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1
00:00:04,516 --> 00:00:06,281
It's called a Christmas tree, Tammy.
2
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,207
Or in Germany, a Tannenbaum.
3
00:00:08,716 --> 00:00:10,117
I know what it's called, Big Sauce.
4
00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:11,976
I just haven't seen one in a long time.
5
00:00:12,008 --> 00:00:13,796
Don't they have
Christmas trees in prison?
6
00:00:13,859 --> 00:00:15,726
No, they kind of frown on joy.
7
00:00:16,835 --> 00:00:19,096
We're glad you're with
us this year, honey.
8
00:00:19,164 --> 00:00:20,364
Hey, since everyone's here,
9
00:00:20,432 --> 00:00:22,162
how about we draw
names for Secret Santa?
10
00:00:22,187 --> 00:00:24,535
Huh. I didn't think
ol' "socks and a candle"
11
00:00:24,603 --> 00:00:26,103
would be kick-starting it this year.
12
00:00:26,128 --> 00:00:27,962
You said you liked them.
13
00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:30,101
And that was my gift to you.
14
00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:31,542
Hey, I got news for you.
15
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,878
This year, I am winning Secret Santa.
16
00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:35,179
Not a competition.
17
00:00:35,247 --> 00:00:36,447
Marjorie's right.
18
00:00:36,472 --> 00:00:38,807
It's an expression of
our love for each other...
19
00:00:38,832 --> 00:00:40,666
that Christy always loses.
20
00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:44,422
Can we at least up the limit?
21
00:00:44,489 --> 00:00:45,623
I mean, $25?
22
00:00:45,691 --> 00:00:48,359
What am I supposed to
buy y'all, a bag of dirt?
23
00:00:48,906 --> 00:00:51,295
Ooh, 25 bucks, that's
a little steep for me.
24
00:00:51,363 --> 00:00:52,663
No, that's just a ceiling, Tammy.
25
00:00:52,731 --> 00:00:55,566
You can even make
something. Like venison stew?
26
00:00:56,242 --> 00:00:58,736
- Sure.
- Ooh! Stew it is.
27
00:00:58,761 --> 00:01:00,094
Oh! Secret, secret!
28
00:01:01,171 --> 00:01:04,175
Lord, I'm getting Bambi
in a bowl for Christmas.
29
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,167
All right, everyone.
30
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,288
Please pick with one hand, eyes closed.
31
00:01:08,313 --> 00:01:09,547
If you choose your own name,
32
00:01:09,572 --> 00:01:11,439
- you must...
- We know the rules, Wendy.
33
00:01:11,843 --> 00:01:13,787
Do we? 'Cause last year you picked
34
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,729
your own name and gave yourself cash.
35
00:01:15,754 --> 00:01:16,888
I know what I like.
36
00:01:16,913 --> 00:01:18,414
Hint... I'd like it again.
37
00:01:18,565 --> 00:01:19,933
Ugh.
38
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,526
You do know whoever you
picked is in the room?
39
00:01:23,203 --> 00:01:25,796
Well, "ugh" isn't always a bad thing.
40
00:01:25,864 --> 00:01:28,304
Ugh, that's a lovely sweater.
41
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,257
Damn it, I wanted
Bonnie. Who's got Bonnie?
42
00:01:31,282 --> 00:01:32,449
Merry Christmas.
43
00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:39,343
Any chance we could, uh,
86 the venison stew?
44
00:01:39,411 --> 00:01:41,576
Oh, sure. Where do you stand on elk?
45
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,948
Hey. Hey, hey. No requests.
46
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,716
The point is to use your imagination
47
00:01:45,741 --> 00:01:48,281
and think about the dear
friend you're buying a gift for.
48
00:01:48,954 --> 00:01:50,335
Ugh.
49
00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:07,460
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
50
00:02:10,039 --> 00:02:11,015
Son of a bitch.
51
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,609
There's the Plunkett Christmas spirit.
52
00:02:13,835 --> 00:02:15,577
I'm in Secret Santa hell.
53
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,536
- Who'd you get?
- I'm not telling.
54
00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:19,868
Look at me.
55
00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:23,437
Wendy.
