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[zizokamal]
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[Music]
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starring tonight Patty Duke Carl Reiner
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Virginia mayo John Carradine David Wain
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and Cesar Romero
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[Music]
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leave
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a most cordial welcome to a display of
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canvases from what you might call the
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mausoleum school of art subject a common
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enough item utilized by teenagers and
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tycoons the daily journal in which we
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notate the happenings of our day-to-day
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existence but in this instance a unique
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periodical that doesn't record what was
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but rather predicts what will be its
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title the diary
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it's our initial offering in the night
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gallery
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[Music]
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and on this New Year's Eve we come to
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our last item the Holly Schaeffer
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portfolio of particularly unpalatable
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people tonight's subject miss Carrie
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Crane movie star emeritus if you're over
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the age of 50 the name may tug at your
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memory I was never a fan of miss cranes
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fess pic talent or lack thereof and I'm
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currently less than a fan of her
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nocturnal antics said antics of this
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somewhat faded and jaded relic of Mack
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Sennett having to do with being picked
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up last night for drunk and disorderly
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conduct on the Sunset Strip this is a
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picture of the event this was her third
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adventure in as many weeks take a look
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at the calendar Carrie darling
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it's December of 1970 prohibition has
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passed us by Hollywood is the funders
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and the Honda's it's no longer Fairbanks
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and Pickford and lesser lights like Miss
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Carrie crane so stop acting miss crane
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as if you were pushy aunjanue on the way
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up because you aren't and you're not
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you're an aging broad who makes a
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spectacle of herself like the Wicked
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Witch of the West and hot pants
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elsewhere on this New Year's Eve he's
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crying
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I recognize you anyway miss shavers
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apartment please Hey she's having a
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party and I can't let anyone up without
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her permission maybe yeah maybe one
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exception bro times sake I just wonder
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wish you're a happy new year all right
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I'd like to accommodate you miss crane
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but please it's important to me I'll
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just stay a moment
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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well look who's here fresh from a
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triumphant engagement at the West
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Hollywood drunk Holly we adjourn this to
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another room and deny our guests was
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Peter such potentially heart-rending
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melodrama over here all right miss grant
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I superb business manager my Jeff a
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lousy showman if you two girls will
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excuse me in case there's any
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bloodletting I'd just as soon have a
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witness now my darling if it's not too
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presumptuous of me to ask who did you
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get up here uninvited the guard
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downstairs was very kind he remembered
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me oh how nice
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well he's going to have an even better
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reason to remember you after this every
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Friday at the unemployment office now
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about that package you're clutching
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don't tell me let me guess
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it's a pearl-handled revolver all primed
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and loaded nothing quite so lethal I
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regret to say that a peace offering
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perhaps or a bribe a little something
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intended to lever my foot from the back
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of your neck I'll very much like you
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Holly to look for motives in dark places
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you give the worse so that's what you
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expect from everyone
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now comes the plaintive lament about her
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lost man
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the one I stole and what would you call
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it
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incredible to earth as long as you have
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and not to know that a man is miss Dolan
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he's relinquished as for the towheaded
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bronco rider who occasionally squired
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you about you're right he did sort of
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gravitate my way then that is the way of
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the world isn't it the rich get richer
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and the old broads get older and after
