- (chuckles)
153
00:06:02,739 --> 00:06:05,308
Zoology. Look it
up, you dumb whore.
154
00:06:05,976 --> 00:06:08,178
- It's a compliment!
- It's a compliment!
155
00:06:08,278 --> 00:06:09,345
(laughing)
156
00:06:09,446 --> 00:06:10,947
Thank you for cooking.
157
00:06:11,047 --> 00:06:13,550
But this looks like it was
thrown up by an old person.
158
00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:14,751
Walk?
159
00:06:14,851 --> 00:06:15,928
- Walk. (chuckles)
- (chuckles)
160
00:06:15,952 --> 00:06:16,853
BOTH; Walk,
161
00:06:16,953 --> 00:06:19,089
walk, walk, walk, walk.
162
00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:23,760
You know who else
had no last name?!
163
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,328
Satan.
164
00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:32,202
Good afternoon, Carly Nation.
165
00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:35,305
I interrupt your day
with terrible news.
166
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:36,640
I, Carly Shay,
167
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:38,642
am the victim of a deepfake.
168
00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:40,375
I'll let that sink in.
169
00:06:41,311 --> 00:06:44,748
Tastes Famiglia is
not endorsed by me.
170
00:06:44,848 --> 00:06:45,982
Guys,
171
00:06:46,082 --> 00:06:47,951
Deepfake Carly wants
to join my live!
172
00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:49,720
Let her in so you
can confront her.
173
00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:52,022
And I can try and
tell 'em apart.
174
00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:53,456
Tell her I said hi.
175
00:06:54,057 --> 00:06:56,493
What? She may be a fraud,
but she's still my sister.
176
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:58,194
My fraud sister.
177
00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,063
My fister!
178
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:06,169
Hello, Deepfake Carly.
179
00:07:06,269 --> 00:07:08,905
Looks like you finally
decided to show my face.
180
00:07:09,005 --> 00:07:11,341
Oh, Carly, I'm the real Carly.
181
00:07:11,441 --> 00:07:14,444
And I, Carly, have
nothing to hide.
182
00:07:14,545 --> 00:07:16,412
You're the charlatan.
183
00:07:16,513 --> 00:07:19,783
God, she always uses
the coolest words.
184
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:21,518
Two of them. I don't want it
185
00:07:21,618 --> 00:07:23,386
and yet I can't look away.
186
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,922
I have cold, hard evidence
187
00:07:26,022 --> 00:07:29,192
that proves I am the
one true Carly Shay.
188
00:07:29,292 --> 00:07:33,363
To begin, I'll reveal something
only the real Carly would know.
189
00:07:33,463 --> 00:07:35,031
My first celebrity crush
190
00:07:35,131 --> 00:07:38,234
was Foghorn Leghorn.
191
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,870
What? No.
192
00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:44,440
I never had lustful yearnings
for a shapely cartoon rooster!
193
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:46,543
Shapely?
194
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:47,944
And to prove it,
195
00:07:48,044 --> 00:07:51,047
I'd like to share some
of my Fog-Leg erotica.
196
00:07:51,147 --> 00:07:53,216
(chuckles, clears throat)
197
00:07:53,316 --> 00:07:55,451
"It was a quiet night
in the henhouse when..."
198
00:07:55,552 --> 00:07:56,552
Bye!
199
00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:58,555
Who would do this to me?
200
00:07:58,655 --> 00:08:00,423
Everybody likes me.
201
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:01,725
Except for Lewbert.
202
00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:03,827
And Ms. Briggs, Wade
Collins, Griffin...
203
00:08:03,927 --> 00:08:06,529
Kyoko and Yuki, all
the Pet-ographers...
204
00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:08,565
Wes, Beau, me.
205
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:10,366
Should I just go get my binder?
206
00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:11,768
Okay, fine.
207
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,805
I guess a few people have
minor qualms with me.
208
00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:16,039
But...
209
00:08:16,139 --> 00:08:17,908
who would go to
all this trouble?
210
00:08:18,008 --> 00:08:19,776
I mean, it's so elaborate.
211
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:22,412
It's so evil. It's so...
212
00:08:22,512 --> 00:08:24,815
- Nevel Papperman!
- Mayor Pete Buttigieg!
213
00:08:24,915 --> 00:08:26,516
Nevel Papperman.
214
00:08:33,356 --> 00:08:35,926
I can't believe Nevel invited us
215
00:08:36,025 --> 00:08:39,062
to an evil lair with
no street parking.