56
00:02:24,132 --> 00:02:25,428
How do you do that?
57
00:02:25,453 --> 00:02:28,756
That brief alien abduction
left me with some powers.
58
00:02:29,351 --> 00:02:30,858
It's embarrassing.
59
00:02:30,925 --> 00:02:32,370
We've been friends with Wendy for years
60
00:02:32,395 --> 00:02:34,062
and I only know three things about her.
61
00:02:34,129 --> 00:02:36,830
She's a nurse, she's five foot three...
62
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:38,902
Two things.
63
00:02:39,648 --> 00:02:41,535
Not to rub it in, but I got blessed
64
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:42,870
by the Secret Santa gods.
65
00:02:42,937 --> 00:02:44,062
You got Marjorie?
66
00:02:44,087 --> 00:02:45,888
Can we trade?
- No way.
67
00:02:45,942 --> 00:02:47,309
In fact...
68
00:02:47,643 --> 00:02:49,543
"Cat pillow.
69
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,421
"Add to cart...
70
00:02:51,446 --> 00:02:53,447
Confirm." Ah, she'll be here Tuesday.
71
00:02:54,851 --> 00:02:57,051
No, you tell the driver
it was supposed to be
72
00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:59,620
three cases of tequila, not six.
73
00:02:59,645 --> 00:03:01,380
That's more than enough.
74
00:03:01,489 --> 00:03:02,656
Morning.
75
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:04,546
Amazing. I hear the word "tequila"
76
00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:06,460
and I immediately want chips and salsa
77
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:07,618
and to take my clothes off.
78
00:03:07,643 --> 00:03:09,739
I hear "tequila" and I want heroin.
79
00:03:09,764 --> 00:03:11,498
Isn't it funny how our brains work?
80
00:03:13,468 --> 00:03:15,367
Oh, just a heads-up, I
got to get a deposit check
81
00:03:15,392 --> 00:03:16,594
to the wedding band
82
00:03:16,704 --> 00:03:17,982
Yeah, well, you know where the book is.
83
00:03:18,006 --> 00:03:19,639
You sign my name better
than I do, anyway.
84
00:03:19,664 --> 00:03:22,281
Yeah, but I feel dirty
when I don't ask first.
85
00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:23,673
Not really.
86
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,221
All right, I'm out.
87
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,641
Okay, honey. Go get people drunk.
88
00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:29,535
And you continue to be
strangely cool with that.
89
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:33,064
Hey. Real quick, Christy
and I were talking.
90
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,721
Do you want to go out for Christmas Eve
91
00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:36,447
or do you want to do
it here family style?
92
00:03:36,898 --> 00:03:38,912
Oh, yeah. About that...
93
00:03:38,937 --> 00:03:40,994
Tell me you're not
working Christmas Eve.
94
00:03:41,062 --> 00:03:43,397
I'm sorry, it's a big night for bars.
95
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,166
People are depressed 'cause
they don't have families.
96
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:47,858
Others are depressed 'cause they do.
97
00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:51,618
Plus, the Raiders are on
and that'll depress everyone.
98
00:03:52,006 --> 00:03:53,926
But you're welcome to
join in on the festivities.
99
00:03:53,975 --> 00:03:55,275
Great, so my choices are
100
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,487
spend Christmas Eve
with my kid or in a bar.
101
00:03:57,512 --> 00:03:58,779
Nothing ever changes.
102
00:04:02,031 --> 00:04:03,437
You got your parole officer
a Christmas present?
103
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:04,852
Oh, yeah. Juan's been great.
104
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,711
I got him a bottle of aftershave.
105
00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:09,664
Eight bucks and it
comes with foot powder.
106
00:04:10,535 --> 00:04:12,936
Okay, let's get started.
107
00:04:13,016 --> 00:04:14,633
That's not Juan.
108
00:04:14,658 --> 00:04:16,506
Which one of you is Tammy?
109
00:04:16,531 --> 00:04:18,031
- Me.
- And who are you?
110
00:04:18,056 --> 00:04:20,291
I'm her ride; Juan's
cool with me hanging out.
111
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:21,765
Juan's been reassigned.
112
00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:23,558
And I'm not cool.
113
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,873
Wait, Juan's out?
