Original subtitles

Watching YouPorn, good!

Hi, stone-butts.

You guys caved in those seats.

I've got the year's best crime investigation: stalking.

I followed a friend for two months.

- You're joking? - She was in on it.

Drinks at 8, I'll fill you in?

You know I'm married.

A happy marriage needs infidelity!

It's healthy, really.

Well, Chief?

- Nice investigation, right? - Nice piece.

Why that face?

- They're not hiring you. - What the fuck!

The editor hired a colleague's daughter.

I've been passed over by someone's kid for eight years,

I'm not taking it anymore.

No choice, it's Giannotti's daughter.

Giannotti?

The top columnist of the publishing group.

The Giannotti who writes "In Praise of Merit"?

He criticizes string-pulling then shoves it up my ass?

It's a touchy situation.

I work 10 hours a day for 700 euros a month, no benefits.

To pay the rent, I write for Pizza Maker Today!

The editor says next time.

He's said that for years! I'm fed up, I'm outta here.

Max, don't be a fool. Where'll you go?

It's a wasteland out there.

The decision isn't definite until it's finalized,

that's when it becomes a judged decision.

"Res iudicata facit de albo nigrum, aequat quadrata rotundis".

The final decision can make white be black

and circles equal to squares.

- Prof, I want my thesis with you. - Me too!

That's nice, but you're freshmen, it's too early.

We'll think about it.

See you next week.

- Professor, hello. - Hi, Bazzoni.

I hit a few snags, but it's ready.

Here's the research and I made a web site for your wife.

That's nothing, you can't imagine what I hear.

But now, having passed the hiring test, I'll get an office!

That's why I came.

You didn't win, a person with more merit than you did.

What?

Since when does merit win? Besides, who merits more than I do?

I want a name, last name and CV, I'm appealing this time.

- Calm down. - No way!

I've been calm for eleven years:

teaching for you, doing exams and research that you sign as your own.

It's not my fault, De Fornaris chose Pino Conca.

- Who's that? - His daughter's husband.

But he's an idiot, he lost all of De Fornaris' cases.

The guy's an idiot so he gets a university career?

I'm more humiliated than you, I fought tooth and nail,

but De Fornaris is a European luminary, he's a dean,

Spinazza's close friend, what can I do?

What can I do myself?

I can't work for free my whole life.

You're hurting me, this is my personal defeat.

I feel worse than you!

Bye.

We say no to string-pullers and bootlickers.

We welcome Dr. Ronda Mais with her international credentials.

That piece of shit!

He can't steal my words too.

He finds a girl in Australia who puts out, she gets my job,

and I'm the bootlicker.

I'm a doctor!

I want a temp job with lousy pay, but as a doctor.

Not a grant from the "Friends of Kidneys"!

He calls me a string-puller, me!

His dad's Head Physician, so he gets in by a kick in the ass!

Sip some water.

Calm down, go in there with a smile and teach her the job.

It's my job, why should I teach her?

Crocetta's never had a woman,

this one, who knows why, loves him.

If you go against her, you're through, and out there...

I know, it's a wasteland.

No, there's a line out the door.

A guy called Gaggi called.

Says you went to school together, there's a reunion dinner.

SOME SAY NO

Professor De Fornaris, may I be the first to toast your son-in-law.

He was great, I knew he'd win.

He studied so much, he was never home!

Mara, get the canap�s.

Right away, Daddy.

Pino, thank Fenaroli he handed you the exam.

It's a pleasure to support a brilliant, young scholar!

- Bazzoni won't raise hell? - Anyone against you is out.

And it's a wasteland out there!

For your research, Professor Conca, just ask Bazzoni,

he's a mule: the heavier the load, the happier he is.

Then we'll thrill him.

Here are the canap�s.

Have a canap�, Pino.

Good, that's better.

Nosie, nosie!

I've got no food money, so there's none for a decoder.

- It's on special. - Special!

I'm not a student like you, I work, teach.

Who'll give me the money?

You're 34, you work night and day, chuck the university, practice law.

It so happens I love research, it's esteemed worldwide,

it's not my fault this is a shit country.

Poor guy, I feel sorry for him!

Is there enough light for the weed?

Sure!

At it again ? I teach criminal law!

Look who I gotta room with.

Let's welcome Enza Giannotti a name that guarantees talent.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you all.

Gastone!

Sorry, he's got a thing about red.

Even though dogs are color-blind.

Would you mind...

I'm sorry.

Rizzi, you make the dog hyper.

It's her party, right?

Leave for a while.

We've put it off for four years.

I can't have a baby in this situation, I'll lose everything.

You don't want a baby.

You had a job at the Beauty Center.

I don't want to do laser depilation, I'm a doctor

I want to be a doctor, it's my life.

I want to be my child's father, not his grandfather.

I'm 40, working since 20, we've lived together for 10, what do I wait for?

Me.

We have one now or it's over.

Nothing to say?

Why don't you try to understand?

I understand.

You're leaving?

You're leaving me?

You don't love me, you just want a baby.

That doesn't matter?

- Hi, journalist! - Uncle, how are you?

Like always, in the shit.

Your father said you got hired!

Keep it up!

I'm so proud of you.

I have something to tell you.

If you'd become a railroader, you'd be station chief now.

They took a string-puller.

Sure, it all happens to you.

I know,

that you're the best.

I'm leaving.

What ever happened to Catia? Remember her?

I lost touch.

We should have these reunion dinners more often.

How've you been making out? Gaggi, you?

I'm a lawyer with my father

and I teach Civil Law.

I followed in my dad's footsteps too.

I went into banking,

I open branches all over the world, Vietnam, Chile, Paraguay.

Zacchi, you?

I followed in my dad's footsteps and created my own company.

I can't stand them, I'm in there.

Pretty bad, huh?

It's our fault.

In this fucking country,

I should be a railroader

you, in your folks' hardware store and you, a waitress.

Cardi didn't come?

Cardi manages his family's firm.

Awesome!

Good, you've all got great careers.

But I...

am a failure, know why?

Because my future's shut off by all you "daddy's boys".

So, I'll say something I've thought for 20 years...

fuck off, all of you!

After you.

You can fuck off, railroader.

I haven't felt so good in months.

Letting it all out is good.

Repressed anger's bad for the liver,

the circulation, the immune system.

Then I'll die young.

Why don't we really get it all out?

Make these shits pay.

A court appeal!

I have an idea: stalking.

Meaning?

They're destroying our lives, we do the same.

Threats, phone calls, notes.

If their scooters catch fire...

Too bad!

It's not funny, that's vandalism and arson,

civil code articles 434 and 423.

If a tree goes up too? That's 423 A, forest fire.

You're paranoid!

Does any law forbid being paranoid?

The police won't touch you, I investigated, I know.

It would be awesome!

If you hassle the one who stole your job,

you're the top suspect, and they'll get you.

What if we swap assholes?

Me and you take his, we two take yours... mix 'em.

Sure!

The suspect will have an ironclad alibi.

We weren't in touch for 15 years, who'll find us out?

Count me out.

- If they nab me, I lose my place. - What place ? The toilet?

The answer's no, I abide by the law.

Okay, Mousie, the law!

But there's justice too.

Shits have to pay too sometimes.

Think how great it'd be,

you go to work, your shim guy is devastated.

His eyes are swollen, he can't sleep, he's scared!

You love it, but you're cool

because it wasn't you, it was us.

It works!

Okay, but...

only crimes under two years, with probation.

COUPLEPORN.IT

- Hello, who is it? - The guy who fucks you, slut !

Four of us are horny as hell.

Lecher ! I'll call the police.

Go ahead, your husband put an ad on Coupleporn.it.

Your ass is right here.

- What's wrong? - What did you do?

Hello, I'm looking for your son.

Irma, toilet paper's out...

We've no kiddies yet, you got a wrong number.

It's not Professor Conca's home?

Yes, but he's not my son, he's my husband.

Then tell him he's a jerk.

Great!

- You sabotaged me! - Toilet paper's out.

You're too pretty to study!

I'll come over

and give you the exam questions.

I'll call back, Fenaroli.

Your finches are beautiful,

it's so nice waking up to their singing.

But I'm worried about Cocori,

she's changed since the long flight.

We'll get her a companion.

So she'll fall in love with an Italian too.

What do you say, my little finch?

- Sonofabitch, use the hand brake! - I did.

- Don't call me a bitch. - Little finch, it's an expression.

It was an old car we'll get a new one.

Hey, Cuckold, where's that slut wife of yours?

The pool goes here, we need a 10x6 meter hole.

3 meters deep.

- I carry the dirt away? - No, it goes there.

In front of the door?

Sure, it's a Japanese hill, futon.

- Classic. - If you say so.

But finish by Thursday at 5 when my father-in-law gets here.

- A deposit? - No, you're not runnin'.

Just a signature.

Who's got it in for you?

Me ? It's your villa.

Read this.

Fine feminine handwriting.

"Pino, you'll pay".

- I don't understand. - I do.

It's not the first harassing, why not report it?

It's just been small stuff, an anonymous call...

A ditch in my rose garden!

I bet it's one of your little sluts

and you don't want me to know.

- I swear... - I had 3 wives and 7 kids!

You can't make a fool of me.

Stop it!

Why aren't the birds singing today?

Carlo, come here!

It's not the Mafia! This is a joke, it's obvious.

It's no joke, my cocorito's roasted!

Is your cocorito a pheasant?

No, it's a South American parrot.

This is roasted pheasant, with sage and rosemary

and a little oil.

No matter, we're victims of persecution, we want to report it.

That's what we're here for.

You write, my fingers are oily.

I'd like to order four pizzas with ham.

Home delivery?

They're for Giannotti Enza, 28 Via Dell'Arco.

It's Enza, want some pizza? I got a wrong delivery of four.

- I'm working... - Then I'll come over.

Wait!

Be good!

Gastone, stop it.

You instigate, you know he likes your red shoes.

She's right, he can't stand them!

House costs are lower but they're still too high!

Are you still living in that rented apartment, Max?

Yeah, it's weird, but until I get a contract, no mortgage.

I didn't think you were so middle class ! A mortgage?

- Do you pay rent? - I wish!

If Dad found me a job in Rome, I'd buy a place,

my folks have one here and it's horrible!

Just to know,

how big's this horrible house?

220 square meters!

Imagine that?

I hate them!

As a kid, I was scared of ghosts in those rooms.

You're the most beautiful of all!

What do you think,

could the anonymous pizzas be from an admirer?

You dimwit ! That's revenge? She thinks you're an admirer.

How's Crocetta?

In the shit, God willing!

Ronda's flipped, she's sure it's the Mafia.

She says if it keeps up, she's going back to Sidney.

- That's great, frees up your job. - Hope so.

As of today Crocetta's a Mafia target.

Are you bonkers ? No Mafia games!

The Anti-Mafia Law, what a mess! Let's put an end to this.

Irma, tell him, playing Mafia's too much.

The fuck it is.

It's their fault Sandro left me.

Samuele, it's decided:

Crocetta's a victim of Mafia persecution.

Kid, if you're still in love with Irma, go for it.

But count me out if you just want to screw her.

Ancient history, first year of high school!

Just for a laugh...

Wait.

If Ronda goes home, freeing up my job,

why don't you want to help me?

I'm scared.

Try at least!

You're no coward,

it takes courage to admit you're scared.

"I'm shittin' my pants" is typical of heroes, Gray Mousie.

Don't call me Gray Mousie, I've said that since high school.

You called me Boasty!

Because you're a boaster! Don't touch me.

Know what ? You're both pathetic.

All we need's table soccer again.

Listen...

What was that thing about the Mafia?

- I thought I'd go see my uncle. - Your uncle?

It's Mafia, in "Godfather" there's a pig's head too.

No, little finch, that was a horse.

See, you know all about Mafia.

I want to know what you did and with who.

I swear, this thing ends here.

- Nice swing, Mr. Commissioner. - It can be better.

My son's the victim of harassment.

He reported it, but they're making no headway.

- I'll look into it personally. - Thank you.

I thank you for mentioning it.

I have something for you to look into too.

My niece needs a kidney operation, if you could intervene.

- I'll certainly be there. - Thank you so much.

They're decent people, why are you scared?

The police never do anything about harassment.

I'm scared of them,

they're great big illegal aliens, see their killer faces?

They're bricklayers, they're glad for the work.

Make them glad yourself.

I wrote on illegal hiring, if I'm recognized, I'll get beat up!

See how dangerous they are? Let's go.

- There's Dardan. - Who?

- He's even been in jail. - In jail?

Go!

This is no joke!

Wait, calm down!

Ask for Dardan.

What can I say to a guy called Dardan?

This building site's driving me nuts.

Saguatti, Frangipane, I know you're on extortions.

Actually we're on the Kalashnikov Gang.

Things change and no one tells me a fucking thing.

I want to talk about the Cuccetta case.

Who?

Crocetta.

Top priority as of today, Commissioner's orders.

Hello?

Don Ciccio's furious, do as he says or your house will be a tomb.

It's the Mafia!

I'm fucking fed up with these games, I'll get you.

I swear, it's not the Mafia.

I can't breathe in here, I need air.

Wait!

Don't be this way, little finch!

Wait!

We're walled in!

I want to get out, get me out!

- We'll go out the window. - It's barred!

- How do we get out? - Don't worry.

I'll go up and climb down, little finch, don't worry.

- Little finch, where are you? - Little finch, my ass!

What luck, we'll nab him.

Stop or I'll shoot!

It's him ! He's axing his own house!

Little finch, where are you?

Besides the Mafia lead which we're following closely,

give us a list of people who might have it in for you.

With a complete list, we'll nab them.

- Can I have 24 hours to think? - Even 48!

Goodbye.

Why not say it in front of me? What are you hiding?

- Ronda, lay the fuck off! - What?

I want to talk to my father, he's more into hospital things.

I have my faults, but they're no part of the harassing.

I spoke to the digger.

He was told you'd be there Thursday at 5,

but you usually go on Saturdays.

Who knew you were doing a short week?

Everyone here, I canceled two meetings.

My girlfriends are no part of it, it's a university jerk.

I have three names: Bazzoni, Cimatti and Andreini.

- I'll watch them. - If it's them, I'll call Spinazza.

I'll kick them out of all faculties, all schools,

this son-of-a-bitch won't even teach kindergarten!

I got rid of Picchi and Blasetti to get you in.

There's Gnudi too, I snatched his pharmaceutical company,

40,000 euros a year in gifts.

- Good for you! - I can make my own way, Dad.

Then all those with no contracts:

Tombi, Camuzzo...

You gave Camuzzo's place to Ronda!

Right.

There's also Pavini.

He refused to pad the diagnoses for reimbursements.

The idealist? Isn't he jerking off in Africa?

He got a disease and came back, I burned his bridges,

maybe he's ticked off.

We pissed some people off with the regional funds too.

- What is it? - You're disgusting.

- Little finch, what is it? - You're a mafioso.

What?

Taking money, padding diagnoses is Mafia!

In Italy that's not Mafia, it's normal.

You pulled strings to get me Irma's place.

No, I didn't pull strings, I recommended you.

I have a summa cum laude degree, I don't want Mafia work,

I'm not staying with an Italian mafioso.

- Little finch... - Little finch, my ass.

Stay away from me, this time I'll call the police.

I'm sorry, I didn't know, the job's yours.

I'm going back to Sidney.

We did it!

Ronda's gone, I'll be a doctor.

One down, two to go.

Spiced pork and champagne, the doctor's paying.

What's that face ? Aren't you glad?

Conca's singled me out.

- I heard him myself. - He's a jerk, he won't do a thing.

Maybe not, but De Fornaris will,

he's the biggest jurist in Italy, Spinazza's close friend.

- Whose? - Spinazza ! You read the papers?

He's an Education Undersecretary, a big shot,

he has his own web-TV, 128 downloadable speeches.

Cool!

Are you fucking me around?

De Fornaris is in 34 of his speeches, that's real power!

We can't touch Conca.

It's working, we got rid of Ronda,

we get rid of the other two and get our jobs back!

I know: we'll send a warning to Conca.

"Resign or the slaughter goes on".

Signed Samuele Bazzoni.

I came in second to him, it's clear it's me.

No, it's a movement that fights string-pullers.

It's no bullshit.

It's gigantic bullshit.

Did you shoot up with mozzarella water?

It's a diversion.

The movement strikes Conca as the symbol of Merit Thievery.

That makes millions of suspects!

Know how many people are pissed off like us?

It might work.

The Merit Brigade is too subversive.

The Merit Band is better.

Yeah, then the Merit Band plays at the Apple Pie Fair!

- The Merit Coop? - We might get regional funds.

Mousie, we need a scary name.

Commando, gang, platoon...

Yeah, pirates.

- Pirates is good. - It's really good.

I was bullshitting, just for fun.

- Point one... - Just for fun.

No, it's good.

The Pirates' task is to bring down the regime of string-pullers.

Point two:

there's no difference between string-pulling and recommendation.

Write.

For us you're all the same assholes.

If I'm a bother, I'll leave.

We need the next murder weapon.

And you've got it at home.

- You were right about the light. - Normal!

Sorry, I need...

Acid ! Drugs!

Are you crazy?

No, why?

I want new sensations. Any law against that?

No, we're within the law, at least for now.

For a gentle start...

Gentle, my ass, I want something with a kick,

that makes me see the stuff you see,

monkeys dancing hip-hop drinking Mojitos.

Something...

- That makes me trip. - Okay.

But we can grow four cannabis plants.

Four...

In this way the judged element,

acquires authority in the substantial....

In this way, the judged element

acquires authority in the substantial...

sense.

- Recit... - Res.

"Res iudicata facit de albo... negro".

"Nigrum", "Negro" is not polite.

How the fuck's Bazzoni write? You can't understand it!

Lovey, don't worry, you're so cute.

If you don't remember, read it, what's the harm?

Let's get some air. Nosie, nosie!

...sobriety, the high scientific level.

Not the ignorance that reigns in our universities.

The Sorbonne is the Sorbonne!

It's an enlightening case, because the court,

applying article 2, comma 2,

no longer has the power to ascertain the facts...

What's he doing?

He's excited.

...the crucial contours of new cases in point.

Why all these butterflies? Open a window!

It's kicking in.

- Is everything alright? - Great, thanks!

You're a tiger!

Applying article 673...

Ma'am, you're stripping?

That's indecent exposure, article 527.

Wow, what boobs!

Three months for each boob, your honor, no probation.

A debate will follow.

I love you!

Fenaroli and I go whoring together!

Pino had this in his pocket.

Read it.

"String-pullers, your hour has come.

We will hit 100 objectives, you're the first.

Leave your job now or we'll strike harder. The Merit Pirates".

What do we do?

It's clearly aimed at me, but it's a lie,

Pino is a genius in Law, he has publications and awards.

Professor, you're mixed up.

Why haven't you prepared an ironclad CV for Pino?

Like certain luscious assistants of yours.

A break!

I've never had so much fun!

It was great luck we met up again.

I think so too.

I told you a lie.

I wasn't in love with you just in our first year.

In our second too.

In the third less, but in fourth and fifth a love explosion.

No way!

You were with Silvia... Debora, Sonia, Cinzia!

With all of them except me.

You scared me.

I was fragile.

I was insecure.

I was defenseless!

Deceiving at first glance.

You scare me now too.

If not, I'd tell you nothing's changed for me.

Sorry, I'm going round about,

but I don't know how to say "I'm in love with you".

It's just too true.

I'm in love with you.

Sandro's back.

I have a job, we can have a baby.

You requested fingerprints from Crocetta's villa's door?

Crocetta called the Commissioner his girlfriend left him.

Good ! So when I argue with my wife I call the FBI?

- What's new? - Guys, you gotta calm down.

I've changed the clutch twice, go easy!

I gotta chase slow?

The budget's cut, all you get's an oil change.

I requested fingerprints from the cement bag too.

There's a criminal bricklayer in the archives?

You're squandering taxpayers' money.

He's the talk of the faculty, Conca's in total disgrace!

Samuele, here's the sandwich.

It seems he's secretly asking around about the elusive Pirates.

Max, you're a genius!

Now we do Giannotti.

That's easy, she's a woman, just hit her feelings.

Poor thing, she's alone with a dog, what's there to hit?

We kidnap the dog.

She'll have a fit!

But first, her weak spot.

What's she scared of? The dark, the bogeyman?

- Ghosts. - Perfect!

Make duplicates of her keys.

But I live near her, people know me, Max needs an alibi...

Samuele, it's all yours.

He gave me 300 euros, but I don't know his name.

How about Mr. Wall's face?

No, it was dark.

Dardan Radicioiu, there are at least 11 of you here,

but no trace of work permits.

I'll throw you in jail and send you all home, okay?

Maybe I remember.

He had a mouse face and big glasses.

That wasn't hard.

Can we make a drawing of the mouse?

Calm down!

Dad, you have to come right away!

I'm in Rome, I'm busy.

There are ghosts in the house.

Coming.

I'm in the cafe, I'm not going home.

I swear, Dad!

The ghosts put a dwarf in the fridge

and turned Che Guevara into Mussolini.

They returned and put it all back.

Who?

- What were you high on this time? - There was a dwarf!

Why don't you ever believe me?

I should believe there's a ghost, a Fascist ghost,

that swaps posters, puts dwarfs in the fridge and takes them out.

So I guess I'm really sick.

Hug me?

Let's try to resolve things.

You'll take me to Rome?

No, I know a good psychologist.

Nothing, this face says not a fucking thing to Crocetta

and there are no clues.

Better cover our asses.

We can, but we do have a lead:

we find out where the pig's head's from.

- We'll give the pig an autopsy. - Done.

It's faster through here.

It's a Cinta Senese, 12 farms have them,

and they have to record where the heads go.

I respect you highly, you've a degree, you'll make chief,

but we have to work on the Slav band ...

with their Kalashnikovs,

not pigs' heads!

The Commissioner's in this.

And because I have a degree, I'm hoping for a career.

Come on, I've a feeling about this!

Max, I know you're busy,

but Giannotti's burned her neurons.

She sees ghosts, I gave her two days.

- Okay. - An interview with Pino Conca.

He's coordinator for European Studies on Criminal Law and the Internet.

Slobber over him, he was recommended by the director.

Shut up, you damned dog!

You piece of shit!

- Where's Gastone? - Who?

Don't be an asshole, this is yours.

I'm reporting you!

Mine's much more orange.

Where's my dog?

They're identical, where's the other one?

I looked for it, but the house is a wreck!

Where's my dog?

I'll look for him myself. Lovey?

You idiot, you dropped my shoe, she nabbed us.

Samuele, you have to hit while I keep her here.

Return the dog and get a shoe like mine.

It's Sunday, the stores are closed.

Hello?

Where's Gastone?

Enza, calm down!

You can't accuse me just for a shoe.

I'm calling the cops.

Why are you ruining my life, I haven't done a thing to you!

No?

Babe, you stole my job.

My dad's a railroader, he busted his ass to put me through school,

and he thinks I'm a failure thanks to you.

You ask why ? You deserve a hundred times what I did to you.

Call the cops and fuck off!

I'm an asshole.

Che Guevara's on my wall and I steal a railroader's son's job.

I'm not against the system, I'm the system itself!

Oh god, I'm like my father!

Anyway...

I didn't do it.

You just said you did!

It was a lie.

You'd report me, then I could sue you for slander

and pay five months' rent, but seeing you like this...

Do I look like a guy harboring revenge?

I don't know.

I'm dizzy, I have to take my drops.

You should eat something first,

medicine on an empty stomach...

Okay?

I hope it's not you, but I think it is, so I have to report you.

You're right, that's correct.

I'll go with you if you like, so you won't be alone.

I'm all confused!

You mix me up, so I have to leave.

Wait, we still have to talk.

About what?

There's something important I've never told you...

- About Gastone? - Cut it out with Gastone!

So?

Do you think...

the Web will make the printed page obsolete?

You're nuts, I'm leaving.

Why can't you see it?

- What? - That...

I like you!

What ? You want me dead!

True, but...

while you're alive, I desire you.

- You're sick. - A little.

Well, I'll report you tomorrow

or maybe I'll call you.

Maybe tomorrow I'll send you roses or I'll shoot you.

- Who knows? - Please, I have to find Gastone.

Gastone can wait.

Enza, something's burning.

Fire's so beautiful at night.

It speaks of passion, agony, ecstasy.

Fuck, that's my car!

Fantastic!

Enza Giannotti, born in Florence.

Excuse me.

Mine was under the bed, this is yours.

First I steal your job, then I accuse you unjustly, sorry!

It's understandable with what you're going through.

Sorry, the police are waiting for me.

Dad...

- You have to get Max hired. - Are you crazy?

Your bottle.

Taste this Chardonnay.

We did a terrible thing to him, I'm ashamed,

and you should be too, you wrote "In Praise of Merit"!

You slept with him, didn't you?

Don't treat me like a kid, it's a matter of ethics.

Oh ? Using pull for two is more ethical than for one?

- You're right. - Of course.

I'll quit, so Max can have his job.

- You're good at moral blackmail! - I'm like you, the Morals Master.

Why are you so bitter?

You wrote "A Letter to My Daughter" without ever talking to her.

I'd wait for Sundays to play with you,

but you were always busy reading the foreign press.

Okay, I'll try.

Papers are in a slump,

I doubt they'll hire him, but...

I wanted to talk to you about Massimo, he's very good.

We know him, he'll be the next one hired,

we're waiting for a retiree, these are tough times.

Rather, why don't you write

one of your unbeatable comments on Afghanistan?

My World desk is all shirkers,

no decent comment since the Berlin wall fell.

Thank you, but I can't right now, I'm too busy...

I could write it.

Without signing it of course!

You do local news, what would you write?

I'd start with the Energy Committee's report to the US Congress,

then if we really want to know what's what,

we read the Pashtun Leaders' statement released by Reuters,

which we ignored.

He's right. Why are you interested in these things?

I told you, he's just like you as a young man.

Rizzi writes it, you sign it.

No, I'll propose his name in Rome.

I'll let you substitute in summer, then we'll see.

Me?

Newspapers are full of ignorant string-pullers.

People like you are valuable.

Sorry, you won't get Max away from me.

Max, you're hired as of Monday, and at the World desk in 3 months.

I give up, I can't offend a friend.

We've been sloshing in pig shit for 6 days.

What do we do with the 187 people who took pigs' heads?

We match their license plates with the fines around Villa Crocetta.

We'll match them using the computer.

This isn't CSI.

Our computers crash, technicians get pissed off.

We'll do our matching the old-fashioned way.

Mennuzzi, Sessa, Rizzi, Monarca...

Slow down, I've got them in license plate order.

Mr. Editor!

Mr. Commissioner, good evening.

Undersecretary Spinazza, and you?

My dear friend!

I'd be better if you'd mention my web-TV sometimes.

If you change its name ! I have a hard time writing Spinazza-TV.

You're quite a joker.

I'll be right back.

What a small world!

He's the journalist who did your interview.

Nice interview, and picture too.

Professor, may I introduce my daughter.

Her boyfriend Max Rizzi.

Our host, De Fornaris.

The excellent Rizzi ! I read your article on my son-in-law.

Congratulations, you're a good writer.

For a moment I thought I had a crackerjack son-in-law.

- In fact, daddy, I was thinking... - Have a canap�.

Max is first-class, he has a great future ahead.

A toast to Max's future.

You think you're good, but nobody gives a crap.

So then you think you're not good, just crazy.

It's a doubt eating at your insides day after day.

Then just one evening at the right table and.... gone!

I'm not crazy, I'm good.

It's wonderful!

Let's go to my house?

With you, I'd even face ghosts.

Now Max is all set too!

We're great!

Actually, I'm great, I wrapped this one up myself.

Here's something for the toast.

Thank you!

So, the asshole's off to Rome.

No... yeah, but in a while.

I know why! She found someone to screw!

I was there to seal the lock and I saw her kissing a guy.

I swear!

Did you see who?

Does it matter who Giannotti's screwing?

What the fuck do I care!

Let's move on to Conca: "A Promising Figure for Law"

writes Max Rizzi.

- I had to. - I know, when De Fornaris moves....

He'll whip up a super CV for him and he'll be in.

- Giving up? - Give up, no way.

I have a plan.

First, we increase the number of Pirates, we're not enough.

We treat the string-pullers like the Spanish treat debtors.

Which is?

You get a guy in black to follow him like a shadow

and shame him.

That'll sure scare the big shots.

In fact, you go to the faculty, enter De Fornaris' office...

That's crazy.

If you touch certain people, they cut you to shreds.

That guy hosts the Commissioner in the evenings.

Yeah?

What do you know?

Nothing, editing room gossip.

You're not pulling out, now that you've got your job?

Just...

I can't end up in jail now.

My mother's happy for the first time in her life!

Cut the gab!

We have a pact.

I'm in this, are you?

I am.

So, you'd say it's the same Rizzi?

He has no contact with Crocetta, no motive, not a fucking thing!

But he took a pig's head from his uncle,

then he passed by the villa on the night of the pheasant.

Great proof, any judge would lock you up right off.

I'm off to grill the Kalashnikov lookout.

If they shoot me, I'll call you... maybe.

Guys, hi ! How are things?

You're looking great.

Would you like some juice?

I have a job for eight, be careful.

Wear these, go where I say,

when I say, and especially follow who I say.

MERIT PIRATES

Stop tailing me like a shadow? What do you want?

I'll call the police.

I swear, I've never pulled strings.

Recommended maybe, but a recommendation...

"We're the Merit Pirates, we fight those who steal our lives.

Today every Merit Thief will be tailed by a black shadow,

like their own consciences.

You too can fight the regime of string-pullers, become a Pirate".

It would take an army of shadows!

- What's going on? - We need the police!

Idiots, we'll end up on the front page.

Tell the others: silence, silence, silence!

Carlo, I went by the university, there's some strange news.

Interested?

"Shadows at the University".

On the first page of Local News.

They're crazy! I'll call the editor of the paper.

Why's Spinazza at the computer?

- Dear Rolando, how are you? - Call me on the phone.

IT'S A SAFE MEANS

It's a safe means, there's a big problem on the horizon.

Your voice is strange?

Sorry, I have a bothersome laryngitis.

Have you tried propolis?

It's time to stay quiet.

I'll talk: with pressure from the press on hiring tests,

an in-depth inspection has been ordered.

What inspection ? Block it!

My regards to your wife.

What's that mean?

- I'll make my point clear. - Yes, please do!

The inspectors at my Ministry have my complete trust.

Just fix the hiring tests at the faculty,

they'll only make a formal check.

I have to fix the CVs and documents

relating to the exams?

Before Monday.

We'd better suspend contact until further notice.

My regards to your wife.

Bingo, I found the connection between Rizzi and Crocetta.

A picture swap website shows a reunion dinner.

Max Rizzi went to school with Camuzzo Irma.

The guy on the right, I've seen that dead mouse.

It's Mr. Wall, I'm positive!

Read that: "The three assholes call us string-pullers".

Competition for Associate in International Law 2001, won by Spini.

- How are we doing? - Not good.

Among the losers was Sara Valli, 18 publications, 32 papers.

And Spini?

One publication that looks like a plagiarism,

four papers, three of which presented after the deadline.

Let's pump his CV, the inspectors will never check.

Why did we let this jerk win?

I don't remember!

An exchange with the University of Messina,

they settled our problem with Carmen Laguardia.

Who's she?

Now I recall, my assistant!

The one who sent my wife those pictures... no truth in it!

A nice lot of trash.

It won't be easy to equate Spini's CV to Valli's.

What an asshole, 18 publications, 32 conferences

and she takes our test. Go off to America, the whore!

Fenaroli, our problem's now and here.

Why did she have to take our test?

Certain people should be banned from taking it.

It's the horror show of the year.

Too bad it's all real, I know Sara Valli,

she appealed, they cut her out forever, the rats!

Bruzzi's son's written exam is crap, I even gave him the topics !

- Yes, but his CV's the best. - Impossible, he's a total idiot.

In fact, he was the only candidate.

Is that notebook in a safe place?

Of course, I keep it in a house in my daughter's husband's name.

Okay, 2002, Competition for Researchers: Iolanda Campana.

- Another of your assistants. - She has a wonderful CV!

I had her sign all Bazzoni's research.

What a piece of shit, he said she was related to De Fornaris.

He was fucking her!

Quiet!

They're right here.

You were right, we should set up this movement.

There must have been one regular competition at least!

Baldassarri, 2004, he's good, isn't he?

It was pure chance,

there was an interchange of members.

His father was board member in Trento, where Zenoni won.

Zenoni's uncle was board member in Palermo for Selvini's.

Selvini's father came here for Pino Conca.

Anything else?

Yes, the Ministry funds are 22 thousand euros in the red.

Fenaroli, how many times do I have to say it:

every euro we take must be covered.

An oversight, I'll get the publishing house to issue a false invoice.

No, then he'll want a chair for his daughter!

Ask catering, but you pay the tax, that'll teach you.

Are we done?

No, there are these.

And these.

Where's this country heading?

No one studies a fucking thing anymore.

Are you giving me the run-around?

Fenaroli, I'm not a babbling idiot yet.

I'd never say a thing like that, Professor !

Fenaroli, you're the worst idiot I've ever given a degree to.

Wake up, they're done.

I'll make a copy and put it on the Internet.

In the papers or on the Net, it's a bombshell.

It's awesome!

Not only do I get my job back, but everyone does.

You were right, it's a great plan.

But it's thanks to you, you set me straight.

Really, you're my best friend.

I care for you,

you're the brother I never had.

What a mess, all for a stupid journalist !

Rizzi's with Giannotti's daughter,

he even came to my home, that jerk.

I'm not, I just wanted to gain time.

But you got hired because her father pulled strings.

He only told the editor I'm good.

Sure, you're not a string-puller, you were recommended, like Ronda.

I've been gasping my whole life, and I get one chance!

- For my mom too... - You're a pain in the ass!

We all have anxious mothers!

You nixed the De Fornaris plan 'cause you're his friend.

No, Mouse, I'm your friend!

But I was scared, I had something to lose for once.

Why didn't you say anything?

Because I'm in love with you.

I couldn't say I was having a fling with Enza.

It's not even a fling!

Yeah, you screw just to get ahead, like Conca.

I was wrong.

You're no boaster, you're a clown.

Even in love.

Say it straight, you sold out for a shit contract.

- Watch it! - Piece of shit!

Irma, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Irma, can we talk alone?

Sure!

At the next reunion dinner.

Why are you like this?

I'd left Sandro.

What an idiot I was!

So, any progress on the Kalashnikov Gang?

We're on the Crocetta case.

You idiots, you're off that case!

Crocetta went to Australia, I said to drop it a month ago.

When did you tell us that?

I told you...

the day that...

I mean, that morning...

I told you, but you never listen!

You've always got you're own fucking business.

Now you'll do a month at the stadium.

Come in, what a surprise!

What is it?

I don't know if...

I'm sorry, I love another woman.

I know men and ambitious journalists.

I'm not stupid enough to fall in love with you.

You were nothing important to me.

Sorry, a friend's in there, he's waiting for me.

Penalty!

I didn't even touch you!

Now I'll pull the little guy out!

It's no penalty.

Why do you always have to be right?

- Who are you? - Don't you remember?

We went to school together, Camuzzo, Bazzoni, Conca...

What a nice class.

You got lucky, we're just two poor cops.

But not like in the movies, good cop, bad cop,

no, we're both mean.

Real mean.

We took a look around, you mind?

- No! - Hands down.

- Keep your eyes on his face. - Nice story about the Pirates.

- What do you want? - Everything.

He wants a promotion, he's got a degree like the Chief.

But the Chief has an SUV and I go around in an old jalopy.

Why is he in the grandstands with the commissioner while I get hooligans?

Why ? You're supposed to be smart.

- I don't know. - I'll tell you why.

He got booted in the ass.

Don't you think I should set fire to that SUV?

There's a reason I don't, tell me.

Why don't I do it?

Because there's a law!

Hear that, jerk ? There's a law.

Cut the shit Pirate stuff,

another move and you'll pay for it all.

- Tell me you understand. - I understand.

He doesn't seem too bright.

Today's your lucky day.

Where do you get the guts,

after all your bullshit, to ask us to toss the DVD?

We have something that could change this system

and we have to toss it?

We'll expose them all with this.

Those two know everything, another move and we go to jail.

Jail ? We're still talking about jail?

We'll put it on the Net anonymously.

They have our names, they'll know we did it.

That's weird, if they know it all, why don't they arrest us?

Their Chief has connections.

Poor thing!

Sure, De Fornaris is Giannotti's friend.

If you save him, what'll they make you, managing editor?

Cut it out!

I'm a loser who was given his first chance.

I'm not a rat, clear?

If you don't believe me, I'll see you in jail, fuck off!

Yeah, fuck off.

I'd promised Sara Valli she'd take her test again.

Are you crazy? You're spreading this around?

If you saw her fry sausages every night, wouldn't you tell her?

That's her?

She's alone with a child.

Since they cut her out, she took over her father's kiosk.

We got a right idea by mistake.

There are millions of us, they're just a few assholes.

We gotta give up our contracts, are you in?

Yeah?

I'll introduce today's debate

emphasizing something that struck me.

It's nice to see a European project coordinated by a person under 40.

- How come? - I'll explain with a formula.

Talent plus sacrifice, equals merit.

This equation is everything to us.

We give value to those who distinguish themselves.

I'm pleased to work in an environment

which acknowledges merit in young people.

That's why I thank the faculty dean, Professor De Fornaris.

My colleague, Professor Fenaroli.

Will the technician please roll... show the slides,

Competition for Associate in International Law 2001, won by Spini.

- How we we doing? - Not good.

Among the losers was Sara Valli.

What an asshole, 18 publications, 32 conferences

and she takes our test. Go off to America, the whore !

Pino, stop this stuff now!

Get a load of Bazzoni!

Oh god, Samuele!

We're the Merit Pirates,

we say down with the regime of string-pulling, of lies

of merit being trampled every day.

Let's all be Pirates, swap your assholes and strike.

Bother them, plague them, expose them!

In schools, companies, hospitals, newspapers,

those who steal merit have to be scared.

We say...

Merit theft is life theft, they're not only stealing your job,

but your dreams, your children, your dignity, everything.

The police won't stop us, the video's on the Internet.

I'll kill you!

What are you doing ? Not him, them.

The Merit Pirates.

As of today, some say no!

Pirate, and some say yes.

Boasty, you made all this ruckus for her, right?

No, for you, Mousie, I've had a crush since high school.

Watch it, I'll be Minister of the Interior in five years.

Careful, not so fast!

This is a true story,

you ask why you've never heard of it, I know why.

Cut this, this is out... and this too.

Make it twenty lines.

At first there were phone calls to the papers and TV.

The Pirates go in the briefs.

Then came top-notch lawyers.

Tests have shown that the video is a fake.

We demand a blackout for all who spread it online.

The authorities were unusually rapid.

We're here to say you're under investigation.

- For what? - Telecasting illegal videos.

The trial to give resonance never happened.

I won't bargain like De Fornaris,

he found silence convenient, I want it in the courts.

You'll get eight years like that,

this way it's three, ending up with a six-month house arrest.

In the end, the only news was about renewal.

We're wagering on new faces.

Faculty Dean will be one of the youngest full professors in Italy,

Professor Vincenzo Gaggi.

And our Pirates?

Max started from scratch.

He writes for the Pizza Maker Courier and The Trucker's Voice.

Samuele studies English Criminal Law,

he's decided to go to London.

Irma's unemployed and wants to change countries,

Max wants to change jobs, they've been talking for five months.

Meantime all three are serving their house arrest at Max's.

And that's how silence has fallen on the Merit Pirates.

That's why I wrote this book,

because the battle against Merit Thievery has to continue.

Spread the word among your friends.

Your children.

Grandchildren?

Another thing, no one's sorry they said no.

They believe if you say no, you get beaten,

but it leaves a strange, mysterious satisfaction.

Translation Charlotte Lantery

subtitles OMBRE ELETTRICHE - Roma