All language subtitles for Cult Hero 2022

I want to thank
for your patience,

your servility,

your...

donations.

Tonight marks the end
of a long, hard yesterday,

and the dawn
of a glorious new tomorrow!

It's time.

Uh, I think we need
to pause right here and um,

just think about all of this.

Um...

Yeah, just, uh,
just think and uh...

just, uh...

Surprise fuckers!

I'm sorry. Who are you?

I'm Dale Domazar, Cult Buster
and expert day programmer.

And this cult is busted.

Previously on Cult Buster,

expert gumshoe,
Dale Domazar, has closed in

on a sinister death cult
known as The Lost Ones.

I'm Dale Domazar,
the one true Cult Buster,

here to remind you that America
is constantly shitting out

new cults by absorbing
debris of the old ones.

Jonestown, Heaven's Gate,
The Branch Davidian

all give rise to new ones
like QAnon, NXIVM, CrossFit,

and now the Lost Ones, yeah.

We've pinpointed their camp,

just outside
Fairfax, Saskatchewan,

and we've secretly installed
five hidden cameras

throughout the compound.

They're a blood-thirsty
collective of dead enders

and true believers.

Their leader,
a charlatan par excellence,

calls himself
Theoren the Shepherd.

This is fundamental.

A personality cult.

The minions worship the leader

and exalt him
to godlike status.

That's fanaticism.

Go, go, go.

I managed to extract
a Lost Ones defector

and escort them to safety.

We're in the clear.

Now, we do a delicate
brain scrub for intel

on their master plan.

You're in a safe space
here with ol' double D.

Now, tell me everything
I need to know

about the Lost Ones!

It's okay. You're safe.

They controlled
every aspect of our lives

and they kept alluding
to a purification ceremony.

These bastards
are up to something

and it's time to go undercover.

We now go live
to the season one finale.

And this cult is busted!

Who among our number
ordered a clown?

There's no starship coming,

but I'm here to help you

and I can provide exit
counseling for small fee.

Nice to meet you, Dale,

but we're in
the middle of something.

Everybody freeze. Now!

Jesus!

Awaken, my star seeds.

Everybody, hold up.
Stay where you are.

This idiot pretender
has poisoned

our purification ceremony.

I've alerted the authorities,
and they are very close.

When we made our vows,

you took an oath in the event
that we were.

I now enact the unmask protocol!

I will shoot you.

End my suffering.

Okay, well then,
I-- I don't know.

I'll, uh, I'll shoot
your fucking knees off.

You really haven't
thought this through, have you?

One.

- One.
- No.

What are you doing?
Stop that. I'm counting.

Two.

No, no. I say two,
fucker! No, don't do that.

Three.

No.

Don't! No!
No, don't do that.

No, what are you doing?
Stop that.

What are you fucking doing?

Spit that out.

Spit that out. No!

Asshole!

Uh, please!

Dale, what the hell
happened here?

Uh...

the Lost Ones have been found.

I'll be the first to admit

that life isn't always

an inspirational hand
stitched embroidery quote.

It wasn't always this way.

Things were looking up
when we moved Owen Sound.

I found us
a beautiful three bedroom home

in hopes that
our family would grow,

just like our love
for each other had,

but the universe
had other plans.

Plans we're still
trying to navigate.

Sure, there's a lot
less pressure on us now,

but nonetheless, our marriage
started to feel off.

Like an old recipe that
just doesn't taste the same.

Not enough spice perhaps,
or maybe too much.

If I don't like something,
I return it

and I want my marriage to return
to how it was,

before Brad went all loopy.

The extreme hair loss,
selective hearing.

Not to mention,
he almost bought a painting

without consulting me
for the front foyer.

Brad's even demoted himself

at his investment
firm twice now

just to relieve
some unnecessary stress.

I'm really at
the end of my rope.

I feel like I've done
everything to help him.

It's amazing
I even got him here.

But you know,
when it comes down to it,

I really wanna do this for him.

For me. For everyone.
For us. For me.

Not to say we're not happy.
We're happy, right?

The question was
actually for Brad.

-Oh!
-Brad, what do you hope

to get out of this place?

I guess a sense of purpose.

Beyond?

It's okay.

A honey do list.

I think you're gonna
fit in perfectly here.

Our resident
spiritual elder is none other

than Master Jagori.

He alchemized a safe space
for self-awareness,

for transcendence,
specifically tailored for men

like our Bradley here.

A program called The Ascension.

His teachings elevate oneself
to a higher frequency.

Too often, we find ourselves
swimming up river.

Well, here at Hope Acres,
we surrender to the current.

It's a stream,
but of consciousness.

Master Jagori can do
great things for you, Brad,

but it depends on
how open you are to change.

Are you ready
to join The Ascension?

I really like it.

I sure as hell don't buy
any of that witch-doctor jargon,

but for you, it's perfect.

They're gonna snap you
right out of this pity party

you got going on. And it seems
like they have guys there

who have it way worse than you,

so it's gonna give you
some perspective.

We'll just pay our way
out of the sadness

and one day,
we can laugh about all this.

Hey. Hey.

Hey! Remember me?

I'm Dale Domazar. Good old
double D, the Cult Buster guy.

Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?

Do you need-- Fuck!

Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?

Or maybe your child
needs a pep talk.

Hell, I'll even
break up with your boyfriend

on your behalf.

I'm your guy.

Just $20 for 60 seconds of me.

And do you need
any manual labor done?

Give me a shout
because this cult is bust--

Brad?

There you are.

You started the car and
I didn't know where you went.

You're gonna have to look

at the return policy on
this thing.

Adventure awaits.

Can you believe it?

Believe what?

The McLaughlins, they went
with Cynthia. Cynthia Doyle.

