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1
00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:06,599
ASH: Do you believe in
the existence of evil?
2
00:00:06,699 --> 00:00:08,167
[Panting] Help me!
3
00:00:08,267 --> 00:00:09,869
Oh. No!
4
00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,938
[Screeching]
[screaming]
5
00:00:12,038 --> 00:00:14,907
30 years ago, I found
the Book of the Dead.
6
00:00:15,007 --> 00:00:17,276
Now, because I read
from the book...
7
00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:18,845
Missar-drah...
8
00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:20,613
evil has found me.
9
00:00:20,713 --> 00:00:22,749
[Snarling]
[screaming]
10
00:00:22,849 --> 00:00:24,684
You have no idea
what you're doing!
11
00:00:24,784 --> 00:00:26,653
Of course I know
what I'm doing.
12
00:00:26,753 --> 00:00:28,988
[Speaking softly]
I wrote this book.
13
00:00:29,088 --> 00:00:31,791
[Grunting]
[woman screaming]
14
00:00:31,891 --> 00:00:33,626
Ruby is in Elk Grove, Michigan.
15
00:00:33,726 --> 00:00:35,061
That's my hometown.
16
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,029
[Smashing] Ash?
17
00:00:37,129 --> 00:00:38,631
Hiya Pop.
18
00:00:38,731 --> 00:00:40,667
[Panting] I got a problem.
19
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,635
The book...
it did something to me.
20
00:00:42,735 --> 00:00:44,036
It changed me. [grunts]
21
00:00:44,136 --> 00:00:45,204
Night night.
22
00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:47,173
[Growling]
[yelling]
23
00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:48,374
That's our cue!
24
00:00:49,976 --> 00:00:53,145
[Wailing]
[both yelling]
25
00:00:53,245 --> 00:00:56,816
Evil, if you show your ugly mug
in this town ever again,
26
00:00:56,916 --> 00:00:59,285
I will take you down
and I will wipe you out!
27
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,523
[Eerie music playing]
28
00:01:04,623 --> 00:01:06,826
You know me as Ash Williams,
29
00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:10,162
the hero who saved
Elk Grove from evil.
30
00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:13,866
For 30 long years, I've used
this saw on monsters and demons.
31
00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:17,269
But those battles are won,
so now I use it to...
32
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,470
[buzzing]
33
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,807
Slash prices!
34
00:01:20,907 --> 00:01:22,241
[Upbeat music playing]
[glass shattering]
35
00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:25,111
At Ashy Slashy's Hardware
Store Emporium,
36
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,278
we got you covered!
37
00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:30,316
You want paint? [giggling]
38
00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:32,451
We shake it till we break it!
39
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,820
[Wobbling sound]
40
00:01:37,523 --> 00:01:39,992
Ladies, you'll love his nuts!
41
00:01:40,092 --> 00:01:41,728
[Audience gasping]
[clinking]
42
00:01:41,828 --> 00:01:43,462
What's better than
a handful of my nuts?
43
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,364
VOICES OFF-SCREEN: Ahh!
[laughing]
44
00:01:45,464 --> 00:01:46,532
A long screw.
45
00:01:46,632 --> 00:01:48,434
[Woman moaning] Whoa!
46
00:01:48,534 --> 00:01:49,736
We got wood.
47
00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:50,970
[Cash register bell dings]
We got rope.
48
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:51,771
We got rubber!
49
00:01:51,871 --> 00:01:53,172
We got it all!
50
00:01:53,873 --> 00:01:55,441
Die high prices [buzzing]
51
00:01:56,843 --> 00:01:58,110
Goodbye high prices!
52
00:01:59,278 --> 00:02:01,748
For that special someone,
we've got everything from
53
00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:03,783
"D" to "ildo."
WOMAN'S VOICE: Mmm.
54
00:02:03,883 --> 00:02:06,886
Because at Ashy Slashy's,
service is literally...
55
00:02:06,986 --> 00:02:09,121
MAN'S VOICE: Not.
...our middle name!
56
00:02:09,221 --> 00:02:10,356
Whoo!
57
00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,659
[laughing]
58
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,763
Perfection! And only 22 takes!
59
00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,564
MAN ON TV: Welcome back...
PABLO: Yeah.
60
00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:19,899
It's looking good, Jefe.
61
00:02:19,999 --> 00:02:22,101
Marketing 101, Pablo.
62
00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:24,670
Know your audience.
[Indistinct chatter outside]
63
00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:26,605
Look at them
lining up out there.
64
00:02:26,705 --> 00:02:28,440
You're a badass!
[Ash chuckling]
65
00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,777
PABLO: You know I've never
seen a town lose its shit
66
00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,879
over a hardware store before.
