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1
00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:07,529
It's called
a Christmas tree, Tammy.
2
00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:09,487
Or in Germany,
a Tannenbaum.
3
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,141
I know what it's called,
Big Sauce.
4
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,056
I just haven't seen one
in a long time.
5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,015
Don't they have
Christmas trees in prison?
6
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,147
No, they kind of frown on joy.
7
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:20,368
We're glad you're with
us this year, honey.
8
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:21,717
Hey, since everyone's here,
9
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,327
how about we draw names
for Secret Santa?
10
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,938
Huh. I didn't think ol'
"socks and a candle"
11
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,375
would be kick-starting it
this year.
12
00:00:27,418 --> 00:00:29,246
You said you liked them.
13
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,640
And that was my gift to you.
14
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:32,945
Hey, I got news for you.
15
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:35,078
This year, I am winning
Secret Santa.
16
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,471
Not a competition.
17
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:37,863
Marjorie's right.
18
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:40,083
It's an expression of
our love for each other...
19
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,998
that Christy
always loses.
20
00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,523
Can we at least
up the limit?
21
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,047
I mean, $25?
22
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,701
What am I supposed to buy y'all,
a bag of dirt?
23
00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:52,617
Ooh, 25 bucks,
that's a little steep for me.
24
00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:54,097
No, that's just
a ceiling, Tammy.
25
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,708
You can even make something.Like venison stew?
26
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:58,493
Sure.
27
00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,929
Ooh! Stew it is.
28
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,539
Oh! Secret, secret!
29
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:05,630
Lord, I'm getting Bambi
in a bowl for Christmas.
30
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,676
All right, everyone.
31
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,721
Please pick with one hand,
eyes closed.
32
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,071
If you choose your own name,
33
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:13,029
you must...We know
the rules, Wendy.
34
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,075
Do we? 'Cause last
year you picked
35
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,033
your own name and
gave yourself cash.
36
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,208
I know what I like.
37
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,731
Hint: I'd like it again.
38
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,516
Ugh.
39
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:24,084
You do know whoever you
picked is in the room?
40
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:27,130
Well, "ugh" isn't
always a bad thing.
41
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:30,090
Ugh, that's a lovely sweater.
42
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,396
Damn it, I wanted Bonnie.
Who's got Bonnie?
43
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,528
Merry Christmas.
44
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:40,839
Any chance we could,
uh, 86 the venison stew?
45
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,754
Oh, sure. Where do
you stand on elk?
46
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,060
CHRISTY:
Hey. Hey, hey.
47
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,322
No requests.
48
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:47,237
The point is to use
your imagination
49
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:50,240
and think about the dear friend
you're buying a gift for.
50
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,024
Ugh.
51
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:54,070
♪
52
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,222
Son of a bitch.
53
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,833
There's the Plunkett
Christmas spirit.
54
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,748
I'm in Secret Santa hell.
55
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,750
Who'd you get?I'm not telling.
56
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,534
Look at me.
57
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,843
Wendy.
58
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:29,497
How do you do that?
59
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,674
That brief alien abduction
left me with some powers.
60
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,850
It's embarrassing.
61
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,373
We've been friends
with Wendy for years
62
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,070
and I only know
three things about her.
63
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,551
She's a nurse,
she's five foot three...
64
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,075
Two things.
65
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,382
Not to rub it in,
but I got blessed
66
00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:46,862
by the Secret Santa gods.
67
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,211
You got Marjorie?
68
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,082
Can we trade?
No way.
69
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,606
In fact...
70
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,564
"Cat pillow.
71
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:55,436
"Add to cart.
72
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,307
Confirm."
Ah, she'll be here Tuesday.
73
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,224
No, you tell the driver
it was supposed to be
74
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,661
three cases of tequila, not six.
75
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,402
That's more than enough.
76
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:06,708
Morning.
77
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:08,753
Amazing. I hear
the word "tequila"
78
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,451
and I immediately
want chips and salsa
79
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,713
and to take my
clothes off.
80
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,758
I hear "tequila"
and I want heroin.
81
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,543
Isn't it funny
how our brains work?
82
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,590
Oh, just a heads-up,
I got to get a deposit check
83
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,765
to the wedding band.
84
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,071
Yeah, well, you know
where the book is.
