All language subtitles for I Dream of Jeannie (1965) - S01E19 - Never Try to Outsmart a Genie (480p DVD x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

[♪♪♪]

What are you doing
with this mummy case, master?

And where is the mummy?

Oh, this is a steamer trunk,
uh, Jeannie.

It's used for traveling.
[GASPS]

We are going on a journey!

Oh, master,
what a wonderful surprise!

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, good, good.

I got an even bigger surprise
for you. You're not going.

You're taking a journey
without me?

Yeah. Yeah, that's right,
Jeannie.

Uh, I'm sorry.

This is official business,
and, uh--

Well, the government's
sending me

to the International Air Show
in Rome.

Rome?
Yeah.

Uh-- You probably knew it
as Gaul.

Oh, it was divided
into three parts.

Yeah,
that's the place.

I want to go see
the chariot races.

There's a new young driver
they speak very highly of.

Uh, Ben Hur?

Keep forgetting.
You're not a kid.

I may go?
No, I'm afraid not.

Uh, it's gonna be three weeks,
what with the boat trip and all.

You're crossing the ocean
by ship?

Mm. Yeah, I wanted to fly,
but Dr. Bellows

thought the ocean voyage
would do me good.

Jeannie, what do you think
you're doing?

Get this thing off of me.
[TSKS, SIGHS]

Come on.

Master, you must not go.

Ships are not safe.

I was shipwrecked
for 2000 years

before you found me
on that island

and rescued me
from my bottle.

Jeannie, you were traveling
in little wooden boats.

I'm gonna be on a great big
steel-hulled ship.

Uh, must-- Must weigh, uh,
30,000 tons.

Thirty thou--?

Oh, that will go down
even faster!

Oh, master, if you insist
on risking your life this way,

I must go along
to protect you.

Uh-- Jeannie, I don't need
any protection.

I'm gonna be as safe as, um...

Uh, well, I'll be as safe as
that ship in that bottle.

[♪♪♪]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Dr. Bellows,
morning.

Good morning,
Captain Nelson.

Well, you'll soon be off,
won't you?

I'm looking forward
to my trip, sir.

Oh, not as much
as I am, captain.

Not as much as I am.

Yeah.

Hi, Roge.
Tony.

Tony, where--
Where is she?
Where's who?

[WHISPERS]
Where's who?

Where's who?

You know who. Jeannie.

Well, Roger,
I don't carry her around

in my--
My pocket.

She's at home
in her bottle.

Gee, that's wonderful.
I, uh...

Certainly glad you found her
instead of me.

You really are?

I mean, a lot of guys
would envy you,

but, uh, not me.
You, uh...

really know how to handle
a situation like this.

Thanks, Roge.

I've, uh...got everything
in life I need.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm very glad
to hear that.

I have a staff meeting,
uh...

I'll see you
at lunch, huh?

Lunch. Ahem.

Oh, ho-ho, ho, ho, ho.

[SIGHS]
Ah.

Now, where was I...
in my little list?

Let's see, I had the new sofa,
end table, lamps, color TV.

How about a colored TV
for the bedroom?

Why not?

Color TV for...bedroom.

Gee, I...

I wonder how she does that,
anyway? It's just amazing.

It's...

Captain Healey?

It worked!

It worked!

Thanks.

Now, blink--

Blink my heart
out of my mouth.

Did...

Did-- Did I just
bring you here?

No.

I came because I'm worried
about my master,

and I need your help.

You need my help?
Well, that's a switch.

You are my master's
best friend.

You might say
that we're buddies.

Then you must try
to convince him

that he must take me with him
on the ship to Rome.

Take you to Rome?

Uh-uh.

I'm sorry, Jeannie,
I...can't do that.

But why not?

Well, for two reasons:
selfishness and greed.

I was hoping he would lend you
to me while he was away.

My master lend me to you?

Well, I lend him
my golf clubs.

It's only for
a couple of weeks.

I thought we'd pick up
a few knickknacks,

you know--
Golf clubs?

Rolls-Royce--
And you believe
he would do this?

