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1
00:02:19,842 --> 00:02:24,002
Oh, and Sandy's outside
waiting for that 10:15.
2
00:02:24,082 --> 00:02:25,723
Oh God.
3
00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:26,842
I know.
4
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:30,883
Okay. Um, give me five.
5
00:02:30,962 --> 00:02:33,442
I need to, like, psych up.
6
00:03:01,763 --> 00:03:03,203
You're letting me go?
7
00:03:05,163 --> 00:03:09,562
Um… Okay, but I'm still working
on my audio compression algorithm.
8
00:03:09,643 --> 00:03:12,723
Unfortunately, the board feel
your compression algo isn't
9
00:03:13,923 --> 00:03:16,082
a thing that they wanna pursue.
10
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:20,962
Uh, okay. Well, without it,
we'll need more data servers.
11
00:03:21,522 --> 00:03:22,883
I know. I know.
12
00:03:22,962 --> 00:03:25,122
Which means a
bigger carbon footprint.
13
00:03:25,203 --> 00:03:27,883
We'll breach all of our
environmental pledges.
14
00:03:27,962 --> 00:03:30,723
I'm sorry. It's how
the board feel.
15
00:03:46,163 --> 00:03:47,763
Please, not now.
16
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,682
I can't... I… I thought
we were friends.
17
00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:53,763
- Okay.
- Joan!
18
00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:58,043
I'm just gonna give you a
minute to compose yourself.
19
00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:00,122
I feel pretty composed.
20
00:04:00,203 --> 00:04:01,763
I really... I am so
sorry about this.
21
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:06,842
I invited you to the
housewarming. Joan.
22
00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:09,802
I've asked Brutus
to escort her out.
23
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:10,923
Oh God.
24
00:04:12,483 --> 00:04:14,643
I'll help you with
your things, Sandy.
25
00:04:47,802 --> 00:04:48,802
Oh!
26
00:04:50,562 --> 00:04:53,682
Joan, is that you?
I know you're there.
27
00:04:53,762 --> 00:04:56,442
Coward. You're a coward, Joan!
28
00:04:57,762 --> 00:04:59,603
All right, Sandy. We gotta go.
29
00:05:01,762 --> 00:05:02,802
Fuck!
30
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,643
Joan. Come on in.
31
00:05:14,802 --> 00:05:15,802
Thank you.
32
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:18,122
So, where are we at?
33
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:21,442
- Not good?
- Oh, no.
34
00:05:24,603 --> 00:05:27,082
It used to be my dream
to run my own coffee shop.
35
00:05:27,163 --> 00:05:29,723
That would not have gone
out with our name on it.
36
00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,643
Neither would the
coffee at my job.
37
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,682
How is your job?
38
00:05:37,682 --> 00:05:39,082
Um…
39
00:05:39,762 --> 00:05:43,043
I mean, on paper,
it's… it's fancy, I guess.
40
00:05:43,122 --> 00:05:48,362
But I'm just kind of the middleman
between the board up in the clouds
41
00:05:48,442 --> 00:05:51,043
and the staff below me.
42
00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:16,362
Vanilla.
43
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:19,442
You know? Like, even
the food he cooks is bland.
44
00:06:19,523 --> 00:06:21,843
And I'm continuously like…
45
00:06:22,442 --> 00:06:23,643
Mmm.
46
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:29,322
Sorry, I feel like such
an asshole saying that.
47
00:06:30,762 --> 00:06:32,682
When I was with my ex...
48
00:06:32,762 --> 00:06:34,442
- Mac?
- Mac, yeah.
49
00:06:34,523 --> 00:06:35,362
Um…
50
00:06:35,442 --> 00:06:39,843
I mean, it was just constant
sex and craziness and…
51
00:06:39,923 --> 00:06:41,362
I mean, the fights were…
52
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:46,283
But I never got over him.
53
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:49,643
Mm-hmm. And then you met Krish.
54
00:06:49,723 --> 00:06:50,882
And then I met Krish.
55
00:06:50,963 --> 00:06:54,923
And he was sweet and safe.
56
00:06:55,002 --> 00:06:57,483
And so I just kinda
went with the flow.
57
00:06:58,523 --> 00:06:59,523
But
58
00:07:00,682 --> 00:07:02,163
I just feel like I never,
59
00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:07,242
like, actively chose this.
60
00:07:07,322 --> 00:07:09,403
Like, I feel like I'm
just on autopilot.
61
00:07:09,483 --> 00:07:12,882
You know how you are always
talking about, like, the life story?
62
00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:13,802
Mm-hmm.
63
00:07:13,882 --> 00:07:15,843
I was thinking about it, and I…
64
00:07:15,923 --> 00:07:21,403
I feel like I'm not the main
character in my own life story.
65
00:07:22,882 --> 00:07:24,643
And would you
like that to change?
66
00:07:28,283 --> 00:07:29,283
Hmm.
67
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,362
Hey.
68
00:08:08,242 --> 00:08:09,242
Hey.
69
00:08:14,002 --> 00:08:15,802
It's so good to see you.
70
00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:18,523
I love your hair like
that. The streaks, yowza.
71
00:08:19,483 --> 00:08:20,562
It's not too much?
72
00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:24,122
Phyllis at the salon kind
of, like, talked me into it.
73
00:08:24,202 --> 00:08:26,682
Well, Phyllis at the
salon deserves a raise
74
00:08:26,762 --> 00:08:28,242
'cause you look hot as shit.
75
00:08:28,322 --> 00:08:30,483
- Okay. Okay.
- I mean it.
76
00:08:34,643 --> 00:08:35,923
Okay.
77
00:08:36,562 --> 00:08:37,562
Um…
78
00:08:37,923 --> 00:08:39,562
I mean, you… you came to see me.
79
00:08:39,643 --> 00:08:41,842
To talk because you asked me to.
80
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,123
Oh, yeah.
81
00:08:45,202 --> 00:08:46,442
Hey, how is…
82
00:08:49,842 --> 00:08:50,842
Krish.
83
00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:53,163
Yeah. Krish is good.
84
00:08:53,243 --> 00:08:55,923
Wow. You sound like
you're really crazy about him.
85
00:08:57,322 --> 00:08:58,322
Okay.
86
00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:02,442
We tried us for two years.
87
00:09:02,523 --> 00:09:04,643
Remember how that…
remember how that ended?
88
00:09:04,722 --> 00:09:07,163
- Yep.
- So, yeah, I am marrying Krish.
89
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:11,442
Oh God, you drive...
90
00:09:12,482 --> 00:09:15,283
You broke us up, you
broke my fucking heart,
91
00:09:15,363 --> 00:09:18,043
and just when I'm picking
up all of the pieces of my life,
92
00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:20,163
you pop back up like a fucking…
93
00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:21,643
Like an unflushed turd.
