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1
00:00:02,366 --> 00:00:06,202
"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,269 --> 00:00:08,537
Oh, wow. Hey. Why are
you guys so dressed up?
3
00:00:08,605 --> 00:00:11,373
Oh, we are taking Boyd to see
his first Shakespeare play.
4
00:00:11,441 --> 00:00:12,875
Oh, he's 7. Pshh.
5
00:00:12,943 --> 00:00:14,543
Isn't he a little young for "Hamlet"?
6
00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:17,113
Nope. This version's
cut down to 15 minutes,
7
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,681
and everybody but Ophelia
is played by a sock puppet.
8
00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,918
He actually might be too old for this.
9
00:00:23,986 --> 00:00:26,020
Well, dad's taking Boyd
to the rodeo next week,
10
00:00:26,088 --> 00:00:28,523
and we are just trying to balance it out.
11
00:00:28,591 --> 00:00:30,091
My prediction
...rodeo wins.
12
00:00:30,159 --> 00:00:31,159
Yee-haw!
13
00:00:34,029 --> 00:00:36,298
(Gasps) Oh, my God! What happened, honey?
14
00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:38,634
I fell off my bike.
Are... are you okay?
15
00:00:38,701 --> 00:00:40,568
- I thought I was.
- Oh...
16
00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:45,506
I told him he was fine.
Don't give him any options.
17
00:00:45,574 --> 00:00:48,776
Uh, how could he fall off his bike
if it has training wheels, Mike?
18
00:00:48,843 --> 00:00:50,244
'Cause I took them off.
19
00:00:50,312 --> 00:00:52,846
If you're not falling, you're not learning.
20
00:00:52,914 --> 00:00:54,515
Yeah, you know what else you're not doing?
21
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:55,783
Falling. Okay?
22
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:57,418
Did you hit your head?
23
00:00:57,486 --> 00:00:59,353
No. He hit his knee. Did you hit your head?
24
00:01:00,522 --> 00:01:03,056
Okay. Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up.
25
00:01:03,124 --> 00:01:04,892
There's nothing wrong
with kids getting hurt.
26
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,660
That's why we had four daughters.
27
00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:08,662
You had an older sister,
28
00:01:08,729 --> 00:01:11,098
but she just kept running
around the house with scissors.
29
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,567
Okay, dad, we don't want
Boyd taking any risks.
30
00:01:14,635 --> 00:01:16,236
He's going through a clumsy phase.
31
00:01:16,304 --> 00:01:20,007
If he doesn't try doing things he's bad
at, he'll never be great at anything.
32
00:01:20,074 --> 00:01:21,275
Ryan understands.
33
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:22,475
You're Canadian.
34
00:01:22,543 --> 00:01:25,912
Hockey, bacon, Celine Dion.
35
00:01:25,979 --> 00:01:28,315
Do you want me to keep
going? 'Cause I will.
36
00:01:28,382 --> 00:01:31,451
Actually, I do, 'cause I think that's it.
37
00:01:32,886 --> 00:01:34,554
Here he is! Good as new.
38
00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:38,658
And if any of his classmates ask,
he got that fighting ninjas.
39
00:01:38,726 --> 00:01:40,727
I think what we learned today
40
00:01:40,795 --> 00:01:42,995
is that someone shouldn't be riding
their bike without their training wheels.
41
00:01:43,063 --> 00:01:46,399
No, the headline here is, he got almost
all the way down to Larabee's house
42
00:01:46,467 --> 00:01:48,067
without the training wheels.
43
00:01:48,135 --> 00:01:49,902
- Really? He got that far?
- Yeah.
44
00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:51,737
You know, actually, I'm not surprised.
45
00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:55,842
In college I used to
ride a unicycle to class.
46
00:01:55,909 --> 00:01:58,744
A lot of eyes on this guy.
47
00:01:58,812 --> 00:02:00,947
I bet you sure miss clown college.
48
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:04,350
Uh, honey, we talked about this, okay?
49
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,018
Boyd is just not ready.
50
00:02:06,086 --> 00:02:08,821
You're probably right, mom. I'm not ready.
51
00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:11,824
Let's go see the sad play
that I won't understand.
52
00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:14,793
Dad, I need your word.
53
00:02:14,861 --> 00:02:17,563
No more bike rides without training wheels.
54
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:20,098
- The only reason I'm do...
- No, Mike. You know what? We've had our say.
55
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:22,735
And as usual, you have
had both of our says.
56
00:02:22,802 --> 00:02:26,071
Now it's time to let them go watch
a tube sock contemplate suicide.