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him the heir apparent tell me mr. Harlan
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is your ex-wife as philosophical as I'm
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supposed to be
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no as a matter of fact she's not if
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either of you need a tuna kid I'll be
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outside
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[Music]
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well in a life already notorious for
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spectacular boo-boos you've hit an
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all-time high
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if you thought tonight's telecast or
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something catch me tomorrow
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well before you heave me out on my ear
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Holly aren't you the least bit curious
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to know what's in this package it's a
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diary Holly I bought it in an obscure
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little shop they sell funny little
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things curios potions talisman all sorts
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of peculiar little items I paid an
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enormous sum of money for it words
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cannot adequately describe my profound
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emotion
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goodnight grandmother
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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New Year's Day a bummer all the way
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around can't shake that miserable
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disquiet of a crane suicide
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and how typically hambone to do it on
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New Year's Eve can't make it in life to
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do it in death but even so an ugly
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little preface to what I hope is a
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better New Year it's my handwriting but
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I didn't write it
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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jab
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Hey
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go back to sleep only the movement
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erupting about I can't I couldn't what
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about you to sleep at all good spits
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mm-hmm it wasn't easy well it's morning
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a new day explain it to me explain what
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what you couldn't explain last night I
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have never written in this diary Carrie
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crane had no sooner left when the first
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page was filled in in the minutes later
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she walks in front of a car I don't want
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to be held and I don't want to be
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humored I want answers please don't look
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at me if she can't decide whether the
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flag the next elevator or booked me a
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reservation in a rubber room a simple
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answer to an impossible question how did
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an entry in my handwriting appear in
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this diary describing a suicide before
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it even happened
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she planted it in your mind something
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she said the the way she acted that's
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why you wrote it I didn't write it I
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tell you I never touched that thing
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Holly what other explanation is there I
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guess you're right there's my girl
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we'll just leave it at that and forget
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it
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agreed I'm gonna go put on some coffee
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if your head is half as big as mine is
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we're both red blanket cases I never did
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like that broad anyway she was a
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vindictive lush you know what she called
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me a direct quote my dear she said I was
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a malignant crossbreed between a vulture
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and a hotel dick
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now she's dead anyway so who cares Holly
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yeah
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you said only the first page was filled
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in right that's right the second page is
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filled in too
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January 2nd didn't work last night
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should have gone to the desert or up to
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Arrowhead no Sun and one and no snow and
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the other so just stayed home to top
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everything off the phone was out of
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order I didn't write that either
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[Music]
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oh I'll be with all my shaper you just
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sit where you are Georgie Porgie the
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last time you got into the act I wasn't
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too crazy about the results miss crane a
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night before last but she said she had
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this present for you yeah terrible thing
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Tara - the real beauty night time well
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that day has long led the premises
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Georgie so you just remember that the
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next time you feel your heart melting
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over some antique has been hmm I don't
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care if they wheel in a gift wrap Rolls
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Royce you keep him out of my digs you
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read me Georgie
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yes ma'am
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Oh miss Schaefer I thought she was at
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the television studio
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I figured you'd beat the studio by now