94
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:25,602
Well, yeah. It's not what
I was getting at, but yeah.
95
00:09:25,682 --> 00:09:29,322
So, how can I trust you?
96
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:32,682
You're right. I get it. But
97
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:36,403
what you and I had was real.
98
00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:38,482
You know it.
99
00:09:40,243 --> 00:09:41,562
I wanna be with you.
100
00:09:43,763 --> 00:09:46,523
I'm here for three days, and
then I go back to San Jose.
101
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:47,722
Come with me.
102
00:09:48,403 --> 00:09:49,442
I'm serious.
103
00:09:50,243 --> 00:09:52,082
I ca… I can't.
104
00:09:52,163 --> 00:09:53,163
Hey.
105
00:09:53,962 --> 00:09:56,962
I have a great apartment, and
your work has an office there.
106
00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:58,602
I mean, you could
get a transfer.
107
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,602
And there's an incredible
sushi place around the corner,
108
00:10:01,682 --> 00:10:04,523
and they have an
unbelievable green dragon roll.
109
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:08,283
I can't leave Krish.
110
00:10:28,363 --> 00:10:31,523
I'm in my usual suite, and
I'll be here for three days.
111
00:10:38,442 --> 00:10:39,482
Mm.
112
00:10:46,842 --> 00:10:47,923
That you, baby?
113
00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:02,202
Whoa. Froggy's been a-drinking.
114
00:11:03,082 --> 00:11:05,523
Yeah. It was a goodbye party.
115
00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:08,962
Oh. Well, I hope you're hungry.
116
00:11:36,082 --> 00:11:37,082
Mmm.
117
00:11:38,442 --> 00:11:39,643
Um…
118
00:11:39,722 --> 00:11:41,682
- Oh, how about Sea of Tranquility?
- Eh.
119
00:11:41,763 --> 00:11:42,883
Eric said it blows.
120
00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:45,763
Oh. Well, if Eric said it blows…
121
00:11:45,842 --> 00:11:48,243
- Okay.
- Okay.
122
00:11:48,322 --> 00:11:50,123
Loch Henry, the
Scottish murder thing?
123
00:11:50,202 --> 00:11:52,643
I can't really do
another true crime.
124
00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:55,283
- I'm sorry, just after Gacy, I…
- Okay.
125
00:11:55,363 --> 00:11:57,363
What about…
126
00:12:00,523 --> 00:12:01,562
What...
127
00:12:03,482 --> 00:12:05,602
Uh… Oh my God.
128
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:03,363
Well, it's a lot
like our bedroom.
129
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,363
That's not my hair.
130
00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:10,802
- She uses the same toothpaste as you.
- Okay, just…
131
00:13:10,883 --> 00:13:12,043
This is just weird.
132
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:16,602
Yeah, it's a little spooky.
133
00:13:29,403 --> 00:13:31,403
This Joan is shady.
134
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:37,482
Mmm…
135
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:41,442
Babe.
136
00:13:41,923 --> 00:13:43,802
- Babe?
- You should see this.
137
00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:44,883
See what?
138
00:13:45,322 --> 00:13:46,322
What is this?
139
00:13:46,962 --> 00:13:48,883
It's called Joan Is Awful.
140
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,602
It's got Salma Hayek in it.
141
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:53,403
She looks like Joan.
142
00:13:54,082 --> 00:13:55,923
That job sucked anyway.
143
00:13:57,123 --> 00:13:58,923
Yeah, I guess.
144
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,043
Joan Is Awful? What the fuck?
145
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,082
Oh… oh God.
146
00:15:18,163 --> 00:15:20,602
Joan? Jo… Jo… Joan.
147
00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:24,003
Joan?
148
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:37,283
Also, Sandy is
waiting for that 10:15.
149
00:15:37,363 --> 00:15:39,562
- Is he still there?
- He's still there.
150
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:43,722
- Just get it over with.
- They made me the gayest man on earth.
151
00:15:43,802 --> 00:15:45,363
Well, I like what he's wearing.
152
00:15:45,442 --> 00:15:47,363
What the fuck is this?
153
00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:49,763
- How the fuck is this?
- Um…
154
00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:51,802
- Give me five.
- Oh.
155
00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:55,442
Yeah. Sure. Thanks.
156
00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:58,842
- Oh my God. Is that what I sound like?
- Sh. Will you be quiet, please?
157
00:16:00,883 --> 00:16:02,403
You think he's better
looking than me?
158
00:16:02,883 --> 00:16:06,123
Okay. All right. All right, hey.
Let's slow our breathing down, right?
159
00:16:06,202 --> 00:16:09,322
- Uh, feel the carpet beneath your feet.
- I don't wanna feel the carpet!
160
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,482
All right, hey, whoa.
161
00:16:10,562 --> 00:16:13,482
- Well, just feel the floor.
- Uh… Fuck the floor!
162
00:16:13,562 --> 00:16:15,562
You're firing me?
163
00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:19,802
Correct. Your audio
algorithm's not happening.
164
00:16:19,883 --> 00:16:22,003
The board thinks it's vaporware.
165
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,202
But, um,
166
00:16:24,043 --> 00:16:26,523
our carbon footprint.
167
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:28,082
Not their concern.
168
00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:31,602
Well, I just put a deposit
down on an apartment.
169
00:16:32,442 --> 00:16:35,322
- Also not their concern.
- I mean, you see what she's like.
170
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,403
- Oh my God, she is cold.
- Please.
171
00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,403
Not… not now.
172
00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:42,442
If not now, when?
173
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,322
- She did not say that.
- Oh my God.
174
00:16:45,403 --> 00:16:47,923
I did not say that like that.
That is not what happened.
175
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:49,322
Baby, I believe you.
176
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,202
Jesus Christ.
177
00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:54,043
Oh my God.
178
00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:57,283
What am I gonna do with my dog?
179
00:16:57,363 --> 00:16:59,363
- Oh my God.
- She's making me so uncomfortable.
180
00:16:59,442 --> 00:17:00,442
I'm so sorry...
181
00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:04,042
- Get Brutus to escort her out.
- Why are you consoling Joan?
182
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:07,083
- Why am I consoling Joan?
- Please just give me a second.
183
00:17:07,163 --> 00:17:08,643
She was upset.
184
00:17:08,722 --> 00:17:10,163
She's being a bitch.
185
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:13,242
Oh my God. They're making
me look like a monster.
186
00:17:13,762 --> 00:17:15,603
No. Hey, no, look.
187
00:17:15,682 --> 00:17:18,803
Look, it's... Baby,
it's Salma Hayek.
188
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:22,123
Look, people love Salma Hayek.
All right? So, maybe it's not so...