57
00:02:28,742 --> 00:02:30,442
All right. You have my word.
58
00:02:30,510 --> 00:02:33,945
No more riding bikes
without training wheels.
59
00:02:35,514 --> 00:02:37,448
Well, does that look like fun?
Do you want to do that?
60
00:02:40,353 --> 00:02:42,254
I sure do, Mr. B.
61
00:02:42,321 --> 00:02:44,990
Kyle. I'm talking to the kid.
62
00:02:45,057 --> 00:02:46,157
Right.
63
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,295
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.Addic7ed.Com
64
00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:56,801
And the answer is?
65
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,503
I got "x" equals -7.
66
00:02:58,571 --> 00:03:00,438
Correct. (Chuckles)
67
00:03:00,506 --> 00:03:02,474
Five points for Gryffindor!
68
00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:06,978
Now I'll teach you guys a trick
for multiplying factorials.
69
00:03:07,045 --> 00:03:08,346
I need a visual aid.
70
00:03:08,414 --> 00:03:10,681
Justin, can you grab us
eight bottles of soda?
71
00:03:10,749 --> 00:03:12,083
Yeah, sure.
72
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:14,852
I'll be right back.
73
00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:17,622
Thank you, Justin.
74
00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:19,523
Oh, and, uh, one point for Slytherin.
75
00:03:23,428 --> 00:03:25,029
Will you go to prom with me?
76
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:29,166
What? No. I have a boyfriend,
and he's 20 feet away.
77
00:03:29,234 --> 00:03:31,836
Yeah, I know. I calculated.
I got about 12 seconds.
78
00:03:32,971 --> 00:03:34,905
So, can I pick you up at like 6:00?
79
00:03:34,973 --> 00:03:36,907
I told you. I'm not interested.
80
00:03:36,975 --> 00:03:38,742
But look at how cute we'd be together.
81
00:03:40,645 --> 00:03:42,578
Whoa.
82
00:03:42,647 --> 00:03:44,681
Why are we in Paris?
83
00:03:44,749 --> 00:03:46,683
Why is the sky red?
84
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:49,052
I factored in climate change.
85
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,887
The future's bleak.
86
00:03:50,955 --> 00:03:53,056
That's why we should live in love now!
87
00:03:56,326 --> 00:03:58,261
Anyway, that's why you're
left with the variable "y."
88
00:03:58,328 --> 00:03:59,362
(Chuckles lightly)
89
00:03:59,429 --> 00:04:01,830
Why, Eve? Why?
90
00:04:01,898 --> 00:04:03,298
(Doorbell rings)
91
00:04:03,366 --> 00:04:06,334
I'm gonna get the door. (Sighs)
92
00:04:06,402 --> 00:04:09,838
Did you ask Eve out again
while I was in the kitchen?
93
00:04:09,906 --> 00:04:12,240
Why? Are you guys having problems?
94
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,644
Hey.
95
00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:17,713
Hey. I'm here to get Boyd.
96
00:04:17,781 --> 00:04:19,114
My dad took him to Outdoor Man.
97
00:04:19,182 --> 00:04:21,216
I really wish Mike had told me that.
98
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:22,617
Yeah.
99
00:04:22,686 --> 00:04:25,420
He was gonna call you,
but then he thought, "eh."
100
00:04:26,522 --> 00:04:28,690
Wait. They didn't take
Boyd's bike, did they?
101
00:04:28,757 --> 00:04:31,193
No. They drove. It's like 10 Miles, dude.
102
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:34,563
(Sighs) What is he doing?
Kristin's gonna kill me.
103
00:04:36,265 --> 00:04:37,632
Eve! Eve!
104
00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,801
Andrew, what are you doing?
105
00:04:39,868 --> 00:04:41,936
Shh! Justin thinks I'm in the kitchen.
106
00:04:43,471 --> 00:04:45,172
So, prom? What do you say?
107
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:52,179
Hey, do you want anything?
Andrew's in the kitchen.
108
00:04:57,085 --> 00:04:59,286
He's holding on good. Look at that.
109
00:04:59,354 --> 00:05:01,054
See?
110
00:05:01,122 --> 00:05:02,956
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right.
111
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:05,025
Look. He's popping back up
and gettin' right back on.
112
00:05:05,093 --> 00:05:06,993
You want to be just like him.
113
00:05:07,061 --> 00:05:08,428
Hey, hey, hey.
114
00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:11,164
Hey, hey, hey, hey! That's not your sheep!
115
00:05:11,232 --> 00:05:12,833
Mutton head. Get out of here.