85
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,638
You sign my name better
than I do, anyway.
86
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:26,423
Yeah, but I feel dirty
when I don't ask first.
87
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:27,990
Not really.
88
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:29,339
All right, I'm out.
89
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,775
Okay, honey.
Go get people drunk.
90
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,474
And you continue to be
strangely cool with that.
91
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,173
Hey. Real quick,
Christy and I were talking.
92
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,783
Do you want to go out
for Christmas Eve
93
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,481
or do you want to do it
here family style?
94
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:42,744
Oh, yeah. About that...
95
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:45,137
Tell me you're not working
Christmas Eve.
96
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,618
I'm sorry,
it's a big night for bars.
97
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:50,317
People are depressed
'cause they don't have families.
98
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,796
Others are depressed
'cause they do.
99
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:56,061
Plus, the Raiders are on
and that'll depress everyone.
100
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,020
But you're welcome to join in
on the festivities.
101
00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,543
Great, so my choices are
102
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,589
spend Christmas Eve
with my kid or in a bar.
103
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:02,851
Nothing ever changes.
104
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:07,812
You got your parole officer
a Christmas present?
105
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,118
Oh, yeah. Juan's
been great.
106
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,946
I got him a bottle
of aftershave.
107
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:14,558
Eight bucks and it comes
with foot powder.
108
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,126
Okay, let's get started.
109
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:18,997
That's not Juan.
110
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,608
Which one of
you is Tammy?
111
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,305
Me.And who are you?
112
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,438
I'm her ride; Juan's cool
with me hanging out.
113
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,135
Juan's been reassigned.
114
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,919
And I'm not cool.
115
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,139
Wait, Juan's out?
116
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:31,793
And this is how I'm
hearing about it?
117
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,186
That's a kick in
the lady pants.
118
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:37,189
I'm Eve Ferguson,
I'm in charge of your case.
119
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,974
You can wait in the hallway.
120
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,802
Oh. Okay.
121
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:41,977
Guess you're
on your own.
122
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,675
I'll be close.O-Okay.
123
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:45,720
What is that?
124
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:48,026
Oh, just some aftershave
for Juan.
125
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,986
Which you are very welcome
to have.
126
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,292
For your fella.
127
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,684
Or your lady.
128
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:57,645
Or yourself if you like
to smell like the sea.
129
00:04:57,688 --> 00:05:00,082
It comes with
foot powder... Oh.Stop talking.
130
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,348
Okay, I see you have
a place to live
131
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,219
and you're in a 12-step program.
132
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:08,873
I don't see a job here.
You working?
133
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,222
Uh, well, I...
134
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,877
Handyman.
The bathroom's this way?
135
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,184
Yeah, I've done
some handyman jobs.
136
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,360
Uh, I don't see any pay stubs.
137
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,970
No, it's more
of a barter situation.
138
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,581
Trading the work
for food or rent.
139
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:23,932
I did some plumbing
for Bonnie's fiancé at his bar.
140
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,542
He's in a wheelchair,
if that helps.
141
00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,719
It doesn't.
142
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:30,852
I'm gonna need some proof
of employment
143
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:33,245
or I'm gonna be forced
to revoke your parole.
144
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:35,422
Wait, what? Are you serious?
145
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,685
Yes, and I'm gonna need it
by next Monday.
146
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:38,816
That's Christmas Eve.
147
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,775
Otherwise known as Monday.
148
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,212
BONNIE:
Knock, knock.
149
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,083
I just lost a dollar
in the vending machine.
150
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,389
Who do I see about that?
151
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,956
I'll take the dollar
or the Sprite.
152
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:51,829
You need any help?
153
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,091
You offering?
154
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,137
No, but I can put the word out.
155
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,008
What are you doing?
156
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,968
I cracked the Christmas code.
157
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,492
I tracked down Wendy's second
cousin in Staten Island
158
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:05,060
who put me in touch
with one of her aunts in Newark.
159
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:07,018
By the way,
there is a solid chance
160
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:10,021
that one side of Wendy's family
is pretty mobbed up.
161
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,546
Maybe I shouldn't be mean
to her anymore.
162
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,375
Yeah, I'd hate to find you
frozen in a meat truck.
163
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:18,116
Been there.
It's not fun.
