Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:06,828
Vernon and I just want to
thank you all for coming.
2
00:00:06,828 --> 00:00:10,067
Ever since I was a small
girl, I've dreamt of this day.
3
00:00:10,067 --> 00:00:11,189
Me, too.
4
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:15,082
Sure, in my fantasy, it
took place at Fraggle Rock.
5
00:00:16,204 --> 00:00:17,840
I was marrying Johnny Depp.
6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:18,962
Me, too.
7
00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:28,432
But in all seriousness, it is so
amazing to be surrounded by so many
8
00:00:28,432 --> 00:00:29,864
people who care about us.
9
00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:33,369
We really feel...
10
00:00:33,369 --> 00:00:35,506
so much love from you guys.
11
00:00:37,513 --> 00:00:40,696
And as the Beatles said,
"All you need is love."
12
00:00:41,264 --> 00:00:42,546
And a Vera Wang dress.
13
00:00:44,791 --> 00:00:49,439
Vernon and I are looking
forward to seeing you at our 50th
14
00:00:49,439 --> 00:00:51,973
wedding anniversary.
15
00:00:53,255 --> 00:00:56,943
Promised myself I wasn't gonna do this.
16
00:01:02,842 --> 00:01:05,472
Uh, Jimmy, are you having a-a good time?
17
00:01:05,472 --> 00:01:06,594
Absolutely.
18
00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:08,390
Just so glad you invited me.
19
00:01:08,390 --> 00:01:10,218
Really?
20
00:01:10,218 --> 00:01:11,372
Of course.
21
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,515
Sometimes, well, you just want
to witness the beginning of a
22
00:01:14,515 --> 00:01:19,292
disaster, so later, when the
house is engulfed in flames,
23
00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:24,935
you can say, "Yup, I was there when
they installed the faulty wiring."
24
00:01:25,602 --> 00:01:27,349
- Unbelievable.
- Just admit it.
25
00:01:27,731 --> 00:01:30,434
You only invited me here so you
could passive-aggressively rub
26
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:31,650
my nose in your happiness.
27
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:32,772
At least I would have had the
28
00:01:32,772 --> 00:01:35,176
decency to rub your nose in it directly.
29
00:01:35,176 --> 00:01:38,512
Oh, yes, your commitment
to honesty is so refreshing.
30
00:01:38,512 --> 00:01:40,916
It must be so hard being the
only one who sees people for
31
00:01:40,916 --> 00:01:42,039
what they actually are.
32
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:43,161
It is.
33
00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:44,283
It's incredibly hard.
34
00:01:44,283 --> 00:01:44,995
Well, it's also gonna
be what keeps you alone,
35
00:01:44,995 --> 00:01:48,131
because you are ugly and
unpleasant and honestly, Jimmy,
36
00:01:48,131 --> 00:01:50,375
you're not the original you think you are.
37
00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:51,497
I'm not original?
38
00:01:51,497 --> 00:01:52,620
Wow!
39
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:54,864
That is hilarious, coming from such a...
40
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,083
No, you're right.
41
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,263
This day isn't about me, is it?
42
00:01:58,263 --> 00:01:58,932
What were you gonna say?
43
00:01:59,090 --> 00:02:00,557
- Forget it.
- No, I'm serious.
44
00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:02,514
I really want to know what does
45
00:02:02,514 --> 00:02:05,787
the brilliant Jimmy
Shive-Overly think about me?
46
00:02:10,273 --> 00:02:13,511
You talk to her again, and me
and my boys will mess you up.
47
00:02:13,511 --> 00:02:14,794
Who talks like that?
48
00:02:14,794 --> 00:02:15,916
I'm serious, Jimmy.
49
00:02:15,916 --> 00:02:17,038
Fine, not a problem.
50
00:02:17,038 --> 00:02:19,026
Enjoy your sham of a marriage!
51
00:02:19,026 --> 00:02:22,521
I will!
52
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,454
You got another one of those?
53
00:02:33,693 --> 00:02:34,719
Pretty expensive.
54
00:02:44,074 --> 00:02:45,755
Good job in there.
55
00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:50,658
Getting married doesn't remove you
from the burden of having to act like a
56
00:02:50,658 --> 00:02:51,779
human being.
57
00:02:51,779 --> 00:02:52,901
Totally.
58
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:54,025
Those two are doomed.
59
00:02:54,025 --> 00:02:55,147
Right?
60
00:02:55,147 --> 00:02:58,545
Has any couple ever had a more
dishonest start to a marriage?
61
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,790
I mean, the balls to have a
traditional Catholic ceremony.
62
00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:03,195
When she's already had two abortions.
63
00:03:03,195 --> 00:03:05,406
And can only orgasm through anal.