116
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,567
All right. You're up next, Boyd.
117
00:05:15,703 --> 00:05:17,637
Good deal. Just hold on. Have some fun.
118
00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:19,940
- Boyd.
- Hi, dad.
119
00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,941
- What are you doing, Mike?
- What do you mean, what am I doing?
120
00:05:22,008 --> 00:05:24,343
I promised no more bikes
without training wheels.
121
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,678
I said nothing about robot sheep.
122
00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:29,348
Okay, Boyd, come on down from there.
I don't want you to hurt yourself.
123
00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:31,316
Kyle, don't take him
down. Kyle, take him down.
124
00:05:31,384 --> 00:05:34,053
Awkward moment involving a sheep.
125
00:05:34,121 --> 00:05:35,821
I've been here before.
126
00:05:35,889 --> 00:05:38,323
See, you can't keep telling
Boyd he's not good at things.
127
00:05:38,391 --> 00:05:40,325
He's gonna start listening to you.
128
00:05:40,393 --> 00:05:43,561
He's not as good as
I am about tuning you out.
129
00:05:43,629 --> 00:05:46,297
Dad, can I please try the sheep?
130
00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:48,666
Listen. He rode a bike for almost half
a block without the training wheels.
131
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:50,902
- Okay. All right, fine.
- Yeah?
132
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,904
But on the lowest setting, Kyle.
133
00:05:52,972 --> 00:05:54,906
(Sighs)
134
00:05:56,408 --> 00:05:57,441
Look at that. Huh?
135
00:05:57,509 --> 00:05:58,609
I'm doing it. Whoops!
136
00:05:59,844 --> 00:06:01,378
Holy crap! Boyd, don't try to move!
137
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,782
I'm okay. But I guess you're right.
138
00:06:04,849 --> 00:06:06,383
I am not good at this.
139
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,052
Mike: You can't stop life
from knocking kids down.
140
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,888
The best we can do is
help them to get back up.
141
00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:13,390
You want to give it another try?
142
00:06:17,595 --> 00:06:19,263
There you go. All right.
143
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:20,863
All right, hang on Boyd.
144
00:06:20,931 --> 00:06:22,565
I'm cranking it all the way to "trot".
145
00:06:24,502 --> 00:06:26,503
Look. He's doing it.
146
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:28,104
Way to go, Boyd! Wave!
147
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:30,440
That's probably not a
good idea. He'll... no.
148
00:06:30,508 --> 00:06:32,875
Oh! Sorry! Oh, my bad!
149
00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,711
Hop up. Let's go, kid. Come on.
150
00:06:34,779 --> 00:06:37,547
This time, try to just squeeze
your legs around the animal there.
151
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:39,114
All right.
152
00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:42,618
There you go. See that? H-hold on.
153
00:06:42,686 --> 00:06:44,653
He's doing good.
154
00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:47,456
Yeah, he is. I-I try to get
him to not give up on things,
155
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,257
but Kristin's so stubborn.
156
00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:50,826
So you just give up?
157
00:06:50,893 --> 00:06:51,760
Yeah.
158
00:06:53,062 --> 00:06:55,163
Well, take a lesson from your kid.
Stick to your guns.
159
00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:59,667
Or... the u.N. Or whatever you
liberals use to defend yourself.
160
00:06:59,735 --> 00:07:01,436
- Wow, look at that.
- Mike: Huh?
161
00:07:01,503 --> 00:07:04,339
That kid's screwed on there like a tick.
162
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:07,709
The miracles of microengineering.
163
00:07:07,776 --> 00:07:09,644
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:09,712 --> 00:07:13,748
You know, our store is sponsoring mutton
busting at the rodeo this weekend.
165
00:07:13,816 --> 00:07:16,150
Mm-hmm.
166
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,986
You know, uh, if Boyd can ride that
lamb-droid, I bet he can ride the real thing.
167
00:07:19,054 --> 00:07:20,587
Hmm?
168
00:07:20,655 --> 00:07:22,656
I would like to see him get a trophy.
169
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:24,558
Oh, he... he's got plenty of trophies.
170
00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,393
I'm not talking about the kind
you get for just showing up.
171
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:28,329
I'm talking about the kind
of trophy they give you
172
00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:30,164
when you're better at
things than other people.
173
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:32,432
He does not have one of those.
174
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:35,169
Yeah, we could use a kid like Boyd.
175
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,004
Last year, the sheep were throwing kids off
176
00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:39,038
like... like ticks shedding
their... their outer skin.
177
00:07:41,342 --> 00:07:44,611
All right, it was tick week
on the Discovery Channel.