164
00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:20,641
So what are you making?
165
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,207
Wendy's grandmother used to make
166
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,079
these peppermint meringue
cookies every Christmas.
167
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,560
She's dead, I'm not, bam.
168
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:30,259
Who's your Secret Santa
now, bitch?
169
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:33,915
Impressive. It's no cat pillow,
but impressive.
170
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,265
Any luck finding Tammy a job?
171
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:38,180
Not yet. She didn't finish
high school,
172
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,530
she hasn't worked in years,
she's not good with people.
173
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,403
How the hell did Iget a job?
174
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,448
Hey, where's our cookie sheet?
175
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,582
Oh, sorry, I put it under my car
to catch the oil.
176
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,280
Our good towels aren't doing
the trick anymore?
177
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,413
Adam's got some fancy cookie
sheets at his apartment.
178
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,763
I'll get you his keys.Adam bakes cookies?
179
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,765
No. They've got old girlfriend
written all over them.
180
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,854
In fact, after you're done,
throw them away.
181
00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,638
Oh, and grab a couple
of his good towels.
182
00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:11,474
[exhales]
183
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,476
He's so clean.
184
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,347
How can he marry my mother?
185
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,003
[sighs]
186
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,397
Uh, hello?Aah!
187
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,487
You know, if you really
wanted to hurt me,
188
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,662
there's knives right behind you.
189
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,490
[chuckles]
190
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,318
Yeah, yeah.
That would've made more sense.
191
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:32,626
Uh... who are you?
192
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:35,890
Daniel. I'm renting
this place for a month.
193
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,153
You are?Yeah, Airbnb.
194
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,546
Who are you?
195
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,810
Christy.
Adam's my mom's fiancé.
196
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:45,377
I came by to borrow
his baking sheets.
197
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,510
I'm making
Christmas cookies,
198
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:48,990
it's a Secret Santa thing.
Stop me
199
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,513
when you have
enough information.
200
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,211
Well, I can't say no
to Secret Santa.
201
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,865
Thanks.
202
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:58,652
Maybe I could
203
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:01,089
come back and bring you
some cookies,
204
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,830
if you're into that
kind of thing.
205
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,048
I'd love that.
206
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,094
Yeah?Yeah.
207
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,532
Oh, but my boyfriend's
gluten-free.
208
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,360
Uh-huh.
209
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:15,364
Well, then, since we have no
future, get your own cookies.
210
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,149
Merry Christmas.
211
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:23,546
♪ You know Dasher and Sampson
212
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:27,202
♪ And Connor and... Gibson.
213
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,335
Eh, maybe I don't know them.
214
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,252
How'd it go?
215
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,819
It was a hard no.
216
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:38,909
Apparently,
I'm not Macy's material.
217
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,129
I'm sorry. Did you
return my blouse?
218
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,565
Oh, yeah. Store credit.
219
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:43,827
What?
220
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,699
No cash refunds
after six months.
221
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,004
That's Macy's policy.
222
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:48,963
See what they're missing?
223
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:51,966
You want to try Pottery Barn?
224
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,968
Why bother?
225
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:57,232
I'm an ex-con in my 50s
with no job experience.
226
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,668
Who's gonna hire me?
227
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,409
Maybe we're aiming
a little too high.
228
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,760
[grunts]
My Spanx agree.
229
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,893
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
230
00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:08,896
Truck stop hooker?
231
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:11,681
I was thinking flipping burgers
in a paper hat.
232
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,727
Ugh, so degrading.
233
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,000
Hello, vodka.
234
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,873
Do you go to meetings five days
a week to get over me?
235
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,791
Hey.Oh.
236
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,663
[chuckles]: Hey.
What brings you down here?
237
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,796
I needed cookie sheets
and my mom said you had some.
238
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,798
Oh, yeah, an old girlfriend
left some at my place
239
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,191
before she went crazy.
240
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,193
So you have a type.
241
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:47,717
Yeah, apparently.
I'll bring them over tonight.
242
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:50,241
Too late.
Got them myself.
243
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,723
And met the guy
renting your apartment.
244
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,812
Oh. Huh.
245
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,206
Yeah.You didn't tell
your mom, did you?
246
00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:01,731
No. I recognize sneaky behavior
when I see it.
247
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,038
So what's going on, Sneak?