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getting ready to tape your show oh
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there's plenty of time yet I've got
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least an hour I want this thing burned
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did you say burn burned incinerated
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cremated and finish up later William how
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much later miss Schaefer I was hoping to
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get home a little early tonight alright
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then just just leave it and do it
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tomorrow are you all right busted it
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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well you've listened to my bizarre
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little tale what's your professional
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assessment doctor do I have the
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necessary requirements for interior of
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duty on that couch over there you make
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it sound like punishment miss Schaefer
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well coming here wasn't my idea it was
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Jeb's mr. Harlan's soft gentle friendly
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persuasion it will get your head
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examined lover you you say there have
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been two notations predicting future
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events and all these events came to pass
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a suicide my phone being out of order
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and missing tonight's show you canceled
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your show miss Schaefer in order that I
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might fit you in it was entirely your
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own doing had you waited until tomorrow
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gone ahead and done your program then
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you would have foiled the prophecy is
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this not true and the other things
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you're gonna tell me that those were of
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my own doing too it was you who dropped
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the telephone if nothing else you must
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admit that you've been a very
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cooperative accomplish next you'll have
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me convinced that I pushed Carrie crane
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in front of that car well that's what
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they'd like you to believe isn't it
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suicides it's their parting gift an act
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of punishment they'd like us to feel
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responsible for their death it can be
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sometimes in this case I'm inclined to
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agree with you the explanation is
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insufficient to our needs
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that's wonderful doctor thirty-five
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bucks an hour to find out something that
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I knew before I came through that door
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well I'm not without a theory there have
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been cases like this mache fir they're
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not covered by psychiatry however what
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then it has to do with certain forms of
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clairvoyance telepathy an area called
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hyperesthesia let it make a great lounge
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act in Vegas if instead of appearing in
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your diary you would actually seen it
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had visions of it I think we might call
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it
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paranormal precognition it's rare but
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it's not unheard of in your case I think
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what's happening is an altogether
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subconscious compulsion to write these
276
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:19,230
visions down with no recollection
277
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:20,220
however of having done so that's the
278
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:24,840
weenie hmm
279
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:26,520
my subconscious is the culprit thank you
280
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,930
very much doctor the next time I have a
281
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,470
problem I'll take it to Popular
282
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:33,180
Mechanics your hour isn't up yet
283
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:38,850
that's okay keep the change
284
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:42,870
um you spoke earlier of the accusations
285
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:46,290
miss crane leveled at you wouldn't you
286
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:48,810
like to explore those in walks Sigmund
287
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:51,560
Freud did I hate my mother did I love my
288
00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:54,570
father what's my position on women's lib
289
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:57,630
look I'll give you Holly Schaeffer in
290
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:59,400
one terse cogent paragraph I grew up in
291
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:01,560
a tenement building I had to scrounge
292
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:04,920
for what I got nobody gave me anything I
293
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:09,079
did take it and that included everything
294
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:14,940
and no guilts doctor no guilts at all I
295
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:18,990
see you see you seen nothing you think
296
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:22,079
you see the classic guilt neuroses the
297
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:24,329
lady is a predatory grabber lady can't
298
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:27,540
face it lady would like to hide it in
299
00:17:24,329 --> 00:17:31,080
her subconscious lady sublimates it by
300
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:34,190
making kooky entries in a diary and has
301
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,190
no idea
302
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:47,440
January 3rd
303
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:49,299
a black day Jeb is gone a man I loved
304
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:54,249
wiped out for no good reason
305
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:56,409
I can't live with his death I can't live
306
00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:57,999
with the knowledge that somehow in a
307
00:17:56,409 --> 00:18:01,809
manner both mysterious and unfathomable
308
00:17:57,999 --> 00:18:04,450