178
00:07:44,679 --> 00:07:46,880
Mike, I don't know
about convincing Kristin.
179
00:07:46,947 --> 00:07:49,449
A-a real sheep has got to be more
dangerous than this one, right?
180
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:50,684
No, no, no, no.
181
00:07:50,752 --> 00:07:52,218
Only in one respect.
182
00:07:52,286 --> 00:07:53,720
Ticks?
183
00:07:53,788 --> 00:07:56,189
Forget sharks. Forget grizzly bears.
184
00:07:56,257 --> 00:07:58,759
Ticks are the perfect killing machine.
185
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,426
- Are they really?
- Uh-huh.
186
00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:02,528
The perfect killing machine,
and yet you can stop them
187
00:08:02,596 --> 00:08:05,598
by tucking your pants into your socks.
188
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,721
Uhh. I'm done with men.
189
00:08:18,091 --> 00:08:20,026
Well, it's a good choice,
because we are the worst.
190
00:08:20,093 --> 00:08:21,261
Vanessa: (Chuckles)
191
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,064
Honey, what's going on? Is Andrew
still bugging you to go out with him?
192
00:08:25,132 --> 00:08:26,732
Yeah, but that's so constant,
193
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,334
I've tuned it out like the
hum of the refrigerator.
194
00:08:29,402 --> 00:08:31,837
The refrigerator doesn't hum.
195
00:08:37,878 --> 00:08:41,180
Oh. Now that's gonna drive me crazy.
196
00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:42,782
I like this Andrew. I really do.
197
00:08:42,849 --> 00:08:44,349
He kind of reminds me of Richard Nixon.
198
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:45,885
Really?
199
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:49,288
You met Andrew once, and you pay
him your highest compliment?
200
00:08:49,355 --> 00:08:52,191
Nixon was a go-getter.
He courted Pat for years.
201
00:08:52,258 --> 00:08:54,893
She kept saying no. He just wore
her down. He's not a quitter.
202
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,895
Yep. Right up until he resigned.
203
00:08:58,698 --> 00:09:00,566
I'm talking about Justin, okay?
204
00:09:00,633 --> 00:09:02,767
I told him I would go to
prom with him on Saturday,
205
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,570
but he wants me to wear a dress.
206
00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:07,339
Okay. I want to be angry for
you, but you're just gonna...
207
00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:09,708
You're gonna have to
give me more to work with.
208
00:09:09,775 --> 00:09:12,777
Okay. So, j-rotsee cadets are allowed
to wear their formal uniforms, right?
209
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:14,312
Right, okay.
210
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:17,315
Justin's wearing his,
but he told me I can't.
211
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:20,719
What? You want to wear your
little soldier costume to prom?
212
00:09:20,786 --> 00:09:23,722
No! Come on!
213
00:09:23,789 --> 00:09:26,691
You're there to turn
heads, not blow them off.
214
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,327
I say cut this guy loose.
215
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:33,698
It's not Justin's job to tell you
what to do except during squad drills
216
00:09:33,766 --> 00:09:36,200
when his job is to tell you what to do.
217
00:09:36,268 --> 00:09:39,002
And he calls me "maggot," which
I actually prefer to "babe."
218
00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:41,672
He calls you "babe"?
219
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:44,275
What a maggot.
220
00:09:44,343 --> 00:09:46,009
I just hate to see you
miss out on your first prom
221
00:09:46,077 --> 00:09:47,678
over a silly thing like this.
222
00:09:47,746 --> 00:09:49,113
No, come on. It's not silly.
223
00:09:49,180 --> 00:09:51,014
I mean, as much as I'd
like to see Eve go to prom,
224
00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:52,950
I like that she's standing up for herself.
225
00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:54,452
(Smooches)
226
00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,420
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
think I agree, you know?
227
00:09:56,488 --> 00:10:00,257
You don't want to go through life
with a man bossing you around.
228
00:10:00,324 --> 00:10:02,492
Tell them I'm right, Vanessa.
229
00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:07,497
He's right. Believe me.
You do not want that.
230
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,133
Thank you, maggot.
231
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,268
Oh. You know, actually,
um, I prefer "babe."
232
00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:13,070
- All right.
- (Chuckles)
233
00:10:13,138 --> 00:10:15,139
You know what? Dad's right.
234
00:10:15,206 --> 00:10:17,808
Screw Justin. I'll just skip
the stupid dance.
235
00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:19,342
Mandy: Yeah.
236
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:23,146
Hey, is that your friend Andrew,
or is Rachel Maddow in our yard?
