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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:28,021 [Moaning] 2 00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,631 [Gasps] 3 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,132 Natasha Nikolaevna. Natasha Nikolaevna. 4 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:37,135 [Door Opens] 5 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:41,298 - [Gasps] - I'm going. Call the priest. 6 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,468 Get my son-in-law. Hurry! 7 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,477 I must talk to him. 8 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:50,037 There's something I must tell him before I die. 9 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,278 There, there, Claudia lvanovna. You will be all right. Just... 10 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,718 [Groaning] 11 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:58,382 Oh. [Speaking Russian] 12 00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,459 Kolya! 13 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,858 Kolya! 14 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,930 Kolya! 15 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,365 Kolya, quick. Run to the town hall. 16 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,868 Tell Vorobyaninov his mother-in-law is dying. 17 00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:13,632 Tell him to hurry. I'm going to get the priest. 18 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,642 Oh. [Muttering] 19 00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:33,014 Bozhe moi. That poor woman. 20 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,026 That poor woman. 21 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,358 Who is going to take care of me? 22 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:45,337 [Chorus Vocalizing] 23 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,573 [Speaking Russian] 24 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:55,177 It's in the hands of God now. All we can do is pray. 25 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,249 Thank you for coming, Father. 26 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,184 It was my pleasure. 27 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,481 Go to her. Go to her, my child. 28 00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:04,853 Comfort her. She needs you. 29 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,983 Courage. Courage. 30 00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,961 [Sighs] 31 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,537 - Father Fyo... - Ooh! 32 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,538 - Dor. - [Groaning] 33 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,074 She's inside. Not to worry. 34 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,838 I, uh... Courage. 35 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,352 Oh. Oh. 36 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,427 Oh, my dear neighbor. 37 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,428 I'm so glad you're here. 38 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,828 She has been calling for you. 39 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,957 I just saw the priest. 40 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,592 He seemed in a great hurry. 41 00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,900 He was very peculiar. Very peculiar. 42 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,975 She just confessed. 43 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,011 How is she? 44 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,103 She is doing splendidly. 45 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,012 The doctor says she'll be on her feet in a week. 46 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,348 She'll be dead before morning. She looks terrible. 47 00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:09,887 I'd better go in. 48 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:11,957 [Door Opens] 49 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,993 lppolit, it's you. You've come. 50 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:18,188 Yes. I'm here. 51 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,892 - It's me. - Oh, thank God. 52 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,400 Ippolit... 53 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:26,597 do you remember our dining room suite? 54 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,701 Dining room suite? 55 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:33,802 In the big house in Stargorod. 56 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:39,041 - Before the revolution. - Ah, yes. 57 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,120 Beautiful furniture. 58 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,712 Made by Hambs of London. 59 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:50,026 Ippolit, my jewels. 60 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:52,791 My diamonds. 61 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,800 I sewed them into one of the chairs. 62 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,303 - What? - My diamonds. My jewels. 63 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:05,403 I sewed them into one of the chairs. 64 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:10,808 My gorgeous diamond tiara. 65 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:15,980 I wore it when I was presented at court. 66 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,860 - My beautiful pearl earrings. - [Whispers] Pearl. 67 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,793 - My emerald brooch. - Emerald. 68 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:29,891 - My diamond necklace. - [Whispers] Diamond. 69 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:33,769 The little gold cat with the ruby eyes. 70 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,102 Stuffed in a ch... 71 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:41,977 How could you do such a thing? 72 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,641 Why didn't you give them to me? 73 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,946 Why should I have given them to you... 74 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:50,250 when you had already squandered away half my daughter's estate... 75 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,688 with your parties and your horses? 76 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,920 Why didn't you take them out? Why did you leave them there? 77 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,020 I didn't have time! 78 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,895 You remember how quickly we had to flee? 79 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,025 They were left in the chair. 80 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,832 Bozhe moi. 81 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:08,634 Bozhe moi.! 82 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:12,507 50,000 rubles' worth of jewelry... 83 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,603 stuffed in a chair! 84 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:19,911 Heaven knows who may sit on that chair! 85 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:22,988 If it's still a chair! 86 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:26,547 It may be firewood by now. 87 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,687 How could you do such a thing? 88 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,799 How could you do such a thing? 89 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,307 How could you do such a thing? 90 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,340 Please, lppolit. 91 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,644 I know I did wrong, but... 92 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:57,382 please forgive me. 93 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,092 Of course. 94 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,634 Of course, maman. 95 00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,468 Of course I forgive you. 96 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,577 Thank you. 97 00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:28,677 Now I can die in peace. 98 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:38,425 [Man Singing] 99 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:51,810 [Singing Continues] 100 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:08,852 [Singing Continues] 101 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,948 [Singing Continues] 102 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:46,882 [Singing Continues] 103 00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,475 [Ends] 104 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,439 Give! Open your heart! 105 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:19,120 Thank you, sir. Thank you. Very generous of you. 106 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,770 Now there's a healthy girl. 107 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,053 What can I say, little father? 108 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,349 It's a miracle. I can see. 109 00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,686 I can walk. Rejoice! 110 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,402 Do you love me? 111 00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:11,465 Well, let's just say that I am very much in lust with you. 112 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,045 - [Key Clicking In Lock] - Oh, my God. My husband! 113 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,114 Your husband? 114 00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:20,379 Out goes the bad air, in goes the good air. 115 00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,216 - Out goes the bad air... - What's going on? 116 00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:26,780 - Who are you? - This woman is my wife. I'm her husband. 117 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:30,487 She fainted just outside the door. I'm giving her artificial respiration. 118 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:34,362 How dare you allow a frail creature like this to carry heavy bundles. 119 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,527 - Has she ever fainted before? - Never. Maybe once. I don't know. 120 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,730 All right. Come on. Take over. 121 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,830 Now remember, out goes the bad air... 122 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,841 in goes the good air. 123 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,844 [Together] Out goes the bad air, in goes the good air. 124 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:49,813 - I should report you for this, but we'll let it go. - Thank you. 125 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:52,816 You are very kind. It will never happen again. I promise. Never. 126 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:57,150 - See that it doesn't.! - Out goes the bad air, in goes the good air. 127 00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,225 Out goes the good air, in goes the bad air. 128 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,159 Out goes the good air, in goes the bad air. 129 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:06,390 - [Birds Twittering] - [Dog Barking In Distance] 130 00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:28,720 [Creaks] 131 00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:41,099 [Snoring] 132 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:53,045 [Snoring Continues] 133 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,759 - [Snorts, Mutters] - There, there. 134 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,829 There. Oh, boy. You must have fallen. 135 00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,965 Thank you. 136 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,058 - Who are you? - Ostap Bender at your service. 137 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,330 Cigarette? 138 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:24,837 Thank you. 139 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,844 Tell me, uh, comrade... 140 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,676 "Comrade." "Comrade." 141 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:32,080 Everybody calls me comrade. 142 00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:36,018 Everybody in the new Soviet Union is a comrade. 143 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,852 People you don't know, strangers. 144 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,949 Everybody says "comrade." 145 00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,655 Oh, I miss Russia. 146 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,755 Hmm, yes. 147 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:50,529 Tell me, uh, what goes on in this great house? 148 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:53,400 Mostly dying. 149 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,406 Dying. 150 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:59,808 It's an old-age home for weary, old ladies. 151 00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:04,246 They tippy-toe in, they have a little bowl of porridge... 152 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,978 and... [Raspberry] that's it. 153 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:10,419 Oh, what a pity. What a pity. 154 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,753 See, I thought it was a hotel. 155 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,918 You, uh... You don't happen to know of any nearby, do you? 156 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:19,725 You see, I've come a long way, and I'm seeking suitable lodgings for the night. 157 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,164 Oh, uh, by the by... 158 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,736 do you happen to have a spare bed down there? 159 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,805 [Exhales Deeply] 160 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,534 [lmitating English Accent] No, I don't, Mr. By the By. 161 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,613 I don't happen to have a spare bed. 162 00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:37,375 There isn't a spare bed in all of Russia! 163 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,849 People are sleeping between each other... 164 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,943 and you're talking spare bed. 165 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:45,319 You make me laugh. Ho, wah, wah, wah, wah. 166 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,359 "Spare bed." You must be nuts. 167 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,698 - [Shatters] - Listen. 168 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,699 I'll tell you what. 169 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:58,099 If you'll buy me a drink... 170 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,172 you can sleep on the floor. 171 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:04,342 Done. Come on. 172 00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,844 What are you doing in Stargorod? You look to me like a Muscovite. 173 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,541 Listen, tell me. Tell me. Who lived here in the old days? 174 00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:13,914 Oh, in the old days was my master... 175 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:17,477 Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov. 176 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,787 He was a marshal of the nobility. 177 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:24,488 I loved him. He hardly ever beat us. 178 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,566 Ah. And whatever became of your lovable master? 179 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:31,227 One night, about 10 years ago, was a fearful noise. 180 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,965 It was bombs and cannons and soldiers shooting. 181 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,973 It was terrible, terrible. 182 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,509 Oh, yes. I think it was called the revolution. 183 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,603 That was it. The revolution. 184 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,309 You're smart. You're smart and you're gorgeous. 185 00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,544 You're okay. 186 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,621 Anyways... 187 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:53,247 they all run away. 188 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,387 Well, come on, old boy. 189 00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:59,896 Let us see how drunk... 190 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,991 two Russians can get on one ruble. 191 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,434 I like that. Two Russians, one ruble. 192 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:41,236 Ah. Ivan, fetch the marshal's horse. 193 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,501 He's coming. He's coming. 194 00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,347 Master. 195 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,029 I love him. I love him. 196 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,732 Please, dear, hurry home. But don't gallop. 197 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,934 "Don't gallop." Do you hear that, Petya? 198 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,638 "Don't gallop," but "Hurry home." 199 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:25,114 That's your job. You'll have to puzzle it out. It's too much for me. 200 00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:27,185 [Ivanovna] Ippolit, take care. 201 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,311 Don't drink too much, and don't gamble. 202 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,651 And stay away from the gypsies. 203 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,523 - Ils sont voleurs. - Ch�re maman, restez calme. 204 00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,095 Tout va bien. Tikon, you idiot, my gloves. 205 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,188 There, master. 206 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,227 I love him. I love him. 207 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:49,274 [Birds Twittering] 208 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,016 [Door Opens] 209 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,746 Here's your castle. 210 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,017 Drink vodka, we talk. We have some fun. 211 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:08,093 You know what we can... 212 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,161 do. 213 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,531 Master? 214 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:15,964 Tikon. 215 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,036 Master? 216 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:21,038 Is it really him? 217 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,973 It's impossible! It can't be! 218 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,976 It can't be! 219 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,205 It can't be! It can't be! 220 00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,508 Oh, ma... [Groans] 221 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,050 Oh, that's him. That's him. 222 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,484 That's my master. 223 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,181 - [Both Laughing] - Oh, master, master. 224 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,349 - Here, Tikon. - Oh, so good to see you. 225 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,327 Here is a ruble. You go have some vodka, and you don't come back for a bit. 226 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,490 - Vodka. - Your master and I have business to discuss. 227 00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:49,499 - [Groans] - Come on. 228 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:51,501 - Business. Business. - Come on. 229 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:54,071 Tikon... 230 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:58,132 you're not to say a word to anyone about my being here. 231 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:00,302 It is secret. 232 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:07,614 [Whispering] I'm not to tell anyone my master is in Stargorod. 233 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:11,712 It's a secret. My master told me a secret. 234 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,695 So... 235 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:21,595 you'd prefer to keep your whereabouts a secret. 236 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,600 Very interesting. 237 00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,966 Who are you? 238 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:29,598 What is this business you have to discuss with me? 239 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,201 I have no business with you. 240 00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:35,542 What do you want? 241 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,547 Oh, I don't know. 242 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:41,107 I guess maybe it depends upon what you're hiding. 243 00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:45,623 - Maybe this will shed a little light on the matter. - Give me that. That's mine! 244 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:48,693 Oh, how very impressive. 245 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,696 This ought to fetch quite a lot. 246 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,824 Please give me that paper. It's personal property. 247 00:18:55,934 --> 00:19:00,633 Oh, haven't you heard? There is no personal property in the Soviet Union. 248 00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:02,764 Everything belongs to the people. 249 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,275 Will you please give me that paper? 250 00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:08,710 It is a private matter, and I am not at liberty to discuss it. 251 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,783 Yes, of course. Of course. One shouldn't interfere in private matters. 252 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:14,785 It's considered gauche. There you are. 253 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,720 Now, I must be off. 254 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,823 - Where are you going? - Ah, the eternal question. 255 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,829 Quo vadis? 256 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:29,867 Well, if you must know, I am "vadising" off to gossip with the secret police. 257 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:38,170 - "Secret police"? - Well, what can I do, old cock? 258 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:41,474 After all, I am a patriotic citizen of the Soviet Union. 259 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:45,072 It is my sacred duty to turn you in. 260 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:49,848 Now, maybe if you weren't such a selfish pig, we could do business. 261 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:51,855 - I can't. - I'm going. 262 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,515 - Wait. - Why? 263 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,252 - Let's talk. - About what? 264 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,055 - Things. - What things? 265 00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,857 - I don't know. Situation... - I'm going. 266 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,090 - Wait. - Why? 267 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,530 - Let's talk. - About what? 268 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:02,725 - It. - What's "it"? 269 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,233 - You know. - I know what? 270 00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:06,998 - What we're talking about. - We're talking about nothing. I'm going. 271 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,231 - You mustn't. - I must. 272 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,364 - Why? - The reward. 273 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:10,805 - What reward? - For turning you in. 274 00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:11,898 - Wait. - Why? 275 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,136 - We'll talk... - About what? 276 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:16,112 About the diamonds, the diamonds, the diamonds! 277 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,884 The diamonds. 278 00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,915 And most of this stuff was purchased... 279 00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:31,223 20 or 30 years ago for about 50,000 rubles, hmm? 280 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,298 Yes. 281 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,457 That means that today... 282 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:41,472 they'd probably be worth between 150,000 and 200,000. 283 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,608 As much as that? 284 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,008 Not a kopeck less. 285 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,410 And maybe more. 286 00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:53,951 I've got to find those chairs. 287 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,387 [Cackles] 288 00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,650 Tikon is back. 289 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,693 - Tikon, come here. - Coming, master. 290 00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:06,453 - Tikon... - Coming. I'm coming. 291 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:10,126 Coming, master. I'm coming. Coming. Coming. Coming. 292 00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:13,329 Coming. Coming. Coming. Coming. 293 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,168 I'm coming, master. I'm coming. 294 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,244 I'm coming. I'm coming, master. 295 00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:21,278 I'm coming. I'm coming, master. 296 00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,975 - Tikon. - You see? I'm here. 297 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:28,883 Tikon, the furniture. What happened to the furniture? 298 00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:30,978 - The furniture. - Yes, the furniture. 299 00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:34,081 - What happened to the furniture? - The furniture? 300 00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,956 What happened to the furniture? 301 00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:39,030 [Snoring] 302 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,893 Tikon. Tikon. 303 00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:45,970 [Snoring Continues] 304 00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:49,233 [Sighs] 305 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,400 Well, cross-examination of the witness... 306 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:54,001 will have to be adjourned until tomorrow morning. 307 00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:57,015 Let's go to bed. 308 00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:04,479 [Chorus Vocalizing] 309 00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:13,788 Oh, thou who knowest all... 310 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,858 You know. 311 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,008 [Snoring] 312 00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:26,077 [Rooster Crowing] 313 00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:29,714 [Crowing Continues] 314 00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:35,953 Tikon. 315 00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:38,545 Tikon. 316 00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:40,557 Master. Hmm. 317 00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:43,287 - Oh, master, you're still... - Shh. 318 00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:45,454 [Vorobyaninov] Where is the furniture? 319 00:22:45,564 --> 00:22:47,828 - The furniture? - Yes, Tikon. 320 00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,867 Where is the furniture? 321 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:52,801 You mean upstairs in the house? 322 00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:54,804 [Vorobyaninov] Yes. 323 00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:57,204 Some of it is still there. 324 00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:01,507 The velvet sofa is there. It's a mess now. 325 00:23:01,613 --> 00:23:05,071 And the andirons. They kept the andirons. 326 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:07,811 Did they keep the chairs? 327 00:23:07,919 --> 00:23:10,911 There was a dining room suite with 12 chairs... 328 00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:12,922 made by Hambs of London. 329 00:23:14,092 --> 00:23:17,619 They were upholstered in gold brocade. 330 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:20,254 Do you remember? 331 00:23:20,365 --> 00:23:24,597 Twelve chairs. Walnut. Covered in gold brocade. 332 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:26,295 Yes! Yes! That's them! That's them! 333 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,066 They're gone. 334 00:23:28,173 --> 00:23:30,937 [Growling] 335 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:33,169 - All but one. - Where is it? 336 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:36,042 The pantry, outside the kitchen. 337 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:39,242 Sits there. A major. A beauty. 338 00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:42,616 Good. Now what happened to the other 11 chairs? 339 00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:45,656 One morning, a big van came... 340 00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:48,624 from the Bureau of Housing, took everything. 341 00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:51,093 - The Bureau of Housing? - Shh. 342 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:54,563 Now, think, Tikon, what street is the Bureau of Housing on? 343 00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:04,170 Headache! Headache! I have such a headache! 344 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,143 - What I drink last night. - All right. Never mind. I'll find it. 345 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:09,839 What do you mean you'll find it? 346 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:12,007 Look, I don't give a damn who finds it. 347 00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,312 All right. It's time for action. 348 00:24:14,419 --> 00:24:16,979 You will go upstairs and occupy chair number one... 349 00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:19,386 and I will lead the attack at the Bureau of Housing. 350 00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:19,991 - I'm off. - Uh, wait. 351 00:24:19,991 --> 00:24:22,186 - I'm off. - Uh, wait. 352 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:24,785 What shall I tell them? 353 00:24:24,896 --> 00:24:28,332 You will tell them that you are Cousin Michael from Kiev... 354 00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:31,402 and you will say that all the Vorobyaninovs are dead... 355 00:24:31,503 --> 00:24:35,496 and that you are willing to pay hard rubles for something... 356 00:24:35,607 --> 00:24:37,905 to remember them by. 357 00:24:40,378 --> 00:24:42,938 [Sighs] 358 00:24:43,048 --> 00:24:46,347 Cousin Michael from Kiev. All the Vorobyaninovs are dead. 359 00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:50,114 I am Cousin Michael from Kiev. All the Vorobyaninovs are dead. 360 00:24:58,296 --> 00:25:01,026 - Yes? - I am Cousin Kiev from Vorobyaninov. 361 00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:04,067 - All the Michaels are dead. - What? 362 00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:10,607 What can I do for you? 363 00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,836 I am Cousin... Chair! 364 00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:27,390 [Audio Sped Up, High-pitched] Aaah! Give me that... I want that chair! 365 00:25:27,492 --> 00:25:29,426 - Stop or I'll call the police! - Police? 366 00:25:30,996 --> 00:25:34,090 - Give it to me! Give it to me! - No! No! No! No! 367 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:37,691 Aaah! [Groaning] 368 00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:49,275 [Both Yelling, High-pitched] 369 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,350 [Yelling Continues] 370 00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:01,424 Father Fyodor. 371 00:26:01,526 --> 00:26:03,585 [Panting] 372 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:08,498 How are ya? [Chuckles Nervously] 373 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,730 Well, this is disgusting. 374 00:26:12,837 --> 00:26:15,601 This is truly disgusting. 375 00:26:15,707 --> 00:26:18,073 Not so fast! Not so fast! 376 00:26:18,176 --> 00:26:20,269 - That's my chair. - Ah. 377 00:26:20,378 --> 00:26:24,007 It's the Holy Father. Taking up a collection, are you? 378 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,984 - Here's a donation. - [Groans] 379 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:30,645 Thank you. 380 00:26:33,124 --> 00:26:35,251 [Both Yelling, High-pitched] 381 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,260 - [Groans] - [Groans] 382 00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:40,763 - Why are you after my chair? - It's not yours. 383 00:26:40,865 --> 00:26:43,993 - Then whose is it? - It's nationalized property. 384 00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:46,969 - It belongs to the workers. - Did you say the workers? 385 00:26:47,072 --> 00:26:49,438 - Yes. The workers. - Maybe the Holy Father... 386 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,771 is a member of the Communist Party. 387 00:26:51,876 --> 00:26:54,276 - Maybe. - But the party is for atheists. 388 00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:56,643 How can a priest join the party? 389 00:26:56,748 --> 00:26:58,682 - [Blow Lands] - [Groans] 390 00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:00,808 The church must keep up with the times. 391 00:27:07,258 --> 00:27:08,953 [Grunts] 392 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,744 How did you find out about the jewels? 393 00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:37,481 People talk. 394 00:27:38,590 --> 00:27:42,117 Why, you disgusting creature. 395 00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:45,424 You used the sacred sacrament of confession... 396 00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:48,021 to further your own ends.! 397 00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:51,864 - Not really. - Well, you are just about... 398 00:27:51,970 --> 00:27:54,302 the most contemptible creature... 399 00:27:54,406 --> 00:27:57,773 it has ever been my misfortune to meet. 400 00:27:57,876 --> 00:28:02,313 You're not worth spitting on! 401 00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:05,941 - Well, you are! - [Groans] 402 00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:08,815 Come back, you coward.! 403 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,514 You'd better keep away from my chairs.! 404 00:28:13,258 --> 00:28:15,692 Finders, keepers! 405 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,159 Hmm. It's just like a detective story. 406 00:28:23,268 --> 00:28:25,759 We have a mysterious rival. 407 00:28:29,174 --> 00:28:31,108 Hey, uh, you'd better get out of here. 408 00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:33,109 You look rather conspicuous. 409 00:28:33,211 --> 00:28:35,406 You're right. You're right. 410 00:28:35,513 --> 00:28:39,040 Oh, how I hate him. Oh, God, how I hate him. 411 00:28:39,150 --> 00:28:41,118 Go. 412 00:28:45,323 --> 00:28:47,416 [Chattering] 413 00:29:13,284 --> 00:29:17,914 [Chorus Vocalizing] 414 00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,550 [Mumbling] 415 00:30:24,589 --> 00:30:26,523 "Hambs." 416 00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:30,082 "Drapes." [Mumbling] 417 00:30:33,431 --> 00:30:35,331 Here we are. 418 00:30:35,433 --> 00:30:37,025 [Grunts] 419 00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:40,805 [Groans] 420 00:31:00,558 --> 00:31:02,526 Hello. 421 00:31:03,895 --> 00:31:05,692 Ah. 422 00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:11,001 Oh. 423 00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:17,707 [Mumbling] 424 00:31:20,845 --> 00:31:23,712 That's it. [Stammering] 425 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:25,749 [Laughing] 426 00:31:26,784 --> 00:31:29,412 - Can I help you? - [Screams] 427 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,488 - Well? - [Whimpering] 428 00:31:32,824 --> 00:31:34,792 [Sobbing] 429 00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:39,892 I didn't know anybody was... here. 430 00:31:41,866 --> 00:31:44,596 I came in and... 431 00:31:44,702 --> 00:31:46,602 l... 432 00:31:46,704 --> 00:31:50,140 Persons seeking information are to wait in the waiting area prescribed for them. 433 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:52,641 It is a criminal offense for unauthorized citizens... 434 00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:54,644 to tamper with official files. 435 00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,044 Oh, yes. Yes, to be sure. To be sure. 436 00:31:59,350 --> 00:32:02,945 - Remove your hat. - Oh. 437 00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:06,956 All right. Now that you are in the proper area, would you please state your business? 438 00:32:07,058 --> 00:32:09,526 Chairs. Dining room... 439 00:32:09,627 --> 00:32:12,061 walnut, made by Hambs... 440 00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:17,191 belonging to a certain lppolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov. 441 00:32:17,302 --> 00:32:19,270 - Tell me, comrade. - Yes. 442 00:32:19,370 --> 00:32:22,464 Why exactly are you seeking this particular set of chairs? 443 00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:26,366 It's, uh... It's personal. 444 00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:29,872 I'm sorry. 445 00:32:29,981 --> 00:32:32,176 No information. No information. 446 00:32:32,283 --> 00:32:34,308 All right. All right. 447 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,621 I'll tell you everything. 448 00:32:38,723 --> 00:32:41,248 I am Vorobyaninov's son. 449 00:32:43,261 --> 00:32:45,388 His firstborn. 450 00:32:45,496 --> 00:32:47,464 He was like a father to me. 451 00:32:47,565 --> 00:32:50,056 So... 452 00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:53,865 you are Vorobyaninov's son. 453 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:56,907 Yes, I am. 454 00:32:57,008 --> 00:32:58,976 - How old are you? - Forty-six. Forty-four. 455 00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:01,045 - Which is it? - Forty-two. I'm 42. 456 00:33:01,145 --> 00:33:05,081 - According to our records, Vorobyaninov is 53. - [Whimpers] 457 00:33:05,183 --> 00:33:08,152 That means that when you were born, your father was... 458 00:33:08,252 --> 00:33:10,152 11. 459 00:33:11,422 --> 00:33:13,390 [Whistles] 460 00:33:14,559 --> 00:33:17,426 Ah. 461 00:33:17,528 --> 00:33:19,496 [Mutters] 462 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,864 [Grunts] 463 00:33:27,772 --> 00:33:29,740 Ticktock. 464 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:33,242 - Are you trying to bribe a Soviet official? - Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. 465 00:33:33,344 --> 00:33:35,539 I was hoping for the best. 466 00:33:35,646 --> 00:33:39,582 Well, since you are Vorobyaninov's only son... 467 00:33:39,684 --> 00:33:41,515 I'll see what I can do. 468 00:33:41,619 --> 00:33:43,519 Thank you. Bless you. 469 00:33:43,621 --> 00:33:46,249 Now, if you will just excuse me. 470 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:48,325 I will be back in one moment. 471 00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:51,520 Oh, thank you. Bless you. 472 00:33:56,134 --> 00:33:59,831 Ah. Perfect. 473 00:33:59,937 --> 00:34:04,271 One dozen Hambs chairs, property of General Polyakov. 474 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:06,275 Ah. 475 00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:08,436 Better make that 11. 476 00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:14,179 Sent to a certain engineer Bruns, Irkutsk... 477 00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:17,083 [Chuckles] 478 00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:19,122 Siberia. 479 00:34:21,025 --> 00:34:22,959 - Here we are. - Ah. 480 00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:26,087 Here's your shipping order. Ah. Oh. Ah. 481 00:34:26,197 --> 00:34:28,165 - One moment, please. - Excuse me. 482 00:34:28,266 --> 00:34:30,234 - Procedure. - Uh-huh. 483 00:34:32,036 --> 00:34:34,027 I hope you find your chairs. Ah. 484 00:34:38,976 --> 00:34:41,240 [Muttering] Eleven chairs. 485 00:34:41,345 --> 00:34:43,575 That's it. Thank you. Thank you. 486 00:34:43,681 --> 00:34:46,377 [Laughing] Thank you. Thank you. 487 00:34:47,552 --> 00:34:49,747 Bless you. Bless you. 488 00:34:49,854 --> 00:34:53,085 Bless you. Bless you! Bless you! 489 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,157 [Chattering] 490 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,898 [No Audible Dialogue] 491 00:35:10,007 --> 00:35:11,975 [Train Whistle Blows] 492 00:35:37,001 --> 00:35:38,901 Moscow. 493 00:35:39,003 --> 00:35:41,767 Moscow. 494 00:35:41,873 --> 00:35:44,740 The chairs are in Moscow. 495 00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:46,810 I can hardly believe it. 496 00:35:46,911 --> 00:35:50,005 I mean, we're actually going to see them. 497 00:35:50,114 --> 00:35:53,015 [Chuckles] My chairs are in a museum. 498 00:35:54,185 --> 00:35:57,086 I never realized they were so valuable. 499 00:35:57,188 --> 00:36:00,055 If they only knew. 500 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:03,218 Moscow! 501 00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:50,436 They're not here. The chairs are not here. 502 00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:53,510 Look. See that cabinet? Empire. 503 00:36:53,611 --> 00:36:56,444 And those writing tables. Louis Quinze. 504 00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:59,744 - We're on the wrong floor. I know we're on the wrong floor. - Take it easy. 505 00:36:59,850 --> 00:37:03,342 - Take it easy. - And what if they're not here at all? 506 00:37:03,454 --> 00:37:06,014 How would we ever find them, hmm? Where would we look? 507 00:37:06,123 --> 00:37:08,648 Who would we ask? They're lost, I tell you. Lost. 508 00:37:08,759 --> 00:37:10,556 I never should have... 509 00:37:14,332 --> 00:37:17,165 My chairs. 510 00:37:18,336 --> 00:37:20,236 My chairs! 511 00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:22,238 That's my furniture.! 512 00:37:23,507 --> 00:37:25,634 I wonder which one it is. 513 00:37:25,743 --> 00:37:29,304 Don't you worry about it. We will know soon enough. 514 00:37:29,413 --> 00:37:33,110 We will get the chairs at closing time. 515 00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:35,981 Closing time. 516 00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,749 - Closing time. Closing time. - [Bell Ringing] 517 00:37:38,856 --> 00:37:41,450 Closing time. 518 00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:45,188 Closing time. Closing time. 519 00:37:48,232 --> 00:37:51,224 What shall we do? 520 00:37:51,335 --> 00:37:55,203 Wait until these people go by, and then you follow me. 521 00:38:10,588 --> 00:38:13,056 [Wood Rattling] 522 00:38:14,959 --> 00:38:17,757 Here we are. 523 00:38:17,862 --> 00:38:20,660 Get those Hambs dining room chairs... 524 00:38:20,765 --> 00:38:22,926 and put them on the cart. 525 00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:25,868 Shh, shh, shh. 526 00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:29,462 Don't make a sound. 527 00:38:29,573 --> 00:38:32,303 Calm. Calm. 528 00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:34,878 At all costs. 529 00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:37,539 - [Thump] - [Man] No. 530 00:38:37,648 --> 00:38:41,709 No, no, no, no, no. Don't take them all. 531 00:38:41,819 --> 00:38:43,753 Leave four. 532 00:38:43,854 --> 00:38:47,187 Four. We are only taking seven. 533 00:38:47,291 --> 00:38:50,419 Why are they only taking seven? 534 00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:52,655 We are only taking seven... 535 00:38:52,763 --> 00:38:54,697 because four is enough... 536 00:38:54,799 --> 00:38:56,699 to represent the period. 537 00:38:56,801 --> 00:38:59,565 That's why. 538 00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:02,366 Good. Good. Now... 539 00:39:02,473 --> 00:39:05,601 take the chairs to the freight entrance. 540 00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:06,711 They will be collected at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. 541 00:39:06,711 --> 00:39:09,373 They will be collected at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. 542 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,539 Good. 543 00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:21,120 They're getting away. They're getting away. 544 00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:23,693 They're not getting away. 545 00:39:23,794 --> 00:39:26,456 We know exactly where they're going. 546 00:39:26,564 --> 00:39:31,433 And if luck is with us, we will never have to see those other chairs again. 547 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:34,800 - What do you mean? - I mean, thickhead... 548 00:39:34,905 --> 00:39:38,238 the jewels might very well be hidden... 549 00:39:38,342 --> 00:39:42,210 in one of these four beauties. 550 00:39:42,313 --> 00:39:44,406 [Metal Rattles] 551 00:39:44,515 --> 00:39:49,418 - What are you doing? - Maybe we missed something. 552 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,784 Does this look like we missed anything? 553 00:40:07,705 --> 00:40:09,866 The chairs.! The chairs.! 554 00:40:09,974 --> 00:40:12,772 I know, I know. Shut up. 555 00:40:14,145 --> 00:40:17,581 "Columbus Repertory Theatre." 556 00:40:17,681 --> 00:40:19,911 [Vorobyaninov] Two... 557 00:40:21,118 --> 00:40:23,985 four, six. 558 00:40:26,223 --> 00:40:28,418 Six. Seven. 559 00:40:28,526 --> 00:40:30,517 Where's seven? 560 00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:32,528 [Vorobyaninov] They're leaving.! 561 00:40:32,630 --> 00:40:34,655 It's all right. We know where they're going. 562 00:40:34,765 --> 00:40:36,665 Our problem is number seven. 563 00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:39,736 Where is number seven? 564 00:40:41,338 --> 00:40:43,272 Well, I must find out. 565 00:40:43,374 --> 00:40:45,274 Yes, we must find out. 566 00:40:45,376 --> 00:40:47,503 Not "we." I. 567 00:40:47,611 --> 00:40:50,409 You sit here and wait for me. 568 00:40:50,514 --> 00:40:52,778 Sit. 569 00:40:52,883 --> 00:40:55,044 Sit. 570 00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:00,123 Stay. 571 00:41:05,062 --> 00:41:07,030 [Whines] 572 00:41:21,011 --> 00:41:22,979 [Whimpering] 573 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:14,259 [Man] Irkutsk.! Irkutsk.! 574 00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:16,333 Siberia.! 575 00:42:58,309 --> 00:43:00,277 [Knocking] 576 00:43:05,649 --> 00:43:08,243 [Huffing] Whoo! 577 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,014 - Yes? - I am looking for Engineer Bruns. 578 00:43:11,121 --> 00:43:14,284 - I am Engineer Bruns. - [Moans] 579 00:43:14,391 --> 00:43:16,689 - What do you want? - [Moaning] 580 00:43:16,794 --> 00:43:18,762 [Muttering] 581 00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:21,456 What is it? What are you doing? 582 00:43:21,565 --> 00:43:24,659 [Moaning, Chuckling] 583 00:43:24,768 --> 00:43:26,827 - Olga! - What's going on? What's going on? 584 00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:29,531 Andrei, why is that man kissing your knee? 585 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,767 - I don't know. - Dear lady... 586 00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:34,207 - Oh! Oh! - On you I rest all my hopes. 587 00:43:34,311 --> 00:43:37,474 - Ooh! Ow! Ooh! - On the chair. 588 00:43:37,581 --> 00:43:39,913 No, no, no. Don't... I must grovel at your feet. 589 00:43:40,017 --> 00:43:42,713 - Put him up on the chair. - No, no, no, no. 590 00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:45,482 Now, once and for all, who are you and what do you want? 591 00:43:45,589 --> 00:43:48,717 - I want to grovel at your feet. I must grovel at your feet. - No groveling. 592 00:43:48,826 --> 00:43:51,727 There will be no groveling in this house. This is a Soviet household. 593 00:43:51,829 --> 00:43:53,820 - We don't allow groveling. - What do you want? 594 00:43:53,931 --> 00:43:56,627 l... Hmm. 595 00:43:56,734 --> 00:44:00,465 These chairs. I must have these chairs. 596 00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:04,501 - He wants our chairs. - Maybe he's a furniture dealer. 597 00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:06,303 Are you a furniture dealer? Is that it? 598 00:44:06,410 --> 00:44:11,109 Not for personal gain. I assure you, not for personal gain. 599 00:44:11,215 --> 00:44:13,615 My motives are pure. Ohh. 600 00:44:13,717 --> 00:44:16,447 They're the very best motives. l... l... I think... 601 00:44:16,553 --> 00:44:18,919 you're going to be very impressed with my motives. 602 00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:20,923 Yes. 603 00:44:21,025 --> 00:44:23,050 - Well? - Well what? 604 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,890 Your motives. You didn't tell us your motives. 605 00:44:25,996 --> 00:44:29,864 Oh, yes. My motives. My motives. 606 00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:31,901 Come on, brain. 607 00:44:33,003 --> 00:44:34,937 Got it! [Whimpering] 608 00:44:35,039 --> 00:44:39,169 The chairs belonged to my wife and her mother before her... 609 00:44:39,276 --> 00:44:41,506 and now my wife is ill. 610 00:44:41,612 --> 00:44:46,515 She's very ill. She's dying, dying. Dead. 611 00:44:46,617 --> 00:44:51,054 Dying. Uh, she keeps calling for her chairs. 612 00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:53,089 Oh, please. You cannot deny me. 613 00:44:53,190 --> 00:44:56,159 It's a dying woman's wish. [Sobs] 614 00:44:56,260 --> 00:44:59,752 Olga, what shall we do? Shall we give him the chairs? 615 00:44:59,863 --> 00:45:03,458 - Don't be ridiculous. Nobody's taking my chairs. - You dirty... 616 00:45:03,567 --> 00:45:05,694 I'm sorry. I cannot let you have the chairs. 617 00:45:05,803 --> 00:45:07,930 I didn't hear that. 618 00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:09,938 I didn't hear that. 619 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,974 I didn't hear that. 620 00:45:12,076 --> 00:45:15,011 I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that. I don't want to hear that. 621 00:45:15,112 --> 00:45:17,672 Don't you understand? I don't want to hear that. 622 00:45:17,781 --> 00:45:19,772 [Yells] Ooh! 623 00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:22,909 [Whimpering] That's a hot... 624 00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:29,181 My dear lady, don't you understand? 625 00:45:29,293 --> 00:45:32,262 I need those chairs! 626 00:45:32,362 --> 00:45:34,762 - Andrei! - Oh, please. 627 00:45:34,865 --> 00:45:37,095 - Oh, please. - Stop that! Andrei! 628 00:45:37,201 --> 00:45:39,328 [Screams] Out! 629 00:45:39,436 --> 00:45:41,734 I want him out of this house immediately! 630 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,008 Well, that's done it. 631 00:45:45,109 --> 00:45:49,603 Wait. Wait. Let's discuss this like adults! 632 00:45:49,713 --> 00:45:52,443 [Yelps] 633 00:45:52,549 --> 00:45:54,779 Don't judge a book by its cover. 634 00:45:54,885 --> 00:45:56,853 [Groans] 635 00:46:00,190 --> 00:46:03,853 A memento. A memento of my visit to your lovely home. 636 00:46:03,961 --> 00:46:05,929 Ow! Ow! 637 00:46:06,997 --> 00:46:08,931 Ow! 638 00:46:13,103 --> 00:46:15,071 Ah! 639 00:46:17,374 --> 00:46:20,366 Wait! Wait! I'll pay! 640 00:46:20,477 --> 00:46:23,173 100 rubles! 641 00:46:25,716 --> 00:46:28,378 - 102? - [Both Groaning] 642 00:46:42,399 --> 00:46:44,390 [Man] You down there. 643 00:46:44,501 --> 00:46:47,629 If we don't sail in 10 minutes, I'll miss the tide. 644 00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:51,299 Wait, please. A few more minutes. 645 00:46:51,408 --> 00:46:54,969 One of my actors is missing. 646 00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:06,253 Wait. 647 00:47:12,896 --> 00:47:14,864 [Man] Where is Gronsky? 648 00:47:14,965 --> 00:47:16,865 [Sobbing] 649 00:47:16,967 --> 00:47:21,028 How the hell can I do the play without Gronsky? 650 00:47:21,138 --> 00:47:24,335 Sevitsky, how could you let this happen? 651 00:47:24,441 --> 00:47:26,568 It's your job to make sure that the actors... 652 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:29,373 are supposed to be where they're supposed to be... 653 00:47:29,479 --> 00:47:31,276 and not wandering around drunk somewhere. 654 00:47:31,381 --> 00:47:33,975 - Well... - Shut up. 655 00:47:34,084 --> 00:47:36,018 Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. 656 00:47:36,119 --> 00:47:38,053 That's all I hear from you. 657 00:47:39,256 --> 00:47:41,622 Oh, my goodness. 658 00:47:41,725 --> 00:47:45,126 I look dreadful. Why didn't you say something? 659 00:47:45,229 --> 00:47:48,630 Time and tide wait for no man. 660 00:47:48,732 --> 00:47:51,200 I like that reading. 661 00:47:51,301 --> 00:47:53,292 Maybe he could play the count. 662 00:47:53,403 --> 00:47:56,861 Sevitsky, that vulgar man in the wheelhouse... 663 00:47:56,974 --> 00:47:59,465 it's only good for one thing... 664 00:47:59,576 --> 00:48:01,544 running ships... 665 00:48:03,513 --> 00:48:06,710 and trying to browbeat his superiors. 666 00:48:06,817 --> 00:48:10,685 Well, if worse comes to worse... 667 00:48:10,787 --> 00:48:13,585 I shall play the count. 668 00:48:13,690 --> 00:48:17,057 Worse shall never come to that worse. 669 00:48:19,263 --> 00:48:21,163 Excuse me. 670 00:48:21,265 --> 00:48:24,723 I'm looking for the commissar producer of the Columbus Theatre. 671 00:48:27,804 --> 00:48:30,671 - That's me. - Good, good. I'm in time. 672 00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:35,768 And what do you want? 673 00:48:35,879 --> 00:48:38,143 I've just come from Gronsky. He told me to find you. 674 00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:40,842 - Where is he? - Moscow General Hospital. 675 00:48:40,951 --> 00:48:44,682 - [Gasps] - Yes, he was a little in his cups, you might say. 676 00:48:44,788 --> 00:48:48,349 He tried to stop a streetcar. He suffered two broken legs and minor contusions. 677 00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:50,688 And, uh, who are you? 678 00:48:50,794 --> 00:48:53,854 Well, I am from the Artists'Union, theater division. I'm to accompany you. 679 00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:56,728 I took the liberty of getting an immediate replacement for Gronsky. 680 00:48:56,833 --> 00:49:00,769 Fine actor. Made for the part. With your permission, I will bring him on board. One moment. 681 00:49:00,871 --> 00:49:02,304 l... 682 00:49:05,342 --> 00:49:09,369 Guess what. From now on, you are an actor. 683 00:49:09,479 --> 00:49:12,277 - [Traditional] - [Chattering] 684 00:49:20,424 --> 00:49:22,392 [Continues, Faint] 685 00:49:26,096 --> 00:49:28,064 Sevitsky. 686 00:49:31,168 --> 00:49:34,331 - Where are you going with that samovar? - What samovar? 687 00:49:34,438 --> 00:49:37,669 - That samovar. - Oh, this samovar. 688 00:49:37,774 --> 00:49:40,504 - Yes. - Well, I was going to have it polished up... 689 00:49:40,610 --> 00:49:42,510 for the show tonight. 690 00:49:42,612 --> 00:49:46,912 Sevitsky, if I catch you trying to sell another piece of company property... 691 00:49:48,685 --> 00:49:50,585 Siberia! 692 00:49:50,687 --> 00:49:54,248 I was going to have it polished. I swear! I swear! 693 00:49:56,059 --> 00:49:58,584 I hate people I don't like. 694 00:50:09,606 --> 00:50:11,767 I feel something. 695 00:50:11,875 --> 00:50:15,367 I knew it. I felt it. I felt it in my bones. 696 00:50:15,479 --> 00:50:18,573 Lucky seven. Little lucky seven. 697 00:50:18,682 --> 00:50:20,741 That is seven. This is eight. 698 00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:23,046 Lucky eight. Lucky eight. 699 00:50:25,956 --> 00:50:29,392 Well, seems much too small for all that loot. 700 00:50:29,493 --> 00:50:31,461 Open it, open it. 701 00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:37,533 [Sighs] Empty. 702 00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:42,570 Empty. 703 00:50:42,672 --> 00:50:46,574 Somebody must have got to the jewels before us. 704 00:50:46,676 --> 00:50:49,042 Oh, there were never any jewels in this box. 705 00:50:49,146 --> 00:50:51,376 It was put in by the furniture maker. 706 00:50:51,481 --> 00:50:53,540 "One set of 12 chairs... 707 00:50:53,650 --> 00:50:56,244 "crafted for I.M. Vorobyaninov... 708 00:50:56,353 --> 00:50:58,321 by Christopher Hambs of London." 709 00:50:58,422 --> 00:51:01,949 [Sighs] I really thought we had them. 710 00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:04,926 I really thought we had them. 711 00:51:05,028 --> 00:51:06,962 Next. 712 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,264 - What's going on here? - Ah. 713 00:51:12,369 --> 00:51:16,430 We are actors. We are members of the Columbus Repertory Theatre. 714 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:19,941 As you can see, my dear sir, some of our chairs were broken in transit. 715 00:51:20,043 --> 00:51:22,876 We are repairing them. Misha, hand me the leg. 716 00:51:22,979 --> 00:51:24,947 - Misha. - Hmm? 717 00:51:26,049 --> 00:51:28,017 Oh. 718 00:51:28,118 --> 00:51:31,554 If you're actors, you'd better get up to the ship's theater. The show's starting. 719 00:51:31,655 --> 00:51:33,555 Oh, yes, of course. Of course. 720 00:51:33,657 --> 00:51:36,626 Come along, Misha. Come along. Come along. 721 00:51:42,132 --> 00:51:45,192 [Ostap] "The workers are dissatisfied. They intend to make a revolution. 722 00:51:45,302 --> 00:51:48,135 Is there any truth to this rumor?" 723 00:51:48,238 --> 00:51:51,537 "An uprising of peasants and workers. I have never heard anything so absurd." 724 00:51:51,641 --> 00:51:54,371 Bender, the other three chairs in the hold. 725 00:51:54,478 --> 00:51:57,470 The other three chairs in the hold depend upon you, my friend. 726 00:51:57,581 --> 00:52:00,448 - Hmm? - If you go out on that stage and make a fool of yourself... 727 00:52:00,550 --> 00:52:04,850 you will get us thrown off this ship before you can say Nicholas and Alexandra. 728 00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:07,515 It's only a play. 729 00:52:07,624 --> 00:52:11,617 I have attended a theater before, you know. 730 00:52:11,728 --> 00:52:13,662 [Man] Ah, Krakov. 731 00:52:13,763 --> 00:52:17,631 It will be so marvelous to see that stimulating Count Krakov again. 732 00:52:17,734 --> 00:52:20,294 [Woman] Oh, yes. I too have missed him. 733 00:52:20,403 --> 00:52:23,668 - Where's Krakov? - That must be Count Krakov now. 734 00:52:23,773 --> 00:52:25,741 You're on. 735 00:52:29,746 --> 00:52:32,909 - Ah, Count Krakov. - [Applause] 736 00:52:40,891 --> 00:52:42,859 [Audience Murmuring] 737 00:52:46,229 --> 00:52:49,995 [Vorobyaninov] Ostap. Take me with you.! 738 00:52:50,100 --> 00:52:52,068 Not a chance. 739 00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:55,900 Ostap... [Panting] 740 00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:58,338 You'll never catch up with that boat. 741 00:52:58,441 --> 00:53:02,605 I don't intend to. I'm going to take the train and meet the boat at Yalta. 742 00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:07,150 [Grunting] 743 00:53:11,154 --> 00:53:13,247 Ostap! Ostap! 744 00:53:13,356 --> 00:53:15,551 I'm not a strong swimmer! 745 00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:19,886 I'm not a swimmer. Help! 746 00:53:26,536 --> 00:53:28,595 Vorobyaninov. 747 00:53:34,811 --> 00:53:36,972 Vorobyaninov. 748 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:41,040 Help. Help. 749 00:53:41,151 --> 00:53:43,119 Help. 750 00:53:53,630 --> 00:53:55,928 Thank you. Thank you. 751 00:54:00,537 --> 00:54:02,767 l... 752 00:54:02,872 --> 00:54:04,806 Cold. 753 00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:06,808 It's cold. 754 00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:08,878 [Shivering] 755 00:54:12,549 --> 00:54:14,642 - Here. - [Grunts] 756 00:54:16,353 --> 00:54:18,321 Thank you. 757 00:54:19,623 --> 00:54:21,591 Thank you. 758 00:54:22,792 --> 00:54:25,283 You're a good soul, Bender. 759 00:54:26,329 --> 00:54:28,297 A good soul. 760 00:55:08,371 --> 00:55:10,464 [Slurps] 761 00:55:12,542 --> 00:55:15,875 Mmm! This borscht is delicious, Olga. 762 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,573 I love it cold! 763 00:55:18,682 --> 00:55:21,776 Why didn't you ever make it cold? 764 00:55:21,885 --> 00:55:25,048 How could I make it cold in Irkutsk? 765 00:55:25,155 --> 00:55:28,886 If we didn't eat hot things we'd have died there. 766 00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:31,290 Smell that air. 767 00:55:31,394 --> 00:55:33,988 Smell that air! 768 00:55:34,097 --> 00:55:36,327 Like wine. 769 00:55:36,433 --> 00:55:38,333 I know. I know. 770 00:55:38,435 --> 00:55:42,496 Every night I thank God for your transfer to Yalta. 771 00:55:42,605 --> 00:55:45,904 I don't think I could have survived another winter there. 772 00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:48,910 My dear. 773 00:55:49,012 --> 00:55:51,537 My dearest dear. 774 00:55:56,353 --> 00:55:58,514 [Fyodor] 103. 775 00:55:58,621 --> 00:56:00,521 What? 776 00:56:02,192 --> 00:56:04,092 I didn't say anything. 777 00:56:05,862 --> 00:56:07,853 104. 778 00:56:07,964 --> 00:56:09,955 Olga? 779 00:56:12,569 --> 00:56:15,766 [Chorus Vocalizing] 780 00:56:15,872 --> 00:56:17,897 105. 781 00:56:20,477 --> 00:56:22,741 Good. Oh, good. 782 00:56:22,846 --> 00:56:25,508 Good. Good. [Grunting] 783 00:56:25,615 --> 00:56:30,109 Oh, thank you. Thank you. How very generous of you. 784 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:32,848 You really shouldn't have done it. 785 00:56:32,956 --> 00:56:34,981 Please, go now. 786 00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:37,218 I never want to see you again. 787 00:56:37,327 --> 00:56:39,591 Oh, I must say good-bye to Madam Bruns. 788 00:56:39,696 --> 00:56:42,460 How can I leave without saying good-bye to Madam Bruns? 789 00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:44,897 [Screams] No! 790 00:56:45,001 --> 00:56:47,936 [Accordion] 791 00:56:55,445 --> 00:56:58,710 The chairs. I don't see the chairs. 792 00:57:14,531 --> 00:57:17,432 - Yes? - Uh, we're still thinking. 793 00:57:24,874 --> 00:57:29,140 [Ostap] Sevitsky. He looks pregnant. 794 00:57:29,245 --> 00:57:31,645 Come on. Let's not lose him. 795 00:57:31,748 --> 00:57:34,808 We must see where he delivers his child. 796 00:58:15,358 --> 00:58:18,885 [Ostap] Ah, it's a boy. 797 00:58:38,848 --> 00:58:43,444 Comrade Sevitsky! You are under arrest for selling property belonging to the state. 798 00:58:43,553 --> 00:58:47,455 - Polished. I'm having it polished. - [Laughing] 799 00:58:47,557 --> 00:58:50,253 Oh, it's you... 800 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,658 Count Krakov. 801 00:58:52,762 --> 00:58:55,162 Well, you've had your little joke. 802 00:58:55,265 --> 00:58:57,733 Now, if you don't mind, I'll be on my way. 803 00:58:57,834 --> 00:59:00,428 Wait a minute. I would like to talk a little business. 804 00:59:00,537 --> 00:59:02,402 - Business? - Yes. 805 00:59:02,505 --> 00:59:06,066 I'm interested in some chairs. Three of them, to be exact. 806 00:59:06,175 --> 00:59:09,042 They're in your present production at the Columbus Theatre. 807 00:59:09,145 --> 00:59:12,740 Oh, yes. Walnut. Gold covers. 808 00:59:14,284 --> 00:59:16,616 I'm afraid they're already spoken for. 809 00:59:16,719 --> 00:59:19,620 Listen, scum! I want those chairs. 810 00:59:19,722 --> 00:59:22,623 Do you hear me? I want those chairs! 811 00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:25,421 You don't understand. It's quite impossible. 812 00:59:25,528 --> 00:59:28,895 I promised them to a certain individual. He's giving me 10 rubles apiece. 813 00:59:28,998 --> 00:59:32,331 Sell him something else. I want those chairs. 814 00:59:32,435 --> 00:59:34,460 Don't worry. You won't be out a kopeck. 815 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,971 You will get your 30 rubles. 816 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,735 - Oh, my throat! - When can you deliver the chairs? 817 00:59:39,842 --> 00:59:42,470 - Tonight. After the performance. - You'll bring them here? 818 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,479 Yes. I'll bring them here. 819 00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:46,674 All right. 820 00:59:46,783 --> 00:59:49,377 Now, Sevitsky, please don't disappoint me. 821 00:59:49,485 --> 00:59:52,420 Because if you do, I'm afraid I'll have to break your neck. 822 00:59:52,522 --> 00:59:55,116 - A threat to the wise, hmm? - All right. 823 00:59:55,224 --> 00:59:58,682 Midnight. Here on this spot. 824 00:59:58,795 --> 01:00:01,787 You bring the money, I'll bring the chairs. 825 01:00:05,668 --> 01:00:10,731 Bender, Bender, 30 rubles? How do we raise 30 rubles? 826 01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:15,433 [Seagulls Squawking] 827 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:36,531 Thank you. 828 01:00:37,867 --> 01:00:40,335 Fine day for a picnic. 829 01:00:40,436 --> 01:00:43,337 The others should be along any minute. 830 01:00:43,439 --> 01:00:45,737 Thank you. 831 01:00:45,842 --> 01:00:49,278 Thank you and good-bye. 832 01:00:49,379 --> 01:00:51,973 Good-bye. Have a nice day. 833 01:00:52,081 --> 01:00:53,981 Good-bye. 834 01:00:55,718 --> 01:00:58,209 Get out of here! 835 01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:22,675 [Moaning] 836 01:01:25,715 --> 01:01:28,309 Ooh! Oh, what beautiful wood. 837 01:01:28,418 --> 01:01:31,979 [Moaning Continues] What fine detail. 838 01:01:32,088 --> 01:01:35,524 Beautiful workmanship. Beautiful workmanship! 839 01:01:35,625 --> 01:01:37,820 What a gorgeous chair! 840 01:01:43,633 --> 01:01:46,568 Oh, it can't be. 841 01:01:46,669 --> 01:01:51,129 [Muttering] It can't be! It can't be! 842 01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,903 [Panting] It couldn't be! 843 01:01:55,011 --> 01:01:59,072 It can't be! It can't... It can't be! 844 01:01:59,182 --> 01:02:01,650 [Groans] 845 01:02:01,751 --> 01:02:05,243 I don't want to live. I don't want to live! 846 01:02:05,354 --> 01:02:08,289 I don't want to live! [Grunting] 847 01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:13,226 [Screaming] I don't want to live! I don't want to live! 848 01:02:13,329 --> 01:02:17,356 [Grunts, Groans] Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! 849 01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:20,903 [Groaning Continues] 850 01:02:25,508 --> 01:02:28,102 Thirty rubles! Tsk, tsk, tsk. 851 01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:56,003 Of course! Of course! 852 01:03:02,311 --> 01:03:04,939 Dostoievsky. 853 01:03:05,047 --> 01:03:06,947 - What? - Never mind. 854 01:03:07,049 --> 01:03:09,040 - Can you roll your eyes? - Roll my eyes? 855 01:03:09,152 --> 01:03:11,882 Yes, roll your eyes. 856 01:03:11,988 --> 01:03:14,388 - I don't know. - Try it. 857 01:03:17,093 --> 01:03:20,290 Oh, that's wonderful. Born to do it. 858 01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:23,888 Now, at a given signal... Stop it. 859 01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,525 At a given signal from me... 860 01:03:26,636 --> 01:03:29,469 you will fall from this bench onto the ground... 861 01:03:29,572 --> 01:03:32,234 and pretend to have an epileptic fit. 862 01:03:32,341 --> 01:03:35,037 You will roll your eyes... 863 01:03:35,144 --> 01:03:38,375 you will move your arms and legs... 864 01:03:38,481 --> 01:03:41,075 in short, spastic jerks... 865 01:03:41,184 --> 01:03:44,585 and generally writhe around out of control. 866 01:03:44,687 --> 01:03:48,020 I will call attention to your pitiful state... 867 01:03:48,124 --> 01:03:52,686 and the good-hearted citizens of Yalta will shower you with coins. 868 01:03:54,564 --> 01:03:58,125 What a disgusting idea. 869 01:04:00,469 --> 01:04:03,734 What filthy taste! 870 01:04:05,975 --> 01:04:10,708 There never was and there never will be... 871 01:04:10,813 --> 01:04:14,579 a Vorobyaninov who begs! 872 01:04:16,319 --> 01:04:18,981 [Groans] 873 01:04:19,088 --> 01:04:21,147 Parasite! 874 01:04:21,257 --> 01:04:24,715 Parasite! Parasite! 875 01:04:24,827 --> 01:04:28,490 Disgusting, helpless, inept... 876 01:04:28,598 --> 01:04:31,089 bloodsucking parasite! 877 01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:35,864 Vorobyaninovs never beg! I begged all my life! 878 01:04:44,947 --> 01:04:47,939 [Whimpering] 879 01:04:52,154 --> 01:04:54,213 Now listen, old man. 880 01:04:55,725 --> 01:04:58,694 Pride is a luxury that neither you nor I can afford... 881 01:04:58,794 --> 01:05:01,285 at this time in our lives. 882 01:05:01,397 --> 01:05:05,731 We need 30 rubles to make our dreams come true. 883 01:05:07,203 --> 01:05:09,671 It's sink or swim. 884 01:05:09,772 --> 01:05:12,536 I choose swim. 885 01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:16,874 Now, to beg or not to beg? That is the question. 886 01:05:16,979 --> 01:05:19,948 I will give you five... 887 01:05:20,049 --> 01:05:22,449 to decide yes or no. 888 01:05:22,551 --> 01:05:25,884 On the count of five, it is farewell. 889 01:05:25,988 --> 01:05:30,721 - One... - Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 890 01:05:30,826 --> 01:05:32,987 Good. 891 01:05:33,095 --> 01:05:35,495 Now, do your stuff. 892 01:05:39,368 --> 01:05:43,998 Attention! Ladies and gentlemen, attention! 893 01:05:44,106 --> 01:05:48,440 A comrade, a citizen, a fellow human being... 894 01:05:48,544 --> 01:05:51,445 cries out for our attention! 895 01:05:51,547 --> 01:05:55,005 Epilepsy, my friends! Epilepsy. 896 01:05:55,117 --> 01:05:59,144 The same disease that struck down our own beloved Dostoievsky. 897 01:05:59,255 --> 01:06:04,283 God knows what genius, what great works of art may be trapped... 898 01:06:04,393 --> 01:06:07,294 in the mind of this poor, wretched soul. 899 01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:10,490 Ah, this poor man. This poor man. 900 01:06:10,599 --> 01:06:12,499 [Whispers] Roll your eyes! 901 01:06:12,601 --> 01:06:15,434 Yes, give! Give... 902 01:06:15,538 --> 01:06:18,871 so that this quivering, shivering, helpless victim... 903 01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:21,842 can receive desperately needed medical attention. 904 01:06:21,944 --> 01:06:24,640 Give! Give, please! 905 01:06:24,747 --> 01:06:27,409 Open your hearts. Give. Give. Give. 906 01:06:27,516 --> 01:06:29,507 Thank you. 907 01:06:31,287 --> 01:06:33,687 Please give. 908 01:06:35,191 --> 01:06:35,324 [Crickets Chirping] 909 01:06:35,324 --> 01:06:37,451 [Crickets Chirping] 910 01:06:56,178 --> 01:06:58,146 Cigarette? 911 01:06:58,247 --> 01:07:00,306 No, thank you. 912 01:07:00,416 --> 01:07:03,044 Still angry, huh? 913 01:07:04,620 --> 01:07:08,852 When this business is over... 914 01:07:08,958 --> 01:07:14,191 I never want to see you again. 915 01:07:30,980 --> 01:07:34,211 Oh, you're here. Good. 916 01:07:34,316 --> 01:07:36,910 Yes. Won't you come in? 917 01:07:37,019 --> 01:07:38,919 Yes. 918 01:07:40,656 --> 01:07:44,524 Sorry I'm late. I had to wait till everybody left the theater. 919 01:07:44,627 --> 01:07:48,290 It was opening night, and there was a party. What can I tell you? 920 01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:52,595 You can tell me why you only brought two chairs. We made a deal for three. 921 01:07:52,701 --> 01:07:56,660 - Well, yes, I tried, but... - Where's the other chair? Where is the other chair? 922 01:07:56,772 --> 01:08:00,674 - [Gasping] - Do you know what I went through to raise money for those chairs? 923 01:08:00,776 --> 01:08:05,338 - Shh. Come on. You're gonna ruin everything. - [Growling] 924 01:08:05,448 --> 01:08:09,145 What's the matter with you people? Every time we meet, you go for my throat. 925 01:08:09,251 --> 01:08:11,947 What happened to the other chair? 926 01:08:12,054 --> 01:08:14,784 There is a thief in our company. 927 01:08:14,890 --> 01:08:16,790 It's terrible. 928 01:08:16,892 --> 01:08:19,622 He sold the chair to a Finnish aerialist for 10 rubles. 929 01:08:19,728 --> 01:08:22,128 A Finnish aerialist? 930 01:08:22,231 --> 01:08:26,167 Yes. He works at the fair, just outside of town. 931 01:08:26,268 --> 01:08:29,260 - Can I have my 30 rubles now, please? - Twenty! 932 01:08:29,371 --> 01:08:32,431 - [Growling] - Y-Y-Yes. Sorry. Twenty. 933 01:08:32,541 --> 01:08:35,601 Twenty. Twenty. Twenty. 934 01:08:35,711 --> 01:08:37,645 Shh. Shh. Shh. 935 01:08:37,746 --> 01:08:41,113 - Again the throat. - Here. Here's your money. 936 01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:44,920 Twenty. Thank you. 937 01:08:45,020 --> 01:08:48,683 Tell me, why are you so interested in these chairs? 938 01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:52,124 - Shut up. - Oh. That's the reason. 939 01:08:52,228 --> 01:08:54,890 Bye. 940 01:09:17,119 --> 01:09:19,644 [Sighs] 941 01:09:22,224 --> 01:09:26,661 Well, don't give up, old friend. 942 01:09:26,762 --> 01:09:29,856 Remember the famous Russian proverb: 943 01:09:29,965 --> 01:09:33,332 "The hungrier you get, the tastier the meal." 944 01:09:33,435 --> 01:09:36,495 On the other hand, the French have a proverb: 945 01:09:36,605 --> 01:09:39,733 Merde.! 946 01:09:41,477 --> 01:09:45,072 Thy love will banish sorrow 947 01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:49,709 Thy love shall cleanse my grief 948 01:09:49,818 --> 01:09:54,551 The sun will shine tomorrow 949 01:09:54,657 --> 01:10:00,254 My a-a-a-a-anguish 950 01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:03,331 Will be brief 951 01:10:03,432 --> 01:10:07,368 Oh, foolish man. 952 01:10:07,469 --> 01:10:10,165 Foolish, foolish man that I am. 953 01:10:10,272 --> 01:10:14,368 I must not weep. I must count my blessings. 954 01:10:14,476 --> 01:10:16,671 My blessings. 955 01:10:16,779 --> 01:10:19,907 [Laughing] 956 01:10:24,386 --> 01:10:27,549 I don't want to live! 957 01:10:31,093 --> 01:10:33,561 Ooh. 958 01:10:33,662 --> 01:10:36,495 Ooh-ooh-ooh! 959 01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:38,590 [Sighs] 960 01:10:38,701 --> 01:10:42,865 Thy love shall banish sorrow 961 01:10:42,972 --> 01:10:47,671 Thy love shall cleanse my grief 962 01:10:47,776 --> 01:10:50,802 [Carnival Band] 963 01:10:50,913 --> 01:10:53,279 [Chattering] 964 01:11:02,791 --> 01:11:05,089 - [Drumroll] - The chair! 965 01:11:09,231 --> 01:11:11,665 [Audience Gasps] 966 01:11:18,340 --> 01:11:20,638 Come down, you thief! 967 01:11:20,743 --> 01:11:22,973 Come down here this instant! 968 01:11:23,078 --> 01:11:25,546 That's my chair! Do you hear me? 969 01:11:25,648 --> 01:11:28,173 My chair! 970 01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:30,809 [Audience Gasps] 971 01:11:30,919 --> 01:11:34,480 Listen, you! That's my chair! 972 01:11:34,590 --> 01:11:38,856 Get down, you fool! Get down! You'll kill us both! 973 01:11:41,263 --> 01:11:45,199 I want that chair. Give me that chair! 974 01:11:45,301 --> 01:11:47,462 [Audience Gasps] 975 01:11:47,569 --> 01:11:50,402 [Carnival Music Resumes] 976 01:12:04,019 --> 01:12:06,715 [Chattering] 977 01:12:27,309 --> 01:12:29,800 [Whimpering] 978 01:12:29,912 --> 01:12:32,312 Oh, Lord. 979 01:12:32,414 --> 01:12:35,906 Oh, Lord, your lamb is lost. 980 01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:40,318 Please help me. Oh, please help me, Lord. 981 01:12:40,422 --> 01:12:42,549 Thank you. 982 01:12:54,470 --> 01:12:56,495 [Screams] 983 01:12:56,605 --> 01:12:59,403 It's mine! Do you hear? Mine! Mine! Mine! 984 01:12:59,508 --> 01:13:01,408 Mine! Mine! 985 01:13:01,510 --> 01:13:04,741 Very nice. Very nice, indeed. 986 01:13:04,847 --> 01:13:07,077 A partner in the firm... 987 01:13:07,182 --> 01:13:09,878 running off with the company's assets! 988 01:13:11,153 --> 01:13:13,781 [Yelling] 989 01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,119 So you wanna play horsey, huh? 990 01:13:16,225 --> 01:13:19,558 Mine! Mine! Mine! [Gasps] 991 01:13:19,661 --> 01:13:21,629 [Both Grunting] 992 01:13:26,869 --> 01:13:29,099 Father Fyodor! 993 01:13:56,131 --> 01:13:59,965 - Need a hand, mon p�re? - Oh, come on, God! 994 01:14:00,068 --> 01:14:02,935 [Panting, Whimpering] 995 01:14:08,477 --> 01:14:11,275 [Laughing] 996 01:14:16,385 --> 01:14:20,116 [Laughs] The chairman of the board. 