189
00:17:22,202 --> 00:17:25,042
So, maybe it's
not so fucking bad?
190
00:17:25,123 --> 00:17:26,563
So fucking insane?
191
00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:28,482
- This is bad.
- Okay, all right.
192
00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:30,242
- Fucking insane!
- All right, okay.
193
00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:32,202
Hey, look. I was just
trying to make you feel…
194
00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:35,522
- Oh God.
- Hey, okay. All right. Hey, you're right.
195
00:17:35,603 --> 00:17:36,442
- Okay.
- Yeah.
196
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:37,962
Ooh.
197
00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:40,202
What?
198
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,282
Oh my God, my mom's seen it.
199
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,242
What?
200
00:17:44,323 --> 00:17:45,682
Everybody can see this?
201
00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:48,242
Can everybody that has
Streamberry watch this?
202
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,883
My dad's seen it.
203
00:17:51,962 --> 00:17:53,643
Marianne's seen it.
204
00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:55,363
Jesus Christ. Oh fuck.
205
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,563
Oh God.
206
00:17:58,282 --> 00:17:59,762
Oh my God.
207
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:01,522
Oh God.
208
00:18:01,603 --> 00:18:03,042
- Honey.
- What?
209
00:18:04,123 --> 00:18:06,522
- Has Mac been texting you?
- What?
210
00:18:07,682 --> 00:18:08,762
No. No.
211
00:18:08,843 --> 00:18:10,603
- All right.
- You can come in now.
212
00:18:15,242 --> 00:18:17,522
- Okay. I think we should turn this off.
- What?
213
00:18:17,603 --> 00:18:20,123
Well, actually, I wanna
keep watching. No. No…
214
00:18:20,202 --> 00:18:21,883
- Hey, whoa.
- Krish, Krish, I want it off!
215
00:18:21,962 --> 00:18:23,722
- No.
- How's life at home?
216
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,242
- Joan!
- With Krish?
217
00:18:25,323 --> 00:18:32,323
- He's kind and smart and caring, but…
- Where's this stupid fucking button?
218
00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:35,002
Very vanilla.
219
00:18:35,603 --> 00:18:37,363
Even his cooking is bland.
220
00:18:37,442 --> 00:18:38,442
Hmm.
221
00:18:38,522 --> 00:18:41,323
- I didn't say that. Krish, turn it off.
- It's just that…
222
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:43,722
with my ex-boyfriend, Mac,
223
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:51,282
there was so much
crazy, wild, imaginative,
224
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:54,242
constant sex.
225
00:18:54,323 --> 00:18:57,603
Hey, hey, hey,
hey. This isn't real.
226
00:18:58,202 --> 00:19:01,482
Okay? This is the
TV. I didn't say this.
227
00:19:01,563 --> 00:19:03,002
- Fuck.
- Krish?
228
00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:06,163
- I haven't gotten over Mac.
- Krish!
229
00:19:06,242 --> 00:19:07,442
I think maybe
230
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,123
I don't want to.
231
00:19:18,363 --> 00:19:20,123
Oh Christ.
232
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:23,883
Hey. What she said on the
show, that's not what I think.
233
00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,202
- Okay?
- No.
234
00:19:25,282 --> 00:19:26,282
Some of the details…
235
00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:28,883
The whole thing, it's blown
out of proportion, okay?
236
00:19:28,962 --> 00:19:30,962
I didn't say that
to my therapist.
237
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,923
So, what did you say?
238
00:19:39,363 --> 00:19:40,242
Mm-hmm.
239
00:19:40,323 --> 00:19:41,682
Krish.
240
00:19:43,442 --> 00:19:45,042
Krish! Where are you going?
241
00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:46,163
I don't know.
242
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:50,442
- I don't know. I gotta go.
- Krish, come on. Please, please!
243
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,643
I'm here three days…
244
00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:23,242
So, what do you wanna watch?
245
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:24,643
Sea of Tranquility.
246
00:20:25,202 --> 00:20:26,363
Eh.
247
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,803
Eric says it blows.
248
00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:29,603
Well, if Eric said…
249
00:20:29,682 --> 00:20:31,643
I never liked Krish.
250
00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:34,722
Babe, wait. Come
on, sit down. Babe.
251
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,042
Krish! It's a TV
show. It's not real.
252
00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:57,883
I don't know what's going
on, but none of that happened.
253
00:20:58,442 --> 00:21:01,883
Krish, hey! I haven't
even seen Mac in so long.
254
00:21:05,242 --> 00:21:07,123
Then show me your phone.
255
00:21:07,202 --> 00:21:08,202
What?
256
00:21:09,123 --> 00:21:13,202
In the TV show, Mac texted
you, and you texted him back, so
257
00:21:14,522 --> 00:21:15,722
show me your phone.
258
00:21:16,883 --> 00:21:17,883
It's…
259
00:21:18,803 --> 00:21:19,923
it's in the house.
260
00:21:22,843 --> 00:21:24,962
That's convenient, Joan.
261
00:21:26,442 --> 00:21:27,883
- Goodbye.
- Krish.
262
00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:30,042
Krish, please don't go.
263
00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:34,722
Don't go. Please don't leave me by myself.
This is fucking insane. Please don't...
264
00:21:35,682 --> 00:21:38,042
Krish! Please!
265
00:21:39,242 --> 00:21:40,242
Krish!
266
00:21:44,323 --> 00:21:47,802
Krish, you're being
childish. Come back, please.
267
00:21:47,883 --> 00:21:50,802
You're being very
melodramatic. It's uncalled for.
268
00:21:51,363 --> 00:21:55,682
Oh my God. It's
TV. It's not real!
269
00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:59,722
My fidelity for you. My
fidelity for you, that's real.
270
00:21:59,802 --> 00:22:02,123
That's television.
Fake, not real.
271
00:22:02,202 --> 00:22:05,883
If you weren't texting
Mac, show me your phone.
272
00:22:08,923 --> 00:22:10,403
They're right about you, Joan.
273
00:22:11,643 --> 00:22:12,643
You're awful.
274
00:22:14,323 --> 00:22:16,762
Krish. I'm not that
awful. It's not real.
275
00:22:19,123 --> 00:22:20,202
Come back.
276
00:22:20,282 --> 00:22:22,722
Krish! Don't leave me.
277
00:22:22,803 --> 00:22:24,643
You know I can't be on my own.
278
00:22:24,722 --> 00:22:26,363
- You can't leave me!
- Mac.
279
00:23:41,363 --> 00:23:43,363
- Sorry I'm late.
- Uh-huh.
280
00:23:46,843 --> 00:23:47,843
Did you see it?
281
00:24:35,522 --> 00:24:36,843
I'm here to help you pack.
