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1
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,601
Hello, ladies.
2
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:13,639
This is all...
Kinda funny, really.
3
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,442
Actually,
this whole thing started
4
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,510
because of laughter,
you know?
5
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:22,247
Laughter--when the smile
has an orgasm.
6
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,750
And out of
100 of you women,
7
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:29,655
I can bring 99 of you
to this climax chuckle.
8
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,256
I can...
9
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:35,260
But I can't make
the one girl I love
10
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,396
smile like she
made me smile
11
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,132
on the worst day
of my already
12
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,401
terrible,
laughable life.
13
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:42,401
Which is quite a feat,
14
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:49,775
considering I've been
having horrible days
ever since I was a kid.
15
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:54,179
Aah!
16
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,834
Aah!
17
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,136
I'm sorry.
18
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,637
I'm sorry.
19
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,901
Aah!
Aah!
20
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,370
Your tongue is
caught my clit ring.
21
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,672
Oh, god! No!
Don't move!
22
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,208
Don't--don't--
don't move!
23
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:56,208
Aah!
Aah!
24
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,859
This drawing
is appalling.
25
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:18,830
You show absolutely
no understanding of
this woman or any woman.
26
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,201
In the future, the only
drawing you'll be doing...
27
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,636
Is drawing unemployment.
28
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,339
You have to listen to me.
We are over.
29
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,374
We are completely
and totally over.
30
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,243
The next time
you break up with me,
31
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,844
you want to do it before
i give you a ride home?
32
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,948
Achtung, baby.
We are over.
33
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:35,948
Hey, no!
34
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,483
You can't
do this to me now!
35
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,552
Please, Gretchen,
not now!
36
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,722
Today's already
the worst day of my life!
37
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:26,531
I believe you've
lost your smile.
38
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:32,271
You've lost your smile.
39
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,309
Sam, narrating:
Her name was hope.
40
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,314
She had this winning smile
41
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,284
that could take
olympic gold.
42
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,026
I've had a lot
of bad days in my life,
43
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:57,863
but today definitely
qualifies as the worst.
44
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,564
Things could be worse.
45
00:04:59,566 --> 00:04:59,564
At least Gretchen
broke up with you
46
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:03,635
before she made you
get your penis pierced.
47
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,337
You see?
48
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,471
You're funny "ha ha."
49
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,907
I'm just sort of
accidentally funny.
50
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:08,907
Accidentally funny?
Yeah.
51
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:13,645
You see, I'm always
doing weird stuff,
and I don't even know it.
52
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,713
It just happens.
53
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,316
Thus,
I'm accidentally funny.
54
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,652
Sam, nobody's
normal all the time.
Look at me.
55
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:25,424
I just noticed
I've had my shirt on
inside out all day.
56
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,774
Yeah, but you know,
57
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:47,079
I'm not even normal
some of the time.
58
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,647
You see?
Would you look at this?
59
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:48,647
Case in point, right?
60
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:52,584
I have a fake wallet
i keep in my pants pocket
in case I get mugged.
61
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,787
I keep my real money
crumpled up inside my sock.
62
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:56,888
This is odd.
63
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:56,888
Do you know anyone else
64
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,458
in the entire world
that does this?
65
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,960
Mm-hmm.
One other.
66
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:02,961
Who?
67
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:02,961
Me.
68
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,796
That's a really
good idea.
69
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:09,401
Great.
Now I'm contagious.
70
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,802
Sam...
71
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,605
What made you
enroll in art school?
72
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,141
I sort of determined
that all artists are weird,
73
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:16,141
so if I became one,
74
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,711
then I'd have an excuse
for my chronic strangeness.
75
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:24,416
You can see now why today
is my personal Waterloo.
76
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,485
In less than an hour,
I've not only found out
77
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:31,523
I have no talent,
no future, no girlfriend,
78
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:31,523
but now I also have
79
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:36,461
absolutely no excuses
for my eccentrocities.
80
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,497
What can I do
to cheer you up?
81
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:38,497
Nothing.
82
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,399
There's nothing
you can do.
83
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:40,399
Maybe I could, um,
84
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,969
start by cleaning
the snew off your shirt.
85
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,706
Snew? What's snew?
86
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:51,443
I don't know.
What's snew with you?
87
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,745
What did snow white
say to Pinocchio
88
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,781
when she was sitting
on his face?
89
00:06:55,783 --> 00:07:00,051
"Lie to me.
Lie to me."
90
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:05,190
Ok, so let's make like
a baby and head out.
91
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,095
Let's go.
92
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,665
You know what I think
we should do?
93
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,066
No.
94
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:21,206
Which one did you just say
was your ex-girlfriend's?
95
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,809
I think it was that one.
96
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:24,876
Gretchen:
You bastard!
97
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,480
I'm gonna come down there
and cut your balls off!
98
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,586
Sam: Now, laughter really
is when a smile orgasms.
99
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:34,586
Let me tell you,
100
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:38,623
hope an I had laughter
that was multiple,
101
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,758
simultaneous,
102
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,927
and wet.
103
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,995
My number's 555--
ok.
104
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,530
6344.
105
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,766
6344.
106
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,067
Ok, great.
Oh, and...
107
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,902
Don't forget this.
108
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:50,902
Yeah.
Your smile.
109
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:56,775
Yeah...And thank you
for giving it back to me.
110
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,244
Yeah.
111
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,204
That's my ride.
112
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,240
Ok.
113
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:31,943
Call me.
Yeah, I will.
114
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,761
Sam:
I had to find hope...
115
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,597
So I took a job
as a delivery guy.
116
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:52,597
Here's your order.
117
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:56,268
Hope probably would have
called me a cuisine courier.
118
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,803
Here's your, uh--
119
00:08:59,639 --> 00:08:59,638
it's lame, I know,
120
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:05,176
but at least the job
allowed me to search
for hope on every corner,
121
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:05,176
in every building,
122
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:10,582
on every run I made
throughout the city.
123
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,983
Aah!
124
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,985
Oh, my god,
I'm so sorry.
125
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:14,986
I'm going
to pull out.
126
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,056
I mean--i mean
back out.
127
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,870
Woman: Women, please
follow me this way.
128
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:35,040
The atlea whatley women's
residence and club
129
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,209
has been I existence
since 1923.
130
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:38,209
We have women from
all 50 states,
131
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:43,782
as well as
Puerto Rico and Guam
and 20 other countries.
132
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,585
We have 2 olympic-size
swimming pools,
133
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,287
as well as 4 tennis courts.
134
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:53,091
Raarrrggghh!
135
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,127
Raarrrggghh!
136
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,663
Excuse me.
137
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,967
Hi. Uh, do you know
where 6d is?
138
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,369
Raarrrggghh!
139
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,806
Thanks.
140
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,746
Delivery!
141
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,251
Oh, wow! Hope!
142
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,286
Hey.
143
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:21,286
Hello, Sam.
144
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,789
Oh, my god!
I have been looking
for you everywhere.
145
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:24,789
You have no idea.
146
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,993
I am so, so sorry
i never called you,
147
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,795
you know, because
you wrote your number
down on my palm,
148
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:31,930
and it was
pouring rain that night
149
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,032
and it just--
it washed off.
150
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,667
It's ok.
151
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:35,667
How are you?
152
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:40,372
You look like someone
dropped an acme safe
on your head.
153
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:40,372
I'm fine.
154
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:45,243
Yeah. Me, too.
I'm fine, too.
155
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,747
Well, this is awkward.
156
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:52,050
At times like this,
i think about dogs.
157
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,351
Dogs?
158
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,352
Yeah.
159
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:54,352
I like the way
they lick your face
160
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:58,223
and let you pet 'em
all over and stuff
when you first meet 'em.
161
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:58,223
It's just,
it would be nice
162
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:02,260
if women could
immediately let
you know you're liked
163
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,897
the way that a dog
lets you know.
164
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,834
Be a nice ice breaker.
165
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,102
Maybe.
166
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,704
Your chicken fajitas.
167
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:16,408
Oh, thanks.
You remembered
the extra salsa.
168
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:22,714
Um...
169
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,917
I think all
i have is a 50.
170
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:25,917
Yeah, that's ok.
171
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:29,988
Yeah, I think
i can break that.
172
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:36,327
You got me makin'
a habit out of this.
173
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,997
Are you sure
you're all right?
174
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:39,998
Yeah, never better.
175
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,866
'Cause you don't
look never better.
176
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,069
You're wrong,
I'm fine.
177
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,870
You know, I thought
i was wrong once,
178
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,307
but I was mistaken,
and I'm not wrong here.
179
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,975
Come on,
what's the matter?
180
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,011
Nothing that a nice,
high ledge with a view
181
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,714
couldn't take care of.
182
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,950
Good-bye, Sam.
183
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,769
Hey,
where's Holden?
184
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,405
Uh, he's in back.
185
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,808
I wanna bottle up
your sweat, baby.
186
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,910
Aw, you got such
a tight, tight ass.
187
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,748
What's that?
Squeeze it harder, huh?
188
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,516
Yeah.
189
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,052
What the hell
are you doin'?
190
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:38,056
Hey, man.
What's going on?
191
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:42,460
I was, uh, rearranging
my collection.
192
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:42,460
It was
totally inefficient.
193
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:46,397
I had double
penetration filed away
under double dildo.
194
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,967
I don't care about
your Smithsonian of smut.
195
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,335
Why was your hand
on your ass?
196
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:53,438
Uh, sometimes I gotta
get a little kinky to...
197
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:53,438
Jack up the old winkie.
198
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,208
See, here.
If I stare at
this centerfold here
199
00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:01,813
and concentrate
real hard while
grabbing my own butt,
200
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,817
it feels like
I'm feeling up
miss September's ass.
201
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:08,052
You know, uncle Bart
would be really pissed
202
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:11,422
if he came in here
and caught you
flicking the grinch.
203
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,957
Whoa.
204
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,425
I haven't seen you
this cranky since camp
205
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,295
when I gave you
that montezuma swirly.
206
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,531
Come on.
207
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,833
Spill your guts.
208
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:22,934
No, I can't.
209
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:22,934
Why?
210
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,570
Why can't you tell
me what's going on?
211
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,138
Holden, how can
i talk to you?
212
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,040
I mean, you're
one of those guys
who has a tray
213
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,341
that makes
boob-shaped jell-o.
214
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,043
You once bought one
of those man-girdles
215
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,245
with the underwear
to lift and separate
your butt.
216
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,816
You've got arthritis from
jerking off too many times.
217
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,019
I did not
get arthritis!
218
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,388
It's carpal
tunnel syndrome.
219
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,856
Hey, Holden!
220
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,392
These gelatin boobs
are fantastic!
221
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,494
Yeah, they're
sensitive, aren't they?
222
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:53,164
You're so tense.
What you need is a date
223
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,567
with my 2-dimensional
lady friend here.
224
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,937
She not only pulls out,
225
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,439
but she puts out.
226
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,874
What do you think, Sam?
227
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,610
Is the mass of the ass
directly proportional
228
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,579
to the beauty
of the cutie?
229
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:08,980
What?
230
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,181
See, that
is the spirit.
231
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,382
Man, when you're
down in the dumper,
232
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,018
you just gotta
laugh it off.
233
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,554
Hey, you know what?
234
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,123
That's actually
a good idea.
235
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:23,027
How many surrealists
does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
236
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,996
A fish.
237
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:24,996
Look at this article.
238
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:29,367
It explains how
feel-good endorphins
can make you smile.
239
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:34,572
Conversely, all right,
240
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:34,572
it says if you force
a smile on your face,
241
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:41,212
you can trick your body
into releasing these same
feel-good endorphins,
242
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,547
which then
make you happy.
243
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,583
Did you know
that if you change
the is in Mississippi
244
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,052
to os,
you get mossossoppo.
245
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,122
Come on, are those
endorphins pumping?
246
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,091
Come on.
That's great.
247
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,359
Look at that face.
248
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,261
Come on,
look at that--
249
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:56,261
stop, Sam.
250
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,664
I appreciate
the effort,
251
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,599
and your comedy act
252
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,668
is a great success.
253
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:07,305
It's your audience
that's a total failure.
254
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:13,177
I gotta get
some new material.
255
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,514
Whoa!
256
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,517
Aah!
257
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,628
Oh, my god.
258
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:30,628
I think I broke it.
259
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:36,267
I think busted it
is the more
appropriate phrase.
260
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,268
Does it hurt?
261
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,970
No, you didn't
pop my boob,
262
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,672
you just poked
a hole in my aqua-bra.
263
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,942
Hey, I'm flat-chested.
I mean, I'm Annie.
264
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,476
Hi, I'm Sam.
265
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,211
What's an aqua-bra?
266
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:47,211
Well, it's
a brassiere
267
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:51,316
that supplements
the figure with
water implants.
268
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,350
Hmm.
269
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,985
See?
270
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,455
No surprise.
271
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:01,592
God! Ok. Ok.
272
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:02,060
That's a--
that's a tickle.
273
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,530
I gotta remember to tell
my friend hope about this.
274
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,598
Oh, hope on
the top floor?
275
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,967
Yeah.
276
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,035
She doesn't think
anything's funny.
277
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,004
What gave her
such a mood dunk?
278
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,272
I mean, is she
always like this?
279
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,308
No, when I first met her,
she was pretty happy.
280
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,676
I'll catch
you later.
Ok.
281
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,612
One day hope came home
and something happened.
282
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,414
I haven't seen her
out of her room since,
283
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,016
but I work really weird
hours at the hospital,
284
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,052
so maybe some
of the other girls
have seen her around.
285
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,687
It was nice meeting you.
