Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,410
Just so you know, I had the
chicken tacos last night,
2
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,550
and my stomach's doing somersaults.
3
00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:10,650
Uh...
4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,180
But our specials look good.
5
00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:14,920
We have tilapia,
6
00:00:14,950 --> 00:00:18,320
which is some kind of a
greasy white fish...
7
00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:22,560
... floating in cheese.
8
00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:24,940
Please don't make me
carry that out here.
9
00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:29,180
Now that you mention it,
that's exactly what I want.
10
00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:32,000
I'm gonna go exotic tonight, Beck.
11
00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:33,250
I'll have the pupusas.
12
00:00:33,270 --> 00:00:36,520
Take me away to El Salvador.
13
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,910
Look, that's fried,
14
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:40,410
and that's covered in some
kind of chunky sauce.
15
00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:42,280
I can't do that right now.
16
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,010
Oh, um...
17
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:45,700
You go first, Neil. I'm still looking.
18
00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,650
Okay. Uh, I would love
the three shrimp tacos.
19
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:49,820
Pick something else.
20
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,550
A lot of shrimp is peeled by Thai kids
21
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,730
forced into slave labor,
22
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:54,979
so you think you're eating scampi,
23
00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,500
but really you're exploiting children.
24
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,459
I got an idea. What if I just
had one small shrimp taco,
25
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,320
and I feel bad about it?
26
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,720
Have the chile relleno.
27
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:06,400
They're really good here. They're vegan.
28
00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:08,710
Yeah, I don't really like those.
29
00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:10,170
No, you will.
30
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,010
Could you guys hurry up?
31
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,780
I'm riding out this wave here.
32
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,450
I'll have a shrimp burrito,
33
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,150
and I'll have Neil's shrimp tacos.
34
00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:24,000
I don't know if it's those
Thai kids' sweat or tears,
35
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,100
but they're delicious.
36
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,680
Hey. I'm not buying this
food poisoning thing.
37
00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:34,930
I think you're hung over.
38
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,670
I'm not hung over.
39
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:38,000
Hold on.
40
00:01:38,070 --> 00:01:40,900
You're gonna have to eat
this way down there.
41
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,780
You and I are going
to a meeting tonight.
42
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:48,940
So, Neil, what do you do for a living?
43
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,310
Uh, I'm a preschool teacher.
44
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:51,610
Preschool, huh?
45
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,630
What's that, like, playing
with blocks and stuff?
46
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:55,549
Blocks and stuff?
47
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:58,350
Dan, they are so far beyond that now.
48
00:01:58,460 --> 00:02:00,960
Oh, no, actually, no, blocks
are a big part of it.
49
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,790
Oh, well, the old ways
are still the best ways.
50
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,540
We try to inspire the
children's imagination
51
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:11,340
with nonspecific, gender-neutral,
tactile objects.
52
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,500
Why would you do that when there's TV?
53
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:19,810
Excuse me. I just gotta go tinkle.
54
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:21,260
Sorry. It's a work term.
55
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,340
- He's great, right?
- Yeah.
56
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,050
Does he remind you of anybody?
57
00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:31,860
Not really. Here's a clue,
58
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,490
because I want you to figure it out.
59
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,360
David!
60
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:38,680
What?
61
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,799
No... No way.
62
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,570
Two entirely different people.
63
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,560
Wait, wait. That wasn't David?
64
00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:47,100
No!
65
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,770
She's controlling Neil
66
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,040
the same way she controlled David.
67
00:02:52,050 --> 00:02:54,480
He has the same jumpy,
scared eyes as David.
68
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,950
Are you sure that wasn't David?
69
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,660
Hey, sorry we're late.
70
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,759
I had to get Harris to
watch Mary and Mark.
71
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,190
We had to lie and tell her
she'd get money for it.
72
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,840
That's gonna be a fight later.
73
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,390
Sorry.
74
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,220
Oh, Neil, this is my brother, D.J.,
75
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,340
- and his wife, Geena.
- Oh, hey.
76
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,400
- Hi.
- Hi.
77
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:14,010
We were just talking
about whether people
78
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:16,630
tend to date the same
types over and over.
79
00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,740
- What do you think?
- Oh, pbht, absolutely.
80
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,116
For... For example, I used to have
81
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,640
a horribly self-destructive
thing for dominant women.
82
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,770
They... Ugh.
83
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,080
They'd push me around,
and I'd feel awful.
84
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,050
But I... I got over that.