114
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,641
And this is how I'm hearing about it?
115
00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:29,700
That's a kick in the lady pants.
116
00:04:30,234 --> 00:04:32,946
I'm Eve Ferguson, I'm
in charge of your case.
117
00:04:33,475 --> 00:04:36,659
- You can wait in the hallway.
- Oh. Okay.
118
00:04:36,684 --> 00:04:37,784
Guess you're on your own.
119
00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:40,085
- I'll be close.
- O-Okay.
120
00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:43,782
- What is that?
- Oh, just some aftershave for Juan.
121
00:04:43,807 --> 00:04:46,484
Which you are very welcome to have.
122
00:04:46,689 --> 00:04:48,023
For your fella.
123
00:04:48,048 --> 00:04:49,148
Or your lady.
124
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:52,625
Or yourself if you like
to smell like the sea.
125
00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:56,254
- It comes with foot powder...
- Stop talking.
126
00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,984
Okay, I see you have a place to live
127
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,843
and you're in a 12-step program.
128
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,578
I don't see a job here. You working?
129
00:05:04,689 --> 00:05:08,382
- Uh, well, I...
- Handyman. The bathroom's this way?
130
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:11,131
Yeah, I've done some handyman jobs.
131
00:05:11,156 --> 00:05:12,996
Uh, I don't see any pay stubs.
132
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,655
I No, it's more of a barter situation.
133
00:05:14,722 --> 00:05:16,156
Trading the work for food or rent.
134
00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:19,426
I did some plumbing for
Bonnie's fiancé at his bar.
135
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:21,420
He's in a wheelchair, if that helps.
136
00:05:22,859 --> 00:05:24,264
It doesn't.
137
00:05:24,332 --> 00:05:26,366
I'm gonna need some proof of employment
138
00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:28,912
or I'm gonna be forced
to revoke your parole.
139
00:05:29,414 --> 00:05:31,038
Wait, what? Are you serious?
140
00:05:31,105 --> 00:05:33,440
Yes, and I'm gonna
need it by next Monday.
141
00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:34,541
That's Christmas Eve.
142
00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:36,773
Otherwise known as Monday.
143
00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:38,845
Knock, knock.
144
00:05:38,913 --> 00:05:40,747
I just lost a dollar
in the vending machine.
145
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:41,939
Who do I see about that?
146
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,817
I'll take the dollar or the Sprite.
147
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,840
- You need any help?
- You offering?
148
00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:50,833
No, but I can put the word out.
149
00:05:51,557 --> 00:05:55,371
- What are you doing?
- I cracked the Christmas code.
150
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,965
I tracked down Wendy's
second cousin in Staten Island
151
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,677
who put me in touch with
one of her aunts in Newark.
152
00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:02,369
By the way, there is a solid chance
153
00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:05,329
that one side of Wendy's
family is pretty mobbed up.
154
00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:08,084
Maybe I shouldn't be
mean to her anymore.
155
00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:10,844
Yeah, I'd hate to find
you frozen in a meat truck.
156
00:06:11,857 --> 00:06:13,718
Been there. It's not fun.
157
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:17,998
- So what are you making?
- Wendy's grandmother used to make
158
00:06:18,023 --> 00:06:20,053
these peppermint meringue
cookies every Christmas.
159
00:06:20,078 --> 00:06:22,529
She's dead, I'm not, bam.
160
00:06:22,554 --> 00:06:25,792
Who's your Secret Santa now, bitch?
161
00:06:26,546 --> 00:06:29,496
Impressive. It's no cat
pillow, but impressive.
162
00:06:29,937 --> 00:06:31,765
Any luck finding Tammy a job?
163
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,543
Not yet. She didn't finish high school,
164
00:06:33,568 --> 00:06:36,003
she hasn't worked in years,
she's not good with people.
165
00:06:36,398 --> 00:06:38,515
How the hell did I get a job?
166
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,907
Hey, where's our cookie sheet?
167
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:44,077
Oh, sorry, I put it under
my car to catch the oil.
168
00:06:44,145 --> 00:06:46,580
Our good towels aren't
doing the trick anymore?