I was responsible this whole thing must
309
00:18:01,809 --> 00:18:07,389
end I can endure no more of it the wrong
310
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:08,799
people are dying I may be able to
311
00:18:07,389 --> 00:18:12,639
justify my sins but I can no longer
312
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:25,809
forgive them do you God after this how
313
00:18:12,639 --> 00:18:27,249
do I live with myself in fact you should
314
00:18:25,809 --> 00:18:30,820
be landing in San Francisco but allow me
315
00:18:27,249 --> 00:18:33,479
sacred San Francisco business in fact
316
00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:36,009
some of your investments I'm leave my
317
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:38,649
look I've gotta reach him I've got to
318
00:18:36,009 --> 00:18:40,359
talk to him immediately I I don't see
319
00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:41,799
how I don't even know what tell me stuff
320
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,210
that you see you left so suddenly there
321
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:45,340
was not even time to make reservations
322
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:47,979
I've gotta talk to him don't you
323
00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:50,769
understand that well I'm sure you'll be
324
00:18:47,979 --> 00:18:51,070
telephoning in tomorrow morning first
325
00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:54,369
thing
326
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:57,340
yes of course he will look when he calls
327
00:18:54,369 --> 00:18:59,649
you tell him to stay put not to leave
328
00:18:57,340 --> 00:19:02,080
that hotel for anything you gotta tell
329
00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:03,519
him that miss Schaefer if you could just
330
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:06,129
tell me what this is all about perhaps
331
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:08,379
I'll tell you what it's about you tell
332
00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:09,519
him that if he doesn't anchor himself to
333
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:11,200
some real estate tomorrow he's gonna
334
00:19:09,519 --> 00:19:12,700
wind up in the obituaries tell them
335
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,529
that's the way it is in the diary and
336
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:17,200
you've gotta tell him that you've caught
337
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:19,599
it down you've just gotta tell him that
338
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,899
somebody's gotta tell him you've gotta
339
00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:21,899
tell him
340
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:28,510
you mustn't blame yourself you were
341
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:31,960
hysterical I couldn't control you I
342
00:19:28,510 --> 00:19:33,370
thought perhaps if he were here so when
343
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:36,429
he phoned me last night
344
00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:41,830
anxious to know our consultation had
345
00:19:36,429 --> 00:19:43,419
gone I I expressed my concern to him he
346
00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:45,610
was on his way to the San Francisco
347
00:19:43,419 --> 00:19:52,779
Airport when it happened he was killed
348
00:19:45,610 --> 00:19:57,490
instantly everything I touch turns to
349
00:19:52,779 --> 00:19:59,490
graveyards everything he phoned me I was
350
00:19:57,490 --> 00:20:03,059
the reason he was hurrying back not you
351
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:09,039
because of me doctor don't you see
352
00:20:03,059 --> 00:20:11,559
because of me I'm 29 years old
353
00:20:09,039 --> 00:20:15,340
and in all those years I've only loved
354
00:20:11,559 --> 00:20:19,029
once Jeb just Jeb no one else
355
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:22,380
I think if he'd asked me pretty please
356
00:20:19,029 --> 00:20:22,380
I'd have died for him
357
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:33,710
tell me doctor what have I got to show
358
00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:39,050
for those 29 years a fancy high-rise
359
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:43,460
apartment catalog of victims and a
360
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:46,970
growing list of corpses that's a pretty
361
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:47,750
pathetic inventory wouldn't you say miss
362
00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:50,570
Schaefer
363
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:53,600
maybe I'll retire televisions foremost
364
00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:54,110
hatchet lady put my talent what did you
365
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,230
call it
366
00:20:54,110 --> 00:21:00,980
precognition - more productive use the
367
00:20:57,230 --> 00:21:03,830
ponies maybe Pimlico Hialeah Saratoga
368
00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:06,740
Hollywood Park all I have to do is look
369
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:09,170
in the diary check the winners and make
370
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:12,230
my bets it's like having a copy of
371
00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:15,550
tomorrow's newspaper how can I lose nine
372
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:15,550
horses nine winners
373
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:27,710
what is it there's nothing written in it
374
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:30,169
January 4 is a blank page miss Schaefer
375
00:21:27,710 --> 00:21:34,340
throw that thing away get rid of it what
376
00:21:30,169 --> 00:21:36,710
good would that do do you think for a
377
00:21:34,340 --> 00:21:41,299
moment that I don't realize what this
378
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:44,960
means just because there's nothing
379
00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:47,990
written on this page doesn't signify
380
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:51,610
that it bears no meaning last entry
381
00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:54,350
January 3rd the wrong people are dying
382
00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:56,559
dear God after this how do I live with
383
00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:56,559
myself
384
00:21:58,570 --> 00:22:05,360
can't you understand now why it's blank
385
00:22:01,299 --> 00:22:13,039
last entry Holly gives it to Holly
386
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:17,659
you dig shrink next entry nothing the
387
00:22:13,039 --> 00:22:23,409
page is blank because I won't be alive
388
00:22:17,659 --> 00:22:23,409
to write in it not after tomorrow
389
00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:38,539
nurse nurse I've got to see dr. mill
390
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:43,669
you've got to get him for me nurse do
391
00:22:38,539 --> 00:22:50,179
you hear me nurse are you there can't
392
00:22:43,669 --> 00:22:56,330
you hear me get me dr. bill I didn't
393
00:22:50,179 --> 00:22:59,120
want to disturb you doctor but that has
394
00:22:56,330 --> 00:23:01,570
been going on all evening now I'll look
395
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,570
in on it
396
00:23:14,009 --> 00:23:26,799
yes miss Schaefer Schaefer never nobody
397
00:23:23,259 --> 00:23:29,380
here but us historical figures me I'm
398
00:23:26,799 --> 00:23:31,269
Napoleon's favorite mistress next door
399
00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:33,669
we have Delilah who's planning the grand
400
00:23:31,269 --> 00:23:35,379
opening of a men's barbershop down the
401
00:23:33,669 --> 00:23:38,850
hall there's a lady who recites a lot
402
00:23:35,379 --> 00:23:46,090
goes by the name of Sarah Bernhardt just
403
00:23:38,850 --> 00:23:50,350
historical figures the nurse said you
404
00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:53,080
were calling for me it's almost 12
405
00:23:50,350 --> 00:23:54,370
o'clock in a few minutes it's gonna be
406
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:59,679
January 5th
407