237
00:10:26,049 --> 00:10:27,484
Why are you here?
238
00:10:27,551 --> 00:10:29,552
And how did you get into my backyard?
239
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:31,721
(Sighs) I just jumped the fence.
240
00:10:32,956 --> 00:10:35,158
(Chuckling) Hey, I-I jumped a fence.
241
00:10:36,794 --> 00:10:38,695
Aww, I've had boyfriends jump that fence,
242
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:42,564
but usually he was running the other
direction with my dad chasing him.
243
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,668
You want me to go? Okay.
244
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:48,771
Look, Eve.
245
00:10:48,838 --> 00:10:51,607
I read your Facebook post
about your fight with Justin.
246
00:10:51,675 --> 00:10:53,942
If you go to prom with me,
you can wear whatever you want.
247
00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:56,044
You know, I don't care.
I'll wear the dress.
248
00:10:57,647 --> 00:10:59,448
That's... that's not a
selling point, Andrew.
249
00:10:59,516 --> 00:11:02,150
No. Don't say no. Just think about it.
250
00:11:02,218 --> 00:11:04,152
We can talk later.
251
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,824
A-actually, can I go through your house?
252
00:11:08,891 --> 00:11:10,826
I can't jump over that fence again.
253
00:11:10,893 --> 00:11:13,661
I don't want to risk losing
something I might need Saturday night.
254
00:11:17,499 --> 00:11:19,600
That's gross.
255
00:11:19,668 --> 00:11:22,270
Oh, oh, I w... I was
talking about my wallet.
256
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:29,910
Oh, hey. Listen, buddy.
257
00:11:29,978 --> 00:11:33,180
Um, let's not tell mommy
about riding the sheep, okay?
258
00:11:33,248 --> 00:11:34,782
Is it a secret?
259
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,083
No. It's not a secret.
260
00:11:36,151 --> 00:11:37,752
I just want to talk to her first.
261
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:38,886
- Okay.
- Okay.
262
00:11:38,954 --> 00:11:40,921
Hey, hon!
263
00:11:40,989 --> 00:11:42,490
I was riding a sheep!
264
00:11:43,726 --> 00:11:44,759
Boyd.
265
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:47,895
I let you talk to her first.
266
00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:51,398
I'm sorry. You let him on a sheep?
267
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:53,667
At Outdoor Man. It was
just a mechanical one.
268
00:11:53,735 --> 00:11:56,336
I'm riding a real one on Saturday!
269
00:11:58,005 --> 00:12:00,206
You are really not
helping me out here, dude.
270
00:12:00,274 --> 00:12:02,141
Wait. Mutton busting?
271
00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:03,643
(Exhales sharply) No, no, no, honey.
272
00:12:03,711 --> 00:12:05,645
You... you are not
ready for mutton busting.
273
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:07,414
But everybody said I was good enough.
274
00:12:07,482 --> 00:12:08,547
Who's everybody?
275
00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:12,150
Dad, grandpa, the old
bald man who likes ticks.
276
00:12:13,787 --> 00:12:15,588
Why don't you go wash up, buddy?
277
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:17,890
So, this was my father's idea.
278
00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:20,092
Yes. But for once,
I actually agree with him.
279
00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:21,794
You know, it'll be good
for Boyd's confidence.
280
00:12:21,862 --> 00:12:24,430
He'll walk with a little
more spring in his step.
281
00:12:24,498 --> 00:12:27,099
Because of the compound fracture.
282
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:30,135
He will either win, or he'll get
practice dealing with not winning,
283
00:12:30,203 --> 00:12:31,970
which will be a win.
284
00:12:32,038 --> 00:12:34,806
And if it's not, he'll get practice
dealing with the not winning,
285
00:12:34,874 --> 00:12:38,210
which will also be a win, so
it's like a win-win-win-win-win?
286
00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:41,546
Okay, look, I know everybody
thinks that I'm overreacting,
287
00:12:41,614 --> 00:12:45,650
but Boyd is just not coordinated
enough, so I am saying no.
288
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:47,719
Unilaterally?
289
00:12:47,787 --> 00:12:49,921
Yes. I'm the mom.
290
00:12:49,988 --> 00:12:52,089
Then what am I even doing here?
291
00:12:52,157 --> 00:12:53,925
At the moment, you're losing
an argument. (Chuckles)
292
00:12:55,728 --> 00:12:57,829
I'm sure you could twist
it around and make it a win.
293
00:12:57,897 --> 00:12:59,831
(Chuckles)
294
00:12:59,899 --> 00:13:01,098
No, I-I'm being serious.