67
00:02:32,979 --> 00:02:33,980
Well, it's time
to wake up and smell
68
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,548
the lightly scented
wax flowers, Pablo.
69
00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,919
This isn't just a well-stocked
hardware store/sex-toy emporium.
70
00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:42,721
No, this is a shrine
to a local hero.
71
00:02:42,822 --> 00:02:44,791
Those adoring
fans are my peeps!
72
00:02:45,892 --> 00:02:47,259
[Dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
73
00:02:52,765 --> 00:02:55,001
[Chainsaw buzzing] All right!
74
00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:57,369
Hey, hey! [cheering]
75
00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:00,873
Hello, Elk Grove! Hey, hey!
76
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:04,844
Are you ready for some
hardware?!
77
00:03:04,944 --> 00:03:06,145
[Loud cheering] Come on in!
78
00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:10,783
Fishing supplies, aisle two.
79
00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:14,486
We got guns, we got flags,
we got pornography.
80
00:03:14,921 --> 00:03:16,488
That's a little further
in the back.
81
00:03:17,556 --> 00:03:19,058
Men, can't please your wives?
82
00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:20,759
Better check out aisle seven.
83
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:21,828
WOMAN: Yeah!
84
00:03:21,928 --> 00:03:24,363
ASH: Same problem?
No need to push, jeez.
85
00:03:24,463 --> 00:03:25,264
WOMAN 2: Aisle 3 I think.
86
00:03:25,364 --> 00:03:27,800
Hey, no need to push.
Leave me alone.
87
00:03:28,868 --> 00:03:31,904
And last up we have Amy,
88
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,707
who I'm told has made
a startling discovery.
89
00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:38,410
I see here, Amy, that
you discovered this item...
90
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,812
In the mud.
91
00:03:39,912 --> 00:03:41,613
In the mud. [eerie growling]
92
00:03:41,713 --> 00:03:42,982
[Chuckling]
93
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,785
[Dance music playing]
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
94
00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:49,922
Well, I know. I'm sorry...
[indistinct chatter]
95
00:03:51,891 --> 00:03:53,559
[Clattering]
[yells]
96
00:03:53,659 --> 00:03:54,793
What I fucking tell you, huh?
97
00:03:54,894 --> 00:03:56,395
How many times
I got to tell you?
98
00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:59,331
Pretzels are for paying
customers only!
99
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,466
Okay? [grunting]
100
00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:04,003
Next time I'll use your
head as a fucking cue ball.
101
00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:06,772
Who touched the T...
who touched the TV?
102
00:04:06,873 --> 00:04:08,807
How many fuckin'...
103
00:04:08,908 --> 00:04:10,342
[suspenseful music playing]
[eerie growling]
104
00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:21,753
[Glass shattering]
[people cheering, laughter]
105
00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:23,956
Hey, hey, it's me.
106
00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:29,428
You were right,
evil's coming back.
107
00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:32,831
And here you've found a book
written in ancient Sumerian.
108
00:04:32,932 --> 00:04:35,234
[Howling in distance]
109
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,135
Curious.
110
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,737
Does "curious" mean valuable?
111
00:04:38,837 --> 00:04:40,439
This appears
to be some sort of...
112
00:04:40,539 --> 00:04:43,175
descriptive passage.
113
00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:46,245
Conda anu astratta alaktu...
114
00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:47,713
[Stanley continues] You know
with most of these clowns,
115
00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:49,748
I got to play hardball,
but for you?
116
00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:51,750
Hose clamps are half-off.
117
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,152
These are the best
in the world.
118
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,587
You put them on,
they grip tight.
119
00:04:55,687 --> 00:04:59,058
They don't slip, slide, stretch,
or tear like other things.
120
00:04:59,158 --> 00:05:00,859
Estaro ces reche.
[Ash chuckling]
121
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,662
Sarr des kanda...
122
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,397
[eerie music playing]
[growling]
123
00:05:05,497 --> 00:05:06,865
Kanda...
124
00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:09,401
[growling grows louder]
125
00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:10,602
Kanda?
126
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,638
[Snarling]
127
00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:14,306
[Banging]
[all gasping]
128
00:05:14,406 --> 00:05:15,707
What?
129
00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:18,344
Apparently you've found
an ancient text,
130
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:22,681
known as the
Necronomicon-Ex Mortis.
131
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,550
[Creaking, splintering]
132
00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:25,884
The Book of the Dead.
133
00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:26,986
Is that... good?
134
00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:30,957
The book,
is said to hold spells
135
00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:33,892
and incantations that,
[clinking]
136
00:05:33,993 --> 00:05:35,427
If read out loud...