64
00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:09,864
Mr. and Mrs. Cottumaccio.
65
00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:10,666
Let's go inside.
66
00:03:10,666 --> 00:03:11,760
Old Cottumaccios.
67
00:03:16,566 --> 00:03:19,034
- You're pretty.
- Thanks?
68
00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:22,620
How do you know her?
69
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,739
I'm friends with the sister.
70
00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:25,371
- Friends with Fat Lindsay?
- Yeah, me and
71
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,375
Fat Lindsay are hella close.
72
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,922
So, uh, what you heard about me?
73
00:03:30,036 --> 00:03:32,281
Nothing, just that you're the worst.
74
00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:35,920
Says the girl who just stole
a blender from a wedding.
75
00:03:37,161 --> 00:03:37,811
No.
76
00:03:38,481 --> 00:03:39,195
Really?
77
00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:42,082
Oh, man!
78
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:44,684
I thought it was a food processor.
79
00:03:46,968 --> 00:03:48,090
Who's the worst now?
80
00:03:48,090 --> 00:03:51,425
Yeah, well...
81
00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:00,199
I don't know what I'm doing here.
82
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,105
I'm not even attracted to you.
83
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,959
What does that have to do with anything?
84
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:07,054
Yeah.
85
00:04:07,073 --> 00:04:09,040
* Don't look ahead
There's stormy weather... *
86
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,724
What? It's L.A.
87
00:04:10,843 --> 00:04:11,754
Who doesn't drive?
88
00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:12,747
DUI.
89
00:04:13,036 --> 00:04:13,935
I occasionally see this movie director guy.
90
00:04:15,007 --> 00:04:15,337
Gross.
91
00:04:15,337 --> 00:04:17,567
One time, he booty-texted
me from some awards show.
92
00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:19,054
I was already at the bar, so I
93
00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:21,074
drove over to his house, and
then he texted me he was going
94
00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:23,159
to be late, so I idly drove
around his neighborhood...
95
00:04:23,159 --> 00:04:26,660
until I kind of
sideswiped an off-duty cop.
96
00:04:27,486 --> 00:04:28,768
Do you know, I'm glad
97
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,012
this is a one-night thing, so
we can reveal all this awful shit
98
00:04:31,012 --> 00:04:32,134
about ourselves.
99
00:04:32,134 --> 00:04:36,945
Totally. High five.
100
00:04:36,945 --> 00:04:39,318
I'll get that.
101
00:04:44,063 --> 00:04:46,467
Okay, I like that.
102
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:47,590
All girls do.
103
00:04:47,590 --> 00:04:49,334
Don't call me "all girls."
104
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,939
Damn it. That's good, too.
105
00:04:53,939 --> 00:04:56,183
* Don't look ahead
There's stormy weather... *
106
00:04:56,183 --> 00:04:58,588
You know, right before
Becca broke up with me, I
107
00:04:58,588 --> 00:04:59,678
started reading her e-mail.
108
00:04:59,678 --> 00:05:00,800
Oh, I've done that.
109
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,494
So even though I had warning,
when she broke up with
110
00:05:03,494 --> 00:05:08,272
me, it kind of... just
kind of knocked me out.
111
00:05:08,272 --> 00:05:12,279
Even though she's clearly a
ridiculous human being, you know?
112
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,434
Yeah.
113
00:05:13,434 --> 00:05:14,556
Break-ups hurt.
114
00:05:14,556 --> 00:05:15,839
I've heard.
115
00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:17,731
I don't really do relationships.
116
00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:19,398
Me, neither.
117
00:05:19,398 --> 00:05:20,648
Anymore.
118
00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:23,799
So, what, are you one of
those creepy foot guys?
119
00:05:24,752 --> 00:05:25,221
No.
120
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:31,087
I have nervous hands, and
they have to stay busy.
121
00:05:33,204 --> 00:05:34,968
Yeah, that's good.
122
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,662
Oh, don't stop, you son of a bitch.
123
00:05:37,662 --> 00:05:38,783
Oh, yeah...
124
00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:42,175
You just spit on it?
125
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,297
Yeah.
126
00:05:43,297 --> 00:05:45,542
You just spit on my vagina.
127
00:05:45,542 --> 00:05:46,664
So?
128
00:05:46,664 --> 00:05:47,104
Don't!
129
00:05:47,359 --> 00:05:47,726
Why?
130
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:49,340
Why don't spit on my vagina?
131
00:05:49,742 --> 00:05:50,557
It's saliva.
132
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:51,680
It's gonna get there anyway.
133
00:05:53,259 --> 00:05:54,517
Hmm.
134
00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:59,141
And that's how I got crabs
from my guidance counselor.
135
00:06:02,955 --> 00:06:03,641
Hey.
136
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:05,452
Hey.