282
00:24:44,802 --> 00:24:45,802
Right on.
283
00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:29,242
Sayonara, queen.
284
00:25:41,042 --> 00:25:42,163
Mona.
285
00:25:44,762 --> 00:25:47,442
"I'm in a pantsuit."
286
00:26:15,042 --> 00:26:17,242
Well, I've checked it over,
287
00:26:17,323 --> 00:26:20,603
and I have to say that actually,
288
00:26:20,682 --> 00:26:24,643
legally, the Streamberry
Corporation can do this.
289
00:26:26,643 --> 00:26:27,643
What?
290
00:26:28,883 --> 00:26:30,002
How?
291
00:26:30,083 --> 00:26:32,083
Trust me, I'm as
shocked as you are.
292
00:26:33,282 --> 00:26:37,002
But the show is using my life.
It's… it's my name. It's my career.
293
00:26:37,083 --> 00:26:40,682
It's me. They're…
they're using me, so…
294
00:26:40,762 --> 00:26:43,242
And you assigned them
the right to exploit all of that.
295
00:26:44,002 --> 00:26:45,363
What? When?
296
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:47,563
Terms and conditions.
297
00:26:49,762 --> 00:26:51,762
I have never seen this before.
298
00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:54,843
You have. You just haven't
seen it printed out before.
299
00:26:54,923 --> 00:26:57,603
All of that would have popped
up on your phone or whatever
300
00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,323
when you first signed
up to Streamberry.
301
00:26:59,403 --> 00:27:01,323
And you clicked "accept."
302
00:27:01,923 --> 00:27:03,962
What? I mean, I had...
303
00:27:04,482 --> 00:27:06,803
I had no... How was I
supposed to know this?
304
00:27:06,883 --> 00:27:11,123
I know. But you did accept
it, and so they're in the clear.
305
00:27:11,202 --> 00:27:14,722
No, no. No, no, no. They
can't… they can't do this to me.
306
00:27:14,803 --> 00:27:17,843
There are only so many ways for
me to tell you they absolutely can.
307
00:27:23,482 --> 00:27:24,843
Okay, well, Salma Hayek.
308
00:27:26,002 --> 00:27:27,403
Yeah, pretty cool.
309
00:27:27,482 --> 00:27:30,163
No. No, I'm gonna
sue Salma Hayek.
310
00:27:30,242 --> 00:27:31,083
For what?
311
00:27:31,163 --> 00:27:34,282
For, like, passing
herself off as me.
312
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:35,603
She has no right to do that.
313
00:27:36,603 --> 00:27:37,962
It's not really Salma Hayek.
314
00:27:38,762 --> 00:27:39,883
Yes, it is.
315
00:27:39,962 --> 00:27:46,643
No. Technically, uh, the show
deploys a digital likeness of Miss Hayek.
316
00:27:47,722 --> 00:27:49,163
They don't film her.
317
00:27:49,242 --> 00:27:51,403
She licensed her image to them.
318
00:27:51,482 --> 00:27:53,163
The entire show is CGI.
319
00:27:53,242 --> 00:27:56,563
It's generated by some kind
of super-advanced, deepfake,
320
00:27:56,643 --> 00:27:58,323
quantum computer mumbo jumbo.
321
00:27:59,883 --> 00:28:04,002
They could make Salma Hayek
blow an orangutan if they wanted to.
322
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:05,363
Oh, whoa.
323
00:28:06,042 --> 00:28:08,803
I'm guessing Miss Hayek might
object to that, but you get my point.
324
00:28:10,643 --> 00:28:12,682
Right. So it's all…
it's all computers?
325
00:28:12,762 --> 00:28:15,163
That's how they get it
on the service so fast.
326
00:28:16,442 --> 00:28:17,563
But how do they…
327
00:28:17,643 --> 00:28:21,843
how do they even know what I'm
doing? It's the same… it's the same day.
328
00:28:43,762 --> 00:28:46,123
Uh, that's how they know.
329
00:28:46,202 --> 00:28:48,083
Okay, but…
330
00:28:49,083 --> 00:28:54,242
…but the show makes
stuff up about me. Right?
331
00:28:54,323 --> 00:28:55,843
It embellishes things.
332
00:28:55,923 --> 00:28:58,242
It makes me look
worse than I really am.
333
00:28:58,323 --> 00:29:00,682
So… …defamation.
334
00:29:01,403 --> 00:29:03,442
Yeah, page 53, paragraph 12.
335
00:29:03,522 --> 00:29:06,962
There's something about
creating characters and dialogue
336
00:29:07,042 --> 00:29:08,482
for dramatic purposes.
337
00:29:11,722 --> 00:29:12,722
Fuck!
338
00:29:14,323 --> 00:29:15,482
I agree.
339
00:29:16,202 --> 00:29:18,962
Uh, I hate to say it, but
this thing is… is watertight.
340
00:29:19,042 --> 00:29:20,083
Oh my God.
341
00:29:20,163 --> 00:29:21,843
They got you every
which way and then some.
342
00:29:23,403 --> 00:29:26,042
My advice is to
try and ignore it.
343
00:29:26,722 --> 00:29:28,843
What the fuck kind
of advice is that?
344
00:29:29,442 --> 00:29:30,682
It's the only kind I got.
345
00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:34,282
Oh my God.
346
00:29:36,682 --> 00:29:38,083
Okay.
347
00:29:39,843 --> 00:29:40,923
Hi, guys!
348
00:29:41,002 --> 00:29:43,042
Hey, how you doing out there?
349
00:29:43,123 --> 00:29:44,843
Cool! Fuck!
350
00:30:03,962 --> 00:30:06,762
You assigned them the
right to exploit all of that.
351
00:30:06,843 --> 00:30:08,522
When? How?
352
00:30:08,603 --> 00:30:10,163
Terms and conditions.
353
00:30:11,202 --> 00:30:12,363
I've never even seen this.
354
00:30:12,442 --> 00:30:14,682
- I would've known if I signed it.
- This is brutal.
355
00:30:14,762 --> 00:30:18,682
I would've known I'd signed something
I didn't read. Who has time to read that?
356
00:30:20,603 --> 00:30:22,482
You did accept it though.
357
00:30:22,563 --> 00:30:24,923
- What?
- Yeah, they're in the clear.
358
00:30:27,923 --> 00:30:29,682
- They can't do this to me.
- Oh, hey.
359
00:30:29,762 --> 00:30:31,522
- Can I come in?
- Yeah, yeah.
360
00:30:35,242 --> 00:30:36,323
Hey, uh…
361
00:30:37,363 --> 00:30:38,682
They cannot...
362
00:30:38,762 --> 00:30:40,123
There. Sorry.
363
00:30:43,722 --> 00:30:44,843
Oh, baby.
