All language subtitles for Black Mirror s06e01 Joan Is AwfulJoan Is Awful.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian Download
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil Download
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,800 [low, thrumming rumbling] 2 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,560 [high-pitched tone] 3 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,960 [ethereal music plays, fades] 4 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,400 [phone buzzing, chiming] 5 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,640 [phone buzzing, chiming] 6 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,440 [phone buzzing, chiming] 7 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,240 [phone buzzing, chiming stops] 8 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,600 [pensive music playing] 9 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:54,920 [sighs] 10 00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,360 [chuckles] 11 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,880 [electric toothbrush buzzing] 12 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,280 [phone buzzes, chimes] 13 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,360 [sniffles] 14 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,000 [woman] Mmm. Yum. 15 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,960 - Mmm. Hmm. - Mmm. 16 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,440 - Ah. Hey, Joan. - Mike. 17 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,880 ♪ End up on the date line, uh, uh, uh ♪ 18 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,280 ♪ Rich with no day job Hit your wop, wop ♪ 19 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,560 ♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪ 20 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,840 ♪ B-b-billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪ 21 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,200 ♪ I'm from the west coast They wanna go down south ♪ 22 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,880 ♪ All these lame little rappers Tryna for clout ♪ 23 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,560 ♪ I won't let him hit But he can put it in his mouth ♪ 24 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,720 ♪ Lil' waist, fat fat, baby, tap in ♪ 25 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,200 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪ 26 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,840 ♪ Diamonds dancin' on your neck Better tap in ♪ 27 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,080 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪ 28 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,480 ♪ Gettin' money, get rich, baby, tap in ♪ 29 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,840 ["Tap In" fades] 30 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,120 How's the coffee? 31 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,240 If I'm honest... 32 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,720 - I'll tell 'em to look at the machine. - Thank you. 33 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,960 Oh, and Sandy's outside waiting for that 10:15. 34 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,680 Oh God. 35 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,800 I know. 36 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,840 Okay. Um, give me five. 37 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,400 I need to, like, psych up. 38 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,880 [exhales] I'm so sorry. So sorry. 39 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,520 [phone chimes] 40 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,960 [pensive music playing] 41 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,160 You're letting me go? 42 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,520 Um... Okay, but I'm still working on my audio compression algorithm. 43 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,680 Unfortunately, the board feel your compression algo isn't 44 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,040 a thing that they wanna pursue. 45 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,920 Uh, okay. Well, without it, we'll need more data servers. 46 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,840 I know. I know. 47 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,080 Which means a bigger carbon footprint. 48 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,840 We'll breach all of our environmental pledges. 49 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,680 - I'm sorry. It's how the board feel. - [woman sighs] 50 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,240 I just put a deposit down on a new apartment. 51 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,280 I'm sure this hasn't been an easy decision for them. 52 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,800 [woman] Joan. 53 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Please don't do this. 54 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,720 Please, not now. 55 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,640 I can't... I... I thought we were friends. 56 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,720 - Okay. - Joan! 57 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,000 I'm just gonna give you a minute to compose yourself. 58 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,080 I feel pretty composed. 59 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,720 I really... I am so sorry about this. 60 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,800 [scoffs] I invited you to the housewarming. Joan. 61 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,800 [whispers] I've asked Brutus to escort her out. 62 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,880 Oh God. 63 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,600 [Brutus] I'll help you with your things, Sandy. 64 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,000 [sighs] 65 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:48,760 Oh! 66 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,640 - [gasps] - Joan, is that you? I know you're there. 67 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,400 Coward. You're a coward, Joan! 68 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,560 All right, Sandy. We gotta go. 69 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:02,760 [quietly] Fuck! 70 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,280 [door opens] 71 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,600 Joan. Come on in. 72 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,760 [Joan] Thank you. 73 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,080 [therapist] So, where are we at? 74 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,400 - Not good? - Oh, no. 75 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,800 [groans, chuckles] 76 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,040 It used to be my dream to run my own coffee shop. 77 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,680 That would not have gone out with our name on it. 78 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,600 Neither would the coffee at my job. [laughs] 79 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,640 How is your job? 80 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,040 Um... 81 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,000 I mean, on paper, it's... it's fancy, I guess. 82 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:48,320 But I'm just kind of the middleman between the board up in the clouds 83 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,000 and the staff below me. 84 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,800 So I just kinda feel like I'm going through the motions every day. 85 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,080 How are things at home? 86 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,320 Um... 87 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,240 I mean, I'm engaged to Krish. 88 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,760 - Yes. - So, good. Good. It's good. 89 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,840 Like, Krish is a great guy, and he's smart, and he cares. 90 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,720 But maybe he's just a little bit, like... 91 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,320 vanilla. 92 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,400 You know? Like, even the food he cooks is bland. 93 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,800 And I'm continuously like... 94 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,600 Mmm. 95 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,280 Sorry, I feel like such an asshole saying that. [chuckles] 96 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,640 When I was with my ex... 97 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,400 - Mac? - Mac, yeah. 98 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,320 Um... 99 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,800 I mean, it was just constant sex and craziness and... 100 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,320 I mean, the fights were... 101 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,240 [sighs] But I never got over him. 102 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,600 Mm-hmm. And then you met Krish. 103 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,840 And then I met Krish. 104 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,880 And he was sweet and safe. 105 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,440 And so I just kinda went with the flow. 106 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480 But 107 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,120 I just feel like I never, 108 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,200 like, actively chose this. 109 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,360 Like, I feel like I'm just on autopilot. 110 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,840 You know how you are always talking about, like, the life story? 111 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:13,760 Mm-hmm. 112 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,800 I was thinking about it, and I... 113 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:21,360 I feel like I'm not the main character in my own life story. 114 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,600 And would you like that to change? 115 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,240 Hmm. 116 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,360 [phone buzzing] 117 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,080 [whimsical music playing] 118 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,840 [exhales] 119 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,680 [soft music playing] 120 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,320 Hey. 121 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Hey. 122 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,360 ♪ Tried to shame me ♪ 123 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,760 [Mac] It's so good to see you. 124 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,480 I love your hair like that. The streaks, yowza. 