137
00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:12,715
Right.
138
00:06:12,715 --> 00:06:14,759
Uh, I should get some sleep, so...
139
00:06:15,368 --> 00:06:18,703
Right. Good night.
140
00:06:18,703 --> 00:06:19,826
Wait. What?
141
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,300
Oh, relax.
142
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,422
I'm just lazy.
143
00:06:22,422 --> 00:06:24,186
I'll sneak out in the morning.
144
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,655
No, there are no sleepovers.
145
00:06:26,655 --> 00:06:27,936
Oh, too bad.
146
00:06:27,936 --> 00:06:30,246
I have sleep apnea.
147
00:06:30,246 --> 00:06:31,369
I have to wear a CPAP machine.
148
00:06:31,369 --> 00:06:32,683
Don't care.
149
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,402
I'm a log.
150
00:06:43,008 --> 00:06:45,476
You look like Top Gun.
151
00:06:45,476 --> 00:06:46,598
Shut up.
152
00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:47,785
I'm so glad I'm not
153
00:06:47,785 --> 00:06:50,030
gonna remember any of this in the morning.
154
00:06:51,152 --> 00:06:52,274
"Never leave your wingman."
155
00:06:53,878 --> 00:06:56,153
So stupid.
156
00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:07,112
Good morning.
157
00:07:09,909 --> 00:07:12,699
So, I've been thinking about ghosts.
158
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,661
Oh, the things that
159
00:07:13,661 --> 00:07:15,584
don't exist because there is no soul?
160
00:07:15,584 --> 00:07:16,044
Mm...
161
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:16,846
What a great use of your time.
162
00:07:16,846 --> 00:07:19,406
You know my great-grandfather
Baldemar on my father's side, right?
163
00:07:19,749 --> 00:07:21,386
What? No. How could I
164
00:07:21,386 --> 00:07:23,093
- possibly know your great...?
- Oh, he was this crazy
165
00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:24,421
adventurer guy who owned
a ranch in Zihuatanejo,
166
00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:25,622
and he sold arms and
was a What was his name?
167
00:07:25,622 --> 00:07:26,998
- Voldemort? Never mind.
- The coolest guy.
168
00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:30,303
Because I was thinking, he
sounds like he had it all worked
169
00:07:30,303 --> 00:07:32,292
out, and maybe if I could learn his
secrets, then I could fix my problems.
170
00:07:34,566 --> 00:07:37,576
How would meeting your dead relative
help you move out of my house?
171
00:07:37,576 --> 00:07:39,417
No, I'm talking about my real problems.
172
00:07:40,151 --> 00:07:43,230
Like, the nightmares and the crying,
and how I want to do heroin all the time.
173
00:07:45,187 --> 00:07:46,758
So, anyway, what do you think?
174
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,257
What do I think about what?
175
00:07:48,257 --> 00:07:51,221
If I should hold a seance to
contact great-grandfather Baldemar.
176
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,459
No.
177
00:07:54,065 --> 00:07:55,323
I think I'm gonna do it.
178
00:07:55,323 --> 00:07:56,850
Thanks.
179
00:07:58,717 --> 00:08:01,123
Why did you let me sleep so late?
180
00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:02,179
I'm famished.
181
00:08:02,739 --> 00:08:04,049
Nice place.
182
00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:06,860
Hi.
183
00:08:07,608 --> 00:08:08,308
I'm Edgar.
184
00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:09,504
Mmm. Gretchen.
185
00:08:09,691 --> 00:08:10,962
This is dynamite.
186
00:08:10,962 --> 00:08:12,019
Oh, thanks.
187
00:08:12,197 --> 00:08:13,225
So, how do you guys know each other?
188
00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:14,398
Uh, we met in college.
189
00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:15,313
No, we didn't.
190
00:08:15,313 --> 00:08:17,952
Well, he was in college, and
I sold weed to college kids.
191
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:21,388
Then he started giving me books to read,
'cause he saw untapped potential in me.
192
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:25,636
I gave you books that I stole from Borders
because I didn't have money for weed.
193
00:08:25,636 --> 00:08:26,382
Semantics.
194
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:27,690
Have you read his book yet?
195
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:28,241
No.
196
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,727
Sales were flatter than expected, plus
he blew all his money on this house.
197
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:33,250
That's why he has to do more
magazine work, but you should read it.
198
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,008
It's real good.
199
00:08:34,355 --> 00:08:35,558
Okay.
200
00:08:37,569 --> 00:08:39,471
At least buy your own copy.
201
00:08:39,471 --> 00:08:40,593
Right.
202
00:08:41,544 --> 00:08:44,687
So, which one of you is
giving me a ride to work?