364
00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:46,643
Honey.
365
00:30:52,323 --> 00:30:53,363
You're okay.
366
00:31:00,563 --> 00:31:01,563
No…
367
00:31:23,563 --> 00:31:24,563
What's wrong?
368
00:31:25,002 --> 00:31:26,002
Um,
369
00:31:27,042 --> 00:31:28,442
I can't get hard.
370
00:31:29,242 --> 00:31:30,603
Sure you can.
371
00:31:31,762 --> 00:31:35,323
Hey, you want me to do
that horrible thing you love?
372
00:31:36,242 --> 00:31:37,242
It's, um…
373
00:31:37,643 --> 00:31:40,042
It's... This is so public.
374
00:31:40,962 --> 00:31:42,002
What do you mean?
375
00:31:42,083 --> 00:31:44,363
This is gonna be on the show.
376
00:31:45,242 --> 00:31:48,762
Okay, but it's not us.
It's… it's computer people.
377
00:31:48,843 --> 00:31:51,123
- It's Salma Hayek and...
- Well, yeah, I know.
378
00:31:51,202 --> 00:31:54,883
So, I mean, like, I'm gonna be the
guy who can't get it up for Salma Hayek?
379
00:31:54,962 --> 00:31:56,563
I mean, it's like…
380
00:31:56,643 --> 00:32:00,762
You know, it's one thing to not
be able to get it up for, like, you,
381
00:32:00,843 --> 00:32:01,843
but Salma Hayek?
382
00:32:01,923 --> 00:32:03,962
I mean, look, people
are gonna laugh at me.
383
00:32:04,042 --> 00:32:07,482
The show is called fucking Joan
Is Awful. How do you think I feel?
384
00:32:08,083 --> 00:32:10,722
Hey! Look, when I said I wanted
to get back together with you...
385
00:32:10,803 --> 00:32:13,403
When you basically begged
me to get back together with you.
386
00:32:13,482 --> 00:32:16,002
But I didn't agree
to be a public figure.
387
00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:18,042
Neither did I!
388
00:32:19,323 --> 00:32:21,202
Except you did.
389
00:32:21,282 --> 00:32:23,643
Page 58 of the
terms and conditions.
390
00:32:24,282 --> 00:32:25,883
They just said so on the show!
391
00:32:26,962 --> 00:32:29,962
Joan, I always said you gotta
read the terms and conditions.
392
00:32:45,802 --> 00:32:47,163
I can sue Cate Blanchett.
393
00:32:47,962 --> 00:32:50,282
Uh, for what?
394
00:32:50,363 --> 00:32:52,643
For passing herself off as me.
395
00:32:52,722 --> 00:32:55,563
That isn't the real
Cate Blanchett.
396
00:32:55,643 --> 00:32:59,923
The show just deploys a
digital likeness of Miss Blanchett.
397
00:33:00,482 --> 00:33:02,323
The whole show is CGI.
398
00:33:02,403 --> 00:33:05,123
It's generated by a
quantum computer.
399
00:33:05,202 --> 00:33:10,042
They could… …make her blow
an orangutan if they wanted.
400
00:33:10,123 --> 00:33:14,482
Although I am guessing the real
Miss Blanchett might object to that,
401
00:33:14,563 --> 00:33:15,803
but you get my point.
402
00:33:22,883 --> 00:33:23,883
Hmm.
403
00:33:52,762 --> 00:33:53,923
Oh God.
404
00:34:23,643 --> 00:34:24,682
Okay.
405
00:34:34,282 --> 00:34:38,123
Anyone knows a reason
why these two may not be wed,
406
00:34:38,643 --> 00:34:40,083
let him speak now.
407
00:34:41,443 --> 00:34:45,003
Merry Christmas, one and all!
408
00:34:49,163 --> 00:34:50,322
Oh my God!
409
00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:54,842
What are you doing?!
410
00:35:11,842 --> 00:35:12,842
What's so funny?
411
00:35:13,842 --> 00:35:16,242
Salma Hayek's
gonna fucking hate this.
412
00:35:17,043 --> 00:35:18,043
Why?
413
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:20,563
Have you not seen Joan Is Awful?
414
00:35:21,563 --> 00:35:23,043
No, but it's on my list.
415
00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:26,963
Just wait till episode four.
I hear it's gonna be a blast.
416
00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:30,443
Her lawyer's here. Posted bail.
417
00:35:31,922 --> 00:35:33,882
- Uh…
- You're free to go.
418
00:35:33,963 --> 00:35:35,003
Oh.
419
00:35:35,802 --> 00:35:37,043
For now.
420
00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:43,443
You're disgusting.
421
00:35:43,523 --> 00:35:44,402
Thank you.
422
00:35:44,483 --> 00:35:47,483
…these two should not
be wed, let him speak now.
423
00:35:48,882 --> 00:35:52,643
Merry Christmas, one and all!
424
00:35:57,643 --> 00:35:59,202
What are you doing?
425
00:36:12,842 --> 00:36:15,003
Never in my wildest nightmares
426
00:36:15,083 --> 00:36:18,483
I thought I'd see myself
defecating in a church.
427
00:36:19,163 --> 00:36:25,123
Well, technically, that's
the Joan character, not you.
428
00:36:25,643 --> 00:36:28,882
So this character,
whose face do they have?
429
00:36:28,963 --> 00:36:31,722
Do they have your
face or my face?
430
00:36:31,802 --> 00:36:33,163
Your face.
431
00:36:33,242 --> 00:36:35,003
Salma Hayek's face.
432
00:36:35,083 --> 00:36:37,643
So, then, whose anus
is doing the shitting?
433
00:36:38,722 --> 00:36:39,722
Uh,
434
00:36:40,922 --> 00:36:43,643
Salma Hayek's anus?
435
00:36:43,722 --> 00:36:45,003
Bingo.
436
00:36:45,963 --> 00:36:47,563
I am Roman Catholic.
437
00:36:47,643 --> 00:36:50,402
My grandmother Rosa
was going to be a nun.
438
00:36:50,483 --> 00:36:52,322
She might die
when she sees this.
439
00:36:52,402 --> 00:36:55,802
What right do they
have to kill my abuela
440
00:36:56,402 --> 00:37:00,802
with this deepfake
heretic abomination?
441
00:37:00,882 --> 00:37:03,282
Uh, page 39, paragraph eight.
442
00:37:03,362 --> 00:37:07,483
Paragraph eight can suck my dick. I
don't even know what it says anyway.
443
00:37:07,563 --> 00:37:11,163
Uh, your image rights
agreement with Streamberry.
444
00:37:11,242 --> 00:37:13,682
It's page 39, paragraph eight.