85
00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:32,580
By the way, I... I
really need to apologize
86
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:34,380
for that whole shrimp thing. I...
87
00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:36,800
I don't know who that guy was.
88
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,900
Oh, I think we all know who that was.
89
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:47,490
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
90
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,200
"The Conners" is recorded
91
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,120
in front of a live studio audience.
92
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:23,920
Just broke up with Neil.
93
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,000
Ohh. How'd he take it?
94
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,670
Uh, he was devastated
95
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,940
until I told him that he wasn't.
96
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,709
I can't believe I was about to
make the same mistake again.
97
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,719
Well, it's never too late to change.
98
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,580
I've found that vocalizing
my feelings really helps.
99
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,800
Last night, I suggested that
Peter might want to get a job,
100
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:48,690
and he started packing his bags,
101
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,360
and I decided to vocalize
102
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:54,260
that I would do anything if he stayed,
103
00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:55,970
and he stayed!
104
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,020
That just seems like desperation.
105
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:04,040
Mm. To the untrained eye.
106
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,380
I could use a laugh. What's that?
107
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,830
I needed something to read, so I grabbed
108
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,120
the new edition of Lock 'Em Up
109
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,150
off the counter at the AM-PM.
110
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,219
Ah, nothing says "fine literature"
111
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,980
like the counter at the AM-PM.
112
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,430
No, it's a hoot.
113
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:25,176
They print the mug shots
of all the arrests
114
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,030
in Lanford every month.
115
00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:29,630
This woman shot her
mother in her garage.
116
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,700
She said she thought it was a weasel.
117
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,910
Does it say if she got away with it?
118
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,400
Oh, no. It doesn't matter.
119
00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:40,010
I don't have a garage.
120
00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:43,880
Well, the mug shots are pretty,
121
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,780
but the real crime here is the writing.
122
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,079
Oh, whoa. They're looking for a writer
123
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,180
with copy-editing
experience. I have that.
124
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,440
Yeah, but this is just
sensationalist garbage
125
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,590
anybody could write.
126
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:57,640
I know. I better get my
r�sum� together real quick.
127
00:05:58,330 --> 00:06:00,160
Okay, everybody get in here.
128
00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:01,720
I have news.
129
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,850
All right, you're never
gonna believe this,
130
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:06,620
but I wasn't nauseous at work
because I was hung over...
131
00:06:06,690 --> 00:06:08,020
Dad.
132
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,730
I was sick because...
133
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:13,930
I'm pregnant!
134
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:14,950
Aaah!
135
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,770
I can't believe it!
136
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,000
Ohhhh!
137
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:24,540
Your doctor gave you
less than a 5% chance!
138
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,470
I know, but I had unsafe
sex, and it worked!
139
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,880
You should speak at the high school.
140
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,780
This is a full-on miracle.
141
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,350
You were meant to be a mom.
142
00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:41,160
The doctor said that you were
too old and too pickled...
143
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,130
... but God filled
that uterus with life.
144
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,740
He didn't say "pickled."
Darlene said that.
145
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,670
Oh, yeah, that was one of mine.
146
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,580
We got to celebrate this now,
147
00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:01,879
'cause once the baby comes,
148
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,689
you won't get a moment's peace.
149
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:04,989
I had had to go to Afghanistan
150
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,590
just to get a decent night's sleep.
151
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,830
Mary thought she was always gonna
be the baby of the family.
152
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:13,480
She's gonna learn what
every Conner learns...
153
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,720
no one is special.
154
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:15,820
Mm.
155
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:18,220
To Becky.
156
00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,550
I think I speak for everyone when I say
157
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,060
we can't wait to see how this plays out.
158
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,260
God, I wish Mom was here.
159
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,530
She would be so excited.
160
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,000
She knows.
161
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:33,660
So, you gonna tell us? Who's the father?
162
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:34,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
163
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,410
Whoa!
164
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,000
Privacy, people.
165
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:40,780
This is Becky's business
and nobody else.
166
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,080
There is a father, biologically.
167
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,400
I'm just not gonna tell him.
168
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,350
I don't need a man to raise my kid.
169
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:54,390
You know, it's not a crime for
a baby to have two parents.
170
00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:55,799
It's lovely to be independent,
171
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,240
but not if the baby has to suffer
172
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:59,660
because you don't have
the time or the money
173
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,300
to take care of him properly.
174
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:04,460
I'm not trying to prove
how independent I am.
175
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,020
There's other reasons
I'm not telling him.
176
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:08,400
Like what?
177
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:10,410
Like it was a one-night stand.