137
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:40,266
could connect the demons
of the netherworld,
138
00:05:40,366 --> 00:05:41,667
with our own...
139
00:05:41,767 --> 00:05:44,336
[shattering]
[all gasping]
140
00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:46,038
[Wind howling]
141
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:50,242
[Smashing]
[all screaming]
142
00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:51,443
[Screeching]
143
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,115
Most important
thing about a hose,
144
00:05:56,215 --> 00:05:57,849
is its width, and its length.
145
00:05:57,950 --> 00:05:59,685
Mostly the length.
146
00:05:59,785 --> 00:06:00,987
[Static, test signal sounding]
147
00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:01,853
MAN ON TV: Our scheduled broadcast
148
00:06:01,954 --> 00:06:03,522
will resume in a moment.
149
00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:05,524
Hey!
150
00:06:05,624 --> 00:06:07,559
I paid for two more spots!
151
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,661
Okay, we got two fish tacos.
152
00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:10,662
Bam! [man chuckling]
153
00:06:10,762 --> 00:06:11,697
We got your hard drive.
154
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:12,831
That's me. Thank you. Enjoy.
155
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,600
MAN: Oh yeah. Oh! [grunting]
156
00:06:17,236 --> 00:06:18,904
MAN 2: I don't know...
[people murmuring]
157
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,272
Excuse me.
158
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:24,143
Oh! Shit...
159
00:06:24,243 --> 00:06:25,978
[eerie growling]
[groaning, panting]
160
00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:32,651
[Whimpering]
[growling continues]
161
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,625
[Eerie music playing]
[all gasping, groaning]
162
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,295
[Person coughing]
163
00:06:46,498 --> 00:06:48,300
[Guts squishing]
164
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:51,370
Who are you?
165
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:55,107
Well in Rome, they called me
mulier daemonium de igne.
166
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,608
Demon woman of fire.
167
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,877
And in Greece, they called me
168
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:02,514
ágria ti mitéra apó tin kólasi.
169
00:07:02,614 --> 00:07:04,616
Fierce mother from hell.
170
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,587
But in these benighted times,
they just call me Ruby.
171
00:07:08,687 --> 00:07:10,889
[Panting] I'll take that.
172
00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,191
No! No! Wait!
It's too important...
173
00:07:12,291 --> 00:07:14,593
[yells]
[suspenseful music playing]
174
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,766
This is bullshit.
175
00:07:20,866 --> 00:07:22,401
Whatever happened
to free speech?
176
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:24,736
Ah, this was my best
giant penis yet.
177
00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:26,405
[Snickers] Yeah.
178
00:07:26,505 --> 00:07:28,107
Thanks for talking me into this.
[Rachel chuckles]
179
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:29,441
You missed a spot.
180
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:31,677
Dick. Less.
181
00:07:31,777 --> 00:07:34,313
[Girls giggling, chattering]
182
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:35,647
Can we just finish and get out?
183
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,549
I'm in enough trouble already.
184
00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:40,486
Wait till they see what
I drew on Perkins' car.
185
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,888
Is "man-gina" a word?
186
00:07:42,988 --> 00:07:45,224
[laughing]
187
00:07:45,324 --> 00:07:47,526
Oh, Rachel, please.
188
00:07:47,626 --> 00:07:49,395
I just want to get through
the next four months.
189
00:07:49,495 --> 00:07:51,997
Since when did you become
Miss Bourgeoisie?
190
00:07:52,098 --> 00:07:53,732
Oh, it's simple.
191
00:07:53,832 --> 00:07:55,534
I graduate, I can leave here.
192
00:07:55,634 --> 00:08:00,072
I leave here, I'm not here,
and that's a good thing.
193
00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:01,607
All right, you still haven't
fallen for Elk Grove's
194
00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,475
"small town charms?"
195
00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:05,377
Excuse me?
196
00:08:05,477 --> 00:08:07,679
The whole town's excited
because their ex-psycho killer
197
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,015
is opening a hardware store.
198
00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:12,851
Kill me now. [growling]
199
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,453
Could be worse.
[growling continues]
200
00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:15,521
How?
201
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,523
[Girls laughing]
We could be like them.
202
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:18,524
[Wind shrieking]
203
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:21,127
Oh, yeah. That'll never happen.
204
00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,762
Good, because if you did,
205
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,097
I would have to slit my wrists.
206
00:08:25,197 --> 00:08:26,632
[Electricity buzzing]
[coughs, laughs]
207
00:08:30,902 --> 00:08:32,604
[Exhales]
208
00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:35,974
Oh, look. Cougie's back.