445
00:37:13,762 --> 00:37:18,882
Specifically covers any acts
or behaviors Joan may exhibit
446
00:37:18,963 --> 00:37:22,362
up to, including, and
beyond defecation.
447
00:37:22,443 --> 00:37:24,202
Beyond defecation?
448
00:37:24,282 --> 00:37:26,802
Beyond. That's what it says.
449
00:37:26,882 --> 00:37:28,882
You know I don't read this crap.
450
00:37:28,963 --> 00:37:32,762
I am a dyslexic, talented
actress with questionable English.
451
00:37:32,842 --> 00:37:37,163
- That's why I overpay you to protect me.
- Okay.
452
00:37:37,242 --> 00:37:39,443
I mean, doesn't my
asshole have any rights?
453
00:37:39,523 --> 00:37:41,722
- Okay. All right.
- Okay, okay.
454
00:37:42,402 --> 00:37:43,402
Okay.
455
00:37:44,003 --> 00:37:45,003
Okay.
456
00:37:45,762 --> 00:37:48,362
Let's collect
ourselves, and, uh…
457
00:37:48,443 --> 00:37:49,443
Good.
458
00:37:50,202 --> 00:37:52,882
…brainstorm so we can
do some damage control.
459
00:37:52,963 --> 00:37:55,842
So, what can you do
460
00:37:56,563 --> 00:38:00,282
to erase this image from
every machine in the world?
461
00:38:02,922 --> 00:38:03,963
Nothing.
462
00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:06,083
Okay.
463
00:38:07,163 --> 00:38:10,802
Then I guess I'm just gonna have to
settle for a huge lawsuit against them.
464
00:38:11,402 --> 00:38:15,083
Um, I've looked up and
down and researched,
465
00:38:15,163 --> 00:38:18,043
and there is no legal basis.
466
00:38:18,123 --> 00:38:21,882
There's no way we
can sue these guys.
467
00:38:21,963 --> 00:38:23,722
Then I'm gonna sue you.
468
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:25,362
You sold me out.
469
00:38:25,443 --> 00:38:28,483
You useless, overrated maggot.
470
00:38:29,443 --> 00:38:32,603
You take your paragraph eight
471
00:38:33,242 --> 00:38:35,483
and shove it up your ass!
472
00:38:35,563 --> 00:38:39,963
And I hope that you get paper
cuts in your hemorrhoids and die!
473
00:38:41,762 --> 00:38:43,003
You're fired!
474
00:39:13,802 --> 00:39:14,802
What the fuck?
475
00:39:24,802 --> 00:39:28,722
I didn't, uh, actually think
that you would come to...
476
00:39:28,802 --> 00:39:30,282
Welcome to my home.
477
00:39:31,003 --> 00:39:33,722
- I understand that you're mad.
- Oh, do you?
478
00:39:33,802 --> 00:39:35,443
Please don't kill
me, Salma Hayek.
479
00:39:35,523 --> 00:39:37,603
You're lucky I'm a humanitarian.
480
00:39:38,963 --> 00:39:40,043
Let's have a talk.
481
00:39:40,922 --> 00:39:41,963
What the fuck?
482
00:39:42,043 --> 00:39:44,123
- Come on!
- Coming!
483
00:39:44,202 --> 00:39:46,842
Oh my goodness me.
484
00:39:47,603 --> 00:39:48,722
Oh my God.
485
00:39:49,643 --> 00:39:52,963
Now it all makes sense.
Look at all this shit!
486
00:39:53,563 --> 00:39:55,322
What's wrong with you, girl?
487
00:39:55,922 --> 00:39:59,682
I mean, must you
be so disgusting?
488
00:39:59,762 --> 00:40:03,443
I mean, the last few days
have been pretty rough, so…
489
00:40:03,523 --> 00:40:06,242
Rough enough to take a
dump in the house of God?
490
00:40:07,163 --> 00:40:09,322
If you don't have any
self-respect, that's your thing.
491
00:40:09,402 --> 00:40:11,163
But to disrespect the church,
492
00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,682
and frankly, to
disrespect my image…
493
00:40:13,762 --> 00:40:16,362
- Mm-hmm.
- …I don't wanna be associated with you.
494
00:40:17,202 --> 00:40:19,643
Well, I don't wanna be
associated with me either.
495
00:40:19,722 --> 00:40:24,523
They took my life. They turned
it into a CGI fucking drama.
496
00:40:24,603 --> 00:40:27,083
I lose my fiancé.
497
00:40:27,163 --> 00:40:28,402
I lose my job.
498
00:40:28,483 --> 00:40:31,603
They put my entire existence
out there for everyone to watch,
499
00:40:31,682 --> 00:40:33,643
and you signed up
to be the face of it.
500
00:40:34,603 --> 00:40:36,963
You're a fucking enabler.
I should be yelling at you.
501
00:40:37,043 --> 00:40:40,282
- You are yelling at me.
- Well, I need to yell at someone!
502
00:40:40,362 --> 00:40:43,362
Well, it's not fair that
you're taking it all out on me.
503
00:40:44,402 --> 00:40:48,842
I am sorry that I
shat in a church.
504
00:40:48,922 --> 00:40:50,402
Okay?
505
00:40:50,483 --> 00:40:52,722
But I was trying to
get your attention
506
00:40:52,802 --> 00:40:55,003
so that you'd get in
touch with Streamberry
507
00:40:55,083 --> 00:40:57,163
and have them pull
the plug on the show.
508
00:40:57,242 --> 00:40:58,603
I already made that call.
509
00:41:00,202 --> 00:41:02,402
- And?
- They told me to go fuck myself.
510
00:41:03,643 --> 00:41:04,483
They did?
511
00:41:04,563 --> 00:41:06,043
Can you believe it?
512
00:41:07,322 --> 00:41:08,882
So, you can't stop this?
513
00:41:08,963 --> 00:41:12,563
I thought for once I was gonna
have control over my own image.
514
00:41:12,643 --> 00:41:15,963
But those fuckers
lied about everything.
515
00:41:16,043 --> 00:41:19,563
First, they told me this was
gonna be a prestige show, right?
516
00:41:19,643 --> 00:41:22,202
Look, I didn't think it was
gonna be like my movie Frida,
517
00:41:22,282 --> 00:41:25,123
but I couldn't imagine
that it was gonna be this.
518
00:41:26,722 --> 00:41:31,043
And then they said that
they were closing the pay gap.
519
00:41:31,563 --> 00:41:32,443
Bullshit!
520
00:41:32,523 --> 00:41:36,443
They are paying me one-tenth of
what they're paying George Clooney.
521
00:41:37,682 --> 00:41:41,402
Sorry, George Clooney
is gonna be in this show?
522
00:41:41,483 --> 00:41:45,322
No, they're sticking his head on a
Thomas the Tank Engine reboot.