That he would pass my bottle
from hand to hand as...

As if it were a--
A bottle?

Well, it's only
for a couple of--

I mean, does he care
so little for me?

[SCOFFS]
Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Back home we have
an old saying.

With someone like you
for a friend, Captain Healey,

who needs an enemy?

Imagine that.

They had a Captain Healey
back in those days.

I better make a note of that.

Keep bottle corked
whenever possible.

[♪♪♪]

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah? Yes,
Captain Nelson here.

Captain, this is Dr. Bellows.

A problem has arisen
about your trip.

About my trip, sir?

[IN BELLOWS' VOICE]
Yes.

There's been a slight change
in plans, captain.

What kind of change, sir?

You will be traveling by plane
instead of by ship.

Well, just a minute ago
you told me that--

Never mind what I said
a few minutes ago, captain.

I don't want you to go by boat.

Understand?

Yes. Uh, yes,

I understand,
Dr. Bellows.

You don't want me
to go by boat.

Who says I don't?

Well, you do, sir,
or else I'd still be going.

Captain, to whom
are you talking?

I'm talking to Dr. Bellows,
Dr. Bellows.

Uh...you're talking to me?

Yes.

Well, it sounds like you.

Must be the wrong number.

I'm sorry. You have
the wrong number.

[CLICKS]

Yes.

I just came in to give you
your ticket.

Well, thank you, sir.

Not at all, captain.

In my opinion we can't get you
on that boat a moment too soon.

Captain Healey.

[♪♪♪]

Well, what's bugging him?

I am.

I was talking to him
on the phone

when he walked in.

You were t--

Well, look, uh,

I'm gonna take you
down to the boat.

I don't want anything
to happen to you.

And don't worry about a thing
while you're away.

I'll, uh-- I'll check your mail
and take care of your laundry,

wash your car and, uh,
you know, things like that.

You want to, uh, give me
the keys to your house?

That's very nice
of you, Roge.

What do you want
the keys for?

Well, I thought I could
water your plants

and feed your parakeet.

Heh. I don't have
a parakeet.

You do now.

Say hello to Seymour.
[CHIRPING]

No.

You don't want to say hello
to Seymour?

No, I don't want to give you
the key to my house.

And tell Jeannie
it won't work.

What-- What--
What won't work?

You had a little talk with
Jeannie about my trip, right?

Well, a little talk,
not too much, just--

And she asked you
to talk me

into taking her
with me, right?

Well, she did mention it.

But you wouldn't do it,
would you?

Well, of course.
We're buddies.

Well, forget it!

I did not send him.

Morning,
Dr. Bellows.

That can't be
Dr. Bellows.

He wears his hair shorter.
[LAUGHS]

I'm sorry
about tricking you.

Oh, no, no. You're sorry
your trick didn't work.

I am going on a boat,

I am going alone,
and that's final.

Roger, would you please tell her
that boats are safe.

Uh, boats are safe.

There is the Titanic,

the Lusitania,
the Normandie.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, Jeannie...

Oh, hi.

Say, would you hand me
a pair of pliers?

There's a smaller pair over
on top of the bookcase, please.

Thanks.

How are you feeling,
master?

Hmm, fine.

Just great.
Never felt better. Why?

Oh, I just wondered.

Now, Jeannie, don't try
to outsmart me.

I feel wonderful,
in great physical health, and--

And I'm gonna remain
that way.

Of course, master.

I don't suppose it ever entered
your mind that if I were ill

or had an accident,
I couldn't go to Rome.

Well, it did occur
to me.

Now, Jeannie, you wouldn't
do that to me.

Promise me you--
What is a sprained ankle

or an aching back
if it saves your life?

No, you don't, young lady.

Where is that--?
Oh, here it is. Here.

Ahem. I want you to swear
that you won't let anything

that's in this book
happen to me.

What is the book?
It's The Unabridged

International
Medical Encyclopedia

of Diseases, Accidents
and Allergies. Swear. Ah-ah.

Tish mah hatta.

Thanks.

I think.

Oh, look, look.

This ought to convince you
that the S.S. Sorrento

is not a slave galley.

Here-- Look, look.
Here it is.

Jeannie.

Beautiful?

[♪♪♪]

[MUTTERS]
Well...

Oh, master,
I would not worry so much

if I could go with you.

Jeannie, I would love
to take you with me.

Now, you know that.

I love having you around.

Do you really?

Of course I do.

Oh, you're lovely.

You're magic.

I don't mean "magic" magic.

[CHUCKLING]
I mean, magic.

Oh, master. Heh.

I am so glad you are
taking me with you.

I'm not.

You are leaving me here?

How would I look
if I walked into

the International Air Conference
with a genie on my arm?

We've advanced quite a bit
in research,

but that's ridiculous.

I say I will be there.

And I say you won't.

And what power will you use
to stop me?

Mm, the power
I have up here.

You see, you're forcing me
to do something

I really don't wanna do.

I'm gonna have
to make a phone call.

[DIALING]
Whom are you
calling?

I'm calling, um...

No. On second thought,
I will call from my bedroom.

[♪♪♪]

Gotcha.

You tricked me!

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Oh, I don't know.

It, uh, doesn't exactly have
your razzle-dazzle,

but it's not bad
for a mere mortal like me.

Please let me out!

I'll let you out
when I get back from Rome.

I'll write.

[♪♪♪]

[WHIMPERS]

[♪♪♪]

Say, uh, Tony,
you got a minute?

Sure.

I w-w-wanted
to ask you a question.

Well, what's on your mind?

Would, uh-- Would you
like a cup of coffee?

Uh, no, thanks.

I really wanna get back
to the office.

Got a million things
to clean up before I leave.

Well, I-- I bet Jeannie's really
excited about the trip, huh?

Oh, well,
Jeannie's not going.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm positive.

Why, I never thought
you could do it.

You just have to be firm
with her, that's all.

And a little sneaky.
[CHUCKLES]

What'd you want to ask me?

Roge, what'd you want
to ask me?

Oh, oh, I wanted to ask
if you wanted a cup of coffee.

No. No, thanks.

I'll take a rain check,
all right?

Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

[MUTTERING]
Let me see. Where was I?

Ah, new golf clubs.
Gotta get new golf clubs.

How about a cabin cruiser?

How about a--
A 40-foot cabin cruiser?

How 'bout a--
A 50-foot cabin cruiser?

How about a-- How about
a 60-foot cabin cruiser?

I just came in to talk to you
about your friend,

Captain Healey.

Oh. What's, uh--
What's Roger done now?

Well, I'm not quite sure.

There's something
very peculiar going on.

Has he inherited a large sum
of money recently?

No. No, not that
I know of. Why?

He's started
his own anti-poverty program

here at the base.

I beg your pardon?

Well, it began this morning,

when reports began
to trickle through

that he'd given Bowens
his television set

and Carruthers his hi-fi.

Well, he's a very generous man.
I'm sure there's some ex--

Then I heard about the gift
he gave Lieutenant Lonsdale.

Well, Lonsdale
just got married, sir.

He's entitled
to a little wedding present.

Three rooms of furniture?

Three rooms of furniture?

And his car.

His car?

He said he didn't
need it anymore.

It had a dented fender.

I think I have an idea what's
happening to Captain Healey.

So have I.
Huh?

He's suffering
from acute megalomania.

Hmm.

He needs an ocean voyage.

I want you to take him
along with you.

That way, uh...

you can keep an eye
on each other.

Yes, ye-- Well, I think
that's a wonderful idea, sir.

Yeah, don't worry
about Roger.

I'll-- I'll watch out
for him.

And of course you don't have
to worry about me.

Uh, you know what I am.

I'm in deep trouble.

Captain, did you say
you're in deep trouble?

Yes. Yes, sir.
If I--

If I don't finish my, uh--
My reports before I leave,

they won't let me go.

Thank you very much
for dropping in, sir.

Jeannie, I think--

If you don't mind...

Who let you out
of the bottle?

Captain Healey.

Roger, the megalomaniac.

Because I love you,
I will give you a choice.

Oh, thanks!

What kind of lap dog
would you like to be?

I don't know.
What kind have you got?

Now, wait. Y-you wouldn't
do that to me.

It is the only way
I can trust you.

Now, you can't do that!

Watch.
No. I mean,
you can do that,

but, uh--
Well, you shouldn't.

For one thing, you wouldn't
be able to talk to me.

Well, I would not be able
to talk to you

if you went to Rome
without me.

Jeannie, that's blackmail!

It's out and out
blackmail!

It is an ancient
Carthaginian custom.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, okay.

All right, fine.
You can go.

Oh, thank you, master!

Now, you go and get
in your bottle,

and I'll, uh--
I'll take you with me.

Now, wait! Now, look.

Please, be reasonable,
will you?

How are you gonna go
if you don't travel

in your bottle?
As a woman.

An American woman.

Don't be ridiculous.
You'd never get away with it.

[CHUCKLING]
Hey.

Hey, you look beautiful.

[♪♪♪]
Thank you, master.

No, I mean it.

You're the most beautiful genie
a man ever had.

Am I?

Yeah. But you can't go
as a woman.

A man?
Jeannie, be reasonable.

Ooh, for one thing,
you don't have a passport.

They won't even let you
sail on the ship.

Oh, well, then I will
get a passport.

No. Uh-uh.

I'll make a deal with you.

If you can get a passport, and--
And no magic,

then you can travel with me,
and we'll leave the bottle.

But if you can't,
you travel in the bottle.

It is a deal.

[♪♪♪]

Fine. I'll, uh--

I'll drive you down
to the passport office in Miami.

Hm-hm. Heh.

[♪♪♪]

Uh-huh. Well, that-- That, uh,
certainly ought to impress them.

Thou art wonderful
to help me, master.

It's my pleasure.

There.

It is finished.

Uh-huh. You fill
everything out?

Well, I ran out of spaces
where it said

"list previous addresses,"

so I-I just listed those places
I lived until 200 A.D.

Good, good. That shows you're
not trying to hide anything.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Mrs. Medford,

you didn't fill in the back
of the application.

Oh, dear.

Well, I'll be right back.

How these people ever find
their way through Europe.

Well, good for you. You've
filled in both sides, huh?

We should have you processed
in no time.

Birthplace, Babylon?

I'll fill in New York.

Mother, Fatima.
Father, Mustafa.

Mustafa what?

Uh, Mustafa
the camel driver.

Yes, but what was his last name?

Oh, he did not need
a last name.

Everyone in the village
knew him.

Yes. You know how popular
local camel drivers are.

Well, if it will help,
I have an old passport.

Oh, well, why didn't
you say so?

That'll be a great help.

Uh, Babylonian passport?

Oh, signed by
King Nebuchadnezzar himself.

See?

It is not valid for travel
in Carthage,

Phoenicia
or North Mesopotamia.

It's not valid here, either.

I'm afraid you'll have
to present a birth certificate

or bring someone
who's known you for two years.

Oh, well,
Captain Nelson knows me.

He will vouch for me.

Ye-- Oh, yes.
I'll vouch for her.

Well, that's different.

Uh, how long have you known
this young lady, captain?

Six months.

I'm afraid that won't do.

But why not?
Well, I couldn't lie--

He's a perfectly good friend.

Jeannie, they have their rules,
you know.

You knew about this.
Yeah, Jeannie, look.

We tried, right?
Better luck next time.

Tell you what.
I'll phone the base

and tell 'em
I'll be late tonight.

And then I'll take you
out to dinner on the town.

Okay?

Bye.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, beautiful.

Haven't we met
somewhere before?

I do not think so.

Sure. Atlantic City.

You mean Atlantis?

Sure.

Two years ago,
sweetheart.

Oh. We were sweethearts
two years ago?

I remember it like
it was yesterday.

You're sure it was I?

Baby, I'd swear to it.

Thank you!

Sir, I have found
an old friend,

who will swear he has
known me for two years.

What is this?

Wait a minute, sister.
You may be beautiful,

but you're not worth
a federal perjury rap.

Forget it.

Heh.

For an old friend, he was
not very friendly, was he?

[SIGHS]

Seems to be
more red tape

in getting a passport
these days.

It wasn't like that
in 1931.

Listen, you were so anxious
to get out of Chicago

after what happened that summer,
you didn't notice the red tape.

WOMAN 1:
I still get nightmares
from it.

That rainy day,

that car coming down
the street,

gangsters shooting
at that barbershop

and me right
in the middle.

Why, I wouldn't be
alive today

if it wasn't for
that brave girl,

risking her life
by throwing me down

on the sidewalk.

A regular Joan of Arc.

Did you ever find out
who she was?

Never.

She saved my life
and disappeared.

To this day,

I couldn't tell you
what she looked like,

but everything else
is as vivid today

as it was then.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[GUNFIRE]

[SCREAMS]

It's the strangest thing.

What?

I just relived
that whole incident again.

For the first time,

I saw the face of the girl
who saved my life.

She was blond
and blue-eyed.

Very pretty.

That's her!

That's the girl
who saved my life!

Well, you're the girl
who saved my life!

Remember?

Thirty years ago?

Those gangsters?

Dearborn Street?

Of course!

In front
of the barbershop.

Oh, I knew I was right.

Oh, isn't this a thrill?

Why, you don't look
a day older.

Oh, neither do you.

What are you doing here?

I'm trying to get a passport,
but they insist on a witness

who has known me
for two years, and...

I cannot think
of anyone in town.

What about me?

Oh.

You are sure
you would not mind?

Mind? I've been waiting 30 years
to do something for you.

Come along.

Oh, it's you again.

I have brought
an old friend.

Now, may I have
my passport?

Not so fast.

How long have you
known this lady?

Thirty years.

Thirty years?

May I have
my passport now?

She saved my life
in Chicago 30 years ago.

She saved your life
in Chicago 30 years ago?

According to her application,
she wasn't even born then.

Well, she must have
made a mistake.

Heh.
She must have.

May I have
my passport now?

What is your friend's name?

It's--

I asked her.

Uh, Johnny.

It happens to be
a federal offense

to try to obtain a passport
by fraudulent means.

I'm going to have to hold
the both of you for federal--

Well, where did she go?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe back to Chicago.

Gonna give a cocktail party?
Good, good.

For the whole base?

You know what you're doing?

[CHUCKLING]
Well, I hope so.

Uh, Roger, I think somebody
wants to use the phone.

[COUGHS]
Yeah, yeah.

I'll talk to you later.

What happened?

You won, master.

I did not get
the passport.

So I will go with you
in the bottle.

Oh, that's wonderful,
Jeannie.

Good girl.
Ouch!

What's the matter?
Ooh.

Oh, it is nothing.

I just saved a woman's life
from some gangsters in Chicago.

Oh.

Uh-- Uh, do you mind?

[♪♪♪]

That'll do it.
Get new drapes.

Put a nice, long sofa here
in front of the fireplace.

Colored television right there.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

It's open!
Get rid of that picture.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey, hey, what's--

What's goin' on around here?

What...?
I'm, uh, redecorating.

Yeah, but where's the furniture
and the sofa and the--

Your-- Your--
Your dining room stuff?

I gave it all away.
Where's Jeannie?

Huh? Listen, I thought
you said you were giving

a farewell cocktail party
for the whole base?

Oh, I am.
Are you kidding?

I've got Dr. Bellows,
General Peterson.

All the brass
are coming.

This is gonna be
a real daddy of a party.

We'll have champagne, caviar,
a dance band, everything.

W-where'd you say
Jeannie was?

They're gonna be here
any minute! You know that,

don't you?
What are you
so nervous about?

Just relax.

This whole place
is gonna be transformed

in the blink of an eye.

Uh, where-- Where'd
you say Jeannie was?

She's in her bottle, uh,
in my luggage aboard the ship.

She's where?

...all have
a wonderful time and--

Well!

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

Ask her to move over.

[♪♪♪]