You physically took down
their Christmas lights.

It was March.

They were on vacation.

I heard a rumor that
Cynthia Doyle has fibromyalgia,

so I looked it up

and all the symptoms
are exactly what I have.

I have fibromyalgia.
She's copying me.

She's obsessed with me!

Can you turn on my karma app?

Damn it, Brad! Come on!

Let go today, Kallie.

Your need for oversight burns
from the ashes of your fear.

Let go and enjoy the ride.

Oh, I think you're
really gonna be thanking me

after this weekend.

Right on time.

I believe it was
the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu

who said

Wow! Did you get that, Brad?
I don't think he's listening.

A journey of a thousand miles
begins with one single step.

Oh, can I use that?
I really like that.

I work in real estate.

I'd like to introduce you
to two of our finest members,

Dalton and Luther.

Both are expert healers

and longtime students
of The Ascension.

Gosh, that stinks.

That's our traditional right
of acquaintance?

Okay.

Please.

Uh! Oh, I did wanna
check his bag before he goes.

He's arrived at a very special
time here at Hope Acres.

Among those chosen
in the year zero.

Okay. Well, can you make sure
he takes his pill?

Sometimes, he forgets.

He'll be taken care of here.

Okay, honey. Uh, bye.

Don't even think
about having dairy.

I'm proud of you. I love you.

Don't have too much fun
without me.

All right.

Bradley. Oh, perfect fit.

Please, this way.
Don't be nervous.

I was a patient like you,

but then, soon after, my whole
life completely changed.

Look, Dr. Pavy,
our resident medicine man.

What a pleasure. And please,
Cormac is fine by me.

Doctor,
Bradley's medical records.

Ooh! How wonderful!

I'll take a lookie-poo
through this today.

May we ascend.

Please, this way, Bradley.
There's so much to see.

You know, Dr. Pavy, he healed
three slipped discs of mine.

The man is a miracle worker.

Oh, I'm sure you're gonna
make a ton of friends here,

but let me show you around.

Over here we have
our hall of nourishment.

Over to the left,
we have our patient rec center.

And behind that, we have
our very own indoor pool.

But first,
let me show you our garden.

Nature restores
the ascension process,

so you'll be spending
much of your time outdoors

to shed that protective armor
you have cladded to your soul.

Come, I have more to show you.

With the wisdom you'll
absorb within our gardens,

you'll be able to live the rest
of your days in peace,

as is our hope.

You'll come to realize
your soul chose all of this

before you even came here.

How long do people
usually stay here?

Until they remember
it's time to leave.

Master Jagori, may we ascend.

Welcome home, Brad the broken.

It's vitamin C.

May we ascend.

May we ascend.

You work hard for your money,

you need a home that
represents your success.

This elegant home
offers that lifestyle

and like you,
is well maintained.

Who has time to clean

when you are busy
hosting dinner parties?

Don't you want
your own in-island waterfall?

So wet!

If you're like me, ladies,
you like 'em big.

Big ceilings,
big windows, gorgeous views.

This is
the paradise you deserve.

So call Cynthia Doyle today
for your private viewing.

Cynthia,
I don't know how you do it,

but this video
is gonna change real estate

across Owen Sound.

Well, yes. The internet
is our friend, Marcia.

The more that we can captivate
an audience online,

the quicker our homes will sell.

Well, I have full faith that
you have a handle on it here.

Thank you.

Kallie?
Kallie, are-- are you okay?

Yep. I just brought
a snack for everyone.

They're my famous deviled eggs.

It's a little hot in here, so...

thought we could use a snack.

What? Cynthia,
I'm-- I'm so sorry.

No, it-- it-- it's fine.
You know what?

I'm suddenly really hungry.
Uh, I think it's near lunch.

Good call.
Okay, folks, lunchtime.

Let's go get lunch, okay?

You stay there. We need to talk.

Okay, good. Because someone's
been stealing my lawn signs

and I am not very
happy about it.

Uh, excuse me.
This can't be here right now.

We have an open house
on the street.

Do you even have
a permit for this?

Oh, my-- Can you please
get off our lawn?

No. This needs
to be cleaned up now. No.

What? I'm calling the police.

Well, I'm gonna get my lawyer.
Are you filming me?

They were violating
at least three bylaws.

No parents in sight!

Mouths like a crew of pirates!

That's enough.

Kallie, the firm
cannot afford another one

of these ranting meltdowns.

They were positioned
right down the street

from my open house.

What would
potential buyers think?

"Oh, great! Here's some kids,
begging for change

-on the side of the road."
-They're kids for Christ's sake!

And as for those
other complaints,

those charges were dropped

and I had every right
to self-defense.

This could cost you
your real estate license.

I can't have it!

-I'm giving you one more chance.
-What?

You can sell
the Victorian on the hill.

Are you insane?

Now, I don't want to hear
one single complaint from you,

from neighbors or anybody.
Is that clear?

You are to sell that house
and prove to me

that you can be
a responsible realtor.

Sell the Victorian on the hill.

Sell the Victorian on the hill.

-Kellie?
-Ah!

Hey, doll. Hi. Yeah,
I-- I hope you're doing okay.

Why? I'm fine. I'm always fine.

I hope that
you're hanging in there.

Oh yeah. No, honey.
I'm-- Yeah, I'm good.

I know-- I just-- I just know
things are tough right now.

I heard about
Bradley being at Hope Acres.

My Brad? No, he's doing great.

Okay. Well, I-- It's just
I sponsor a few patients there.

I could have swore
I saw him at my last visit.

Nope. No, he's at home.
He's doing good.

Yeah.
You know what? Maybe I'm wrong.

Yeah. I must have got it wrong.