523
00:41:45,963 --> 00:41:47,003
Wait.
524
00:41:48,282 --> 00:41:49,643
How much are they paying you?
525
00:41:49,722 --> 00:41:50,722
Oh,
526
00:41:51,643 --> 00:41:52,643
nothing.
527
00:41:53,163 --> 00:41:55,123
- Nothing?
- Nothing.
528
00:41:56,282 --> 00:41:59,322
That is so fucked up.
529
00:41:59,402 --> 00:42:00,242
Yeah.
530
00:42:00,322 --> 00:42:02,762
Well, they're screwing us both.
531
00:42:02,842 --> 00:42:03,842
Yeah.
532
00:42:04,443 --> 00:42:06,762
I mean, how do you think
Cate Blanchett feels about this?
533
00:42:06,842 --> 00:42:07,963
Fuck her.
534
00:42:09,282 --> 00:42:10,523
This is the bad guy.
535
00:42:11,043 --> 00:42:12,682
Mona Giovanni.
536
00:42:12,762 --> 00:42:14,842
- Javadi.
- Whatever.
537
00:42:14,922 --> 00:42:18,043
And the whole
Strawberry machine.
538
00:42:19,083 --> 00:42:20,362
It's Streamberry.
539
00:42:20,443 --> 00:42:23,362
They have taken
100 years of cinema
540
00:42:23,443 --> 00:42:26,083
and diminished it to an app.
541
00:42:26,163 --> 00:42:30,242
I wanna go and
take that computer
542
00:42:30,922 --> 00:42:33,443
and rip the cables out of it
543
00:42:33,523 --> 00:42:35,563
and stick them up its ass.
544
00:42:35,643 --> 00:42:39,322
Let's bring down the
system. The quamputer thing.
545
00:42:39,402 --> 00:42:41,523
Oh yeah, let's.
546
00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:43,003
Are you a hacker?
547
00:42:43,083 --> 00:42:45,322
No, no, no, no, no. I
mean, like, physically.
548
00:42:45,402 --> 00:42:48,802
So it says the server's
outside of Mona Javadi's office.
549
00:42:49,322 --> 00:42:51,762
So we just get in
there and fucking…
550
00:42:54,003 --> 00:42:56,322
- You know?
- Her office is all the way at the top.
551
00:42:56,402 --> 00:42:59,242
We can't crawl on the side of
the building like Spider-Mans.
552
00:42:59,322 --> 00:43:01,163
No, no, no, we don't have to.
553
00:43:01,242 --> 00:43:03,563
'Cause you can just
walk in the front door.
554
00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:06,882
We can't just do that.
555
00:43:06,963 --> 00:43:07,842
You can
556
00:43:07,922 --> 00:43:11,483
because you're
Salma fucking Hayek.
557
00:43:17,242 --> 00:43:18,282
Thank you.
558
00:43:18,362 --> 00:43:19,523
You're right.
559
00:43:20,922 --> 00:43:21,963
Yeah.
560
00:43:22,043 --> 00:43:24,882
I am Salma fucking Hayek.
561
00:44:09,643 --> 00:44:11,882
Every time people see
me go into one of those,
562
00:44:11,963 --> 00:44:15,443
all they can think about is hot
birria coming out of my bottom.
563
00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:17,362
Of course.
564
00:44:18,523 --> 00:44:20,402
Can we swipe Miss Hayek through?
565
00:44:20,483 --> 00:44:23,922
There is a private restroom
down the corridor on the right.
566
00:44:24,523 --> 00:44:25,563
Thank you.
567
00:44:25,643 --> 00:44:27,762
And don't worry,
I'm just gonna pee.
568
00:44:30,163 --> 00:44:31,163
Okay.
569
00:44:31,722 --> 00:44:32,922
Cool.
570
00:44:34,402 --> 00:44:35,402
Thank you.
571
00:44:44,123 --> 00:44:46,202
All right, just one
sec. Yeah. We're good.
572
00:44:46,282 --> 00:44:47,163
- You rolling?
- Yeah.
573
00:44:47,242 --> 00:44:48,083
Great.
574
00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:49,802
- So, Miss Javadi.
- Mm.
575
00:44:49,882 --> 00:44:53,043
A lot going on here at Streamberry.
Loads of heat around your new show.
576
00:44:53,123 --> 00:44:54,643
I know, right?
577
00:44:54,722 --> 00:44:56,483
- Bet you've got a heap of questions.
- Yeah.
578
00:44:58,043 --> 00:45:01,123
- Lucy, I'm in the middle of an interview.
- I think it might be important.
579
00:45:01,963 --> 00:45:02,963
Sorry.
580
00:45:05,282 --> 00:45:07,322
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes?
581
00:45:07,402 --> 00:45:09,842
Apparently, Salma Hayek's
downstairs asking to see you.
582
00:45:09,922 --> 00:45:13,242
- Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself?
- Maybe that's why.
583
00:45:13,322 --> 00:45:15,443
Just get security
to chuck her out.
584
00:45:18,563 --> 00:45:20,643
Sorry, sorry. She's new.
585
00:45:20,722 --> 00:45:22,523
- Yeah.
- Don't know how long she'll last.
586
00:45:22,603 --> 00:45:24,282
Anyway, where were we?
587
00:45:25,643 --> 00:45:27,603
- Joan Is Awful.
- Joan Is Awful.
588
00:45:37,003 --> 00:45:39,202
- What are you wearing?
- It's a disguise.
589
00:45:39,282 --> 00:45:41,603
Take it off. They're gonna
think you're kidnapping me.
590
00:45:41,682 --> 00:45:42,682
Okay.
591
00:45:43,322 --> 00:45:44,322
- Hurry up!
- Okay!
592
00:45:48,963 --> 00:45:49,963
Come on!
593
00:46:05,242 --> 00:46:08,322
Experimental entertainment,
computer-generated material.
594
00:46:08,402 --> 00:46:09,762
Like Joan Is Awful.
595
00:46:09,842 --> 00:46:10,842
Exactly.
596
00:46:11,842 --> 00:46:12,842
Shut up, shut up.
597
00:46:12,922 --> 00:46:16,523
And that is made by
this, the quamputer,
598
00:46:16,603 --> 00:46:19,922
which is actually just down
that corridor on the left.
599
00:48:34,043 --> 00:48:35,202
I'm calling security!
600
00:48:36,483 --> 00:48:40,123
If you call security, I
will break your arm.
601
00:48:40,202 --> 00:48:43,603
Don't think I won't,
because I will, understood?
602
00:48:43,682 --> 00:48:44,802
Yes, Miss Hayek.
603
00:48:45,762 --> 00:48:47,123
Okay.