295
00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:02,767
Am I just your live-in boyfriend,
296
00:13:02,835 --> 00:13:05,036
or am I Boyd's co-parent
and your equal partner?
297
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:09,206
We are totally equal. I am
just also the tie-breaker.
298
00:13:10,842 --> 00:13:12,543
Well, it feels like I have no status here.
299
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:14,645
And you know what?
I'm not down with that anymore.
300
00:13:14,712 --> 00:13:17,415
I've waited long enough, Kris.
I want us to be an actual family.
301
00:13:18,650 --> 00:13:21,585
Mommy, I know I'm clumsy,
but I want to ride the sheep.
302
00:13:21,653 --> 00:13:24,355
You are not clumsy, buddy.
You did really great today.
303
00:13:24,423 --> 00:13:26,057
I am sure you did, okay?
304
00:13:26,124 --> 00:13:28,225
And I... I want to say yes. I do.
305
00:13:28,293 --> 00:13:30,394
But... I-I'm scared.
306
00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:32,395
I'm not scared, mommy.
307
00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:34,531
Neither am I.
308
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:44,409
(Doorbell ringing)
309
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:48,246
Did you not hear the doorbell?
310
00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:50,248
I thought it was on the TV.
311
00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:53,818
They're skiing.
312
00:13:56,989 --> 00:13:58,522
- Hey.
- Hey.
313
00:13:58,590 --> 00:13:59,991
Can we talk?
314
00:14:00,059 --> 00:14:01,793
Uh, depends.
315
00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:04,962
Are you gonna demand I put on
some special "we're talking" dress?
316
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:08,800
No. What you're wearing's fine.
317
00:14:08,867 --> 00:14:12,503
Look. I'm sorry we had that fight.
318
00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:14,972
I shouldn't have pushed you
about wearing a stupid dress.
319
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,475
Thanks. That means a lot to me.
320
00:14:18,543 --> 00:14:20,343
Although I still don't
get what the big deal was.
321
00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:23,914
(Sighs) The deal is that you think
you're allowed to tell me what to do.
322
00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:25,648
But I can't...
I get that now,
323
00:14:25,717 --> 00:14:27,617
which is why I'm letting
you wear your uniform.
324
00:14:27,685 --> 00:14:29,519
(Chuckling) Ohh...
325
00:14:29,587 --> 00:14:31,855
So you're letting me. Wow.
326
00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:35,458
(Exhales sharply) Thanks so much.
327
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,127
You're welcome.
328
00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:44,201
Do you come from a planet with no sarcasm?
329
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:48,304
Or one where it's okay to talk over
"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"?
330
00:14:48,372 --> 00:14:49,972
Ah-ahem!
331
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,674
All right. Let's just take this out here.
332
00:14:51,742 --> 00:14:53,343
Was that sarcasm?
(Sighs)
333
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:57,847
Hey. What's going on? I heard the doorbell.
334
00:14:57,914 --> 00:14:59,849
Oh, no. That was just on the TV.
335
00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:02,118
They're skiing.
336
00:15:02,185 --> 00:15:04,153
Eve and Justin are out on the porch.
337
00:15:04,221 --> 00:15:05,821
Oh. What are they doing?
338
00:15:05,889 --> 00:15:08,358
Nothing to worry about.
Just some light porch stuff.
339
00:15:08,425 --> 00:15:10,526
I thought those two were fighting.
340
00:15:10,594 --> 00:15:14,195
Ah, well, I guess they
got to the making-up part.
341
00:15:14,264 --> 00:15:16,732
Oh. Well, that's... that's unsettling.
342
00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:18,066
(Chuckles lightly)
343
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,268
Mom, they're just kissing.
344
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:23,905
No, no, uh, Mr. Yekekian is
watching from his bedroom window.
345
00:15:25,308 --> 00:15:27,276
(Cheers and applause)
346
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:33,748
Ed: All right, next
event will be mutton busting,
347
00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:36,417
sponsored by your friends at Outdoor Man.
348
00:15:36,485 --> 00:15:38,419
But first, a little notice here.
349
00:15:38,487 --> 00:15:41,455
Uh, Mr. Walker Pickering,
please talk to event officials.
350
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,291
Apparently, your mother has died.
351
00:15:43,358 --> 00:15:46,126
Okay. Let's get going!
Let's get going here!
352
00:15:46,194 --> 00:15:47,461
Come on! Come on!
353
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:50,331
Are we sure this is okay for Boyd?
354
00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:53,133
Riding a sheep is basically
riding a sweater.