You do. You have it wrong.

Oh, gosh!
I'm so-- I'm so relieved.

You know, I thought
maybe there was, you know,

something going on.

Nope. We're good. I'm good.

Brad's good
and we're stronger than ever.

Good.

So, I hope that you get through

what you're
going through as well.

Okay, Kallie. You, uh, you
take care of yourself. Okay?

We'll see you when we see ya.

You like to work hard,

so why not put some work
into this big classic.

Relax in your
very own sitting room.

Each of these doors
weigh 35 pounds.

Solid wood.

This opportunity
won't last long,

so call Kallie Jones today

to book your
very private showing.

Okay, Mr. Domazar,

thank you for breaking
your silence with us today.

Yeah, of course.

Here we go.

-Thank you.
-Hello, my loyal--

Hey there. How's it going?

No, this is the intro.
I'll introduce you.

-Oh!
-It's okay.

I'll just edit it out later.

No, keep it.

-What?
-I want this to be authentic.

Whatever.
Let's just start again.

Unsafe Sects.

Hello, loyal zealots.

Welcome to another episode
of Unsafe Sects.

As always, I'm your ringleader,
Tessa Fantastic.

We've got a big guest on today.

For the past 15 years,

he's been unmasking cults
and deprogramming fanatics.

Welcome to the show,
Dale Domazar.

Yeah. Rock on! Hey, everyone.

Our listeners are very
familiar with your backstory:

your show being canceled,
the lawsuits.

We haven't heard from you

in five years
since the Lost One's debacle.

What made you decide
to break your silence now?

Well, I've been, uh,
taking some time to myself.

I've been doing a lot
of drinkin-- Thinking.

A lot of thinking.
It's time to reenter the world.

Get back to work.

Oh, what kind of work
did you have in mind?

Paid appearances,

some light bounty hunting,

a little private
investigation on the side.

It says here that you got

your private investigator
license revoked when--

Yeah, I'm appealing that.

So, strictly speaking,
you're done with cults?

Look, I know it sounds crazy.

Re-launching, re-inventing,

whatever the hell
you want to call it,

my Cult Buster project.

You really
think people will go for that?

-Seriously?
-Yeah, of course they will.

The cult world has evolved.
Cults are less of a threat now.

Even cult experts are
more subtle and nuanced.

At this point,
I think a new show

would be very ill-advised.

You've squeezed everything
you can from this character.

Don't you think
it's time to just,

you know, let it go?

-Dale?
-Yeah.

Okay. Next question.

It was reported
that you went off script

in the season finale,

and that was what caused
the entire Lost One's cult

to commit mass suicide,
when in fact,

they had only been planning
a single human sacrifice.

That cult was demonic!

Maybe. But if it
weren't for the added theatrics

of the show
and your decision making,

then perhaps, the cult
could have lived long enough

for the police to arrive.

Today is a new day

and you've woken up on
the right side of the bed.

It's important
to let your guard down

with any interactions
you may face today.

You might meet someone

you haven't seen
for a while or heard from.

They might have surprising news.

Be understanding.

Fuck you!

My weekend was great.

It was really nice
to have some alone time,

uh, just to have a glass
of wine, unwind, introspect.

Okay, well, uh,
I guess we better be going.

I'd like to go before
the grocery store closes.

I found us a new vegan bone
marrow recipe we could try.

- Actually, I...
- What?

-I thought you called her.
-Who called me?

Brad has requested an extension
and it's been approved.

No, we didn't.
I didn't approve anything.

Technically,
your consent is not required.

Master Jagori has waived
all the fees and expenses

for Brother Bradley.

Bradley has chosen to complete
his ascension journey.

Okay,
well, the only journey

my husband will be continuing
is the one back to our house

where we live together, now.

Brad! Are you rebuffing me?

No. Yes. I-- I'd like to stay.

Beautiful work, Brad.

Stunning.

-We're leaving.
-Please respect my boundaries.

Your boundaries? What the fuck
have they done to you?

See, I don't feel like
I'm being heard right now.

Enough of this.
Honey, I brought you here

so that we can be happy,

not so that you stay with these
fucking freaks in bathrobes.

God damn it!
I'm calling the police.

Mrs. Jones, the police
have already been notified.

For what? What have I done?

You're trespassing.

-You're kidnapping!
-They're on their way now.

They practically insisted
when they heard your name.

What the fuck is wrong
with you people?

What is this?
Some kind of cult?

-This is a cult, isn't it?
-Ma'am, please ma'am.

Honey, you think--
Get your hands off him!

Come on, ma'am.

God damn it!

Fuck! God damn it!

They came at me.
They were coming right at me,

I couldn't say anything.
What was I supposed to say?

I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong!

It was them! They came at me!

I'm a woman! They
were hitting me! They hit me!

I was on the ground!

What happened to us, Brad?

Get off me! Of course,
you're gonna record this.

Ma'am, please step back.

Get your hands off me! Get
that camera-- Get out of my--

Is that what I look like?

Oh.

It wasn't that bad.

God!

I tried my best.

Cult Buster.

Think you know cults
Mister, uh, Dale Domazar?

We'll see about that.

Give this a shot.

Okay. See if he's home.

You've reached
the Cult Buster hotline.

Leave a message.

This is Scenic City
realtor, Kallie Jones.

I'd like to report a cult
here at Owen Sound,

so I need a Cult Buster,
and I guess you're my guy.

So, you're gonna be going
to Hope Acres Wellness Center

and shut them down.

They have
taken my husband, Brad,

and they assaulted me and you
need to get him outta there

because he's terrified
and alone

and he couldn't
even look me in the eyes.

So I need you to go there

and burn them
to the ground. Okay, bye.