00:23:54,370 --> 00:24:02,200
I know well she wouldn't let me have it
408
00:23:59,679 --> 00:24:04,509
you know why miss Schaefer coming here
409
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:08,289
was your idea you laid down the ground
410
00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:11,799
rules no sheets no ropes no silverware
411
00:24:08,289 --> 00:24:13,360
no plates nothing sharp no instruments
412
00:24:11,799 --> 00:24:22,720
at all with which you might do yourself
413
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:25,779
bodily harm I know maybe I was wrong see
414
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,210
I just assumed when I read that last
415
00:24:25,779 --> 00:24:31,029
entry in the diary but because the page
416
00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:34,990
was blank I was automatically gonna do
417
00:24:31,029 --> 00:24:38,169
myself in but I ruled out the prospect
418
00:24:34,990 --> 00:24:40,840
of natural causes a heart attack a
419
00:24:38,169 --> 00:24:44,139
massive cerebral hemorrhage an
420
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:46,539
unexpected error ism you're in perfect
421
00:24:44,139 --> 00:24:49,330
physical health miss Schaefer you read
422
00:24:46,539 --> 00:24:50,350
about it every day people with no past
423
00:24:49,330 --> 00:24:52,629
medical history
424
00:24:50,350 --> 00:24:54,940
all of a sudden dropping dead so don't
425
00:24:52,629 --> 00:24:58,320
tell me it can't happen to me it can and
426
00:24:54,940 --> 00:24:58,320
it will unless
427
00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:09,080
but I can beat the rap I have a plan I
428
00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:12,919
have it all figured out it's so simple
429
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:15,889
it's crazy I mean I don't know why I
430
00:25:12,919 --> 00:25:17,169
didn't think of it before the page is
431
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:21,590
blank yes
432
00:25:17,169 --> 00:25:26,740
don't you see I mean it's so obvious
433
00:25:21,590 --> 00:25:30,399
it's ridiculous all I have to do is
434
00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:34,820
write something on that blank page I
435
00:25:30,399 --> 00:25:38,090
don't have to die I can write anything
436
00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:40,940
anything at all if I write on the page
437
00:25:38,090 --> 00:25:43,519
it means nothing happened to me don't
438
00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:45,700
you see I mean how could I write
439
00:25:43,519 --> 00:25:50,509
something about who's already dead
440
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:54,350
doctor in 10 minutes it's gonna be Drive
441
00:25:50,509 --> 00:25:59,019
o'clock for god sakes please get me up
442
00:25:54,350 --> 00:25:59,019
there I'll be right back
443
00:26:06,470 --> 00:26:09,650
in the upper right-hand drawer you'll
444
00:26:08,270 --> 00:26:09,950
find a pen would you give it to me
445
00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:12,650
please
446
00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:15,980
hey you're going to let her have it
447
00:26:12,650 --> 00:26:18,170
you're new on this ward aren't you it's
448
00:26:15,980 --> 00:26:19,550
pepper shift I thought so otherwise
449
00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:23,090
you'd know we give her a pen every
450
00:26:19,550 --> 00:26:24,800
evening every evening doctor yes miss
451
00:26:23,090 --> 00:26:36,470
Schaefer has been a patient at the
452
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:39,560
sanitarium going on five years now yes
453
00:26:36,470 --> 00:27:01,480
miss Schaefer I'm hurrying
454
00:26:39,560 --> 00:27:02,690
[Music]
455
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:10,089
ah
456
00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:10,089
[Music]
457
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:18,960
seven o'clock already I haven't realized
458
00:27:14,740 --> 00:27:18,960
it was so late well this is the last one
459
00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:39,730
if you do not mind I have this thing
460
00:27:35,810 --> 00:27:42,740
about mirrors won't you sit down
461
00:27:39,730 --> 00:27:47,810
this won't take long your name please
462
00:27:42,740 --> 00:27:52,370
come dracula your address post-office
463
00:27:47,810 --> 00:27:55,340
box 13 Bistritz transylvania this is
464
00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:56,030
most generous of you your do I say
465
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:59,650
highness
466
00:27:56,030 --> 00:28:02,150
your eminence will suffice your eminence
467
00:27:59,650 --> 00:28:04,180
after all it isn't often that we get
468
00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:06,740
people of your station in life
469
00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:09,050
especially foreign visitors to our sunny
470
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:11,780
shores which is a shame because the
471
00:28:09,050 --> 00:28:20,080
cause is you well know as her worthy one
472
00:28:11,780 --> 00:28:23,030
oh I can think of none worthier you are
473
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:25,360
keep looking at our equipment there's
474
00:28:23,030 --> 00:28:30,770
nothing to be afraid of you know afraid
475
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:32,600
me good well it's just that some people
476
00:28:30,770 --> 00:28:36,260
are a trifle too squeamish on their
477
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:40,430
first visit young lady I am never
478
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:42,950
squeamish good because after all it is
479
00:28:40,430 --> 00:28:47,030
only one pint oh but one pint will not
480
00:28:42,950 --> 00:28:50,300
do I do better make it three three oh
481
00:28:47,030 --> 00:28:52,910
your eminence that's most commendable of
482
00:28:50,300 --> 00:28:54,740
you but I'm afraid it's impossible I can
483
00:28:52,910 --> 00:28:57,260
see that this is the first time you've
484
00:28:54,740 --> 00:28:59,390
given there appears to be a slight
485
00:28:57,260 --> 00:29:01,910
misunderstanding your eminence
486
00:28:59,390 --> 00:29:07,160
young lady this is a blood bank
487
00:29:01,910 --> 00:29:09,320
certainly ah well then I wish to apply
488
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:16,619
for a loan
489
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:19,149
[Music]
490
00:29:16,619 --> 00:29:21,279
our painting reminds us that there's a
491
00:29:19,149 --> 00:29:24,009
strange fascination to digging holes
492
00:29:21,279 --> 00:29:26,169
alongside ancient oaks you give the
493
00:29:24,009 --> 00:29:28,710
average man a shovel and an X on a map
494
00:29:26,169 --> 00:29:31,330
and the fantasies come thick and fast
495
00:29:28,710 --> 00:29:33,849
pirate gold hidden Confederate treasure
496
00:29:31,330 --> 00:29:36,820
and sometimes the unexpected and
497
00:29:33,849 --> 00:29:39,250
sometimes the unwelcome hence the title
498
00:29:36,820 --> 00:29:59,950
big surprise
499
00:29:39,250 --> 00:30:10,420
[Music]
500
00:29:59,950 --> 00:30:12,610
uh-oh there he is what do you think he
501
00:30:10,420 --> 00:30:14,170
wants why don't you ask him are you
502
00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:16,450
kidding I wouldn't go near him for a
503
00:30:14,170 --> 00:30:18,700
million dollars it's anybody ever gone
504
00:30:16,450 --> 00:30:20,440
there not unless they were crazy come
505
00:30:18,700 --> 00:30:24,940
here I have something to tell you
506
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:28,960
he means you Chris does not know with a
507
00:30:24,940 --> 00:30:33,490
blue jacket see he does mean you
508
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:37,030
so what come on
509
00:30:33,490 --> 00:30:42,960
see what he wants you chicken shut up I
510
00:30:37,030 --> 00:30:48,540
won't hurt you oh yeah well go on
511
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:53,080
chicken I am NOT go talk to him man come
512
00:30:48,540 --> 00:30:54,700
on you're so brave running qjuj trying
513
00:30:53,080 --> 00:31:00,930
to get out of it I'm not trying to get
514
00:30:54,700 --> 00:31:00,930
out of anything then do it all right
515
00:31:02,220 --> 00:31:14,930
[Music]
516
00:31:22,890 --> 00:31:30,029
that's it that's it man come a little
517
00:31:27,490 --> 00:31:30,029