125 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,520 It's not too much? 126 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,080 Phyllis at the salon kind of, like, talked me into it. 127 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Well, Phyllis at the salon deserves a raise 128 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,200 'cause you look hot as shit. 129 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,440 - Okay. Okay. - I mean it. 130 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,880 Okay. [clears throat] 131 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,520 Um... 132 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,520 I mean, you... you came to see me. 133 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,800 To talk because you asked me to. 134 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,080 Oh, yeah. 135 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,400 Hey, how is... 136 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:50,800 Krish. 137 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,120 Yeah. Krish is good. 138 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,880 Wow. You sound like you're really crazy about him. 139 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,280 Okay. 140 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,400 We tried us for two years. 141 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,600 Remember how that... remember how that ended? 142 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,120 - Yep. - So, yeah, I am marrying Krish. 143 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,400 Oh God, you drive... 144 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,240 You broke us up, you broke my fucking heart, 145 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,000 and just when I'm picking up all of the pieces of my life, 146 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,120 you pop back up like a fucking... 147 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,600 Like an unflushed turd. 148 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,720 [Joan laughs] 149 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,560 Well, yeah. It's not what I was getting at, but yeah. 150 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280 So, how can I trust you? 151 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,640 You're right. I get it. But 152 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,360 what you and I had was real. 153 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,440 You know it. 154 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,520 I wanna be with you. 155 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,480 I'm here for three days, and then I go back to San Jose. 156 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,680 Come with me. 157 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,400 I'm serious. 158 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,040 I ca... I can't. 159 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,120 Hey. 160 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,920 I have a great apartment, and your work has an office there. 161 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,560 I mean, you could get a transfer. 162 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,560 And there's an incredible sushi place around the corner, 163 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,480 and they have an unbelievable green dragon roll. 164 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,240 I can't leave Krish. 165 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,720 No, you can't leave Krish. 166 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:10,800 I can't, Mac. 167 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,840 Yeah, no. You can't leave Krish. 168 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,800 No. No, no, no, no. 169 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,960 - Well... Hey. - I shouldn't have come. 170 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,120 - I should not have come here. - Joan. 171 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,480 I'm in my usual suite, and I'll be here for three days. 172 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,440 [Joan] Mm. 173 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:45,920 [door opens] 174 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,880 [Krish] That you, baby? 175 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600 Yep. 176 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680 Hi. 177 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160 Whoa. Froggy's been a-drinking. 178 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,480 Yeah. It was a goodbye party. 179 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,920 Oh. Well, I hope you're hungry. 180 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000 [chuckles] 181 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,240 Mmm. 182 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,680 Amazing. 183 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Is that salt? 184 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200 All right. 185 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600 Hey. 186 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,920 - What do you wanna watch? - Oh, I'm easy. 187 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,880 - Let's see what's on Streamberry. - All right. 188 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,040 Mmm. 189 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,600 [Joan] Um... 190 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,640 - [Krish] Oh, how about Sea of Tranquility? - Eh. 191 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,840 Eric said it blows. 192 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,720 Oh. Well, if Eric said it blows... 193 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,200 - Okay. - Okay. 194 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,080 Loch Henry, the Scottish murder thing? 195 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,600 I can't really do another true crime. 196 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,240 - I'm sorry, just after Gacy, I... - Okay. 197 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,320 What about... 198 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,520 What... 199 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,360 [both laugh] 200 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,560 Uh... Oh my God. 201 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,520 Uh... What? 202 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600 [Joan] "New drama. Joan Is Awful." 203 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,920 Is that Salma Hayek? 204 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,640 Uh, she even has your hair. [chuckles] 205 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,720 That's not my hair. 206 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:20,280 Well, it's a lot like your hair. And she's even called Joan. 207 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,240 [Joan] Okay. What even is the show? 208 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,760 No clue, but... 209 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,040 - Well, we're watching it. - No, we're not watching Joan Is Awful. 210 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,400 Whatever the hell it is. 211 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,200 - Just hit play. - Mm. 212 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,600 - [splutters] Come on. Hit play. - [sighs] 213 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080 [TV chirps] 214 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,360 [phone alarm chiming] 215 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,080 [moans] 216 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,320 Well, it's a lot like our bedroom. 217 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,320 That's not my hair. 218 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,760 - She uses the same toothpaste as you. - Okay, just... 219 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,000 This is just weird. 220 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,560 Yeah, it's a little spooky. [laughs] 221 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,360 This Joan is shady. 222 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,440 [chuckles] 223 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,440 [TV Joan] Mmm... 224 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400 Babe. 225 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,760 - Babe? - [man 1] You should see this. 226 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,840 See what? 227 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,280 What is this? 228 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,840 It's called Joan Is Awful. 229 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,560 It's got Salma Hayek in it. 230 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,360 She looks like Joan. 231 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,880 That job sucked anyway. 232 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,880 [sighs] Yeah, I guess. 233 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,120 [phone buzzing] 234 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Joan Is Awful? What the fuck? 235 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560 Uh... 236 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,440 Oh my God. 237 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,600 [woman] We're gonna watch a TV show in a bar? 238 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,480 Yeah, we're absolutely gonna watch a TV show in a bar. 239 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,560 [pensive music playing] 240 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,360 [Mac] Huh. 241 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,000 [phone chimes] 242 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,040 Hmm. 243 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,440 What the hell? 244 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400 ♪ Daddy on the Facetime You could never take mine ♪ 245 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,760 ♪ End up on the dateline, uh, uh, uh ♪ 246 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,200 ♪ Rich with no day job Hit your wop, wop ♪ 247 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,400 ♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪ 248 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,960 ♪ B-b-billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪ 249 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,040 [Krish] Holy shit. That's where you work. 250 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,880 Okay, how did you do this? 251 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,976 - How did I do this? - This is a prank. How did you do this? 252 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,080 - Well, I didn't... - I don't find it fucking funny. 253 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,200 [laughs] I didn't do anything. 254 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,320 How's the coffee? 255 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,240 Dog shit. 256 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000 I'll get the machine replaced. 257 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,080 Please do that. 258 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,040 - Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. - Joan? 259 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,240 [breathing heavily] 260 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,320 - Yeah. - What? 261 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,240 Oh God. 262 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,040 Oh... oh God. 263 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,560 Joan? Jo... Jo... Joan. 264 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,040 [panting] 265 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,960 Joan? 266 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,720 [panting] I'm having a panic attack. 