178
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:15,180
Oh. Well, let's check the Becky board.
179
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:17,510
Number-one answer?
180
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:19,480
Ding! "One-night stand."
181
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:25,460
I'm just saying, I don't have
a relationship with the guy.
182
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,740
He's a stranger, and I'm not gonna have
183
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,860
a stranger telling me
how to raise my kid.
184
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,290
He's still the father.
185
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,560
The father has a right to know.
186
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,100
And you're gonna need help with money.
187
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:37,830
I got to let you go.
188
00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:39,740
You can't do drywall
when you're pregnant.
189
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,870
Why not? Pregnant women
work all the time.
190
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,150
Not on construction sites.
191
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,120
They're dangerous and full
of all kinds of toxic stuff.
192
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,080
You know how many babies
I've had to let go?
193
00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:53,320
And they always cry.
194
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,990
So you're firing me?
195
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,500
I really need the money.
196
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,860
You can come back when
you have the baby.
197
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,180
Wow.
198
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,999
I wasn't looking for support
from the baby's father,
199
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,800
but I thought I might get
some from my family.
200
00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:13,570
Where would she get that idea?
201
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,200
Sorry. I didn't see a receptionist.
202
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,350
People kept mistaking us
for The New York Times,
203
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,980
so I had to let her go.
204
00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:29,040
Hey, I don't care how small it is.
205
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:31,640
The fact that anything's being
published in Lanford at all
206
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,660
is pretty sweet.
207
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,460
I'm here about the job.
208
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,260
Oh.
209
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,000
Nice to meet you... Darlene Conner.
210
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:40,320
Ben.
211
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,606
If you turn out not to be a nut,
212
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:43,300
I'll tell you my last name.
213
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:48,580
Um, "waitress at the casino," huh?
214
00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:50,960
Humble brag.
215
00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,880
Why'd you leave the job
writing ad copy in Chicago?
216
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:58,460
Oh, um, it was a combination of things.
217
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:00,780
I hated the job, they paid nothing,
218
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,920
and then they fired me...
that was the last straw.
219
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,490
Why'd they fire you?
220
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,040
They started using freelancers.
221
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,540
But it worked out because
I had to come back
222
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:09,570
to help my dad anyway.
223
00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:11,590
So this job would be perfect for me,
224
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:15,000
and... and honestly, I think
I would be perfect for you
225
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,500
because your paper right now
226
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,470
is just full of a lot of dry facts,
227
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:20,170
and I think that I could really make
228
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,940
the arsonists and carjackers
people you want to know.
229
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:28,240
No.
230
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,020
People read this paper to see mug shots,
231
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,849
find out who beat,
stabbed, or robbed who,
232
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,520
and if they live next door.
233
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,220
Oh, and if it's a relative, you know.
234
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:40,620
Everybody likes to see an
in-law get taken down.
235
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:44,730
Okay, cool, so, why don't
we take what you're doing
236
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,380
and use that as a jumping-off place?
237
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,070
Or we do what we're doing
and keep doing it.
238
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,800
I get it.
239
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,240
Go slow, don't freak the readers out...
240
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,710
small changes first.
241
00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:59,820
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Or no changes,
242
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:02,950
and then later...
243
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,440
no changes.
244
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,950
Oh, yeah. Okay. I hear you. I hear you.
245
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:10,820
Deepen the story, but just a little
246
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,720
until you see how much
better you like it.
247
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:17,790
Or you do it precisely as I
say, and you can keep your job.
248
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:20,960
Wait. Did you just hire me?
249
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,470
Yes.
250
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:24,760
Oh, and the pay sucks.
251
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,300
- Ah, thank you!
- Yeah.
252
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,480
That's your office. You
can go home at 6:00.
253
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:32,940
Uh, I have kids.
254
00:11:33,010 --> 00:11:34,310
Oh. I'm sorry.
255
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,110
Um, you can stay as late as you want.
256
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,650
You know, when I first found out,
257
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,360
I was so excited.
258
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:48,020
But then I remembered I'm
43, on my own, and broke.
259
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,540
Maybe your dad's right.
260
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,130
Maybe you could bring the
baby's father into the mix,
261
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,960
just to help with expenses.
262
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:55,570
- Who is it?
- I can't tell you.
263
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:56,670
All right, I get it.
264
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:58,530
The sanctity of the intimate act,
265
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,460
the stoic silence between lovers.
266
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:04,200
No, I mean I don't know
who the hell it is.