A change is upon you, Dear One.

With your decision to evolve,

the universe moves quickly
to shed all dense energies

so you are ready
to move freely forward.

Hello?

With the moon and transition,

this is the perfect time.

You are free to feel.

Relationships are a path to--

Excuse me?

Can I help you?
That's not your piñata! Brad?

Who are you?

How'd you--
How'd you get in here?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, creepo.

Sorry about the mess.

Didn't know just what we'd be
dealing with here tonight.

Who the hell are you?

Dale Domazar. You called me
two nights ago. Dale? Me?

Yeah. I did.

Renowned Cult Buster
and exit counselor.

I got here soon as I could.

Renowned or disgraced?

Hey. I'm all you got, lady.

About that job offer, accepted.

You and me,
we're gonna investigate

suspected cult activity
rooted in this very community.

You're not very professional.
I thought you'd be taller.

Look, you may think
that I'm bottom of the barrel,

but I get shit done.

You called me as a last resort

because no one believes you
about Hope Acres, correct?

Yeah. Well, you can
bet your ass that I do.

So, I'm not crazy
and they are a cult. Okay!

I've studied fringe factions
my entire life. Ever since...

Ever since what?

Never mind. It doesn't matter.

Okay. Well,
I'm gonna call the cops.

No. No, that's
exactly what they want.

Most cult yearn
for armed confrontation.

It validates their end game.

You move in
and surround those assholes,

lay siege?

Well, you can kiss your hubby
and everybody else embroiled

in that kooky compound goodbye.

They're minced meat.

- All right, fine.
- Okay, then.

Pack your shit.
I'm parked down the street.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

It's not safe here.
We killed one of theirs.

They will be back.

You killed. You killed
one of theirs in my home.

I just saved your ass.

If it wasn't for me,
you'd be dead,

or worse, indoctrinated.

But stay.
Be my goddamn guest.

You need me a hell of
a lot more than I need you.

Don't tell me what I need.
I'm staying. This is insane.

Fine, by all means.

But you need to realize

that I'm not
the one to worry about.

They know where you live,

and they will not stop
until you are dead.

Do you know a safe place
that we can go?

Because you have no idea who
the fuck we're dealing with.

Yeah, I-- I know a place.

Great. Now, do you
want to hear the good news?

Because they have no idea

who the fuck
they're dealing with either.

So, what's this
hide out of yours?

It's a house I'm selling.

How much?

You could never afford it.

We'll see about that
soon enough.

I just don't understand

why they would wanna attack me?

Two days ago,

when you tried
to steal from their flock.

You mean my husband?

Yeah. You pushed them
on their own turf.

I mean, you practically
snapped Brad out of the spell.

The whole thing would've
imploded like a house of cards.

I have to admit,
I kind of liked the moxie.

It was rude, crude,
and right on the mark.

However, you don't just
provoke a fucking death cult

like that. No.

What we need here is subtlety

and sophistication
to gain access.

A death cult.
Jesus Christ, Brad!

Stay with me here,
Kallie Jones.

Here's what we're not gonna do.

We're not gonna storm
in there guns blazing. No!

They'll hunker down

and we'll have ourselves
a 90-day standoff

on national television.

What?

What we need here is
covert concealment. Yeah.

We gotta get in there,
earn their trust,

pull back the curtain,
rescue the followers,

and detain the leader

and expose it all on
a one-hour TV special, baby.

I knew that there
was some angle with you!

And I'm willing to offer you

my platinum
deprogramming program.

Do not try to upsell me.
I'm a natural born negotiator.

You mean bullshitter?

All right, tell me
about this platinum package.

Well, you'll get
infiltration, extraction,

three months of thought
reform consultations,

and all I need is
my per diem, gas, food,

lodging, maybe a haircut.

And if we're successful,

you'll get 25% of my comeback
special royalties.

Whatever. Just get my husband
outta that freak fest

and we got a deal.

Yeah!

Whoa! This place is--

-I know. It's--
-Fucking awesome! Whew!

There's a couple
bedrooms upstairs,

so you can just pick one.

No, I'm on the job.

I'm gonna stay out here
and keep an eye on things.

Suit yourself.

Come in.

Master Jagori would like to
have a word with you, Bradley.

Oh, right now?

In the pool.

Uh, okay.

We do not go in there.

What was that?

Tonsillitis.

May we ascend.

We may.

I'd like to
check in with you, Brad.

Thank you, sir.

You've had some spectacular
success in the mere days

that you've been with us.

More than
many achieve in years.

I knew you were significant
early on when you arrived.

The greats come from
the lowest of the lows.

Yeah. Uh, well, it's--
it's nice to relax for once.

I-- I do feel accepted here.

I feel like I can breathe a bit.

Well, we would like
to formally invite you

to level up at the quantum
edification ceremony tomorrow.

Wow!
I don't know what to say.

You know, few have
receive such an invitation

and even fewer
have anything to say about it.

Well, thank you.
It-- it-- it's everything

that I was hoping for.

Good. Good.

It's just, um,
my wife, can she come?

Oh, Brad!

You need to focus
on your own path.

When we lean on partners,

we cease to make
our own choices.

Sometimes in relationships
you get to the point--

Well, it's not a point. Maybe
it's just a limit exceeded.

Soon, us becomes them.
You see what I'm saying to you?

I'm not quite sure I follow.

Your wife is
a bloodsucking vampire.

Kallie? No, no.
Kallie means well.

- No, no, no!
- She loves me.

No, she treats you
like a child, Brad.

Step into your power!

Ugh!

We have to control ourselves.

We make the choices.

Okay. I'll be there.

Good.

The guides have
great plans for you.

All right.
Camera and sound, aces.

Calibration, primo.