203
00:08:44,687 --> 00:08:49,002
I can't drive because I have PTSD and mild
to medium battlefield-induced psychosis.
204
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,172
Bummer.
205
00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:50,820
Jimmy, you're up.
206
00:08:52,172 --> 00:08:53,290
My car's at the reception.
207
00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:54,957
We took a cab.
208
00:08:54,957 --> 00:08:55,814
We did?
209
00:08:57,903 --> 00:08:58,607
Damn.
210
00:09:10,441 --> 00:09:11,467
I can't believe it.
211
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,429
Drive faster.
212
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:13,391
I'm late.
213
00:09:13,391 --> 00:09:15,315
You slept with Jimmy.
214
00:09:15,315 --> 00:09:16,277
Apparently.
215
00:09:16,277 --> 00:09:18,201
Who used to date my sister.
216
00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:18,673
Yeah, I know.
217
00:09:18,673 --> 00:09:20,040
And on the night of her wedding?
218
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,237
Why are you crawling up
my ass about this, Lindsay?
219
00:09:22,237 --> 00:09:23,361
You know what a jerk he is.
220
00:09:23,361 --> 00:09:25,755
I told you all the time
how he swallowed her up.
221
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,697
She disappeared her life into
222
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:28,659
his and was never the Same.
223
00:09:28,659 --> 00:09:29,685
Oh, that's 'cause
224
00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:31,609
Becca doesn't have a
personality to begin with.
225
00:09:31,609 --> 00:09:32,571
Well, that's true.
226
00:09:32,571 --> 00:09:34,975
Ugh! Oh, Jimmy's the worst.
227
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,188
Did he say anything about me?
228
00:09:37,188 --> 00:09:38,310
Nope.
229
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:40,783
You're not gonna see him again, are you?
230
00:09:40,938 --> 00:09:41,763
No way.
231
00:09:42,858 --> 00:09:43,941
We did have fun, though.
232
00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:48,125
Oh, God, I hope he doesn't think
it was, like, an actual thing.
233
00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:49,247
No kidding.
234
00:09:49,247 --> 00:09:50,370
Um, get...
235
00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:52,550
Can you be careful where you're
putting your makeup, and can you
236
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,955
take your feet off the dashboard?
237
00:09:54,955 --> 00:09:57,263
This is a lease.
238
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,353
Okay.
239
00:09:59,668 --> 00:10:00,288
Stop the car.
240
00:10:00,783 --> 00:10:01,040
What?
241
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,035
Stop the car!
242
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:05,760
I'd rather walk than drive in
this sterile, suburban, piece
243
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,973
of shit car with my best friend
being shitty and judgmental to
244
00:10:07,973 --> 00:10:10,378
me 'cause I had sex
with a guy at a wedding.
245
00:10:10,378 --> 00:10:13,859
How many guys did you blow
at our five-year reunion?
246
00:10:15,284 --> 00:10:16,406
Four.
247
00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:17,529
Four?
248
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,618
You told me three.
249
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,055
I might have left out Tor Borgfeldt.
250
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:21,443
Ew!
251
00:10:21,443 --> 00:10:24,046
I'm seriously nauseated right now.
252
00:10:24,222 --> 00:10:25,537
Oh, God.
253
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:26,659
We used to have so much fun.
254
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,391
Yeah, we did.
255
00:10:28,391 --> 00:10:29,513
Why'd you have to get married?
256
00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:30,634
I know.
257
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:33,200
I'm sorry.
258
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,611
Do you like my new haircut?
259
00:10:34,611 --> 00:10:37,015
No, you look like Ellen Barkin.
260
00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,622
If you get your real estate
license, I will stab you in the tits.
261
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:54,385
Brilliant.
262
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,732
Absolutely brilliant.
263
00:10:58,037 --> 00:10:58,239
Hi.
264
00:11:04,066 --> 00:11:04,463
What?
265
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:07,568
I just moved in... over there.
266
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:08,994
Of course you did.
267
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,263
Why do you say that?
268
00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:11,053
Because the death of
269
00:11:11,053 --> 00:11:12,699
any interesting neighborhood is
270
00:11:12,699 --> 00:11:14,848
the influx of white procreators.
271
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,194
Oh, that's cool.
272
00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:18,118
My nutritionist is gay, too.
273
00:11:18,118 --> 00:11:20,010
I'm not gay.
274
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:20,972
I'm English.
275
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:22,896
What's that?
276
00:11:22,896 --> 00:11:29,618
A royalty check for my book for... $17.43.
277
00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:31,329
Do you know, if there was any
278
00:11:31,329 --> 00:11:35,241
doubt that the book industry
was dead, it is here in my hand.
279
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,973
R.I.P., literature.
280
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:39,124
2000 BC to this moment.
281
00:11:39,455 --> 00:11:40,178
You want to hang out sometime?