248
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:08,520
Okay, contrary
to what you may see here,
249
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,914
this bar is not
exactly trending.
250
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,570
Oh, my God.
251
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:18,356
You're open right now?
252
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,881
This is the lunch rush.
253
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,447
I'm sorry.
254
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:25,929
Eh. It's not a disaster.
255
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:26,930
I didn't say it was.
256
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,280
I'm talking to myself.
257
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,282
The nights are slow,
258
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:34,459
the days are... this.
259
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,200
I have no credit
with my vendors,
260
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:37,854
so I have to pay
everything up front,
261
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,726
including buying uniforms
262
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,902
for the health inspector's
son's Little League team.
263
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:44,644
[laughing]:
The Barrelworks Pirates.
264
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,297
They're one and six.
265
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:50,258
So you rent your place
and stay with us, all good.
266
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:51,781
But why didn't you
tell my mom?
267
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,696
'Cause I love her
and I'm gonna marry her,
268
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,916
but I'm still
kind of afraid of her.
269
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:58,309
Yeah, and just
a little heads up,
270
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,311
that never goes away.
271
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:02,662
Any chance we can
keep this between us?
272
00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:06,056
Aw, a Christmas lie.
273
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,928
Now we really are family.Yeah.
274
00:11:12,323 --> 00:11:13,760
MARJORIE:
You did good, Bonnie.
275
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:14,978
I'm proud of you.
276
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,806
I don't think Taco Willy's
is a career,
277
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,939
but it'll keep Tammy
out of jail.
278
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:20,549
I get that we're
being supportive,
279
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:23,465
but we're not really
eating here, right?
280
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:26,120
Why?
I love this place.
281
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:29,732
♪ Home of the ten-inch taco.
282
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:33,910
God, there's so much
wrong with that.
283
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:37,044
Welcome to Taco Willy's,
home of the... Hey!
284
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,567
What are you guys doing here?
285
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,047
Just showing a little support.
286
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:42,745
Love the sombrero.Very jaunty.
287
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,921
Thanks. A group
of high school kids
288
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,357
just bagged on me pretty good,
289
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,272
so I forgot to include
their utensils.
290
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,014
So, you liking
the job?
291
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:54,322
I'm loving it. No one here
knows I was in prison.
292
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:56,759
I'm just Tammy.
From London.
293
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,285
Ooh, the manager's giving me the
hairy eyeball, order something.
294
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:02,939
I'll have
the ten-inch taco.
295
00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:05,072
All right, mild or en fuego?
296
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,943
Uh, what the heck, en fuego
me.
297
00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:11,426
You know what? Just give us
a-a number one, a number four,
298
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:15,038
an eight, and the aforementioned
ten inches of hot magic.
299
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,824
And diet sodas
all around.
300
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,608
Coming right up.
That's an uno,
301
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,479
a quatro,and an ocho.
302
00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:23,830
I'm learning Spanish here, too.
303
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,527
All right, that'll be $21.58.
304
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,356
Only $21?
305
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:32,142
One of those things
had shrimp in it.
306
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:36,016
You guys, thank you so much
for visiting me at my job.
307
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:39,367
And on behalf
of Taco Willy's, gracias.
308
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:46,287
Wow, these cookies
are a slam dunk.
309
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,985
Oh, yeah? Want to see
a slammier dunk?
310
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,727
Check out this
cookie jar. Look.
311
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:55,035
It's a bear that's a nurse.
312
00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:57,733
It's so tacky.
She'll love it.
313
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,388
[phone rings]
314
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,824
Hello?
315
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,871
Hi, Mark.
Did you get my check?
316
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:06,742
Well, that's weird.
317
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,049
Yeah, I-I'll take care
of that right away.
318
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,442
Yeah, thanks. Bye.
319
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,270
What's going on?
320
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,969
The check Adam gave me
for our wedding band bounced.
321
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:19,755
Checks bounce all the time.
Especially at Christmas.
322
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,322
Doesn't mean anything's wrong.
323
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,761
Huh.
324
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,417
All right, better get
wrapping on this.
325
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,332
Unusual shape, could be tricky.
326
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,855
Hold it.
327
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,335
What do you know?
328
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:37,033
Nothing.Look at me.
329
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,167
Adam's having money trouble
at the bar.
330
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,864
How do you know?
331
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,953
He's renting out his apartment
for extra money.
332
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,955
What? Why didn't
he tell me?
333
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,652
I don't know.
334
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,918
He's afraid of you.
You're a scary person.
335
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,528
Did he really say that?
336
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,835
Stop it, that's all you're
getting out of me.
337
00:13:57,358 --> 00:14:00,448
Damn it. Your powers are strong
during the holidays.
338
00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:06,715
Hey, there she is.We need to talk.
339
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:10,110
Wow, Christy couldn't even
last a day.
340
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:13,896
Don't blame her, she's weak.
How bad is it?
341
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,942
It's not that bad.
342
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,554
It's bad.
343
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,425
So why have you
been lying to me?
344
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,863
I wasn't lying,
I was just protecting you.
345
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,561
I mean, you didn't need to know
I'm losing eight grand a month.
346
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,780
Eight grand a month?!
What the... [stammers]
347
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,826
No, no, don't be scary.
348
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,700
You know what?
349
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,877
I don't even care
about the money.
350
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,530
I care about you.
I care about us.
351
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,576
I mean, what kind of marriage
are we gonna have
352
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,621
if we don't share
the good and the bad?
353
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:46,015
I know. I-It's just...
354
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:48,104
I'm a guy who rode a
snowboard off a cliff
355
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:51,107
and thisfeels like the
stupidest thing I ever did.
356
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,024
Okay, walk me through
the worst-case scenario here.
357
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:58,549
It's 3:00 a.m., you can't sleep
because you're seeing...
358
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,029
what?
359
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,335
Well, the bar goes under.
360
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:03,511
And?I'm completely humiliated.
361
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,208
And?I've lost everything.
362
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,731
Okay, but you haven't
lost everything,
363
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,342
because I'm still
here with you.
364
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,865
Even if I'm broke?
365
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,519
Babe, I do broke
better than anyone.
366
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,087
I got through
1991 on $11.
367
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,351
So no more secrets, okay?
368
00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:19,179
You got to bring
this stuff to me.
369
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:22,573
It's called intimacy, and
I'm told it's very important.
370
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,708
Customers, customers,
go, go, go.
371
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,710
Welcome to
AJ's Barrelworks.
372
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:31,539
We have a very special beer
today, two for $8,000.
373
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,980
Okay, we have time
for one more share.
374
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,330
Tammy, alcoholic.GROUP: Hi, Tammy.
375
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,376
Make that unemployed alcoholic.
376
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,508
What? What happened?
377
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,380
Everything was going
pretty good,
378
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:49,600
and then this homeless guy walks
up to the drive-through window.
379
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:52,429
He's only got a dollar, but
big-hearted Tammy hooks him up
380
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,692
with a Loco Loco Meal
and a 48-ounce Mountain Dew.
381
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,042
I mean, it's Christmas Eve.
382
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,174
Leave it to me
383
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,263
to get fired for trying
to do something nice.
384
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:04,137
So now I got to go
to my parole officer
385
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:07,357
with no job and nothing to
keep her from sending me back.
386
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:11,448
Aw, hell...
387
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,450
maybe that's best.
388
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:16,018
I mean, if I can't keep
a job at a taco stand,
389
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,846
there's no way
I'm staying out of jail.
390
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,982
Anyway, I just wanted to say
thanks to you guys
391
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,506
for being so welcoming
to me here
392
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,335
and being such great friends.
393
00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,859
I'm gonna miss you.
394
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:37,039
So you don't currently
have a job?
395
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,388
No, ma'am, I do not.
396
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:41,130
Well, you're not leaving me
much choice here.
397
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,045
You've been out eight weeks,
no proof of employment.
398
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,699
I don't know how
I'm gonna be able...
399
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,440
Is it too late?
May we speak?
400
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:47,789
What is going on here?
401
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:49,573
We are character witnesses
for Tammy Diffendorf.
402
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,314
Counselor.
403
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,274
Actually, I'm not
really a lawyer yet....Just talk.
404
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:56,711
In the short time we have known
Tammy Diffendorf,
405
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,235
she has proven herself
to be a reliable
406
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,281
and law-abiding member
of our community.