267 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,680 - Uh... All right, um... - I'm having a panic attack. 268 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,520 Okay, okay. Okay. All right, hey, whoa. 269 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,240 Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. 270 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,520 - Is he still there? - [chuckles] He's still there. 271 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,680 - Just get it over with. - They made me the gayest man on earth. 272 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,320 Well, I like what he's wearing. 273 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320 What the fuck is this? 274 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,720 - How the fuck is this? - Um... 275 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,760 - Give me five. - Oh. 276 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,400 [chuckles] Yeah. Sure. Thanks. 277 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,800 - Oh my God. Is that what I sound like? - Sh. Will you be quiet, please? 278 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,360 You think he's better looking than me? 279 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,080 Okay. All right. All right, hey. Let's slow our breathing down, right? 280 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280 - Uh, feel the carpet beneath your feet. - I don't wanna feel the carpet! 281 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,440 All right, hey, whoa. 282 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,440 - Well, just feel the floor. - Uh... Fuck the floor! 283 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,520 You're firing me? 284 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,760 [TV Joan] Correct. Your audio algorithm's not happening. 285 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,960 The board thinks it's vaporware. 286 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,160 But, um, 287 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480 our carbon footprint. 288 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,040 Not their concern. 289 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,560 Well, I just put a deposit down on an apartment. 290 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,280 - Also not their concern. - I mean, you see what she's like. 291 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360 - Oh my God, she is cold. - Please. 292 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,360 Not... not now. 293 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,400 If not now, when? 294 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,280 - [laughing] She did not say that. - [TV Sandy] Oh my God. 295 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880 I did not say that like that. That is not what happened. 296 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,280 Baby, I believe you. 297 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,520 [TV Sandy crying] 298 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,160 [Joan] Jesus Christ. 299 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 Oh my God. 300 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,240 [TV Sandy] What am I gonna do with my dog? 301 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,320 - Oh my God. - She's making me so uncomfortable. 302 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400 I'm so sorry... 303 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,000 - Get Brutus to escort her out. - Why are you consoling Joan? 304 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,040 - Why am I consoling Joan? - [TV Sandy] Please just give me a second. 305 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,600 She was upset. 306 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,120 She's being a bitch. 307 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,200 Oh my God. They're making me look like a monster. 308 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,560 No. Hey, no, look. 309 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,760 Look, it's... Baby, it's Salma Hayek. 310 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,080 Look, people love Salma Hayek. All right? So, maybe it's not so... 311 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,000 So, maybe it's not so fucking bad? 312 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,520 So fucking insane? 313 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,440 - This is bad. - Okay, all right. 314 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,200 - Fucking insane! - All right, okay. 315 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,160 Hey, look. I was just trying to make you feel... 316 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,480 - [Joan] Oh God. - Hey, okay. All right. Hey, you're right. 317 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,400 - Okay. - Yeah. 318 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,920 - [phone chimes] - Ooh. 319 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,160 What? 320 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,240 Oh my God, my mom's seen it. 321 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,200 What? 322 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,640 Everybody can see this? 323 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,200 Can everybody that has Streamberry watch this? 324 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:49,880 [phone chimes] 325 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,840 - [Joan] My dad's seen it. - [phone chimes] 326 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,600 Marianne's seen it. 327 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Jesus Christ. Oh fuck. 328 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,520 Oh God. 329 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,160 [Joan breathes heavily] 330 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,720 Oh my God. 331 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,480 Oh God. 332 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,000 - [Krish] Honey. - What? 333 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,480 - Has Mac been texting you? - What? 334 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,720 No. No. 335 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,560 - [Krish] All right. - You can come in now. 336 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,480 - Okay. I think we should turn this off. - What? 337 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,080 [Krish] Well, actually, I wanna keep watching. No. No... 338 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,840 - Hey, whoa. - Krish, Krish, I want it off! 339 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,680 - No. - [TV therapist] How's life at home? 340 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,200 - Joan! - [TV Joan] With Krish? 341 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:32,280 - He's kind and smart and caring, but... - Where's this stupid fucking button? 342 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,960 Very vanilla. 343 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,320 Even his cooking is bland. 344 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,400 [TV therapist] Hmm. 345 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,280 - I didn't say that. Krish, turn it off. - [TV Joan] It's just that... 346 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,680 with my ex-boyfriend, Mac, 347 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:51,240 there was so much crazy, wild, imaginative, 348 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,200 constant sex. 349 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,560 Hey, hey, hey, hey. This isn't real. 350 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,440 Okay? This is the TV. I didn't say this. 351 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,960 - Fuck. - Krish? 352 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,120 - [TV Joan] I haven't gotten over Mac. - Krish! 353 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,400 [TV Joan] I think maybe 354 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,080 I don't want to. 355 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080 Oh Christ. 356 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,840 Hey. What she said on the show, that's not what I think. 357 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,160 - Okay? - No. 358 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,240 Some of the details... 359 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,840 The whole thing, it's blown out of proportion, okay? 360 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920 I didn't say that to my therapist. 361 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:33,880 So, what did you say? 362 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,840 I... 363 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,200 [Krish] Mm-hmm. 364 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,640 - [Krish grunts] - Krish. 365 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,320 [Krish grunts] 366 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,000 Krish! Where are you going? 367 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120 I don't know. 368 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400 - I don't know. I gotta go. - Krish, come on. Please, please! 369 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,656 [TV Mac] I'm here three days... 370 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,976 - Hey! - ...then back to San Jose. 371 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000 [Joan] I said... 372 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,560 I can't leave Krish. 373 00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,120 Can't you? 374 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,280 [tense music playing] 375 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,720 [Joan gasps] 376 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,200 [TV Joan] So, what do you wanna watch? 377 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,600 Sea of Tranquility. 378 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320 Eh. 379 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,760 Eric says it blows. 380 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,560 Well, if Eric said... 381 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,600 I never liked Krish. 382 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,680 Babe, wait. Come on, sit down. Babe. 383 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,320 Joan Is Awful? 384 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,640 [TV Joan] Is that Cate Blanchett? 385 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,400 - That's Cate Blanchett? - Oh no. 386 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,120 - That's Cate Blanchett! - That's good. 387 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,880 - [TV Joan] That's not my hair. - She looks good! 388 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,000 Krish! It's a TV show. It's not real. 389 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,840 I don't know what's going on, but none of that happened. 390 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,840 Krish, hey! I haven't even seen Mac in so long. 391 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,080 Then show me your phone. 392 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,160 What? 393 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,160 In the TV show, Mac texted you, and you texted him back, so 394 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,680 show me your phone. 395 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,840 It's... 396 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,880 it's in the house. 