355
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:54,634
He'll be fine. He'll be fine.
356
00:15:54,702 --> 00:15:56,937
Please, please tell me he will be fine.
357
00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,471
(Chuckles) Yeah. He will be fine.
358
00:15:58,539 --> 00:16:00,974
Unless it's the sheep
that killed Mrs. Pickering.
359
00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:02,375
Oh, stop it.
360
00:16:02,443 --> 00:16:07,380
First up, we have Holly Wexler
riding the good sheep Lollipop.
361
00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:11,284
Holly is 6, and she likes dogs and pizza.
362
00:16:11,352 --> 00:16:13,720
- Okay, Holly.
- Sounds kind of soft to me.
363
00:16:13,788 --> 00:16:16,389
I think Boyd's gonna mop
the corral with her.
364
00:16:16,457 --> 00:16:17,824
Here she comes.
365
00:16:17,891 --> 00:16:18,958
(Cheers and applause)
366
00:16:19,026 --> 00:16:20,460
(Crowd groans)
367
00:16:20,528 --> 00:16:22,762
All right. Nice ride, Holly.
368
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,798
Next time. Game girl.
369
00:16:24,865 --> 00:16:26,833
Okay. The next buckaroo up...
370
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,502
riding sheep-wreck is
little Myron Mendelbaum.
371
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:33,004
He likes stray cats and rope.
372
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:35,006
Someone should check that kid's basement.
373
00:16:35,074 --> 00:16:36,508
(Chuckles)
374
00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:38,344
(Cheers and applause)
375
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,282
- (Crowd groans)
- Ohh, look at that.
376
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,352
- Oh, no. All right, Myron.
- Sorry. Good try, Myron!
377
00:16:46,419 --> 00:16:51,456
Next up is Boyd Baxter... Hey!
378
00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:55,193
...riding... Gary.
379
00:16:56,162 --> 00:16:59,397
He'll either win, or he'll learn a
valuable lesson in not quitting.
380
00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:01,499
And maybe develop a lifelong fear of sheep.
381
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:02,868
Mm.
382
00:17:02,935 --> 00:17:04,602
And if that fear keeps him up at night,
383
00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:07,105
he won't have anything to
count to fall back to sleep.
384
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,508
Isn't one rodeo clown enough?
385
00:17:12,577 --> 00:17:13,710
Hmm?
386
00:17:13,778 --> 00:17:15,179
Relax, Boyd.
387
00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:17,147
Riding a sheep is just like riding a bike.
388
00:17:17,215 --> 00:17:18,983
I don't know how to ride a bike.
389
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:23,053
That's why I'm riding a sheep.
390
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:25,089
Wow.
391
00:17:25,156 --> 00:17:26,891
I just cannot seem to escape
awkwardness around these animals.
392
00:17:30,895 --> 00:17:32,095
Oh. I can't watch. Here he comes.
393
00:17:32,162 --> 00:17:33,830
- I can't...
- (Cheers and applause)
394
00:17:33,898 --> 00:17:35,098
Ryan: There... go, Boyd!
395
00:17:35,165 --> 00:17:36,933
Go! Look! Go, Boyd!
396
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:39,903
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Yeah!
397
00:17:41,272 --> 00:17:44,541
- Well, you won't see that on ESPN.
- (Chuckles)
398
00:17:44,609 --> 00:17:45,975
It's all about Lebron.
399
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:47,943
(Laughs) Good job, Boyd.
400
00:17:48,011 --> 00:17:51,146
That sheep will remember this day
as being very (Bleating) ba-a-a-d.
401
00:17:51,214 --> 00:17:52,815
(Laughs)
402
00:17:52,883 --> 00:17:55,418
Try to respect the rodeo.
403
00:17:58,388 --> 00:17:59,388
(Cheers and applause)
404
00:17:59,456 --> 00:18:00,723
Hey, that's my kid!
405
00:18:00,791 --> 00:18:03,158
King of the sheep! Suck it, Gary!
406
00:18:03,226 --> 00:18:04,427
Suck it!
407
00:18:04,494 --> 00:18:06,594
What?! Oh, yeah!
408
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:09,363
You might see that on ESPN.
409
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:18,914
I won, I won, I won!
410
00:18:18,981 --> 00:18:20,649
(Laughs)
411
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:23,985
But remember, buddy, losing
is just as good as winning.
412
00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:27,387
Aren't those the lyrics to
the Canadian national anthem?
413
00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:33,461
(Smooches) If he can ride
a sheep, he can ride a bike.