216
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:42,131
Why is there so much cured meat?
217
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:43,933
Because he's a thoughtful host?
218
00:08:46,236 --> 00:08:48,538
Well, well, well.
219
00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:51,007
Carly Shay et al.
220
00:08:51,107 --> 00:08:53,376
Allow me to explain.
221
00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:55,922
(imitates Vito Corleone):
There have been two great loves
222
00:08:55,946 --> 00:08:57,547
of my life:
223
00:08:57,648 --> 00:08:59,650
my beloved wife Prunella
224
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:02,085
and The Godfather,
225
00:09:02,185 --> 00:09:03,453
a film...
226
00:09:03,553 --> 00:09:05,588
I have never seen.
227
00:09:06,556 --> 00:09:08,291
(normal voice): Such
a fun vibe though.
228
00:09:08,391 --> 00:09:09,425
Start with the third one.
229
00:09:09,525 --> 00:09:11,662
The first two are garbage.
230
00:09:11,762 --> 00:09:13,329
(squeals) Carly Shay!
231
00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:14,429
Hi!
232
00:09:14,497 --> 00:09:15,899
Oh, my God!
233
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:18,034
I haven't seen you since
you were my bridesmaid.
234
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:19,035
Isn't that crazy?
235
00:09:19,135 --> 00:09:20,436
I miss you so much!
236
00:09:20,536 --> 00:09:22,706
How have you been, Mama?
237
00:09:23,573 --> 00:09:25,008
Not great, Prunella.
238
00:09:26,009 --> 00:09:28,979
Nevel, you need to stop this.
239
00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:30,546
People are getting sick.
240
00:09:30,647 --> 00:09:33,650
More importantly, my
restaurant got shut down!
241
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:35,051
For two hours!
242
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:37,387
Is this all because I
ruined your wedding?
243
00:09:37,487 --> 00:09:38,487
Ruined?
244
00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:39,990
I thought our wedding was great.
245
00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:43,093
I seem to remember one very
handsome blond bombshell
246
00:09:43,193 --> 00:09:46,296
who proved to be quite
agile at the limbo.
247
00:09:46,396 --> 00:09:48,665
It's in the hips.
248
00:09:50,166 --> 00:09:52,836
But you failed to give us a
gift within one year's time.
249
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,972
And, per Emily Post,
you are punished.
250
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,075
Wait. Let me get this straight.
251
00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:01,778
So you manufactured a
toxic vegan product,
252
00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:03,947
plastered my face all over it
253
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:06,025
and then deepfaked me to
get my brother to sell it,
254
00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:08,551
all because you had to buy
your own freakin' KitchenAid?
255
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:09,929
Ooh! What color
did you guys get?
256
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:11,654
- Oh. Rose gold.
- That is so classy.
257
00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:14,000
- Did you get the pasta attachments?
- Oh, my God, did you make
258
00:10:14,024 --> 00:10:16,159
- this sausage with the meat grinder?
- Guys!
259
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:19,996
Look, this is ridiculous.
260
00:10:20,096 --> 00:10:22,999
But I'll get you something if
it means you'll leave me alone.
261
00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:26,669
Something? Carly, you
can't go off-registry.
262
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:29,205
Society has rules.
263
00:10:30,206 --> 00:10:32,242
Fine. What's left?
264
00:10:32,342 --> 00:10:33,744
Oh, my God.
265
00:10:33,844 --> 00:10:36,279
A "Mess with Carly" fund?
266
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:39,783
Some couples do honey
funds, but we honeymooned
267
00:10:39,883 --> 00:10:43,353
at Grandpappa Papperman's
palatial Polynesian palapa.
268
00:10:43,453 --> 00:10:46,857
So we launched a "Mess
with Carly" fund instead.
269
00:10:46,957 --> 00:10:48,277
- (chuckles)
- (chuckles) You see,
270
00:10:48,324 --> 00:10:49,692
when this all began,
271
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,162
it was my love's elaborate
scheme to exact revenge.
272
00:10:52,262 --> 00:10:53,730
But then we realized
we were having
273
00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:55,431
the best sex of our lives,
274
00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:57,367
and now it's just our thing.
275
00:10:58,268 --> 00:11:00,036
Did anyone get you
guys a melon baller?
276
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:01,604
What I wouldn't
give to wrap this
277
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,974
around a fresh hunk of
cantaloupe right now.