169
00:06:46,691 --> 00:06:48,925
Adam's got some fancy cookie
sheets at his apartment.
170
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,218
- I'll get you his keys.
- Adam bakes cookies?
171
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,509
No. They've got old girlfriend
written all over them.
172
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:55,468
In fact, after you're
done, throw them away.
173
00:06:55,508 --> 00:06:57,375
Oh, and grab a couple
of his good towels.
174
00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:08,845
He's so clean.
175
00:07:08,987 --> 00:07:10,988
How can he marry my mother?
176
00:07:15,174 --> 00:07:17,085
Uh, hello?
- Aah!
177
00:07:18,112 --> 00:07:19,846
If you really wanted to hurt me,
178
00:07:19,871 --> 00:07:22,883
there's knives right behind you.
179
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:25,304
Yeah, yeah. That
would've made more sense.
180
00:07:26,218 --> 00:07:28,475
Uh... who are you?
181
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,148
Daniel. I'm renting
this place for a month.
182
00:07:31,609 --> 00:07:33,593
- You are?
- Yeah, Airbnb.
183
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:38,310
- Who are you?
- Christy. Adam's my mom's fiancé.
184
00:07:38,335 --> 00:07:41,078
I came by to borrow his baking sheets.
185
00:07:41,763 --> 00:07:43,217
I'm making Christmas cookies'
186
00:07:43,242 --> 00:07:46,050
it's a Secret Santa thing. Stop me
when you have enough information.
187
00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:48,685
Well, I can't say no to Secret Santa.
188
00:07:49,053 --> 00:07:50,687
Thanks.
189
00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:54,195
Maybe I could...
190
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,912
come back and bring you some cookies,
191
00:07:56,945 --> 00:07:58,226
if you're into that kind of thing.
192
00:07:58,251 --> 00:07:59,429
I'd love that.
193
00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:01,264
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
194
00:08:01,507 --> 00:08:04,328
Oh, but my boyfriend's gluten-free.
195
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:07,058
Uh-huh.
196
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:11,218
Well, then, since we have no
future, get your own cookies.
197
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:13,699
Merry Christmas.
198
00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:19,150
♪ You know Dasher and Sampson
199
00:08:19,175 --> 00:08:22,811
♪ And Connor and... Gibson.
200
00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:25,789
Eh, maybe I don't know them.
201
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,560
- How'd it go?
- It was a hard no.
202
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,102
Apparently, I'm not Macy's material.
203
00:08:34,843 --> 00:08:36,771
I'm sorry. Did you return my blouse?
204
00:08:36,796 --> 00:08:39,068
- Oh, yeah. Store credit.
- What?
205
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:42,743
No cash refunds after six months.
That's Macy's policy.
206
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,562
See what they're missing?
207
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,793
You want to try Pottery Barn?
208
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,595
Why bother?
209
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:52,998
I'm an ex-con in my 50's
with no job experience.
210
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,958
- Who's gonna hire me?
- Maybe we're aiming a little too high.
211
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,585
My Spanx agree.
212
00:08:59,256 --> 00:09:01,449
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
213
00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:03,718
Truck stop hooker?
214
00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:07,288
I was thinking flipping
burgers in a paper hat.
215
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,448
Ugh, so degrading.
216
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,289
Hello, vodka.
217
00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:22,773
Do you go to meetings five
days a week to get over me?
218
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,351
Hey.
- Oh.
219
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:30,210
Hey. What brings you down here?
220
00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:33,343
I needed cookie sheets and
my mom said you had some.
221
00:09:33,368 --> 00:09:35,502
Oh, yeah, an old girlfriend
left some at my place
222
00:09:35,527 --> 00:09:36,761
before she went crazy.
223
00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:39,052
So you have a type.
224
00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:41,679
Yeah, apparently. I'll
bring them over tonight.
225
00:09:41,704 --> 00:09:43,820
Too late. Got them myself.
226
00:09:44,664 --> 00:09:47,398
And met the guy renting your apartment.
227
00:09:48,106 --> 00:09:49,289
Oh. Huh.
228
00:09:49,314 --> 00:09:51,782
Yeah. You didn't tell your mom, did you?
229
00:09:51,807 --> 00:09:55,453
No. I recognize sneaky
behavior when I see it.