282
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,584
What?
283
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,292
What are you even talking about?
284
00:11:45,292 --> 00:11:46,607
I'm an adult.
285
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:48,435
Do you know what that means?
286
00:11:48,435 --> 00:11:52,259
It means that I am beset upon at
all times by a tsunami of complex
287
00:11:52,259 --> 00:11:55,393
thoughts and struggles,
unceasingly aware of my own
288
00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:58,279
mortality and able to
contemplate the futility of
289
00:11:58,279 --> 00:12:02,543
everything and yet still rage
against the dying of the light.
290
00:12:02,543 --> 00:12:07,834
So do you see how monumentally
stupid you, a child, asking me
291
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:11,584
"do I want to hang out sometime" is?
292
00:12:11,584 --> 00:12:13,508
My dad designs video games.
293
00:12:13,508 --> 00:12:16,042
We get all the new ones early.
294
00:12:16,042 --> 00:12:18,415
Come over around 8:00.
295
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:27,136
What the crap?!
296
00:12:27,136 --> 00:12:28,797
You know I get nervous at these shits.
297
00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:31,392
You are paying a guy to take your
photograph, and you trash his studio?
298
00:12:31,392 --> 00:12:32,739
You weren't here!
299
00:12:32,739 --> 00:12:34,503
Unprofessional as shit!
300
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,978
A publicist who can't show up at
301
00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:36,940
publicity events?
302
00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:38,927
Don't even know what I'm
paying you for, Gretchen!
303
00:12:38,927 --> 00:12:39,889
The label pays me.
304
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:40,851
You know it all gets
305
00:12:40,851 --> 00:12:42,198
charged against my end, bitch!
306
00:12:42,198 --> 00:12:43,801
Label is villains.
307
00:12:43,801 --> 00:12:45,051
From now on, I'm just gonna drop
308
00:12:45,051 --> 00:12:48,546
free mix tapes and Vines of my guinea pigs!
309
00:12:48,546 --> 00:12:51,849
You need to apologize to
Nestor so he doesn't sue you.
310
00:12:51,849 --> 00:12:52,811
Let him.
311
00:12:52,811 --> 00:12:54,735
I'll lawyer the hell up!
312
00:12:54,735 --> 00:12:56,658
Nestor is a great photographer.
313
00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:57,620
We need him.
314
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:58,582
Anyone's a good
315
00:12:58,582 --> 00:13:00,379
photographer now.
316
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,468
Shitstain take amazing
317
00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:04,033
Instagrams.
318
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,251
No filter.
319
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,688
Yeah! @Shitstain!
320
00:13:07,688 --> 00:13:09,612
Anyway, bitch, this is your fault.
321
00:13:09,612 --> 00:13:12,819
You need to apologize to him for
being such a no-showing-up bitch!
322
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,092
We're sorry we broke your shit.
323
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,503
Okay, good.
324
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:26,158
Nestor, we'll talk about restitution?
325
00:13:28,883 --> 00:13:30,678
Hey.
326
00:13:30,678 --> 00:13:31,640
You okay?
327
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,602
Yeah.
328
00:13:32,602 --> 00:13:33,564
Hell were you doing anyway?
329
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,488
Nothing worth talking about.
330
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:37,412
You still need to make it up to us.
331
00:13:37,412 --> 00:13:38,567
I'll fire your ass, and it won't
332
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:39,561
mean shit to me.
333
00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:40,779
Yes, it will.
334
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:41,741
I'm serious.
335
00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:43,665
You owe me, Gretch.
336
00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:45,397
Okay, Sam.
337
00:13:45,397 --> 00:13:46,646
What do you need?
338
00:13:46,646 --> 00:13:49,949
You need to kiss my quarter-Chickasaw ass!
339
00:13:49,949 --> 00:13:51,264
Then you need to get me some
340
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,194
cocaine.
341
00:13:52,194 --> 00:13:54,182
I'm too famous to get it myself.
342
00:13:54,182 --> 00:13:55,336
I'm not playing.
343
00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:57,580
You on probation now.
344
00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,184
Yo!
345
00:13:59,184 --> 00:14:01,364
Ooh! Wait now. Hold on!
346
00:14:01,364 --> 00:14:02,807
High five. Put her there.
347
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,026
She's hot.
348
00:14:11,272 --> 00:14:12,555
I got your car towed
349
00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:13,548
back here.
350
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:17,076
And look who I found getting out of a cab.
351
00:14:21,308 --> 00:14:22,719
Don't worry.
352
00:14:22,719 --> 00:14:24,579
I forgot my purse.
353
00:14:24,579 --> 00:14:26,727
Not on purpose or anything.
354
00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:29,581
I'm gonna leave you two alone.