Framing is fucking epic.
Let's do this.

All right. Cult Buster,
season two, scene four.

And this episode of Cult Buster
is brought to you

by Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones.

All right, folks. We're
going down the rabbit hole.

Going into this
here haunted house

and we're gonna
surveil the premises

for any cult activity
or fucking booby traps.

Kallie?

Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones?

Yeah, I'm in here.
I just need another minute.

With new energy on the horizon,

you are reminded to
stay grounded in your routine.

It can be easy--

Cult Buster season two,
scene five, take one.

What the hell
is going on in here?

Kallie Jones, we have
a big day today. Sit down.

Where? There's shit
all over my bed!

Anywhere.
It doesn't matter. Please.

Are those guns?

All right. I've created an
excellent pre-production video

to get us started.
Watch this. Action.

Do you need a safe space oasis?

Look no further
than Hope Acres,

a run-of-the-mill
wellness center

located in
the sleepy hamlet of Owen Sound.

But pull back the curtains
and you'll find

an ungodly personality cult

centered around its
charming guru, Master Jagori.

Real name Ira Keating,
61, white, lazy.

Little is known of the man,

but he is just a man,
let's remember that.

He studied Shamanism,
mycology, cursed warfare.

He traveled
Central America, Amazonia,

and later,
the Himalayan foothills.

Then, he writes
an autobiographical novella

called The Grand Affliction.

Two star average review.

But from its main tenets,
he forms the basis

of his master shell game:
The Ascension.

The compound is purchased
in a private sale

on the outskirts
of an unsuspecting town,

ripe with disenchantment.

Then, Jagori elevates
his personal assistant

and two fan boys
in his manifesto

to form their
sub-leadership framework.

These three Igors are entrusted

to implement
a rigid hierarchy of command.

The patients are gently
brainwashed into accepting

an increasingly
authoritarian internal culture.

The Ascension program
steals the language used

in new age mysticism

to achieve the exact opposite
of the free spirit ethos.

And evidently,
some of these patients graduate

into axe-wielding zealots
like our friend from last night.

They're masquerading
as a wellness center

with the aim
of enticing despondent men.

Hey, Kallie Jones?

Do you not understand
the severity of this situation?

Yes, I understand
the severity of the situation

and you can bet your ass
we can do your little game plan

as soon as I've done my showing.

- What?
- I have a house showing

today, here.

I haven't had a buyer in months

and if I don't
sell something soon,

Brad won't even have
a house to come back to anyway.

Everyone deals
with stress differently

and focusing on this deal

is the only thing keeping me
from shaving my head.

Here.

I've made
a couple of risky forays.

around the perimeter
of the compound last weekend.

I managed to set up
three spy cameras

on the outside
of the main building

in the event that we can
get some concrete video evidence

to use for my comeback special.

What the-- That's Cynthia Doyle.

She mentioned she's
sponsoring a couple patients

at Home Acres.

Sponsoring or recruiting?

Town records have
her first land deal

as an estate sale
of the old Moreland Place

to one Ira Keating.

And she just won
Realtor of the Year,

ending my winning streak.

That's it!
I have to sell this house today.

Kallie, how well
do you know this buyer?

We spoke on the phone.

Those clever bastards!

What are you insinuating?

We may have a bidding war.

And so, in conclusion,
we are the intended.

We are the brides of creation,

and the day before you
arrived here at Hope Acres,

you were perfect.

Okay. Well, why don't
we sing the Ascension song.

♪ I will ascend
with Master Jagori ♪

♪ This is the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I'm going up,
ascending to glory ♪

♪ This is the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ I'm never gonna go down ♪

♪ This may be the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I got my wings
from Master Jagori ♪

♪ I'm never
gonna know your name ♪

♪ I'm never gonna know you ♪

♪ This is the last time ♪

♪ Ascension is the way ♪

♪ His name is my name ♪

♪ My name is your name ♪

♪ My name is just the same ♪

♪ He will take me ♪

♪ Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go ♪

♪ The ascension is the way ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ I'm never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ I'm never gonna go down ♪

We need to find a hiding spot.
How much time do we got?

Any minute now.

What is this?

They're my famous devilled eggs.

Oh, jackpot.

Not here. Let me just
stick it in here. Perfect.

This is a setup!

I need the floor. You gotta
go hide. Calm the hell down!

Welcome, welcome. Kallie Jones,
Scenic City Realty.

Mum, you can call me Mr. Mort.

Well, come on in, Mr. Mort.

Now the house was
built in 1870 by...

The house was
used as a flophouse,

a gambling den
and a murder mystery theater.

Very good locks. Champagne?

Okay. Now, it's
a little musty in here.

The house has not been updated

and holds a lot
of its original charm,

but I like to think
of it as a blank canvas.

What will you paint?

Did someone die in here?

I believe
they were sick for many years,

but they did get them
on the front lawn

before they passed.

Uh, anyways,
beautiful dining room up here.

Family man, Mr. Mort?

Lots of memories to be
made in this dining room.

I'll tell you that much.

You can carve a turkey.

You look like you've carved
a couple turkeys in your day.

Oh, a songbird. Yes.

The organ does
come with the house

and I've been known to tickle
an ivory or two in my day.

Now, I will tell you
that we have had a few offers.

I will be upfront about that.

Have you fixed up
many homes, Mr. Mort?

It does need a little TLC,

but location's everything,
right?

It doesn't get safer
than Owen Sound.

Did you see the lemonade stand
down the street?

It happens every weekend.

I haven't been able

to keep a quarter on me since.

Kallie,
is there someone else here?

No. It's just
you and me, Mr. Mort.

I'd love to take you upstairs.

Four bedroom, three bath.