286
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,589
Yeah, you, too.
287
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,659
Do you know
hope in 6d?
288
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,562
My acting coach told me
not to talk to anyone
289
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,464
while I'm doing
my exercises.
290
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,034
Hey, excuse me, miss.
291
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,702
Do you know, uh...
292
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,171
What did he
instruct you to do,
293
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,009
act like
a coffee table?
294
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,510
No.
295
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:57,782
I'm the wind
blowing in the desert.
296
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,223
Hello? Delivery.
297
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,792
The door's open.
298
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,396
Wow. What a great
place you got here.
299
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,332
I just delivered
to that girl hope
up in 6d.
300
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,301
Man, her place
was a wreck.
301
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,569
Do you know her?
302
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:22,607
Hi, I'm Sam.
I'm your coffee
delivery guy.
303
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:26,644
I said, do you
know hope in 6d?
304
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,613
Hey, I'm speaking
to you, Tanya.
305
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,682
Can you hear me
say this?
306
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,485
You look like
a man-eating
Amazon Princess
307
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,788
donning her
war paint
in preparation
308
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,623
for battle in
the corporate
jungle.
309
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:42,160
Delivery boy, could you
bring me my Espresso?
310
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:47,131
Oh, I take it that's
an order from Tanya,
Amazon Princess.
311
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:47,131
Your majesty
commands me
312
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:51,502
to bow down
before her and
fetch her coffee.
313
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,639
Well, I refuse!
I won't be
your slave
314
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,574
no matter what
you throw at me.
315
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,545
I'm not turned on
by your executrix
power suit,
316
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:00,545
your war armor.
317
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:05,183
Your miniskirt
loincloth displays
a powerful weapon--
318
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:09,554
your thighs,
which make me
cower with lust.
319
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,458
And your brassiere
is like a protective
breastplate
320
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:18,396
you can tear away to
unsheathe your most
321
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,699
your hypnotic
breasts.
322
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:33,744
Here's your
coffee, Tanya.
323
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:46,457
Oh, and by the way,
I'm not the Amazon Princess.
324
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:50,328
I'm the Amazon queen.
325
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,170
What are all
these balloons for?
326
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,439
Some kid's
birthday party.
327
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:01,439
Ah.
328
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,841
So, how's
the probe going?
329
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:04,809
Probe?
330
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:04,809
Oh, the investigation.
331
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:09,614
It's terrible.
Some of these girls
can be really mean.
332
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,249
There's this
one girl, Tanya.
333
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,851
She treats me
like a total peon.
334
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:13,851
Pee on?
335
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:17,588
I didn't know
you were into
water sports.
336
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,291
No, not like that.
337
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:24,795
God, Holden, do you
ever think about
anything other than sex?
338
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:24,795
I say forget
about hope
339
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:29,200
and move on
to someone who's
more probe-able.
340
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,769
No, it's not gonna happen.
I'm not giving up on her.
341
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,506
Come on, man.
Wake up and
smell the pussy!
342
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,807
You are totally
in love with her.
343
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,610
You think that if
you find her smile
344
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,946
that she'll
end up falling
in love with you
345
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:41,946
like some
fairy tale.
346
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:46,350
But more likely,
she'll end up
screwin' you over,
347
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:50,321
and you'll
end up taking it
in the tail.
348
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,957
Ok, all right.
349
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,392
You know,
i do love her,
350
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,726
but I'm
also her friend.
351
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,461
Look, man,
something terrible
happened to her
352
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,897
in that building,
and I'm gonna
find out what that was.
353
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,667
And maybe I can
make things right again.
354
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:02,667
Hey, easy on
those balloons.
355
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:07,705
You don't
wanna disappoint
the birthday...Boy.
356
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,440
Wait a minute.
357
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:12,543
Today is
your birthday.
358
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,450
Now, that...
359
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,252
Is what I call
a blow job.
360
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:24,455
Here, Sam,
check this out.
361
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,258
Kaboom monthly?
362
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:31,529
Yup. The definitive guide
for popping a boner.
363
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:31,529
Mmm!
364
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,932
Hey! When you're done,
can I look at that?
365
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,601
No!
366
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,439
Hello? Delivery.
367
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:41,439
A delivery here.
368
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,942
Stop trying to find out
what happened to hope!
369
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:44,942
Hey! Who are you?
370
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,546
Come back here!
I need to speak
to you! Please!
371
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,514
Oh, no.
Where did you go?
372
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,483
Please tell me,
why don't you
want me
373
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,819
to find out what's
wrong with hope?
374
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,622
Where are you?
375
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:01,659
Not so fast.
376
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:07,798
You know, they say
the toenails are
the teeth of the foot.
377
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:07,932
If that's true,
I'd say
378
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:11,369
you got a pretty nice
set of fangs here.
379
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,970
Think you're funny?
380
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,706
Pretty cheeseball
if you ask me.
381
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,009
Well, the same thing
could be said
382
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:20,578
about your
record-setting toe jam.
383
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:22,446
Hey, you're
that delivery boy
384
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,983
for that place Bart's
on the other side of
the park, aren't you?
385
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,986
Why, thank you,
captain obvious.
386
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,022
That's not my name.
387
00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:34,592
It's willens, and
i manage this place.
388
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,727
And I don't like you
snooping around.
389
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,863
If I see you
around here again,
390
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,698
I'm gonna make sure
i call the--
391
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,467
hey. You almost
hit me with that.
392
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:47,605
How'd you like it
if I loaded one up.
393
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,008
Go ahead,
394
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,744
make my day.
395
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,346
You gotta be joking.
396
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:59,650
Hey, I was just clearing
my nasal passages.
397
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:02,420
You were the one
making a thing of it.
398
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,921
All right. All right.
399
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,857
Now, don't go
doing anything rash.
400
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:12,096
Take your fingers
off the nostril.
401
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:15,566
You first.
402
00:22:15,568 --> 00:22:18,636
Same time.
403
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:08,018
Aah!
404
00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:13,557
Eat it, willens.
405
00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:16,727
Go ahead.
406
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:19,497
Pull the trigger.
407
00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:21,031
Pull on this.
408
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:23,901
Get lost, hoss.
409
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,072
At this point the only thing
I'd figured out
410
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:30,608
is why a detective
is sometimes called a dick.
411
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:34,111
'Cause that's exactly
what I'd found out.
412
00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:38,716
As a sleuth investigating
the mystery of hope,
413
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:41,452
I had to
find a new strategy.
414
00:23:41,454 --> 00:23:44,488
Man: Hey, Sam!
Your rent is due!
415
00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:52,963
Hey, hope!
Look at this!
416
00:23:56,169 --> 00:23:58,569
Hope!
417
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:01,138
Hey, hope,
come to the window!
418
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:01,138
Look at this!
419
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:23,661
Hey, come on, hope!
Look at this,
this is funny!
420
00:24:34,841 --> 00:24:36,173
Hi. Hey.
421
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,476
Ok, look, I have
to ask you something,
422
00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:41,045
and you have to
promise not to laugh.
423
00:24:41,047 --> 00:24:43,747
Promise.
424
00:24:43,749 --> 00:24:45,583
Ever since I met you,
i always wanted
425
00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:49,253
to take you to dinner
and the movies.
426
00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:52,957
Ok.
427
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,525
Just this once.
428
00:24:54,527 --> 00:24:55,960
Yeah.
429
00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:57,528
Give me
a sec, ok?
430
00:24:57,530 --> 00:24:59,897
Yeah, sure.
431
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:07,905
So, do you think
that hope is cute?
432
00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:10,674
Uh, yeah,
she is such a fox.
433
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:11,809
I think so, too.
434
00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:13,577
Get your hands
off of her.
435
00:25:13,579 --> 00:25:14,845
Shh. Shut up.
436
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,680
Come on in.
437
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,182
Thank you.
438
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:20,918
Oh, wow. I love what
you've done to the place.
439
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:27,224
It's got a real sort of
post-modern miss haversham
look to it.
440
00:25:27,226 --> 00:25:30,027
Yeah,
don't mind the mess.
441
00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:31,695
It's ok.
442
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:34,798
Here you go.
443
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,168
So, i--i hear
you used to be a model?
444
00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:40,037
If we're gonna
talk about me,
445
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,539
you're gonna
have to leave.
446
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,240
Ha ha ha ha.
447
00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:43,240
Sorry.
448
00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:46,810
It's just, uh,
the other day
when you found me,
449
00:25:46,812 --> 00:25:50,314
you know, I sort of feel
like you, uh...
450
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:53,717
Like, you saved me,
and, um...
451
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:56,287
I--i just, I wanted
to say thank you.
452
00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:59,623
I was gonna make some
coffee. Do you want any?
453
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,725
Yeah, sure.
454
00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:06,764
So, you know, like I said,
the other day, when I saw you...
455
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:09,133
Um, you know what,
actually?
456
00:26:09,135 --> 00:26:12,136
You don't owe me
anything, you know,
it's...
457
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:14,605
I know I don't
owe you anything.
458
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:14,605
Yeah, well...
459
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:18,242
I'm just trying
to be your friend.
460
00:26:19,010 --> 00:26:21,879
Do you want any,
um, cream or sugar?
461
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:26,083
Uh, I'll--
I'll get some sugar.
462
00:26:26,284 --> 00:26:29,019
I mean, I'm just trying
to be your friend.
463
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:33,090
That's what friends do, right?
They help each other out.
464
00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:38,829
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna ask you
to leave, actually.
465
00:26:38,831 --> 00:26:38,829
What?
466
00:26:38,831 --> 00:26:41,065
Yeah, I shouldn't
have done this, and...
467
00:26:41,067 --> 00:26:43,734
I just said I was
trying to be your friend.
468
00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:45,769
I'm gonna give you
money for the meal.
469
00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:47,037
No, no.
The meal's on me.
470
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,373
Yes, Sam, please,
will you just go?
No, no, no!
471
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:49,373
Will you
take the money?
472
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:49,373
No, I'm not gonna
take money for the meal, no.
473
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:53,644
No, forget it.
I'm not gonna take--no!
474
00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:54,878
No, the meal--no!
Please!
475
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:54,878
No, the meal's on me.
476
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,315
Please, will you
at least go Dutch
with me?
477
00:26:58,317 --> 00:26:59,917
Ok.
478
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:03,721
Don't have to be
so difficult.
479
00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,070
Aah! Aah!
480
00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,306
It's me, Sam.
It's Annie.
481
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:24,842
I just couldn't hear
over the washing
machines.
482
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:26,076
I forgot I had
that thing on.
483
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:26,076
It's a facial
massager.
484
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:28,979
It's supposed
to tighten the
muscles in my face
485
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:30,314
so that
i look thinner.
486
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:32,082
Of course it is.
487
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:35,185
I think this piece
goes there,
488
00:27:35,187 --> 00:27:39,123
and this piece
goes here.
489
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:41,792
You're still missing
some pieces.
490
00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:41,792
Mm-hmm.
491
00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:45,095
Why don't you draw in
the missing parts?
492
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:47,698
You went to the art
institute, right?
493
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,366
Oh, I never finished.
494
00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:51,101
I was so bad, they made me
turn in my beret.
495
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:53,771
The royal academy
of velvet painters
won't accept me.
496
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:57,908
Can't even get my work shown
in the contemporary museum
of stick figure art.
497
00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:57,908
Oh, who cares?
498
00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:59,710
The curators
of that museum
499
00:27:59,712 --> 00:27:59,710
have sticks
up their butt,
500
00:27:59,712 --> 00:28:01,979
and velvet
painting died
with Elvis,
501
00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:05,215
and berets,
they're not
even real hats.
502
00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:06,750
You know, I've always
thought that.
503
00:28:06,752 --> 00:28:08,085
I mean, it's got no brim,
504
00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:09,319
doesn't cover your ears.
505
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:09,319
Nope.
506
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:12,056
It's not a hat,
it's a goddamned cap,
507
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:14,725
that's what it is.
508
00:28:15,994 --> 00:28:18,696
Why do you have
a pen attached
to your hip?
509
00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:22,266
Because I am the fastest
draw in the west.
510
00:28:22,268 --> 00:28:23,867
Really?
511
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:26,270
I had a bit of a mishap
at my prom.
512
00:28:26,272 --> 00:28:28,872
I don't put pens
in my pockets anymore.
513
00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:28,872
It's a bit of a long story.
514
00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:34,078
You ever think about
how far an artist's
hand has travelled?
515
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:34,078
Look at yourself
sketching.
516
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,281
Your fingers are
in constant motion.
517
00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:37,281
Every time
you shade,
518
00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:40,217
the pen moves
a couple inches
a second.
519
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:40,217
That's gotta add up.
520
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:44,288
This hand has travelled
long distances,
521
00:28:44,290 --> 00:28:46,423
especially in the shower.
522
00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:50,160
Seriously...
523
00:28:50,162 --> 00:28:51,795
Do you know what
my favorite part
524
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:51,795
of being
an artist is?
525
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:57,167
It's the most
honest profession
in the world.
526
00:28:57,169 --> 00:28:57,167
How's that?
527
00:28:57,169 --> 00:29:01,772
You can pretty much
fake being good
528
00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:02,906
at any
other profession,
529
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:02,906
but as an artist,
530
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:07,811
either
your drawing is good
or it's bad.
531
00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:11,281
An artist just has
to lay everything
on the line.
532
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,951
Yeah, literally.
533
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:16,754
Hey, wait a second.
534
00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:19,223
I've seen this
somewhere before.
535
00:29:19,225 --> 00:29:20,958
Gretchen: Here's the album
you wanted to borrow.
536
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,526
It took me a really
long time to find it.