230
00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,726
So what's going on, Sneak?
231
00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:01,820
Okay, contrary to what you may see here,
232
00:10:02,164 --> 00:10:04,632
this bar is not exactly trending.
233
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,023
Oh, my God.
234
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,765
You're open right now?
235
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,249
This is the lunch rush.
236
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,109
I'm sorry.
237
00:10:16,134 --> 00:10:19,500
Eh. It's not a disaster.
238
00:10:19,525 --> 00:10:22,179
- I didn't say it was.
- I'm talking to myself.
239
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,570
The nights are slow,
240
00:10:24,595 --> 00:10:27,664
the days are... this.
241
00:10:28,016 --> 00:10:29,484
I have no credit with my vendors,
242
00:10:29,509 --> 00:10:31,176
so I have to pay everything up front,
243
00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:32,578
including buying uniforms
244
00:10:32,603 --> 00:10:35,375
for the health inspector's
son's Little League team.
245
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,820
The Barrelworks Pirates.
246
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,312
They're one and six.
247
00:10:40,115 --> 00:10:43,093
So you rent your place
and stay with us, all good.
248
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:45,381
But why didn't you tell my mom?
249
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:47,241
'Cause I love her and
I'm gonna marry her,
250
00:10:47,266 --> 00:10:49,401
but I'm still kind of afraid of her.
251
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,937
Yeah, and just a little heads up,
252
00:10:51,962 --> 00:10:53,992
that never goes away.
253
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:56,418
Any chance we can keep this between us?
254
00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:59,835
Aw, a Christmas lie.
255
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,861
- Now we really are family.
- Yeah.
256
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,224
You did good, Bonnie.
257
00:11:07,324 --> 00:11:08,457
I'm proud of you.
258
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:10,328
I don't think Taco Willy's is a career,
259
00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:12,387
but it'll keep Tammy out of jail.
260
00:11:12,412 --> 00:11:14,012
I get that we're being supportive,
261
00:11:14,037 --> 00:11:16,640
but we're not really eating here, right?
262
00:11:17,013 --> 00:11:19,682
Why? I love this place.
263
00:11:19,707 --> 00:11:22,554
♪ Home of the ten-inch taco.
264
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:26,140
God, there's so much wrong with that.
265
00:11:27,507 --> 00:11:30,460
Welcome to Taco Willy's,
home of the... Hey!
266
00:11:30,485 --> 00:11:32,154
What are you guys doing here?
267
00:11:32,179 --> 00:11:33,673
Just showing a little support.
268
00:11:33,698 --> 00:11:36,166
- Love the sombrero.
- Very jaunty.
269
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:38,292
Thanks. A group of high school kids
270
00:11:38,317 --> 00:11:39,785
just bagged on me pretty good,
271
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:41,845
so I forgot to include their utensils.
272
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:44,640
So, you liking the job?
273
00:11:44,665 --> 00:11:47,640
I'm loving it. No one
here knows I was in prison.
274
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,664
I'm just Tammy. From London.
275
00:11:52,069 --> 00:11:54,546
Ooh, the manager's giving me the
hairy eyeball, order something.
276
00:11:54,891 --> 00:11:56,358
I'll have the ten-inch taco.
277
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,417
All right, mild or en fuego?
278
00:11:58,442 --> 00:12:01,000
Uh, what the heck, en fuego me.
279
00:12:01,647 --> 00:12:04,615
You know what? Just give us
a-a number one, a number four,
280
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,742
an eight, and the aforementioned
ten inches of hot magic.
281
00:12:09,484 --> 00:12:11,273
And diet sodas all around.
282
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,132
Coming right up. That's an uno,
283
00:12:13,157 --> 00:12:14,991
a quatro, and an ocho.
284
00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:17,250
I'm learning Spanish here, too.
285
00:12:17,275 --> 00:12:19,432
All right, that'll be $21.58.
286
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,828
Only $21?
287
00:12:21,853 --> 00:12:24,382
One of those things had shrimp in it.
288
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:29,316
You guys, thank you so much
for visiting me at my job.
289
00:12:29,341 --> 00:12:32,911
And on behalf of Taco Willy's, gracias.