Are you much
of a soaker, Mr. Mort?

I've been
getting into meditation

and I find the bathtub
is my sanctuary.

A couple bath bombs,

a little bit of salt
and a little music.

You know what?
It's crazy what you can--

Oh, Mr. Mort?
Oh yeah, the kitchen.

Okay. Mr. Mort,
is everything okay?

Is there a basement?

Yeah, it's right here.

Can you show me it?

Ah, yes.
That would be my pleasure.

Now, it's a little musty
down here as well. Kind of dark.

A little cold
and dark down here,

but I thought it'd be nice
for a wine cellar.

And I'm hoping to
get your email address

because we do have a survey
for Realtor of the Year Award

and that would
really help things.

Great secrets of a home,

but I'm real with my buyers.

I'm an open book.
Oh! Oh my gosh.

You're quite
the home inspector, Mr. Mort.

Luckily, we are on a backup
generator, which is nice.

A message from Master Jagori.

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Join us as a recruiter

and witness Brad's ascension
this very evening.

Brad? How do you know Brad?

I'm sorry. You were
right about Hope Acres.

No, no, no, no, no!

Love these French doors.

Mr. Mort is le mort.

All right, Kallie,
rolling. Okay.

Season two, scene 17--
16-- 17. Okay.

Mortified. Yeah.

Let's do that again.
Move closer. Yep.

Scene 17. Mortified.

So, what the hell do
you get outta this anyways?

Let's just say I've been trying
to deprogram people

for a long time.

But why?

My sister.

I lost her.

Oh, geez.
I'm sorry. What happened?

25 years ago,

my sister and I ran away
from a foster home,

signed up for
a traveling carnival.

They were gonna save our asses.

We moved into one of their RVs

and started traveling
town to town,

learning the secret
carnie language.

We were drinking it all in.
True believers.

"The Domazar kids."

There was this head honcho guy,
called himself the Viceroy.

He was always babbling on
about the end of days.

He set us up
in the ticket booth.

He kept all the money,

but somehow,
in this fucked up society,

it all made perfect sense to us.

Then, one day, the jig was up,

a gravitron operator escaped

and he exposed
the whole racket to the media.

It was a true shit show,
literally.

Apparently, the Viceroy
had set up cameras in the RVs

and was recording
everybody on the toilet,

and sending out videos

and blackmailing
all of our relatives.

But we refused to believe it.

I mean, this was the Viceroy
we were talking about.

And the coppers,

they surrounded us at
the Phelpston County fair.

Two-week besiegement began,
then the assault from the feds.

Only a few of us
made it out of there alive.

That's the last time
I saw my sister.

Shit!

Yeah. Shit.

I mean, last I heard
she was doing all right.

Got a promotion
to games manager.

What? Your sister isn't dead?

Uh, no!

It's scary how far someone
can get inside your head.

All it takes is figuring out

everyone's mental lock
combination, like a horoscope.

And I guess your Brad
was one easy crack.

-What did you say?
-Crack.

No! Horoscope.

Today will be a day of endings.

You've been running
for too long,

but your problems
will always catch up.

This is how I found out
about Hope Acres.

It was a random ad I had
to listen to to get my reading.

Let me see that.

They've been
writing my daily horoscopes.

I knew they were
way too accurate.

Oh, Kallie! They've been
tracking you this whole time.

Hey!

A missing nose. A missing ear.

And Mr. Mort
didn't have any eyes.

I'm developing a theory.

What if they're harvesting
body parts from the patients?

Like some kind of fucked up
Frankenstein experiment?

Oh, no! Brad!

And Jagori's book
mentioned all of this.

The quest for eternal youth

through ridding the body
of defective parts

for some kind of offering.

Maybe those zealots
had issues with sight,

sound and scent.

Kallie, think. Think hard!

Is there any weak part
in Brad's anatomy?

Our health team
said that he's unprolific.

Well, what does that mean?

He's sterile!

Sweet mother of Christ!

Guess who's here.

Master.

Dalton and Luther,

is that where you think
that's supposed to go?

You're wrong.
We discussed a different spot.

Please use your imaginations.

Pavy, what do
you call those things?

God's teeth, sir.

God's teeth? God, Pavy.
You take my breath away.

All right, everyone. Assemble.

All right.
Good evening, everybody.

Now, we're gonna run
through a little rehearsal.

It starts out with, uh,
the people at the back, right?

With Dalton and Luther
lined up there.

Pavy, you'll be at the,
uh, altar with the offering.

And, uh, then I'm gonna walk in,

uh, since he's gonna
lead the way, uh,

and I'll land
right here like this.

Uh, Martin, uh,
he's going to thank me,

uh, for being here

and I will thank him
for the introduction.

And, uh, Martin, is that--

is that where you want to be,
right there? Is it?

Because you look like--

You just look like you
wandered up here and stopped.

There. Think about it.
Thank you. Thank you, Martin.

Okay, so I just--

Then, I'm gonna
have to make a reference

to Brad's, uh, manhood.

I'm gonna have
the male organ of Brad.

What am I gonna call it, Martin?

I just, I don't
want this to be funny.

The organ of continuation.

Organ of continuation.
That's fantastic.

Did you write that?
That's fantastic. Okay.

Then, everybody's
going to be there.

They'll be toasting

and the, uh, the doses
of the elixir will be consumed

by the intended, yes?

Uh, and then,
I guess at some point,

I'm going to eat
the organ of contemplation.

-Continuation. Sorry.
-Organ of whatever.

And then, um, I will depart
for the after realms.

How does that work?

How does what work?

Sorry. Your departure?

Well, I depart. I-- I leave,
uh, this earthly plane.

-I ascend.
-Just like that?

No, not just like that.