537
00:29:22,528 --> 00:29:24,528
I never listen
to them anymore.
538
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:24,528
Welcome.
539
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:27,364
"How to see
your ex-girlfriend
540
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:28,866
and live
to tell about it."
541
00:29:28,868 --> 00:29:32,302
That is the subject
of today's class.
542
00:29:32,304 --> 00:29:34,204
Sam, you didn't have
to concoct some story
543
00:29:34,206 --> 00:29:36,373
about wanting to borrow
some music from me
544
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,442
just to have an excuse
to see me.
545
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:40,277
First, the guy
must act nice
546
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,547
to prove that he can handle
the break up maturely.
547
00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:46,383
No, I really wanted
to borrow the album...
548
00:29:46,385 --> 00:29:46,383
But it is great to see you.
549
00:29:46,385 --> 00:29:50,320
Hey, you finally got
your forehead pierced.
Looks good.
550
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:53,957
Being nice only makes
the ex think he wants
to get back together,
551
00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:57,528
so, she, with undisguised
pleasure, reminds him
552
00:29:57,530 --> 00:30:00,964
that she is the dumper
and he is the dumpee. Pbbt.
553
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,533
I am flattered
you called,
554
00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:02,533
but I broke up
with you, remember?
555
00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:07,070
This doesn't mean
that I want to hook
up with you again.
556
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:09,406
This unwarranted rejection
557
00:30:09,408 --> 00:30:12,843
hurts like a kick
to the shins.
558
00:30:12,845 --> 00:30:15,245
Really, Sam...
559
00:30:15,247 --> 00:30:18,115
Aah!
560
00:30:21,252 --> 00:30:25,122
The second punishment
sneaks up on you like a snake!
561
00:30:25,124 --> 00:30:26,523
Sss!
562
00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:30,260
No! Go!
563
00:30:30,262 --> 00:30:32,262
I'm hot. I'm thirsty.
564
00:30:32,264 --> 00:30:33,864
I'm hot. I'm thirsty.
565
00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:35,866
Hey, whatever happened
to those size 14 guys?
566
00:30:35,868 --> 00:30:38,902
They cut one album,
then disappeared.
567
00:30:38,904 --> 00:30:42,940
The evil she-dumper
tortures the poor dumpee
568
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:46,143
with flirtations
he tries to avoid.
569
00:30:46,145 --> 00:30:48,879
Did your tongue
finally heal up, Sam?
570
00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:50,314
Uh, yeah,
it's never better.
571
00:30:50,316 --> 00:30:53,350
Really? It was
pretty good before.
572
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,322
Holden: The she-dumper
is a big prick tease.
573
00:30:58,324 --> 00:31:02,092
Does the scar tickle the
roof of your mouth, Sam?
574
00:31:02,094 --> 00:31:04,161
Yeah, it does.
You should feel it.
575
00:31:04,163 --> 00:31:06,563
When the dumped chump
flirts back,
576
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:08,165
she stops flirting...
577
00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:10,934
Sam, I told you,
we are definitely over!
578
00:31:10,936 --> 00:31:15,472
Giving him a bad case
of blue balls.
579
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:16,506
I think I should
be a lawyer,
580
00:31:16,508 --> 00:31:18,242
but then again,
i want to be a vet.
581
00:31:18,244 --> 00:31:22,045
The final torment
is the worst.
582
00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:22,980
What are
we talking about?
583
00:31:22,982 --> 00:31:24,314
I can't do
any of those things.
584
00:31:24,316 --> 00:31:25,182
I suck.
585
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:25,182
No, you're really smart.
586
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:27,384
You can do anything
you set your mind to.
587
00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:28,986
By the way,
where am I taking you?
588
00:31:28,988 --> 00:31:28,986
We're going
to meet Carl.
589
00:31:28,988 --> 00:31:31,188
I want you
to be nice to him.
590
00:31:31,190 --> 00:31:33,657
He's
my new boyfriend.
591
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,130
It's a ball-buster.
592
00:31:40,132 --> 00:31:43,333
Sam, this is Carl.
593
00:31:43,335 --> 00:31:44,902
Hi.
594
00:31:44,904 --> 00:31:45,469
Hi.
595
00:31:45,471 --> 00:31:46,904
Sam: This album cover,
596
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:46,904
how did ripping it up
597
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:50,207
connect to what was
ripping up hope's heart?
598
00:31:50,209 --> 00:31:52,276
I played this album
until my ears bled.
599
00:31:52,278 --> 00:31:55,479
I hope the lyrics might
provide some insight to me
600
00:31:55,481 --> 00:31:58,615
or to anyone else
who'll listen to it.
601
00:32:02,421 --> 00:32:05,389
Man: Turn down
that music!
602
00:32:05,391 --> 00:32:07,057
Please, listen!
603
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:07,057
Aah! Aah!
604
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,160
Hey, thanks for listening.
605
00:32:10,162 --> 00:32:11,995
By the way,
what are you today?
606
00:32:11,997 --> 00:32:16,667
The Vietnam war
memorial.
607
00:32:17,335 --> 00:32:19,569
Do you like music?
608
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:19,569
Hey, whatcha doin'
back there?
609
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:25,709
Gettin' ready to battle
in the corporate jungle?
610
00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:29,713
Is that your war paint?
611
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:34,484
God, why do I even
try with her?
612
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,490
Do you mind
if I call China?
613
00:32:40,492 --> 00:32:46,129
Hey, why do you have
your pager number
on speed dial?
614
00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:49,266
Oh, my god.
615
00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:51,268
What are you doing?
616
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:51,268
Uh, nothing. I mean...
617
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:55,172
You know, I was just
trying to make conversation.
618
00:32:55,174 --> 00:32:57,207
How come you won't
give me the time of day?
619
00:32:57,209 --> 00:32:59,276
Just give me
my coffee.
620
00:32:59,278 --> 00:33:02,245
No, not until
you give me some answers.
621
00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:03,313
Give it to me.
622
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,716
No. Give me
some straight answers
623
00:33:05,718 --> 00:33:07,050
or the Espresso gets it.
624
00:33:07,052 --> 00:33:09,052
Look, I got a lot
on my mind today,
625
00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:09,052
and I don't
have time
626
00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:11,555
to be dealing with
somebody like you.
627
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:11,555
Someone like me?
628
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:14,491
What are you saying?
I'm a lowly delivery guy?
629
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:14,491
I don't get it, you know?
630
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:17,260
You women have always
been treated like crap
631
00:33:17,262 --> 00:33:18,428
by your boy's club bosses,
632
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:18,428
and now that you career girls
633
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:18,428
have finally clawed
your way to the top,
634
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:22,599
why do you treat people
below you the same way, huh?
635
00:33:22,601 --> 00:33:24,701
Maybe I wouldn't
have to act like
such a bitch on wheels
636
00:33:24,703 --> 00:33:27,704
if you guys weren't
so angry that I made
more money than you.
637
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:27,704
Now, give it to me!
638
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:31,475
Pretty cranky in the morning
without your caffeine fix, huh?
639
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:34,578
You know what makes
me angry with women
sometimes?
640
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:34,578
I am a gentleman.
641
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:34,578
I always open doors
for women,
642
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:39,016
but when a woman
is in front of me
at an entrance,
643
00:33:39,018 --> 00:33:39,016
9 times out of 10,
644
00:33:39,018 --> 00:33:41,318
she doesn't hold
the door open for me.
645
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:42,619
You want men
to treat you as equals,
646
00:33:42,621 --> 00:33:45,055
but you won't give
equal treatment to men.
647
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,256
What do you want?
648
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:46,256
Respect.
649
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:48,392
A "hello,"
a "how are you?" With feeling
650
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:48,392
would be great for starters.
651
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:52,796
Ok, how about "a good-bye"
and "to hell with you"?
652
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,732
Aah! Aah! Aah!
653
00:33:55,734 --> 00:33:58,735
Aah! Aah! Aah!
654
00:34:01,672 --> 00:34:03,340
Stay.
655
00:34:11,349 --> 00:34:12,783
Willens: 5 bucks an hour.
656
00:34:12,785 --> 00:34:16,119
Plumber can blow me.
657
00:34:28,266 --> 00:34:32,436
Stop trying to find out
what happened to hope.
658
00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:06,236
Sam:
See, all I have to do
is find the girl
659
00:35:06,238 --> 00:35:08,538
who has this scar
on her behind--
660
00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:09,372
and boom!
661
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:09,372
You can
crack the case.
662
00:35:23,689 --> 00:35:23,687
What are you doing?!
663
00:35:37,668 --> 00:35:37,667
Ohh.
664
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:41,838
Woman: I hope that water's
not too cold!
665
00:35:43,441 --> 00:35:47,811
Rose petal,
rose petal,
beauty.
666
00:35:48,279 --> 00:35:50,313
Today,
I'm my vagina.
667
00:35:54,419 --> 00:35:56,319
To really complete
that assignment,
668
00:35:56,321 --> 00:36:00,390
you should add
an orgasm to it.
669
00:36:00,392 --> 00:36:02,325
Ohh, yeah!
670
00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:10,433
Ohh...
671
00:36:10,435 --> 00:36:12,569
Ahh...
672
00:36:12,571 --> 00:36:13,603
Uhh!
673
00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:14,671
Harder!
674
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,306
Uhh!
675
00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:18,775
Deeper!
676
00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:21,945
Ohh,
yes! Yes!
677
00:36:21,947 --> 00:36:21,945
Do you know that phrase
678
00:36:21,947 --> 00:36:25,215
"behind every great man,
there's a great woman"?
679
00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:28,318
I'm sort of afraid that
I'll never be a great man
680
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,587
because I can't
get my great woman.
681
00:36:30,589 --> 00:36:31,888
I prefer
the corollary:
682
00:36:31,890 --> 00:36:36,326
"Behind
every great woman,
there's a great man."
683
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:36,326
Look, I'm serious,
here, man.
684
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:40,363
I mean, is it impossible
to become a great man
685
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,399
without a great woman?
686
00:36:42,401 --> 00:36:43,767
Oh, what is this?
687
00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:44,901
W-we don't stock these!
688
00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:46,203
Oh, I ordered
those for me!
689
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:47,904
Older & bolder
magazine?!
690
00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,473
Grannies and fannies illustrated?!
691
00:36:50,475 --> 00:36:52,342
Wide load review?!
692
00:36:52,344 --> 00:36:54,644
Stump monthly?!
693
00:36:54,646 --> 00:36:55,779
Shut up!
694
00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:55,779
I'm tired of you
acting like
695
00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:59,783
you're from
the buckle
of the Bible belt.
696
00:36:59,785 --> 00:37:02,385
At least I have faced
the awful truth.
697
00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:04,788
What awful truth?
698
00:37:04,790 --> 00:37:07,524
I am gross.
699
00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:08,692
All men are,
700
00:37:08,694 --> 00:37:11,895
and every day, we face
the endless nightmare
701
00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:14,931
that love handle
by love handle,
702
00:37:14,933 --> 00:37:16,733
nose hair by nose hair,
703
00:37:16,735 --> 00:37:19,469
we are becoming
more grotesque versions
704
00:37:19,471 --> 00:37:20,971
of the cute boys
we once were.
705
00:37:20,973 --> 00:37:25,008
It is impossible to
stop the hordes of time
706
00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:26,643
from destroying
our muscle tone
707
00:37:26,645 --> 00:37:34,784
and leave us
with these defeated,
saggy male boobies!
708
00:37:36,821 --> 00:37:38,622
But I am at peace.
709
00:37:38,624 --> 00:37:41,424
I have come to grips
with the horror
710
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:42,993
that has become me.
711
00:37:42,995 --> 00:37:46,563
So how does
moist & midget magazine
712
00:37:46,565 --> 00:37:46,563
improve your image?
713
00:37:46,565 --> 00:37:50,567
Because men are gross
on the inside, too.
714
00:37:50,569 --> 00:37:52,435
That's why
these magazines sell.
715
00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:55,538
A woman's pussy mound
is a slippery slope.
716
00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:57,874
Sex is a narcotic,
and you, my friend,
717
00:37:57,876 --> 00:37:59,876
are addicted
just like me,
718
00:37:59,878 --> 00:38:02,879
only you're at the
smoking marijuana stage.
719
00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:04,681
I'm at
the heroin stage.
720
00:38:04,683 --> 00:38:07,584
Yeah, more like
the speedballing stage.
721
00:38:07,586 --> 00:38:08,718
Good one.
722
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:08,718
Now my point is
723
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:13,523
an addict needs a bigger
and bigger fix each time
724
00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:13,523
just to get
the same high.
725
00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:16,893
That's why they move on
to the hard stuff.
726
00:38:16,895 --> 00:38:18,995
Uh, now sex is
the same way.
727
00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:20,964
You gotta get somethin'
kinkier and kinkier
728
00:38:20,966 --> 00:38:22,499
just to get the same
thrill in your drill.
729
00:38:22,501 --> 00:38:26,503
Ok, so, hence
America's hairiest magazine?
730
00:38:26,505 --> 00:38:29,539
Now, I don't know
if America's hairiest
731
00:38:29,541 --> 00:38:31,574
is gonna
get me donkey dick,
732
00:38:31,576 --> 00:38:33,677
but I'm a stoner
for a boner,
733
00:38:33,679 --> 00:38:35,645
and these magazines
are somebody's fix.
734
00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:38,014
They might get
my pecker high,
they might not.
735
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:39,049
You are so far off,
736
00:38:39,051 --> 00:38:40,350
you're not even wrong.
737
00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:42,018
It is so much better
with a woman, man.
738
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:42,018
Don't fool yourself.