267
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,280
It's either Ramon, the manager,
or Emilio, the busboy.
268
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,410
O-Oh, okay.
269
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,960
A very mature, modern dilemma.
270
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,140
Like many of our most
popular romantic comedies,
271
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:19,490
but with much-needed diversity.
272
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,330
Well, Ramon's the manager.
273
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,300
Is it wrong to tell him he's the father
274
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,000
just because he's in a better position
275
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,270
to shell out a few bucks
to help with the baby?
276
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:31,980
You are a mother. You do
what's best for the baby.
277
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,470
Go, Ramon!
278
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,300
Um, Ramon?
279
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,910
The Sprite's low on CO2.
280
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:43,920
Also, hey, I'm pregnant,
and you're the father.
281
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:47,580
I know because I haven't
been with any other men.
282
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,240
It's not mine.
283
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,840
Normal reaction.
284
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:53,320
No one feels it can happen to them.
285
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:55,360
But here we are.
286
00:12:55,430 --> 00:12:57,040
And I'm sure you'll do the right thing
287
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,540
by helping me financially.
288
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,030
I had a vasectomy.
289
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,840
Ironically, that used
to be music to my ears.
290
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:09,240
I assume I'm working
holidays for a while.
291
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:13,680
It's the busboy.
292
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,350
Ohhh!
293
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:16,820
Well, think!
294
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:18,656
There's got to be somebody
else you slept with
295
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,560
that's got money.
296
00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:22,719
Hey. It is told to me,
297
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,820
um, you have my baby?
298
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,140
Who told you that?
299
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,520
Ramon.
300
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,660
He said it is me.
301
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,460
This is gonna get complicated.
302
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,060
Could you help me out?
303
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,270
The only thing I know how
to say in Spanish is "Yes."
304
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:38,400
Yeah, I figured that out.
305
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,240
Just tell him the truth.
306
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,139
_
307
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:50,020
_
308
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,020
_
309
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,640
_
310
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:57,280
_
311
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,640
_
312
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:00,759
Mm.
313
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,600
_
314
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:08,140
_
315
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,170
Oh, s�.
316
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,370
Oh, he wants to take care of the baby.
317
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,640
The rest, I'm... I don't... I...
318
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,370
Muchos gracias.
319
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,980
No baby help, por favor.
320
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,120
No.
321
00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:32,040
He's not giving up,
322
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:35,820
but first, he's going to fix the Sprite.
323
00:14:40,070 --> 00:14:41,680
_
324
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:47,060
_
325
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,480
_
326
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,660
_
327
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:58,280
That must be hard for you
to do this type of work.
328
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,620
_
329
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,760
_
330
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,660
_
331
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,760
_
332
00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:09,920
You're a good man, Emilio.
And I can help you.
333
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:13,260
Not only am I Lanford's
leading certified life coach,
334
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,990
I can also teach you English.
335
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,280
Gracias.
336
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:17,800
_
337
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:19,099
_
338
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,630
Mm.
339
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,640
Hey, Becky.
340
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,470
Hey, Maria. Hey, Bridget.
341
00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:26,840
Are you guys ready to order?
342
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,810
Yeah, two taco combos, please.
343
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,380
And three margaritas.
344
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,180
Throw in a margarita for yourself.
345
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:35,080
Are you okay?
346
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,820
I'm experiencing a miracle.
347
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,540
It's a very small gesture.
348
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:42,750
It's like $2, and they're mostly ice.
349
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,600
I can't drink. I'm pregnant.
350
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,919
Becky! I'm so happy for you!
351
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,099
You should be happy.
352
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,380
We've been trying for years,
353
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,400
but Maria has a tilted uterus,
354
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,030
and I'm shooting blanks.
355
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,110
I don't know if I can afford this baby.
356
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:04,740
I just lost my second
job, the dad can't help,
357
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:07,320
and...
358
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,080
... I just...
359
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:12,180
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
360
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:13,950
Thanks, guys.
361
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,720
Let me get you your drinks.
362
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,340
This might sound kind of cold,
363
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,930
but I want her baby.
364
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:27,030
Maria, we're not dingoes.
365
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,120
But Becky might be the perfect person.
366
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,140
I mean, we know her, she knows us.
367
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,150
She could even still be
involved in the baby's life.
368
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:34,810
It's good for everybody.
369
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,640
It's a huge decision for us
that we shouldn't take lightly.
370
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:41,080
Let me pound some margaritas,
and we'll talk about it.
371
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:44,880
It's a little rough, but check it out.