278
00:11:04,074 --> 00:11:07,343
We used the Carly fund
to buy the rancid pork
279
00:11:07,443 --> 00:11:09,145
in Tastes Famiglia.
280
00:11:09,245 --> 00:11:10,380
Great price, too.
281
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,883
They were practically
throwing it away.
282
00:11:12,983 --> 00:11:13,817
(laughs)
283
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:16,019
Did you say "rancid pork?"
284
00:11:16,119 --> 00:11:17,754
- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
285
00:11:19,122 --> 00:11:20,423
Enough of this.
286
00:11:20,523 --> 00:11:23,593
There is nothing you can
do to get us to stop.
287
00:11:23,693 --> 00:11:26,329
Nothing! (cackles)
288
00:11:26,429 --> 00:11:29,232
(laughs, growls)
289
00:11:29,332 --> 00:11:32,702
Pruney, your evil laugh
is getting so sinister.
290
00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,071
Oh. I learned from the best.
291
00:11:36,106 --> 00:11:38,708
If there's nothing I
can do to stop you,
292
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:40,820
then why did you make us
come all the way down here?
293
00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:44,881
'Cause seeing you squirm
is really doing it for us.
294
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,282
(laughs)
295
00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,583
(both cackling)
296
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:53,623
Spencer, why are you laughing?
297
00:11:53,723 --> 00:11:55,926
I'm very uncomfortable!
298
00:11:58,361 --> 00:12:00,964
So, during orientation
of freshman year,
299
00:12:01,064 --> 00:12:03,599
I threw an epic
rager in her room,
300
00:12:03,699 --> 00:12:05,168
and when the campus cops came,
301
00:12:05,268 --> 00:12:07,570
I told them that the
alcohol was Tinsley's,
302
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:10,573
and this delinquent
slut got put in front
303
00:12:10,673 --> 00:12:12,075
of the disciplinary committee.
304
00:12:12,175 --> 00:12:13,209
(laughs)
305
00:12:13,309 --> 00:12:14,677
And you thought,
306
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,480
"This is a person I want
to be friends with."
307
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:19,182
No, no, no, it was funny.
308
00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:21,517
Daddy got LMFAO to
speak at graduation,
309
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,453
and it all went away.
310
00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:24,763
Well, if you had
done that to me,
311
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,957
you'd have graduated
to the cemetery.
312
00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:29,993
I'm gonna go grab another drink.
313
00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:32,062
But you still have so much left.
314
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,700
Mm. Not anymore.
315
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,269
I'll keep you company.
316
00:12:39,369 --> 00:12:41,671
If I said I was
going to pee instead,
317
00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:44,174
- would that stop you?
- Nope.
318
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:48,278
So, Dimitri-Pascual.
319
00:12:48,378 --> 00:12:49,712
- Mm-hmm.
- Two first names.
320
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,148
Got to be a story there.
321
00:12:52,248 --> 00:12:54,617
Mmm, the story is:
I'm gonna kill you.
322
00:12:54,717 --> 00:12:55,986
The end.
323
00:12:56,086 --> 00:12:59,455
Feels a little
light in the middle.
324
00:12:59,555 --> 00:13:01,124
You're kidding, right?
325
00:13:01,224 --> 00:13:02,558
I'm not.
326
00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:05,095
You see, when Tinsley's single,
327
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,931
she spoils me rotten like the
little princeling that I am.
328
00:13:08,031 --> 00:13:09,199
I'm like her child
329
00:13:09,299 --> 00:13:12,268
and her boyfriend
all rolled into one.
330
00:13:12,368 --> 00:13:13,870
Well, I'm her girlfriend,
331
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,771
and our dynamic is normal,
332
00:13:15,872 --> 00:13:18,108
so you and I need to coexist.
333
00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:20,877
Oh, I don't coexist with anyone.
334
00:13:20,977 --> 00:13:23,346
Just ask Cherry Jones.
335
00:13:27,951 --> 00:13:31,121
Spencer's cool revenge
idea number 48:
336
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:34,657
I marry Nevel's mother and
put him up for adoption.
337
00:13:34,757 --> 00:13:36,626
No need to get family
courts involved.
338
00:13:36,726 --> 00:13:37,961
They're busy enough.
339
00:13:38,061 --> 00:13:40,163
Spencer's cool revenge
idea number 49:
340
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:43,333
We fill Nevel's car with
Livestrong bracelets.
341
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:45,635
How many Livestrong
bracelets did you buy?