739
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:46,389
The straight screw
is the methadone of sex.
740
00:38:46,391 --> 00:38:48,825
It'll keep you from
the hard stuff
for a while,
741
00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:50,527
but sooner or later,
742
00:38:50,529 --> 00:38:53,363
you will roll off
your old lady
743
00:38:53,365 --> 00:38:57,600
just like an addict
falls off the wagon.
744
00:38:57,602 --> 00:38:59,035
Accept it, Sam.
745
00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:00,503
You and I are alike.
746
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:05,108
Your weirdness
is one step away
from my grossness,
747
00:39:05,110 --> 00:39:07,644
and, look,
you enrolled
in art school
748
00:39:07,646 --> 00:39:07,644
so you could see
naked women.
749
00:39:07,646 --> 00:39:12,449
That is no different
than me looking
at dirty pictures.
750
00:39:12,451 --> 00:39:13,683
It's completely
different.
751
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:17,520
One is art,
the other is pornography.
752
00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:21,391
Yes, but once you start
down that dark path,
753
00:39:21,393 --> 00:39:24,794
forever will it
dominatrix your destiny!
754
00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:26,563
Join me!
755
00:39:26,565 --> 00:39:28,665
Whoosh!
756
00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:30,433
I'll never join you!
757
00:39:30,435 --> 00:39:31,401
Whoosh!
758
00:39:31,403 --> 00:39:33,636
It's in your blood, Sam.
759
00:39:33,638 --> 00:39:35,772
I am your cousin.
760
00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:37,607
No!
761
00:39:43,013 --> 00:39:45,081
Now, Holden and i
did have some of the same DNA,
762
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:48,551
and this meant that I could
have the same genetic
inclination as him
763
00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:51,588
towards becoming
the grand pooh-bah
of perversion.
764
00:39:51,590 --> 00:39:53,556
It had me spooked.
765
00:39:56,093 --> 00:39:58,395
All: Trick or treat!
766
00:39:58,397 --> 00:40:00,430
I should have guessed.
767
00:40:00,432 --> 00:40:03,767
Who are you supposed
to be?
768
00:40:05,136 --> 00:40:07,170
I'm popeye.
769
00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:11,408
And what am I supposed
to be?
770
00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:15,445
You, my dear,
are a freudian slip.
771
00:40:15,447 --> 00:40:17,147
You know what
i can't stand?
Mm-mmm.
772
00:40:17,149 --> 00:40:19,783
People who aren't
who they say they are,
773
00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:22,152
like, take for instance,
774
00:40:22,154 --> 00:40:23,987
wise old
mahatma Gandhi.
775
00:40:23,989 --> 00:40:26,055
Did you know
that in a speech
776
00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:27,857
advocating
non-violent protest,
777
00:40:27,859 --> 00:40:30,560
he once said
that Mussolini
wasn't a bad man?
778
00:40:30,562 --> 00:40:31,828
You know, I had
the same feeling
779
00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:33,863
when I saw a comic book
about the pope.
780
00:40:33,865 --> 00:40:37,133
I mean, what does the pope
need a comic book for?
781
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:37,133
Yeah, and who
are the idiots
782
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:40,770
that want to read
a comic book
on the pope?
783
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:40,770
Yeah, exactly, like,
784
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:43,840
what do I want,
Batman or the pope?
785
00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:46,643
Like, the popemobile
is as cool as the Batmobile.
786
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:46,643
Come on.
787
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:46,643
I'm gonna get
some more candy.
788
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:51,581
Ok. I mean,
don't get me wrong
or anything.
789
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:52,749
I'm not
a Bible-basher.
790
00:40:52,751 --> 00:40:55,051
I'm an equal-opportunity
curmudgeon,
791
00:40:55,053 --> 00:40:56,019
and I also
hate the jerks
792
00:40:56,021 --> 00:40:57,887
on the other end
of the spectrum.
793
00:40:57,889 --> 00:40:59,489
You know the ones.
794
00:40:59,491 --> 00:41:01,791
Got those
old beat-up cars
795
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,193
with the bumper sticker
on the bottom there
796
00:41:03,195 --> 00:41:03,193
that says, like,
you know,
797
00:41:03,195 --> 00:41:07,597
"don't laugh.
Your daughter might be
in the trunk."
798
00:41:07,599 --> 00:41:09,766
His name is
Richard Blaine.
799
00:41:09,768 --> 00:41:11,034
I think he's
the peckerhead
800
00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,168
who broke
hope's heart.
801
00:41:12,170 --> 00:41:14,871
Yeah. This party is
the perfect place
802
00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:15,805
for us to get
the girls
803
00:41:15,807 --> 00:41:17,874
to give us
the skinny on him.
804
00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:20,477
Gotcha. Let's probe.
805
00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:21,778
Ahh!
806
00:41:21,780 --> 00:41:23,112
You know, my friend
Richard Blaine
807
00:41:23,114 --> 00:41:27,550
used to do an acting
exercise exactly like that.
808
00:41:27,552 --> 00:41:29,586
This isn't
an exercise.
809
00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:33,056
This is
how I dance.
810
00:41:33,058 --> 00:41:34,757
Ooh, ooh, ahh!
811
00:41:34,759 --> 00:41:39,229
So, uh, do you
know a guy named
Richard Blaine?
812
00:41:39,231 --> 00:41:42,098
Carl!
813
00:41:44,535 --> 00:41:47,670
Has anyone ever told you
you got a rack
814
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:49,172
that should be bronzed?
815
00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,007
Beat it.
816
00:41:52,543 --> 00:41:54,544
Yeah, my friend
Richard Blaine
817
00:41:54,546 --> 00:41:56,679
loves puzzles
like this.
818
00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:58,548
Do you know him?
819
00:41:58,550 --> 00:42:02,752
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
820
00:42:04,889 --> 00:42:06,089
Did you get it done?
821
00:42:06,091 --> 00:42:08,024
Yeah.
822
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:10,159
Ooh!
823
00:42:12,730 --> 00:42:14,230
Hey, hey, wait!
824
00:42:14,232 --> 00:42:17,066
How do you get
out of this thing?!
825
00:42:24,008 --> 00:42:27,243
What you doin',
finger fuckin'?
826
00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:31,614
No.
It's a Chinese
finger puzzle.
827
00:42:31,616 --> 00:42:33,683
See, the harder
i pull,
828
00:42:33,685 --> 00:42:37,320
the more stuck
i become.
829
00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:38,821
Yeah, that happened
to me once,
830
00:42:38,823 --> 00:42:40,123
except it wasn't
in a puzzle.
831
00:42:40,125 --> 00:42:42,058
It was in an Asian chick.
832
00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:43,726
What was her name?
833
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:46,896
Chewme wang. Ohh.
834
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:50,166
You know, this thing
has got me thinkin'.
835
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:53,770
Hope is a lot
like this puzzle.
836
00:42:53,772 --> 00:42:55,138
The harder I try,
837
00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:59,208
the further
i get away
from solving it.
838
00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,087
If you want to find out
what happened to hope,
839
00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,822
do exactly as I say
840
00:43:12,824 --> 00:43:16,326
and keep
absolutely quiet.
841
00:43:18,228 --> 00:43:20,630
Now wait here.
842
00:43:20,632 --> 00:43:22,999
If you want to have
843
00:43:23,001 --> 00:43:25,969
the greatest sex
of your life,
844
00:43:25,971 --> 00:43:28,938
do exactly as I say.
845
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,041
Ooh...Kinky.
846
00:43:32,043 --> 00:43:33,876
You know
what gets me hot?
847
00:43:33,878 --> 00:43:37,280
Doing it
in complete silence.
848
00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:38,881
Shh.
849
00:43:53,664 --> 00:43:56,265
What are you doing?
850
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:00,103
Sam?
851
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:00,103
Holden?
852
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:02,205
I told you to stop
trying to find out
853
00:44:02,207 --> 00:44:03,640
what happened
to hope,
854
00:44:03,642 --> 00:44:06,275
but you wouldn't
listen.
855
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:09,746
You know that
Chinese finger puzzle?
856
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:09,746
Yeah.
857
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:12,315
It doesn't just
work on fingers.
858
00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:13,716
Aah!
Aah!
859
00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,084
Aah!
Aah!
860
00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:17,954
Aah!
Aah!
861
00:44:17,956 --> 00:44:20,356
Oh, god! Holden,
lower your puppy!
862
00:44:20,358 --> 00:44:21,758
Lower your puppy!
863
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:26,362
Hey, it's the wise guy.
864
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:29,332
Aah! Ooh! Aah!
865
00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:34,837
This way.
Come on, this way!
866
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:37,240
This way--whoa!
867
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:39,776
Aah!
Aah!
868
00:44:41,111 --> 00:44:43,713
Ohh!
Ohh!
869
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,964
Aah!
Ohh!
870
00:45:07,271 --> 00:45:08,938
Now, cough.
871
00:45:14,278 --> 00:45:17,113
Sam: Oh, man,
my heart's beatin' so fast,
872
00:45:17,115 --> 00:45:18,848
I can't reduce
the blood flow, you know?
873
00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:21,818
You guys have been
in that bathroom
a long time.
874
00:45:21,820 --> 00:45:23,019
What's the holdup?
875
00:45:23,822 --> 00:45:25,154
How you doin', Holden?
876
00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:26,122
No luck.
877
00:45:26,124 --> 00:45:26,122
Man, I need
inspiration.
878
00:45:26,124 --> 00:45:31,894
I need impotence-
inspiring imagery.
879
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,362
Yeah.
Aha.
880
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:35,364
What is this?
881
00:45:35,366 --> 00:45:36,499
Check out
this fat chick.
882
00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,901
Now, she is
a real bahama mama.
883
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,872
She is fatty, fatty,
fat-fat.
884
00:45:42,874 --> 00:45:44,774
Ohh, I think
it's workin'.
885
00:45:44,776 --> 00:45:45,374
Sam: Is it?
886
00:45:45,376 --> 00:45:49,779
Yes, it...Is!
Really?
887
00:45:49,781 --> 00:45:51,380
Ohh...
Ohh...
888
00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:52,849
Nothin' like
somethin' saggy
889
00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,951
to make you go
soggy.
890
00:45:54,953 --> 00:45:57,487
Here,
try it, Sam.
891
00:46:09,466 --> 00:46:12,401
It's you,
isn't it?
892
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,778
Hey, what do you say
i take you out
893
00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:22,945
for a cup of coffee?
894
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,881
No, I can't.
895
00:46:24,883 --> 00:46:27,917
My mascara's all smeared.
896
00:46:28,352 --> 00:46:31,454
Ohh, and I smeared
my eyebrow tint.
897
00:46:32,991 --> 00:46:34,223
It's ok. It's ok.
898
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:34,223
You can just
wipe it off.
899
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:38,561
I can't. I just spilled
the remover.
900
00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:40,363
I'm a freak.
901
00:46:40,365 --> 00:46:43,099
Hey...
Come on, Annie.
902
00:46:43,101 --> 00:46:45,368
Let me take you out.
903
00:46:45,370 --> 00:46:46,369
See?
904
00:46:46,371 --> 00:46:50,339
We can be freaks
together.
905
00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:54,877
People back then
used to call me
gargantu-Ann.
906
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:56,479
Now I'm what
they'd call
907
00:46:56,481 --> 00:47:00,116
nothing special,
nothing scary.
908
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:03,986
I think you're very cute.
909
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,324
Thanks.
910
00:47:10,093 --> 00:47:11,928
Let me see.
911
00:47:13,130 --> 00:47:15,398
That's
pretty good.
912
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:17,066
When I was a little kid,
913
00:47:17,068 --> 00:47:19,402
they used to say
that I looked like
914
00:47:19,404 --> 00:47:21,871
one of those strange
Dr. Seuss creatures.
915
00:47:21,873 --> 00:47:23,973
They called me "Sam I am,"
you know?
916
00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,242
From green eggs and ham?
917
00:47:26,244 --> 00:47:27,443
And when they teased me,
918
00:47:27,445 --> 00:47:31,147
you know what I used to do
to cheer myself up?
919
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:33,616
"I like to eat them
when they're hot.
920
00:47:33,618 --> 00:47:35,418
I'd also eat them
mixed with snot."
921
00:47:35,420 --> 00:47:37,019
"I'll eat them
in the morning dew,
922
00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:39,055
I'll eat them till
i have to spew."
923
00:47:39,057 --> 00:47:41,123
"I like to eat
green eggs and ham."
924
00:47:41,125 --> 00:47:44,527
Both: "Yes, I do,
Sam I am."
925
00:47:52,069 --> 00:47:57,039
Well,
good night, Sam I am.
926
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,108
Good night, Annie.
927
00:48:15,659 --> 00:48:17,093
Hey, Tanya,
are you ok?
928
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:19,195
Ohh!
929
00:48:20,899 --> 00:48:22,331
Aah!
930
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:24,233
Tanya, are you home?!
931
00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:25,935
It's Peggy. Open up!
932
00:48:25,937 --> 00:48:28,204
Tanya: Ohh!
Tanya!
933
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,039
Where you been?
I've been calling.
934
00:48:30,041 --> 00:48:31,240
My phone's
off the hook.
935
00:48:31,242 --> 00:48:32,208
This is
your big break.
936
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:32,208
What are
you talking about?
937
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:32,208
There's
a breaking story
on spring street,
938
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:35,945
now?
And Charles
says it runs.
939
00:48:35,947 --> 00:48:37,046
They want you
on camera!
940
00:48:37,048 --> 00:48:38,114
Oh, my god!
Now!
941
00:48:38,116 --> 00:48:39,048
I'm serious, man.