290
00:12:36,981 --> 00:12:39,616
Wow, these cookies are a slam dunk.
291
00:12:39,641 --> 00:12:42,142
Oh, yeah? Want to see a slammier dunk?
292
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,851
Check out this cookie jar. Look.
293
00:12:45,616 --> 00:12:47,570
It's a bear that's a nurse.
294
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,843
It's so tacky. She'll love it.
295
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,068
Hello?
296
00:12:55,093 --> 00:12:57,031
Hi, Mark. Did you get my check?
297
00:12:58,176 --> 00:12:59,977
Well, that's weird.
298
00:13:00,002 --> 00:13:01,976
Yeah, I-I'll take care
of that right away.
299
00:13:02,179 --> 00:13:04,414
Yeah, thanks. Bye.
300
00:13:05,303 --> 00:13:06,546
What's going on?
301
00:13:06,571 --> 00:13:09,273
The check Adam gave me for
our wedding band bounced.
302
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:12,960
Checks bounce all the time.
Especially at Christmas.
303
00:13:13,035 --> 00:13:14,635
Doesn't mean anything's wrong.
304
00:13:18,037 --> 00:13:19,371
Huh.
305
00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:22,812
All right, better get wrapping on this.
306
00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:26,063
- Unusual shape, could be tricky.
- Hold it.
307
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:27,796
What do you know?
308
00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:29,828
- Nothing.
- Look at me.
309
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:33,421
Adam's having money trouble at the bar.
310
00:13:34,141 --> 00:13:35,608
How do you know?
311
00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:37,667
He's renting out his
apartment for extra money.
312
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,609
- What? Why didn't he tell me?
- I don't know.
313
00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:45,500
He's afraid of you.
You're a scary person.
314
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,153
Did he really say that?
315
00:13:47,178 --> 00:13:49,679
Stop it, that's all
you're getting out of me.
316
00:13:50,765 --> 00:13:53,834
Damn it. Your powers are
strong during the holidays.
317
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,945
- Hey, there she is.
- We need to talk.
318
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:03,109
Wow, Christy couldn't even last a day.
319
00:14:03,728 --> 00:14:07,497
Don't blame her, she's
weak. How bad is it?
320
00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:09,699
It's not that bad.
321
00:14:10,747 --> 00:14:12,648
It's bad.
322
00:14:12,981 --> 00:14:14,615
So why have you been lying to me?
323
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,908
I wasn't lying, I was
just protecting you.
324
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:19,703
I mean, you didn't need to know
I'm losing eight grand a month.
325
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,030
- Eight grand a month?!
- What the...
326
00:14:22,055 --> 00:14:24,190
No, no, don't be scary.
327
00:14:27,985 --> 00:14:31,454
You know what?
I don't even care about the money.
328
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,381
I care about you. I care about us.
329
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,025
I mean, what kind of
marriage are we gonna have
330
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,843
if we don't share the good and the bad?
331
00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:39,136
I know. I-It's just...
332
00:14:39,469 --> 00:14:41,470
I'm a guy who rode a
snowboard off a cliff
333
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:44,597
and this feels like the
stupidest thing I ever did.
334
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,490
Okay, walk me through the
worst-case scenario here.
335
00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:51,960
It's 3:00 a.m., you can't
sleep because you're seeing...
336
00:14:52,176 --> 00:14:54,754
- what?
- Well, the bar goes under.
337
00:14:54,779 --> 00:14:56,880
- And?
- I'm completely humiliated.
338
00:14:56,948 --> 00:14:58,648
- And?
- I've lost everything.
339
00:14:58,716 --> 00:15:00,250
Okay, but you haven't lost everything,
340
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,875
because I'm still here with you.
341
00:15:02,029 --> 00:15:03,396
Even if I'm broke?
342
00:15:03,421 --> 00:15:04,828
Babe, I do broke better than anyone.
343
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:07,455
I got through 1991 on $11.
344
00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,803
So no more secrets, okay?
345
00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,471
You got to bring this stuff to me.
346
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:16,066
It's called... intimacy, and
I'm told it's very important.
347
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,937
Customers, customers, go, go, go.