209
00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:38,844
[Eerie music playing]
210
00:08:38,944 --> 00:08:40,512
Yeah, well, fuck off, Cougie!
211
00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:48,654
Okay, we get it.
212
00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:51,290
Costume, mascot, very funny.
213
00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:56,628
You can leave now!
214
00:08:59,898 --> 00:09:01,533
Hey, asshole!
215
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,369
Go away...
[electricity buzzing]
216
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:05,604
Shit.
217
00:09:07,706 --> 00:09:08,807
Shit.
218
00:09:11,277 --> 00:09:13,779
Okay, guy, now I'm mad.
219
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,255
[Growling, snarling]
220
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:26,458
Jesus, what is that?
221
00:09:26,558 --> 00:09:28,560
[Growling]
222
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,362
Probably just some
varsity assholes
223
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,331
playing some bullshit prank!
224
00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:34,566
Ah! [both gasping]
225
00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:37,102
[Growling]
226
00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:39,305
Brandy, don't!
227
00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:41,139
What is your problem, fuckboy?
228
00:09:43,675 --> 00:09:46,445
[Snarling]
229
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,214
[Blood dripping]
[gasping]
230
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,920
[Snarling continues]
231
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,593
[Eerie voices chanting]
232
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:06,031
[Lockers banging]
233
00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,933
[Gasping]
234
00:10:15,106 --> 00:10:16,908
[Both panting]
235
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,618
[Growling]
[screaming]
236
00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:32,858
[Both gasping]
237
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,663
[Suspenseful music playing]
238
00:10:39,365 --> 00:10:41,333
[Both screaming]
239
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,436
Help!
240
00:10:45,904 --> 00:10:48,974
Help! Help please!
241
00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:50,709
[Snarling]
[screaming]
242
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:53,044
[laughing maniacally]
[laughter, chattering]
243
00:10:53,144 --> 00:10:54,980
And that's the whole story.
244
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,048
Hey, feller.
Hey. How are you?
245
00:10:57,148 --> 00:10:58,984
Ladies. Come on.
246
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,051
[Eerie music playing]
ASH: A litlle somethin', somethin'.
247
00:11:00,151 --> 00:11:01,453
There we go.
248
00:11:03,088 --> 00:11:04,590
[Lively accordion music]
Nickel for a tickle, huh?
249
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,658
[Girl laughs]
What do you say?
250
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:08,394
[Indistinct chatter,
laughter]
251
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:13,299
I don't believe this,
it's really him.
252
00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,301
[Phone ringing]
253
00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:16,568
Oh, hey. Hey, honey.
BRANDY: Mom! Mom!
254
00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:18,270
There's this guy at the school,
you've got to come
255
00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:19,405
help us, please! What?
256
00:11:19,505 --> 00:11:21,206
Hey, Pablo. Yeah.
257
00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:23,275
Ah, I got to talk to you about
something else.
258
00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:25,344
If this is about a raise...
259
00:11:25,444 --> 00:11:27,313
Actually, you don't pay me
at all right now, but...
260
00:11:27,413 --> 00:11:29,281
Son of a bitch!
261
00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:30,816
Hey, whoa!
262
00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,651
Lady! There's a line!
263
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:35,654
Wha...?
You don't even remember me?
264
00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:37,689
Well, the old steel trap
never forgets a rack,
265
00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:40,826
but faces are a little fuzzy.
266
00:11:40,926 --> 00:11:42,694
Give me a hint.
267
00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:45,096
[Grunts]
[women screaming]
268
00:11:45,196 --> 00:11:46,798
I said a hint.
269
00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,233
I'm your fucking wife!
270
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,801
[Inaudible]
271
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:51,236
My what?
272
00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,738
We need to talk.
273
00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:56,342
[Ash grunts]
274
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,778
Lady, I don't know what
kind of coo-coo juice
275
00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:00,546
you've been drinkin',
276
00:12:00,646 --> 00:12:01,813
but if you're fishing
for alimony...
277
00:12:01,913 --> 00:12:05,150
One of your goddamn monsters
just attacked our daughter
278
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,117
at Kenward County High.
279
00:12:06,217 --> 00:12:07,453
Daughter?! Ha!
280
00:12:07,553 --> 00:12:09,621
You definitely
got the wrong guy!
281
00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:11,357
Demons made you
chop off your hand.
282
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:13,258
"I'll swallow your soul."
[scoffs]
283
00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:15,761
Good sex is 30 seconds
followed by a cheeseburger?
284
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,264
Okay, maybe we have met.
285
00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:20,666
[Sighs]
286
00:12:20,766 --> 00:12:21,800
But in case you didn't
get the memo,
287
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,670
me and my compadres,
we buried evil big time.
288
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,272
Elk Grove is officially
a demon-free zone.
289
00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:29,074
Jefe. Yeah.
290
00:12:29,174 --> 00:12:30,609
I think she's telling
the truth.
291
00:12:33,345 --> 00:12:34,946
[Eerie music playing]
[growling]
292
00:12:37,783 --> 00:12:40,452
Dude, I told you to get that
shit lasered off.
293
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,454
Nah, I didn't do this!
294
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:43,822
It just happened outside.
295
00:12:43,922 --> 00:12:45,323
I'm scared!
296
00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:47,526
This thing is after
my little girl and...
297
00:12:47,626 --> 00:12:49,728
All right all ready!
I'll check it out!
298
00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:50,996
[Suspenseful music playing]
[tires screeching]
299
00:12:53,298 --> 00:12:54,500
[Lightning crashing]
300
00:13:03,409 --> 00:13:04,643
[Chuckles]
301
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,612
Just like old times, eh, Pablo?
302
00:13:06,712 --> 00:13:08,914
Except for the wife part,
and no Kelly.
303
00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:10,682
Actually, it's not like
old times at all.
304
00:13:10,782 --> 00:13:13,552
Just drive!
Hey, easy for you sister.
305
00:13:13,652 --> 00:13:15,286
You come waltzing into my life,
306
00:13:15,387 --> 00:13:17,188
yapping about demons
and daughters,
307
00:13:17,288 --> 00:13:19,190
and I don't know boo about you.
308
00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:21,860
Candace Barr. Yeah, and?
309
00:13:23,829 --> 00:13:25,296
Branson?
310
00:13:25,397 --> 00:13:26,765
Branson.
311
00:13:27,332 --> 00:13:30,235
[Woman and man yelling] Oh...
312
00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:32,671
♪ I want candy ♪
313
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,040
[Ash grunting]
[laughter]
314
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,208
♪ I want candy ♪
315
00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:38,176
Oh.
316
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,011
Give me some!
♪ Yeah...! ♪
317
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,980
Ah! My God!
318
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,350
Oh God! She's so good! Oh.
319
00:13:45,451 --> 00:13:46,518
[Yelling indistinctly]
[both whooping]
320
00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:50,956
[Both moaning loudly]
321
00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:58,630
Wait a minute, Candace Barr.
322
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,031
[Sighs]
323
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,734
[laughing] Oh no, Candy Barr?
324
00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:04,169
[laughter]
325
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:06,905
Well, this daughter of ours,
326
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:09,074
I'll bet she thinks
I'm pretty special, huh?
327
00:14:09,174 --> 00:14:10,341
Dream on.
328
00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:12,010
I told her her old man
was some crack dealer
329
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,078
who got shanked in prison.
330
00:14:13,178 --> 00:14:14,179
What?!
331
00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:15,581
Well, it was easier
than admitting
332
00:14:15,681 --> 00:14:18,617
I'd hooked up with
some psycho saw-boy!
333
00:14:18,717 --> 00:14:22,053
Oh, okay, but I call
B.S. on the daughter.
334
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,189
I was using my lucky rubber
all through the odds,
335
00:14:24,289 --> 00:14:26,725
and that sucker went 50 and 0.
336
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,594
Oh, oh, oh.
337
00:14:28,694 --> 00:14:30,996
♪ I want candy, hey! ♪
338
00:14:31,096 --> 00:14:32,163
Just drive!
339
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:36,868
[Eerie music playing]
340
00:14:41,139 --> 00:14:42,941
[Ethereal growling]
341
00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:53,485
[Gasping]
[indistinct whispering]
342
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,695
[Wind whistling]
343
00:15:18,243 --> 00:15:20,011
[Gasping, shuddering]
344
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,081
[Squishing]
345
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,953
[Chanting in ancient language]
[growling grows louder]
346
00:15:31,189 --> 00:15:34,492
Candalier boncelo...
347
00:15:34,593 --> 00:15:37,062
[chanting continues]
348
00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,797
[Eerie vocalizing]
[chanting continues]
349
00:15:45,503 --> 00:15:46,938
[Grunting]
350
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,410
Kanda.
351
00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:53,679
Abomino.
352
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,285
[Gulping, gagging]
353
00:16:10,195 --> 00:16:11,997
[Gasping]
354
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,269
[Wailing]
355
00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:23,942
[Vocalizing grows louder]
[rumbling]
356
00:16:29,414 --> 00:16:30,682
[Doors open]
357
00:16:34,352 --> 00:16:36,021
God, that smell.
[phone dialing]
358
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,024
This monkey farm hasn't
changed in 30 years.