942
00:48:39,050 --> 00:48:40,516
Her pager
is her vibrator.
943
00:48:40,518 --> 00:48:43,519
I always wondered
why she set
her pager number
944
00:48:43,521 --> 00:48:44,587
on speed dial.
945
00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:47,223
It's that new
speed dilate service.
946
00:48:48,526 --> 00:48:49,458
Ohh!
947
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:53,963
Ow. Ohh.
948
00:48:57,134 --> 00:48:58,167
Ohh-ho-ho!
949
00:48:58,169 --> 00:48:59,602
Man, we gotta
stop laughing.
950
00:48:59,604 --> 00:49:02,972
I'm still recovering
from that Chinese puzzle.
951
00:49:02,974 --> 00:49:05,408
Yeah.
Hurts, doesn't it?
952
00:49:05,410 --> 00:49:05,408
Hey.
953
00:49:05,410 --> 00:49:08,044
Hi. We're at
loyola high school
954
00:49:08,046 --> 00:49:09,612
with Mr. delgado and--
955
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,047
do you know
her pager number?
956
00:49:11,049 --> 00:49:13,582
Uh...I think
it was, like...
957
00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:16,118
555-0068...
958
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,520
Or something.
959
00:49:17,522 --> 00:49:18,621
Why?
960
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,023
Testing out
your theory.
961
00:49:21,025 --> 00:49:21,023
No, Holden, don't!
962
00:49:21,025 --> 00:49:24,226
Uhh! Hey! Unh!
Give me that!
963
00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:26,128
Uhh! You know what
your problem is, Sam?
964
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:28,431
You're pussy-whipped,
and you're not even
getting any pussy.
965
00:49:28,433 --> 00:49:31,167
This Tanya is treating
you like scum,
966
00:49:31,169 --> 00:49:32,268
and you stand up for her
967
00:49:32,270 --> 00:49:34,170
because she makes
your pecker stand up.
968
00:49:34,172 --> 00:49:35,638
Now give me the phone!
Give me that!
969
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,174
No. Go screw
yourself, man.
970
00:49:38,176 --> 00:49:39,308
Precisely.
971
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,244
That is the only way
to stop a woman
972
00:49:42,246 --> 00:49:44,213
from using your dick
as a stick shift
973
00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:45,314
and driving you
around town
974
00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:47,984
on a full tank
of your hormones.
975
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,585
Ohh! Take it
from me, Sam.
976
00:49:49,587 --> 00:49:51,721
I cannot tell you
the number of times
977
00:49:51,723 --> 00:49:54,156
a girl's got me
to fix her car
978
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:54,156
or paint her house
979
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:57,026
or take her husband
to the airport.
980
00:49:57,028 --> 00:49:58,260
Or go to the damn
farmer's market
981
00:49:58,262 --> 00:50:00,663
and sit through
the pain-in-the-ass opera.
982
00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:02,331
Shut up, Jason,
shut up!
983
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:03,399
No, Jason's right.
984
00:50:03,401 --> 00:50:06,268
Jason's a meathead,
but he's right.
985
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:06,268
Now, listen, Sam.
986
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:09,672
I did all kinds
of these things
987
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:11,707
because a guy's
backed-up balls
988
00:50:11,709 --> 00:50:13,576
are the biggest
reservoir of hope
989
00:50:13,578 --> 00:50:15,344
this world
has ever seen!
990
00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:17,646
You know,
trying to get laid
by fixing a fan belt
991
00:50:17,648 --> 00:50:19,348
is your fault,
Holden, yours!
992
00:50:19,350 --> 00:50:23,652
Oh, Samuel,
you are so full
of man gravy.
993
00:50:23,654 --> 00:50:23,652
Now, listen.
994
00:50:23,654 --> 00:50:25,688
You need to be
more like me
995
00:50:25,690 --> 00:50:27,356
and take matters
into your own hands.
996
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:29,658
Why do you think
they call it
masturbate?
997
00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:30,726
Because it allows you
998
00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:33,396
to be the master
of your own fate.
999
00:50:33,398 --> 00:50:35,231
And it's not just
a physical release.
1000
00:50:35,233 --> 00:50:38,567
It is a release
of women's control
over you.
1001
00:50:38,569 --> 00:50:39,602
Jason!
1002
00:50:39,604 --> 00:50:41,170
If you don't
need them,
1003
00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:42,304
they can't
manipulate you.
1004
00:50:42,306 --> 00:50:44,573
I'm doing this
for your own good.
1005
00:50:44,575 --> 00:50:48,577
Today is your
independence day, Sam.
1006
00:50:54,252 --> 00:50:56,318
That...If anyone
1007
00:50:56,320 --> 00:51:01,257
deserves, heh,
a...Ahh...
1008
00:51:01,259 --> 00:51:02,591
And, um...
1009
00:51:02,593 --> 00:51:05,294
Miracles can happen!
1010
00:51:07,732 --> 00:51:10,499
Uhh! Huh!
1011
00:51:10,501 --> 00:51:11,600
Aah!
1012
00:51:11,602 --> 00:51:14,270
Holden,
you're such a...
1013
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:15,504
Unh!
1014
00:51:15,506 --> 00:51:16,639
A dick.
1015
00:51:16,641 --> 00:51:18,674
And so are you.
1016
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:18,674
Ohh!
1017
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:21,744
Sam: After standing up
for Tanya,
1018
00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:23,846
I decided I should
stand up for myself,
1019
00:51:23,848 --> 00:51:27,416
especially with the evil
she-dumper Gretchen.
1020
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,418
You know what, Gretchen?
1021
00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:30,486
It just occurred to me.
1022
00:51:30,488 --> 00:51:31,654
You're just like
this bike.
1023
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:31,654
I'm cold and thirsty.
1024
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:37,393
I'm cold and thirsty.
I'm cold and thirsty.
1025
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:37,393
You're so directionless.
1026
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:37,393
I don't know
what I want to do.
1027
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:41,297
On one hand, I could
be a graphic designer,
1028
00:51:41,299 --> 00:51:42,431
or I could be a singer,
1029
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:42,431
or I could be a doctor,
1030
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:44,667
or I could be
a pet detective,
1031
00:51:44,669 --> 00:51:44,667
or I could be--
1032
00:51:44,669 --> 00:51:47,703
and I'm always
pumping up your ego,
1033
00:51:47,705 --> 00:51:50,306
like...
You're very creative.
1034
00:51:50,308 --> 00:51:51,674
I'm creative?
1035
00:51:51,676 --> 00:51:52,775
You're very smart.
1036
00:51:52,777 --> 00:51:53,676
I'm smart?
1037
00:51:53,678 --> 00:51:55,177
You're very sexy.
1038
00:51:55,179 --> 00:51:56,145
I'm sexy?
1039
00:51:56,147 --> 00:51:58,280
I am sexy.
1040
00:51:58,282 --> 00:51:59,815
You're really
high-maintenance.
1041
00:51:59,817 --> 00:52:00,683
Come on, let's go.
1042
00:52:00,685 --> 00:52:02,518
But Carl's
the other way.
1043
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:02,518
Yeah, but
i gotta go now.
1044
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,887
Yeah, but you wouldn't
even have this bike
1045
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:04,887
if I hadn't
given you mine.
1046
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:08,424
You know what?
It's your bike,
and you can keep it,
1047
00:52:08,426 --> 00:52:10,826
because it's
a real piece of work.
1048
00:52:10,828 --> 00:52:13,229
All right. Unh!
1049
00:52:13,231 --> 00:52:14,396
I'll give it to Carl.
1050
00:52:14,398 --> 00:52:17,166
I don't need you
to ride my bike.
1051
00:52:17,168 --> 00:52:19,902
Hey, what happened
to the brakes?
1052
00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:21,837
Sam, help!
1053
00:52:21,839 --> 00:52:25,441
Hope: Sugar with
the coffee, right?
1054
00:52:25,443 --> 00:52:27,243
Sam: Yeah, please.
1055
00:52:27,844 --> 00:52:31,714
You know what I saw
on the shopping channel
the other day?
1056
00:52:31,716 --> 00:52:31,714
No.
1057
00:52:31,716 --> 00:52:35,518
Oh, they're selling
action figures
of the pope.
1058
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:35,518
Really? Heh.
1059
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,388
What are you doing
with my box?
1060
00:52:39,390 --> 00:52:41,924
Oh, thought we could
play checkers.
1061
00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:51,734
So what do you do
when there's something
1062
00:52:51,736 --> 00:52:52,868
you really want...
1063
00:52:52,870 --> 00:52:55,471
But you know you can
never have it?
1064
00:52:55,473 --> 00:52:59,475
Uh, you become
a delivery guy
for your uncle.
1065
00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:01,710
I mean,
becoming an artist,
1066
00:53:01,712 --> 00:53:05,347
is that what you
always wanted to do?
1067
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:05,347
Yeah.
1068
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:08,484
So then why
did you quit?
1069
00:53:08,486 --> 00:53:12,955
Because a favorite teacher
told me I couldn't draw.
1070
00:53:13,323 --> 00:53:17,359
Well, you know, people
are wrong all the time.
1071
00:53:18,828 --> 00:53:21,497
Why don't you draw me?
1072
00:53:21,499 --> 00:53:22,798
Hmm, forget it.
1073
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:27,303
I used to pose
for art classes
all the time.
1074
00:53:27,771 --> 00:53:31,674
I--i could never
do you justice.
1075
00:53:31,676 --> 00:53:32,641
If you draw me,
1076
00:53:32,643 --> 00:53:35,244
I'll show you
my etchings.
1077
00:53:35,246 --> 00:53:37,646
Uh, well,
I'm sure your etchings
1078
00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:40,716
are a masterpiece.
1079
00:53:42,385 --> 00:53:45,521
You really need to see
the crosshatching
1080
00:53:45,523 --> 00:53:47,590
to appreciate it.
1081
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:39,308
Let's see.
1082
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:40,042
No. It's terrible.
1083
00:54:40,044 --> 00:54:42,311
Come on.
Let me see.
1084
00:54:42,313 --> 00:54:44,780
I let you see.
1085
00:54:46,349 --> 00:54:48,484
That's not terrible.
1086
00:54:48,486 --> 00:54:50,352
Why do you think
it's bad?
1087
00:54:50,354 --> 00:54:52,755
Look at the spacial
relationships.
1088
00:54:52,757 --> 00:54:54,556
They're
too exaggerated.
1089
00:54:54,558 --> 00:54:56,592
It barely looks
like you.
1090
00:54:56,594 --> 00:54:58,327
I made you
funny-looking.
1091
00:54:58,329 --> 00:54:58,327
It's like a 5-year-old
did this.
1092
00:54:58,329 --> 00:55:03,432
Hey, I was just watching
a special on Picasso.
1093
00:55:03,434 --> 00:55:05,868
You know what he said
about his own drawings?
1094
00:55:05,870 --> 00:55:08,404
That he strived
to draw like a child
1095
00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:12,474
because he said that
a child's drawings
aren't affected by rules,
1096
00:55:12,476 --> 00:55:14,476
and they are
extremely expressive.
1097
00:55:14,478 --> 00:55:17,613
They truthfully show
what's inside the child.
1098
00:55:17,615 --> 00:55:21,617
Yeah, but I wasn't
striving to draw
like a child.
1099
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:24,320
It just happened
by mistake.
1100
00:55:24,322 --> 00:55:27,656
Maybe our mistakes
are really our style.
1101
00:55:27,658 --> 00:55:29,892
Maybe...Maybe
we make mistakes
1102
00:55:29,894 --> 00:55:34,963
because deep down
we really want
to make them.
1103
00:55:35,799 --> 00:55:37,933
I lost my job
thanks to you.
1104
00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:39,368
I didn't make
those calls.
1105
00:55:39,370 --> 00:55:41,070
All right? It was
my cousin Holden.
1106
00:55:41,072 --> 00:55:41,070
His dad owns this place.
1107
00:55:41,072 --> 00:55:43,872
It's true.
I tried to stop him.
1108
00:55:43,874 --> 00:55:45,107
Mm-hmm.
You're lying.
1109
00:55:45,109 --> 00:55:45,107
No, really.
1110
00:55:45,109 --> 00:55:48,043
Holden and me got into
a big fight about it.
1111
00:55:48,045 --> 00:55:48,944
Oh, yeah, right.
1112
00:55:48,946 --> 00:55:50,479
Just because I'm a guy
1113
00:55:50,481 --> 00:55:52,047
doesn't mean
I'm out to screw you.
1114
00:55:52,049 --> 00:55:53,549
Why do you hate men
so much?
1115
00:55:53,551 --> 00:55:55,684
Women are just
superior to men.
1116
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:55,684
Like how?
1117
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:55,684
Like you can't
have babies.
1118
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,921
Like you can't open
jars of peanut butter.
1119
00:55:58,923 --> 00:55:58,921
Women mature
faster than men.
1120
00:55:58,923 --> 00:56:01,957
Men are faster getting
out of the bathroom
in the morning.
1121
00:56:01,959 --> 00:56:03,058
All serial killers are men.
1122
00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:04,927
Almost all cereal box
mascots are men.
1123
00:56:04,929 --> 00:56:06,662
Women can have
multiple orgasms.
1124
00:56:06,664 --> 00:56:08,097
We don't have
to fake them.
1125
00:56:08,099 --> 00:56:08,097
Women live longer
than men.
1126
00:56:08,099 --> 00:56:11,066
It's the only way we can
get away from you.
1127
00:56:11,068 --> 00:56:12,801
You can't take
anything seriously.
1128
00:56:12,803 --> 00:56:13,936
You can't take a joke.