348
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,048
Welcome to AJ's Barrelworks.
349
00:15:22,073 --> 00:15:25,041
We have a very special
beer today, two for $8,000.
350
00:15:29,312 --> 00:15:31,448
Okay, we have time for one more share.
351
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,675
- Tammy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Tammy.
352
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,868
Make that unemployed alcoholic.
353
00:15:36,063 --> 00:15:37,897
What? What happened?
354
00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:39,515
Everything was going pretty good,
355
00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,916
and then this homeless guy walks
up to the drive-through window.
356
00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:45,718
He's only got a dollar, but
big-hearted Tammy hooks him up
357
00:15:45,743 --> 00:15:48,420
with a Loco Loco Meal and
a 48-ounce Mountain Dew.
358
00:15:48,445 --> 00:15:50,085
I mean, it's Christmas Eve.
359
00:15:50,671 --> 00:15:53,862
Leave it to me to get fired for
trying to do something nice.
360
00:15:54,426 --> 00:15:56,968
So now I got to go to my parole officer
361
00:15:56,993 --> 00:16:00,687
with no job and nothing to
keep her from sending me back.
362
00:16:02,612 --> 00:16:04,148
Aw, hell...
363
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,615
maybe that's best.
364
00:16:06,784 --> 00:16:09,023
I mean, if I can't keep
a job at a taco stand,
365
00:16:09,048 --> 00:16:11,345
there's no way I'm staying out of jail.
366
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:16,148
Anyway, I just wanted
to say thanks to you guys
367
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:18,762
for being so welcoming to me here
368
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:21,631
and being such great friends.
369
00:16:22,473 --> 00:16:24,007
I'm gonna miss you.
370
00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:30,227
So you don't currently have a job?
371
00:16:30,252 --> 00:16:31,486
No, ma'am, I do not.
372
00:16:32,148 --> 00:16:34,285
Well, you're not leaving
me much choice here.
373
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:36,465
You've been out eight weeks,
no proof of employment.
374
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:38,157
I don't know how I'm gonna be able...
375
00:16:38,182 --> 00:16:39,507
Is it too late? May we speak?
376
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,051
What is going on here?
377
00:16:41,076 --> 00:16:43,467
We are character witnesses
for Tammy Diffendorf.
378
00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:44,664
Counselor.
379
00:16:44,689 --> 00:16:46,807
Actually, I'm not
really a lawyer yet...
380
00:16:46,832 --> 00:16:47,633
Just talk.
381
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,926
In the short time we have
known Tammy Diffendorf,
382
00:16:49,951 --> 00:16:52,471
she has proven herself to be a reliable
383
00:16:52,496 --> 00:16:54,497
and law-abiding member
of our community.
384
00:16:54,608 --> 00:16:56,876
She has joined a 12-step program
385
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,578
and everyone here is
willing to vouch for her...
386
00:16:58,603 --> 00:16:59,670
Okay, stop.
387
00:16:59,737 --> 00:17:02,138
Okay? This is not about character,
388
00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:04,914
it's about employment, and
there's nothing I can do.
389
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:07,474
Well, that is ridiculous. I
want to talk to your manager.
390
00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,485
This isn't Neiman's.
391
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:13,917
Oh.
392
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:17,320
I'm sorry, but if she
does not have a job,
393
00:17:17,345 --> 00:17:18,764
she'll goes back to prison.
394
00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:21,157
Okay? That's all there is to it.
395
00:17:21,531 --> 00:17:23,393
She does have a job.
396
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,952
I need my porch painted. $300.
397
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:28,562
And I need my gutters cleaned out. $100.
398
00:17:28,587 --> 00:17:30,934
And I've got a big house.
Come over two times a week
399
00:17:30,959 --> 00:17:32,984
and we'll find something wrong with it.
400
00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:37,656
Now, these have to be real jobs.
401
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:40,717
I need to see invoices
and copies of checks.
402
00:17:40,742 --> 00:17:43,022
You'll get them. We'll get her licensed,
403
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:45,348
put together a website,
get her business cards.
404
00:17:45,389 --> 00:17:46,827
Tammy's Handys.
405
00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:49,317
We'll work on the name.