397 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,920 That's convenient, Joan. 398 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,320 [phone chimes] 399 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,840 - Goodbye. - Krish. 400 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,000 Krish, please don't go. 401 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,680 Don't go. Please don't leave me by myself. This is fucking insane. Please don't... 402 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,000 Krish! Please! 403 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,200 Krish! 404 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,760 [TV Joan] Krish, you're being childish. Come back, please. 405 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,760 You're being very melodramatic. It's uncalled for. 406 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,640 Oh my God. It's TV. It's not real! 407 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,680 My fidelity for you. My fidelity for you, that's real. 408 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,080 That's television. Fake, not real. 409 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,840 If you weren't texting Mac, show me your phone. 410 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,360 They're right about you, Joan. 411 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600 You're awful. 412 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720 Krish. I'm not that awful. It's not real. 413 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,000 [phone ringing] 414 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,160 Come back. 415 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,680 Krish! Don't leave me. 416 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,600 You know I can't be on my own. 417 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,320 - You can't leave me! - Mac. 418 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,320 - [exclaims] - [TV Joan] Krish! 419 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 [exclaims] 420 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,000 [crying] 421 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,880 [crying] 422 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,160 [pensive music playing] 423 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,680 [phone alarm chimes] 424 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,240 [sighs] 425 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,560 [pensive music continues] 426 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,720 Shame on you. 427 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600 Oh fuck. 428 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,840 Oh God. 429 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,320 - Sorry I'm late. - [Eric] Uh-huh. 430 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,800 Did you see it? 431 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,520 Everybody saw it. 432 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,160 It's all anyone can talk about. 433 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,000 [exhales] How'd it come across? 434 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,760 Fair. Yeah. I just don't know what this is. 435 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,560 My lawyer's looking into it. 436 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,200 - Krish is so mad at me. - Joan. 437 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,960 - He walked out last night. - Hey, Joan. 438 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080 Everyone's looking at me like I'm an actual monster. 439 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,200 Joan, just... just try and keep it together for, like, the next few minutes. 440 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,600 [sighs] Why is Brutus here? 441 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,240 You let slip about the whole algorithm, data server, carbon footprint thing 442 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,920 in the scene where you fired Sandy. 443 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,920 Technically, you broke your NDA. 444 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360 What? That's not fair. That was... 445 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,640 That was Salma Hayek! 446 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,120 The board wants you out. 447 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,480 Now. 448 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,800 I'm here to help you pack. 449 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,760 Right on. 450 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:47,640 [Joan sniffles] 451 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,200 Sayonara, queen. 452 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,120 Mona. 453 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,400 "I'm in a pantsuit." 454 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,680 [breathes deeply] 455 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,200 Well, I've checked it over, 456 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,560 and I have to say that actually, 457 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,600 legally, the Streamberry Corporation can do this. 458 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,600 What? 459 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:29,960 How? 460 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,040 Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are. 461 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,960 But the show is using my life. It's... it's my name. It's my career. 462 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,640 It's me. They're... they're using me, so... 463 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,200 And you assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 464 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,320 What? When? 465 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,520 Terms and conditions. 466 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,720 I have never seen this before. 467 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,800 [lawyer] You have. You just haven't seen it printed out before. 468 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,560 All of that would have popped up on your phone or whatever 469 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,280 when you first signed up to Streamberry. 470 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,280 And you clicked "accept." 471 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,920 What? I mean, I had... 472 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,760 I had no... How was I supposed to know this? 473 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,080 I know. But you did accept it, and so they're in the clear. 474 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680 No, no. No, no, no. They can't... they can't do this to me. 475 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800 There are only so many ways for me to tell you they absolutely can. 476 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,880 [exhales sharply] 477 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,800 Okay, well, Salma Hayek. 478 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,360 Yeah, pretty cool. 479 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,120 No. No, I'm gonna sue Salma Hayek. 480 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,040 For what? 481 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,240 [spluttering] For, like, passing herself off as me. 482 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,560 She has no right to do that. 483 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,920 It's not really Salma Hayek. 484 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,840 Yes, it is. 485 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:46,600 No. Technically, uh, the show deploys a digital likeness of Miss Hayek. 486 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,120 They don't film her. 487 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,360 She licensed her image to them. 488 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,120 The entire show is CGI. 489 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,520 It's generated by some kind of super-advanced, deepfake, 490 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,280 quantum computer mumbo jumbo. 491 00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,360 [exhales sharply] 492 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,960 They could make Salma Hayek blow an orangutan if they wanted to. 493 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,320 [chuckling] Oh, whoa. 494 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,760 I'm guessing Miss Hayek might object to that, but you get my point. 495 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,640 Right. So it's all... it's all computers? 496 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,120 That's how they get it on the service so fast. 497 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,520 But how do they... 498 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,800 how do they even know what I'm doing? It's the same... it's the same day. 499 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,680 Well, you know when you got your phone face down on the table, 500 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,440 and you're in your kitchen, and you're talking to your friend about, 501 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,400 I don't know, shoe deodorizers, 502 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,520 and then, you know, you go on your computer and what pops up? 503 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,520 A shoe deodorizing ad. 504 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,240 Then you get an email, and it's all about shoe deodorizing. 505 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,416 Then you're walking down the street, shoe deodorizing. 506 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,000 You can't escape it. And it's... 507 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,640 Yeah, so? 508 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,080 Uh, that's how they know. 509 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,040 Okay, but... 510 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:48,960 [chuckles] 511 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:54,200 ...but the show makes stuff up about me. Right? 512 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,800 It embellishes things. 513 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,200 It makes me look worse than I really am. 514 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,640 So... [smacks table] ...defamation. 515 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,400 Yeah, page 53, paragraph 12. 516 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,920 There's something about creating characters and dialogue 517 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,440 for dramatic purposes. 518 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:12,680 Fuck! 519 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,440 I agree. 520 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,920 Uh, I hate to say it, but this thing is... is watertight. 