342
00:13:45,735 --> 00:13:47,938
I thought I was helping.
343
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:51,174
Look, Nevel and
Prunella are just
344
00:13:51,274 --> 00:13:52,514
trying to get a rise out of me,
345
00:13:52,575 --> 00:13:53,876
so I'm ignoring them
346
00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:55,745
and letting the chips
fall where they may.
347
00:13:55,845 --> 00:13:58,181
Fall, chips, fall.
348
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:01,617
Ooh, Carly. You got
to see this live.
349
00:14:02,452 --> 00:14:05,155
Looking for a cure to
solve all your ailments?
350
00:14:05,255 --> 00:14:08,191
Then I, Freddie Benson,
have the answer for you.
351
00:14:08,291 --> 00:14:09,659
Tastes Famiglia.
352
00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,028
Endorsed by me, Freddie Benson.
353
00:14:12,128 --> 00:14:14,364
Thank God I never
took his last name.
354
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:18,501
If you lack bladder
control... And I know I do...
355
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:20,203
Bang! Tastes Famiglia.
356
00:14:20,303 --> 00:14:23,873
And if you have
head-to-toe dry skin...
357
00:14:23,974 --> 00:14:25,614
- And there goes his shirt.
- I know I do.
358
00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:28,544
Wow, he is surprisingly jacked.
359
00:14:28,644 --> 00:14:31,948
? D is for your doppelganger
out in cyberspace ?
360
00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:34,350
? "E" is for... ?
Ew, that's me!
361
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:36,652
Oh yeah, baby,
362
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:38,989
that's nice.
363
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:43,326
Okay, obviously that
is also a deepfake.
364
00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:46,062
But I do love what
they did with my torso.
365
00:14:46,162 --> 00:14:47,463
Aah!
366
00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:49,532
Game over, bitch.
367
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:51,501
Oh, I'm sorry, Millicent.
368
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,003
That wasn't to you.
369
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:02,345
First they came for me,
370
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:03,646
I was fine.
371
00:15:03,746 --> 00:15:05,481
Then they came for my brother.
372
00:15:05,581 --> 00:15:07,650
- Also fine.
- Wha...
373
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:09,652
But now they come for my man?
374
00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:12,788
My sweet, defenseless
little man?
375
00:15:12,888 --> 00:15:14,557
I'm a yellow belt.
376
00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:17,593
Hear my battle cry!
377
00:15:17,693 --> 00:15:19,395
(shrieks)
378
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:21,531
Here's the plan.
379
00:15:21,631 --> 00:15:23,071
We'll surround them
at the warehouse.
380
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:24,567
Spencer, at this point,
381
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:26,736
you'll already have
wrangled all the schnauzers.
382
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,304
Where did you get this egg?
383
00:15:28,404 --> 00:15:30,906
It's very important that I know.
384
00:15:31,007 --> 00:15:33,076
Once we get them out
of the warehouse,
385
00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:36,079
Harper, you'll need to blindfold
and handcuff them immediately.
386
00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:38,314
Got it. The only handcuffs
I have are pink and fuzzy.
387
00:15:38,414 --> 00:15:39,414
Will that work?
388
00:15:39,482 --> 00:15:41,184
Can people get out of them?
389
00:15:41,284 --> 00:15:42,952
Only if they use
their safe word.
390
00:15:43,053 --> 00:15:44,887
Perfect. Freddie,
391
00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,622
you'll knock 'em out
with chlorophyll.
392
00:15:46,722 --> 00:15:49,392
I think you mean chloroform.
393
00:15:50,126 --> 00:15:52,362
I mean, what?
394
00:15:53,129 --> 00:15:56,032
Do we know anyone with
a really big trunk
395
00:15:56,132 --> 00:15:57,633
and access to a landfill?
396
00:15:57,733 --> 00:15:59,735
Okay, honey, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
397
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,371
Oh, please, Freddie,
we could never fit
398
00:16:01,471 --> 00:16:02,805
a whole body into your Yaris.
399
00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:04,674
It barely gets off the
ground with groceries.
400
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,443
While I love this aggro energy,
401
00:16:07,543 --> 00:16:09,945
we do not need to
do an actual murder.
402
00:16:10,046 --> 00:16:12,315
Okay? We just...
403
00:16:12,415 --> 00:16:13,949
we just need to get
into their heads.
404
00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:15,385
And I think I know how.
405
00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,320
- With a drill?
- Yes!