It's not a goddamn
escalator at the fucking mall.

It's an ascension. Jesus Christ!

Okay, so, uh, then, uh,

Cynthia will take over
my teachings for whatever

and then flee, right?

And I will, uh,
meet my disciples in the ether

and so we'll wrap it up there,
I think. Uh, that's it.

So, if you've got
any other questions,

I'll be in the pool.

Well, this is exciting.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

I want you to have this
in case I don't come back.

And these. They've set
their sights on you, Kallie.

You can never be too careful.

Now, you lay low out here

while I work my magic
from the inside.

-How?
-I thought you'd never ask.

Check this shit out.

Cult Buster,
season two, scene 29, take one.

Dale Domazar here
with my foolproof plan

to gain access to Hope Acres.

Step one, easily fool
the assessment interviewer

to gain access.

Step two, embed myself amongst
the worker bee zealots.

Step three,
infiltrate the leadership

and figure out whatever the fuck
they're plotting.

Step four...

kick their fucking asses.

Step five,
rescue Brad and the boys.

Yeah!

Now remember, I've got
these guys all on camera

and they're not gonna know
what the fuck hit them.

Now, wish me luck.

Good luck, Dale.

Call me Cult Buster.

No.

Do you wanna get
that, uh, camera for me?

Yeah. It's gonna be a no for us.

Yes.

Yes.

Understood.

Master Jagori wants him to stay.

All right.

Well, it seems
you've been accepted after all.

Um, Dalton will take you
to your quarters, Mr. Hobney.

You've been requested
to dine privately

with Master Jagori this evening.

Oh, really! Spectacular.
I would truly be honored.

Dale Domazar,
the professional Cult Buster,

here reporting from the
belly of the beast as one

Mr. Hobney.

At risk, middle-aged male,
just taking it all in.

And by that,
I mean, hook, line,

and stinker.

The Hobney avatar has proven
successful 100% of the time,

and I believe
I've even jumped the cue.

But I'm not gonna lie,

going undercover
in an environment such as this

is as dangerous as it gets.

These people are highly trained

at penetrating
the new recruit until he bleeds.

I must be only Hobney now.

Become Hobney.

Hobney. Domazar. I am Hobney.

Domazar! Oh!

Shit.

Shit!

Uh! Cynthia Doyle!

You know my name! I'm flattered.

Well, everyone knows
who you are.

In fact, I was sitting
on your face just yesterday.

-I beg your pardon?
-Park bench.

You are truly gifted
at self-promotion.

Oh, well thank you,
Mr. Hobby.

-Um, it's Hobney. Hobney.
-Hm.

You've arrived
at the final rundle

on the ladder
of quantum edification.

Tonight, climb shall give way
to flight.

There are two elixirs
to experience.

The first is the pinnacle
of your wellness journey.

The ayahuasca sacrament.

Drink and shed your dead skin.

Well, you have the
opposite problem, don't you?

Uh, how do you figure?

Come on! If I can be frank,
Mr... Hobney,

the men that find themselves
here are all a--

a specific type, let's say.

Oh, and what type is that?

Beta.

What's the second drink?

Bradley, it's the final
tool of your ascension.

It will deliver us, all of us,

to Jagori in the after realm.

May we ascend.

Hopelessly beta.

- May we ascend.
- Submissive.

May we ascend.

Simps.

Cucks.

Is that what you are,
Mr. Hobney?

You don't know the first thing
about me, Ms. Doyle.

So, you're not such a beta?

Well, what do you think?

I think that maybe
you don't belong here.

And I could say the same
thing about you, Ms. Doyle.

Oh, you can say
whatever you like, Mr. Gibney.

Hob-- Hobney.

Mr. Hob-Hobney. I'm just here
to give you the tour

and I'm gonna
show you everything.

All of it. All.

Uh...

I think I've seen
just about enough Ms. Doyle.

Are you opting out of my tour?

Yeah. I'm more of
a main event kind of guy.

Hm. As you wish.

Ever have I longed
for the secret serenity

that I first foresaw
when I dreamt of the ascension.

The ancient Greeks had
a term for it:

ataraxia.

A complete absence
of stress and anxiety.

- May we ascend.
- May we ascend.

Cheers, Martin.
You may be excused.

We'll see you tonight
at the edification ceremony.

-I have a--
-Uh-- You know, sorry.

May I ask you something?

When you killed
all of those poor people

on your silly show and then
bootlegged your own videos

to bankroll the legal fees,

did you ever think, you know,

"Maybe I am the one who belongs
in a place like Hope Acres?"

You know, "Maybe-- maybe
I am the one who needs help?

Maybe, just maybe,

Mr. Hobney is a more decent,
more genuine man

than that jarhead jack-off
you call Dale Domazar.

That's a burn.

Well, have I got
a surprise for you guys.

I'm not Mr. Hobney
and this cult is busted. Yeah!

Shh.

Now, I'm gonna tell you
what's gonna happen next.

I feel I owe you a story,
Dale Domazar.

Uh, I wasn't finished.

A story
that might shed some light.

When I was a young man,

consumed with a terrible fever
to travel the world

in search of answers,
ancient answers,

for our modern predicament.

I found myself
high in the Andes, Peru.

When I say high,
I was tripping, man,

on this potent ayahuasca.

And so, there I found myself
in the sacred valley,

in the long shadow
of the ancient citadel

of Machu Pikachu.

-It's, uh, Picchu.
-What?

It's, uh, it's, Machu Picchu.

Funny. I didn't see
you there, Mrs. Doyle.

Anyway, anyway, where was I?

Oh, yes. I met this shaman
who ferried me across

to the ancient island that
was lost in the mists of time.