closer
518
00:31:32,410 --> 00:31:40,580
[Music]
519
00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:43,490
you're not afraid of old mr. Hawkins are
520
00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:50,830
you not afraid of anything
521
00:31:43,490 --> 00:31:54,330
that's a lad what's your name Chris well
522
00:31:50,830 --> 00:31:55,940
how would you like a big surprise
523
00:31:54,330 --> 00:32:00,780
[Music]
524
00:31:55,940 --> 00:32:06,809
you're Miller's field is your that great
525
00:32:00,780 --> 00:32:07,710
big oak tree is over that tree face the
526
00:32:06,809 --> 00:32:13,110
steeple of the church
527
00:32:07,710 --> 00:32:18,390
you understand walk 10 paces dig down
528
00:32:13,110 --> 00:32:23,250
poor feet understand walk 10 paces take
529
00:32:18,390 --> 00:32:27,230
down four feet and there you'll find the
530
00:32:23,250 --> 00:32:27,230
great big surprise
531
00:32:40,330 --> 00:32:53,489
[Music]
532
00:32:54,550 --> 00:33:02,120
really yeah there's nothing down there
533
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:06,800
why do you tell me the ones he's pulling
534
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:08,090
a prank ever why what could we do him he
535
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,370
wouldn't know if we dug the hole or not
536
00:33:08,090 --> 00:33:13,400
he's always at home how do you know
537
00:33:10,370 --> 00:33:15,980
because he's always there have you ever
538
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:19,990
seen a leave has anybody
539
00:33:15,980 --> 00:33:23,870
it's a prank yeah well what if it isn't
540
00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:24,770
alright then what is it well suppose is
541
00:33:23,870 --> 00:33:26,930
funny down there
542
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:30,380
did you say there was full he wouldn't
543
00:33:26,930 --> 00:33:32,000
say he just let you find it huh and
544
00:33:30,380 --> 00:33:34,250
after you found it you'd go running back
545
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:37,220
and give it to him I suppose yeah would
546
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:38,930
like fun you would and he knows it
547
00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:43,280
that's why there's no money down there
548
00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:45,230
but if there is done what no really he's
549
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,160
old Annie maybe money don't mean nothing
550
00:33:45,230 --> 00:33:48,260
to him anymore
551
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:50,750
maybe he's one of those crazy guys who
552
00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:52,430
likes to give money to people cuz cuz it
553
00:33:50,750 --> 00:33:54,170
makes him feel good well there's only
554
00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:57,590
one way we can find out what are you
555
00:33:54,170 --> 00:34:00,980
gonna dig with your hands I'll go borrow
556
00:33:57,590 --> 00:34:05,090
some shovels for mill is mine you want
557
00:34:00,980 --> 00:34:05,800
it we'd be wasting our time I'm gonna do
558
00:34:05,090 --> 00:34:10,570
it
559
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,570
me too waste of time
560
00:34:19,420 --> 00:34:29,590
[Music]
561
00:34:20,919 --> 00:34:34,360
one two three four five six seven eight
562
00:34:29,590 --> 00:34:34,360
nine ten
563
00:34:43,850 --> 00:34:46,850
stupid
564
00:34:48,659 --> 00:34:51,729
[Music]
565
00:34:55,750 --> 00:35:17,360
[Music]
566
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:19,700
you dig a while now you don't think you
567
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:26,890
don't share share what there's nothing
568
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:37,060
down there get out of the way then
569
00:35:26,890 --> 00:35:37,060
[Music]
570
00:35:41,609 --> 00:35:50,990
well how about you dig some more nothing
571
00:35:48,039 --> 00:35:54,070
to do it all by myself you know
572
00:35:50,990 --> 00:35:54,070
[Music]
573
00:35:59,210 --> 00:36:33,709
[Music]
574
00:36:37,100 --> 00:36:48,220
[Music]
575
00:36:44,130 --> 00:36:52,300
it's four feet deep he's not yes
576
00:36:48,220 --> 00:36:52,960
no it is I told you he was pulling a
577
00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:55,330
prank
578
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:58,270
he's probably rolling on his floor right
579
00:36:55,330 --> 00:37:00,550
now laughing like crazy thinking of us
580
00:36:58,270 --> 00:37:03,250
and you out here digging this stupid
581
00:37:00,550 --> 00:37:10,420
hole it's not four feet yet it is four
582
00:37:03,250 --> 00:37:12,130
feet and I'm clearing out you do that
583
00:37:10,420 --> 00:37:13,480
you're not gonna be able to share sure
584
00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:16,680
what dirt
585
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,680
you coming
586
00:37:21,220 --> 00:37:26,330
then you're not gonna get to share
587
00:37:23,180 --> 00:37:29,690
either come on let's go to my house and
588
00:37:26,330 --> 00:37:33,400
get something to eat don't come running
589
00:37:29,690 --> 00:37:38,650
back to me after I find it what a jerk
590
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:41,780
you'll be sorry so long digger
591
00:37:38,650 --> 00:37:41,780
[Music]
592
00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:25,579
thinking about foot we have some Chris
593
00:38:22,579 --> 00:38:25,579
no
594
00:38:26,140 --> 00:38:49,320
[Music]
595
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,339
why should I
596
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:10,930
[Music]
597
00:39:36,970 --> 00:39:39,970
surprise
598
00:39:43,860 --> 00:39:56,440
[Music]
599
00:39:52,410 --> 00:39:59,650
our final offering a study in depth of a
600
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:01,840
gentlemen from the academia seen here at
601
00:39:59,650 --> 00:40:04,990
the lectern delivering a most scholarly
602
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:07,180
treatise this particular class I don't
603
00:40:04,990 --> 00:40:10,170
think you'd want to cut the paintings
604
00:40:07,180 --> 00:40:22,269
title professor Peabody's last lecture
605
00:40:10,170 --> 00:40:22,269
[Music]
606
00:40:24,420 --> 00:40:41,320
[Music]
607
00:40:38,820 --> 00:40:44,590
during the past term we have covered the
608
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:47,920
field of pagan religious cults taking in
609
00:40:44,590 --> 00:40:51,550
such far ranging subjects as Kali
610
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:54,010
the Druids Thoth Andre Malik the
611
00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:57,100
Dionysian mysteries obeah and the red
612
00:40:54,010 --> 00:41:01,630
voodoo sect Satanism Moloch
613
00:40:57,100 --> 00:41:04,720
Ifrit the East Indian Benji's and the
614
00:41:01,630 --> 00:41:06,910
magna mater all of them viewed from the
615
00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:09,670
perspective of an enlightened 20th
616
00:41:06,910 --> 00:41:12,730
century how patently barbaric and if I
617
00:41:09,670 --> 00:41:14,320
may say so childish childish that is in
618
00:41:12,730 --> 00:41:17,020
the sense it's childish to believe that
619
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:19,090
Clark Kent in the guise of Superman can
620
00:41:17,020 --> 00:41:21,450
leap over tall buildings in a single
621
00:41:19,090 --> 00:41:21,450
bound
622
00:41:22,110 --> 00:41:28,450
yes mr. block were they really so
623
00:41:25,870 --> 00:41:30,340
childish sir superstition had a way of
624
00:41:28,450 --> 00:41:32,350
explaining things things that otherwise
625
00:41:30,340 --> 00:41:34,830
were to were bewildered
626
00:41:32,350 --> 00:41:37,000
too frightening to face balderdash
627
00:41:34,830 --> 00:41:38,760
superstition is and always has been a
628
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:41,380
bottleneck in the path of progress
629
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:43,570
primeval man was out making sacrifices
630
00:41:41,380 --> 00:41:45,040
to non-existent gods when he should have
631
00:41:43,570 --> 00:41:49,300
been directing his energies to
632
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:51,760
harnessing the elements no there was I
633
00:41:49,300 --> 00:41:54,280
oh yes this should interest you mr.