414
00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,195
Yeah, but the good thing about a bike...
415
00:18:35,263 --> 00:18:37,431
it doesn't die if you leave
it in the garage all winter.
416
00:18:37,499 --> 00:18:39,867
All right, dad. I concede, okay?
417
00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:41,969
He can ride his bike
without the training wheels.
418
00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:44,805
I don't care. I'm still
gonna buy him a sheep.
419
00:18:46,107 --> 00:18:47,040
(Gasps)
420
00:18:47,108 --> 00:18:48,308
Wow!
421
00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:51,144
Look! I made a girl!
422
00:18:54,315 --> 00:18:55,815
What are you all dressed up for?
423
00:18:55,883 --> 00:18:57,317
The rodeo's over.
424
00:18:57,385 --> 00:19:00,653
It only took two hours,
but we finally look related.
425
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:05,258
Honey, I thought you decided
you weren't gonna go to the prom.
426
00:19:05,326 --> 00:19:08,495
I didn't like being told what to wear,
but I realized I did want to go.
427
00:19:08,562 --> 00:19:10,029
(Doorbell rings)
428
00:19:10,097 --> 00:19:11,464
- I'm gonna get the camera.
- Okay, okay.
429
00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:13,466
Um, yeah, I'm... I'm so glad you're going,
430
00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,702
but I don't like that
you caved in to Justin.
431
00:19:17,104 --> 00:19:18,838
Hi. I'm here to pick up Eve.
432
00:19:18,906 --> 00:19:20,172
Eve, Nixon's here.
433
00:19:22,643 --> 00:19:24,811
Wow.
434
00:19:24,879 --> 00:19:26,546
Uh, honey. Um, just, I'm... confused.
435
00:19:26,614 --> 00:19:29,581
I mean, I saw you on the
porch with Justin. I-I...
436
00:19:29,649 --> 00:19:31,216
Oh, I'm keeping my options open.
437
00:19:31,283 --> 00:19:32,918
I mean, let's face it.
438
00:19:32,986 --> 00:19:35,587
Neither one of these guys are
gonna end up Mr. Eve Baxter.
439
00:19:37,423 --> 00:19:39,424
Hey. I... I don't know about that.
440
00:19:39,492 --> 00:19:41,359
I mean, Ginny Weasley didn't think
441
00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:43,862
she was gonna end up
with Harry Potter, either.
442
00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:48,734
Dad, we're leaving.
443
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:50,868
Hey. Before you guys take off,
444
00:19:50,936 --> 00:19:54,471
how about you and I take a
little tour of my gun cabinet?
445
00:19:57,342 --> 00:19:59,009
He's already terrified of me.
446
00:20:02,013 --> 00:20:04,781
It's true. I hurled a lot on the way here.
447
00:20:04,849 --> 00:20:09,253
Chances for a kiss just went from 1% to 0.
448
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,088
What about one more? Get together...
449
00:20:11,156 --> 00:20:12,256
Okay, that's it. Look like...
look like you're having fun.
450
00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:13,690
- Have a good time.
- There you go.
451
00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:15,325
Enjoy yourselves. All right.
452
00:20:15,393 --> 00:20:16,793
You look beautiful!
453
00:20:16,861 --> 00:20:18,628
- Take care of her.
- Take care of her, all right?
454
00:20:18,696 --> 00:20:21,130
That kid sweats like Nixon.
455
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:27,270
I am so proud of Eve standing
up for herself like that.
456
00:20:27,337 --> 00:20:28,838
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
457
00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:30,306
She figured out what she
wanted, and she went for it.
458
00:20:30,374 --> 00:20:32,208
In a way, I did, too.
459
00:20:32,276 --> 00:20:34,911
Mom, I have something to tell you.
460
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:36,412
(Chuckles)
461
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,583
And, Mike, I have to thank you for
helping me work on my persistence.
462
00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:42,918
- Don't thank me. You don't have to thank me.
- I hung in there with Kris...
463
00:20:42,986 --> 00:20:44,753
- There you go.
- ...And now we are, uh...
464
00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:47,856
Vanessa and Kristin: Oh, my God!
465
00:20:47,924 --> 00:20:50,092
(Shouting indistinctly)
466
00:20:50,159 --> 00:20:52,928
Vanessa: I'm so happy for you!
467
00:20:52,996 --> 00:20:55,598
I told Kris firmly that I wanted
to get married, and she agreed.
468
00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:57,265
And it's all thanks to you...
469
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,134
Dad.
470
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:09,578
I ... I just wanted the kid
to learn how to ride a bike.
35719
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