406
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:18,954
(cheering)
407
00:16:19,055 --> 00:16:20,190
Okay,
408
00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:23,093
everyone needs to
take off the camo.
409
00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:25,361
(groaning)
410
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:30,600
Sorry I didn't exactly hit
it off with Dimitri-Pascual.
411
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,568
But it's nice to have
some alone time again.
412
00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:35,138
Why are you setting
a third plate?
413
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,706
I'm not.
414
00:16:37,473 --> 00:16:39,075
- I didn't.
- (doorbell rings)
415
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:40,476
I did.
416
00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:44,580
Hey, hags.
417
00:16:45,748 --> 00:16:48,251
Tinsley told me you got a
little bit in your feels,
418
00:16:48,351 --> 00:16:52,722
so I made you a "sorry you have
no sense of humor" casserole.
419
00:16:53,489 --> 00:16:55,225
I'm kidding.
420
00:16:55,325 --> 00:16:57,460
I'm laughing.
421
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,430
I'm so glad you're
both open to try again.
422
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,064
It means a lot to me.
423
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:05,200
Oh, I would do anything for
you, my putrid little hellhound.
424
00:17:05,968 --> 00:17:08,271
Why don't you make like
the kitchen wench you are
425
00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:09,805
and grab us some sporks?
426
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,007
(laughs)
427
00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:15,478
It's so sweet of you
428
00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:17,213
to spend your last night in town
429
00:17:17,313 --> 00:17:19,314
at my humble abode.
430
00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:22,485
Humble is the
perfect word for it.
431
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,988
Oh!
432
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,291
(laughs)
433
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,726
Ooh, "cheese-ay."
434
00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:33,596
I thought you were vegan?
435
00:17:33,696 --> 00:17:35,298
Or is that just
one of your phases,
436
00:17:35,398 --> 00:17:37,967
like coffee enemas or clowning?
437
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,704
It is vegan, but you
won't even be able to tell
438
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:45,808
because it has the
sturdiness of meat.
439
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,478
Sturdiness?
440
00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:52,248
And the plush
mouthfeel of pasta.
441
00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:53,983
Mouthfeel?
442
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:56,085
Does it also cure a
variety of ailments?
443
00:17:56,186 --> 00:18:00,556
Well, why don't you take
a bite and find out?
444
00:18:00,656 --> 00:18:02,692
Well, in my culture,
445
00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:05,461
the chef always
takes the first bite.
446
00:18:05,561 --> 00:18:09,465
Well, in my nearby,
adjacent culture,
447
00:18:09,565 --> 00:18:11,634
the chef watches in delight
448
00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:14,337
as the host takes the first bite
449
00:18:14,437 --> 00:18:16,639
and swallows it.
450
00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:19,074
Since it's my home...
451
00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:20,535
I'm starving, so
if you don't mind,
452
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,111
I'm just gonna dive right in.
453
00:18:22,212 --> 00:18:23,879
(distorted): No!
454
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,047
(distorted): No!
455
00:18:29,385 --> 00:18:30,620
You can't eat that, Tinsley.
456
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,155
It's Tastes Famiglia,
457
00:18:33,256 --> 00:18:35,124
so it's disgusting.
458
00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:36,426
Not in a good way.
459
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:37,993
And it might murder you.
460
00:18:38,093 --> 00:18:40,196
- Also not in a good way.
- (Tinsley gasps)
461
00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:42,432
Is this true?
462
00:18:42,532 --> 00:18:44,099
Are you trying to poison me?
463
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,869
Tins, I would never.
464
00:18:46,969 --> 00:18:48,838
I was trying to poison her.
465
00:18:48,938 --> 00:18:50,373
Oh!
466
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:52,775
(exclaims)
467
00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:54,052
I'm gonna say something to you
468
00:18:54,076 --> 00:18:55,545
I should have said
a long time ago.
469
00:18:55,645 --> 00:18:56,879
You're not funny
470
00:18:56,979 --> 00:18:59,249
and I want you out
of my life, Andrew.
471
00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:00,349
(gasps)
472
00:19:00,416 --> 00:19:01,751
But-but-but,
473
00:19:01,851 --> 00:19:03,495
without me, you're just
another rich bitch.
474
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:04,519
- Oh.
- I am
475
00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:06,389
the Leah Remini to your J.Lo.
476
00:19:06,489 --> 00:19:09,592
I am the LeFou to your Gaston.
477
00:19:09,692 --> 00:19:10,972
Well, she's a rich
bitch in love.