634
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:56,430
block since it illustrates my point we
635
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:59,170
will this afternoon discuss what is
636
00:41:56,430 --> 00:42:01,180
indisputably the most outlandish ly
637
00:41:59,170 --> 00:42:03,880
preposterous of all the ancient cults
638
00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:06,130
one which inexplicably took root about
639
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:08,830
well as recently as 50 years ago in
640
00:42:06,130 --> 00:42:11,320
arkham massachusetts i refer to the
641
00:42:08,830 --> 00:42:16,270
worship of a group of obscure gods known
642
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:17,980
as the great old ones you know as
643
00:42:16,270 --> 00:42:19,630
incredibly bizarre as it may seem to us
644
00:42:17,980 --> 00:42:22,480
now sitting here in our air-conditioned
645
00:42:19,630 --> 00:42:24,280
classrooms no advance 30 of comparative
646
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:27,070
religion would be complete without a
647
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:32,530
brief examination of them if only for
648
00:42:27,070 --> 00:42:35,680
the laughs well now I have here you will
649
00:42:32,530 --> 00:42:39,520
observe a list of names these are these
650
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,960
so-called major gods how they arrived at
651
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,940
their pecking order as anybody's guess
652
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:47,609
perhaps they won their stripes and some
653
00:42:42,940 --> 00:42:51,209
entered lúthien crap game okay
654
00:42:47,609 --> 00:42:54,089
nyeh laughs attempt nyeh laughs attempt
655
00:42:51,209 --> 00:42:57,690
the crawling chaos reputedly the first
656
00:42:54,089 --> 00:43:01,170
deity worshipped in olden each IFFT boom
657
00:42:57,690 --> 00:43:03,150
ha a towel the most ancient one whose
658
00:43:01,170 --> 00:43:05,940
terrible powers have been feared by all
659
00:43:03,150 --> 00:43:08,249
the world since Lamar arose from the sea
660
00:43:05,940 --> 00:43:11,400
and the children of fire came to teach
661
00:43:08,249 --> 00:43:13,319
the elder law to men he's rather like a
662
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:16,170
press agents hand out doesn't it
663
00:43:13,319 --> 00:43:21,420
providing he was on the surgical time he
664
00:43:16,170 --> 00:43:26,599
wrote it next we have pasta the
665
00:43:21,420 --> 00:43:26,599
unspeakable sir yes mr. Dolan
666
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,530
perhaps I'm mistaken but I'd done a
667
00:43:29,030 --> 00:43:32,240
little outside reading on the subject
668
00:43:30,530 --> 00:43:34,400
and isn't the God you just mentioned
669
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:37,640
isn't it a punished world blasphemy to
670
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:39,710
speak his name aloud punishable by whom
671
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:41,960
mister Derleth having unwittingly
672
00:43:39,710 --> 00:43:44,510
committed the fatal faux pas am I now to
673
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:46,490
expect a midnight visitation from some
674
00:43:44,510 --> 00:43:49,250
tentacle monstrosity from beyond the
675
00:43:46,490 --> 00:43:51,170
stars you sincerely hope not mr. Derleth
676
00:43:49,250 --> 00:43:55,520
my wife and I have just installed new
677
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:57,770
carpeting yes now as I was saying before
678
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,760
mr. Derleth with commendable solicitude
679
00:43:57,770 --> 00:44:02,930
chose to interrupt
680
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:05,540
we have great posture who I might point
681
00:44:02,930 --> 00:44:08,240
out as a half-brother to Cthulhu
682
00:44:05,540 --> 00:44:11,750
the next name on our prestigious list
683
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:13,820
norther the real a Cthulhu time I
684
00:44:11,750 --> 00:44:16,690
pronounce that name I'm tempted to say
685
00:44:13,820 --> 00:44:16,690
goes on tight
686
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:23,390
Cthulhu actually predates niala the tip
687
00:44:21,140 --> 00:44:26,060
and listen to have been worshipped in
688
00:44:23,390 --> 00:44:30,340
the primal brew by the first humans then
689
00:44:26,060 --> 00:44:30,340
there's dear old as a tough
690
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:39,010
God of all things new growth
691
00:44:39,990 --> 00:44:45,480
were wife to pastor oh sorry mr. Durrell
692
00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:47,700
if I said that name again
693
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:50,540
must remember to tell my wife to set
694
00:44:47,700 --> 00:44:54,690
places for two unexpected guests and
695
00:44:50,540 --> 00:44:58,760
finally last but not least you're sort
696
00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:58,760
of the lurker at the threshold
697
00:45:01,559 --> 00:45:06,490
seems to be a summer storm coming up and
698
00:45:04,269 --> 00:45:10,150
I trust you all brought your bumper
699
00:45:06,490 --> 00:45:12,819
shirts as well I guess that disposes of
700
00:45:10,150 --> 00:45:14,829
the gods means like an Albanian
701
00:45:12,819 --> 00:45:16,599
vaudeville program doesn't it ladies and
702
00:45:14,829 --> 00:45:19,029
gentlemen presenting for the first time
703
00:45:16,599 --> 00:45:22,289
on any stage anywhere shub-niggurath and
704
00:45:19,029 --> 00:45:22,289
her performing catalyst
705
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:36,210
yes mr. Lovecraft without whose esoteric
706
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,970
contributions no seminar would be
707
00:45:36,210 --> 00:45:43,310
complete you you have a question sir yes
708
00:45:38,970 --> 00:45:45,660
wasn't there a book a grand grimoire a
709
00:45:43,310 --> 00:45:47,310
testament indeed there was mr. Lovecraft
710
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:50,160
indeed there was and through a
711
00:45:47,310 --> 00:45:59,550
fortuitous circumstance I have in my
712
00:45:50,160 --> 00:46:01,380
possession a copy of it sparing no
713
00:45:59,550 --> 00:46:03,330
expense I bring to you direct from the
714
00:46:01,380 --> 00:46:05,520
library of the Miskatonic University a
715
00:46:03,330 --> 00:46:08,100
manuscript of that most infamous of all
716
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:10,310
cabbalistic treatises the Necronomicon
717
00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:13,080
by Abdul Alhazred
718
00:46:10,310 --> 00:46:15,930
translated from the Arabic into Greek by
719
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:18,930
Theodorus philetus 8950 from Greek to
720
00:46:15,930 --> 00:46:22,440
Latin by olya Swami's ad 1228 black
721
00:46:18,930 --> 00:46:23,910
letter Edition Germany circa 1400 what
722
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,280
we have here my dear students is the
723
00:46:23,910 --> 00:46:28,650
equivalent of a paperback edition but we
724
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:30,060
must be grateful for small favors since
725
00:46:28,650 --> 00:46:32,700
I'm given to understand that even this
726
00:46:30,060 --> 00:46:35,550
is a scarce item owing to the fact that
727
00:46:32,700 --> 00:46:37,860
unlike other volumes of demonology and
728
00:46:35,550 --> 00:46:40,650
necromancy it was rigidly suppressed
729
00:46:37,860 --> 00:46:43,350
down through the centuries which serves
730
00:46:40,650 --> 00:46:47,940
to prove that not all fools around
731
00:46:43,350 --> 00:46:50,640
buying essence this this overblown
732
00:46:47,940 --> 00:46:52,920
gibberish and I have read it all is as
733
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:55,130
corruptive ly harmful as the Farmers
734
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,130
Almanac
735
00:46:59,069 --> 00:47:05,430
I have selected a few representative
736
00:47:02,969 --> 00:47:07,440
passages to read aloud view the text
737
00:47:05,430 --> 00:47:09,089
itself more than any observations I
738
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:11,880
might offer should prove to you just how
739
00:47:09,089 --> 00:47:16,499
imbecilic lis laughable this this entire
740
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:17,759
religion is mr. Lovecraft till you are
741
00:47:16,499 --> 00:47:21,890
be starring yourself again
742
00:47:17,759 --> 00:47:24,509
may I anticipate your question isn't it
743
00:47:21,890 --> 00:47:27,089
yes it is mr. Lovecraft it is written
744
00:47:24,509 --> 00:47:32,999
and in terribly terribly bad penmanship
745
00:47:27,089 --> 00:47:35,400
I my dad all who behold this book will
746
00:47:32,999 --> 00:47:37,680
fall heir to ghastly consequences
747
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:39,959
whereupon I can only say mr. Lovecraft
748
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:41,640
they're having injudiciously partaken of
749
00:47:39,959 --> 00:47:43,619
the Blue Plate special this noon at the
750
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:45,529
campus cafeteria I can imagine no
751
00:47:43,619 --> 00:47:47,940
consequences more ghastly than the
752
00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:54,269
indigestion which is be deviling me at
753
00:47:47,940 --> 00:47:56,940
the moment by this is unseasonable
754
00:47:54,269 --> 00:47:59,219
weather we're having had I'm half
755
00:47:56,940 --> 00:48:01,140
tempted to suspend class so that we can
756
00:47:59,219 --> 00:48:03,509
all go out and it's no it's for the
757
00:48:01,140 --> 00:48:04,949
strawberry crop no no no no my night
758
00:48:03,509 --> 00:48:14,640
merely said half tempted
759
00:48:04,949 --> 00:48:16,799
Terios never is it to be thought that
760
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:18,809
man is either oldest or last of the
761
00:48:16,799 --> 00:48:22,529
masters of Earth know that the greater
762
00:48:18,809 --> 00:48:26,519
part of substances walks alone the old
763
00:48:22,529 --> 00:48:28,820
ones were the old ones are and the old
764
00:48:26,519 --> 00:48:32,780
ones shall be
765
00:48:28,820 --> 00:48:34,040
car and time of no dimension and to us
766
00:48:32,780 --> 00:48:37,280
uncie
767
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:39,290
they wore fowl in lonely places whether
768
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:41,210
words have been smoking and the Wrights
769
00:48:39,290 --> 00:48:43,520
howl through with their seasons which
770
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:48,410
are in the blood and differ from the
771
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:50,810
seasons of Matt the chipper with their
772
00:48:48,410 --> 00:48:52,880
voices the earth mutters with their
773
00:48:50,810 --> 00:48:56,240
consciousness they penned the forest
774
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:59,330
they raise up the waves they crush the
775
00:48:56,240 --> 00:49:01,880
cities it not forest or ocean or cities
776
00:48:59,330 --> 00:49:04,100
for hosts the hand that smites as a
777
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:21,010
founders shall they be known to the race
778
00:49:04,100 --> 00:49:21,010
of man soon they shall rule again
779
00:49:25,150 --> 00:49:28,229
[Music]
780
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:48,440
[Music]
781
00:49:56,970 --> 00:50:00,080
[Music]
782
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,939
[Music]
783
00:50:25,830 --> 00:50:33,239
[Music]
784
00:50:38,210 --> 00:50:43,430
and now if there are no further
785
00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:43,430
questions
786
00:50:47,400 --> 00:51:15,770
[Music]
787
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:15,770
[Applause]
788
00:51:16,090 --> 00:51:18,150
you
57045
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