407
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,761
She has joined
a 12-step program
408
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,372
and everyone here
is willing to vouch for her...
409
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:06,547
EVE:
Okay, stop.
410
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:09,115
Okay? This is not
about character,
411
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:12,118
it's about employment,
and there's nothing I can do.
412
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:14,424
Well, that is ridiculous.
I want to talk to your manager.
413
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,298
This isn't Neiman's.
414
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,822
Oh.
415
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:24,086
I'm sorry, but if she
does not have a job,
416
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,609
she'll goes back to prison.
417
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,916
Okay? That's all
there is to it.
418
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:30,136
She does have a job.
419
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,964
I need my porch painted. $300.
420
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,619
And I need my gutters
cleaned out. $100.
421
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,839
And I've got a big house.
Come over two times a week
422
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,494
and we'll find
something wrong with it.
423
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,759
Now, these have to be real jobs.
424
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:47,849
I need to see invoices
and copies of checks.
425
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,938
You'll get them.
We'll get her licensed,
426
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:52,114
put together a website,
get her business cards.
427
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,682
Tammy's Handys.
428
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,249
We'll work on the name.
429
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:03,038
I can't believe you guys are
doing this. Thank you so much.
430
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,562
So this is good, right? I don't
have to go back to prison?
431
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,043
I'll see you next Monday.
432
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,697
No, that's New Year's Eve.Take the win.
433
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,264
Oh, yeah, Monday, Monday.
434
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,012
Nice!
435
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:23,232
Okay, Gus, go mingle.
436
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,063
Nice crowd
for a Christmas Eve.
437
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,849
Right? I guess.
Oh, what the hell do I know?
438
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:35,549
Hey, I thought of a way
to take a little stress off you.
439
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:39,205
I'd love to,
but I'm kind of busy.
440
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,337
Not that, you dumbass.
441
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,948
I'm thinking maybe
we kick the wedding bells
442
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,863
down the road a notch.
443
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,039
You want to put the wedding off?
444
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,432
Not forever, it's gonna happen,
445
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,781
but all the money
we're spending on that
446
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:52,348
could be put into this.
447
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:55,177
You sure?
448
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:58,963
Merry Christmas,
I'm not marrying you.
449
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,578
I think my acid reflux
just went away.
450
00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:07,537
I love you.
[chuckles]
451
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,235
Hey, Bonnie,
you're missing all the fun.
452
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,801
I'll be right back.All right.
453
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,370
Wow, nice jacket.
454
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:15,545
Jill gave it to me.
455
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:18,809
She said it was $25
and I believe her.
456
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:24,206
I love it, Bonnie.
It's purrrr-fect.
457
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,470
Please stop
saying that.
458
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,560
My turn.Get ready.
459
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:34,085
Oh! A nurse cookie jar.
460
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,696
Thank you.
461
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,219
Wait, look inside.
462
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:40,483
And cookies, yum.
463
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,485
Not just cookies.
464
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:44,705
Those are your grandmother's
famous peppermint meringues
465
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:45,923
she only made
at Christmas.
466
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,056
My grandmother
never made cookies.
467
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:50,711
She was a drunk
who shot off her own toe.
468
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:54,584
Well, your cousin Dominic
in Newark begs to differ.
469
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,325
I don't have
a cousin Dominic.
470
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,545
What are you talking about?
471
00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:01,330
I found your whole mobbed-up
family on Facebook.
472
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:02,940
Waste management?
Wink, wink.
473
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:05,726
You got the wrong Wendy Harris,
474
00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:07,206
but thank you.
475
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,208
It was really thoughtful.
476
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,818
Do yourself a favor and never
477
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,733
talk about that side
of my family again.
478
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,129
Open mine,
open mine.
479
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:22,612
Ooh, I wonder who it's from.
480
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:26,050
Are You There, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
481
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,617
Remember? You would
hide it under your mattress
482
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,358
and we would read it
to each other every night.
483
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:32,231
Tammy, I loved this book.
484
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,536
Good job, honey.
485
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,538
Yeah, you really
nailed Secret Santa.
486
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,888
Oh, Jill,
487
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,368
they left the price tag
on this.
488
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,935
I know.
489
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,945
Captioning sponsored by
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490
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:56,994
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
491
00:20:57,038 --> 00:21:00,041
Captioned by
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