1129
00:56:13,938 --> 00:56:15,504
I don't need a man
for a thing.
1130
00:56:15,506 --> 00:56:18,040
You just set your beeper
on vibrate.
1131
00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:20,976
Ok! So put your
hands up, hairball!
1132
00:56:20,978 --> 00:56:23,812
That is real good,
pretty lady.
1133
00:56:23,814 --> 00:56:25,414
Ohh! Heh heh, that's--
1134
00:56:25,416 --> 00:56:27,449
ok, here it is.
Here's the deal.
1135
00:56:27,451 --> 00:56:29,551
Hey! I said
put your hands up!
1136
00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:30,686
I don't want
any funny business.
1137
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:30,686
There are 20,000
comedians out of work,
1138
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:35,157
and I don't need
you to act funny
like a bump on a log.
1139
00:56:35,159 --> 00:56:36,925
Now let me tell you
what this is all about.
1140
00:56:36,927 --> 00:56:38,627
Every day I come
in here, I say,
1141
00:56:38,629 --> 00:56:40,129
"hey, pal, can you spare
a cup of coffee,
1142
00:56:40,131 --> 00:56:42,598
cream, a little sugar,
a little sugar?"
1143
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,000
And every day,
every damn day,
1144
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:45,000
you give me ragtime.
1145
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:45,000
Well, guess what?
Today you're on the rag.
1146
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:49,438
You understand
what I'm saying?
It's your turn.
1147
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,508
So I want you to open
that cash register,
1148
00:56:52,510 --> 00:56:54,877
take out all the cash,
1149
00:56:54,879 --> 00:56:56,545
and while you're at it,
let's see...
1150
00:56:56,547 --> 00:56:56,545
Unh! Unh!
1151
00:56:56,547 --> 00:56:59,648
Give me a pack of smokes--
ultra-light 100s--
1152
00:56:59,650 --> 00:57:01,483
uh, a package
of breath mints...
1153
00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:02,551
Uhh!
And--and, uh,
1154
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:02,551
wet lubricant stuff.
1155
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:02,551
I'm gonna party tonight.
I am.
1156
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:08,090
And you know what?
I'm gonna party
on your dime.
1157
00:57:08,092 --> 00:57:10,592
Ohh! Aah!
1158
00:57:10,594 --> 00:57:12,094
Would you stop dancing?
1159
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:12,094
Uhh!
1160
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:14,730
You don't want
to get me pissed off!
1161
00:57:14,732 --> 00:57:16,999
Ohh!
1162
00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:18,567
Aah! Ohh!
1163
00:57:18,569 --> 00:57:19,201
Ohh!
1164
00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:21,670
If you do not open
1165
00:57:21,672 --> 00:57:22,905
that cash register
drawer--
1166
00:57:26,009 --> 00:57:27,676
Tanya: Ohh!
1167
00:57:27,678 --> 00:57:29,178
Uhh! Ohh!
1168
00:57:29,180 --> 00:57:30,779
Oh, god.
1169
00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:32,147
Ohh! Uhh!
1170
00:57:32,149 --> 00:57:36,185
I thought you said
you didn't need a man
for anything?
1171
00:57:36,187 --> 00:57:37,653
Ohh, please.
1172
00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:41,156
You couldn't have
done that without me.
1173
00:57:43,461 --> 00:57:47,796
Hope. Come on,
hope, open up.
1174
00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:48,697
Sam.
1175
00:57:48,699 --> 00:57:49,665
They're evicting you.
1176
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:51,600
Yeah, that's
what happens, ok,
1177
00:57:51,602 --> 00:57:52,901
when you don't
go to work,
1178
00:57:52,903 --> 00:57:54,837
get a paycheck,
and pay your rent.
1179
00:57:54,839 --> 00:57:56,605
Would you please
just leave?
1180
00:57:56,607 --> 00:57:59,975
No. I'm not leaving
until I get some answers.
1181
00:57:59,977 --> 00:57:59,975
You're not helping.
1182
00:57:59,977 --> 00:58:04,947
Well, then at least
tell me when this
is gonna be over.
1183
00:58:04,949 --> 00:58:07,583
I don't know.
1184
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:10,185
I keep looking
for proof.
1185
00:58:10,187 --> 00:58:11,887
Proof of what?
1186
00:58:11,889 --> 00:58:15,524
Sam, you've been
really sweet.
1187
00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:23,098
Mmm.
1188
00:58:34,277 --> 00:58:39,615
I think it's best
we say good-bye now.
1189
00:58:52,095 --> 00:58:53,028
Hey...
1190
00:58:53,030 --> 00:58:56,131
I'm not gonna leave.
1191
00:58:56,133 --> 00:59:01,169
I'll stay out here
forever if I have to.
1192
00:59:19,989 --> 00:59:22,124
Hey, I heard you
and hope before.
1193
00:59:22,126 --> 00:59:25,727
I baked you this.
It's chocolate.
My favorite.
1194
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:27,863
Nah. No, thanks.
1195
00:59:27,865 --> 00:59:29,798
It'll make you
feel better, really.
1196
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,734
Every time I was sad,
i had one of these.
1197
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:32,734
Does it work?
1198
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:35,938
It worked for me
hundreds of times.
1199
00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,806
You should keep it,
then, you know?
1200
00:59:37,808 --> 00:59:40,776
Hello, my name is Annie,
I'm a chocoholic.
1201
00:59:40,778 --> 00:59:44,046
I've been cocoa-free
for one year, 3 months,
and 6 days.
1202
00:59:44,048 --> 00:59:46,982
I have a bite of this,
and I'm an addict again.
1203
00:59:46,984 --> 00:59:49,084
Ok, I'm sorry,
i--i forgot.
1204
00:59:49,086 --> 00:59:51,787
Let me give it
a taste here.
1205
00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:55,857
Mmm, that's good.
1206
00:59:55,859 --> 00:59:56,925
Did you know that
chocolate
1207
00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:56,925
has the same
chemical in it
1208
00:59:56,927 --> 01:00:00,295
that your body
produces when
you're in love?
1209
01:00:00,297 --> 01:00:00,295
Is that true?
1210
01:00:00,297 --> 01:00:03,198
I mean, I don't know
for sure.
1211
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:04,166
I've...
1212
01:00:04,168 --> 01:00:06,602
Never been in love
before,
1213
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:09,271
but that's
what they say.
1214
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:12,274
You have nice legs.
1215
01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:14,176
No.
1216
01:00:14,178 --> 01:00:16,979
Please, just stop
looking at them.
1217
01:00:16,981 --> 01:00:18,347
Hey, let me see
your butt.
1218
01:00:18,349 --> 01:00:20,048
No! I don't want you
to see my legs.
1219
01:00:20,050 --> 01:00:21,883
I certainly am
not gonna let you
see my butt!
1220
01:00:21,885 --> 01:00:23,085
No, no, no.
It just occurred to me.
1221
01:00:23,087 --> 01:00:24,152
I never checked out
your butt
1222
01:00:24,154 --> 01:00:25,187
to see if it has
the scar--
1223
01:00:25,189 --> 01:00:25,187
no, I don't have
a scar.
1224
01:00:25,189 --> 01:00:27,322
Come on,
let me see it.
No, no.
1225
01:00:27,324 --> 01:00:28,890
It's not a big deal.
1226
01:00:28,892 --> 01:00:31,093
Just stop it.
1227
01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:48,043
Don't worry, Annie.
1228
01:00:48,045 --> 01:00:50,045
No one needs to look
at your behind.
1229
01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:54,282
You can just let big,
strong, handsome guy
like me
1230
01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:56,318
get in touch with
miss sweet cheeks.
1231
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:56,318
That's not fair.
1232
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,721
Mr. hand gets to
have all the fun.
1233
01:00:59,723 --> 01:01:02,824
That's not true,
se๏ฟฝor chin.
1234
01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,327
Johnny one-eye gets
to have all the fun.
1235
01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:06,762
Correction,
sir belly.
1236
01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:08,230
Johnny one-eye
is locked up tight.
1237
01:01:08,232 --> 01:01:10,232
He never gets to see
the light of day.
1238
01:01:10,234 --> 01:01:12,801
You can't keep me
in here forever.
1239
01:01:12,803 --> 01:01:14,269
I will rise again.
1240
01:01:14,271 --> 01:01:15,837
Oh, Johnny.
1241
01:01:15,839 --> 01:01:17,339
I hate it
when we're apart.
1242
01:01:17,341 --> 01:01:20,742
You are the Shakespeare
of body part theater.
1243
01:01:20,744 --> 01:01:22,811
Well...
1244
01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:26,348
If this is
the theater,
1245
01:01:26,350 --> 01:01:29,251
then I think
you're missing something.
1246
01:01:29,253 --> 01:01:34,322
A woman so beautiful...
1247
01:01:34,324 --> 01:01:38,994
Needs a diamond necklace
when she goes to a show.
1248
01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:42,097
Hmm.
1249
01:01:42,265 --> 01:01:43,398
You like that?
Hmm.
1250
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,267
Well, if you were
my date,
1251
01:01:45,269 --> 01:01:49,438
then you are
a little bit
underdressed,
1252
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,306
I think.
1253
01:02:38,055 --> 01:02:40,889
Ooh, please,
give me a kiss.
1254
01:02:46,463 --> 01:02:49,097
No, no! A real kiss!
1255
01:02:58,208 --> 01:03:01,843
Please give me
a real kiss.
1256
01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:03,812
Whoo-hoo!
1257
01:03:07,951 --> 01:03:10,218
How 'bout one
with some tongue?
1258
01:03:10,220 --> 01:03:10,218
Nghh-nghh!
1259
01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:19,828
Ohh!
1260
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,901
You!
1261
01:03:28,538 --> 01:03:30,238
Sam: Hey, Annie.
1262
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,240
Hey, Sam I am.
1263
01:03:32,242 --> 01:03:34,943
Does this building
have a storage place?
1264
01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:34,943
Yeah, and a basement.
Why?
1265
01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:39,548
Mmm, I thought maybe
hope had stored
something down there.
1266
01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:43,285
Maybe we can find
something out.
1267
01:03:46,889 --> 01:03:48,290
What?
1268
01:03:48,292 --> 01:03:49,891
Um, nothing.
1269
01:03:49,893 --> 01:03:49,891
I just...
1270
01:03:49,893 --> 01:03:53,862
Kind of figured
we were together.
1271
01:03:53,864 --> 01:03:55,297
We are together.
1272
01:03:55,299 --> 01:03:57,265
Look, I'm so happy
right now.
1273
01:03:57,267 --> 01:03:59,301
Then why are you still
trying to find out
1274
01:03:59,303 --> 01:04:01,303
what's wrong with hope?
1275
01:04:01,305 --> 01:04:03,205
Because
she's my friend.
1276
01:04:03,207 --> 01:04:05,140
Don't go down there.
1277
01:04:05,142 --> 01:04:07,309
Hey, look...
1278
01:04:07,311 --> 01:04:09,211
Nothing's wrong, ok?
1279
01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:11,413
It's ok.
1280
01:04:11,415 --> 01:04:13,481
Please, Sam?
1281
01:04:15,117 --> 01:04:17,319
Why?
Are you jealous?
1282
01:04:17,321 --> 01:04:20,355
Uh...I don't know.
1283
01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:22,023
I'm new at this.
I told you,
1284
01:04:22,025 --> 01:04:25,293
it's the first time
I've had a real boyfriend.
1285
01:04:26,562 --> 01:04:29,130
Just makes me
feel funny.
1286
01:04:29,132 --> 01:04:31,066
It's ok.
1287
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,001
Just do one thing
for me--
1288
01:04:33,003 --> 01:04:33,001
what?
1289
01:04:33,003 --> 01:04:37,105
Just stop trying
to help hope.
1290
01:04:38,941 --> 01:04:40,642
No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
1291
01:04:40,644 --> 01:04:45,380
She's my friend.
I'm not going to
abandon her.
1292
01:06:31,053 --> 01:06:32,020
Hah!
1293
01:06:32,022 --> 01:06:33,188
Hyuh!
1294
01:06:33,190 --> 01:06:34,289
Hyah!
1295
01:06:34,291 --> 01:06:36,291
Hyah!
1296
01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:38,727
Hyah!
1297
01:06:38,729 --> 01:06:40,495
Huh? That's right,
motherfucker!
1298
01:06:40,497 --> 01:06:42,230
That's right!
1299
01:06:51,607 --> 01:06:53,241
Oof!
1300
01:07:36,685 --> 01:07:39,354
Aaah!
1301
01:08:01,744 --> 01:08:03,178
There's the peeping tom!
1302
01:08:03,180 --> 01:08:06,281
He's in the wall!
He's in the wall!
1303
01:08:09,852 --> 01:08:11,453
He's in the wall,
girls! Help me!
1304
01:08:19,261 --> 01:08:20,295
Aah!
1305
01:08:20,297 --> 01:08:22,730
Get him, girls! Get him!
1306
01:08:29,405 --> 01:08:31,306
Aaaah!
1307
01:08:34,143 --> 01:08:37,312
Aaaah!
1308
01:08:37,613 --> 01:08:40,215
Ow!
1309
01:08:47,389 --> 01:08:50,725
Are you ok?
1310
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:57,699
Annie.
1311
01:08:57,701 --> 01:08:59,400
Annie, come on,
open the door, please.
1312
01:08:59,402 --> 01:09:01,236
I don't want to
see you anymore.
1313
01:09:01,238 --> 01:09:02,370
You made
your choice.
1314
01:09:02,372 --> 01:09:04,372
Come on, please, Annie.
Open the door.
1315
01:09:04,374 --> 01:09:05,840
Go away.