372
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:50,050
"Driven by years of closed doors
and systematic oppression,
373
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,640
Eddie Ray Garrett lunged at
the gas station cashier,
374
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,620
who ended Eddie's career of crime
375
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,060
with a full...
376
00:16:57,130 --> 00:16:59,760
UNICEF can to the temple."
377
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,980
The title is "Give Till It Hurts."
378
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,660
Pretty great, right?
379
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,620
No!
380
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,040
Very great?
381
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
You have overestimated
382
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:14,440
the reading level of our audience.
383
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,800
Okay? Uh...
384
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,900
- You ever seen "Frankenstein"?
- Yeah.
385
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,490
Okay, that's the reading
level of our audience.
386
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,720
And not the doctor... the creature.
387
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:28,540
I'll give you till "he
lunged at the cashier,"
388
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,180
but then we're out.
389
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:32,399
Okay, but let's just say
390
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,500
we raise the quality of the writing.
391
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:37,570
Then we get the doctor and the creature,
392
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,270
and we increase our ad revenue.
393
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,210
Look.
394
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,240
You're clearly intelligent
395
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:47,340
and have an... obnoxious
kind of integrity.
396
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:51,750
That is dangerously
close to a compliment.
397
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:53,880
Well, you can consider
it one if you want.
398
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:55,690
It wasn't meant that way.
399
00:17:56,620 --> 00:18:01,700
And you are remarkably
stubborn and self-sabotaging.
400
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:05,200
I was wondering when
you were gonna notice.
401
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:11,240
Seriously, you've built
something great here.
402
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,110
It's fascinating, it's macabre.
403
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:15,650
But you just haven't even started
404
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,780
to exploit it properly yet.
405
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:24,920
That's where I keep my paper clips.
406
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,140
And a dead moth, apparently.
407
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,060
Look, here's the thing.
408
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,930
The colorful writing is just the start.
409
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,880
There is so much more we can do here.
410
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,330
For example, I can
create a website for us.
411
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,660
That's a great way to
attract younger readers.
412
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,050
You know how to create a website?
413
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,240
I do. I can have it up and
running in two weeks.
414
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,540
Okay.
415
00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,450
Here's what I'll do.
416
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:56,750
You are now the managing editor
417
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:59,580
in charge of our new
Internet Department.
418
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,720
And...
419
00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:04,800
And you get 10% of all
the income you generate.
420
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,850
Oh. And I have complete
creative control.
421
00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:08,560
Not even close.
422
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,300
Hey, let's celebrate, huh?
423
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,700
Dinner's on me.
424
00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:16,580
Desperate and hungry,
425
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,970
he... lunged for his phone.
426
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,430
Okay.
427
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,300
Now you're just being a jerk.
428
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,600
Oh, it's busy.
429
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,920
Well, I think I speak
430
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,719
for everyone in the Internet Department
431
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,090
when I say I think we
can go out for dinner.
432
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:35,420
What do you like?
433
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,080
Uh, Chinese?
434
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:39,060
I could go for some shrimp fried rice.
435
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,730
Um...
436
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,530
You probably... You
probably don't know this.
437
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:50,850
Uh, most of the shrimp we eat
isn't processed ethically,
438
00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:52,540
so you don't want to get that.
439
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,010
Ohhh.
440
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,390
You're confused.
441
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,140
You thought I was a child,
442
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:01,010
when I'm actually a grown-ass adult.
443
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:07,440
Yeah. I-I didn't mean to push.
That's not who I am.
444
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:08,490
Oh, great.
445
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,190
Let's go.
446
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,830
Hope you like 'em thick.
447
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,160
I just about burned out the motor.
448
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:23,670
We're gonna need spoons.
449
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:27,760
So, when you and Mom found out
450
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:29,459
you were gonna have
me, did you freak out?
451
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,479
Only a little.
452
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,060
We didn't know how bad
you were gonna turn out.
453
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:36,680
The truth is, I remember thinking,
454
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:39,320
"Oh, my God. I got to be a grown-up now.
455
00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:44,060
I got to buy life insurance,
mutual funds, save for college."
456
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,890
But after a couple of years,
that panic goes away.
457
00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:49,660
And you just forget about that stuff.
458
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,530
At least you had Mom
to go through it with.
459
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:55,900
Yeah.
460
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:58,509
Two parents isn't the worst
thing in the world to have.
461
00:20:58,510 --> 00:21:00,470
Just doing milkshakes now, Dad.
462
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,360
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
32205
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof