All language subtitles for Disjointed.S01E05.720p.WEBRip.STRiFE.en

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[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[IN MANDARIN] Mark my words:
Ross and Rachel will get together.

[IN MANDARIN] My favorite is
Joey. He makes me laugh! [CHUCKLES]

[IN ENGLISH] "How you doing?" [LAUGHING]

[IN MANDARIN] Jenny, come here.

Motherwort for your focus,

creeping lobelia for your vitality,

and wolfberry for that
sweet wolfberry taste!!!

Mommy, that one looks like the bad stuff

the policeman showed us in class:

marijuana.

Mei Mei!

Flee from marijuana.

It saps your vigor and transforms
you into a skateboard vagrant!

Grow up drug-free and proud

like such female
Chinese-American role models

as figure-skating star Michelle Kwan,

Vietnam Memorial architect Maya Lin,

and The Single Guy co-star

Ming-Na Wen!

Jenny.

Your mother is right.

Marijuana has no benefits,

unlike this meticulously
curated selection of plants,

brambles, and forest litter.

Jenny, I make you this vow:

as long as I am alive, you will
never go lacking for this tea.

Or the filtered water
required to bring it to life.

And she still sends
you this tea every week?

Yeah. Along with reassuring notes.

"If you stop drinking
this, you will be a failure

and age like a white woman."

You wanna try some?
It's got fresh wolfberry.

I'll take a shot.

Mm. Mm, mm.

Tastes like... pigs' nuts.

Yeah, that's in there, too.

[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I'm so high ♪

♪ Jack, I'm never ♪

[RUTH] Ruth, you done good.

The store is hopping, you
got a spring in your step,

you got a Caesar salad in the fridge.

Time to spread the joy that is me.

Hey, Carter. What you doing?

Oh, sorry, I didn't think
that loud enough. [CHUCKLES]

What you doing?

- Uh, word find.
- Cool.

"Finland." Right there,
backward diagonal.

What?

All due respect, ma'am, if a
man can't find his own words,

he can't find himself.

"Himself," right there!

What you smoking?

Skywalker OG.

He's tried a bunch of different
indica-dominant hybrids

- and dosages over the last week or so...
- Jenny.

I know, I'm not a doctor,
I'm a quitter and a liar.

Seeing as how you're a word guy,
you ever dabble with Scrabble?

Oh! Why, yes, Ruth, I've
played a few miles of tiles.

So, I assume you know all the
allowable two-letter words.

- I do.
- Even the four new ones?

- Da, gi, po, te.
- Da, gi, po, te.

Oh, it is on.

Let's dance, motherfucker.

Jesus.

Is it dead?

I'm afraid so.

Ugh... Oh, God.

- Oh, God.
- No. No, it's okay.

- No.
- Don't be sad.

She was old, it was her time.

It's okay. Plus, you can tell from
her teats, she had a lot of pups.

Uh-huh. Excuse me. Just back up.

How do you think it got in the tank?

It must've squeezed in this tiny hole.

Rat fun-fact number 26:

A full-grown adult can squeeze
through the hole in a Nigerian penny.

There's a hole in a Nigerian penny?

You don't know that? What... ? What
kind of homeschool did you go to?

I went to a public school.

Oh.

I've heard about kids like you.

Breaks my heart. But you
came out good, though.

Well, I should clean this. This
is the water the plants drink.

I'll do it.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I actually like cleaning.

Olivia fun fact number 32:

I used to vacuum every
night to drown out the sound

of my mom and my step-dad fighting.

I found out later they
fought just so I'd clean.

Oh, those meth-addled bastards.

Okay, I'll just go bury the dead rat.

Pete, it's a dead rat. You're
gonna put it in the dumpster.

Good idea. Closed casket.
Much more respectful.

Check her out, Maria.

A Deluxe Edition signed by none other

than Scrabble inventor
Alfred Butts himself.

Ain't she a beaut?

I didn't know Scrabble
boards were "shes."

Oh, yeah, like ships,
hurricanes, and God.

I'm warning you...

this will get intense.

Given our backgrounds,

I feel like you and I have
different definitions of "intense."

I'm just saying, she's really vicious.

I mean, I've never beaten
her, and I'm pretty good.

What's your style? You play
for bingos or triple words?

[CHUCKLES] No. I play for fun.

Well, then, pretty good
is all you'll ever be.

Okay, we're all set up. Travis,
pull up a chair, you're in, too.

Ha. No, I'm not.

I'm gonna spend my time
running our business.

You're not gonna goad me into
playing like you usually do.

[RUTH] I see.

Uh, one quick question:

[CLUCKS]

The chicken thing?
Mom, you're a grownup.

[CLUCKS]

You're a revered political activist.

Aw... [CLUCKING]

What is wrong with you?
You're the President Emeritus

of the California Bar Association?

Ah. You mean the
California Bawk Association?

And you're my mother.

That's very true.

And you're my daughter.

Yeah, okay. Strap on
my sports bra. I'm in.

Hi, welcome to Strain o' the Day.

Today, we're featuring either the
best weed you've ever smoked...

or nothing.

Behold, the paradox that
is Schrödinger's Pot.

In this box is an eighth of
top-shelf cannabis and a vial of water

with a 50-percent chance of spilling,
rendering the pot unsmokeable.

Meaning that, according to
the laws of quantum mechanics,

Schrödinger's Pot, as of this moment,

both is and is not ready to fuck you up.

But once you open the box,
quantum decoherence kicks in,

and you'll have either
paradigm-shifting weed

or a wet bag of worthless shit.

No matter what, you'll get high

just trying to wrap
your head around this

pretentious marketing
idea he came up with.

Excuse me for not trying to say that
pot's not just for stupid people.

So, come on down to
Ruth's Alternative Caring

because when it comes to reality,

- there are many alternatives.
- There are many alternatives.

All right, I have to know.

- [MEOWS]
- Wow.

Schrödinger, you son of a bitch.

[SINGING]

- Okay, let's... What?
- Nope, nope. Wait for the flyover.

Pssh...

Now to see who goes first, the
ceremonial drawing of the tiles.

Nuh-uh, you know the rules.

Above eye level.

[GRUNTS] Scrabble is so
much weirder than I thought!

Damn it. M.

- F.
- Blank. I go first.

- Nope, I go first.
- No, blank can be any letter.

Yeah, I know, and I'm calling it Z.

Let's get ready to Scrabble!

Fare thee well, sweet rat...

who we remember as a mother, a
grandmother, a great-grandmother,

a great-great-grandmother...
You get the idea.

Jesus, it smells like a joint
took a shit and smoked it.

Hey, Douglas. Sorry about the smell.

We found a dead rat in our water tank.

Well, I'm not surprised.

Yet another death by marijuana overdose.

Where's Ruth?

She's inside.

- Do you want me to get her?
- No. [CHUCKLES] No.

But you can get this.

You can tell her that in response
to my complaint to the landlord,

he referred me to his
property manager, Gary,

with whom I will be meeting with
no later than next Wednesday,

possibly sooner, depending
on Gary's availability.

Okay. I'll let her know.

Now get rid of that stink.

Junkie hookers work back here, okay?

You know, if the smell
gets into your dojang,

I recommend a lemon-verbena candle.
I can bring one over if you like.

Oh, yes!

Oh, I would love that!

Please come over with
a lemon-verbena candle.

Why should I be suspicious
of anyone who works for Ruth

and hangs around all day snurfing
darbs and vaping the reef?

Okay, so I'll swing by on my break.

Oh, fantastic. I can't wait to see you.

- Probably 4, 4:30.
- Super!

After strong opening
moves by Carter and Ruth,

young Travis now finds himself alone,

trembling in the harsh
glare of the pressure...

and stuff.

Can we lose the color commentary?

You should be glad they're
covering women's sports at all.

I'm serving y'all quinoa.

Seventeen plus four
plus five, that is 26.

You could've just put
the Q on the triple letter

and made "qi" and "qi" for
65. What the... ? What the... ?

Okay, whatever. "Quinoa"
is a cooler word.

Oh? Quinoa's cool? Yeah.

Over-cultivation displaced
millions of Peruvians.

But what the fuck? It's cool.

You should always
play "qi" when you can.

I mean, it's like the
letter Q get a chance to say:

"Hey, I don't need you,
U, 'cause I have I."

Come on. That is
hilarious. That's something.

It's sad to see doping have such a
negative effect on the game we love.

- [OLIVIA] Hey, Jenny.
- How'd you know it was me?

'Cause even from
inside this scummy tank,

I can smell your
mother's stank-ass tea.

- Would you like to try it?
- Think I'll pass.

Are you sure? My mom claims it
promotes health, intelligence,

and perfectly formed bowel movements.

- And you believe that?
- I know one to be true.

All right.

Oh, God. What is in this again?

Sorry, that information is only
given on a need-to-vomit basis.

But I can tell you, my 90-year-old
great-grandma drinks it every day,

and she criticizes me
like a woman half her age.

That's kind of sweet.

Speaking of your family,

when are you gonna tell your mom
you dropped out of med school?

Oh, I don't have to. I
got it all figured out.

I'm gonna fake my graduation,

move to Puerto Rico
for my fake residency,

move back here, start a fake practice.

By the way, I'll be looking
for a fake receptionist.

Why don't you and I just smoke a fatty,

and then call your mom together?

No, I... I can't call her high.

Okay, fine. I'll be
high for the both of us.

So, you'll call her?

Yeah. I'll do it.

Good.

Oh, God.

- The tea hitting your colon?
- Yep. Get me out.

- Okay.
- Get me out of here. My God.

Oh, God!

D'oh... Just let it happen.

[MARIA] And so the
trinity of word warriors

pursued their bitter rivalry

with a single-mindedness of purpose

that transformed the mahogany-finished,

foil-stamped, lazy Susan'd quadrilateral

into a 15-by-15 battleground

where a hundred tiles
laid down their lives

for the lexical supremacy of their
deftly strategizing wielders.

Ruth, you gonna go already?

Earth to Carter, it's your turn.

It is?

Wait, what's the order?

Travis, Ruth, who's next?

You know what? This shit
got way too complicated.

No, y'all figure this shit
out, I need to take a timeout.

Does someone need to sit
down and take a tinkle?

Oh, so, wait, you calling
me a girl now, too?

No. I'm a feminist,
I'm calling you a woman.

Oh, shit. Look at you, big
man swinging your dick around.

Don't flush your tampon.

Skywalker OG. Yes.

[IMITATING YODA] Stoned,
I am getting. [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

[URINATING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[RUTH] Carter, hurry up.
I gotta make a Baby Ruth.

[LAUGHING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hi, Mei Mei! Your
father's got a little cold,

so I'm just at the store
picking up some dried snake tail.

Whazzup?

Oh, you're busy. Okay.
I'll call you later.

Ow.

No, Mom.

I need to tell you something.

What have you done?
Have you ruined yourself?

Are you dating a man
without an advanced degree?

Is she pregnant?

She doesn't have to be.

Mom... you know how much I love you

and how much I want you
to be proud of me, but...

I'm a grownup,

and I am entitled to make my
own decisions about my life.

I...

I dropped out of medical school.

Is she still there?

Yeah.

She's giving me the look.

[IN ENGLISH] You break my heart.

Enjoy your life in the gutter.

Oh, my God.

Yay.

You did it.

[NARRATOR] Here in Golden,
Colorado, we're never not high.

We don't boast about it.

It's just how it is...

and has been ever since 1873

when a Moravian Protestant
named Adolph Kush

started growing premium weed with
crap he found in the Rocky Mountains.

Some folks ask why we still
do it the same way he did

despite the innumerable
agricultural advancements

of the last hundred years.

To which we say, "You got till
sundown to get out of Golden, Rabbi."

Kush. The banquet weed.

With nary a rune left
in the embroidered bag,

the tally comes to... Sweetie,
can you hand me the scorecard?

Thank you so much.

The tally comes to: Ruth, 124,

Carter, 263 and Travis, 324.

It's actually happening.

I'm finally gonna beat you, Mom.

Settle down, sunshine.

I've still got four tiles left to play.

Oh, shit.

You got that new letter they added
to the alphabet worth 300 points?

[LAUGHS] Face it, Mom, it's done.

♪ The streak is over, streak is over ♪

Travis, you sing like a white guy.

Not like Timberlake, I'm talking
about, like, a real white guy.

Yeah, well, you're right. I
couldn't catch you, Travis.

Ah. Ten years. Been a great run.

Wow. "Toe," for five points. That's sad.

No, no, no, thank you. Thank you.

You just opened me up for a
triple-triple bingo. That's right.

Diatribe.

- I can put the T off of "toe."
- Are you serious?

Oh, I am serious.

Eight times three times
three, again, is 72,

plus the 50 for the bingo,
with the left letter...

Oh, my God.

Do you believe in miracles?

Yes! Yes, I do believe in miracles!

Boom!

What the hell?

You did that on purpose.

Me? I did what?

You had a K left.

You could've played "toke"
right there for more points,

the game would've been over.

Instead, you went way out of your way

to set up Carter just so I'd lose.

Oh, please, Miss Paranoia...

I didn't even think of the word "toke."

You didn't even think
of the word "toke"?

Wait. Hold on, Trav.

Ruth, did... ? Did you... ?
Did you throw this game?

Oh, come on. Why would I do that?

Because you couldn't stand
the idea of me winning.

I mean, if you couldn't win,
at least it wouldn't be me.

Oh, come on.

I... I think you're making a
whole lot out of a Scrabble match.

God, this is so you. You can't
ever let me have anything.

This constant... urge to
undercut me at every opportunity.

Why?

Why?

Not to be redundant, but...

He needs to toughen up
a little bit, all right?

Every now and then, the old
lion needs to cuff the cub.

I'm starting to see where
Travis is coming from.

I mean, you just set your
own son up for failure.

I set him up to be a fighter.

Let me tell you something, Carter.

You survived a war?

So did I, and I've been
fighting it all my life.

DEA raids.

Prison, many times.

Nixon. Reagan.

And all of a sudden, there I
am, I'm raising a kid, and I'm...

I'm... I'm still
fighting all these things.

And...

Man, I just...

Yeah, fuck it.

Travis.

Hold it.

Well, there you have it.

A sad day here at Ruth's
Alternative Caring,

where a Scrabble game birthed
in promise ends in controversy,

heartbreak, and revelations
of a parenting style

straight out of The Great Santini.

From the house that Ruth
built, I'm Maria Sherman.

Stay tuned for 60 Minutes in
its entirety, except on the West Coast.

Good night.

Oh, shit. I have to
put money in the meter.

- Hello?
- Oh, you.

From the smack house next door.

If you're looking for a
haircut, it's three doors down.

If you're looking for 3 Doors Down,

the lead singer lives five doors down.

[GRUNTING, THEN CHUCKLES]

No. I just brought the
lemon-verbena candle like I said.

Here, I'll light it for you.

There you go.

It's a soy candle, so it
should last three times longer.

Happy smelling.

So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Wait!

I wanna give you something.

That's a
10-percent-off voucher

- for your first three classes.
- Thanks.

That's 10 percent off of each
class, not 30 percent for one.

Sure.

Plus, as an employee
in the retail plaza,

you're already entitled
to a 5-percent discount.

- Okay.
- Again, that's for each class.

Essentially, it's a 15-percent
discount for each class

up to and including the third, so...

Sounds good.

Yeah.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Namaste.

- Hey, Pete.
- Yeah?

Thirty percent off of
one class is okay, too.

Do not tell anybody, though.

Ah... Verbena.

Goodbye, tea.

No, no. Don't say anything.

Just go.

- Ah...
- Ooh...

- [LIPS SMACKING]
- Yum.

- Mm!
- Ah...

- [ALL] Mm...
- Yum.

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