406
00:17:52,289 --> 00:17:55,925
I can't believe you guys are
doing this. Thank you so much.
407
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,552
So this is good, right? I don't
have to go back to prison?
408
00:17:59,195 --> 00:18:01,006
I'll see you next Monday.
409
00:18:01,031 --> 00:18:02,699
- No, that's New Year's Eve.
- Take the win.
410
00:18:02,724 --> 00:18:04,491
Oh, yeah, Monday, Monday.
411
00:18:11,492 --> 00:18:12,965
Nice!
412
00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:15,292
Okay, Gus, go mingle.
413
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,435
Nice crowd for a Christmas Eve.
414
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:22,813
Right? I guess. Oh,
what the hell do I know?
415
00:18:23,132 --> 00:18:26,574
Hey, I thought of a way to
take a little stress off you.
416
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,512
I'd love to, but I'm kind of busy.
417
00:18:30,537 --> 00:18:32,338
Not that, you dumb-ass.
418
00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:35,083
I'm thinking maybe we
kick the wedding bells
419
00:18:35,108 --> 00:18:36,975
down the road a notch.
420
00:18:37,773 --> 00:18:39,120
You want to put the wedding off?
421
00:18:39,188 --> 00:18:40,488
Not forever, it's gonna happen,
422
00:18:40,513 --> 00:18:42,264
but all the money we're spending on that
423
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,668
could be put into this.
424
00:18:45,203 --> 00:18:46,294
You sure?
425
00:18:46,978 --> 00:18:49,851
Merry Christmas, I'm not marrying you.
426
00:18:52,585 --> 00:18:55,085
I think my acid reflux just went away.
427
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:58,482
I love you.
428
00:18:58,507 --> 00:19:00,208
Hey, Bonnie, you're missing all the fun.
429
00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:02,275
- I'll be right back.
- All right.
430
00:19:03,956 --> 00:19:06,953
- Wow, nice jacket.
- Jill gave it to me.
431
00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:09,617
She said it was $25 and I believe her.
432
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:15,734
I love it Bonnie It's purrrr-fect.
433
00:19:16,312 --> 00:19:18,242
Please stop saying that.
434
00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:21,663
- My turn.
- Get ready.
435
00:19:21,688 --> 00:19:25,266
Oh! A nurse cookie jar.
436
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:27,036
Thank you.
437
00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:28,594
Wait, look inside.
438
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,882
And cookies, yum.
439
00:19:32,015 --> 00:19:33,451
Not just cookies.
440
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:35,777
Those are your grandmother's
famous peppermint meringues
441
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:37,279
she only made at Christmas.
442
00:19:37,304 --> 00:19:39,047
My grandmother never made cookies.
443
00:19:39,115 --> 00:19:41,583
She was a drunk who
shot off her own toe.
444
00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:45,763
Well, your cousin Dominic
in Newark begs to differ.
445
00:19:45,831 --> 00:19:47,331
I don't have a cousin Dominic'
446
00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:49,457
What are you talking about?
447
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,336
I found your whole
mobbed-up family on Facebook.
448
00:19:52,403 --> 00:19:54,004
Waste management? Wink, wink.
449
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:56,927
You got the wrong Wendy Harris,
450
00:19:56,952 --> 00:19:58,252
but thank you.
451
00:19:58,277 --> 00:20:00,211
It was really thoughtful.
452
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,148
Do yourself a favor and never
453
00:20:02,173 --> 00:20:04,408
talk about that side of my family again.
454
00:20:07,719 --> 00:20:09,153
Open mine, open mine.
455
00:20:09,178 --> 00:20:12,718
Ooh, I wonder who it's from.
456
00:20:13,976 --> 00:20:16,578
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.
457
00:20:16,603 --> 00:20:18,810
Remember? You would hide
it under your mattress
458
00:20:18,835 --> 00:20:20,826
and we would read it to
each other every night.
459
00:20:20,851 --> 00:20:23,392
Tammy, I loved this book.
460
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:26,661
- Good job, honey.
- Yeah, you really nailed Secret Santa.
461
00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:30,532
Oh, Jill, they left
the price tag on this.
462
00:20:30,599 --> 00:20:32,133
I know.
463
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:35,710
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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