521 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,040 Oh my God. 522 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,800 They got you every which way and then some. 523 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,000 My advice is to try and ignore it. 524 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,800 What the fuck kind of advice is that? 525 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,640 It's the only kind I got. 526 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,240 Oh my God. 527 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,040 [Joan laughing] Okay. 528 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,880 Hi, guys! 529 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,000 Hey, how you doing out there? 530 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,800 Cool! Fuck! 531 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,840 [pensive music playing] 532 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,840 Sorry, do I know you? 533 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,920 [groaning angrily] 534 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,840 [TV Joan] This show, it is using my life, my name, my career. 535 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,720 You assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 536 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,480 When? How? 537 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,120 Terms and conditions. 538 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,320 I've never even seen this. 539 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,640 - I would've known if I signed it. - This is brutal. 540 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,640 I would've known I'd signed something I didn't read. Who has time to read that? 541 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,480 [knocking at door] 542 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,440 [TV lawyer] You did accept it though. 543 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880 - [TV Joan] What? - Yeah, they're in the clear. 544 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,696 - [TV Joan] They can't do this to me. - Oh, hey. 545 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,480 - Can I come in? - Yeah, yeah. 546 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,280 Hey, uh... 547 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,640 They cannot... 548 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,080 There. Sorry. 549 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,400 [crying] 550 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,800 Oh, baby. 551 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,600 Honey. 552 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,720 [Joan crying] 553 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,320 [Mac] You're okay. 554 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,280 [Joan sobs] 555 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,520 No... 556 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,080 [sobs] 557 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,120 [Joan breathing heavily] 558 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,520 What's wrong? 559 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Um, 560 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,400 I can't get hard. 561 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,560 Sure you can. 562 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,280 Hey, you want me to do that horrible thing you love? 563 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,200 It's, um... 564 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000 It's... This is so public. 565 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:41,960 What do you mean? 566 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,320 This is gonna be on the show. 567 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,720 Okay, but it's not us. It's... it's computer people. 568 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,080 - It's Salma Hayek and... - Well, yeah, I know. 569 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,840 So, I mean, like, I'm gonna be the guy who can't get it up for Salma Hayek? 570 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,520 I mean, it's like... 571 00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,720 You know, it's one thing to not be able to get it up for, like, you, 572 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,800 but Salma Hayek? 573 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920 I mean, look, people are gonna laugh at me. 574 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,440 The show is called fucking Joan Is Awful. How do you think I feel? 575 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,680 Hey! Look, when I said I wanted to get back together with you... 576 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,360 When you basically begged me to get back together with you. 577 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,960 But I didn't agree to be a public figure. 578 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,000 Neither did I! 579 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,160 Except you did. 580 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,600 Page 58 of the terms and conditions. 581 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,840 They just said so on the show! 582 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,920 Joan, I always said you gotta read the terms and conditions. 583 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,120 I can sue Cate Blanchett. 584 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,240 [scoffs] Uh, for what? 585 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,600 For passing herself off as me. 586 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520 That isn't the real Cate Blanchett. 587 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,880 The show just deploys a digital likeness of Miss Blanchett. 588 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,280 The whole show is CGI. 589 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,080 It's generated by a quantum computer. 590 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:10,000 They could... [chuckles] ...make her blow an orangutan if they wanted. 591 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,440 Although I am guessing the real Miss Blanchett might object to that, 592 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,760 but you get my point. 593 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,920 [tense music playing] 594 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:23,840 Hmm. 595 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,360 [tense music continues] 596 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,880 Oh God. 597 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,680 [coughs] 598 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,240 [tense music continues] 599 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,840 [gasps, groans] 600 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,520 [stomach rumbling] 601 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,640 Okay. 602 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,720 [tense music continues] 603 00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:38,080 [priest] Anyone knows a reason why these two may not be wed, 604 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,040 let him speak now. 605 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,320 [air horn blaring] 606 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,960 - Merry Christmas, one and all! - [guests murmuring] 607 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,040 [stomach rumbling] 608 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,680 [groans] 609 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,280 [man] Oh my God! 610 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,480 [guests groaning in disgust] 611 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,800 What are you doing?! 612 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,400 [Joan groaning] 613 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,320 Stop! 614 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,280 [screaming] 615 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,800 - Get the kids out of here! - Get out of here! 616 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:05,960 [grunts] 617 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,080 [camera shutter clicks] 618 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,080 - [camera shutter clicks] - [laughs] 619 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,640 What's so funny? 620 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:13,720 [camera shutter clicks] 621 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,200 Salma Hayek's gonna fucking hate this. 622 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,000 [photographer] Why? 623 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,520 Have you not seen Joan Is Awful? 624 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,000 No, but it's on my list. 625 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,920 Just wait till episode four. I hear it's gonna be a blast. 626 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,400 Her lawyer's here. Posted bail. 627 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,840 - Uh... - You're free to go. 628 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:34,960 Oh. 629 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,000 [female officer] For now. 630 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,920 [laughs] 631 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,400 You're disgusting. 632 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:44,360 Thank you. 633 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,440 [TV priest] ...these two should not be wed, let him speak now. 634 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:48,760 [air horn blaring on TV] 635 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,600 [TV Joan] Merry Christmas, one and all! 636 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,640 [guests murmuring] 637 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,520 [guests groaning in disgust] 638 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,160 [TV bridesmaid] What are you doing? 639 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,760 [laughing] 640 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,960 [Joan laughing] 641 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,720 [wedding scene playing on laptop] 642 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,960 [Hayek] Never in my wildest nightmares 643 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,440 I thought I'd see myself defecating in a church. 644 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:25,080 Well, technically, that's the Joan character, not you. 645 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,840 So this character, whose face do they have? 646 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,680 Do they have your face or my face? 647 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,120 Your face. 648 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,960 Salma Hayek's face. 649 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,600 So, then, whose anus is doing the shitting? 650 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:39,680 Uh, 651 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,600 Salma Hayek's anus? 652 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:44,960 Bingo. 653 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,520 I am Roman Catholic. 654 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,360 My grandmother Rosa was going to be a nun. 655 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,280 She might die when she sees this. 656 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,760 What right do they have to kill my abuela 657 00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:00,760 with this deepfake heretic abomination? 