359
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,425
WOMAN'S VOICE: The caller you are
trying to reach is unavailable.
360
00:16:40,525 --> 00:16:41,860
She's not answering.
361
00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:44,029
You actually went to school?
362
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,732
Yeah, these halls have
some sweet memories.
363
00:16:46,832 --> 00:16:48,033
Met my first Linda here.
364
00:16:51,436 --> 00:16:54,472
Hey, give me a second.
365
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,241
What are you doing? [sighing]
366
00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,611
I'm sorry,
I don't even know you,
367
00:16:59,711 --> 00:17:01,647
but did I make a mistake
coming to Ash for help?
368
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,185
Ever since I hooked up
with El Jefe,
369
00:17:07,285 --> 00:17:10,221
I've seen a lot of weird
shit go down.
370
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,190
He's always had my back.
371
00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:14,525
Well, almost always.
372
00:17:14,626 --> 00:17:16,294
There was this one time
I got cut in half.
373
00:17:16,394 --> 00:17:17,528
[Whispers] What?
374
00:17:17,629 --> 00:17:19,998
Yeah, but Ash went back
in time to save me.
375
00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,834
It was so cool,
but also really weird,
376
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,603
because when we got back,
nothing seemed to have changed.
377
00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:28,506
[laughing] Maui Wowie.
378
00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,876
It's my emergency stash.
379
00:17:30,976 --> 00:17:33,278
I'll just put this bad boy away
for the appropriate time.
380
00:17:33,378 --> 00:17:34,713
Brandy?
381
00:17:35,781 --> 00:17:37,282
[Eerie groaning]
[gasping]
382
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,352
[Lightning crashing]
383
00:17:45,791 --> 00:17:47,793
[Thunder rumbling]
384
00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:54,199
[Indistinct whispering]
385
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,803
[Suspenseful music playing]
386
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,342
[Floorboards creaking]
387
00:18:10,949 --> 00:18:12,417
[Both panting]
[footsteps thudding]
388
00:18:17,122 --> 00:18:18,256
[Rachel whimpers] Shh, shh!
389
00:18:20,425 --> 00:18:22,193
[Footsteps thudding]
390
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,733
[Creaking]
391
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,434
Whoever's out there, fuck off!
392
00:18:33,138 --> 00:18:34,139
Brandy?
393
00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:36,942
Wow.
394
00:18:37,042 --> 00:18:39,277
She's not yours, dumb-ass!
395
00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:40,846
[Gasping] Mom!
396
00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:42,981
Honey! Thank God!
397
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,182
Back off, Mama Bear! Hey!
398
00:18:44,282 --> 00:18:45,516
What are you doing?
399
00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,252
The ink on my buddy
went nuclear,
400
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,088
that means evil is just
around the corner.
401
00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:53,825
So your little peach could
be a bowel-sucking hell beast.
402
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,061
Mom, what's the chainsaw
geek doing here?
403
00:18:56,161 --> 00:18:58,563
Oh, honey, uh, I don't know
how to tell you this,
404
00:18:58,663 --> 00:19:01,066
but Ash, he's-he's ah-
he's your...
405
00:19:01,166 --> 00:19:04,202
What she's trying
to say is, I'm your pop.
406
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,704
Father dearest.
407
00:19:06,805 --> 00:19:08,774
The old sperm shooter.
408
00:19:08,874 --> 00:19:10,508
What? But you can call me Dad,
409
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,911
unless you're a Deadite,
then you can go fuck yourself.
410
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,312
So come on now, demon-spawn!
[both gasping]
411
00:19:14,412 --> 00:19:15,781
Show Daddy what you got!
412
00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:18,283
[Electricity buzzing]
[gasping]
413
00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:20,852
Okay, nobody move.
414
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,453
[Heavy breathing]
415
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:31,262
Alleged Daughter,
who else is in the room?
416
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,599
Um, you...
417
00:19:34,699 --> 00:19:35,867
the guy with the hair...
418
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,202
my mom, and...
[piano playing]
419
00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:43,274
[Light switches clicking]
420
00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:47,478
Rachel?
421
00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:49,080
[Piano playing continues]
422
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:57,755
[In distorted voice]
♪ Ashy Slashy ♪
423
00:19:57,856 --> 00:20:00,091
♪ Was a real stinker ♪
424
00:20:00,191 --> 00:20:03,962
♪ Took an axe to his
sister's thinker ♪
425
00:20:04,863 --> 00:20:06,164
Hey, Brandy's friend.
426
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,901
You want to keep it down?
427
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,769
[Panting]
[blood splattering]
428
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:15,740
Oh! Oh my God! Rachel?
What have you done?