355
00:14:29,581 --> 00:14:31,409
He's sweet.
356
00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:32,371
It's nice that you let him live
357
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,333
here.
358
00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:34,422
You know your purse
359
00:14:34,422 --> 00:14:35,545
had food in it.
360
00:14:35,545 --> 00:14:37,340
It was covered in ants.
361
00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:38,302
Who keeps food in their purse?
362
00:14:38,302 --> 00:14:39,264
Whoa.
363
00:14:39,264 --> 00:14:40,226
What's your problem?
364
00:14:40,226 --> 00:14:41,188
Well, I've had a
365
00:14:41,188 --> 00:14:42,150
really shitty day.
366
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:46,222
And then I come home to find that my
bedroom is a goddamn '50s sci-fi movie.
367
00:14:46,222 --> 00:14:49,589
And why would you stay over, huh?
368
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,513
That's amateur hour.
369
00:14:51,513 --> 00:14:52,507
Here I was worried
370
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:53,469
you were gonna get the wrong
371
00:14:53,469 --> 00:14:54,430
idea about last night.
372
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:56,323
So thank you for saving me the speech.
373
00:14:56,323 --> 00:14:58,246
You were gonna make a speech?
374
00:14:58,246 --> 00:14:59,400
Okay, forget it.
375
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,362
Yeah, no kidding.
376
00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:01,934
Save your breath.
377
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,146
I don't know what planet
that you're from, but on
378
00:15:04,146 --> 00:15:08,154
my planet, someone like you
does not just get... this!
379
00:15:08,154 --> 00:15:10,270
Congratulations, you
bagged a weakened gazelle.
380
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:11,232
That's right.
381
00:15:11,232 --> 00:15:13,220
I'm still stupid-hooked on
someone else who is eons further
382
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:15,593
than you in the evolutionary
scale in all categories except
383
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,068
maybe unearned ego and back fat.
384
00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,601
What? You so value honesty, you
385
00:15:19,601 --> 00:15:21,236
had to chew a bride out on her
386
00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:22,519
wedding day in the name of it?
387
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:23,481
Well, why don't you face this
388
00:15:23,481 --> 00:15:24,699
giant hunk of truth, Jimmy?
389
00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:26,302
There is a fat asterisk next to
390
00:15:26,302 --> 00:15:27,457
my name on your skank-ridden
391
00:15:27,457 --> 00:15:28,578
little bone list and it reads,
392
00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,406
"She probably would've gone home
393
00:15:30,406 --> 00:15:32,715
with anyone that night!"
394
00:15:32,715 --> 00:15:34,222
So thank you!
395
00:15:34,222 --> 00:15:35,921
Thank you for my wake-up call,
396
00:15:35,921 --> 00:15:38,038
Jimmy
Stupid-Three-Names.
397
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,929
You are officially my bottom.
398
00:15:50,671 --> 00:15:52,338
Hey, you.
399
00:15:52,338 --> 00:15:53,526
Kiddo.
400
00:15:53,526 --> 00:15:54,871
What a surprise.
401
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,795
I was just in the neighborhood.
402
00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,784
Uh, I have an early call time.
403
00:15:58,784 --> 00:16:00,322
But...
404
00:16:00,322 --> 00:16:02,470
Yeah, come in.
405
00:16:02,470 --> 00:16:03,016
Last time you said you were
406
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:03,951
coming over, you never showed.
407
00:16:04,643 --> 00:16:05,624
I thought you'd grown sick of me.
408
00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:07,724
Nah, you're all right.
409
00:16:08,046 --> 00:16:09,935
You're so beautiful, Gretchen.
410
00:16:33,317 --> 00:16:34,279
Hi.
411
00:16:34,279 --> 00:16:35,241
Hi.
412
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:36,203
You busy, Jimmy?
413
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,165
Yep.
414
00:16:37,165 --> 00:16:39,312
Well, could you, like,
pause it for a second?
415
00:16:39,312 --> 00:16:41,493
No.
416
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,688
What's wrong with you?
417
00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:47,432
Give me the controller.
418
00:16:47,432 --> 00:16:47,876
No.
419
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,855
I've watched you for two years
now get girls to come home with
420
00:16:50,855 --> 00:16:52,876
you, and they're always
gone in the morning.
421
00:16:52,876 --> 00:16:54,873
Sorry, I can help it
if she refused to leave?
422
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:57,332
Give me my controller.
423
00:16:57,332 --> 00:16:57,991
No.
424
00:16:58,157 --> 00:16:59,138
Fine.
425
00:17:01,597 --> 00:17:03,521
I'm sorry I have to do this.
426
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:06,375
Now, I don't mind you being jerky
with me because I know you care.
427
00:17:06,375 --> 00:17:07,337
What the...
428
00:17:07,337 --> 00:17:08,299
No, I don't.
429
00:17:08,299 --> 00:17:09,261
Yes, you do.
430
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:10,223
You're just an animal
431
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:11,185
living in my house.
432
00:17:11,185 --> 00:17:13,109
But Gretchen stayed, okay?
433
00:17:13,109 --> 00:17:15,609
You say she forced you, but we
both know there's not a person
434
00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:17,790
on this planet that's ever had a
good outcome trying to force you
435
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:19,842
to do anything.
436
00:17:19,842 --> 00:17:22,246
She stayed, man.
437
00:17:22,246 --> 00:17:26,415
And that means something, whether
you want to admit it or not.
438
00:17:26,415 --> 00:17:29,493
I'm gonna let you go now.
439
00:17:29,493 --> 00:17:30,455
Why would I even
440
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:31,834
listen to you, eh?
441
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,340
You're a mental case.
442
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,431
You're on, like, a billion
443
00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:37,894
medications that all say
"Take for batshit craziness."
444
00:17:37,894 --> 00:17:39,818
I was defending our country.
445
00:17:39,818 --> 00:17:40,780
Oh, please.
446
00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:42,895
You weren't defending anything
except for the business
447
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,986
interests of evil men.
448
00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:47,642
Jimmy, our country is the
business interests of evil men.
449
00:17:47,642 --> 00:17:51,168
That may be the most intelligent
thing you've ever said.
450
00:17:51,168 --> 00:17:52,130
Thanks.
451
00:17:52,130 --> 00:17:54,054
You're still a goddamn lunatic.
452
00:17:54,054 --> 00:17:55,016
Hey, wait.
453
00:17:55,016 --> 00:17:55,978
Come on, man.
454
00:17:55,978 --> 00:17:57,005
W-Wait. Where are you doing?
455
00:17:57,005 --> 00:17:59,377
To a bar, where I can drink in peace.
456
00:17:59,377 --> 00:18:01,366
Come on, Killian.
457
00:18:04,924 --> 00:18:05,886
All right, call the police.
458
00:18:05,886 --> 00:18:06,847
On me?
459
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:08,740
Someone's stolen my car.
460
00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:10,663
No, Gretchen took it, remember?
461
00:18:10,663 --> 00:18:11,197
Gretchen took my...
462
00:18:11,462 --> 00:18:12,975
Sorry, Gretchen took my car?
463
00:18:13,136 --> 00:18:13,503
Yeah.
464
00:18:13,503 --> 00:18:15,427
I saw her driving it away earlier.
465
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,389
I figured you loaned it to her.
466
00:18:16,389 --> 00:18:18,313
Come to think of it, I did
think that was kind of weird.
467
00:18:18,313 --> 00:18:20,237
She doesn't have a license!
468
00:18:20,237 --> 00:18:21,198
Huh.
469
00:18:21,198 --> 00:18:22,160
She must've stolen your keys
470
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,020
from the counter.
471
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:28,925
You got to admit, that's
kind of a baller move.
472
00:18:32,325 --> 00:18:34,282
You guys are fun.
473
00:18:43,451 --> 00:18:46,048
Um, hey.
474
00:18:46,048 --> 00:18:47,716
Yes, Gretchen?
475
00:18:47,716 --> 00:18:50,217
Can we just take a little break?
476
00:18:50,217 --> 00:18:54,053
Sure.
477
00:18:59,868 --> 00:19:02,562
So... what's the
478
00:19:02,562 --> 00:19:04,582
worst thing you've ever done?
479
00:19:04,582 --> 00:19:06,378
Gretchen, you know ever
480
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:07,340
since India I don't dwell on
481
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:09,455
negativity.
482
00:19:09,455 --> 00:19:11,026
I set my high
483
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,085
school on fire to get out of a
484
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,784
math test.
485
00:19:15,131 --> 00:19:16,189
What?
486
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,080
Why are you telling me that?
487
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,716
That's horrible.
488
00:19:19,716 --> 00:19:21,640
Never mind.
489
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,820
Kidding.
490
00:19:31,002 --> 00:19:33,888
Oh, you're a marvel.
491
00:19:35,427 --> 00:19:36,999
Ooh, that's terrific.
492
00:19:36,999 --> 00:19:37,961
Yeah.
493
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,962
Did you just spit on me?
494
00:19:42,962 --> 00:19:45,335
No.
495
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:47,804
Yes. Sorry.
496
00:19:47,804 --> 00:19:52,421
Oh, Gretch.
497
00:19:52,421 --> 00:19:54,601
Mmm.
498
00:19:54,601 --> 00:19:57,103
That's delicious.
499
00:19:57,103 --> 00:20:00,470
Do you still have cocaine?