You see, thousands of years ago,

the village was beset with
a terrible plague of leprosy,

and they banished those lepers
onto this island,

this nameless island.
Never given a name.

Not to this very day,
as far as I know.

And in the summer solstice,

the very same shaman
would return to the island

and surgically remove
the offending features

from the, uh,
wretched unfortunates.

And he would ferry it back
in a sack, a meat sack,

and he'd return to the village
and give it to a medicine woman

who was under the influence

of the very same
terrible hallucinogen

that I was then
reeling under myself.

And she prepared a meal
and served it up to the shaman

and it was a ritualistic
removal of sin from the village.

And for this, for this,

he was rewarded

with an ascension
into the after realms

and from there,
he had a great influence

on the events of this world.

And then the lepers,
well, they were--

they were welcomed back
and treated like royalty.

Oh, wow! So, they were
able to cure leprosy?

No, no, no.
Leprosy is a terrible disease

and it followed
its own course and--

and they had to go back to
the island and then back again.

And the cycle repeated itself

until really the island
was just populated

with human worms.

Anyway, uh,
the point of the story

is that shaman ascended.

-He did?
-Oh, he did so.

Wow!

Mind blown!

Oh.

Oh, funny you
should say that.

What? What's so funny?

Oh, well, I think what
the master is trying to say

is that your brain damage
is also on the menu tonight.

I resent that!

It's funny, but, uh,

he eluded your honey trap
earlier tonight, Mrs. Doyle.

I believe that was a problem

with a different part
of his anatomy.

Well, we have one
of those ready to go as well.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, while you simpletons

we're busy playing
your game of checkers,

I was all about
the royal game of chess.

King me!

Prepare another alter
and tell the doctor to brush up

on his lobotomy skills.

I think we have another
offering for the festivities.

I can't feel my eyes.
Why can't I feel my eyes?

And that would be the,
uh, strong deliriant that you--

that you put in his drink.
That was my idea.

Nice one.

If I may, Master, I have
uncovered a hidden spy camera

on one of our trees
in the courtyard.

Wow! Leave it. Let the world
see our masterpiece.

You've done
terrific work, Dalton.

Thank you, Master.
May we ascend.

Now...

who do you think turned
this Cult Buster onto us?

I can think of somebody.

What the? That's who's been
stealing my signs?

Oh, my God. Brad.

Brad.

Prepare the altar.

Give him your heart.

I can feel you!

Drink!

So, do you have
anything left to say?

Uh, uh-uh.

I do!

I'd like to speak
with your manager!

Everybody on your hands now!

You are trespassing.

Bradley,
I'm here for you, honey.

I sent an email, but I can
see you guys are a little busy.

Don't move.

No, no, no, no, no.

Brad, honey? Brad, honey?
Are you okay? I'm here.

Hi. Hi, Cynthia.

Scenic City Realtor,
Kallie Jones.

They doped me
and stole my hair. Nice tattoo.

I've lived a life.

No, no. Don't listen to her.
You're here to ascend.

May we ascend.
Drink, you idiots.

No! We can
still ascend together.

We can see Master Jagori
in the after realms together.

Drink it! Please!

Step away from the patients.

Don't drink that.
Put that shit down.

Hold up. Hold up, okay?
Look at your leader now.

He doesn't love you. I do.

I love you. I love you guys.

Okay, we're gonna go. Can
you walk? Can you walk, honey?

Come on! Come on!
Stay back, Cynthia!

I'm here for you.
Put the drinks--

Yeah, put them down.
That's what we like.

Yeah, dump that shit.

Come on, honey.
Come on! It's time to go.

Wake up! Wake up!

This is a private ceremony.

What's your damage, lady?

Come on, honey. Come on.

Cynthia Doyle.

What the fuck is wrong with
you motherfuckers? Seriously!

Jesus Christ,
you wanna party, huh?

Dale Domazar, you manky
fucking mall cop, huh?

What about you, Kallie Jones?

You alcoholic

demented motherfucking
soccer mom!

Brad, you birthday boy.

Come blow out
your fucking candle!

Come on! I love everybody.

I love you
and I fucking love you! Come on!

Let's do it! Yeah!

This is my party.
My fucking party!

Come on down, bud. Come on.

Got ya.

And Cult Buster season two
is wrapped! Yeah!

Yeah!

Like I said before,
life isn't always

an inspirational
hand-stitched embroidery quote.

It's messy and unpredictable.

It's okay to not be in control.

It only took me
saving my husband

from a cannibalistic
death cult to realize that.

But hey, I'm only human
and I'm okay with that.

I've learned to let go
and let be what is.

We all wanna become
a part of something bigger

to feel important,
to feel needed,

but the most important thing
you'll ever be a part of

is right in front of you.

♪ I will ascend
with Master Jagori ♪

♪ This is the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I'm going up,
ascending to glory ♪

♪ This is the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ I'm never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ Never gonna go down ♪

♪ This may be the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I got my wings
from Master Jagori ♪

♪ I'm never
gonna know your name ♪

♪ I'm never gonna know you ♪

♪ Oh, his name is my name ♪

♪ My name is your name ♪

♪ My name is just the same ♪

♪ He will take me ♪

♪ Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go ♪

♪ The ascension is ♪

♪ The way ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ I'm never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ Never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ Never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ Never gonna go down ♪

♪ I'm going up, up, up ♪

♪ Never gonna go down ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ This may be the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I got my wings
from Master Jagori ♪

♪ I'm going up,
wind's going to take me ♪

♪ This may be the last time
you'll ever see me ♪

♪ I'm going up ♪

Oh, what is it?
What have you done?

- I'm going up.
- What have you done?

-I'm sorry, Master Jagori.
-That's not right.

-I'm sorry.
-Just start again.