658 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,240 Uh, page 39, paragraph eight. 659 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,440 Paragraph eight can suck my dick. I don't even know what it says anyway. 660 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,120 Uh, your image rights agreement with Streamberry. 661 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,640 It's page 39, paragraph eight. 662 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,840 Specifically covers any acts or behaviors Joan may exhibit 663 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,320 up to, including, and beyond defecation. 664 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,160 Beyond defecation? 665 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,760 Beyond. That's what it says. 666 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,840 You know I don't read this crap. 667 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,720 I am a dyslexic, talented actress with questionable English. 668 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,120 - That's why I overpay you to protect me. - Okay. 669 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,400 I mean, doesn't my asshole have any rights? 670 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,680 - Okay. All right. - [exhales] Okay, okay. 671 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,360 Okay. 672 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960 Okay. 673 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,320 Let's collect ourselves, and, uh... 674 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,400 Good. 675 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,840 ...brainstorm so we can do some damage control. 676 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,800 So, what can you do 677 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,240 to erase this image from every machine in the world? 678 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,320 [clears throat] 679 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:03,920 Nothing. 680 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Okay. 681 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,760 Then I guess I'm just gonna have to settle for a huge lawsuit against them. 682 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,040 Um, I've looked up and down and researched, 683 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,000 and there is no legal basis. 684 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,840 There's no way we can sue these guys. 685 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,680 Then I'm gonna sue you. 686 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,320 You sold me out. 687 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,440 You useless, overrated maggot. 688 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,560 You take your paragraph eight 689 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,440 and shove it up your ass! 690 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,920 And I hope that you get paper cuts in your hemorrhoids and die! 691 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,960 You're fired! 692 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,320 - [doorbell ringing] - [snorts] 693 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,400 [confused moan] 694 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,760 What the fuck? 695 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,680 I... 696 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,680 I didn't, uh, actually think that you would come to... 697 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,240 Welcome to my home. 698 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,680 - I understand that you're mad. - Oh, do you? 699 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,400 Please don't kill me, Salma Hayek. 700 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,560 You're lucky I'm a humanitarian. 701 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,000 Let's have a talk. 702 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:41,920 [inaudible] What the fuck? 703 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,080 - Come on! - Coming! 704 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,800 Oh my goodness me. 705 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,680 Oh my God. 706 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,920 Now it all makes sense. Look at all this shit! 707 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,280 What's wrong with you, girl? 708 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,640 I mean, must you be so disgusting? 709 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,400 I mean, the last few days have been pretty rough, so... 710 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,200 Rough enough to take a dump in the house of God? 711 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,280 If you don't have any self-respect, that's your thing. 712 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,120 But to disrespect the church, 713 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,640 and frankly, to disrespect my image... 714 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,320 - Mm-hmm. - ...I don't wanna be associated with you. 715 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,600 Well, I don't wanna be associated with me either. 716 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,480 They took my life. They turned it into a CGI fucking drama. 717 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,040 I lose my fiancé. 718 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,360 I lose my job. 719 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,560 They put my entire existence out there for everyone to watch, 720 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,600 and you signed up to be the face of it. 721 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,920 You're a fucking enabler. I should be yelling at you. 722 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,240 - You are yelling at me. - Well, I need to yell at someone! 723 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,320 Well, it's not fair that you're taking it all out on me. 724 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,800 I am sorry that I shat in a church. 725 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,360 Okay? 726 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,680 But I was trying to get your attention 727 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,960 so that you'd get in touch with Streamberry 728 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,120 and have them pull the plug on the show. 729 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,560 I already made that call. 730 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,360 - And? - They told me to go fuck myself. 731 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,440 They did? 732 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,000 Can you believe it? 733 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840 So, you can't stop this? 734 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,520 I thought for once I was gonna have control over my own image. 735 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,920 But those fuckers lied about everything. 736 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,520 First, they told me this was gonna be a prestige show, right? 737 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,160 Look, I didn't think it was gonna be like my movie Frida, 738 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,080 but I couldn't imagine that it was gonna be this. 739 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,000 And then they said that they were closing the pay gap. 740 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:32,400 Bullshit! 741 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,400 They are paying me one-tenth of what they're paying George Clooney. 742 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,360 Sorry, George Clooney is gonna be in this show? 743 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,280 No, they're sticking his head on a Thomas the Tank Engine reboot. 744 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,960 Wait. 745 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,600 How much are they paying you? 746 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:50,680 Oh, 747 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,600 nothing. 748 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,080 - Nothing? - Nothing. 749 00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:59,280 That is so fucked up. 750 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:00,200 Yeah. 751 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,720 Well, they're screwing us both. 752 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:03,800 Yeah. 753 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,720 I mean, how do you think Cate Blanchett feels about this? 754 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:07,920 Fuck her. 755 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,480 This is the bad guy. 756 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,640 Mona Giovanni. 757 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,800 - [Joan] Javadi. - Whatever. 758 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,000 And the whole Strawberry machine. 759 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,320 It's Streamberry. 760 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,320 They have taken 100 years of cinema 761 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,040 and diminished it to an app. 762 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,200 I wanna go and take that computer 763 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,400 and rip the cables out of it 764 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,520 and stick them up its ass. 765 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,280 Let's bring down the system. The quamputer thing. 766 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,480 Oh yeah, let's. 767 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,960 Are you a hacker? 768 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,280 No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, physically. 769 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,760 So it says the server's outside of Mona Javadi's office. 770 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720 So we just get in there and fucking... 771 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,280 - You know? - Her office is all the way at the top. 772 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,200 We can't crawl on the side of the building like Spider-Mans. 773 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,120 No, no, no, we don't have to. 774 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,520 'Cause you can just walk in the front door. 775 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,840 We can't just do that. 776 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:07,800 You can 777 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,440 because you're Salma fucking Hayek. 778 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,240 Thank you. 779 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,480 You're right. 780 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,920 Yeah. 781 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,840 I am Salma fucking Hayek. 782 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,520 [suspenseful music playing] 783 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:45,360 [Hayek] Good morning. 784 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,000 Hi. Hello. Miss Hayek. 785 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600 I have an appointment with Mona Javadi. 