604
00:48:47,202 --> 00:48:48,643
How do we get in here?
605
00:48:50,362 --> 00:48:51,523
What's that?
606
00:48:51,603 --> 00:48:53,123
Joan Is Awful.
607
00:48:53,202 --> 00:48:54,922
No, but that's me.
That should be
608
00:48:56,003 --> 00:48:56,842
her, right?
609
00:48:56,922 --> 00:49:00,563
That's the variant of Joan Is
Awful that the Joan below you sees
610
00:49:00,643 --> 00:49:02,483
when she watches the show.
611
00:49:02,563 --> 00:49:04,842
What? The Joan below me?
612
00:49:04,922 --> 00:49:08,083
You're not the original
Joan. That's Source Joan.
613
00:49:08,163 --> 00:49:09,722
We need a code for this, Joan.
614
00:49:09,802 --> 00:49:10,842
Wait, sh.
615
00:49:11,682 --> 00:49:12,762
"Source Joan"?
616
00:49:12,842 --> 00:49:14,722
Yeah, you're just a Joan.
617
00:49:16,123 --> 00:49:17,043
Who's Source Joan?
618
00:49:17,123 --> 00:49:18,402
The real Joan.
619
00:49:18,483 --> 00:49:20,802
Look, there. Source Joan.
620
00:49:21,643 --> 00:49:22,643
Source Joan?
621
00:49:24,802 --> 00:49:26,083
I'm not the real Joan?
622
00:49:26,163 --> 00:49:28,123
You're a version of Joan
623
00:49:28,202 --> 00:49:30,762
played by a digital
likeness of Annie Murphy.
624
00:49:31,722 --> 00:49:33,762
- Who's Annie Murphy?
- The actress.
625
00:49:35,483 --> 00:49:37,123
There. Look familiar?
626
00:49:37,202 --> 00:49:39,523
Schitt's Creek. No? Great show.
627
00:49:40,043 --> 00:49:42,163
- You're playing an adaptation of Joan.
- No, no.
628
00:49:42,242 --> 00:49:44,802
Look. Source
Joan lives in reality.
629
00:49:44,882 --> 00:49:48,603
When Source John watches the TV show
Joan Is Awful, she sees you playing her.
630
00:49:48,682 --> 00:49:51,362
That show is the fictive
level we're on right now, here.
631
00:49:51,443 --> 00:49:54,163
- The fictive level?
- Yes, fictive level one.
632
00:49:54,242 --> 00:49:56,922
Like I said, this is an
adaptation of Joan's life.
633
00:49:57,003 --> 00:50:00,282
- You're in a show right now.
- I'm in a show right now?
634
00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:03,163
Come on. Have you
seen where you live?
635
00:50:03,242 --> 00:50:06,963
Uh, who could afford a place
like that? It's a TV show house.
636
00:50:07,043 --> 00:50:09,443
I mean, look at me. Michael
Cera licensed his face,
637
00:50:09,523 --> 00:50:12,443
just like Annie Murphy licensed
her face to play Joan on level one,
638
00:50:12,523 --> 00:50:15,402
and Salma Hayek licensed
her face to play Joan on level two
639
00:50:15,483 --> 00:50:17,163
and to play herself
here on level one.
640
00:50:17,242 --> 00:50:18,603
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
641
00:50:20,083 --> 00:50:21,483
I'm not playing myself.
642
00:50:22,523 --> 00:50:23,762
I am myself.
643
00:50:23,842 --> 00:50:25,483
Yeah, but it tracks
that you believe that
644
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,963
because you're coded to
play yourself on this level.
645
00:50:28,563 --> 00:50:29,483
- What?
- What?
646
00:50:29,563 --> 00:50:32,242
We're not in reality right
now. This is fictive level one.
647
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:34,963
If I'm not here,
then where am I?
648
00:50:35,043 --> 00:50:38,322
I don't know where the real Miss
Hayek is. I don't have eyes on her.
649
00:50:38,402 --> 00:50:40,802
She's probably in Zurich
or on a beach somewhere.
650
00:50:40,882 --> 00:50:42,483
- I don't know where she is.
- Zurich?
651
00:50:42,563 --> 00:50:43,402
This is not called
652
00:50:43,483 --> 00:50:46,842
Salma Hayek Gets Everything Explained
To Her But Doesn't Understand It Still.
653
00:50:46,922 --> 00:50:49,163
- It's called Joan Is Awful. Her story.
- What the fuck?
654
00:50:49,242 --> 00:50:50,603
By which I mean the real her.
655
00:50:50,682 --> 00:50:54,563
Not Annie Murphy, Source
Joan. The Joan that lives...
656
00:52:23,963 --> 00:52:25,483
It's not my decision.
657
00:52:26,362 --> 00:52:28,123
- It's Joan's.
- Okay.
658
00:52:28,722 --> 00:52:30,163
- It's happening.
- All right, Joan.
659
00:52:30,242 --> 00:52:33,003
- She's doing it. Joan's doing it.
- Joan, put the axe down.
660
00:52:34,043 --> 00:52:35,722
No! The quamputer!
661
00:52:35,802 --> 00:52:39,202
Joan! Fucking Jesus!
662
00:52:53,963 --> 00:52:55,882
I think we're done.
663
00:53:04,003 --> 00:53:06,362
- What's your name, please?
- Annie Murphy.
664
00:54:02,483 --> 00:54:04,443
- It's good to hear.
- Yeah, thanks.
665
00:54:04,963 --> 00:54:07,163
So, maybe now, do you feel…
666
00:54:07,762 --> 00:54:11,922
Yeah, uh, like the main
character in my own life?
667
00:54:49,083 --> 00:54:50,402
You're supposed to encourage me.
668
00:54:50,483 --> 00:54:52,722
- What is that?
- Yeah, it's not good. I know.
669
00:55:00,483 --> 00:55:02,202
Hi, Joan.
670
00:55:02,802 --> 00:55:04,322
Hi, Annie!
671
00:55:04,402 --> 00:55:05,523
- How you doing?
- Good.
672
00:55:05,603 --> 00:55:07,282
- The usual?
- The usual, please.
673
00:55:07,362 --> 00:55:08,362
Okay.
674
00:55:09,322 --> 00:55:11,523
- Missed you.
- I missed you. How are you?
675
00:55:11,603 --> 00:55:12,603
I'm good.
676
00:56:21,523 --> 00:56:24,882
Merry Christmas, one and all!
677
00:56:30,123 --> 00:56:31,563
Yeah, yeah.
678
00:56:33,842 --> 00:56:35,402
Sorry. I know. I know.
679
00:56:37,762 --> 00:56:39,083
Get out! Get out!
680
00:56:40,242 --> 00:56:42,003
Yeah. I'm sorry.
48093
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