429
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,308
[Growling loudly]
[piano playing continues]
430
00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:24,015
[Gasping]
[drums playing]
431
00:20:28,653 --> 00:20:30,155
[Roaring]
[screaming]
432
00:20:31,756 --> 00:20:32,757
[Drums continue beating]
433
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:34,159
What are you doing?!
434
00:20:35,827 --> 00:20:37,262
[Playing out of tune]
[snarling]
435
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:41,199
[Yells]
[gunshot]
436
00:20:44,735 --> 00:20:46,204
[Clattering]
[both gasping]
437
00:20:48,907 --> 00:20:50,441
[Shotgun reloading]
438
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:53,378
[Ethereal growling]
439
00:20:53,478 --> 00:20:54,812
Rachel!
440
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,115
[Horn sounding loudly]
441
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:01,319
[Smashing]
[all yelling]
442
00:21:04,990 --> 00:21:06,457
[Instruments playing chaotically]
443
00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:11,396
[Trumpeting]
444
00:21:11,496 --> 00:21:13,531
[Chords sounding] Ah!
445
00:21:13,631 --> 00:21:15,433
[Panting]
446
00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:19,570
[Panting]
447
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,173
[Clanging]
[grunting]
448
00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:23,909
[laughing, grunting]
[clattering]
449
00:21:26,377 --> 00:21:27,512
Ah!
450
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,016
[Chords sounding]
[grunts]
451
00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:33,018
[Both panting]
[grunting]
452
00:21:36,154 --> 00:21:38,623
[Chords sounding out of tune]
[grunts]
453
00:21:38,723 --> 00:21:40,725
[Grunting]
[clattering]
454
00:21:40,825 --> 00:21:43,528
[Trumpeting]
455
00:21:43,628 --> 00:21:45,630
Blow. [clattering]
456
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,599
[Both panting]
457
00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:50,201
[Crashing]
[grunts]
458
00:21:51,802 --> 00:21:53,138
No!
459
00:21:54,906 --> 00:21:57,308
I love you, Brandy.
460
00:21:57,408 --> 00:21:59,044
Oh! Ugh!
461
00:21:59,144 --> 00:22:01,012
[Blood splattering]
[grunting]
462
00:22:02,413 --> 00:22:03,982
[Both gasping]
463
00:22:04,082 --> 00:22:06,017
[Clattering]
[gasping]
464
00:22:14,592 --> 00:22:16,161
[Brandy sobs]
465
00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,298
Candy.
466
00:22:23,268 --> 00:22:25,170
[Clattering]
[Pablo groaning]
467
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,476
[Gasping]
468
00:22:31,576 --> 00:22:34,379
Mom!
469
00:22:37,015 --> 00:22:38,483
[Brandy sobbing]
[harp playing]
470
00:22:54,465 --> 00:22:55,866
Why you...
471
00:22:55,967 --> 00:22:57,768
[Ash grunts]
[Brandy screaming]
472
00:22:57,868 --> 00:22:59,470
No!
473
00:22:59,570 --> 00:23:01,639
[Both grunting]
474
00:23:01,739 --> 00:23:05,743
Ashy Slashy, soon there'll
be nothing left of you...
475
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:10,215
we'll destroy your seed
and your whore daughter too.
476
00:23:10,315 --> 00:23:13,651
Sorry jailbait, my dance card
is a little full.
477
00:23:13,751 --> 00:23:14,986
I'll have to squeeze you in.
478
00:23:15,086 --> 00:23:16,521
[In normal voice] Brandy!
479
00:23:16,621 --> 00:23:19,090
[Grunts]
[slicing]
480
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:20,658
[Sobbing]
[ethereal growling]
481
00:23:24,395 --> 00:23:26,097
[Heavy breathing]
[squishing]
482
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:32,770
[Gasping] Oh!
483
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:35,640
Suck on that, Harpo.
484
00:23:35,740 --> 00:23:37,275
[Blood dripping]
485
00:23:41,246 --> 00:23:42,347
[Gasping] Whew.
486
00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:49,620
What... what?
487
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,389
[Speaking softly] I know.
488
00:23:51,489 --> 00:23:54,025
It sucks.
489
00:23:54,125 --> 00:23:55,860
I remember my first
taste of evil.
490
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,428
[Glass shattering, growling]
[gasps]
491
00:23:58,863 --> 00:24:00,598
[Grunts]
492
00:24:00,698 --> 00:24:02,200
[Suspenseful music playing]
[growling]
493
00:24:03,134 --> 00:24:04,569
Oh, Cougie!
494
00:24:04,669 --> 00:24:06,304
They got you too!
495
00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:08,139
[Buzzing]
[gasping]
496
00:24:10,175 --> 00:24:11,676
[Cougie growling]
[Ash grunting]
497
00:24:14,312 --> 00:24:16,214
[Chainsaw sputtering]
[screeching]
498
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:18,449
Ash! [Ash yelling]
499
00:24:21,186 --> 00:24:23,020
[Groaning, wailing]
[bones cracking]
500
00:24:24,155 --> 00:24:26,124
[Grunting]
[growling]
501
00:24:28,059 --> 00:24:30,027
[Screaming, groaning]
502
00:24:33,098 --> 00:24:34,932
[Growling] Ah! Whoa!
503
00:24:35,032 --> 00:24:37,635
[Ash yelling]
[groaning]
504
00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:41,139
[Roaring]
[grunting]
505
00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:49,314
[Canister hissing]
[grunting]
506
00:24:53,218 --> 00:24:54,719
GIRL'S VOICE: Howdy fuckin' ho, boys.
507
00:24:54,819 --> 00:24:56,121
Miss me?
508
00:24:58,055 --> 00:24:59,590
[Chuckling]
[gunfire]
509
00:25:02,227 --> 00:25:03,228
[Splattering]
[screaming]
510
00:25:03,328 --> 00:25:04,462
Uh!
511
00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:08,166
[Heavy breathing]
512
00:25:10,168 --> 00:25:12,703
Well, looky who's back,
513
00:25:14,239 --> 00:25:16,107
and seriously rocking
the leather.
514
00:25:19,277 --> 00:25:20,511
Who's the boy toy?
515
00:25:20,611 --> 00:25:22,180
Kelly was right.
516
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,382
You are the prophesied one.
517
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:25,983
KELLY: This is Dalton.
518
00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:27,818
He's with
the Knights of Sumeria.
519
00:25:27,918 --> 00:25:28,986
The who with the huh?
520
00:25:29,086 --> 00:25:30,755
It's an honor to meet you.
521
00:25:30,855 --> 00:25:32,657
I've been waiting for the chance
to battle this ancient evil
522
00:25:32,757 --> 00:25:33,958
my entire life.
523
00:25:34,058 --> 00:25:37,562
Yeah, he's kind of a fan.
524
00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:38,763
Who's the kid?
525
00:25:40,165 --> 00:25:43,634
Oh, believe it or not,
that's my daughter.
526
00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,670
[Chuckling] Sandy.
527
00:25:45,770 --> 00:25:47,338
Ah, Mandy.
528
00:25:47,438 --> 00:25:48,539
Brandy.
529
00:25:49,407 --> 00:25:51,075
[Sobbing] And fuck you.
530
00:25:51,176 --> 00:25:53,010
We're still getting
to know each other.
531
00:25:53,110 --> 00:25:56,013
Okay, team,
it looks like evil's back,
532
00:25:56,113 --> 00:25:58,449
and Elk Grove is ground zero.
533
00:25:58,549 --> 00:25:59,950
Kelly, Pablo.
534
00:26:00,050 --> 00:26:01,819
Other guy, you up for this?
535
00:26:01,919 --> 00:26:03,221
One for all, and all for one.
536
00:26:03,321 --> 00:26:05,022
Uh, cute, but no.
537
00:26:05,122 --> 00:26:06,157
Pablo?
538
00:26:06,257 --> 00:26:08,659
Say it like you mean it.
539
00:26:08,759 --> 00:26:10,127
Ghost Beaters are back!
540
00:26:10,228 --> 00:26:12,630
Fucking A, right we are!
541
00:26:12,730 --> 00:26:13,998
And evil...
542
00:26:14,098 --> 00:26:16,367
oh, we're coming for you.
543
00:26:18,803 --> 00:26:20,638
I think now is the appropriate
time Pablo.
544
00:26:27,345 --> 00:26:28,913
[Deep inhale]
545
00:26:31,249 --> 00:26:32,149
[In strained voice] Sandy?
546
00:26:32,250 --> 00:26:35,786
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪
547
00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,790
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪
548
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,928
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪
549
00:26:44,028 --> 00:26:46,331
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪
550
00:26:50,268 --> 00:26:51,636
[disco music playing]
551
00:27:03,381 --> 00:27:07,117
♪ She's crazy like a fool ♪
552
00:27:07,218 --> 00:27:10,888
♪ What about it Daddy Cool ♪
553
00:27:10,988 --> 00:27:15,125
♪ I'm crazy like a fool ♪
554
00:27:15,226 --> 00:27:18,329
♪ What about it Daddy Cool ♪
555
00:27:18,429 --> 00:27:22,300
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪
556
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,669
♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪37162