1316
01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:18,453
I should have figured
it was you.
1317
01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,821
Hold him still.
1318
01:09:19,823 --> 01:09:22,690
Wait! I can explain!
1319
01:09:50,853 --> 01:09:55,356
How's that portable
pocket pussy going?
1320
01:09:55,958 --> 01:09:57,892
That's not what it is.
1321
01:09:57,894 --> 01:09:59,360
Yeah, sure it is.
1322
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,261
Look at that thing.
1323
01:10:00,263 --> 01:10:02,297
Get a little
nickname for it.
1324
01:10:02,299 --> 01:10:03,364
Call it sucky sue.
1325
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:03,364
I know you
just can't wait
1326
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:06,935
to get your tongue
in there
and lube it up.
1327
01:10:08,938 --> 01:10:11,873
Shut up!
It's my turn to talk.
1328
01:10:12,776 --> 01:10:14,342
This device
is for my--
1329
01:10:14,344 --> 01:10:15,510
important problem.
1330
01:10:15,512 --> 01:10:15,510
I can't even say the word,
1331
01:10:15,512 --> 01:10:19,280
but, uh, let's just say
that that's how it's spelled,
1332
01:10:19,282 --> 01:10:19,280
like important.
1333
01:10:19,282 --> 01:10:22,317
You know how drug addicts
do so many drugs
1334
01:10:22,319 --> 01:10:23,551
they can't get high anymore?
1335
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:24,852
Well, that's what
happened to me, man.
1336
01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:26,387
I have overdosed
on hardcore,
1337
01:10:26,389 --> 01:10:26,387
and now I can't
get a hard-on.
1338
01:10:26,389 --> 01:10:30,558
Sam: While Holden
was telling me about
his important problem,
1339
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,293
that's when I heard it.
1340
01:10:32,295 --> 01:10:34,796
Announcer, on radio:
What was Humphrey bogart's
character's name
1341
01:10:34,798 --> 01:10:36,864
in the classic film
Casablanca?
1342
01:10:36,866 --> 01:10:38,933
Woman, on radio:
Richard Blaine.
1343
01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:40,301
Announcer:
Richard Blaine.
1344
01:10:40,303 --> 01:10:42,470
That was the name
of the character.
1345
01:10:42,472 --> 01:10:43,838
What? Oh. Here,
I'll shut it off.
1346
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:45,873
Announcer:
You're the winner
of $500, Dan.
1347
01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:49,377
Congratulations.
Tune in tomorrow...
1348
01:10:49,379 --> 01:10:51,546
Shouldn't have
got that used.
1349
01:10:52,514 --> 01:10:53,615
Sam: Richard Blaine,
1350
01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:55,583
as in
"play it again, Sam."
1351
01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,852
Might as well have been,
"you've been played, Sam."
1352
01:10:57,854 --> 01:11:00,888
But I wasn't gonna be
played any longer.
1353
01:11:00,890 --> 01:11:01,956
I now had a hunch.
1354
01:11:01,958 --> 01:11:04,892
I just needed to test it.
1355
01:11:05,961 --> 01:11:09,564
Mr. willens,
please let me by
this one last time.
1356
01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,299
You take one more
step forward,
1357
01:11:11,301 --> 01:11:14,569
you're gonna find
yourself in chunks
1358
01:11:14,571 --> 01:11:15,870
in my stool.
1359
01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:19,707
And no one's gonna care.
1360
01:11:25,881 --> 01:11:28,516
Unh! Ohh!
1361
01:11:29,918 --> 01:11:29,917
Heh heh heh.
1362
01:11:29,919 --> 01:11:32,520
I'm just protecting
the girls
1363
01:11:32,522 --> 01:11:32,520
from the likes of you.
1364
01:11:32,522 --> 01:11:35,757
You're the one they
need protection from.
1365
01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:38,493
Yeah?
Who's gonna believe you?
1366
01:11:38,495 --> 01:11:39,994
They will,
when they find out
1367
01:11:39,996 --> 01:11:42,463
that you're
the grossest man alive.
1368
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:43,965
The second
grossest.
1369
01:11:43,967 --> 01:11:45,667
Let my friend go.
1370
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:48,870
How are you gonna
make me do that?
1371
01:11:56,079 --> 01:11:57,378
Aaah!
1372
01:11:57,380 --> 01:12:00,715
Aaah! Aaah!
1373
01:12:07,890 --> 01:12:09,991
Ha-chee-mama!
1374
01:12:14,997 --> 01:12:16,497
Ohh!
1375
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:18,333
Ooh!
1376
01:12:20,503 --> 01:12:21,769
Come on, girls!
1377
01:12:22,906 --> 01:12:25,640
Willens: That's all you've got?
1378
01:12:25,808 --> 01:12:28,543
Ohh! Oh!
1379
01:12:36,785 --> 01:12:38,953
Hello, ladies.
1380
01:12:41,790 --> 01:12:43,458
So that's my story.
1381
01:12:43,460 --> 01:12:46,427
And I can tell
by the looks
on your faces
1382
01:12:46,429 --> 01:12:47,595
there's gonna be
only one way
1383
01:12:47,597 --> 01:12:50,064
I'll convince you
to let me go.
1384
01:12:50,066 --> 01:12:53,935
Will you let me
show you?
1385
01:13:06,415 --> 01:13:07,949
See, this is
irrefutable proof
1386
01:13:07,951 --> 01:13:09,384
that men are gross.
1387
01:13:09,386 --> 01:13:10,551
Wait, I should be
more precise--
1388
01:13:10,553 --> 01:13:14,922
men without women
are absolutely gross.
1389
01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,633
Aaaaah!
1390
01:13:29,838 --> 01:13:32,140
Heh heh heh heh!
1391
01:13:34,510 --> 01:13:36,844
Heh heh heh heh!
1392
01:13:39,615 --> 01:13:44,919
Rrrraaaaaah!
1393
01:14:00,869 --> 01:14:04,005
Whoo! Whoo!
1394
01:14:07,576 --> 01:14:09,143
I did all of this,
1395
01:14:09,145 --> 01:14:11,846
everything, for a woman.
1396
01:14:12,748 --> 01:14:14,949
Men need you.
1397
01:14:15,551 --> 01:14:19,220
Men need women
to save us
from ourselves.
1398
01:14:20,055 --> 01:14:22,690
All right.
Let him go.
1399
01:14:25,594 --> 01:14:28,496
Willens: Aaah!
1400
01:14:28,498 --> 01:14:29,864
Aaaaah!
1401
01:14:33,235 --> 01:14:36,037
I brought you down,
you circus freak!
1402
01:14:36,039 --> 01:14:37,772
Whoo!
1403
01:14:37,774 --> 01:14:40,174
So you're the one
who paged me, huh?
1404
01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:42,643
Um...How did you
find out?
1405
01:14:42,645 --> 01:14:45,913
Sam. He told me you guys
had a falling out over it.
1406
01:14:45,915 --> 01:14:47,682
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
1407
01:14:47,684 --> 01:14:48,916
Well, he was right.
1408
01:14:48,918 --> 01:14:50,184
Men are gross.
1409
01:14:50,186 --> 01:14:51,886
And I am
the perfect example.
1410
01:14:51,888 --> 01:14:53,721
Yeah, well, he forgot
to mention one thing--
1411
01:14:53,723 --> 01:14:56,524
that men can also
be heroic.
1412
01:14:56,526 --> 01:14:58,726
I think that's
a pretty noble thing
that you did,
1413
01:14:58,728 --> 01:15:00,194
coming to his rescue.
1414
01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:00,194
Why'd you do it?
1415
01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:03,531
Uh, I didn't--
i didn't want him
1416
01:15:03,533 --> 01:15:05,700
to end up like me.
1417
01:15:14,209 --> 01:15:15,543
Hey.
1418
01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:15,543
Hi. I just--
1419
01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:18,112
I wanted to make sure
after the other night
1420
01:15:18,114 --> 01:15:21,282
that we're still good.
We're still friends?
1421
01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:23,518
Of course.
1422
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:47,542
How did you know?
1423
01:15:47,544 --> 01:15:51,178
All the clues,
they were red herrings.
1424
01:15:51,780 --> 01:15:53,714
What's going on?
1425
01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:56,651
Please don't be mad.
1426
01:15:58,820 --> 01:16:00,721
I don't even know
where to start.
1427
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,624
Well, why don't you start
by telling me
1428
01:16:03,626 --> 01:16:06,561
if you've really been sad
for all these months.
1429
01:16:06,563 --> 01:16:07,795
Yes.
1430
01:16:07,797 --> 01:16:11,332
The whole time.
Will you please sit?
1431
01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,770
I lost someone
really close to me.
1432
01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:17,605
Jesse.
He was my best friend
1433
01:16:17,607 --> 01:16:21,809
in the whole world
ever since I can
remember.
1434
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:28,950
You kind of need
some hair up there.
1435
01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:34,855
6 months ago,
everything changed.
1436
01:16:40,095 --> 01:16:42,196
Jesse!
1437
01:16:42,764 --> 01:16:43,598
What?
1438
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:44,765
What are you doing?
1439
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:44,765
What am i--
1440
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:48,002
I'm just tired
of being friends, hope.
1441
01:16:48,004 --> 01:16:50,671
You know?
1442
01:16:50,673 --> 01:16:52,840
I want to be
your boyfriend.
1443
01:16:52,842 --> 01:16:54,809
All right? I mean,
haven't you ever...
1444
01:16:54,811 --> 01:16:57,378
Haven't you ever
thought of me
that way before?
1445
01:16:57,380 --> 01:16:59,847
Uh...Not really.
1446
01:16:59,849 --> 01:17:03,684
I mean, you've always
been a true friend.
1447
01:17:03,686 --> 01:17:06,087
You know? Someone
that I can trust,
1448
01:17:06,089 --> 01:17:07,388
like a brother.
1449
01:17:07,390 --> 01:17:10,257
You know, you've
always been this guy
1450
01:17:10,259 --> 01:17:13,761
that has never failed
to make me smile.
1451
01:17:13,763 --> 01:17:15,329
Uh...
1452
01:17:15,331 --> 01:17:18,099
That's all nice,
you know,
1453
01:17:18,101 --> 01:17:21,769
but I want
more than this, ok?
1454
01:17:21,771 --> 01:17:24,338
If I wanted a friend,
I'd go hang out
with the guys.
1455
01:17:24,340 --> 01:17:27,708
Men don't want
female friends.
1456
01:17:27,710 --> 01:17:30,211
All men want
are girlfriends.
1457
01:17:30,213 --> 01:17:31,946
So why don't we just...
1458
01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:31,946
Why don't we just kiss
1459
01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:35,416
and see if
there's any sparks
between us, ok?
1460
01:17:35,418 --> 01:17:36,951
Jesse...
1461
01:17:36,953 --> 01:17:39,153
Jesse, please, don't!
1462
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:39,153
I don't get this.
1463
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:41,956
Last week I see you
make out with some guy
in the rain
1464
01:17:41,958 --> 01:17:43,691
after knowing him
for an hour,
1465
01:17:43,693 --> 01:17:44,792
but you won't kiss me?
1466
01:17:44,794 --> 01:17:47,094
Hope, I've known you
all my life.
1467
01:17:47,096 --> 01:17:48,929
Let's just kiss
and see how it feels.
1468
01:17:48,931 --> 01:17:50,431
All right?
Let's just kiss.
1469
01:17:50,433 --> 01:17:51,332
Jesse, no!
1470
01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:52,700
Just--just give me--
1471
01:17:52,702 --> 01:17:53,934
please! Stop!
1472
01:17:53,936 --> 01:17:55,803
Oh, my god!
Get off!
1473
01:17:59,075 --> 01:18:00,875
You owe me this,
hope, ok?
1474
01:18:00,877 --> 01:18:02,243
Just give me
a rotten kiss.
1475
01:18:02,245 --> 01:18:03,878
Get off! Stop it!
1476
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:06,380
Just shut up!
Give me a kiss!
1477
01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:09,183
Stop it! Get off!
1478
01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:11,385
Get off me!
1479
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:13,954
Ow!
1480
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:13,954
Hope: That's when
i came to believe
1481
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:17,191
that I could never
trust a man's friendship
1482
01:18:17,193 --> 01:18:19,226
because a man
was only doing it
1483
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:19,226
because he wanted more.
1484
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:22,730
And if I couldn't trust
a man as a friend,
1485
01:18:22,732 --> 01:18:25,199
how could I ever trust
a man as a lover?
1486
01:18:25,201 --> 01:18:27,902
Then I met you again.
1487
01:18:27,904 --> 01:18:29,870
Hope!
1488
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:29,870
Hello, Sam.
1489
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:32,006
Hope: I told Annie
about everything
1490
01:18:32,008 --> 01:18:35,843
'cause she and i
had become really close.
1491
01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:35,843
He's at it again.
1492
01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:40,347
If Sam could prove
that he was your true friend,
1493
01:18:40,349 --> 01:18:42,183
would you let him
be your true love?
1494
01:18:42,185 --> 01:18:45,853
And what is Santa claus
bringing you
for Christmas?
1495
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:45,853
Annie.
1496
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:51,092
Couldn't hurt to see
how far he'll go.
1497
01:18:51,094 --> 01:18:51,092
Ever since I met you,
1498
01:18:51,094 --> 01:18:55,096
I wanted to take you
to dinner and the movies.
1499
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:56,363
He's out there.
1500
01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:56,363
What do I do?
1501
01:18:56,365 --> 01:19:01,235
He just wants to know
why you're so sad.
1502
01:19:02,971 --> 01:19:05,773
Let's give him
some clues.