997 01:14:20,222 --> 01:14:23,055 - Where is he? - Yah, yah, yah.! 998 01:14:23,158 --> 01:14:26,127 Yah, yah, yah! 999 01:14:26,228 --> 01:14:29,322 Yah, yah, yah! 1000 01:14:29,431 --> 01:14:33,299 Ah, hate! Hate! Hate! 1001 01:14:33,402 --> 01:14:35,529 [Fyodor Chuckles] 1002 01:14:35,637 --> 01:14:37,730 God sees. God sees all. 1003 01:14:37,840 --> 01:14:40,070 Why do you think he gave me the strength... 1004 01:14:40,175 --> 01:14:43,338 to climb straight up a mountain wall and deny the same to you? 1005 01:14:43,445 --> 01:14:46,676 There must be some reason. Yah-dee-tah-tah! 1006 01:14:46,782 --> 01:14:49,273 Oh, God, how I hate him! 1007 01:14:49,384 --> 01:14:52,353 He mustn't get away! He mustn't get away! 1008 01:14:52,454 --> 01:14:55,423 He mustn't get... Mustn't get away. Mustn't get away. 1009 01:14:55,524 --> 01:14:58,459 Fear not, my dear marshal. 1010 01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:00,755 He will not get away. 1011 01:15:00,863 --> 01:15:03,525 As a matter of fact, he can't get away. 1012 01:15:03,632 --> 01:15:07,568 There's no way down. Come on. I'll show you. Come on. 1013 01:15:10,672 --> 01:15:13,903 See? No way down. 1014 01:15:17,145 --> 01:15:20,410 [Chuckling] There's no way down. 1015 01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:23,349 He can't get down. He's trapped. 1016 01:15:23,452 --> 01:15:26,444 He's trapped. You're trapped! 1017 01:15:26,555 --> 01:15:29,649 You're tra-a-a-apped! Yah, yah, yah! 1018 01:15:29,758 --> 01:15:32,420 - Yah, yah, yah! Yah, yah, yah! - [Laughing] 1019 01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:35,895 Yah, yah, yah, yah... 1020 01:15:35,998 --> 01:15:38,091 [Grunting] 1021 01:15:46,074 --> 01:15:48,975 Ah. It stopped raining. 1022 01:15:50,512 --> 01:15:54,642 It's very quiet. What do you suppose he's doing? 1023 01:15:56,285 --> 01:15:58,310 Do you think he found the jewels? 1024 01:15:58,420 --> 01:16:01,480 Shh, shh, shh. In a moment... 1025 01:16:01,590 --> 01:16:04,150 the jury will bring in a verdict. 1026 01:16:05,627 --> 01:16:10,087 Oh, Lord, you're so strict! Oh! 1027 01:16:10,198 --> 01:16:12,098 Tsk. 1028 01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,930 Well, the last chair is in Moscow. 1029 01:16:15,037 --> 01:16:17,835 [Fyodor Sobbing] 1030 01:16:17,940 --> 01:16:21,171 Only 3,000 miles away. 1031 01:16:21,276 --> 01:16:25,440 Come, my friend. Let us take a stroll. 1032 01:16:25,547 --> 01:16:28,448 [Sobbing Continues] Oh, Lord! 1033 01:16:28,550 --> 01:16:31,917 Oh, Lord, if this is your pun... 1034 01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:36,354 [Gasping] ... ishment. 1035 01:16:39,962 --> 01:16:42,362 How did I get here? 1036 01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,894 [Panting] 1037 01:16:48,003 --> 01:16:50,369 There's no way down. 1038 01:16:50,472 --> 01:16:53,908 There's absolutely no way down. 1039 01:16:54,009 --> 01:16:57,274 I'm gonna need a great deal of help to get down. 1040 01:16:57,379 --> 01:17:00,940 [Panting Continues] 1041 01:17:01,049 --> 01:17:06,681 Boys! Oh, boys! 1042 01:17:06,788 --> 01:17:10,724 Yoo-hoo.! Vorobyaninov.! 1043 01:17:10,826 --> 01:17:14,193 I have always liked you. You know that. 1044 01:17:14,296 --> 01:17:17,754 We come from the same village. 1045 01:17:17,866 --> 01:17:22,530 For 25 years, I have been your priest. 1046 01:17:22,638 --> 01:17:26,074 Oh, for Christ's sake, get me down! 1047 01:17:31,580 --> 01:17:36,381 Get... me... down.! [Echoes] 1048 01:19:30,632 --> 01:19:35,296 [Train Whistle Blowing] 1049 01:19:51,486 --> 01:19:55,115 - I'm hungry. - Where did you lose the man with the chair? 1050 01:19:55,223 --> 01:19:58,215 Look around. Does anything look familiar? 1051 01:20:02,664 --> 01:20:05,827 - [Brass Band: "The International"] - All right. Come on. 1052 01:20:08,637 --> 01:20:10,605 [Continues] 1053 01:20:20,682 --> 01:20:23,617 I now officially open... 1054 01:20:23,718 --> 01:20:26,778 the Moscow Railway Workers'... 1055 01:20:26,888 --> 01:20:30,915 Communal House of Recreation. 1056 01:20:31,026 --> 01:20:35,725 [Resumes] 1057 01:20:39,835 --> 01:20:43,430 [Continues] 1058 01:20:43,538 --> 01:20:47,531 [Applause] 1059 01:20:51,546 --> 01:20:54,982 May it serve to comfort... 1060 01:20:55,083 --> 01:20:58,780 those brave heroes of Soviet transportation... 1061 01:20:58,887 --> 01:21:02,789 the railway workers of the U.S.S.R.! 1062 01:21:02,891 --> 01:21:05,382 [Applause] 1063 01:21:07,462 --> 01:21:12,365 A free buffet lunch will be served immediately. 1064 01:21:12,467 --> 01:21:15,368 [All Cheering] 1065 01:21:19,708 --> 01:21:22,939 [Excited Chattering] 1066 01:21:24,646 --> 01:21:27,638 [Man] Come on.! Come on.! There's other people waiting. 1067 01:21:27,749 --> 01:21:29,979 [Shouting Continues] 1068 01:21:30,085 --> 01:21:32,076 Let's go! 1069 01:21:37,959 --> 01:21:40,484 What are you doing? Go on! 1070 01:21:40,595 --> 01:21:44,395 [Shouting Continues] 1071 01:21:44,499 --> 01:21:47,332 I didn't get a roll. I didn't get a roll! 1072 01:21:47,435 --> 01:21:51,269 [Shouting Continues] 1073 01:22:05,987 --> 01:22:07,887 Here. 1074 01:22:26,641 --> 01:22:29,804 Would you mind very much if I took something from your plate? 1075 01:22:29,911 --> 01:22:32,072 I didn't get a chance to get any food. 1076 01:22:32,180 --> 01:22:34,944 There was a greedy pig holding up the line. 1077 01:22:37,652 --> 01:22:39,552 Animal. 1078 01:22:42,057 --> 01:22:44,423 [Spitting] 1079 01:22:47,429 --> 01:22:49,761 Thirsty. 1080 01:23:24,299 --> 01:23:27,894 Ostap. Ostap! 1081 01:23:28,003 --> 01:23:29,994 Yes, old man. 1082 01:23:31,106 --> 01:23:33,404 The last chair. 1083 01:23:44,886 --> 01:23:48,982 See! We are not the only smart ones. 1084 01:23:49,090 --> 01:23:52,685 Hello, comrades! [Chuckles] 1085 01:23:52,794 --> 01:23:56,855 Hello. Hello, comrades. Welcome. 1086 01:24:02,337 --> 01:24:04,601 [Growls] 1087 01:24:06,307 --> 01:24:08,207 Eat. 1088 01:24:11,146 --> 01:24:13,671 Take your eyes off that chair. 1089 01:24:13,782 --> 01:24:16,580 I'm gonna check the window. 1090 01:24:26,094 --> 01:24:27,994 [Man] Mm-hmm. 1091 01:24:29,431 --> 01:24:31,399 [Clicks] 1092 01:24:41,976 --> 01:24:44,774 I have unfastened the window latch... 1093 01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:48,940 and we will return tonight after the club has closed. 1094 01:24:54,489 --> 01:24:56,389 Shh. 1095 01:25:20,315 --> 01:25:23,113 One, two, three! [Grunts] 1096 01:25:23,218 --> 01:25:26,745 - Come on. - [Grunting Continues] 1097 01:25:26,855 --> 01:25:28,982 Come on! 1098 01:25:40,401 --> 01:25:43,632 - Chair. Where is the chair? - You're sitting on it. 1099 01:25:43,738 --> 01:25:46,798 Here. Let me do it. Let me do it! 1100 01:26:02,690 --> 01:26:06,148 Well? Well, well, well, well? 1101 01:26:08,930 --> 01:26:12,764 - They're not here. - What? 1102 01:26:12,867 --> 01:26:15,631 They're not here. 1103 01:26:15,737 --> 01:26:18,831 The jewels are not here. 1104 01:26:20,942 --> 01:26:24,708 It can't be. It can't be. 1105 01:26:24,812 --> 01:26:29,442 It can't be. Do you hear me? It can't be! 1106 01:26:29,551 --> 01:26:32,111 [Door Opens] 1107 01:26:32,220 --> 01:26:34,620 What's going on here? 1108 01:26:36,558 --> 01:26:38,458 What are you doing? 1109 01:26:38,560 --> 01:26:42,690 Where are my jewels? My jewels were in this chair. 1110 01:26:42,797 --> 01:26:45,823 They were your jewels? 1111 01:26:45,934 --> 01:26:49,631 What do you mean "were"? They are. 1112 01:26:49,737 --> 01:26:52,433 Are my jewels. Where are they? 1113 01:26:52,540 --> 01:26:55,634 Where are they? Look around you. 1114 01:26:55,743 --> 01:26:59,839 See these chess tables, all this fine furniture? 1115 01:26:59,948 --> 01:27:01,973 This club was built with them. 1116 01:27:02,083 --> 01:27:04,313 When were they found? 1117 01:27:04,419 --> 01:27:08,321 Four months ago. Right on this spot in the old club. 1118 01:27:08,423 --> 01:27:11,449 Kaminsky was putting up a curtain. 1119 01:27:11,559 --> 01:27:13,789 He was standing on a chair. 1120 01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:17,353 Suddenly, bang, his shoe went right through the seat... 1121 01:27:17,465 --> 01:27:19,763 and all that stuff came tumbling out... 1122 01:27:19,867 --> 01:27:23,564 diamonds, rubies, necklaces. 1123 01:27:23,671 --> 01:27:26,902 It was a miracle. 1124 01:27:28,243 --> 01:27:32,304 No, no. They were mine. 1125 01:27:33,715 --> 01:27:35,910 Mine. 1126 01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:47,783 [Screaming] 1127 01:27:47,895 --> 01:27:51,331 - [Shouting] - I'd better get the police! 1128 01:27:51,432 --> 01:27:54,526 Help.! Police.! Help.! 1129 01:28:00,908 --> 01:28:04,207 - See? See? He's mad! - You! Put that down! 1130 01:28:04,312 --> 01:28:08,681 Oh, you wanna play rough, eh? [Grunts] 1131 01:28:08,783 --> 01:28:10,774 That has done it. 1132 01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:15,051 Come on. We better make tracks. 1133 01:28:15,156 --> 01:28:17,215 Never hit a policeman. 1134 01:28:17,325 --> 01:28:20,158 Never, ever hit a policeman. 1135 01:28:40,581 --> 01:28:42,344 Halt! 1136 01:28:42,450 --> 01:28:44,350 - It's too high. - The horse. 1137 01:28:44,452 --> 01:28:46,545 - The horse? - Jump! 1138 01:28:46,654 --> 01:28:48,986 - Come on. - Halt! 1139 01:28:49,090 --> 01:28:51,581 - Come on! - Halt! Halt! 1140 01:28:51,693 --> 01:28:53,718 [Horse Neighs] 1141 01:30:14,876 --> 01:30:17,140 [Blowing] 1142 01:30:23,818 --> 01:30:26,616 [Sighs] 1143 01:30:26,721 --> 01:30:29,019 Why don't you get rid of that thing? 1144 01:30:34,695 --> 01:30:37,630 Listen, old man. [Sighs] 1145 01:30:37,732 --> 01:30:40,860 We have got to split up. 1146 01:30:43,337 --> 01:30:45,931 It's the only sensible thing to do. 1147 01:30:46,040 --> 01:30:49,168 The police are looking for a handsome, young desperado... 1148 01:30:49,277 --> 01:30:52,474 and a crazy old man with a broken chair. 1149 01:30:52,580 --> 01:30:54,946 I think I'll do better without you. 1150 01:30:57,018 --> 01:30:59,680 Look, what are you shaking your head for? 1151 01:30:59,787 --> 01:31:02,756 I'm not taking a vote. I'm telling you something. 1152 01:31:02,857 --> 01:31:05,690 This partnership is over, dissolved, finished. 1153 01:31:05,793 --> 01:31:08,353 The company is bankrupt. 1154 01:31:10,531 --> 01:31:15,161 Look. Here. Look, you maniac. 1155 01:31:15,269 --> 01:31:17,169 Three kopecks! 1156 01:31:17,271 --> 01:31:20,729 How far can we go together on three kopecks? 1157 01:31:20,842 --> 01:31:24,278 I simply can't afford you anymore! 1158 01:31:59,614 --> 01:32:01,548 [Grunts] 1159 01:32:01,649 --> 01:32:03,810 [Chair Crashes] 1160 01:32:03,918 --> 01:32:06,148 [Crowd Murmuring] 1161 01:32:08,289 --> 01:32:11,019 [Murmuring Continues] 1162 01:32:16,297 --> 01:32:19,164 [Chattering] 1163 01:32:38,019 --> 01:32:42,115 Epilepsy, my friends! Epilepsy! 1164 01:32:42,223 --> 01:32:45,317 The same disease that struck down... 1165 01:32:45,426 --> 01:32:48,122 our own beloved Dostoievsky. 1166 01:32:48,229 --> 01:32:50,663 Give. 1167 01:32:50,765 --> 01:32:53,029 Give... 1168 01:32:53,134 --> 01:32:57,002 from the bottom of your hearts. 1169 01:32:58,002 --> 01:33:08,002 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 83742

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