786 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,400 Of course. Let me just... 787 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,800 [secretary] Uh, I can't, um... 788 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,760 - It should be in the system. Please do... - Excuse me, is there a restroom I can use? 789 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,800 Of course. Right over there. 790 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,160 I'm afraid that's too public. 791 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,520 Thanks to your show, 792 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,840 every time people see me go into one of those, 793 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,400 all they can think about is hot birria coming out of my bottom. 794 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,320 Of course. 795 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,360 Can we swipe Miss Hayek through? 796 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,880 There is a private restroom down the corridor on the right. 797 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,520 Thank you. 798 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,720 And don't worry, I'm just gonna pee. 799 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,120 Okay. 800 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:32,880 Cool. 801 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:35,360 Thank you. 802 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,160 All right, just one sec. Yeah. We're good. 803 00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:47,120 - You rolling? - Yeah. 804 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,040 Great. 805 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:49,760 - So, Miss Javadi. - Mm. 806 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,000 A lot going on here at Streamberry. Loads of heat around your new show. 807 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,600 - [clears throat] - I know, right? 808 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,376 - Bet you've got a heap of questions. - Yeah. 809 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,920 [clears throat, coughs] 810 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080 - Lucy, I'm in the middle of an interview. - I think it might be important. 811 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:02,920 Sorry. 812 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,280 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes? 813 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,800 Apparently, Salma Hayek's downstairs asking to see you. 814 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,200 - Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself? - Maybe that's why. 815 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,400 Just get security to chuck her out. 816 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,600 Sorry, sorry. She's new. 817 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,480 - Yeah. - Don't know how long she'll last. 818 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,240 Anyway, where were we? 819 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,560 - Joan Is Awful. - Joan Is Awful. 820 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,640 [tense music playing] 821 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,360 [door lock beeps] 822 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,160 - What are you wearing? - It's a disguise. 823 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,560 Take it off. They're gonna think you're kidnapping me. 824 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,640 Okay. 825 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,280 - Hurry up! - Okay! 826 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,320 [tense music continues] 827 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:49,920 Come on! 828 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:59,760 So, here at Streamberry, we are passionate about creating new forms of entertainment. 829 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,440 This whole floor is dedicated to content generation R&D. 830 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,280 Experimental entertainment, computer-generated material. 831 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,720 [interviewer] Like Joan Is Awful. 832 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:10,800 [Mona] Exactly. 833 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,800 Shut up, shut up. 834 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:16,480 [Mona] And that is made by this, the quamputer, 835 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,880 which is actually just down that corridor on the left. 836 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,800 [interviewer] A kind of quantum computer. 837 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,680 Yeah, hence the name. 838 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,240 An infinite content creator 839 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:30,080 capable of willing entire multiverses into existence, right? 840 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,320 And within those rendered worlds, 841 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,840 shooting, packaging, and editing fully-edited programs 842 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,680 that would normally take months to make, such as... 843 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,560 [interviewer] Joan Is Awful. 844 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,520 I wish they'd stop saying that. 845 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,560 - [Mona] Correct. - [whispers] I like the picture. 846 00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,080 And the role Salma's depicting is based on a real Joan, right? 847 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,800 Mm-hmm. Yep. 848 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,840 Why that particular woman? What's so special about her? 849 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,160 Absolutely nothing. 850 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,320 We were looking for a totally average, nobody person, 851 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,040 just... just to test the system. 852 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,240 The point is, Joan Is Awful is just the beginning. 853 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,400 The aim here is to launch unique, tailored content 854 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,080 to each individual in our database, all 800 million of them, 855 00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,920 created on the fly by our system. The most relatable content imaginable. 856 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,320 Actually, there's one for you. 857 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,240 I couldn't resist. Yeah. 858 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,800 This is actually real and will be available to stream from Friday. 859 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:26,520 [uncomfortable chuckle] 860 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,160 Uh, why "awful"? 861 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,520 Why is it all so negative? 862 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,080 Yeah. No, that's a great question, Fatima. 863 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,000 Um, we did try more affirmative content in the test cell, 864 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120 but we found that, um, our subjects just didn't buy it. 865 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,360 It didn't chime with their neurotic view of themselves. 866 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,520 What we found instead was when we focused on their more weak 867 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,440 or selfish or craven moments, 868 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,160 it confirmed their innermost fears 869 00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,120 and put them in a state of mesmerized horror. 870 00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,680 Which really drives engagement. 871 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,040 They literally can't look away. 872 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,480 Let's kill this quam-puta. 873 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,640 - [Fatima] Wow. Great, thanks. - [Mona] Did you get everything you need? 874 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,360 Okay. Where is she? Hi, where is she? Where's Salma? 875 00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:11,760 I let her go to the toilet. 876 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,000 How hard is it to find someone? Most walls are glass. 877 00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,240 Can you guys do something? 878 00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,320 [tense music playing] 879 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,480 - [whispers] Is that it? - It's locked. 880 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,560 There. 881 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,640 [door opens] 882 00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:31,240 [Hayek] There it is. 883 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,920 Holy Christ! Hey, no one's allowed in here! 884 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,160 I'm calling security! 885 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,080 If you call security, I will break your arm. 886 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,560 Don't think I won't, because I will, understood? 887 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:44,760 Yes, Miss Hayek. 888 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:47,080 [Hayek] Okay. 889 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:48,600 How do we get in here? 890 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,480 [Joan] What's that? 891 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,080 Joan Is Awful. 892 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:54,880 No, but that's me. That should be 893 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:56,800 her, right? 894 00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,520 That's the variant of Joan Is Awful that the Joan below you sees 895 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,440 when she watches the show. 896 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,800 What? The Joan below me? 897 00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,040 You're not the original Joan. That's Source Joan. 898 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,680 We need a code for this, Joan. 899 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,800 Wait, sh. 900 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:12,720 "Source Joan"? 901 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,680 Yeah, you're just a Joan. 902 00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,000 Who's Source Joan? 903 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,360 The real Joan. 904 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,760 Look, there. Source Joan. 905 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,600 [Joan] Source Joan? 906 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,040 I'm not the real Joan? 907 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,080 You're a version of Joan 908 00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,720 played by a digital likeness of Annie Murphy. 909 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,720 - Who's Annie Murphy? - The actress. 910 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,080 There. Look familiar? 911 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,480 Schitt's Creek. No? Great show. 912 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,120 - You're playing an adaptation of Joan. - No, no. 913 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,760 Look. Source Joan lives in reality. 914 00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,560 When Source John watches the TV show Joan Is Awful, she sees you playing her. 915 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,320 That show is the fictive level we're on right now, here. 916 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,120 - The fictive level? - Yes, fictive level one. 917 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,880 Like I said, this is an adaptation of Joan's life. 918 00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,240 - You're in a show right now. - I'm in a show right now? 919 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120 Come on. Have you seen where you live? 920 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,920 Uh, who could afford a place like that? It's a TV show house. 921 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,400 I mean, look at me. Michael Cera licensed his face, 922 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,400 just like Annie Murphy licensed her face to play Joan on level one, 923 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,360 and Salma Hayek licensed her face to play Joan on level two 924 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,120 and to play herself here on level one. 925 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,560 [Hayek] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 926 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,440 I'm not playing myself. 927 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,720 I am myself. 928 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,440 Yeah, but it tracks that you believe that 929 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,920 because you're coded to play yourself on this level. 930 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,440 - What? - What? 931 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,200 We're not in reality right now. This is fictive level one. 932 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,920 [Hayek] If I'm not here, then where am I? 933 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,280 I don't know where the real Miss Hayek is. I don't have eyes on her. 934 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,760 She's probably in Zurich or on a beach somewhere. 935 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,440 - I don't know where she is. - Zurich? 936 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:43,360 This is not called 937 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,800 Salma Hayek Gets Everything Explained To Her But Doesn't Understand It Still. 938 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,120 - It's called Joan Is Awful. Her story. - What the fuck? 939 00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:50,560 By which I mean the real her. 940 00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:54,520 Not Annie Murphy, Source Joan. The Joan that lives... 941 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,280 Oh, thank God! 942 00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,120 He was so boring. 943 00:50:58,640 --> 00:50:59,800 Jesus! 944 00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:04,840 [exhales] Annie Murphy, you're my hero. 945 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,440 You guard the door. 946 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,320 I'm gonna kill that fucking computer. 947 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,920 [tense music playing] 948 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,520 - She wasn't in the schedule. - I know that. I was working... 949 00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:22,800 S3? Check S3. 950 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,760 Come on! Come on! Just kill that quam-puta! 951 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,560 Okay, just wait a second. Wait a second. 952 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,920 So, inside this computer, there's a version of you playing me 953 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,120 who thinks she's real? 954 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:39,600 - Yeah. - [door opens] 955 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,640 - They're coming! Do it! Do it! - [Mona] Stop! 956 00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:45,680 If you destroy that, you destroy everybody inside every fictive universe above this. 957 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,880 - You! - Billions of simulated souls 958 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,160 who consider themselves to be real will die. 959 00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,280 Do you really want all that blood on your hands? 960 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,640 I mean, define "blood" for me here. 961 00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:57,960 Okay, this is a quantum computer, right? We barely know how it works. 962 00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:59,360 It's basically magic. 963 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,680 The reality we're in will cease to exist. 964 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:03,720 Would I die? 965 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:05,040 Instantly. 966 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,720 Put the fucking axe down, Annie Murphy, now. 967 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,856 - [Mona] Listen to her. Do as you're told. - [Hayek] Put it down! 968 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:11,880 I can't. 969 00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,960 Because the fact that I'm standing here right now 970 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,640 means that Source Joan already stood here in reality. 971 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,480 - It doesn't matter what I want... - Get in. 972 00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,840 ...because the events that this is based on have already happened. 973 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,440 It's not my decision. 974 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,080 - It's Joan's. - [Mona] Okay. 975 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,120 - It's happening. - All right, Joan. 976 00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,960 - She's doing it. Joan's doing it. - [Mona] Joan, put the axe down. 977 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,680 No! The quamputer! 978 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,160 Joan! Fucking Jesus! 979 00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:40,320 [screams] 980 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,560 [tense music playing] 981 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,760 [panting] 982 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:53,840 [alarm sounding] 983 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,840 I think we're done. [laughing] 984 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:03,880 [gentle music playing] 985 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,320 - [officer] What's your name, please? - Annie Murphy. 986 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,560 [officer] Miss Murphy, what do you... 987 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:27,680 [therapist] So, where are we at? 988 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,040 - Uh, I'm dating again. - Mm-hmm. 989 00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,680 Just taking it slow, you know. 990 00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,920 And trying to make some time for myself. 991 00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,320 Well, how does that make you feel? 992 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,440 It feels good, you know? 993 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,880 It feels good to be okay on your own. 994 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:47,120 [therapist] And work? 995 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:51,960 Yeah. I mean, my job is far less corporate. 996 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,080 But I'm my own boss. 997 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,520 I... I treat my staff well. 998 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,200 Uh, and I'm actually... 999 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,840 I'm actually proud of what I do. So... 1000 00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,400 - [therapist] It's good to hear. - Yeah, thanks. 1001 00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,120 So, maybe now, do you feel... 1002 00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:11,880 Yeah, uh, like the main character in my own life? 1003 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:12,960 [therapist] Mm-hmm. 1004 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,680 Yeah, I... I think I do. 1005 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,400 [therapist] And you don't feel too confined? 1006 00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,400 - Oh, the house arrest? - Mm-hmm. 1007 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,040 You know, there's good days and bad days. 1008 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,960 I guess that's to be expected. 1009 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,480 [uplifting music playing] 1010 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,360 You're supposed to encourage me. 1011 00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,680 - What is that? - Yeah, it's not good. I know. 1012 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,160 [Annie] Hi, Joan. 1013 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,280 Hi, Annie! 1014 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:05,536 - How you doing? - [Joan] Good. 1015 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,240 - The usual? - The usual, please. 1016 00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:08,320 Okay. 1017 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,520 - [Annie] Missed you. - [Joan] I missed you. How are you? 1018 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,560 [Annie] I'm good. 1019 00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,920 [uplifting music continues] 1020 00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:21,400 [air horn blaring] 1021 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,840 Merry Christmas, one and all! 1022 00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:25,920 [guests murmuring] 1023 00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:27,520 [groaning] 1024 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,280 [groans] 1025 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,520 Yeah, yeah. 1026 00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:33,720 [guests groaning in disgust] 1027 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,360 Sorry. I know. I know. 1028 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:39,040 Get out! Get out! 1029 00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,120 [guests screaming] 1030 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,960 Yeah. I'm sorry. 1031 00:56:42,010 --> 00:56:46,560 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 74356

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.