1503
01:19:05,907 --> 01:19:08,242
An album cover?
That's not a clue.
1504
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,077
But Sam
doesn't know that.
1505
01:19:10,079 --> 01:19:11,278
We should just stop, ok?
1506
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:12,947
I'm gonna be
even more depressed
1507
01:19:12,949 --> 01:19:15,182
when Sam turns out
to be just like Jesse.
1508
01:19:15,184 --> 01:19:18,052
We can't.
We're in too deep.
1509
01:19:20,757 --> 01:19:24,058
Oh, here he comes.
Here he comes.
1510
01:19:24,793 --> 01:19:26,794
I cried my eyes out.
1511
01:19:26,796 --> 01:19:30,197
Oh, and then write
that Richard Blaine
1512
01:19:30,199 --> 01:19:33,100
knows nothing
about love.
1513
01:19:34,002 --> 01:19:37,204
Finally, something
presented itself.
1514
01:19:37,339 --> 01:19:39,473
I think Sam likes me.
1515
01:19:44,246 --> 01:19:47,114
Just do one thing
for me.
1516
01:19:47,449 --> 01:19:49,850
Stop trying to help hope.
1517
01:19:49,852 --> 01:19:52,953
Hope: I didn't plan
for this final test.
1518
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:54,355
No.
1519
01:19:54,357 --> 01:19:55,823
She's my friend.
1520
01:19:55,825 --> 01:19:57,525
I can't
abandon her.
1521
01:19:57,527 --> 01:19:59,293
But it all seemed
worth it.
1522
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:00,828
You still wanted
to be my friend,
1523
01:20:00,830 --> 01:20:02,263
even after
you had a girlfriend,
1524
01:20:02,265 --> 01:20:04,565
and at the risk
of losing a girlfriend.
1525
01:20:04,567 --> 01:20:08,369
And that's
when I had proof
that you were for real.
1526
01:20:08,371 --> 01:20:10,838
You were a true friend.
1527
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:15,843
And now I've
fallen completely
in love with you.
1528
01:20:15,845 --> 01:20:17,545
Then why aren't you
smiling now?
1529
01:20:17,547 --> 01:20:20,548
Because you're
not smiling.
1530
01:20:20,550 --> 01:20:22,483
What do you expect?
1531
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:22,483
I knew I was weird,
1532
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:26,153
but I didn't know
i was stupid.
1533
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:28,422
Sam, you're
not stupid, ok?
1534
01:20:28,424 --> 01:20:30,491
And what you think
is weird,
1535
01:20:30,493 --> 01:20:32,593
I find charming.
1536
01:20:32,595 --> 01:20:36,363
And what you call
accidentally funny,
1537
01:20:36,365 --> 01:20:38,232
I call plain funny.
1538
01:20:38,234 --> 01:20:41,268
It's the way
to a woman's heart, Sam,
1539
01:20:41,270 --> 01:20:43,103
by making her smile.
1540
01:20:43,105 --> 01:20:47,007
And you've
made me smile.
1541
01:20:47,609 --> 01:20:49,543
Yeah, but all of this,
1542
01:20:49,545 --> 01:20:53,247
none of it's real.
1543
01:20:53,249 --> 01:20:55,583
This is real.
1544
01:21:23,144 --> 01:21:25,913
Carl, schnell! Schnell!
1545
01:21:25,915 --> 01:21:26,914
It hurts!
1546
01:21:26,916 --> 01:21:29,149
God! Hurry up,
you idiot!
1547
01:21:29,151 --> 01:21:29,149
What's wrong with you?
1548
01:21:29,151 --> 01:21:32,486
These painkiller's suck!
You suck!
1549
01:21:32,488 --> 01:21:33,254
Aah!
1550
01:21:33,256 --> 01:21:37,157
Ohh, dumbkopf!
1551
01:21:39,195 --> 01:21:41,395
Where'd everything go?
1552
01:21:42,030 --> 01:21:43,530
Dumpster.
1553
01:21:44,266 --> 01:21:48,068
That willens guy
gave me the willies.
1554
01:21:48,503 --> 01:21:51,205
That could
have been me in a year.
1555
01:21:51,207 --> 01:21:54,008
Months maybe.
1556
01:21:55,210 --> 01:21:57,978
Yeah.
I know the feeling.
1557
01:21:57,980 --> 01:22:02,383
Aren't you gonna need
some of this stuff?
1558
01:22:03,285 --> 01:22:05,486
Not since Tanya and i
hooked up.
1559
01:22:05,488 --> 01:22:06,487
All right.
1560
01:22:06,489 --> 01:22:09,156
I'm happy for you,
my friend.
1561
01:22:22,504 --> 01:22:23,437
Sam?
1562
01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:25,973
Check this out.
1563
01:22:31,646 --> 01:22:34,682
Come on!
That's funny.
1564
01:22:34,684 --> 01:22:38,118
Mm! Talk to me.
1565
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:39,653
What?
1566
01:22:39,655 --> 01:22:41,188
I'm not blind.
1567
01:22:41,190 --> 01:22:43,958
Something's wrong
if the cartoon
on my ass
1568
01:22:43,960 --> 01:22:45,559
isn't making you smile.
1569
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:48,228
No, I'm ok.
1570
01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:54,401
You've got a problem.
1571
01:22:57,439 --> 01:22:57,438
You love me,
1572
01:22:57,440 --> 01:23:01,542
but you think you might
also love Annie.
1573
01:23:01,544 --> 01:23:03,711
No, I don't.
1574
01:23:03,713 --> 01:23:05,612
Well, she loves you.
1575
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:10,384
I mean,
she didn't plan it,
but it happened.
1576
01:23:11,353 --> 01:23:14,154
And I know you care
for her, too.
1577
01:23:14,156 --> 01:23:16,490
And I love you, Sam,
1578
01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:19,293
and I want you so bad,
1579
01:23:19,295 --> 01:23:26,567
and there's
a million smiles ahead
for us to share.
1580
01:23:26,569 --> 01:23:30,170
And I could make you
love me more.
1581
01:23:30,438 --> 01:23:38,312
But it's time for me
to be a friend to you.
1582
01:23:40,448 --> 01:23:43,384
What are you
talking about?
1583
01:23:46,721 --> 01:23:48,455
I'm not letting you go,
1584
01:23:48,457 --> 01:23:52,292
but I'm
setting you free.
1585
01:23:52,761 --> 01:23:56,463
You have to decide
for yourself.
1586
01:24:38,374 --> 01:24:42,309
Annie, look,
i need to talk to you.
1587
01:24:42,311 --> 01:24:44,445
What do you want?
1588
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:44,445
You know what is worse
1589
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:48,215
than not being able
to find someone's smile?
1590
01:24:48,217 --> 01:24:49,483
No.
1591
01:24:49,485 --> 01:24:51,418
Making someone lose theirs.
1592
01:24:51,420 --> 01:24:53,821
I want to help you
get yours back.
1593
01:24:53,823 --> 01:24:55,489
I'll find it myself.
1594
01:24:55,491 --> 01:24:56,490
Think it's
at the bottom
1595
01:24:56,492 --> 01:24:58,692
of this chocolate
chocolate chip.
1596
01:24:58,694 --> 01:25:00,828
Look, Annie,
i love you.
1597
01:25:00,830 --> 01:25:04,164
That's kind of hard
for me to believe,
1598
01:25:04,166 --> 01:25:06,400
considering everything
you've done for her.
1599
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:06,400
Look, it's true.
1600
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:06,400
You remember
all those drawings
i did the other night
1601
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:10,471
when I was camped
outside of hope's door?
1602
01:25:10,473 --> 01:25:12,406
They weren't of her.
They were of you.
1603
01:25:12,408 --> 01:25:13,507
They're all of you.
1604
01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:15,275
I mean, that means
something, right?
1605
01:25:15,277 --> 01:25:16,643
You're confused.
1606
01:25:16,645 --> 01:25:16,643
You've hurt
gargantu-Ann,
1607
01:25:16,645 --> 01:25:20,848
the girl who's fat,
but has a great
personality.
1608
01:25:20,850 --> 01:25:22,850
Now you feel guilty.
1609
01:25:22,852 --> 01:25:24,518
You think you care
about me,
1610
01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:27,254
but it's just pity.
1611
01:25:28,256 --> 01:25:29,289
Good-bye, Sam.
1612
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:29,289
No, Annie, don't.
1613
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:33,293
I'm not leaving here
until you look at these.
1614
01:25:33,295 --> 01:25:34,394
Annie, please!
1615
01:25:55,618 --> 01:25:58,152
Hey!
What's in the case?
1616
01:25:58,154 --> 01:26:00,320
Got any dirty pictures
in here?
1617
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:00,320
Give it back.
1618
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:04,191
Hey, you know,
the cops came by
1619
01:26:04,193 --> 01:26:04,191
and talked to me
the other day.
1620
01:26:04,193 --> 01:26:07,561
Now I gotta
take this cab
down to the station
1621
01:26:07,563 --> 01:26:08,829
and answer
some more questions.
1622
01:26:08,831 --> 01:26:10,597
Those drawings
are irreplaceable.
1623
01:26:10,599 --> 01:26:12,733
Will you just please
give them back?
1624
01:26:12,735 --> 01:26:16,470
Hey! These are all
the same girl.
1625
01:26:16,472 --> 01:26:18,705
That bitch Annie.
1626
01:26:18,707 --> 01:26:19,907
Give it back.
1627
01:26:19,909 --> 01:26:19,907
Why should I?
1628
01:26:19,909 --> 01:26:22,876
Look, if you do,
i won't tell the cops
1629
01:26:22,878 --> 01:26:24,945
that you were
in those passageways.
1630
01:26:24,947 --> 01:26:27,314
I need those drawings
1631
01:26:27,316 --> 01:26:29,383
to show Annie how much
i care for her.
1632
01:26:29,385 --> 01:26:31,952
If I lose the drawings,
I'm gonna lose Annie.
1633
01:26:31,954 --> 01:26:34,221
Now give them back!
1634
01:26:34,223 --> 01:26:38,392
You know, I may be
the pervert the cops
are looking for,
1635
01:26:38,394 --> 01:26:41,328
but I'm not
goin' down for it.
1636
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:41,328
Uh-uh.
1637
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:44,598
No, I think
I'm gonna keep these.
1638
01:26:44,600 --> 01:26:47,801
See, I think
the cops may be
curious about these,
1639
01:26:47,803 --> 01:26:48,936
all the same girl?
1640
01:26:48,938 --> 01:26:51,838
Looks to me like
you got an obsession.
1641
01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:53,507
I think the cops
are gonna perk up
1642
01:26:53,509 --> 01:26:56,276
when I tell them you've
been stalkin' her.
1643
01:26:56,278 --> 01:26:58,812
See you in court,
sport.
1644
01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:06,420
Aah! Aah!
1645
01:27:06,422 --> 01:27:07,921
Aah! Aah!
1646
01:27:07,923 --> 01:27:10,524
Aah! Aah!
1647
01:27:11,693 --> 01:27:12,526
No!
1648
01:27:12,528 --> 01:27:13,760
Let him go, willens!
1649
01:27:13,762 --> 01:27:16,296
Undercover detective.
You're under arrest.
1650
01:27:16,298 --> 01:27:18,498
What? I didn't do
nothin'.
1651
01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:18,498
Oh, yeah!
1652
01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:20,968
I wasn't on my knees
praying all those times.
1653
01:27:20,970 --> 01:27:24,671
I was on my knees planting
listening devices.
1654
01:27:24,673 --> 01:27:26,006
We know all about you.
1655
01:27:26,008 --> 01:27:28,275
Get in.
1656
01:27:28,277 --> 01:27:31,478
11th precinct, please.
1657
01:27:53,901 --> 01:27:57,838
I think somebody's
lost their smile.
1658
01:28:00,876 --> 01:28:02,909
Woman:
I got it!
1659
01:28:05,813 --> 01:28:08,982
Come on, girls!
We can't lose
one single paper!
1660
01:28:08,984 --> 01:28:11,285
Go, go, go!
1661
01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,536
Here you go, Sam.
1662
01:28:29,538 --> 01:28:31,305
Thank you.
1663
01:28:31,307 --> 01:28:32,005
Here you go, Sam.
1664
01:28:32,007 --> 01:28:33,507
Here!
Way to go, Sam.
1665
01:28:33,509 --> 01:28:35,942
Found this.
I got a stack.
1666
01:28:35,944 --> 01:28:38,412
Here's one!
Good luck.
1667
01:28:43,985 --> 01:28:45,552
Annie!
1668
01:28:45,554 --> 01:28:48,488
Annie,
come to the window!
1669
01:28:48,490 --> 01:28:50,357
Please!
1670
01:28:50,359 --> 01:28:52,359
Annie! Come on!
1671
01:28:52,361 --> 01:28:54,461
Come to the window!
1672
01:28:54,463 --> 01:28:57,531
Please, Annie!
1673
01:29:09,711 --> 01:29:10,644
Women: Aww!
1674
01:29:13,981 --> 01:29:15,649
Annie, look at it!
1675
01:29:15,651 --> 01:29:18,785
Come on, please!
Really look at it!
1676
01:29:30,032 --> 01:29:33,867
Annie,
are you crazy?
1677
01:29:33,869 --> 01:29:36,803
Can't you see how much
Sam cares about you?
1678
01:29:52,754 --> 01:29:54,554
Annie, I love you!
1679
01:29:54,556 --> 01:29:55,522
This is the only way
1680
01:29:55,524 --> 01:29:59,126
I can get you to see
how I feel.
1681
01:30:59,621 --> 01:31:01,888
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