478
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:14,230
Rejection. Look it
up, you dumb whore.
479
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,999
Oh, Harper.
480
00:19:17,099 --> 00:19:19,835
I should have trusted you
about Dimitri-Pascual.
481
00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:22,037
I am gonna miss him, though.
482
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:25,241
Who's gonna call me a
ghastly little troll now?
483
00:19:25,341 --> 00:19:27,443
I will.
484
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:29,211
Because I'm your girlfriend.
485
00:19:29,312 --> 00:19:31,180
And our dynamic is normal.
486
00:19:32,147 --> 00:19:33,683
(gasps)
487
00:19:33,783 --> 00:19:36,085
- What is it?
- I think I owe Cherry Jones
488
00:19:36,185 --> 00:19:38,254
a huge apology.
489
00:19:39,789 --> 00:19:43,426
We are the masterminds
behind Tastes Famiglia.
490
00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:47,597
I rue the day I ever
ruined Carly's credibility.
491
00:19:47,697 --> 00:19:48,898
Hey, that's my line.
492
00:19:48,998 --> 00:19:50,342
Oh, my God, but
it's so fun to say.
493
00:19:50,366 --> 00:19:53,002
"Rue." Yeah, it is. (chuckles)
494
00:19:53,102 --> 00:19:56,739
In our defense, messing
with Carly et al
495
00:19:56,839 --> 00:19:59,309
really spiced up our sex life.
496
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:00,810
Which we needed.
497
00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:03,513
I mean, I really just lie
there like a starfish.
498
00:20:03,613 --> 00:20:05,415
You'd think two evil geniuses
499
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:07,550
would be dynamos in the sack.
500
00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:09,752
But you would be wrong.
501
00:20:09,852 --> 00:20:12,021
In conclusion,
502
00:20:12,121 --> 00:20:13,289
we're bad at sex,
503
00:20:13,389 --> 00:20:15,458
and we're very sorry.
504
00:20:15,558 --> 00:20:16,726
And cut.
505
00:20:16,826 --> 00:20:18,294
And gross.
506
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:22,498
That is a wrap on iCarly's
first deepfake operation.
507
00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:24,033
And our last, God willing.
508
00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:25,535
I'd actually love another take
509
00:20:25,635 --> 00:20:27,169
now that I've had a run at it.
510
00:20:28,237 --> 00:20:30,205
And now we wait.
511
00:20:30,306 --> 00:20:31,306
(phone chimes)
512
00:20:31,374 --> 00:20:32,908
Ooh, that was quick.
513
00:20:33,008 --> 00:20:35,110
Nevel says they'll
stop if we stop.
514
00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:36,078
(laughs)
515
00:20:36,178 --> 00:20:37,647
And also, he's very virile.
516
00:20:37,747 --> 00:20:39,849
- (phone chimes)
- Like a cobra.
517
00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:41,827
- (phone chimes)
- A cobra with a sex addiction.
518
00:20:41,851 --> 00:20:42,752
- (groans)
- (phone chimes)
519
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,787
But only for his wife.
520
00:20:44,887 --> 00:20:48,057
Aw. Good for them.
521
00:20:51,260 --> 00:20:54,029
Pruney, no. I can change.
522
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,366
Or stay the same.
Whatever you want.
523
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:58,634
I haven't really been listening.
524
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:00,703
Messing with Carly
was all we had.
525
00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:02,004
Now that that's over,
526
00:21:02,104 --> 00:21:03,473
so are we.
527
00:21:03,573 --> 00:21:06,342
And I'm taking the KitchenAid.
528
00:21:06,442 --> 00:21:08,344
With the pasta attachment?
529
00:21:08,444 --> 00:21:10,079
How will I extrude?
530
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,015
I mean, don't go. I love you.
531
00:21:13,115 --> 00:21:14,384
Ugh!
532
00:21:14,484 --> 00:21:15,718
(gasps)
533
00:21:17,086 --> 00:21:19,254
"Here's a wedding gift
to keep things spicy.
534
00:21:19,355 --> 00:21:20,790
"Do not contact me.
535
00:21:20,890 --> 00:21:22,758
Carly Shay."
536
00:21:22,858 --> 00:21:24,059
What do you say...
537
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,662
Should we give it another shot?
538
00:21:27,863 --> 00:21:30,332
Let's get the limbo stick, baby.
539
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,202
Ooh!
540
00:22:07,252 --> 00:22:11,802
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36994
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.