500
00:20:38,287 --> 00:20:39,666
Hello?
501
00:20:39,666 --> 00:20:42,294
What are you doing?
502
00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:44,058
Nothing. Just...
503
00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:45,783
reading.
504
00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:50,176
Hey, you won't believe
this. Someone stole my car.
505
00:20:50,176 --> 00:20:51,619
Oh.
506
00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:54,409
God, that's... awful.
507
00:20:54,409 --> 00:20:57,262
Yeah, I have to file a
police report in the morning.
508
00:20:57,262 --> 00:20:59,186
I may have borrowed it.
509
00:20:59,186 --> 00:21:00,148
I know.
510
00:21:00,148 --> 00:21:01,687
Oh.
511
00:21:01,687 --> 00:21:04,028
Well, sorry.
512
00:21:04,028 --> 00:21:05,599
I told you I'm the worst.
513
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:10,313
Actually, no, you said that I was the
worst and that I was lucky to get you.
514
00:21:10,313 --> 00:21:12,140
Yeah. About that...
515
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,134
No, don't apologize.
516
00:21:13,134 --> 00:21:14,577
It was a great speech.
517
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:17,709
It was funny and true and mean.
518
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,567
My favorite kind.
519
00:21:22,458 --> 00:21:25,193
I set my school on fire
to get out of a math test.
520
00:21:27,367 --> 00:21:28,487
That's genius.
521
00:21:29,117 --> 00:21:32,720
Oh, and... I... lied to you before.
522
00:21:34,307 --> 00:21:35,528
I do have a foot thing.
523
00:21:37,097 --> 00:21:38,829
Seriously?
524
00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:39,983
Yeah.
525
00:21:39,983 --> 00:21:42,612
In fact, I was just trying to
find the right clip online to,
526
00:21:42,612 --> 00:21:46,588
you know... s-so that I could fall asleep.
527
00:21:46,588 --> 00:21:50,693
But... nothing's quite right.
528
00:21:50,693 --> 00:21:52,905
Oh.
529
00:21:52,905 --> 00:21:53,730
Do you want me to try?
530
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,123
What?
531
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,891
Shh. Let me think.
532
00:21:58,891 --> 00:22:01,039
Come on, this is stupid.
533
00:22:01,039 --> 00:22:03,091
Shut up.
534
00:22:03,091 --> 00:22:08,639
I have been walking around
all day in these new shoes,
535
00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:11,524
and they are just so...
536
00:22:11,524 --> 00:22:14,410
hot and tight.
537
00:22:14,410 --> 00:22:15,661
Oh, yeah?
538
00:22:15,661 --> 00:22:21,914
And my socks are so... sweaty.
539
00:22:21,914 --> 00:22:23,132
That happens.
540
00:22:23,132 --> 00:22:26,178
I think I might just have to take them off.
541
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,647
You do that.
542
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:33,488
Hey, you're, uh... very
nice for doing this.
543
00:22:33,488 --> 00:22:36,534
I am very nice.
544
00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:39,388
Jimmy... I'm scared of this
545
00:22:39,388 --> 00:22:42,274
shit, you know?
546
00:22:42,274 --> 00:22:44,551
I don't like it.
547
00:22:44,551 --> 00:22:46,025
I don't believe in it
548
00:22:46,025 --> 00:22:48,013
anymore, so...
549
00:22:48,013 --> 00:22:49,136
So if we both know
550
00:22:49,136 --> 00:22:52,310
that it can't work, then there's no harm.
551
00:22:52,310 --> 00:22:55,068
Right?
552
00:22:55,068 --> 00:22:57,440
Right.
553
00:23:00,711 --> 00:23:03,501
What kind of socks?
554
00:23:03,501 --> 00:23:06,611
Mmm... knee-high basketball socks.
555
00:23:06,611 --> 00:23:08,983
Orange and green stripes.
556
00:23:08,983 --> 00:23:10,171
You're amazing.
557
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:11,388
You're 19 types of trouble
558
00:23:11,388 --> 00:23:13,953
but... amazing.
559
00:23:13,953 --> 00:23:16,197
Yeah, so are you.
560
00:23:16,197 --> 00:23:18,987
19 types.
561
00:23:18,987 --> 00:23:19,949
Well, it's late.
562
00:23:19,949 --> 00:23:20,911
Did you finish?
563
00:23:20,911 --> 00:23:22,469
I think the moment's gone, isn't it?
564
00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:23,268
All right.
565
00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:24,228
Have a good night.
566
00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:25,188
Call me.
567
00:23:25,188 --> 00:23:26,181
I will.
568
00:23:26,273 --> 00:23:28,758
Synced and corrected by Nsiko
www.Addic7ed.com
37469
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof